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1
00:00:00,768 --> 00:00:04,169
Okay, Max, here are the paint
chips for our new dessert bar.
2
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,271
Don't eat them.
This isn't your childhood.
3
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:07,573
These are all pink.
4
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,708
You want the walls of
our bar to be all pink?
5
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,343
It'll be the first time someone drinks
6
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:14,680
after they enter a vagina.
7
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:18,283
Oh, hey... no vagina in the dina.
8
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:22,521
Or your apartment. Ever.
9
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,123
You know, this isn't Hooters.
10
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:28,093
The v-bomb isn't usually
batted around the workplace.
11
00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:29,995
Speaking of batting things around,
12
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:33,632
our cat wants you to come over again.
13
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:34,867
Yesterday you said your cat
14
00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:39,038
was too cool to hang out with me.
15
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,439
So which is it?
16
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,007
'Cause I am free tonight.
17
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:56,889
Hey, everybody!
18
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,661
You know what today is?
19
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:03,996
I hope it ain't the 15th,
20
00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:07,266
'cause that means I missed dialysis.
21
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,935
No, I'm 20 weeks preggers.
22
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:13,539
And it's time for Oleg and
I to choose the godparents.
23
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,874
You know, it's an old Polish tradition.
24
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:19,078
Like pierogies and public hangings.
25
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,580
Godparents?
26
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,982
God didn't even give me parents-parents.
27
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,518
He just gave me some lady that
took me home from the hospital
28
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,221
in a Blockbuster Video bag.
29
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,456
It's a big decision.
30
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,724
You have to pick a couple
who would raise the child
31
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,493
with your beliefs and values.
32
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,462
And Hugh Hefner and whoever he's banging
33
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,897
already said no.
34
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,200
Yeah, so I'm making a list.
35
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,535
But Oleg doesn't want anyone in prison.
36
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:48,407
You know, so that knocks out
most of the women in my family.
37
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,342
You know, you guys could also have
38
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,444
these conversations at home.
39
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,848
But this counter is
where they made the baby.
40
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:58,717
Hey, Earl.
41
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:02,020
Oh, good, I need somebody strong.
42
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:05,991
Uh, would you carry this over there,
43
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:09,428
put some coffee in it,
44
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,130
and bring it back to me?
45
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,201
I'll hot this up in a second.
46
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:19,404
Just let me hot this one up first.
47
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:24,776
What're you doing here?
48
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,345
I know you don't like me to bother you
49
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,881
during your free time,
50
00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:30,182
but I missed you.
51
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:31,950
And I want to tell you
something in person.
52
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:36,555
Well, whatever it is,
I probably have it too.
53
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:39,391
And I probably had it first.
54
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,926
It's not that.
55
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,995
But now I'm worried.
56
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,097
No,
I met with this law firm in Manhattan,
57
00:02:45,099 --> 00:02:46,665
and they want to make me a partner.
58
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,100
They're making you a partner?
59
00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:52,171
Well, then they're gonna catch it too.
60
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,372
So, Randy,
61
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,440
you really are a lawyer?
62
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:59,378
I thought you just played
lawyers in gay porn.
63
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,481
Thanks.
64
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,583
I will tell my trainer.
65
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:07,286
He was in gay porn.
66
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,921
Hey, Buzz Lightyear,
67
00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:12,958
I'm still waiting for that coffee.
68
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,860
All right, well, I'll be in my booth
69
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,162
working on my godparent list.
70
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:19,932
And whoever we pick should
be like one of those
71
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:24,269
perfect families on TV like,
well, the Brady's,
72
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,737
and the Huxtables...
73
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,941
Or, you know what?
Scratch that last one.
74
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,444
Wow, if you're considering
moving to New York,
75
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:33,912
it must be a pretty good job.
76
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,215
Well, there's a couple other reasons.
77
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,516
The bagels.
78
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:41,086
I have tickets to
Hamilton in seven years.
79
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,655
And there's this girl
here I kind of like.
80
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,458
Who is she? I'll kill her.
81
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:49,962
So two of the partners want
to take me out tomorrow night
82
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:53,065
to some fancy private dinner
at someplace called Beak.
83
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,833
You're going to Beak?
84
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,969
It's hidden away in a private apartment,
85
00:03:56,971 --> 00:03:59,004
practically under the
Williamsburg Bridge,
86
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,872
so you pretty much have to walk.
87
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:04,343
How awful and chic is that?
88
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:07,012
I read in Time Out that
that place is so exclusive,
89
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,181
it's technically not even a restaurant.
90
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:10,549
Big deal.
91
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:13,218
This diner gets called
"not a restaurant" all the time.
92
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,987
Hey,
did they tell you to just bring Max,
93
00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:17,322
or was it more of a "bring whoever"?
94
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:20,259
- Um...
- I'll take that as a yes.
95
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,761
I'd love to join you
at Beak tomorrow night.
96
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,062
How could I say no to Beak?
97
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,765
It's spring, so that's peak Beak.
98
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,101
So you want to go?
99
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,435
Want to be my date?
100
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,004
Nah, pass.
101
00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:34,373
Fancy restaurants are one of
the three things I don't do.
102
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,842
You know the other two.
103
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:40,679
Didn't we blow past those week one?
104
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,814
Max, are you crazy?
105
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,984
Why,
is one of my pupils getting all small?
106
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,886
It happens now. I don't know why.
107
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,521
What was that out there?
108
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,089
"Nah, pass."
109
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,458
Randy's not just asking
you to dinner-dinner.
110
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,760
This isn't about food.
111
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,395
It's about your future together.
112
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:58,297
He's moving here for you.
113
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:01,700
You just "naw pass"- ed on Randy.
114
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,136
Weird, I didn't love your
impression the first time,
115
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:07,005
but I loved it the second.
116
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,107
Randy's moving here for a job.
117
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,843
This dinner isn't about
some law partners.
118
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,012
It's about you and him as partners.
119
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,381
Do you hear words I don't?
120
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:19,418
You're going to that dinner,
young lady, end of discussion.
121
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:22,888
Oh, that was so mom-ish!
122
00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:25,557
I wouldn't know. I've never met one.
123
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,902
Oh, good, this is it.
124
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,403
We knocked on another apartment door,
125
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:41,406
but the only thing they
were cooking was meth.
126
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,709
We walked across a bridge for this?
127
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:48,513
This is basically my apartment,
except our wild birds are alive.
128
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,282
Randy, you made it.
129
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:53,919
And I mean, you made it
because you're eating at Beak.
130
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,287
I mean, the wait list here is longer
131
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:58,223
than an episode of HBO's Vinyl.
132
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,525
Max, this is Marissa,
one of the partners.
133
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:01,727
Marissa, this is Max.
134
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:02,728
She's my girlfriend.
135
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,029
Max? Cute.
136
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,330
Is that short for Maxine?
137
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:08,900
Technically, it's long for "meh."
138
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,202
Sorry, I don't get it.
139
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,037
Probably because of the
Klonopin I had to take
140
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,073
when that homeless man tried
to talk to me on the way in.
141
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:18,744
Uh, Max, this is Leila,
another partner at the firm,
142
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,512
and her wife, Lei.
143
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:23,982
She's not just my wife.
She's also a star on Instagram.
144
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:27,786
See? I talk about your accomplishments.
145
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:31,423
I put wigs on statues
146
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:34,626
and then photograph them from behind.
147
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:37,696
That's it?
148
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,297
That's it.
149
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:42,567
Max...
150
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,102
are you a lawyer too?
151
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:48,140
Uh, no, but I presided over a
food court or two in my day.
152
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:50,108
Max and her partner,
Caroline, are in the process
153
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,643
of opening a dessert bar.
154
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,612
And I don't mean "partner"
in the romantic sense.
155
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,914
I've got that department covered.
156
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,349
Well, welcome, Randy and Max.
157
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:59,050
You know,
I've been hoping to add another
158
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,719
straight couple to the law firm mix,
159
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:04,623
but, you know,
they're so hard to find nowadays.
160
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,991
Lei and I met on an
161
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:08,994
Orange is the New Black message board.
162
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:12,330
It's kind of become the lesbian Tinder.
163
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:14,533
Uh, Randy,
wasn't there rumor of a third?
164
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:17,736
Oh, I keep pitching that,
but he "likes me too much."
165
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,740
Again, don't quite get it.
166
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,208
Little hazy.
167
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,143
Well, I'll have to tell
the chef he's preparing
168
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,812
oyster foam for six.
169
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,014
I'm sorry, "oyster foam"?
170
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,049
Foam from an oyster?
171
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,486
That sounds delicious.
172
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:39,024
I know your idea of fine dining
is a ham and cheese Hot Pocket,
173
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,759
but I am really glad you came.
174
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:41,860
Oh, here's Lenin.
175
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,995
Um, Randy, Max, this is Lenin.
176
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:47,199
He's the chef. And my lover.
177
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:56,107
We have sex too.
178
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,243
Lei and I are "post sex."
179
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:01,279
All intimacy, no penetration.
180
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,186
I'll be serving a meal of
seven bird-themed courses,
181
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,755
each one it's own
unique flight of fancy.
182
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:14,259
Not my words,
a very giggly Anderson Cooper.
183
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,994
Now, before we begin, do either of you
184
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,529
have any food allergies?
185
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:21,099
Just one: birds.
186
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,468
I don't get her, either.
187
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,770
Let's all sit.
188
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:26,771
Max.
189
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:31,810
Why do you want me to sit
that far from the table?
190
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,678
That's me being polite.
191
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,017
You are in for such a treat.
192
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,286
Lenin is a real artist.
193
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,755
He spends all day
making these teeny-tiny,
194
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:47,626
delicate little meals,
which is why I pay our rent.
195
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:52,831
Our first course is a French delicacy.
196
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:56,234
The Ortolan Bunting bird,
roasted and eaten whole.
197
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:02,240
Just grasp the bird by its head
and start eating at the feet.
198
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,709
Enjoy. Obviously.
199
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:13,451
Can't wait to get that
bird foot in my mouth.
200
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,561
How's the baby pigeon and oyster foam,
Max?
201
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:23,962
Oh, delicious.
202
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:27,165
It's amazing how full
babies can make you.
203
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,769
No, Lei, way too many photos
204
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,704
of me eating foam.
205
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,506
Like a rabid dog.
206
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,245
Oh, good. This is it.
207
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,080
The guy who opened the
other apartment door
208
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,249
wasn't wearing pants.
209
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,784
Or underwear.
210
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,086
Or was circumcised.
211
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,521
Hi! I'm here.
212
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:50,889
What did I miss?
213
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:54,392
The point of literally
every movie we see together.
214
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,962
Marissa, this is Caroline,
Max's business partner.
215
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,363
She texted she was coming.
216
00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:01,399
She's usually not covered
in this much sweat.
217
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,368
Sorry, I had to run across the bridge,
218
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,937
'cause you need a credit card
for one of those city bikes.
219
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,272
Um, if I had a credit card,
220
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,241
why would I be riding a damn bike?
221
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:13,178
I'm at Beak. I'm trendy again!
222
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,447
Fifth course.
223
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:18,383
Tiny poached noisy
scrubbird with fiddle ferns
224
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,018
and fermented egg.
225
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:23,221
Oh, that sounds so gross.
I bet it's great.
226
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,425
Max, eat.
227
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,760
I sure will.
228
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,328
When I used to watch Tweety Bird,
229
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:34,499
all I could think was, "God,
that looks delicious."
230
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,601
You're doing great.
231
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,436
Who wants some more wine?
232
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,105
I'm guessing Max.
233
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,640
I can't believe we're here,
234
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,609
eating the finest...
what'd he say this was?
235
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:46,111
Blue jay?
236
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:47,846
Aren't you proud of me?
237
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,447
I got through the first four courses.
238
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,584
That's more courses than
I finished in high school.
239
00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:55,720
Oh, look at this pretentious,
240
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:58,390
deliberately relaxed large napkin.
241
00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:01,693
Love it and hate it.
242
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,028
What is that?
243
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,896
This first four courses!
244
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,564
I cheated, like in high school!
245
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,600
I couldn't eat it; it's gross.
246
00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:11,936
No, gross is when you
hand the guy at Del Taco
247
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:15,173
65 cents and tell him to surprise you.
248
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,242
You are judging me for
not eating most of my
249
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,210
Saturday morning cartoon lineup?
250
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,579
You want to chomp down
on Foghorn Leghorn?
251
00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:25,450
When a great guy like Randy
is moving to New York for you,
252
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,653
yes, you have to eat
your childhood favorites!
253
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,856
Anyone like to come see the de-spining
254
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,591
of the tiny trumpeter bird?
255
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:36,161
This could push me over
a million followers.
256
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,065
I can't eat that, Caroline.
257
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,499
And I have nowhere to put it
258
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,668
My bra is at crazy capacity.
259
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:47,138
The fire marshal almost
kicked out my left boob.
260
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,506
Why can't you just try it?
261
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:51,609
You've had worse things in your mouth.
262
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,946
He's moving here to be with you.
263
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,548
He's moving here for a job.
264
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,783
Look, whatever comes next,
just put it in your mouth
265
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,118
and eat it.
266
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,320
Well, I did not know the
bird was gonna be alive.
267
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:05,523
Worst part? Making eye contact.
268
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,661
Creamed kimchi and pelican tongue
269
00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:11,796
with Asian pear.
270
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:13,565
Enjoy.
271
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,534
The least you can do is
swallow a little tongue.
272
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:18,403
Tongue swallowing? Foam?
273
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,606
This isn't a restaurant;
it's a heroin overdose.
274
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:25,376
I love you.
275
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:34,452
Good for you, Max!
276
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,721
This is real growth.
277
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:40,658
Is it bad I feel like the
tongue is tasting me back?
278
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,534
Max, you look sweaty.
279
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,737
Like when you try to do math.
280
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:57,942
I think that tongue is
looking for an exit.
281
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,812
Randy, we're really excited
for you to come work for us.
282
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,180
How fast can you move to New York?
283
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:06,718
Not as fast as I have
to get to that bathroom.
284
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,052
Excuse us,
285
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:11,089
we have to go to the
little sparrow's room.
286
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,891
Nope, it's cool, false alarm.
287
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:15,226
Nope, real alarm. Very real alarm.
288
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,562
- Should I come in with you?
- No!
289
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,430
Even I don't want to go in there!
290
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,300
I doubt this door is soundproof,
so talk loud.
291
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,102
Just start with your normal volume,
292
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:27,405
and then dial it down a notch.
293
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,073
Oh, Marissa!
294
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:35,747
You have to tell me where you
found these fabulous glasses.
295
00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:37,715
Restoration Hardware?
296
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:40,885
Crate and Barrel?
297
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:42,620
Restoration Hardware Modern?
298
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:43,788
West Elm? CB2?
299
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:45,557
CB3? Is there one of those yet?
300
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:46,858
You know what?
301
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,026
Let's get some music going!
302
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,594
Like some really loud dubstep,
303
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,029
'cause I'm running out of breath.
304
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,964
Oh, there's no music allowed here.
305
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:57,135
It would get in the way of
hearing the symphony of taste.
306
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,236
Not my words.
307
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,805
Okay, they were my words.
308
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,140
I think I'd like to make a toast.
309
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,741
Oh, no, please don't make a toast.
310
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,945
I've begun not to like you.
311
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:13,518
Seriously, Lenin.
312
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,053
Not even a little light piano?
313
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,755
You don't need to reinvent
the freaking wheel here.
314
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:19,157
Hey, Caroline, please. Just sit.
315
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,025
You know what,
I see if I have another Klonopin.
316
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,828
- I'm fine.
- It's not for you.
317
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,496
Caroline.
318
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:26,798
Should I go in there?
319
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,433
'Cause I am not hearing the standard
320
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,935
tinkle and a hand wash.
321
00:14:30,937 --> 00:14:32,503
No, don't move. Stay there.
322
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,373
That noise is just the
pipes backing up a little.
323
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,374
Well, a lot.
324
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,547
Oh, Lord!
325
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:43,581
They're young.
326
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,587
My camera needs to be in there.
327
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,122
Enough with the camera!
328
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,391
I'm alive!
329
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,729
Max.
330
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,430
Where are you going?
331
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,966
Anywhere but here!
332
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:03,301
Max, seriously!
333
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:04,903
What's going on in there?
334
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,537
Everything's okay in here!
335
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,207
We'll be out in a minute.
336
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:12,410
If you're not gonna let me in,
at least...
337
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,282
Max!
338
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,050
Wait up!
339
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,619
You don't have to be
embarrassed in front of me.
340
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,821
I've seen worse.
341
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,890
Okay, no I haven't.
342
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,091
Just go away!
343
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,860
I can't take that sad look.
344
00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:30,261
It's the same look you gave Chestnut
345
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,597
that time he crapped on the couch.
346
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,300
I'm fine alone;
you didn't have to leave.
347
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:36,434
No, I did.
348
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,670
They couldn't possibly think one person
349
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:40,805
was responsible for all that.
350
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,373
Plus, I don't want to leave you.
351
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,474
You're sick.
352
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,476
I think it's beyond sick.
353
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:48,046
I lost bone mass in there.
354
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:51,049
My shoes are too big now.
355
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,617
I'm so embarrassed!
356
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,785
Hey, it happens.
357
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,086
You got a stomach ache.
358
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,955
You're just not used to rich food.
359
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,190
I'm not used to rich anything.
360
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:01,159
And if this is Randy's world...
361
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:04,062
uh, bird bones and pretentious people...
362
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:08,666
then maybe my body is
telling me I can't take it.
363
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:12,704
Max, if I got used to
buying earrings at the AMPM,
364
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,673
you can get used to fancy
food and pretentious people.
365
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:16,674
You don't get it!
366
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,910
He is moving here for me.
367
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:21,446
Oh, do you think so?
368
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,580
I wish your best friend
369
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,649
had been telling you that for two days.
370
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,150
He's moving his whole life.
371
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,785
I don't know how to do that.
372
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,855
I didn't even know how to react
when he moved my chair for me.
373
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,323
You were right, it's not about the food;
374
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,525
it's about our future,
and I just vomited
375
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,762
all over our future.
376
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,864
What?
377
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,767
I hate to say this, but you need a mint.
378
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:45,670
Sorry, I love you, but you need a mint.
379
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,306
I need to disappear.
380
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:51,242
What do you think of
the name Sheila Newman?
381
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,244
Max!
382
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,178
Randy.
383
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,749
Great, just in time to see me jump.
384
00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:58,983
What happened? Where'd you go?
385
00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:00,685
Oh, I jumped on that bike so fast,
386
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:03,254
my man parts are no
longer talking to me.
387
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:06,057
She didn't want to be
sick in front of you.
388
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,159
You got sick?
389
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,061
Okay, fine, we all heard it.
390
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:12,630
But why did you leave
without saying something?
391
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,232
Because words were the only thing
392
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,568
not coming out of my mouth.
393
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,071
Max?
394
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,773
You're not gonna look at me?
395
00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:22,840
I can't.
396
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,776
Wait, here.
397
00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:26,778
Now she can.
398
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:27,945
You better get back there.
399
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,547
I don't want you to lose that job.
400
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,082
I don't want that job.
401
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,717
I don't know how many
more pills Marissa took,
402
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,887
but she passed out in
a pot of clam steam.
403
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,922
I missed clam steam?
404
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:40,091
I've been reading about his clam steam.
405
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,827
Please stop saying "clam steam."
406
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,063
I can actually smell the words.
407
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,264
Okay, Max.
408
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,932
You are starting to turn green again,
409
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,935
so why don't you hop on,
and I will ride you home
410
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,770
on my bicycle like a real man.
411
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,172
I don't know, Randy.
412
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,340
A lot of stuff came up
for me at that dinner.
413
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:57,508
And I'm not just talking about
414
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:01,045
every single thing I ate this year.
415
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:04,482
I mean, maybe I'm not right for you.
416
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:05,950
Hey.
417
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,086
Don't be so hard on
yourself about tonight.
418
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,387
I mean, look at me.
419
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:12,623
I'm not brave enough
to eat in that diner.
420
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,425
Come here, you.
421
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:19,130
Maybe wait another 60 seconds.
422
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,265
I think we are different.
423
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,067
But we kind of go together.
424
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:27,538
Like peppered baby
bird bladder and pesto.
425
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,573
Oh, no.
426
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,208
Oh, my God.
427
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:33,411
That's gonna do it!
428
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:41,352
Wrong night to be driving a convertible.
429
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:44,555
Oh, wait... no, no, no, no, no, no.
430
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:55,566
So how's your first diner burger?
431
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,201
It's not bad.
432
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,636
I'm getting a little something.
433
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,004
Um...mesquite?
434
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:03,407
Yeah, they die in the fan
and then fall on the grill.
435
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:09,046
I'll take mosquito burger
over pelican any day.
436
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,548
Interesting, Randy.
437
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,684
You get two waitresses
paying attention to you
438
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,887
and most people get none.
439
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:17,755
Like that one over there,
440
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:20,091
over there,
and that gentleman over there
441
00:19:20,093 --> 00:19:22,326
who's just giving up and leaving.
442
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,629
Fine, Han,
we will go over to the counter
443
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:25,696
and continue to talk.
444
00:19:28,902 --> 00:19:31,335
I know I say a lot of stuff about you,
445
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,004
especially to your face,
446
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,705
but thank you for your help last night.
447
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:37,141
I know you would have done
the same thing for me.
448
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:38,543
But if I ever get that sick,
449
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,945
you have my permission to kill me.
450
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:43,514
I mean, when you went into that toilet,
looking for my earring,
451
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,717
I knew I had found my post-sex partner.
452
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,354
You did that for her?
453
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:51,589
Wow!
454
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:54,158
And all this time,
we've been looking for
455
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,627
the perfect couple to be godparents,
456
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:59,830
and they're right under our noses.
457
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,467
Girl-on-girl godparents.
458
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:04,769
I like it.
459
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:08,072
You two girls are gonna
be great with the baby.
460
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:09,507
I mean, Caroline,
461
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:12,910
you were elbow-deep in Max's upchuck.
462
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,346
I mean, I wouldn't even
do that for my own father
463
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,216
when he swallowed all those bees.
464
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:21,619
Wow, Sophie,
this is such a huge compliment.
465
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,589
Tucked away in a
terrible personal memory.
466
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:28,292
Well,
if something would ever happen to us,
467
00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:30,761
let Max do the breast feeding.
468
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:34,165
'Cause, yeah,
I don't want the kid to starve.
469
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,234
This is exciting!
470
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:39,003
Randy, I'm gonna be a godfather.
471
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,571
And equally as exciting,
472
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,740
I'm gonna be climbing out
of that bathroom window
473
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,743
in about two minutes.
33647
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