Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,110 --> 00:00:09,013
Oh, my God, the customers are nakey.
2
00:00:09,014 --> 00:00:10,681
Thank God you're seeing it too.
3
00:00:10,682 --> 00:00:15,052
I thought my X-ray vision was back.
4
00:00:15,053 --> 00:00:18,288
God bless the annual naked bike ride.
5
00:00:18,289 --> 00:00:19,523
And where's Oleg?
6
00:00:19,524 --> 00:00:21,592
This is the first lunch rush in years.
7
00:00:21,593 --> 00:00:24,094
Uh, the guy at table
three needs some water
8
00:00:24,095 --> 00:00:26,897
and has an ass mole that
should really get looked at,
9
00:00:26,898 --> 00:00:28,598
but not by me.
10
00:00:33,303 --> 00:00:35,706
Oleg, you're doing the
naked bike ride too?
11
00:00:35,707 --> 00:00:39,109
The naked what?
12
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:41,111
Okay, gang.
13
00:00:41,112 --> 00:00:42,613
Let's hit the road.
14
00:00:43,615 --> 00:00:44,782
Ugh, oh!
15
00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:46,150
Ooh, ah!
16
00:00:46,151 --> 00:00:47,414
I don't know where to look now.
17
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,015
Nothing's good.
18
00:00:52,322 --> 00:00:55,559
Well, now we have to
burn this place down.
19
00:00:59,330 --> 00:01:05,912
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
20
00:01:09,176 --> 00:01:10,676
Don't try and stop me.
21
00:01:10,677 --> 00:01:13,145
I'll Mountain Dew it.
22
00:01:13,146 --> 00:01:17,049
You know I'm crazy
when I'm all Coked up.
23
00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:18,884
So I heard a lot of noise
24
00:01:18,885 --> 00:01:20,352
coming from your room last night.
25
00:01:20,353 --> 00:01:22,221
And since I know that bat is dead,
26
00:01:22,222 --> 00:01:25,057
because it had a heart
attack on my pillow,
27
00:01:25,058 --> 00:01:27,660
I assume you had a gentleman caller?
28
00:01:27,661 --> 00:01:29,128
He wasn't a gentleman,
29
00:01:29,129 --> 00:01:32,464
but he did wear a
monocle while we did it.
30
00:01:32,465 --> 00:01:35,901
Well, you had a much more
exciting night than I did.
31
00:01:35,902 --> 00:01:39,138
Both of my legs fell
asleep on the toilet.
32
00:01:39,139 --> 00:01:41,173
Then so did I.
33
00:01:41,174 --> 00:01:43,842
So you aren't gonna see him again?
34
00:01:43,843 --> 00:01:45,477
Well, we know every
time Earl walks away,
35
00:01:45,478 --> 00:01:46,878
there's a chance of that.
36
00:01:48,380 --> 00:01:50,149
I have an announcement.
37
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:52,184
Whoever keeps putting
peanut butter in my desk,
38
00:01:52,185 --> 00:01:53,185
stop.
39
00:01:53,186 --> 00:01:55,020
I'm allergic.
40
00:01:55,021 --> 00:01:56,888
And I'm closing the diner Sunday.
41
00:01:58,224 --> 00:02:00,426
Well, we had a good run.
42
00:02:00,427 --> 00:02:01,994
No, we didn't.
43
00:02:01,995 --> 00:02:03,728
Let's scavenge, people!
44
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:06,098
Bye, y'all!
45
00:02:06,099 --> 00:02:08,367
Where do we keep the money at?
46
00:02:11,238 --> 00:02:12,338
What?
47
00:02:12,339 --> 00:02:13,606
I don't want our meat order
48
00:02:13,607 --> 00:02:16,575
to fall into the wrong hands.
49
00:02:16,576 --> 00:02:18,177
No, you pile of felons.
50
00:02:18,178 --> 00:02:20,779
I'm closing the diner for Sunday only.
51
00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:23,749
Well, I'm keeping this stuff anyway.
52
00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:25,718
And I really hate it.
53
00:02:25,719 --> 00:02:28,354
My new therapist, Gary, says that I need
54
00:02:28,355 --> 00:02:30,623
to take a day off to focus on myself.
55
00:02:30,624 --> 00:02:33,592
Did he give you a
magnifying glass for that?
56
00:02:33,593 --> 00:02:35,794
Max, Gary says you use
57
00:02:35,795 --> 00:02:37,730
your toxic, mean-spirited jokes
58
00:02:37,731 --> 00:02:39,865
to keep people like me at a distance.
59
00:02:39,866 --> 00:02:41,367
You know what else works?
60
00:02:41,368 --> 00:02:42,968
Putting my hand on your forehead.
61
00:02:42,969 --> 00:02:45,137
Max, Gary also says
62
00:02:45,138 --> 00:02:46,538
you have a fear of intimacy
63
00:02:46,539 --> 00:02:49,108
stemming from your
father abandoning you.
64
00:02:49,109 --> 00:02:51,644
To put it simply, you have daddy issues.
65
00:02:51,645 --> 00:02:53,812
The only daddy issues I have
66
00:02:53,813 --> 00:02:55,648
are of Rod Magazine.
67
00:02:55,649 --> 00:02:58,384
And there's no such
thing as daddy issues.
68
00:02:58,385 --> 00:03:00,819
If there was, why would
my daughter be married
69
00:03:00,820 --> 00:03:03,421
to a forgetful older man named Burl?
70
00:03:04,456 --> 00:03:06,158
What did Gary say about me, Han?
71
00:03:06,159 --> 00:03:08,661
Were the words "Eliza Doolittle" used?
72
00:03:08,662 --> 00:03:11,597
Well, you certainly do little,
73
00:03:11,598 --> 00:03:12,998
but actually, you didn't come up.
74
00:03:12,999 --> 00:03:15,134
You don't come up to my knees.
75
00:03:15,135 --> 00:03:17,002
See? That's the kind
of material you need
76
00:03:17,003 --> 00:03:18,603
to get a shout-out.
77
00:03:19,571 --> 00:03:21,172
Hey, everybody!
78
00:03:23,809 --> 00:03:27,913
Barbara just smiled politely
at her first ugly baby.
79
00:03:27,914 --> 00:03:32,518
Oh, I could learn some manners from her.
80
00:03:32,519 --> 00:03:34,853
Sophie, it's really not
nice to call a baby "ugly."
81
00:03:34,854 --> 00:03:36,689
Shut up!
82
00:03:36,690 --> 00:03:39,458
Oh, I mean...
83
00:03:39,459 --> 00:03:40,658
Shut up!
84
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,195
Good news, Sophie.
85
00:03:43,196 --> 00:03:44,530
I don't have to work here
86
00:03:44,531 --> 00:03:47,032
or Bubzie's Hideaway this Sunday.
87
00:03:47,033 --> 00:03:48,267
We can get a babysitter
88
00:03:48,268 --> 00:03:49,702
and spend the whole day together.
89
00:03:49,703 --> 00:03:52,004
Well, if you're suggesting
90
00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:54,606
that we have sex at the dog track again,
91
00:03:54,607 --> 00:03:57,609
then I'm gonna tell you
what I said at the dog track.
92
00:04:02,481 --> 00:04:04,715
Well, now we all need therapy.
93
00:04:06,719 --> 00:04:08,687
Oh, Bobby, I'm so sorry
94
00:04:08,688 --> 00:04:11,290
you have to go to your great
aunt's funeral on Sunday.
95
00:04:11,291 --> 00:04:14,660
I really wanted to get lunch
and some towels at Ikea.
96
00:04:14,661 --> 00:04:16,729
Ooh, if you're going to Ikea,
97
00:04:16,730 --> 00:04:18,664
can you get me a snars-vaten-woggen?
98
00:04:18,665 --> 00:04:20,666
I need a place to put my book light.
99
00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:22,968
Okay, I understand.
100
00:04:22,969 --> 00:04:24,837
I guess the real lesson is,
101
00:04:24,838 --> 00:04:28,073
don't lie about your
weight on a hot-air balloon.
102
00:04:28,074 --> 00:04:30,175
I am so, so sorry...
103
00:04:30,176 --> 00:04:33,412
that I had to listen to that
horrible phone conversation.
104
00:04:33,413 --> 00:04:35,714
You know, Max, it's
actually a good thing
105
00:04:35,715 --> 00:04:38,150
that Bobby's aunt died tragically.
106
00:04:38,151 --> 00:04:39,551
Now we can do inventory here
107
00:04:39,552 --> 00:04:41,055
and get ahead on our books on Sunday.
108
00:04:41,056 --> 00:04:42,554
Only you could turn a death
109
00:04:42,555 --> 00:04:43,921
into something depressing.
110
00:04:45,224 --> 00:04:48,193
Speaking of something depressing.
111
00:04:48,194 --> 00:04:50,529
I just came by to let you know
112
00:04:50,530 --> 00:04:51,593
you're late for the diner,
113
00:04:51,594 --> 00:04:52,831
and you know, Max,
114
00:04:52,832 --> 00:04:55,267
I had a working brunch with Gary,
115
00:04:55,268 --> 00:04:56,835
and he made a good point
116
00:04:56,836 --> 00:04:58,937
as he pretended to reach for the check.
117
00:04:58,938 --> 00:05:01,273
He said it was unfair of me
118
00:05:01,274 --> 00:05:02,608
to bring up your problems
119
00:05:02,609 --> 00:05:04,843
without offering a solution.
120
00:05:04,844 --> 00:05:08,013
You need to talk to your father.
121
00:05:08,014 --> 00:05:11,717
Han, you are really
overstepping your boundaries,
122
00:05:11,718 --> 00:05:14,520
which is really rude,
because that's my job.
123
00:05:14,521 --> 00:05:16,221
Uh, it's fine.
124
00:05:16,222 --> 00:05:17,456
Yeah, go ahead, Han.
125
00:05:17,457 --> 00:05:18,891
Try and find my father.
126
00:05:18,892 --> 00:05:21,093
I don't know his name, where he lives,
127
00:05:21,094 --> 00:05:23,929
or where he gets dialysis, I'm assuming.
128
00:05:23,930 --> 00:05:25,397
So good luck with that.
129
00:05:25,398 --> 00:05:27,032
Here's his name and number.
130
00:05:27,033 --> 00:05:28,967
He lives in Rhode Island,
131
00:05:28,968 --> 00:05:31,502
America's least exciting state.
132
00:05:32,905 --> 00:05:34,540
How did you find that?
133
00:05:34,541 --> 00:05:36,308
That is way over the line,
134
00:05:36,309 --> 00:05:38,377
and I really wish it
was me who had done it.
135
00:05:38,378 --> 00:05:40,946
Unlike Max in high school,
136
00:05:40,947 --> 00:05:43,081
it wasn't easy.
137
00:05:43,082 --> 00:05:45,317
I called the hospital
for her birth certificate,
138
00:05:45,318 --> 00:05:47,119
which led me to the hall of records,
139
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,154
which then led me to some forced necking
140
00:05:49,155 --> 00:05:51,557
with a clerk named Shelley.
141
00:05:51,558 --> 00:05:53,459
Sadly, it was a dead end.
142
00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:54,960
So Gary got it for me.
143
00:05:54,961 --> 00:05:56,994
His sister's a psychic for the police.
144
00:05:58,230 --> 00:06:01,166
So are you gonna call your dad
145
00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:03,435
after all that hard work Han and I did
146
00:06:03,436 --> 00:06:05,170
to find his number?
147
00:06:05,171 --> 00:06:06,572
I don't know.
148
00:06:06,573 --> 00:06:08,236
This is a huge decision,
and I really want
149
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:09,241
to think this through.
150
00:06:09,242 --> 00:06:11,844
Max, I think that's a really smart
151
00:06:11,845 --> 00:06:12,845
and mature decis...
152
00:06:12,846 --> 00:06:14,345
Thought about it.
153
00:06:17,479 --> 00:06:18,469
Okay, we're missing
154
00:06:18,470 --> 00:06:19,503
two bottles of tequila,
155
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,397
but I did find a bloody knife,
156
00:06:21,398 --> 00:06:23,665
so that's a wrap on inventory.
157
00:06:23,666 --> 00:06:24,833
Oh, thank God.
158
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:25,834
I've been killing myself
159
00:06:25,835 --> 00:06:27,236
with all this paperwork.
160
00:06:27,237 --> 00:06:31,039
It took me 30 minutes to make this hat.
161
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,575
Max, I know what's really going on here.
162
00:06:33,576 --> 00:06:35,444
You're trying to hide
it by doing origami,
163
00:06:35,445 --> 00:06:37,846
but you're really thinking
about contacting your dad.
164
00:06:37,847 --> 00:06:39,581
Uh, actually, I was thinking
165
00:06:39,582 --> 00:06:41,116
about where I left my bloody knife,
166
00:06:41,117 --> 00:06:43,218
but you solved that mystery.
167
00:06:43,219 --> 00:06:46,355
So now I'm thinking about wrestling.
168
00:06:46,356 --> 00:06:48,424
Wrestling with your emotions?
169
00:06:48,425 --> 00:06:50,592
No, with Jeremy Piven.
170
00:06:50,593 --> 00:06:52,961
Short arms. I can take him.
171
00:06:52,962 --> 00:06:56,265
Well, in the off-chance you
do want to contact your father,
172
00:06:56,266 --> 00:06:59,134
I used my amazing jigsaw puzzle talents
173
00:06:59,135 --> 00:07:01,403
to put his number back together.
174
00:07:01,404 --> 00:07:04,039
I was runner-up in Jigsaw Palooza 2003.
175
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,407
Oh, thank God.
176
00:07:05,408 --> 00:07:06,775
Thank you, Caroline...
177
00:07:06,776 --> 00:07:09,445
for letting me rip this up again.
178
00:07:09,446 --> 00:07:11,213
You know, I hate to say this,
179
00:07:11,214 --> 00:07:13,282
but Han's not wrong.
180
00:07:13,283 --> 00:07:14,616
How dare you?
181
00:07:14,617 --> 00:07:16,218
Let me finish.
182
00:07:16,219 --> 00:07:18,787
Maybe you do have some intimacy issues.
183
00:07:18,788 --> 00:07:21,457
I mean, you haven't really
dated anyone since Randy,
184
00:07:21,458 --> 00:07:24,092
and I still don't have
a key to our apartment.
185
00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:27,129
I gave you that screwdriver. It works.
186
00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:29,530
You're not even a little
curious to meet him?
187
00:07:30,632 --> 00:07:32,468
I guess maybe a little.
188
00:07:32,469 --> 00:07:35,137
Maybe it'll explain some of the
more disturbing things about me,
189
00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:38,273
like how I prefer Cocoa
Pebbles over Fruity Pebbles.
190
00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:41,510
Yes! You can finally get those answers.
191
00:07:41,511 --> 00:07:43,912
I say we go now, before
you change your mind.
192
00:07:43,913 --> 00:07:45,614
Should we steal some
snacks from the diner
193
00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:47,214
before we steal Han's car?
194
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,953
Earl, what are you doing here?
195
00:07:50,954 --> 00:07:52,454
You know you're off today, right?
196
00:07:52,455 --> 00:07:55,324
Uh, I forgot my weed here.
197
00:07:55,325 --> 00:07:56,792
Then I smoked it.
198
00:07:56,793 --> 00:07:59,060
And now it doesn't matter where I am.
199
00:08:00,128 --> 00:08:01,729
♪ Squee, diddly-Doo ♪
200
00:08:03,365 --> 00:08:06,869
I'm not working on my
Gary-prescribed day off.
201
00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:10,205
I just swung by to...
to meet a friend...
202
00:08:10,206 --> 00:08:12,774
named Friendo.
203
00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:14,510
He's Italian.
204
00:08:14,511 --> 00:08:15,777
What are you doing here?
205
00:08:15,778 --> 00:08:17,980
We're going to meet Max's dad.
206
00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:18,981
Because of me.
207
00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:20,449
It's my thing now.
208
00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:22,951
So you're giving up your other thing?
209
00:08:22,952 --> 00:08:24,152
Complimenting yourself
210
00:08:24,153 --> 00:08:25,419
while the customers starve?
211
00:08:26,955 --> 00:08:28,824
Earl, why don't you come with?
212
00:08:28,825 --> 00:08:31,059
I want my real dad to meet my birth dad.
213
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:33,661
Sure. Which one am I again?
214
00:08:34,897 --> 00:08:36,331
Can I come too?
215
00:08:36,332 --> 00:08:38,200
Gary would love to hear about the man
216
00:08:38,201 --> 00:08:40,002
responsible for my misery.
217
00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:42,770
Isn't that the cartoonist
who erased half your body?
218
00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:46,675
Ugh, great.
219
00:08:46,676 --> 00:08:49,845
Other looters got here first.
220
00:08:49,846 --> 00:08:52,314
This is what happens
when you stop for snacks
221
00:08:52,315 --> 00:08:55,017
on your way to stop for more snacks.
222
00:08:55,018 --> 00:08:57,853
We're going for a romantic
ride in the country.
223
00:08:57,854 --> 00:09:00,989
We're looking for a
farm where we can do it.
224
00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:03,173
We were just gonna ask Han
to drive us to Rhode Island,
225
00:09:03,174 --> 00:09:04,059
but this is better.
226
00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:05,327
With your minivan,
227
00:09:05,328 --> 00:09:06,928
we can sit much further from the driver.
228
00:09:06,952 --> 00:09:09,865
Rhode Island?
229
00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:12,534
Are we gonna bury a dead body?
230
00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:14,403
No, but I am coming,
231
00:09:14,404 --> 00:09:17,005
so don't get any ideas.
232
00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:20,275
Well, I haven't been in a
van with this many weirdos
233
00:09:20,276 --> 00:09:22,243
since the second time I got kidnapped.
234
00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:26,915
All right, your dad just confirmed.
235
00:09:26,916 --> 00:09:29,451
We're meeting him at 4:00
at the Rhode Island Diner.
236
00:09:29,452 --> 00:09:32,521
Max's reunion with her
father is really humming along
237
00:09:32,522 --> 00:09:34,523
since I took the reins from Han.
238
00:09:34,524 --> 00:09:35,891
Don't kid yourself.
239
00:09:35,892 --> 00:09:37,359
I laid the groundwork.
240
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,427
Don't kid yourself.
241
00:09:38,428 --> 00:09:40,295
You've never laid anything.
242
00:09:40,296 --> 00:09:43,031
Oleg, shouldn't we be
getting off at the next exit?
243
00:09:43,032 --> 00:09:47,235
Do you think we should
exit at 33B, Misty?
244
00:09:47,236 --> 00:09:49,605
Ooh, that exit is closed
245
00:09:49,606 --> 00:09:52,407
for construction, naughty boy.
246
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:55,110
Since we're having a
day off from Barbara,
247
00:09:55,111 --> 00:09:57,745
I put the GPS on XXX.
248
00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:01,783
Can't a woman just talk to you?
249
00:10:01,784 --> 00:10:04,119
This is why we march.
250
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,255
How about a fun car game?
251
00:10:07,256 --> 00:10:09,324
I spy with my little eye
252
00:10:09,325 --> 00:10:11,393
something that is black.
253
00:10:11,394 --> 00:10:14,663
You better watch yourself, son.
254
00:10:14,664 --> 00:10:17,833
No, I was referring to...
255
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:18,966
pass.
256
00:10:19,968 --> 00:10:21,303
Max, are you nervous?
257
00:10:21,304 --> 00:10:23,672
You have that nervous
metallic smell you get
258
00:10:23,673 --> 00:10:25,941
when you find out
7-Eleven's out of hot dogs.
259
00:10:25,942 --> 00:10:28,076
No.
260
00:10:28,077 --> 00:10:31,113
I keep a lot of nickels in these pants.
261
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,356
Sophie, are you okay?
262
00:10:41,357 --> 00:10:45,160
Yeah, that's just how I wake up.
263
00:10:45,161 --> 00:10:48,163
Are you okay?
264
00:10:48,164 --> 00:10:49,698
Ooh, ah!
265
00:10:49,699 --> 00:10:51,433
Bear right at the next exit.
266
00:10:51,434 --> 00:10:52,634
Just like that.
267
00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:54,436
Don't stop!
268
00:10:54,437 --> 00:10:56,471
Okay, Misty.
269
00:10:56,472 --> 00:11:00,142
I think I went to hair
school with your GPS.
270
00:11:00,143 --> 00:11:02,010
Object ahead.
271
00:11:02,011 --> 00:11:04,980
Slow down, big boy.
272
00:11:07,182 --> 00:11:09,017
Uh-oh, I hit a squirrel
273
00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:11,153
or John Travolta's toupee.
274
00:11:11,154 --> 00:11:14,289
Either way, its legs are still moving.
275
00:11:18,061 --> 00:11:19,895
Oh, gosh.
276
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,963
I must have fallen asleep again.
277
00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:27,502
Hey, Han?
278
00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:29,971
How do you say "hang in there"
279
00:11:29,972 --> 00:11:31,673
in squirrel?
280
00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:37,813
I learned it on Zoboomafoo.
281
00:11:37,814 --> 00:11:40,582
Sophie, next time you
scoop up a wounded animal
282
00:11:40,583 --> 00:11:42,017
with a donut box,
283
00:11:42,018 --> 00:11:44,186
make sure everyone's had one first.
284
00:11:44,187 --> 00:11:47,489
Aww, he's resting
comfortably on a cruller.
285
00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:49,591
Living my dream, buddy.
286
00:11:49,592 --> 00:11:51,259
He won't die, right?
287
00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:53,862
It's illegal to kill
squirrels in the Ukraine.
288
00:11:53,863 --> 00:11:56,865
Ever since Putin had
them trained as spies.
289
00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:59,668
There's an animal hospital nearby.
290
00:11:59,669 --> 00:12:02,204
Put the address in the sexy GPS lady.
291
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:04,339
I don't care where we go,
292
00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:06,742
I just want to hear what she does
293
00:12:06,743 --> 00:12:10,278
when we arrive at our destination.
294
00:12:10,279 --> 00:12:12,614
Not to be that person,
295
00:12:12,615 --> 00:12:14,082
but I'm in charge now,
296
00:12:14,083 --> 00:12:16,685
and this trip is about
Max meeting her dad,
297
00:12:16,686 --> 00:12:18,754
not saving a squirrel's life.
298
00:12:18,755 --> 00:12:20,789
Squirrel hater!
299
00:12:23,292 --> 00:12:24,626
Let's just take him with us.
300
00:12:24,627 --> 00:12:26,361
If this diner's anything like ours,
301
00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:28,730
there'd be tons of other
rodents for him to play with.
302
00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:30,354
Your destination
303
00:12:30,355 --> 00:12:33,435
is in 4,800 inches.
304
00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:36,404
I had her convert everything to inches.
305
00:12:36,405 --> 00:12:38,339
Makes our trip sound bigger, doesn't it?
306
00:12:40,142 --> 00:12:42,009
We should plan a march.
307
00:12:50,128 --> 00:12:51,562
Table for, uh...
308
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,097
for two.
309
00:12:53,098 --> 00:12:56,000
And the cast of American
Horror Story: Minivan
310
00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:58,235
will be in a separate booth.
311
00:12:58,236 --> 00:12:59,470
Ooh, do you mind?
312
00:12:59,471 --> 00:13:00,604
I'm pretty hungry.
313
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:01,572
My donut is covered
314
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,808
in squirrel slobber.
315
00:13:03,809 --> 00:13:05,643
You can't bring outside food in here.
316
00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:07,077
It's not food.
317
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,079
It's a severely injured squirrel.
318
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,447
All right, well, sit wherever.
319
00:13:10,448 --> 00:13:12,783
Just don't let it out of the box.
320
00:13:12,784 --> 00:13:14,118
Do you see that, Earl?
321
00:13:14,119 --> 00:13:15,985
He's firm but fair.
322
00:13:19,957 --> 00:13:22,426
You look like a young Earl.
323
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:25,129
No, I'm Steve.
324
00:13:25,130 --> 00:13:26,996
That was young Earl's name!
325
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:33,169
Hey, everybody!
326
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:38,574
Uh, I'm just going in.
327
00:13:41,178 --> 00:13:43,480
I told your dad to look
for a pretty blonde girl
328
00:13:43,481 --> 00:13:45,149
whose hair is a little longer than a bob
329
00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:47,151
but shorter than shoulder-length.
330
00:13:47,152 --> 00:13:50,321
Oh, I forgot to tell
him what you look like.
331
00:13:50,322 --> 00:13:52,122
Well, I have no idea what he looks like.
332
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:55,526
I always imagined Louis
CK, but not as hot.
333
00:13:55,527 --> 00:13:57,795
Maybe you do have daddy issues.
334
00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:01,699
On the plus side, we will
never like the same guy.
335
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:03,834
Gary says when Max sees her dad,
336
00:14:03,835 --> 00:14:05,903
she's going to get very emotional.
337
00:14:05,904 --> 00:14:07,204
She could get happy,
338
00:14:07,205 --> 00:14:08,505
then sad.
339
00:14:08,506 --> 00:14:10,074
Basically, hide your forks.
340
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:12,643
Oh.
341
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,745
He peed again.
342
00:14:14,746 --> 00:14:15,746
Oh, Lord,
343
00:14:15,747 --> 00:14:18,182
am I peeing?
344
00:14:18,183 --> 00:14:21,185
But these are my best pants.
345
00:14:21,186 --> 00:14:25,623
He peed so much, he turned
this donut box into a pool.
346
00:14:25,624 --> 00:14:29,093
He's really putting the "ew" in cruller.
347
00:14:29,094 --> 00:14:31,829
Max, if you want privacy
when your dad gets here,
348
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,397
I can go sit in that other booth.
349
00:14:33,398 --> 00:14:35,098
Can you do that now?
350
00:14:38,202 --> 00:14:39,536
Look alive, everyone!
351
00:14:39,537 --> 00:14:40,738
It's the moment
352
00:14:40,739 --> 00:14:42,339
we've always been waiting for.
353
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,407
At least since Tuesday,
354
00:14:43,408 --> 00:14:44,475
when Gary suggested it.
355
00:14:44,476 --> 00:14:46,677
Then I took over.
356
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,612
Max, make sure you look
at me when you hug him.
357
00:14:48,613 --> 00:14:50,281
Oh, that guy? I hope not.
358
00:14:50,282 --> 00:14:53,150
No daddy, no daddy, no daddy.
359
00:14:53,151 --> 00:14:54,919
What was wrong with him?
360
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,487
Besides his jeans,
361
00:14:56,488 --> 00:14:59,690
arms, legs, face, and overall vibe?
362
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,292
You know it would be bad
363
00:15:01,293 --> 00:15:02,860
if you were attracted to him, right?
364
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:10,601
You know, I was a cashier
365
00:15:10,602 --> 00:15:11,902
when I was your age.
366
00:15:11,903 --> 00:15:13,971
Yeah? What do you do now?
367
00:15:13,972 --> 00:15:16,206
Cashier.
368
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,870
- But this is just temporary.
- Temporary.
369
00:15:17,871 --> 00:15:19,677
- No, I have actual dreams.
- Dreams.
370
00:15:19,678 --> 00:15:21,011
No, seriously, man.
371
00:15:21,012 --> 00:15:22,446
- I play saxophone.
- Saxophone.
372
00:15:22,447 --> 00:15:23,714
I quit.
373
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,450
Attaboy.
374
00:15:26,451 --> 00:15:28,152
You know, Han,
375
00:15:28,153 --> 00:15:31,422
you should get your chef
to make flapjacks like this.
376
00:15:31,423 --> 00:15:33,757
He does enough flapping
and jacking on his own.
377
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:36,827
I think this squirrel's asleep.
378
00:15:36,828 --> 00:15:39,196
He's snoring and clutching his nuts.
379
00:15:39,197 --> 00:15:43,200
Aww, just like you do.
380
00:15:43,201 --> 00:15:45,736
Han, will you watch the squirrel
381
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:48,138
so we can just have
one minute to ourselves?
382
00:15:48,139 --> 00:15:50,774
No, I'm watching the door for Max's...
383
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,176
how do I put this nicely?
384
00:15:52,177 --> 00:15:54,878
"Monster who left her as a child."
385
00:15:54,879 --> 00:15:56,547
He's gonna be here.
386
00:15:56,548 --> 00:15:58,182
Why am I so positive?
387
00:15:58,183 --> 00:15:59,883
The only reason I know where my dad is
388
00:15:59,884 --> 00:16:01,050
is 'cause he's in prison.
389
00:16:03,053 --> 00:16:06,890
Ooh, live one coming in.
390
00:16:06,891 --> 00:16:10,694
This guy looks like he's
missed a few soccer games.
391
00:16:10,695 --> 00:16:13,330
If that jabroni is him,
tell him I'm not here.
392
00:16:13,331 --> 00:16:15,733
Max, one of these losers
393
00:16:15,734 --> 00:16:17,901
is gonna be your dad.
394
00:16:17,902 --> 00:16:19,937
I mean, we're in Rhode Island.
395
00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,873
I'm gonna get a quick refill.
396
00:16:22,874 --> 00:16:24,941
I got it, hon. I'm in the industry.
397
00:16:26,343 --> 00:16:28,812
Caroline, I'm starting to think
398
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,347
he's not going to show.
399
00:16:30,348 --> 00:16:32,249
You really screwed the pooch this time.
400
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:33,484
Me?
401
00:16:33,485 --> 00:16:35,185
Yeah, this is your thing now.
402
00:16:35,186 --> 00:16:36,987
You took the reins, remember?
403
00:16:36,988 --> 00:16:37,955
You're Trevor Noah,
404
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:39,556
and I'm Jon Stewart.
405
00:16:39,557 --> 00:16:40,724
I've got my Emmys.
406
00:16:40,725 --> 00:16:42,793
I'm done now.
407
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,561
Well, you started this.
408
00:16:44,562 --> 00:16:47,531
And after I finally got her over Randy.
409
00:16:47,532 --> 00:16:49,767
The night terrors just stopped.
410
00:16:49,768 --> 00:16:51,434
I was terrified of her at night.
411
00:16:52,736 --> 00:16:55,539
You can sleep with a cheap Taser now.
412
00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:56,940
I already do.
413
00:16:56,941 --> 00:16:58,842
For the same reason!
414
00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:00,577
Quiet!
415
00:17:00,578 --> 00:17:02,479
The squirrel is sleeping.
416
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,415
We just got him down.
417
00:17:04,416 --> 00:17:06,950
And we'd like to make out.
418
00:17:06,951 --> 00:17:08,951
I spilled a lot of syrup on myself.
419
00:17:10,587 --> 00:17:12,523
Let's just wake Earl
up and get out of here.
420
00:17:12,524 --> 00:17:13,657
My dad's not coming.
421
00:17:16,594 --> 00:17:18,595
Maybe your dad's still on his way.
422
00:17:18,596 --> 00:17:21,832
I heard traffic's building
up on all the expressways.
423
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:23,834
Kind of an ironic
name, wouldn't you say?
424
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:25,235
"Expressway"?
425
00:17:25,236 --> 00:17:27,137
More like "slow-way."
426
00:17:27,138 --> 00:17:28,539
This is Caroline's thing.
427
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:30,774
Let's just go.
428
00:17:30,775 --> 00:17:32,158
I want to get back before Cinnabon
429
00:17:32,159 --> 00:17:33,677
gives away their day-olds.
430
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,313
You know we own a dessert bar, right?
431
00:17:36,314 --> 00:17:38,348
Maybe he's still gonna come.
432
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:41,018
If I know one thing about
the man I know nothing about,
433
00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:41,985
he is not coming.
434
00:17:41,986 --> 00:17:43,587
Are you disappointed?
435
00:17:43,588 --> 00:17:45,923
No.
436
00:17:45,924 --> 00:17:47,658
A little.
437
00:17:47,659 --> 00:17:49,893
But maybe it's for the
best he didn't come.
438
00:17:49,894 --> 00:17:52,037
This is why I didn't want
to meet him, because whoever
439
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,264
comes through that door is
just gonna disappoint me.
440
00:17:54,265 --> 00:17:56,477
And this way, I get to
imagine he's someone cool,
441
00:17:56,478 --> 00:17:57,801
like Burt Reynolds
442
00:17:57,802 --> 00:18:00,170
or Captain Crunch.
443
00:18:00,171 --> 00:18:01,472
So you're really okay?
444
00:18:01,473 --> 00:18:03,040
Yeah.
445
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,108
We had a great day.
446
00:18:04,109 --> 00:18:07,277
Road trip, met a cool squirrel.
447
00:18:07,278 --> 00:18:08,974
I don't need another loser in my life.
448
00:18:08,975 --> 00:18:09,879
I have you guys.
449
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,249
Gary!
450
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:14,918
Max's father didn't show.
451
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,420
How does that make me feel?
452
00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:17,788
Terrible!
453
00:18:17,789 --> 00:18:19,756
I don't think Han's handling it
454
00:18:19,757 --> 00:18:21,258
as well as I am.
455
00:18:21,259 --> 00:18:22,893
Honestly, if it were my thing,
456
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:26,763
I would want to kill myself right now.
457
00:18:26,764 --> 00:18:29,266
She's hurt, and she's family to me.
458
00:18:29,267 --> 00:18:31,001
How does that make me feel?
459
00:18:31,002 --> 00:18:33,737
Like I should have gone to
an out-of-network doctor!
460
00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:38,142
God, I made Han have a
meltdown on my day off.
461
00:18:38,143 --> 00:18:39,610
You calm down, Gary!
462
00:18:39,611 --> 00:18:40,644
I won't count to ten.
463
00:18:40,645 --> 00:18:42,411
You count to ten, you bastard!
464
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,152
Hey, welcome to the, uh...
465
00:18:48,153 --> 00:18:51,021
hey, uh, what the hell is
this place called, anyway?
466
00:18:51,022 --> 00:18:52,990
Oh, my God.
467
00:18:52,991 --> 00:18:56,126
Dad!
468
00:18:56,127 --> 00:18:57,161
Hold on, Gary.
469
00:18:57,162 --> 00:18:58,996
A vagrant that could very well
470
00:18:58,997 --> 00:19:01,064
be Max's father just walked in.
471
00:19:01,065 --> 00:19:03,167
Pretend you're my dad,
and I'll give you 40 bucks.
472
00:19:03,168 --> 00:19:05,669
Throw in a joint, and we have a deal.
473
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:07,404
Maybe you are my dad.
474
00:19:07,405 --> 00:19:09,473
Oh, no, I don't have kids.
475
00:19:09,474 --> 00:19:10,574
Too much pot.
476
00:19:11,876 --> 00:19:14,277
Guys, this is my dad.
477
00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:18,982
I'm the hot girl's dad.
478
00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:21,685
Was anyone else expecting a cop?
479
00:19:21,686 --> 00:19:25,822
I mean, you know, for the irony.
480
00:19:25,823 --> 00:19:27,391
I'm Caroline.
481
00:19:27,392 --> 00:19:28,792
See, it's, like, not a bob,
482
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,194
but it's not shoulder-length.
483
00:19:30,195 --> 00:19:32,629
I'm responsible for this reunion.
484
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:33,964
Um, he's not really my dad.
485
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,399
I'm doing this for Han.
486
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:36,867
All right, everybody.
487
00:19:36,868 --> 00:19:39,203
Uh, my dad and I have had
488
00:19:39,204 --> 00:19:40,771
a heartwarming reunion,
489
00:19:40,772 --> 00:19:45,042
and now he has to get
to a secret mission.
490
00:19:45,043 --> 00:19:47,144
In an exotic locale.
491
00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:48,244
Sure.
492
00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:51,281
But I can't leave the county.
493
00:19:51,282 --> 00:19:55,152
Sure. Local secret mission.
494
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,721
Hey, you seem like a nice kid.
495
00:19:57,722 --> 00:20:00,357
Your father should be proud.
496
00:20:00,358 --> 00:20:02,392
Thanks.
497
00:20:02,393 --> 00:20:04,661
Sorry about the outburst, Gary.
498
00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:08,232
You know it stems from
my mother's expectations.
499
00:20:08,233 --> 00:20:11,768
Thanks for doing this, Han.
500
00:20:11,769 --> 00:20:13,903
Anyone in the hug business?
501
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,508
I didn't even flinch.
502
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:21,178
We are making progress.
503
00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,145
You coming, Earl?
504
00:20:22,146 --> 00:20:23,180
Sure am.
505
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,181
Don't want to get stuck
506
00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:26,115
being a cashier my whole life.
507
00:20:28,485 --> 00:20:31,354
Oleg, you forgot the damn squirrel.
508
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:36,727
Come on, little guy.
509
00:20:36,728 --> 00:20:38,361
We don't abandon anybody.
510
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:51,461
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
35285
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.