All language subtitles for The Bernie Mac Show s03e12 Saving Sgt Tompkins.eng

Hey, baby girl.

Uncle Bernie, I hate
being the youngest.

When am I going
to be the oldest?

It don't work that way.

Well, when am I going
to be older than Jordan?

It don't work that way, either.

But that's not fair.

I know it isn't.

Okay.

When you get 11, you'll be able
to be older than Jordan.

Okay?
Yes!

Isn't she adorable, America?

Look how happy she is.

And maybe I was right.

Girls do mature faster
than boys.

Ha. Especially when it comes
to good sense.

She might be older
than Jordan right now.

The thing is,

sometimes you've got
to tell kids

what they need to hear.

(glass breaking)

It best be cleaned up
before I get out there!

Or somebody will get
their butt whooped.

See, America?

They needed to hear that.

JORDAN:
Uncle Bernie, popcorn's ready!

Well, I'm not,
and popcorn don't rule me.

I'm trying
to pick the right movie.

VANESSA:
Everybody wants to see Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Well, get used
to disappointment.

Oh, this here.

Something wrong.

My Redd Foxx ticket stub.

Someone stole my Redd Foxx
ticket stub.

Ugh!

America, I've been robbed.

Violated!

Somebody reached up
and snatched a piece of my past.

1987, Las Vegas.

One of the proudest nights
of my life.

The night I opened up
for Redd Foxx.

First time my name
was on a marquee.

Who would do such
a diabolical thing?

Who would come up in here and...

rape me?

VANESSA:
I didn't even

know you had a dumb stub.

Red foxes are furry.

Let me tell you something.

You start icing your ass
right now, boy, you hear me?

(sighs)

JORDAN:
But

I had to take it.

It's for a school assignment.

To steal something

that don't belong
to you, Jordan?

No. To put something meaningful
in the time capsule.

So that when people open it
in 50 years,

they'll know all about us.

Us? There ain't no us.

That stub belong to me.

They'd be learning
about me.

Only thing they going to
be learning about you is

that you're going to be
buried right next to it.

Now, I want you
to give it back, you hear me?

Jordan, why don't you
put something in it of your own?

But it has to be something
that connects us to the past.

Like your ticket stub
connects you to Redd Foxx.

Why don't you
connect something from your own past?

Like something
you came here with.

I didn't come here
with anything.

Come on now, boy.

You got off
the plane

with a bag
full of stuff.

Uh, that was a shopping bag.

I know what
it was, honey.

It was a bag
full of stuff.

Well, it had clothes in it,

which we sort of disposed of.

She burned them.

(whispering):
You burned them.

Oh, don't look at me
like that, America.

They had fleas.

I had to burn them.

Either that, or the boy had
to wear a flea collar.

But see, now I know
why he took my stuff.

He's just trying
to make some connection

with his past.

You know, get a sense
of history.

See, you know what he needs
right now is a parent.

Somebody to show him
just a little love.

Somebody to explain to him
his unfortunate beginnings.

You know, bring it down
to the level

where the boy can understand.

Somebody like...

like me.

Jordan?

I know you want
to have something from your past.

But you can't expect
to have anything

when you don't
come from anything.

And I know the
truth is hard.

But the truth is...

life dealt you
a bad hand,

and you just got to
play your low pair.

(sniffling)

Son, you ain't
the only one that had it rough.

Shoot, when I was your age,
I lost my mama.

My daddy was worse
than yours.

I don't even remember my daddy.

That's because he
was out of there, man,

before you was
potty-trained.

Four years and out.
Out of there!

Move on.

Man up!

Man up!

America, that's called
tough love.

And that's what the boy needed.

Not some kissy, huggy episode
of Dr. Phil.

"My daddy wasn't there."

"I have abandonment issues."

Please, I'm teaching that boy
how to be a man.

How to roll with the punches.

He may miss out
on this school assignment,

but he'll get an A
from the school of hard knocks.

That's what I'm talking about.

School of hard knocks.

Lesson.

So, Jesus fell three times
on his way to the crucifixion,

all the while carrying
a cross on his back

and wearing a crown of thorns,

which, I might add,
was very uncomfortable.

No pain, no gain.

At least he got
to be the Son of God.

Jordan, you should be
ashamed of yourself.

Jesus's

suffering should not
be taken lightly.

So he had it rough, big deal.

Couldn't he just suck it up
like the rest of us?

I had it rough, too,

but you don't see people

hanging little statues of me
over their bed.

(all gasping)

Baby, I'm telling you,
the boy's a devil. Look at him.

I only told them the hard truth
like you told me,

Uncle Bernie.
How when life

deals you a rough hand,
you got to play the low pair.

You said that
about Jesus?

Just the opposite.

I was talking
about the boy's father.

Yeah, how he left us
and doesn't care.

Oh, Bernie,
you shouldn't have said that.

Why not?

It's the truth.

And I say good
for Uncle Bernie.

Vanessa.

What?

I'm just telling it
like it T-I is.

(laughs)

I'm going
to go watch Mr. Ed.

I'm going to go
talk to the boy.

Mm-hmm.

Mr. Ed.

Boy!

Boy?

It brightens.

Get out those nasty coffee
stains, with Dent-O-Sparkle.

BERNIE:
Hey.

(sighs)

Jordan, I know I
shouldn't have told you

those things
about your father.

No, it's fine.

No, no. I know it hurts.

No, it doesn't because
he doesn't care about us,

and I don't care about him.

Jordan, that's a little strong.
He does care.

He just doesn't have
what it takes to stick it out.

No, he doesn't care.

Because if he cared,

he wouldn't have left.

Bet he never even thought
about us again.

America, see,
you let me push the boy too far.

But don't worry.

I'll pull him back in.

See, this all started

because Jordan
didn't have something

to connect him to his past.

So, I'll just give him something

and tell him
that it's from his dad.

You know, something small.

Valuable.

You know, one of a kind.

Maybe just something small.

This is nice.

Real nice.

Hey, man,
I got something for you.

I don't want
anything.

Oh, you'll want this.

This was your dad's.

This was my dad's?

Yup.

My dad had a monocular?

Not that I know of.

Oh, yeah, that's what that is.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what he had.

Why didn't you give me this
before?

Well, he asked me to hold it
till your 18th birthday, Jordan,

but I figured you need it now.

But why would he want me
to have this?

Well, actually,
he loved that little doohickey,

but since you his only son,

it's only natural
that he pass it down to you

the same way you pass it
down to your son.

But what if I have twins?

Then you gonna
have a dilemma.

But the point is,
it's a keepsake.

Now you have something
of your father's,

and now it belongs to you.

Aw, thanks,
Uncle Bernie.

I'm going to go
show Bryana.

Go ahead, man.

Well, that
was a choice.

Unless you got a better one.

I got the boy happy again.

Hmm.

It's like I said before,
America.

Sometime you got to tell a kid
what they need to hear.

Give them something
to hold on to.

So I fabricated a little.

You do it, too.

Tell your children
there's a fat man

who live on the North Pole
to bring them presents.

I told the boy
his dad had a monocular.

Uh-huh.

My lie is this big.

Hmm.

Your lie has reindeer.

So, who's the bull...

Every year.

BRYANA:
Can you read it?

Eight of diamonds.

Go down three more houses.

Hey, what are
you doing?

Testing my dad's monocular.

Keep on going!

Hmm.

Let me see.

(car honking)

Oh, Lord!

Help me.

Baby girl, get out the
middle of the street.

BRYANA:
Okay!

Bryana, bring the cards home,

then I'll let you use
my monocular

and look up my nose
and see my brain.

You know it ain't going
to be much to look at.

Y'all know that, don't you?

Oh, no, a flood.

What?

Let me see.

Ain't no flood.

All I see is
Miss Bowdin dressing.

(laughs)

Her TV is on The
Weather Channel.

Oh.

(laughs)
Yeah, Jordan and friend,

stop peeping.

Mm-hmm.

I bet my dad used this
thing all the time.

I bet he did.

So when did he give it to you?

Um, at a reunion.

You was a little baby.

I think I remember that.

Hmm. This plan of yours comes
with a pretty big shovel.

I know, baby.

The boy's so
damn inquisitive.

Why he just can't take
a lie at face value?

That's the last
one, I promise.

So, what did my dad
use this monocular for?

He was a sergeant
in the army.

Well, of course.

That's probably
why he was never around.

Because he was busy

on missions.

Who are you
talking about?

Dad. Uncle Bernie gave me
his monocular.

Sorry, Vanessa,
you can't touch it.

He gave it to me.

Did you know Dad was a sergeant
in the army?

He spied on enemies.

He'd sneak up on them

and say, "Surrender in the name
of the U.S. of A."

Then he'd kick them in the butt
on the way back to base.

I bet his uniform
was covered in medals.

Oh. I'm going to go
on a recon mission.

I'll have a full report
for you later.

Okay, Captain.

You lied to him?

Our dad was never
in the army.

I know that, Nessa,

but it was almost
like he was POW.

He was surrounded by men
with uniforms with guns.

Had he tried to escape,
they'd have shot him.

It's close enough.

Ain't it?

You know,

your Uncle Bernie
didn't mean any harm.

(scoffs)

Okay.

He told Jordan that our
dad was some big war hero.

But he wasn't a hero.

He wasn't anything.

He was just the guy
that left us.

And now Jordan's
running around

thinking that some stupid toy
is going to change that.

You know what? I should
tell him the truth.

And what would that do?

I don't know, but I'm
just so mad at him.

So, who are you
really mad at,

your Uncle Bernie
or your father?

I'm telling you, baby,

Nessa ain't said
not one word to me.

Not one.

I mean, silence is golden,

but I don't know
if I like it like that.

Well, honey, you should
try talking to her again.

I tried talking to her.

Every time I try talking
to Nessa,

she walk out of the room.

How I know she had
all those issues

about her daddy?

Wasn't her mama enough?

Why can't she just
hold her feelings inside

and get high blood pressure
like normal people?

JORDAN:
No!

There go my high blood pressure
right there.

I'm gonna pop.

I'ma tell you,
I'm gonna pop!

(Jordan sobbing)

Jordan?

What the hell is going
on in here, Jordan?

(sobbing):
Dad's monocular-- it's gone.

I can't find it
anywhere.

It's gone!

America,
why that little knothead

had to go lose his daddy
all over again?

That wasn't part of the plan.

Damn monocular.

Why this stuff always
got to happen to me?

Bernie Mac is a victim
of his own compassion.

Jordan, we'll find it
in the morning.

We'll just retrace
all your steps.

Now how hard can that be?

That's my man.

Come on.

Jordan, you mean to tell me

you spent two hours
playing in the grass?

I was camouflaging myself,

like my dad probably did
in the Gulf War.

You think he ever shot a man?

Oh, I know he did.

(sighs):
A hero.

Yeah.

We've got to find it.

It's my
most valued possession.

Now I know why they call them
"filthy liars."

Look at me, America, I'm filthy.

Well...
Now, if you would excuse me

I have another acre of sod
I must pull up

to find
a fake war hero's monocular.

You know, this is some bull.

You start one lie,
you got to tell another.

That's why I don't lie, America.

Jordan! Jordan!

I'm in here,
Uncle Bernie.

Hey.

What, you hang out
in doghouses?

Well, this is
my headquarters.

I sit here
and I scan the horizon.

Do you think
my dad liked dogs?

Well, I remember one
time in particular

he was surrounded by them.

If I don't find
my dad's monocular,

can we go
to the army surplus store

and get some dog tags made?

Some dog tags?

Yeah, and they can say
"Sergeant Tompkins,"

just like my dad's.

Dog tags?

If he really want to be like
his dad, he should be wearing

a house-arrest monitor
on his ankle.

You know, those little things,
like little pagers.

You know, turn on Cops.

The one I had...

Let's... let's move on.

Something just ain't right.

Somebody been trying
to look at my Pam Grier.

Look like Jordan been trying
to get a close-up look.

Dang.

I don't know whether to be upset
or rejoice.

But the real question is,
what do I do about this?

(sighs)

So you found it?

Yeah.

I guess you're gonna
give it to him, right?

Hop in here for a minute.

Come on.

Look...

Why didn't you just leave
things the way they were?

Why'd you have to go
and lie to Jordan?

I'm just trying to give the boy
something to hold on to, Nessa.

There is nothing about our
father worth holding on to.

Look, I'm sorry
your father hurt you,

and I'm sorry I hurt you.

He might not have been no saint,
but he's still your father.

You probably got a good memory
or two, don't you?

I just remember him leaving.

(sniffles)

Nessa.

Okay, Vanessa,
I'll leave you alone.

He was laughing.

What?

I was about five,

and Jordan
was still a baby.

We were in the tub,

and he was laughing.

See, Nessa, right there,

that's a memory right there.

Your father
may not have stuck around,

but for that one moment
your father was a daddy.

That's a memory that you have.

Jordan don't have that memory,

real or not.

This monocular
is the only thing

to give him something
to hold on to.

Now I ask you,

you sure you want
to take this away from him?

VANESSA:
Jordan, come here.

Look.

(laughs):
Who's that baby

with the pointy head?

You.

Is that our dad?

Yeah, and that's me.

Here.

I can have it?

Yeah, but make sure
you take care of it.

It's the only picture
we have of him.

Thanks.

Uncle Bernie, Aunt Wanda, look.

That's me with the pointy head.

Would you look at that?

That's my dad.

He's very handsome.

Yeah. How come he's not
wearing his army uniform?

Uh, I don't think
he had to wear it every day.

Oh. I'm going to go
put this in a frame.

I am very proud
of you.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

I can't wrap this up in a bow,
America,

because parenting
isn't like that.

It's tricky.

Just when you think
you got it knocked,

that's when
something's gonna trip you up.

See, Jordan had a problem.

I did the best I could.

I didn't have the answers.

I gave him a monocular
and some nice stories.

But Nessa,
she did what I couldn't do.

She gave him something real.

And I'm proud of her, too.

You go, girl.

Nessa. Mm.

In a world where good
battles evil...

where the past defines
the future...

That was a nice thing
you did for your brother.

Yeah. I mean, I figured
I could give up my picture,

'cause I'm sure
my dad left something for me.

You know, like those suede boots
with the skinny heels

we saw at the mall?

Nice try.

I had to give it a shot.

You did.

Did it work?

We'll see.

I can't lie to you, America.

I might get her those boots.

I might.

Action!

(growling)

(laughter)

So I guess you found
it then, right?

Oh, don't go in there.

You want to let it
air out a little bit.

(laughter)

A Camera Only. Marker.

Who's that baby
with the ugly bed?

Ugly pointy head?

Who's that ugly baby
with the pointy head?

Man, that's the
one who pooted.

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