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1
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,353
Look at this.
2
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:26,314
I mean, I just went outside
to get the newspaper...
3
00:00:26,384 --> 00:00:29,534
I'm talking about 30 seconds,
and look at me.
4
00:00:29,605 --> 00:00:31,015
It's so damn hot.
5
00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:34,438
California,
in the middle of winter
6
00:00:34,518 --> 00:00:36,068
it's 95 degrees.
7
00:00:36,144 --> 00:00:38,244
Bernie Mac, why don't you
get in your pool?
8
00:00:38,313 --> 00:00:39,913
I can't; it's being drained.
9
00:00:39,981 --> 00:00:41,911
But I'll tell you one thing,
America
10
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,527
Bernie Mac going to sit
right here
11
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,200
and chill
for the rest of the day.
12
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:46,698
BRYANA:
I go first.
13
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:47,700
JORDAN:
I do.
14
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:48,791
BRYANA:
I do.
15
00:00:48,865 --> 00:00:50,455
JORDAN:
Red goes first.
16
00:00:50,534 --> 00:00:51,774
I don't care.
17
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,542
I'm just going to sit here
and chill.
18
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:54,650
JORDAN:
Red goes first.
19
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:55,917
BRYANA:
Black goes first.
20
00:00:55,997 --> 00:00:56,797
JORDAN:
No, it doesn't...
21
00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:57,813
BRYANA:
Yes, it does...
22
00:00:57,883 --> 00:00:58,763
JORDAN:
No, it doesn't...
23
00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:00,261
I don't understand.
24
00:01:00,335 --> 00:01:03,045
Heat supposed to make them kids
tired; kind of slow them down.
25
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,720
I guess they're the kids
from hell,
26
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,928
they're used to the heat.
27
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,061
No, it doesn't.
28
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,064
Yes, it does.
29
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:09,475
No, it doesn't.
30
00:01:09,553 --> 00:01:10,793
Yes, it does.
31
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:14,061
Okay, okay...
I can't take it no more.
32
00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:15,071
Yes, it does!
33
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:16,102
No, it doesn't!
34
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:17,817
Hey, hey, hey. Stop it!
35
00:01:17,894 --> 00:01:19,244
I want you all to play quietly.
36
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,163
Uncle Bernie,
will you play with us?
37
00:01:22,232 --> 00:01:24,282
Sweetheart, it's too hot;
I don't want to play.
38
00:01:24,359 --> 00:01:26,029
I just want to cool off today.
39
00:01:26,111 --> 00:01:28,371
We'll cool you off
if you play with us.
40
00:01:28,446 --> 00:01:30,206
See, I'm giving
you a cool breeze.
41
00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:31,206
Jordan, Jordan, Jordan,
listen...
42
00:01:31,283 --> 00:01:32,513
You want
to chase us?
43
00:01:32,584 --> 00:01:33,504
Hell, no. I'm not going
to chase nothing.
44
00:01:33,577 --> 00:01:35,377
Now, children,
stop it. Stop it!
45
00:01:35,453 --> 00:01:37,813
I want you all to play quiet.
Quiet!
46
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:43,459
(whispering)
Red goes first.
47
00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:44,926
(whispering)
Black goes first.
48
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,025
No, it doesn't.
49
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:46,810
Yes, it does.
50
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,940
Oh...
51
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,902
(mockingly)
Uncle Bernie, will you play with me?
52
00:01:54,973 --> 00:01:56,623
What's wrong with these kids?
53
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,780
When did it become my job
to entertain them?
54
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,112
I entertain grownups.
55
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:02,657
Children aren't even allowed
in my show.
56
00:02:04,149 --> 00:02:06,779
(mumbles)
57
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,040
That little one...
58
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,790
(blowing)
59
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,663
Spitting all over...
60
00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:14,671
The kids just need something
to do, Bernie.
61
00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:17,257
-You should schedule something.
-I did schedule something.
62
00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:19,757
10:00, leave me alone.
63
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,330
11:00, leave me alone.
64
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:24,272
12:00, make my lunch,
then leave me alone.
65
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:26,304
Bernie, you agreed
to take the kids in.
66
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:28,759
It really isn't
asking too much
67
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,560
for you to ply
with them for a little while.
68
00:02:31,635 --> 00:02:33,395
Baby, I didn't know
it was going to be this doggone hot.
69
00:02:33,478 --> 00:02:34,978
Besides, it's three of them.
70
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:36,225
They can play with each other.
71
00:02:36,306 --> 00:02:37,646
JORDAN:
Stop following me!
72
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,874
Hey, Splash Canyon.
73
00:02:39,943 --> 00:02:41,443
Can we go?
74
00:02:41,519 --> 00:02:42,899
It has the biggest
water slide
75
00:02:42,979 --> 00:02:44,109
in the whole world.
76
00:02:44,189 --> 00:02:46,079
Yeah! Splash Canyon!
Splash Canyon!
77
00:02:46,158 --> 00:02:47,988
Can we go?
Can we go, please?
78
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:51,118
I think that's a
great idea, Bernie.
79
00:02:51,196 --> 00:02:54,786
Then the kids can
entertain themselves.
80
00:02:54,866 --> 00:02:58,206
That is just
what you wanted.
81
00:02:58,286 --> 00:03:00,456
You think you slick.
82
00:03:00,538 --> 00:03:02,128
Wanda thinks she's slick.
83
00:03:02,207 --> 00:03:05,427
Boy, I'm going to prove--
okay, I tell you what.
84
00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:07,932
I'm going to take the kids
to Splash Canyon,
85
00:03:08,004 --> 00:03:10,314
but if they give me any excuse
to cut the trip short,
86
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:12,520
I'm going to take it and I'm
going to sit here guilt-free
87
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,142
in my air-conditioned house.
88
00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:16,349
Watch-- any excuse.
89
00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:20,899
Sneeze... that sick one wheezes,
we're coming back home.
90
00:03:20,976 --> 00:03:22,026
Anything.
91
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,152
Glasses fall.
92
00:03:24,229 --> 00:03:27,779
Let the big one get smart;
coming back.
93
00:03:27,857 --> 00:03:31,827
Quickness... I thought we were
going somewhere? Psych.
94
00:03:31,903 --> 00:03:33,703
Watch.
95
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:37,000
KIDS:
Yeah, we're going to Splash Canyon! Oh, yeah!
96
00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:38,825
Splash Canyon! Splash Canyon!
97
00:03:38,910 --> 00:03:42,720
(siren blaring,
horns honking)
98
00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:50,100
JORDAN:
"Food, gas and lodging,
99
00:03:50,171 --> 00:03:51,851
next exit."
100
00:03:51,923 --> 00:03:53,393
"Highway 101."
101
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:57,186
"Littering,
minimum fine $300."
102
00:03:57,262 --> 00:04:00,062
"Benson's Discount Mattresses."
103
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:01,560
"Live Nude Girls."
104
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:02,781
(chuckles)
105
00:04:02,859 --> 00:04:04,649
Jordan, don't you read
another doggone sign.
106
00:04:04,728 --> 00:04:06,188
You hear me? You
read another sign,
107
00:04:06,271 --> 00:04:07,751
I'm going to turn
this car around.
108
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,919
These kids
need discipline.
109
00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:16,000
Vanessa, what you got
the window down for?
110
00:04:16,072 --> 00:04:17,772
I'm cold.
111
00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:18,650
It's supposed to be cold.
The air conditioning on.
112
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:20,995
Look here, it's hot outside,
cold inside.
113
00:04:21,077 --> 00:04:24,207
Raise that doggone window up.
If you don't, I'm going to turn this car around.
114
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,963
Bernie,
leave these kids alone.
115
00:04:26,041 --> 00:04:27,511
You just making excuses.
116
00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:29,594
I ain't making no
doggone excuses.
117
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:32,639
Uncle Bernie, are
we going to see the Little Mermaid?
118
00:04:32,714 --> 00:04:35,144
No, baby girl. The
mermaid's not going to be there.
119
00:04:35,216 --> 00:04:37,596
But I want to see
the Little Mermaid.
120
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:39,187
You want to see
the Little Mermaid,
121
00:04:39,262 --> 00:04:40,652
I got the videotape of
The Little Mermaid.
122
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,237
If you want to
see it that bad,
123
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:42,165
I'll turn the
car around.
124
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:43,859
Don't listen
to your Uncle Bernie.
125
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,327
You kids want a sticky-chew?
126
00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:47,992
One for you.
127
00:04:48,063 --> 00:04:49,703
One for you.
128
00:04:49,773 --> 00:04:51,583
And one for you.
129
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,866
BRYANA: (crying)
130
00:04:57,947 --> 00:04:58,997
What's wrong?
131
00:04:59,074 --> 00:05:01,974
I dropped
my sticky-chew.
132
00:05:02,044 --> 00:05:03,084
Oh, I'm sorry.
133
00:05:03,161 --> 00:05:04,181
Wanda, you got
another one?
134
00:05:04,254 --> 00:05:05,544
I only brought three.
135
00:05:05,613 --> 00:05:06,553
You want me to
turn around, say so.
136
00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:07,553
Bernie...
137
00:05:07,624 --> 00:05:09,524
Stop!
138
00:05:09,593 --> 00:05:10,853
Leave her alone, Jordan.
139
00:05:10,927 --> 00:05:13,437
"Leave her alone, Jordan."
140
00:05:15,757 --> 00:05:16,647
God...
141
00:05:16,725 --> 00:05:18,345
I just got
142
00:05:18,426 --> 00:05:19,766
my hair done!
143
00:05:19,844 --> 00:05:20,994
Are you laughing?
144
00:05:22,430 --> 00:05:24,560
It cost me $150.
145
00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:26,111
Turn this car around, Bernie.
146
00:05:26,184 --> 00:05:28,114
-Ain't nowhere
for me to. -Turn this car around!
147
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,390
You make it happen.
Give the candy.
148
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,361
I can't turn the
car around....
149
00:05:31,439 --> 00:05:33,239
Put a blinker on
or something.
150
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,670
I got the blinker
on, baby.
151
00:05:34,743 --> 00:05:37,043
Get over, Bernie!
My hair!
152
00:05:37,112 --> 00:05:39,122
(yelling continues)
153
00:05:39,197 --> 00:05:41,037
I love it.
I love it. I love it.
154
00:05:41,116 --> 00:05:43,036
I mean, I played it perfectly.
155
00:05:43,118 --> 00:05:46,708
And the bonus is, I got to
punish the kids indefinitely.
156
00:05:46,788 --> 00:05:50,718
So, it's going to be just want
I wanted it the whole time.
157
00:05:50,792 --> 00:05:53,722
Just peace and quiet
in the house.
158
00:05:53,795 --> 00:05:59,265
I mean, I'm going to sit here
and watch my DVD in my cool AC.
159
00:05:59,342 --> 00:06:02,692
I might even have a BLT
and some Sunny D.
160
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:06,152
♪ Everything's going to be
all right. ♪
161
00:06:06,224 --> 00:06:08,374
(loud clanging)
162
00:06:11,855 --> 00:06:13,815
Lord, why me?
163
00:06:13,898 --> 00:06:15,828
Why me, Lord?
164
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:27,291
Hey, baby, we
got an emergency.
165
00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,880
I know. I got sticky-chew
in my hair.
166
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:32,166
But Ernesto said
he can work me in.
167
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:33,970
(breathes deeply)
168
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,507
I know you're not going to leave
those kids with me in this heat.
169
00:06:36,588 --> 00:06:37,508
That's cold.
170
00:06:37,589 --> 00:06:40,859
You wanted to chill...
chill.
171
00:06:43,595 --> 00:06:45,275
Ah, scandalous.
172
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,994
I should have known, America.
173
00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:53,778
Black woman's hair takes
priority over everything.
174
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,909
We almost didn't do it
on our honeymoon night
175
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:58,452
because she didn't want
to mess up her bridal do.
176
00:06:58,526 --> 00:07:02,866
Had to take her to the beauty
shop first thing in the morning.
177
00:07:02,947 --> 00:07:05,547
Well, not first thing
in the morning.
178
00:07:07,803 --> 00:07:10,553
Hey, hey, where
you all going?
179
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:12,310
I want a Popsicle.
180
00:07:12,382 --> 00:07:13,722
You all on punishment.
181
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,010
Shouldn't even be
out of your room.
182
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,048
But it's hot.
183
00:07:16,127 --> 00:07:18,467
Yeah, I'll show you hot.
184
00:07:18,546 --> 00:07:21,926
Take this; water-
flavored Popsicle.
185
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,348
But...
186
00:07:23,426 --> 00:07:24,936
But nothing.
187
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,941
It's called punishment,
not funishment.
188
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,943
No go on back
to your room.
189
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,935
Get hot; swallow
your spit. Go.
190
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,028
(groans)
191
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,703
Man, I'm so glad
to see you, man.
192
00:07:38,775 --> 00:07:39,945
Do you know
how hard it is
193
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,486
to get somebody here
on a day like today?
194
00:07:42,570 --> 00:07:44,710
(Russian accent)
This is a nice neighborhood.
195
00:07:44,789 --> 00:07:47,969
You, uh... you rent?
196
00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:49,463
No, I own.
197
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:52,596
It's good.
198
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:58,381
Oh, man... hey, man,
what are we looking at here?
199
00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:00,005
Big job, little job?
200
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:01,338
What do you think?
201
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,274
That's a very expensive
wrist watch, huh?
202
00:08:05,260 --> 00:08:06,610
It's not my best watch.
203
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,977
Look, man, just do
what you got to do,
204
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:16,369
'cause I got to get
out of this heat, okay?
205
00:08:18,815 --> 00:08:20,955
(ominous music plays)
206
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,997
Baby, I got to stay cool,
207
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:36,969
and the key is
do as little as possible.
208
00:08:37,041 --> 00:08:40,221
Achieve absolute stillness.
209
00:08:40,295 --> 00:08:41,735
It's very Zen.
210
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:45,013
And the secret is balance,
like the fans.
211
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:48,431
As one blows east,
the other blows west.
212
00:08:48,511 --> 00:08:51,521
It's the yin-yang of cool.
213
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:54,438
JORDAN:
Ow... ow... ow... ow...
214
00:08:54,517 --> 00:08:56,027
Please, don't!
215
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,702
Now I must go kick those kids
in the yin-yang.
216
00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:00,121
A thousand pardons, America.
217
00:09:00,198 --> 00:09:01,668
(mutters gibberish)
218
00:09:03,234 --> 00:09:04,704
JORDAN:
Ow, ow, ow.
219
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,447
Baby girl, what's going on?
220
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,253
Jordan bounced up
and hit his head.
221
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,458
Baby girl, sit down.
Sit-sit down, sit down.
222
00:09:11,534 --> 00:09:13,334
Ow... ow...
223
00:09:13,411 --> 00:09:14,641
Baby girl, stop.
224
00:09:14,713 --> 00:09:16,253
You're busting his head
wide open.
225
00:09:16,331 --> 00:09:17,551
JORDAN:
Ow... ow...
226
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,264
I told you no fun.
227
00:09:19,334 --> 00:09:20,474
I wasn't having fun.
228
00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:22,263
Come on out of there.
229
00:09:22,337 --> 00:09:25,047
That's it.
That's it!
230
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:26,601
I want you all
down on the bed.
231
00:09:26,674 --> 00:09:27,684
I want you
to sit there
232
00:09:27,759 --> 00:09:29,059
and think about
what you done.
233
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:30,555
But it's hot.
234
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:31,937
Heat rises to the top, Jordan.
235
00:09:32,013 --> 00:09:33,703
Get down on the floor
and stay cool.
236
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,273
I thought you said
we couldn't get off our beds.
237
00:09:36,351 --> 00:09:38,011
Don't start with me.
238
00:09:38,086 --> 00:09:41,956
'Cause the more I sweat, the
more it's going to hurt you.
239
00:09:46,244 --> 00:09:48,084
Oh, no.
240
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,754
Now these kids got me all hot.
241
00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:53,083
Now I got to cool down.
242
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,749
I got to think cool thoughts.
243
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:58,297
That's iceberg
with little penguins on it.
244
00:09:58,373 --> 00:09:59,763
Now see, that's cool.
245
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:02,302
Oh, yeah...
246
00:10:02,377 --> 00:10:04,717
(loud clank)
247
00:10:04,796 --> 00:10:06,856
What the...?
248
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:24,109
(truck engine starting)
249
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,330
What the...?
250
00:10:33,741 --> 00:10:35,121
Man, you finished?
251
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,001
Not yet.
252
00:10:37,078 --> 00:10:37,918
What's taking
you so long?
253
00:10:37,995 --> 00:10:40,625
Very hot, my friend.
254
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:42,667
Yeah, but I'm paying
you by the hour.
255
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,800
What you say?
I'm Russian Mafia?
256
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:47,797
I'm honest man.
I fight in Chechnya.
257
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:48,770
Come on, I didn't
mean that, man.
258
00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:50,558
I fought in
Cabrini-Green.
259
00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:52,783
It's just so hot;
it's the heat.
260
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:54,592
Go on, take your break.
261
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,568
Want a lemonade
or something?
262
00:11:01,644 --> 00:11:03,824
Iced tea.
263
00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:06,246
Two sugars.
264
00:11:06,324 --> 00:11:08,164
Straw?
265
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:09,254
No.
266
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:11,657
Okay, do it.
267
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,712
Ya!
268
00:11:13,781 --> 00:11:16,881
Ya! I'm Aqua Man!
269
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,709
91 degrees.
270
00:11:22,790 --> 00:11:24,800
(loud splash)
271
00:11:24,876 --> 00:11:26,136
What the...?
272
00:11:28,212 --> 00:11:30,012
Can't get me,
I'm too fast for you.
273
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,269
BRYANA:
No, you're not.
274
00:11:32,341 --> 00:11:35,021
You're not too fast.
275
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:37,404
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey!
276
00:11:37,472 --> 00:11:38,732
Y'all don't listen.
277
00:11:38,806 --> 00:11:40,186
I told you all no fun.
278
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,726
We were punishing Jordan
for you.
279
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:44,030
Let me tell you something--
280
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:45,103
I want you all
to clean this mess up,
281
00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:46,230
and I want you
to clean up right now,
282
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,736
and get back
to your room.
283
00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:50,195
Man, it's like
a prison in here.
284
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,830
Oh, you think
it like a prison, huh?
285
00:11:51,903 --> 00:11:53,203
Well, I got news for you,
it ain't.
286
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,869
'Cause in prison,
there's hope.
287
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,592
Clean up!
288
00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:05,849
There ain't going to be no phone
for a whole month.
289
00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:11,219
-No video game, either.
-(groans)
290
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,857
Baby girl, you can kiss
that doggone Barbie doll goodbye.
291
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,733
Kiss it...
'cause they going.
292
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,563
That's enough.
Give them here.
293
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,859
Here. That's right.
294
00:12:21,933 --> 00:12:23,233
(loud clank)
295
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,899
(air whirring)
296
00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:26,987
Oh, thank you, Lord.
297
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:29,913
Uncle Bernie, does this mean
we're not punished anymore?
298
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:32,242
It means you can't complain
about being hot.
299
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,138
I'm back.
300
00:12:37,865 --> 00:12:40,245
Mmm...
301
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:43,336
(sigh of joy)
302
00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:54,684
Hey, hey, somebody
open the door!
303
00:12:54,757 --> 00:12:56,047
Who is it?
304
00:12:56,126 --> 00:12:58,266
You know who it is, Nessa.
Open this doggone door.
305
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,688
Ow.
306
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:01,022
But we'll get
in trouble.
307
00:13:01,097 --> 00:13:02,477
We're already in trouble.
308
00:13:02,557 --> 00:13:05,607
If we open the door,
are we still punished?
309
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:06,609
More punished.
310
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,156
-See?
-Okay.
311
00:13:13,025 --> 00:13:14,905
Open the door!
312
00:13:14,986 --> 00:13:17,296
Open the doggone...!
313
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,626
♪♪
314
00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:27,800
(kids yelling)
315
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:29,554
Do you believe it?
316
00:13:29,625 --> 00:13:32,125
Locked me out my own house.
My house!
317
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:34,801
A man's home is supposed
to be his castle.
318
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,971
You don't lock a king
out his castle.
319
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,143
When I get back in there,
320
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:42,648
I'm throwing them kids
in the dungeon.
321
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,652
Don't let me get in there!
322
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,694
Oh, don't let me get in there.
323
00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:47,727
Whoo!
324
00:13:49,228 --> 00:13:50,698
Baby girl, open the door.
325
00:13:50,771 --> 00:13:52,151
Open the door, come on.
326
00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:54,161
I'm going to choke you
in front of the police.
327
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:55,513
You.
328
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:56,695
How long can we
keep him out there?
329
00:13:56,777 --> 00:13:58,697
Well, we're already
in trouble,
330
00:13:58,779 --> 00:14:01,709
so we might as well put
it off as long as we can.
331
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,595
Ah.
332
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:17,147
The patio door!
333
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:21,733
Ice cream.
334
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,368
Open this door.
This isn't funny anymore.
335
00:14:27,442 --> 00:14:29,032
You're right,
it's hilarious.
336
00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:30,361
(laughs)
337
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,116
(laughs)
338
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,876
(cackling)
339
00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:50,255
It's on.
340
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,886
Okay, okay.
341
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,732
So I underestimated them.
342
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,053
That's okay.
343
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,360
They underestimated me, too.
344
00:15:07,431 --> 00:15:08,901
See, I've been married
a long time.
345
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,319
I've been locked out before.
346
00:15:10,393 --> 00:15:12,363
See, you might not
believe this, America,
347
00:15:12,436 --> 00:15:16,026
but there was a time Bernie Mac
wasn't so easy to live with.
348
00:15:16,107 --> 00:15:18,907
But those times taught me
a few tricks.
349
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,369
I ain't dead.
350
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:24,658
Believe me, I ain't dead.
351
00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:26,330
They're just children.
352
00:15:26,409 --> 00:15:28,039
They think
they know something.
353
00:15:28,119 --> 00:15:30,039
I'm getting
ready to teach them.
354
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:32,425
Soon as my ankle
get together.
355
00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:37,048
I've been married
all this time
356
00:15:37,128 --> 00:15:39,508
Wanda ain't locked me out.
357
00:15:39,588 --> 00:15:43,518
Wake up in the morning,
be laying right next to her.
358
00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:45,732
There's a little window
over the sink.
359
00:15:45,803 --> 00:15:48,193
Wanda likes to keep it open
so you can smell the hydrangeas.
360
00:15:48,264 --> 00:15:49,454
I'm home free.
361
00:15:50,808 --> 00:15:52,728
Oh!
362
00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:56,290
Sorry, but we don't want to
let any of the cold air out.
363
00:16:00,818 --> 00:16:02,988
Okay.
364
00:16:03,070 --> 00:16:05,510
Might as well raise
the stakes now, baby.
365
00:16:05,581 --> 00:16:07,371
'Cause Bernie Mac
won't give up.
366
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:10,584
I can take anything
they dish out, anything.
367
00:16:10,661 --> 00:16:11,961
It's on now.
368
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:14,088
I'm getting ready to pop.
Pop.
369
00:16:14,165 --> 00:16:17,725
Vanessa, come on now,
I'm tired.
370
00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:18,972
Let me in.
371
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:20,515
Look,
I'm Bernie Mac.
372
00:16:20,596 --> 00:16:22,806
(imitating Bernie)
Boy, take your medicine.
373
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:27,097
(imitating Bernie)
Nessa, get off that phone.
374
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,442
Don't breathe
unless I tell you to.
375
00:16:29,513 --> 00:16:30,903
I'm going to kill
one of them kids.
376
00:16:30,973 --> 00:16:32,613
Nessa!
377
00:16:32,683 --> 00:16:34,113
Get out of my chair.
378
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:37,109
That's my chair.
379
00:16:37,188 --> 00:16:38,448
That's my chair.
380
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:39,951
My house.
381
00:16:40,024 --> 00:16:40,914
My world.
382
00:16:40,983 --> 00:16:41,913
(laughing)
383
00:16:41,984 --> 00:16:44,754
Not anymore.
384
00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:47,909
(voice whispers)
The key.
385
00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:48,910
What?
386
00:16:48,991 --> 00:16:52,131
Who said that?
387
00:16:52,203 --> 00:16:56,263
I must be having a sun stroke.
388
00:16:56,266 --> 00:17:01,466
(voice whispers)
Look under the mat.
389
00:17:01,545 --> 00:17:04,255
I hope it ain't
what I think it is.
390
00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:09,520
I'm sorry for my sins.
391
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,529
The key.
392
00:17:16,143 --> 00:17:19,203
Delete all files.
393
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,703
What's he up to?
394
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,825
The key.
395
00:17:25,903 --> 00:17:26,883
The spare key!
396
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:40,836
Gotcha.
397
00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:41,968
-Give me that key.
-No!
398
00:17:42,044 --> 00:17:43,554
Bryana, the key!
399
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:47,689
(deep)
No!
400
00:17:50,386 --> 00:17:53,186
We have to go back
for her.
401
00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:56,858
Face it, he's got her.
402
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:58,858
Baby girl,
don't be scared.
403
00:17:58,936 --> 00:18:01,106
Uncle Bernie's
not mad at you.
404
00:18:01,188 --> 00:18:03,108
Uncle Bernie loves you.
405
00:18:03,190 --> 00:18:05,630
In fact, I want you
to join up with me,
406
00:18:05,701 --> 00:18:08,201
since your brother and
sister abandoned you.
407
00:18:08,279 --> 00:18:10,249
What's "abandoned"?
408
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:14,882
Uh, "abandoned" is when
somebody leave you behind.
409
00:18:14,952 --> 00:18:18,002
And since they did
that, I want you to be on my side now, okay?
410
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:20,094
-Okay.
-Okay.
411
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,876
We'll make you a deal.
412
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:23,279
We'll give you
413
00:18:23,361 --> 00:18:26,891
an ice-cold pitcher of lemonade
with a little fan.
414
00:18:26,964 --> 00:18:28,564
and you give us Bryana back.
415
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,346
No way, we don't
want to come back.
416
00:18:30,426 --> 00:18:33,096
Matter of fact, I'll
give you a better deal.
417
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:34,849
You let me in my own house,
418
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:37,860
and I swear I'll take ten
years off your punishment.
419
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:39,937
No deal.
420
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,779
See?
421
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,704
She abandoned me again.
422
00:18:43,772 --> 00:18:45,242
I told you.
She don't like you.
423
00:18:45,316 --> 00:18:46,616
That's all right.
424
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,906
Baby girl, look.
425
00:18:48,986 --> 00:18:49,906
Look at the door.
426
00:18:49,987 --> 00:18:52,247
Come on.
427
00:18:52,323 --> 00:18:56,473
When I get my hands on them,
y'all gonna see.
428
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:10,345
Uncle Bernie,
can I play?
429
00:19:10,424 --> 00:19:12,064
Oh, it's on.
430
00:19:12,134 --> 00:19:13,274
Oh, it's on.
431
00:19:13,344 --> 00:19:15,274
It's on!
It's on.
432
00:19:15,346 --> 00:19:16,276
(doorbell rings)
433
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:18,395
Vanessa, Vanessa.
Come quick.
434
00:19:18,474 --> 00:19:20,484
Uncle Bernie's hurt.
435
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:22,609
He's just making you
say that.
436
00:19:22,686 --> 00:19:23,646
Uh-uh.
437
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,659
He fell down.
438
00:19:30,152 --> 00:19:32,162
Here I am, suckers!
439
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,918
Yeah! That's
all right, baby.
440
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,078
That's all right.
441
00:19:35,157 --> 00:19:37,077
Oh! Yeah! Yeah!
442
00:19:37,159 --> 00:19:39,289
Oh!
443
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:41,424
Yeah, okay,
how you like that!
444
00:19:41,497 --> 00:19:44,127
How you like that!
Yeah!
445
00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:45,638
(laughs)
446
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,178
Oh, oh, oh.
447
00:19:48,254 --> 00:19:50,434
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait!
448
00:19:50,506 --> 00:19:52,606
What the hell
is going on here?
449
00:19:52,683 --> 00:19:55,143
Bernie, you got my whole
front yard soaked.
450
00:19:55,219 --> 00:19:57,359
And my flowers
are all trampled.
451
00:19:59,181 --> 00:20:00,981
Don't you dare.
452
00:20:01,058 --> 00:20:03,318
I just got my hair done.
453
00:20:03,394 --> 00:20:06,864
If you even as so much
get one drop, ooh.
454
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,319
Now.
455
00:20:08,399 --> 00:20:13,659
♪ Hot fun in the summertime ♪
456
00:20:13,737 --> 00:20:18,667
♪ Hot funin the summertime ♪
457
00:20:18,742 --> 00:20:23,672
♪ Hot fun in the summertime ♪
458
00:20:23,747 --> 00:20:29,127
♪ Hot funin the summertime ♪
459
00:20:29,211 --> 00:20:35,641
♪ First of the falland then she goes back ♪
460
00:20:35,718 --> 00:20:37,348
Man, that was
a whole lot of fun.
461
00:20:37,428 --> 00:20:40,348
Thanks to those crazy ass kids,
I guess.
462
00:20:40,431 --> 00:20:42,261
I mean, man,
they put me through a lot.
463
00:20:42,333 --> 00:20:44,363
But it's good to know you can
still have that kind of fun
464
00:20:44,435 --> 00:20:46,355
right here in your own home.
465
00:20:46,437 --> 00:20:49,027
Now, America,
don't misunderstand me.
466
00:20:49,106 --> 00:20:50,726
They're still on punishment.
467
00:20:50,808 --> 00:20:52,658
'Cause when Bernie Mac
tell you to open the door,
468
00:20:52,735 --> 00:20:54,235
doggone it,
you open up the door.
469
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,250
(door locks)
470
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,756
Hold on a minute.
471
00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:06,297
Oh!
472
00:21:06,373 --> 00:21:07,923
Jordan.
473
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,260
Nessa.
474
00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:11,755
Open up the door.
475
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,217
Open the door!
476
00:21:13,297 --> 00:21:15,257
America, y'all call somebody.
477
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:16,221
Open the door.
478
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,230
Wanda!
479
00:21:18,302 --> 00:21:19,572
Baby girl!
480
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:21,685
Open this doggone door!
481
00:21:21,764 --> 00:21:23,234
Jordan!
482
00:21:23,307 --> 00:21:25,567
Y'all call somebody for real.
483
00:21:25,642 --> 00:21:27,782
Open the door!
I'm about to pop.
484
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:30,533
It's on. Part two.
It's on.
485
00:21:30,606 --> 00:21:33,246
Open up the door!
486
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:35,876
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
487
00:21:38,822 --> 00:21:40,872
You think you got
enough lemons, man?
488
00:21:40,949 --> 00:21:42,209
Yeah, I finish.
489
00:21:42,218 --> 00:21:44,878
Air-conditioning is fixed.
490
00:21:44,953 --> 00:21:46,053
That's great.
491
00:21:46,130 --> 00:21:49,670
Yeah, you come to van,
I give you bill.
492
00:21:49,750 --> 00:21:53,010
We take MasterCard,
Visa, no Discover.
493
00:21:53,087 --> 00:21:54,867
I'll pay cash.
494
00:21:58,592 --> 00:22:01,282
-You say you take Visa?
-Mm-hmm.
495
00:22:03,105 --> 00:22:05,485
Give me my damn lemons.
496
00:22:05,535 --> 00:22:10,085
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