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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:05,173 ♪♪ 2 00:00:18,293 --> 00:00:19,803 Ha! 3 00:00:19,878 --> 00:00:21,048 Kick him in the stomach. 4 00:00:21,129 --> 00:00:22,349 Boy, it trips me out 5 00:00:22,431 --> 00:00:24,431 how their body just falls apart like that. 6 00:00:24,508 --> 00:00:26,648 Boy, these video games, I love them. 7 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,517 It's a great way to work off your aggression. 8 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,936 And Bernie Mac got a lot of aggression. 9 00:00:32,015 --> 00:00:33,725 You know Bernie Mac's situation. 10 00:00:33,809 --> 00:00:35,359 My sister, you know, she's taking 11 00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,065 a state-sponsored vacation. 12 00:00:37,145 --> 00:00:39,605 You know, she got a little problem with drugs. 13 00:00:39,689 --> 00:00:42,779 Now my wife, Wanda, and I, we're taking care of her kids. 14 00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:44,029 Don't remind me. 15 00:00:44,003 --> 00:00:45,603 Them doggone kids. 16 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,209 I want to tear their doggone head off. 17 00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:50,251 Blast them into a million pieces. 18 00:00:50,325 --> 00:00:51,665 Shut them up for good. 19 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,677 (yells) 20 00:00:56,715 --> 00:00:58,375 Now, hold on a minute. 21 00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:59,928 I know what you're thinking. 22 00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:01,250 Now, you wrong. 23 00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:03,638 Bernie Mac is not a violent man. 24 00:01:03,713 --> 00:01:06,063 This is what Bernie Mac does to relax. 25 00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:07,523 Because in real life, 26 00:01:07,592 --> 00:01:10,232 we don't settle our differences this way. 27 00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:12,903 That would be wrong. 28 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,613 We're not animals. 29 00:01:14,692 --> 00:01:16,692 DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR: Despite a reputation 30 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:19,572 for being solitary, wolves are seldom without company. 31 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,276 And when they hunt, they hunt in packs. 32 00:01:22,357 --> 00:01:23,277 Jordan? 33 00:01:23,358 --> 00:01:24,758 Hmm? 34 00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,662 What you doing in the house watching TV? 35 00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:28,406 It's beautiful outside. 36 00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,412 You think we live in Los Angeles for the culture? 37 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,254 I'm watching the Discovery Channel. 38 00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:34,085 Son, you could watch this crap anytime. 39 00:01:34,169 --> 00:01:36,209 Now, go outside and meet some of the boys. 40 00:01:36,288 --> 00:01:38,208 No, but I want to see what happens. 41 00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:39,220 The lion eats the hyena. 42 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,469 Now, give me this glass 43 00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:41,926 and go outside and enjoy yourself. 44 00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:44,722 Oh. 45 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,050 When I was a young kid, man, 46 00:01:46,131 --> 00:01:47,891 you couldn't get us to stay in no doggone house. 47 00:01:47,966 --> 00:01:50,596 (elephant trumpeting) 48 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,647 (exotic birds cawing) 49 00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,826 DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR: When the wolf pack spies a prospective prey 50 00:02:07,903 --> 00:02:11,543 it moves in unison, cautiously surrounding it, 51 00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:13,865 searching for signs of weakness. 52 00:02:13,950 --> 00:02:16,630 Sensing an opening, the pack works as a unit 53 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,127 to keep the prey confused and off-balance. 54 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:21,270 When ready to move in for the kill 55 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:22,391 the first attack is made 56 00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:24,627 by the strongest member of the pack. 57 00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,721 This is the alpha wolf. 58 00:02:26,796 --> 00:02:28,926 Okay, hold it right there. 59 00:02:29,007 --> 00:02:30,907 (sobs) 60 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,934 Man, those kids are going to wind up being your best friends. 61 00:02:33,011 --> 00:02:35,521 You watch and see, you watch. 62 00:02:35,597 --> 00:02:36,777 (sobbing) 63 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,937 A fight? 64 00:02:39,017 --> 00:02:40,317 Damn. 65 00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:41,543 Ma'am, was he hurt? 66 00:02:41,612 --> 00:02:44,202 No, no, just tell him I'm on my way. 67 00:02:44,272 --> 00:02:47,292 (school bell rings) 68 00:02:57,827 --> 00:02:58,947 See, the problem is, 69 00:02:59,029 --> 00:03:01,499 Jordan, my nephew, he's small for his age. 70 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:04,131 And like most small kids where I come from, 71 00:03:04,209 --> 00:03:05,629 they constantly get picked on. 72 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:07,390 But I'm going to tell you something. 73 00:03:07,462 --> 00:03:09,182 You ain't got to be big to be tough. 74 00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,846 You look at one of the all-time boxing greats, 75 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,675 Sugar Ray Leonard. 76 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,974 Over here. 77 00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:18,096 What's up, Ray, baby? How you doing? 78 00:03:18,181 --> 00:03:20,981 Now, my man Ray, he was small, but he was wiry. 79 00:03:21,059 --> 00:03:23,239 He was like those little Japanese cars. 80 00:03:23,311 --> 00:03:24,831 I mean, compact, agile, 81 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,735 built for speed and endurance. 82 00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:29,775 And I can bet you, if someone called him a sissy... 83 00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:31,699 I'd hand him a dollar and make change out of his ass. 84 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:34,698 (chuckling) Boy... 85 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,461 Let me... I'm excited. 86 00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,503 Let's move on. Let's move on. 87 00:03:38,576 --> 00:03:40,496 Now, Ray, seriously speaking, 88 00:03:40,578 --> 00:03:42,298 from a champion's perspective, 89 00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:44,756 how would you assess my nephew's skill? 90 00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:47,553 Bernie, it seems to me that Jordan lacks speed. 91 00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:48,647 Uh-huh. 92 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,548 This man has zero self-confidence. 93 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:51,720 Hmm... 94 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:52,928 And he's totally lacking 95 00:03:53,008 --> 00:03:54,468 in the fundamentals that make a great fighter. 96 00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,571 I mean, he-he's a loser. 97 00:03:58,346 --> 00:04:00,606 So, he definitely going to get his ass whooped, huh? 98 00:04:00,682 --> 00:04:03,332 Oh, I would seriously consider home schooling. 99 00:04:08,273 --> 00:04:09,573 Jordan says that he's sick 100 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,529 and doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. 101 00:04:11,609 --> 00:04:13,879 Is something going on with him? 102 00:04:16,072 --> 00:04:17,542 Hmm, baby, don't worry about it. 103 00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:18,715 I'll take care of it, okay? 104 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,257 But I don't want to learn how to fight. 105 00:04:22,337 --> 00:04:24,087 Well, you're going to learn how to fight. 106 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,514 Get up. Quit being so difficult. 107 00:04:25,582 --> 00:04:27,392 But I'm working on my magic tricks. 108 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,337 Give me that doggone magic trick. 109 00:04:29,419 --> 00:04:31,049 What you going to do when somebody starts picking on you? 110 00:04:31,129 --> 00:04:32,759 You going to disappear? 111 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:33,809 But I don't want to... 112 00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:34,812 Well, you have to. 113 00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:36,403 Now listen. 114 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,727 The first thing you need to know about defending yourself 115 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,437 is to avoid a fight in the first place. 116 00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:41,983 Now, what I mean by that, man, 117 00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:43,567 if somebody starts picking on you, 118 00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:44,981 you got to show you can take it. 119 00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:47,400 You got to come right back and start picking on them. 120 00:04:47,479 --> 00:04:48,859 How do I do that? 121 00:04:48,938 --> 00:04:52,448 Well, uh, you can start by insulting their mama. 122 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,525 What if I don't know his mama? 123 00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:56,491 We're talking about universal mamas here, Jordan. 124 00:04:56,571 --> 00:04:58,291 It applies to all mamas. You got to be inventive. 125 00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,165 Doggone, now, Jordan. 126 00:05:00,241 --> 00:05:02,041 If you start hitting on somebody's mama, 127 00:05:02,118 --> 00:05:03,078 you got to hit him where it hurt. 128 00:05:03,161 --> 00:05:04,461 Go for the jugular. 129 00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:06,087 If their mama's fat, you got to say something like 130 00:05:06,164 --> 00:05:07,434 "Yo mama's so fat, I poured 131 00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,417 a half a cup of water in the bathtub 132 00:05:09,501 --> 00:05:11,761 and when she sat down, it overflowed." 133 00:05:11,836 --> 00:05:14,096 -(chuckles) -Uncle Bernie, that's mean. 134 00:05:14,172 --> 00:05:15,642 What if I like his mama? 135 00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:16,935 You don't know his mama, Jordan. 136 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,307 How you going to like somebody you don't know? 137 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,596 What if his mama's dead? 138 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:22,953 Jordan, your mama being dead ain't got nothing to do with it. 139 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:25,323 What you doing talking about if their mama dead for? 140 00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,232 Look here... 141 00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:28,490 Forget about it. 142 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:30,201 Okay? Forget about it. 143 00:05:30,271 --> 00:05:32,241 We're going to move on. 144 00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:34,235 We'll go to Plan B. 145 00:05:34,317 --> 00:05:36,027 Acting crazy. 146 00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:37,161 (lion roaring) 147 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,497 JORDAN: (yelling) 148 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,756 BERNIE: (growling) 149 00:05:40,832 --> 00:05:42,252 No! 150 00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:43,255 JORDAN: (gasps) 151 00:05:43,335 --> 00:05:44,715 Relax, relax. Jordan, Jordan. 152 00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:46,835 It's just whipped cream. I'm trying to make a point. 153 00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,803 See, you got to make people think you're crazy. 154 00:05:48,873 --> 00:05:51,633 Don't nobody mess with you when you foaming. 155 00:05:51,709 --> 00:05:55,479 (panting) 156 00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,085 Jordan, listen, listen, listen. 157 00:05:57,165 --> 00:05:58,975 You got to get loud. You got to act weird. 158 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,139 Somebody get in your face, you got to make them think 159 00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:03,139 like you, like you crazy. 160 00:06:03,221 --> 00:06:04,381 How? 161 00:06:04,456 --> 00:06:05,186 By your body language, 162 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,945 your voice, man, you got to... 163 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,988 When people step to you, , say, "You better back off." 164 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,489 "You better back off." 165 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,110 Well, no, listen to my voice, man. 166 00:06:12,188 --> 00:06:13,248 "Don't mess with me, man." 167 00:06:13,323 --> 00:06:15,003 "Don't mess with me, man." 168 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,985 -"I don't play." -"I don't play." 169 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:19,752 -"You better back off." -"You better back off." 170 00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:23,160 -"Don't mess with me, man." -"Don't mess with me, man." 171 00:06:23,241 --> 00:06:24,211 -"I don't..." -"I don't play." 172 00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:25,594 "Don't mess with me, man." 173 00:06:25,669 --> 00:06:27,379 -"You better back off." -"You better back off." 174 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:28,574 -"I don't play." -"I don't play." 175 00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,054 -"Back off." -"Don't mess with me." 176 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,013 "Get back!" 177 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,051 (both growling) 178 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,086 "Don't mess with me, man. 179 00:06:34,169 --> 00:06:35,089 "I don't play. 180 00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:36,090 "You better back off. 181 00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:37,101 "I don't play. 182 00:06:37,172 --> 00:06:38,772 Don't mess with me, man..." 183 00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,192 That's a dead boy walking right there. 184 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,717 Bernie, teaching that boy that violence 185 00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:43,891 is the answer is just wrong. 186 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,730 Sweetheart, I'm not teaching that boy no violence. 187 00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,226 I'm trying to give him some schoolyard diplomacy. 188 00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:52,819 Give him some tactics, man, to keep him from fighting. 189 00:06:52,896 --> 00:06:55,316 Baby, I know you. 190 00:06:55,398 --> 00:06:57,488 What you mean by that? You... 191 00:06:57,567 --> 00:07:00,027 You know that boy needs something, Wanda. 192 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,695 -He's soft. -He is not soft. 193 00:07:01,779 --> 00:07:03,999 -He is. -Jordan is a gentle soul. 194 00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:06,333 He doesn't like fighting. He likes magic tricks. 195 00:07:06,409 --> 00:07:08,709 What is with these doggone magic tricks, man? 196 00:07:08,786 --> 00:07:10,416 That's what happened to Houdini. 197 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,247 That's how he died. 198 00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,552 He got his ass kicked over there at the magic shop. 199 00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:15,055 The man hit him in the doggone stomach. 200 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:19,215 If he knew some "yo mama" jokes, he might still be alive today. 201 00:07:19,297 --> 00:07:22,347 JORDAN: (wailing) 202 00:07:22,425 --> 00:07:24,475 (clears throat) 203 00:07:24,552 --> 00:07:26,102 I wish I knew some magic. 204 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,229 -Poof! -Mm-hmm. 205 00:07:28,306 --> 00:07:30,186 (sobbing) 206 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,940 What? What? Jordan! 207 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,029 She took it. 208 00:07:34,104 --> 00:07:36,654 If it's your car, take it back. 209 00:07:36,731 --> 00:07:39,371 She took it! She took it! 210 00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:40,542 Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, listen to me. 211 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:41,729 Come on now, come on. 212 00:07:41,812 --> 00:07:43,582 You mean to tell me, after everything I showed you, 213 00:07:43,655 --> 00:07:46,705 you can't take a toy car from a four-year-old girl? 214 00:07:46,783 --> 00:07:49,333 She's four years old. Now relax. 215 00:07:49,410 --> 00:07:51,250 Do what I showed you. 216 00:07:51,329 --> 00:07:53,169 Don't mess with me! I don't play! 217 00:07:53,248 --> 00:07:56,268 Hey, give it back. 218 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,133 (sobs) 219 00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,061 -Punk. -(sobbing) 220 00:08:01,422 --> 00:08:03,732 Oh, Lord. 221 00:08:09,305 --> 00:08:11,435 Ray, the boy's real soft, I mean, soft. 222 00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:12,936 He's like liquid, you know. 223 00:08:13,017 --> 00:08:14,687 He needs more than fundamentals. 224 00:08:14,769 --> 00:08:16,899 He needs something like divine intervention. 225 00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:18,450 And that's where I come in. 226 00:08:18,523 --> 00:08:21,533 I was teaching my nephew a few playground moves, man, 227 00:08:21,609 --> 00:08:22,859 in case he get in trouble. 228 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,526 First thing I taught him is, 229 00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:25,874 if somebody mess with you, you pick up some sand, 230 00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:27,411 then you throw it in their face. 231 00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:28,870 Then you take off running. 232 00:08:28,950 --> 00:08:30,830 That always worked for me when I was little. 233 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,880 You know, or you can improvise, especially 234 00:08:32,954 --> 00:08:34,304 if you're around some objects. 235 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,376 Let me see that book. 236 00:08:35,456 --> 00:08:36,496 This one here? 237 00:08:36,575 --> 00:08:38,375 That's this book that I was reading. 238 00:08:38,459 --> 00:08:40,589 See? Look, I'm reading, casually minding your business. 239 00:08:40,670 --> 00:08:42,270 (whistles) Somebody come at you... 240 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,717 Bam! 241 00:08:43,798 --> 00:08:45,888 Hit him right in the throat, right in the throat. 242 00:08:45,967 --> 00:08:47,337 Drop the book and start running. 243 00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:49,389 Boy, oh, boy, I was dangerous when I was little, Ray. 244 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,564 I'll tell you. Now, now, Ray, be honest with me. 245 00:08:51,639 --> 00:08:54,439 The few techniques that I just showed you and the people, 246 00:08:54,517 --> 00:08:57,027 what do you think my nephew's chances are right now? 247 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,897 Don't get too attached to the boy. 248 00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:01,701 He's still going to have trouble? 249 00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:04,254 Yes. Big trouble. 250 00:09:10,992 --> 00:09:12,882 Hey, why'd you do that? 251 00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:15,002 'Cause it's ugly... Like you. 252 00:09:15,079 --> 00:09:16,669 Stop. 253 00:09:16,748 --> 00:09:18,088 Stop! 254 00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,966 What are you going to do, cry, baby? 255 00:09:20,043 --> 00:09:24,553 No, no, but... But yo mama cried when you were born. 256 00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:27,311 (booing) 257 00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:29,483 (kids laughing) 258 00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:32,782 Look at that little sissy. 259 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,687 Ow, my eye. 260 00:09:35,767 --> 00:09:37,117 Sorry, Byron. 261 00:09:39,228 --> 00:09:40,288 (gasping) 262 00:09:45,943 --> 00:09:48,663 ♪ I don't know karate ♪ 263 00:09:48,738 --> 00:09:49,948 ♪ But I know crazy ♪ 264 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:50,955 ♪ Yes, we do ♪ 265 00:09:51,032 --> 00:09:52,712 ♪ You get ready ♪ 266 00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,288 ♪ For the big payback ♪ 267 00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:55,239 ♪ Hit it... ♪ 268 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,880 I don't play! I don't play! 269 00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:58,879 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 270 00:09:58,956 --> 00:10:01,796 ♪ I don't know karate ♪ 271 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,680 ♪ But I know crazy ♪ 272 00:10:03,753 --> 00:10:05,193 ♪ Yes, we do ♪ 273 00:10:05,263 --> 00:10:06,223 ♪ Huh... ♪ 274 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:07,471 I don't play! 275 00:10:07,548 --> 00:10:09,178 How'd it go today, son? 276 00:10:09,258 --> 00:10:11,808 Okay. 277 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,440 Anybody pick on you? 278 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:14,737 No. Nobody. 279 00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:16,984 I just did what you told me and acted like you. 280 00:10:17,058 --> 00:10:19,118 Now, nobody bothers me. 281 00:10:21,729 --> 00:10:22,989 (to himself) My boy. 282 00:10:23,064 --> 00:10:25,204 You know what I'm saying! 283 00:10:25,274 --> 00:10:27,754 Guess who had a good day in school today, baby? 284 00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,747 Little Harry Potter himself. 285 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,369 And his magic tricks. 286 00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:34,827 The boy managed to conjure up some self-confidence. 287 00:10:34,909 --> 00:10:36,069 I told you, baby. 288 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,344 All the boy had to do 289 00:10:37,412 --> 00:10:39,132 was go to school and act like Bernie Mac. 290 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,759 And I bet nobody'd mess with him. 291 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:41,710 I told him that. 292 00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:42,881 He did it, too. 293 00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:45,229 Baby? What? 294 00:10:49,799 --> 00:10:52,519 Hello? 295 00:10:52,593 --> 00:10:55,103 Who? 296 00:10:55,179 --> 00:10:58,519 Yeah, this is Bernie Mac. 297 00:10:58,599 --> 00:11:00,979 Ho-Hold on, hold on, hold on. 298 00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:04,200 How you know your son wasn't picking on him? 299 00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:07,572 And he wasn't defending himself? 300 00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:09,580 No, I ain't calling you no liar. 301 00:11:09,652 --> 00:11:13,712 But I'm saying you do sound a little hot-tempered right now. 302 00:11:13,781 --> 00:11:16,711 And if your son act anything the way you acting right now, 303 00:11:16,784 --> 00:11:18,384 I can... Hello? 304 00:11:18,453 --> 00:11:19,893 Uh... 305 00:11:21,998 --> 00:11:23,268 Hate people that trip. 306 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,679 They be calling the wrong number and tripping. 307 00:11:24,759 --> 00:11:25,879 Come on, heads up. 308 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,760 Hey! I was listening. 309 00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:29,937 Jordan, I want you to listen. 310 00:11:30,014 --> 00:11:31,894 And listen well, because I'm only 311 00:11:31,966 --> 00:11:33,726 going to ask you this one time. 312 00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:35,771 Did you pick a fight in school today? 313 00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:37,725 No. 314 00:11:37,805 --> 00:11:39,195 Because I just got off the phone 315 00:11:39,274 --> 00:11:41,234 with the father of the boy who said you did. 316 00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:44,239 I didn't start it. He was picking on me. 317 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,572 So, you were sticking up for yourself, right? 318 00:11:46,647 --> 00:11:48,027 -Mm-hmm. -You're not lying to me, 319 00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,457 -are you, son? -Uncle Bernie, I promise. 320 00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:52,325 I'm not lying to you. 321 00:11:52,403 --> 00:11:55,463 He's lying. He's lying through his flippin' teeth. 322 00:11:55,531 --> 00:11:57,921 It's to be expected. The boy's a bad seed. 323 00:11:57,992 --> 00:11:59,922 Hey, hey, Father Cronin... 324 00:11:59,994 --> 00:12:01,294 I don't believe that. 325 00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:04,470 I mean, Jordan's just too soft to lie to my face. 326 00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:07,429 People rarely want to believe their child is the problem. 327 00:12:07,502 --> 00:12:10,222 Don't you think it was hard for the Apostles to believe 328 00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:12,176 that one of their own would betray Christ? 329 00:12:12,256 --> 00:12:14,886 And yet, there he was. 330 00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,637 Judas. 331 00:12:16,719 --> 00:12:20,939 Sitting there, eating His body and drinking His blood. 332 00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:24,025 (churchly organ music plays) 333 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:28,580 Mr. Mac, come take a look see at your own little Judas. 334 00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:36,498 JORDAN: (yelling) 335 00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:40,472 The nuns refer to him as "the Holy Terror." 336 00:12:45,039 --> 00:12:46,629 JORDAN: (wails) 337 00:12:46,707 --> 00:12:48,047 What's got into you, Jordan? 338 00:12:48,125 --> 00:12:50,045 You don't go around picking fights like that. 339 00:12:50,127 --> 00:12:51,757 Who told you to act like that? 340 00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,648 You did. 341 00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:55,313 Me? I didn't tell you to act like a little doggone bully. 342 00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,403 You told me to act like you. 343 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,237 You saying I'm a bully? I ain't no bully. 344 00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,492 -JORDAN: (wails) -I'm going to show you a doggone bully. 345 00:13:07,144 --> 00:13:08,954 (boxing bell dings) 346 00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:10,411 Welcome back. 347 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,700 When you think of boxing's biggest bullies, 348 00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,695 you think of men with menacing, icy stares 349 00:13:14,777 --> 00:13:16,987 that could freeze their opponents cold. 350 00:13:17,071 --> 00:13:19,961 Brutes who beat their foes into submission. 351 00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:24,172 Men whose very names struck fear in the hearts of giants. 352 00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:27,165 Men like Sonny Liston, Big George Foreman, 353 00:13:27,248 --> 00:13:30,218 Mike Tyson, Bernie Mac. 354 00:13:30,293 --> 00:13:31,383 These bullies... 355 00:13:31,461 --> 00:13:33,341 Hold on, Ray, Ray. Ray, hold on, now. 356 00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:34,505 What? 357 00:13:34,589 --> 00:13:37,469 -I ain't no bully. -What are you saying? 358 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,810 I'm saying I don't know where you think I'm a bully from. 359 00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,936 Well, Bernie, if you check your record out, it's clear. 360 00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,807 You've always been a bully. 361 00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,270 That's not true. That ain't true. 362 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,943 -Not true? -No. 363 00:13:47,018 --> 00:13:48,728 Okay, let's go to videotape. 364 00:13:48,811 --> 00:13:50,611 CHILDREN: (on TV) ♪ Alouette, gentille alouette ♪ 365 00:13:50,688 --> 00:13:53,488 Hey, baby girl. Can I watch TV with you? 366 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:54,526 Okay. 367 00:13:54,609 --> 00:13:55,789 Okay, thank you. 368 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,579 (sportscast playing) 369 00:13:57,653 --> 00:13:58,623 Hey! 370 00:13:58,696 --> 00:13:59,826 Hey. 371 00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,246 (sobs) 372 00:14:02,325 --> 00:14:05,955 Oh, don't cry, Bryana. 373 00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,211 Bears are going to win. 374 00:14:07,288 --> 00:14:09,228 Watch, they're going to win. 375 00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:12,174 ANNOUNCER: ...in the passing game, have problems on the run... 376 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,391 What a terrible mismatch. 377 00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:16,972 A heavyweight versus a flyweight. 378 00:14:17,048 --> 00:14:19,558 Picking on a little girl. 379 00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:21,534 I don't want to do this no more, Ray. 380 00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:24,599 And now, the main event 381 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,400 where we profile the series of bouts 382 00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:30,109 between Bernie and his greatest rival, 383 00:14:30,186 --> 00:14:31,786 little "Magic Man" Jordan. 384 00:14:33,147 --> 00:14:35,107 You're not funny. 385 00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:36,571 (bell rings and punches landing) 386 00:14:36,651 --> 00:14:37,881 ANNOUNCER: Down he goes. 387 00:14:37,952 --> 00:14:39,162 I won! 388 00:14:39,236 --> 00:14:41,036 I got the high score. 389 00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:43,723 I beat your record. 390 00:14:45,076 --> 00:14:48,036 J... O... 391 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,010 R... D... 392 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,420 Aw, man! Look what happened. 393 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:56,015 It just came out. It just came out. 394 00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:57,545 It just came out. 395 00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:59,050 (bell dings) 396 00:14:59,123 --> 00:15:00,433 BERNIE: Get in there, boy, before I throw you in. 397 00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:02,678 JORDAN: I don't want to take a bath. 398 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:03,800 Shut up! 399 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:05,015 I don't want to take a... 400 00:15:05,096 --> 00:15:06,146 (splashing) 401 00:15:06,222 --> 00:15:08,522 (bell dings) 402 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,913 Hey, that was my brownie. 403 00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:12,065 No, it wasn't. 404 00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:13,284 Yes, it was. 405 00:15:13,354 --> 00:15:14,574 No, it wasn't. 406 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,027 Yes, it was. 407 00:15:16,107 --> 00:15:17,237 Mm-mmm. 408 00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:19,026 Yes, it was. 409 00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:20,530 Hmm. 410 00:15:20,611 --> 00:15:23,581 It was in a bag with my name on it. 411 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:24,826 Hmm. 412 00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:26,997 Yeah. 413 00:15:27,076 --> 00:15:28,886 We're family. 414 00:15:30,955 --> 00:15:32,915 I want you to leave. 415 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,593 Okay. 416 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:38,018 Bully. 417 00:15:41,966 --> 00:15:44,426 I ain't no bully. 418 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,690 I know y'all don't think I'm no bully, do you? 419 00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,444 Well, y'all can get out of my house, too. 420 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:54,107 He lucky he left when he did. 421 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:55,396 Huh, Sugar! He retired. 422 00:15:55,479 --> 00:15:57,739 He ain't got like that no more. 423 00:15:57,815 --> 00:15:59,405 (chuckles) 424 00:15:59,483 --> 00:16:01,423 He gone, ain't he? 425 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:05,054 (grunting and groaning) 426 00:16:10,745 --> 00:16:12,745 Jordan, I want to talk to you for a minute. 427 00:16:12,830 --> 00:16:15,930 Move, Uncle Bernie. I don't play. 428 00:16:17,918 --> 00:16:20,468 That's exactly what I want to talk to you about. 429 00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:24,136 Jordan, look. I apologize to you, okay? 430 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,636 Because, first of all, you're right. 431 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:27,599 I am a bully. 432 00:16:27,678 --> 00:16:29,268 And worse than that, man, 433 00:16:29,346 --> 00:16:31,476 I've been teaching you to be a bully. 434 00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:32,937 That's okay, Uncle Bernie. 435 00:16:33,017 --> 00:16:34,277 It works for me. 436 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,990 Now you can turn on the TV. 437 00:16:38,189 --> 00:16:40,609 Son, you're not listening to me. 438 00:16:40,691 --> 00:16:44,491 I'm trying to teach you that being a bully is wrong. 439 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,450 But I was getting picked on before. 440 00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:49,330 Now nobody picks on me. 441 00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:52,638 I get what I want, and I even get extra stuff. 442 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:55,422 Look, I took this pen off of Eugene. 443 00:16:55,498 --> 00:16:56,968 It has a naked lady on it, look! 444 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,050 Give me this. 445 00:16:58,125 --> 00:17:00,215 It's not funny. 446 00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:01,484 And this is going back. 447 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,484 And I want you to promise me 448 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:06,273 that you're going to stop being a bully at school, Jordan. 449 00:17:06,342 --> 00:17:07,812 (whining) Okay. 450 00:17:07,885 --> 00:17:09,445 Don't "okay" me. 451 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,438 Look at me and tell me that you'll stop being a bully. 452 00:17:12,515 --> 00:17:15,355 Okay, Uncle Bernie, I promise. 453 00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,874 I won't be a bully at school. 454 00:17:19,655 --> 00:17:21,535 Thank you. 455 00:17:29,073 --> 00:17:31,333 Hey, that's mine. 456 00:17:31,408 --> 00:17:33,078 So? Get another one. 457 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,140 That's the last one. 458 00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,130 What is wrong with you? 459 00:17:42,211 --> 00:17:43,681 (groans) 460 00:17:43,754 --> 00:17:45,054 Aunt Wanda, I want to go to the mall. 461 00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:47,181 -Aunt Wanda! -Jordan, honey, I'm on the phone. 462 00:17:47,258 --> 00:17:48,638 Talk later, I want to go to the mall. 463 00:17:48,717 --> 00:17:50,557 What did I just say? No, I... 464 00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,476 I said I want to go to the mall. 465 00:17:52,555 --> 00:17:54,185 -Right, that would be nice. -Now, come on! 466 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,309 So, why couldn't that be...? 467 00:17:55,391 --> 00:17:56,981 -I don't play. -Ooh... "I don't play." 468 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,693 Ooh, boy must be out of his mind to talk to me like that. 469 00:17:59,770 --> 00:18:01,740 No, I'm sorry. I'm listening. What...? 470 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:02,914 Today! 471 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,282 Ooh, oh, my God! 472 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:07,159 BRYANA: Give it back! 473 00:18:07,236 --> 00:18:10,036 Give me back my Crazy String! 474 00:18:10,114 --> 00:18:12,124 You want your Crazy String back? 475 00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:13,749 You want your Crazy String back? 476 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,006 Yeah! 477 00:18:15,086 --> 00:18:17,746 Here's your Crazy String. 478 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:18,840 Jordan, no! 479 00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:20,014 No! 480 00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:22,052 Jordan, no! 481 00:18:22,126 --> 00:18:23,296 (yells) 482 00:18:23,377 --> 00:18:24,797 No! 483 00:18:24,879 --> 00:18:26,969 Maybe you can kind of burn it out or something. 484 00:18:27,047 --> 00:18:27,957 What? 485 00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,391 Hey, what's going on in there? 486 00:18:29,466 --> 00:18:32,226 It's Jordan. He's terrorizing the whole house. 487 00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:34,897 Look what he did to Bryana. 488 00:18:34,972 --> 00:18:36,242 It won't come out. 489 00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:37,565 You've got to do something, Bernie. 490 00:18:37,641 --> 00:18:40,111 You made this mess. You fix it. 491 00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:42,436 You know what to do. 492 00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:44,071 Vanessa? 493 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:46,242 We don't really need a brother. 494 00:18:46,317 --> 00:18:48,907 Go ahead. Do your thing. 495 00:18:48,986 --> 00:18:50,786 Wait. 496 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,663 You can't. 497 00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,250 (scoffs) 498 00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:55,959 Now, that's the problem, America. 499 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:58,835 You can beat some of the people some of the time, 500 00:18:58,913 --> 00:19:00,563 but you can't beat your kids. 501 00:19:00,631 --> 00:19:02,801 But see, this is my fault. 502 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:06,715 I led by bad example, and I created a monster. 503 00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:09,465 Now I have to destroy the monster. 504 00:19:09,548 --> 00:19:13,268 Now, see, with Dracula, you use a wooden stake. 505 00:19:13,344 --> 00:19:15,524 Wolfman, the silver bullet. 506 00:19:15,596 --> 00:19:18,686 And with little boys, you use the belt. 507 00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:21,856 But I've been stripped of my weapons, 508 00:19:21,936 --> 00:19:24,156 so how am I going to protect the villagers? 509 00:19:25,856 --> 00:19:28,116 Bernie Mac doesn't need a belt. 510 00:19:28,192 --> 00:19:29,292 Bernie? 511 00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:30,448 Jordan! 512 00:19:30,527 --> 00:19:32,157 Jordan! 513 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,662 You can't hurt him. What kind of message would that send? 514 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:35,760 Oh, I'm going to... 515 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:36,871 I can't find him anywhere. 516 00:19:36,951 --> 00:19:39,501 I don't think he's in the house. 517 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,342 There he is. 518 00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:42,463 Get him, Uncle Bernie. 519 00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,063 I'm going to get him, too, baby. 520 00:19:48,837 --> 00:19:51,507 Bernie, it looks like he's going to pick a fight with the kids. 521 00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:52,930 I see it, baby. I see it. 522 00:19:53,008 --> 00:19:53,918 We should stop him. 523 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,433 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 524 00:19:55,511 --> 00:19:57,141 This just might be the lesson he deserves. 525 00:19:57,221 --> 00:19:58,241 Come on back, come on. 526 00:20:06,397 --> 00:20:08,527 DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR: Sometimes, when an animal 527 00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:12,037 is wounded, it is at its most dangerous. 528 00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:17,117 Uppercut, Jordan, duck! 529 00:20:17,199 --> 00:20:18,119 Duck! Yeah. 530 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,460 Bernie Mac! 531 00:20:19,535 --> 00:20:21,535 I don't know who's worse, you or... 532 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,684 Jordan, look out. There's one behind you! 533 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,681 Yeah! 534 00:20:31,046 --> 00:20:33,146 (growling) 535 00:20:37,928 --> 00:20:39,438 DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR: Tasting blood, 536 00:20:39,513 --> 00:20:42,783 an animal's natural instinct is to finish off its prey... 537 00:20:42,858 --> 00:20:46,238 except the human animal, which has a conscience. 538 00:20:49,064 --> 00:20:50,754 (snarling) 539 00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:56,666 Son, I am really proud of you. 540 00:20:56,747 --> 00:20:59,037 Why? I got beat up by a girl. 541 00:20:59,116 --> 00:21:00,616 And you had her down on the ground. 542 00:21:00,701 --> 00:21:02,791 You did the right thing. You stopped yourself. 543 00:21:02,870 --> 00:21:04,420 She looked really afraid. 544 00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:06,206 It made me feel bad. 545 00:21:06,290 --> 00:21:07,220 That's good. 546 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,720 You know what that tells you? 547 00:21:08,792 --> 00:21:10,972 You're not a bully. 548 00:21:11,045 --> 00:21:13,255 Yeah, I guess. 549 00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,553 Uncle Bernie? 550 00:21:14,624 --> 00:21:18,604 -Mm-hmm? -I should give Eugene back his pen. 551 00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:21,397 Oh, you think so? 552 00:21:21,472 --> 00:21:26,202 No, son, I think Eugene needs to learn a lesson, too. 553 00:21:27,603 --> 00:21:30,073 You ain't been looking at this, have you? 554 00:21:30,147 --> 00:21:32,277 -(wild birds cawing) -(elephant trumpets) 555 00:21:32,358 --> 00:21:34,578 It's disgusting. 556 00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:37,250 Captioned by VISUAL DATA 557 00:21:40,157 --> 00:21:42,457 Hey, want to show me a magic trick? 558 00:21:42,534 --> 00:21:43,634 Okay, um... 559 00:21:43,711 --> 00:21:46,421 Okay, I can make a dollar disappear. 560 00:21:46,497 --> 00:21:48,957 I got a 20. All right, let me see it. 561 00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,415 One... 562 00:21:50,501 --> 00:21:52,301 two... 563 00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:54,012 three. 564 00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:55,412 Why, you little... 565 00:21:55,489 --> 00:21:57,929 I'm sorry, America. I did the best I could. 566 00:21:58,008 --> 00:22:00,318 A man got to be who he is. 567 00:22:00,394 --> 00:22:01,564 Jordan! 568 00:22:01,637 --> 00:22:03,817 -Jordan! -(bell rings) 569 00:22:03,898 --> 00:22:05,808 Watch out, watch out. Sister, look out. 570 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:08,025 Excuse me. Excuse me. 571 00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,236 Excuse me. Jordan! 572 00:22:10,286 --> 00:22:14,836 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39857

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