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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,639 --> 00:00:26,682 (male voice on radio) The I-10 Santa Monica Freeway westbound 2 00:00:26,767 --> 00:00:28,851 is jammed due to a three-car accident... 3 00:00:28,936 --> 00:00:31,521 blocking lanes one and two just past Hoover Street. 4 00:00:31,605 --> 00:00:35,233 In Van Nuys there's stop and go traffic on the 405 southbound... 5 00:00:35,317 --> 00:00:37,318 (Emma) Hey, loser! Get up. You're late. 6 00:00:39,738 --> 00:00:41,030 We need money. 7 00:00:41,114 --> 00:00:42,281 For what? 8 00:00:42,366 --> 00:00:44,033 Food. 9 00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:48,746 [sighs] 10 00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:54,418 I've only got two dollars. How much is a Happy Meal? 11 00:00:54,503 --> 00:00:55,711 Oopf. 12 00:00:55,796 --> 00:00:58,381 [light cheerful music] 13 00:00:58,465 --> 00:01:00,049 (Manager) Good morning, Thea. 14 00:01:00,133 --> 00:01:01,592 Oh, hi. 15 00:01:01,677 --> 00:01:03,761 There's this thing called rent. 16 00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:05,847 Monday. You have my word. 17 00:01:05,931 --> 00:01:08,057 Could you put your word on an actual check? 18 00:01:08,141 --> 00:01:10,351 [cheerful music] 19 00:02:13,999 --> 00:02:17,168 (Miles) Whoo! Look at that foxy momma! 20 00:02:17,252 --> 00:02:18,628 Hey. 21 00:02:18,712 --> 00:02:22,340 Hey, look. I, uh, I saved you one of these. 22 00:02:22,424 --> 00:02:24,508 It wasn't easy. These people are animals. 23 00:02:24,593 --> 00:02:26,802 Thanks. It's all downhill after the donut. 24 00:02:26,887 --> 00:02:29,013 Hey. Let's go camping right now. 25 00:02:29,097 --> 00:02:30,973 Oh, don't tempt me. You know I can't. 26 00:02:31,058 --> 00:02:35,019 Come on. Don't be such a buzz kill. Just call in sick from work. 27 00:02:35,103 --> 00:02:37,855 Oh, Miles. It was hard enough getting Monday off. 28 00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,608 Hey. You really need to bail on this lame job, babe. 29 00:02:40,692 --> 00:02:44,236 Bailing isn't exactly in my vocabulary right now. I'm late. I'm late. 30 00:02:50,619 --> 00:02:51,786 [depressing music] 31 00:02:51,870 --> 00:02:53,496 Alarm clock on the fritz again? 32 00:02:55,290 --> 00:02:56,791 (Jerry) Thea. 33 00:02:56,875 --> 00:02:58,376 Thea! 34 00:03:02,714 --> 00:03:04,548 Four minutes after nine, Thea. 35 00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:06,467 We agreed to 8:59. 36 00:03:06,551 --> 00:03:09,095 I know. I'm sorry. I've got your coffee piping hot. 37 00:03:09,179 --> 00:03:11,597 Greg already got it for me. 38 00:03:11,682 --> 00:03:13,474 All right. Let's get started. 39 00:03:13,558 --> 00:03:16,268 I found two errors in your transcription. 40 00:03:16,395 --> 00:03:20,147 Ur-Nammu, the Mesopotamian ruler, has a hyphen in his name. 41 00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:23,150 Are you sure? I checked it in Oxford English Dictionary. 42 00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:26,570 You should always cross reference with the Military Encyclopedia. 43 00:03:26,655 --> 00:03:28,155 It is the definitive source. 44 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,740 Absolutely right, Greg. 45 00:03:29,825 --> 00:03:32,576 The intern shouldn't be more thorough than you. 46 00:03:32,661 --> 00:03:36,747 You have to remember that every mistake you make, impacts history. 47 00:03:36,832 --> 00:03:38,749 I'm sorry I didn't give enough thought 48 00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:41,293 to the long reaching impact of a missing hyphen. 49 00:03:41,378 --> 00:03:43,629 Think of it next time, or someone else will. 50 00:03:43,714 --> 00:03:47,133 There are a million people out there who'd kill for your job. 51 00:03:47,259 --> 00:03:50,761 The secretary to the publisher, it's a dream for so many of us. 52 00:03:50,846 --> 00:03:53,264 I have a big project for you. 53 00:03:53,390 --> 00:03:57,101 Now, you can make up for this morning's mistakes by acing this one. 54 00:03:57,185 --> 00:03:58,936 Okay. What can I do for you? 55 00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:02,565 MacArthur rolled in some poop. 56 00:04:02,649 --> 00:04:03,941 Again? 57 00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,609 She's got one good eye, Thea. 58 00:04:05,694 --> 00:04:08,988 I don't appreciate you taking that tone. Now. 59 00:04:11,366 --> 00:04:13,075 Hi, there. [dog whines] 60 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,121 Let's really try and nail it this time, shall we? 61 00:04:17,205 --> 00:04:18,205 [sighs] 62 00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:19,999 [whines] 63 00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:22,501 [whines] 64 00:04:25,547 --> 00:04:27,298 No way. She rolled in poop again? 65 00:04:27,382 --> 00:04:28,591 Uh-hm. 66 00:04:28,675 --> 00:04:30,301 How come Greg never washes her? 67 00:04:30,385 --> 00:04:32,928 I'm glad that I don't have to wash the poop off Greg 68 00:04:33,013 --> 00:04:36,015 since he spends most of his time with his head up Jerry's ass. 69 00:04:36,099 --> 00:04:39,060 Tell me about it. Last week he CC'd me on an email to Jerry 70 00:04:39,144 --> 00:04:41,979 complaining that I ordered too many rainbow Post-Its. 71 00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,856 Said it creates a party atmosphere. 72 00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:46,025 Come here, MacArthur. 73 00:04:46,109 --> 00:04:48,778 MacArthur. [dog whines] 74 00:04:48,862 --> 00:04:51,155 Do you think we'll ever get out of here? 75 00:04:51,239 --> 00:04:54,492 How long 'til your little sister graduates college? 76 00:04:54,576 --> 00:04:56,577 Five years. Five long years. 77 00:04:56,661 --> 00:04:58,662 [sighs] Wow. 78 00:04:58,747 --> 00:05:01,540 When you finally ditch this place I'm gonna leave, too. 79 00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:03,793 I can't survive this hellhole without you. 80 00:05:03,877 --> 00:05:06,879 I don't even know if I'm gonna survive Monday without you. 81 00:05:06,963 --> 00:05:09,256 Oh, well, your rainbow Post-Its should help. 82 00:05:09,341 --> 00:05:11,926 [fake laugh] Ha, ha, ha. Just promise me 83 00:05:12,052 --> 00:05:16,388 that when you're celebrating with Miles the big 25, you'll have two extra shots for me. 84 00:05:16,473 --> 00:05:19,058 Done. Two for you, two for me 85 00:05:19,142 --> 00:05:20,643 and two for MacArthur. 86 00:05:20,727 --> 00:05:22,853 And cold beer chasers and a sliced lime. 87 00:05:22,938 --> 00:05:24,396 [sigh] Gets me right here. 88 00:05:24,481 --> 00:05:26,732 [rhythmic music] 89 00:05:28,610 --> 00:05:30,069 What is MacArthur eating? 90 00:05:30,153 --> 00:05:32,947 Oh, that's not good. Hold on. 91 00:05:33,031 --> 00:05:34,198 No, no, that's soap! 92 00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:41,330 (Garth) Well, Thea, you are a sopping mess. 93 00:05:41,414 --> 00:05:42,706 I know, I'm sorry. 94 00:05:42,791 --> 00:05:43,999 Well, don't apologize. 95 00:05:44,084 --> 00:05:45,709 (Carl) This one has two staples. 96 00:05:45,794 --> 00:05:46,836 Yeah. And? 97 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,212 It's bad feng shui. 98 00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:49,797 It'd be nice to give the agenda 99 00:05:49,881 --> 00:05:51,882 to the guy the disability first. 100 00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:53,926 When I gave you yours first last month, 101 00:05:54,010 --> 00:05:56,720 you reprimanded me for giving you special treatment. 102 00:05:56,805 --> 00:05:59,098 I don't like your giving me special back talk. 103 00:05:59,182 --> 00:06:01,809 (Jerry) Good morning, everyone. Ready for Abbott? 104 00:06:01,893 --> 00:06:02,935 [ringing] 105 00:06:03,019 --> 00:06:04,395 Sorry. 106 00:06:04,479 --> 00:06:06,230 (Abbot) Let's have another round! 107 00:06:06,314 --> 00:06:09,567 Hey, Johnny, my good man. How's the book coming? 108 00:06:09,651 --> 00:06:10,734 (Abbot) Jerry! 109 00:06:10,819 --> 00:06:12,945 War. What is it good for? 110 00:06:13,029 --> 00:06:16,907 Apparently lots of things, Jerry. [laughs viciously] 111 00:06:16,992 --> 00:06:18,576 [whines] 112 00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:21,579 If you could just tell us what chapter you're up to. 113 00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:22,746 Sweet. 114 00:06:22,831 --> 00:06:24,248 (Abbot) Pigs in the blanket 115 00:06:24,332 --> 00:06:26,417 for everybody on me. [laughs and hangs up] 116 00:06:26,501 --> 00:06:28,878 [chuckles] Alright, bye-bye. [clears throat] 117 00:06:28,962 --> 00:06:31,046 (Jerry) Hemingway used to write in bars. 118 00:06:31,131 --> 00:06:34,925 Ah. We're so pleased you decided to bless us with your presence, Nicky 119 00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:37,928 Sorry, uh, bad, bad traffic. 120 00:06:38,013 --> 00:06:40,931 Hm. Got hung up at the divorce lawyer's office? 121 00:06:41,016 --> 00:06:43,934 I kind of wanted that to be private, Jerry. 122 00:06:44,019 --> 00:06:46,562 Well, well, privacy is for people who are on time. 123 00:06:46,646 --> 00:06:48,606 (Nick) So how's Abbott's book coming? 124 00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:53,444 Extremely well. There's a method to his mad genius. 125 00:06:53,528 --> 00:06:56,947 And now we're ready to go over the cost report. 126 00:06:57,032 --> 00:06:58,991 Whenever you feel like presenting it. 127 00:06:59,075 --> 00:07:01,035 (Nick) Oh, okay. 128 00:07:01,119 --> 00:07:05,247 Sales for The Complete History of Bullets are below projections. 129 00:07:05,332 --> 00:07:08,667 Uh, marketing says people have been intimidated 130 00:07:08,752 --> 00:07:10,544 by the 1400 page length. 131 00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:14,298 (Garth) There are a lot of bullets in the world. We're not making it up. 132 00:07:14,382 --> 00:07:17,343 Let's talk about the next order of order of business. 133 00:07:17,427 --> 00:07:20,804 (Jerry) I've given this a lot of thought. [dog whines] 134 00:07:20,889 --> 00:07:24,475 [sighs] Next week's softball game. 135 00:07:24,559 --> 00:07:28,312 Now, we're all tired of losing to Presidio. 136 00:07:28,396 --> 00:07:30,648 So I'm moving Garth to short stop. 137 00:07:30,732 --> 00:07:32,483 I'm not quite finished. 138 00:07:32,567 --> 00:07:36,195 I've told you. You're staying in left field. We need you there. 139 00:07:36,279 --> 00:07:37,863 This isn't softball related. 140 00:07:37,948 --> 00:07:40,324 You know our textbook writer, Suzie Cavendish? 141 00:07:40,408 --> 00:07:41,450 Of course I know her. 142 00:07:41,534 --> 00:07:42,785 I read her new manuscript 143 00:07:42,869 --> 00:07:44,662 and I thought it was really good. 144 00:07:44,746 --> 00:07:47,122 How did you get a manuscript? 145 00:07:47,207 --> 00:07:49,667 I ran into her at lunch. She told me about her book. 146 00:07:49,751 --> 00:07:52,169 You don't send the accountant your manuscript. 147 00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:55,631 [dog whines] Thanks, but I've already told Suzie it's not for us. 148 00:07:55,715 --> 00:07:57,508 It's not our subject matter. 149 00:07:57,592 --> 00:07:59,885 [dog whines and groans] Baby, what's wrong? 150 00:07:59,970 --> 00:08:03,264 (Jerry) MacArthur? [dog groans] 151 00:08:03,348 --> 00:08:06,850 What's wrong with you? Come here, baby. 152 00:08:06,935 --> 00:08:09,520 What is wrong? Talk to daddy. 153 00:08:09,604 --> 00:08:10,771 [whines and retches] 154 00:08:13,108 --> 00:08:14,316 (Thea) Ew! 155 00:08:14,401 --> 00:08:16,694 (Jerry) What did you feed her? 156 00:08:16,778 --> 00:08:18,988 I'm so so sorry about your dog. 157 00:08:19,072 --> 00:08:22,408 I just scheduled a full body scan for MacArthur on Monday. 158 00:08:22,492 --> 00:08:25,035 I have the day off Monday but I'll take her Tuesday. 159 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,537 You'll take her Monday. 160 00:08:26,621 --> 00:08:28,622 I asked for this time off two months ago. 161 00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:30,791 It's just one day. I promised my boyfriend 162 00:08:30,875 --> 00:08:32,793 we'd go camping for his 25th birthday. 163 00:08:32,877 --> 00:08:34,420 It's his 25th birthday? 164 00:08:34,504 --> 00:08:35,713 Yeah, it is. 165 00:08:35,797 --> 00:08:37,965 God, I had no idea. 166 00:08:38,049 --> 00:08:40,551 I'm sorry. Why don't you take the whole week off? 167 00:08:40,635 --> 00:08:41,677 Really? 168 00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:43,095 No! [dog whines] 169 00:08:43,179 --> 00:08:46,056 Okay, no problem. 170 00:08:46,141 --> 00:08:48,225 (Lisa) Come on, things can't be that bad. 171 00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:51,228 Okay. Let's see what I have to look forward to in life. 172 00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:53,022 Washing my boss's dog. 173 00:08:53,106 --> 00:08:54,898 Blow-drying my boss's job. 174 00:08:54,983 --> 00:08:56,150 Uh-mm. 175 00:08:56,234 --> 00:08:57,985 Taking my boss's dog for a CAT scan. 176 00:08:58,069 --> 00:08:59,903 I'm officially a pathetic loser. 177 00:08:59,988 --> 00:09:02,823 Well, at least we still have Skittles and cigarettes. 178 00:09:05,493 --> 00:09:08,245 (Lisa) Maybe you and Miles can reschedule the weekend. 179 00:09:08,371 --> 00:09:11,874 (Thea) Oh, yeah. I'll see if Miles can reschedule his birthday. 180 00:09:11,958 --> 00:09:13,751 No, maybe Jerry's onto something. 181 00:09:13,835 --> 00:09:17,004 Who needs a significant other when you're dating your own dog? 182 00:09:17,088 --> 00:09:20,257 (Thea) Jerry's repulsive. Have you smelled his breath lately? 183 00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:22,426 He's lucky he can get a dog to date him. 184 00:09:22,552 --> 00:09:26,472 You know, it's one thing if Jerry is an undersexed jerk who takes no joy in life 185 00:09:26,556 --> 00:09:29,975 But why does he have to make the rest of us that way? I hate him! 186 00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,143 [door bangs open] 187 00:09:31,227 --> 00:09:32,269 [both gasp] 188 00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:35,064 In my office. Now! 189 00:09:36,983 --> 00:09:40,611 You've got some pretty strong opinions about my personal choices. 190 00:09:40,695 --> 00:09:42,780 You find my relationship with MacArthur 191 00:09:42,864 --> 00:09:44,281 something to deride? 192 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:46,700 Not at all. I respect your devotion to animals. 193 00:09:46,785 --> 00:09:48,994 You're involvement with PETA is inspiring. 194 00:09:49,079 --> 00:09:50,204 Don't bullshit me. 195 00:09:50,288 --> 00:09:51,663 I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. 196 00:09:51,748 --> 00:09:53,916 It was childish and it won't happen again. 197 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,751 If you hate me so much, 198 00:09:55,877 --> 00:09:59,338 I don't really think it's healthy for you to continue working with me. 199 00:09:59,422 --> 00:10:01,423 [gasps] But, please. You can't do this. 200 00:10:01,508 --> 00:10:02,508 Watch me. 201 00:10:02,592 --> 00:10:03,634 But I need this job. 202 00:10:03,718 --> 00:10:04,718 Here I go. 203 00:10:04,803 --> 00:10:05,803 I support my sister. 204 00:10:05,887 --> 00:10:06,929 You're fired. 205 00:10:07,013 --> 00:10:08,013 But I'm... 206 00:10:08,098 --> 00:10:09,973 You're what? You're? 207 00:10:10,058 --> 00:10:11,100 I'm pregnant. 208 00:10:11,184 --> 00:10:12,267 Pregnant? 209 00:10:12,352 --> 00:10:14,686 Yes, pregnant. Totally pregnant. 210 00:10:14,771 --> 00:10:18,065 The doctor says the chemicals or hormones or whatever... 211 00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:22,277 are messing up my system and you can't take anything I say too seriously. 212 00:10:22,362 --> 00:10:25,072 Except for when I say I'm pregnant because, I am. 213 00:10:33,248 --> 00:10:34,373 (Thea) Oh, God. 214 00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:45,551 When are you due? 215 00:10:45,635 --> 00:10:47,511 Octember. I mean, October. 216 00:10:47,595 --> 00:10:48,887 October what? 217 00:10:48,972 --> 00:10:50,931 Uh, probably the 6th. Could be the 7th, 218 00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:53,600 could be the 8th. But fingers are crossed for the 6th 219 00:10:53,685 --> 00:10:55,769 by then I'll just want this thing out of me. 220 00:10:55,854 --> 00:10:57,771 You're almost four months pregnant? 221 00:10:57,856 --> 00:10:59,690 Yeah. [chuckles] Isn't that crazy? 222 00:10:59,774 --> 00:11:03,861 Feels like yesterday I wasn't. But I was because I'm four months 223 00:11:03,945 --> 00:11:06,530 The legal department is backing your story 224 00:11:06,614 --> 00:11:09,324 about not being able to fire a pregnant woman 225 00:11:09,409 --> 00:11:13,203 no matter how much she might deserve it. 226 00:11:13,288 --> 00:11:15,747 So get back to work. 227 00:11:15,832 --> 00:11:17,416 Thank you so much, Jerry. 228 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:21,086 I really appreciate it. Thank you. From both of us. 229 00:11:25,717 --> 00:11:30,137 Congratulations on the baby. The entire legal department is thrilled. 230 00:11:30,221 --> 00:11:33,599 Hey, why didn't you tell me earlier? Oh, I know. 231 00:11:33,683 --> 00:11:36,727 Probably because there's so much that can go horribly wrong. 232 00:11:36,853 --> 00:11:40,063 I mean, I'm out of the woods. But I do everything right. [laughs] 233 00:11:40,148 --> 00:11:43,400 Anyway, so I'm having my baby first, not that it's a competition. 234 00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,235 But I win! [laughs] 235 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,197 Anyway, no, really, congratulations. 236 00:11:48,281 --> 00:11:51,241 Oh, Thea! Oh, I'm so excited for you. 237 00:11:51,326 --> 00:11:53,785 No wonder you've been spacey lately. [chuckles] 238 00:11:53,870 --> 00:11:55,120 (Garth) What's going on? 239 00:11:55,205 --> 00:11:57,080 (Ann) Everybody, Thea's pregnant! 240 00:11:57,165 --> 00:11:59,041 Don't look at me. I never touched her. 241 00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:01,919 (Garth) Never would have guessed. You still look sexy. 242 00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:04,755 I had to tell everyone. Couldn't keep it a secret. 243 00:12:04,839 --> 00:12:08,050 Of course. How can you hide that kind of thing? 244 00:12:08,176 --> 00:12:11,929 (Carl) I should've known. My left knee's been hurting. When my knee hurts, 245 00:12:12,013 --> 00:12:13,931 it usually means someone's pregnant. 246 00:12:14,015 --> 00:12:17,935 Yeah, or they're stuck underwater in a car. Anyway, I'm glad it's this. 247 00:12:18,019 --> 00:12:20,562 (Garth) So who's the very lucky fella? 248 00:12:20,647 --> 00:12:23,065 (Lisa) You didn't tell 'em the rest of the news? 249 00:12:23,149 --> 00:12:24,900 Thea and Miles are engaged! 250 00:12:24,984 --> 00:12:27,653 [all] Oh! 251 00:12:27,737 --> 00:12:30,280 (Kristen) That's so great! 252 00:12:30,365 --> 00:12:34,868 I mean, I got married before I got pregnant, but better late than never. 253 00:12:34,953 --> 00:12:36,453 Whoo-hoo! Yay for you! 254 00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,664 Yeah, I'm, I'm really excited, everyone. 255 00:12:38,748 --> 00:12:42,125 Yeah, thrilled. Over the moon. Way over it! 256 00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:43,794 [all chuckle] 257 00:12:43,878 --> 00:12:44,962 [silence] 258 00:12:45,046 --> 00:12:46,255 Psst. [chuckles] 259 00:12:51,928 --> 00:12:54,096 (Lisa) Pregnant? It's brilliant. 260 00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:55,806 Where did you come up with that? 261 00:12:55,890 --> 00:12:58,559 I saw it on an episode of Law and Order. 262 00:12:58,643 --> 00:13:00,644 Yeah. You can't fire a pregnant woman. 263 00:13:00,728 --> 00:13:03,313 Discrimination, lawsuits, bad mojo, whatever. 264 00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:05,774 Smart. 265 00:13:05,858 --> 00:13:07,484 By the way, thanks for your help. 266 00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:10,028 Pregnant wasn't bad enough. I had to get engaged. 267 00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:13,740 Well, I didn't want people to think you were some kind of wayward skank. 268 00:13:13,825 --> 00:13:15,826 Is that what you think of single mothers? 269 00:13:15,952 --> 00:13:19,496 No, of course not. I just happen to know that a lot of people in the office 270 00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:23,000 think you're a wayward skank and I thought this could turn it around. 271 00:13:23,126 --> 00:13:26,837 [sigh] Thanks. Crap, Lisa. What am I gonna do? How will I get out of this? 272 00:13:26,921 --> 00:13:30,299 Can't we just say that you know, something happened to, 273 00:13:30,383 --> 00:13:34,177 I don't know, one of your tubes. Sprung a leak. 274 00:13:34,262 --> 00:13:36,221 Do you know what you're talking about? 275 00:13:36,306 --> 00:13:38,557 Let's just go along with it for a little while 276 00:13:38,641 --> 00:13:40,559 and then we'll say it was a false alarm. 277 00:13:40,643 --> 00:13:44,146 You thought you were pregnant, but it turns out you just had crabs. 278 00:13:44,230 --> 00:13:45,397 Ew. 279 00:13:52,572 --> 00:13:55,365 (Thea) I'm so sorry, Em. I had a crazy day at work 280 00:13:55,450 --> 00:13:58,201 and I lost track of time. Am I too late? 281 00:13:58,286 --> 00:14:02,164 The meeting was at four and it's five o'clock now. You do the math. 282 00:14:02,248 --> 00:14:04,124 I'm really sorry. 283 00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:07,461 Have you been drinking? 284 00:14:07,545 --> 00:14:09,421 I had a cocktail. 285 00:14:11,174 --> 00:14:14,384 Come on. You're 17. You should be out drinking and smoking 286 00:14:20,141 --> 00:14:23,393 (Thea) I'll reschedule with your guidance counselor next week. 287 00:14:23,519 --> 00:14:27,105 Don't bother. I already met with Miss Talbot and we discussed my options 288 00:14:27,190 --> 00:14:29,316 What options? 289 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,778 She suggested I start taking some cooking classes after school. 290 00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:35,447 You have tennis after school. 291 00:14:35,531 --> 00:14:37,783 Yeah, but I'm sick of tennis. 292 00:14:37,909 --> 00:14:42,329 I was thinking maybe I could go to the Culinary Institute in San Francisco. 293 00:14:42,413 --> 00:14:44,998 No way. You're staying right here and going to UCLA. 294 00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:49,044 Tennis will cover the tuition and I'm busting my ass off to cover the rest. 295 00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:53,090 I know. You keep telling me when Mom and Dad died, we lost out on options. 296 00:14:53,216 --> 00:14:57,302 (Thea) Just do me a favor, be a grown-up and accept the hand that you've been dealt. 297 00:14:57,387 --> 00:14:58,845 So that's what you do? 298 00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,722 Yeah, that's what I do. 299 00:15:00,848 --> 00:15:05,185 Really? 'Cause you were at a bar instead of my parent teacher conference. 300 00:15:13,736 --> 00:15:16,029 Oh, hello, Mr. Abbott. 301 00:15:16,114 --> 00:15:18,782 Jerry? Jerry, where are you? 302 00:15:18,866 --> 00:15:20,283 Mr. Abbott, can I help you? 303 00:15:20,368 --> 00:15:22,744 Is there anything to drink in this place 304 00:15:22,829 --> 00:15:25,205 or do I have to go to my car and get my divining rod? 305 00:15:25,289 --> 00:15:26,998 I could get you some water. 306 00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:30,460 Go ahead, soldier. Three parts scotch, one part water. 307 00:15:30,545 --> 00:15:32,462 Okay. Move, move, move. Hey, soldier. 308 00:15:32,547 --> 00:15:34,089 What brings you to the office? 309 00:15:34,173 --> 00:15:37,259 How are you? [chuckles] Well, your brother wants my book. 310 00:15:37,343 --> 00:15:40,345 Jerry's at lunch. But Thea can take your manuscript for you 311 00:15:40,430 --> 00:15:41,972 Who's Thea? 312 00:15:42,056 --> 00:15:44,433 Jerry's secretary. You talk to her every day. 313 00:15:44,559 --> 00:15:48,645 Congratulations are probably in order. Thea has good news. She's having a baby 314 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:49,980 Hm. 315 00:15:50,064 --> 00:15:52,482 She looks like she's strong stock. 316 00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:57,446 Maybe she can give us a strong future Marine. 317 00:15:57,530 --> 00:15:59,281 (Greg) Thea, do you have a minute? 318 00:15:59,365 --> 00:16:00,824 So, uh, how are you? 319 00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:02,868 Fine, thanks. You? 320 00:16:02,994 --> 00:16:07,998 Oh, I'm fine. But I'm not the one with a magical bundle of joy growing inside of me. 321 00:16:08,082 --> 00:16:11,042 So, no morning sickness? No bloating? 322 00:16:11,127 --> 00:16:13,920 No. Nuh-unh. Guess I'm just really lucky. 323 00:16:14,005 --> 00:16:15,672 A little too lucky, if you ask me. 324 00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:16,840 Yeah. 325 00:16:16,924 --> 00:16:19,342 And uh, where is your ring? 326 00:16:19,427 --> 00:16:21,720 Well, we... 327 00:16:21,804 --> 00:16:24,347 Her fianceé is saving up for her ring. 328 00:16:24,432 --> 00:16:26,975 It's not very nice to try to embarrass people. 329 00:16:27,101 --> 00:16:30,771 So why don't you get back to lying about yourself on your dating websites? 330 00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:37,694 Don't worry about him. He doesn't know anything. He's an idiot. 331 00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:39,738 And I'm sure Greg is still a virgin. 332 00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:43,450 (woman) Come on, Jerry. 333 00:16:43,534 --> 00:16:45,035 Oh! Alright, Jerry. 334 00:16:45,119 --> 00:16:46,328 (Umpire) Oh! Watch it! 335 00:16:46,412 --> 00:16:47,537 Dumbass. 336 00:16:47,622 --> 00:16:49,706 (woman) Come on, Nick. 337 00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,625 (woman) Come on Nick, you can do it. 338 00:16:51,709 --> 00:16:52,751 [MacArthur whines] 339 00:16:52,835 --> 00:16:55,962 [all cheer Nick] 340 00:17:00,426 --> 00:17:01,510 (Umpire) Hit it! 341 00:17:01,594 --> 00:17:02,761 Ow! 342 00:17:02,845 --> 00:17:04,846 (Umpire) Ball. Take your base. 343 00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,223 (woman) Take your base! 344 00:17:06,307 --> 00:17:08,475 (woman) Come on, Thea. 345 00:17:08,559 --> 00:17:09,601 (man) Come on, Thea! 346 00:17:09,685 --> 00:17:10,977 (man) Let's go, Thea! 347 00:17:11,062 --> 00:17:12,103 [hit] 348 00:17:12,188 --> 00:17:13,730 (man) Go, go. Home run. 349 00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:15,106 Come on, come on. 350 00:17:15,191 --> 00:17:17,275 Go, go. Get home, get home. 351 00:17:19,237 --> 00:17:20,904 (man) Come on, come on. 352 00:17:20,988 --> 00:17:22,614 [all continue cheering] 353 00:17:22,698 --> 00:17:24,032 Safe! 354 00:17:24,116 --> 00:17:25,826 [all cheer] 355 00:17:26,702 --> 00:17:27,744 Are you okay? 356 00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:28,995 Yeah. I'm great. 357 00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:33,500 (man) Come on, Colonel. You can do it. 358 00:17:33,584 --> 00:17:34,709 (woman) You got it! 359 00:17:34,794 --> 00:17:35,752 Great. 360 00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:36,920 (Jerry) Thea. 361 00:17:37,004 --> 00:17:39,840 Kristen. Come here, please now. 362 00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:43,969 (Jerry) You shouldn't be playing in your condition. 363 00:17:44,053 --> 00:17:45,178 What condition? 364 00:17:45,263 --> 00:17:46,847 Your baby. 365 00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:48,890 (Garth) Lisa, get your ass out on base? 366 00:17:48,975 --> 00:17:50,141 Of course. 367 00:17:50,226 --> 00:17:52,310 We are taking you out. For the season. 368 00:17:52,395 --> 00:17:53,520 [sighs] 369 00:17:53,604 --> 00:17:56,022 All season. 370 00:17:57,942 --> 00:18:00,402 (woman) Come on! 371 00:18:00,486 --> 00:18:01,903 Hey, thanks for the RBI. 372 00:18:01,988 --> 00:18:04,030 Yeah, well, no more RBIs. 373 00:18:04,115 --> 00:18:07,742 Jerry says I'm a liability, so I can't play 'cause I'm pregnant. 374 00:18:07,827 --> 00:18:10,829 Sounds like the most reasonable opinion he's had in years. 375 00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,623 [all] Oh! 376 00:18:13,708 --> 00:18:15,750 [all cheer] 377 00:18:21,340 --> 00:18:22,382 Yes! 378 00:18:25,761 --> 00:18:26,803 [dog barks] 379 00:18:31,350 --> 00:18:32,642 [dog whines] 380 00:18:32,727 --> 00:18:33,977 [all gasp] 381 00:18:34,061 --> 00:18:35,478 MacArthur? 382 00:18:35,563 --> 00:18:36,980 (Ann) Good heavens. 383 00:18:37,064 --> 00:18:40,191 Oh, it's okay. I'm coming for you, baby. 384 00:18:40,276 --> 00:18:41,443 [dog barks and whines] 385 00:18:49,619 --> 00:18:51,494 I need a copy of Abbott's manuscript. 386 00:18:51,579 --> 00:18:54,497 I'm gonna read it in the car on the way to his funeral. 387 00:18:54,582 --> 00:18:57,417 What? You've never seen a manuscript on napkins before? 388 00:18:57,501 --> 00:19:00,295 When genius strikes, you write it down. Do it now. 389 00:19:00,379 --> 00:19:01,588 Okay. 390 00:19:05,801 --> 00:19:09,846 Oh. Thea, um, should you still be using the copier? 391 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:12,682 Copy machines emit electromagnetic waves. 392 00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:14,476 And what does that do? 393 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,812 Well, no one knows yet. But I've been reading on the message boards 394 00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:22,025 and it seems like something you should avoid if you're trying to have a well pregnancy. 395 00:19:22,109 --> 00:19:23,610 I think I should be okay. 396 00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:27,280 Oh, good. Well, if it doesn't bother you, 397 00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:29,532 then can you make 50 copies of that for me? 398 00:19:29,617 --> 00:19:31,284 (Kristen) Thank you. 399 00:19:33,746 --> 00:19:35,413 You know, I, I find it fascinating 400 00:19:35,498 --> 00:19:38,041 that Kristen is only a month further along than you 401 00:19:38,125 --> 00:19:41,836 and yet she's the size of a school bus and you're still the size of Kate Moss. 402 00:19:41,921 --> 00:19:44,381 Different strokes, I guess. 403 00:19:44,465 --> 00:19:48,551 Perhaps it's easier to feel the bump than to see it. 404 00:19:48,636 --> 00:19:52,097 What's the big deal? Everyone likes to touch a pregnant stomach. 405 00:19:52,181 --> 00:19:54,391 Because you're a gross weirdo, Greg. 406 00:19:56,185 --> 00:19:59,145 And the baby doesn't like gross weirdos, Greg. 407 00:20:00,481 --> 00:20:01,898 Hmpf. 408 00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:04,109 You and me are going shopping after work. 409 00:20:16,330 --> 00:20:18,206 What on earth are you doing? 410 00:20:18,290 --> 00:20:19,624 I'm stealing you a belly. 411 00:20:19,709 --> 00:20:20,750 What? 412 00:20:20,835 --> 00:20:22,293 You're four months pregnant 413 00:20:22,378 --> 00:20:24,754 and you've got the abs of a Jenku swimsuit model. 414 00:20:24,839 --> 00:20:26,381 Sh. Cover me. Okay? 415 00:20:26,465 --> 00:20:29,134 Look. If you want people to think you're pregnant, 416 00:20:29,218 --> 00:20:33,346 you've gotta start talking the talk and walking the... waddle 417 00:20:35,850 --> 00:20:37,308 I don't know if I can do this. 418 00:20:37,393 --> 00:20:39,519 You can do this. Just do it for a week. 419 00:20:39,603 --> 00:20:43,273 But you've gotta look the part or people are gonna get suspicious. 420 00:20:43,357 --> 00:20:45,775 I look ridiculous. 421 00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:48,111 These jeans are elastic on the top. 422 00:20:48,195 --> 00:20:50,447 I feel like I'm wearing a condom on my stomach. 423 00:20:50,573 --> 00:20:54,409 [chuckles] You don't look like you've been anywhere near a condom. 424 00:20:54,535 --> 00:20:59,205 (Lisa) Gross. Did you know that when women are in labor they sometimes poop? 425 00:20:59,290 --> 00:21:00,790 Ew. 426 00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:04,627 Have you ever heard of an episiotomy? Or cankles? Hmm? 427 00:21:04,712 --> 00:21:05,920 Agh. 428 00:21:06,005 --> 00:21:08,965 Well, we should get this as a reference. 429 00:21:09,050 --> 00:21:11,968 I thought this whole thing was gonna blow over in a few days. 430 00:21:12,094 --> 00:21:15,722 Yeah, but until then you should know the ins and outs of being preggers. 431 00:21:15,806 --> 00:21:18,808 There's a whole world of stuff here you know nothing about. 432 00:21:18,893 --> 00:21:21,644 Yeah. And I'd kind of like to keep it that way. 433 00:21:21,729 --> 00:21:24,147 Ew. Look at those nipples. 434 00:21:24,231 --> 00:21:25,648 Wait a second, wait a second. 435 00:21:25,733 --> 00:21:26,775 What? 436 00:21:26,859 --> 00:21:28,151 Here. here. 437 00:21:28,235 --> 00:21:30,320 No. Can I keep the stomach at your house? 438 00:21:30,404 --> 00:21:32,655 No. That's like keeping your arm at my house. 439 00:21:32,740 --> 00:21:35,909 No, no. I don't want Emma to find out and she hates when I lie. 440 00:21:35,993 --> 00:21:36,993 You lie all the time. 441 00:21:37,078 --> 00:21:38,286 No, really. 442 00:21:38,370 --> 00:21:40,747 It stays with you. It's your stomach. 443 00:21:51,217 --> 00:21:52,467 [knocking] 444 00:21:52,551 --> 00:21:54,094 Hey! Can I get a little privacy? 445 00:21:54,178 --> 00:21:56,805 Whoa, what are you doing in there? Can I just come in? 446 00:21:56,889 --> 00:21:58,473 I'm trying to talk to you. 447 00:21:58,557 --> 00:22:01,518 It doesn't matter what I'm doing right now, I am busy. Shoo. 448 00:22:04,563 --> 00:22:06,856 Morning, Thea, you got my check? 449 00:22:06,941 --> 00:22:10,527 Wow. Look at you. 450 00:22:10,611 --> 00:22:13,613 Yeah, look at me. Oh, it's not what, um... 451 00:22:13,697 --> 00:22:16,616 Oh, geez, I mean. You've obviously got a lot on your plate. 452 00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:19,911 I'm sorry about the other day. Don't worry about the rent check. 453 00:22:19,995 --> 00:22:21,955 Take another week or two. 454 00:22:22,039 --> 00:22:23,665 You just take care of yourself. 455 00:22:23,749 --> 00:22:26,042 [Donna] Oh, my God. 456 00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:29,212 Oh, how exciting. [gasps] 457 00:22:29,296 --> 00:22:31,256 I have so much baby stuff I can lend you. 458 00:22:31,340 --> 00:22:33,883 Let me know if you need to borrow my old breast pump. 459 00:22:33,968 --> 00:22:35,093 I just have to rinse it. 460 00:22:35,177 --> 00:22:37,846 [cheerful music] 461 00:22:54,488 --> 00:22:57,365 (Garth) My favorite lubricant, Ann? WD-40. 462 00:22:57,491 --> 00:23:01,411 (Ann) Thea. I've made some brownies for you to fatten you up. 463 00:23:01,495 --> 00:23:02,495 Oh, thank you. 464 00:23:02,580 --> 00:23:03,788 It popped. 465 00:23:03,873 --> 00:23:05,874 Yeah, once you pop, you can't stop. 466 00:23:05,958 --> 00:23:08,793 [chuckles] You're carrying low. It's definitely a boy. 467 00:23:08,919 --> 00:23:12,630 Whatever it is, you've obviously begun that slippery slide into obesity. 468 00:23:12,715 --> 00:23:15,592 Well, you had a nice run there, didn't you, champ? 469 00:23:15,676 --> 00:23:18,178 Oh, good morning. 470 00:23:18,262 --> 00:23:20,263 Look at you. 471 00:23:20,347 --> 00:23:22,932 Oh, my God. I think I just felt it kick. 472 00:23:23,017 --> 00:23:25,977 Oh. Yeah, mark it in the baby journal for me, will you? 473 00:23:26,061 --> 00:23:27,228 I will. 474 00:23:27,313 --> 00:23:28,605 Are people buying it? 475 00:23:28,689 --> 00:23:31,149 Totally. Totally. Ann made me brownies. 476 00:23:31,233 --> 00:23:33,234 I got a seat on the bus today. 477 00:23:33,319 --> 00:23:35,403 And Garth is not attracted to me anymore. 478 00:23:35,487 --> 00:23:37,447 It's the best morning I've had in years. 479 00:23:37,531 --> 00:23:40,200 Okay, you want to hear something even more amazing? 480 00:23:40,284 --> 00:23:42,410 Have you read Abbott's new manuscript? 481 00:23:42,494 --> 00:23:44,245 I get asked to Xerox, not to read. 482 00:23:44,330 --> 00:23:47,290 Okay. Get ready to have your mind blown. 483 00:23:47,374 --> 00:23:50,835 Ah, "Philip of Macedon had a hard-on." 484 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,588 "Scaled great peaks to conquer the Greeks." 485 00:23:53,672 --> 00:23:56,132 It's all rhyming couplets and dirty limericks. 486 00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:58,509 And this is what Jerry's betting the bank on. 487 00:23:59,470 --> 00:24:00,929 It's insane. 488 00:24:01,013 --> 00:24:02,222 Oh, you're welcome. 489 00:24:06,018 --> 00:24:07,769 Well, you look different. 490 00:24:07,853 --> 00:24:10,688 Sorry. I'll move you to the shitty corner in a second. 491 00:24:10,773 --> 00:24:13,816 It's all right, dear. You've got your hands full. 492 00:24:13,901 --> 00:24:16,069 You've exploded. 493 00:24:16,153 --> 00:24:17,237 Well, yes, she has. 494 00:24:19,615 --> 00:24:21,241 [clears throat] 495 00:24:21,325 --> 00:24:23,868 Well, people. I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear 496 00:24:23,953 --> 00:24:27,538 that MacArthur is expected to make a full recovery. 497 00:24:27,623 --> 00:24:29,290 I've gotten her a spot 498 00:24:29,375 --> 00:24:32,752 at the McElroy Center for Veterinary Rehabilitation in Bethesda. 499 00:24:32,836 --> 00:24:34,671 It's the best in the country. 500 00:24:34,755 --> 00:24:38,383 They tell me she should be at 90 percent tail-wagging capability 501 00:24:38,467 --> 00:24:39,717 after just six weeks. 502 00:24:39,802 --> 00:24:41,803 I'll be out of the office for a while. 503 00:24:41,887 --> 00:24:44,389 I'll be working out of the rehab center in Bethesda 504 00:24:44,473 --> 00:24:47,600 where I've taken a room for the duration of MacArthur's stay. 505 00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:51,145 Until I get back, Nicky will be holding down the fort. 506 00:24:51,230 --> 00:24:54,357 I'm giving him strict instructions not to do anything stupid. 507 00:24:54,441 --> 00:24:56,150 (Garth) Code red. 508 00:24:56,235 --> 00:24:58,486 [sighs] Seriously, Nick. 509 00:24:58,570 --> 00:25:00,446 Don't blow it. 510 00:25:02,616 --> 00:25:04,200 Check it out. 511 00:25:04,285 --> 00:25:07,370 There's our fearless leader plotting our brilliant future. 512 00:25:07,454 --> 00:25:10,707 (Thea) Well at least with him in charge, I'm off the hook. 513 00:25:10,791 --> 00:25:13,001 Well, things are looking up. 514 00:25:13,085 --> 00:25:15,628 Okay, let's figure out how to get me out of this mess. 515 00:25:15,754 --> 00:25:19,382 I'll Google what kind of mishaps can happen when you're pregnant. 516 00:25:19,466 --> 00:25:21,384 Hi, guys. Sorry to bother you. 517 00:25:21,510 --> 00:25:24,887 (Lisa) You're boss now, Nick. You can bother us anytime you want. 518 00:25:25,014 --> 00:25:30,727 Right. Um, Thea, I kind of need a favor. Would you, come with me? 519 00:25:33,647 --> 00:25:35,273 We're meeting Suzie Cavendish. 520 00:25:35,357 --> 00:25:37,692 I mentioned her in the meeting last week. 521 00:25:37,776 --> 00:25:40,778 You see, Suzie's written this hilarious book 522 00:25:40,863 --> 00:25:44,240 about pregnancy. It, it's true stories about pregnant women 523 00:25:44,325 --> 00:25:48,286 getting stuck in bathtubs and throwing up under their desks at work 524 00:25:48,370 --> 00:25:51,122 and farting by mistake in meetings. 525 00:25:51,206 --> 00:25:54,751 It, it's stuff you, you must know a lot more about than me, obviously. 526 00:25:54,835 --> 00:25:56,919 Yeah, totally. Totally. 527 00:25:57,004 --> 00:26:00,298 I'm trying really, really hard not to fart right now. 528 00:26:00,382 --> 00:26:03,718 Anyway, I want to publish Suzie's book 529 00:26:03,802 --> 00:26:06,721 and, and while Jerry's gone, I'm gonna do it. 530 00:26:06,805 --> 00:26:09,057 You know, carpe diem and all that stuff. 531 00:26:09,141 --> 00:26:10,808 Yeah, definitely. 532 00:26:10,893 --> 00:26:14,854 I actually used to be a pretty carpe diem kind of person myself. 533 00:26:14,938 --> 00:26:16,105 But not anymore. 534 00:26:16,190 --> 00:26:17,440 Because I'm pregnant. 535 00:26:17,524 --> 00:26:19,233 See, that's just it. 536 00:26:19,318 --> 00:26:22,236 Suzie's not convinced that Steinwald's the right place. 537 00:26:22,321 --> 00:26:25,615 So I thought you might help convince her otherwise. 538 00:26:25,699 --> 00:26:27,283 Yeah, sure. 539 00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:30,703 I mean, I'll just talk to her about the whole farting thing. 540 00:26:33,290 --> 00:26:36,125 Uh, one thing. Uh, Suzie kind of thinks you're an editor. 541 00:26:36,210 --> 00:26:37,752 Why would she think that? 542 00:26:37,836 --> 00:26:39,337 I kind of implied it. 543 00:26:39,421 --> 00:26:40,463 What? 544 00:26:40,547 --> 00:26:41,547 Suzie! 545 00:26:41,632 --> 00:26:44,050 (Suzie) Hi. Nice to see you. 546 00:26:44,176 --> 00:26:48,096 (Suzie) Most pregnancy books make you feel totally inadequate 547 00:26:48,180 --> 00:26:50,681 and how you're destined to be a failure as a parent. 548 00:26:50,766 --> 00:26:53,309 No one writes about what pregnancy is really like, 549 00:26:53,394 --> 00:26:55,853 how you feel fat and clumsy and stupid. 550 00:26:55,938 --> 00:26:57,814 The absolute worst 551 00:26:57,898 --> 00:27:01,609 is "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Have you read that? 552 00:27:01,693 --> 00:27:06,322 Oh, no, I was told it was so bad I shouldn't even go near it. 553 00:27:06,407 --> 00:27:08,157 So, what are you reading? 554 00:27:08,242 --> 00:27:10,743 Uh, 555 00:27:10,828 --> 00:27:13,788 You know, just the usual suspects. 556 00:27:13,872 --> 00:27:15,331 Like? 557 00:27:15,416 --> 00:27:19,669 Well, I was banking on finding Pregnancy for Dummies. 558 00:27:19,753 --> 00:27:22,338 I love that series. Yeah. 559 00:27:22,423 --> 00:27:24,674 Hm. Interesting. 560 00:27:24,758 --> 00:27:26,926 Come on, Nicky, how can you guys sell my book 561 00:27:27,010 --> 00:27:29,345 if you're not familiar with the competition? 562 00:27:29,430 --> 00:27:31,848 Thea has had a pretty full workload lately. 563 00:27:31,932 --> 00:27:35,643 I don't know, guys. I don't know if this is the right marriage. 564 00:27:35,769 --> 00:27:39,105 Come on. From the people who brought you the Kalashnikov diaries 565 00:27:39,189 --> 00:27:42,692 comes a comedic send-up of 21st century pregnancy? 566 00:27:42,776 --> 00:27:45,695 It's just, the right home is so important. 567 00:27:45,779 --> 00:27:47,363 I know. We are the right home. 568 00:27:47,448 --> 00:27:51,534 I mean, sure, our, uh, plumbing is a little leaky 569 00:27:51,618 --> 00:27:53,995 and maybe we need a new paint job. 570 00:27:54,121 --> 00:27:58,207 But our backyard is a really great place for a barbecue in the summer. 571 00:27:58,292 --> 00:28:01,586 You know? 572 00:28:01,712 --> 00:28:06,424 If we can make a bestseller out of the "Defeat of Darius at Issus" we've gotta be good. 573 00:28:06,508 --> 00:28:08,426 I mean, that couldn't be easy, right? 574 00:28:08,510 --> 00:28:10,219 Absolutely. 575 00:28:10,304 --> 00:28:12,972 The thing about pregnancy is it's incredibly messy. 576 00:28:13,056 --> 00:28:15,933 Those other books are teaching you how to avoid the mess. 577 00:28:16,018 --> 00:28:17,435 You're embracing the mess. 578 00:28:17,519 --> 00:28:20,563 And you've written an incredible insightful, 579 00:28:20,647 --> 00:28:24,609 hilarious, controversial manifesto. 580 00:28:24,693 --> 00:28:27,612 Just give us a shot. It has bestseller written all over it. 581 00:28:27,696 --> 00:28:29,572 We promise we won't let you down. 582 00:28:31,992 --> 00:28:33,117 So you've read it. 583 00:28:33,202 --> 00:28:35,495 Oh. I live it. Love it. Every day. 584 00:28:37,372 --> 00:28:40,082 Let me think about it. 585 00:28:40,167 --> 00:28:42,627 Hey, I'm starting a new birthing class tomorrow. 586 00:28:42,711 --> 00:28:44,253 Maybe Thea could come with me. 587 00:28:44,338 --> 00:28:45,630 She'll be there. 588 00:28:45,714 --> 00:28:47,381 And bring your partner. 589 00:28:47,466 --> 00:28:50,593 Her fiancée. Miles, right? 590 00:28:50,677 --> 00:28:53,721 Yeah. Could you excuse me for a second? 591 00:28:53,805 --> 00:28:55,014 (Nick) Yes. 592 00:29:02,189 --> 00:29:03,856 Vodka. Straight up. 593 00:29:09,571 --> 00:29:11,239 [gasps] Thanks. 594 00:29:19,414 --> 00:29:20,998 You okay? 595 00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:23,417 I just set the world record for bullshitting. 596 00:29:23,502 --> 00:29:25,002 What happened? 597 00:29:25,087 --> 00:29:27,588 Long story. I can't handle doing it again. 598 00:29:29,216 --> 00:29:30,299 A promotion? 599 00:29:30,384 --> 00:29:32,677 You are the new Associate Editor 600 00:29:32,761 --> 00:29:34,512 of our brand new Family division. 601 00:29:34,596 --> 00:29:36,264 Family division? 602 00:29:36,348 --> 00:29:39,183 Suzie called. She wants to give us a shot, thanks to you. 603 00:29:39,268 --> 00:29:41,644 Now, Suzie's book will launch our new division. 604 00:29:41,728 --> 00:29:44,647 It's a perfect opportunity to capture a new demographic 605 00:29:44,731 --> 00:29:46,899 and help the company to grow vertically... 606 00:29:46,984 --> 00:29:48,526 Nick. 607 00:29:48,610 --> 00:29:51,320 Look, there's something I need to tell you. 608 00:29:51,405 --> 00:29:52,822 This whole thing is a big lie. 609 00:29:52,906 --> 00:29:55,199 I feel terrible, but I'm not really... 610 00:29:55,284 --> 00:29:56,993 An editor? 611 00:29:57,077 --> 00:29:59,412 I know, I'm the one who forced you to lie. 612 00:29:59,538 --> 00:30:03,874 which as a rule isn't great but what's not a lie is that you did really good today. 613 00:30:03,959 --> 00:30:06,002 There's so many people more qualified. 614 00:30:06,086 --> 00:30:09,046 So many people in ways you don't even know. 615 00:30:09,131 --> 00:30:13,509 Thea. To be a good editor all you need is a, a feel for the material 616 00:30:13,594 --> 00:30:16,178 It's what my father had when he started this company 617 00:30:16,263 --> 00:30:18,097 and it's what you have. 618 00:30:18,181 --> 00:30:21,642 You're living through the thrills of starting a family. 619 00:30:21,727 --> 00:30:24,020 What about Kristen? She's pregnant. 620 00:30:24,104 --> 00:30:27,398 Obviously I am too, but she's, she's really pregnant. 621 00:30:27,482 --> 00:30:31,902 First of all, Kristen's a lawyer without a creative bone in her body. 622 00:30:31,987 --> 00:30:36,574 And then there's the indisputable fact that she's a complete weirdo. 623 00:30:36,658 --> 00:30:40,703 [sighs] Oh. Look, Nick, I mean, I see your point. 624 00:30:40,787 --> 00:30:42,997 I do. And I wanna help. 625 00:30:43,081 --> 00:30:46,000 But I just, I can't. 626 00:30:46,084 --> 00:30:48,085 I'm not your accountant. 627 00:30:48,170 --> 00:30:50,463 But the other thing you should know is that 628 00:30:50,547 --> 00:30:54,300 associate editors make a lot more money than secretaries. 629 00:30:54,384 --> 00:30:55,468 A lot? 630 00:30:55,552 --> 00:30:57,178 Let's just say, 631 00:30:57,262 --> 00:30:59,430 you'll have your own secretary and office. 632 00:30:59,514 --> 00:31:02,433 So are you my new associate editor? 633 00:31:02,517 --> 00:31:05,061 [gasps and music] I guess I am. 634 00:31:08,231 --> 00:31:11,359 "War Stories From the Pregnancy Front" by Suzie Cavendish. 635 00:31:11,443 --> 00:31:14,403 You loved it, you live it. 636 00:31:14,488 --> 00:31:16,072 You should probably read it. 637 00:31:16,156 --> 00:31:18,783 I do, I agree with what you're saying. 638 00:31:18,867 --> 00:31:21,661 If you have your colon health you do have everything. 639 00:31:21,745 --> 00:31:25,539 But, I do, I thought it interesting when you said we were going wrong 640 00:31:25,666 --> 00:31:31,379 and we should be sort of on the seat like a gargoyle as opposed to just sitting. 641 00:31:31,463 --> 00:31:34,423 Not now, Miles. 642 00:31:34,508 --> 00:31:38,427 Don't you know enough about being fake pregnant already? 643 00:31:38,512 --> 00:31:41,972 How can this be this big of a deal? 644 00:31:42,057 --> 00:31:45,726 I mean, come on, you do the nasty, you're knocked up, 645 00:31:45,811 --> 00:31:49,689 you inflate and then, uh, eight, nine months? Nine months later 646 00:31:49,773 --> 00:31:53,943 you shoot that puppy out. I mean, how can there be 8 million books about this? 647 00:31:54,027 --> 00:31:56,112 Just promise me you won't write one. 648 00:31:56,196 --> 00:31:59,573 Okay. If you promise you're still on birth control. 649 00:31:59,658 --> 00:32:01,450 Believe me, I am. 650 00:32:01,535 --> 00:32:02,702 Oh, yeah? 651 00:32:02,786 --> 00:32:03,786 Uh-huh. 652 00:32:03,870 --> 00:32:04,954 Excellent. 653 00:32:05,038 --> 00:32:07,415 [rhythmic music] 654 00:32:29,479 --> 00:32:30,771 Nice new digs, huh? 655 00:32:30,856 --> 00:32:31,897 Yeah. 656 00:32:31,982 --> 00:32:33,441 So, what did you think? 657 00:32:33,525 --> 00:32:34,692 About what? 658 00:32:34,776 --> 00:32:36,610 Uh, Suzie's book. Any thoughts? 659 00:32:38,238 --> 00:32:40,948 Oh, yeah, it was great. 660 00:32:41,032 --> 00:32:42,825 What do you think? 661 00:32:42,909 --> 00:32:45,536 How much did you actually read? 662 00:32:45,620 --> 00:32:47,955 The first two chapters. 663 00:32:48,039 --> 00:32:51,667 But I'm gonna finish the rest of it today. I just got a little distracted. 664 00:32:51,752 --> 00:32:53,419 Nick, please, let me explain. 665 00:32:53,503 --> 00:32:55,546 Thanks for your thoughts. 666 00:32:55,630 --> 00:33:00,634 [gasps] You have shelves. And a door. 667 00:33:00,719 --> 00:33:02,678 [thud] 668 00:33:02,763 --> 00:33:05,347 Congratulations, Thea. 669 00:33:05,432 --> 00:33:07,433 Thank you, Greg. 670 00:33:10,645 --> 00:33:13,939 You really think you can get to the top by playing games, don't ya? 671 00:33:14,024 --> 00:33:17,318 I know what you're up to, Thea. And I think that it stinks. 672 00:33:17,402 --> 00:33:19,820 Hm. 673 00:33:19,946 --> 00:33:23,699 Really? Do you think that it stinks that I want to hire you to be my Assistant? 674 00:33:23,784 --> 00:33:25,659 [gasps] Really? 675 00:33:25,786 --> 00:33:29,163 You'll start first thing Monday after I put the paperwork through. 676 00:33:29,247 --> 00:33:32,917 Oh, wow, Thea. Thea, thank you so much. I, I could kiss you right now. 677 00:33:33,001 --> 00:33:34,418 You don't have to do that. 678 00:33:34,503 --> 00:33:35,836 I'll see you later, boss. 679 00:33:35,921 --> 00:33:37,880 Look at you, Little Miss Executive. 680 00:33:37,964 --> 00:33:40,674 Hardly. I don't even really know what I'm doing here. 681 00:33:40,759 --> 00:33:43,302 I didn't finish the manuscript last night and Nick 682 00:33:43,386 --> 00:33:45,721 just asked for my opinion and I didn't have one. 683 00:33:45,806 --> 00:33:51,936 You might wanna get one. This is your ticket out of the secretarial pool. 684 00:33:54,231 --> 00:33:56,315 [rhythmic music] 685 00:34:06,159 --> 00:34:09,203 (Garth) If your last name is O'Keeffe, why do you look Jewish? 686 00:34:09,287 --> 00:34:13,249 Well, it's true. You don't look Irish. 687 00:34:13,333 --> 00:34:16,544 [louder music] 688 00:34:30,433 --> 00:34:31,809 Steinwald Publishing. 689 00:34:40,610 --> 00:34:44,071 So O'Keeffe got a new girlfriend. He's robbing the cradle. 690 00:34:44,155 --> 00:34:45,739 She's 95. 691 00:34:49,536 --> 00:34:51,078 Did you hear me? 692 00:34:54,416 --> 00:34:56,458 (Thea) I loved it. It was funny and smart 693 00:34:56,543 --> 00:34:58,961 and you don't even have to be pregnant to enjoy it. 694 00:34:59,045 --> 00:35:01,463 I'm guessing about that because I am pregnant. 695 00:35:01,548 --> 00:35:03,382 I enjoyed it and I'm not pregnant. 696 00:35:03,466 --> 00:35:06,844 I was thinking, you could organize the chapters like a pregnancy. 697 00:35:06,928 --> 00:35:09,638 You know, group each woman's stories by trimester. 698 00:35:09,723 --> 00:35:13,142 So, so the book would start with stories about the awkward moments 699 00:35:13,226 --> 00:35:16,186 when everyone thinks you've been eating too many cupcakes. 700 00:35:16,271 --> 00:35:18,272 Exactly. And then the second trimester. 701 00:35:18,398 --> 00:35:21,734 Like Sally's story when she threw up in her purse at her kid's play. 702 00:35:21,818 --> 00:35:25,529 Nick, I'm sorry I didn't finish the book last night. It won't happen again. 703 00:35:25,614 --> 00:35:27,364 I'm glad you like it. 704 00:35:27,449 --> 00:35:30,701 We've got our work cut out for us. It'll be in bookstores in 6 weeks. 705 00:35:30,827 --> 00:35:36,123 I'd like to see your notes, but Suzie's class starts in 20 minutes so you should go. 706 00:35:36,249 --> 00:35:41,503 I totally forgot. The thing is, Miles is, is going out of town for work. 707 00:35:41,588 --> 00:35:42,671 That's too bad. 708 00:35:42,756 --> 00:35:44,381 Do you think I could reschedule? 709 00:35:44,466 --> 00:35:49,094 Now it's time for partner relaxation techniques 710 00:35:49,179 --> 00:35:51,180 for when your special marathon begins. 711 00:35:51,264 --> 00:35:54,683 So, partners, I want you to move behind your marathoners 712 00:35:54,768 --> 00:35:56,810 with your legs open in a big V. 713 00:35:56,895 --> 00:35:59,521 Hm. Welcome home. 714 00:35:59,606 --> 00:36:04,276 Now, take this opportunity to stroke your wives or girlfriends. 715 00:36:04,361 --> 00:36:06,403 Stroke it out. 716 00:36:06,488 --> 00:36:09,698 Now why don't you whisper something special to her, okay? 717 00:36:09,783 --> 00:36:12,993 Something that only you two would share in this private moment. 718 00:36:13,078 --> 00:36:16,914 It could be funny, It could be naughty. [chuckles] 719 00:36:16,998 --> 00:36:19,208 I'm not listening. 720 00:36:19,292 --> 00:36:21,543 Let that relaxation wash over you. 721 00:36:21,628 --> 00:36:23,170 I am so sorry about this. 722 00:36:23,254 --> 00:36:25,673 It's, you know, you don't have to stroke my hair. 723 00:36:25,757 --> 00:36:27,383 Okay, I'm sorry. 724 00:36:27,467 --> 00:36:29,593 Uh, you know, you can lean back if you want. 725 00:36:29,678 --> 00:36:31,637 I, I can tell you're kind of straining. 726 00:36:31,721 --> 00:36:32,846 I am. 727 00:36:32,931 --> 00:36:35,265 Great. Now that we're all relaxed, 728 00:36:35,350 --> 00:36:37,893 let's try some birthing positions, okay? 729 00:36:37,978 --> 00:36:41,230 Mary? Could I borrow your partner for just a sec? 730 00:36:41,314 --> 00:36:43,691 I promise I'll give him back. [chuckles] Maybe. 731 00:36:43,775 --> 00:36:46,068 I'm just kidding. Come here, cutie. All right. 732 00:36:46,194 --> 00:36:50,906 I want you to get on all fours with your palms firmly placed to the ground 733 00:36:50,991 --> 00:36:55,411 and then we're gonna rock back. We're gonna rock back into it. Oh. 734 00:36:55,495 --> 00:36:57,788 Feel that womb open up. 735 00:36:57,872 --> 00:37:01,375 It feels familiar, right? This is how we got ourselves into this mess. 736 00:37:01,501 --> 00:37:05,629 [chuckles] For some of us, not all of us. The position's not for everybody. 737 00:37:05,714 --> 00:37:10,634 Partners, I want you to envelope your marathoner, okay? 738 00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,013 And just get in a deep stretch here around the belly 739 00:37:14,139 --> 00:37:18,392 keep moving back and forth, right? Get your hands on the tummy back there. 740 00:37:18,476 --> 00:37:21,478 And keep pushing in. Keep pushing in and envelope. 741 00:37:21,563 --> 00:37:24,106 Get right on top of there. Feel that, feel... Oop. 742 00:37:24,190 --> 00:37:25,482 Man down, okay. 743 00:37:25,567 --> 00:37:26,817 It's okay. 744 00:37:26,901 --> 00:37:29,778 Just hop back on. No mistakes here. 745 00:37:29,863 --> 00:37:35,617 Okay. All right. Finish up when you feel done. I need a few more. 746 00:37:35,702 --> 00:37:38,120 If you'll indulge me Mary, thank you. 747 00:37:38,204 --> 00:37:41,582 Okay, and just keep the rocking. Never stop rocking. 748 00:37:41,666 --> 00:37:47,129 Oh! Yes. Give it to me, Rob, we're doing it now. 749 00:37:47,213 --> 00:37:51,050 Oh! Oh! 750 00:37:51,134 --> 00:37:54,470 Okay. [sighs] And we're done. 751 00:37:54,554 --> 00:37:57,431 Wonderful, thank you. This guy's good, right? 752 00:37:57,515 --> 00:38:00,100 I'm gonna borrow you for another class. 753 00:38:00,185 --> 00:38:03,729 Or after class. [chuckles] I'm kidding. 754 00:38:07,650 --> 00:38:08,859 (Suzie) Bye, guys. 755 00:38:08,943 --> 00:38:11,987 (Nick) That was great. Thanks a lot. 756 00:38:12,072 --> 00:38:13,238 (Thea) Bye. 757 00:38:13,323 --> 00:38:15,199 (Nick) Wow. That was up there 758 00:38:15,283 --> 00:38:18,702 as one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. 759 00:38:18,787 --> 00:38:21,580 Hey, here, let me get you something. 760 00:38:21,664 --> 00:38:24,792 No, no, it's the least I can do after nearly paralyzing you. 761 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:28,212 Hi. 762 00:38:28,296 --> 00:38:29,379 Hi. 763 00:38:33,009 --> 00:38:34,468 Thanks. 764 00:38:34,552 --> 00:38:37,054 (Thea) Did you always work in the family business? 765 00:38:37,138 --> 00:38:42,559 Uh, I wanted to be a writer. But I was scared I might be a total hack 766 00:38:42,644 --> 00:38:44,770 so I got an accounting degree. [chuckles] 767 00:38:44,896 --> 00:38:48,190 I figured I'd make a living doing that while I finished my book... 768 00:38:48,274 --> 00:38:50,818 but kind of been stuck in the middle for a few years. 769 00:38:50,902 --> 00:38:52,694 What do you wanna be when you grow up? 770 00:38:52,779 --> 00:38:55,614 Well, in college I played in a badass metal band. 771 00:38:55,698 --> 00:38:57,741 Really? You're a badass? 772 00:38:57,826 --> 00:39:00,202 A little bit, kind of. 773 00:39:00,286 --> 00:39:03,997 Fascinating. A little terrifying but fascinating. 774 00:39:04,082 --> 00:39:08,210 So is that what you did in college, badass metal band studies? 775 00:39:08,294 --> 00:39:10,295 No, I didn't finish college. 776 00:39:10,421 --> 00:39:13,382 Oh, why not? Too boring? Not Joan Jett enough for you? 777 00:39:13,508 --> 00:39:18,929 No. Um, I loved college. It's just my parents passed away in a car accident, 778 00:39:19,013 --> 00:39:22,307 so I had to leave to take care of my little sister. 779 00:39:22,392 --> 00:39:24,601 I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. 780 00:39:24,686 --> 00:39:27,563 Oh, n-no. I, I'm glad you told me. 781 00:39:27,647 --> 00:39:30,399 I'm just so sorry that happened. 782 00:39:30,483 --> 00:39:31,942 Thanks. 783 00:39:33,987 --> 00:39:35,821 So is your sister a badass like you? 784 00:39:35,905 --> 00:39:37,990 No, she's more of a smart ass. 785 00:39:38,074 --> 00:39:40,659 [laughs] Here. 786 00:39:42,996 --> 00:39:46,081 Hey, you know, uh, Suzie's having a pool party this weekend. 787 00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:47,875 You should come. And bring Miles. 788 00:39:47,959 --> 00:39:49,459 Pool party? 789 00:39:49,544 --> 00:39:51,920 Yeah. I promise, I won't be wearing a Speedo. 790 00:39:52,005 --> 00:39:53,088 [chuckles] 791 00:39:58,052 --> 00:39:59,845 [door opens] 792 00:40:06,936 --> 00:40:08,437 Nice look! 793 00:40:08,521 --> 00:40:11,315 Do we have a secret steam room you never told me about? 794 00:40:11,399 --> 00:40:12,858 No, I'm going to a pool party. 795 00:40:12,942 --> 00:40:15,402 Ah. Well, good thing you've got that towel on now. 796 00:40:15,486 --> 00:40:18,488 Wouldn't wanna leave that 'til when you actually get there. 797 00:40:18,573 --> 00:40:21,491 Enough of the sass, smarty pants. What are you doing here? 798 00:40:21,576 --> 00:40:23,243 Tennis ended early. 799 00:40:23,328 --> 00:40:25,287 What's the bag for? 800 00:40:25,371 --> 00:40:26,914 Nothing. 801 00:40:26,998 --> 00:40:29,583 Come on, you can do better than that. 802 00:40:29,667 --> 00:40:31,168 At least I'm wearing pants. 803 00:40:31,252 --> 00:40:33,003 Pants? You call those pants? 804 00:40:33,087 --> 00:40:35,214 They're shorts. 805 00:40:35,298 --> 00:40:40,052 All right, bye. Don't call if you need me. 806 00:40:40,136 --> 00:40:43,305 [rock music] 807 00:40:43,389 --> 00:40:47,434 Okay, you really have to act like you're the father, okay? 808 00:40:47,518 --> 00:40:48,769 Yeah. 809 00:40:48,853 --> 00:40:50,896 You're the father. It's serious. 810 00:40:50,980 --> 00:40:52,147 Oh, come on. 811 00:40:52,232 --> 00:40:54,107 You have to appear to be responsible. 812 00:40:54,192 --> 00:40:56,151 Are you kidding me? I'm totally psyched. 813 00:40:56,236 --> 00:40:59,363 I thought about this. Everyone's gonna think I'm a super-stud 814 00:40:59,447 --> 00:41:01,323 for knocking up a hot chick like you. 815 00:41:01,407 --> 00:41:04,409 Okay, so, that's an example of something you wouldn't say. 816 00:41:04,494 --> 00:41:07,871 Baby. Well, I think you're beautiful even with your... 817 00:41:07,956 --> 00:41:09,206 Thank you. 818 00:41:15,755 --> 00:41:17,297 (Thea) Hey. 819 00:41:17,382 --> 00:41:18,840 How are you? 820 00:41:18,925 --> 00:41:22,094 Nick, this is my fiancé, Miles. Miles, this is Nick. 821 00:41:22,178 --> 00:41:25,055 Congratulations. You must be so excited. 822 00:41:25,139 --> 00:41:28,850 Oh, it's, I just can't wait for the little guy to [pop] pop out. 823 00:41:28,935 --> 00:41:30,102 Oh, you're having a boy. 824 00:41:30,186 --> 00:41:31,186 Yeah. 825 00:41:31,271 --> 00:41:32,562 We, uh, we just found out. 826 00:41:32,647 --> 00:41:34,147 And do you have a name yet? 827 00:41:34,232 --> 00:41:35,857 Now, see, I didn't think any... 828 00:41:35,942 --> 00:41:37,025 Hey. 829 00:41:37,110 --> 00:41:39,027 Garth, this is my fiancé, Miles. 830 00:41:39,112 --> 00:41:41,613 Miles, Garth. He's an editor at the company. 831 00:41:41,698 --> 00:41:43,073 You're a lucky guy, huh? 832 00:41:43,157 --> 00:41:47,786 Yes, I am. You look pretty lucky yourself there. 833 00:41:47,870 --> 00:41:50,289 I'm gonna go inside and say hi to Suzie. 834 00:41:50,373 --> 00:41:51,873 Oh, yeah, hold up, babe. 835 00:41:51,958 --> 00:41:54,376 I'm taking a dip. It's blazing here. Babes. 836 00:41:54,460 --> 00:41:55,502 Yeah? 837 00:41:55,586 --> 00:41:56,795 Right there. 838 00:41:56,879 --> 00:41:58,338 Anybody care to join? 839 00:41:58,423 --> 00:41:59,506 I will. Let's go in. 840 00:41:59,590 --> 00:42:00,924 That's what I like to hear. 841 00:42:01,009 --> 00:42:02,551 I don't wanna get my chain wet. 842 00:42:02,635 --> 00:42:05,387 Listen, I have two friends that I want you to meet. 843 00:42:05,513 --> 00:42:09,099 They're both writers and they're actually looking for a new publisher, 844 00:42:09,183 --> 00:42:10,976 so I think they'll really like you. 845 00:42:11,060 --> 00:42:12,311 Really? 846 00:42:12,395 --> 00:42:14,187 You and Nick make such a good team. 847 00:42:14,272 --> 00:42:15,480 Thank you. 848 00:42:22,780 --> 00:42:26,199 Hey, guys. I want you to meet Audrey Gold 849 00:42:26,326 --> 00:42:30,078 and Dr. Terry Bournachle. Terry wrote the Bournachle Baby Book, 850 00:42:30,163 --> 00:42:31,997 which is the bible. 851 00:42:32,081 --> 00:42:35,709 I won't even touch that. I don't wanna be accused of having a God complex. 852 00:42:35,793 --> 00:42:38,462 And Audrey just finished a book on single parenting 853 00:42:38,588 --> 00:42:42,924 and I hear from reliable sources that she's not very happy at Boyle Donner. 854 00:42:43,009 --> 00:42:45,927 Oh, well we would love to meet with you guys. 855 00:42:47,889 --> 00:42:51,433 Yeah, Nick and Thea just started a parenting division at Steinwald. 856 00:42:51,517 --> 00:42:53,810 Hmm. You have the most unique shape. 857 00:42:53,936 --> 00:42:58,357 If you don't mind me asking, you don't have a distended uterus, do you? 858 00:42:58,441 --> 00:43:02,652 Uh, no, no, I, I don't think so. 859 00:43:02,737 --> 00:43:05,238 Well, who's your OB? 860 00:43:05,323 --> 00:43:09,576 [clears throat] Dr. Draken Barysinwitz. 861 00:43:09,660 --> 00:43:12,788 You mean Hans? Frogenberry Schoenewitz? 862 00:43:12,872 --> 00:43:15,415 I thought he moved back to Vienna. 863 00:43:15,500 --> 00:43:16,666 [splash] 864 00:43:16,751 --> 00:43:18,293 [all] Oh! 865 00:43:18,378 --> 00:43:21,922 My bad. I just, I was trying to, totally going for her. 866 00:43:22,006 --> 00:43:23,423 Very funny, Miles. 867 00:43:23,508 --> 00:43:27,386 Hey. You should, uh, you should totally come in. 868 00:43:27,470 --> 00:43:29,388 We're having such a good time in there. 869 00:43:29,472 --> 00:43:31,390 I don't feel like swimming right now. 870 00:43:31,474 --> 00:43:33,392 Come on. It's so nice in there. 871 00:43:33,476 --> 00:43:36,311 No one cares that you're fat. Kids, tell her to come in. 872 00:43:36,396 --> 00:43:39,648 Come in. Come in. Come in. 873 00:43:39,732 --> 00:43:41,525 (Thea) It's okay. 874 00:43:41,609 --> 00:43:43,819 You don't want to disappoint the children. 875 00:43:43,903 --> 00:43:44,945 Woo! 876 00:43:45,029 --> 00:43:46,279 Shit. 877 00:43:46,364 --> 00:43:47,781 [laughs] 878 00:43:49,075 --> 00:43:50,242 What is that? 879 00:43:50,326 --> 00:43:51,952 Oh! 880 00:43:52,036 --> 00:43:53,245 [all] Oh! 881 00:43:53,329 --> 00:43:54,413 [Miles laughs] 882 00:43:54,497 --> 00:43:55,580 [gasps] 883 00:43:55,665 --> 00:43:56,957 (Nick) That's not cool. 884 00:44:04,173 --> 00:44:06,007 (Thea) It was so humiliating. 885 00:44:06,134 --> 00:44:09,386 On the way home I told him to drop me off and never speak to me again. 886 00:44:09,470 --> 00:44:12,764 Good. I always thought Miles was a bit of a numbnut anyway. 887 00:44:12,890 --> 00:44:16,768 [sighs] I'm just so embarrassed that Nick thinks he's the father of my child. 888 00:44:16,853 --> 00:44:18,478 Who cares what Nick thinks? 889 00:44:18,563 --> 00:44:20,355 He's just the first person in years 890 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,650 that thinks I'm capable of doing more than just pouring coffee. 891 00:44:23,734 --> 00:44:25,902 What do you think he'll say when he finds out 892 00:44:26,028 --> 00:44:30,157 your baby is a piece of polyurethane foam we swiped off a mannequin? 893 00:44:30,241 --> 00:44:33,034 He's actually kinda cute though, don't you think? 894 00:44:33,119 --> 00:44:34,369 Who? 895 00:44:34,454 --> 00:44:36,121 Um, Nick. 896 00:44:36,205 --> 00:44:37,956 Um, no. 897 00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:39,541 Cigarette? 898 00:44:39,625 --> 00:44:42,043 No, I probably shouldn't. 899 00:44:42,128 --> 00:44:43,545 [guffaws] 900 00:44:44,839 --> 00:44:49,176 Okay, uh, to recap, uh 901 00:44:49,260 --> 00:44:52,554 only one of you would even bother to look at the book. 902 00:44:52,638 --> 00:44:57,142 And the rest of you wouldn't buy it with a gun to your head... 903 00:44:57,226 --> 00:44:59,686 which can't be good for sales. 904 00:45:03,399 --> 00:45:06,443 Can any of you tell me why the cover doesn't speak to you? 905 00:45:06,527 --> 00:45:10,822 Maybe comparing pregnancy to a battle is, uh, putting you off. 906 00:45:10,907 --> 00:45:12,240 Yes. 907 00:45:12,325 --> 00:45:14,534 I can't stay for the rest of the focus group. 908 00:45:14,619 --> 00:45:17,245 Can I still get my check? 909 00:45:17,330 --> 00:45:19,331 Just stop by reception. 910 00:45:24,879 --> 00:45:27,047 Okay. Uh, one down. 911 00:45:30,009 --> 00:45:32,761 Maybe we should forget what's on the cover for a second. 912 00:45:32,845 --> 00:45:35,430 what makes this book great is that it's a collection 913 00:45:35,515 --> 00:45:39,100 of real stories for real women talking about how it feels to be pregnant. 914 00:45:39,185 --> 00:45:41,520 So let's talk about some of us feel right now. 915 00:45:42,897 --> 00:45:44,272 I feel like crap. 916 00:45:44,357 --> 00:45:47,400 That's good. I mean, that's bad. But keep going. 917 00:45:47,485 --> 00:45:51,446 How come no one talks about how much pregnancy sucks! 918 00:45:51,531 --> 00:45:53,657 Oh, there's no glow in my house. 919 00:45:53,741 --> 00:45:56,701 Okay, so what I'm hearing is that you're all so over it. 920 00:45:56,786 --> 00:45:58,495 [all] Yeah. 921 00:45:58,579 --> 00:46:01,289 Hello, I'm Orca the Whale. Like, what's up with that? 922 00:46:01,374 --> 00:46:03,458 I know, they're not even bloated at all. 923 00:46:03,543 --> 00:46:05,794 Thea, your sister's at reception. 924 00:46:10,633 --> 00:46:12,467 Hey, what are you doing here? 925 00:46:12,593 --> 00:46:16,388 You forgot to sign the release for my trip to Lake Arrowhead. It's due today. 926 00:46:16,472 --> 00:46:20,308 Thea, aren't you going to introduce me to your sister? 927 00:46:20,393 --> 00:46:23,353 Oh, Nick, Emma. Emma, Nick. 928 00:46:23,437 --> 00:46:25,313 She's in a real rush. She has to go. 929 00:46:26,816 --> 00:46:31,403 Okay, well, this has been fun. It's been fun. 930 00:46:31,487 --> 00:46:32,654 What is that? 931 00:46:32,738 --> 00:46:34,489 Just because you don't like my dress 932 00:46:34,574 --> 00:46:36,199 doesn't mean you have to be rude. 933 00:46:36,284 --> 00:46:38,159 Move. I'll tell you outside. 934 00:46:38,244 --> 00:46:39,494 What's wrong with you? 935 00:46:39,579 --> 00:46:41,621 I'm a big fat liar, but Jerry was firing me 936 00:46:41,706 --> 00:46:43,415 I had to come up with something. 937 00:46:45,376 --> 00:46:47,877 You are one sandwich shy of a picnic, you know that? 938 00:46:47,962 --> 00:46:50,130 You're crazy. What are you thinking? 939 00:46:50,256 --> 00:46:53,925 [sighs] You might be interested to know that I got a promotion and a raise. 940 00:46:54,010 --> 00:46:56,595 I can't believe we're actually related. 941 00:46:56,679 --> 00:46:58,471 As soon as I can I'm gonna come clean. 942 00:46:58,556 --> 00:47:01,558 Things are complicated. The company depends on me. 943 00:47:01,642 --> 00:47:05,812 I have heard enough. I am out of here. 944 00:47:05,896 --> 00:47:09,232 [soft cheerful music] 945 00:47:14,113 --> 00:47:15,155 Morning, Thea. 946 00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:16,781 Last month's and this month's. 947 00:47:16,866 --> 00:47:18,450 Wow, early. That's a first. 948 00:47:20,703 --> 00:47:22,370 I've got something for you. 949 00:47:22,455 --> 00:47:24,205 Oh, you made these? 950 00:47:24,290 --> 00:47:25,540 Yes. 951 00:47:25,625 --> 00:47:28,710 I went with marigold because it's neutral. 952 00:47:28,794 --> 00:47:30,462 Thank you. 953 00:47:33,591 --> 00:47:34,758 Hey. 954 00:47:34,842 --> 00:47:38,011 Hey. Okay, not that you're interested, 955 00:47:38,095 --> 00:47:41,056 but the word is that Nick's divorce is finalized this week. 956 00:47:41,140 --> 00:47:42,349 Garth told me. 957 00:47:42,433 --> 00:47:44,017 Garth told you? 958 00:47:44,101 --> 00:47:46,686 I've been hanging out with him, Miss Busy. 959 00:47:46,771 --> 00:47:50,023 I took the liberty of picking you up a calcium-enriched smoothie 960 00:47:50,107 --> 00:47:53,485 and a bran muffin. I figured you might be getting a little backed up. 961 00:47:53,569 --> 00:47:54,569 Thanks, Greg. 962 00:47:54,654 --> 00:47:56,738 You're welcome. Excuse me. 963 00:47:56,822 --> 00:47:59,282 Greg's worried about you being backed up? 964 00:47:59,367 --> 00:48:02,160 Constipation is a common problem for pregnant women. 965 00:48:02,244 --> 00:48:04,371 Ach. 966 00:48:04,455 --> 00:48:08,041 Well, lucky for you you're not actually pregnant. 967 00:48:08,125 --> 00:48:10,043 Or do you even know that anymore? 968 00:48:10,127 --> 00:48:11,920 Of course I know that. Obviously. 969 00:48:12,004 --> 00:48:13,338 [knocking] 970 00:48:13,422 --> 00:48:15,048 Hi, sorry to interrupt. 971 00:48:15,132 --> 00:48:18,551 wanted to get you a little something. I ordered it off of eBay. 972 00:48:20,429 --> 00:48:23,306 It's an armadillo foot for, for when you're in labor. 973 00:48:23,391 --> 00:48:25,600 It, it wards off the evil eye. 974 00:48:25,685 --> 00:48:28,103 Thank you so much, Carl. That's so sweet of you. 975 00:48:28,187 --> 00:48:30,647 I'll keep it with me the whole time. 976 00:48:30,731 --> 00:48:35,026 Oh-kay. I know I told you to go along with this for a few weeks, 977 00:48:35,111 --> 00:48:37,070 but you're starting to freak me out. 978 00:48:37,154 --> 00:48:39,030 Things are going really well for me. 979 00:48:39,115 --> 00:48:42,075 It's not because of the stomach. You're doing good work. 980 00:48:42,159 --> 00:48:44,619 The only thing you're doing bad is walking around 981 00:48:44,704 --> 00:48:47,163 with a load of bullshit strapped to your stomach. 982 00:48:47,248 --> 00:48:48,456 Nick. Nick. 983 00:48:48,541 --> 00:48:49,749 [whispers] Nick. 984 00:48:49,834 --> 00:48:51,209 What's up? 985 00:48:51,293 --> 00:48:53,461 You won't believe who left me a voicemail. 986 00:48:53,546 --> 00:48:55,463 An Associate producer from the Vista. 987 00:48:55,548 --> 00:48:56,631 No way. 988 00:48:56,716 --> 00:48:58,133 She read the book, loves it, 989 00:48:58,217 --> 00:49:00,218 with Claire's approval, we'll be in. 990 00:49:00,302 --> 00:49:02,303 That would be the greatest thing ever. 991 00:49:02,388 --> 00:49:04,139 Oh! 992 00:49:04,223 --> 00:49:05,432 Oh. 993 00:49:05,516 --> 00:49:08,935 Sorry. I, I'm a bit of a closet hugger. 994 00:49:09,019 --> 00:49:10,562 I, that won't happen again. 995 00:49:10,646 --> 00:49:12,147 That's, that's okay. 996 00:49:12,231 --> 00:49:13,898 [intercom] Nick, Jerry for you. 997 00:49:13,983 --> 00:49:16,317 Oh. Uh, put him through. 998 00:49:16,402 --> 00:49:18,278 How you holding down the fort, Nicky? 999 00:49:18,362 --> 00:49:20,447 Good, Everything's going great. 1000 00:49:20,531 --> 00:49:22,157 Working on a little project. 1001 00:49:22,241 --> 00:49:24,367 You haven't done anything stupid, have you? 1002 00:49:24,452 --> 00:49:25,785 No, of course not. 1003 00:49:25,870 --> 00:49:28,788 You're doing great, sweetie. 1004 00:49:28,873 --> 00:49:30,457 [whimpers] 1005 00:49:30,541 --> 00:49:34,753 Do me a favor, Nick. No little projects. Don't do anything. 1006 00:49:34,837 --> 00:49:39,507 Don't touch anything. If you need a project, try Match.com. 1007 00:49:39,592 --> 00:49:42,010 It's been awhile since you've seen any action. 1008 00:49:42,094 --> 00:49:44,596 Okay, Jerry. I'll talk to you later. Thank you. 1009 00:49:46,307 --> 00:49:47,974 It really hasn't been that long. 1010 00:49:48,058 --> 00:49:49,684 I'm, I'm sure. 1011 00:49:49,769 --> 00:49:52,729 Um, okay. I got a lot of work to do. So, I'm gonna go do it. 1012 00:49:52,813 --> 00:49:55,440 Okay. Bye. 1013 00:49:55,524 --> 00:49:57,275 [vacuum cleaner] 1014 00:50:00,654 --> 00:50:02,530 So the book comes out in three weeks. 1015 00:50:02,615 --> 00:50:05,241 That, that gives us plenty of time for publicity. 1016 00:50:11,290 --> 00:50:13,082 I hope you don't mind. 1017 00:50:13,167 --> 00:50:15,627 I just couldn't take it anymore. 1018 00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:21,424 Oh, wow. 1019 00:50:21,509 --> 00:50:22,842 I can see! 1020 00:50:22,927 --> 00:50:24,677 [chuckles] 1021 00:50:24,762 --> 00:50:27,514 God. I don't know if you know this, but you're pregnant. 1022 00:50:27,598 --> 00:50:30,767 Your sense of humor really takes a dive after nine o'clock, huh? 1023 00:50:30,851 --> 00:50:32,227 Is it after nine? 1024 00:50:32,311 --> 00:50:33,645 Yeah. 1025 00:50:33,729 --> 00:50:36,105 Oh, my God, I'm slave-driving a pregnant woman. 1026 00:50:36,190 --> 00:50:37,816 Not at all, I want to be here. 1027 00:50:37,900 --> 00:50:40,860 I do, I feel I'm making up for lost time. 1028 00:50:40,945 --> 00:50:43,571 And I'm really grateful you've given me this shot. 1029 00:50:43,656 --> 00:50:45,657 So, thanks. 1030 00:50:45,741 --> 00:50:47,033 It's my pleasure. 1031 00:50:52,164 --> 00:50:54,123 You should be at home with your fiancé. 1032 00:50:54,208 --> 00:50:56,501 Right. My fiancé. 1033 00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:02,590 I'm taking you home. 1034 00:51:02,675 --> 00:51:06,845 But, I promise to have ridiculously high expectations 1035 00:51:06,929 --> 00:51:08,054 of you in the morning. 1036 00:51:08,138 --> 00:51:09,097 [softly chuckles] 1037 00:51:09,181 --> 00:51:10,598 Thank you. 1038 00:51:10,683 --> 00:51:12,934 Well, here, no, no. 1039 00:51:13,018 --> 00:51:14,352 Okay. 1040 00:51:14,436 --> 00:51:16,896 [cheerful music] 1041 00:51:23,445 --> 00:51:24,529 [velcro sound] 1042 00:52:02,401 --> 00:52:03,443 Is this your first? 1043 00:52:03,527 --> 00:52:06,029 Yeah. I can't wait. And you? 1044 00:52:06,113 --> 00:52:07,238 It's mine, too. 1045 00:52:09,533 --> 00:52:11,075 Would you sign this, please? 1046 00:52:17,249 --> 00:52:18,750 (Nick) Oh, that's amazing. 1047 00:52:18,834 --> 00:52:22,378 What about Thea? Thea? 1048 00:52:22,463 --> 00:52:24,047 Absolutely, you. 1049 00:52:24,131 --> 00:52:25,173 No, no, no. 1050 00:52:25,257 --> 00:52:26,299 Yes. 1051 00:52:26,383 --> 00:52:27,508 Yes. 1052 00:52:27,593 --> 00:52:29,302 No, I stay behind the camera. 1053 00:52:29,386 --> 00:52:31,220 You, over here right now. 1054 00:52:31,305 --> 00:52:33,181 (Nick) Come on, give it a shot. 1055 00:52:35,517 --> 00:52:36,559 Oh, yeah. 1056 00:52:36,644 --> 00:52:37,727 Work it. 1057 00:52:37,811 --> 00:52:38,895 Nick. 1058 00:52:38,979 --> 00:52:40,772 Make love to the... 1059 00:52:40,856 --> 00:52:43,608 Sorry. I know you don't actually say that. I'm sorry. 1060 00:52:47,404 --> 00:52:49,989 Thanks for coming here with me. I had such a craving. 1061 00:52:50,074 --> 00:52:52,033 Are you kidding me? I love mud slide pie. 1062 00:52:52,117 --> 00:52:54,535 I think we could use a little more whipped cream. 1063 00:52:54,620 --> 00:52:56,621 Oh, did I tell you we signed Bournachle? 1064 00:52:56,705 --> 00:52:58,373 Thanks for hooking us up with him. 1065 00:52:58,457 --> 00:53:01,125 My pleasure. Oh, I may have some good news. 1066 00:53:01,210 --> 00:53:04,462 I may have gotten us two spots in Sunshine Daycare. 1067 00:53:04,546 --> 00:53:07,674 Great. Thanks. I haven't even thought about daycare. 1068 00:53:07,758 --> 00:53:10,510 I don't know how you do it, with your kid, your pregnancy 1069 00:53:10,594 --> 00:53:13,638 and your job. I can't even take care of my little sister, Emma. 1070 00:53:13,722 --> 00:53:15,890 I wish my mother left me user instructions. 1071 00:53:15,975 --> 00:53:18,309 Well, there are no hard and fast rules. 1072 00:53:18,394 --> 00:53:20,103 You just have to go with your gut. 1073 00:53:20,187 --> 00:53:23,356 Yeah, well I certainly have no shortage of gut at the moment. 1074 00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,985 Well, when all else fails, sugar and shopping. 1075 00:53:27,069 --> 00:53:29,070 Very persuasive. 1076 00:53:38,163 --> 00:53:39,789 [doorbell] 1077 00:53:42,835 --> 00:53:43,876 Hi. 1078 00:53:43,961 --> 00:53:45,545 Hi. Is Emma here? 1079 00:53:45,629 --> 00:53:48,381 Hi, Emma. Can you babysit tomorrow night? 1080 00:53:48,465 --> 00:53:50,383 Oh, I can't, Donna. Sorry. 1081 00:53:50,467 --> 00:53:52,760 I have to study with my friend Chloe. 1082 00:53:52,845 --> 00:53:55,763 Um, I can do it. 1083 00:53:55,848 --> 00:53:57,515 You know, good practice. 1084 00:53:57,599 --> 00:54:00,893 That's right. Oh, God. Thea, you are the best. 1085 00:54:00,978 --> 00:54:02,437 Tomorrow night at eight? 1086 00:54:02,521 --> 00:54:03,688 Yes. 1087 00:54:03,772 --> 00:54:04,897 Great. Bye. 1088 00:54:08,068 --> 00:54:11,738 I don't even know who you are right now, but you're definitely not the best. 1089 00:54:11,864 --> 00:54:15,825 Do you wanna make cupcakes and then maybe go shopping at Forever Twenty-One? 1090 00:54:15,909 --> 00:54:20,788 No. Actually I'd rather scrub myself down with a pineapple 1091 00:54:20,873 --> 00:54:22,582 than do that. 1092 00:54:25,002 --> 00:54:26,961 (Kristen) I don't know what to do. 1093 00:54:27,046 --> 00:54:32,759 this was Dan's idea. He was all, like, let's have a baby. It'll be so cute. 1094 00:54:32,843 --> 00:54:35,136 You know? I was, like really? 1095 00:54:35,220 --> 00:54:39,140 Really? Well, let's strap 50 pounds of cement to your torso 1096 00:54:39,266 --> 00:54:42,685 and see how fun it is then. You know, I just-- [sobs] 1097 00:54:42,770 --> 00:54:45,855 Yeah. I know. I understand. 1098 00:54:45,939 --> 00:54:48,733 I just need a drink. Or some weed. 1099 00:54:48,817 --> 00:54:50,485 I know it's scary. 1100 00:54:50,569 --> 00:54:54,781 I mean, the fact that we're gonna have these tiny fragile humans 1101 00:54:54,865 --> 00:54:58,159 totally dependent on us. It's kind of freaking me out, too 1102 00:54:58,243 --> 00:54:59,494 Really? 1103 00:54:59,578 --> 00:55:00,870 Yeah. 1104 00:55:00,954 --> 00:55:03,289 'Cause, Thea, you just, you seem so together. 1105 00:55:03,373 --> 00:55:04,832 Oh, hi. 1106 00:55:04,917 --> 00:55:06,292 We need to talk. 1107 00:55:06,376 --> 00:55:08,044 What happened? 1108 00:55:08,128 --> 00:55:10,004 Okay, thanks for listening. 1109 00:55:14,885 --> 00:55:16,385 Uh, 1110 00:55:16,470 --> 00:55:18,429 I uh, 1111 00:55:18,514 --> 00:55:20,807 I kind of got into an altercation with Miles. 1112 00:55:20,891 --> 00:55:22,350 What are you talking about? 1113 00:55:22,434 --> 00:55:25,019 He was kissing another woman. So I confronted him. 1114 00:55:25,104 --> 00:55:28,231 And he told me he's not the father. 1115 00:55:28,315 --> 00:55:29,690 So I punched him. 1116 00:55:29,775 --> 00:55:30,900 You what? 1117 00:55:30,984 --> 00:55:34,320 I punched him. I couldn't help it. 1118 00:55:34,404 --> 00:55:36,989 You deserve better than that, Thea, a, a lot better. 1119 00:55:37,074 --> 00:55:40,284 Nick, Miles is not the father. 1120 00:55:40,369 --> 00:55:42,161 He's not even my boyfriend anymore. 1121 00:55:42,246 --> 00:55:44,455 The truth is, there is no father. 1122 00:55:44,581 --> 00:55:48,376 I mean, there is but it was a one-night stand and he's out of the picture now. 1123 00:55:48,460 --> 00:55:53,464 Thea, there is nothing wrong with being a single mother. 1124 00:55:53,549 --> 00:55:54,715 Okay. 1125 00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:56,384 [knocking] 1126 00:55:56,468 --> 00:56:00,096 [clears throat] The printer has a question He's on line one. 1127 00:56:00,180 --> 00:56:01,973 Okay. 1128 00:56:03,392 --> 00:56:04,934 Oh. 1129 00:56:05,018 --> 00:56:07,228 What was that about? He looks like a maniac. 1130 00:56:07,312 --> 00:56:08,729 I just told Nick the truth. 1131 00:56:08,814 --> 00:56:10,565 [gasps] How'd he take it? 1132 00:56:10,649 --> 00:56:13,401 Okay. He doesn't think I should be with Miles anyway. 1133 00:56:13,485 --> 00:56:15,778 Yeah, but what did he say about the pregnancy? 1134 00:56:15,863 --> 00:56:18,156 He didn't say anything about the pregnancy. 1135 00:56:18,240 --> 00:56:19,824 What's there to say? 1136 00:56:19,908 --> 00:56:22,994 Thea. We should talk. Do you want to get a beer after work? 1137 00:56:23,078 --> 00:56:25,997 A beer? You know I can't drink. 1138 00:56:29,168 --> 00:56:31,127 [rhythmic music] 1139 00:56:31,211 --> 00:56:33,171 Is your stomach growing? 1140 00:56:33,255 --> 00:56:35,173 Well, I'm nearly six months now. 1141 00:56:41,513 --> 00:56:42,763 (Thea) Hi, how are you? 1142 00:56:42,848 --> 00:56:45,016 Where's my sister, Emma? 1143 00:56:46,852 --> 00:56:49,437 (Emma coming in) Hey. 1144 00:56:49,521 --> 00:56:51,314 How was practice? 1145 00:56:51,398 --> 00:56:53,191 Fine. Same as usual. 1146 00:56:53,317 --> 00:56:58,029 Really? That's funny because Coach Henretti told me you quit a month ago. 1147 00:56:58,155 --> 00:57:02,033 I found this in your backpack. You've got some explaining to do. 1148 00:57:02,117 --> 00:57:04,619 That's dried cilantro. 1149 00:57:04,703 --> 00:57:05,786 Yeah, right. 1150 00:57:05,871 --> 00:57:07,455 Smell it. 1151 00:57:10,334 --> 00:57:12,543 Okay, maybe it is. But where were you today? 1152 00:57:12,628 --> 00:57:15,463 At Jake's, waiting tables. 1153 00:57:15,547 --> 00:57:17,840 You've been lying for weeks. 1154 00:57:17,925 --> 00:57:19,425 Hey, I learn from the best. 1155 00:57:25,974 --> 00:57:29,477 Hey, um, your boss is here. 1156 00:57:29,561 --> 00:57:30,895 What? 1157 00:57:30,979 --> 00:57:33,272 Maybe he wants to make cupcakes with you. 1158 00:57:33,357 --> 00:57:35,483 Um, can you get my stomach? It's in my room. 1159 00:57:35,567 --> 00:57:40,029 Yeah. But, um, it'll cost you 25 bucks. 1160 00:57:40,113 --> 00:57:41,364 15! 1161 00:57:41,448 --> 00:57:43,032 Sold. 1162 00:57:43,116 --> 00:57:45,868 She'll be right with you. She's just getting dressed. 1163 00:57:45,953 --> 00:57:46,953 Okay, thanks. 1164 00:57:52,918 --> 00:57:56,545 Does it make you feel weird knowing she's naked only, like, ten feet away. 1165 00:57:56,630 --> 00:57:58,172 Em! 1166 00:57:58,257 --> 00:57:59,757 Coming. 1167 00:57:59,841 --> 00:58:00,883 Stomach. 1168 00:58:00,968 --> 00:58:02,176 No. Pay me. 1169 00:58:02,261 --> 00:58:04,262 I'll pay you after. Give me the stomach. 1170 00:58:04,346 --> 00:58:07,640 A promise from Thea? I can't take that to the bank. Just pay me know. 1171 00:58:12,104 --> 00:58:15,064 Thank you. Here's your fake belly. 1172 00:58:15,148 --> 00:58:16,107 Shut up. Get out. 1173 00:58:18,652 --> 00:58:19,694 Hello. 1174 00:58:19,778 --> 00:58:20,945 Hey. 1175 00:58:21,029 --> 00:58:22,905 (Emma) Okay. 1176 00:58:22,990 --> 00:58:24,323 Hey. 1177 00:58:24,408 --> 00:58:26,909 Um, I, I just, I thought I'd stop by, uh... 1178 00:58:26,994 --> 00:58:29,870 I wanted to show you something. 1179 00:58:29,997 --> 00:58:34,417 It's our very first complete copy of the book with cover and everything. 1180 00:58:34,501 --> 00:58:38,170 That's, that's great! And, wow, I'm on the cover. 1181 00:58:38,255 --> 00:58:41,674 Oh. And we booked, uh, Tynan's bookstore for the book launch. 1182 00:58:41,758 --> 00:58:43,050 That's awesome. 1183 00:58:43,135 --> 00:58:45,261 Well, um, I should probably get outta here 1184 00:58:45,345 --> 00:58:47,221 and let you enjoy your Saturday. 1185 00:58:47,306 --> 00:58:49,974 Well, um, if you're free then do you wanna get coffee? 1186 00:58:50,058 --> 00:58:51,309 Sure. 1187 00:58:54,563 --> 00:58:58,816 (Nick) I had a dog once. Then Jerry stole it, took it to college with him. 1188 00:58:58,900 --> 00:59:00,401 Oh. [chuckles] 1189 00:59:00,485 --> 00:59:03,779 There's something amazing about having a child. 1190 00:59:03,864 --> 00:59:09,201 It makes you feel like a part of something bigger, 1191 00:59:09,286 --> 00:59:13,873 you know, even if it's not real. Well, for me, that is. 1192 00:59:15,709 --> 00:59:19,712 Lydia didn't want children. And I never questioned it. 1193 00:59:19,796 --> 00:59:22,006 But now I, 1194 00:59:22,090 --> 00:59:28,054 I realize, I, I do wanna be a father. 1195 00:59:47,699 --> 00:59:51,243 I've been wanting to do that for a really long time. 1196 00:59:51,328 --> 00:59:53,621 Actually, I just, just did that. 1197 00:59:53,705 --> 00:59:55,289 Right. 1198 00:59:55,374 --> 00:59:58,125 We should probably take things slowly though. 1199 00:59:58,210 --> 00:59:59,627 Absolutely. 1200 00:59:59,711 --> 01:00:01,462 Yeah. 1201 01:00:14,267 --> 01:00:16,602 I have to... I just realized... 1202 01:00:16,686 --> 01:00:18,229 I have to go. 1203 01:00:18,313 --> 01:00:20,815 There's somewhere... I have to go somewhere. 1204 01:00:20,899 --> 01:00:22,024 Sure. Okay. 1205 01:00:22,109 --> 01:00:23,984 My sister... I'll talk to you later. 1206 01:00:24,069 --> 01:00:25,361 Okay. 1207 01:00:25,445 --> 01:00:27,530 [soft music] 1208 01:00:42,421 --> 01:00:44,672 Yes, she's due the sixth of October. 1209 01:00:44,756 --> 01:00:47,341 Alright. Okay. 1210 01:00:47,426 --> 01:00:50,678 That was your friend, Rachel. And these are for you. 1211 01:00:50,762 --> 01:00:52,638 She saw the book at Crown Books. 1212 01:00:52,722 --> 01:00:55,057 How come you didn't tell her you were pregnant? 1213 01:00:55,142 --> 01:00:57,601 I thought I told her. It must have slipped my mind. 1214 01:00:57,686 --> 01:00:59,270 Pregnancy brain. 1215 01:00:59,354 --> 01:01:02,440 I was planning on waiting a little longer to start a family. 1216 01:01:02,524 --> 01:01:04,733 Sow my wild oats a little bit. 1217 01:01:04,818 --> 01:01:07,903 But, I feel like there is a larger purpose for me. 1218 01:01:07,988 --> 01:01:13,159 Thea, you need someone who is smart and responsible. 1219 01:01:13,243 --> 01:01:14,743 Oh, God. 1220 01:01:14,828 --> 01:01:18,372 I offer myself to you, mind and body, heart and soul. 1221 01:01:18,457 --> 01:01:20,875 Let me be your baby daddy. 1222 01:01:20,959 --> 01:01:24,628 Uh-uh-uh, that's very generous of you. 1223 01:01:24,713 --> 01:01:28,924 But it's, you know... that's not gonna ha... 1224 01:01:29,009 --> 01:01:31,760 Don't worry about it. It's a tough decision. 1225 01:01:31,845 --> 01:01:33,721 Thea, can I talk to you? 1226 01:01:33,805 --> 01:01:35,264 Yeah, sure, yes. 1227 01:01:35,348 --> 01:01:36,599 Yes, absolutely. 1228 01:01:36,683 --> 01:01:38,559 If you could let me know before lunch. 1229 01:01:38,643 --> 01:01:40,478 I have a J date I'd have to cancel. 1230 01:01:40,562 --> 01:01:43,939 I don't want to do that if I don't have to. She's a little older... 1231 01:01:46,151 --> 01:01:47,610 So you're ready for tonight? 1232 01:01:47,694 --> 01:01:49,695 Yeah. Totally. 1233 01:01:49,779 --> 01:01:51,989 We should clear the air. 1234 01:01:55,494 --> 01:01:58,037 I've been thinking a lot about what happened. 1235 01:01:58,121 --> 01:02:00,247 And I feel terrible about it. 1236 01:02:00,332 --> 01:02:01,916 You do? 1237 01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:05,669 I'm your boss and I made... [whispers] I made a pass at you. 1238 01:02:05,754 --> 01:02:08,047 Nick, that's not it. I made a pass at you. 1239 01:02:08,131 --> 01:02:10,299 I caught that pass and I threw it back. 1240 01:02:10,383 --> 01:02:11,425 And I liked it. 1241 01:02:11,510 --> 01:02:12,801 You did? 1242 01:02:12,886 --> 01:02:14,678 Look, that's not what it is, 1243 01:02:17,641 --> 01:02:19,433 I'm just afraid of... 1244 01:02:19,518 --> 01:02:22,770 There's a guy, Philip, at reception. He says he's the father? 1245 01:02:22,854 --> 01:02:24,438 Do want me to talk to this guy? 1246 01:02:24,523 --> 01:02:26,315 No, no, no. It's okay. 1247 01:02:26,399 --> 01:02:27,650 (Greg) I'll talk to him. 1248 01:02:27,734 --> 01:02:30,069 It's okay. Thank you both. Excuse me. 1249 01:02:30,153 --> 01:02:32,905 Young man, don't you have any sense of responsibility? 1250 01:02:32,989 --> 01:02:35,783 I didn't even know, lady. She never returned my calls. 1251 01:02:35,867 --> 01:02:38,452 Christ, is it mine, Thea? 1252 01:02:38,537 --> 01:02:39,954 Believe me, it's not yours. 1253 01:02:40,038 --> 01:02:42,164 (Phillip) You can't be sure. I did the math. 1254 01:02:42,249 --> 01:02:43,582 Believe me. I can be sure. 1255 01:02:43,667 --> 01:02:45,334 (Philip) I demand a DNA test! 1256 01:02:45,418 --> 01:02:46,460 Yeah. I'll tell her. 1257 01:02:46,545 --> 01:02:47,962 Bye. 1258 01:02:48,046 --> 01:02:49,797 (Ann) Your sister needs you at home. 1259 01:02:49,881 --> 01:02:51,465 A fire in the toilet? 1260 01:02:51,550 --> 01:02:54,552 Your toilet's on fire? Isn’t that technically impossible? 1261 01:02:54,636 --> 01:02:56,011 Who's Philip? 1262 01:02:56,096 --> 01:02:59,139 Uh, an old, old boyfriend. Big misunderstanding. 1263 01:02:59,224 --> 01:03:00,474 Everything okay? 1264 01:03:00,559 --> 01:03:03,102 Yeah. Everything's okay. No worries here. 1265 01:03:03,228 --> 01:03:07,147 Completely under control. But, uh, I, I should probably get home to my sister. 1266 01:03:07,232 --> 01:03:09,733 I'll meet you at the party. Whoa. Sorry. 1267 01:03:23,832 --> 01:03:25,374 [all] Surprise! 1268 01:03:25,458 --> 01:03:26,792 [applause] Surprise! 1269 01:03:27,711 --> 01:03:28,711 [gasps] 1270 01:03:28,795 --> 01:03:30,296 Hi, everyone. 1271 01:03:30,380 --> 01:03:32,006 Oh my God, Aunt Betty! 1272 01:03:32,090 --> 01:03:34,717 Surprise, darlin'. Darlin'. 1273 01:03:34,801 --> 01:03:37,595 It's so good to see you. 1274 01:03:37,679 --> 01:03:40,681 Aunt Jane and I just drove in from Seattle. 1275 01:03:40,765 --> 01:03:43,892 Oh, Aunt, thank you, it's so sweet of you to do this. 1276 01:03:43,977 --> 01:03:46,478 (Thea) Thank you. 1277 01:03:49,149 --> 01:03:50,357 [all gasp] Oooh! 1278 01:03:50,442 --> 01:03:52,484 Ooh, it's a onesies. Just what I needed. 1279 01:03:52,569 --> 01:03:54,069 We all decorated them. 1280 01:03:54,154 --> 01:03:56,030 Who made this one? 1281 01:03:59,284 --> 01:04:00,326 And this one? 1282 01:04:00,410 --> 01:04:01,910 [speaks baby gibberish] 1283 01:04:01,995 --> 01:04:03,746 What a good job, Sam! 1284 01:04:03,830 --> 01:04:05,331 [chuckles] 1285 01:04:05,415 --> 01:04:06,999 [total silence] 1286 01:04:07,083 --> 01:04:08,792 That one's mine. 1287 01:04:08,877 --> 01:04:10,377 (Emma) I just thought 1288 01:04:10,462 --> 01:04:12,921 it was a little ironic. [doorbell] 1289 01:04:13,006 --> 01:04:16,592 (Donna) More people are coming. Hi. Who is it? 1290 01:04:16,676 --> 01:04:19,345 (Lisa) Whoa. [laughs] 1291 01:04:19,471 --> 01:04:23,057 (Lisa) Hey, well, I hate to break up the party, but, uh, we need to talk. 1292 01:04:23,141 --> 01:04:25,059 (Lisa) Everybody hang onto your seats 1293 01:04:25,143 --> 01:04:27,353 just in case something happens to her story. 1294 01:04:27,437 --> 01:04:30,314 Uh, no, I should get changed. I need to be at a work event. 1295 01:04:30,398 --> 01:04:32,566 So thank you for the shower, everyone. 1296 01:04:32,651 --> 01:04:34,443 Thank you. 1297 01:04:34,527 --> 01:04:35,819 (woman) Bye. 1298 01:04:39,032 --> 01:04:42,910 She is so out of control. Look. She has stockpiled 1299 01:04:42,994 --> 01:04:47,081 all of this random stuff in her closet. I mean, what is this? Seriously. 1300 01:04:47,165 --> 01:04:48,832 It was on sale. 1301 01:04:48,917 --> 01:04:52,586 Okay. I need you to say, My name is Thea and I am not pregnant. 1302 01:04:52,671 --> 01:04:55,255 This is ridiculous. And I've gotta go. 1303 01:04:55,340 --> 01:04:56,507 Come here. 1304 01:04:58,510 --> 01:05:00,886 (Lisa) You have got to come clean. 1305 01:05:02,514 --> 01:05:06,934 I will. Okay? I promise. Just not yet. 1306 01:05:07,018 --> 01:05:10,729 It's just I'm better pregnant. For once, my life doesn't suck. 1307 01:05:10,814 --> 01:05:14,566 And I can't go back to being Jerry's secretary or unemployed. 1308 01:05:14,693 --> 01:05:18,112 (Emma) What are you gonna do? Stay pregnant for the rest of your life? 1309 01:05:18,196 --> 01:05:21,657 People will get suspicious. 1310 01:05:21,741 --> 01:05:24,034 Act like a grown-up. Stop playing dress-up. 1311 01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:27,413 (Emma) Oh, my God, this is ridiculous. Take off the stomach now! 1312 01:05:27,497 --> 01:05:28,622 No. 1313 01:05:28,707 --> 01:05:30,457 Then I'm gonna take it off for you. 1314 01:05:30,542 --> 01:05:31,709 Get off of me! 1315 01:05:31,793 --> 01:05:32,960 Let me take it off! 1316 01:05:33,044 --> 01:05:34,211 Get off of me. 1317 01:05:34,295 --> 01:05:37,756 Oh, hey! Hey, guys! Emma, stop it! 1318 01:05:37,841 --> 01:05:39,383 [muffled] (Lisa) Stop it! 1319 01:05:39,467 --> 01:05:40,718 (Emma) Let me take it off! 1320 01:05:40,802 --> 01:05:42,219 Making noise. 1321 01:05:42,303 --> 01:05:43,512 They are making noise. 1322 01:05:43,596 --> 01:05:44,805 Hey! Stop it! 1323 01:05:44,889 --> 01:05:45,973 Take that thing off. 1324 01:05:46,057 --> 01:05:48,642 (Lisa) I said stop. Gosh. 1325 01:05:48,727 --> 01:05:50,978 (Lisa) Come on. 1326 01:05:51,062 --> 01:05:52,187 Stay back! 1327 01:05:52,272 --> 01:05:53,814 I'll get that thing off of you. 1328 01:05:53,898 --> 01:05:54,982 Get off of me! 1329 01:05:55,066 --> 01:05:56,775 I'm gonna take that thing off now! 1330 01:05:56,860 --> 01:05:57,860 Give it back! 1331 01:05:57,944 --> 01:05:59,236 [ripping] Agh. 1332 01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:00,863 What are you doing? [gasps] 1333 01:06:00,947 --> 01:06:02,156 [gasps] 1334 01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:03,407 [panting] 1335 01:06:03,491 --> 01:06:05,325 You are so grounded! 1336 01:06:05,410 --> 01:06:06,660 Forever! 1337 01:06:12,083 --> 01:06:14,543 (Lisa) Uh, ladies. 1338 01:06:14,627 --> 01:06:16,545 I think we need to re-group. 1339 01:06:16,629 --> 01:06:19,506 (Emma) Stark raving mad. 1340 01:06:19,591 --> 01:06:21,300 [rhythmic music] 1341 01:06:24,763 --> 01:06:25,846 Excuse me. 1342 01:06:25,930 --> 01:06:26,930 [gasp] 1343 01:06:27,015 --> 01:06:28,432 [cheerful music] 1344 01:06:28,516 --> 01:06:30,684 (Aunt Betty) What are you doing? 1345 01:06:36,649 --> 01:06:38,525 (woman) I thought she was pregnant. 1346 01:06:38,610 --> 01:06:39,693 [sighs] 1347 01:06:39,778 --> 01:06:41,737 Um. 1348 01:06:41,821 --> 01:06:43,697 (woman) I'm really confused. 1349 01:06:54,292 --> 01:06:59,129 Well, that is the last time I throw a surprise party for anyone. 1350 01:06:59,214 --> 01:07:00,923 That baked zitti goes home with me. 1351 01:07:01,007 --> 01:07:04,092 [walla] 1352 01:07:07,639 --> 01:07:10,057 Sorry. I had to take care of things with Em. 1353 01:07:10,141 --> 01:07:11,600 The toilet fire? 1354 01:07:11,684 --> 01:07:13,519 Yeah, I got the blaze under control. 1355 01:07:13,603 --> 01:07:16,438 You guys are amazing. This is a great turnout. Thank you. 1356 01:07:16,523 --> 01:07:18,398 Okay. 1357 01:07:18,483 --> 01:07:23,237 Time to struggle with public speaking. Sit back and enjoy. 1358 01:07:23,321 --> 01:07:24,696 You're gonna be great. 1359 01:07:24,781 --> 01:07:25,781 Thanks. 1360 01:07:25,865 --> 01:07:27,157 [kissing sound] 1361 01:07:29,494 --> 01:07:31,954 What was that? Are you guys... 1362 01:07:32,038 --> 01:07:34,540 I don't know. Maybe. Kinda. 1363 01:07:34,624 --> 01:07:36,083 (Suzie) Hey. Good. 1364 01:07:36,167 --> 01:07:40,170 Good evening, everyone. I'm back! 1365 01:07:40,255 --> 01:07:42,673 (Jerry) MacArthur finished rehab a week early. 1366 01:07:42,799 --> 01:07:46,426 What's the matter, Nicky? You don't look happy to see me. 1367 01:07:46,511 --> 01:07:49,346 Of course I am, Jerry. Welcome back. 1368 01:07:49,430 --> 01:07:51,598 You're just in time for Suzie's reading. 1369 01:07:51,683 --> 01:07:53,308 I got a little surprise for you. 1370 01:07:53,393 --> 01:07:56,436 I just signed Rumsfeld for his first book deal! 1371 01:07:56,521 --> 01:07:57,855 Donald? 1372 01:07:57,939 --> 01:08:00,065 No, Carlos. Of course Donald. 1373 01:08:00,149 --> 01:08:02,109 I met him at the rehab facility. 1374 01:08:02,193 --> 01:08:04,152 His cat had a terrible case of sciatica. 1375 01:08:04,279 --> 01:08:07,990 They had to put the poor thing on oxycontin. She got addicted. It was a mess. 1376 01:08:08,074 --> 01:08:09,783 I'm in the middle of something. 1377 01:08:09,868 --> 01:08:12,703 Rummy's book is genius. It's gonna put us back on the map. 1378 01:08:12,787 --> 01:08:15,414 It's a completely unique opus about his time in Iraq 1379 01:08:15,498 --> 01:08:17,791 sprinkled with some of his favorite recipes. 1380 01:08:17,876 --> 01:08:20,294 It's called "Fire It Up." Here's the manuscript. 1381 01:08:20,378 --> 01:08:23,630 It sounds great, Jerry, but I've got a reading now. Can this wait? 1382 01:08:23,715 --> 01:08:25,966 You know what? I'll be reading my book. 1383 01:08:26,050 --> 01:08:28,635 (Jerry) I'm shutting down your little operation. 1384 01:08:30,847 --> 01:08:32,598 Jerry, Suzie's book is a real gem. 1385 01:08:32,682 --> 01:08:34,349 It could be a hit for the company. 1386 01:08:34,434 --> 01:08:37,936 What are you so afraid of? That I might do a better job than you? 1387 01:08:38,021 --> 01:08:40,147 Hmm. Let me think. 1388 01:08:40,231 --> 01:08:43,859 Have you ever done better than me at anything? 1389 01:08:43,943 --> 01:08:47,279 Hello, everybody. I've got a treat for you tonight. 1390 01:08:47,363 --> 01:08:50,574 I'm gonna be reading from Donald Rumsfeld's new book. 1391 01:08:50,658 --> 01:08:52,993 Here's a particularly touching passage 1392 01:08:53,077 --> 01:08:56,496 about a short rib recipe he picked up while in Baghdad. 1393 01:08:56,581 --> 01:08:59,750 Suzie's reading. Go read your cookbook somewhere else, Jerry. 1394 01:08:59,834 --> 01:09:02,252 Step away from the podium now! 1395 01:09:02,337 --> 01:09:03,337 [rhythmic music] 1396 01:09:03,421 --> 01:09:05,422 Make me. 1397 01:09:06,174 --> 01:09:07,215 He begins. 1398 01:09:07,300 --> 01:09:08,467 Agh! 1399 01:09:08,551 --> 01:09:10,594 [all gasp while Jerry and Nick growl] 1400 01:09:15,433 --> 01:09:17,017 (Nick) Get off! 1401 01:09:17,101 --> 01:09:19,978 (Thea) Okay. Okay. Stop it! That's enough. 1402 01:09:20,063 --> 01:09:23,231 That's enough. Stop it. Get off of him. 1403 01:09:23,316 --> 01:09:26,860 How pathetic. You have to have your secretary defend you. 1404 01:09:26,945 --> 01:09:28,487 She's not a secretary. 1405 01:09:28,571 --> 01:09:31,615 Oh, really? Then what is she, other than shrill? 1406 01:09:31,699 --> 01:09:34,326 She's a fantastic editor. 1407 01:09:34,410 --> 01:09:38,288 [laughs mockingly] Oh, that's rich. An editor? 1408 01:09:38,373 --> 01:09:42,167 So I go away for a few months, and the world's lamest accountant 1409 01:09:42,293 --> 01:09:45,337 is running my company with the world's dumbest secretary. 1410 01:09:45,421 --> 01:09:47,756 (Jerry) All I can say is, 1411 01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:50,258 I hope your kid doesn't inherit your brains. 1412 01:09:50,343 --> 01:09:52,052 [shrieks] 1413 01:09:52,136 --> 01:09:53,345 [all gasp] Oh! 1414 01:09:53,429 --> 01:09:55,180 (Suzie) Be careful! Be careful 1415 01:09:55,264 --> 01:09:56,515 Oh, God! 1416 01:09:57,308 --> 01:09:58,892 [plop] 1417 01:09:58,977 --> 01:10:00,310 [all gasp] 1418 01:10:00,395 --> 01:10:02,854 [all] Oh. 1419 01:10:02,939 --> 01:10:05,732 (Ann) What happened to your stomach? 1420 01:10:12,699 --> 01:10:15,242 Oh, Nicky. 1421 01:10:15,326 --> 01:10:18,245 You always were such a good judge of character. 1422 01:10:18,329 --> 01:10:21,581 Nick. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1423 01:10:21,666 --> 01:10:25,752 I never meant for things to go this far. 1424 01:10:25,837 --> 01:10:30,090 Jerry was gonna fire me and I couldn't afford to get fired. 1425 01:10:30,174 --> 01:10:33,885 And I thought the whole thing would blow over in a day or two. 1426 01:10:33,970 --> 01:10:36,430 Blow over in a day or two? 1427 01:10:40,351 --> 01:10:42,769 What kind of person pretends to be pregnant? 1428 01:10:48,067 --> 01:10:50,318 Nick. I'm sorry. Just... 1429 01:10:50,403 --> 01:10:52,320 Please, just... Nick. 1430 01:10:55,283 --> 01:10:57,909 [cheerful music] 1431 01:11:10,339 --> 01:11:12,966 Hey, Nick, it's Thea, um 1432 01:11:13,051 --> 01:11:15,260 I'm kinda wondering what you're up to. 1433 01:11:15,344 --> 01:11:18,805 Kinda of assuming that what you're up to is hating me. 1434 01:11:18,890 --> 01:11:21,892 Kinda feeling very bad about that. 1435 01:11:21,976 --> 01:11:24,436 Anyway. Call me. 1436 01:11:27,106 --> 01:11:29,274 Hi, Nick. Thea again. 1437 01:11:29,358 --> 01:11:33,695 I just wanna say that I'm so so sorry. 1438 01:11:33,780 --> 01:11:36,323 (Claire on TV) I was talking to your mother about it. 1439 01:11:36,407 --> 01:11:38,700 She and I are on the same page on this thing. 1440 01:11:38,785 --> 01:11:42,954 I would rather say extra virgin olive oil. I don't wanna abbreviate it. 1441 01:11:43,039 --> 01:11:47,501 Hi, Nick, it's me. Uh. 1442 01:11:47,585 --> 01:11:50,504 I know you haven't been interested in picking up the phone 1443 01:11:50,630 --> 01:11:54,716 But I just wanted to tell you how much I really, really... [tone] 1444 01:11:57,136 --> 01:11:58,929 [doorbell] 1445 01:12:06,354 --> 01:12:07,813 (Thea) Hi. 1446 01:12:07,897 --> 01:12:09,940 (Lisa) Hi! 1447 01:12:11,526 --> 01:12:12,943 Wow! 1448 01:12:15,655 --> 01:12:17,531 So... 1449 01:12:17,615 --> 01:12:20,575 what have you been up to? 1450 01:12:20,660 --> 01:12:24,246 Watching the Vista on an endless loop. 1451 01:12:24,330 --> 01:12:26,123 It's self-inflicted torture. 1452 01:12:26,207 --> 01:12:27,791 That sounds healthy. 1453 01:12:27,875 --> 01:12:30,710 Well, it smells like something died in here. 1454 01:12:30,795 --> 01:12:32,295 It did. 1455 01:12:32,380 --> 01:12:34,464 My soul. 1456 01:12:34,549 --> 01:12:37,134 Thea. You've gotta give yourself a tiny break. 1457 01:12:37,218 --> 01:12:38,426 People make mistakes. 1458 01:12:38,511 --> 01:12:39,928 I majorly screwed up. 1459 01:12:40,012 --> 01:12:42,097 Well, look on the bright side. 1460 01:12:42,181 --> 01:12:44,307 They're still talking about it at work. 1461 01:12:44,392 --> 01:12:45,517 How's Nick doing? 1462 01:12:45,601 --> 01:12:48,019 I don't know. He resigned. 1463 01:12:48,104 --> 01:12:49,771 What? 1464 01:12:49,856 --> 01:12:52,107 Did he say anything about what he's gonna do? 1465 01:12:52,191 --> 01:12:55,527 If you're asking me if he said he'd track you down and propose to you 1466 01:12:55,611 --> 01:12:57,946 and spend the rest of your lives together? 1467 01:12:58,030 --> 01:12:59,781 No. He wasn't specific. 1468 01:12:59,866 --> 01:13:02,617 I've been calling him and calling him. 1469 01:13:02,702 --> 01:13:04,578 And he won't call me back. 1470 01:13:04,662 --> 01:13:06,746 Yeah, well maybe that has something to do 1471 01:13:06,831 --> 01:13:10,584 with the massively twisted lie you've told him for the last few months. 1472 01:13:10,668 --> 01:13:12,586 Do you think he'll ever forgive me? 1473 01:13:14,797 --> 01:13:18,091 Do you want me to be honest or do you want me to make you feel better? 1474 01:13:18,176 --> 01:13:20,468 How are Suzie's book sales? 1475 01:13:20,553 --> 01:13:22,345 Good. 1476 01:13:22,430 --> 01:13:26,308 You know, uh, there's still a few boxes 1477 01:13:26,392 --> 01:13:28,685 that we need to distribute here and there. 1478 01:13:28,769 --> 01:13:30,020 Oh, no. 1479 01:13:42,033 --> 01:13:43,283 Sorry. 1480 01:13:43,367 --> 01:13:45,076 Hey. 1481 01:13:45,161 --> 01:13:46,369 Hey. 1482 01:13:46,454 --> 01:13:47,746 Mind if I join you? 1483 01:13:49,332 --> 01:13:50,832 It's a free country. 1484 01:14:02,803 --> 01:14:04,804 Hm. What's in this? Mint? 1485 01:14:04,889 --> 01:14:06,431 Yup. 1486 01:14:06,515 --> 01:14:08,934 It's perfect with the pear. 1487 01:14:09,018 --> 01:14:10,810 It's so unexpected. 1488 01:14:10,895 --> 01:14:14,564 That was actually, um, my idea. I kind of just thought it would work. 1489 01:14:16,275 --> 01:14:17,984 Dad would have loved it. 1490 01:14:18,069 --> 01:14:20,654 Mom would have thought it was too fussy. 1491 01:14:20,780 --> 01:14:25,367 But she would have polished off the leftovers after everyone went to bed. 1492 01:14:30,581 --> 01:14:33,500 I'm a big fat liar and I'm sorry you got stuck with me. 1493 01:14:35,628 --> 01:14:38,338 Listen, Em. We're gonna make this work. Okay? 1494 01:14:38,422 --> 01:14:42,342 I made an appointment with the Culinary Institute to talk about student loans. 1495 01:14:42,426 --> 01:14:45,971 And I talked to Ms. Talbot about scholarships. 1496 01:14:46,097 --> 01:14:49,349 You know, Mom and Dad would have been so proud of you. 1497 01:14:49,433 --> 01:14:51,017 Thanks. 1498 01:14:51,102 --> 01:14:53,436 [cheerful music] 1499 01:15:02,738 --> 01:15:04,447 It needs, um... 1500 01:15:05,866 --> 01:15:07,367 I think ten more minutes. 1501 01:15:07,451 --> 01:15:08,952 I don't have ten more minutes. 1502 01:15:09,036 --> 01:15:10,787 But it's gonna be all gooey inside. 1503 01:15:10,871 --> 01:15:12,622 I'll just have to take my chances. 1504 01:15:12,707 --> 01:15:15,875 (man) Here she comes. Here comes Claire, everybody. 1505 01:15:15,960 --> 01:15:18,169 [crowd cheers] (woman) I love you. 1506 01:15:18,254 --> 01:15:20,422 I haven't missed a show in five years. 1507 01:15:20,506 --> 01:15:22,465 Thank you. But you should get out more. 1508 01:15:22,550 --> 01:15:23,717 I'm kidding. 1509 01:15:23,801 --> 01:15:25,635 I'm Thea Clayhill, your biggest fan. 1510 01:15:25,720 --> 01:15:28,471 I made you a pineapple cake. It's your favorite, right? 1511 01:15:28,556 --> 01:15:30,640 Yes. Good reconnaissance. Good for you. 1512 01:15:30,725 --> 01:15:34,060 How did you know about the cake? 1513 01:15:34,145 --> 01:15:36,730 Her May 15th show. She said it in passing. 1514 01:15:39,775 --> 01:15:41,484 Hi. I have some books for you. 1515 01:15:41,569 --> 01:15:43,737 Oh, great. Just leave 'em right over there. 1516 01:15:43,821 --> 01:15:46,114 Okay. Keep your womb open. 1517 01:15:46,198 --> 01:15:47,741 You've got it. 1518 01:15:47,825 --> 01:15:51,369 I actually would like even more toppings on my-- Hello. 1519 01:15:51,454 --> 01:15:54,748 Hey. Thea Clayhill, your number one fan with banana cream pie. 1520 01:15:54,832 --> 01:15:58,335 You do your homework. I hope it's as delicious as your pineapple cake. 1521 01:16:06,635 --> 01:16:08,011 [slams door] 1522 01:16:08,095 --> 01:16:10,263 You can hit a few more potholes next time. 1523 01:16:10,348 --> 01:16:11,598 (man) Claire, I love you. 1524 01:16:11,682 --> 01:16:13,183 (Woman) There she is. Claire. 1525 01:16:13,267 --> 01:16:15,602 There she is. My number one fan, Thea Clayhill. 1526 01:16:15,686 --> 01:16:17,604 Uh, pear ginger pie. 1527 01:16:17,688 --> 01:16:19,773 Nicely done, Betty Crocker. 1528 01:16:19,857 --> 01:16:22,067 It's actually not me, it's my little sister. 1529 01:16:22,151 --> 01:16:24,235 what's your angle besides making me a pig? 1530 01:16:24,320 --> 01:16:26,112 Wanna get your little sister on TV? 1531 01:16:26,197 --> 01:16:29,616 I really want to get this book on TV. It's really special. 1532 01:16:29,700 --> 01:16:32,827 Okay. Thank you. 1533 01:16:32,912 --> 01:16:34,287 Thanks. 1534 01:16:35,873 --> 01:16:37,040 (Lisa) Good luck. 1535 01:16:48,511 --> 01:16:49,969 Hi. 1536 01:16:50,054 --> 01:16:51,805 Hi. 1537 01:16:54,517 --> 01:16:57,227 I bet I'm the last person you wanted to see right now. 1538 01:16:57,311 --> 01:17:00,688 [sighs] Well, maybe not the last person. 1539 01:17:00,773 --> 01:17:03,316 Maybe the second or third to last person. 1540 01:17:03,442 --> 01:17:07,570 I wouldn't want to see my 6th grade English teacher, Ms. Posey. She was awful. 1541 01:17:07,655 --> 01:17:10,782 Or my college boyfriend. He dumped me on an answering machine. 1542 01:17:10,866 --> 01:17:14,202 Listen, Suzie. I'm really sorry, 1543 01:17:14,286 --> 01:17:17,455 I really wish I could have been the person you thought I was. 1544 01:17:17,540 --> 01:17:19,499 I just figured if I told you the truth, 1545 01:17:19,583 --> 01:17:23,670 you wouldn't want me in your life and I really enjoyed being in yours. 1546 01:17:23,754 --> 01:17:26,756 I really enjoyed being in your life, too, 1547 01:17:26,841 --> 01:17:28,842 for what it's worth. 1548 01:17:28,926 --> 01:17:31,219 Well, I've got some really good news. 1549 01:17:31,303 --> 01:17:32,470 We're gonna... 1550 01:17:32,555 --> 01:17:33,721 Ow! 1551 01:17:33,806 --> 01:17:35,473 Oh, my God, are you okay? 1552 01:17:35,558 --> 01:17:37,559 [yelling, panting] The baby's coming. 1553 01:17:37,643 --> 01:17:38,726 Right now? 1554 01:17:38,811 --> 01:17:40,437 My water broke this morning. 1555 01:17:40,521 --> 01:17:42,730 My contractions started an hour ago. Ow! 1556 01:17:42,815 --> 01:17:44,190 Where is everyone? 1557 01:17:44,275 --> 01:17:46,985 [panting] Jesse's on his way. 1558 01:17:47,111 --> 01:17:52,115 What should I do? Hot water? Towels? Let's just get in the car and go to the hospital. 1559 01:17:52,199 --> 01:17:55,493 A lot of people can help us there. I can't really do much here. 1560 01:17:55,578 --> 01:17:57,662 No, no, no. I'm fine. I'm fine. 1561 01:17:57,746 --> 01:17:59,414 My contraction ended. 1562 01:17:59,498 --> 01:18:01,416 It'll be hours before I have this baby. 1563 01:18:01,500 --> 01:18:02,917 It's already that painful? 1564 01:18:03,002 --> 01:18:05,378 [sighs] You ain't seen nothin' yet. 1565 01:18:05,463 --> 01:18:08,631 It's gonna get a whole lot worse before we turn this mother out. 1566 01:18:08,716 --> 01:18:10,717 What were you saying? 1567 01:18:10,801 --> 01:18:12,552 Oh, um, the Vista wants you. 1568 01:18:12,636 --> 01:18:14,179 [both scream] 1569 01:18:14,263 --> 01:18:15,722 Are you sure this is normal? 1570 01:18:15,806 --> 01:18:19,767 Yes, it's fine. The Vista? That's amazing. When? 1571 01:18:19,852 --> 01:18:22,145 In two hours. They had a cancellation. 1572 01:18:22,229 --> 01:18:24,772 Yeah. That's not gonna work for me. 1573 01:18:24,857 --> 01:18:27,817 [both breathe] 1574 01:18:27,902 --> 01:18:30,695 Hurry! We're gonna be late! 1575 01:18:30,779 --> 01:18:34,073 [cheerful music] 1576 01:18:35,326 --> 01:18:37,076 Hello. 1577 01:18:43,334 --> 01:18:44,751 Hi. 1578 01:18:44,835 --> 01:18:46,461 [baby cries] 1579 01:18:46,545 --> 01:18:49,172 (Lisa) I think I'm sitting on something. Like this. 1580 01:18:49,298 --> 01:18:53,218 [babies cry] Hey, Em, it's me. I desperately need a favor. 1581 01:18:53,302 --> 01:18:55,970 Here you go. Don't cry. 1582 01:19:02,186 --> 01:19:03,853 [knocks] 1583 01:19:06,398 --> 01:19:07,440 Emma. 1584 01:19:07,525 --> 01:19:08,608 Hi, Nick. 1585 01:19:08,692 --> 01:19:09,943 What are you doing here? 1586 01:19:10,027 --> 01:19:11,569 I have to take you somewhere. 1587 01:19:11,654 --> 01:19:13,279 Excuse me? 1588 01:19:13,364 --> 01:19:15,490 [sighs] Please, don't make me explain. 1589 01:19:15,574 --> 01:19:18,117 So if you just get your keys. We really have to go. 1590 01:19:18,202 --> 01:19:19,327 Emma. 1591 01:19:19,411 --> 01:19:20,787 Come on! 1592 01:19:20,871 --> 01:19:23,831 (Claire) You're pulling our legs. Collectively. 1593 01:19:23,916 --> 01:19:27,252 We absolutely have to begin in 3 minutes. Your guy better get here. 1594 01:19:27,336 --> 01:19:28,836 I promise he'll be here. 1595 01:19:28,921 --> 01:19:31,339 He'll be here. It's gonna be great. 1596 01:19:31,423 --> 01:19:33,550 I don't know what's keeping him so long. 1597 01:19:33,634 --> 01:19:36,010 It'd be really fun to have you back again. 1598 01:19:36,095 --> 01:19:38,930 (Claire) When we come back, "I'm So Over This, 1599 01:19:39,014 --> 01:19:41,849 What It's Really Like to Be Pregnant." So stick around. 1600 01:19:41,934 --> 01:19:43,101 [clapping] 1601 01:19:43,185 --> 01:19:44,978 I need four asses in those seats now. 1602 01:19:45,062 --> 01:19:46,896 Oh, my God, Lisa. What are we gonna do? 1603 01:19:46,981 --> 01:19:48,064 You're gonna go. 1604 01:19:48,148 --> 01:19:49,232 What? 1605 01:19:49,316 --> 01:19:50,441 I don't wanna go. 1606 01:19:52,361 --> 01:19:54,821 (Claire) How are you? Thank you. Loved the book. 1607 01:19:54,905 --> 01:19:58,992 Come on in. Hello, little baby. Come on up. 1608 01:19:59,076 --> 01:20:00,368 Hi. Hello. 1609 01:20:00,452 --> 01:20:03,997 (Claire) Wow, Laura. What an amazing story. 1610 01:20:04,081 --> 01:20:07,250 I cannot believe that beautiful baby was born at the DMV. 1611 01:20:07,334 --> 01:20:10,253 So Thea, any kids? 1612 01:20:10,337 --> 01:20:12,338 No, never been pregnant. 1613 01:20:12,423 --> 01:20:15,633 So why another pregnancy book? Isn’t the market a bit flooded? 1614 01:20:15,718 --> 01:20:17,635 (Thea) Well, this one's different. 1615 01:20:17,720 --> 01:20:21,806 It's not a how-to book or a bunch of rules and recipes. 1616 01:20:21,890 --> 01:20:25,351 These stories are ultimately about the birth of a new love. 1617 01:20:25,436 --> 01:20:26,603 (Emma) We're late. 1618 01:20:26,687 --> 01:20:28,605 I can't believe she booked with Vista. 1619 01:20:28,689 --> 01:20:31,190 It can be messy but in the end you're much stronger 1620 01:20:31,275 --> 01:20:32,817 for having gone through it. 1621 01:20:32,943 --> 01:20:36,195 (Thea) Even if you did something you may regret. 1622 01:20:36,280 --> 01:20:39,490 And to be honest, I was just helping out. 1623 01:20:39,575 --> 01:20:43,870 You know, I shouldn't even really be sitting up here. It was Nick Steinwald 1624 01:20:43,954 --> 01:20:46,080 who's sitting in the audience right now. 1625 01:20:46,165 --> 01:20:48,082 He's responsible for the whole thing. 1626 01:20:48,167 --> 01:20:51,878 He believed in the book from the beginning and... 1627 01:20:51,962 --> 01:20:53,880 believed in me. 1628 01:20:53,964 --> 01:20:57,175 and I really can't thank him enough for that. 1629 01:21:02,431 --> 01:21:04,223 [clapping] Stand up! 1630 01:21:04,308 --> 01:21:06,643 (Claire) Get him a mike. 1631 01:21:09,647 --> 01:21:13,232 She sings your praises. What is about the book that appealed to you? 1632 01:21:13,317 --> 01:21:16,861 Um, well, uh... 1633 01:21:16,987 --> 01:21:20,740 I thought Suzie's book had a fresh and funny perspective on pregnancy. 1634 01:21:20,824 --> 01:21:22,825 Thea was right when she said it was a book 1635 01:21:22,910 --> 01:21:25,161 about how love can see you through anything. 1636 01:21:27,956 --> 01:21:29,624 And how... 1637 01:21:29,708 --> 01:21:32,251 if you love someone, 1638 01:21:32,336 --> 01:21:36,339 you can forgive them for all of the... 1639 01:21:36,423 --> 01:21:39,676 crazy and idiotic things they do. 1640 01:21:39,760 --> 01:21:42,804 Because love is a leap of faith. 1641 01:21:42,888 --> 01:21:45,515 And... 1642 01:21:45,599 --> 01:21:48,393 sometimes you just have to jump. 1643 01:21:48,477 --> 01:21:50,853 Don't you? 1644 01:21:53,357 --> 01:21:56,609 Wow. Okay. I'm gonna jump in here for a second 1645 01:21:56,694 --> 01:22:00,947 and, uh, thank you both so much. Again, the book is "I'm So Over This, 1646 01:22:01,031 --> 01:22:03,324 What It's Really Like to Be Pregnant." 1647 01:22:03,409 --> 01:22:05,827 There's a link on our website, TheVista.com 1648 01:22:05,911 --> 01:22:08,955 One last thing, Nick. Do you know how cute you are? 1649 01:22:09,039 --> 01:22:10,373 Uh, no. [all laugh] 1650 01:22:10,457 --> 01:22:12,375 (Claire) No, he doesn't, does he? 1651 01:22:12,459 --> 01:22:15,712 [laughs] Okay, thank you very much. [applause] 1652 01:22:35,399 --> 01:22:37,483 (Claire) Hey. Guess what? 1653 01:22:37,568 --> 01:22:40,027 The producer said there's been over 100,000 hits 1654 01:22:40,112 --> 01:22:43,322 on the show's link to your book. Yeah. 1655 01:22:43,407 --> 01:22:44,407 That's fantastic. 1656 01:22:44,491 --> 01:22:45,658 Thanks, Claire. 1657 01:22:45,743 --> 01:22:47,118 (Claire) Thank you. 1658 01:22:48,746 --> 01:22:50,413 Hey. 1659 01:22:51,790 --> 01:22:53,332 Thank you. 1660 01:22:53,417 --> 01:22:55,334 It's the least I could do. 1661 01:22:55,419 --> 01:22:58,880 I meant what I said about I can't thank you enough, 1662 01:22:58,964 --> 01:23:01,841 you know, now that it's all over. 1663 01:23:01,925 --> 01:23:03,092 What's over? 1664 01:23:04,386 --> 01:23:06,053 Working together, 1665 01:23:06,138 --> 01:23:09,640 being together, just togetherness in general. 1666 01:23:09,725 --> 01:23:11,017 [soft guitar music] 1667 01:23:11,101 --> 01:23:12,894 It doesn't have to be. 1668 01:23:12,978 --> 01:23:15,855 We made a good book together. We can make another one. 1669 01:23:15,939 --> 01:23:17,899 Would you wanna do that? 1670 01:23:17,983 --> 01:23:20,276 Yes. Yes, I would. 1671 01:23:42,508 --> 01:23:44,175 Still feel backed up? 1672 01:23:44,259 --> 01:23:45,718 Thanks, Greg. 1673 01:23:45,803 --> 01:23:47,386 (Nick) Should it freak me out 1674 01:23:47,471 --> 01:23:49,764 that he knows more about your bowels than I do? 1675 01:23:49,848 --> 01:23:51,474 Uh, maybe that's a good thing. 1676 01:23:53,268 --> 01:23:55,853 If I've been timing these right, and I'm sure I have, 1677 01:23:55,938 --> 01:23:58,981 you're up in ten, nine, eight, seven... 1678 01:23:59,066 --> 01:24:00,525 Ow! 1679 01:24:00,609 --> 01:24:02,401 (Jerry) Yes! Just six seconds off. 1680 01:24:02,486 --> 01:24:03,611 What I'd miss? 1681 01:24:03,695 --> 01:24:05,571 We're contracting every half hour. 1682 01:24:05,656 --> 01:24:07,240 You okay? 1683 01:24:07,324 --> 01:24:09,826 (Garth) we're gonna kick this puppy out at 0900. 1684 01:24:09,910 --> 01:24:11,494 (Ann) They should head out now. 1685 01:24:11,578 --> 01:24:13,079 No one's going anywhere 1686 01:24:13,163 --> 01:24:15,248 the doctor said to wait until every 15... 1687 01:24:15,332 --> 01:24:16,624 [screams] 1688 01:24:16,708 --> 01:24:18,459 Wait. You're way off. 1689 01:24:18,544 --> 01:24:20,419 That one was not good. 1690 01:24:20,504 --> 01:24:22,338 Jesus. She's having a baby. Now! 1691 01:24:22,422 --> 01:24:23,714 (Thea) What do you mean? 1692 01:24:23,799 --> 01:24:25,216 Okay. No, no, no. 1693 01:24:25,300 --> 01:24:27,051 What the hell are we going to do? 1694 01:24:27,135 --> 01:24:28,427 Move! Move! 1695 01:24:28,512 --> 01:24:31,013 (Kristen) My baby got ten on the APGAR scores 1696 01:24:31,098 --> 01:24:33,307 your baby's maybe like a seven or a eight. 1697 01:24:33,392 --> 01:24:35,768 (Carl) If it's a boy, feel free to name him Carl. 1698 01:24:35,853 --> 01:24:37,562 I forgot. Okay. 1699 01:24:37,646 --> 01:24:39,272 (Kristen) Get the epidural. 1700 01:24:39,356 --> 01:24:41,232 (Jerry) Don't screw this up. 1701 01:24:41,316 --> 01:24:42,775 Are you ready? 1702 01:24:42,860 --> 01:24:44,110 Let's hope. 1703 01:24:44,194 --> 01:24:45,778 I Love you. 1704 01:24:45,863 --> 01:24:47,697 (Thea) I love you, too. It's your fault. 1705 01:24:47,781 --> 01:24:49,115 Semper Fi. 1706 01:24:49,199 --> 01:24:51,200 (Kristen) Push! [laughs] Oh, not yet. 122187