Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:23,639 --> 00:00:26,682
(male voice on radio)
The I-10 Santa Monica
Freeway westbound
2
00:00:26,767 --> 00:00:28,851
is jammed due to
a three-car accident...
3
00:00:28,936 --> 00:00:31,521
blocking lanes one and two
just past Hoover Street.
4
00:00:31,605 --> 00:00:35,233
In Van Nuys there's
stop and go traffic
on the 405 southbound...
5
00:00:35,317 --> 00:00:37,318
(Emma)
Hey, loser!
Get up. You're late.
6
00:00:39,738 --> 00:00:41,030
We need money.
7
00:00:41,114 --> 00:00:42,281
For what?
8
00:00:42,366 --> 00:00:44,033
Food.
9
00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:48,746
[sighs]
10
00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:54,418
I've only got two dollars.
How much is a Happy Meal?
11
00:00:54,503 --> 00:00:55,711
Oopf.
12
00:00:55,796 --> 00:00:58,381
[light cheerful music]
13
00:00:58,465 --> 00:01:00,049
(Manager)
Good morning, Thea.
14
00:01:00,133 --> 00:01:01,592
Oh, hi.
15
00:01:01,677 --> 00:01:03,761
There's this
thing called rent.
16
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:05,847
Monday.
You have my word.
17
00:01:05,931 --> 00:01:08,057
Could you
put your word
on an actual check?
18
00:01:08,141 --> 00:01:10,351
[cheerful music]
19
00:02:13,999 --> 00:02:17,168
(Miles)
Whoo! Look
at that foxy momma!
20
00:02:17,252 --> 00:02:18,628
Hey.
21
00:02:18,712 --> 00:02:22,340
Hey, look.
I, uh, I saved
you one of these.
22
00:02:22,424 --> 00:02:24,508
It wasn't easy.
These people
are animals.
23
00:02:24,593 --> 00:02:26,802
Thanks. It's
all downhill
after the donut.
24
00:02:26,887 --> 00:02:29,013
Hey. Let's go
camping right now.
25
00:02:29,097 --> 00:02:30,973
Oh, don't tempt
me. You know I can't.
26
00:02:31,058 --> 00:02:35,019
Come on. Don't be
such a buzz kill. Just
call in sick from work.
27
00:02:35,103 --> 00:02:37,855
Oh, Miles.
It was hard enough
getting Monday off.
28
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,608
Hey. You really
need to bail on
this lame job, babe.
29
00:02:40,692 --> 00:02:44,236
Bailing isn't exactly in
my vocabulary right now.
I'm late. I'm late.
30
00:02:50,619 --> 00:02:51,786
[depressing music]
31
00:02:51,870 --> 00:02:53,496
Alarm clock
on the fritz again?
32
00:02:55,290 --> 00:02:56,791
(Jerry)
Thea.
33
00:02:56,875 --> 00:02:58,376
Thea!
34
00:03:02,714 --> 00:03:04,548
Four minutes
after nine, Thea.
35
00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:06,467
We agreed to 8:59.
36
00:03:06,551 --> 00:03:09,095
I know. I'm
sorry. I've got
your coffee piping hot.
37
00:03:09,179 --> 00:03:11,597
Greg already
got it for me.
38
00:03:11,682 --> 00:03:13,474
All right.
Let's get started.
39
00:03:13,558 --> 00:03:16,268
I found two errors
in your transcription.
40
00:03:16,395 --> 00:03:20,147
Ur-Nammu, the Mesopotamian
ruler, has a hyphen
in his name.
41
00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:23,150
Are you sure? I checked it
in Oxford English Dictionary.
42
00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:26,570
You should always
cross reference with
the Military Encyclopedia.
43
00:03:26,655 --> 00:03:28,155
It is
the definitive source.
44
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,740
Absolutely right, Greg.
45
00:03:29,825 --> 00:03:32,576
The intern
shouldn't be more
thorough than you.
46
00:03:32,661 --> 00:03:36,747
You have to remember
that every mistake you
make, impacts history.
47
00:03:36,832 --> 00:03:38,749
I'm sorry
I didn't give
enough thought
48
00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:41,293
to the long
reaching impact
of a missing hyphen.
49
00:03:41,378 --> 00:03:43,629
Think of it next time,
or someone else will.
50
00:03:43,714 --> 00:03:47,133
There are
a million people out there
who'd kill for your job.
51
00:03:47,259 --> 00:03:50,761
The secretary
to the publisher, it's
a dream for so many of us.
52
00:03:50,846 --> 00:03:53,264
I have a big
project for you.
53
00:03:53,390 --> 00:03:57,101
Now, you can make
up for this morning's
mistakes by acing this one.
54
00:03:57,185 --> 00:03:58,936
Okay. What
can I do for you?
55
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:02,565
MacArthur rolled
in some poop.
56
00:04:02,649 --> 00:04:03,941
Again?
57
00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,609
She's got one
good eye, Thea.
58
00:04:05,694 --> 00:04:08,988
I don't appreciate
you taking that tone. Now.
59
00:04:11,366 --> 00:04:13,075
Hi, there.
[dog whines]
60
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,121
Let's really try
and nail it this
time, shall we?
61
00:04:17,205 --> 00:04:18,205
[sighs]
62
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:19,999
[whines]
63
00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:22,501
[whines]
64
00:04:25,547 --> 00:04:27,298
No way. She
rolled in poop again?
65
00:04:27,382 --> 00:04:28,591
Uh-hm.
66
00:04:28,675 --> 00:04:30,301
How come
Greg never
washes her?
67
00:04:30,385 --> 00:04:32,928
I'm glad that I
don't have to wash
the poop off Greg
68
00:04:33,013 --> 00:04:36,015
since he spends most
of his time with his
head up Jerry's ass.
69
00:04:36,099 --> 00:04:39,060
Tell me about it.
Last week he CC'd
me on an email to Jerry
70
00:04:39,144 --> 00:04:41,979
complaining that I ordered
too many rainbow Post-Its.
71
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,856
Said it creates
a party atmosphere.
72
00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:46,025
Come here, MacArthur.
73
00:04:46,109 --> 00:04:48,778
MacArthur.
[dog whines]
74
00:04:48,862 --> 00:04:51,155
Do you think we'll
ever get out of here?
75
00:04:51,239 --> 00:04:54,492
How long 'til
your little sister
graduates college?
76
00:04:54,576 --> 00:04:56,577
Five years.
Five long years.
77
00:04:56,661 --> 00:04:58,662
[sighs] Wow.
78
00:04:58,747 --> 00:05:01,540
When you finally
ditch this place
I'm gonna leave, too.
79
00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:03,793
I can't survive this
hellhole without you.
80
00:05:03,877 --> 00:05:06,879
I don't even know
if I'm gonna survive
Monday without you.
81
00:05:06,963 --> 00:05:09,256
Oh, well, your rainbow
Post-Its should help.
82
00:05:09,341 --> 00:05:11,926
[fake laugh]
Ha, ha, ha.
Just promise me
83
00:05:12,052 --> 00:05:16,388
that when you're celebrating
with Miles the big 25, you'll
have two extra shots for me.
84
00:05:16,473 --> 00:05:19,058
Done. Two for
you, two for me
85
00:05:19,142 --> 00:05:20,643
and two
for MacArthur.
86
00:05:20,727 --> 00:05:22,853
And cold
beer chasers
and a sliced lime.
87
00:05:22,938 --> 00:05:24,396
[sigh]
Gets me right here.
88
00:05:24,481 --> 00:05:26,732
[rhythmic music]
89
00:05:28,610 --> 00:05:30,069
What is MacArthur eating?
90
00:05:30,153 --> 00:05:32,947
Oh, that's not
good. Hold on.
91
00:05:33,031 --> 00:05:34,198
No, no, that's soap!
92
00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:41,330
(Garth)
Well, Thea, you are
a sopping mess.
93
00:05:41,414 --> 00:05:42,706
I know, I'm sorry.
94
00:05:42,791 --> 00:05:43,999
Well, don't apologize.
95
00:05:44,084 --> 00:05:45,709
(Carl)
This one
has two staples.
96
00:05:45,794 --> 00:05:46,836
Yeah. And?
97
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,212
It's bad feng shui.
98
00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:49,797
It'd be nice
to give the agenda
99
00:05:49,881 --> 00:05:51,882
to the guy
the disability first.
100
00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:53,926
When I gave you yours
first last month,
101
00:05:54,010 --> 00:05:56,720
you reprimanded
me for giving you
special treatment.
102
00:05:56,805 --> 00:05:59,098
I don't like your giving
me special back talk.
103
00:05:59,182 --> 00:06:01,809
(Jerry)
Good morning, everyone.
Ready for Abbott?
104
00:06:01,893 --> 00:06:02,935
[ringing]
105
00:06:03,019 --> 00:06:04,395
Sorry.
106
00:06:04,479 --> 00:06:06,230
(Abbot)
Let's have another round!
107
00:06:06,314 --> 00:06:09,567
Hey, Johnny, my good man.
How's the book coming?
108
00:06:09,651 --> 00:06:10,734
(Abbot)
Jerry!
109
00:06:10,819 --> 00:06:12,945
War. What is
it good for?
110
00:06:13,029 --> 00:06:16,907
Apparently lots
of things, Jerry.
[laughs viciously]
111
00:06:16,992 --> 00:06:18,576
[whines]
112
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:21,579
If you could just tell
us what chapter
you're up to.
113
00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:22,746
Sweet.
114
00:06:22,831 --> 00:06:24,248
(Abbot)
Pigs in the blanket
115
00:06:24,332 --> 00:06:26,417
for everybody on me.
[laughs and hangs up]
116
00:06:26,501 --> 00:06:28,878
[chuckles]
Alright, bye-bye.
[clears throat]
117
00:06:28,962 --> 00:06:31,046
(Jerry)
Hemingway used
to write in bars.
118
00:06:31,131 --> 00:06:34,925
Ah. We're so pleased
you decided to bless us
with your presence, Nicky
119
00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:37,928
Sorry, uh, bad,
bad traffic.
120
00:06:38,013 --> 00:06:40,931
Hm. Got hung
up at the divorce
lawyer's office?
121
00:06:41,016 --> 00:06:43,934
I kind of wanted that
to be private, Jerry.
122
00:06:44,019 --> 00:06:46,562
Well, well, privacy is
for people who are on time.
123
00:06:46,646 --> 00:06:48,606
(Nick)
So how's
Abbott's book coming?
124
00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:53,444
Extremely well.
There's a method
to his mad genius.
125
00:06:53,528 --> 00:06:56,947
And now we're
ready to go over
the cost report.
126
00:06:57,032 --> 00:06:58,991
Whenever you feel
like presenting it.
127
00:06:59,075 --> 00:07:01,035
(Nick)
Oh, okay.
128
00:07:01,119 --> 00:07:05,247
Sales for The Complete
History of Bullets are
below projections.
129
00:07:05,332 --> 00:07:08,667
Uh, marketing says people
have been intimidated
130
00:07:08,752 --> 00:07:10,544
by the 1400 page length.
131
00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:14,298
(Garth)
There are a lot
of bullets in the world.
We're not making it up.
132
00:07:14,382 --> 00:07:17,343
Let's talk
about the next order
of order of business.
133
00:07:17,427 --> 00:07:20,804
(Jerry)
I've given this
a lot of thought.
[dog whines]
134
00:07:20,889 --> 00:07:24,475
[sighs]
Next week's
softball game.
135
00:07:24,559 --> 00:07:28,312
Now, we're all tired
of losing to Presidio.
136
00:07:28,396 --> 00:07:30,648
So I'm moving Garth
to short stop.
137
00:07:30,732 --> 00:07:32,483
I'm not
quite finished.
138
00:07:32,567 --> 00:07:36,195
I've told you. You're
staying in left field.
We need you there.
139
00:07:36,279 --> 00:07:37,863
This isn't softball related.
140
00:07:37,948 --> 00:07:40,324
You know our
textbook writer,
Suzie Cavendish?
141
00:07:40,408 --> 00:07:41,450
Of course I know her.
142
00:07:41,534 --> 00:07:42,785
I read her new manuscript
143
00:07:42,869 --> 00:07:44,662
and I thought
it was really good.
144
00:07:44,746 --> 00:07:47,122
How did you
get a manuscript?
145
00:07:47,207 --> 00:07:49,667
I ran into her at lunch.
She told me about her book.
146
00:07:49,751 --> 00:07:52,169
You don't send
the accountant
your manuscript.
147
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:55,631
[dog whines]
Thanks, but I've already
told Suzie it's not for us.
148
00:07:55,715 --> 00:07:57,508
It's not our
subject matter.
149
00:07:57,592 --> 00:07:59,885
[dog whines and groans]
Baby, what's wrong?
150
00:07:59,970 --> 00:08:03,264
(Jerry)
MacArthur?
[dog groans]
151
00:08:03,348 --> 00:08:06,850
What's wrong with you?
Come here, baby.
152
00:08:06,935 --> 00:08:09,520
What is wrong?
Talk to daddy.
153
00:08:09,604 --> 00:08:10,771
[whines and retches]
154
00:08:13,108 --> 00:08:14,316
(Thea)
Ew!
155
00:08:14,401 --> 00:08:16,694
(Jerry)
What did you feed her?
156
00:08:16,778 --> 00:08:18,988
I'm so so sorry
about your dog.
157
00:08:19,072 --> 00:08:22,408
I just scheduled a full body
scan for MacArthur on Monday.
158
00:08:22,492 --> 00:08:25,035
I have the day off Monday
but I'll take her Tuesday.
159
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,537
You'll take her Monday.
160
00:08:26,621 --> 00:08:28,622
I asked for this time
off two months ago.
161
00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:30,791
It's just one day.
I promised my boyfriend
162
00:08:30,875 --> 00:08:32,793
we'd go camping
for his 25th birthday.
163
00:08:32,877 --> 00:08:34,420
It's his 25th birthday?
164
00:08:34,504 --> 00:08:35,713
Yeah, it is.
165
00:08:35,797 --> 00:08:37,965
God, I had no idea.
166
00:08:38,049 --> 00:08:40,551
I'm sorry. Why don't you
take the whole week off?
167
00:08:40,635 --> 00:08:41,677
Really?
168
00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:43,095
No!
[dog whines]
169
00:08:43,179 --> 00:08:46,056
Okay, no problem.
170
00:08:46,141 --> 00:08:48,225
(Lisa)
Come on, things
can't be that bad.
171
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:51,228
Okay. Let's see
what I have to look
forward to in life.
172
00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:53,022
Washing my boss's dog.
173
00:08:53,106 --> 00:08:54,898
Blow-drying my boss's job.
174
00:08:54,983 --> 00:08:56,150
Uh-mm.
175
00:08:56,234 --> 00:08:57,985
Taking my boss's
dog for a CAT scan.
176
00:08:58,069 --> 00:08:59,903
I'm officially
a pathetic loser.
177
00:08:59,988 --> 00:09:02,823
Well, at least
we still have
Skittles and cigarettes.
178
00:09:05,493 --> 00:09:08,245
(Lisa)
Maybe you and Miles
can reschedule the weekend.
179
00:09:08,371 --> 00:09:11,874
(Thea)
Oh, yeah. I'll
see if Miles can
reschedule his birthday.
180
00:09:11,958 --> 00:09:13,751
No, maybe Jerry's
onto something.
181
00:09:13,835 --> 00:09:17,004
Who needs a significant
other when you're dating
your own dog?
182
00:09:17,088 --> 00:09:20,257
(Thea)
Jerry's repulsive.
Have you smelled
his breath lately?
183
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:22,426
He's lucky he can get
a dog to date him.
184
00:09:22,552 --> 00:09:26,472
You know, it's one thing
if Jerry is an undersexed
jerk who takes no joy in life
185
00:09:26,556 --> 00:09:29,975
But why does he have
to make the rest of us
that way? I hate him!
186
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,143
[door bangs open]
187
00:09:31,227 --> 00:09:32,269
[both gasp]
188
00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:35,064
In my office. Now!
189
00:09:36,983 --> 00:09:40,611
You've got some pretty
strong opinions about
my personal choices.
190
00:09:40,695 --> 00:09:42,780
You find my relationship
with MacArthur
191
00:09:42,864 --> 00:09:44,281
something to deride?
192
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:46,700
Not at all.
I respect your
devotion to animals.
193
00:09:46,785 --> 00:09:48,994
You're involvement
with PETA is inspiring.
194
00:09:49,079 --> 00:09:50,204
Don't bullshit me.
195
00:09:50,288 --> 00:09:51,663
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
196
00:09:51,748 --> 00:09:53,916
It was childish
and it won't happen again.
197
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,751
If you hate me so much,
198
00:09:55,877 --> 00:09:59,338
I don't really think
it's healthy for you
to continue working with me.
199
00:09:59,422 --> 00:10:01,423
[gasps]
But, please.
You can't do this.
200
00:10:01,508 --> 00:10:02,508
Watch me.
201
00:10:02,592 --> 00:10:03,634
But I need this job.
202
00:10:03,718 --> 00:10:04,718
Here I go.
203
00:10:04,803 --> 00:10:05,803
I support my sister.
204
00:10:05,887 --> 00:10:06,929
You're fired.
205
00:10:07,013 --> 00:10:08,013
But I'm...
206
00:10:08,098 --> 00:10:09,973
You're what? You're?
207
00:10:10,058 --> 00:10:11,100
I'm pregnant.
208
00:10:11,184 --> 00:10:12,267
Pregnant?
209
00:10:12,352 --> 00:10:14,686
Yes, pregnant.
Totally pregnant.
210
00:10:14,771 --> 00:10:18,065
The doctor says
the chemicals or
hormones or whatever...
211
00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:22,277
are messing up my system
and you can't take anything
I say too seriously.
212
00:10:22,362 --> 00:10:25,072
Except for when
I say I'm pregnant
because, I am.
213
00:10:33,248 --> 00:10:34,373
(Thea)
Oh, God.
214
00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:45,551
When are you due?
215
00:10:45,635 --> 00:10:47,511
Octember.
I mean, October.
216
00:10:47,595 --> 00:10:48,887
October what?
217
00:10:48,972 --> 00:10:50,931
Uh, probably the 6th.
Could be the 7th,
218
00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:53,600
could be the
8th. But fingers are
crossed for the 6th
219
00:10:53,685 --> 00:10:55,769
by then I'll just want
this thing out of me.
220
00:10:55,854 --> 00:10:57,771
You're almost four
months pregnant?
221
00:10:57,856 --> 00:10:59,690
Yeah. [chuckles]
Isn't that crazy?
222
00:10:59,774 --> 00:11:03,861
Feels like yesterday
I wasn't. But I was
because I'm four months
223
00:11:03,945 --> 00:11:06,530
The legal department
is backing your story
224
00:11:06,614 --> 00:11:09,324
about not being able
to fire a pregnant woman
225
00:11:09,409 --> 00:11:13,203
no matter how much
she might deserve it.
226
00:11:13,288 --> 00:11:15,747
So get back to work.
227
00:11:15,832 --> 00:11:17,416
Thank you
so much, Jerry.
228
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:21,086
I really appreciate
it. Thank you.
From both of us.
229
00:11:25,717 --> 00:11:30,137
Congratulations on
the baby. The entire
legal department is thrilled.
230
00:11:30,221 --> 00:11:33,599
Hey, why didn't you
tell me earlier?
Oh, I know.
231
00:11:33,683 --> 00:11:36,727
Probably because
there's so much that
can go horribly wrong.
232
00:11:36,853 --> 00:11:40,063
I mean, I'm out
of the woods. But I
do everything right.
[laughs]
233
00:11:40,148 --> 00:11:43,400
Anyway, so I'm having
my baby first, not that
it's a competition.
234
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,235
But I win! [laughs]
235
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,197
Anyway, no, really,
congratulations.
236
00:11:48,281 --> 00:11:51,241
Oh, Thea!
Oh, I'm so
excited for you.
237
00:11:51,326 --> 00:11:53,785
No wonder you've
been spacey lately.
[chuckles]
238
00:11:53,870 --> 00:11:55,120
(Garth)
What's going on?
239
00:11:55,205 --> 00:11:57,080
(Ann)
Everybody, Thea's pregnant!
240
00:11:57,165 --> 00:11:59,041
Don't look at me.
I never touched her.
241
00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:01,919
(Garth)
Never would have guessed.
You still look sexy.
242
00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:04,755
I had to tell everyone.
Couldn't keep it a secret.
243
00:12:04,839 --> 00:12:08,050
Of course. How can you
hide that kind of thing?
244
00:12:08,176 --> 00:12:11,929
(Carl)
I should've known. My
left knee's been hurting.
When my knee hurts,
245
00:12:12,013 --> 00:12:13,931
it usually means
someone's pregnant.
246
00:12:14,015 --> 00:12:17,935
Yeah, or they're
stuck underwater in a car.
Anyway, I'm glad it's this.
247
00:12:18,019 --> 00:12:20,562
(Garth)
So who's
the very lucky fella?
248
00:12:20,647 --> 00:12:23,065
(Lisa)
You didn't tell 'em
the rest of the news?
249
00:12:23,149 --> 00:12:24,900
Thea and Miles
are engaged!
250
00:12:24,984 --> 00:12:27,653
[all] Oh!
251
00:12:27,737 --> 00:12:30,280
(Kristen)
That's so great!
252
00:12:30,365 --> 00:12:34,868
I mean, I got married
before I got pregnant,
but better late than never.
253
00:12:34,953 --> 00:12:36,453
Whoo-hoo!
Yay for you!
254
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,664
Yeah, I'm, I'm really
excited, everyone.
255
00:12:38,748 --> 00:12:42,125
Yeah, thrilled.
Over the moon.
Way over it!
256
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:43,794
[all chuckle]
257
00:12:43,878 --> 00:12:44,962
[silence]
258
00:12:45,046 --> 00:12:46,255
Psst.
[chuckles]
259
00:12:51,928 --> 00:12:54,096
(Lisa)
Pregnant? It's brilliant.
260
00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:55,806
Where did you
come up with that?
261
00:12:55,890 --> 00:12:58,559
I saw it on an episode
of Law and Order.
262
00:12:58,643 --> 00:13:00,644
Yeah. You can't fire
a pregnant woman.
263
00:13:00,728 --> 00:13:03,313
Discrimination, lawsuits,
bad mojo, whatever.
264
00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:05,774
Smart.
265
00:13:05,858 --> 00:13:07,484
By the way,
thanks for your help.
266
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:10,028
Pregnant wasn't bad enough.
I had to get engaged.
267
00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:13,740
Well, I didn't want
people to think you were
some kind of wayward skank.
268
00:13:13,825 --> 00:13:15,826
Is that what you
think of single mothers?
269
00:13:15,952 --> 00:13:19,496
No, of course not.
I just happen to know that
a lot of people in the office
270
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:23,000
think you're a wayward
skank and I thought this
could turn it around.
271
00:13:23,126 --> 00:13:26,837
[sigh]
Thanks. Crap, Lisa.
What am I gonna do?
How will I get out of this?
272
00:13:26,921 --> 00:13:30,299
Can't we just
say that you know,
something happened to,
273
00:13:30,383 --> 00:13:34,177
I don't know, one
of your tubes. Sprung a leak.
274
00:13:34,262 --> 00:13:36,221
Do you know what
you're talking about?
275
00:13:36,306 --> 00:13:38,557
Let's just go along with
it for a little while
276
00:13:38,641 --> 00:13:40,559
and then we'll say
it was a false alarm.
277
00:13:40,643 --> 00:13:44,146
You thought you were
pregnant, but it turns out
you just had crabs.
278
00:13:44,230 --> 00:13:45,397
Ew.
279
00:13:52,572 --> 00:13:55,365
(Thea)
I'm so sorry, Em. I had
a crazy day at work
280
00:13:55,450 --> 00:13:58,201
and I lost track of time.
Am I too late?
281
00:13:58,286 --> 00:14:02,164
The meeting was at four
and it's five o'clock now.
You do the math.
282
00:14:02,248 --> 00:14:04,124
I'm really sorry.
283
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:07,461
Have you been drinking?
284
00:14:07,545 --> 00:14:09,421
I had a cocktail.
285
00:14:11,174 --> 00:14:14,384
Come on. You're 17.
You should be out
drinking and smoking
286
00:14:20,141 --> 00:14:23,393
(Thea)
I'll reschedule
with your guidance
counselor next week.
287
00:14:23,519 --> 00:14:27,105
Don't bother. I already met
with Miss Talbot and we
discussed my options
288
00:14:27,190 --> 00:14:29,316
What options?
289
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,778
She suggested I start
taking some cooking
classes after school.
290
00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:35,447
You have
tennis after school.
291
00:14:35,531 --> 00:14:37,783
Yeah, but I'm
sick of tennis.
292
00:14:37,909 --> 00:14:42,329
I was thinking maybe I could
go to the Culinary Institute
in San Francisco.
293
00:14:42,413 --> 00:14:44,998
No way. You're
staying right here
and going to UCLA.
294
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:49,044
Tennis will cover the tuition
and I'm busting my ass
off to cover the rest.
295
00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:53,090
I know. You keep telling me
when Mom and Dad died,
we lost out on options.
296
00:14:53,216 --> 00:14:57,302
(Thea)
Just do me a favor, be
a grown-up and accept the
hand that you've been dealt.
297
00:14:57,387 --> 00:14:58,845
So that's
what you do?
298
00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,722
Yeah, that's
what I do.
299
00:15:00,848 --> 00:15:05,185
Really? 'Cause you were
at a bar instead of my
parent teacher conference.
300
00:15:13,736 --> 00:15:16,029
Oh, hello, Mr. Abbott.
301
00:15:16,114 --> 00:15:18,782
Jerry? Jerry,
where are you?
302
00:15:18,866 --> 00:15:20,283
Mr. Abbott,
can I help you?
303
00:15:20,368 --> 00:15:22,744
Is there anything
to drink in this place
304
00:15:22,829 --> 00:15:25,205
or do I have to go
to my car and get
my divining rod?
305
00:15:25,289 --> 00:15:26,998
I could get you
some water.
306
00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:30,460
Go ahead, soldier.
Three parts scotch,
one part water.
307
00:15:30,545 --> 00:15:32,462
Okay. Move, move,
move. Hey, soldier.
308
00:15:32,547 --> 00:15:34,089
What brings
you to the office?
309
00:15:34,173 --> 00:15:37,259
How are you? [chuckles]
Well, your brother
wants my book.
310
00:15:37,343 --> 00:15:40,345
Jerry's at lunch.
But Thea can take
your manuscript for you
311
00:15:40,430 --> 00:15:41,972
Who's Thea?
312
00:15:42,056 --> 00:15:44,433
Jerry's secretary.
You talk to her
every day.
313
00:15:44,559 --> 00:15:48,645
Congratulations are probably
in order. Thea has good news.
She's having a baby
314
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:49,980
Hm.
315
00:15:50,064 --> 00:15:52,482
She looks like
she's strong stock.
316
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:57,446
Maybe she can
give us a strong
future Marine.
317
00:15:57,530 --> 00:15:59,281
(Greg)
Thea, do you
have a minute?
318
00:15:59,365 --> 00:16:00,824
So, uh, how are you?
319
00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:02,868
Fine, thanks. You?
320
00:16:02,994 --> 00:16:07,998
Oh, I'm fine. But I'm not
the one with a magical bundle
of joy growing inside of me.
321
00:16:08,082 --> 00:16:11,042
So, no morning sickness?
No bloating?
322
00:16:11,127 --> 00:16:13,920
No. Nuh-unh. Guess
I'm just really lucky.
323
00:16:14,005 --> 00:16:15,672
A little too lucky,
if you ask me.
324
00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:16,840
Yeah.
325
00:16:16,924 --> 00:16:19,342
And uh, where
is your ring?
326
00:16:19,427 --> 00:16:21,720
Well, we...
327
00:16:21,804 --> 00:16:24,347
Her fianceé is saving
up for her ring.
328
00:16:24,432 --> 00:16:26,975
It's not very
nice to try to
embarrass people.
329
00:16:27,101 --> 00:16:30,771
So why don't you get back
to lying about yourself
on your dating websites?
330
00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:37,694
Don't worry about him.
He doesn't know anything.
He's an idiot.
331
00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:39,738
And I'm sure Greg
is still a virgin.
332
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:43,450
(woman)
Come on, Jerry.
333
00:16:43,534 --> 00:16:45,035
Oh! Alright, Jerry.
334
00:16:45,119 --> 00:16:46,328
(Umpire)
Oh! Watch it!
335
00:16:46,412 --> 00:16:47,537
Dumbass.
336
00:16:47,622 --> 00:16:49,706
(woman)
Come on, Nick.
337
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,625
(woman)
Come on Nick,
you can do it.
338
00:16:51,709 --> 00:16:52,751
[MacArthur whines]
339
00:16:52,835 --> 00:16:55,962
[all cheer Nick]
340
00:17:00,426 --> 00:17:01,510
(Umpire)
Hit it!
341
00:17:01,594 --> 00:17:02,761
Ow!
342
00:17:02,845 --> 00:17:04,846
(Umpire)
Ball. Take your base.
343
00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,223
(woman)
Take your base!
344
00:17:06,307 --> 00:17:08,475
(woman)
Come on, Thea.
345
00:17:08,559 --> 00:17:09,601
(man)
Come on, Thea!
346
00:17:09,685 --> 00:17:10,977
(man)
Let's go, Thea!
347
00:17:11,062 --> 00:17:12,103
[hit]
348
00:17:12,188 --> 00:17:13,730
(man)
Go, go. Home run.
349
00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:15,106
Come on, come on.
350
00:17:15,191 --> 00:17:17,275
Go, go.
Get home, get home.
351
00:17:19,237 --> 00:17:20,904
(man)
Come on, come on.
352
00:17:20,988 --> 00:17:22,614
[all continue cheering]
353
00:17:22,698 --> 00:17:24,032
Safe!
354
00:17:24,116 --> 00:17:25,826
[all cheer]
355
00:17:26,702 --> 00:17:27,744
Are you okay?
356
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:28,995
Yeah. I'm great.
357
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:33,500
(man)
Come on, Colonel.
You can do it.
358
00:17:33,584 --> 00:17:34,709
(woman)
You got it!
359
00:17:34,794 --> 00:17:35,752
Great.
360
00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:36,920
(Jerry)
Thea.
361
00:17:37,004 --> 00:17:39,840
Kristen. Come
here, please now.
362
00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:43,969
(Jerry)
You shouldn't be playing
in your condition.
363
00:17:44,053 --> 00:17:45,178
What condition?
364
00:17:45,263 --> 00:17:46,847
Your baby.
365
00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:48,890
(Garth)
Lisa, get your
ass out on base?
366
00:17:48,975 --> 00:17:50,141
Of course.
367
00:17:50,226 --> 00:17:52,310
We are taking you
out. For the season.
368
00:17:52,395 --> 00:17:53,520
[sighs]
369
00:17:53,604 --> 00:17:56,022
All season.
370
00:17:57,942 --> 00:18:00,402
(woman)
Come on!
371
00:18:00,486 --> 00:18:01,903
Hey, thanks
for the RBI.
372
00:18:01,988 --> 00:18:04,030
Yeah, well,
no more RBIs.
373
00:18:04,115 --> 00:18:07,742
Jerry says I'm
a liability, so I can't
play 'cause I'm pregnant.
374
00:18:07,827 --> 00:18:10,829
Sounds like the most
reasonable opinion
he's had in years.
375
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,623
[all]
Oh!
376
00:18:13,708 --> 00:18:15,750
[all cheer]
377
00:18:21,340 --> 00:18:22,382
Yes!
378
00:18:25,761 --> 00:18:26,803
[dog barks]
379
00:18:31,350 --> 00:18:32,642
[dog whines]
380
00:18:32,727 --> 00:18:33,977
[all gasp]
381
00:18:34,061 --> 00:18:35,478
MacArthur?
382
00:18:35,563 --> 00:18:36,980
(Ann)
Good heavens.
383
00:18:37,064 --> 00:18:40,191
Oh, it's okay. I'm
coming for you, baby.
384
00:18:40,276 --> 00:18:41,443
[dog barks and whines]
385
00:18:49,619 --> 00:18:51,494
I need a copy
of Abbott's manuscript.
386
00:18:51,579 --> 00:18:54,497
I'm gonna read
it in the car on
the way to his funeral.
387
00:18:54,582 --> 00:18:57,417
What? You've never
seen a manuscript
on napkins before?
388
00:18:57,501 --> 00:19:00,295
When genius
strikes, you write
it down. Do it now.
389
00:19:00,379 --> 00:19:01,588
Okay.
390
00:19:05,801 --> 00:19:09,846
Oh. Thea, um,
should you still
be using the copier?
391
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:12,682
Copy machines emit
electromagnetic waves.
392
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:14,476
And what does that do?
393
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,812
Well, no one knows yet.
But I've been reading
on the message boards
394
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:22,025
and it seems like something
you should avoid if you're
trying to have a well pregnancy.
395
00:19:22,109 --> 00:19:23,610
I think I should be okay.
396
00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:27,280
Oh, good. Well, if it
doesn't bother you,
397
00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:29,532
then can you make 50
copies of that for me?
398
00:19:29,617 --> 00:19:31,284
(Kristen)
Thank you.
399
00:19:33,746 --> 00:19:35,413
You know, I,
I find it fascinating
400
00:19:35,498 --> 00:19:38,041
that Kristen is only
a month further along
than you
401
00:19:38,125 --> 00:19:41,836
and yet she's the size
of a school bus and you're
still the size of Kate Moss.
402
00:19:41,921 --> 00:19:44,381
Different strokes,
I guess.
403
00:19:44,465 --> 00:19:48,551
Perhaps it's easier
to feel the bump
than to see it.
404
00:19:48,636 --> 00:19:52,097
What's the big deal?
Everyone likes to touch
a pregnant stomach.
405
00:19:52,181 --> 00:19:54,391
Because you're
a gross weirdo, Greg.
406
00:19:56,185 --> 00:19:59,145
And the baby
doesn't like
gross weirdos, Greg.
407
00:20:00,481 --> 00:20:01,898
Hmpf.
408
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:04,109
You and me are going
shopping after work.
409
00:20:16,330 --> 00:20:18,206
What on earth
are you doing?
410
00:20:18,290 --> 00:20:19,624
I'm stealing
you a belly.
411
00:20:19,709 --> 00:20:20,750
What?
412
00:20:20,835 --> 00:20:22,293
You're four
months pregnant
413
00:20:22,378 --> 00:20:24,754
and you've
got the abs of a
Jenku swimsuit model.
414
00:20:24,839 --> 00:20:26,381
Sh. Cover me. Okay?
415
00:20:26,465 --> 00:20:29,134
Look. If you
want people to
think you're pregnant,
416
00:20:29,218 --> 00:20:33,346
you've gotta start
talking the talk and
walking the... waddle
417
00:20:35,850 --> 00:20:37,308
I don't know
if I can do this.
418
00:20:37,393 --> 00:20:39,519
You can do this.
Just do it for a week.
419
00:20:39,603 --> 00:20:43,273
But you've gotta look
the part or people are
gonna get suspicious.
420
00:20:43,357 --> 00:20:45,775
I look ridiculous.
421
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:48,111
These jeans
are elastic on the top.
422
00:20:48,195 --> 00:20:50,447
I feel like I'm wearing
a condom on my stomach.
423
00:20:50,573 --> 00:20:54,409
[chuckles]
You don't look
like you've been
anywhere near a condom.
424
00:20:54,535 --> 00:20:59,205
(Lisa)
Gross. Did you know that
when women are in labor
they sometimes poop?
425
00:20:59,290 --> 00:21:00,790
Ew.
426
00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:04,627
Have you ever heard
of an episiotomy?
Or cankles? Hmm?
427
00:21:04,712 --> 00:21:05,920
Agh.
428
00:21:06,005 --> 00:21:08,965
Well, we should get
this as a reference.
429
00:21:09,050 --> 00:21:11,968
I thought this whole
thing was gonna blow
over in a few days.
430
00:21:12,094 --> 00:21:15,722
Yeah, but until then
you should know the ins and
outs of being preggers.
431
00:21:15,806 --> 00:21:18,808
There's a whole world
of stuff here you know
nothing about.
432
00:21:18,893 --> 00:21:21,644
Yeah. And I'd
kind of like to
keep it that way.
433
00:21:21,729 --> 00:21:24,147
Ew. Look
at those nipples.
434
00:21:24,231 --> 00:21:25,648
Wait a second,
wait a second.
435
00:21:25,733 --> 00:21:26,775
What?
436
00:21:26,859 --> 00:21:28,151
Here. here.
437
00:21:28,235 --> 00:21:30,320
No. Can I keep
the stomach at your house?
438
00:21:30,404 --> 00:21:32,655
No. That's like keeping
your arm at my house.
439
00:21:32,740 --> 00:21:35,909
No, no. I don't want
Emma to find out and
she hates when I lie.
440
00:21:35,993 --> 00:21:36,993
You lie all the time.
441
00:21:37,078 --> 00:21:38,286
No, really.
442
00:21:38,370 --> 00:21:40,747
It stays with you.
It's your stomach.
443
00:21:51,217 --> 00:21:52,467
[knocking]
444
00:21:52,551 --> 00:21:54,094
Hey! Can I get
a little privacy?
445
00:21:54,178 --> 00:21:56,805
Whoa, what are
you doing in there?
Can I just come in?
446
00:21:56,889 --> 00:21:58,473
I'm trying
to talk to you.
447
00:21:58,557 --> 00:22:01,518
It doesn't matter
what I'm doing right
now, I am busy. Shoo.
448
00:22:04,563 --> 00:22:06,856
Morning, Thea,
you got my check?
449
00:22:06,941 --> 00:22:10,527
Wow. Look at you.
450
00:22:10,611 --> 00:22:13,613
Yeah, look at me.
Oh, it's not what, um...
451
00:22:13,697 --> 00:22:16,616
Oh, geez, I mean.
You've obviously got
a lot on your plate.
452
00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:19,911
I'm sorry about the other
day. Don't worry about
the rent check.
453
00:22:19,995 --> 00:22:21,955
Take another
week or two.
454
00:22:22,039 --> 00:22:23,665
You just take
care of yourself.
455
00:22:23,749 --> 00:22:26,042
[Donna]
Oh, my God.
456
00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:29,212
Oh, how
exciting. [gasps]
457
00:22:29,296 --> 00:22:31,256
I have so much baby
stuff I can lend you.
458
00:22:31,340 --> 00:22:33,883
Let me know
if you need to borrow
my old breast pump.
459
00:22:33,968 --> 00:22:35,093
I just have
to rinse it.
460
00:22:35,177 --> 00:22:37,846
[cheerful music]
461
00:22:54,488 --> 00:22:57,365
(Garth)
My favorite lubricant,
Ann? WD-40.
462
00:22:57,491 --> 00:23:01,411
(Ann)
Thea. I've made some
brownies for you
to fatten you up.
463
00:23:01,495 --> 00:23:02,495
Oh, thank you.
464
00:23:02,580 --> 00:23:03,788
It popped.
465
00:23:03,873 --> 00:23:05,874
Yeah, once you pop,
you can't stop.
466
00:23:05,958 --> 00:23:08,793
[chuckles]
You're carrying low.
It's definitely a boy.
467
00:23:08,919 --> 00:23:12,630
Whatever it is,
you've obviously begun that
slippery slide into obesity.
468
00:23:12,715 --> 00:23:15,592
Well, you had
a nice run there,
didn't you, champ?
469
00:23:15,676 --> 00:23:18,178
Oh, good morning.
470
00:23:18,262 --> 00:23:20,263
Look at you.
471
00:23:20,347 --> 00:23:22,932
Oh, my God. I think
I just felt it kick.
472
00:23:23,017 --> 00:23:25,977
Oh. Yeah, mark it in
the baby journal
for me, will you?
473
00:23:26,061 --> 00:23:27,228
I will.
474
00:23:27,313 --> 00:23:28,605
Are people buying it?
475
00:23:28,689 --> 00:23:31,149
Totally. Totally.
Ann made me brownies.
476
00:23:31,233 --> 00:23:33,234
I got a seat
on the bus today.
477
00:23:33,319 --> 00:23:35,403
And Garth is not
attracted to me anymore.
478
00:23:35,487 --> 00:23:37,447
It's the best morning
I've had in years.
479
00:23:37,531 --> 00:23:40,200
Okay, you want to hear
something even more amazing?
480
00:23:40,284 --> 00:23:42,410
Have you read Abbott's
new manuscript?
481
00:23:42,494 --> 00:23:44,245
I get asked
to Xerox, not to read.
482
00:23:44,330 --> 00:23:47,290
Okay. Get ready
to have your mind blown.
483
00:23:47,374 --> 00:23:50,835
Ah, "Philip of Macedon
had a hard-on."
484
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,588
"Scaled great peaks
to conquer the Greeks."
485
00:23:53,672 --> 00:23:56,132
It's all rhyming couplets
and dirty limericks.
486
00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:58,509
And this is what Jerry's
betting the bank on.
487
00:23:59,470 --> 00:24:00,929
It's insane.
488
00:24:01,013 --> 00:24:02,222
Oh, you're welcome.
489
00:24:06,018 --> 00:24:07,769
Well, you
look different.
490
00:24:07,853 --> 00:24:10,688
Sorry. I'll move
you to the shitty
corner in a second.
491
00:24:10,773 --> 00:24:13,816
It's all
right, dear. You've
got your hands full.
492
00:24:13,901 --> 00:24:16,069
You've exploded.
493
00:24:16,153 --> 00:24:17,237
Well, yes, she has.
494
00:24:19,615 --> 00:24:21,241
[clears throat]
495
00:24:21,325 --> 00:24:23,868
Well, people.
I'm sure you'll
be relieved to hear
496
00:24:23,953 --> 00:24:27,538
that MacArthur is expected
to make a full recovery.
497
00:24:27,623 --> 00:24:29,290
I've gotten her a spot
498
00:24:29,375 --> 00:24:32,752
at the McElroy
Center for Veterinary
Rehabilitation in Bethesda.
499
00:24:32,836 --> 00:24:34,671
It's the best in the country.
500
00:24:34,755 --> 00:24:38,383
They tell me she
should be at 90 percent
tail-wagging capability
501
00:24:38,467 --> 00:24:39,717
after just six weeks.
502
00:24:39,802 --> 00:24:41,803
I'll be out of
the office for a while.
503
00:24:41,887 --> 00:24:44,389
I'll be working
out of the rehab
center in Bethesda
504
00:24:44,473 --> 00:24:47,600
where I've taken
a room for the duration
of MacArthur's stay.
505
00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:51,145
Until I get
back, Nicky will be
holding down the fort.
506
00:24:51,230 --> 00:24:54,357
I'm giving him
strict instructions not
to do anything stupid.
507
00:24:54,441 --> 00:24:56,150
(Garth)
Code red.
508
00:24:56,235 --> 00:24:58,486
[sighs]
Seriously, Nick.
509
00:24:58,570 --> 00:25:00,446
Don't blow it.
510
00:25:02,616 --> 00:25:04,200
Check it out.
511
00:25:04,285 --> 00:25:07,370
There's our fearless
leader plotting our
brilliant future.
512
00:25:07,454 --> 00:25:10,707
(Thea)
Well at least
with him in charge,
I'm off the hook.
513
00:25:10,791 --> 00:25:13,001
Well, things
are looking up.
514
00:25:13,085 --> 00:25:15,628
Okay, let's figure
out how to get me
out of this mess.
515
00:25:15,754 --> 00:25:19,382
I'll Google what
kind of mishaps can
happen when you're pregnant.
516
00:25:19,466 --> 00:25:21,384
Hi, guys. Sorry
to bother you.
517
00:25:21,510 --> 00:25:24,887
(Lisa)
You're boss now, Nick.
You can bother us
anytime you want.
518
00:25:25,014 --> 00:25:30,727
Right. Um, Thea,
I kind of need a favor.
Would you, come with me?
519
00:25:33,647 --> 00:25:35,273
We're meeting
Suzie Cavendish.
520
00:25:35,357 --> 00:25:37,692
I mentioned her in
the meeting last week.
521
00:25:37,776 --> 00:25:40,778
You see, Suzie's written
this hilarious book
522
00:25:40,863 --> 00:25:44,240
about pregnancy.
It, it's true stories
about pregnant women
523
00:25:44,325 --> 00:25:48,286
getting stuck in bathtubs
and throwing up under
their desks at work
524
00:25:48,370 --> 00:25:51,122
and farting
by mistake in meetings.
525
00:25:51,206 --> 00:25:54,751
It, it's stuff you,
you must know a lot more
about than me, obviously.
526
00:25:54,835 --> 00:25:56,919
Yeah, totally. Totally.
527
00:25:57,004 --> 00:26:00,298
I'm trying
really, really hard
not to fart right now.
528
00:26:00,382 --> 00:26:03,718
Anyway, I want
to publish Suzie's book
529
00:26:03,802 --> 00:26:06,721
and, and while Jerry's
gone, I'm gonna do it.
530
00:26:06,805 --> 00:26:09,057
You know, carpe diem
and all that stuff.
531
00:26:09,141 --> 00:26:10,808
Yeah, definitely.
532
00:26:10,893 --> 00:26:14,854
I actually used to
be a pretty carpe diem
kind of person myself.
533
00:26:14,938 --> 00:26:16,105
But not anymore.
534
00:26:16,190 --> 00:26:17,440
Because I'm pregnant.
535
00:26:17,524 --> 00:26:19,233
See, that's just it.
536
00:26:19,318 --> 00:26:22,236
Suzie's not convinced
that Steinwald's
the right place.
537
00:26:22,321 --> 00:26:25,615
So I thought
you might help
convince her otherwise.
538
00:26:25,699 --> 00:26:27,283
Yeah, sure.
539
00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:30,703
I mean, I'll just
talk to her about
the whole farting thing.
540
00:26:33,290 --> 00:26:36,125
Uh, one thing.
Uh, Suzie kind of
thinks you're an editor.
541
00:26:36,210 --> 00:26:37,752
Why would
she think that?
542
00:26:37,836 --> 00:26:39,337
I kind of implied it.
543
00:26:39,421 --> 00:26:40,463
What?
544
00:26:40,547 --> 00:26:41,547
Suzie!
545
00:26:41,632 --> 00:26:44,050
(Suzie)
Hi. Nice to see you.
546
00:26:44,176 --> 00:26:48,096
(Suzie)
Most pregnancy books make
you feel totally inadequate
547
00:26:48,180 --> 00:26:50,681
and how you're
destined to be
a failure as a parent.
548
00:26:50,766 --> 00:26:53,309
No one writes
about what pregnancy
is really like,
549
00:26:53,394 --> 00:26:55,853
how you feel
fat and clumsy
and stupid.
550
00:26:55,938 --> 00:26:57,814
The absolute worst
551
00:26:57,898 --> 00:27:01,609
is "What to Expect
When You're Expecting."
Have you read that?
552
00:27:01,693 --> 00:27:06,322
Oh, no, I was
told it was so bad I
shouldn't even go near it.
553
00:27:06,407 --> 00:27:08,157
So, what are you reading?
554
00:27:08,242 --> 00:27:10,743
Uh,
555
00:27:10,828 --> 00:27:13,788
You know, just
the usual suspects.
556
00:27:13,872 --> 00:27:15,331
Like?
557
00:27:15,416 --> 00:27:19,669
Well, I was
banking on finding
Pregnancy for Dummies.
558
00:27:19,753 --> 00:27:22,338
I love
that series. Yeah.
559
00:27:22,423 --> 00:27:24,674
Hm. Interesting.
560
00:27:24,758 --> 00:27:26,926
Come on, Nicky,
how can you guys
sell my book
561
00:27:27,010 --> 00:27:29,345
if you're not familiar
with the competition?
562
00:27:29,430 --> 00:27:31,848
Thea has had a pretty
full workload lately.
563
00:27:31,932 --> 00:27:35,643
I don't know, guys.
I don't know if this
is the right marriage.
564
00:27:35,769 --> 00:27:39,105
Come on. From
the people who brought
you the Kalashnikov diaries
565
00:27:39,189 --> 00:27:42,692
comes a comedic send-up
of 21st century pregnancy?
566
00:27:42,776 --> 00:27:45,695
It's just, the right
home is so important.
567
00:27:45,779 --> 00:27:47,363
I know. We are
the right home.
568
00:27:47,448 --> 00:27:51,534
I mean, sure,
our, uh, plumbing
is a little leaky
569
00:27:51,618 --> 00:27:53,995
and maybe we need
a new paint job.
570
00:27:54,121 --> 00:27:58,207
But our backyard is a really
great place for a barbecue
in the summer.
571
00:27:58,292 --> 00:28:01,586
You know?
572
00:28:01,712 --> 00:28:06,424
If we can make a bestseller
out of the "Defeat of Darius
at Issus" we've gotta be good.
573
00:28:06,508 --> 00:28:08,426
I mean, that couldn't
be easy, right?
574
00:28:08,510 --> 00:28:10,219
Absolutely.
575
00:28:10,304 --> 00:28:12,972
The thing about
pregnancy is it's
incredibly messy.
576
00:28:13,056 --> 00:28:15,933
Those other books
are teaching you how
to avoid the mess.
577
00:28:16,018 --> 00:28:17,435
You're embracing the mess.
578
00:28:17,519 --> 00:28:20,563
And you've written
an incredible insightful,
579
00:28:20,647 --> 00:28:24,609
hilarious,
controversial manifesto.
580
00:28:24,693 --> 00:28:27,612
Just give us a shot.
It has bestseller
written all over it.
581
00:28:27,696 --> 00:28:29,572
We promise we
won't let you down.
582
00:28:31,992 --> 00:28:33,117
So you've read it.
583
00:28:33,202 --> 00:28:35,495
Oh. I live it.
Love it. Every day.
584
00:28:37,372 --> 00:28:40,082
Let me think about it.
585
00:28:40,167 --> 00:28:42,627
Hey, I'm starting a new
birthing class tomorrow.
586
00:28:42,711 --> 00:28:44,253
Maybe Thea could
come with me.
587
00:28:44,338 --> 00:28:45,630
She'll be there.
588
00:28:45,714 --> 00:28:47,381
And bring your partner.
589
00:28:47,466 --> 00:28:50,593
Her fiancée. Miles, right?
590
00:28:50,677 --> 00:28:53,721
Yeah. Could you excuse
me for a second?
591
00:28:53,805 --> 00:28:55,014
(Nick)
Yes.
592
00:29:02,189 --> 00:29:03,856
Vodka. Straight up.
593
00:29:09,571 --> 00:29:11,239
[gasps] Thanks.
594
00:29:19,414 --> 00:29:20,998
You okay?
595
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:23,417
I just set the world
record for bullshitting.
596
00:29:23,502 --> 00:29:25,002
What happened?
597
00:29:25,087 --> 00:29:27,588
Long story.
I can't handle
doing it again.
598
00:29:29,216 --> 00:29:30,299
A promotion?
599
00:29:30,384 --> 00:29:32,677
You are the new
Associate Editor
600
00:29:32,761 --> 00:29:34,512
of our brand
new Family division.
601
00:29:34,596 --> 00:29:36,264
Family division?
602
00:29:36,348 --> 00:29:39,183
Suzie called.
She wants to give us
a shot, thanks to you.
603
00:29:39,268 --> 00:29:41,644
Now, Suzie's book will
launch our new division.
604
00:29:41,728 --> 00:29:44,647
It's a perfect opportunity
to capture a new demographic
605
00:29:44,731 --> 00:29:46,899
and help the company
to grow vertically...
606
00:29:46,984 --> 00:29:48,526
Nick.
607
00:29:48,610 --> 00:29:51,320
Look, there's something
I need to tell you.
608
00:29:51,405 --> 00:29:52,822
This whole thing
is a big lie.
609
00:29:52,906 --> 00:29:55,199
I feel terrible,
but I'm not really...
610
00:29:55,284 --> 00:29:56,993
An editor?
611
00:29:57,077 --> 00:29:59,412
I know, I'm the one
who forced you to lie.
612
00:29:59,538 --> 00:30:03,874
which as a rule isn't great
but what's not a lie is that
you did really good today.
613
00:30:03,959 --> 00:30:06,002
There's so many
people more qualified.
614
00:30:06,086 --> 00:30:09,046
So many people in ways
you don't even know.
615
00:30:09,131 --> 00:30:13,509
Thea. To be a good
editor all you need is a,
a feel for the material
616
00:30:13,594 --> 00:30:16,178
It's what my father had
when he started this company
617
00:30:16,263 --> 00:30:18,097
and it's
what you have.
618
00:30:18,181 --> 00:30:21,642
You're living
through the thrills
of starting a family.
619
00:30:21,727 --> 00:30:24,020
What about Kristen?
She's pregnant.
620
00:30:24,104 --> 00:30:27,398
Obviously I am too,
but she's, she's
really pregnant.
621
00:30:27,482 --> 00:30:31,902
First of all, Kristen's a
lawyer without a creative
bone in her body.
622
00:30:31,987 --> 00:30:36,574
And then there's
the indisputable fact that
she's a complete weirdo.
623
00:30:36,658 --> 00:30:40,703
[sighs]
Oh. Look, Nick,
I mean, I see your point.
624
00:30:40,787 --> 00:30:42,997
I do. And I wanna help.
625
00:30:43,081 --> 00:30:46,000
But I just, I can't.
626
00:30:46,084 --> 00:30:48,085
I'm not your accountant.
627
00:30:48,170 --> 00:30:50,463
But the other thing
you should know is that
628
00:30:50,547 --> 00:30:54,300
associate editors
make a lot more money
than secretaries.
629
00:30:54,384 --> 00:30:55,468
A lot?
630
00:30:55,552 --> 00:30:57,178
Let's just say,
631
00:30:57,262 --> 00:30:59,430
you'll have your own
secretary and office.
632
00:30:59,514 --> 00:31:02,433
So are you my new
associate editor?
633
00:31:02,517 --> 00:31:05,061
[gasps and music]
I guess I am.
634
00:31:08,231 --> 00:31:11,359
"War Stories From
the Pregnancy Front"
by Suzie Cavendish.
635
00:31:11,443 --> 00:31:14,403
You loved it,
you live it.
636
00:31:14,488 --> 00:31:16,072
You should
probably read it.
637
00:31:16,156 --> 00:31:18,783
I do, I agree with
what you're saying.
638
00:31:18,867 --> 00:31:21,661
If you have your
colon health you
do have everything.
639
00:31:21,745 --> 00:31:25,539
But, I do, I thought
it interesting when you
said we were going wrong
640
00:31:25,666 --> 00:31:31,379
and we should be sort of
on the seat like a gargoyle
as opposed to just sitting.
641
00:31:31,463 --> 00:31:34,423
Not now, Miles.
642
00:31:34,508 --> 00:31:38,427
Don't you know
enough about being
fake pregnant already?
643
00:31:38,512 --> 00:31:41,972
How can this be this
big of a deal?
644
00:31:42,057 --> 00:31:45,726
I mean, come on,
you do the nasty,
you're knocked up,
645
00:31:45,811 --> 00:31:49,689
you inflate and then, uh,
eight, nine months?
Nine months later
646
00:31:49,773 --> 00:31:53,943
you shoot that puppy out.
I mean, how can there be
8 million books about this?
647
00:31:54,027 --> 00:31:56,112
Just promise me
you won't write one.
648
00:31:56,196 --> 00:31:59,573
Okay. If you promise
you're still on
birth control.
649
00:31:59,658 --> 00:32:01,450
Believe me, I am.
650
00:32:01,535 --> 00:32:02,702
Oh, yeah?
651
00:32:02,786 --> 00:32:03,786
Uh-huh.
652
00:32:03,870 --> 00:32:04,954
Excellent.
653
00:32:05,038 --> 00:32:07,415
[rhythmic music]
654
00:32:29,479 --> 00:32:30,771
Nice new digs, huh?
655
00:32:30,856 --> 00:32:31,897
Yeah.
656
00:32:31,982 --> 00:32:33,441
So, what did you think?
657
00:32:33,525 --> 00:32:34,692
About what?
658
00:32:34,776 --> 00:32:36,610
Uh, Suzie's book.
Any thoughts?
659
00:32:38,238 --> 00:32:40,948
Oh, yeah, it was great.
660
00:32:41,032 --> 00:32:42,825
What do you think?
661
00:32:42,909 --> 00:32:45,536
How much did
you actually read?
662
00:32:45,620 --> 00:32:47,955
The first two chapters.
663
00:32:48,039 --> 00:32:51,667
But I'm gonna finish
the rest of it today. I
just got a little distracted.
664
00:32:51,752 --> 00:32:53,419
Nick, please,
let me explain.
665
00:32:53,503 --> 00:32:55,546
Thanks for your thoughts.
666
00:32:55,630 --> 00:33:00,634
[gasps] You have
shelves. And a door.
667
00:33:00,719 --> 00:33:02,678
[thud]
668
00:33:02,763 --> 00:33:05,347
Congratulations, Thea.
669
00:33:05,432 --> 00:33:07,433
Thank you, Greg.
670
00:33:10,645 --> 00:33:13,939
You really think you can
get to the top by playing
games, don't ya?
671
00:33:14,024 --> 00:33:17,318
I know what you're
up to, Thea. And I
think that it stinks.
672
00:33:17,402 --> 00:33:19,820
Hm.
673
00:33:19,946 --> 00:33:23,699
Really? Do you think that it
stinks that I want to hire
you to be my Assistant?
674
00:33:23,784 --> 00:33:25,659
[gasps] Really?
675
00:33:25,786 --> 00:33:29,163
You'll start first
thing Monday after
I put the paperwork through.
676
00:33:29,247 --> 00:33:32,917
Oh, wow, Thea. Thea,
thank you so much. I, I
could kiss you right now.
677
00:33:33,001 --> 00:33:34,418
You don't have
to do that.
678
00:33:34,503 --> 00:33:35,836
I'll see you later, boss.
679
00:33:35,921 --> 00:33:37,880
Look at you,
Little Miss Executive.
680
00:33:37,964 --> 00:33:40,674
Hardly. I don't
even really know
what I'm doing here.
681
00:33:40,759 --> 00:33:43,302
I didn't finish
the manuscript
last night and Nick
682
00:33:43,386 --> 00:33:45,721
just asked for my opinion
and I didn't have one.
683
00:33:45,806 --> 00:33:51,936
You might wanna get one.
This is your ticket out
of the secretarial pool.
684
00:33:54,231 --> 00:33:56,315
[rhythmic music]
685
00:34:06,159 --> 00:34:09,203
(Garth)
If your last name
is O'Keeffe, why do
you look Jewish?
686
00:34:09,287 --> 00:34:13,249
Well, it's true.
You don't look Irish.
687
00:34:13,333 --> 00:34:16,544
[louder music]
688
00:34:30,433 --> 00:34:31,809
Steinwald Publishing.
689
00:34:40,610 --> 00:34:44,071
So O'Keeffe got
a new girlfriend.
He's robbing the cradle.
690
00:34:44,155 --> 00:34:45,739
She's 95.
691
00:34:49,536 --> 00:34:51,078
Did you hear me?
692
00:34:54,416 --> 00:34:56,458
(Thea)
I loved it. It
was funny and smart
693
00:34:56,543 --> 00:34:58,961
and you don't even
have to be pregnant
to enjoy it.
694
00:34:59,045 --> 00:35:01,463
I'm guessing
about that because
I am pregnant.
695
00:35:01,548 --> 00:35:03,382
I enjoyed it and I'm
not pregnant.
696
00:35:03,466 --> 00:35:06,844
I was thinking, you could
organize the chapters
like a pregnancy.
697
00:35:06,928 --> 00:35:09,638
You know,
group each woman's
stories by trimester.
698
00:35:09,723 --> 00:35:13,142
So, so the book would
start with stories about
the awkward moments
699
00:35:13,226 --> 00:35:16,186
when everyone thinks
you've been eating
too many cupcakes.
700
00:35:16,271 --> 00:35:18,272
Exactly. And then
the second trimester.
701
00:35:18,398 --> 00:35:21,734
Like Sally's story
when she threw up in
her purse at her kid's play.
702
00:35:21,818 --> 00:35:25,529
Nick, I'm sorry I didn't
finish the book last night.
It won't happen again.
703
00:35:25,614 --> 00:35:27,364
I'm glad you like it.
704
00:35:27,449 --> 00:35:30,701
We've got our work
cut out for us. It'll be
in bookstores in 6 weeks.
705
00:35:30,827 --> 00:35:36,123
I'd like to see your notes,
but Suzie's class starts in
20 minutes so you should go.
706
00:35:36,249 --> 00:35:41,503
I totally forgot.
The thing is, Miles is, is
going out of town for work.
707
00:35:41,588 --> 00:35:42,671
That's too bad.
708
00:35:42,756 --> 00:35:44,381
Do you think
I could reschedule?
709
00:35:44,466 --> 00:35:49,094
Now it's time for partner
relaxation techniques
710
00:35:49,179 --> 00:35:51,180
for when your
special marathon begins.
711
00:35:51,264 --> 00:35:54,683
So, partners, I want
you to move behind
your marathoners
712
00:35:54,768 --> 00:35:56,810
with your legs
open in a big V.
713
00:35:56,895 --> 00:35:59,521
Hm. Welcome home.
714
00:35:59,606 --> 00:36:04,276
Now, take this
opportunity to stroke
your wives or girlfriends.
715
00:36:04,361 --> 00:36:06,403
Stroke it out.
716
00:36:06,488 --> 00:36:09,698
Now why don't you
whisper something
special to her, okay?
717
00:36:09,783 --> 00:36:12,993
Something that only
you two would share
in this private moment.
718
00:36:13,078 --> 00:36:16,914
It could be funny,
It could be naughty.
[chuckles]
719
00:36:16,998 --> 00:36:19,208
I'm not listening.
720
00:36:19,292 --> 00:36:21,543
Let that relaxation
wash over you.
721
00:36:21,628 --> 00:36:23,170
I am so sorry
about this.
722
00:36:23,254 --> 00:36:25,673
It's, you know,
you don't have
to stroke my hair.
723
00:36:25,757 --> 00:36:27,383
Okay, I'm sorry.
724
00:36:27,467 --> 00:36:29,593
Uh, you know, you can
lean back if you want.
725
00:36:29,678 --> 00:36:31,637
I, I can tell you're
kind of straining.
726
00:36:31,721 --> 00:36:32,846
I am.
727
00:36:32,931 --> 00:36:35,265
Great. Now that
we're all relaxed,
728
00:36:35,350 --> 00:36:37,893
let's try some
birthing positions, okay?
729
00:36:37,978 --> 00:36:41,230
Mary? Could I borrow
your partner for just a sec?
730
00:36:41,314 --> 00:36:43,691
I promise I'll give
him back. [chuckles] Maybe.
731
00:36:43,775 --> 00:36:46,068
I'm just kidding. Come
here, cutie. All right.
732
00:36:46,194 --> 00:36:50,906
I want you to get on
all fours with your palms
firmly placed to the ground
733
00:36:50,991 --> 00:36:55,411
and then we're gonna
rock back. We're gonna
rock back into it. Oh.
734
00:36:55,495 --> 00:36:57,788
Feel that womb open up.
735
00:36:57,872 --> 00:37:01,375
It feels familiar,
right? This is how we got
ourselves into this mess.
736
00:37:01,501 --> 00:37:05,629
[chuckles]
For some of us, not all
of us. The position's
not for everybody.
737
00:37:05,714 --> 00:37:10,634
Partners, I want
you to envelope
your marathoner, okay?
738
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,013
And just get in a
deep stretch here
around the belly
739
00:37:14,139 --> 00:37:18,392
keep moving back and forth,
right? Get your hands on
the tummy back there.
740
00:37:18,476 --> 00:37:21,478
And keep pushing
in. Keep pushing
in and envelope.
741
00:37:21,563 --> 00:37:24,106
Get right on top of there.
Feel that, feel... Oop.
742
00:37:24,190 --> 00:37:25,482
Man down, okay.
743
00:37:25,567 --> 00:37:26,817
It's okay.
744
00:37:26,901 --> 00:37:29,778
Just hop back on.
No mistakes here.
745
00:37:29,863 --> 00:37:35,617
Okay. All right. Finish
up when you feel done.
I need a few more.
746
00:37:35,702 --> 00:37:38,120
If you'll indulge
me Mary, thank you.
747
00:37:38,204 --> 00:37:41,582
Okay, and just
keep the rocking.
Never stop rocking.
748
00:37:41,666 --> 00:37:47,129
Oh! Yes.
Give it to me, Rob,
we're doing it now.
749
00:37:47,213 --> 00:37:51,050
Oh! Oh!
750
00:37:51,134 --> 00:37:54,470
Okay. [sighs]
And we're done.
751
00:37:54,554 --> 00:37:57,431
Wonderful, thank you.
This guy's good, right?
752
00:37:57,515 --> 00:38:00,100
I'm gonna borrow
you for another class.
753
00:38:00,185 --> 00:38:03,729
Or after class.
[chuckles] I'm kidding.
754
00:38:07,650 --> 00:38:08,859
(Suzie)
Bye, guys.
755
00:38:08,943 --> 00:38:11,987
(Nick)
That was great.
Thanks a lot.
756
00:38:12,072 --> 00:38:13,238
(Thea)
Bye.
757
00:38:13,323 --> 00:38:15,199
(Nick)
Wow.
That was up there
758
00:38:15,283 --> 00:38:18,702
as one of
the most embarrassing
moments of my life.
759
00:38:18,787 --> 00:38:21,580
Hey, here, let me
get you something.
760
00:38:21,664 --> 00:38:24,792
No, no, it's the least
I can do after nearly
paralyzing you.
761
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:28,212
Hi.
762
00:38:28,296 --> 00:38:29,379
Hi.
763
00:38:33,009 --> 00:38:34,468
Thanks.
764
00:38:34,552 --> 00:38:37,054
(Thea)
Did you always work
in the family business?
765
00:38:37,138 --> 00:38:42,559
Uh, I wanted to be a
writer. But I was scared
I might be a total hack
766
00:38:42,644 --> 00:38:44,770
so I got
an accounting degree.
[chuckles]
767
00:38:44,896 --> 00:38:48,190
I figured I'd make
a living doing that
while I finished my book...
768
00:38:48,274 --> 00:38:50,818
but kind of been
stuck in the middle
for a few years.
769
00:38:50,902 --> 00:38:52,694
What do you wanna
be when you grow up?
770
00:38:52,779 --> 00:38:55,614
Well, in college
I played in a badass
metal band.
771
00:38:55,698 --> 00:38:57,741
Really?
You're a badass?
772
00:38:57,826 --> 00:39:00,202
A little bit, kind of.
773
00:39:00,286 --> 00:39:03,997
Fascinating. A little
terrifying but fascinating.
774
00:39:04,082 --> 00:39:08,210
So is that what you did
in college, badass metal
band studies?
775
00:39:08,294 --> 00:39:10,295
No, I didn't
finish college.
776
00:39:10,421 --> 00:39:13,382
Oh, why not?
Too boring? Not
Joan Jett enough for you?
777
00:39:13,508 --> 00:39:18,929
No. Um, I loved college.
It's just my parents passed
away in a car accident,
778
00:39:19,013 --> 00:39:22,307
so I had to leave
to take care of my
little sister.
779
00:39:22,392 --> 00:39:24,601
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't
have said anything.
780
00:39:24,686 --> 00:39:27,563
Oh, n-no. I, I'm
glad you told me.
781
00:39:27,647 --> 00:39:30,399
I'm just so sorry
that happened.
782
00:39:30,483 --> 00:39:31,942
Thanks.
783
00:39:33,987 --> 00:39:35,821
So is your sister
a badass like you?
784
00:39:35,905 --> 00:39:37,990
No, she's more
of a smart ass.
785
00:39:38,074 --> 00:39:40,659
[laughs] Here.
786
00:39:42,996 --> 00:39:46,081
Hey, you know, uh,
Suzie's having a pool
party this weekend.
787
00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:47,875
You should come.
And bring Miles.
788
00:39:47,959 --> 00:39:49,459
Pool party?
789
00:39:49,544 --> 00:39:51,920
Yeah. I promise, I won't
be wearing a Speedo.
790
00:39:52,005 --> 00:39:53,088
[chuckles]
791
00:39:58,052 --> 00:39:59,845
[door opens]
792
00:40:06,936 --> 00:40:08,437
Nice look!
793
00:40:08,521 --> 00:40:11,315
Do we have a secret steam
room you never told me about?
794
00:40:11,399 --> 00:40:12,858
No, I'm going
to a pool party.
795
00:40:12,942 --> 00:40:15,402
Ah. Well, good thing
you've got that towel on now.
796
00:40:15,486 --> 00:40:18,488
Wouldn't wanna
leave that 'til when
you actually get there.
797
00:40:18,573 --> 00:40:21,491
Enough of the sass,
smarty pants. What
are you doing here?
798
00:40:21,576 --> 00:40:23,243
Tennis ended early.
799
00:40:23,328 --> 00:40:25,287
What's the bag for?
800
00:40:25,371 --> 00:40:26,914
Nothing.
801
00:40:26,998 --> 00:40:29,583
Come on, you can
do better than that.
802
00:40:29,667 --> 00:40:31,168
At least I'm wearing pants.
803
00:40:31,252 --> 00:40:33,003
Pants? You call
those pants?
804
00:40:33,087 --> 00:40:35,214
They're shorts.
805
00:40:35,298 --> 00:40:40,052
All right, bye. Don't
call if you need me.
806
00:40:40,136 --> 00:40:43,305
[rock music]
807
00:40:43,389 --> 00:40:47,434
Okay, you really
have to act like
you're the father, okay?
808
00:40:47,518 --> 00:40:48,769
Yeah.
809
00:40:48,853 --> 00:40:50,896
You're the father.
It's serious.
810
00:40:50,980 --> 00:40:52,147
Oh, come on.
811
00:40:52,232 --> 00:40:54,107
You have to appear
to be responsible.
812
00:40:54,192 --> 00:40:56,151
Are you kidding me?
I'm totally psyched.
813
00:40:56,236 --> 00:40:59,363
I thought about
this. Everyone's gonna
think I'm a super-stud
814
00:40:59,447 --> 00:41:01,323
for knocking up a
hot chick like you.
815
00:41:01,407 --> 00:41:04,409
Okay, so, that's an
example of something
you wouldn't say.
816
00:41:04,494 --> 00:41:07,871
Baby. Well, I think
you're beautiful
even with your...
817
00:41:07,956 --> 00:41:09,206
Thank you.
818
00:41:15,755 --> 00:41:17,297
(Thea)
Hey.
819
00:41:17,382 --> 00:41:18,840
How are you?
820
00:41:18,925 --> 00:41:22,094
Nick, this is
my fiancé, Miles.
Miles, this is Nick.
821
00:41:22,178 --> 00:41:25,055
Congratulations.
You must be so excited.
822
00:41:25,139 --> 00:41:28,850
Oh, it's, I just can't
wait for the little guy
to [pop] pop out.
823
00:41:28,935 --> 00:41:30,102
Oh, you're
having a boy.
824
00:41:30,186 --> 00:41:31,186
Yeah.
825
00:41:31,271 --> 00:41:32,562
We, uh, we
just found out.
826
00:41:32,647 --> 00:41:34,147
And do you
have a name yet?
827
00:41:34,232 --> 00:41:35,857
Now, see,
I didn't think any...
828
00:41:35,942 --> 00:41:37,025
Hey.
829
00:41:37,110 --> 00:41:39,027
Garth, this is
my fiancé, Miles.
830
00:41:39,112 --> 00:41:41,613
Miles, Garth.
He's an editor
at the company.
831
00:41:41,698 --> 00:41:43,073
You're a lucky guy, huh?
832
00:41:43,157 --> 00:41:47,786
Yes, I am.
You look pretty
lucky yourself there.
833
00:41:47,870 --> 00:41:50,289
I'm gonna go inside
and say hi to Suzie.
834
00:41:50,373 --> 00:41:51,873
Oh, yeah,
hold up, babe.
835
00:41:51,958 --> 00:41:54,376
I'm taking
a dip. It's
blazing here. Babes.
836
00:41:54,460 --> 00:41:55,502
Yeah?
837
00:41:55,586 --> 00:41:56,795
Right there.
838
00:41:56,879 --> 00:41:58,338
Anybody care to join?
839
00:41:58,423 --> 00:41:59,506
I will. Let's go in.
840
00:41:59,590 --> 00:42:00,924
That's what
I like to hear.
841
00:42:01,009 --> 00:42:02,551
I don't wanna
get my chain wet.
842
00:42:02,635 --> 00:42:05,387
Listen, I have two
friends that I want
you to meet.
843
00:42:05,513 --> 00:42:09,099
They're both writers
and they're actually
looking for a new publisher,
844
00:42:09,183 --> 00:42:10,976
so I think they'll
really like you.
845
00:42:11,060 --> 00:42:12,311
Really?
846
00:42:12,395 --> 00:42:14,187
You and Nick
make such a good team.
847
00:42:14,272 --> 00:42:15,480
Thank you.
848
00:42:22,780 --> 00:42:26,199
Hey, guys.
I want you to
meet Audrey Gold
849
00:42:26,326 --> 00:42:30,078
and Dr. Terry
Bournachle. Terry wrote
the Bournachle Baby Book,
850
00:42:30,163 --> 00:42:31,997
which is the bible.
851
00:42:32,081 --> 00:42:35,709
I won't even touch that.
I don't wanna be accused
of having a God complex.
852
00:42:35,793 --> 00:42:38,462
And Audrey just
finished a book
on single parenting
853
00:42:38,588 --> 00:42:42,924
and I hear from reliable
sources that she's not
very happy at Boyle Donner.
854
00:42:43,009 --> 00:42:45,927
Oh, well we would love
to meet with you guys.
855
00:42:47,889 --> 00:42:51,433
Yeah, Nick and Thea
just started a parenting
division at Steinwald.
856
00:42:51,517 --> 00:42:53,810
Hmm. You have
the most unique shape.
857
00:42:53,936 --> 00:42:58,357
If you don't mind me
asking, you don't have
a distended uterus, do you?
858
00:42:58,441 --> 00:43:02,652
Uh, no, no, I,
I don't think so.
859
00:43:02,737 --> 00:43:05,238
Well, who's your OB?
860
00:43:05,323 --> 00:43:09,576
[clears throat]
Dr. Draken Barysinwitz.
861
00:43:09,660 --> 00:43:12,788
You mean Hans?
Frogenberry Schoenewitz?
862
00:43:12,872 --> 00:43:15,415
I thought he moved
back to Vienna.
863
00:43:15,500 --> 00:43:16,666
[splash]
864
00:43:16,751 --> 00:43:18,293
[all]
Oh!
865
00:43:18,378 --> 00:43:21,922
My bad. I just,
I was trying to,
totally going for her.
866
00:43:22,006 --> 00:43:23,423
Very funny, Miles.
867
00:43:23,508 --> 00:43:27,386
Hey. You should,
uh, you should
totally come in.
868
00:43:27,470 --> 00:43:29,388
We're having
such a good
time in there.
869
00:43:29,472 --> 00:43:31,390
I don't feel like
swimming right now.
870
00:43:31,474 --> 00:43:33,392
Come on. It's
so nice in there.
871
00:43:33,476 --> 00:43:36,311
No one cares
that you're fat.
Kids, tell her to come in.
872
00:43:36,396 --> 00:43:39,648
Come in.
Come in.
Come in.
873
00:43:39,732 --> 00:43:41,525
(Thea)
It's okay.
874
00:43:41,609 --> 00:43:43,819
You don't want to
disappoint the children.
875
00:43:43,903 --> 00:43:44,945
Woo!
876
00:43:45,029 --> 00:43:46,279
Shit.
877
00:43:46,364 --> 00:43:47,781
[laughs]
878
00:43:49,075 --> 00:43:50,242
What is that?
879
00:43:50,326 --> 00:43:51,952
Oh!
880
00:43:52,036 --> 00:43:53,245
[all] Oh!
881
00:43:53,329 --> 00:43:54,413
[Miles laughs]
882
00:43:54,497 --> 00:43:55,580
[gasps]
883
00:43:55,665 --> 00:43:56,957
(Nick)
That's not cool.
884
00:44:04,173 --> 00:44:06,007
(Thea)
It was so humiliating.
885
00:44:06,134 --> 00:44:09,386
On the way home
I told him to drop me off
and never speak to me again.
886
00:44:09,470 --> 00:44:12,764
Good. I always thought
Miles was a bit of a
numbnut anyway.
887
00:44:12,890 --> 00:44:16,768
[sighs]
I'm just so embarrassed
that Nick thinks he's the
father of my child.
888
00:44:16,853 --> 00:44:18,478
Who cares
what Nick thinks?
889
00:44:18,563 --> 00:44:20,355
He's just the first
person in years
890
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,650
that thinks I'm
capable of doing more
than just pouring coffee.
891
00:44:23,734 --> 00:44:25,902
What do you think he'll
say when he finds out
892
00:44:26,028 --> 00:44:30,157
your baby is a piece
of polyurethane foam
we swiped off a mannequin?
893
00:44:30,241 --> 00:44:33,034
He's actually kinda cute
though, don't you think?
894
00:44:33,119 --> 00:44:34,369
Who?
895
00:44:34,454 --> 00:44:36,121
Um, Nick.
896
00:44:36,205 --> 00:44:37,956
Um, no.
897
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:39,541
Cigarette?
898
00:44:39,625 --> 00:44:42,043
No, I probably shouldn't.
899
00:44:42,128 --> 00:44:43,545
[guffaws]
900
00:44:44,839 --> 00:44:49,176
Okay, uh, to recap, uh
901
00:44:49,260 --> 00:44:52,554
only one of you
would even bother
to look at the book.
902
00:44:52,638 --> 00:44:57,142
And the rest of you
wouldn't buy it with
a gun to your head...
903
00:44:57,226 --> 00:44:59,686
which can't
be good for sales.
904
00:45:03,399 --> 00:45:06,443
Can any of you
tell me why the cover
doesn't speak to you?
905
00:45:06,527 --> 00:45:10,822
Maybe comparing
pregnancy to a battle
is, uh, putting you off.
906
00:45:10,907 --> 00:45:12,240
Yes.
907
00:45:12,325 --> 00:45:14,534
I can't stay
for the rest
of the focus group.
908
00:45:14,619 --> 00:45:17,245
Can I still
get my check?
909
00:45:17,330 --> 00:45:19,331
Just stop by reception.
910
00:45:24,879 --> 00:45:27,047
Okay. Uh, one down.
911
00:45:30,009 --> 00:45:32,761
Maybe we should
forget what's on
the cover for a second.
912
00:45:32,845 --> 00:45:35,430
what makes this
book great is that
it's a collection
913
00:45:35,515 --> 00:45:39,100
of real stories for real
women talking about how
it feels to be pregnant.
914
00:45:39,185 --> 00:45:41,520
So let's talk about some
of us feel right now.
915
00:45:42,897 --> 00:45:44,272
I feel like crap.
916
00:45:44,357 --> 00:45:47,400
That's good. I mean,
that's bad. But keep going.
917
00:45:47,485 --> 00:45:51,446
How come no one
talks about how
much pregnancy sucks!
918
00:45:51,531 --> 00:45:53,657
Oh, there's no
glow in my house.
919
00:45:53,741 --> 00:45:56,701
Okay, so what
I'm hearing is that
you're all so over it.
920
00:45:56,786 --> 00:45:58,495
[all] Yeah.
921
00:45:58,579 --> 00:46:01,289
Hello, I'm Orca the Whale.
Like, what's up with that?
922
00:46:01,374 --> 00:46:03,458
I know, they're not
even bloated at all.
923
00:46:03,543 --> 00:46:05,794
Thea, your
sister's at reception.
924
00:46:10,633 --> 00:46:12,467
Hey, what are
you doing here?
925
00:46:12,593 --> 00:46:16,388
You forgot to sign the
release for my trip to Lake
Arrowhead. It's due today.
926
00:46:16,472 --> 00:46:20,308
Thea, aren't you
going to introduce
me to your sister?
927
00:46:20,393 --> 00:46:23,353
Oh, Nick, Emma.
Emma, Nick.
928
00:46:23,437 --> 00:46:25,313
She's in a real rush.
She has to go.
929
00:46:26,816 --> 00:46:31,403
Okay, well, this has been
fun. It's been fun.
930
00:46:31,487 --> 00:46:32,654
What is that?
931
00:46:32,738 --> 00:46:34,489
Just because you
don't like my dress
932
00:46:34,574 --> 00:46:36,199
doesn't mean you
have to be rude.
933
00:46:36,284 --> 00:46:38,159
Move. I'll
tell you outside.
934
00:46:38,244 --> 00:46:39,494
What's wrong with you?
935
00:46:39,579 --> 00:46:41,621
I'm a big fat liar,
but Jerry was firing me
936
00:46:41,706 --> 00:46:43,415
I had to come up
with something.
937
00:46:45,376 --> 00:46:47,877
You are one sandwich shy
of a picnic, you know that?
938
00:46:47,962 --> 00:46:50,130
You're crazy. What
are you thinking?
939
00:46:50,256 --> 00:46:53,925
[sighs]
You might be interested
to know that I got a
promotion and a raise.
940
00:46:54,010 --> 00:46:56,595
I can't believe we're
actually related.
941
00:46:56,679 --> 00:46:58,471
As soon as I can
I'm gonna come clean.
942
00:46:58,556 --> 00:47:01,558
Things are complicated.
The company depends on me.
943
00:47:01,642 --> 00:47:05,812
I have heard enough.
I am out of here.
944
00:47:05,896 --> 00:47:09,232
[soft cheerful music]
945
00:47:14,113 --> 00:47:15,155
Morning, Thea.
946
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:16,781
Last month's
and this month's.
947
00:47:16,866 --> 00:47:18,450
Wow, early.
That's a first.
948
00:47:20,703 --> 00:47:22,370
I've got
something for you.
949
00:47:22,455 --> 00:47:24,205
Oh, you made these?
950
00:47:24,290 --> 00:47:25,540
Yes.
951
00:47:25,625 --> 00:47:28,710
I went with marigold
because it's neutral.
952
00:47:28,794 --> 00:47:30,462
Thank you.
953
00:47:33,591 --> 00:47:34,758
Hey.
954
00:47:34,842 --> 00:47:38,011
Hey. Okay, not that
you're interested,
955
00:47:38,095 --> 00:47:41,056
but the word is
that Nick's divorce
is finalized this week.
956
00:47:41,140 --> 00:47:42,349
Garth told me.
957
00:47:42,433 --> 00:47:44,017
Garth told you?
958
00:47:44,101 --> 00:47:46,686
I've been
hanging out
with him, Miss Busy.
959
00:47:46,771 --> 00:47:50,023
I took the liberty
of picking you up a
calcium-enriched smoothie
960
00:47:50,107 --> 00:47:53,485
and a bran muffin.
I figured you might be
getting a little backed up.
961
00:47:53,569 --> 00:47:54,569
Thanks, Greg.
962
00:47:54,654 --> 00:47:56,738
You're welcome.
Excuse me.
963
00:47:56,822 --> 00:47:59,282
Greg's worried about
you being backed up?
964
00:47:59,367 --> 00:48:02,160
Constipation is
a common problem
for pregnant women.
965
00:48:02,244 --> 00:48:04,371
Ach.
966
00:48:04,455 --> 00:48:08,041
Well, lucky
for you you're
not actually pregnant.
967
00:48:08,125 --> 00:48:10,043
Or do you even
know that anymore?
968
00:48:10,127 --> 00:48:11,920
Of course I know
that. Obviously.
969
00:48:12,004 --> 00:48:13,338
[knocking]
970
00:48:13,422 --> 00:48:15,048
Hi, sorry to interrupt.
971
00:48:15,132 --> 00:48:18,551
wanted to get you
a little something.
I ordered it off of eBay.
972
00:48:20,429 --> 00:48:23,306
It's an armadillo
foot for, for when
you're in labor.
973
00:48:23,391 --> 00:48:25,600
It, it wards
off the evil eye.
974
00:48:25,685 --> 00:48:28,103
Thank you so much, Carl.
That's so sweet of you.
975
00:48:28,187 --> 00:48:30,647
I'll keep it with
me the whole time.
976
00:48:30,731 --> 00:48:35,026
Oh-kay. I know I told
you to go along with
this for a few weeks,
977
00:48:35,111 --> 00:48:37,070
but you're starting
to freak me out.
978
00:48:37,154 --> 00:48:39,030
Things are going
really well for me.
979
00:48:39,115 --> 00:48:42,075
It's not because
of the stomach.
You're doing good work.
980
00:48:42,159 --> 00:48:44,619
The only thing
you're doing bad
is walking around
981
00:48:44,704 --> 00:48:47,163
with a load of
bullshit strapped
to your stomach.
982
00:48:47,248 --> 00:48:48,456
Nick. Nick.
983
00:48:48,541 --> 00:48:49,749
[whispers]
Nick.
984
00:48:49,834 --> 00:48:51,209
What's up?
985
00:48:51,293 --> 00:48:53,461
You won't
believe who left
me a voicemail.
986
00:48:53,546 --> 00:48:55,463
An Associate
producer from the Vista.
987
00:48:55,548 --> 00:48:56,631
No way.
988
00:48:56,716 --> 00:48:58,133
She read the book,
loves it,
989
00:48:58,217 --> 00:49:00,218
with Claire's
approval, we'll be in.
990
00:49:00,302 --> 00:49:02,303
That would be
the greatest thing ever.
991
00:49:02,388 --> 00:49:04,139
Oh!
992
00:49:04,223 --> 00:49:05,432
Oh.
993
00:49:05,516 --> 00:49:08,935
Sorry. I, I'm a bit
of a closet hugger.
994
00:49:09,019 --> 00:49:10,562
I, that won't
happen again.
995
00:49:10,646 --> 00:49:12,147
That's, that's okay.
996
00:49:12,231 --> 00:49:13,898
[intercom]
Nick, Jerry for you.
997
00:49:13,983 --> 00:49:16,317
Oh. Uh, put
him through.
998
00:49:16,402 --> 00:49:18,278
How you holding
down the fort, Nicky?
999
00:49:18,362 --> 00:49:20,447
Good, Everything's
going great.
1000
00:49:20,531 --> 00:49:22,157
Working on a little project.
1001
00:49:22,241 --> 00:49:24,367
You haven't done
anything stupid, have you?
1002
00:49:24,452 --> 00:49:25,785
No, of course not.
1003
00:49:25,870 --> 00:49:28,788
You're doing
great, sweetie.
1004
00:49:28,873 --> 00:49:30,457
[whimpers]
1005
00:49:30,541 --> 00:49:34,753
Do me a favor, Nick.
No little projects.
Don't do anything.
1006
00:49:34,837 --> 00:49:39,507
Don't touch anything.
If you need a project,
try Match.com.
1007
00:49:39,592 --> 00:49:42,010
It's been awhile since
you've seen any action.
1008
00:49:42,094 --> 00:49:44,596
Okay, Jerry. I'll talk
to you later. Thank you.
1009
00:49:46,307 --> 00:49:47,974
It really hasn't
been that long.
1010
00:49:48,058 --> 00:49:49,684
I'm, I'm sure.
1011
00:49:49,769 --> 00:49:52,729
Um, okay. I got a lot
of work to do. So, I'm
gonna go do it.
1012
00:49:52,813 --> 00:49:55,440
Okay. Bye.
1013
00:49:55,524 --> 00:49:57,275
[vacuum cleaner]
1014
00:50:00,654 --> 00:50:02,530
So the book comes
out in three weeks.
1015
00:50:02,615 --> 00:50:05,241
That, that gives us
plenty of time for publicity.
1016
00:50:11,290 --> 00:50:13,082
I hope you don't mind.
1017
00:50:13,167 --> 00:50:15,627
I just couldn't
take it anymore.
1018
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:21,424
Oh, wow.
1019
00:50:21,509 --> 00:50:22,842
I can see!
1020
00:50:22,927 --> 00:50:24,677
[chuckles]
1021
00:50:24,762 --> 00:50:27,514
God. I don't know
if you know this,
but you're pregnant.
1022
00:50:27,598 --> 00:50:30,767
Your sense of humor
really takes a dive
after nine o'clock, huh?
1023
00:50:30,851 --> 00:50:32,227
Is it after nine?
1024
00:50:32,311 --> 00:50:33,645
Yeah.
1025
00:50:33,729 --> 00:50:36,105
Oh, my God,
I'm slave-driving
a pregnant woman.
1026
00:50:36,190 --> 00:50:37,816
Not at all,
I want to be here.
1027
00:50:37,900 --> 00:50:40,860
I do, I feel I'm
making up for lost time.
1028
00:50:40,945 --> 00:50:43,571
And I'm really
grateful you've
given me this shot.
1029
00:50:43,656 --> 00:50:45,657
So, thanks.
1030
00:50:45,741 --> 00:50:47,033
It's my pleasure.
1031
00:50:52,164 --> 00:50:54,123
You should be at
home with your fiancé.
1032
00:50:54,208 --> 00:50:56,501
Right. My fiancé.
1033
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:02,590
I'm taking you home.
1034
00:51:02,675 --> 00:51:06,845
But, I promise to
have ridiculously
high expectations
1035
00:51:06,929 --> 00:51:08,054
of you in the morning.
1036
00:51:08,138 --> 00:51:09,097
[softly chuckles]
1037
00:51:09,181 --> 00:51:10,598
Thank you.
1038
00:51:10,683 --> 00:51:12,934
Well, here, no, no.
1039
00:51:13,018 --> 00:51:14,352
Okay.
1040
00:51:14,436 --> 00:51:16,896
[cheerful music]
1041
00:51:23,445 --> 00:51:24,529
[velcro sound]
1042
00:52:02,401 --> 00:52:03,443
Is this your first?
1043
00:52:03,527 --> 00:52:06,029
Yeah. I can't wait.
And you?
1044
00:52:06,113 --> 00:52:07,238
It's mine, too.
1045
00:52:09,533 --> 00:52:11,075
Would you
sign this, please?
1046
00:52:17,249 --> 00:52:18,750
(Nick)
Oh, that's amazing.
1047
00:52:18,834 --> 00:52:22,378
What about
Thea? Thea?
1048
00:52:22,463 --> 00:52:24,047
Absolutely, you.
1049
00:52:24,131 --> 00:52:25,173
No, no, no.
1050
00:52:25,257 --> 00:52:26,299
Yes.
1051
00:52:26,383 --> 00:52:27,508
Yes.
1052
00:52:27,593 --> 00:52:29,302
No, I stay
behind the camera.
1053
00:52:29,386 --> 00:52:31,220
You, over here
right now.
1054
00:52:31,305 --> 00:52:33,181
(Nick)
Come on, give it a shot.
1055
00:52:35,517 --> 00:52:36,559
Oh, yeah.
1056
00:52:36,644 --> 00:52:37,727
Work it.
1057
00:52:37,811 --> 00:52:38,895
Nick.
1058
00:52:38,979 --> 00:52:40,772
Make love
to the...
1059
00:52:40,856 --> 00:52:43,608
Sorry. I know
you don't actually
say that. I'm sorry.
1060
00:52:47,404 --> 00:52:49,989
Thanks for coming here
with me. I had
such a craving.
1061
00:52:50,074 --> 00:52:52,033
Are you kidding me?
I love mud slide pie.
1062
00:52:52,117 --> 00:52:54,535
I think we could
use a little more
whipped cream.
1063
00:52:54,620 --> 00:52:56,621
Oh, did I tell you we
signed Bournachle?
1064
00:52:56,705 --> 00:52:58,373
Thanks for hooking
us up with him.
1065
00:52:58,457 --> 00:53:01,125
My pleasure. Oh, I may
have some good news.
1066
00:53:01,210 --> 00:53:04,462
I may have gotten us two
spots in Sunshine Daycare.
1067
00:53:04,546 --> 00:53:07,674
Great. Thanks. I haven't
even thought about daycare.
1068
00:53:07,758 --> 00:53:10,510
I don't know how you
do it, with your kid,
your pregnancy
1069
00:53:10,594 --> 00:53:13,638
and your job. I can't
even take care of my
little sister, Emma.
1070
00:53:13,722 --> 00:53:15,890
I wish my mother left
me user instructions.
1071
00:53:15,975 --> 00:53:18,309
Well, there are no
hard and fast rules.
1072
00:53:18,394 --> 00:53:20,103
You just have to go
with your gut.
1073
00:53:20,187 --> 00:53:23,356
Yeah, well I certainly
have no shortage of
gut at the moment.
1074
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,985
Well, when all else
fails, sugar and shopping.
1075
00:53:27,069 --> 00:53:29,070
Very persuasive.
1076
00:53:38,163 --> 00:53:39,789
[doorbell]
1077
00:53:42,835 --> 00:53:43,876
Hi.
1078
00:53:43,961 --> 00:53:45,545
Hi. Is Emma here?
1079
00:53:45,629 --> 00:53:48,381
Hi, Emma. Can you
babysit tomorrow night?
1080
00:53:48,465 --> 00:53:50,383
Oh, I can't,
Donna. Sorry.
1081
00:53:50,467 --> 00:53:52,760
I have to study
with my friend Chloe.
1082
00:53:52,845 --> 00:53:55,763
Um, I can do it.
1083
00:53:55,848 --> 00:53:57,515
You know, good practice.
1084
00:53:57,599 --> 00:54:00,893
That's right. Oh, God.
Thea, you are the best.
1085
00:54:00,978 --> 00:54:02,437
Tomorrow night at eight?
1086
00:54:02,521 --> 00:54:03,688
Yes.
1087
00:54:03,772 --> 00:54:04,897
Great. Bye.
1088
00:54:08,068 --> 00:54:11,738
I don't even know who you
are right now, but you're
definitely not the best.
1089
00:54:11,864 --> 00:54:15,825
Do you wanna make cupcakes
and then maybe go shopping
at Forever Twenty-One?
1090
00:54:15,909 --> 00:54:20,788
No. Actually I'd rather
scrub myself down with
a pineapple
1091
00:54:20,873 --> 00:54:22,582
than do that.
1092
00:54:25,002 --> 00:54:26,961
(Kristen)
I don't know what to do.
1093
00:54:27,046 --> 00:54:32,759
this was Dan's idea. He
was all, like, let's have
a baby. It'll be so cute.
1094
00:54:32,843 --> 00:54:35,136
You know? I was,
like really?
1095
00:54:35,220 --> 00:54:39,140
Really? Well, let's strap
50 pounds of cement
to your torso
1096
00:54:39,266 --> 00:54:42,685
and see how fun it is then.
You know, I just--
[sobs]
1097
00:54:42,770 --> 00:54:45,855
Yeah. I know.
I understand.
1098
00:54:45,939 --> 00:54:48,733
I just need a drink.
Or some weed.
1099
00:54:48,817 --> 00:54:50,485
I know it's scary.
1100
00:54:50,569 --> 00:54:54,781
I mean, the fact that
we're gonna have these
tiny fragile humans
1101
00:54:54,865 --> 00:54:58,159
totally dependent
on us. It's kind of
freaking me out, too
1102
00:54:58,243 --> 00:54:59,494
Really?
1103
00:54:59,578 --> 00:55:00,870
Yeah.
1104
00:55:00,954 --> 00:55:03,289
'Cause, Thea, you just,
you seem so together.
1105
00:55:03,373 --> 00:55:04,832
Oh, hi.
1106
00:55:04,917 --> 00:55:06,292
We need to talk.
1107
00:55:06,376 --> 00:55:08,044
What happened?
1108
00:55:08,128 --> 00:55:10,004
Okay, thanks
for listening.
1109
00:55:14,885 --> 00:55:16,385
Uh,
1110
00:55:16,470 --> 00:55:18,429
I uh,
1111
00:55:18,514 --> 00:55:20,807
I kind of got into
an altercation with Miles.
1112
00:55:20,891 --> 00:55:22,350
What are you talking about?
1113
00:55:22,434 --> 00:55:25,019
He was kissing
another woman.
So I confronted him.
1114
00:55:25,104 --> 00:55:28,231
And he told me
he's not the father.
1115
00:55:28,315 --> 00:55:29,690
So I punched him.
1116
00:55:29,775 --> 00:55:30,900
You what?
1117
00:55:30,984 --> 00:55:34,320
I punched him.
I couldn't help it.
1118
00:55:34,404 --> 00:55:36,989
You deserve better than
that, Thea, a, a lot better.
1119
00:55:37,074 --> 00:55:40,284
Nick, Miles
is not the father.
1120
00:55:40,369 --> 00:55:42,161
He's not even
my boyfriend anymore.
1121
00:55:42,246 --> 00:55:44,455
The truth is,
there is no father.
1122
00:55:44,581 --> 00:55:48,376
I mean, there is but it was
a one-night stand and he's
out of the picture now.
1123
00:55:48,460 --> 00:55:53,464
Thea, there is nothing
wrong with being
a single mother.
1124
00:55:53,549 --> 00:55:54,715
Okay.
1125
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:56,384
[knocking]
1126
00:55:56,468 --> 00:56:00,096
[clears throat]
The printer
has a question
He's on line one.
1127
00:56:00,180 --> 00:56:01,973
Okay.
1128
00:56:03,392 --> 00:56:04,934
Oh.
1129
00:56:05,018 --> 00:56:07,228
What was that about?
He looks like a maniac.
1130
00:56:07,312 --> 00:56:08,729
I just told
Nick the truth.
1131
00:56:08,814 --> 00:56:10,565
[gasps]
How'd he take it?
1132
00:56:10,649 --> 00:56:13,401
Okay. He doesn't
think I should be
with Miles anyway.
1133
00:56:13,485 --> 00:56:15,778
Yeah, but what did he
say about the pregnancy?
1134
00:56:15,863 --> 00:56:18,156
He didn't say anything
about the pregnancy.
1135
00:56:18,240 --> 00:56:19,824
What's there to say?
1136
00:56:19,908 --> 00:56:22,994
Thea. We should talk.
Do you want to get
a beer after work?
1137
00:56:23,078 --> 00:56:25,997
A beer? You know
I can't drink.
1138
00:56:29,168 --> 00:56:31,127
[rhythmic music]
1139
00:56:31,211 --> 00:56:33,171
Is your stomach growing?
1140
00:56:33,255 --> 00:56:35,173
Well, I'm nearly
six months now.
1141
00:56:41,513 --> 00:56:42,763
(Thea)
Hi, how are you?
1142
00:56:42,848 --> 00:56:45,016
Where's my
sister, Emma?
1143
00:56:46,852 --> 00:56:49,437
(Emma coming in)
Hey.
1144
00:56:49,521 --> 00:56:51,314
How was practice?
1145
00:56:51,398 --> 00:56:53,191
Fine. Same as usual.
1146
00:56:53,317 --> 00:56:58,029
Really? That's funny
because Coach Henretti
told me you quit a month ago.
1147
00:56:58,155 --> 00:57:02,033
I found this
in your backpack. You've
got some explaining to do.
1148
00:57:02,117 --> 00:57:04,619
That's dried cilantro.
1149
00:57:04,703 --> 00:57:05,786
Yeah, right.
1150
00:57:05,871 --> 00:57:07,455
Smell it.
1151
00:57:10,334 --> 00:57:12,543
Okay, maybe it is. But
where were you today?
1152
00:57:12,628 --> 00:57:15,463
At Jake's,
waiting tables.
1153
00:57:15,547 --> 00:57:17,840
You've been
lying for weeks.
1154
00:57:17,925 --> 00:57:19,425
Hey, I learn
from the best.
1155
00:57:25,974 --> 00:57:29,477
Hey, um, your
boss is here.
1156
00:57:29,561 --> 00:57:30,895
What?
1157
00:57:30,979 --> 00:57:33,272
Maybe he wants
to make cupcakes with you.
1158
00:57:33,357 --> 00:57:35,483
Um, can you get my
stomach? It's in my room.
1159
00:57:35,567 --> 00:57:40,029
Yeah. But, um, it'll
cost you 25 bucks.
1160
00:57:40,113 --> 00:57:41,364
15!
1161
00:57:41,448 --> 00:57:43,032
Sold.
1162
00:57:43,116 --> 00:57:45,868
She'll be right with you.
She's just getting dressed.
1163
00:57:45,953 --> 00:57:46,953
Okay, thanks.
1164
00:57:52,918 --> 00:57:56,545
Does it make you feel weird
knowing she's naked only,
like, ten feet away.
1165
00:57:56,630 --> 00:57:58,172
Em!
1166
00:57:58,257 --> 00:57:59,757
Coming.
1167
00:57:59,841 --> 00:58:00,883
Stomach.
1168
00:58:00,968 --> 00:58:02,176
No. Pay me.
1169
00:58:02,261 --> 00:58:04,262
I'll pay you after.
Give me the stomach.
1170
00:58:04,346 --> 00:58:07,640
A promise from Thea?
I can't take that to the
bank. Just pay me know.
1171
00:58:12,104 --> 00:58:15,064
Thank you.
Here's your fake belly.
1172
00:58:15,148 --> 00:58:16,107
Shut up. Get out.
1173
00:58:18,652 --> 00:58:19,694
Hello.
1174
00:58:19,778 --> 00:58:20,945
Hey.
1175
00:58:21,029 --> 00:58:22,905
(Emma)
Okay.
1176
00:58:22,990 --> 00:58:24,323
Hey.
1177
00:58:24,408 --> 00:58:26,909
Um, I, I just,
I thought I'd
stop by, uh...
1178
00:58:26,994 --> 00:58:29,870
I wanted to show
you something.
1179
00:58:29,997 --> 00:58:34,417
It's our very first
complete copy of the book
with cover and everything.
1180
00:58:34,501 --> 00:58:38,170
That's, that's great!
And, wow, I'm on the cover.
1181
00:58:38,255 --> 00:58:41,674
Oh. And we booked,
uh, Tynan's bookstore
for the book launch.
1182
00:58:41,758 --> 00:58:43,050
That's awesome.
1183
00:58:43,135 --> 00:58:45,261
Well, um, I
should probably
get outta here
1184
00:58:45,345 --> 00:58:47,221
and let you
enjoy your Saturday.
1185
00:58:47,306 --> 00:58:49,974
Well, um, if you're
free then do you
wanna get coffee?
1186
00:58:50,058 --> 00:58:51,309
Sure.
1187
00:58:54,563 --> 00:58:58,816
(Nick)
I had a dog once. Then
Jerry stole it, took it
to college with him.
1188
00:58:58,900 --> 00:59:00,401
Oh. [chuckles]
1189
00:59:00,485 --> 00:59:03,779
There's something amazing
about having a child.
1190
00:59:03,864 --> 00:59:09,201
It makes you
feel like a part
of something bigger,
1191
00:59:09,286 --> 00:59:13,873
you know,
even if it's not real.
Well, for me, that is.
1192
00:59:15,709 --> 00:59:19,712
Lydia didn't want children.
And I never questioned it.
1193
00:59:19,796 --> 00:59:22,006
But now I,
1194
00:59:22,090 --> 00:59:28,054
I realize, I, I do
wanna be a father.
1195
00:59:47,699 --> 00:59:51,243
I've been wanting to do
that for a really long time.
1196
00:59:51,328 --> 00:59:53,621
Actually, I just,
just did that.
1197
00:59:53,705 --> 00:59:55,289
Right.
1198
00:59:55,374 --> 00:59:58,125
We should probably take
things slowly though.
1199
00:59:58,210 --> 00:59:59,627
Absolutely.
1200
00:59:59,711 --> 01:00:01,462
Yeah.
1201
01:00:14,267 --> 01:00:16,602
I have to...
I just realized...
1202
01:00:16,686 --> 01:00:18,229
I have to go.
1203
01:00:18,313 --> 01:00:20,815
There's somewhere...
I have to go somewhere.
1204
01:00:20,899 --> 01:00:22,024
Sure. Okay.
1205
01:00:22,109 --> 01:00:23,984
My sister...
I'll talk to you later.
1206
01:00:24,069 --> 01:00:25,361
Okay.
1207
01:00:25,445 --> 01:00:27,530
[soft music]
1208
01:00:42,421 --> 01:00:44,672
Yes, she's due
the sixth of October.
1209
01:00:44,756 --> 01:00:47,341
Alright. Okay.
1210
01:00:47,426 --> 01:00:50,678
That was your
friend, Rachel.
And these are for you.
1211
01:00:50,762 --> 01:00:52,638
She saw the book
at Crown Books.
1212
01:00:52,722 --> 01:00:55,057
How come you didn't
tell her you were pregnant?
1213
01:00:55,142 --> 01:00:57,601
I thought I
told her. It must
have slipped my mind.
1214
01:00:57,686 --> 01:00:59,270
Pregnancy brain.
1215
01:00:59,354 --> 01:01:02,440
I was planning
on waiting a little
longer to start a family.
1216
01:01:02,524 --> 01:01:04,733
Sow my wild oats
a little bit.
1217
01:01:04,818 --> 01:01:07,903
But, I feel like there is
a larger purpose for me.
1218
01:01:07,988 --> 01:01:13,159
Thea, you need
someone who is
smart and responsible.
1219
01:01:13,243 --> 01:01:14,743
Oh, God.
1220
01:01:14,828 --> 01:01:18,372
I offer myself to you,
mind and body,
heart and soul.
1221
01:01:18,457 --> 01:01:20,875
Let me be your
baby daddy.
1222
01:01:20,959 --> 01:01:24,628
Uh-uh-uh, that's
very generous of you.
1223
01:01:24,713 --> 01:01:28,924
But it's, you know...
that's not gonna ha...
1224
01:01:29,009 --> 01:01:31,760
Don't worry about it.
It's a tough decision.
1225
01:01:31,845 --> 01:01:33,721
Thea, can I
talk to you?
1226
01:01:33,805 --> 01:01:35,264
Yeah, sure, yes.
1227
01:01:35,348 --> 01:01:36,599
Yes, absolutely.
1228
01:01:36,683 --> 01:01:38,559
If you could
let me know
before lunch.
1229
01:01:38,643 --> 01:01:40,478
I have a J date
I'd have to cancel.
1230
01:01:40,562 --> 01:01:43,939
I don't want to
do that if I don't have
to. She's a little older...
1231
01:01:46,151 --> 01:01:47,610
So you're
ready for tonight?
1232
01:01:47,694 --> 01:01:49,695
Yeah. Totally.
1233
01:01:49,779 --> 01:01:51,989
We should clear the air.
1234
01:01:55,494 --> 01:01:58,037
I've been thinking a lot
about what happened.
1235
01:01:58,121 --> 01:02:00,247
And I feel
terrible about it.
1236
01:02:00,332 --> 01:02:01,916
You do?
1237
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:05,669
I'm your boss and
I made... [whispers]
I made a pass at you.
1238
01:02:05,754 --> 01:02:08,047
Nick, that's not it.
I made a pass at you.
1239
01:02:08,131 --> 01:02:10,299
I caught that pass
and I threw it back.
1240
01:02:10,383 --> 01:02:11,425
And I liked it.
1241
01:02:11,510 --> 01:02:12,801
You did?
1242
01:02:12,886 --> 01:02:14,678
Look, that's not
what it is,
1243
01:02:17,641 --> 01:02:19,433
I'm just afraid of...
1244
01:02:19,518 --> 01:02:22,770
There's a guy, Philip,
at reception. He says
he's the father?
1245
01:02:22,854 --> 01:02:24,438
Do want me
to talk to this guy?
1246
01:02:24,523 --> 01:02:26,315
No, no, no.
It's okay.
1247
01:02:26,399 --> 01:02:27,650
(Greg)
I'll talk to him.
1248
01:02:27,734 --> 01:02:30,069
It's okay.
Thank you both.
Excuse me.
1249
01:02:30,153 --> 01:02:32,905
Young man, don't
you have any sense
of responsibility?
1250
01:02:32,989 --> 01:02:35,783
I didn't even
know, lady. She
never returned my calls.
1251
01:02:35,867 --> 01:02:38,452
Christ, is it
mine, Thea?
1252
01:02:38,537 --> 01:02:39,954
Believe me,
it's not yours.
1253
01:02:40,038 --> 01:02:42,164
(Phillip)
You can't be sure.
I did the math.
1254
01:02:42,249 --> 01:02:43,582
Believe me.
I can be sure.
1255
01:02:43,667 --> 01:02:45,334
(Philip)
I demand a DNA test!
1256
01:02:45,418 --> 01:02:46,460
Yeah. I'll tell her.
1257
01:02:46,545 --> 01:02:47,962
Bye.
1258
01:02:48,046 --> 01:02:49,797
(Ann)
Your sister
needs you at home.
1259
01:02:49,881 --> 01:02:51,465
A fire
in the toilet?
1260
01:02:51,550 --> 01:02:54,552
Your toilet's
on fire? Isn’t that
technically impossible?
1261
01:02:54,636 --> 01:02:56,011
Who's Philip?
1262
01:02:56,096 --> 01:02:59,139
Uh, an old,
old boyfriend.
Big misunderstanding.
1263
01:02:59,224 --> 01:03:00,474
Everything okay?
1264
01:03:00,559 --> 01:03:03,102
Yeah. Everything's okay.
No worries here.
1265
01:03:03,228 --> 01:03:07,147
Completely under control.
But, uh, I, I should probably
get home to my sister.
1266
01:03:07,232 --> 01:03:09,733
I'll meet you
at the party.
Whoa. Sorry.
1267
01:03:23,832 --> 01:03:25,374
[all]
Surprise!
1268
01:03:25,458 --> 01:03:26,792
[applause]
Surprise!
1269
01:03:27,711 --> 01:03:28,711
[gasps]
1270
01:03:28,795 --> 01:03:30,296
Hi, everyone.
1271
01:03:30,380 --> 01:03:32,006
Oh my God,
Aunt Betty!
1272
01:03:32,090 --> 01:03:34,717
Surprise, darlin'. Darlin'.
1273
01:03:34,801 --> 01:03:37,595
It's so good
to see you.
1274
01:03:37,679 --> 01:03:40,681
Aunt Jane
and I just drove
in from Seattle.
1275
01:03:40,765 --> 01:03:43,892
Oh, Aunt,
thank you, it's so
sweet of you to do this.
1276
01:03:43,977 --> 01:03:46,478
(Thea)
Thank you.
1277
01:03:49,149 --> 01:03:50,357
[all gasp]
Oooh!
1278
01:03:50,442 --> 01:03:52,484
Ooh, it's a onesies.
Just what I needed.
1279
01:03:52,569 --> 01:03:54,069
We all decorated them.
1280
01:03:54,154 --> 01:03:56,030
Who made this one?
1281
01:03:59,284 --> 01:04:00,326
And this one?
1282
01:04:00,410 --> 01:04:01,910
[speaks baby gibberish]
1283
01:04:01,995 --> 01:04:03,746
What a good job, Sam!
1284
01:04:03,830 --> 01:04:05,331
[chuckles]
1285
01:04:05,415 --> 01:04:06,999
[total silence]
1286
01:04:07,083 --> 01:04:08,792
That one's mine.
1287
01:04:08,877 --> 01:04:10,377
(Emma)
I just thought
1288
01:04:10,462 --> 01:04:12,921
it was
a little ironic.
[doorbell]
1289
01:04:13,006 --> 01:04:16,592
(Donna)
More people are
coming. Hi. Who is it?
1290
01:04:16,676 --> 01:04:19,345
(Lisa)
Whoa. [laughs]
1291
01:04:19,471 --> 01:04:23,057
(Lisa)
Hey, well, I hate
to break up the party,
but, uh, we need to talk.
1292
01:04:23,141 --> 01:04:25,059
(Lisa)
Everybody hang
onto your seats
1293
01:04:25,143 --> 01:04:27,353
just in case something
happens to her story.
1294
01:04:27,437 --> 01:04:30,314
Uh, no, I should get changed.
I need to be at a work event.
1295
01:04:30,398 --> 01:04:32,566
So thank you
for the shower, everyone.
1296
01:04:32,651 --> 01:04:34,443
Thank you.
1297
01:04:34,527 --> 01:04:35,819
(woman)
Bye.
1298
01:04:39,032 --> 01:04:42,910
She is so out
of control. Look.
She has stockpiled
1299
01:04:42,994 --> 01:04:47,081
all of this random stuff
in her closet. I mean,
what is this? Seriously.
1300
01:04:47,165 --> 01:04:48,832
It was on sale.
1301
01:04:48,917 --> 01:04:52,586
Okay. I need you to say,
My name is Thea and I
am not pregnant.
1302
01:04:52,671 --> 01:04:55,255
This is ridiculous.
And I've gotta go.
1303
01:04:55,340 --> 01:04:56,507
Come here.
1304
01:04:58,510 --> 01:05:00,886
(Lisa)
You have got
to come clean.
1305
01:05:02,514 --> 01:05:06,934
I will. Okay?
I promise. Just not yet.
1306
01:05:07,018 --> 01:05:10,729
It's just I'm better
pregnant. For once,
my life doesn't suck.
1307
01:05:10,814 --> 01:05:14,566
And I can't go
back to being Jerry's
secretary or unemployed.
1308
01:05:14,693 --> 01:05:18,112
(Emma)
What are you gonna
do? Stay pregnant for
the rest of your life?
1309
01:05:18,196 --> 01:05:21,657
People will
get suspicious.
1310
01:05:21,741 --> 01:05:24,034
Act like a grown-up.
Stop playing dress-up.
1311
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:27,413
(Emma)
Oh, my God, this
is ridiculous. Take
off the stomach now!
1312
01:05:27,497 --> 01:05:28,622
No.
1313
01:05:28,707 --> 01:05:30,457
Then I'm gonna
take it off for you.
1314
01:05:30,542 --> 01:05:31,709
Get off of me!
1315
01:05:31,793 --> 01:05:32,960
Let me take it off!
1316
01:05:33,044 --> 01:05:34,211
Get off of me.
1317
01:05:34,295 --> 01:05:37,756
Oh, hey!
Hey, guys!
Emma, stop it!
1318
01:05:37,841 --> 01:05:39,383
[muffled]
(Lisa)
Stop it!
1319
01:05:39,467 --> 01:05:40,718
(Emma)
Let me take it off!
1320
01:05:40,802 --> 01:05:42,219
Making noise.
1321
01:05:42,303 --> 01:05:43,512
They are
making noise.
1322
01:05:43,596 --> 01:05:44,805
Hey! Stop it!
1323
01:05:44,889 --> 01:05:45,973
Take that thing off.
1324
01:05:46,057 --> 01:05:48,642
(Lisa)
I said stop. Gosh.
1325
01:05:48,727 --> 01:05:50,978
(Lisa)
Come on.
1326
01:05:51,062 --> 01:05:52,187
Stay back!
1327
01:05:52,272 --> 01:05:53,814
I'll get that
thing off of you.
1328
01:05:53,898 --> 01:05:54,982
Get off of me!
1329
01:05:55,066 --> 01:05:56,775
I'm gonna take
that thing off now!
1330
01:05:56,860 --> 01:05:57,860
Give it back!
1331
01:05:57,944 --> 01:05:59,236
[ripping]
Agh.
1332
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:00,863
What are you doing?
[gasps]
1333
01:06:00,947 --> 01:06:02,156
[gasps]
1334
01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:03,407
[panting]
1335
01:06:03,491 --> 01:06:05,325
You are so grounded!
1336
01:06:05,410 --> 01:06:06,660
Forever!
1337
01:06:12,083 --> 01:06:14,543
(Lisa)
Uh, ladies.
1338
01:06:14,627 --> 01:06:16,545
I think we need
to re-group.
1339
01:06:16,629 --> 01:06:19,506
(Emma)
Stark raving mad.
1340
01:06:19,591 --> 01:06:21,300
[rhythmic music]
1341
01:06:24,763 --> 01:06:25,846
Excuse me.
1342
01:06:25,930 --> 01:06:26,930
[gasp]
1343
01:06:27,015 --> 01:06:28,432
[cheerful music]
1344
01:06:28,516 --> 01:06:30,684
(Aunt Betty)
What are you doing?
1345
01:06:36,649 --> 01:06:38,525
(woman)
I thought
she was pregnant.
1346
01:06:38,610 --> 01:06:39,693
[sighs]
1347
01:06:39,778 --> 01:06:41,737
Um.
1348
01:06:41,821 --> 01:06:43,697
(woman)
I'm really confused.
1349
01:06:54,292 --> 01:06:59,129
Well, that is the last
time I throw a surprise
party for anyone.
1350
01:06:59,214 --> 01:07:00,923
That baked zitti
goes home with me.
1351
01:07:01,007 --> 01:07:04,092
[walla]
1352
01:07:07,639 --> 01:07:10,057
Sorry. I had to take
care of things with Em.
1353
01:07:10,141 --> 01:07:11,600
The toilet fire?
1354
01:07:11,684 --> 01:07:13,519
Yeah, I
got the blaze
under control.
1355
01:07:13,603 --> 01:07:16,438
You guys are
amazing. This is a
great turnout. Thank you.
1356
01:07:16,523 --> 01:07:18,398
Okay.
1357
01:07:18,483 --> 01:07:23,237
Time to struggle
with public speaking.
Sit back and enjoy.
1358
01:07:23,321 --> 01:07:24,696
You're gonna
be great.
1359
01:07:24,781 --> 01:07:25,781
Thanks.
1360
01:07:25,865 --> 01:07:27,157
[kissing sound]
1361
01:07:29,494 --> 01:07:31,954
What was that?
Are you guys...
1362
01:07:32,038 --> 01:07:34,540
I don't know.
Maybe. Kinda.
1363
01:07:34,624 --> 01:07:36,083
(Suzie)
Hey. Good.
1364
01:07:36,167 --> 01:07:40,170
Good evening,
everyone. I'm back!
1365
01:07:40,255 --> 01:07:42,673
(Jerry)
MacArthur finished
rehab a week early.
1366
01:07:42,799 --> 01:07:46,426
What's the
matter, Nicky? You
don't look happy to see me.
1367
01:07:46,511 --> 01:07:49,346
Of course I am, Jerry.
Welcome back.
1368
01:07:49,430 --> 01:07:51,598
You're just in time
for Suzie's reading.
1369
01:07:51,683 --> 01:07:53,308
I got a little
surprise for you.
1370
01:07:53,393 --> 01:07:56,436
I just signed Rumsfeld
for his first book deal!
1371
01:07:56,521 --> 01:07:57,855
Donald?
1372
01:07:57,939 --> 01:08:00,065
No, Carlos.
Of course Donald.
1373
01:08:00,149 --> 01:08:02,109
I met him
at the rehab facility.
1374
01:08:02,193 --> 01:08:04,152
His cat had a terrible
case of sciatica.
1375
01:08:04,279 --> 01:08:07,990
They had to put the poor
thing on oxycontin. She
got addicted. It was a mess.
1376
01:08:08,074 --> 01:08:09,783
I'm in the middle
of something.
1377
01:08:09,868 --> 01:08:12,703
Rummy's book
is genius. It's gonna
put us back on the map.
1378
01:08:12,787 --> 01:08:15,414
It's a completely unique
opus about his time in Iraq
1379
01:08:15,498 --> 01:08:17,791
sprinkled with some
of his favorite recipes.
1380
01:08:17,876 --> 01:08:20,294
It's called "Fire It Up."
Here's the manuscript.
1381
01:08:20,378 --> 01:08:23,630
It sounds great, Jerry,
but I've got a reading
now. Can this wait?
1382
01:08:23,715 --> 01:08:25,966
You know what?
I'll be reading my book.
1383
01:08:26,050 --> 01:08:28,635
(Jerry)
I'm shutting down
your little operation.
1384
01:08:30,847 --> 01:08:32,598
Jerry, Suzie's
book is a real gem.
1385
01:08:32,682 --> 01:08:34,349
It could be a hit
for the company.
1386
01:08:34,434 --> 01:08:37,936
What are you so
afraid of? That I might
do a better job than you?
1387
01:08:38,021 --> 01:08:40,147
Hmm. Let me think.
1388
01:08:40,231 --> 01:08:43,859
Have you ever done better
than me at anything?
1389
01:08:43,943 --> 01:08:47,279
Hello, everybody. I've got
a treat for you tonight.
1390
01:08:47,363 --> 01:08:50,574
I'm gonna
be reading from Donald
Rumsfeld's new book.
1391
01:08:50,658 --> 01:08:52,993
Here's a particularly
touching passage
1392
01:08:53,077 --> 01:08:56,496
about a short rib
recipe he picked
up while in Baghdad.
1393
01:08:56,581 --> 01:08:59,750
Suzie's reading.
Go read your cookbook
somewhere else, Jerry.
1394
01:08:59,834 --> 01:09:02,252
Step away
from the podium now!
1395
01:09:02,337 --> 01:09:03,337
[rhythmic music]
1396
01:09:03,421 --> 01:09:05,422
Make me.
1397
01:09:06,174 --> 01:09:07,215
He begins.
1398
01:09:07,300 --> 01:09:08,467
Agh!
1399
01:09:08,551 --> 01:09:10,594
[all gasp while Jerry
and Nick growl]
1400
01:09:15,433 --> 01:09:17,017
(Nick)
Get off!
1401
01:09:17,101 --> 01:09:19,978
(Thea)
Okay. Okay.
Stop it! That's enough.
1402
01:09:20,063 --> 01:09:23,231
That's enough.
Stop it. Get off of him.
1403
01:09:23,316 --> 01:09:26,860
How pathetic. You
have to have your
secretary defend you.
1404
01:09:26,945 --> 01:09:28,487
She's not a secretary.
1405
01:09:28,571 --> 01:09:31,615
Oh, really?
Then what is
she, other than shrill?
1406
01:09:31,699 --> 01:09:34,326
She's a fantastic editor.
1407
01:09:34,410 --> 01:09:38,288
[laughs mockingly]
Oh, that's rich.
An editor?
1408
01:09:38,373 --> 01:09:42,167
So I go away for a few
months, and the world's
lamest accountant
1409
01:09:42,293 --> 01:09:45,337
is running
my company with
the world's dumbest secretary.
1410
01:09:45,421 --> 01:09:47,756
(Jerry)
All I can say is,
1411
01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:50,258
I hope your kid
doesn't inherit your brains.
1412
01:09:50,343 --> 01:09:52,052
[shrieks]
1413
01:09:52,136 --> 01:09:53,345
[all gasp]
Oh!
1414
01:09:53,429 --> 01:09:55,180
(Suzie)
Be careful!
Be careful
1415
01:09:55,264 --> 01:09:56,515
Oh, God!
1416
01:09:57,308 --> 01:09:58,892
[plop]
1417
01:09:58,977 --> 01:10:00,310
[all gasp]
1418
01:10:00,395 --> 01:10:02,854
[all]
Oh.
1419
01:10:02,939 --> 01:10:05,732
(Ann)
What happened
to your stomach?
1420
01:10:12,699 --> 01:10:15,242
Oh, Nicky.
1421
01:10:15,326 --> 01:10:18,245
You always were such
a good judge of character.
1422
01:10:18,329 --> 01:10:21,581
Nick. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
1423
01:10:21,666 --> 01:10:25,752
I never meant
for things to
go this far.
1424
01:10:25,837 --> 01:10:30,090
Jerry was gonna
fire me and I couldn't
afford to get fired.
1425
01:10:30,174 --> 01:10:33,885
And I thought the whole
thing would blow over
in a day or two.
1426
01:10:33,970 --> 01:10:36,430
Blow over
in a day or two?
1427
01:10:40,351 --> 01:10:42,769
What kind
of person pretends
to be pregnant?
1428
01:10:48,067 --> 01:10:50,318
Nick. I'm sorry. Just...
1429
01:10:50,403 --> 01:10:52,320
Please, just... Nick.
1430
01:10:55,283 --> 01:10:57,909
[cheerful music]
1431
01:11:10,339 --> 01:11:12,966
Hey, Nick, it's Thea, um
1432
01:11:13,051 --> 01:11:15,260
I'm kinda wondering
what you're up to.
1433
01:11:15,344 --> 01:11:18,805
Kinda of assuming
that what you're up
to is hating me.
1434
01:11:18,890 --> 01:11:21,892
Kinda feeling very
bad about that.
1435
01:11:21,976 --> 01:11:24,436
Anyway. Call me.
1436
01:11:27,106 --> 01:11:29,274
Hi, Nick.
Thea again.
1437
01:11:29,358 --> 01:11:33,695
I just wanna say
that I'm so so sorry.
1438
01:11:33,780 --> 01:11:36,323
(Claire on TV)
I was talking to
your mother about it.
1439
01:11:36,407 --> 01:11:38,700
She and I
are on the same
page on this thing.
1440
01:11:38,785 --> 01:11:42,954
I would rather say
extra virgin olive oil.
I don't wanna abbreviate it.
1441
01:11:43,039 --> 01:11:47,501
Hi, Nick, it's me. Uh.
1442
01:11:47,585 --> 01:11:50,504
I know you haven't
been interested in
picking up the phone
1443
01:11:50,630 --> 01:11:54,716
But I just wanted
to tell you how
much I really, really...
[tone]
1444
01:11:57,136 --> 01:11:58,929
[doorbell]
1445
01:12:06,354 --> 01:12:07,813
(Thea)
Hi.
1446
01:12:07,897 --> 01:12:09,940
(Lisa)
Hi!
1447
01:12:11,526 --> 01:12:12,943
Wow!
1448
01:12:15,655 --> 01:12:17,531
So...
1449
01:12:17,615 --> 01:12:20,575
what have
you been up to?
1450
01:12:20,660 --> 01:12:24,246
Watching the Vista
on an endless loop.
1451
01:12:24,330 --> 01:12:26,123
It's self-inflicted torture.
1452
01:12:26,207 --> 01:12:27,791
That sounds healthy.
1453
01:12:27,875 --> 01:12:30,710
Well, it smells
like something
died in here.
1454
01:12:30,795 --> 01:12:32,295
It did.
1455
01:12:32,380 --> 01:12:34,464
My soul.
1456
01:12:34,549 --> 01:12:37,134
Thea. You've gotta give
yourself a tiny break.
1457
01:12:37,218 --> 01:12:38,426
People make mistakes.
1458
01:12:38,511 --> 01:12:39,928
I majorly screwed up.
1459
01:12:40,012 --> 01:12:42,097
Well, look on
the bright side.
1460
01:12:42,181 --> 01:12:44,307
They're still talking
about it at work.
1461
01:12:44,392 --> 01:12:45,517
How's Nick doing?
1462
01:12:45,601 --> 01:12:48,019
I don't know.
He resigned.
1463
01:12:48,104 --> 01:12:49,771
What?
1464
01:12:49,856 --> 01:12:52,107
Did he say anything
about what he's gonna do?
1465
01:12:52,191 --> 01:12:55,527
If you're asking me if he
said he'd track you down
and propose to you
1466
01:12:55,611 --> 01:12:57,946
and spend the rest
of your lives together?
1467
01:12:58,030 --> 01:12:59,781
No. He wasn't specific.
1468
01:12:59,866 --> 01:13:02,617
I've been calling
him and calling him.
1469
01:13:02,702 --> 01:13:04,578
And he won't call me back.
1470
01:13:04,662 --> 01:13:06,746
Yeah, well maybe that
has something to do
1471
01:13:06,831 --> 01:13:10,584
with the massively twisted
lie you've told him for
the last few months.
1472
01:13:10,668 --> 01:13:12,586
Do you think
he'll ever forgive me?
1473
01:13:14,797 --> 01:13:18,091
Do you want me to be
honest or do you want me
to make you feel better?
1474
01:13:18,176 --> 01:13:20,468
How are Suzie's book sales?
1475
01:13:20,553 --> 01:13:22,345
Good.
1476
01:13:22,430 --> 01:13:26,308
You know, uh, there's
still a few boxes
1477
01:13:26,392 --> 01:13:28,685
that we need to
distribute here and there.
1478
01:13:28,769 --> 01:13:30,020
Oh, no.
1479
01:13:42,033 --> 01:13:43,283
Sorry.
1480
01:13:43,367 --> 01:13:45,076
Hey.
1481
01:13:45,161 --> 01:13:46,369
Hey.
1482
01:13:46,454 --> 01:13:47,746
Mind if I join you?
1483
01:13:49,332 --> 01:13:50,832
It's a free country.
1484
01:14:02,803 --> 01:14:04,804
Hm. What's
in this? Mint?
1485
01:14:04,889 --> 01:14:06,431
Yup.
1486
01:14:06,515 --> 01:14:08,934
It's perfect
with the pear.
1487
01:14:09,018 --> 01:14:10,810
It's so unexpected.
1488
01:14:10,895 --> 01:14:14,564
That was actually, um,
my idea. I kind of just
thought it would work.
1489
01:14:16,275 --> 01:14:17,984
Dad would
have loved it.
1490
01:14:18,069 --> 01:14:20,654
Mom would have
thought it was too fussy.
1491
01:14:20,780 --> 01:14:25,367
But she would have
polished off the leftovers
after everyone went to bed.
1492
01:14:30,581 --> 01:14:33,500
I'm a big fat liar
and I'm sorry you
got stuck with me.
1493
01:14:35,628 --> 01:14:38,338
Listen, Em.
We're gonna make
this work. Okay?
1494
01:14:38,422 --> 01:14:42,342
I made an appointment
with the Culinary Institute
to talk about student loans.
1495
01:14:42,426 --> 01:14:45,971
And I talked
to Ms. Talbot
about scholarships.
1496
01:14:46,097 --> 01:14:49,349
You know,
Mom and Dad would
have been so proud of you.
1497
01:14:49,433 --> 01:14:51,017
Thanks.
1498
01:14:51,102 --> 01:14:53,436
[cheerful music]
1499
01:15:02,738 --> 01:15:04,447
It needs, um...
1500
01:15:05,866 --> 01:15:07,367
I think
ten more minutes.
1501
01:15:07,451 --> 01:15:08,952
I don't have
ten more minutes.
1502
01:15:09,036 --> 01:15:10,787
But it's gonna
be all gooey inside.
1503
01:15:10,871 --> 01:15:12,622
I'll just have
to take my chances.
1504
01:15:12,707 --> 01:15:15,875
(man)
Here she comes. Here
comes Claire, everybody.
1505
01:15:15,960 --> 01:15:18,169
[crowd cheers]
(woman)
I love you.
1506
01:15:18,254 --> 01:15:20,422
I haven't missed
a show in five years.
1507
01:15:20,506 --> 01:15:22,465
Thank you. But you
should get out more.
1508
01:15:22,550 --> 01:15:23,717
I'm kidding.
1509
01:15:23,801 --> 01:15:25,635
I'm Thea Clayhill,
your biggest fan.
1510
01:15:25,720 --> 01:15:28,471
I made you
a pineapple cake. It's
your favorite, right?
1511
01:15:28,556 --> 01:15:30,640
Yes. Good
reconnaissance.
Good for you.
1512
01:15:30,725 --> 01:15:34,060
How did you know
about the cake?
1513
01:15:34,145 --> 01:15:36,730
Her May 15th show.
She said it in passing.
1514
01:15:39,775 --> 01:15:41,484
Hi. I have some
books for you.
1515
01:15:41,569 --> 01:15:43,737
Oh, great. Just leave
'em right over there.
1516
01:15:43,821 --> 01:15:46,114
Okay. Keep your womb open.
1517
01:15:46,198 --> 01:15:47,741
You've got it.
1518
01:15:47,825 --> 01:15:51,369
I actually would like
even more toppings
on my-- Hello.
1519
01:15:51,454 --> 01:15:54,748
Hey. Thea Clayhill,
your number one fan
with banana cream pie.
1520
01:15:54,832 --> 01:15:58,335
You do your homework.
I hope it's as delicious
as your pineapple cake.
1521
01:16:06,635 --> 01:16:08,011
[slams door]
1522
01:16:08,095 --> 01:16:10,263
You can
hit a few more
potholes next time.
1523
01:16:10,348 --> 01:16:11,598
(man)
Claire, I love you.
1524
01:16:11,682 --> 01:16:13,183
(Woman)
There she is. Claire.
1525
01:16:13,267 --> 01:16:15,602
There she is.
My number one
fan, Thea Clayhill.
1526
01:16:15,686 --> 01:16:17,604
Uh, pear ginger pie.
1527
01:16:17,688 --> 01:16:19,773
Nicely done,
Betty Crocker.
1528
01:16:19,857 --> 01:16:22,067
It's actually not me,
it's my little sister.
1529
01:16:22,151 --> 01:16:24,235
what's your angle
besides making me a pig?
1530
01:16:24,320 --> 01:16:26,112
Wanna get your
little sister on TV?
1531
01:16:26,197 --> 01:16:29,616
I really want to get
this book on TV. It's
really special.
1532
01:16:29,700 --> 01:16:32,827
Okay. Thank you.
1533
01:16:32,912 --> 01:16:34,287
Thanks.
1534
01:16:35,873 --> 01:16:37,040
(Lisa)
Good luck.
1535
01:16:48,511 --> 01:16:49,969
Hi.
1536
01:16:50,054 --> 01:16:51,805
Hi.
1537
01:16:54,517 --> 01:16:57,227
I bet I'm the last
person you wanted
to see right now.
1538
01:16:57,311 --> 01:17:00,688
[sighs] Well, maybe
not the last person.
1539
01:17:00,773 --> 01:17:03,316
Maybe the second
or third to last person.
1540
01:17:03,442 --> 01:17:07,570
I wouldn't want to see my
6th grade English teacher,
Ms. Posey. She was awful.
1541
01:17:07,655 --> 01:17:10,782
Or my college boyfriend.
He dumped me on an
answering machine.
1542
01:17:10,866 --> 01:17:14,202
Listen, Suzie.
I'm really sorry,
1543
01:17:14,286 --> 01:17:17,455
I really wish I could
have been the person
you thought I was.
1544
01:17:17,540 --> 01:17:19,499
I just figured
if I told you the truth,
1545
01:17:19,583 --> 01:17:23,670
you wouldn't want me
in your life and I really
enjoyed being in yours.
1546
01:17:23,754 --> 01:17:26,756
I really enjoyed
being in your life, too,
1547
01:17:26,841 --> 01:17:28,842
for what it's worth.
1548
01:17:28,926 --> 01:17:31,219
Well, I've got some
really good news.
1549
01:17:31,303 --> 01:17:32,470
We're gonna...
1550
01:17:32,555 --> 01:17:33,721
Ow!
1551
01:17:33,806 --> 01:17:35,473
Oh, my God,
are you okay?
1552
01:17:35,558 --> 01:17:37,559
[yelling, panting]
The baby's coming.
1553
01:17:37,643 --> 01:17:38,726
Right now?
1554
01:17:38,811 --> 01:17:40,437
My water broke
this morning.
1555
01:17:40,521 --> 01:17:42,730
My contractions
started an hour ago. Ow!
1556
01:17:42,815 --> 01:17:44,190
Where is everyone?
1557
01:17:44,275 --> 01:17:46,985
[panting]
Jesse's on his way.
1558
01:17:47,111 --> 01:17:52,115
What should I do? Hot water?
Towels? Let's just get in the
car and go to the hospital.
1559
01:17:52,199 --> 01:17:55,493
A lot of people can
help us there. I can't
really do much here.
1560
01:17:55,578 --> 01:17:57,662
No, no, no.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
1561
01:17:57,746 --> 01:17:59,414
My contraction ended.
1562
01:17:59,498 --> 01:18:01,416
It'll be hours before
I have this baby.
1563
01:18:01,500 --> 01:18:02,917
It's already
that painful?
1564
01:18:03,002 --> 01:18:05,378
[sighs]
You ain't seen
nothin' yet.
1565
01:18:05,463 --> 01:18:08,631
It's gonna get
a whole lot worse before
we turn this mother out.
1566
01:18:08,716 --> 01:18:10,717
What were you saying?
1567
01:18:10,801 --> 01:18:12,552
Oh, um, the Vista
wants you.
1568
01:18:12,636 --> 01:18:14,179
[both scream]
1569
01:18:14,263 --> 01:18:15,722
Are you sure
this is normal?
1570
01:18:15,806 --> 01:18:19,767
Yes, it's fine.
The Vista? That's
amazing. When?
1571
01:18:19,852 --> 01:18:22,145
In two hours.
They had a cancellation.
1572
01:18:22,229 --> 01:18:24,772
Yeah. That's not
gonna work for me.
1573
01:18:24,857 --> 01:18:27,817
[both breathe]
1574
01:18:27,902 --> 01:18:30,695
Hurry! We're
gonna be late!
1575
01:18:30,779 --> 01:18:34,073
[cheerful music]
1576
01:18:35,326 --> 01:18:37,076
Hello.
1577
01:18:43,334 --> 01:18:44,751
Hi.
1578
01:18:44,835 --> 01:18:46,461
[baby cries]
1579
01:18:46,545 --> 01:18:49,172
(Lisa)
I think I'm sitting on
something. Like this.
1580
01:18:49,298 --> 01:18:53,218
[babies cry]
Hey, Em, it's me.
I desperately need a favor.
1581
01:18:53,302 --> 01:18:55,970
Here you go.
Don't cry.
1582
01:19:02,186 --> 01:19:03,853
[knocks]
1583
01:19:06,398 --> 01:19:07,440
Emma.
1584
01:19:07,525 --> 01:19:08,608
Hi, Nick.
1585
01:19:08,692 --> 01:19:09,943
What are
you doing here?
1586
01:19:10,027 --> 01:19:11,569
I have to take
you somewhere.
1587
01:19:11,654 --> 01:19:13,279
Excuse me?
1588
01:19:13,364 --> 01:19:15,490
[sighs]
Please, don't
make me explain.
1589
01:19:15,574 --> 01:19:18,117
So if you just
get your keys.
We really have to go.
1590
01:19:18,202 --> 01:19:19,327
Emma.
1591
01:19:19,411 --> 01:19:20,787
Come on!
1592
01:19:20,871 --> 01:19:23,831
(Claire)
You're pulling our
legs. Collectively.
1593
01:19:23,916 --> 01:19:27,252
We absolutely have
to begin in 3 minutes.
Your guy better get here.
1594
01:19:27,336 --> 01:19:28,836
I promise
he'll be here.
1595
01:19:28,921 --> 01:19:31,339
He'll be here.
It's gonna be great.
1596
01:19:31,423 --> 01:19:33,550
I don't know what's
keeping him so long.
1597
01:19:33,634 --> 01:19:36,010
It'd be really fun
to have you back again.
1598
01:19:36,095 --> 01:19:38,930
(Claire)
When we come back,
"I'm So Over This,
1599
01:19:39,014 --> 01:19:41,849
What It's Really Like
to Be Pregnant."
So stick around.
1600
01:19:41,934 --> 01:19:43,101
[clapping]
1601
01:19:43,185 --> 01:19:44,978
I need four asses
in those seats now.
1602
01:19:45,062 --> 01:19:46,896
Oh, my God, Lisa.
What are we gonna do?
1603
01:19:46,981 --> 01:19:48,064
You're gonna go.
1604
01:19:48,148 --> 01:19:49,232
What?
1605
01:19:49,316 --> 01:19:50,441
I don't wanna go.
1606
01:19:52,361 --> 01:19:54,821
(Claire)
How are you?
Thank you. Loved the book.
1607
01:19:54,905 --> 01:19:58,992
Come on in. Hello,
little baby. Come on up.
1608
01:19:59,076 --> 01:20:00,368
Hi. Hello.
1609
01:20:00,452 --> 01:20:03,997
(Claire)
Wow, Laura.
What an amazing story.
1610
01:20:04,081 --> 01:20:07,250
I cannot believe that
beautiful baby was
born at the DMV.
1611
01:20:07,334 --> 01:20:10,253
So Thea,
any kids?
1612
01:20:10,337 --> 01:20:12,338
No, never
been pregnant.
1613
01:20:12,423 --> 01:20:15,633
So why another pregnancy
book? Isn’t the market
a bit flooded?
1614
01:20:15,718 --> 01:20:17,635
(Thea)
Well, this
one's different.
1615
01:20:17,720 --> 01:20:21,806
It's not a how-to
book or a bunch of
rules and recipes.
1616
01:20:21,890 --> 01:20:25,351
These stories
are ultimately about
the birth of a new love.
1617
01:20:25,436 --> 01:20:26,603
(Emma)
We're late.
1618
01:20:26,687 --> 01:20:28,605
I can't believe she
booked with Vista.
1619
01:20:28,689 --> 01:20:31,190
It can be messy
but in the end
you're much stronger
1620
01:20:31,275 --> 01:20:32,817
for having
gone through it.
1621
01:20:32,943 --> 01:20:36,195
(Thea)
Even if you did
something you may regret.
1622
01:20:36,280 --> 01:20:39,490
And to be honest,
I was just helping out.
1623
01:20:39,575 --> 01:20:43,870
You know, I shouldn't
even really be sitting up
here. It was Nick Steinwald
1624
01:20:43,954 --> 01:20:46,080
who's sitting in
the audience right now.
1625
01:20:46,165 --> 01:20:48,082
He's responsible
for the whole thing.
1626
01:20:48,167 --> 01:20:51,878
He believed in the book
from the beginning and...
1627
01:20:51,962 --> 01:20:53,880
believed in me.
1628
01:20:53,964 --> 01:20:57,175
and I really can't thank
him enough for that.
1629
01:21:02,431 --> 01:21:04,223
[clapping]
Stand up!
1630
01:21:04,308 --> 01:21:06,643
(Claire)
Get him a mike.
1631
01:21:09,647 --> 01:21:13,232
She sings your praises.
What is about the book
that appealed to you?
1632
01:21:13,317 --> 01:21:16,861
Um, well, uh...
1633
01:21:16,987 --> 01:21:20,740
I thought Suzie's book
had a fresh and funny
perspective on pregnancy.
1634
01:21:20,824 --> 01:21:22,825
Thea was right when
she said it was a book
1635
01:21:22,910 --> 01:21:25,161
about how love can
see you through anything.
1636
01:21:27,956 --> 01:21:29,624
And how...
1637
01:21:29,708 --> 01:21:32,251
if you love someone,
1638
01:21:32,336 --> 01:21:36,339
you can forgive
them for all of the...
1639
01:21:36,423 --> 01:21:39,676
crazy and idiotic
things they do.
1640
01:21:39,760 --> 01:21:42,804
Because love
is a leap of faith.
1641
01:21:42,888 --> 01:21:45,515
And...
1642
01:21:45,599 --> 01:21:48,393
sometimes you just
have to jump.
1643
01:21:48,477 --> 01:21:50,853
Don't you?
1644
01:21:53,357 --> 01:21:56,609
Wow. Okay. I'm gonna
jump in here for a second
1645
01:21:56,694 --> 01:22:00,947
and, uh, thank you both
so much. Again, the book
is "I'm So Over This,
1646
01:22:01,031 --> 01:22:03,324
What It's Really
Like to Be Pregnant."
1647
01:22:03,409 --> 01:22:05,827
There's a link on
our website, TheVista.com
1648
01:22:05,911 --> 01:22:08,955
One last thing, Nick.
Do you know how
cute you are?
1649
01:22:09,039 --> 01:22:10,373
Uh, no.
[all laugh]
1650
01:22:10,457 --> 01:22:12,375
(Claire)
No, he
doesn't, does he?
1651
01:22:12,459 --> 01:22:15,712
[laughs]
Okay, thank
you very much.
[applause]
1652
01:22:35,399 --> 01:22:37,483
(Claire)
Hey. Guess what?
1653
01:22:37,568 --> 01:22:40,027
The producer
said there's been
over 100,000 hits
1654
01:22:40,112 --> 01:22:43,322
on the show's link
to your book. Yeah.
1655
01:22:43,407 --> 01:22:44,407
That's fantastic.
1656
01:22:44,491 --> 01:22:45,658
Thanks, Claire.
1657
01:22:45,743 --> 01:22:47,118
(Claire)
Thank you.
1658
01:22:48,746 --> 01:22:50,413
Hey.
1659
01:22:51,790 --> 01:22:53,332
Thank you.
1660
01:22:53,417 --> 01:22:55,334
It's the least
I could do.
1661
01:22:55,419 --> 01:22:58,880
I meant what I said
about I can't thank
you enough,
1662
01:22:58,964 --> 01:23:01,841
you know, now
that it's all over.
1663
01:23:01,925 --> 01:23:03,092
What's over?
1664
01:23:04,386 --> 01:23:06,053
Working together,
1665
01:23:06,138 --> 01:23:09,640
being together, just
togetherness in general.
1666
01:23:09,725 --> 01:23:11,017
[soft guitar music]
1667
01:23:11,101 --> 01:23:12,894
It doesn't have to be.
1668
01:23:12,978 --> 01:23:15,855
We made a good
book together. We
can make another one.
1669
01:23:15,939 --> 01:23:17,899
Would you
wanna do that?
1670
01:23:17,983 --> 01:23:20,276
Yes. Yes, I would.
1671
01:23:42,508 --> 01:23:44,175
Still feel backed up?
1672
01:23:44,259 --> 01:23:45,718
Thanks, Greg.
1673
01:23:45,803 --> 01:23:47,386
(Nick)
Should it
freak me out
1674
01:23:47,471 --> 01:23:49,764
that he knows
more about your
bowels than I do?
1675
01:23:49,848 --> 01:23:51,474
Uh, maybe that's
a good thing.
1676
01:23:53,268 --> 01:23:55,853
If I've been timing
these right, and
I'm sure I have,
1677
01:23:55,938 --> 01:23:58,981
you're up in ten,
nine, eight, seven...
1678
01:23:59,066 --> 01:24:00,525
Ow!
1679
01:24:00,609 --> 01:24:02,401
(Jerry)
Yes! Just six
seconds off.
1680
01:24:02,486 --> 01:24:03,611
What I'd miss?
1681
01:24:03,695 --> 01:24:05,571
We're contracting
every half hour.
1682
01:24:05,656 --> 01:24:07,240
You okay?
1683
01:24:07,324 --> 01:24:09,826
(Garth)
we're gonna kick
this puppy out at 0900.
1684
01:24:09,910 --> 01:24:11,494
(Ann)
They should
head out now.
1685
01:24:11,578 --> 01:24:13,079
No one's
going anywhere
1686
01:24:13,163 --> 01:24:15,248
the doctor
said to wait
until every 15...
1687
01:24:15,332 --> 01:24:16,624
[screams]
1688
01:24:16,708 --> 01:24:18,459
Wait. You're way off.
1689
01:24:18,544 --> 01:24:20,419
That one was not good.
1690
01:24:20,504 --> 01:24:22,338
Jesus. She's
having a baby. Now!
1691
01:24:22,422 --> 01:24:23,714
(Thea)
What do you mean?
1692
01:24:23,799 --> 01:24:25,216
Okay. No, no, no.
1693
01:24:25,300 --> 01:24:27,051
What the hell
are we going to do?
1694
01:24:27,135 --> 01:24:28,427
Move! Move!
1695
01:24:28,512 --> 01:24:31,013
(Kristen)
My baby got ten
on the APGAR scores
1696
01:24:31,098 --> 01:24:33,307
your baby's maybe
like a seven or a eight.
1697
01:24:33,392 --> 01:24:35,768
(Carl)
If it's a boy, feel
free to name him Carl.
1698
01:24:35,853 --> 01:24:37,562
I forgot. Okay.
1699
01:24:37,646 --> 01:24:39,272
(Kristen)
Get the epidural.
1700
01:24:39,356 --> 01:24:41,232
(Jerry)
Don't screw this up.
1701
01:24:41,316 --> 01:24:42,775
Are you ready?
1702
01:24:42,860 --> 01:24:44,110
Let's hope.
1703
01:24:44,194 --> 01:24:45,778
I Love you.
1704
01:24:45,863 --> 01:24:47,697
(Thea)
I love you, too.
It's your fault.
1705
01:24:47,781 --> 01:24:49,115
Semper Fi.
1706
01:24:49,199 --> 01:24:51,200
(Kristen)
Push! [laughs]
Oh, not yet.
122187
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.