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1
00:00:03,067 --> 00:00:04,227
- [sniffs]
2
00:00:04,233 --> 00:00:06,133
IS THAT SMOKE?
3
00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:07,703
AND R. KELLY?
4
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:09,170
* *
5
00:00:09,167 --> 00:00:10,167
- CLOSE THE DOOR!
6
00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:13,097
- OH, SORRY, HONEY.
7
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,230
IS THAT MY BLACK LACE BRA?
8
00:00:15,233 --> 00:00:16,633
- IT'S NOT AS BAD
AS IT LOOKS.
9
00:00:16,633 --> 00:00:18,233
I'M NOT TRYING TO HAVE SEX
WITH PANDA.
10
00:00:18,233 --> 00:00:19,533
THAT WOULD BE PATHETIC.
11
00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:21,503
I'M JUST TRYING TO TAKE OFF
PANDA'S BRA.
12
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:23,270
- OH?
DO YOU WANT SOME POINTERS?
13
00:00:23,267 --> 00:00:25,727
- NO, I GOT THIS.
I'VE BEEN PRACTICING FOR HOURS.
14
00:00:25,733 --> 00:00:27,403
WATCH ME WORK.
15
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,870
LOVELY EVENING,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY, PANDA BEAR?
16
00:00:30,867 --> 00:00:33,427
[groans]
17
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:34,433
OW.
18
00:00:34,433 --> 00:00:36,703
- HERE, MUNCHKIN,
LET ME SHOW YOU.
19
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:39,030
IT'S CALLED
THE SECAUCUS SNAP.
20
00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:42,233
I SPENT SIX YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL
DEFENDING AGAINST IT.
21
00:00:42,233 --> 00:00:46,673
JUST PUT YOUR FINGERS
HERE AND HERE AND...
22
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:49,027
- WHOA, I ACTUALLY DID IT!
YOU'RE AMAZING!
23
00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:50,533
- AND IF YOU WERE BORN
A LITTLE GIRL,
24
00:00:50,533 --> 00:00:52,803
I'D HAVE
SOME REAL TRICKS TO SHOW YOU.
25
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,900
THAT'S STEP ONE
OF THE HOBOKEN HAND--
26
00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:58,200
- I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT.
27
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,800
MOM, THERE ARE SOME THINGS
I DON'T WANNA HEAR.
28
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,800
[upbeat music]
29
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:11,730
* *
30
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:28,200
- HOW ARE YOU PICKING
BETWEEN ALL THESE SCHOOLS?
31
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,630
- EASY,
I JUST RANK THEM
32
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:32,433
BY HOW SCHOLARLY AND CONFIDENT
THEIR FEMALE STUDENTS ARE,
33
00:01:32,433 --> 00:01:34,273
THEN PICK THE BOTTOM THREE.
34
00:01:34,267 --> 00:01:36,297
- YEAH, MAN,
I WENT TO BERKELEY.
35
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:37,630
I WENT AWAY FOR FOUR YEARS
36
00:01:37,633 --> 00:01:40,873
AND CAME BACK BROKE
AND EMASCULATED AND POOR.
37
00:01:40,867 --> 00:01:42,667
OR WAS THAT PRISON?
38
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:45,727
EITHER WAY,
THE GIRLS WERE UGLY.
39
00:01:45,733 --> 00:01:49,733
OHH, MY BAD.
40
00:01:49,733 --> 00:01:51,403
- SO WERE ARE YOU
GONNA GO TO COLLEGE?
41
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,070
- THE COLLEGE
OF THE PACIFIC, DUDE.
42
00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:54,427
- OH, THAT ONE?
43
00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:57,603
- I MEAN WAVE UNIVERSITY.
44
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,070
- OVER THERE?
- NO!
45
00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:00,867
THE UNIVERSITY
OF SURFING, HANGING OUT,
46
00:02:00,867 --> 00:02:02,697
AND NOT DOING ANY WORK.
47
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:04,770
- UH, MY EARS ARE BURNING.
48
00:02:04,767 --> 00:02:07,067
- WHY GO TO COLLEGE WHEN
EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT
49
00:02:07,067 --> 00:02:08,397
IS RIGHT HERE?
50
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,730
- OH, HEY, THERE'S JEENA!
51
00:02:09,733 --> 00:02:11,833
I SCORED TICKETS
TO THE OCEANUS MUSIC FESTIVAL,
52
00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:13,403
AND I JUST HEARD TURK
AND JEENA HAD A BIG FIGHT,
53
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,130
AND JEENA'S FAVORITE
BAND'S GONNA BE THERE.
54
00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:17,603
YOU KNOW, WOODIE,
WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT
55
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,070
HAS TAKEN PATIENCE
AND DEDICATION,
56
00:02:19,067 --> 00:02:20,327
BUT I PERSEVERED.
57
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:21,873
WHEN IT COMES
TO TRUE LOVE,
58
00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:25,267
SLOW AND STEADY
WINS THE RACE.
59
00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:27,497
- FORGIVE ME, BABE.
LOOK WHAT I GOT.
60
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:30,370
- OH, MY GOD,
BACKSTAGE PASSES?
61
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:33,467
I'M GONNA MEET OK GO?
62
00:02:33,467 --> 00:02:35,427
- BALLS.
63
00:02:35,433 --> 00:02:38,333
- HEY LOOK, BABE,
I GOT THE LAST TWO.
64
00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:40,433
- DON'T WORRY, MAN.
YOU'RE A CATCH.
65
00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:42,703
YOU'VE GOT GOOD HAIR,
A SWEET FACE,
66
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:44,300
A GREAT PERSONALITY.
67
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,830
- THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT FAT GIRLS!
68
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,133
I'M GONNA BE ALONE FOREVER.
69
00:02:49,133 --> 00:02:51,273
[cell phone beeps]
70
00:02:51,267 --> 00:02:52,567
WHAT THE...
71
00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:53,767
CHECK THIS OUT!
72
00:02:53,767 --> 00:02:55,327
- I LIKE! I LIKE!
73
00:02:55,333 --> 00:02:56,803
YOU JUST GOT
YOUR FIRST SEXT.
74
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,300
YOU'VE GOT
A SECRET ADMIRER.
75
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,230
- I WONDER WHO SHE IS.
76
00:03:00,233 --> 00:03:01,803
- WHOA-HO, MONDO!
77
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,530
YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON US.
78
00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:05,533
YOU'RE A FAT LITTLE PIMP.
79
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:08,103
A "FLIMP" IF YOU WILL.
[chuckles]
80
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:10,830
MAYBE I'VE BEEN UNDERESTIMATING
YOU THE WHOLE TIME.
81
00:03:10,833 --> 00:03:12,503
- MAYBE YOU HAVE.
82
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,830
- SO CALL HER BACK, FLIMP.
83
00:03:13,833 --> 00:03:15,073
PUSH THE GREEN BUTTON,
84
00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:17,127
AND WE'LL PUT
A NAME TO THESE BOOBS.
85
00:03:17,133 --> 00:03:18,473
[excited murmurs]
86
00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:20,397
[beep, line rings]
87
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,070
- BACK UP, FOOLS!
88
00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:25,297
IT'S TIME FOR THE RETURN
OF THE MACK.
89
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,530
- HI, YOU'VE REACHED
BABS BRANDO.
90
00:03:27,533 --> 00:03:30,073
IF THIS IS THE DOCTOR
CALLING ABOUT MONDO'S RASH,
91
00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:32,897
IT'S SPREAD
FROM HIS ARMS TO HIS THIGHS.
92
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:34,170
[laughter]
93
00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:36,197
- BALLS.
94
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,070
- SORRY I'M LATE.
95
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:39,697
I CAME STRAIGHT FROM WORK.
96
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:41,470
- OH, IS THIS MR. BRANDO?
97
00:03:41,467 --> 00:03:43,267
- NO, NO, NO,
IT'S SMILIN' MIKE.
98
00:03:43,267 --> 00:03:44,797
HE'S A REGULAR AT THE BAR.
99
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,800
HE'S IN NO SHAPE TO DRIVE
TO HIS KID'S SOCCER PRACTICE.
100
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,730
- I'M THE COACH.
101
00:03:49,733 --> 00:03:52,933
- SO WHAT DID
MONDO DO THIS TIME?
102
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,233
- RECOGNIZE THIS?
103
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:55,403
- AH!
[laughs]
104
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,670
THAT'S JUST ME
IN MY NEW BATHING SUIT.
105
00:03:57,667 --> 00:03:59,867
I SENT IT TO MY GIRLFRIENDS
WHO ARE BACK IN NEW JERSEY
106
00:03:59,867 --> 00:04:01,597
FREEZING THEIR ASSES OFF.
107
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,200
I MUST HAVE SENT IT
TO MONDO BY MISTAKE.
108
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,070
I MEAN,
NO BIG WHOOP, RIGHT?
109
00:04:05,067 --> 00:04:06,967
- ACTUALLY,
IT WAS A HUGE, HUGE WHOOP.
110
00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:09,297
AND UNFORTUNATELY, THIS ISN'T
MONDO'S FIRST GO-ROUND
111
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,070
IN THE TROUBLEMAKER'S RODEO.
112
00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:13,967
AND I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER
IF HIS HOME ENVIRONMENT
113
00:04:13,967 --> 00:04:15,697
MIGHT BE THE REASON WHY.
114
00:04:15,700 --> 00:04:16,730
- EXCUSE ME.
115
00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,073
- FOR ONE THING,
116
00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:20,497
HE'S BEEN FALLING ASLEEP
IN HIS MORNING CLASSES.
117
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:23,530
[cheering]
118
00:04:23,533 --> 00:04:27,203
HE MISSED THE PSATs
TO GO TO A MONSTER TRUCK RALLY.
119
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,767
[cheering]
120
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:30,927
- CRUSH IT!
121
00:04:30,933 --> 00:04:32,403
GRAVE DIGGER WAS THERE,
122
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,230
AND HE WAS
SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS.
123
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:36,073
- AND HE SEEMS
TO BE OVERLY FAMILIAR
124
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,727
WITH SOME RATHER
MATURE MATERIAL.
125
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:43,127
- I THOUGHT IT WAS
A ROB SCHNEIDER MOVIE.
126
00:04:43,133 --> 00:04:45,103
- MAKING COPIES.
127
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,500
- DID YOU KNOW THAT MONDO HAS
CHOSEN HIS COLLEGE APPLICATIONS
128
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:51,300
BY THE SLUT-TO-TEACHER RATIO?
129
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:54,570
AND WHILE I HAVE NOTHING
AGAINST THE SCHOOLS IN ARIZONA,
130
00:04:54,567 --> 00:04:57,197
WE THINK HE CAN
DO A LITTLE BETTER.
131
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,430
BUT NOT IF THIS
BEHAVIOR CONTINUES.
132
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:02,473
- MAYBE THIS IS MY FAULT.
133
00:05:02,467 --> 00:05:04,927
EXCUSE ME, I HAVE
A LOT TO THINK ABOUT.
134
00:05:04,933 --> 00:05:09,933
- WELL, THIS TURNED INTO
A REAL SAUSAGE PARTY.
135
00:05:09,933 --> 00:05:11,633
- WHAT THE HELL
WAS SHE THINKING?
136
00:05:11,633 --> 00:05:12,933
- CHILL, DUDE.
137
00:05:12,933 --> 00:05:15,073
YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING
ABOUT YOUR MOM'S BOOBS.
138
00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:16,897
LET ME CARRY
THAT BURDEN FOR YOU.
139
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,570
LET'S JUST FOCUS
ON THE CONCERT,
140
00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:21,827
HORNY CHICKS,
LOUD MUSIC,
141
00:05:21,833 --> 00:05:23,373
AND WE'RE GONNA GET
SO WASTED
142
00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:25,197
WE'LL HAVE TO BUY
OVERPRICED T-SHIRTS
143
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,270
TO REMEMBER
WE WERE EVEN THERE.
144
00:05:27,267 --> 00:05:28,597
- OCEAN ANUS.
145
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,700
TYPO OR GENIUS.
EITHER WAY, $45!
146
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:32,930
- TRUST ME, MONDO.
147
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,273
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
THE BEST NIGHT EVER.
148
00:05:35,267 --> 00:05:37,297
- WELL, THE BEST NIGHT
A COUPLE OF SUCKERS CAN HAVE.
149
00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:39,600
I, FOR ONE, WILL NEVER
PAY TICKET TYRANT'S
150
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,630
$3.75 INCONVENIENCE FEE.
151
00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,633
IF I'M GOING,
I'M GOING ON MY OWN TERMS
152
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:46,133
LIKE A TRUE AMERICAN,
153
00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:48,233
BY SCALING A FENCE!
154
00:05:48,233 --> 00:05:50,373
- HEY, BLONDIE.
155
00:05:50,367 --> 00:05:52,327
- I THINK SHE'S
TALKING TO ME.
156
00:05:52,333 --> 00:05:55,133
THIS CONCERT
IS GONNA BE AWESOME.
157
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,370
- HEY, LONNIE.
SETTING UP FOR THE FESTIVAL?
158
00:05:59,367 --> 00:06:01,667
- BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE, MAN.
159
00:06:01,667 --> 00:06:02,927
WHY ELSE
YOU THINK I PARK HERE
160
00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:05,633
THE OTHER 364 DAYS
OF THE YEAR,
161
00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:07,073
THE VIEW?
162
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:10,797
- [imitates drumming]
163
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,700
[classical piano music]
164
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:15,070
WHERE AM I?
165
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:16,467
* *
166
00:06:16,467 --> 00:06:18,067
OUR CARPET IS BEIGE?
167
00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:20,227
ALSO, WE HAVE CARPET?
168
00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:23,633
* *
169
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,103
[beep, buzzing sound]
170
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:31,730
* *
171
00:06:31,733 --> 00:06:33,803
NO!
172
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,070
NO!
173
00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,927
WHY WOULD I WANT TO SEE
A BIG BLACK CARP
174
00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:38,503
GET A BLOWFISH?
175
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:39,870
- CYBER PRUDE!
176
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,067
PROTECTING YOU FROM
THE BEST PARTS OF THE INTERNET
177
00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:43,327
FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
178
00:06:45,433 --> 00:06:46,803
[electrical zap]
AHHH!
179
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,300
[mechanical whirring]
180
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:50,730
WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
181
00:06:50,733 --> 00:06:52,633
MOM?
182
00:06:52,633 --> 00:06:56,073
- HEY, MUNCH--
I MEAN, MONTGOMERY.
183
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,767
- WHAT THE [bleep]?
184
00:06:58,767 --> 00:07:00,227
- AH-AH, MISTER.
185
00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:01,403
SWEAR JAR.
186
00:07:08,133 --> 00:07:09,803
- YOU TAKE AWAY
MY VIDEO GAMES,
187
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,070
MY INTERNET,
MY UNDERWEAR PILE.
188
00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:14,467
THIS IS BULL--
189
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,467
THIS IS TERRIBLE!
190
00:07:16,467 --> 00:07:19,527
- LOOK, HONEY, THINGS ARE GONNA
HAVE TO CHANGE AROUND HERE.
191
00:07:19,533 --> 00:07:21,073
NOW START IN
ON YOUR HOMEWORK,
192
00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:24,097
AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE YOU CAN
TACKLE SOME OF YOUR NEW CHORES.
193
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:25,400
- SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
194
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:26,930
FIRST YOU HUMILIATE ME,
195
00:07:26,933 --> 00:07:29,833
AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA
PUNISH ME FOR HUMILIATING ME?
196
00:07:29,833 --> 00:07:32,233
THAT'S LIKE RONNIE BREAKING UP
WITH SAMMI SWEETHEART
197
00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:33,673
AFTER HE CHEATED ON HER.
198
00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:35,197
- THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM
RIGHT THERE,
199
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,100
NOT ENOUGH BOOKS,
TOO MUCH JERSEY SHORE.
200
00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,130
- UNH! I'M JUST GONNA SIT HERE
AND READ MY COMIC BOOK.
201
00:07:41,133 --> 00:07:43,773
SUPERMANNERS?
202
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,297
OH, COME ON, MOM!
YOU CHANGED MY COMICS TOO?
203
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,730
- MONDO, I SUGGEST
YOU GET BUSY, OR--
204
00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:50,073
- OR WHAT?
205
00:07:50,067 --> 00:07:52,067
THERE'S NOTHING LEFT
YOU CAN TAKE AWAY FROM ME.
206
00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:54,467
- HA.
OR NO CONCERT.
207
00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:56,127
- WELL PLAYED, BARBARA.
208
00:07:56,133 --> 00:07:59,133
BUT FIRST, I HAVE
A FEW CHOICE WORDS FOR YOU
209
00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:03,373
AND "POOP" AND "DARN"
ARE NOT GONNA COVER IT.
210
00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:05,527
- OH, NOTHING, JUST TUTORING
THIS STUPID KID IN FRENCH.
211
00:08:05,533 --> 00:08:07,233
KEEP GOING, SWEETHEART.
212
00:08:07,233 --> 00:08:11,803
- [badly] VOULEZ VOUS
COUCHEZ AVEC MOI, CE SOIR.
213
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,100
- IT'S LIKE I CLOSE MY EYES
AND I'M IN PARIS.
214
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:17,200
I SWEAR, DESIREE, THIS BOY'S
GOT, LIKE, A SOLID "B" CUP.
215
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,700
- HEY, MAN,
HOW'S IT GOING?
216
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,230
- HOW'S IT GOING?
217
00:08:21,233 --> 00:08:23,203
LET ME SHOW YOU.
218
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,300
[strumming harp]
219
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,130
I CAN DO THAT NOW,
WHICH IS GREAT
220
00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:29,073
BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS
THAT CHICKS LINE UP
221
00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:32,197
AROUND THE BLOCK
TO BANG THE HARP PLAYER.
222
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,400
THE ONLY THING THAT'S GOTTEN ME
THROUGH THE LIVING HELL
223
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,770
OF THE LAST FEW DAYS
HAVE BEEN THIS CONCERT.
224
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,927
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE O-MAMA BIN LADEN
225
00:08:38,933 --> 00:08:40,733
MAKES ME BALANCE
HER CHECKBOOK.
226
00:08:40,733 --> 00:08:43,873
MOM, I DID ALL THE DUMP CRAP.
I'M GOING TO THE CONCERT.
227
00:08:43,867 --> 00:08:45,497
- I'M ALMOST READY!
228
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:46,630
- WHAT?
229
00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,403
- CAN'T LEAVE
WITHOUT YOUR CHAPERONE.
230
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,830
- [groans]
231
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:52,303
- * LET THE SUN
BURN MY EYES *
232
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:54,970
* LET IT BURN MY BACK *
233
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:56,327
[girls giggle]
234
00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:57,803
- UGH.
235
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,270
- SORRY, HONEY,
BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO STAY
236
00:08:59,267 --> 00:09:00,667
BY MY SIDE TONIGHT.
237
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,867
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
238
00:09:02,867 --> 00:09:04,067
[bell dings]
239
00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:05,197
- AH.
240
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,530
* *
241
00:09:06,533 --> 00:09:08,233
- YOU GOT THOSE
BACKSTAGE PASSES?
242
00:09:08,233 --> 00:09:09,303
- RIGHT HERE, BABE.
243
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,830
YOU WON'T REGRET
TAKING ME BACK.
244
00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:12,073
I'M A NEW MAN.
245
00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:14,197
NO MORE DRINKING,
NO MORE NAME CALLING,
246
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,870
NO MORE TEMPER.
247
00:09:15,867 --> 00:09:18,627
HANDS OFF THE FLASK,
SCROTE-SMOKER!
248
00:09:20,533 --> 00:09:22,533
- I KNEW THIS WAS A MISTAKE.
249
00:09:22,533 --> 00:09:24,603
- WAIT, BABE,
I CAN CHANGE.
250
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:25,770
AGAIN!
251
00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:27,267
* *
252
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,567
[cheers and applause]
253
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:33,697
- OKAY, BOYS, NOW LET'S HAVE
SOME GOOD, WHOLESOME FUN.
254
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:36,700
[upbeat music]
255
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:44,630
* *
256
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:55,103
[baby cries]
257
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:57,630
[baby coos]
258
00:09:57,633 --> 00:09:59,103
- AH-HA!
259
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,800
THIS'LL TEACH TICKET TYRANT
260
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,370
TO CHARGE ME
AN EXTRA 3.75.
261
00:10:04,367 --> 00:10:06,597
OH, I DID HAVE TO SHELL OUT
SIX HUNDRY FOR THIS RIG,
262
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,730
BUT AMORTIZED OVER A LIFETIME
OF AIRBORNE SCHEMES,
263
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,703
WE'RE DOWN TO, LIKE,
FOUR BUCKS A SCHEME.
264
00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:15,827
AHH!
AH-AH-AH-AH!
265
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:18,433
IT'S RAINING MEN!
266
00:10:18,433 --> 00:10:19,603
[groans]
267
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:23,630
IS THAT THE BEST YOU GOT,
TICKET TYRANT?
268
00:10:23,633 --> 00:10:26,703
OKAY, THAT ONE
WAS PRETTY GOOD.
269
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:28,200
- [groans]
270
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,800
- OH, HELLO.
271
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,270
- IS THAT YOU, GOD?
272
00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:33,097
IT'S ME, TURK.
273
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,200
- NO, IT'S ME, WADSKA,
BUT I GET THAT A LOT.
274
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,500
WHERE'S MY SISTER?
275
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,070
- JEENA'S INSIDE.
276
00:10:38,067 --> 00:10:39,527
AND THIS WASN'T
WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE.
277
00:10:39,533 --> 00:10:41,933
I WAS JUST SWEATING
FROM MY EYES.
278
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,373
OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?
279
00:10:43,367 --> 00:10:46,067
I'VE LOST HER, MAN,
'CAUSE OF MY STUPID TEMPER.
280
00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:49,827
SHE MEANS MORE TO ME THAN
ANY GIRLFRIEND I'VE EVER HAD.
281
00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:51,673
- OH, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU FELT THIS WAY.
282
00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:53,527
WELL, HELP ME DOWN FROM HERE,
TURK-IN-LAW.
283
00:10:53,533 --> 00:10:55,773
WE'LL SEE
IF WE CAN GET HER BACK.
284
00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:57,697
AGH!
LITTLE HIGHER.
285
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:00,930
AGH!
286
00:11:00,933 --> 00:11:03,173
- OH, MY GOD,
BABS BRANDO.
287
00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:07,167
- OH, HUH, CANDY, TONI.
YEAH, HI.
288
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,467
- I KNEW MY BIFFKEN
WAS TINGLING.
289
00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:11,927
- I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE YOU
WERE GETTING NINE-INCH NAILED
290
00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:14,403
IN THE BATHROOM
AT GIANTS STADIUM.
291
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,870
- I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
292
00:11:16,867 --> 00:11:19,867
AND BY THE WAY, IT WAS MORE
LIKE FIVE-INCH NAILED.
293
00:11:19,867 --> 00:11:22,067
- SHE'S DISTRACTED
BY THESE CRAZY BITCHES.
294
00:11:22,067 --> 00:11:24,927
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO ESCAPE.
295
00:11:24,933 --> 00:11:27,203
- DID YOU MEET MY SON,
MONTGOMERY?
296
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,200
- LADY, I'LL BE
WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO BE.
297
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,530
- OH, WE DID IT.
298
00:11:32,533 --> 00:11:33,733
WE LOST HER.
299
00:11:33,733 --> 00:11:35,703
- YES, FINALLY
THE GREATEST NIGHT
300
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:38,670
OF OUR LIVES BEGINS,
JUST THE TWO OF US.
301
00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:39,797
- HEY, MONDO.
302
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,470
- HEY, BLONDIE,
WANT AN EXTRA BEER?
303
00:11:42,467 --> 00:11:44,227
- OR WE CAN SPLIT UP
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
304
00:11:44,233 --> 00:11:46,573
- YEAH, WE COULD TOTALLY
MEET UP LATER.
305
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:55,097
- MONDO!
306
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:56,670
MONDO?
307
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:57,767
[screams]
308
00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:59,797
- SORRY TO HEAR
THAT TURK GOT KICKED OUT.
309
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,100
- ARE YOU REALLY?
310
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,970
- NOPE.
[both laughing]
311
00:12:02,967 --> 00:12:06,067
- SUCKS FOR US BEING
A COUPLE OF SHORTIES, HUH?
312
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,727
I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.
313
00:12:07,733 --> 00:12:10,433
- YOU--YOU WANNA GET UP
ON MY SHOULDERS?
314
00:12:10,433 --> 00:12:11,933
- WHOA.
[chuckles]
315
00:12:11,933 --> 00:12:13,333
- [wheezes]
316
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,803
- YOU GOT ME THERE, FELLA?
317
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,070
- WHO, ME?
YEAH, I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY.
318
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:21,067
OR FOR AT LEAST UNTIL
THE END OF THE NEXT SONG.
319
00:12:21,067 --> 00:12:24,127
- YOU GUYS READY
FOR A 17-MINUTE JAM?
320
00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:25,233
[cheering]
321
00:12:25,233 --> 00:12:27,673
- BALLS.
322
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,297
- [coughs]
323
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,800
- SO WHERE DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL,
BEER-WASTER?
324
00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:36,127
- PEN.
325
00:12:36,133 --> 00:12:37,833
- IVY LEAGUE, THAT'S HOT.
326
00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:40,833
[rock music]
327
00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:41,973
* *
328
00:12:41,967 --> 00:12:43,627
- THOSE PEOPLE ARE INSANE.
329
00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:46,103
- I KNOW.
LET'S GET IN THERE.
330
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,100
- AGH!
331
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,070
I SAID THROW ME
OVER THE FENCE.
332
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:53,067
- THROUGH IT'S FUNNIER.
333
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:56,967
- YOU ARE A HARD MAN TO LOVE,
DIRK KIRK TURKPATRICK.
334
00:12:56,967 --> 00:12:58,197
IT'S NO USE.
335
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,800
WE HAVE COVERED
THE WHOLE PERIMETER.
336
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,500
IT'S IMPENETRABLE.
337
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:05,400
IF ONLY THEY'D STOP
SLAMMING THAT CURSED DOOR,
338
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,570
I COULD THINK!
339
00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:11,067
- DAMN, IT ONLY OPENS
FROM THE INSIDE.
340
00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:13,567
YOU GOTTA BUY A TICKET
AND THEN LET ME IN.
341
00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:14,897
- WHAT?
342
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:18,170
THAT WOULD MEAN GOING AGAINST
EVERYTHING I STAND FOR.
343
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:20,167
- PLEASE, I CAN'T LOSE HER,
WADSKA.
344
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,497
THINK ABOUT HER
IN THERE ALL ALONE,
345
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:25,070
BEING PASSED AROUND
BY STRANGE MEN.
346
00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:28,067
I ALWAYS WANTED A BROTHER.
347
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:30,927
A LITTLE HALF-MUSTACHED
PSYCHO BROTHER.
348
00:13:33,233 --> 00:13:35,773
- LET IT BE SAID
THAT ON THIS DAY
349
00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:38,727
WADSKA STOOD
ON THE SIDE OF LOVE.
350
00:13:40,133 --> 00:13:41,633
- WHOO!
351
00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:43,833
YEAH, THAT WAS AWESOME!
352
00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:46,503
- ESPECIALLY THE PART
WHEN YOU FLASHED YOUR PUPPIES,
353
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:47,730
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
354
00:13:47,733 --> 00:13:50,773
I GOT CAUGHT UP
IN THE MOMENT.
355
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:52,397
HEY, YOU WANT A BEER?
356
00:13:59,267 --> 00:14:01,567
- WHOA,
THAT'S A CRAZY TASTE.
357
00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:04,067
- NOTHING'S TOO GOOD
FOR M'LADY.
358
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:06,297
YOU LIKE THAT?
IT'S LIKE I DID IT BRITISH,
359
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:09,100
BUT I WASN'T BEING POSSESSIVE
WHEN I SAID "MY LADY."
360
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:10,530
I DON'T OWN YOU.
361
00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:12,073
[both laugh]
362
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:13,867
- I GOTTA FIND MONDO.
363
00:14:13,867 --> 00:14:17,297
- IF HE'S ANYTHING LIKE
BACKSTAGE BABS WAS AT 15,
364
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,370
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
CALL THE COPS.
365
00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:20,967
- I HATE
TO DISAPPOINT YOU GIRLS,
366
00:14:20,967 --> 00:14:23,697
BUT I'M
A RESPECTABLE WOMAN NOW.
367
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:25,570
[both laugh]
368
00:14:25,567 --> 00:14:28,627
SERIOUSLY,
I'VE CHANGED MY WAYS.
369
00:14:28,633 --> 00:14:30,433
- LOOK!
370
00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:32,073
all: OHH!
371
00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:36,067
- IN MY DEFENSE,
I STOLE THOSE DRUGS.
372
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:37,567
LOOK, I'M JUST TRYING
TO TONE IT DOWN
373
00:14:37,567 --> 00:14:39,397
AND SET AN EXAMPLE
FOR MY SON.
374
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,270
YOU KNOW, I'M WORRIED HE'S
HEADING DOWN THE WRONG PATH.
375
00:14:42,267 --> 00:14:43,397
- I HEAR YOU.
376
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,870
MY PETEY GOT
HIS DRUG DEALER PREGNANT
377
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,397
AT A GANG INITIATION.
378
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,200
- SO WHAT'S YOUR BOY INTO?
379
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,330
- UM, WELL, YOU KNOW,
FOR ONE THING
380
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:53,303
HIS TOP COLLEGE CHOICES
ARE ALL PARTY SCHOOLS.
381
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:55,230
- COLLEGE?
- CHOICES?
382
00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:57,573
- SOUNDS LIKE
A REAL HELL-RAISER.
383
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,270
- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
384
00:15:02,267 --> 00:15:03,727
- OKAY, BLONDIE,
385
00:15:03,733 --> 00:15:05,203
THEN YOU CAN
JUST STAY OVER HERE
386
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,070
WHERE YOU'LL BE
SAFE AND BORING.
387
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:08,767
WHOO!
388
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:09,927
OHH!
389
00:15:09,933 --> 00:15:12,073
- AHH!
390
00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:15,267
FROM THE OUTSIDE,
THE PIT LOOKS TERRIFYING.
391
00:15:15,267 --> 00:15:16,627
BUT ONCE YOU GET IN HERE,
392
00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:18,773
IT'S JUST REALLY NOT--AHH!
393
00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:22,827
- BLONDIE,
ARE YOU OKAY?
394
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:25,203
- WELL, I HAVE
A CONCUSSION
395
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,400
AND, OH,
THAT'S A CRACKED RIB.
396
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:31,100
BUT THAT WAS AWESOME!
397
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:33,700
- COME ON, I THINK
WE SHOULD PROBABLY HEAD--
398
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,470
- BACKSTAGE!
399
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:37,367
- WHAT?
WE DON'T HAVE PASSES.
400
00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:39,067
- OKAY THEN,
YOU CAN JUST STAY HERE
401
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:40,697
WHERE IT'S SAFE AND BORING.
402
00:15:42,467 --> 00:15:44,067
FOLLOW MY LEAD.
403
00:15:46,967 --> 00:15:49,867
- YO, BLONDE DYNAMITE,
SLOW YOUR ROLL.
404
00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:51,697
- [cockney accent]
WHAT, GOT A PROBLEM, GOVERNOR?
405
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,500
I'M JUST TAKING
THIS RUMPTY-DUMPTY BACKSTAGE
406
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,870
FOR A BIT OF THE OLD
FLIRTY DUCK.
407
00:16:01,067 --> 00:16:03,127
- DO YOU WANNA HEAR
SOMETHING EMBARRASSING?
408
00:16:03,133 --> 00:16:04,333
- ABSOLUTELY.
409
00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:07,533
- MY FIRST CONCERT
WAS THE WIGGLES.
410
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:08,733
- THEY WERE
MY FIRST CONCERT TOO.
411
00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:09,933
THAT'S CRAZY.
412
00:16:09,933 --> 00:16:11,603
- WE WERE ON A FAMILY VACATION
TO NEW YORK,
413
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,500
AND WE SAW THEM
AT RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL.
414
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,070
- THAT'S WHERE I SAW THEM,
MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND.
415
00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:18,067
- NO WAY! 1998?
416
00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,067
- SATURDAY?
417
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:20,927
- YES!
OH, MY GOD, 7:00 P.M. SHOW?
418
00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:23,403
- NO, THE MATINEE.
419
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,500
DAMN IT.
420
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:27,070
[both laugh]
421
00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:30,467
- WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE AT
THE SAME CONCERT TOGETHER TODAY.
422
00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:33,903
- KISS HER.
423
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,570
- [chuckles]
424
00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:36,697
- MONDO!
425
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:38,600
MONDO!
426
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,600
HAS ANYBODY SEEN THE CUTEST
LITTLE BOY AT THE CONCERT?
427
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,600
- [whimpers]
428
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:43,800
- YOU HAVE A PICTURE, MA'AM?
429
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,570
- I DON'T REALLY HAVE
A RECENT ONE.
430
00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:48,267
DOES THIS HELP?
431
00:16:48,267 --> 00:16:50,727
[laughter]
432
00:16:50,733 --> 00:16:52,473
- SWEET ASS.
433
00:16:56,833 --> 00:16:59,073
- I'M SORRY, I JUST HAD
TO FIND YOU RIGHT AWAY.
434
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:00,497
- WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT
435
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,830
THAT JUST WHEN I WAS
ABOUT TO HAVE
436
00:17:01,833 --> 00:17:04,403
THE GREATEST NON-FOOD-RELATED
MOMENT OF MY LIFE
437
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,700
YOU HAD TO EMBARRASS ME
YET AGAIN?
438
00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:10,070
LOOK AROUND!
I'M NOT THAT GUY.
439
00:17:10,067 --> 00:17:11,927
OR THAT GUY.
440
00:17:11,933 --> 00:17:13,873
OR--THAT GUY--
441
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,597
THAT GUY NEEDS
MEDICAL ATTENTION.
442
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,370
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,
443
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,197
I'M A PRETTY DAMN GOOD KID.
444
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,730
AND YOU USED TO BE
A PRETTY DAMN GOOD MOM.
445
00:17:21,733 --> 00:17:23,803
- MONDO, I KNOW.
446
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,930
- AND--WAIT, WHAT?
447
00:17:25,933 --> 00:17:28,503
- I LET OTHER PEOPLE MAKE ME
THINK I WASN'T A GOOD PARENT,
448
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,630
AND I TOOK IT OUT ON YOU.
449
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,133
I'M SORRY, HONEY.
WE'RE DOING FINE.
450
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:35,103
I JUST HAD TO TELL YOU THAT.
451
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:38,070
NOW, COME ON,
I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
452
00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:39,567
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
453
00:17:39,567 --> 00:17:42,367
- THANKS, BRO-EN-STEIN.
454
00:17:42,367 --> 00:17:45,497
HANG ON, BABE.
I'M COMING FOR YOU.
455
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,970
OH, YEAH.
I LOVE YOU, BABE.
456
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,597
NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN.
457
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,530
- THIS WHOLE THING
WAS ABOUT A FLASK?
458
00:17:53,533 --> 00:17:57,733
I COMPROMISED
MY INTEGRITY FOR A FLASK?
459
00:17:57,733 --> 00:17:59,603
A [bleep] FLASK?
460
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,500
- I ASSUMED YOU KNEW.
461
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:03,370
I MEAN, THERE WAS ONE MOMENT
WHERE I WAS AFRAID
462
00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:04,967
YOU THOUGHT I MIGHT
BE TALKING ABOUT JEENA,
463
00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:06,627
BUT THEN I WAS LIKE,
HE'S A SMART KID.
464
00:18:06,633 --> 00:18:08,133
HE'S INTO COMPUTERS AND STUFF.
465
00:18:08,133 --> 00:18:09,603
BESIDES, WHAT DO
YOU THINK I MEANT
466
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,570
WHEN I SAID I WANTED
TO TAKE HER TOP OFF
467
00:18:11,567 --> 00:18:14,267
AND LET HER HOT JUICES
RUN DOWN MY CHIN?
468
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:15,827
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
469
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:17,703
THAT'S YOUR SISTER, MAN.
470
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:20,930
WE ARE NOT BROS.
471
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,603
- FROM THIS DAY HENCE,
472
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:27,600
I SHALL NEVER AGAIN
COMPROMISE MY MORALS FOR LOVE!
473
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,730
OOH.
474
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,203
HAVE I TOLD YOU
WHAT A FAN I AM
475
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:31,670
OF YOUR CORPORATION?
476
00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:33,797
- WHERE ARE WE GOING, MONDO?
477
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,300
- YOU'LL SEE.
478
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:38,570
- AH, WHAT'S UP, FLIMP?
479
00:18:42,733 --> 00:18:44,373
- WE'RE BACKSTAGE!
480
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:46,067
MONDO, THIS IS AMAZING.
481
00:18:46,067 --> 00:18:47,467
HOW DID YOU PULL THIS OFF?
482
00:18:47,467 --> 00:18:50,197
- I DIDN'T.
MY AWESOME MOM DID.
483
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,070
- HEY, KIDS, LET ME INTRODUCE
YOU TO SOME OF MY OLD FRIENDS,
484
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:55,897
DAMIAN KULASH AND OK GO.
485
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,600
- SON, SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
486
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,500
I CAN SEE THE RESEMBLANCE.
487
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:03,230
NAH, I'M JUST MESSING.
488
00:19:03,233 --> 00:19:05,403
OR AM I?
489
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,100
YES, I AM.
- DAMIAN.
490
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,900
- COME ON, HE'S A KULASH,
HE CAN TAKE IT.
491
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:11,270
JUST KIDDING, MAN.
JUST KIDDING.
492
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:12,597
I'M GUESSING YOU'RE A FAN?
493
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,500
- [speaking gibberish]
HABBIDYHABBA.
494
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:15,800
- VERY SMOOTH.
495
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,600
- THESE HOT DOGS
LOOK [bleep] AWESOME.
496
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,700
- YEAH, JUST NEED
SOME CONDIMENTS.
497
00:19:24,833 --> 00:19:26,903
- SERIOUSLY, THERE'S GOT
TO BE A BETTER WAY.
498
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:29,500
- [chuckles] I JUST--
I WISH WOODIE WERE HERE
499
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:30,830
TO SEE ALL THIS.
500
00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:34,073
- [cockney accent] HEY,
BE WITH YOU IN A JIFF, MATE.
501
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:35,667
- YOUR ACCENT'S
GETTING BETTER.
502
00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:38,067
- THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M
AN ENGLISH MAJOR.
503
00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:40,727
- YEAH, ABOUT THAT, BLONDIE,
504
00:19:40,733 --> 00:19:42,233
I KNOW YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
505
00:19:42,233 --> 00:19:43,973
- WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?
506
00:19:43,967 --> 00:19:45,827
- WELL, YOUR FRIEND
LOOKS LIKE HE'S 11,
507
00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:47,303
YOU BOTH CAME HERE
WITH HIS MOM,
508
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:48,430
AND YOU WOULDN'T SHUT UP
509
00:19:48,433 --> 00:19:49,933
ABOUT HOW MUCH
YOU HATE YOUR PRINCIPAL.
510
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:51,773
BUT WE STILL HAVE TONIGHT.
511
00:19:51,767 --> 00:19:53,297
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
512
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:55,200
OK GO!
513
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,070
- THAT'S OUR BAND.
- LET'S DO THIS, MAN, YEAH.
514
00:19:57,067 --> 00:19:58,167
- HAVE A GOOD SHOW, ALL RIGHT.
515
00:19:58,167 --> 00:20:00,067
- CAN I GET
ONE MORE WHISKEY?
516
00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:03,767
- * MAYBE IT'S NOT SO BAD *
517
00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,067
* JUST LET YOUR HAIR
GO DOWN NOW *
518
00:20:06,067 --> 00:20:07,627
- DUDE, I CHANGED MY MIND.
519
00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:09,973
I AM SO GOING TO COLLEGE.
520
00:20:09,967 --> 00:20:11,267
- WHERE?
521
00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:14,127
- "ART MOUTH."
522
00:20:14,133 --> 00:20:16,103
- I'D LIKE TO PERSONALLY
DEDICATE THIS ONE
523
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:18,930
TO AN OLD FRIEND,
BABS BRANDO,
524
00:20:18,933 --> 00:20:21,603
AND TO MY NEW FRIEND,
HABBIDYHABBA.
525
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:22,670
- THAT'S ME!
526
00:20:22,667 --> 00:20:27,027
- * OOH *
527
00:20:27,033 --> 00:20:28,703
- MY FAVORITE SONG.
528
00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:30,100
THANK YOU, MONDO.
529
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,670
THIS WAS THE BEST NIGHT EVER.
530
00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:34,867
THAT'S WEIRD,
MY BRA IS UNHOOKED.
531
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,767
- SECAUCUS SNAP.
532
00:20:36,767 --> 00:20:39,697
- THAT'S MY BOY.
533
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:44,170
* *
534
00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:45,667
[cheers and applause]
535
00:20:45,717 --> 00:20:50,267
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