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1
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:06,484
.
2
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:08,791
- Good morning, Cousin Tommy.
I love you.
3
00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:11,185
- Good morning, Cousin Mel.
I love you.
4
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:16,146
Good morning, Cousin Sam.
I love you.
5
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:20,063
- Good morning, Cousin Tommy.
I love you.
6
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:22,674
Good morning, Cousin Becca.
I love you.
7
00:00:22,718 --> 00:00:27,505
- Good morning, Cousin Sam.
I love you.
8
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:30,334
Good morning, Pappy Boyle.
I love you.
9
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:34,034
- Good morning, Becca.
I love you.
10
00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:36,558
- Ooh, extra-long hug.
11
00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:40,127
What got into you
this morning, Pappy?
12
00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:42,564
Pappy?
13
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,133
Pappy!
14
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:59,755
♪
15
00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:11,071
- Oh, Charles.
16
00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:12,898
I'm so sorry
about your great-uncle Pappy.
17
00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:13,943
You holding up okay?
18
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:14,987
- I've been managing.
19
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:16,119
- Mm...
Have you though?
20
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:17,642
- Number two, step up.
Say, "Charles,
21
00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:19,383
it's Pappy.
I'll always love you."
22
00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:21,211
- Okay.
Uh, "Charles, it's Pappy.
23
00:01:21,255 --> 00:01:22,473
I'll always love you."
24
00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:24,301
- Then why did
you leave me?
25
00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:26,173
Anyway, thanks for coming
with me to the funeral.
26
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,391
I think we're all packed.
27
00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:28,610
I just got
to go grab the coffin.
28
00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:30,046
- Wait, why are you
bringing the coffin?
29
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,222
- I brought a coffin
to my nana's funeral on a whim,
30
00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:33,397
and it was a big hit.
31
00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:36,226
So now, guess who's
the coffin cousin?
32
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,575
- Got to say, Terry,
33
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:38,794
I'm a little surprised you're
coming to this.
34
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:40,361
- Honestly, I need a break
from the kids.
35
00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:42,319
Cagney and Lacey keep trying
to trick me into falling
36
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,799
down the stairs on TikTok.
37
00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:45,583
Terry can't
sprain another ankle.
38
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:47,150
- Well, I, for one, am pumped
to be going.
39
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:48,760
- To a funeral?
- I'm so bored, Terry.
40
00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:50,501
I've been suspended
for 87 days.
41
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:51,894
Mac gets dropped off
at day care,
42
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:53,852
and I just sit at home
playing "Animal Crossing."
43
00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:55,767
But no one will buy
my bugs or fossils.
44
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:57,856
I'm desperate for some
normal human interaction.
45
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,163
- Coffin delivery!
46
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:01,382
- Okay, fine.
It doesn't have to be
47
00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:03,601
normal or human.
Any interaction will work.
48
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,255
- Yo.
You forgot your lunch.
49
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,865
- Oh.
Thank you, Diaz.
50
00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:08,606
- Sir, I didn't realize you
were still staying at Rosa's.
51
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,086
I thought couple's counseling
was going well.
52
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,348
- Not anymore.
53
00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:12,393
At Kevin's request,
I offered to reduce
54
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:14,134
my work hours by 26%.
55
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:15,396
Kevin countered with 50.
56
00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:16,701
Which I countered with 30.
57
00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:17,876
Then Kevin says 40--
58
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,443
- Seems like a lot
of math for therapy.
59
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,271
- That's what
Dr. Cheryl said...
60
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:23,273
which is why we fired her,
61
00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:24,927
and now we're working
with Dr. Ramanujan.
62
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:27,843
He's a physicist with a nice,
concrete worldview.
63
00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:30,367
Anyway, Kevin refuses
to budge from 36%.
64
00:02:30,411 --> 00:02:32,978
And I'm starting to worry
that I might lose to him.
65
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,154
- You mean lose him.
66
00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:35,372
- No.
Lose to him.
67
00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:37,592
Therapy is a chess match.
68
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:38,723
And...
69
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:39,855
I will prevail.
70
00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:42,510
- Or it's about saving
your marriage.
71
00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,642
You should make
a grand romantic gesture.
72
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,470
- Ugh, so dumb.
- Seriously?
73
00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:48,124
From the woman who
loves Nancy Meyers movies?
74
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,299
- Yeah.
75
00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:50,779
Here's what
I've learned as a PI.
76
00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:52,520
People suck, everyone cheats,
and love is an illusion.
77
00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:54,435
Nancy Meyers is a fool,
and Holt should start dating.
78
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:55,610
both: What?
- You heard me.
79
00:02:55,653 --> 00:02:57,394
It's the only way
you're gonna beat Kevin.
80
00:02:57,438 --> 00:02:59,831
- I'm thinking about it.
I'm considering it,
81
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,486
and I've decided.
82
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:04,009
I'm in.
83
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:05,097
- Here it is.
84
00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:06,708
Pappy Boyle's farm.
85
00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:08,710
I spent every summer
here as a kid.
86
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:10,538
- Got to say, it's
nicer than I was expecting.
87
00:03:10,581 --> 00:03:11,756
- Pappy did well
for himself.
88
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,323
He went to
business school in New York.
89
00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:14,716
He got a job
in Wall Street.
90
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,544
And one day his hand
got caught in a subway door.
91
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:18,807
And he was dragged
from Times Square into Queens.
92
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,156
Largest settlement
in city history.
93
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,505
- Ew.
94
00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:23,594
Pappy should've used
that cash on pest control.
95
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:25,248
There's giant rats everywhere.
96
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,902
- Those are nutria, Terry.
97
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:27,903
They're nothing like rats.
98
00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:28,904
They have meatier haunches,
99
00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,210
and their teeth
are more orange.
100
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,342
You know, nutria
are actually great pets.
101
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:33,604
They're affectionate
and smart.
102
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:34,866
They know how
to open doors.
103
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:35,780
Plus, you can milk them.
104
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:36,825
- But...
105
00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:37,652
should you?
106
00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:38,740
- Pappy drank nutria milk,
107
00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:39,828
and he was fit
as a fiddle.
108
00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,264
Anyway, you got
to see the house.
109
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:44,180
I can't wait to show you
the rug I was born on.
110
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,573
- Sure it's been
cleaned since then.
111
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,618
- Charles Boyle,
I love you.
112
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:50,230
- Sam Boyle,
I love you.
113
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,498
Where's that dead body?
114
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,891
- He's in the barn,
and he looks adorable.
115
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:00,979
- Ah, terrific.
116
00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:02,024
And everything's set
for the funeral?
117
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,155
- There's one little issue.
118
00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:04,722
We can't find Pappy's will.
119
00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:06,115
- What?
- He wanted to leave the farm
120
00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:07,247
to the Council of Cousins,
121
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,291
but if we don't
find those papers,
122
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:09,640
it goes to Cousin Lyndon.
123
00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:10,772
- Oh, no.
124
00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:12,382
- Who's Cousin Lyndon?
- Pappy's son.
125
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,601
He's the black sheep
of the family.
126
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:15,559
- Wait, so we have
a wealthy patriarch
127
00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,648
who mysteriously died,
a missing will,
128
00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:19,998
and a black sheep set
to inherit everything?
129
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,696
Am I the only one
who suspects foul play here?
130
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:24,394
- He didn't die mysteriously.
He was 93.
131
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:25,569
- He was fit as fiddle, Terr.
132
00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:27,049
From all the nutria milk.
133
00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:28,137
- Don't be ridiculous.
134
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:29,443
No Boyle would
ever commit murder.
135
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,096
Boyles don't even
get mad at each other.
136
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,969
Except in that rare instance
of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.
137
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,579
- You're just bored
from your suspension
138
00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:37,015
and desperate
to find a case to work.
139
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,408
- No.
That's not it.
140
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,583
I'm just telling you,
141
00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,455
something doesn't
smell right here.
142
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:42,934
- Oh, yeah.
That's Pappy's body.
143
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,632
Cousin Mel did
the embalming in here,
144
00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:46,982
and I think she forgot
to add something.
145
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,113
- Well...
146
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:50,028
that's a disturbing revelation.
147
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:53,336
- Hey.
What's going on?
148
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,598
- I'm helping Holt
pick a dating site.
149
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:55,904
- Oh, this looks good.
150
00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:57,166
- PhDs only.
151
00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,472
- Uh, actually
in this context,
152
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,735
PHD stands for
Pretty Huge .
153
00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:02,345
- Oh, my.
154
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,782
I can only assume that MDs only
stands for Medium .
155
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,175
- Rosa, can I talk
to you for a second?
156
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:07,611
What the hell are you doing?
157
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,787
Why are you trying to get Holt
and Kevin to break up?
158
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,528
- I'm trying to get Holt
and Kevin back together.
159
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,313
He and Kevin are perfect
for each other.
160
00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:14,575
He just needs
to realize that.
161
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,098
Once he sees what other
trash is out there,
162
00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:18,318
he's gonna go running straight
back into Kevin's arms,
163
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:19,971
just like
in a Nancy Meyers movie.
164
00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:21,408
- So you still love
Nancy Meyers?
165
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:23,148
- I will never turn my back
on Nancy Meyers.
166
00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:24,541
- Okay.
I'm in.
167
00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:27,370
Let operation
"Lucky Number Kevin" begin.
168
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:28,371
- I'm out.
- No, no, no.
169
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:29,720
We don't have
to call it that.
170
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,722
- Okay, then I'll think
I'll finish up by saying
171
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:33,985
Pappy Boyle
was the best hugger.
172
00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:36,336
Which is surprising because
he lost his hand in the subway.
173
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:40,209
But he always said,
"You don't hug with your hands,
174
00:05:40,252 --> 00:05:42,080
"you hug with your heart.
175
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:44,431
And your groin."
He got that groin involved.
176
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,911
- Uh, a lot of groin talk
for a eulogy.
177
00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:48,260
- Everyone,
178
00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:50,175
there's something you need
to see in the barn.
179
00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:51,438
The game...
180
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:52,656
is afoot.
181
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,658
- Pappy Boyle was 93.
182
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,268
Who would've suspected
that his death stemmed
183
00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:58,793
from anything other than the
cruel embrace of Father Time?
184
00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:00,969
To suggest as much
might get someone labeled
185
00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:02,274
a crackpot, a kook,
186
00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:04,451
someone that's
"bored with their suspension."
187
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:06,235
- Can you cut the
"Harriet The Spy" windup?
188
00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:07,715
It stinks in here.
189
00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:10,326
- What you're smelling, Terry,
is duplicity and deceit.
190
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,936
- I think it's
actually Pappy's organs.
191
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,503
- Sam, you're kind of messing
with my flow right now.
192
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,505
Point is, I was examining
the body,
193
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:17,594
and I found something.
194
00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:20,771
Classic ulceration
and desquamation of the mouth.
195
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:23,208
Telltale signs
of poisoning.
196
00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:25,733
- In other words...
197
00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:28,344
What we have ourselves here
198
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,608
is a good
ol' fashioned murder...
199
00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:33,480
- Oh, no.
200
00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:34,959
- Of a man
who you all loved dearly.
201
00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,178
I shouldn't have done
the "Knives Out" accent.
202
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:39,007
.
203
00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,617
- All right.
A man has been poisoned,
204
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:42,053
his will is missing,
205
00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:43,011
and there's only one person
who stands to profit.
206
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:44,186
Lyndon Boyle.
207
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:45,622
- Lyndon's not a killer.
208
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,407
- I mean, he did skip a Boyle
family Zoom last summer.
209
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:48,451
- Yeah, it's true.
210
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:49,626
It's seven hours out
of your day.
211
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:50,932
How hard is that to fit in?
212
00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:53,151
- Okay, let's set up
an interrogation room.
213
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:55,719
I wanna make this guy as
uncomfortable as possible.
214
00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:58,722
I thought we were going
for uncomfortable.
215
00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,028
What's with the rocking chair?
216
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:01,899
- It's a farm.
All the chairs are rockers.
217
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:04,206
But don't worry,
I under-steeped the tea.
218
00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:06,469
- Ugh.
It's so weak.
219
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:08,036
Why am I being treated
like a criminal?
220
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,254
- Okay.
I stand corrected.
221
00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:11,213
We'd like to ask you
a few questions.
222
00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:13,302
Tell us about your last contact
with your father.
223
00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,477
- Pappy?
224
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:15,478
Well, I saw him
at his birthday party.
225
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:16,697
- Mm-hmm.
And was there anything
226
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:17,698
unusual about that night?
227
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:18,873
- Nothing unusual at all.
228
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,527
We ate a pig
from snout to anus,
229
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:23,007
and then took turns giving
each other head massages.
230
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:25,053
I was tired.
So I found Pappy,
231
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:26,315
wished him a happy birthday.
232
00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:27,969
We hugged
for six minutes.
233
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,710
It was the last time
I saw him alive.
234
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:32,887
- Did you see those tears?
235
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:33,888
No way he did it.
236
00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:34,932
- Are you serious?
237
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,281
Anyone can fake cry.
238
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:37,761
You just have
to think of something sad.
239
00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:39,720
Like that episode of
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
240
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:40,764
when Leonardo was in a coma.
241
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:41,722
- And that works?
242
00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:42,766
- Yeah.
243
00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:44,115
Yeah, it does.
244
00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,421
Now, come on.
245
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,944
Let's go poke some holes
in Lyndon's story.
246
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:50,208
- It was such a great party.
Everyone had the best time.
247
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:51,253
I mean, except for Lyndon.
248
00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:52,254
- Lyndon wasn't happy?
249
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:53,516
- Yeah, it was strange.
250
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,126
He was passing
through the living room.
251
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,302
I asked him
if he wanted a little HJ.
252
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:58,652
But he just ignored me.
253
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,958
I mean, who doesn't want
an HJ from their cousin?
254
00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:02,307
- Hold up.
An HJ?
255
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,527
- A head job.
A massage.
256
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:05,789
Isn't that what
everyone calls it?
257
00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:06,964
- You bet.
- Absolutely not.
258
00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:08,618
- Okay, so why
was Lyndon angry?
259
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:11,012
- I bet it was whatever
Pappy said to him.
260
00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,230
- Wait.
What Pappy said when?
261
00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:13,318
- When they were
in Pappy's study.
262
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:14,668
We heard raised voices.
263
00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:16,278
And then Lyndon said...
- Good night.
264
00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:17,453
- Walked out of the room,
265
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,933
and closed the door
behind him.
266
00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:20,717
- That's all he said?
Good night?
267
00:08:20,761 --> 00:08:22,545
Gentlemen...
268
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,591
I just solved this case.
269
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:27,289
- Sir, if you wanna get a date
off of these sites,
270
00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:28,638
you're gonna have
to give me a little more
271
00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:29,813
from your profile photo.
272
00:08:29,857 --> 00:08:32,163
- I just gave you
a series of eight poses,
273
00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:34,775
each increasing
in sexual provocativeness
274
00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:35,950
by one-eighth.
275
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,560
If you wanted septiles
or deciles
276
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,214
of sexiness,
you should've told me.
277
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:40,955
- What?
278
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,304
Why do you care
so much, Santiago?
279
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,610
I thought you didn't like
the idea of me dating.
280
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:44,785
- Yes, initially.
281
00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:47,309
But then I thought
about your metaphor
282
00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:49,093
about how relationships
are like a chess match.
283
00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:50,965
- Mm-hmm.
- And it really convinced me.
284
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,270
- That was
a strong observation.
285
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:55,012
- So why don't you think
of this profile photo
286
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,232
as an epic chess move?
287
00:08:57,275 --> 00:09:01,105
- Like Vladimirov's
Thunderbolt of 1987.
288
00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:02,454
Close the door, Diaz.
289
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:05,414
I'm removing my collar stays.
290
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:06,633
- Why am I back here?
291
00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:09,026
Like I told you,
it was a typical night.
292
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,375
- Right.
Cousin kissing circle,
293
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:11,812
everyone gets burped
after dinner--
294
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:12,987
normal stuff.
295
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:13,944
But let's talk about
what happened
296
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,729
after the burping,
shall we?
297
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,034
- What are you getting at?
298
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:18,122
What exactly do you think
happened that night?
299
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,733
- I'm so glad you asked.
300
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:22,344
I think Pappy called you
into his study
301
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:24,172
and told you he was cutting
you out of his will.
302
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:26,348
Tempers flared.
Voices were raised.
303
00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,523
- What?
- You were furious
304
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,611
you wouldn't
be inheriting the farm.
305
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:29,743
- I don't even
want the farm.
306
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:31,745
I've always been more
of a city boy.
307
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,050
I live in Poughkeepsie.
308
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:34,182
- Well, I guess
that settles it.
309
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:37,664
- Except you didn't
say I love you.
310
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:38,795
- Excuse me?
311
00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:39,927
- When you left,
you said "good night."
312
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,450
You didn't say
"I love you."
313
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:43,060
Now, you may be a black sheep,
but you're still a Boyle.
314
00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:44,540
And a Boyle always says
"I love you."
315
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,020
- Not always.
- Look around you.
316
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,543
It's written everywhere.
317
00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:52,026
- Okay, fine.
We were fighting.
318
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:53,680
But not over the will.
319
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,682
Pappy was mad at me for missing
that Zoom call this summer.
320
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,901
- I mean honestly, Lyndon, what
did you expect would happen?
321
00:09:57,945 --> 00:10:00,121
- He said I was a disgrace
to the Boyle name.
322
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:01,513
So I didn't say "I love you."
323
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,080
I just stormed out
to the shed.
324
00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:05,039
I went to get
the Grandmother Dough.
325
00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:06,693
- The Grandmother Dough?
326
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:07,955
- Here it is.
327
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,914
The original Boyle family
sourdough starter,
328
00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,699
the mother
of the mother dough.
329
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,309
It's still good,
but the lid on the jar
330
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:15,963
has been stuck
for over a hundred years.
331
00:10:16,006 --> 00:10:19,662
- There's an old family legend
that it can only be opened by
332
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,490
The One True Boyle.
333
00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:22,665
- I wanted to show
my dad that I was
334
00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:24,058
not a disgrace
to the family.
335
00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:25,102
But I couldn't budge it.
336
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:26,147
Maybe he was right.
337
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,844
- Oh, Lyndon.
What a tale.
338
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:30,760
But I don't think that's why
you came in this barn at all.
339
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:31,892
I think you came in here
340
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:33,023
for this.
341
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,242
- Is that nutria poison?
342
00:10:34,285 --> 00:10:36,723
- It's rat poison.
Nutria are pets.
343
00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:37,985
You psychopath.
344
00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:39,726
- Ah.
Nitrobenzene.
345
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,597
That causes the exact type
of ulcers
346
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,512
we found
in Pappy Boyle's mouth.
347
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:46,428
And look what we have here.
348
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:49,387
A single brown hair,
349
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:50,998
belonging to the murderer.
350
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,304
Terry, please send this off
to the local police station
351
00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:54,697
for a DNA test.
352
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:57,831
Now all we need is one
of your hairs, Lyndon.
353
00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,006
- I didn't kill my father.
354
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:00,268
Why am I being singled out?
355
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:01,704
- Why not take a hair
from every Boyle
356
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,445
so Cousin Lyndon
doesn't feel that way?
357
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:05,099
- Sure, great idea.
I'll go first.
358
00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:07,057
- I mean it's more work for the
lab, but it's fine with me.
359
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:09,494
Are you okay
with that, Lyndon?
360
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:10,931
- Oh, wow.
Went with a nose hair.
361
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:12,019
Didn't see
that coming.
362
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:13,237
But it's definitely
long enough.
363
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,283
- No.
364
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:16,806
- Okay, sir.
This app's pretty simple.
365
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,634
If you don't like the guy's
profile, you click "dang,"
366
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,288
and if you do,
you click "daaang."
367
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,419
- That sounds
needlessly confusing.
368
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:22,377
- Why?
"dang" is bad
369
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:23,421
and "daaang" is good.
370
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:25,336
- Okay, let's thin this herd.
371
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:27,251
Untucked shirt,
no thank you.
372
00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:29,776
Born in San Diego, yikes.
373
00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:31,299
An adult named Todd?
374
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,780
So this is what
online dating is like?
375
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,042
I didn't realize.
376
00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:36,304
- Realize how good
you have it with Kevin?
377
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:37,740
- No, how it hasn't changed.
378
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:40,047
You still have
to pick someone based on looks
379
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:41,135
and hope
for a connection later.
380
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,658
Oh, Lord, help me.
381
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:43,615
I'm going for it.
382
00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:44,704
I'm clicking "dang."
- No.
383
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,270
"Dang" is bad.
Click "daaang."
384
00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:48,055
- Why is this so confusing?
385
00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:50,057
How do I get Hot Todd back?
386
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,146
- DNA results are in.
387
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,321
- Ooh, and?
Who did it?
388
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:54,278
It was Lyndon, right?
389
00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:55,802
- Hair is...
390
00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,151
"rodent in origin."
391
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:58,065
- What?
Doesn't make any sense.
392
00:11:58,108 --> 00:11:59,109
Here, forward it to me.
393
00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:00,371
- Must've been a nutria hair.
394
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:02,199
Those things are everywhere.
Ugh.
395
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,331
- Wait a minute.
This is weird.
396
00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:04,811
According to the DNA results,
397
00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:07,248
everyone in the Boyle family
is related except one.
398
00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:08,205
- Lyndon?
- No.
399
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:09,554
- Charles.
400
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:11,861
- Charles Boyle
401
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:13,341
isn't a Boyle.
402
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:15,473
.
403
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:17,867
- That DNA test has
to be wrong.
404
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:20,087
I mean, Charles is the most
Boyle-y of all the Boyles.
405
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,653
- You know what?
I'm gonna call Charles' dad,
406
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,003
get to the bottom of this.
407
00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:27,094
Hey, Lynn?
It's Jake.
408
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:28,835
Hi.
Hey, can I ask you
409
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,750
about Charles' paternity
real quick?
410
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,404
All right.
Thanks, Lynn. Bye.
411
00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:34,797
- What on Earth
took so long?
412
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,146
- Well, the first five hours
413
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:38,279
was mostly just sobbing
and gasping for air.
414
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:41,064
Then he told me
that Charles' mom had an affair
415
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,544
with a rival florist.
416
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,154
Lynn always suspected
he might've been Charles' dad,
417
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:46,156
but he decided he loved him
so much, it didn't matter.
418
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,462
- I don't understand.
419
00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:49,377
Charles looks just like all
the other Boyles.
420
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:50,595
- Apparently that's
not genetic.
421
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:52,336
The Boyles cuddle
their children so much,
422
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,685
it shapes
their bones that way.
423
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:55,862
He likened it to how they
grow square watermelons.
424
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,037
- Oh, my God.
425
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,125
We can't tell Charles.
426
00:12:58,168 --> 00:12:59,691
- You wanna lie
to our dear friend
427
00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:01,389
about the one thing
that's most important to him
428
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:03,304
in the whole world?
429
00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:04,871
- Yes.
- Okay, good, me too.
430
00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:06,437
Now all we have to do is prove
that Cousin Lyndon is
431
00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:09,049
the murderer before Charles
asks about the DNA results.
432
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,050
- Hi, guys.
433
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,399
- Ah.
Hey, man.
434
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:12,400
Where'd you come from?
435
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:13,749
- I slinked up.
436
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:14,881
- You know how good
Boyles are at slinking.
437
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:16,578
It's because
of our fleshy toe pads.
438
00:13:16,621 --> 00:13:18,406
- Right.
And you, Charles,
439
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,408
have said fleshy toe pads
440
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:21,757
because you are a Boyle,
441
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:25,848
from snout to anus.
442
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:28,024
- "A Boyle from snout
to anus."
443
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,069
That is so sweet.
444
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:30,418
I'm stealing that
for the eulogy.
445
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:31,854
- Ah, you don't have to.
446
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,334
- Huh.
447
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:34,596
It's the exact time we agreed
to meet for our date,
448
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:35,553
and he's not here.
449
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:36,728
- I'm sorry.
450
00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:38,165
I know how you
value punctuality.
451
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,296
- In my employees.
452
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,342
But in potential suitors,
I don't mind
453
00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:42,647
one or two minutes
of tardiness.
454
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,606
I like a bad boy.
455
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:45,999
Now, if you'll excuse me,
456
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,262
I'm going to go to the bathroom
to wash my hands,
457
00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:50,307
in case we shake.
458
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,483
- Ooh.
459
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:54,442
I thought the point was
for Holt to bail
460
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:55,617
before he got
to an actual date.
461
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:57,184
- It is.
But this works too.
462
00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:58,794
I mean, did you see
the dude he matched with?
463
00:13:58,838 --> 00:13:59,969
He calls himself a doctor,
464
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,753
but he's actually
a chiropractor.
465
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:04,234
- Are we sure Holt doesn't
respect chiropractors?
466
00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:08,151
I'm kidding.
467
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:09,979
Ooh.
There's Todd.
468
00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:12,329
- And here's Holt.
469
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,896
Started off strong,
nice big smile.
470
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,116
Oh, not anymore.
He just noticed Todd's loafers.
471
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:17,595
- Oh, Todd, you fool.
472
00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:19,946
Holt thinks any shoes
without laces are flip-flops.
473
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:22,644
- Now the moment that will send
Holt running toward the exit.
474
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:24,602
When he asks Todd
what he would like to drink,
475
00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:26,300
Todd orders,
"Whatever you're having."
476
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:29,520
- Oh Todd, you fool.
Have your own opinion.
477
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,958
Wait a second.
Are they gonna sit down?
478
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,046
In a booth?
479
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,090
Oh, no, Rosa.
480
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:35,178
Todd's not the fool.
481
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,701
We're the fools.
482
00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:38,878
- I have eyes on the package.
483
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:40,140
He's headed towards you.
484
00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:41,402
- I'm on it.
- Seriously, guys,
485
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:42,533
why are we doing this?
486
00:14:42,577 --> 00:14:44,187
We should just wait
for the DNA test.
487
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:45,449
- We will.
488
00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:46,581
But the lab said
it would take a week.
489
00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:48,452
They had to get
a new tech.
490
00:14:48,496 --> 00:14:49,845
- Oh, no.
Why?
491
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,153
The old one had
a bad allergic reaction to...
492
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:54,589
beakers.
- Ugh.
493
00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:56,156
Labs are full of them.
That's awful.
494
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:57,592
- Yeah, and real.
495
00:14:57,635 --> 00:14:59,550
Anyways, since Lyndon
is our only actual suspect,
496
00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,161
we might as well investigate.
497
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:02,423
- Let me ask you this.
Is he gushing?
498
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:03,641
- Don't say those words.
499
00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:04,947
- The pressure
of keeping secrets
500
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,688
makes Boyles stress-sweat.
501
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,037
Once, we played Mafia,
502
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:10,387
and you'd never seen
so many dripping wet cousins
503
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:11,736
in one room.
- Come on.
504
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:13,434
- Wait.
He's leaving the property.
505
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:14,696
- Can you stay with him?
506
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:15,915
- Yeah.
I think so.
507
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:17,220
I just have to get
around the barn and--
508
00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:20,180
- Terr-bear?
509
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,877
- I'm sorry.
I was following Lyndon
510
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,097
and I crawled
into that thing.
511
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:25,402
- That thing has a name.
512
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:26,664
- It's Muffin.
513
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:28,057
- Well, thanks to Muffin,
we lost Lyndon.
514
00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,930
- Yes.
But also thanks to Muffin,
515
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:33,845
I just solved the case
of who killed Pappy Boyle.
516
00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,891
- We're right here.
517
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,024
- Yeah. I didn't think
it would feed back.
518
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:40,461
- Oh, no, Rosa.
They're leaving together.
519
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:41,418
What are we gonna do?
520
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:42,637
- We stop them.
521
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:43,681
Even if it means we have
to kill Todd.
522
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:46,162
- Smart.
Let's go.
523
00:15:46,206 --> 00:15:47,076
- Looking for someone?
524
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,470
- Sir.
Uh, what's going on?
525
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:52,038
- What's going on is that you
were trying to manipulate me,
526
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,127
but it is I
who manipulated you.
527
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:55,258
How does it feel
528
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:58,174
to suckle from
your own tainted teat?
529
00:15:58,218 --> 00:15:59,871
- Not as bad as it feels
to hear you say "suckle."
530
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:02,352
- So you were never really
going home with Todd?
531
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:05,312
- You actually think I would
have relations with him?
532
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:07,183
His watch has a cloth strap.
533
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:08,358
- I really thought
we had something.
534
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,186
- Wake up, Todd.
I'm out of your league.
535
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:12,667
You thought you could meddle
in my personal life,
536
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,539
but I was ten moves ahead
the whole time.
537
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:16,714
And now, checkmate.
538
00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:17,933
- Ooh.
I love chess.
539
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,195
Have you seen
"The Queen's Gambit"?
540
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:21,589
It's a TV show.
- Todd, I swear to God.
541
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:24,287
- The person who killed Pappy
wasn't a person at all.
542
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:25,549
It was Muffin.
543
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:26,942
- I checked her mouth,
544
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,031
and Muffin had the same ulcers
that Pappy had.
545
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:31,381
Muffin ate the poison,
and then Pappy drank her milk.
546
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,296
- Charles, you said nutria
could open doors.
547
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,342
Muffin must've let herself
into the barn.
548
00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:36,952
- Which explains why we found
her hair on the box.
549
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,736
- So Lyndon was innocent.
550
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:40,564
- Wait, how did you know
it was Muffin's hair?
551
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,044
Did you get
the DNA report back?
552
00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:43,263
- Exactly.
- Wait, but I thought
553
00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:44,612
the report was gonna
take a week
554
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:45,787
because of
the lab tech's allergies.
555
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:47,093
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
556
00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,877
But then they decided
to use a subcontractor
557
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,357
who was allergy-free,
so let's just move on
558
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,619
and talk about
something else immediately.
559
00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:52,794
Three "uh-huh's"?
560
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,665
Clearly you're lying
about something.
561
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:55,797
- Why you being a jerk to me?
562
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,103
- Show me the report, Jake.
563
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:58,843
- Okay, fine.
But just look at the top result
564
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:01,063
'cause that's all
that matters.
565
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,804
"Specimen hair was rodent
in nature."
566
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:04,458
and that's that.
567
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:07,635
- Oh, my God.
568
00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,158
I'm not a Boyle.
569
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:11,682
.
570
00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:13,858
- Okay.
I love you too, Dad.
571
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,034
Did you guys change clothes?
572
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:16,731
- Yeah, Charles.
It's tomorrow now.
573
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:18,472
You been on the phone
for 14 hours.
574
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,169
- Well, you know
what they say,
575
00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:22,389
"Time flies when God
pulls down his pants
576
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:24,217
and takes a dump
on your life."
577
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:25,870
- Oh, buddy.
I'm so sorry.
578
00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:28,395
- Being a Boyle was
the backbone of my identity.
579
00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:31,224
Without the Boyle backbone,
I'm just a bag of flesh.
580
00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,182
I'm goo.
- Come on, you're not goo.
581
00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:34,836
Being a Boyle is about more
than blood.
582
00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:36,011
It's what's in your heart.
583
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,447
- Blood is what's in
your heart.
584
00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:38,753
You're making it worse, Jake.
585
00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,233
- Okay, fine.
Then what about Nikolaj?
586
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:41,582
He was adopted, so technically,
587
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:43,192
he's not a Boyle,
but that never bothered you.
588
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:44,585
- I didn't even think
about Niko.
589
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,848
He was already a Boyle
once removed
590
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:49,068
which is tough enough.
Now he's twice removed?
591
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:51,722
Twice-removed Boyles
are a total clown show,
592
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:55,204
okay?
Niko's basically Cousin Andrea.
593
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:57,119
Sorry, Andrea.
594
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,556
- I know what I am.
595
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,254
- Well, damn.
- Look, let's go home.
596
00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,125
- We're leaving?
What about the funeral?
597
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:04,257
What about the eulogy?
598
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,562
- I don't feel right
giving it now.
599
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:07,999
Sam offered to step in.
I'll have him do it.
600
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,479
- No, no, no.
Wait.
601
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:10,785
Assemble the cousins.
602
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,743
Today, we learned
that Pappy Boyle's death
603
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:13,875
was not foul play.
604
00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:15,877
But even though
there was no murder,
605
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,226
there was a robbery.
606
00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:19,881
Charles had his sense
of self stolen from him
607
00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:21,187
by Sam Boyle.
608
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,840
You said it yourself, Charles,
609
00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:25,147
the Boyles have a long history
of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.
610
00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,845
Sam couldn't stand that you
were chosen to give the eulogy.
611
00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:29,456
Think about it.
612
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:30,979
It was Sam who made sure we
knew the will was missing.
613
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:33,286
- We can't find Pappy's will.
614
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:36,463
- Then Sam again who suggested
you all get your DNA tested.
615
00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:38,769
- Why not take a hair
from every Boyle?
616
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:41,598
- And finally, Sam who made
sure we all knew the results.
617
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:43,600
- Did you get
the DNA report back?
618
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,907
This is ridiculous.
I love Charles.
619
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,300
- Okay, well then.
620
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:48,562
I'm sure you wouldn't mind
giving him a hug then.
621
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:49,824
Since you love him so much.
622
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:53,088
- Sure.
I always like to hug my cousin.
623
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,655
- He's gushing!
624
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:55,569
- Darn it.
625
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,266
I thought these would hide it,
626
00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:59,660
but I gushed
through my pit diapers.
627
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:01,052
All right, fine.
628
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:03,359
I always suspected
that Charles wasn't one of us.
629
00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:05,405
I mean, he went
through puberty at 13,
630
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:07,015
instead of 25,
631
00:19:07,058 --> 00:19:08,843
like a normal Boyle.
632
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:12,020
And when he got chosen
to give the eulogy,
633
00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:13,848
something inside
of me snapped.
634
00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:15,197
So I hid the will.
635
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:16,459
I admit it.
636
00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:17,504
Are you happy now?
637
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:18,766
- Very.
- Not at all.
638
00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:20,637
- Wait, what?
Charles, we solved the case.
639
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,813
He confessed.
- Doesn't matter.
640
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:24,511
I'm still not a Boyle.
641
00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:28,210
I'm just a normal person.
642
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,560
Normal from snout to anus.
643
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,522
- We wanted to apologize.
644
00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:38,307
- And if you wanna gloat
about how you outsmarted us,
645
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:39,787
go ahead.
We deserve it.
646
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,571
- I won't be doing
any gloating.
647
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,573
I mean, I did last night.
I went home and had a drink
648
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,880
to toast to your humiliation.
649
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:46,968
But it didn't feel right,
650
00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:48,143
because I had no one
to toast with,
651
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,536
no one to share my glee.
652
00:19:49,579 --> 00:19:53,931
I had won,
but I was alone.
653
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:55,716
And I realized,
654
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:58,414
this is exactly what
I'm doing to Kevin.
655
00:19:58,458 --> 00:20:00,808
Trying to win therapy.
656
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:02,244
And it hit me.
657
00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:06,248
I care so much about winning
658
00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:09,643
that I've lost everything.
659
00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:11,732
- Tell Kevin how you feel.
660
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:14,387
- It's raining.
You could run to him.
661
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,866
- This is the real world,
Santiago.
662
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:19,870
Relationships end
in unsatisfying ways every day.
663
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,872
People don't run
to each other in the rain.
664
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:24,266
- Raymond!
Raymond Holt!
665
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,355
- Kevin?
666
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,880
- Raymond!
667
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:37,061
Raymond, am I too late?
668
00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:38,411
- Too late?
669
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:39,847
- My friend saw
your dating profile
670
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,023
and your photo
without collar stays.
671
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:44,286
I thought I'd lost you.
672
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:47,333
- You will never lose me.
673
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:48,769
I'll do anything
to keep you.
674
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,988
I'll compromise on everything.
The work, the--
675
00:20:54,209 --> 00:21:01,303
♪
676
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:05,525
- Nancy Meyers never fails.
677
00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:07,875
- Now that we're doing it,
it feels kinda weird
678
00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:09,616
to be staring at your friends
while they kiss.
679
00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:12,358
- Are you kidding?
It's beautiful.
680
00:21:12,401 --> 00:21:14,360
♪
681
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:16,275
- I love you.
682
00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:18,842
- I love you.
683
00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:22,019
- Okay, I'm packed.
Let's go home.
684
00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:23,369
- Charles, I'm sorry.
685
00:21:23,412 --> 00:21:24,761
I feel like
this was all my fault.
686
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:26,328
- Why?
Did you inseminate my mother?
687
00:21:26,372 --> 00:21:27,590
- What?
Ew, no.
688
00:21:27,634 --> 00:21:29,766
- Don't say ew.
She's my one blood relation.
689
00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:32,203
Remember, I'm not
a real Boyle.
690
00:21:32,247 --> 00:21:33,727
- Okay, fine.
691
00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:34,989
Maybe you're not
a real Boyle.
692
00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:36,033
But what if
693
00:21:36,077 --> 00:21:37,034
you're a true Boyle?
694
00:21:37,078 --> 00:21:38,471
What if
695
00:21:38,514 --> 00:21:39,863
you're The One True Boyle?
696
00:21:39,907 --> 00:21:41,125
- No, no.
You want me to open
697
00:21:41,169 --> 00:21:42,126
the Grandmother Dough.
698
00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:43,302
That jar is stuck shut.
699
00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:44,955
Nobody's ever been able
to do it.
700
00:21:44,999 --> 00:21:46,348
- But you have to try.
701
00:21:46,392 --> 00:21:48,568
Terry, go grab it.
702
00:21:48,611 --> 00:21:51,875
All right, now let's reassemble
those cousins.
703
00:21:53,050 --> 00:21:54,661
- I'm not gonna
be able to do this,
704
00:21:54,704 --> 00:21:56,489
and I'm gonna be
even more humiliated.
705
00:21:56,532 --> 00:21:58,752
- Just try.
I believe in you.
706
00:22:00,623 --> 00:22:02,408
So did you loosen it?
707
00:22:02,451 --> 00:22:03,713
- I tried, but it's slippery,
708
00:22:03,757 --> 00:22:04,671
and that thing
is sealed on tight.
709
00:22:04,714 --> 00:22:06,150
I couldn't budge it.
710
00:22:06,194 --> 00:22:08,544
- Oh, no.
Uh, hey, Charles.
711
00:22:08,588 --> 00:22:10,198
Remember when I said
that I believed in you?
712
00:22:10,241 --> 00:22:11,417
- Yes.
713
00:22:11,460 --> 00:22:12,374
It's the entire reason
I'm doing this.
714
00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:14,289
- Oh.
Godspeed.
715
00:22:21,078 --> 00:22:27,955
♪
716
00:22:28,825 --> 00:22:29,957
- Ah!
717
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:30,827
I did it!
718
00:22:30,871 --> 00:22:32,394
- He's The One True Boyle.
719
00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:37,268
- Oh, my God.
What is that stench?
720
00:22:37,312 --> 00:22:38,574
It's the Grandmother Dough.
721
00:22:38,618 --> 00:22:39,706
- It smells horrible.
722
00:22:39,749 --> 00:22:42,404
- Not to a Boyle.
723
00:22:42,448 --> 00:22:45,712
Pappy's hugs were long
and firm.
724
00:22:45,755 --> 00:22:47,061
- Okay, here's what I think
might've happened.
725
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:49,193
You loosened the jar,
but you didn't realize it
726
00:22:49,237 --> 00:22:50,325
because you're a Godzilla man,
727
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,848
and you don't know
your own strength.
728
00:22:51,892 --> 00:22:53,546
- First of all, thank you
for calling me a Godzilla man.
729
00:22:53,589 --> 00:22:55,025
- Yeah.
- Secondly, that's not it.
730
00:22:55,069 --> 00:22:56,679
The jar was too slippery.
- All right, how about this?
731
00:22:56,723 --> 00:22:58,464
Charles was so freaked out
about not being a Boyle
732
00:22:58,507 --> 00:23:00,988
that he got an adrenaline rush,
and that made him stronger.
733
00:23:01,031 --> 00:23:02,946
- Or maybe Charles
is the One True Boyle.
734
00:23:02,990 --> 00:23:05,209
- And I know that Pappy's
up there
735
00:23:05,253 --> 00:23:07,429
shopping for beige slacks
736
00:23:07,473 --> 00:23:10,693
at that Mervyn's in the sky.
737
00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:13,392
all: Ah, Mervyn's!
738
00:23:13,435 --> 00:23:14,915
- Yeah, he's
the One True Boyle.
739
00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:17,091
- Not a doctor.
Shh.
740
00:23:17,134 --> 00:23:18,571
- Fremulon.
52976
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