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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,695 --> 00:00:04,961 Good morning, Cousin Tommy. I love you. 2 00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,352 Good morning, Cousin Mel. I love you. 3 00:00:09,158 --> 00:00:12,023 Good morning, Cousin Sam. I love you. 4 00:00:12,108 --> 00:00:15,132 Good morning, Cousin Tommy. I love you. 5 00:00:16,071 --> 00:00:18,598 Good morning, Cousin Becca. I love you. 6 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:22,265 Good morning, Cousin Sam. I love you. 7 00:00:23,326 --> 00:00:26,218 Good morning, Pappy Boyle. I love you. 8 00:00:26,303 --> 00:00:29,226 Good morning, Becca. I love you. 9 00:00:30,213 --> 00:00:32,653 Ooh, extra-long hug. 10 00:00:32,745 --> 00:00:35,328 What got into you this morning, Pappy? 11 00:00:37,229 --> 00:00:38,317 Pappy? 12 00:00:40,529 --> 00:00:41,792 Pappy! 13 00:00:42,486 --> 00:00:45,275 [screaming] 14 00:00:45,482 --> 00:00:46,507 [upbeat music] 15 00:00:46,591 --> 00:00:48,591 *BROOKLYN NINE-NINE* Season 08 Episode 07 16 00:00:48,675 --> 00:00:50,422 Episode Title: "Game of Boyles" Aired on: September 02, 2021. 17 00:00:50,656 --> 00:00:55,414 [♪] 18 00:01:02,690 --> 00:01:04,690 Subtitles Synchronized by srjanapala 19 00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:06,539 Oh, Charles. 20 00:01:06,594 --> 00:01:08,484 I'm so sorry about your great-uncle Pappy. 21 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,366 You holding up okay? 22 00:01:09,451 --> 00:01:10,234 I've been managing. 23 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:11,558 Mm... Have you though? 24 00:01:11,643 --> 00:01:13,227 Number two, step up. Say, "Charles, 25 00:01:13,312 --> 00:01:14,954 it's Pappy. I'll always love you." 26 00:01:15,039 --> 00:01:16,922 Okay. Uh, "Charles, it's Pappy. 27 00:01:17,007 --> 00:01:17,913 I'll always love you." 28 00:01:17,997 --> 00:01:19,617 Then why did you leave me? 29 00:01:19,702 --> 00:01:21,758 Anyway, thanks for coming with me to the funeral. 30 00:01:21,843 --> 00:01:22,734 I think we're all packed. 31 00:01:22,819 --> 00:01:23,883 I just got to go grab the coffin. 32 00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:25,368 Wait, why are you bringing the coffin? 33 00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:27,875 I brought a coffin to my nana's funeral on a whim, 34 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:28,883 and it was a big hit. 35 00:01:28,968 --> 00:01:31,046 So now, guess who's the coffin cousin? 36 00:01:31,718 --> 00:01:32,804 Got to say, Terry, 37 00:01:32,889 --> 00:01:34,233 I'm a little surprised you're coming to this. 38 00:01:34,317 --> 00:01:35,800 Honestly, I need a break from the kids. 39 00:01:35,884 --> 00:01:37,869 Cagney and Lacey keep trying to trick me into falling 40 00:01:37,953 --> 00:01:39,238 down the stairs on TikTok. 41 00:01:39,322 --> 00:01:40,890 Terry can't sprain another ankle. 42 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,665 Well, I, for one, am pumped to be going. 43 00:01:42,750 --> 00:01:44,243 - To a funeral? - I'm so bored, Terry. 44 00:01:44,328 --> 00:01:45,941 I've been suspended for 87 days. 45 00:01:46,025 --> 00:01:47,415 Mac gets dropped off at day care, 46 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,345 and I just sit at home playing "Animal Crossing." 47 00:01:49,429 --> 00:01:51,031 But no one will buy my bugs or fossils. 48 00:01:51,116 --> 00:01:53,039 I'm desperate for some normal human interaction. 49 00:01:53,124 --> 00:01:55,515 Coffin delivery! 50 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:56,735 Okay, fine. It doesn't have to be 51 00:01:56,819 --> 00:01:58,955 normal or human. Any interaction will work. 52 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,463 Yo. You forgot your lunch. 53 00:02:00,548 --> 00:02:01,760 Oh. Thank you, Diaz. 54 00:02:01,845 --> 00:02:03,776 Sir, I didn't realize you were still staying at Rosa's. 55 00:02:03,860 --> 00:02:05,417 I thought couple's counseling was going well. 56 00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,189 Not anymore. 57 00:02:06,274 --> 00:02:07,714 At Kevin's request, I offered to reduce 58 00:02:07,798 --> 00:02:09,275 my work hours by 26%. 59 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,538 Kevin countered with 50. 60 00:02:10,623 --> 00:02:11,845 Which I countered with 30. 61 00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:12,932 Then Kevin says 40... 62 00:02:13,017 --> 00:02:14,736 Seems like a lot of math for therapy. 63 00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:16,144 That's what Dr. Cheryl said... 64 00:02:16,229 --> 00:02:18,510 Anyway, Kevin refuses to budge from 36%. 65 00:02:18,595 --> 00:02:21,280 And I'm starting to worry that I might lose to him. 66 00:02:21,365 --> 00:02:22,166 You mean lose him. 67 00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:23,658 No Lose to him. 68 00:02:23,766 --> 00:02:25,580 Therapy is a chess match. 69 00:02:25,665 --> 00:02:26,651 And... 70 00:02:26,736 --> 00:02:27,814 I will prevail. 71 00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:30,599 Or it's about saving your marriage. 72 00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,784 You should make a grand romantic gesture. 73 00:02:32,869 --> 00:02:34,562 - Ugh, so dumb. - Seriously? 74 00:02:34,647 --> 00:02:36,604 From the woman who loves Nancy Meyers movies? 75 00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:38,058 - Yeah. - Here's what I've learned as a PI. 76 00:02:38,142 --> 00:02:40,432 People suck, everyone cheats, and love is an illusion. 77 00:02:40,517 --> 00:02:42,456 Nancy Meyers is a fool, and Holt should start dating. 78 00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:43,533 - Both: What? - You heard me. 79 00:02:43,618 --> 00:02:45,251 It's the only way you're gonna beat Kevin. 80 00:02:45,335 --> 00:02:47,851 I'm thinking about it. I'm considering it, 81 00:02:47,936 --> 00:02:50,143 and I've decided. 82 00:02:50,521 --> 00:02:51,744 - I'm in. - [gasps] 83 00:02:51,829 --> 00:02:52,987 Here it is. 84 00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:54,760 Pappy Boyle's farm. 85 00:02:54,845 --> 00:02:56,763 I spent every summer here as a kid. 86 00:02:56,848 --> 00:02:58,550 Got to say, it's nicer than I was expecting. 87 00:02:58,634 --> 00:02:59,729 Pappy did well for himself. 88 00:02:59,814 --> 00:03:01,238 He went to business school in New York. 89 00:03:01,322 --> 00:03:02,370 He got a job in Wall Street. 90 00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:04,393 And one day his hand got caught in a subway door. 91 00:03:04,478 --> 00:03:06,580 And he was dragged from Times Square into Queens. 92 00:03:06,763 --> 00:03:08,283 Largest settlement in city history. 93 00:03:08,368 --> 00:03:09,307 Ew. 94 00:03:09,392 --> 00:03:11,369 Pappy should've used that cash on pest control. 95 00:03:11,454 --> 00:03:12,940 - There's giant rats everywhere. - Hm. 96 00:03:13,025 --> 00:03:14,565 Those are nutria, Terry. 97 00:03:14,650 --> 00:03:15,567 They're nothing like rats. 98 00:03:15,652 --> 00:03:16,604 They have meatier haunches, 99 00:03:16,689 --> 00:03:17,912 and their teeth are more orange. 100 00:03:17,996 --> 00:03:20,026 You know, nutria are actually great pets. 101 00:03:20,111 --> 00:03:21,258 They're affectionate and smart. 102 00:03:21,342 --> 00:03:22,520 They know how to open doors. 103 00:03:22,604 --> 00:03:23,488 Plus, you can milk them. 104 00:03:23,573 --> 00:03:24,573 But... 105 00:03:24,719 --> 00:03:25,462 should you? 106 00:03:25,547 --> 00:03:26,551 Pappy drank nutria milk, 107 00:03:26,636 --> 00:03:27,641 and he was fit as a fiddle. 108 00:03:27,725 --> 00:03:28,787 Anyway, you got to see the house. 109 00:03:28,871 --> 00:03:31,246 I can't wait to show you the rug I was born on. 110 00:03:31,396 --> 00:03:33,341 Sure it's been cleaned since then. 111 00:03:33,426 --> 00:03:35,380 Charles Boyle, I love you. 112 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,894 Sam Boyle, I love you. 113 00:03:38,012 --> 00:03:43,629 [both groaning] 114 00:03:43,825 --> 00:03:45,075 Where's that dead body? 115 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,379 He's in the barn, and he looks adorable. 116 00:03:47,464 --> 00:03:48,379 Ah, terrific. 117 00:03:48,464 --> 00:03:49,424 And everything's set for the funeral? 118 00:03:49,509 --> 00:03:50,557 There's one little issue. 119 00:03:50,642 --> 00:03:52,244 We can't find Pappy's will. 120 00:03:52,329 --> 00:03:53,508 - What? - He wanted to leave the farm 121 00:03:53,592 --> 00:03:54,531 to the Council of Cousins, 122 00:03:54,632 --> 00:03:56,117 but if we don't find those papers, 123 00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,163 it goes to Cousin Lyndon. 124 00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:58,179 Oh, no. 125 00:03:58,264 --> 00:03:59,688 - Who's Cousin Lyndon? - Pappy's son. 126 00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:00,975 He's the black sheep of the family. 127 00:04:01,059 --> 00:04:02,934 Wait, so we have a wealthy patriarch 128 00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:05,125 who mysteriously died, a missing will, 129 00:04:05,210 --> 00:04:07,367 and a black sheep set to inherit everything? 130 00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:09,066 Am I the only one who suspects foul play here? 131 00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:11,640 He didn't die mysteriously. He was 93. 132 00:04:11,725 --> 00:04:13,091 He was fit as fiddle, Terr. 133 00:04:13,176 --> 00:04:14,211 From all the nutria milk. 134 00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,164 Don't be ridiculous. 135 00:04:15,249 --> 00:04:16,860 No Boyle would ever commit murder. 136 00:04:16,945 --> 00:04:18,298 Boyles don't even get mad at each other. 137 00:04:18,382 --> 00:04:21,094 Except in that rare instance of cousin-on-cousin jealousy. 138 00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:22,930 You're just bored from your suspension 139 00:04:23,015 --> 00:04:24,267 and desperate to find a case to work. 140 00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:25,758 No. That's not it. 141 00:04:25,843 --> 00:04:26,934 I'm just telling you, 142 00:04:27,148 --> 00:04:28,680 something doesn't smell right here. 143 00:04:28,765 --> 00:04:30,086 Oh, yeah. That's Pappy's body. 144 00:04:30,171 --> 00:04:31,945 Cousin Mel did the embalming in here, 145 00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:34,688 and I think she forgot to add... something. 146 00:04:35,218 --> 00:04:37,563 Well... that's a disturbing revelation. 147 00:04:39,021 --> 00:04:40,406 Hey. What's going on? 148 00:04:40,491 --> 00:04:41,938 I'm helping Holt pick a dating site. 149 00:04:42,023 --> 00:04:42,922 Oh, this looks good. 150 00:04:43,007 --> 00:04:44,070 PhDs only. 151 00:04:44,155 --> 00:04:45,578 Uh, actually in this context, 152 00:04:45,663 --> 00:04:47,564 PHD stands for Pretty Huge [bleep]. 153 00:04:47,649 --> 00:04:48,713 Oh, my. 154 00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:51,767 I can only assume that MDs only stands for Medium [bleep]. 155 00:04:51,852 --> 00:04:53,057 Rosa, can I talk to you for a second? 156 00:04:53,141 --> 00:04:54,401 What the hell are you doing? 157 00:04:54,486 --> 00:04:56,690 Why are you trying to get Holt and Kevin to break up? 158 00:04:56,775 --> 00:04:58,589 I'm trying to get Holt and Kevin back together. 159 00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,980 He and Kevin are perfect for each other. 160 00:05:00,064 --> 00:05:01,089 He just needs to realize that. 161 00:05:01,173 --> 00:05:02,832 Once he sees what other trash is out there, 162 00:05:02,916 --> 00:05:05,052 he's gonna go running straight back into Kevin's arms, 163 00:05:05,144 --> 00:05:06,714 just like in a Nancy Meyers movie. 164 00:05:06,799 --> 00:05:08,073 So you still love Nancy Meyers? 165 00:05:08,158 --> 00:05:09,871 I will never turn my back on Nancy Meyers. 166 00:05:09,964 --> 00:05:11,331 Okay. I'm in. 167 00:05:11,515 --> 00:05:14,463 Let operation "Lucky Number Kevin" begin. 168 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,456 - I'm out. - No, no, no. 169 00:05:15,541 --> 00:05:16,887 - We don't have to call it that. - Okay, 170 00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:18,721 then I'll think I'll finish up by saying 171 00:05:18,813 --> 00:05:20,853 Pappy Boyle was the best hugger. 172 00:05:20,938 --> 00:05:23,205 Which is surprising because he lost his hand in the subway. 173 00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:26,760 But he always said, "You don't hug with your hands, 174 00:05:26,845 --> 00:05:28,580 "you hug with your heart. 175 00:05:28,664 --> 00:05:30,807 And your groin." He got that groin involved. 176 00:05:30,892 --> 00:05:33,597 Uh, a lot of groin talk for a eulogy. 177 00:05:33,682 --> 00:05:34,667 Everyone, 178 00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,583 there's something you need to see in the barn. 179 00:05:36,758 --> 00:05:37,936 The game... 180 00:05:38,065 --> 00:05:39,155 is afoot. 181 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,158 Pappy Boyle was 93. 182 00:05:41,242 --> 00:05:42,768 Who would've suspected that his death stemmed 183 00:05:42,852 --> 00:05:45,292 from anything other than the cruel embrace of Father Time? 184 00:05:45,376 --> 00:05:47,468 To suggest as much might get someone labeled 185 00:05:47,552 --> 00:05:48,454 a crackpot, a kook, 186 00:05:48,539 --> 00:05:50,869 someone that's "bored with their suspension." 187 00:05:50,954 --> 00:05:52,733 Can you cut the "Harriet The Spy" windup? 188 00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:53,782 It stinks in here. 189 00:05:53,867 --> 00:05:56,565 What you're smelling, Terry, is duplicity and deceit. 190 00:05:56,650 --> 00:05:58,283 I think it's actually Pappy's organs. 191 00:05:58,368 --> 00:06:00,003 Sam, you're kind of messing with my flow right now. 192 00:06:00,087 --> 00:06:02,005 Point is, I was examining the body, 193 00:06:02,089 --> 00:06:03,424 and I found something. 194 00:06:04,185 --> 00:06:06,829 Classic ulceration and desquamation of the mouth. 195 00:06:07,253 --> 00:06:09,392 Telltale signs of poisoning. 196 00:06:09,477 --> 00:06:10,437 [gasps] 197 00:06:10,522 --> 00:06:11,918 In other words... 198 00:06:12,494 --> 00:06:14,736 [Southern accent] What we have ourselves here 199 00:06:14,837 --> 00:06:17,888 is a good ol' fashioned murder... 200 00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:19,767 - Oh, no. - [all crying] 201 00:06:19,852 --> 00:06:21,333 Of a man who you all loved dearly. 202 00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:23,218 I shouldn't have done the "Knives Out" accent. 203 00:06:23,646 --> 00:06:25,106 All right. A man has been poisoned, 204 00:06:25,191 --> 00:06:26,772 his will is missing, and there's only one person 205 00:06:26,856 --> 00:06:28,083 who stands to profit. 206 00:06:28,185 --> 00:06:29,084 Lyndon Boyle. 207 00:06:29,169 --> 00:06:30,287 Lyndon's not a killer. 208 00:06:30,372 --> 00:06:32,839 I mean, he did skip a Boyle family Zoom last summer. 209 00:06:32,924 --> 00:06:33,692 Yeah, it's true. 210 00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:35,059 It's seven hours out of your day. 211 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,185 How hard is that to fit in? 212 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,341 Okay, let's set up an interrogation room. 213 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,130 I wanna make this guy as uncomfortable as possible. 214 00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:42,591 [chair creaking] 215 00:06:42,809 --> 00:06:44,304 I thought we were going for uncomfortable. 216 00:06:44,388 --> 00:06:45,333 What's with the rocking chair? 217 00:06:45,418 --> 00:06:47,332 It's a farm. All the chairs are rockers. 218 00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:49,639 But don't worry, I under-steeped the tea. 219 00:06:49,723 --> 00:06:51,505 Ugh. It's so weak. 220 00:06:51,886 --> 00:06:53,678 Why am I being treated like a criminal? 221 00:06:53,763 --> 00:06:54,810 Okay. I stand corrected. 222 00:06:55,091 --> 00:06:56,513 We'd like to ask you a few questions. 223 00:06:56,597 --> 00:06:58,602 Tell us about your last contact with your father. 224 00:06:58,694 --> 00:06:59,653 - Pappy? - Well, I saw him 225 00:06:59,738 --> 00:07:00,731 at his birthday party. 226 00:07:00,816 --> 00:07:02,035 Mm-hmm. And was there anything 227 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,130 unusual about that night? 228 00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,177 Nothing unusual at all. 229 00:07:04,262 --> 00:07:05,959 We ate a pig from snout to anus, 230 00:07:06,044 --> 00:07:08,255 and then took turns giving each other head massages. 231 00:07:08,431 --> 00:07:10,392 I was tired. So I found Pappy, 232 00:07:10,477 --> 00:07:11,662 wished him a happy birthday. 233 00:07:11,755 --> 00:07:13,193 We hugged for six minutes. 234 00:07:13,278 --> 00:07:15,209 It was the last time I saw him alive. 235 00:07:15,294 --> 00:07:16,912 [whimpering] 236 00:07:17,061 --> 00:07:18,427 Did you see those tears? 237 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,537 No way he did it. 238 00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:21,709 Are you serious? Anyone can fake cry. 239 00:07:21,794 --> 00:07:23,195 You just have to think of something sad. 240 00:07:23,279 --> 00:07:25,153 Like that episode of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" 241 00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:26,381 when Leonardo was in a coma. 242 00:07:26,466 --> 00:07:27,912 - And that works? - Yeah. 243 00:07:28,771 --> 00:07:30,521 Yeah, it does. Now, come on. 244 00:07:30,606 --> 00:07:32,326 Let's go poke some holes in Lyndon's story. 245 00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:35,591 It was such a great party. Everyone had the best time. 246 00:07:35,726 --> 00:07:36,780 I mean, except for Lyndon. 247 00:07:36,865 --> 00:07:38,685 - Lyndon wasn't happy? - Yeah, it was strange. 248 00:07:38,770 --> 00:07:40,412 He was passing through the living room. 249 00:07:40,497 --> 00:07:42,685 I asked him if he wanted a little HJ. 250 00:07:42,770 --> 00:07:43,888 But he just ignored me. 251 00:07:43,973 --> 00:07:46,341 I mean, who doesn't want an HJ from their cousin? 252 00:07:46,426 --> 00:07:47,794 Hold up. An HJ? 253 00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:49,653 A head job. A massage. 254 00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:51,223 Isn't that what everyone calls it? 255 00:07:51,307 --> 00:07:52,318 - You bet. - Absolutely not. 256 00:07:52,402 --> 00:07:54,122 Okay, so why was Lyndon angry? 257 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,364 I bet it was whatever Pappy said to him. 258 00:07:56,449 --> 00:07:57,411 Wait. What Pappy said when? 259 00:07:57,496 --> 00:07:58,716 When they were in Pappy's study. 260 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,162 We heard raised voices. 261 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,711 - And then Lyndon said... - Good night. 262 00:08:01,795 --> 00:08:02,832 Walked out of the room, 263 00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,052 and closed the door behind him. 264 00:08:04,136 --> 00:08:05,837 That's all he said? Good night? 265 00:08:06,238 --> 00:08:07,356 Gentlemen... 266 00:08:07,937 --> 00:08:09,575 I just solved this case. 267 00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:12,590 Sir, if you wanna get a date off of these sites, 268 00:08:12,675 --> 00:08:14,072 you're gonna have to give me a little more 269 00:08:14,156 --> 00:08:15,036 from your profile photo. 270 00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:17,387 I just gave you a series of eight poses, 271 00:08:17,485 --> 00:08:20,207 each increasing in sexual provocativeness 272 00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:20,950 by one-eighth. 273 00:08:21,035 --> 00:08:22,993 If you wanted septiles or deciles 274 00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:24,747 of sexiness, you should've told me. 275 00:08:24,832 --> 00:08:26,137 - [groaning] - What? 276 00:08:26,253 --> 00:08:27,544 Why do you care so much, Santiago? 277 00:08:27,628 --> 00:08:28,941 I thought you didn't like the idea of me dating. 278 00:08:29,025 --> 00:08:30,315 Yes, initially. 279 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,611 But then I thought about your metaphor 280 00:08:32,696 --> 00:08:34,472 about how relationships are like a chess match. 281 00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,205 - Mm-hmm. - And it really convinced me. 282 00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:37,401 That was a strong observation. 283 00:08:37,485 --> 00:08:40,312 So why don't you think of this profile photo 284 00:08:40,397 --> 00:08:42,532 as an epic chess move? 285 00:08:42,617 --> 00:08:46,646 Like Vladimirov's Thunderbolt of 1987. 286 00:08:46,747 --> 00:08:47,888 Close the door, Diaz. 287 00:08:47,972 --> 00:08:50,802 I'm removing my collar stays. 288 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:51,974 Why am I back here? 289 00:08:52,059 --> 00:08:54,302 Like I told you, it was a typical night. 290 00:08:54,396 --> 00:08:55,865 Right. Cousin kissing circle, 291 00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:57,186 everyone gets burped after dinner... 292 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:58,130 Normal stuff. 293 00:08:58,215 --> 00:08:59,468 But let's talk about what happened 294 00:08:59,552 --> 00:09:00,966 after the burping, shall we? 295 00:09:01,051 --> 00:09:01,942 What are you getting at? 296 00:09:02,027 --> 00:09:03,608 What exactly do you think happened that night? 297 00:09:03,692 --> 00:09:05,013 I'm so glad you asked. 298 00:09:05,098 --> 00:09:07,625 I think Pappy called you into his study 299 00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:09,480 and told you he was cutting you out of his will. 300 00:09:09,564 --> 00:09:11,606 Tempers flared. Voices were raised. 301 00:09:11,691 --> 00:09:12,826 - What? - You were furious 302 00:09:12,911 --> 00:09:14,045 you wouldn't be inheriting the farm. 303 00:09:14,129 --> 00:09:15,176 I don't even want the farm. 304 00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:17,114 I've always been more of a city boy. 305 00:09:17,199 --> 00:09:18,380 I live in Poughkeepsie. 306 00:09:18,465 --> 00:09:19,928 Well, I guess that settles it. 307 00:09:20,013 --> 00:09:21,075 [chuckles] 308 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,342 Except... you didn't say I love you. 309 00:09:23,427 --> 00:09:24,287 - Excuse me? - When you left, 310 00:09:24,372 --> 00:09:25,360 you said "good night." 311 00:09:25,444 --> 00:09:26,459 You didn't say "I love you." 312 00:09:26,543 --> 00:09:28,295 Now, you may be a black sheep, but you're still a Boyle. 313 00:09:28,379 --> 00:09:30,076 And a Boyle always says "I love you." 314 00:09:30,161 --> 00:09:31,365 - Not always. - Look around you. 315 00:09:31,449 --> 00:09:32,786 It's written everywhere. 316 00:09:32,871 --> 00:09:35,572 [dramatic music] 317 00:09:35,799 --> 00:09:37,412 Okay, fine. We were fighting. 318 00:09:37,497 --> 00:09:38,396 But not over the will. 319 00:09:38,481 --> 00:09:41,115 Pappy was mad at me for missing that Zoom call this summer. 320 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,335 I mean honestly, Lyndon, what did you expect would happen? 321 00:09:43,419 --> 00:09:45,505 He said I was a disgrace to the Boyle name. 322 00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:46,982 So I didn't say "I love you." 323 00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,372 I just stormed out to the shed. 324 00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,670 I went to get the Grandmother Dough. 325 00:09:50,755 --> 00:09:52,125 The Grandmother Dough? 326 00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:53,083 Here it is. 327 00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:56,347 The original Boyle family sourdough starter, 328 00:09:56,432 --> 00:09:57,958 It's still good, but the lid on the jar 329 00:09:58,043 --> 00:09:59,490 has been stuck for over a hundred years. 330 00:09:59,574 --> 00:10:02,544 There's an old family legend that it can only be opened by 331 00:10:03,038 --> 00:10:04,646 The One True Boyle. 332 00:10:04,731 --> 00:10:05,968 I wanted to show my dad that I was 333 00:10:06,052 --> 00:10:07,404 not a disgrace to the family. 334 00:10:07,489 --> 00:10:08,482 But I couldn't budge it. 335 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:09,414 Maybe he was right. 336 00:10:09,498 --> 00:10:11,256 Oh, Lyndon. What a tale. 337 00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:14,028 But I don't think that's why you came in this barn at all. 338 00:10:14,112 --> 00:10:15,435 I think you came in here 339 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:16,290 for this. 340 00:10:16,375 --> 00:10:17,474 Is that nutria poison? 341 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,950 It's rat poison. Nutria are pets. 342 00:10:20,074 --> 00:10:21,252 You psychopath. 343 00:10:21,336 --> 00:10:23,217 Ah. Nitrobenzene. 344 00:10:23,302 --> 00:10:24,967 That causes the exact type of ulcers 345 00:10:25,052 --> 00:10:26,630 we found in Pappy Boyle's mouth. 346 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:29,896 And... look what we have here. 347 00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:32,654 A single brown hair, 348 00:10:32,739 --> 00:10:34,373 belonging to the murderer. 349 00:10:34,458 --> 00:10:36,740 Terry, please send this off to the local police station 350 00:10:36,825 --> 00:10:37,965 for a DNA test. 351 00:10:38,153 --> 00:10:41,013 Now all we need is one of your hairs, Lyndon. 352 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,273 I didn't kill my father. 353 00:10:42,357 --> 00:10:43,428 Why am I being singled out? 354 00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,068 Why not take a hair from every Boyle 355 00:10:45,153 --> 00:10:46,712 so Cousin Lyndon doesn't feel that way? 356 00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:48,366 Sure, great idea. I'll go first. 357 00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:50,335 I mean it's more work for the lab, but it's fine with me. 358 00:10:50,419 --> 00:10:52,161 Are you okay with that, Lyndon? 359 00:10:52,846 --> 00:10:54,198 Oh, wow. Went with a nose hair. 360 00:10:54,282 --> 00:10:55,286 Didn't see that coming. 361 00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:56,646 But it's definitely long enough. 362 00:10:56,731 --> 00:10:57,958 - [chuckles] - No. 363 00:10:58,263 --> 00:11:00,074 Okay, sir. This app's pretty simple. 364 00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:01,826 If you don't like the guy's profile, you click "dang," 365 00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:03,479 and if you do, you click "daaang." 366 00:11:03,564 --> 00:11:04,765 That sounds needlessly confusing. 367 00:11:04,849 --> 00:11:05,803 Why? "dang" is bad 368 00:11:05,888 --> 00:11:06,825 and "daaang" is good. 369 00:11:06,910 --> 00:11:08,540 Okay, let's thin this herd. 370 00:11:08,625 --> 00:11:10,662 Untucked shirt, no thank you. 371 00:11:10,747 --> 00:11:13,043 Born in San Diego, yikes. 372 00:11:13,127 --> 00:11:14,566 An adult named Todd? 373 00:11:14,650 --> 00:11:17,047 So this is what online dating is like? 374 00:11:17,131 --> 00:11:18,309 I didn't realize. 375 00:11:18,393 --> 00:11:19,571 Realize how good you have it with Kevin? 376 00:11:19,655 --> 00:11:21,008 No, how it hasn't changed. 377 00:11:21,092 --> 00:11:23,166 You still have to pick someone based on looks 378 00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,589 and hope for a connection later. 379 00:11:24,674 --> 00:11:25,775 Oh, Lord, help me. 380 00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:26,883 I'm going for it. 381 00:11:26,967 --> 00:11:27,971 - I'm clicking "dang." - No. 382 00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,675 "Dang" is bad. Click "daaang." 383 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,392 Why is this so confusing? 384 00:11:31,486 --> 00:11:33,324 How do I get Hot Todd back? 385 00:11:33,408 --> 00:11:35,413 DNA results are in. 386 00:11:35,497 --> 00:11:36,721 Ooh, and? Who did it? 387 00:11:36,814 --> 00:11:38,877 - It was Lyndon, right? - Hair is... 388 00:11:39,153 --> 00:11:40,581 "rodent in origin." 389 00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:41,589 What? Doesn't make any sense. 390 00:11:41,674 --> 00:11:42,464 Here, forward it to me. 391 00:11:42,549 --> 00:11:43,799 Must've been a nutria hair. 392 00:11:43,885 --> 00:11:45,467 Those things are everywhere. Ugh. 393 00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:46,598 Wait a minute. This is weird. 394 00:11:46,682 --> 00:11:48,078 According to the DNA results, 395 00:11:48,162 --> 00:11:50,515 everyone in the Boyle family is related except one. 396 00:11:50,599 --> 00:11:51,690 - Lyndon? - No. 397 00:11:51,775 --> 00:11:53,080 Charles. 398 00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:55,128 Charles Boyle 399 00:11:55,361 --> 00:11:56,797 isn't a Boyle. 400 00:11:58,544 --> 00:12:00,854 That DNA test has to be wrong. 401 00:12:01,218 --> 00:12:03,463 I mean, Charles is the most Boyle-y of all the Boyles. 402 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,122 You know what? I'm gonna call Charles' dad, 403 00:12:05,206 --> 00:12:06,487 get to the bottom of this. 404 00:12:07,322 --> 00:12:08,808 All right. Thanks, Lynn. Bye. 405 00:12:08,893 --> 00:12:10,355 What on Earth took so long? 406 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,668 Well, the first five hours 407 00:12:11,753 --> 00:12:13,902 was mostly just sobbing and gasping for air. 408 00:12:13,987 --> 00:12:16,465 Then he told me that Charles' mom had an affair 409 00:12:16,549 --> 00:12:17,706 with a rival florist. 410 00:12:17,791 --> 00:12:19,583 Lynn always suspected he might've been Charles' dad, 411 00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:21,557 but he decided he loved him so much, it didn't matter. 412 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:22,448 I don't understand. 413 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,628 Charles looks just like all the other Boyles. 414 00:12:24,713 --> 00:12:25,963 Apparently that's not genetic. 415 00:12:26,048 --> 00:12:27,682 The Boyles cuddle their children so much, 416 00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:28,957 it shapes their bones that way. 417 00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,980 He likened it to how they grow square watermelons. 418 00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:32,155 Oh, my God. 419 00:12:32,423 --> 00:12:33,448 We can't tell Charles. 420 00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:35,091 You wanna lie to our dear friend 421 00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:36,871 about the one thing that's most important to him 422 00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:38,017 in the whole world? 423 00:12:38,780 --> 00:12:40,263 - Yes. - Okay, good, me too. 424 00:12:40,348 --> 00:12:42,011 Now all we have to do is prove that Cousin Lyndon is 425 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,306 the murderer before Charles asks about the DNA results. 426 00:12:44,391 --> 00:12:45,126 Hi, guys. 427 00:12:45,211 --> 00:12:47,080 Ah. Hey, man. 428 00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:48,806 - Where'd you come from? - I slinked up. 429 00:12:48,891 --> 00:12:50,339 You know how good Boyles are at slinking. 430 00:12:50,423 --> 00:12:51,892 It's because of our fleshy toe pads. 431 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,806 Right. And you, Charles, 432 00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,751 have said fleshy toe pads 433 00:12:55,892 --> 00:12:57,284 because you are a Boyle, 434 00:12:57,392 --> 00:13:00,822 from snout to anus. 435 00:13:00,861 --> 00:13:02,048 That is so sweet. 436 00:13:02,173 --> 00:13:03,433 I'm stealing that for the eulogy. 437 00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:04,736 Ah, you don't have to. 438 00:13:04,821 --> 00:13:05,689 Huh. 439 00:13:05,774 --> 00:13:07,838 It's the exact time we agreed to meet for our date, 440 00:13:07,923 --> 00:13:09,290 - and he's not here. - I'm sorry. 441 00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:11,049 I know how you value punctuality. 442 00:13:11,134 --> 00:13:12,112 In my employees. 443 00:13:12,197 --> 00:13:14,237 But in potential suitors, I don't mind 444 00:13:14,322 --> 00:13:15,635 one or two minutes of tardiness. 445 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,358 I like a bad boy. 446 00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:18,750 Now, if you'll excuse me, 447 00:13:18,835 --> 00:13:21,014 I'm going to go to the bathroom to wash my hands, 448 00:13:21,098 --> 00:13:22,837 in case we shake. 449 00:13:23,144 --> 00:13:25,009 Ooh. [laughs] 450 00:13:25,845 --> 00:13:27,371 I thought the point was for Holt to bail 451 00:13:27,455 --> 00:13:28,675 before he got to an actual date. 452 00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:30,112 It is. But this works too. 453 00:13:30,197 --> 00:13:31,800 I mean, did you see the dude he matched with? 454 00:13:31,884 --> 00:13:32,894 He calls himself a doctor, 455 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,596 but he's actually a chiropractor. 456 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,987 Are we sure Holt doesn't respect chiropractors? 457 00:13:37,548 --> 00:13:39,759 [laughter] 458 00:13:39,916 --> 00:13:41,049 I'm kidding. 459 00:13:41,142 --> 00:13:42,861 Ooh. There's Todd. 460 00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:45,206 And here's Holt. 461 00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:46,831 Started off strong, nice big smile. 462 00:13:46,916 --> 00:13:49,166 Oh, not anymore. He just noticed Todd's loafers. 463 00:13:49,251 --> 00:13:50,463 Oh, Todd, you fool. 464 00:13:50,548 --> 00:13:52,807 Holt thinks any shoes without laces are flip-flops. 465 00:13:52,892 --> 00:13:55,510 Now the moment that will send Holt running toward the exit. 466 00:13:55,595 --> 00:13:57,487 When he asks Todd what he would like to drink, 467 00:13:57,572 --> 00:13:59,252 Todd orders, "Whatever you're having." 468 00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:02,009 Oh Todd, you fool. Have your own opinion. 469 00:14:02,357 --> 00:14:04,580 Wait a second. Are they gonna sit down? 470 00:14:04,665 --> 00:14:05,669 In a booth? 471 00:14:05,882 --> 00:14:06,843 Oh, no, Rosa. 472 00:14:06,927 --> 00:14:08,274 Todd's not the fool. 473 00:14:08,359 --> 00:14:09,697 We're the fools. 474 00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:11,823 I have eyes on the package. 475 00:14:11,908 --> 00:14:13,065 He's headed towards you. 476 00:14:13,150 --> 00:14:14,339 - I'm on it. - Seriously, guys, 477 00:14:14,423 --> 00:14:15,286 why are we doing this? 478 00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:17,143 We should just wait for the DNA test. 479 00:14:17,228 --> 00:14:18,284 We will. But the lab said 480 00:14:18,369 --> 00:14:19,463 it would take a week. 481 00:14:19,548 --> 00:14:21,205 They had to get a new tech. 482 00:14:21,289 --> 00:14:22,501 Oh, no. Why? 483 00:14:22,681 --> 00:14:25,767 The old one had a bad allergic reaction to... 484 00:14:25,988 --> 00:14:27,340 - beakers. - Ugh. 485 00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:29,034 Labs are full of them. That's awful. 486 00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:30,344 Yeah, and real. 487 00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:32,495 Anyways, since Lyndon is our only actual suspect, 488 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,712 we might as well investigate. 489 00:14:33,797 --> 00:14:35,370 Let me ask you this. Is he gushing? 490 00:14:35,455 --> 00:14:36,330 Don't say those words. 491 00:14:36,415 --> 00:14:38,002 The pressure of keeping secrets 492 00:14:38,087 --> 00:14:39,627 makes Boyles stress-sweat. 493 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,033 Wait. He's leaving the property. 494 00:14:41,118 --> 00:14:42,080 Can you stay with him? 495 00:14:42,165 --> 00:14:43,595 Yeah. I think so. 496 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,112 I just have to get around the barn and... 497 00:14:45,196 --> 00:14:46,095 [yells] 498 00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:47,180 Terr-bear? 499 00:14:48,156 --> 00:14:49,770 I'm sorry. I was following Lyndon 500 00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:51,830 and I crawled into that thing. 501 00:14:51,915 --> 00:14:53,346 That thing has a name. 502 00:14:53,431 --> 00:14:54,283 It's Muffin. 503 00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:55,949 Well, thanks to Muffin, we lost Lyndon. 504 00:14:56,034 --> 00:14:58,822 Yes. But also thanks to Muffin, 505 00:14:59,009 --> 00:15:01,978 I just solved the case of who killed Pappy Boyle. 506 00:15:02,087 --> 00:15:03,549 - [radio feedback] - We're right here. 507 00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:05,681 Yeah. I didn't think it would feed back. 508 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,291 Oh, no, Rosa. They're leaving together. 509 00:15:08,376 --> 00:15:09,250 What are we gonna do? 510 00:15:09,335 --> 00:15:10,166 We stop them. 511 00:15:10,251 --> 00:15:11,534 Even if it means we have to kill Todd. 512 00:15:11,618 --> 00:15:12,751 Smart. Let's go. 513 00:15:13,998 --> 00:15:14,828 Looking for someone? 514 00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:17,222 Sir. Uh, what's going on? 515 00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:19,791 What's going on is that you were trying to manipulate me, 516 00:15:19,896 --> 00:15:22,088 but it is I who manipulated you. 517 00:15:22,173 --> 00:15:23,017 How does it feel 518 00:15:23,102 --> 00:15:25,712 to suckle from your own tainted teat? 519 00:15:25,797 --> 00:15:27,763 Not as bad as it feels to hear you say "suckle." 520 00:15:27,848 --> 00:15:30,072 So you were never really going home with Todd? 521 00:15:30,157 --> 00:15:32,861 You actually think I would have relations with him? 522 00:15:32,893 --> 00:15:34,105 I really thought we had something. 523 00:15:34,189 --> 00:15:35,909 Wake up, Todd. I'm out of your league. 524 00:15:35,994 --> 00:15:38,292 You thought you could meddle in my personal life, 525 00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:40,791 but I was ten moves ahead the whole time. 526 00:15:40,876 --> 00:15:42,340 And now, checkmate. 527 00:15:42,424 --> 00:15:43,559 Ooh. I love chess. 528 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:44,964 Have you seen "The Queen's Gambit"? 529 00:15:45,048 --> 00:15:47,017 - It's a TV show. - Todd, I swear to God. 530 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:50,026 The person who killed Pappy wasn't a person at all. 531 00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:51,033 It was Muffin. 532 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,564 - [all gasp] - I checked her mouth, 533 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,657 and Muffin had the same ulcers that Pappy had. 534 00:15:54,741 --> 00:15:57,081 Muffin ate the poison, and then Pappy drank her milk. 535 00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:58,376 So Lyndon was innocent. 536 00:15:58,461 --> 00:16:00,205 Then I heard that the box must be Muffin's. 537 00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:01,853 Did you get the DNA report back? 538 00:16:01,938 --> 00:16:03,197 - Exactly. - Wait, but I thought 539 00:16:03,282 --> 00:16:04,346 the report was gonna take a week 540 00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:05,612 because of the lab tech's allergies. 541 00:16:05,696 --> 00:16:06,845 Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. 542 00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:08,631 But then they decided to use a subcontractor 543 00:16:08,715 --> 00:16:10,250 who was allergy-free, so let's just move on 544 00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:11,440 and talk about something else immediately. 545 00:16:11,524 --> 00:16:12,345 Three "uh-huh's"? 546 00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,870 Clearly you're lying about something. 547 00:16:14,454 --> 00:16:15,501 Why you being a jerk to me? 548 00:16:15,586 --> 00:16:16,557 Show me the report, Jake. 549 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,612 Okay, fine. But just look at the top result 550 00:16:18,697 --> 00:16:19,940 'cause that's all that matters. 551 00:16:20,705 --> 00:16:23,018 "Specimen hair was rodent in nature." 552 00:16:23,103 --> 00:16:24,462 and that's that. 553 00:16:24,547 --> 00:16:25,730 Oh, my God. 554 00:16:27,292 --> 00:16:28,455 I'm not a Boyle. 555 00:16:28,540 --> 00:16:29,540 [all gasp] 556 00:16:29,967 --> 00:16:32,059 Okay. I love you too, Dad. 557 00:16:32,594 --> 00:16:33,605 Did you guys change clothes? 558 00:16:33,689 --> 00:16:35,495 Yeah, Charles. It's tomorrow now. 559 00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,088 You been on the phone for 14 hours. 560 00:16:37,173 --> 00:16:38,635 Well, you know what they say, 561 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,221 "Time flies when God pulls down his pants 562 00:16:41,306 --> 00:16:42,737 and takes a dump on your life." 563 00:16:42,822 --> 00:16:44,650 Oh, buddy. I'm so sorry. 564 00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:46,098 I just want to go home 565 00:16:46,183 --> 00:16:47,494 What? You can reel. 566 00:16:47,543 --> 00:16:48,543 What about the eulogy? 567 00:16:48,628 --> 00:16:49,723 I don't feel right giving it now. 568 00:16:49,807 --> 00:16:51,754 Sam offered to step in. I'll have him do it. 569 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,782 No, no, no. Wait. 570 00:16:53,867 --> 00:16:55,088 Assemble the cousins. 571 00:16:55,173 --> 00:16:56,903 Last night, we learned that Pappy Boyle's death 572 00:16:56,987 --> 00:16:58,207 was not foul play. 573 00:16:58,292 --> 00:16:59,863 But even though there was no murder, 574 00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:01,457 there was a robbery. 575 00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:04,213 Charles had his sense of self stolen from him 576 00:17:04,298 --> 00:17:05,449 by Sam Boyle. 577 00:17:05,535 --> 00:17:06,864 [all gasp] You said it yourself, Charles, 578 00:17:06,948 --> 00:17:09,480 the Boyles have a long history of cousin-on-cousin jealousy. 579 00:17:09,565 --> 00:17:12,286 Sam couldn't stand that you were chosen to give the eulogy. 580 00:17:12,371 --> 00:17:13,238 Think about it. 581 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,349 It was Sam who made sure we knew the will was missing. 582 00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:17,755 We can't find Pappy's will. 583 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,934 Then Sam again who suggested you all get your DNA tested. 584 00:17:21,019 --> 00:17:23,192 Why not take a hair from every Boyle? 585 00:17:23,277 --> 00:17:25,932 And finally, Sam who made sure we all knew the results. 586 00:17:26,016 --> 00:17:28,083 Did you get the DNA report back? 587 00:17:28,168 --> 00:17:30,567 This is ridiculous. I love Charles. 588 00:17:30,652 --> 00:17:31,496 Okay, well then. I'm sure 589 00:17:31,581 --> 00:17:32,998 you wouldn't mind giving him a hug then. 590 00:17:33,082 --> 00:17:34,091 Since you love him so much. 591 00:17:34,175 --> 00:17:36,449 Sure. I always like to hug my cousin. 592 00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:38,356 He's gushing! 593 00:17:38,441 --> 00:17:39,136 [all gasp] 594 00:17:39,221 --> 00:17:40,221 Darn it. 595 00:17:40,676 --> 00:17:41,740 I thought these would hide it, 596 00:17:41,824 --> 00:17:44,114 but I gushed through my pit diapers. 597 00:17:44,199 --> 00:17:45,386 All right, fine. 598 00:17:45,699 --> 00:17:47,864 I always suspected that Charles wasn't one of us. 599 00:17:47,949 --> 00:17:49,926 I mean, he went through puberty at 13, 600 00:17:50,011 --> 00:17:51,348 instead of 25, 601 00:17:51,432 --> 00:17:52,847 like a normal Boyle. 602 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,793 And when he got chosen to give the eulogy, 603 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:58,111 something inside of me snapped. 604 00:17:58,196 --> 00:17:59,462 So I hid the will. 605 00:17:59,615 --> 00:18:00,636 I admit it. 606 00:18:00,877 --> 00:18:01,942 Are you happy now? 607 00:18:02,027 --> 00:18:03,027 - Very. - Not at all. 608 00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:04,971 Wait, what? Charles, we solved the case. 609 00:18:05,055 --> 00:18:06,605 - He confessed. - Doesn't matter. 610 00:18:07,121 --> 00:18:08,621 I'm still not a Boyle. 611 00:18:08,927 --> 00:18:11,121 I'm just a normal person. 612 00:18:12,824 --> 00:18:15,105 Normal from snout to anus. 613 00:18:16,526 --> 00:18:18,096 [knock at door] 614 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,853 We wanted to apologize. 615 00:18:19,938 --> 00:18:22,801 And if you wanna gloat about how you outsmarted us, 616 00:18:22,886 --> 00:18:24,325 go ahead. We deserve it. 617 00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:25,754 I won't be doing any gloating. 618 00:18:25,989 --> 00:18:28,075 I mean, I did last night. I went home and had a drink 619 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,213 to toast to your humiliation. 620 00:18:30,297 --> 00:18:31,301 But it didn't feel right, 621 00:18:31,385 --> 00:18:32,801 because I had no one to toast with, 622 00:18:32,886 --> 00:18:33,997 no one to share my glee. 623 00:18:34,082 --> 00:18:38,027 I had won, but... I was alone. 624 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,270 And I realized, 625 00:18:40,355 --> 00:18:42,738 this is exactly what I'm doing to Kevin. 626 00:18:42,972 --> 00:18:45,141 Trying to win therapy. 627 00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:46,578 And it hit me. 628 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,058 I care so much about winning 629 00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:52,472 that I've lost everything. 630 00:18:54,261 --> 00:18:55,840 Tell Kevin how you feel. 631 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,720 It's raining. You could run to him. 632 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,200 This is the real world, Santiago. 633 00:19:00,284 --> 00:19:02,972 Relationships end in unsatisfying ways every day. 634 00:19:04,386 --> 00:19:06,317 People don't run to each other in the rain. 635 00:19:06,402 --> 00:19:08,600 Raymond! Raymond Holt! 636 00:19:08,684 --> 00:19:09,824 Kevin? 637 00:19:12,578 --> 00:19:13,926 Raymond! 638 00:19:19,655 --> 00:19:21,598 Raymond, am I too late? 639 00:19:21,683 --> 00:19:22,744 Too late? 640 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,348 My friend saw your dating profile 641 00:19:24,433 --> 00:19:26,097 and your photo without collar stays. 642 00:19:26,354 --> 00:19:28,426 I... thought I'd lost you. 643 00:19:29,105 --> 00:19:31,254 You will never lose me. 644 00:19:31,749 --> 00:19:33,348 I'll do anything to keep you. 645 00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:35,770 I'll compromise on everything. The work, the... 646 00:19:35,855 --> 00:19:38,499 [dramatic music] 647 00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:45,677 [♪] 648 00:19:46,721 --> 00:19:49,097 Nancy Meyers never fails. 649 00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:52,121 Now that we're doing it, it feels kinda weird 650 00:19:52,206 --> 00:19:54,169 to be staring at your friends while they kiss. 651 00:19:54,254 --> 00:19:56,558 Are you kidding? It's beautiful. 652 00:19:56,775 --> 00:19:58,693 [♪] 653 00:19:59,051 --> 00:20:00,301 I love you. 654 00:20:00,822 --> 00:20:01,988 I love you. 655 00:20:04,176 --> 00:20:06,230 - Okay, I'm packed. - Let's go home. 656 00:20:06,343 --> 00:20:07,701 Charles, I'm sorry. 657 00:20:07,786 --> 00:20:09,095 I feel like this was all my fault. 658 00:20:09,179 --> 00:20:10,715 Why? Did you inseminate my mother? 659 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:11,754 - What? - Ew, no. 660 00:20:11,839 --> 00:20:14,270 Don't say ew. She's my one blood relation. 661 00:20:14,355 --> 00:20:16,088 Remember, I'm not a real Boyle. 662 00:20:16,692 --> 00:20:17,878 Okay, fine. 663 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,458 Maybe you're not a real Boyle. 664 00:20:19,543 --> 00:20:20,367 But what if 665 00:20:20,451 --> 00:20:21,368 you're a true Boyle? 666 00:20:21,452 --> 00:20:22,504 What if 667 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,317 you're The One True Boyle? 668 00:20:24,402 --> 00:20:25,637 No, no. You want me to open 669 00:20:25,722 --> 00:20:26,551 the Grandmother Dough. 670 00:20:26,636 --> 00:20:27,543 That jar is stuck shut. 671 00:20:27,628 --> 00:20:29,288 Nobody's ever been able to do it. 672 00:20:29,373 --> 00:20:30,605 But you have to try. 673 00:20:30,766 --> 00:20:32,113 Terry, go grab it. 674 00:20:32,985 --> 00:20:36,488 All right, now let's reassemble those cousins. 675 00:20:37,768 --> 00:20:39,355 I'm not gonna be able to do this, 676 00:20:39,449 --> 00:20:40,822 and I'm gonna be even more humiliated. 677 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,979 Just try. I believe in you. 678 00:20:44,989 --> 00:20:46,733 So did you loosen it? 679 00:20:46,825 --> 00:20:48,047 I tried, but it's slippery, 680 00:20:48,131 --> 00:20:49,396 and that thing is sealed on tight. 681 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:50,484 I couldn't budge it. 682 00:20:50,568 --> 00:20:52,878 Oh, no. Uh, hey, Charles. 683 00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,872 Remember when I said that I believed in you? 684 00:20:54,996 --> 00:20:56,145 - Yes. - It's the entire reason 685 00:20:56,229 --> 00:20:57,433 - I'm doing this. - Oh. 686 00:20:57,551 --> 00:20:58,623 Godspeed. 687 00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:00,491 [grunting] 688 00:21:02,392 --> 00:21:05,267 [dramatic music] 689 00:21:05,452 --> 00:21:12,329 [♪] 690 00:21:13,183 --> 00:21:14,274 Ah! 691 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:15,442 I did it! 692 00:21:15,527 --> 00:21:17,192 He's The One True Boyle. 693 00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:19,269 [cheers and laughter] 694 00:21:19,354 --> 00:21:21,894 Oh, my God. What is that stench? 695 00:21:21,979 --> 00:21:23,255 It's the Grandmother Dough. 696 00:21:23,357 --> 00:21:25,462 - It smells horrible. - Not to a Boyle. 697 00:21:25,553 --> 00:21:26,719 - [sniffs deeply] - Oh God! 698 00:21:26,812 --> 00:21:29,484 It's... cutting through the smell of a corpse. 50083

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