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1
00:00:02,695 --> 00:00:04,961
Good morning, Cousin Tommy.
I love you.
2
00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,352
Good morning, Cousin Mel.
I love you.
3
00:00:09,158 --> 00:00:12,023
Good morning, Cousin Sam.
I love you.
4
00:00:12,108 --> 00:00:15,132
Good morning, Cousin Tommy.
I love you.
5
00:00:16,071 --> 00:00:18,598
Good morning, Cousin Becca.
I love you.
6
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:22,265
Good morning, Cousin Sam.
I love you.
7
00:00:23,326 --> 00:00:26,218
Good morning, Pappy Boyle.
I love you.
8
00:00:26,303 --> 00:00:29,226
Good morning, Becca.
I love you.
9
00:00:30,213 --> 00:00:32,653
Ooh, extra-long hug.
10
00:00:32,745 --> 00:00:35,328
What got into you
this morning, Pappy?
11
00:00:37,229 --> 00:00:38,317
Pappy?
12
00:00:40,529 --> 00:00:41,792
Pappy!
13
00:00:42,486 --> 00:00:45,275
[screaming]
14
00:00:45,482 --> 00:00:46,507
[upbeat music]
15
00:00:46,591 --> 00:00:48,591
*BROOKLYN NINE-NINE*
Season 08 Episode 07
16
00:00:48,675 --> 00:00:50,422
Episode Title: "Game of Boyles"
Aired on: September 02, 2021.
17
00:00:50,656 --> 00:00:55,414
[♪]
18
00:01:02,690 --> 00:01:04,690
Subtitles
Synchronized by srjanapala
19
00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:06,539
Oh, Charles.
20
00:01:06,594 --> 00:01:08,484
I'm so sorry
about your great-uncle Pappy.
21
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,366
You holding up okay?
22
00:01:09,451 --> 00:01:10,234
I've been managing.
23
00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:11,558
Mm...
Have you though?
24
00:01:11,643 --> 00:01:13,227
Number two, step up.
Say, "Charles,
25
00:01:13,312 --> 00:01:14,954
it's Pappy.
I'll always love you."
26
00:01:15,039 --> 00:01:16,922
Okay.
Uh, "Charles, it's Pappy.
27
00:01:17,007 --> 00:01:17,913
I'll always love you."
28
00:01:17,997 --> 00:01:19,617
Then why did
you leave me?
29
00:01:19,702 --> 00:01:21,758
Anyway, thanks for coming
with me to the funeral.
30
00:01:21,843 --> 00:01:22,734
I think we're all packed.
31
00:01:22,819 --> 00:01:23,883
I just got
to go grab the coffin.
32
00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:25,368
Wait, why are you
bringing the coffin?
33
00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:27,875
I brought a coffin
to my nana's funeral on a whim,
34
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:28,883
and it was a big hit.
35
00:01:28,968 --> 00:01:31,046
So now, guess who's
the coffin cousin?
36
00:01:31,718 --> 00:01:32,804
Got to say, Terry,
37
00:01:32,889 --> 00:01:34,233
I'm a little surprised you're
coming to this.
38
00:01:34,317 --> 00:01:35,800
Honestly, I need a break
from the kids.
39
00:01:35,884 --> 00:01:37,869
Cagney and Lacey keep trying
to trick me into falling
40
00:01:37,953 --> 00:01:39,238
down the stairs
on TikTok.
41
00:01:39,322 --> 00:01:40,890
Terry can't
sprain another ankle.
42
00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,665
Well, I, for one, am pumped
to be going.
43
00:01:42,750 --> 00:01:44,243
- To a funeral?
- I'm so bored, Terry.
44
00:01:44,328 --> 00:01:45,941
I've been suspended
for 87 days.
45
00:01:46,025 --> 00:01:47,415
Mac gets dropped off
at day care,
46
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,345
and I just sit at home
playing "Animal Crossing."
47
00:01:49,429 --> 00:01:51,031
But no one will buy
my bugs or fossils.
48
00:01:51,116 --> 00:01:53,039
I'm desperate for some
normal human interaction.
49
00:01:53,124 --> 00:01:55,515
Coffin delivery!
50
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:56,735
Okay, fine.
It doesn't have to be
51
00:01:56,819 --> 00:01:58,955
normal or human.
Any interaction will work.
52
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,463
Yo.
You forgot your lunch.
53
00:02:00,548 --> 00:02:01,760
Oh.
Thank you, Diaz.
54
00:02:01,845 --> 00:02:03,776
Sir, I didn't realize you
were still staying at Rosa's.
55
00:02:03,860 --> 00:02:05,417
I thought couple's counseling
was going well.
56
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,189
Not anymore.
57
00:02:06,274 --> 00:02:07,714
At Kevin's request,
I offered to reduce
58
00:02:07,798 --> 00:02:09,275
my work hours
by 26%.
59
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,538
Kevin countered with 50.
60
00:02:10,623 --> 00:02:11,845
Which I countered with 30.
61
00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:12,932
Then Kevin says 40...
62
00:02:13,017 --> 00:02:14,736
Seems like a lot
of math for therapy.
63
00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:16,144
That's what
Dr. Cheryl said...
64
00:02:16,229 --> 00:02:18,510
Anyway, Kevin refuses
to budge from 36%.
65
00:02:18,595 --> 00:02:21,280
And I'm starting to worry
that I might lose to him.
66
00:02:21,365 --> 00:02:22,166
You mean
lose him.
67
00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:23,658
No
Lose to him.
68
00:02:23,766 --> 00:02:25,580
Therapy is a chess match.
69
00:02:25,665 --> 00:02:26,651
And...
70
00:02:26,736 --> 00:02:27,814
I will prevail.
71
00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:30,599
Or it's about saving
your marriage.
72
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,784
You should make
a grand romantic gesture.
73
00:02:32,869 --> 00:02:34,562
- Ugh, so dumb.
- Seriously?
74
00:02:34,647 --> 00:02:36,604
From the woman
who loves Nancy Meyers movies?
75
00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:38,058
- Yeah.
- Here's what I've learned as a PI.
76
00:02:38,142 --> 00:02:40,432
People suck, everyone cheats,
and love is an illusion.
77
00:02:40,517 --> 00:02:42,456
Nancy Meyers is a fool,
and Holt should start dating.
78
00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:43,533
- Both: What?
- You heard me.
79
00:02:43,618 --> 00:02:45,251
It's the only way
you're gonna beat Kevin.
80
00:02:45,335 --> 00:02:47,851
I'm thinking about it.
I'm considering it,
81
00:02:47,936 --> 00:02:50,143
and I've decided.
82
00:02:50,521 --> 00:02:51,744
- I'm in.
- [gasps]
83
00:02:51,829 --> 00:02:52,987
Here it is.
84
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:54,760
Pappy Boyle's farm.
85
00:02:54,845 --> 00:02:56,763
I spent every summer
here as a kid.
86
00:02:56,848 --> 00:02:58,550
Got to say,
it's nicer than I was expecting.
87
00:02:58,634 --> 00:02:59,729
Pappy did well
for himself.
88
00:02:59,814 --> 00:03:01,238
He went to
business school in New York.
89
00:03:01,322 --> 00:03:02,370
He got a job
in Wall Street.
90
00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:04,393
And one day his hand
got caught in a subway door.
91
00:03:04,478 --> 00:03:06,580
And he was dragged
from Times Square into Queens.
92
00:03:06,763 --> 00:03:08,283
Largest settlement
in city history.
93
00:03:08,368 --> 00:03:09,307
Ew.
94
00:03:09,392 --> 00:03:11,369
Pappy should've used
that cash on pest control.
95
00:03:11,454 --> 00:03:12,940
- There's giant rats everywhere.
- Hm.
96
00:03:13,025 --> 00:03:14,565
Those are nutria, Terry.
97
00:03:14,650 --> 00:03:15,567
They're nothing like rats.
98
00:03:15,652 --> 00:03:16,604
They have meatier haunches,
99
00:03:16,689 --> 00:03:17,912
and their teeth
are more orange.
100
00:03:17,996 --> 00:03:20,026
You know, nutria
are actually great pets.
101
00:03:20,111 --> 00:03:21,258
They're affectionate
and smart.
102
00:03:21,342 --> 00:03:22,520
They know how
to open doors.
103
00:03:22,604 --> 00:03:23,488
Plus, you can milk them.
104
00:03:23,573 --> 00:03:24,573
But...
105
00:03:24,719 --> 00:03:25,462
should you?
106
00:03:25,547 --> 00:03:26,551
Pappy drank nutria milk,
107
00:03:26,636 --> 00:03:27,641
and he was fit
as a fiddle.
108
00:03:27,725 --> 00:03:28,787
Anyway, you got
to see the house.
109
00:03:28,871 --> 00:03:31,246
I can't wait to show you
the rug I was born on.
110
00:03:31,396 --> 00:03:33,341
Sure it's been
cleaned since then.
111
00:03:33,426 --> 00:03:35,380
Charles Boyle,
I love you.
112
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,894
Sam Boyle,
I love you.
113
00:03:38,012 --> 00:03:43,629
[both groaning]
114
00:03:43,825 --> 00:03:45,075
Where's that
dead body?
115
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,379
He's in the barn,
and he looks adorable.
116
00:03:47,464 --> 00:03:48,379
Ah, terrific.
117
00:03:48,464 --> 00:03:49,424
And everything's set
for the funeral?
118
00:03:49,509 --> 00:03:50,557
There's one little issue.
119
00:03:50,642 --> 00:03:52,244
We can't find
Pappy's will.
120
00:03:52,329 --> 00:03:53,508
- What?
- He wanted to leave the farm
121
00:03:53,592 --> 00:03:54,531
to the Council of Cousins,
122
00:03:54,632 --> 00:03:56,117
but if we don't
find those papers,
123
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,163
it goes
to Cousin Lyndon.
124
00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:58,179
Oh, no.
125
00:03:58,264 --> 00:03:59,688
- Who's Cousin Lyndon?
- Pappy's son.
126
00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:00,975
He's the black sheep
of the family.
127
00:04:01,059 --> 00:04:02,934
Wait, so we have
a wealthy patriarch
128
00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:05,125
who mysteriously died,
a missing will,
129
00:04:05,210 --> 00:04:07,367
and a black sheep set
to inherit everything?
130
00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:09,066
Am I the only one
who suspects foul play here?
131
00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:11,640
He didn't die mysteriously.
He was 93.
132
00:04:11,725 --> 00:04:13,091
He was fit as fiddle,
Terr.
133
00:04:13,176 --> 00:04:14,211
From all the nutria milk.
134
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,164
Don't be ridiculous.
135
00:04:15,249 --> 00:04:16,860
No Boyle would
ever commit murder.
136
00:04:16,945 --> 00:04:18,298
Boyles don't even
get mad at each other.
137
00:04:18,382 --> 00:04:21,094
Except in that rare instance
of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.
138
00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:22,930
You're just bored
from your suspension
139
00:04:23,015 --> 00:04:24,267
and desperate
to find a case to work.
140
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:25,758
No.
That's not it.
141
00:04:25,843 --> 00:04:26,934
I'm just telling you,
142
00:04:27,148 --> 00:04:28,680
something doesn't
smell right here.
143
00:04:28,765 --> 00:04:30,086
Oh, yeah.
That's Pappy's body.
144
00:04:30,171 --> 00:04:31,945
Cousin Mel did
the embalming in here,
145
00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:34,688
and I think she forgot
to add... something.
146
00:04:35,218 --> 00:04:37,563
Well...
that's a disturbing revelation.
147
00:04:39,021 --> 00:04:40,406
Hey.
What's going on?
148
00:04:40,491 --> 00:04:41,938
I'm helping Holt
pick a dating site.
149
00:04:42,023 --> 00:04:42,922
Oh, this looks good.
150
00:04:43,007 --> 00:04:44,070
PhDs only.
151
00:04:44,155 --> 00:04:45,578
Uh, actually
in this context,
152
00:04:45,663 --> 00:04:47,564
PHD stands for
Pretty Huge [bleep].
153
00:04:47,649 --> 00:04:48,713
Oh, my.
154
00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:51,767
I can only assume that MDs only
stands for Medium [bleep].
155
00:04:51,852 --> 00:04:53,057
Rosa, can I talk
to you for a second?
156
00:04:53,141 --> 00:04:54,401
What the hell are you doing?
157
00:04:54,486 --> 00:04:56,690
Why are you trying to get Holt
and Kevin to break up?
158
00:04:56,775 --> 00:04:58,589
I'm trying to get Holt
and Kevin back together.
159
00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,980
He and Kevin are perfect
for each other.
160
00:05:00,064 --> 00:05:01,089
He just needs
to realize that.
161
00:05:01,173 --> 00:05:02,832
Once he sees what other
trash is out there,
162
00:05:02,916 --> 00:05:05,052
he's gonna go running straight
back into Kevin's arms,
163
00:05:05,144 --> 00:05:06,714
just like
in a Nancy Meyers movie.
164
00:05:06,799 --> 00:05:08,073
So you still love
Nancy Meyers?
165
00:05:08,158 --> 00:05:09,871
I will never turn my back
on Nancy Meyers.
166
00:05:09,964 --> 00:05:11,331
Okay.
I'm in.
167
00:05:11,515 --> 00:05:14,463
Let operation
"Lucky Number Kevin" begin.
168
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,456
- I'm out.
- No, no, no.
169
00:05:15,541 --> 00:05:16,887
- We don't have to call it that.
- Okay,
170
00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:18,721
then I'll think
I'll finish up by saying
171
00:05:18,813 --> 00:05:20,853
Pappy Boyle
was the best hugger.
172
00:05:20,938 --> 00:05:23,205
Which is surprising because
he lost his hand in the subway.
173
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:26,760
But he always said,
"You don't hug with your hands,
174
00:05:26,845 --> 00:05:28,580
"you hug with your heart.
175
00:05:28,664 --> 00:05:30,807
And your groin."
He got that groin involved.
176
00:05:30,892 --> 00:05:33,597
Uh, a lot of groin talk
for a eulogy.
177
00:05:33,682 --> 00:05:34,667
Everyone,
178
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,583
there's something you need
to see in the barn.
179
00:05:36,758 --> 00:05:37,936
The game...
180
00:05:38,065 --> 00:05:39,155
is afoot.
181
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,158
Pappy Boyle was 93.
182
00:05:41,242 --> 00:05:42,768
Who would've suspected
that his death stemmed
183
00:05:42,852 --> 00:05:45,292
from anything other than the
cruel embrace of Father Time?
184
00:05:45,376 --> 00:05:47,468
To suggest as much
might get someone labeled
185
00:05:47,552 --> 00:05:48,454
a crackpot, a kook,
186
00:05:48,539 --> 00:05:50,869
someone that's
"bored with their suspension."
187
00:05:50,954 --> 00:05:52,733
Can you cut the
"Harriet The Spy" windup?
188
00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:53,782
It stinks in here.
189
00:05:53,867 --> 00:05:56,565
What you're smelling, Terry,
is duplicity and deceit.
190
00:05:56,650 --> 00:05:58,283
I think it's
actually Pappy's organs.
191
00:05:58,368 --> 00:06:00,003
Sam, you're kind of messing
with my flow right now.
192
00:06:00,087 --> 00:06:02,005
Point is, I was examining
the body,
193
00:06:02,089 --> 00:06:03,424
and I found something.
194
00:06:04,185 --> 00:06:06,829
Classic ulceration
and desquamation of the mouth.
195
00:06:07,253 --> 00:06:09,392
Telltale signs
of poisoning.
196
00:06:09,477 --> 00:06:10,437
[gasps]
197
00:06:10,522 --> 00:06:11,918
In other words...
198
00:06:12,494 --> 00:06:14,736
[Southern accent]
What we have ourselves here
199
00:06:14,837 --> 00:06:17,888
is a good
ol' fashioned murder...
200
00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:19,767
- Oh, no.
- [all crying]
201
00:06:19,852 --> 00:06:21,333
Of a man
who you all loved dearly.
202
00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:23,218
I shouldn't have done
the "Knives Out" accent.
203
00:06:23,646 --> 00:06:25,106
All right.
A man has been poisoned,
204
00:06:25,191 --> 00:06:26,772
his will is missing,
and there's only one person
205
00:06:26,856 --> 00:06:28,083
who stands to profit.
206
00:06:28,185 --> 00:06:29,084
Lyndon Boyle.
207
00:06:29,169 --> 00:06:30,287
Lyndon's not a killer.
208
00:06:30,372 --> 00:06:32,839
I mean, he did skip a Boyle
family Zoom last summer.
209
00:06:32,924 --> 00:06:33,692
Yeah, it's true.
210
00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:35,059
It's seven hours out
of your day.
211
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,185
How hard is that
to fit in?
212
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,341
Okay, let's set up
an interrogation room.
213
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,130
I wanna make this guy
as uncomfortable as possible.
214
00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:42,591
[chair creaking]
215
00:06:42,809 --> 00:06:44,304
I thought we were going
for uncomfortable.
216
00:06:44,388 --> 00:06:45,333
What's with the rocking chair?
217
00:06:45,418 --> 00:06:47,332
It's a farm.
All the chairs are rockers.
218
00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:49,639
But don't worry,
I under-steeped the tea.
219
00:06:49,723 --> 00:06:51,505
Ugh.
It's so weak.
220
00:06:51,886 --> 00:06:53,678
Why am I being treated
like a criminal?
221
00:06:53,763 --> 00:06:54,810
Okay.
I stand corrected.
222
00:06:55,091 --> 00:06:56,513
We'd like to ask you
a few questions.
223
00:06:56,597 --> 00:06:58,602
Tell us about your last contact
with your father.
224
00:06:58,694 --> 00:06:59,653
- Pappy?
- Well, I saw him
225
00:06:59,738 --> 00:07:00,731
at his birthday party.
226
00:07:00,816 --> 00:07:02,035
Mm-hmm.
And was there anything
227
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,130
unusual about that night?
228
00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,177
Nothing unusual at all.
229
00:07:04,262 --> 00:07:05,959
We ate a pig
from snout to anus,
230
00:07:06,044 --> 00:07:08,255
and then took turns giving
each other head massages.
231
00:07:08,431 --> 00:07:10,392
I was tired.
So I found Pappy,
232
00:07:10,477 --> 00:07:11,662
wished him
a happy birthday.
233
00:07:11,755 --> 00:07:13,193
We hugged
for six minutes.
234
00:07:13,278 --> 00:07:15,209
It was the last time
I saw him alive.
235
00:07:15,294 --> 00:07:16,912
[whimpering]
236
00:07:17,061 --> 00:07:18,427
Did you see those tears?
237
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,537
No way he did it.
238
00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:21,709
Are you serious?
Anyone can fake cry.
239
00:07:21,794 --> 00:07:23,195
You just have
to think of something sad.
240
00:07:23,279 --> 00:07:25,153
Like that episode of
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
241
00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:26,381
when Leonardo was in a coma.
242
00:07:26,466 --> 00:07:27,912
- And that works?
- Yeah.
243
00:07:28,771 --> 00:07:30,521
Yeah, it does.
Now, come on.
244
00:07:30,606 --> 00:07:32,326
Let's go poke some holes
in Lyndon's story.
245
00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:35,591
It was such a great party.
Everyone had the best time.
246
00:07:35,726 --> 00:07:36,780
I mean, except for Lyndon.
247
00:07:36,865 --> 00:07:38,685
- Lyndon wasn't happy?
- Yeah, it was strange.
248
00:07:38,770 --> 00:07:40,412
He was passing
through the living room.
249
00:07:40,497 --> 00:07:42,685
I asked him
if he wanted a little HJ.
250
00:07:42,770 --> 00:07:43,888
But he just ignored me.
251
00:07:43,973 --> 00:07:46,341
I mean, who doesn't want
an HJ from their cousin?
252
00:07:46,426 --> 00:07:47,794
Hold up.
An HJ?
253
00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:49,653
A head job.
A massage.
254
00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:51,223
Isn't that what
everyone calls it?
255
00:07:51,307 --> 00:07:52,318
- You bet.
- Absolutely not.
256
00:07:52,402 --> 00:07:54,122
Okay, so why
was Lyndon angry?
257
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,364
I bet it was whatever
Pappy said to him.
258
00:07:56,449 --> 00:07:57,411
Wait.
What Pappy said when?
259
00:07:57,496 --> 00:07:58,716
When they were
in Pappy's study.
260
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,162
We heard raised voices.
261
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,711
- And then Lyndon said...
- Good night.
262
00:08:01,795 --> 00:08:02,832
Walked out of the room,
263
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,052
and closed the door
behind him.
264
00:08:04,136 --> 00:08:05,837
That's all he said?
Good night?
265
00:08:06,238 --> 00:08:07,356
Gentlemen...
266
00:08:07,937 --> 00:08:09,575
I just solved this case.
267
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:12,590
Sir, if you wanna get a date
off of these sites,
268
00:08:12,675 --> 00:08:14,072
you're gonna have
to give me a little more
269
00:08:14,156 --> 00:08:15,036
from your profile photo.
270
00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:17,387
I just gave you
a series of eight poses,
271
00:08:17,485 --> 00:08:20,207
each increasing
in sexual provocativeness
272
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:20,950
by one-eighth.
273
00:08:21,035 --> 00:08:22,993
If you wanted septiles
or deciles
274
00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:24,747
of sexiness,
you should've told me.
275
00:08:24,832 --> 00:08:26,137
- [groaning]
- What?
276
00:08:26,253 --> 00:08:27,544
Why do you care
so much, Santiago?
277
00:08:27,628 --> 00:08:28,941
I thought you didn't like
the idea of me dating.
278
00:08:29,025 --> 00:08:30,315
Yes, initially.
279
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,611
But then I thought
about your metaphor
280
00:08:32,696 --> 00:08:34,472
about how relationships
are like a chess match.
281
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,205
- Mm-hmm.
- And it really convinced me.
282
00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:37,401
That was
a strong observation.
283
00:08:37,485 --> 00:08:40,312
So why don't you think
of this profile photo
284
00:08:40,397 --> 00:08:42,532
as an epic chess move?
285
00:08:42,617 --> 00:08:46,646
Like Vladimirov's
Thunderbolt of 1987.
286
00:08:46,747 --> 00:08:47,888
Close the door, Diaz.
287
00:08:47,972 --> 00:08:50,802
I'm removing
my collar stays.
288
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:51,974
Why am I back here?
289
00:08:52,059 --> 00:08:54,302
Like I told you,
it was a typical night.
290
00:08:54,396 --> 00:08:55,865
Right.
Cousin kissing circle,
291
00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:57,186
everyone gets burped
after dinner...
292
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:58,130
Normal stuff.
293
00:08:58,215 --> 00:08:59,468
But let's talk about
what happened
294
00:08:59,552 --> 00:09:00,966
after the burping,
shall we?
295
00:09:01,051 --> 00:09:01,942
What are you getting at?
296
00:09:02,027 --> 00:09:03,608
What exactly do you think
happened that night?
297
00:09:03,692 --> 00:09:05,013
I'm so glad you asked.
298
00:09:05,098 --> 00:09:07,625
I think Pappy called you
into his study
299
00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:09,480
and told you he was cutting
you out of his will.
300
00:09:09,564 --> 00:09:11,606
Tempers flared.
Voices were raised.
301
00:09:11,691 --> 00:09:12,826
- What?
- You were furious
302
00:09:12,911 --> 00:09:14,045
you wouldn't
be inheriting the farm.
303
00:09:14,129 --> 00:09:15,176
I don't even
want the farm.
304
00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:17,114
I've always been more
of a city boy.
305
00:09:17,199 --> 00:09:18,380
I live in Poughkeepsie.
306
00:09:18,465 --> 00:09:19,928
Well, I guess
that settles it.
307
00:09:20,013 --> 00:09:21,075
[chuckles]
308
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,342
Except...
you didn't say I love you.
309
00:09:23,427 --> 00:09:24,287
- Excuse me?
- When you left,
310
00:09:24,372 --> 00:09:25,360
you said "good night."
311
00:09:25,444 --> 00:09:26,459
You didn't say
"I love you."
312
00:09:26,543 --> 00:09:28,295
Now, you may be a black sheep,
but you're still a Boyle.
313
00:09:28,379 --> 00:09:30,076
And a Boyle always says
"I love you."
314
00:09:30,161 --> 00:09:31,365
- Not always.
- Look around you.
315
00:09:31,449 --> 00:09:32,786
It's written everywhere.
316
00:09:32,871 --> 00:09:35,572
[dramatic music]
317
00:09:35,799 --> 00:09:37,412
Okay, fine.
We were fighting.
318
00:09:37,497 --> 00:09:38,396
But not over the will.
319
00:09:38,481 --> 00:09:41,115
Pappy was mad at me for missing
that Zoom call this summer.
320
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,335
I mean honestly, Lyndon, what
did you expect would happen?
321
00:09:43,419 --> 00:09:45,505
He said I was a disgrace
to the Boyle name.
322
00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:46,982
So I didn't say
"I love you."
323
00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,372
I just stormed out
to the shed.
324
00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,670
I went to get
the Grandmother Dough.
325
00:09:50,755 --> 00:09:52,125
The Grandmother Dough?
326
00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:53,083
Here it is.
327
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:56,347
The original Boyle family
sourdough starter,
328
00:09:56,432 --> 00:09:57,958
It's still good,
but the lid on the jar
329
00:09:58,043 --> 00:09:59,490
has been stuck
for over a hundred years.
330
00:09:59,574 --> 00:10:02,544
There's an old family legend
that it can only be opened by
331
00:10:03,038 --> 00:10:04,646
The One True Boyle.
332
00:10:04,731 --> 00:10:05,968
I wanted to show
my dad that I was
333
00:10:06,052 --> 00:10:07,404
not a disgrace
to the family.
334
00:10:07,489 --> 00:10:08,482
But I couldn't budge it.
335
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:09,414
Maybe he was right.
336
00:10:09,498 --> 00:10:11,256
Oh, Lyndon.
What a tale.
337
00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:14,028
But I don't think that's why
you came in this barn at all.
338
00:10:14,112 --> 00:10:15,435
I think
you came in here
339
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:16,290
for this.
340
00:10:16,375 --> 00:10:17,474
Is that nutria poison?
341
00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,950
It's rat poison.
Nutria are pets.
342
00:10:20,074 --> 00:10:21,252
You psychopath.
343
00:10:21,336 --> 00:10:23,217
Ah.
Nitrobenzene.
344
00:10:23,302 --> 00:10:24,967
That causes the exact type
of ulcers
345
00:10:25,052 --> 00:10:26,630
we found
in Pappy Boyle's mouth.
346
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:29,896
And...
look what we have here.
347
00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:32,654
A single brown hair,
348
00:10:32,739 --> 00:10:34,373
belonging to the murderer.
349
00:10:34,458 --> 00:10:36,740
Terry, please send this off
to the local police station
350
00:10:36,825 --> 00:10:37,965
for a DNA test.
351
00:10:38,153 --> 00:10:41,013
Now all we need is one
of your hairs, Lyndon.
352
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,273
I didn't kill my father.
353
00:10:42,357 --> 00:10:43,428
Why am I being singled out?
354
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,068
Why not take a hair
from every Boyle
355
00:10:45,153 --> 00:10:46,712
so Cousin Lyndon
doesn't feel that way?
356
00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:48,366
Sure, great idea.
I'll go first.
357
00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:50,335
I mean it's more work for the
lab, but it's fine with me.
358
00:10:50,419 --> 00:10:52,161
Are you okay
with that, Lyndon?
359
00:10:52,846 --> 00:10:54,198
Oh, wow.
Went with a nose hair.
360
00:10:54,282 --> 00:10:55,286
Didn't see
that coming.
361
00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:56,646
But it's definitely
long enough.
362
00:10:56,731 --> 00:10:57,958
- [chuckles]
- No.
363
00:10:58,263 --> 00:11:00,074
Okay, sir.
This app's pretty simple.
364
00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:01,826
If you don't like the guy's
profile, you click "dang,"
365
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:03,479
and if you do,
you click "daaang."
366
00:11:03,564 --> 00:11:04,765
That sounds
needlessly confusing.
367
00:11:04,849 --> 00:11:05,803
Why?
"dang" is bad
368
00:11:05,888 --> 00:11:06,825
and "daaang" is good.
369
00:11:06,910 --> 00:11:08,540
Okay, let's thin this herd.
370
00:11:08,625 --> 00:11:10,662
Untucked shirt,
no thank you.
371
00:11:10,747 --> 00:11:13,043
Born in San Diego, yikes.
372
00:11:13,127 --> 00:11:14,566
An adult named Todd?
373
00:11:14,650 --> 00:11:17,047
So this is what
online dating is like?
374
00:11:17,131 --> 00:11:18,309
I didn't realize.
375
00:11:18,393 --> 00:11:19,571
Realize how good
you have it with Kevin?
376
00:11:19,655 --> 00:11:21,008
No, how it hasn't changed.
377
00:11:21,092 --> 00:11:23,166
You still have
to pick someone based on looks
378
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,589
and hope
for a connection later.
379
00:11:24,674 --> 00:11:25,775
Oh, Lord, help me.
380
00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:26,883
I'm going for it.
381
00:11:26,967 --> 00:11:27,971
- I'm clicking "dang."
- No.
382
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,675
"Dang" is bad.
Click "daaang."
383
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,392
Why is this so confusing?
384
00:11:31,486 --> 00:11:33,324
How do I get
Hot Todd back?
385
00:11:33,408 --> 00:11:35,413
DNA results are in.
386
00:11:35,497 --> 00:11:36,721
Ooh, and?
Who did it?
387
00:11:36,814 --> 00:11:38,877
- It was Lyndon, right?
- Hair is...
388
00:11:39,153 --> 00:11:40,581
"rodent in origin."
389
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:41,589
What?
Doesn't make any sense.
390
00:11:41,674 --> 00:11:42,464
Here, forward it to me.
391
00:11:42,549 --> 00:11:43,799
Must've been a nutria hair.
392
00:11:43,885 --> 00:11:45,467
Those things are everywhere.
Ugh.
393
00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:46,598
Wait a minute.
This is weird.
394
00:11:46,682 --> 00:11:48,078
According to the DNA results,
395
00:11:48,162 --> 00:11:50,515
everyone in the Boyle family
is related except one.
396
00:11:50,599 --> 00:11:51,690
- Lyndon?
- No.
397
00:11:51,775 --> 00:11:53,080
Charles.
398
00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:55,128
Charles Boyle
399
00:11:55,361 --> 00:11:56,797
isn't a Boyle.
400
00:11:58,544 --> 00:12:00,854
That DNA test has
to be wrong.
401
00:12:01,218 --> 00:12:03,463
I mean, Charles is the most
Boyle-y of all the Boyles.
402
00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,122
You know what?
I'm gonna call Charles' dad,
403
00:12:05,206 --> 00:12:06,487
get to the bottom of this.
404
00:12:07,322 --> 00:12:08,808
All right.
Thanks, Lynn. Bye.
405
00:12:08,893 --> 00:12:10,355
What on Earth
took so long?
406
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,668
Well, the first five hours
407
00:12:11,753 --> 00:12:13,902
was mostly just sobbing
and gasping for air.
408
00:12:13,987 --> 00:12:16,465
Then he told me
that Charles' mom had an affair
409
00:12:16,549 --> 00:12:17,706
with a rival florist.
410
00:12:17,791 --> 00:12:19,583
Lynn always suspected
he might've been Charles' dad,
411
00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:21,557
but he decided he loved him
so much, it didn't matter.
412
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:22,448
I don't understand.
413
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,628
Charles looks just like all
the other Boyles.
414
00:12:24,713 --> 00:12:25,963
Apparently that's
not genetic.
415
00:12:26,048 --> 00:12:27,682
The Boyles cuddle
their children so much,
416
00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:28,957
it shapes
their bones that way.
417
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,980
He likened it to how they
grow square watermelons.
418
00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:32,155
Oh, my God.
419
00:12:32,423 --> 00:12:33,448
We can't tell Charles.
420
00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:35,091
You wanna lie
to our dear friend
421
00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:36,871
about the one thing
that's most important to him
422
00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:38,017
in the whole world?
423
00:12:38,780 --> 00:12:40,263
- Yes.
- Okay, good, me too.
424
00:12:40,348 --> 00:12:42,011
Now all we have to do is prove
that Cousin Lyndon is
425
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,306
the murderer before Charles
asks about the DNA results.
426
00:12:44,391 --> 00:12:45,126
Hi, guys.
427
00:12:45,211 --> 00:12:47,080
Ah.
Hey, man.
428
00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:48,806
- Where'd you come from?
- I slinked up.
429
00:12:48,891 --> 00:12:50,339
You know how good
Boyles are at slinking.
430
00:12:50,423 --> 00:12:51,892
It's because
of our fleshy toe pads.
431
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,806
Right.
And you, Charles,
432
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,751
have said
fleshy toe pads
433
00:12:55,892 --> 00:12:57,284
because you are a Boyle,
434
00:12:57,392 --> 00:13:00,822
from snout to anus.
435
00:13:00,861 --> 00:13:02,048
That is so sweet.
436
00:13:02,173 --> 00:13:03,433
I'm stealing that
for the eulogy.
437
00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:04,736
Ah, you don't have to.
438
00:13:04,821 --> 00:13:05,689
Huh.
439
00:13:05,774 --> 00:13:07,838
It's the exact time we agreed
to meet for our date,
440
00:13:07,923 --> 00:13:09,290
- and he's not here.
- I'm sorry.
441
00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:11,049
I know how you value
punctuality.
442
00:13:11,134 --> 00:13:12,112
In my employees.
443
00:13:12,197 --> 00:13:14,237
But in potential suitors,
I don't mind
444
00:13:14,322 --> 00:13:15,635
one or two minutes
of tardiness.
445
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,358
I like a bad boy.
446
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:18,750
Now, if you'll excuse me,
447
00:13:18,835 --> 00:13:21,014
I'm going to go to the bathroom
to wash my hands,
448
00:13:21,098 --> 00:13:22,837
in case we shake.
449
00:13:23,144 --> 00:13:25,009
Ooh.
[laughs]
450
00:13:25,845 --> 00:13:27,371
I thought the point was
for Holt to bail
451
00:13:27,455 --> 00:13:28,675
before he got
to an actual date.
452
00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:30,112
It is.
But this works too.
453
00:13:30,197 --> 00:13:31,800
I mean, did you see
the dude he matched with?
454
00:13:31,884 --> 00:13:32,894
He calls himself a doctor,
455
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,596
but he's actually
a chiropractor.
456
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,987
Are we sure Holt doesn't
respect chiropractors?
457
00:13:37,548 --> 00:13:39,759
[laughter]
458
00:13:39,916 --> 00:13:41,049
I'm kidding.
459
00:13:41,142 --> 00:13:42,861
Ooh.
There's Todd.
460
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:45,206
And here's Holt.
461
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:46,831
Started off strong,
nice big smile.
462
00:13:46,916 --> 00:13:49,166
Oh, not anymore.
He just noticed Todd's loafers.
463
00:13:49,251 --> 00:13:50,463
Oh, Todd, you fool.
464
00:13:50,548 --> 00:13:52,807
Holt thinks any shoes
without laces are flip-flops.
465
00:13:52,892 --> 00:13:55,510
Now the moment that will send
Holt running toward the exit.
466
00:13:55,595 --> 00:13:57,487
When he asks Todd
what he would like to drink,
467
00:13:57,572 --> 00:13:59,252
Todd orders,
"Whatever you're having."
468
00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:02,009
Oh Todd, you fool.
Have your own opinion.
469
00:14:02,357 --> 00:14:04,580
Wait a second.
Are they gonna sit down?
470
00:14:04,665 --> 00:14:05,669
In a booth?
471
00:14:05,882 --> 00:14:06,843
Oh, no, Rosa.
472
00:14:06,927 --> 00:14:08,274
Todd's not the fool.
473
00:14:08,359 --> 00:14:09,697
We're the fools.
474
00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:11,823
I have eyes
on the package.
475
00:14:11,908 --> 00:14:13,065
He's headed towards you.
476
00:14:13,150 --> 00:14:14,339
- I'm on it.
- Seriously, guys,
477
00:14:14,423 --> 00:14:15,286
why are we doing this?
478
00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:17,143
We should just wait
for the DNA test.
479
00:14:17,228 --> 00:14:18,284
We will.
But the lab said
480
00:14:18,369 --> 00:14:19,463
it would take a week.
481
00:14:19,548 --> 00:14:21,205
They had to get
a new tech.
482
00:14:21,289 --> 00:14:22,501
Oh, no.
Why?
483
00:14:22,681 --> 00:14:25,767
The old one had
a bad allergic reaction to...
484
00:14:25,988 --> 00:14:27,340
- beakers.
- Ugh.
485
00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:29,034
Labs are full of them.
That's awful.
486
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:30,344
Yeah, and real.
487
00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:32,495
Anyways, since Lyndon
is our only actual suspect,
488
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,712
we might
as well investigate.
489
00:14:33,797 --> 00:14:35,370
Let me ask you this.
Is he gushing?
490
00:14:35,455 --> 00:14:36,330
Don't say those words.
491
00:14:36,415 --> 00:14:38,002
The pressure
of keeping secrets
492
00:14:38,087 --> 00:14:39,627
makes Boyles
stress-sweat.
493
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,033
Wait.
He's leaving the property.
494
00:14:41,118 --> 00:14:42,080
Can you stay with him?
495
00:14:42,165 --> 00:14:43,595
Yeah.
I think so.
496
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,112
I just have to get
around the barn and...
497
00:14:45,196 --> 00:14:46,095
[yells]
498
00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:47,180
Terr-bear?
499
00:14:48,156 --> 00:14:49,770
I'm sorry.
I was following Lyndon
500
00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:51,830
and I crawled
into that thing.
501
00:14:51,915 --> 00:14:53,346
That thing has a name.
502
00:14:53,431 --> 00:14:54,283
It's Muffin.
503
00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:55,949
Well, thanks to Muffin,
we lost Lyndon.
504
00:14:56,034 --> 00:14:58,822
Yes.
But also thanks to Muffin,
505
00:14:59,009 --> 00:15:01,978
I just solved the case
of who killed Pappy Boyle.
506
00:15:02,087 --> 00:15:03,549
- [radio feedback]
- We're right here.
507
00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:05,681
Yeah. I didn't think
it would feed back.
508
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,291
Oh, no, Rosa.
They're leaving together.
509
00:15:08,376 --> 00:15:09,250
What are we gonna do?
510
00:15:09,335 --> 00:15:10,166
We stop them.
511
00:15:10,251 --> 00:15:11,534
Even if it means we have
to kill Todd.
512
00:15:11,618 --> 00:15:12,751
Smart.
Let's go.
513
00:15:13,998 --> 00:15:14,828
Looking for someone?
514
00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:17,222
Sir.
Uh, what's going on?
515
00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:19,791
What's going on is that you
were trying to manipulate me,
516
00:15:19,896 --> 00:15:22,088
but it is I
who manipulated you.
517
00:15:22,173 --> 00:15:23,017
How does it feel
518
00:15:23,102 --> 00:15:25,712
to suckle from
your own tainted teat?
519
00:15:25,797 --> 00:15:27,763
Not as bad as it feels
to hear you say "suckle."
520
00:15:27,848 --> 00:15:30,072
So you were never really
going home with Todd?
521
00:15:30,157 --> 00:15:32,861
You actually think I would
have relations with him?
522
00:15:32,893 --> 00:15:34,105
I really thought
we had something.
523
00:15:34,189 --> 00:15:35,909
Wake up, Todd.
I'm out of your league.
524
00:15:35,994 --> 00:15:38,292
You thought you could meddle
in my personal life,
525
00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:40,791
but I was ten moves ahead
the whole time.
526
00:15:40,876 --> 00:15:42,340
And now, checkmate.
527
00:15:42,424 --> 00:15:43,559
Ooh.
I love chess.
528
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:44,964
Have you seen
"The Queen's Gambit"?
529
00:15:45,048 --> 00:15:47,017
- It's a TV show.
- Todd, I swear to God.
530
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:50,026
The person who killed Pappy
wasn't a person at all.
531
00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:51,033
It was Muffin.
532
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,564
- [all gasp]
- I checked her mouth,
533
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,657
and Muffin had the same ulcers
that Pappy had.
534
00:15:54,741 --> 00:15:57,081
Muffin ate the poison,
and then Pappy drank her milk.
535
00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:58,376
So Lyndon was innocent.
536
00:15:58,461 --> 00:16:00,205
Then I heard that
the box must be Muffin's.
537
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:01,853
Did you get
the DNA report back?
538
00:16:01,938 --> 00:16:03,197
- Exactly.
- Wait, but I thought
539
00:16:03,282 --> 00:16:04,346
the report was gonna
take a week
540
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:05,612
because of
the lab tech's allergies.
541
00:16:05,696 --> 00:16:06,845
Uh-huh, uh-huh,
uh-huh.
542
00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:08,631
But then they decided
to use a subcontractor
543
00:16:08,715 --> 00:16:10,250
who was allergy-free,
so let's just move on
544
00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:11,440
and talk about
something else immediately.
545
00:16:11,524 --> 00:16:12,345
Three "uh-huh's"?
546
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,870
Clearly you're lying
about something.
547
00:16:14,454 --> 00:16:15,501
Why you being
a jerk to me?
548
00:16:15,586 --> 00:16:16,557
Show me the report, Jake.
549
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,612
Okay, fine.
But just look at the top result
550
00:16:18,697 --> 00:16:19,940
'cause that's all
that matters.
551
00:16:20,705 --> 00:16:23,018
"Specimen hair was rodent
in nature."
552
00:16:23,103 --> 00:16:24,462
and that's that.
553
00:16:24,547 --> 00:16:25,730
Oh, my God.
554
00:16:27,292 --> 00:16:28,455
I'm not a Boyle.
555
00:16:28,540 --> 00:16:29,540
[all gasp]
556
00:16:29,967 --> 00:16:32,059
Okay.
I love you too, Dad.
557
00:16:32,594 --> 00:16:33,605
Did you guys
change clothes?
558
00:16:33,689 --> 00:16:35,495
Yeah, Charles.
It's tomorrow now.
559
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,088
You been on the phone
for 14 hours.
560
00:16:37,173 --> 00:16:38,635
Well, you know
what they say,
561
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,221
"Time flies when God
pulls down his pants
562
00:16:41,306 --> 00:16:42,737
and takes a dump
on your life."
563
00:16:42,822 --> 00:16:44,650
Oh, buddy.
I'm so sorry.
564
00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:46,098
I just want
to go home
565
00:16:46,183 --> 00:16:47,494
What?
You can reel.
566
00:16:47,543 --> 00:16:48,543
What about the eulogy?
567
00:16:48,628 --> 00:16:49,723
I don't feel right
giving it now.
568
00:16:49,807 --> 00:16:51,754
Sam offered to step in.
I'll have him do it.
569
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,782
No, no, no.
Wait.
570
00:16:53,867 --> 00:16:55,088
Assemble the cousins.
571
00:16:55,173 --> 00:16:56,903
Last night, we learned
that Pappy Boyle's death
572
00:16:56,987 --> 00:16:58,207
was not foul play.
573
00:16:58,292 --> 00:16:59,863
But even though
there was no murder,
574
00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:01,457
there was a robbery.
575
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:04,213
Charles had his sense
of self stolen from him
576
00:17:04,298 --> 00:17:05,449
by Sam Boyle.
577
00:17:05,535 --> 00:17:06,864
[all gasp]
You said it yourself, Charles,
578
00:17:06,948 --> 00:17:09,480
the Boyles have a long history
of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.
579
00:17:09,565 --> 00:17:12,286
Sam couldn't stand that you
were chosen to give the eulogy.
580
00:17:12,371 --> 00:17:13,238
Think about it.
581
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,349
It was Sam who made sure we
knew the will was missing.
582
00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:17,755
We can't find
Pappy's will.
583
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,934
Then Sam again who suggested
you all get your DNA tested.
584
00:17:21,019 --> 00:17:23,192
Why not take a hair
from every Boyle?
585
00:17:23,277 --> 00:17:25,932
And finally, Sam who made
sure we all knew the results.
586
00:17:26,016 --> 00:17:28,083
Did you get
the DNA report back?
587
00:17:28,168 --> 00:17:30,567
This is ridiculous.
I love Charles.
588
00:17:30,652 --> 00:17:31,496
Okay, well then.
I'm sure
589
00:17:31,581 --> 00:17:32,998
you wouldn't mind
giving him a hug then.
590
00:17:33,082 --> 00:17:34,091
Since you love him so much.
591
00:17:34,175 --> 00:17:36,449
Sure.
I always like to hug my cousin.
592
00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:38,356
He's gushing!
593
00:17:38,441 --> 00:17:39,136
[all gasp]
594
00:17:39,221 --> 00:17:40,221
Darn it.
595
00:17:40,676 --> 00:17:41,740
I thought these would hide it,
596
00:17:41,824 --> 00:17:44,114
but I gushed
through my pit diapers.
597
00:17:44,199 --> 00:17:45,386
All right, fine.
598
00:17:45,699 --> 00:17:47,864
I always suspected
that Charles wasn't one of us.
599
00:17:47,949 --> 00:17:49,926
I mean, he went
through puberty at 13,
600
00:17:50,011 --> 00:17:51,348
instead of 25,
601
00:17:51,432 --> 00:17:52,847
like a normal Boyle.
602
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,793
And when he got chosen
to give the eulogy,
603
00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:58,111
something inside
of me snapped.
604
00:17:58,196 --> 00:17:59,462
So I hid the will.
605
00:17:59,615 --> 00:18:00,636
I admit it.
606
00:18:00,877 --> 00:18:01,942
Are you happy now?
607
00:18:02,027 --> 00:18:03,027
- Very.
- Not at all.
608
00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:04,971
Wait, what?
Charles, we solved the case.
609
00:18:05,055 --> 00:18:06,605
- He confessed.
- Doesn't matter.
610
00:18:07,121 --> 00:18:08,621
I'm still not a Boyle.
611
00:18:08,927 --> 00:18:11,121
I'm just
a normal person.
612
00:18:12,824 --> 00:18:15,105
Normal from
snout to anus.
613
00:18:16,526 --> 00:18:18,096
[knock at door]
614
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,853
We wanted to apologize.
615
00:18:19,938 --> 00:18:22,801
And if you wanna gloat
about how you outsmarted us,
616
00:18:22,886 --> 00:18:24,325
go ahead.
We deserve it.
617
00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:25,754
I won't be doing
any gloating.
618
00:18:25,989 --> 00:18:28,075
I mean, I did last night.
I went home and had a drink
619
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,213
to toast to your humiliation.
620
00:18:30,297 --> 00:18:31,301
But it didn't feel right,
621
00:18:31,385 --> 00:18:32,801
because I had no one
to toast with,
622
00:18:32,886 --> 00:18:33,997
no one to share my glee.
623
00:18:34,082 --> 00:18:38,027
I had won,
but... I was alone.
624
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,270
And I realized,
625
00:18:40,355 --> 00:18:42,738
this is exactly what
I'm doing to Kevin.
626
00:18:42,972 --> 00:18:45,141
Trying to win
therapy.
627
00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:46,578
And it hit me.
628
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,058
I care so much
about winning
629
00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:52,472
that I've lost everything.
630
00:18:54,261 --> 00:18:55,840
Tell Kevin
how you feel.
631
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,720
It's raining.
You could run to him.
632
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,200
This is the real world,
Santiago.
633
00:19:00,284 --> 00:19:02,972
Relationships end
in unsatisfying ways every day.
634
00:19:04,386 --> 00:19:06,317
People don't run
to each other in the rain.
635
00:19:06,402 --> 00:19:08,600
Raymond!
Raymond Holt!
636
00:19:08,684 --> 00:19:09,824
Kevin?
637
00:19:12,578 --> 00:19:13,926
Raymond!
638
00:19:19,655 --> 00:19:21,598
Raymond, am I too late?
639
00:19:21,683 --> 00:19:22,744
Too late?
640
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,348
My friend saw
your dating profile
641
00:19:24,433 --> 00:19:26,097
and your photo
without collar stays.
642
00:19:26,354 --> 00:19:28,426
I... thought
I'd lost you.
643
00:19:29,105 --> 00:19:31,254
You will
never lose me.
644
00:19:31,749 --> 00:19:33,348
I'll do anything
to keep you.
645
00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:35,770
I'll compromise on everything.
The work, the...
646
00:19:35,855 --> 00:19:38,499
[dramatic music]
647
00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:45,677
[♪]
648
00:19:46,721 --> 00:19:49,097
Nancy Meyers
never fails.
649
00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:52,121
Now that we're doing it,
it feels kinda weird
650
00:19:52,206 --> 00:19:54,169
to be staring at your friends
while they kiss.
651
00:19:54,254 --> 00:19:56,558
Are you kidding?
It's beautiful.
652
00:19:56,775 --> 00:19:58,693
[♪]
653
00:19:59,051 --> 00:20:00,301
I love you.
654
00:20:00,822 --> 00:20:01,988
I love you.
655
00:20:04,176 --> 00:20:06,230
- Okay, I'm packed.
- Let's go home.
656
00:20:06,343 --> 00:20:07,701
Charles,
I'm sorry.
657
00:20:07,786 --> 00:20:09,095
I feel like
this was all my fault.
658
00:20:09,179 --> 00:20:10,715
Why?
Did you inseminate my mother?
659
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:11,754
- What?
- Ew, no.
660
00:20:11,839 --> 00:20:14,270
Don't say ew.
She's my one blood relation.
661
00:20:14,355 --> 00:20:16,088
Remember,
I'm not a real Boyle.
662
00:20:16,692 --> 00:20:17,878
Okay, fine.
663
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,458
Maybe you're not
a real Boyle.
664
00:20:19,543 --> 00:20:20,367
But what if
665
00:20:20,451 --> 00:20:21,368
you're a true Boyle?
666
00:20:21,452 --> 00:20:22,504
What if
667
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,317
you're The One True Boyle?
668
00:20:24,402 --> 00:20:25,637
No, no.
You want me to open
669
00:20:25,722 --> 00:20:26,551
the Grandmother Dough.
670
00:20:26,636 --> 00:20:27,543
That jar is stuck shut.
671
00:20:27,628 --> 00:20:29,288
Nobody's ever been able
to do it.
672
00:20:29,373 --> 00:20:30,605
But you have to try.
673
00:20:30,766 --> 00:20:32,113
Terry, go grab it.
674
00:20:32,985 --> 00:20:36,488
All right, now let's reassemble
those cousins.
675
00:20:37,768 --> 00:20:39,355
I'm not gonna
be able to do this,
676
00:20:39,449 --> 00:20:40,822
and I'm gonna be
even more humiliated.
677
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,979
Just try.
I believe in you.
678
00:20:44,989 --> 00:20:46,733
So did you loosen it?
679
00:20:46,825 --> 00:20:48,047
I tried, but it's slippery,
680
00:20:48,131 --> 00:20:49,396
and that thing
is sealed on tight.
681
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:50,484
I couldn't budge it.
682
00:20:50,568 --> 00:20:52,878
Oh, no.
Uh, hey, Charles.
683
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,872
Remember when I said
that I believed in you?
684
00:20:54,996 --> 00:20:56,145
- Yes.
- It's the entire reason
685
00:20:56,229 --> 00:20:57,433
- I'm doing this.
- Oh.
686
00:20:57,551 --> 00:20:58,623
Godspeed.
687
00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:00,491
[grunting]
688
00:21:02,392 --> 00:21:05,267
[dramatic music]
689
00:21:05,452 --> 00:21:12,329
[♪]
690
00:21:13,183 --> 00:21:14,274
Ah!
691
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:15,442
I did it!
692
00:21:15,527 --> 00:21:17,192
He's The One True Boyle.
693
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:19,269
[cheers and laughter]
694
00:21:19,354 --> 00:21:21,894
Oh, my God.
What is that stench?
695
00:21:21,979 --> 00:21:23,255
It's the Grandmother Dough.
696
00:21:23,357 --> 00:21:25,462
- It smells horrible.
- Not to a Boyle.
697
00:21:25,553 --> 00:21:26,719
- [sniffs deeply]
- Oh God!
698
00:21:26,812 --> 00:21:29,484
It's... cutting through
the smell of a corpse.
50083
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