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Arliss: For most of us,
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the dream of becoming a champion
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00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:18,846
remains a fantasy.
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But for a special few,
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it is very much a reality.
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We cheer them.
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We live through them.
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Athletes are our last warriors.
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My job is to make
their dreams come true.
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My name is Arliss Michaels.
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I represent athletes.
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These are my stories.
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♪ Don't know what it is
that makes me love you so ♪
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00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:47,083
♪ I only know I never
wanna let you go ♪
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♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ It happens to be true ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:05,061
♪ I just wanna be
beside you everywhere ♪
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00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:08,601
♪ As long as we're
together, honey, I don't care ♪
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♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ No matter what you do ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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Arliss: Many people think
agenting is all about "the deal".
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Not true.
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Dealmaking only takes
up a fraction of time.
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The rest is spent
servicing the client.
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Mm-hmm.
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You need six
tickets on the floor
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to the Lakers next Wednesday.
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Right, this time make sure the
tickets are between the baskets.
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Last time they were behind them.
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I'll try.
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I can try, I need
you to get 'em.
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I'll try.
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Arliss: When I say
servicing the client,
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what exactly does that mean?
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Arliss, can you get me a
date with Naomi Campbell?
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You want me to endorse
the Weedwacker?
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What happened to Coke and Pepsi?
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00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,615
Arliss, amigo,
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00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,530
can you get me a date
with Naomi Campbell?
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00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,562
You want me to endorse
the Weedwacker?
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Arliss, you've gotta get me out
of that charity benefit next week.
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Arliss: It's your charity.
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What do you mean, I
gotta get a blood test?
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What'd that girl tell you?
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(speaking Spanish)
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Weedwacker?
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(speaking Spanish) Coke or Nike?
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How come you can't even get
me into MTV "Rock N' Jock"?
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How come you can't get me
into the MTV "Rock N' Jock"?
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(speaking Spanish)
MTV "Rock N' Jock"?
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Get me a date with
Naomi Campbell.
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Hey, Bruce Smith, what up?
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Listen, Kirby, I need you to
house-sit my cat this week.
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The whole week?
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Thanks.
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(dial tone)
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Arliss: Servicing the client
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can mean different
things to different people.
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Sometimes it's just
about stopping by
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and finding out
what's on their mind.
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He's goin', he's goin!
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Godammit!
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It's all right. It's okay.
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Shit!
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Settle down, settle down.
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Hey, Arliss.
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Timmy man, good to see you!
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They still let you
in this place, huh?
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The way you played?
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(laughs) Tell me
about your guy, Zack.
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Wh... what are
you talkin' about?
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You know what I'm talkin'
about, that throwing hitch.
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I mean, he couldn't
throw out Raymond Burr.
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00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,700
Oh, no no no, th...
that's a style thing.
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- Hm.
- They do it in the hood.
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Tell you who I do
like, Sonny Willis.
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I don't think he's ever
had a better spring.
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I don't represent Sonny Willis.
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Too bad.
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It's not necessarily
his velocity,
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but have you noticed
how the ball keeps sinking
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down, down, down?
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You think he's puttin'
something on the ball?
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Sonny Willis is
throwin' a spitter?
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Spit, Vaseline, K-Y.
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Hey, nowadays, as long as
our team wins... who cares?
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Great country, isn't it?
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Arliss: I'm constantly asked,
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"What is the key to a
successful agency?"
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Two words:
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Fuck me!
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Arliss: Personal attention.
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It's okay, Zack, it's okay.
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It's okay. Looks good.
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00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:07,510
Arliss: Once you recognize
what each client needs,
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opportunity can hit
you smack in the face.
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Ohhh... ohhhh!
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Sorry, man!
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You okay?
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(cracking noise)
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Sonny Willis, right?
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Yeah.
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Arliss Michaels.
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Or what's left of him, anyway.
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Oh, yeah. I was just readin'
about you in Vanity Fair.
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00:04:25,998 --> 00:04:28,768
Yeah, yeah... you know, 90%
of that article was 10% true.
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00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,935
(chuckles) Here you go.
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Hey, you looked good
out there today, you know?
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Thank you.
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Yeah.
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Whoa whoa whoa
whoa, I think you forgot...
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this.
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Nice meetin' you.
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(cracking noise)
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Yo, Arliss. Talking
to the brother, huh?
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Zack, how's the
bishop of backstops?
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Arliss... let's go
someplace private.
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We need to talk.
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I'm gonna be 30
next week, Arliss.
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Thirty.
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I'm supposed to be in my prime.
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But you saw me out there
today, man, I'm fuckin' up.
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00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,797
This is my job.
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00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,039
I'll get you some help,
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00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:06,073
a... a sports
psychologist, maybe.
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00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,179
I don't need a shrink to tell me
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my throwin'
problem's in my head.
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I know it's all mental.
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In fact, I know
what's causin' it.
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00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,545
You do, what?
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Arliss...
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my wife's havin' an affair.
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- What?
- That's the reason I'm burpi" the ball back to the pitcher.
138
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Nonsense. You're having a
little throwing slump, that's all.
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No. I'm tellin' you, she's
foolin' around on me.
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Ann, cheating on
you? No way, no way.
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00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,462
Oh, yeah? Well, last
week, we didn't have sex
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on Thursday or Sunday.
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Oh, file for divorce. With
hard evidence like that,
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she'll be able to
keep the house.
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Yeah, well, someone keeps callin'
my house and hangin' up on me.
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Do you know how many
people hang up on me a day?
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Last week she got
her hair colored twice.
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Now, what kinda
sense does that make?
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Depends, was it highlights
or single process?
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00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,020
Arliss, my world
is just crumbling.
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I... I can't believe she
would do this to me.
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Me, of all people.
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I'm a devoted husband!
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You have any singles?
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Yeah, uh, yeah. Yeah.
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00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:02,937
No, I got a twenty,
let me get change.
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Thanks, Zack, honey.
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I want you to hire
someone to follow Ann.
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00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,735
You want me to hire
a private detective
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to spy on your wife?
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Yeah, I have to
know the truth, don't I?
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The truth is, your
wife loves you.
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And so do your kids.
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Arliss, I have to know.
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Zack, I think you're
overreacting big time, here.
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Besides, those guys,
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they... they get
pretty expensive.
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I don't care. Take 10
grand out of my "bitch fund".
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Hey-hey, keep it down.
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00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,130
Never refer to it
as the "bitch fund".
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Refer to it as the
"discretionary account".
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Anyway, just do it, okay?
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I have to know the truth.
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Arliss: Among the many services
AMM provides for its clients
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is financial planning.
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00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:50,913
This includes trusts,
pensions, and other accounts.
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00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:55,107
At AMM we employ only
top level skilled professionals.
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You want me to tail
Zack Bowers' wife?
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Just for a day or two.
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00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,803
You always said you wanted
your role expanded here.
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00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,662
Take my Mercedes.
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00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,064
Not on your life.
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00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,805
Besides, you're following
the wrong spouse.
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00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:09,860
It's Zack who needs a LoJack.
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00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,059
Look, Ann isn't cheating.
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00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,431
I just wanna clear her name,
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so Zack can clear his
head, without having to spend
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00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:17,571
for Anthony Pellicano's
exorbitant fees!
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00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:20,437
Uh uh uh uh uh. This
is none of your business.
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00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,006
You're wrong!
191
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:24,614
Zack's career is my business!
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He can't throw the
ball back to the pitcher
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because he thinks his
wife is screwin' around!
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00:07:28,547 --> 00:07:30,077
- Really?
- Really.
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00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:32,179
Odd. Something similar
happened to me once.
196
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:34,301
- Yeah?
- I thought my old boyfriend was cheating on me,
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And I kept missing my
mouth with the salad fork.
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00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:38,122
Forget it, Arliss.
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00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:42,755
Of course, there would
be some remuneration.
200
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:46,073
How much remuneration?
201
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:51,842
Oh, I'd say we're looking
at an extra $200 for the day.
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00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:52,944
- Eight.
- Four.
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00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:54,005
- Six.
- Five.
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00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,140
Deal.
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00:07:55,207 --> 00:07:56,937
And of course, I
couldn't possibly
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do any kind of quality
surveillance work,
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00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:01,745
without... the proper
surveillance footwear.
208
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:05,524
Of course not. I'm sure we
could authorize some supplies.
209
00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:08,454
Uh, Kirby, take it out of
Zack's discretionary account.
210
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:11,721
Discretionary... You
mean the "bitch fund"?
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00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:14,061
- Kirby!
- Arliss, I've changed my mind.
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00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:15,426
I don't wanna be a part of this.
213
00:08:15,494 --> 00:08:18,404
In fact, the more I think of it,
the more offensive it becomes.
214
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:20,204
- I'll throw in a scarf.
- I'm on it.
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00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,666
Arliss: Each member of my staff
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00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:23,804
is prepared for any contingency.
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00:08:23,869 --> 00:08:25,499
Put it right here.
218
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,971
Hey, I got here just in time!
219
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,210
Brand new sofa
for the big screen!
220
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,346
Make sure you take your
shoes off this time, Kirby.
221
00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:33,981
That thing cost me 15 grand.
222
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:36,946
No problem. So, uh,
satellite dish still workin'?
223
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,986
Listen, Kirby, I appreciate
you cat-sitting for me.
224
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:42,692
Maggie's my little girl, and
she has a bladder infection,
225
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,285
so make sure
you give her a pill.
226
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,617
How much does she eat?
227
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:46,961
Uhh...!
228
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,426
Sorry, man.
229
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:50,834
I shouldn't leave
her leash out like that.
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00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:52,596
Her leash?
231
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:58,695
(growls)
232
00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:00,971
Hey, she must like you.
233
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,480
You must have good pheromones.
234
00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:03,881
(growls)
235
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:09,182
Uh... take a pill.
Here's... take...
236
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:12,178
Take... here's a pill.
There's... there's pills.
237
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:14,121
You're supposed to take 'em.
238
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:19,991
Either one,
239
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,259
Yeah... take a pill.
240
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:23,328
Any of those pills?
241
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,726
Any of those look good?
242
00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:26,597
Any one of those
five, six, here...
243
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,474
No? Fine.
244
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:36,009
You know? Don't take 'em.
245
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,135
It's all right with me.
246
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:38,979
Ooh! You'll regret it later.
247
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:50,822
You ready?
248
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:52,200
You gonna be good?
You're gonna be sweet?
249
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:53,394
Okay. Come on...
250
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:14,475
Desmond, here at AMM, we take
care of a client's individual needs.
251
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,947
Long term investments,
short term investments.
252
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:18,376
- Estate planning?
- Yeah.
253
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,021
- Trusts?
- Uh-huh.
254
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,486
Discretionary accounts?
255
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,264
(phone ringing)
256
00:10:24,356 --> 00:10:26,256
Um, excuse me, I'm sorry.
257
00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:28,326
Yes?
258
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:29,564
Arliss? Reporting in.
259
00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:31,958
So far, Ann's gone to the
market and the dry cleaners.
260
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:33,101
No big whoop.
261
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:36,365
But now... she's at the
park, and she brought pizza.
262
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:37,465
What do you make of it?
263
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:38,566
I got it.
264
00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:39,777
She's fuckin' Chuck E. Cheese!
265
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,815
Rita, I'm in a meeting right
now with Desmond Howard.
266
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,281
Don't bother me!
267
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,583
I'm sorry, Desmond,
where were we?
268
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:48,005
The "bitch fund".
269
00:11:14,406 --> 00:11:15,806
(alarm activates)
270
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,005
Fucking German cars!
271
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,706
I told him to buy a Hyundai!
272
00:11:19,778 --> 00:11:21,978
(alarm still on)
273
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:30,290
(alarm still on)
274
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:07,691
(woman moaning)
275
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,730
Mmmm?
276
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:11,325
Mm-hmm.
277
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,127
Let's see what we have here.
278
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:21,313
No... oh, shit.
279
00:12:22,474 --> 00:12:24,784
(woman moaning)
280
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:31,179
Oh...
281
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:37,218
Oh.
282
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:44,634
Turn around, turn around!
283
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:54,565
Okay, kids...
284
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,880
I'll wait you out.
285
00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:09,152
(crickets chirping)
286
00:13:11,890 --> 00:13:13,930
(snoring)
287
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:14,993
Ohhh!
288
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,260
Ohh!
289
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:19,630
No!
290
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:24,836
Fuck!
291
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:29,944
Did you see who it was?
292
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,279
No, it was too dark in there.
293
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:34,814
Then you really can't
be 100% sure it was her.
294
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,880
Oh, Arliss, stop it, you
should've seen them.
295
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:39,549
They were no amateurs.
They were good.
296
00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:41,688
But maybe not good enough.
297
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:42,794
Exhibit "A".
298
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,515
Oh, what is this?
299
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,055
Exhibit "B".
300
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:53,574
Must we?
301
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:54,642
Well, if you don't like that,
302
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,947
you're certainly
gonna hate this.
303
00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:19,760
Sonny Willis.
304
00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:20,825
Who's Sonny Willis?
305
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,830
Zack's teammate!
306
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:25,656
He's not using this
to grease the baseball,
307
00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,801
he's using it to grease
his Louisville slugger!
308
00:14:27,866 --> 00:14:28,926
Oh, my God!
309
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,201
Oh, this is gonna kill Zack.
310
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:34,410
I mean, if a catcher
can't trust a pitcher...
311
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:35,943
who can you trust?
312
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,508
What... what... what
are you gonna do?
313
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:38,616
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do,
314
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:39,724
I'm gonna tell
the son of a bitch
315
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:40,845
to knock it the fuck off,
316
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:41,963
before I go to the ball club,
317
00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:43,490
saying that he's fucking
with a very expensive
318
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:45,675
piece of their property,
somebody else's wife!
319
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:47,021
Oh, yeah, you go, girl!
320
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:49,246
Honey, okay, okay, you
wanna see moral outrage?
321
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:51,421
You wanna see
righteous indignation?
322
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,030
Well, then, pull up a floor!
323
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,832
Because Mount St.
Arliss is about to erupt!
324
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,034
Rita: All right!
325
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,426
(phone ringing)
326
00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:01,298
How could he do this?
327
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:03,037
Sonny Willis!
328
00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:05,772
What the fuck was he thinking?
329
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,538
Uh, why don't you
ask him? He just called.
330
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,282
Here?
331
00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:14,178
We need to talk.
332
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,776
I figured we might.
333
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:18,148
Sick about this, Arliss.
334
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:19,817
I've known this guy
since high school.
335
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:21,385
I just feel so awful, man.
336
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:23,793
As well you should.
337
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:27,060
I thought you might be
a little more sympathetic.
338
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,486
Sympathetic?
339
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,200
Oh, sorry, pal.
340
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:33,072
You know, I happen to believe
in certain things, like... like trust.
341
00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:35,732
Like commitment, like
until death do us part!
342
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:37,011
Then I should
stay with my agent?
343
00:15:37,035 --> 00:15:38,095
Let me ask you a question,
344
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:41,410
how can you look him in
the face mask, and then g...
345
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:43,508
Agent?
346
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:46,175
Yeah, the team wants to
give me a contract extension.
347
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:48,105
I need someone who
knows what they're doin'.
348
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:50,080
Some of the guys
say you're the best.
349
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:51,849
Really? Who said that?
350
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,887
Barry, Randy, Zack Bowers.
351
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:55,992
Zack is one of my closest
and dearest friends.
352
00:15:56,054 --> 00:15:58,864
In fact, both he and his wife
Ann have spoken well of you.
353
00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:01,964
Oh, do you know
Ann? Isn't she great?
354
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:04,197
I mean, tell me more.
355
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:05,263
I just can't explain it.
356
00:16:05,330 --> 00:16:08,470
I just feel like, I can
reach back farther now,
357
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,404
and just bring some wicked shit.
358
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,139
- (chuckles)
- I don't know, man,
359
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:14,414
I just feel loose this
year, more relaxed.
360
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:17,313
Well, whatever it is
you're doing, keep doing it.
361
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,576
In fact, do it twice
as much, right?
362
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,345
Get more loose, more relaxed.
363
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:23,523
You're representing him?
364
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,652
Yeah, so?
365
00:16:25,717 --> 00:16:27,987
Arliss, what about Zack?
366
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:31,323
Zack's throwing
problem is all in his head.
367
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,260
I just have to get his
head straightened out.
368
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:34,385
Then everybody's happy.
369
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:38,430
Boy, that was a real
eruption of Mt. St. Arliss.
370
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,097
Quick, call maintenance!
371
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,935
Somebody clean up all this lava!
372
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:49,314
Arliss: A good part of my
job is anticipating any crises
373
00:16:49,374 --> 00:16:51,014
before they happen.
374
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:52,406
Ann!
375
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,378
Arliss.
376
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:56,676
Fine... we need to talk.
377
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,123
Arliss: That means
putting the right man
378
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,285
in the right situation.
379
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,986
Hoo hoo hoo hoo!
380
00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:08,829
Yes.
381
00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:11,364
Ahh... ahhhh.
382
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,566
Announcer: Next on HBO...
383
00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:19,165
HBO's adults only
video magazine is back
384
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:21,608
for another
voyeuristic installment.
385
00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:23,383
Real people talk about real sex.
386
00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:24,742
"Real Sex 17".
387
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:26,080
Haven't seen 17.
388
00:17:26,144 --> 00:17:27,554
Haven't seen sev...
389
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,817
(static)
390
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,154
What the fuck?
391
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,153
What the fuck?
392
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,633
Aw, shit!
393
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:43,499
You see, this is what happens,
394
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,832
when you won't take your pill.
395
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,768
(sighs)
396
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:50,043
I know you don't like
your medicine. You know?
397
00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:51,972
But you don't like
your bladder infection.
398
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:54,537
You know? The
itchin', the burnin',
399
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:57,276
the up all night peein'.
400
00:17:57,342 --> 00:17:59,342
I know what it's like.
401
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,611
When Fudgehammer
and Nunley blindsided me
402
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,380
and broke my arm
in six different places,
403
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:05,518
as well as bloodied my eye.
404
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,394
I was on codeine.
405
00:18:07,452 --> 00:18:09,022
I was on morphine.
406
00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:10,717
Visine.
407
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:14,534
C'mon. Let's just quit these
408
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:17,433
- (growling)
- little cat and mouse games, okay?
409
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:20,166
Now how about we go
inside... and take your pill?
410
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:25,138
Let's go... c'mon.
411
00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:29,338
What do you think
of this cloning thing?
412
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:31,838
Arliss: I believe that if
you've prepared properly,
413
00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:33,750
Everything else
should fall into place.
414
00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:35,112
(phone ringing)
415
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,415
(laughing)
416
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:37,681
Man: That you, baby?
417
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:40,819
Rancho Canyon, cottage
number one at 6:00.
418
00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:43,686
Who is this?
419
00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:45,993
Welcome aboard.
420
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,088
Thanks, man.
421
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:49,289
Now you promised me some
major endorsement deals.
422
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:51,471
Absolutely, in fact, I've
already lined one up for you.
423
00:18:51,496 --> 00:18:52,626
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
424
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:53,708
Give me that Heisman pose.
425
00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:54,982
Give me that pose,
give me the pose.
426
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,910
Give me the pose, give me
the pose, sell that pose, right?
427
00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:57,995
The Weedwacker!
428
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,640
The Weedwacker?
429
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,835
(laughing) I got it for ya!
430
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,507
(phone ringing)
431
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:05,335
Uh, ex... excuse me, please.
432
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:06,410
Hello?
433
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:07,575
Hey, Arliss!
434
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:08,746
Zack?
435
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,484
I was right, she's
fuckin' around on me!
436
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:11,549
That bitch!
437
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:13,187
Do you know who it is?
438
00:19:13,251 --> 00:19:15,821
No, but he's meetin' her at
the Rancho Canyon Cottages!
439
00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:17,387
I'm on my way there right now!
440
00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:18,456
Now?
441
00:19:18,523 --> 00:19:19,733
Yeah, I'm gonna
catch 'em in the act!
442
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:22,258
And when I do, I'm
gonna fuckin' kill him!
443
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:23,957
- Zack, don't...
- Kill him!
444
00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:28,525
Uh, Desmond, I've
just had an emergency.
445
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,940
It's my grandmother,
she just broke her hip.
446
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,703
Uh, I'm sorry to hear
that, how old is she?
447
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:36,881
She's 92, and all she's
got is me and her father,
448
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:37,992
and he's not been feeling well.
449
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,850
So please, I have to go,
you understand, right?
450
00:19:39,911 --> 00:19:40,911
Yeah, sure.
451
00:19:40,979 --> 00:19:42,419
Thank... thank...
thanks. Think wacker.
452
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:43,877
Weedwacker.
453
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:52,194
(alarm going off)
454
00:19:56,294 --> 00:19:57,664
Arliss: Zack! Zack!
455
00:19:57,729 --> 00:19:58,759
Zack: Where are they?
456
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:01,408
Arliss: Zack, Zack,
listen to me. Listen to me.
457
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:02,513
I had my people tail your wife.
458
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:03,674
They came up with nothing!
459
00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:04,835
You're lying to me!
460
00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:07,673
Hey, the Zackman. Can I
have your autograph? Aaaah!
461
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:08,949
Zack, don't jump to conclusions.
462
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,494
There's dozens of
reasons why your wife
463
00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:11,589
might meet a man
in a hotel room.
464
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:12,740
Name 'em!
465
00:20:12,811 --> 00:20:14,951
Um, there's an Amway
seminar here! Uh, she needs ice!
466
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:16,683
She better not have blown him.
467
00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:18,548
No, Zack Zack Zack,
Zack, Zack, no, no!
468
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:19,657
You're throwin'
away your career,
469
00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:20,755
now stop and think about that!
470
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,326
I can't stop and think
about this, Arliss!
471
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:23,594
If I stop and think about this,
472
00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:25,092
then it becomes premeditated!
473
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,627
Just move out of my way!
474
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,592
- No...
- Aah!
475
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,260
Son of a bitch!
476
00:20:30,328 --> 00:20:31,328
Zack!
477
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,066
Ann! Sonny!
478
00:20:33,131 --> 00:20:35,831
Sandy! Bip?
479
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,241
Jesus, she's fuckin'
the whole team.
480
00:20:38,303 --> 00:20:40,043
All: Happy Birthday!
481
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,840
(laughs) Happy
birthday, darling.
482
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,879
Happy birthday, old man.
483
00:20:45,944 --> 00:20:47,084
Hey, man,
484
00:20:47,145 --> 00:20:48,645
You know life starts at 30.
485
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:49,724
Aww...
486
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,281
I... I can't believe
you did this.
487
00:20:51,349 --> 00:20:52,669
I mean, I thought
that you were...
488
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:55,618
You thought that she forgot
your birthday, didn't you?
489
00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:57,467
And you! You were in on
this whole thing, weren't you?
490
00:20:57,489 --> 00:21:00,329
Are you kidding? He practically
planned the whole thing.
491
00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:01,662
"Is that you, baby?
492
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,597
Rancho cottages,
cottage number one!"
493
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:04,902
You son of a bitch!
494
00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:06,433
Were you surprised?
495
00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:08,198
Arliss: Arliss always says,
496
00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:11,496
pinpointing the problem
is the solution to success.
497
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:12,870
Don't get me wrong now.
498
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,208
Sometimes there are
things beyond your control.
499
00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:16,813
Hey, Maggie, what are you doin'?
500
00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:18,505
You watchin' a
little "Milo and Otis"?
501
00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:21,107
Aagh! No! Fuck!
502
00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,219
No! No!
503
00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:25,351
Bad kitty! Bad kitty!
504
00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:27,387
Why does it have to
be Bruce Smith's couch?
505
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,252
Oh, it can't be Brian
Boitano's couch?
506
00:21:29,321 --> 00:21:32,491
No, it's gotta be an
all-pro defensive end! Fuck!
507
00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:34,527
Bruce: Yo, Kirby! I'm back.
508
00:21:34,593 --> 00:21:35,793
How's my little girl?
509
00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:45,602
Yo, Sonny!
510
00:21:45,670 --> 00:21:48,540
Cold beer here!
511
00:21:48,607 --> 00:21:49,637
Outta there!
512
00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:50,838
Yeah!
513
00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:54,047
Oh, you were right, Arliss.
514
00:21:54,112 --> 00:21:55,392
I don't know what
I was thinking.
515
00:21:55,413 --> 00:21:56,723
Don't you feel silly now?
516
00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:58,722
Oh, yeah, I don't know
how I could doubt her.
517
00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:00,724
I mean, look at her.
518
00:22:00,786 --> 00:22:03,156
She's the greatest.
519
00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:04,661
♪ Wooo ♪
520
00:22:04,723 --> 00:22:07,363
♪ Reach out and touch me Wooo ♪
521
00:22:07,425 --> 00:22:09,285
Arliss: Being a
full service agency
522
00:22:09,361 --> 00:22:11,561
means being a
full service agent.
523
00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:13,300
Because when the client's happy,
524
00:22:13,365 --> 00:22:15,125
I'm happy.
525
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,270
Hey, guess what? I
got another surprise.
526
00:22:18,436 --> 00:22:19,436
Ann's pregnant.
527
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:22,214
(laughs)
528
00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:26,312
Arliss: My name
is Arliss Michaels.
529
00:22:26,378 --> 00:22:28,178
I represent athletes.
530
00:22:28,246 --> 00:22:29,676
These are my stories.
531
00:22:29,748 --> 00:22:34,688
♪ Ooooh Oooooh ♪
532
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:41,029
♪ All the world can
hear the sound ♪
533
00:22:41,092 --> 00:22:44,902
♪ Of the love that
we have found ♪
534
00:22:44,963 --> 00:22:50,643
♪ With our hearts,
with our angel wings ♪
535
00:22:52,504 --> 00:22:55,174
♪ Brothers, sisters
'cross the land ♪
536
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,140
♪ Reach out and touch my hand ♪
537
00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:00,649
♪ I'm reachin' out to you ♪
538
00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:03,222
♪ Spread the love
out near and far ♪
539
00:23:03,281 --> 00:23:04,981
♪ Shine your love like a star ♪
540
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:07,090
♪ I'm shinin' out for you ♪
541
00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:09,322
♪ Wooo ♪
542
00:23:09,387 --> 00:23:12,857
♪ Reach out and touch me Woooo ♪
543
00:23:12,924 --> 00:23:15,294
♪ Reach out and touch me ♪
544
00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:16,760
♪ Woooo ♪
545
00:23:16,828 --> 00:23:19,058
♪ Reach out and touch me ♪
546
00:23:19,130 --> 00:23:20,930
♪ Woooo ♪
547
00:23:20,999 --> 00:23:22,669
♪ Reach out and touch me ♪
548
00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:24,874
♪ Woooo ♪
549
00:23:24,936 --> 00:23:26,936
♪ Brothers, sisters,
'cross the land ♪
550
00:23:27,005 --> 00:23:29,005
♪ Reach out and touch my hand ♪
551
00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,044
♪ I'm reachin' out to you ♪
552
00:23:31,109 --> 00:23:32,779
♪ Woooo ♪
553
00:23:32,844 --> 00:23:34,954
♪ Spread the love
out near and far ♪
554
00:23:35,013 --> 00:23:36,983
♪ Shine you love like a star ♪
555
00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:38,848
♪ I'm shinin' out for you ♪
556
00:23:38,898 --> 00:23:43,448
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