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1
00:00:25,580 --> 00:00:27,399
It'll not hurt you.
2
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,759
I just don't want to go
into a church, that's all.
3
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,599
It's just an experiment.
4
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:36,979
I'm going to prove to him
that he does believe, whether he believes it or not.
5
00:00:36,980 --> 00:00:39,859
I had enough experiments
when they had me in hospital.
6
00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:42,019
What were you in for? Two weeks.
7
00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:44,519
Ooh, very nasty. Two weeks.
8
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,299
A man should have some religion.
9
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,660
I am not raised for church.
10
00:00:51,220 --> 00:00:53,819
Come on! Come on!
11
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:57,619
His family's always been devout
National Assistance.
12
00:00:57,620 --> 00:01:01,699
Time you saw the inside of something
other than a betting shop.
13
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:05,020
At least in them tha don't have
to die to collect the winnings.
14
00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,980
Here, come back! Come back!
15
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,239
Come back! Come on!
16
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,080
Looks like the spirit's
moving him fairly rapidly.
17
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,299
I can't bear to think
of him touching you.
18
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:24,119
He is me husband.
19
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,279
Well, that's no excuse.
20
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,899
He takes you for granted.
21
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:30,999
He hardly ever takes me anywhere,
these days.
22
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:36,719
He's become ever so remote,
ever since he started taking that stuff for his heat bumps.
23
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:41,839
All right, you can come out now.
We'll not be hiding behind that book.
24
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,879
Now then, why did you run away?
25
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,219
I didn't run away.
I just remembered something.
26
00:01:46,220 --> 00:01:49,359
Oh, yes?
That your trousers were on fire?
27
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,839
Notice the smoke coming out
of your wellies, did you?
28
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:57,959
I told you he'd not go near. You'll
notice how his religious scepticism failed him as he went up that path.
29
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,899
It isn't God, it's the vicar.
I owe him a few bob.
30
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:04,999
Don't tell me that rubbish.
You were in mortal fear. I knew you would be.
31
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:10,359
It's all very well to scoff at the
afterlife from the relative security of the taproom at the Red Lion.
32
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,379
But then nobody's had a mystical
experience at the Red Lion.
33
00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:19,759
Maybe not. But it was touch and
go once or twice when they had no bulb in the outside toilet.
34
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:24,359
You can't scoff when you find
yourself on consecrated premises, can you?
35
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,459
I've had lectures all my life
from fellas in trilby hats.
36
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:31,499
If they're not preaching religion,
they've come to take your telly back.
37
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:34,919
You weren't so confident about
being an atheist back there.
38
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,539
I'm not changing anything.
39
00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:40,079
Oh, we can see you're not changing
anything. I'm sticking to my opinion.
40
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,699
And no doubt you're sticking
to your socks, an' all.
41
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,539
No wonder he's an atheist.
42
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:49,819
If cleanliness were next
to godliness, there's nowhere else he can go.
43
00:02:49,820 --> 00:02:54,599
Come on, we'll take a walk up
the hill. And if he won't admit to feeling a sense of wonder in church,
44
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:58,699
we'll see how he feels when
faced with the wonders of nature.
45
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,159
Wonders of nature!
46
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,820
One cow cake after another.
47
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:21,299
You know, I used to come up here
and ponder the meaning of life.
48
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,759
I used to come up here for rabbits.
49
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,639
Given up girls, had you?
50
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,139
I've had more lasses
than you've had handbags.
51
00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:33,760
It's moments like this that make
you stop and realise just how bloody draughty it is.
52
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,799
Yes, you ask yourself,
what does it all mean?
53
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,639
You try and prepare for
higher things.
54
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,559
I like a bit of Mozart.
55
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:56,919
Oh, we usually had corned beef.
56
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,999
She used to cut it up thin,
did my missus.
57
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,780
Trim it up with a bit
of lettuce, cucumber.
58
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:08,539
I reckon by the time she'd done,
it was nearly as posh as Mozart.
59
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:12,099
I used to play without letters,
of course. Of course.
60
00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:16,579
I still
have 12 classical long-players from the Reader's Digest.
61
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:20,299
You haven't? I have. Well, I don't
suppose it need make any difference.
62
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,360
We've known each other a long time.
63
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:35,879
Of course, some of us
have the natural taste to overcome a skimpy education.
64
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,759
I know what they say
about me behind my back.
65
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:44,359
That's Blamire, out of the army with
ideas above his station. There we go.
66
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,079
Then, of course, there
was that awful scandal when I was
67
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,780
caught in that compromising
position with the telegraph.
68
00:04:51,340 --> 00:04:54,859
It was your wild language
that people found objectionable.
69
00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:58,000
Fancy saying "discipline"
in front of a social worker.
70
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,759
'Ey up!
71
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,679
Did tha think I'd got lost?
72
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:10,039
Why should we expect Dame Fortune
to grant us a boon of such magnitude?
73
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:13,519
I say this much for thee,
Cyril, tha's a lovely talker.
74
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:18,839
I'll have less of the Cyril.
Try Mr Blamire, while doffing your tatty cap. Is that my coffee?
75
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:23,759
Aye. Your coffee that we have
brought in our flasks. I thank you.
76
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,119
Where have you been?
Don't encourage him!
77
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,539
It doesn't do to inquire into the
unseemly mysteries of his person.
78
00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:35,319
I'll tell you this much, it
weren't easy without any paper.
79
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,299
I told you, I told you.
80
00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:43,959
Not at this altitude. I got right
down behind that dry-stone wall, but it was still no good.
81
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,780
Too much wind.
82
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,399
You should have heard it whistling.
83
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,899
God forbid.
84
00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:54,619
I don't know how
Boy Scouts can do it.
85
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:57,599
Probably by numbers.
86
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,599
And then only under
careful supervision.
87
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:06,539
15 minutes and all I could
raise were a puff or two of smoke.
88
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:09,979
Could he be adapted, do you think,
for signalling purposes?
89
00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:14,799
He'd have to be licensed by the GPO,
respond to simple commands.
90
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:18,359
No, the operator would have to
handle him. That is too much to ask.
91
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:21,499
And then I run out of matches.
So, no fire.
92
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,179
You're always out of something.
93
00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:28,520
He's like your friendly neighbourhood
famine. Ah, we didn't need a fire, any road.
94
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:36,360
If I had a match, I could
light me fag. If I had a fag.
95
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,539
I only have one consolation
and that is I am contributing,
96
00:06:41,540 --> 00:06:44,419
in my own small way, little
as it is, to a bit of lung cancer.
97
00:06:44,420 --> 00:06:48,440
Though I must confess to periods
of doubt when it seems that he's going to live forever.
98
00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:06,699
Alexander the Great died at 33.
99
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:08,399
So?
100
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:12,379
So, stand up everybody with
a better excuse for being alive.
101
00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:14,619
Yeah, too many cars on the road.
102
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:16,419
He wasn't killed by a car!
103
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:19,279
Yeah, well, our Dudley was, nearly.
104
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:23,239
I think I've just made up
my mind about euthanasia.
105
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,179
I'm for it.
He got knocked off his bike.
106
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:28,359
Alexander the Great?
I never knew that.
107
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,759
No, our Dudley!
108
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:34,519
It were probably the owner
that recognised his bike.
109
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,739
That's a yard... He would have
survived, though, wouldn't he?
110
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:43,759
Your Dudley. Now, if he'd have been
a Christian gentleman, he would have inevitably have copped his clogs.
111
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:48,699
We've all had that uncomfortable
feeling that the Almighty is not all that competent.
112
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,939
That's what I mean.
113
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:52,839
How can you fathom it all out?
114
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:57,039
Eh! Do you reckon there is one?
An Almighty?
115
00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:00,859
Do you mind not being so provocative
while we're under this tree?
116
00:08:00,860 --> 00:08:02,619
And use your right hand!
117
00:08:02,620 --> 00:08:05,520
That's the one you invariably
pick your nose with!
118
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,639
Cyril believes there's an Almighty.
119
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,539
He believes in anything!
120
00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:16,919
Less of the Cyril. I want to know
if Clegg believes in the Almighty.
121
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,159
Who needs eternity?
122
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,319
Suppose you're waiting for a bus?
123
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,779
I don't think it all ends
when you die.
124
00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:27,819
I've got it! Ey!
125
00:08:27,820 --> 00:08:32,039
If there is an 'eaven, do you
reckon you could take your ferrets?
126
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:37,679
Who's that little angel in
the wellies who's just passed you that kite? Ferret?
127
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:41,319
I shouldn't worry unduly. Not a
place you're likely to encounter.
128
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:45,620
If it's only for Conservatives,
I don't want to bloody go!
129
00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:50,360
Compo coming down from the trees!
130
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,840
'Ey up. Get his left foot.
131
00:09:00,780 --> 00:09:02,260
Oh!
132
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,240
Ooh! Oh! Oh!
133
00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:15,099
We must be adult about
this thing, Mrs Partridge.
134
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:16,579
Not now, Mr Wainwright.
135
00:09:16,580 --> 00:09:20,099
I haven't finished those special
requests for Doncaster Borough.
136
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:24,719
To think I've found you in this
petit bourgeois town.
137
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,639
You're a lovely, wild thing.
138
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,339
Oh, I don't know.
139
00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:33,179
That body was made for pleasure!
140
00:09:33,180 --> 00:09:36,699
It used to enjoy a slow foxtrot.
141
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:39,579
But now it never takes me anywhere.
142
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,559
Carnal pleasure.
143
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:45,499
Andy never says
anything cheeky like that.
144
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:48,679
He hasn't got your gift
for words, Mr Wainwright.
145
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:54,120
No, he just takes it
for granted I shall be waiting for him after Match of the Day.
146
00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:01,659
He's strangling all the poetry
in you! It's true.
147
00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:03,879
Mind you, he's very
good about the house.
148
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:07,320
All the poetry's gone
but he's got his Black & Decker.
149
00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:13,139
You poor love.
150
00:10:13,140 --> 00:10:15,379
And what have you got?
151
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:19,220
I've got me back against these
encyclopaedias, Mr Wainwright!
152
00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:23,479
And I've got these
terrible feelings of guilt.
153
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,880
I'm sure everybody knows.
154
00:10:37,660 --> 00:10:42,159
If there's no Almighty,
why should one sometimes feel guilty?
155
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,019
What about, Cyril?
I was speaking figuratively.
156
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,279
Ah! Come on, Cyril, you can tell us.
157
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,299
You keep your beady eye on the kite.
158
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:53,839
You hate yourself,
guilty conscience...
159
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,659
I thought, hello,
160
00:10:55,660 --> 00:10:57,299
what's he been up to?
161
00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,299
It was merely an observation.
162
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:01,059
Why should I feel guilty?
163
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:04,699
That's what I like
about the Conservatives. They've got confidence.
164
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:07,419
It's not confidence, I've got faith.
165
00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:10,679
You've put it on me thing...
Get it off!
166
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,739
You're not Mr Cocky when you're dead.
167
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:18,559
I won't know, will I?
How do you know when you're dead? You yourself, how do you know?
168
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,139
You're expected to take
the hint when they bury you.
169
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,719
No, it's a good question
when you think about it.
170
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,499
There's a lot to being dead.
It's not something any folk can do.
171
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,560
That's why there's
so many still alive.
172
00:11:31,540 --> 00:11:33,219
I want to be cremated.
173
00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:36,840
Well why didn't you say something
when we went to get some fuel?
174
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,720
And what are you
going to do for fags, eh?
175
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,839
Well, what will you do for fags?
I'll not go short.
176
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,479
Go on! You've always been short.
177
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:00,119
You're a hideous 4'9".
178
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,339
I'm streamline muscle!
179
00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:08,599
I'll get fags.
He'll become the plaything of this wealthy builders' merchant.
180
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:13,059
Go down the primrose path amidst
a welter of rich brass fittings.
181
00:12:13,060 --> 00:12:18,339
You should read these American
novels these days, they're all doing it, searching for something.
182
00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:19,979
Aye. And they'll get
something at that rate.
183
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:22,339
I don't know any builders'
merchants. You do!
184
00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:26,539
And I shouldn't get too close
to any American novelists either.
185
00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:31,060
There were that time during
the war with Hilda Mason and them three Yanks.
186
00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:36,240
Everybody knew it were rape,
but she were never prosecuted.
187
00:12:38,852 --> 00:12:41,511
Did you read those passages
I marked?
188
00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:44,551
That powerful portrayal
of human emotion?
189
00:12:44,552 --> 00:12:49,151
Yes, but I don't think
I could ever do any of those things, Mr Wainwright.
190
00:12:49,152 --> 00:12:53,251
The spirits will it,
the actions take care of themselves.
191
00:12:53,252 --> 00:12:56,931
Especially with me back
the way it's been.
192
00:12:56,932 --> 00:12:59,712
Could you still care
for me in a support?
193
00:13:03,172 --> 00:13:09,091
You don't know what it means to me
at my time of life to find out that Karl Marx isn't enough!
194
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,871
I'll sit in me furnished room
at night,
195
00:13:11,872 --> 00:13:13,571
thinking about you.
196
00:13:13,572 --> 00:13:15,132
Is that right, me old love?
197
00:13:16,692 --> 00:13:18,772
It must be the rustle of me wellies!
198
00:13:23,712 --> 00:13:26,971
Will you come inside and stop
antagonising the management?
199
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:33,191
To think he
could've gone to Australia for ten quid, we should've had a collection.
200
00:13:33,192 --> 00:13:35,532
Just after t'war when
his shirt were cleaner.
201
00:13:37,132 --> 00:13:40,011
It can't be much cop in Australia.
Hurley Bailey came back.
202
00:13:40,012 --> 00:13:42,691
Oh, well, then,
that's Australia finished.
203
00:13:42,692 --> 00:13:44,512
He couldn't stand the beer.
204
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:48,871
Typical.
The priorities of the lower orders!
205
00:13:48,872 --> 00:13:51,372
It's a long way to go
for a disappointing pint.
206
00:13:52,972 --> 00:13:55,911
What's he doing now?
Drinking Guinness. For a living?
207
00:13:55,912 --> 00:13:59,551
You'd think so,
the way he slops it down.
208
00:13:59,552 --> 00:14:01,811
I fancy Canada myself.
209
00:14:01,812 --> 00:14:04,811
In the 2.30? No!
210
00:14:04,812 --> 00:14:06,951
For emigrating.
211
00:14:06,952 --> 00:14:09,631
I fancied Piggott's horse
in the 2.30.
212
00:14:09,632 --> 00:14:13,331
Why Canada? Well I saw this
Janet McDonald picture.
213
00:14:13,332 --> 00:14:15,111
She isn't Canadian!
214
00:14:15,112 --> 00:14:18,531
But she was in Rosemary
and Nelson Eddy were a Mountie.
215
00:14:18,532 --> 00:14:20,391
God save us!
216
00:14:20,392 --> 00:14:23,471
Don't tell us you had this
unseemly vision of you as a Mountie?
217
00:14:23,472 --> 00:14:26,131
I don't know,
if they took Nelson Eddy...
218
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,231
I didn't want to be a Mountie!
219
00:14:28,232 --> 00:14:30,951
I thought I might've tried
me hand at fur trapping.
220
00:14:30,952 --> 00:14:35,931
You? It's not lying around
in coat-sized lumps out there!
221
00:14:35,932 --> 00:14:37,891
It's wrapped round muscle and teeth.
222
00:14:37,892 --> 00:14:40,031
I've done a bit of ferreting.
223
00:14:40,032 --> 00:14:41,971
Can't be all that different.
224
00:14:41,972 --> 00:14:44,551
I can just see his ferrets
out there now.
225
00:14:44,552 --> 00:14:49,492
Blowing on their little
frozen paws and eyeing this bear with a look of amazement.
226
00:14:51,152 --> 00:14:56,192
Trapper requires
unusually aggressive ferrets.
227
00:14:57,732 --> 00:15:01,791
Imported ferret terrorises Quebec.
228
00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:07,571
No cause for alarm,
says police chief, as mayor dragged down rabbit hole.
229
00:15:07,572 --> 00:15:12,051
The New World might have
developed all his potential!
230
00:15:12,052 --> 00:15:13,991
Made him a legend among the Eskimo!
231
00:15:13,992 --> 00:15:18,651
Ha! Got through winter on
a skillet of flapjack and beans.
232
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:20,371
They used to rub noses.
233
00:15:20,372 --> 00:15:22,651
Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy?
234
00:15:22,652 --> 00:15:24,992
I never knew that.
235
00:15:27,492 --> 00:15:33,151
Have you a minute to spare?
I mean, I hate to interrupt this whirl of activity... Oh, shove off.
236
00:15:33,152 --> 00:15:34,811
You haven't even done them pots!
237
00:15:34,812 --> 00:15:36,831
No wonder you're getting fat.
238
00:15:36,832 --> 00:15:38,411
I ought to be as thin as a rail.
239
00:15:38,412 --> 00:15:41,532
Agreed. Then you could go
and lie down in front of a train.
240
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,491
When are you going
to unbung that drain?
241
00:15:48,492 --> 00:15:50,651
Now come on,
now, before your feet take root.
242
00:15:50,652 --> 00:15:56,291
Anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask!
Winter, you're supposed to hibernate.
243
00:15:56,292 --> 00:15:58,511
Winter, not every ruddy afternoon.
244
00:15:58,512 --> 00:16:02,311
Now come on, it's started smelling. I
don't know what might be down there.
245
00:16:02,312 --> 00:16:05,332
It'll be your mother.
She's been through everything else.
246
00:16:09,472 --> 00:16:11,371
Thank God, saved by the bell.
247
00:16:11,372 --> 00:16:13,651
Oh, you're always in luck,
aren't you?
248
00:16:13,652 --> 00:16:18,031
Two meat pies and a flapjack and
beans for Powerful Pierre there...
249
00:16:18,032 --> 00:16:22,011
Ah, three meat pies... the
inventor of the forty-foot ferret.
250
00:16:22,012 --> 00:16:23,811
Get off! Mustard?
251
00:16:23,812 --> 00:16:27,371
Why not indeed? Three teas,
and how's your lady wife?
252
00:16:27,372 --> 00:16:32,111
Three with sugar,
and same as bloody usual.
253
00:16:32,112 --> 00:16:35,131
'Ey, Compo,
your missus left you, didn't she?
254
00:16:35,132 --> 00:16:37,771
Aye, she ran off with a Pole.
255
00:16:37,772 --> 00:16:40,071
I suppose it was wartime.
Aye. Y'see?
256
00:16:40,072 --> 00:16:42,011
There's nowt happening
like that nowadays.
257
00:16:42,012 --> 00:16:44,111
It wasn't all fun.
258
00:16:44,112 --> 00:16:45,891
Cigs were rationed.
Come on. Come on!
259
00:16:45,892 --> 00:16:48,411
All right, all right, I'm coming!
260
00:16:48,412 --> 00:16:49,892
Go on, get in there!
261
00:16:52,572 --> 00:16:54,191
And where are you sitting?
262
00:16:54,192 --> 00:16:57,871
I'm sitting here.
Must you be scruffy AND convivial?
263
00:16:57,872 --> 00:17:00,571
Have you no inclination for
separate tables? All right.
264
00:17:00,572 --> 00:17:03,011
Sit down, Compo, we're all together.
265
00:17:03,012 --> 00:17:07,871
The camaraderie of the aging
redundant cuts across all social classes.
266
00:17:07,872 --> 00:17:09,711
Have you seen him eat a meat pie?
267
00:17:09,712 --> 00:17:13,312
'Ey, give us a fag, and I'll
give you a flash of me gums.
268
00:17:16,232 --> 00:17:21,651
Well, it's 'orrible. Close your eyes
and just listen to his acoustics.
269
00:17:21,652 --> 00:17:25,491
In multidimensional,
nerve-grating stereo.
270
00:17:25,492 --> 00:17:29,451
He's got a lot of lip for somebody
who comes from t'same street as me.
271
00:17:29,452 --> 00:17:31,731
It's not where you're born,
it's what you do with it.
272
00:17:31,732 --> 00:17:36,171
As far as I can recollect, you
could never do anything with it.
273
00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:38,311
His mother wouldn't
let him play wi' lasses.
274
00:17:38,312 --> 00:17:41,711
Aye, she mistrusted them,
ever since she saw your grandma,
275
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:45,091
that white-haired old lady,
duffing up policemen.
276
00:17:45,092 --> 00:17:48,071
Only when she were drunk.
277
00:17:48,072 --> 00:17:53,211
It's destiny, fate
that brings us together. Redundancy.
278
00:17:53,212 --> 00:17:55,471
You can't fight forces like that.
279
00:18:08,744 --> 00:18:11,843
We were all very worried when
we saw you in them sailor suits.
280
00:18:11,844 --> 00:18:15,863
It was a custom in those days for
many children to wear sailor suits.
281
00:18:15,864 --> 00:18:19,864
Well, I never had one.
I find that surprising. Your mother knew enough sailors.
282
00:18:23,564 --> 00:18:26,163
We was poor! We were all poor!
283
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:28,283
Ah, but we was poor and scruffy.
284
00:18:28,284 --> 00:18:29,843
I remember.
285
00:18:29,844 --> 00:18:33,383
He used to walk around without
any gloves, and hands in pockets.
286
00:18:33,384 --> 00:18:37,163
Usually mine. He used to keep
his pocket money in a purse.
287
00:18:37,164 --> 00:18:39,263
I didn't keep it long
when you were about.
288
00:18:39,264 --> 00:18:43,784
Hey,
I used to wait for him outside school when he crept out of needlework.
289
00:18:51,904 --> 00:18:55,144
That's what you miss,
a woman round the house.
290
00:19:03,064 --> 00:19:09,503
Yes, it's funny how you end up
after you start off with such high hopes about cut glass and china.
291
00:19:09,504 --> 00:19:12,383
We haven't ended yet.
We've only just started.
292
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:16,183
For the first time in our lives,
we've got time to look at things.
293
00:19:16,184 --> 00:19:18,043
What things?
294
00:19:18,044 --> 00:19:20,183
Everything.
295
00:19:20,184 --> 00:19:21,883
What's he on about?
296
00:19:21,884 --> 00:19:27,903
'Ey? He means we ought to be trying
to find out what it's all about, what we're doing here.
297
00:19:27,904 --> 00:19:31,123
Well, we're waiting
for your cruddy vests!
298
00:19:31,124 --> 00:19:34,043
On the planet. What it all means.
299
00:19:34,044 --> 00:19:36,764
After we've got your vests.
300
00:19:38,904 --> 00:19:40,664
Oh!
301
00:19:50,324 --> 00:19:57,783
If the other one hadn't've let me
down, I'd've won fourteen chuffin' quid on Piggott's horse yesterday.
302
00:19:57,784 --> 00:20:03,303
Are you determined to end life
as you started it, dead ignorant?
303
00:20:03,304 --> 00:20:06,943
I know it's a family tradition,
but you can carry things too far.
304
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:09,644
Stick with us, kid.
We'll broaden your mind.
305
00:20:11,224 --> 00:20:13,043
Got a light? You see?
306
00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:14,904
He's asking questions already.
307
00:20:20,184 --> 00:20:22,964
Watch it below!
308
00:20:24,604 --> 00:20:28,243
He'll have that mill chimney down.
309
00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:30,023
Look at him!
310
00:20:30,024 --> 00:20:32,844
Him that's been off work
30 years with his back!
311
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:39,063
Y'know, it gets quite
exhausting, all this playing about.
312
00:20:39,064 --> 00:20:44,903
You go careful, Compo,
there've been some terrible injuries in low-railing-jumping circles.
313
00:20:44,904 --> 00:20:49,683
What have you ever contributed
to the world? Eh? Go on, tell us!
314
00:20:49,684 --> 00:20:52,083
A chuffin' Pole took my missus.
315
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:55,244
How much more do I owe? Timber!
316
00:21:01,464 --> 00:21:04,083
You're hopeless! Oh, I don't know.
317
00:21:04,084 --> 00:21:08,703
He might have been Fidel Castro
if he'd been born in Cuba, and given the revolution
318
00:21:08,704 --> 00:21:13,143
a whole new dimension in the way
of wellies and bacon sandwiches.
319
00:21:13,144 --> 00:21:14,663
Do you believe in anything?
320
00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:17,483
What y'say?
I said, do you believe in anything?
321
00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:19,244
I believe it's your turn for fags.
322
00:21:28,544 --> 00:21:32,363
Nobody believes in owt these days.
Well, I do. Great!
323
00:21:32,364 --> 00:21:37,823
Ah, does the Almighty mend his
broken mice, I wonder, somewhere?
324
00:21:37,824 --> 00:21:40,243
Why? Do you believe, then?
I don't know.
325
00:21:40,244 --> 00:21:44,063
I believe if I was God,
I'd have stuck to pottering about in my greenhouse.
326
00:21:44,064 --> 00:21:47,903
I wouldn't have taken us lot on.
Well, there must be something. Why?
327
00:21:47,904 --> 00:21:50,783
There's got to be something
stronger than the unions.
328
00:21:50,784 --> 00:21:54,943
How could anybody believe in
miracles? It's very popular.
329
00:21:54,944 --> 00:21:58,283
You want to listen to the
workers fulminating a few demands.
330
00:21:58,284 --> 00:22:00,083
I know what he believes.
331
00:22:00,084 --> 00:22:02,523
He's convinced that God's a Tory?
332
00:22:02,524 --> 00:22:07,843
'Ey up,
if God comes in overalls, there'll be some sulky faces in church.
333
00:22:07,844 --> 00:22:10,604
I still say that he's
scared to go near a church.
334
00:22:12,124 --> 00:22:14,343
Why do we need to go inside?
335
00:22:14,344 --> 00:22:16,683
It's painless.
You don't have to wash or anything.
336
00:22:16,684 --> 00:22:18,403
It would make any difference.
337
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:22,164
What are you getting nervous for?
Who's nervous? Well, come on then.
338
00:22:23,624 --> 00:22:27,704
Look at him. Anybody would
think he were a shareholder.
339
00:22:38,584 --> 00:22:42,363
Well, it's all right if I smoke out
here, ain't it? You'll be all right.
340
00:22:42,364 --> 00:22:44,183
They used to burn more than that.
341
00:22:44,184 --> 00:22:49,443
It's all very well being cocky
out on the streets, but I want to see you when we get inside.
342
00:22:49,444 --> 00:22:51,243
Why? What goes off? What goes off?
343
00:22:51,244 --> 00:22:53,643
You'll come out all in one piece.
344
00:22:53,644 --> 00:22:55,363
It's not as if it was a synagogue.
345
00:22:55,364 --> 00:22:57,503
Nothing goes off.
There's no service on.
346
00:22:57,504 --> 00:23:02,143
You just go inside,
sit down in the quiet and listen.
347
00:23:02,144 --> 00:23:05,523
What to?
Your own thoughts. That's all.
348
00:23:05,524 --> 00:23:07,383
I can hear them out here.
349
00:23:07,384 --> 00:23:09,643
But they'll be different inside.
350
00:23:09,644 --> 00:23:11,363
That's the whole point.
351
00:23:11,364 --> 00:23:13,843
At least, I hope
they'll be different.
352
00:23:13,844 --> 00:23:16,543
You don't have to go in now.
353
00:23:16,544 --> 00:23:19,204
Maybe you'd rather come
back when you're dead.
354
00:23:39,644 --> 00:23:41,943
Do you... Shh!
355
00:23:41,944 --> 00:23:43,524
Don't you have to sign me in?
356
00:24:14,364 --> 00:24:16,024
Is somebody buried under there?
357
00:25:15,064 --> 00:25:17,044
♪ All things bright and... ♪
358
00:25:46,424 --> 00:25:48,123
Is that gold?
359
00:25:48,124 --> 00:25:50,483
That eagle, is it made of gold?
360
00:25:50,484 --> 00:25:52,724
No.
361
00:26:40,744 --> 00:26:42,883
I saw a mad organist
once in a picture.
362
00:26:42,884 --> 00:26:46,463
It's no good if you're going to
fidget. Didn't you feel anything?
363
00:26:46,464 --> 00:26:49,863
Aye, me nose were itching.
Bonny church inside.
364
00:26:49,864 --> 00:26:54,023
It's beautiful. And is that all
you can say, your nose was itching?
365
00:26:54,024 --> 00:26:55,743
Well, I liked that eagle.
366
00:26:55,744 --> 00:26:59,683
You see, Cyril, he's felt the first
little brass ferret of devotion.
367
00:26:59,684 --> 00:27:02,084
Come on. Time I was home.
368
00:27:07,944 --> 00:27:11,903
All it wants is a bit of putty,
a dab of paint. I heard you.
369
00:27:11,904 --> 00:27:14,083
Well, why don't you
do something about it?
370
00:27:14,084 --> 00:27:17,683
What, like praying to go deaf!
Him next door gets things done.
371
00:27:17,684 --> 00:27:19,363
Well, I'd do things for her.
372
00:27:19,364 --> 00:27:21,023
Well, I shan't stand in your way.
373
00:27:21,024 --> 00:27:23,763
I'm just glad to see you
getting any sort of exercise.
374
00:27:23,764 --> 00:27:28,243
I bet she's got more to offer than
1,001 jolly jobs about the home. Well, you live in it, don't you?
375
00:27:28,244 --> 00:27:32,343
In it? I've been in it ever since
we threw caution to the wind that night behind the baths.
376
00:27:32,344 --> 00:27:36,184
Aye, and that's another thing, that
bathroom wants papering. Oh, hell!
377
00:27:37,964 --> 00:27:40,043
Aye, we lived on dripping for years.
378
00:27:40,044 --> 00:27:42,343
Nourishing, up to a point.
379
00:27:42,344 --> 00:27:46,343
I have a very clear recollection
of the Depression. It was just here.
380
00:27:46,344 --> 00:27:50,083
He did it with an outsized
marble and a catapult.
381
00:27:50,084 --> 00:27:53,123
What wounded me even more,
however, was the knowledge
382
00:27:53,124 --> 00:27:58,163
that he was aided and abetted by
Delphine Hackett's knicker elastic.
383
00:27:58,164 --> 00:28:00,023
We were just good friends.
384
00:28:00,024 --> 00:28:04,583
It's a bonny world.
Still, must make it easier to have faith in something.
385
00:28:04,584 --> 00:28:06,423
It's all right for some.
386
00:28:06,424 --> 00:28:08,543
But consider the tapeworm.
387
00:28:08,544 --> 00:28:12,183
All that time in
somebody's lower intestine.
388
00:28:12,184 --> 00:28:13,923
How's that for environment?
389
00:28:13,924 --> 00:28:19,763
Can you see them singing Bless This
House in reedy, worm-like voices?
390
00:28:19,764 --> 00:28:21,483
Ferrets like worms.
391
00:28:21,484 --> 00:28:25,544
In dark alleys, I suppose. Keeps
their hand in, waiting for grizzlies.
392
00:28:28,684 --> 00:28:30,343
It's an open question, life.
393
00:28:30,344 --> 00:28:34,903
Anything's possible. I mean, what
do we really know about anything?
394
00:28:34,904 --> 00:28:38,203
Maybe we're already dead. What?
395
00:28:38,204 --> 00:28:42,563
Maybe we had to die to get here
from some other place.
396
00:28:42,564 --> 00:28:45,883
Give us a fag
before I get a headache.
397
00:28:45,884 --> 00:28:49,923
So this is heaven then,
or the other place.
398
00:28:49,924 --> 00:28:52,223
Well, it can't be the other place.
Why not?
399
00:28:52,224 --> 00:28:56,044
In Yorkshire? It would be
further south, wouldn't it?
400
00:28:56,577 --> 00:29:56,528
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