All language subtitles for Hack My Life s03e22 Mother Hacker.eng

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed
to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these hacks
make it worse,

stop what you're doing
immediately.

[ Screams ]

On the next
"hacks del corazón"...

Señor solución meets
his mother-in-law.

I cannot believe
that my doctor

has kept such a hombre hidden
for so long.

Now ravish me.

Señora, though our
forbidden lovemaking

would be muy caliente,

we can't.

You're right.

We shouldn't betray
my daughter.

Sí, señora.

Also, the zipper on
your dress is muy stuck!

Here --
use this wax paper.

Rub the piece of wax paper
on the zipper.

The wax will act
like a lubricant,

and soon the zipper will open
like a flower in bloom.

A beautiful mind to match
a beautiful body.

Teach me everything
you know about hacks.

And love.

To do that
will take all noche.

Then teach me everything
you can in seven minutes.

Iay! Iay, señora!

It's a family affair on
"hacks del corazón."

Iay, señora!

Tonight...
[ Laughs ]

On "hack my life"...

...will our toilet-light hack
make a splash?

What is this,

and why is it warm?
Don't ask where it came from!

Brooke:
Kevin gets drunk on hacks.

Ahh!

And lazy cook Brooke shows you

how to give old movie popcorn
a new starring role.

This is a big plate.

Get a load of this --
we test the best ways

to carry things by bike.

[ Airhorn blows ]
They're off!

Kevin: Think outside the box.

This...
Iay, señor!

...is "hack my life."

[ Toilet flushing ]

All right.
Remember to wipe off the seat?

[ Scoffs ] There's no need
to wipe off the seat.

I have impeccable aim.

I mean, yes, it was
a little dark in there,

and yes, there was
a very upset cat,

but I think everything got
in the bowl.

Okay.
This calls for a hack delivery.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Mm!
Ta-da!

You know, not
all hacks are homemade.

In hack delivery, we test out
hacks that exist online already

to decide if they're
keepers or sleepers.

What's...
Mm. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.
Ah. Everybody,

look what we have here --

the illumibowl.

This guy lights up
the inside of your toilet.

It claims there'll be
no more stumbling in the dark.

Say that to the red bull
and vodkas. Right.

No more blinding
midnight lights.

And no more missing
and making a mess.

Where's the fun?
And you know what?

As a female, I won't sit down
and fall in.

But then we would have
never met.

Should we just put
this thing to the test?

Let's not talk about
our origin story.

[ Laughs ]

All right, Kevin,
as any good scientist knows,

you can't do an experiment
without a control.

So for this round,
we're not using the help

of the illumibowl.
What are we doing exactly?

I need you to reach that toilet
over there using this bottle

of urine that you're going to
squeeze into the bowl,

hopefully without getting
any of the seat.

Okay, what is this,
and why is it warm?

Don't ask where it came from!
Why is it warm?!

I know a guy!

Let's power down.

[ Strong exhales ]
Here we go.

Ready to go.
Oh, no! Aah!

Okay,
that's just there now.

Yeah, okay, that's a --
[ Clunking ]

Okay.

All right,
I'm at the toilet.

All right, just try
and get as much as you can

into the bowl.

Eugh.
[ Humming ]

Yeah, that's doing it.

[ Grunts ]

Touchdown!

Okay, I did not do that --

oh, no,
I didn't do that good.

You can see there's some
droplets back here.

But don't worry,
we got a hack for that.

We're gonna use the illumibowl
for this round, eh?

Let's go.
Okay.

All right, kev.

I've got a fresh batch
of hot stuff for you.

Oh, wow, yeah.

Kev...

[ Raspy voice ]
Oh, that is warm.

Okay.
Confident steps.

Bike?

Not today!
Oh, I see you, bucket.

Mm-mm.

Children's toy,
not a problem

'cause I can see
that damn things.

Behold!

Excuse me,
I have to not make a mess.

Let's turn
the lights back on.

Mic drop.

Look at this artistry!

Did it eliminate the need
for blinding midnight lights?

Brooke, I felt like
I was pissing in a prom limo.

Okay, okay, but did it allow
for a clear path to the toilet

and clear aim
into the toilet?

A picture's worth
a thousand words.

Are we actually buying
the illumibowl as a hack

or are we sending it back?

We're...

...buying it!
Buying it!

If I had one of these,
my mom would be much happier.

Oh, my god, you still live
with your parents, too?

Yeah.

Free rent.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Today, I'm gonna show you how
to turn your expensive,

leftover movie popcorn into
a beautiful, 1950s bundt cake.

[ Canned studio audience ooh's ]

All you need to get started is
that leftover theater popcorn,

some pretzels, candy
from the theater,

marshmallows, butter,

oil, and some no-stick spray.

You are just gonna grease up
your bundt pan.

Then we are going to add
some vegetable oil.

Gonna dump in a quarter cup.

And because we treat
our bodies like a dumpster,

a whole stick of butter.

And we are gonna add
some marshmallows

'cause this is just really gonna
act as our bundt-cake glue,

if you will.

While the marshmallows
are melting down,

you can start to mix
your other dry ingredients --

this leftover movie popcorn,

a handful of pretzels,

all of this.

Yeah.
Some peanuts.

There's no recipe.

It's just however
you're feeling,

whatever sort of
emotional state you're in.

[ Canned studio audience ooh's ]
Okay.

Our next step is to just pour
this delicious mixture.

Whee!

Right over our popcorn mix.

Some of you are saying,
"stop right there.

I'll eat it like that."
[ Cheers ]

No.
Take a spatula and mix.

Disperse it into the bundt pan.

Then, you're gonna take
your spatula and really press

the mixture down into the pan.

Nothing nicer
than a tight bundt.

Nobody likes loose bundts.
[ Laughter ]

Our final step is
to do one of these.

Okay.

[ Gasps ] This is a big plate.

Okay.

Boom!
[ Canned studio audience ooh's ]

What?

This looks awesome.

We hacked
movie-theater leftovers

into a dangerously
delicious cake.

You're gonna have to cool
it overnight in the fridge,

but I made one in advance
that's ready to go.

[ Canned studio audience aah's ]
Okay.

Oh, my god, you guys,

this reminds me of
the bundt cake

my great-aunt used to make
before diabetes took her leg.

But, boy, it's good.

Kevin: Coming up...
[ Airhorn blows ]

...which hack will cruise
to victory

in our bicycle load up?

Kevin: Oh!
Brooke: Oh!

Rachael with an overtake!

Brooke: And later, we show you
a sweet hack

to soften crystallized honey.

♪♪

Kevin: On a fiery
"hacks del corazón,"

señor solución is racked with
guilt after a night of passion

with his mother-in-law.

Why do you not
make love to me?

I'm just...
Not in the mood.

Ravish me.

Perhaps lighting
one more candle will help.

We can try,
my little chickadee,

but this candle is too small
and the wick is too far down

for any match to reach.

Ay!

Then we shall rekindle
the flame using this.

¿Qué?

By lighting the end
of a spaghetti noodle,

you can reignite even
the hardest-to-reach wick.

Señorita,
in the candlelight,

I can see you've inherited
your mother's eyes...

And her knowledge of hacks.

I have learned many things
from mi madre.

That makes...
Dos of us.

Iay, señor!

Playing with fire on
"hacks del corazón."

As urban hipsterites,

we are legally obligated
to go green.

And one of the easiest ways is
to trade four wheels for two.

The only problem --
how do you carry home

all the kombucha you just spent
all your money on

at whole paycheck?
Today, we're testing out

three hacks that could help
you get your precious cold-brew,

free-range quinoa home
nice and safe.

This is hack vs. Hack.

Today, we're joined by
three eco-conscious cyclists.

This is Billy,
Rachael, and Solomon.

Hi.
Hey.

Cool rides, dudes.

Thanks for having us.

So, we have three hacks
that should help you get

your bikes loaded up and get
your groceries home safe.

So, our first hack
we're using is essentially

a stick.
It doesn't seem fancy,

but it might do the trick.
Yeah!

Our second hack is
the granny cart.

You just load
your groceries into it,

tie it to your bike, and boom.

And then last but not least,
we have one of

the plastic shopping baskets.

In addition to your three hacks,
we're gonna give you some rope

and some tape just in case
you need a little extra help

getting things secured.

Let us pick some hacks,
shall we?

Ladies first.
Ooh, I think I'm gonna take

the cute little red basket.

Aw! Okay.

All right, Billy,
what say you?

I think I'm gonna have to go
with the dowel rod.

Why the dowel rod?
I'm a big history buff,

and those were used
throughout history

to get water,
to transport goods.

Why would you break
from that, you know?

All right, and, Solomon,
you're final --

well, no, there's no choice
involved for you, Solomon.

Oh, yeah, Solomon,
you get the granny cart.

Here's how the race
is gonna go down.

You're each gonna use your
chosen hack to carry four bags

of groceries through
our hackstable course.

The first biker to cross the
finish line will be our winner.

But be forewarned,
there's no Kale overboard

in this competition.
If I see a single iron-rich leaf

anywhere on that course,
you've gotta go back.

All right, guys,
load up your bikes.

Let's do it.

This is not Rachael's
first rodeo, people.

Using the handles
on

clearly, she has
a handle on this hack.

[ Chuckles ]

All right,
Billy's duct taping the rod

to the handlebars
of his bike.

Solomon's using twine
to secure his granny cart.

And Billy's done.

Billy's ready to go.

It looks like he's struggling
with the balance here,

but he might have
solved it.

Now, Rachael's
not too far behind.

Okay, Solomon.

I am just tying whatever
and seeing if it works.

Hey.
I'm not really a...

Good luck.
Thank you.

♪♪

Looks like everybody's ready
on the starting line.

Let's see which hack
can carry the load.

3, 2, 1!

[ Airhorn blows ]
They're off!

Okay.

Billy taking a commanding lead
with that stick,

and he's not gonna let anybody
pass him on the side.

Oh! Billy knocks a pylon.

I don't know if we deduct
anything for that

or if we just let it be.

I think it's fine if
he's still on his bike.

Oh!
Oh!

Rachael with an overtake!
She just cut him off.

Oh, there goes Solomon.
Oh, no!

Down goes Solomon's cart!

Granny cart has
tipped over.

Rachael's gone, and now
she's on the straightaway.

She's breaking away!
Billy can't believe it!

You dropped a carrot!

Whoa, whoa.

Rachael dropped a carrot.

You dropped a carrot!

Did I lose a carrot?

Rachael, you dropped a carrot.
You can't win.

Oh, no!

Rachael, go get
that carrot!

I'll be right back!

That could've been a lie.
I don't if I --

oh, I do see a carrot.

Billy through our
construction course.

Solomon just dragging that
behind like grandma on a hike.

Poor Rachael had to go back
for that damn carrot.

And here comes Billy
to the finish line.

Yes!

What an intense, heated,
competition. Wow!

So, Rachael,
you certainly took

the lead right
around the corner.

You were going down
the home stretch.

Then, you got tattled on
about the carrot.

I've never been so happy to see
a carrot in my life.

[ Laughs ]
Solomon, you were just...

Kind of cruising.

Your cart was on its side.

You were just sort
of dragging it like

a tired dog on a hike.

Well, it's time to officially
reward our first-place winner.

Billy, you are going home
with this wonderful

"hack my life" tote bag.

Congrats to you
and the stick.

Now the world knows that you,
in fact, carry a huge load.

Yay!
Yay!

[ Boxing bell rings ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

♪♪

It's the hack lifetime
achievement awards.

Tonight, we recognize an item
that's demonstrated

continued excellence in
the pursuit of hacking --

the microwave.

[ Cheers and applause ]

The microwave first brought
the heat in a hack

to get more juice out of
an orange.

Whoa!
Wow!

Then, the microwave fell
on hard times,

failing to breathe new life into
a deflated basketball.

[ Whistle blows ]

But it makes a triumphant return
in its upcoming role

that gives your
crystallized honey

a second act.

[ Cheers and applause ]

And it will shock audiences
with its powerful performance

to peel raw garlic.

So, here's to you, microwave.

Through high and low settings,
you always bring the heat.

Congratulations on your
hack lifetime achievement award.

♪♪

Brooke: Up next, Kevin showcases
a spooky hack

to create your own fog machine.

Where there's smoke,
there's savings, friends.

And prepare for a
hair-raising twist

on "hacks del corazón"...

[ Both gasp ]

...when the hack comes back.

♪♪

What's up, hack heads?

I'm Terrell, and welcome back
to my channel, hax unboxed.

There's something in this box
that is gonna fix a problem

that I've been having,
and that is tape

that gets stuck
to the roll.

Let's get into
this box right here.

Yes!

There's money in here!

The first step,
identify the items.

There is a roll
of tape and a penny.

Step two is to undo the tape.

Okay, let's try that.

Uh-huh, and --

ah! No! No!
No! No! No!

Don't roll!
[ Bleep ]

[ Groans ]

This is so frustrating.

Look at this.
Look at the split.

Come on!

"Put the penny on
the back of the tape."

Let's see if this works.

Oh, my god!

Look, now
you saved its place.

If you want to see more hacks
like this, like, comment,

subscribe.
See you next time.

♪♪

Welcome to let's make a thing,

where one man's trash
is another man's treasure.

Let's see what's
in the box today.

Oh, got some glycerin

because today we're making
a fog machine.

Here's what you need --
some vegetable glycerin,

a sterno, two pans,

a lighter, a blade,

and some distilled water.

So, a standard fog machine,

it's got a heating element
inside that mixes "fog fluid,"

which is just water
and glycol, into a vapor.

And you need, of course,
to place that mixture

over your heating element.

So, I'm just gonna use
this little wire basket,

but you can use whatever
you have at home,

like a round colander
or a wire fruit basket.

Step one -- we take our pan,
place it into our basket.

Step two -- prepare the mixture!

I guess I'll be doing that.

The mixture is one part
vegetable glycerin

to two parts distilled water.

One for you.

One for my homies.

Let's get the distilled water.

That's one.

Call that two.
Mix it all up.

We take our second pan,

and you want to cut a
quarter-size hole in it.

I'm gonna fold over the top
of this pan

so that it should rest nice and
tight inside of our second pan.

And all of that vapor should
come out through the hole

like a volcano at benihana's.

Light up the sterno and place it
beneath the pan.

Smoke will happen...

In mere hours.

Look at that!

Where there's smoke,
there's savings!

You didn't have to go
to a party-rental store

because you just made a thing.

Smells like success.

And burnt hair.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Did you know that
dating websites generate

roughly $2 billion
in annual revenue?

This means they have
a vested interest

in keeping you from meeting
Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Well, today, that stops
'cause we're gaming the system.

I'm here with Lauren urasek.

She's a dating expert
and matchmaker,

and I'm also here with my
really good friend,

Mitchell bishop,

who's not having the best
of luck

with his online-dating profile.

But I think Lauren's got
some great hacks

to turn Mitch
from dud to stud.

What do you think is possibly
wrong with your profile?

Honestly, I don't really know
what's wrong with my profile.

How many likes would you get
within a day?

Four, maybe?

Urasek: All right.
Want to take a look

at his pictures?
Yeah.

Let's do it.

Oh!
Okay.

Now that's a smoldering...
You know, I was being silly.

It's hilarious
if I know who you are.

Right.

It's like an
overly-filtered photo.

Not the best photo.

Next.

Okay. [ Laughs ]
So, that's me

in a wizard costume.

Yeah.
What if I really was like,

"I finally found a wizard,"
and I meet you in person,

and just
let-down city.

Okay, let's get to some hacks
to help your dating profile.

Really?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Let's do, like,
a wardrobe change.

If you actually put your tongue
on the back of your teeth

and then smile, it just gives
a really nice shape.

Bishop: Like this?

Like that.
Yeah, that's good.

[ Shutter clicks ]

Let's do one more
wardrobe change.

So, another thing is,
obviously you don't just want,

like, head shots, and you just
kind of standing around.

So, if you love riding
your bike,

take a picture
with your bike.

You're active, you're gonna get
all those chicks

who also love riding bikes.

Whoa, single-speed.

Yeah.

[ Shutter clicks ]

I think we got it.

We got to talk about
how we can hack

your profile description.

"I love to travel."

Urasek: Ooh, interesting.

"I love what I do,
but I work hard and play --"

the cliches!

We need to get
more specific.

It's a pretty good assumption
that everyone loves to travel,

so leave that one out.

And loving life and you love
to laugh -- same thing.

Let's start
with the summary.

I'm from Chicago.
Okay.

Nine years in New York.

"I spent nine years in New York.
Currently in la."

See, it's funny
that description right there

makes you sound like someone
who travels and moves around.

Like, I love that.
Without saying that

you love to travel.
Yeah.

Yeah. [ Laughs ]

I'm already feeling better
about this.

I think we should
put it to the test.

Let's see how many likes
you have now

before we make
your new profile go live.

Four.

Okay, let's close this down
for, like, an hour,

hit refresh, and see
if your number ticks up.

Yeah, that sounds good.

This is the moment of truth.

All right,
we're gonna refresh.

Ready?
All right. I'm ready.

3, 2, 1.

Whoa!
That's a lot!

In an hour? 16?

I feel like you can get
at least one date.

Yeah, I would hope.

So, if you're having trouble
getting noticed online,

game the system, my friends.

Hack your profile
and up your responses.

Coming up, Kevin hunts down
intoxicating hacks at a brewery.

There's the hack
of getting free beer.

Go on.

After this.

♪♪

Kevin: It's the mother
of all face offs

on the next "hacks del corazón."

Who do you love more,
my daughter or me?

It is like comparing apples
with finely aged oranges.

[ Gasps ]

[ Gasps ]
Dios mío!

I can explain!

Our marriage is ruined!

Just like this expensive rug
I have spilled coffee all over!

Nothing is ruined.

Solución: Just add vinegar
to water,

rub it in thoroughly,

dab, and dry.

Wow.

The carpet...Is renewed.

Just as I hope
our relationship can be.

I'm sorry I made sweet love
to your mother.

[ Gasps ]

That is not mi madre.

¿Qué?

Sí, señor solución.

I am in actuality...

[ Both gasp ]

Both:
The painter?!

I told you I will have
my revenge on you,

señor solución.

As far as revenges go,
it was pretty good.

[ Both laugh ]

Kevin: "Hacks del corazón."

I'm Kevin pereira.

Many consider me to be
the world's foremost expert

on hacking.

Today, my insatiable thirst
for hacks brings me to

the San Fernando brewing company

where I'll search high and low
for hacks of the fine craftsman

known as brewers.

This is Kevin pereira,
hack hunter.

My guides today,
Vic, the brewery founder,

and Brent, the brew master here
at San Fernando.

I was only a few steps in
when I spotted

what appeared to be
some sort of cooler hack.

Brent: This is called
a jockey box.

This is a cooler
with ice water in it,

and then you're running
your warm beer

through the coils in here
to cool it before you serve it.

So, the beer is going
to come out of the keg,

come through these
stainless-steel coils,

get instantly chilled,
and come out of here delicious?

They had my respect as hackers,

but this seemed too complicated
for the average beer drinker.

So, bravely, I pressed on deeper
into the brewery.

What do we have here?

Woman: This is
the labelling machine

that's all been made out of
particleboard and a pvc pipe.

Inspired by a scotch tape
dispenser, it looks like?

Yes.
We just feed the label through.

Then we take our bottles,
butt it up right against

our little brace that's
the exact measurement,

and then it's perfect on
the bottle every single time.

You're just gonna
roll it on?

We just roll it on.
No!

Yes.
No!

That's amazing.

This was a master hack.

But for the ambitious
home hacker,

this device could be used
to label sauces and jams,

even home-brewed beer.

With another hack under my belt,
I headed into the pour room.

Now, proper pour is
you're gonna put the glass

at about 45 degrees.

And you want to make sure
you have a nice head on it,

about two inches,
two fingers or so.

But why would you want more head
on your beer?

Was there a hack to be found

hidden somewhere
in this knowledge?

That way all the gas comes out
of the beer and not out of...

Out of the rear.

Of course.
Get a head on your beer

in order to keep yourself
from getting gas.

Here was a hack
for the people.

Cheers.

I was convinced I'd found
whatever hacks

were to be discovered here.

It was time to press on
in my relentless journey

for hacks...

Right after I finish this beer.

Ahh!

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