All language subtitles for Hack My Life s03e12 Light Up Your Life.eng

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed
to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these hacks
make it worse,

stop what you're doing
immediately!

Brooke: The following
is a paid advertisement

for the hamper champ deluxe.

Man: Boxing's a great way to
knock out those extra pounds,

but paying for a trainer

can leave you
down for the count.

That's why I came up
with a workout

that combines the sweet science
with your washing appliance.

Introducing hamper champ,
the punching bag

that turns dirty laundry
into your sparring partner.

Step one -- just stuff
your dirty clothes

into a laundry bag.

Step two --
hang the bag on a hook.

Step three -- get out
all that laundry-day aggression.

Boxing gyms rope-a-dope
their members

for hundreds in fees.

But all of this
home-fitness equipment

is already in your home.

The hamper champ --

it's a laundry bag
filled with clothes.

Brooke: Tonight...
[ Party horn blows ]

...prepare to get lit.

Kevin: We test hacks to keep
birthday candles burning bright.

-We got one down.
-We got a candle down here.

Brooke:
Plus, a hack master

helps Kevin fulfill
his boyhood laser dreams.

Ha ha ha! I told you not to
kick me out of the house!

Kevin: The lazy cook's got
a solution for stale wine.

Ahh. It smells
like a problem.

Brooke: And we show you
how to lower your cable bill

without raising your voice.

Goodbye, my love.

Kevin: Let's get this
hack party started.

Mission accomplished.

This is "hack my life."

Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!

Get it, bvp!
Yeah-okay.

Oh, god!

Kev, you know I like my beer
ice-cold for a chug sesh.

-Come on, dude.
-I'm sorry. I totally forgot.

But you know what? Maybe the
viewers at home can help.

Them?
They're all drunk.

Yeah, exactly.

This is "hack mail."

We're here
in our balmy hack lab

to test out
your beer-chilling hacks.

The one that gets our brewskis
the coldest the fastest

will be awarded a tall,
frosty glass of...

Both:
...Hack seal of approval!

Our first hack comes to us
from Paul in Toronto, Canada.

-Brooke, before we begin...
-Uh-huh.

...how warm
is this beer?

What's that?
That reading?

It's about
70.7 degrees fahrenheit.

-That's our control.
-Okay.

Now, we've got
our empty container.

I'm just gonna poke
a hole or two

in the side
for our compressed air.

Go ahead and load
the brewskis in.

-Sure.
-Let's seal it up.

-Okay, well, here goes nothing.
-All right.

Shove that in there
and then...

Oh, yeah!
That's ice forming.

You can see it coming out,
and I can feel it is ice-cold.

Whoo! Frost, frosty.

We were at 70.5 degrees,

and now we're at
a whopping...

50 degrees.
...50 degrees!

Not bad
for a few minutes' work.

That's a chilly beer.

We dropped the thing 20 degrees
in a matter of seconds

with a simple can
of compressed air.

Mission accomplished.
What more do you need?

Let's move on
to our second hack.

Let's!

George in
Miami, Florida says...

Okay,
that's got to feel great.

It's a wet sock.

Trick or treat?
Here we go.

Whoo-oo-oo!

Turn on the table fan.

Whoa, oh-oh. Right.

I'm gonna guess that George
has a lot of time on his hands,

so this is gonna
take a little bit.

Big moment.
Let's do a dunk-a-roo.

Mmm.
Basically 3 degrees, Brooke.

Wow!

-Let's do the next hack.
-Yep.

Carla writes...

"It does the job
in only one minute"?

I've got some ice water
right here.

-Okay.
-You've got some salt.

Yep.
The more, the merrier.

It should make everything
nice and cool-like,

but it is gonna take
a good minute and some mixing.

Go ahead.
Pop 'em open.

Once again -- whoops.
Here we go.

Tell me what we got.

Hoo, mama!
Hey.

60 seconds later,
we're down to 48 degrees.

-Really?
-I did not expect that.

That's even colder
than the compressed air.

Ooh, that's a good
mother-frigging hack.

By the way,
salt and ice --

hell of a lot cheaper
than compressed air.

Yes.

If you want to take
60 seconds

and chill your beer
by 20 degrees,

this is the hack
for you.

So, cheers to you,
salty ice-water bath hack.

Carla, you win our...

Both:
...Hack seal of approval!

Cheers, bud.

Oh, yeah. Bottoms up.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's so salty!

Okay. Yeah.
Clean the rim.

Ugh!

♪♪

[ Zoom! ]

[ Film projector runs ]

Announcer:Glue!
fixer of broken things.

Attacher of stuff
to other stuff.

But did you know
this sticky substance

is also a hack from history?

The stone age.
2.6 million years ago.

Neanderthals looked for a way
to make stronger tools.

By heating birch bark
over a fire,

they extract
a tar-like substance

which they use
to stick rocks to wood.

Thanks, sharpest tool
in the shed.

But glue as we know it

didn't take hold
until Egypt, 2000 bc.

Hoping to get more meat
off the bone,

butchers boiled cattle
skeletons after slaughter.

The result is
a thick, white paste.

It tastes bad
but is so adhesive

that woodworkers start using it
to hack together furniture.

This chair is sturdy
as an ox!

[ Laughs ]
You have no idea.

Glue remains more
or less unchanged

until world war ii.

American chemist Harry coover

sets out to invent a clear,
scratch-proof substance

that can replace glass
in rifle sights.

One day,
while mixing chemicals,

he creates a resin
that sticks to everything.

Super.
Just super.

He traces the resin's
adhesive properties

to a compound
called cyanoacrylate,

and super glue is born!

So, here's to you, glue.

No matter
what the future holds,

it will be held together
by you.

And that's why you're
a great hack from history.

Kevin: The party's
only just begun, hackers.

Up next, hacks to prevent
a birthday-candle blow-out.

Brooke: And we show you how
to light up your dinnerware.

Let there be hacks!

Kevin:
When "hack my life" returns.

Brooke: The following
is a paid advertisement

for cold's gym smart bells.

Here's a cold, hard fact

for everyone paying
for a gym membership --

you're not getting ripped,
you're getting ripped off.

Quit being a dumbbell and start
lifting these instead --

cold's gym smart bells.

They're free weights
that are 100% free of charge.

Just fill two old milk jugs
with water

and freeze for three hours.

Once your timer hits zero,

it's time for you
to hit the weights.

♪♪

[Bleep] Are we done yet?

Go to your kitchen
and make your own set

of cold's gym smart bells today!

♪♪

Hey there, friends.
Welcome to let's make a thing,

where one man's trash
is another man's treasure.

Let's see what
we're working with today.

Oh, look at that.

It's some fine dinnerware

from a fancy, Swedish,
prefab retailer.

Ike-an't remember the name right
now, but it doesn't matter.

What matters is that
these things are delightful.

In fact, today, they're
gonna light up our lives,

because we are hacking them
into a funky modern lamp.

So, here's what you need.

Well, first,
you need a wooden salad bowl.

You need yourself a pendant kit
and a light bulb.

So, let's make a thing!

Step one --
we're gonna have to drill

a hole in the bottom
of our bowl,

and for that,
we need a hole saw.

So, this is a regular old drill,

but it's got a hole-saw
attachment.

It's an inch and three-quarters,

which is exactly the same size
as our pendant kit.

We all know drilling
can get dangerous.

Let's gear up.

♪♪

In we go.

♪♪

There we go. Beautiful.

So, I'm gonna pass the top
of the pendant kit

right on through.

And then to make sure this stays
in place while it's hanging,

we're gonna thread
this bad boy on.

This already looks fantastic,

but I can't help but feel like
I'm missing one small thing.

Oh!

The light bulb.

And...let there be hacks!

Ooh, you feel that on your face?
That warm, Swedish glow.

I could bask in it for hours.
But it's so hip.

That makes me
want to hop on a fixie

and sprout a moustache
and cold-brew some coffee.

And it saved so much money.

It just costs you a couple bucks
and a few minutes of time,

and you can hack yourself
an amazing lamp.

Project complete.

Now I got to go
assemble a...Blarmfumf.

♪♪

[ Zoom! ]

[ Pop! Pop! ]

[ Pop! Pop! ]

♪ Happy birthday
to you ♪

♪ happy birthday,
dear kev ♪

[ Gasps ]

Brooke,
the candles blew out.

Now what am I
supposed to wish for?

I don't know --
maybe three hacks

so this tragedy
will never happen again?

Actually,
that's a great idea.

And this is
a hack vs. Hack.

Today, we've got
Justin, Patrick, and Ross,

who will be competing
to deliver a bright

and glowing birthday cake
to birthday boy here.

[ Party horn blows ]

So, honored guests,
underneath this box

we have three
very different hacks

that should help prevent
candles from blowing out

before your cake reaches
the birthday boy or girl.

Here they are!

Your first hack is a plate.

Hack number two
is a portable fan.

Hack number three,
your own body.

I'm talking about
the backwards walk. Okay.

Block the air with your person,
and you should be set.

Anyone immediately drawn
to a hack?

-The fan, right off the bat.
-A fan of the fan.

-A fan of the fan.
-A fan of the fan.

Patrick, what's
going on in there?

I think I got to go
with the walk.

For a cake of this size,
you need a bigger shield.

The plate -- too small.

Ross, how do you feel
about the plate?

I mean,
I would like to contest

and have the backwards
walk for myself.

But I have a lot of years
of waiting-tables experience,

so that might come
into play.

All right, here's how
this race is going down --

each of you will have
one flaming cake,

which you have to navigate
through our very challenging

and highly unrealistic
birthday obstacle course.

At any point
throughout this race,

if a candle goes out,
you must stop, relight it,

and then continue
with your journey.

-Are we clear?
-Yes.

-Crystal clear?
-Yes.

Crystal.

♪♪

Brooke: Everybody,
on your Mark, get set, and...

[ Whistle blows ]

-All right, they're off.
-Okay.

Going through the birthday
present minefield there.

Oh, my god.
With no problem is Justin.

Justin is just gliding through
with his portable fan.

Hot-stepping his way.

I'm a little bit
worried for Patrick.

I'm moonwalking.

The backwards walk
is tough, Brooke.

He easily could trip
on a dump truck or a scooter.

Justin is just cruising.

Oh, Ross --
Ross is making a go, here.

She's trying to cut
on the inside.

The plate windshield doing
a good job of blocking it.

-Watch out for the piñatas.
-Yep.

We don't want to set
one of those on fire.

Oh, no!

Oh, we got
an extinguished candle.

Patrick is struggling. It seems
like the backwards walk

just isn't blocking
the air flow.

Meanwhile, Justin's mini fan
is entering the wind tunnel.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.

It's still lit.
It's still got life.

I am shocked
at the effectiveness

of this fan, Brooke.

It's pushing all of that
incoming air away.

-We got one down.
-We got a candle down, here.

-Candle down.
-Ohh!

Not quite big enough
to block that wind.

Justin, coming through
like a champ all-pro.

Just using that fan

to blow those balloons
right out of his way.

I don't see
a single candle out.

And coming across
the finish line.

The fan wins.
We have it.

That's a w
right there.

Coming in for a strong second
is Ross and her plastic plate.

Oh, I think the plate
is melting.

-Yeah, that is absolutely toxic.
-Oh, no.

Same old story --
Patrick's candles are out.

Patrick, stop ruining
Kevin's birthday!

Let's go, Patrick!

This is embarrassing.

Brooke:
Come on! All right.

Okay. Oh. Hey.

♪♪

Kevin: Well, we definitely
had some mixed results.

Let's start with
that melted plate.

It was sitting here
for a length of time.

I think that the hack
actually does work

with the realistic amount of
time that someone would have.

Backwards walking --

we just threw that
out the window.

I let you down, Kevin,
on your birthday.

Kevin: Wow. Yeah, you
absolutely did let me down.

We do have to declare
a clear winner.

Mm-hmm. And, Justin,
I'm a bigfan

[ ding! Ding! ]

Normally, we give
a cash prize,

but today you just get
to eat cake with Kevin.

Yeah!

Oh, it's got to Pierce
through the wax.

That's a firm film on top
of my birthday cake.

Delicious victory.

Justin: The wax is where
you get the protein.

Brooke:
Up next, see how easy it is

to beat the cable company
at its own game.

-Ready to do this?
-Bring it on.

Kevin: And never
throw away booze again.

Salud!

The lazy cook rescues
your stale vino

when hacky hour returns.

Brooke: The following
is a paid advertisement

for the dyno-sphere 2.0.

Do you want to put
a lunge and twist

on your regular workout?

Too bad you need
a doctor's salary

to afford one of these.

They're called medicine balls
for a reason.

Let me write you
a prescription

for a new kind of workout.

Introducing the dyno-sphere 2.0.

The medicine-ball alternative

that big fitness
doesn't want you to know about.

Just steal a kickball
from a local elementary school

and poke a small hole in it.

Next, use a funnel
to fill it with sand.

And finally,
seal it all up with duct tape.

Now, you are ready
to have a ball,

and you didn't even
have to squat

and reach for your wallet.

Dyno-sphere 2.0.

Just put some sand
in a kickball.

You know what?
Almost everyone in america

has cable, including you --

you know, 'cause you're
watching TV right now.

But cable bills can be pricy.

In fact,
the average cable bill

has increased 40%
in recent years.

Oh, no,
that will not do.

So today, we're gonna show you
how to save a couple bucks

by cutting down
your cable bill.

This is
"gaming the system."

Today, we're gonna show you
how to lower your cable bill

by as much as $500 a year,

all by successfully navigating
the customer-service system.

Now, what you're about
to see is a re-enactment

based on a phone call
from one of our producers

to their actual
cable company.

I'll be playing the esteemed
role of cable-company rep,

following the script provided
in my trusty binder,

which mimics the script
actual cable-company reps use.

And I will be playing the role
that I was born to play --

a disgruntled cable customer
looking to get

at least 10% knocked off
my monthly cable bill.

And rather than a script,
I've just got

a customer cheat sheet.

Ready to do this?

Bring it on.

♪♪

Hello. Thank you for
calling timecast cable.

Who do I have the pleasure
of speaking with today?

I don't know if this is gonna
be a pleasurable experience

for you, sweetheart,

but this is television's
Kevin pereira.

Pleasure.

How may I
assist you today?

Hack number one -- do not be
afraid to drop the c-bomb --

cancel.

'Cause if they know you want
to cancel your service,

they're gonna send you right
to the retention department,

and those are the people
with any power.

Well, I was looking
over my bill,

and it's almost doubled
in this last month.

I was paying $79.99.

This month,
jumped way up to 160 bucks.

I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to cancel my service.

Yeah, I see that you were
on a year-long promotion

that expired last month.

All right, I didn't realize
it was a year-long promotion,

so is there any way
I can keep the old rate?

Well, Mr. Pereira,
unfortunately,

that is the plan
you signed up for, [bleep]

I'm sorry?
If you would like to lower your rate,

I could switch you over to our
standard package of channels.

Hack number two --
do your homework.

When you bring up
the competition,

you let the retentions
agent know two things --

one, that you're serious
about saving money,

and, two, you still want
to keep cable service.

I really don't want
to lose any channels.

Thing is,
I've got some offers

from some different companies
in the area.

So I feel like the smart thing
would be to just --

yeah, I'm gonna have to go ahead
with that cancelation,

there, Brooke.
How do you feel about that?

Okay. Well, Mr. Pereira, I can't
speak to other companies,

but I can offer six free months
of premium movie channels

in addition
to your current package.

I got to tell you --
I appreciate the offer,

and I would love
to have those channels,

but here's the thing...

Hack number three --
when all else fails,

just say you simply
can't afford it.

There's nothing
you could do.

I can't afford it.

Okay.
I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

I'll just check a couple
of things with my manager.

Would that be okay for you,
Mr. Pereira?

Sure. Anything would be great
because I can't afford it.

I'm sorry to say it.
I can't afford it.

Okay. Wonderful. Well, I'm just
gonna put you on hold again.

Thank you.

I can't afford it.

Mr. Pereira,
I apologize for the wait.

Get ready.

I spoke with my manager,
and today I've been authorized

to offer you a rate reduction
on your current plan

to $69.99 per month
for the entire year,

including the service upgrade
to our premium movie package,

which we do not do
for everybody, sir.

So that's $10 a month less

than what I'm paying for now,
for more channels?

Sir, you are
right as rain.

[ Scoffs ]

♪♪

That's it, friends.
It really worked.

I mean, yes, our re-enactment
was a little silly,

but our producer
used these hacks

and walked away
like a champion.

Let's not forget
the final hack -- Patience.

Our producer was actually
on the call for over an hour,

but it seems
to be worth it.

I actually can't wait to check
out all the sweet new channels.

In fact, I'm gonna call all
my friends over right now.

The phone's not
plugged in, hon.

Jared. What's up, buddy? Want
to come watch "taken" again?

It's not plugged in,
Kevin.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Crash! ]

[ Sniffs ] Ugh!

If you're as lazy as I am,
there's a good chance

you've ruined
your fair share of red wine

by passing out before you can
put the cork back in the bottle.

Luckily, all you need to
hack yesterday's stale wine

into today's sangria
is an ice-cube tray.

[Laughter

so, come on, everybody,
it's 5:00 somewhere.

All you need to get started
is aforementioned stale wine.

You'll need a pitcher,
berries of your choice,

some sugar,
and some ice-cube trays.

Pour about 1/3 of a cup
of sugar into the pitcher,

drop some berries
into your sugar down here,

and you're just gonna smash
everything up into small pieces.

Ooh!

These berries are as smashed
as you're gonna be.

[Laughter

once the berries
are good and muddled,

pour in that bottle of red wine.

Salud!

The berries and sugar will mask

any of the tainted,
stale-wine taste.

Ah. It smells like a problem.

Last up, we're just gonna pour
this into our ice-cube tray.

There we go.

No boozy fruit left behind.

All right, now I'm just
gonna pop this in the freezer.

If you'd like to make
a single serving,

you just need
one ice cube per glass.

But I'm gonna make a serving
for multiple people.

[ Ting! ]

Once you've got your
ice cubes in the pitcher,

mix it up like
a traditional sangria.

Little splash of Brandy
and some o.J.

This hack is perfect for a party

because you can make it
ahead of time

and the ice cubes will melt
as the guests arrive.

Give your concoction a stir,
and it's go time, baby.

Ahh!

Well, it's time
to get this party started.

Cheers! Yeah.
Who needs a glass?

Kevin: Coming up...

-Oh!
-There you go.

...a rocket scientist makes
my fiery dreams come true...

Boom.

...when the "hack" blasts back.

♪♪

Growing up,
I loved Sci-Fi movies,

'cause I just loved
the promise

that, in the future, I was
gonna have a laser blaster.

But it's the future now,

and I don't have
a frigging laser blaster.

But I got me an engineer,

and he's gonna teach us
how to build one.

It's safe and legal.
Don't worry.

-Uh, I don't know about safe.
-No, no, nope!

This is "hack masters."

This is kosta grammatis,
and he is an engineer

because it says so
somewhere on the screen.

That makes it official.

So, you were hacking
at a young age,

just out of curiosity?
Absolutely.

Okay, and that
snowballed, somehow,

into a career where you
ended up working at SpaceX?

How the hell
does that happen?

After a lifetime of hacking,
people start to notice.

And they're like,
"wow. Come hack for us."

And I've worked
in everything,

from building bionic eyes
for cyborgs

to telecommunications
for developing countries.

Kosta, how are we gonna
make a laser blaster?

It's actually
surprisingly easy.

A little-known secret --
inside this blu-ray burner

is a high-powered laser

that has the power
to set things on fire.

That's terrifying. So,
let's get inside this bad boy.

First step, basic disassembly.
There we go.

So, we're inside.
Okay.

This is like a Roomba's
reproductive system.

I have no idea
where or how it goes.

Inside are all the optics
that write onto the DVD drive.

There we go.
So, these are the optics,

and inside --
you can see it right here --

is the diode.

Oop. There we go.

There's your laser.
That's it?

That's the laser?
That's the laser.

This teeny-tiny little piece
that you just pulled off?

Yep.

This is the guy that's gonna
spit out a frigging laser beam

for our blaster
that's powerful enough

to potentially start fires?
Yep.

So, now we got to connect
the laser diode

to the power supply.

And what this does is
it controls the current

that goes into that laser.
Okay.

And you didn't pull this
out of the blu-ray drive.

This is something
that you just get online?

Yep.
We'll wire it up.

♪♪

And then, we hit "on."
[ Imitates explosion ]

This is already impressive
and interesting.

This doesn't scream
"laser blaster" to me.

I agree with you 100%.
What we need is a blaster.

Yes! Please!

I've got two diabolical
laser blasters

that I built just for us.

And we took out the guts
and we rewired it

to have all those
components in there.

These are dangerous.

And we have some
specialty-made goggles

that are designed

to block this specific
wavelength of light.

We got to put these on
before we do anything

with these lasers.

Hack.
Master.

Okay. It's on.

Now -- now hold it steady.

There. It's smoking.
There you go.

Whoo!
Happy birthday, mom!

Ha ha ha! I told you not
to kick me out of the house!

Don't cross the streams.
See what happens.

Oh, yeah.
That is toasty.

This'll get you kicked
out of the boy scouts.

Absolutely.

What you got?!

There you go.

Oh-ho-ho! That is
satisfyingly dangerous!

♪♪

Every good Sci-Fi hero did an
under-the-leg balloon-pop shot.

Boom.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Blat!
Mission accomplished.

[ Blows ]

Childhood dreams --
realized.

Local authorities --
terrified.

But, hey, that doesn't
mean anything.

You're still
a hack master.

Thank you for making me
a laser blaster.

-Pleasure.
-Can we take these outside now?

-Yes.
-Okay, great.

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