All language subtitles for Dan Vs s03e09 Jury Duty.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:06,705 You're probably wondering why I've called you here. 2 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:09,541 I'm actually wondering why this place hasn't been condemned. 3 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,910 I want you guys to see something. 4 00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:12,780 Uh, Dan? 5 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,070 I'm leaving. You guys have fun playing 6 00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:15,414 "Guess That Rash." 7 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:18,584 No, wait! Look at this scratch. 8 00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:20,252 Wow. Fascinating. 9 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,170 What about it? 10 00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:23,480 I have no memory of how it happened. Mr. Mumbles 11 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:24,857 says it wasn't her. 12 00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:26,358 (mr. mumbles, meows) 13 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,894 Isn't it odd that I would have no memory 14 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,730 whatsoever of this injury? 15 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:35,034 Well, you HAVE taken a lot of head trauma over the years... 16 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,301 Don't you see?! 17 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:39,538 There's only one possible explanation for this. 18 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:43,175 I've been abducted by aliens. 19 00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:47,746 All the signs line up! Crop circles! 20 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:50,482 Nostradamus! Reykjavik! 21 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,051 Hey! Get off me! 22 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,853 Aqueducts! Neoprene! Sauerkraut! 23 00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:59,558 You're just saying words! 24 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,727 Which one of you is Dan? 25 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:02,961 Who wants to know?! 26 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:06,165 The trilateral commission? Freemasons? 27 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,666 ohh! 28 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:11,103 L.A. Superior Court, buddy. You've been served. 29 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,371 Jury duty? 30 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:15,207 We tried to notify you by mail, but you never responded. 31 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:18,277 I don't open mail from the government. 32 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,611 That's what they want you to do. 33 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:20,913 We'll see you in court. 34 00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:24,283 But my friends and I need to drive around until we find 35 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,784 the aliens that abducted me! 36 00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:30,856 We have to make them pay for what they did! 37 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:34,193 Whatever it was, I'm sure it wasn't pleasant. 38 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:37,963 You show up for jury duty, or you go to jail. Your choice. 39 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:41,266 Ha, ha. Dan has to perform his civic duty! 40 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:44,269 Don't worry Dan. Elise and I will drive you. 41 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,804 Elise? You're Elise? 42 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,106 ohhh! 43 00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:50,242 Oh, come on! 44 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:54,513 JURY DUTY!!! 45 00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:08,060 I'VE been served?! 46 00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:12,097 I'll serve you up the backside of your stupid... 47 00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:15,534 That's what I should have said... 48 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,069 I don't know why he's upset. 49 00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:18,804 Usually when someone tells Dan they'll see him in court, 50 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,272 they mean as a defendant. 51 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:23,542 I can't believe I have to waste a whole day at the courthouse. 52 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,643 Well I'm not going. 53 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,445 They pay you. 54 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,449 I mean, sure, I'd rather be alien-hunting, 55 00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:33,719 but if they wanna compensate me for my time... 56 00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:34,887 Sure. 57 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:36,522 How much it it, anyway? 58 00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:37,890 Uh... Five, I think. 59 00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:40,359 Five hundred? I'm worth more. 60 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:41,793 Maybe I can negotiate. 61 00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:42,761 No Dan. Five. 62 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:45,764 Five DOLLARS!? 63 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,399 Before taxes. 64 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,568 Forget it! Let me out! 65 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:03,248 So THAT'S why you replaced our back windows with plexiglass. 66 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:04,883 I try to think two moves ahead. 67 00:03:13,726 --> 00:03:16,295 Security has gotten so tight at the courthouse lately. 68 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:17,496 For good reason. 69 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,531 Do you know what kind of lunatics walk through this 70 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,668 door every day? 71 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,136 Huh. Forgot I had this. 72 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,139 You guys go ahead. I'll catch up. 73 00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:29,841 Uh... we'll just go ahead then. 74 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:32,711 GRENADE! 75 00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:52,965 Tee-hee! Stop it! 76 00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:54,700 Please proceed to the sobriety test. 77 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,802 I'll be right with you to administer the lie detector. 78 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,446 Are you affiliated with any group that is plotting 79 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,648 the violent overthrow of the United States? 80 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:11,817 I'm not really a "joiner." 81 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:15,153 I'm more of a "He was acting alone" kind of guy. 82 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,498 Great, now I have to ride an elevator with a bunch of 83 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,567 stupid, ugly criminals!? 84 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,270 Dan? Stop talking. 85 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,306 Don't be afraid of these troglodytes, Chris. 86 00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:37,242 We're in a building full of cops, and these doors 87 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:39,544 will open any second now. 88 00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,146 (grinding noise) 89 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,848 Please don't let us be stuck. 90 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,483 Well, at least we-- 91 00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:46,250 Huh. 92 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,254 Hey, honest mistake. 93 00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:49,921 I hate you. 94 00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:54,926 You may all be seated. 95 00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:55,727 Fry him! 96 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,129 That's the judge, Dan. 97 00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,864 I know that! Fry him! 98 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:02,167 I assume you're trying to get out of jury duty? 99 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,303 Shirk your civic responsibility? 100 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:07,172 That hurts, your honor. 101 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:13,779 In fact, I'm so upset I think I'd best go home. 102 00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:17,082 Don't even think about it. 103 00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:25,557 Magnifico the Magnificent does not serve on... JURIES! 104 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,359 (claps) 105 00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:30,330 Excused. 106 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:36,635 I'm sorry ma'am, but being pregnant does not excuse 107 00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,370 you from jury duty. 108 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,039 No, your honor, I--ooh! 109 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,408 I'm actually in the process of --whoa! 110 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:47,312 That was a big one-- giving birth right now. 111 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,447 You're excused. 112 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,748 Please name the child after me. 113 00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:56,588 Your honor, I am also in the process of giving birth. 114 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,026 And I'm also emotionally fragile, 115 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,694 having been recently abducted by aliens. 116 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,900 Alternate juror? 117 00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:09,310 That's even worse! 118 00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:12,970 I still have to be here, but I can't send anyone to prison! 119 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:15,640 I'm just happy to be of service to my community. 120 00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:20,011 By the way, that's Olaf. He doesn't speak any English. 121 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,114 Then how do you know what his name is? 122 00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,716 Oh I'm like, totally fluent in Danish. 123 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,885 Anyway, Olaf isn't even a juror. 124 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,855 He wandered in by mistake when he was looking for the bathroom. 125 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,990 I'm tunneling out. 126 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,258 Don't go yet, bro-face. 127 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:36,628 They're supposed to give us food pellets in like an hour. 128 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,630 (clang) 129 00:06:37,740 --> 00:06:39,190 Useless! 130 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:43,802 Under the layer of newspaper there's just more bars. 131 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:46,037 Has the jury selected a foreman? 132 00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,806 We have, your honor. It's me. 133 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,207 Whoo-hoo! Yeah! 134 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,208 (clapping) 135 00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,147 (elise sighs) 136 00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:57,416 (whisper-yelling) CHRIS! 137 00:06:57,418 --> 00:07:00,385 Hey, Chris! 138 00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:06,224 You've got to bust me out of here. 139 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:08,560 I'm not "busting you out" of jury duty. 140 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:11,596 Just go to my apartment, all right?! 141 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:14,166 In my closet, you'll find a a plastic gun, 142 00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:18,236 a block of thermite, a wig, makeup, petroleum jelly... 143 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,071 But sadly, no clean clothes. 144 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,506 (clank clank) 145 00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:24,009 Are you trying to influence one of my jurors, 146 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:27,546 or just disturbing the proceedings? 147 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:30,348 Uh, the... second one? 148 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,221 I'll just wait out here, then... 149 00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:39,524 Please bring in the defendant. 150 00:07:48,734 --> 00:07:50,302 Look at that weasel! 151 00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,260 Guilty! 152 00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:52,130 (gavels) Order! 153 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,340 You are accused of stealing a wrecking ball and destroying 154 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:57,175 the Burger Bonanza restaurant. 155 00:07:57,177 --> 00:08:00,679 The place across the street from Ninja Dave's... 156 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,315 I hate those guys. 157 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,784 They never give you enough ketchup. 158 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:08,954 The charges state that this was the result of an argument about 159 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:12,123 the amount of ketchup you received at the drive-through? 160 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,926 Right on, brother. 161 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,863 Do you wish to change your plea? 162 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:21,266 Still not guilty, your honor. 163 00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,335 I said not guilty, right? 164 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,170 He's more than not guilty. 165 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,539 He's a hero. 166 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:30,475 Wow. Hero. 167 00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:34,713 We have a civic duty to perform, whatever your name is. 168 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,082 To make sure that man goes free. 169 00:08:46,798 --> 00:08:49,838 While it is true that my client was hauled away from the 170 00:08:49,838 --> 00:08:52,308 establishment screaming "I swear I will destroy this 171 00:08:52,308 --> 00:08:55,808 place..." ...and yes, the place WAS in fact, 172 00:08:55,808 --> 00:08:57,878 destroyed later that night. 173 00:08:57,878 --> 00:09:02,448 But I think that's probably coincidence. 174 00:09:02,448 --> 00:09:07,218 I've got to get on that jury. 175 00:09:07,228 --> 00:09:10,358 I need your long, spindly arms. 176 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:10,950 Take them. 177 00:09:10,990 --> 00:09:12,710 And do with them as you will. 178 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,220 Well done. 179 00:09:21,968 --> 00:09:22,908 Now, we just... 180 00:09:25,670 --> 00:09:26,650 (thud) 181 00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:30,500 Oh, dude, poor Olaf, he just knocked himself out! 182 00:09:30,518 --> 00:09:34,718 Perfect. Cover him in cedar shavings. Then you hide, too. 183 00:09:34,718 --> 00:09:36,648 Also, I need his underwear. 184 00:09:43,898 --> 00:09:48,198 Just got to take out one juror... But which one? 185 00:09:51,238 --> 00:09:52,268 Goodnight, Elise. 186 00:09:55,008 --> 00:09:57,978 (crack and a whimper) 187 00:09:59,838 --> 00:10:00,638 Drat! 188 00:10:02,908 --> 00:10:04,178 Uh... Your honor? 189 00:10:04,178 --> 00:10:08,288 I think this juror needs medical attention. 190 00:10:08,288 --> 00:10:11,388 Please bring one of the alternates to the jury box. 191 00:10:17,328 --> 00:10:18,398 Who, me? 192 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,680 This is more like it. 193 00:10:28,468 --> 00:10:29,938 Hey! Nothing. 194 00:10:40,948 --> 00:10:44,088 There we go... Come to papa... 195 00:10:44,758 --> 00:10:48,628 Ahh! Oof! Heavy! 196 00:10:50,298 --> 00:10:52,028 It's vital that we find my expert witness 197 00:10:52,028 --> 00:10:53,458 as soon as possible! 198 00:10:53,468 --> 00:10:55,898 We know he checked in, but we don't know where he went. 199 00:10:55,898 --> 00:10:57,868 I'm told he's a big guy in an orange shirt. 200 00:10:57,868 --> 00:11:01,408 Should be easy to spot, right? 201 00:11:01,408 --> 00:11:04,238 Hey, could you guys help me out here? 202 00:11:04,238 --> 00:11:06,108 There you are, Olaf! 203 00:11:06,108 --> 00:11:07,038 Uh, what? 204 00:11:08,978 --> 00:11:11,518 What were you doing trapped under this vending machine? 205 00:11:11,518 --> 00:11:12,878 I was hungry. 206 00:11:12,888 --> 00:11:14,618 Well let's go. Trial's in an hour. 207 00:11:14,618 --> 00:11:16,418 We need to prep you, talk about your testimony... 208 00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:17,518 I think you're mistaking-- 209 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,720 Come on, it's chili dog day in the cafeteria. 210 00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:20,430 I'm buying. 211 00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:21,410 Okay. 212 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,350 So you're from Denmark? 213 00:11:23,358 --> 00:11:24,128 Yes I am. 214 00:11:27,398 --> 00:11:32,098 In your opinion, Officer- Ahh! Ow! 215 00:11:32,998 --> 00:11:34,338 This guy's terrible! 216 00:11:34,338 --> 00:11:38,278 The lawyers on TV never trip over their own feet! 217 00:11:38,278 --> 00:11:39,738 Well, he doesn't have a lot to work with. 218 00:11:39,748 --> 00:11:42,308 It's pretty clear the guy's guilty. 219 00:11:42,308 --> 00:11:45,048 Don't say that! Keep hope alive! 220 00:11:45,678 --> 00:11:46,548 Where am I? 221 00:11:49,218 --> 00:11:51,018 So, Doctor Magnussen... 222 00:11:51,018 --> 00:11:53,058 Please, call me Olaf. 223 00:11:53,058 --> 00:11:55,558 Can you tell me, in your expert opinion, 224 00:11:55,558 --> 00:11:58,028 whether my client's factory could have caused such 225 00:11:58,028 --> 00:12:00,828 widespread environmental damage? 226 00:12:00,828 --> 00:12:02,298 When I describe the effect of flow pollutants, 227 00:12:02,298 --> 00:12:04,498 it helps to think of the environment as a 228 00:12:04,498 --> 00:12:07,968 big slice of meatloaf... 229 00:12:07,968 --> 00:12:09,838 That was fantastic! 230 00:12:09,838 --> 00:12:12,778 The way you related it in terms the jury could understand... 231 00:12:12,778 --> 00:12:13,878 Thank you! 232 00:12:13,878 --> 00:12:15,648 Thank YOU for the chili dogs. 233 00:12:15,648 --> 00:12:17,908 Do you have any other areas of expertise? 234 00:12:17,918 --> 00:12:21,048 My firm always needs reliable expert witnesses. 235 00:12:21,048 --> 00:12:23,918 Why don't we discuss it over some lobster bisque? 236 00:12:23,918 --> 00:12:24,618 You're buying. 237 00:12:27,458 --> 00:12:29,258 And, I think that's about it. 238 00:12:29,258 --> 00:12:32,528 So, defense rests, I think I did a pretty good job. 239 00:12:32,528 --> 00:12:34,098 Your honor, I object! 240 00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:35,620 Dan? What are you doing? 241 00:12:35,810 --> 00:12:37,340 This guy sucks! 242 00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:40,760 He didn't do any of the things lawyers do on TV! 243 00:12:40,768 --> 00:12:44,408 He didn't yell at anyone, he didn't reveal any shocking, 244 00:12:44,408 --> 00:12:48,478 heretofore unforeseen details about the witnesses... 245 00:12:48,478 --> 00:12:52,278 He didn't even spin on his heel dramatically! 246 00:12:52,278 --> 00:12:56,048 You are aware that this is not a court drama on television? 247 00:12:56,048 --> 00:12:57,548 Of course! 248 00:12:57,558 --> 00:13:00,388 But television is based on real life. 249 00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,188 And I've watched enough TV 250 00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:05,670 to know a lousy lawyer when I see one! 251 00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:08,820 Now that we've heard the concluding arguments, 252 00:13:08,828 --> 00:13:12,438 I hereby release the jury to the deliberation room. 253 00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:14,930 You, I will see in my chambers. 254 00:13:20,078 --> 00:13:22,948 A little disappointed in our legal system? 255 00:13:23,380 --> 00:13:25,170 Well, yeah! 256 00:13:25,178 --> 00:13:28,148 I was expecting a bunch of "Isn't it true?" 257 00:13:28,148 --> 00:13:32,058 And "If that IS your real name!" 258 00:13:32,058 --> 00:13:34,188 That's why I got into law. 259 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:38,058 They don't tell you until third year that that never happens. 260 00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:39,398 There wasn't even a last-minute 261 00:13:39,398 --> 00:13:42,398 hail mary in which new evidence was introduced! 262 00:13:42,398 --> 00:13:46,068 Yeah, turns out that's actually not legal. 263 00:13:46,068 --> 00:13:47,538 But- but-! 264 00:13:47,538 --> 00:13:49,138 Look, Dan? 265 00:13:49,138 --> 00:13:52,508 What I need you to do is go into the deliberation room 266 00:13:52,508 --> 00:13:54,478 and discuss the case you heard. 267 00:13:54,478 --> 00:13:56,548 Can you do that for me? 268 00:13:56,548 --> 00:13:58,678 I guess. 269 00:13:58,678 --> 00:14:00,978 May I collect my thoughts for a moment? 270 00:14:00,988 --> 00:14:03,918 Of course. Take your time. 271 00:14:11,598 --> 00:14:14,458 Now, when we talk about "reasonable doubt, 272 00:14:14,468 --> 00:14:16,068 let's really think about what's reason a-- 273 00:14:16,068 --> 00:14:18,498 It's all right everybody, I'm here now. 274 00:14:18,498 --> 00:14:20,298 You can stop listening to Elise. 275 00:14:20,308 --> 00:14:21,608 What are you wearing? 276 00:14:21,608 --> 00:14:23,438 These old things? 277 00:14:23,438 --> 00:14:25,108 Oh, the judge gave them to me. 278 00:14:25,108 --> 00:14:29,108 Because I'm the new Juror-in-Chief. 279 00:14:29,108 --> 00:14:30,748 There's no such thing. 280 00:14:30,748 --> 00:14:32,218 Isn't there? 281 00:14:32,218 --> 00:14:36,548 Then why did he give me his gavel? 282 00:14:36,558 --> 00:14:38,288 You obviously stole-- 283 00:14:38,288 --> 00:14:39,088 (banging the gavel) 284 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,260 You are out of order! 285 00:14:40,260 --> 00:14:44,120 Don't make me hold you in any more contempt than I already do. 286 00:14:44,128 --> 00:14:45,558 I'm out of what?! 287 00:14:45,558 --> 00:14:46,958 As Juror-in-Chief, 288 00:14:46,968 --> 00:14:50,868 I command you to sit quietly while the grown-ups talk. 289 00:14:50,868 --> 00:14:54,868 As my mother used to say, you are cruisin' for a bruisin'. 290 00:14:54,868 --> 00:14:56,338 You better do what he says. 291 00:14:56,338 --> 00:14:57,838 He has the gavel. 292 00:14:57,838 --> 00:14:59,138 Jurors don't have gavels! 293 00:14:59,138 --> 00:15:00,038 BANG! BANG! 294 00:15:00,848 --> 00:15:02,308 I beg to differ. 295 00:15:02,308 --> 00:15:04,608 Elise, please. Sit down. You're causing a disruption. 296 00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:06,510 I don't believe this. 297 00:15:06,540 --> 00:15:07,410 Thank you. 298 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:11,610 Now, the judge has asked me to convey the following message: 299 00:15:11,618 --> 00:15:15,888 We are to disregard all the testimony we've heard so far. 300 00:15:15,888 --> 00:15:18,088 Really? All of it? 301 00:15:18,098 --> 00:15:19,358 Absolutely. 302 00:15:19,358 --> 00:15:21,258 And he asked that we find the defendant 303 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:24,968 innocent on all counts. 304 00:15:24,968 --> 00:15:25,738 Dan! 305 00:15:25,738 --> 00:15:27,338 Well, if the judge said so... 306 00:15:27,338 --> 00:15:29,468 He didn't say so! Dan's lying! 307 00:15:29,468 --> 00:15:31,808 But he has the robes. 308 00:15:31,808 --> 00:15:36,308 When's the last time you saw a judge in a powdered wig? 1812? 309 00:15:36,318 --> 00:15:38,648 Let's take a vote. All in favor of acquittal? 310 00:15:40,078 --> 00:15:41,548 Good, then it's unanimous. 311 00:15:41,548 --> 00:15:43,218 No it's not! 312 00:15:43,218 --> 00:15:45,758 Why are you being so difficult, Elise? 313 00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:47,788 Whose pocket are you in? 314 00:15:47,788 --> 00:15:50,058 I will come around this table and smack you so hard 315 00:15:50,058 --> 00:15:51,228 Mr. Mumbles will feel it. 316 00:15:51,228 --> 00:15:56,228 Isn't it true that someone tried to bribe you this very morning!? 317 00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:56,960 Yes, Dan. 318 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,430 YOU offered me ten dollars to throw the case. 319 00:15:59,438 --> 00:16:00,898 The answer's still no. 320 00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:03,368 Maybe this will change your mind. 321 00:16:10,508 --> 00:16:11,978 (dan o.s.) Hey! Give that back! 322 00:16:14,048 --> 00:16:15,888 Elise stole your gavel, your honor. 323 00:16:15,888 --> 00:16:16,948 I tried to stop her. 324 00:16:19,318 --> 00:16:22,728 As your new jury foreman, it behooves me to tell you that I 325 00:16:22,728 --> 00:16:26,298 haven't been paying attention, like, at all this whole time. 326 00:16:26,298 --> 00:16:27,898 So, what's been happening? 327 00:16:27,898 --> 00:16:28,798 Tell me. 328 00:16:30,068 --> 00:16:31,498 I blame you. 329 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,330 Can't believe I'm stuck here with 330 00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:48,400 stupid Elise for a neighbor. 331 00:16:50,740 --> 00:16:52,700 (chokes, sputtering coughing) 332 00:16:56,610 --> 00:16:57,840 Dan, are you okay? 333 00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:58,840 Not that I care too much. 334 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:00,480 Neighbor! 335 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,180 Well, it's nicer than what you usually call me. 336 00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:05,280 No! I just realized something! 337 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,990 Can you get us out of this cage? 338 00:17:07,990 --> 00:17:08,620 Sure. 339 00:17:08,630 --> 00:17:11,000 Then hurry up and do it! I'll explain in the car. 340 00:17:11,590 --> 00:17:13,760 Why exactly would I help you? 341 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,530 Elise, I'm sorry I snapped at you. 342 00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:18,130 You're a good person and you have 343 00:17:18,130 --> 00:17:19,830 excellent taste in footwear. 344 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,470 Buttering me up won't work. 345 00:17:21,470 --> 00:17:22,870 How about begging? 346 00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:27,040 Please? Please. Please Please Please Please! 347 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,970 Okay, okay. Stop it! 348 00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:31,560 Help me dig to the bottom of the cage. 349 00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:35,680 Uh... Did you know there's a dead guy in here? 350 00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:38,220 He's not dead, he's just Danish. 351 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,550 How's my expert witness feeling? 352 00:17:41,630 --> 00:17:42,180 Great! 353 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,320 At first I was doing this for the food, but you know, 354 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,890 I really enjoy being asked my opinion about important issues. 355 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,730 Yes, I am an expert in child psychology.../ 356 00:17:52,730 --> 00:17:56,470 My field is particle physics.../ Neuroscience.../ 357 00:17:56,470 --> 00:17:58,000 Animal husbandry. 358 00:18:02,470 --> 00:18:03,510 What's that? 359 00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:04,320 Laser torch. 360 00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,010 It doesn't set off metal detectors. 361 00:18:06,010 --> 00:18:07,850 I had to leave most of my good stuff in the car. 362 00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:13,950 We're through. 363 00:18:18,590 --> 00:18:19,490 So where are we going? 364 00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:20,790 Ninja Dave's. 365 00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:22,530 If you've talked me into breaking out of 366 00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:25,030 the courthouse for a cookie run, so help me... 367 00:18:25,030 --> 00:18:26,300 It's not like that! 368 00:18:26,330 --> 00:18:26,830 ...though I do 369 00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:28,990 suggest we get some cookies while we're there. 370 00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:35,610 It's easiest to think of the space time continuum 371 00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:38,580 as if it were a big plate of nachos... 372 00:18:38,580 --> 00:18:41,550 Uh, you're our expert in child psychology... 373 00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:42,680 Right. 374 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:47,250 That's also like a big plate of nachos. Only smaller. 375 00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:49,090 For children. 376 00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:53,420 That was terrible! 377 00:18:53,430 --> 00:18:56,130 I'm sorry, I got confused! 378 00:18:56,130 --> 00:18:57,360 You are fired! 379 00:19:00,970 --> 00:19:02,600 Best job I ever had... 380 00:19:02,970 --> 00:19:05,070 Chris, there you are! 381 00:19:05,090 --> 00:19:05,940 Hey, guys. 382 00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:07,570 There's no time for small talk. 383 00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:10,910 We have to get this tape into the courtroom and stop an 384 00:19:10,910 --> 00:19:13,510 innocent man from going to jail! 385 00:19:13,510 --> 00:19:14,980 You sure you don't want to review it first? 386 00:19:14,980 --> 00:19:16,380 There's no time! 387 00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:18,650 There was time to stop for a hamburger. 388 00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:19,920 Do you have a point? 389 00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:24,450 Has the jury reached a verdict? 390 00:19:24,460 --> 00:19:26,490 We have, o Rumpole of the Bailey. 391 00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:27,520 We find the defendant-- 392 00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:30,890 Stop right there! 393 00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:31,900 (gasps) 394 00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,600 If it may please the court, 395 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,870 I would like to call someone to the stand. 396 00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:37,570 Your honor, I object. 397 00:19:37,570 --> 00:19:39,140 The trial is over. I"m tired. 398 00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:41,840 And isn't this one of our jurors?! 399 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,240 Overruled. 400 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:44,530 I want to see where this goes. 401 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:45,580 Thank you, your honor. 402 00:19:45,580 --> 00:19:47,110 I call... 403 00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:48,580 You! 404 00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:49,850 (more gasps) 405 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,820 Isn't it true, sir, that you are a terrible lawyer? 406 00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,090 I object! 407 00:19:57,090 --> 00:19:59,920 Overruled! 408 00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:01,460 Your honor?! 409 00:20:01,460 --> 00:20:03,290 I'll allow it. 410 00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,160 You are terrible. 411 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,730 Do you know what is across the street from Burger Bonanza? 412 00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:10,300 Uh... No. 413 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,240 It's Ninja Dave's cookie shop. 414 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,710 And were you aware, Mr. Public Defender, 415 00:20:15,710 --> 00:20:20,780 if that is your real name, that Ninja Dave recently 416 00:20:20,780 --> 00:20:23,410 added video surveillance to his security system? 417 00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:27,120 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 418 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:30,420 here is the security tape from the night in question. 419 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,470 Now we'll see who the real culprit is! 420 00:20:43,370 --> 00:20:45,170 Ah, ha! You see?! 421 00:20:45,170 --> 00:20:47,970 It's... Oh. 422 00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:49,140 (chris o.s.) It's Dan! 423 00:20:49,140 --> 00:20:52,780 Huh... I guess I forgot about doing that. 424 00:20:52,780 --> 00:20:55,080 Bailiff, take this man into custody. 425 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,910 The defendant is free to go. 426 00:20:58,980 --> 00:21:00,320 Hey, not so tight! 427 00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:03,020 Well, that has to be a first. 428 00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:05,020 We were totally gonna find the guy 429 00:21:05,020 --> 00:21:06,590 "Not Guilty" anyway... 430 00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:08,390 Don't worry about me, guys. 431 00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:10,660 Now that I know how a jury works, 432 00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,660 I'll be back on the street in no time. 433 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,600 If you need an expert witness... 434 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,470 (door slams) 435 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:22,070 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 30718

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.