Original subtitles

Hey, guys, your ride's here.

Come on!

Can you believe it?

Can you believe it?

Alexis away at her first

sleepover, the twins going to a

party...

I don't think we've had the

house to ourselves ever.

House to ourselves ever.

Kaci, Keenan, come on!

Chop, chop!

Babe, I know.

Babe, I know.

I thought we would start with a

romantic dinner, and then, you

know...

Just see where it goes from

just see where it goes from

there.

Come now, or you stayin' home

with us!

Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa.

Hold up.

Is there any reason you ripped

a perfectly good shirt?

I'm going to a twilight

I'm going to a twilight

party, so I'm rockin' the

post-transformed Jacob look.

Wanna know what else is ripped?

Wanna know what else is ripped?

I don't know.

Your underwear? Socks?

I give up.

I give up.

Bye.

Bye.

Hey, kaci, excited about the

party?

Party?

Wow.

Super excited.

Oh, but then why do you

seem so sad?

Seem so sad?

Well, I'm Bella swan, and

Bella's always depressed because

Edward left her because he

Edward left her because he

didn't want his family of

vampires to hurt her,

but she doesn't know that, so

she's really sad.

She's really sad.

Oh.

You know, you'd probably have a

better time at the party if you

better time at the party if you

were Bella after she realizes

that Edward loves her.

Good point.

Eh?

Oh, okay.

Right?

Right.

Okay, you're, like, the most

brilliant mom ever.

Brilliant mom ever.

Oh!

Bye, sweetie.

Hello, what about me?

Sorry. Bye.

Thank you.

Love you.

Have fun.

Bye.

Bye.

I know what you're thinking:

How lucky we are to have the

most adorable kids ever.

No, actually, I was thinking

No, actually, I was thinking

they'd never leave.

Oh.

Here we go.

Here we go.

[Quirky r&B music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Mm.

Would you like to have dessert

upstairs?

Uh, yes, I believe I would.

Uh, yes, I believe I would.

Mm.

Mm.

Let's go.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Walk this way.

Mm-hmm. Walk this way.

[Clears throat]

Oh, I get it.

I get it.

I'm the--I'm the dessert.

I'm the--I'm the dessert.

Sure.

I thought you meant the

tiramisu.

Oh, we can bring that too.

Ooh.

Ooh.

[Doorbell rings]

[Groans]

It's okay.

I'll get it.

I want to get dessert.

I want to get dessert.

Alexis?

Alexis?

Are you okay?

I'm great.

What?

Hey, what happened?

Why you guys back so soon?

Alexis wanted to come home.

Alexis wanted to come home.

She was having a little trouble

getting along with the other

girls.

Our Alexis?

You sure, Pete?

You sure, Pete?

Well, babe, it'd be a little

weird if he was talking about

another little girl named

Alexis.

Hey.

Hey.

You go upstairs.

We'll be up in a minute.

I don't understand why she

would want to come home.

Would want to come home.

I don't know what happened.

Apparently the girls had a

squabble, and when Alexis didn't

get her way, she had a tantrum.

Get her way, she had a tantrum.

That girl's got some lungs on

her.

That is so not like her.

That is so not like her.

I'm so sorry, Peter.

Well, it was her first

sleepover, so did she seem

anxious or scared?

Anxious or scared?

No, she seemed scary.

You know, sometimes it's not

entirely the child's fault.

Entirely the child's fault.

Family dynamics come into play.

I mean, that's what I've heard.

I mean, that's what I've heard.

Are you questioning our

parenting, Peter?

No, babe, don't be silly.

Well...

Well...

We had a similar problem with

our oldest daughter.

Our oldest daughter.

It helped us to sit down with a

professional.

Oh, uh...

Oh, uh...

With all due respect, Peter,

being vocal about her needs

doesn't mean a child has a

behavioral problem.

Behavioral problem.

And she's saying that as a

professional.

Guys, I know Carla's a

Guys, I know Carla's a

therapist, but sometimes we

can't see our own kids.

Can't see our own kids.

Hmm.

Anything else?

Anything else?

Good night, Peter.

Thank you.

Thank you for inviting Alexis

and bringing her home, and we

and bringing her home, and we

are gonna take what you said

into consideration.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We are?

Nooo.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Afternoon.

I've got sammies.

Yay.

Can I interest you in today's

Can I interest you in today's

special?

Kosher corned beef topped with

my homemade slaw on rye.

Sammy Davis junior.

Sammy Davis junior.

I got it.

I'll take one.

Ah, miss Helen, you are so

funny.

Funny.

You know what?

I'm gonna take a Sammy sosa.

♪ That's Turkey on wheat ♪

♪ no cheese ♪

♪ no Mayo ♪

♪ no Mayo ♪

Why is that a Sammy sosa?

Why is that a Sammy sosa?

'Cause I wanted my sandwich

to have a funny name too.

To have a funny name too.

Well, thanks.

I thought you didn't take

special orders.

Oh, well, I came prepared.

Oh, well, I came prepared.

I figured you'd want something

not exciting.

Excuse me, miss Helen, I got a

delivery to make.

You better go.

You better go.

Wow.

That new sandwich guy is

moo-oo-oo-dy.

Moo-oo-oo-dy.

Oh?

I like him.

You know what?

He's probably stand-offish

because I'm married.

Because I'm married.

Not that I care.

Oh, I'm sure that's it.

Get my jacket.

Get my jacket.

Be right back.

Um, is your husband treating

you right?

'Cause if not, I'll be glad to

'cause if not, I'll be glad to

take you away from this.

I'm building a sandwich empire.

Hey, babe.

Hey, babe.

Hey.

Whatcha doing?

Well, Peter and I have been

playing telephone tag, so I

decided to email him.

Decided to email him.

Get the versions I sent?

All ten.

All right, what'd you think?

All right, what'd you think?

You know, this Peter

situation has been nagging me,

too, and I think we should have

a conversation before you send

a conversation before you send

him anything.

Oh, that's right.

You want to give him a piece of

your mind too.

I get it.

I get it.

You talk, I'll type.

Okay, I was just wondering...

"Wondering..."

"Wondering..."

What if Peter's right?

What if Peter's right?

"Right."

Right?

Right?

I mean, what if we do

over-indulge Alexis?

Delete, delete, delete.

I just don't think we should

I just don't think we should

be so quick to dismiss what he

said.

I mean, we don't know Peter to

be unreasonable.

You were friends with him before

this happened.

This happened.

No, not really.

You hung out with him at that

cigar bar.

Well, I like cigars.

You golf with him.

I like golf.

I like golf.

Okay, Alex, you rented a

winnebago, drove cross country,

and went fishing with the man.

And went fishing with the man.

Okay, that was fun.

All right, look, yes, we were

all right, look, yes, we were

friends, but he crossed the

line, honey.

We know our kids.

This doesn't make us bad

people.

I mean, parents spoil their

I mean, parents spoil their

children all the time because it

makes them happy and it makes us

feel good.

Feel good.

But it's just not what's best

for the child, and I think we

may have unconsciously fallen

into catering to Alexis' needs

into catering to Alexis' needs

too much.

I know what it is.

Because she's been

home-schooled, Alexis is a

home-schooled, Alexis is a

little too advanced for those

little kids.

She was probably bored of their

little, boring, baby games.

Little, boring, baby games.

Alex, Adrian tested as a

genius and she speaks five

languages.

But does that include

English, because English

English, because English

shouldn't count.

I know how smart Alexis is,

but I don't really think that's

the problem.

The problem.

I think maybe you--

Whoa.

What, the problem is me?

No, I think it's all of us,

No, I think it's all of us,

but--

May I have some juice please?

Oh, yeah, sweetie, of course.

Let's get you some juice.

Whee!

Whee!

Whee!

Mostly you.

Mostly you.

Let me ask you something,

Alexis.

Last night, were you scared or

sad or feeling anything that

would have made you behave out

would have made you behave out

of the ordinary?

Nope.

May I have a straw, please?

Yeah, sure.

So do you think you had a

so do you think you had a

problem because you're a little

too advanced for your friends?

Uh-uh.

Adrian's smart.

Adrian's smart.

She was telling us what to do in

French.

Needs ice.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

Hmm.

So she was bossing you around?

Objection.

Leading the witness.

Leading the witness.

Well, Alexis, there must have

been some reason you had a

tantrum, honey.

Tantrum, honey.

If she actually had a tantrum.

That has not yet been

established.

I did.

A big one.

A big one.

I see.

Alexis,

Alexis,

you know that your father and I

do not condone temper tantrums.

What got into you?

What got into you?

Nobody would set up my

sleeping bag for me the way

kaci does it when we're pretend

camping, so I started screaming.

Camping, so I started screaming.

It felt good.

Honey, you got to compromise.

Do you remember?

Do you remember?

We learned that word.

I know what it means, but I

wanted to sleep on the bunk bed.

Too cold.

Too cold.

Ah.

Don't worry about too cold.

Gotcha.

There you go.

Thanks, daddy.

Thanks, daddy.

You're welcome, sweetie.

I'm spoiling my baby.

Uh, you guys all right?

Uh, you guys all right?

Yeah, we're fine.

Yeah, there's no reason why we

wouldn't be fine, right, Keenan?

Right, because it's not every

Right, because it's not every

day we're called into a family

meeting.

We're good.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, your father and I

wanted to talk to you because we

know that--

know that--

Oh, my god!

You told them I slow danced at

the party with taj bellinger.

Mom!

Um, look, the song was fast,

um, look, the song was fast,

okay?

Taj just--he just moves slow.

So...

I didn't tell 'em.

I didn't tell 'em.

Sweetie, we don't mind if you

slow danced with a boy.

Slow danced with a boy.

We don't?

No, we do not.

You guys didn't do anything

wrong.

Okay, you're not in trouble.

We just want to thank you.

We just want to thank you.

Wait, okay, this is weird.

[Laughs]

You guys, we just admire and

You guys, we just admire and

we appreciate how much you love

and take care of your little

sister.

And we know we've always

encouraged you to help us with

encouraged you to help us with

baby girl--Alexis--

But we think it's time that

she become more independent.

She become more independent.

So we want you to ask her to do

more things on her own.

And we're gonna make a

conscious effort to do the same.

Conscious effort to do the same.

Yeah.

[Laughter]

What's so funny?

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on.

There's no way you'll be able to

do it.

I mean, the whole world revolves

around Alexis.

She's the favorite.

You know, everybody knows that.

You know, everybody knows that.

Okay, we do not have

favorites.

No, we do not.

No, we love you all equally.

I mean, you know, she's the

I mean, you know, she's the

youngest and the cutest,

so she's spoiled...

Rotten.

We get it.

Okay, things may be different

Okay, things may be different

with Alexis, but that' sonly

because the circumstances are

different.

I mean, when you guys were

Alexis' age, I was a single mom.

I was still in school.

I was still in school.

I was working.

I didn't have the resources that

we have now.

So, yeah, I mean, there's more

so, yeah, I mean, there's more

time now for--

Spoiling someone.

Right.

Oh, what--wow.

Oh, what--wow.

You know what?

You two really should not be

talking.

You, with the rows and rows and

rows of sneakers and name-brand

tee shirts.

Tee shirts.

And you, miss, you with the

smart phone, the iPad, the iPod,

the ipen.

Okay, there's no such thing

Okay, there's no such thing

as an ipen.

Yeah, but if there was, you'd

have one.

Well, if we're this spoiled,

Well, if we're this spoiled,

then she is this spoiled, right?

Oh, really?

Come on.

Really?

Oh, okay, you know what?

That's about to change, because

that's about to change, because

for your information, your

sister is upstairs right now,

cleaning her room by herself

and making up her own bed.

And making up her own bed.

How you doing?

So there.

Mom! Daddy!

I stubbed my finger on my bed!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Okay, so--

Oh!

Dude, the child is injured.

Okay, what was he supposed to

do?

Do?

Twins one, parents zero.

Zero.

So I would like to hear about

the slow dancing with the boy.

Tell me about taj.

Tell me about taj.

Will you peel my Clementine?

[Clears throat]

[Clears throat]

[Clears throat]

I can start it for you, but

I can start it for you, but

you have to finish it.

Mommy, Keenan won't peel my

Clementine.

Oh, sweetie, come on.

We had this conversation.

You're a big girl now.

You can do things for yourself.

I know you can do it.

But it's Keenan's job.

I know, but now it's your

job.

But Keenan always peels my

Clementine for me.

Clementine for me.

It's not fair.

Well, it's--okay.

[Sobbing]

[Stops sobbing abruptly]

[Stops sobbing abruptly]

[Resumes sobbing]

[Resumes sobbing]

What's wrong, Princess?

Nobody will help me peel my

Clementine.

Clementine.

Oh, give me that.

You are too cute to have to peel

your own Clementine, all right?

Your own Clementine, all right?

Uh, um!

What?

No.

Uh...

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

[Grunts]

Sorry.

You are cute enough to peel your

you are cute enough to peel your

own Clementine.

How's that?

But--Rome wasn't built in a day.

But--Rome wasn't built in a day.

Oh, hey, ho, ho!

Oh, hey, ho, ho!

[Chuckles]

Um, Jeff Michael, I just wanted

to ask you a question from a

to ask you a question from a

psychological standpoint.

So why aren't you friendly to

me?

Me?

You mean, why don't I flirt

with you?

No, no, no.

Why aren't--friendly?

Well, from a psychological

Well, from a psychological

standpoint, I thought that you'd

be offended by my friendliness.

Be offended by my friendliness.

Well, have I done something

to make you think I'd be easily

offended?

Well, you do seem a little

uptight.

I--beg your pardon?

I--beg your pardon?

I mean, you can tell a lot by

a person from the sandwich they

order.

I have cheeses from around the

world, homemade breads and

world, homemade breads and

spreads, meat that practically

melts in your mouth.

You?

You?

You keep ordering the same-old

low-calorie, boring, dry

sandwich day after day after

day.

I'm a--I'm a creature of

I'm a--I'm a creature of

habit, I suppose.

I just--i like what I like, so--

That's not flirtable.

That's not flirtable.

Fine.

But I will have you know that I

am quite adventurous.

Am quite adventurous.

This is my signature steak

sandwich,

broiled to perfection with

broiled to perfection with

grilled onions topped with brown

mustard and imported provolone

on a soft French roll.

You're adventurous?

You're adventurous?

[Scoffs]

Show me.

I just--thank you.

I just--thank you.

Here.

But if I get the afternoon

sleepies, it's on you.

Sleepies, it's on you.

Oh, you know what?

Maybe I should get a soda to

help keep me up.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Then I'll crash.

Oh, I could get a diet soda.

Oh, no, no!

No!

If I say I'm gonna commit,

I have to commit.

I have to commit.

You scared?

Yes, I am.

Doc, the chips are on me.

Doc, the chips are on me.

Thank you.

Thanks.

And you know what else?

What?

I'm working on a new

sandwich, and it's called

"the whassup, doc?"

"The whassup, doc?"

Ooh.

[Laughs]

Now, it's white bread,

lettuce, and slices of Bologna.

Oh.

But I infuse it with a

specially made chipotle sauce so

it looks boring on the outside,

but when you bite into it, it's

but when you bite into it, it's

got some depth.

Hi, daddy.

Whatcha doin'?

Grading papers.

Grading papers.

Could you take a break and

fix me a bowl of cereal?

Oh, sure, honey.

You know what?

I think you are a big girl, and

you can do it yourself.

Daddy!

I can't.

Alexis, I really think you

can.

Can.

[Sighs]

Alexis...

Alexis...

Sweetie, did you fix that bowl

of cereal all by yourself?

Yeah, all by myself.

Yeah, all by myself.

[Laughs]

Oh, my goodness.

Mommy is so proud of you.

Thanks.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Sweetheart, did you wash your

hands?

Mommy's proud of you too, daddy.

You know, one of us has to

You know, one of us has to

clean these windows.

Oh, oh...

Oh, oh...

Hey, li'l bit.

Hey, um,

what's going on with your hair?

What's going on with your hair?

Combed it all by myself.

Aw,

Alexis, sweetie, we are so proud

Alexis, sweetie, we are so proud

of you for doing so much by

yourself,

but you don't have to comb your

hair by yourself until you're a

hair by yourself until you're a

teenager.

Kaci can still help you.

Good.

Because I was having some

trouble.

Trouble.

You were?

No.

No, babe, I don't believe that

for a second.

For a second.

Hey, and where you think

you're going with that book?

To read myself a bedtime

story.

Ooh, well, you know,

I know you're a big girl and

I know you're a big girl and

all, but you mind if I still

read you a bedtime story?

It kind of makes me sleepy too.

Okay.

Okay.

What did you do that for?

If you're reading,

I'm picking a harder book.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

She's picking a harder book.

Picking a harder book.

All right.

Don't get eaten by the hair

now.

I'll try.

I'll try.

[Laughs]

Hey, kaci, 'member when mom

used to read to us in bed?

Used to read to us in bed?

Yes.

It was my favorite time of the

whole day.

Aw.

You guys are still my babies.

You guys are still my babies.

Come here.

Come on.

I'll read you a bedtime story

too.

Come get on mommy's lap.

My twins!

My twins!

Hey, okay--ow.

Oh, really?

Ow.

Really?

Ow.

Hey.

Quit.

Quit.

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