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1
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,400
RATTLING BREATHING
2
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:09,400
Alison?
3
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,720
RATTLING BREATHING INTENSIFIES
4
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:17,960
Alison?
5
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,280
SHE WHIMPERS
6
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,360
SHE SCREAMS
7
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,200
SHE WHIMPERS
8
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,640
Help! Help! There be creatures in
the house!
9
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,800
Strange men with the heads of flies!
10
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,840
THEY LAUGH
11
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,840
We all knew they were coming today!
Well, they scared me.
12
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,040
Everything scare you. Am I right?
13
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,520
Yeah, it's true. You'd be scared of
a teddy bear if it spoke.
14
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,600
Actually, that is quite scary,
but you know what I mean.
15
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,400
You're a scaredy cat. What be they?
16
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,640
Well, they're just woodworm men.
17
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,200
Woodworm...men?!
18
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,280
GHOSTS CHATTER
19
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,440
Well, what are you all doing
out here?
20
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,480
You don't have to stay out,
only me and Mike.
21
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,120
Did the woodworm men banish you?
22
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,400
Well, no... Yeah. They're, um...
They're fumigating. Fumigating?!
23
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,920
Yeah, it means we can't go back in
24
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,680
cos if we inhale their mist
then we'll...
25
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,400
..I don't know, like, die or
something.
26
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,480
MARY GASPS
27
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,000
Look, you guys can go back in.
28
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,600
I've turned all the pages
in your books
29
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,400
and the chessboard is on the table.
ALL: Ooh!
30
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,080
I shall miss you. OK...
31
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,680
Terribly. Thank you.
32
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,600
The TV's on the movie channel
and, Kitty, Grease is on at four.
33
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,680
I think you'll love it. How lovely!
What time is it now?
34
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:05,800
Oh, nine.
35
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,000
Gosh! I'd better hurry!
36
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,240
It'll be nice to have some peace and
quiet for once
37
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,160
without Michael's popular music
blasting on the speakers.
38
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,880
Hang on, is that a tent?
39
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:14,920
Yeah.
40
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,320
You're going camping?
41
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,560
Yeah, we're camping here.
42
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,040
Oh, goodness gracious!
43
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,760
You sleeping outside by choice?
44
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:25,280
Yeah. It will save us money.
Plus, it's fun.
45
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,040
It fun until a wolf eats your eye.
46
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,160
Hm?
47
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,800
My cousin. Hm.
48
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,040
I always used to enjoy a night under
the canvas,
49
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,440
on manoeuvres and so on. You know,
bracing fresh air, camaraderie,
50
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,640
horseplay in the lake. Yeah. Yeah.
51
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,880
OK.
52
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,000
Sure about this?
53
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,600
Er, are YOU sure about this?
54
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,800
I'm just saying, we could still get
a hotel if you prefer.
55
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,520
Yes! Hotel - luxury!
56
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,240
Walls, windows, roof.
57
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,720
This'll be fun.
58
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,040
Mike's not very outdoorsy.
Huh, what's that?
59
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,480
I am outdoorsy, actually.
Proper outdoorsy, just so you know!
60
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,120
Why does he always talk to us
as if we're up in the air?
61
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,240
You left Glastonbury to find
a toilet.
62
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,240
This, again! What about that
wedding? That was camping.
63
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,520
That was glamping! The yurts were
already put up.
64
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,360
We had a four-poster bed
and a minibar.
65
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,520
Yeah, outside. That's camping.
66
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,640
He wouldn't last long in
National Service, would he?
67
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,440
No! No. I'd probably have to phone
his mum,
68
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,320
get her to pick him up in the middle of the night. THEY LAUGH
69
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,840
Yeah. You having a laugh, are you?
70
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,720
With your mates? Your little dead
mates? Yeah?
71
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,040
Well... Fine!
Who's going to have the last laugh?
72
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,320
Mike is.
73
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,160
Get into the corners, do it right
74
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,160
and they won't be back
for ten years.
75
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,200
MARY WHIMPERS
76
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,400
CHANTING: Woodworm men,
woodworm men, pay you gold
77
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,640
and your power is spent.
78
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,320
SHE SHUDDERS
79
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,400
Not outdoorsy! I'll show her.
80
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,600
BANG
81
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,640
Mm.
82
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:53,720
Ah!
83
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,560
SHE SIGHS
84
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,880
HE SNORES
85
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,360
Ooh, you!
86
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,080
Ooh!
87
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,440
Cryptic!
88
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,840
Eight letter, occupied anatomy.
89
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,200
Occupied anatomy?
90
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,720
What are you up to?
91
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,000
Crossword. Napping.
92
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:32,360
Well, good.
93
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,240
Make sure you keep the noise down.
I'm reading.
94
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,720
Busybody! Oh, here we go.
95
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,520
Yes, I wondered how long
it would take
96
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,360
for you to resort to name-calling!
97
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,240
Eight letter, occupied anatomy -
98
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,160
busybody. Busybody. Hm.
99
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,520
Well, quiet!
100
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,840
Just make sure you keep it down.
101
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,760
But, yeah, busybody.
102
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,240
JULIAN CHUCKLES
103
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,280
Right? Very good.
104
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:05,080
Now, as ranking officer, I suggest
a full inventory before you start.
105
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,880
Patrick, at the double, quick smart.
All right.
106
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,320
Sleeping bag, sleeping mat... Yes.
..mallet, tent pegs.
107
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,640
I know. And what's that there?
108
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,800
Oh, that's a puller.
Yes, that's for the tent pegs.
109
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,400
Yes. Yes, I knew that.
Just checking. Right.
110
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,560
HE CLEARS THROAT Guy rope...
111
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,160
Camping in your own back yard?
112
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,200
I would have taken you to Paris,
113
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,960
to drink the finest wines
114
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,200
and marvel at the view
from the steps of Montmartre.
115
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,360
Oh, right. Where's the ground sheet?
You're missing a ground sheet!
116
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,440
Oh, it's built in. Wow!
117
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,640
Fascinating modern age we live in.
118
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,280
What's that for? What's that?
119
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,440
This...
120
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,960
..is my tent.
121
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,400
That's your tent.
We'll see who's outdoorsy. Oh!
122
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,600
Seriously?
123
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,880
Seriously. It's, like, 80 years old.
124
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,080
Nothing but a number! Prime vintage.
125
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,640
I'm pitching my tent...over there.
126
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:52,760
OK, good luck.
127
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,800
Good luck, you. I don't need it.
128
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,080
Yeah, you do.
Don't you worry, Alison,
129
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,400
you're going to win this
competition hands down.
130
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,040
With my expertise and... And mine.
131
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,160
..and your ability to follow orders,
then...
132
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,000
Oh, no! What am I going to do now?
133
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,360
Ah, yes. Well, I'm afraid without
a strong main mast...
134
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,120
Ridge pole. Erm...
135
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,600
..you're just left with the floppy,
flappy thing... Fly sheet.
136
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,320
Have you really put up a tent?
137
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,680
Or have you just ordered other
people about? Because...
138
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,600
Rub-a-dub-a, rub-a-dub-a,
rub-a-dub-a!
139
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,080
That's beside the point. Without a
strong and sturdy ridge pole,
140
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,680
you'll never be able to get it up.
You'll have to admit defeat
141
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,920
and join forces with Michael.
Nonsense!
142
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,000
There's more than one way to make
a shelter
143
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,360
and we've got plenty of useful kit.
144
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,200
Come on! Where are we going?
145
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,680
The woods. Ooh!
146
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,840
There's nowt sturdier than trees.
147
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,800
Come on! OK. Pat!
148
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,400
Yes, well, I suppose he does
have some...
149
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,920
..expertise in camping.
150
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,520
Good.
151
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,320
Sorry. I would help,
but I physically can't.
152
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,360
Yeah, I know, Thomas, thank you.
153
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,600
Get out, get out, get out,
get out, get out,
154
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,840
get out, get out, get out, get out,
get out,
155
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,160
get out, get out, get out.
156
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,480
Get out!
157
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,560
Get out, get out, get out, get out,
get out,
158
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,920
get out, get out, get out, get out.
159
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,640
Get out!
160
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,640
Well...worth a try, I suppose.
161
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,160
TV: Stay with us on the Family Movie
Channel because coming up at four,
162
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,400
we have the classic musical, Grease.
163
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,920
And what are you up to, Kitty?
164
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,240
I'm going to watch Grease.
Do you want to watch it with me?
165
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,000
Of course not.
Alison says I'll like it.
166
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,160
It's starting in a few hours.
167
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,160
Not going to be running around the
house singing or anything, are you?
168
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,040
No, just watching.
169
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,520
All right. Well, don't turn it up.
170
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,600
I can't. Well, make sure you don't.
171
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:42,840
I can't. Well, good.
172
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,240
Good.
173
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,720
Good.
174
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:56,640
Right, you want the peg at
an angle away from the centre.
175
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,400
Aah. Lovely. That's it!
176
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,080
Right. First time. Moving on.
177
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,120
Nice and tight round there. OK.
Very good.
178
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,400
That's it. That's marvellous.
179
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,200
Get it under the... Yeah.
180
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,240
That's it.
181
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,520
Now, extra point for who can tell me
what this knot is called?
182
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,040
Er... Well, that's a reef knot.
183
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,840
No, it's a clove hitch.
184
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,680
Damn it and blast it to hell!
185
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,200
OK.
186
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,400
That's it.
187
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,400
Pull it nice and firmly, Alison.
188
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,160
Yes.
189
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,120
Yes. There she goes! Whoa! Ha-ha!
190
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,560
Oh, wow. Lovely. Tie it off. Yeah.
191
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:31,000
Make sure she's tied nice and
firmly. Very good.
192
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,520
It's dead smart that, in't it?
193
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,400
Yeah. Mm. I wonder how Mike's
getting on.
194
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,880
Oh, I'm on it.
195
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,320
Hopeless.
196
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,680
What are you doing down there?
He can't see you, mate.
197
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:50,960
Oh, yes, right.
198
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,440
Sorry. Yes, the old training
kicking in.
199
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,720
Right. How's he getting on?
200
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,000
No, it's hopeless.
201
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,040
Modern men, eh? Well, quite.
202
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,240
Alison's got this competition
sewn up.
203
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,120
Lovely. Now, remember,
we need nice, dry ones.
204
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,320
Erm... Like this one?
205
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,640
Yes, excellent.
206
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,400
Well, there are some good ones
here. And over here, please.
207
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,760
Can anyone tell me why you use
the small sticks first?
208
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,960
Ah, yes, please!
Well, they catch quicker,
209
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,920
with greater surface area allowing
the oxygen to feed the flames.
210
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,880
Yes, Captain. Very good answer. Ah!
211
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,280
Gold star. Ah, well, there we are!
212
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,280
Yeah, that's excellent. That's it.
That is first class.
213
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,880
Oh, yes, here we go.
214
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,760
Feed it. Feed it. Feed it. Feed it.
215
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,240
Firm blows, Alison, firm blows.
216
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,560
And now on Family Movies, it's over
to Rydell High with the Pink Ladies
217
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:42,000
and the T-Birds in the
classic musical, Grease.
218
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,160
At last!
219
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,240
This is the best bit, you know?
Yeah.
220
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,440
Everything's up, fire's going,
you've got your brew,
221
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,120
you've got your biscuit.
222
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,480
You can dip it.
223
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,480
Yeah, OK. SHE CHUCKLES
224
00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,800
Dip it again.
225
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,760
THROATY GROAN
226
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,760
Lovely.
227
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,160
Yeah. Lovely that.
228
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,320
Yeah, this is nice, actually.
229
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,000
You always make the best
of a situation.
230
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,600
One of the many things
I love about you. Hm.
231
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,080
But the truth is a woman
of your culture,
232
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,880
your sophistication, deserves to see
the world.
233
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,560
Have you travelled a lot, then?
234
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,160
Oh, have I!
235
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,480
I have.
236
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:46,000
My grand tour, you might call it,
chasing the muse across Europe
237
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,000
in search of inspiration.
238
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000
Paris, Venice, Vienna.
239
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,560
Different sight, sounds and smells
240
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:55,800
to inspire the bubbling cauldron
of language,
241
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,320
to paint the landscape with words.
242
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,560
What was Vienna like?
243
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,800
Really...
244
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:04,960
..nice.
245
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,920
Nice?
246
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,200
Hm. Very...
247
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,200
..nice.
248
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,360
You've got a fire?
249
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,960
Yeah. How are you getting on?
250
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,160
Good, actually. Yeah? I, er...
251
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,400
I'm going to do my fire next.
252
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,080
Oh. Just came to make sure you
were all right.
253
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,560
She's fine. Yeah, great.
254
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,120
Cool. Thank you. All right. You OK?
255
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,240
Yep. Good. See ya.
256
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,440
Oh, watch out for the, um...
257
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,960
Oh! Yep.
258
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,840
Saw it.
259
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,120
He didn't.
260
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,920
Can you stop? I can't enjoy them if
you're looking at me like that.
261
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,160
MARY: Yous are not welcomes here!
262
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,920
Oh, be gone, ye servants
of Beelzebub!
263
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,640
Oh, Mary! Oh, you simply must
watch Grease with me.
264
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,560
All the boys have wet hair
and they sing about their cars!
265
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:50,800
Mary!
266
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,840
One... HE SIGHS
267
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,880
Well...
268
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,080
..let's see if we can find something
a bit more adult, shall we?
269
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,120
Heh-heh-heh!
270
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,560
Hey! CHANNEL CHANGES
271
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,680
Hm.
272
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,720
Ho! CHANNEL CHANGES
273
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,320
Eugh. ..on the planet.
274
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,480
Hah!
275
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,280
SULTRY MUSIC Heh-heh! Oh...
276
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,360
Hah!
277
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,200
HE SIGHS Ah!
278
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:28,000
And now we return... Never any fun
around here!
279
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,720
..to A Nightmare On Elm Street.
280
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,960
KITTY: Don't worry, I'll tell you
the whole story later.
281
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,880
TV: It was the worst dream
I've ever had...
282
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,280
Oh. Danny's changed his hair.
283
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,760
WOMAN SOBS ON TV
284
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,040
How's the competition doing?
285
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:49,920
Well, he's trying to light the
firewood without tinder or kindling.
286
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,240
Oh, very good, Captain. Well, yeah.
287
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,960
I hope he likes the cold,
because he's going to be cold.
288
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,120
PAT CHUCKLES Oh, dear.
289
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,240
Oh! I could blow that over.
Oh, yeah.
290
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:00,600
And I've got asthma.
291
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,640
And I'm dead.
292
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,640
Yes.
293
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,080
FANNY: Just about had enough
of all this.
294
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,200
Oh, can't bear it.
295
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,960
Oh, for goodness' sake!
296
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,920
Fallen off your body again,
have you?
297
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,600
I suppose you want me to put you
back.
298
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,240
I've got better things to do,
you know, than traipse around...
299
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,280
SNORING
300
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,480
Well, good.
301
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,680
Thank God for that!
302
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,320
HE HUMS
303
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,840
Willy-shaped dude... Bishop.
304
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,320
He goes doo-ka!
305
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,280
Take lighthouse.
MARY: That's right, be off with ye!
306
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,720
Shoo, shoo! Damn!
Evil creatures, begone!
307
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,000
Get out, get out!
308
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,040
Shoo!
309
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,360
SHE WAILS
310
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,840
They...
They shed their skin like serpents!
311
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,440
THEY CHUCKLE
312
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,040
That showed you!
I'm not a scaredy cat!
313
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,080
Off you go, stupid, scaring us.
314
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,120
SHE EXHALES
315
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,360
But what if they return?
316
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,440
Oh!
317
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,800
KITTY SHUDDERS
318
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,840
SCREAMING ON TV
319
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:24,520
MARY CHANTS: Let no servants of
Satan prey upon the peoples
320
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,000
that live in this place.
321
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,400
May this house be sturdy
from the woodworm men.
322
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,840
Let no demons cross these walls.
323
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:39,600
Let no servants of Satan prey upon
the peoples that live in this place.
324
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,240
EVIL LAUGHTER ON TV
325
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:43,520
KITTY WHIMPERS
326
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,240
SCREAMS ON TV
327
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,720
ELECTRIC BUZZ
328
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:55,760
Oh-ho!
329
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,080
KITTY GASPS
330
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,800
SCREAMING
331
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:02,840
Right!
332
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:06,760
Come on!
333
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,360
Argh!
334
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:11,960
Ugh!
335
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,360
Mm.
336
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,920
Get over...
337
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,760
SCREAMING
338
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,280
Wonder what got her goat.
339
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:28,560
Probably just scared of the dark
or something.
340
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,000
Suppose we ought to...investigate?
341
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:38,040
Yeah? I know it was too much
to ask that you quietly...
342
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,960
Kitty? Where has she...?
343
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,000
Ooh. No... How peculiar.
344
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,640
Kitty?
345
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,880
JULIAN CLEARS THROAT
Hello?
346
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,760
Anybody there?
347
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,200
Although, I mean, there's no need
to go all the way...
348
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,160
What's the point in going all
the way up? Something silly.
349
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,360
I was going to say... Maybe we
should go see the others together.
350
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,720
Go together. We'll go together,
yeah.
351
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,280
Spaghetti Napolitana?
352
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,400
From a tin.
353
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,680
What a fascinating modern age
we live in.
354
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,920
Italian food didn't always agree
with me.
355
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,280
Oh, did you say you went to Venice?
356
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,720
Indeed. What was it like?
I've always wanted to go.
357
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,080
Oh, very...
358
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:30,680
..nice.
359
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,040
Nice?
360
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,120
Again? Nothing more specific?
361
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,840
Well, you have to remember,
it was 200 years ago.
362
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,440
I can't remember every single
detail.
363
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,720
Sounds like you can't remember
ANY detail.
364
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,320
Fine. I'll tell you the truth!
365
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:46,800
You didn't go.
366
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,560
No, I did. I did go.
367
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,200
I saw the most celebrated
sights of Europe.
368
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,360
I just...wasn't inspired.
369
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:58,400
No matter how beautiful
the landscape, nothing came.
370
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,280
I returned home
with an empty notebook.
371
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,120
You must've got something from it.
372
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,920
Ah... Signore!
373
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:10,280
Sorry!
374
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,640
Un momento per favore! Signore!
HE SIGHS WITH RELIEF
375
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,680
Carol always wanted to go to France.
376
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,520
I said, "You don't need to go abroad
to have a nice holiday.
377
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,800
"We haven't seen half of
this beautiful country yet,"
378
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,760
but she had her heart set
on it, so I decided to book
379
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,320
it for our anniversary.
380
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,560
That's lovely.
Yeah, but we didn't go in the end.
381
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:31,000
Oh, no. Why? Because I was dead,
Alison. I was dead.
382
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,240
Right.
383
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,680
Here you all are!
384
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,960
Thank goodness! The lights went out
in the house. Oh. That's strange.
385
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,080
Yes, and the TV turned off.
Oh, sorry, Kitty.
386
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,520
That's OK.
I wasn't much enjoying it anyway.
387
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,280
Oh, I thought you'd really like it -
a high school romance.
388
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,800
Yes, but I didn't like the man
chasing the girl.
389
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,840
Well, he's the man of her dreams.
390
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,360
Yes.
391
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,840
And he won't stop until he gets her.
392
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,080
That's what being in love is like.
393
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,400
You should wait till the end
because then she starts chasing him.
394
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,000
Does she? I hope she gets him.
395
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,000
Then we can all sleep again.
396
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,400
ROBIN: Hey, everybody.
397
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,840
How is it I get...? Oh, look!
Hi, guys! Look, there she is, Robin.
398
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,840
She's right there. She's OK.
399
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,000
Ah, we heard you screaming, Kitty -
just wanted to make sure you're OK.
400
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,400
I'm fine, thank you.
401
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,440
Yeah.
402
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,760
So you can go back in now if you
like.
403
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,040
BOTH: Erm...
404
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,120
That's OK, you know.
You've already light fire...
405
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,560
Change is as good as a haircut.
Cosy-wozy.
406
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,320
CAPTAIN: Sorry, I thought you said
camping was a stupid idea, Robin?
407
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,760
Don't think so.
408
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,280
Must be another caveman.
409
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,840
Oh.
410
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,200
OWL HOOTS IN DISTANCE
411
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,080
It's creepy in the woods at night,
isn't it?
412
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,560
No, not really! I love it! Is it?!
413
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,160
Hey, since we're all around
the campfire, we should
414
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,680
tell ghost stories.
415
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,920
Good idea. THEY MURMUR ENTHUSIASTICALLY
416
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,080
Yeah.
417
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,120
SHE CHUCKLES Yeah.
418
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,760
What's the matter, Alison?
419
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,000
Oh, come on, you're ghosts.
420
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,880
What, so we can't tell ghost
stories?
421
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,480
Well, no, I'm not...
422
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,720
I'm not saying...
No, yeah, please...
423
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,920
Yeah, go on, Pat.
424
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,800
Right!
425
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,960
Well, this one's actually
a true story, actually.
426
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,320
It's about my friend, Susan.
427
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,760
Susan and I used to walk
home together from school.
428
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,440
She didn't have a dad and her mum
used to work late sometimes,
429
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,760
so she used to have to let herself
in.
430
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,960
She had this little game
431
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,200
she played with her doggy, you know,
to let him know
432
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,320
that it was her when she got home.
433
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,720
She'd stick her hand in t'letterbox
and he'd give it a lick, you know...
434
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,800
HE PANTS LIKE A DOG
435
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,440
Well...
436
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:37,680
..one day...
437
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,720
HORN HONKS
438
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,440
CAR APPROACHES
439
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,560
Here you go, mate.
440
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,680
Nice one. Cheers, man. OK.
441
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,720
ENGINE REVS, BIRDS CAW
442
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,160
She slowly crept up the stairs.
443
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,000
All the while she could hear it.
444
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,240
Scratch!
445
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,000
Scratch!
446
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:08,920
Scratch!
447
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,000
She felt cold suddenly.
448
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,480
She reached out her hand
and the door creaked open.
449
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:17,840
And there it was...
450
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,760
..a figure standing facing the wall.
451
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,960
Slowly, very slowly, it began
to turn towards her
452
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,200
until she could finally see its
face.
453
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,800
It was a...
454
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,600
Alison! THEY SCREAM
455
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,400
Mary, you gave us a fright.
456
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,680
Well, the woodworm men have gone,
457
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,120
I've blessed the house.
458
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,320
Oh, thank you. Thanks, Mary.
That's great.
459
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,840
Er...
460
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,920
Are they gone? Oh, yeah.
461
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,600
THEY PANT
462
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,880
Robin! Julian!
463
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,480
Robin, where are you?!
464
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,200
PANTING
465
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,520
Robin! Julian!
466
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,080
I'm scared! Julian!
467
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,520
Where are you, Robin?
468
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,720
Oh, my God, oh, my God...
469
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,720
Night, then, guys. Goodnight.
Goodnight!
470
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,200
THOMAS SIGHS
471
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,800
I'm not comfortable, Patrick.
472
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,560
Are you comfortable?
473
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,440
I don't mind swapping if you...
474
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,920
I'm all settled in now, mate.
475
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,000
Can we talk some more, please?
476
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,480
I don't want to go to sleep.
477
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,920
Kitty, please, we can't stay up all
night. But if I dream, then...
478
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,920
Just try to imagine
the man from the film wrapping
479
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,360
you up in his arms.
480
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,880
Daley used
to have nightmares, used to try
481
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,760
and get in bed with me and Carol.
482
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,320
Walked in on us once when we were...
483
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,760
Guys, can we just...can we...
can we go to sleep, please?
484
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,480
Just...just no more talking.
All right.
485
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,880
WHISPERS: What happened to Susan,
Patrick?
486
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,280
She was never seen again. Mm.
487
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,600
She moved to Leeds. Ah.
488
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,800
There was a chap from Leeds in our
unit.
489
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,880
Or was it Halifax? Who is Susan?
490
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,240
THOMAS: Oh, Patrick will tell you
the story.
491
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,040
Oh, yes. Well... CLEARS THROAT
492
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,720
..this one's actually a true story,
actually.
493
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,880
Right... Happened to a friend of
mine, Susan...
494
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,440
We used to walk back from school
together.
495
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,080
She didn't have a dad and her mum
used to work late sometimes,
496
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,800
so she used to have this little game
she played with her doggy...
497
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,000
ALISON SIGHS
498
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,280
Mm... Who's there? Just getting in.
499
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,720
Hello.
500
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,240
Ooh.
501
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,080
Move up. Thanks.
502
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,200
Ah. Well done. What?
503
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:06,400
You win. No, yours was way better.
504
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,040
Mm-mm. Disqualified, I had help.
505
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,240
Mr Outdoorsy.
506
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,200
It's all my fault.
507
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,600
I pretended we were fine and now
I'm scared of everything.
508
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,400
I don't want to die out here.
509
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,240
I mean, I already have,
but, you know.
510
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,840
Wait, when I was alive,
was much to be scared of,
511
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,400
but I know what make feel safe.
512
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:33,560
Come on!
513
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,080
PAT: Carol, Carol, Carol...
514
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,480
SNORING
515
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,080
Oh, Kitty.
516
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,800
You've been awake all night?
517
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,880
I was scared the man from Grease
would get me in my dreams.
518
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,760
Danny Zuko? And the other man.
519
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,160
Kenickie? Freddy. Freddy?
520
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,040
Freddy Krueger. Oh, no.
521
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,680
I think I know what happened.
522
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,360
Lovely, isn't it?
523
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:24,840
It is. Mm.
524
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,440
I was just thinking, it ought to
be dull and commonplace -
525
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:35,080
the same sunrise over the same house
in the same tiny piece of England
526
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,000
every day for 200 years.
527
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,320
But it is beautiful. Mm.
528
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,600
I travelled miles and was unchanged
when I could have been here
529
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,480
and...transported.
530
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,200
It's no fault of the sun
if the eye sees not its beauty.
531
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,920
That was really poetic, Thomas.
532
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,240
The sun.
533
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:10,400
The sun, you rise when night is done
534
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,920
Like a big, yellow...
535
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,160
..bun.
536
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,200
Yeah.
537
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,680
Come, sweet sun
538
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,680
Let us have fun
539
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,840
Must weigh a ton.
540
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,160
THEY CHATTER
541
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,240
Alison, just a moment.
542
00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:33,240
You have been exemplary.
543
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,040
Oh. And so I'd like to present you,
if I could,
544
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,400
with your camping...
545
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,200
..forester...
546
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,000
..and fire safety badges.
547
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,200
Congratulations.
548
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,200
THEY CLAP Oh, thank you, Pat.
549
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,080
Oh, and, Captain. What, me?
550
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,080
Yes, you have shown
a wonderful attitude,
551
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,640
enthusiasm and a keen interest,
552
00:25:55,640 --> 00:26:00,320
and so I present
to you the teamwork award.
553
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,200
Oh. Congratulations.
554
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,000
It's a very high honour. Come on.
555
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,520
Oh, that's where you got to last
night. What were you doing in there?
556
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,200
They were scared, Alison!
557
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,920
THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER No, no!
558
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,200
ROBIN: Not scared!
559
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,120
Just wanted to do some camping
Robin-style...
560
00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:19,080
..the chimney, you don't want the
rain coming in.
561
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,760
..in the cave there, you see...
562
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,560
SCREAMING, THEY SCREAM
563
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,160
MARY: Scaredy-cats!
564
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,320
THEY LAUGH
565
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,960
Morning, Lady B. You OK?
566
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,120
Julian, did you change the
channel on the TV?
567
00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:33,280
Cos Kitty saw something adult.
Did she?
568
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,600
Mm. What's the code?
Good morning, everyone.
569
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,760
Back from your little adventure,
are we?
570
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,440
And what's on the agenda today?
571
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,600
Food club, is it? Or what
I'd wear if I could today?
572
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,040
Oh, can we not forego?
573
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,040
Yeah, we're all a bit tired, Fanny.
574
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,000
Bed? At this time?
575
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,640
Yeah. Never have I known such
a feckless bunch
576
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,120
of good-for-nothings.
577
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,960
That's better.
578
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,880
Oh, Alison, don't forget,
the boiler man's coming at two.
579
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,800
The boiler man?!
580
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,360
SHE WHIMPERS
38526
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