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1
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:23,333
So are you really sick?
2
00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:26,800
You're not just trying to get
out of going to see my mother?
3
00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:30,567
Now, Peg, that hurts.
4
00:01:31,868 --> 00:01:35,368
You know how much I love
that huge, fat woman.
5
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,533
Yeah, we're
really sick, Mom.
6
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:42,401
I think we have
Monte Cristo's revenge.
7
00:01:43,133 --> 00:01:45,001
Well...
8
00:01:46,033 --> 00:01:48,133
Mom is gonna be
really disappointed.
9
00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:50,133
You know, ever since her dog,
Rusty, died,
10
00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:52,266
the only comfort she has
11
00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:55,233
is patting your head
till she falls asleep.
12
00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:57,166
I am not
a Labrador retriever.
13
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,166
And I never bought the fact
that a full-grown dog
14
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,166
could accidentally wrap itself
in bacon
15
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,099
and fall
in a microwave oven.
16
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:07,966
Well, what other explanation
could there have been?
17
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,500
Well, maybe he could
have told us
18
00:02:09,534 --> 00:02:13,767
if his mouth hadn't been
accidentally toothpicked shut.
19
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:17,567
You know, I don't know.
20
00:02:17,601 --> 00:02:19,233
They find one flea collar
in your bed,
21
00:02:19,267 --> 00:02:21,900
and you're branded
for life as a dog-eater.
22
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,133
Oh, well.
23
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:25,567
Gee, I wonder
what's taking Bud so long.
24
00:02:25,601 --> 00:02:27,333
You know, I sent him
to the magazine stand
25
00:02:27,367 --> 00:02:30,467
to get Mom some of those
"larger women" romance novels.
26
00:02:30,501 --> 00:02:33,234
She wanted
The Pie Man Always Rings Twice.
27
00:02:36,968 --> 00:02:38,099
Well...
28
00:02:38,133 --> 00:02:39,900
they were all out
of thePie Mansaga.
29
00:02:39,934 --> 00:02:41,800
So I got her another
old favorite:
30
00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:45,134
The Red Fudge
of Courage.
31
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,500
Wait a second.
32
00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:49,667
What's with them?
33
00:02:49,701 --> 00:02:51,767
We're sick,
so we're not going.
34
00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:53,266
Hah!
35
00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:54,800
I mean...
36
00:02:56,934 --> 00:02:58,900
So that's it.
37
00:02:58,934 --> 00:03:01,733
Mom, I'm telling you,
they're not sick.
38
00:03:01,767 --> 00:03:03,300
I saw them whispering
and plotting
39
00:03:03,334 --> 00:03:06,500
in clipped
and hushed tones.
Hm.
40
00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:10,001
They don't love Grandma
as much as I do.
41
00:03:10,334 --> 00:03:12,600
Why was I
not included?
42
00:03:13,601 --> 00:03:14,567
Come on, Bud.
43
00:03:14,601 --> 00:03:15,667
Let's go.
44
00:03:15,701 --> 00:03:17,166
You gonna miss me,
honey?
45
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:20,001
Well, I can't
until you leave.
46
00:03:24,801 --> 00:03:26,966
Well, you know,
I left you plenty of food.
47
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,767
It's at the supermarket.
48
00:03:30,834 --> 00:03:33,401
Have a good time,
Junior Mint.
49
00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:35,600
Damn you.
50
00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,001
Damn you both.
51
00:03:38,601 --> 00:03:40,368
Damn your eyes.
52
00:03:41,033 --> 00:03:42,533
Come on, Bud!
53
00:03:42,567 --> 00:03:45,468
Grandma needs
a sitz bath!
54
00:03:49,567 --> 00:03:52,400
If it takes me a thousand years
and a thousand lives,
55
00:03:52,434 --> 00:03:54,500
I'll make you pay
for this.
56
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:57,167
This I vow.
57
00:03:58,901 --> 00:04:00,633
Have a good time
at Grandma's.
58
00:04:00,667 --> 00:04:02,734
Yeah, tell her we said moo.
59
00:04:08,968 --> 00:04:10,533
They're gone!
60
00:04:17,834 --> 00:04:19,166
Now, Kelly,
61
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,366
we're gonna be spending
a whole week together.
62
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,600
And you might hear a "yippee"
or a "yeow" from me.
63
00:04:24,634 --> 00:04:27,099
That doesn't mean
I don't miss your mama.
64
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:28,900
Just like changing
of the locks don't mean
65
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:31,200
I don't want her back.
66
00:04:31,234 --> 00:04:35,066
Just adults, uh, express
their sadness in different ways.
67
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,533
And I express mine
by doing the Bump.
68
00:04:40,801 --> 00:04:42,900
Ah, life is good.
69
00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:45,200
To me.
70
00:04:45,234 --> 00:04:47,468
To us.
71
00:04:51,501 --> 00:04:52,633
I meant...
72
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:57,734
Two beers for you
and none for me.
73
00:05:05,801 --> 00:05:08,033
Daddy, you know, we're gonna
have a week to ourselves,
74
00:05:08,067 --> 00:05:09,733
and I thought
that it would be a good idea
75
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,066
if we did something together.
76
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:12,333
You know,
we never have.
77
00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:13,999
Well, sure we did.
78
00:05:14,033 --> 00:05:17,767
Well, the day you were born,
I carried you from the hospital.
79
00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:20,500
And, uh, 10 years later,
we had ice cream,
80
00:05:20,534 --> 00:05:23,800
and, uh, now, here we are.
81
00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:27,033
Okay, well, how about
if we just talk?
82
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:28,366
Great.
83
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,099
So, uh...
84
00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:31,099
How's school?
85
00:05:31,133 --> 00:05:32,333
I'm out of school,
Daddy.
86
00:05:32,367 --> 00:05:35,066
Good. Good. Um...
87
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,867
So, uh...
88
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,700
How old are you?
89
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:43,733
Well...
90
00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:45,433
Going by the number
of birthday parties
91
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:48,633
that you've thrown
for me, I'm...3.
92
00:05:49,868 --> 00:05:52,101
God, how the years go by.
93
00:05:53,167 --> 00:05:54,700
You don't know much
about me, do you?
94
00:05:54,734 --> 00:05:56,467
I do know I carried you
from the hospital
95
00:05:56,501 --> 00:05:57,633
the day you were born.
96
00:05:57,667 --> 00:05:59,433
I remember 'cause
I accidentally left you
97
00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:01,401
on the top of the car.
98
00:06:03,067 --> 00:06:04,667
I was about to drive away
99
00:06:04,701 --> 00:06:06,667
when I heard this sad,
little voice say,
100
00:06:06,701 --> 00:06:08,966
"Stop. You're forgetting me."
101
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,333
So I got out,
let your mother in,
102
00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:13,234
and there you were.
103
00:06:15,601 --> 00:06:18,300
Oh, Daddy, I've never felt
so close to you.
104
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:19,800
So this week,
let's make sure
105
00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:21,467
that we never see
each other, okay?
106
00:06:21,501 --> 00:06:23,366
That would bring us
even closer together.
107
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,767
Okay. Aw.
108
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,633
All right, I'll see you
next week. Bye, Dad.
109
00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:28,468
Whatever.
110
00:06:34,434 --> 00:06:36,066
At last.
111
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,600
Single with TV.
112
00:06:37,634 --> 00:06:39,567
Ah.
113
00:06:39,601 --> 00:06:42,667
Pa? Pa, can I really
keep the pig
114
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:43,900
I raised as a pet?
115
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:45,500
Sure, you can, son.
116
00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:48,967
Now, uh, run along
and do your chores.
117
00:06:53,033 --> 00:06:56,334
The boy sure is dumb.
118
00:06:57,634 --> 00:07:00,800
* Who's that ridin'
Into the sun? *
119
00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:04,033
* Who's the man
With the itchy gun? *
120
00:07:04,067 --> 00:07:07,133
* Who's the man
Who kills for fun? *
121
00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:08,966
* Psycho Dad *
122
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,467
* Psycho Dad *
123
00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:12,934
* Psycho Dad *
124
00:07:12,968 --> 00:07:14,966
* He's quick with a gun *
125
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,834
* But he loves his son *
126
00:07:17,868 --> 00:07:20,999
* Killed his wife
'Cause she weighed a ton *
127
00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:23,667
* Psycho Dad! *
128
00:07:29,334 --> 00:07:30,867
♪ Psycho Dad ♪
129
00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:32,733
♪ Psycho Dad ♪
130
00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:36,067
♪ Psycho Dad ♪
131
00:07:42,467 --> 00:07:44,467
Sorry, Peg,
132
00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:46,033
but I'm gonna have
to leave you there
133
00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:49,101
as a lesson to other women
who don't cook for me.
134
00:07:52,234 --> 00:07:53,433
Yeah.
135
00:07:53,467 --> 00:07:55,067
Ah...
136
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:02,533
Hey.
137
00:08:05,868 --> 00:08:07,500
Yeah.
138
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,733
Al.
139
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:24,201
Al.
140
00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:29,133
Leave me alone, Peg.
141
00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:30,200
Al,
142
00:08:30,234 --> 00:08:32,567
let's fool around.
143
00:08:32,601 --> 00:08:36,266
Go away.
144
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:38,033
Please?
145
00:08:38,067 --> 00:08:39,600
You know,
pleading got you married,
146
00:08:39,634 --> 00:08:41,934
but it's not gonna get you--
147
00:08:48,367 --> 00:08:49,633
Well...
148
00:08:49,667 --> 00:08:51,667
Hello.
149
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,400
Are you gonna make me beg?
150
00:08:56,434 --> 00:08:57,633
Oh, you will do things,
151
00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:01,166
but begging will not be one
of them.
152
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,667
Daddy!
153
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,066
Daddy?
154
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:11,200
Mm. Hm-mm.
155
00:09:11,234 --> 00:09:14,234
Daddy?
156
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,834
It's not what you think.
157
00:09:19,868 --> 00:09:22,333
It couldn't be.
158
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:24,266
By the way, what the hell
are you doing here?
159
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,967
I'm sick.
160
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,533
I wonder
161
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:33,734
what Psycho Dad would do
in a case like this.
162
00:09:35,133 --> 00:09:38,301
There, there, pumpkin.
There, there.
163
00:09:46,267 --> 00:09:48,301
Ugh.
164
00:09:51,467 --> 00:09:53,934
God, what a day
in the shoe store.
165
00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:56,767
We had a clearance sale.
166
00:09:56,801 --> 00:10:01,133
We had to get rid
of all our size 13DDDD's.
167
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,500
Store was packed with women.
168
00:10:03,534 --> 00:10:05,567
Well, there were actually
only two in the store,
169
00:10:05,601 --> 00:10:08,368
but it was wall-to-wall.
170
00:10:09,033 --> 00:10:10,166
You know, you'd think--
171
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,934
You'd think that women
with big, fat feet
172
00:10:11,968 --> 00:10:13,300
would be slim and beautiful,
173
00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:16,468
but surprisingly...
174
00:10:16,934 --> 00:10:18,400
Daddy, I'm sick.
175
00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:20,033
Will you make me
some toast?
176
00:10:20,067 --> 00:10:22,333
Well, Kelly,
you were here all day.
177
00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:24,633
Couldn't you make
some yourself?
178
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,066
No.
179
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:29,366
Heh, you are your mother's
daughter, aren't you?
180
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,800
Would you mind telling me
why you couldn't make some?
181
00:10:31,834 --> 00:10:34,133
Isn't it obvious?
182
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,667
Because I am sick,
183
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:38,533
and if I touched the bread,
then I would get my germs on it,
184
00:10:38,567 --> 00:10:41,734
and then I would be eating
my own germs.
185
00:10:45,534 --> 00:10:48,434
Oh, and another reason is
we don't have any bread.
186
00:10:49,634 --> 00:10:51,033
Well, if we don't have
any bread,
187
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,067
how can you expect me
to make toast?
188
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:56,266
Aw, no.
189
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:57,767
Why didn't you call me
at the store,
190
00:10:57,801 --> 00:10:59,567
so I could have picked
some bread up?
191
00:10:59,601 --> 00:11:02,067
Isn't it obvious?
192
00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:05,834
Because if I used the phone,
then I'd be getting germs on it,
193
00:11:05,868 --> 00:11:08,700
and then I would be talking
to my own germs.
194
00:11:11,434 --> 00:11:13,467
Come on, get me
some bread, Daddy.
195
00:11:13,501 --> 00:11:16,368
Wait, I'm just waiting
to hear something.
196
00:11:21,334 --> 00:11:23,633
Now, I can go.
197
00:11:34,133 --> 00:11:35,366
Are you okay, Daddy?
198
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,900
Oh, great.
199
00:11:36,934 --> 00:11:38,500
Lucky for me,
the hailstones stopped
200
00:11:38,534 --> 00:11:41,368
just as I pulled
into the garage.
201
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:43,834
What are you doing?
202
00:11:43,868 --> 00:11:45,133
Eatin' pizza.
203
00:11:45,167 --> 00:11:46,366
Some for me?
204
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,166
Oh, no, it's all gone, Daddy.
205
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,433
Too bad, 'cause it was
a real good one too.
206
00:11:52,467 --> 00:11:53,966
Who the hell is this?
207
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,700
I'm Artie
from Pizza by Jake.
208
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:02,400
You owe me 7.50,
plus a tip.
209
00:12:02,434 --> 00:12:04,301
I'll give you a tip.
210
00:12:12,968 --> 00:12:15,434
Doors are hard.
211
00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:18,900
Keep the change.
212
00:12:25,601 --> 00:12:27,066
Pumpkin,
let me ask you something.
213
00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:28,966
If you couldn't call me
at work for bread,
214
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,166
when did you decide
you could call for pizza?
215
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:34,733
Well, I was thinking,
and I remembered that old rhyme:
216
00:12:34,767 --> 00:12:38,467
Feet are cold,
starve for pizza.
217
00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:39,767
No, wait, or is it:
218
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:44,266
Starve a pizza,
eat cold feet.
219
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:45,433
Well, at least we know
220
00:12:45,467 --> 00:12:47,734
your fever's shot
right past your IQ.
221
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:49,667
Now,
222
00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:52,067
I guess we can--
223
00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:56,967
We can use that bread
a little later.
224
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,066
So, what do you wanna do, Dad?
225
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:03,567
Well, we could lower our heads
and run into each other.
226
00:13:04,234 --> 00:13:06,333
Daddy, you're so funny.
I love you.
227
00:13:06,367 --> 00:13:07,533
Do you love me?
228
00:13:07,567 --> 00:13:09,333
Well, love, hate--
Look, we're a family.
229
00:13:09,367 --> 00:13:11,266
What's the difference?
230
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,433
Now, Kelly, go be sick
in your room.
231
00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:15,366
Daddy wants to watch
tube-top wrestling.
232
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,467
No, but you can't,
Daddy.
233
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:20,266
Because tonight is the big
music video countdown.
234
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:24,400
It's the top 10,000
classic videos of 1989.
235
00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:26,200
Oh, come on.
Watch with me, Daddy.
236
00:13:26,234 --> 00:13:27,900
Maybe you'll see
one of your favorites.
237
00:13:27,934 --> 00:13:29,966
Uh, well, I-- I really like
the oldies. Youknow:
238
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:34,934
See me, touch me, feel me
Marry me, kill me
239
00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:38,066
Good night, pumpkin.
240
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:39,333
Oh, one more thing, Daddy.
241
00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:41,366
Wh-- ? Why, did you hear
a tornado's coming?
242
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,200
You want me to go out
for pantyhose?
243
00:13:43,234 --> 00:13:45,733
Daddy, you know
I haven't worn pantyhose
244
00:13:45,767 --> 00:13:48,433
since I was 7.
245
00:13:48,467 --> 00:13:51,667
Anyway, while the pizza boy
was going through the drawers,
246
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:54,133
he found this.
247
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,500
What's that?
248
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:58,166
It's a bell.
249
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,366
Remember?
250
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,366
Mom got it last April Fools'?
251
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,500
She'd ring it,
252
00:14:02,534 --> 00:14:03,966
and you'd think
dinner was ready,
253
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,600
so you'd come
running down the stairs
254
00:14:05,634 --> 00:14:06,867
with a big smile
on your face.
255
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:08,567
And then when there'd be
nothing to eat,
256
00:14:08,601 --> 00:14:10,066
we'd all be laughing
and pointing.
257
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:13,633
And then-- Then you'd go on
upstairs all sad and hungry.
258
00:14:16,868 --> 00:14:17,834
Please stop, Daddy.
259
00:14:17,868 --> 00:14:20,266
If I laugh,
I'm gonna cough.
260
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:22,800
But I was starving.
261
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:25,867
"I was starv-- "
262
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,633
Oh, God,
you crack me up.
263
00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:33,166
Anyway, I just thought
that it would be a good idea
264
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,800
to call you
when I need something.
265
00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:36,366
But don't worry,
I'm not gonna use it
266
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,567
unless it is really,
truly necessary, okay?
267
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:48,334
What? What?
268
00:14:48,901 --> 00:14:50,233
Oh, hi, Daddy.
269
00:14:50,267 --> 00:14:52,633
Oh, I was just playing along
with the video.
270
00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:55,733
And for the lack
of one condom,
271
00:14:55,767 --> 00:14:58,167
an entire life was ruined.
272
00:15:06,801 --> 00:15:09,334
Honey, I'm home.
273
00:15:12,767 --> 00:15:14,667
How was your day?
274
00:15:14,701 --> 00:15:18,099
Well, a wealthy executive's
life is a busy one,
275
00:15:18,133 --> 00:15:20,401
but why should I
bore you with that?
276
00:15:20,868 --> 00:15:23,468
Here's my paycheck.
277
00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:26,867
So, what did
you do today, dear?
278
00:15:26,901 --> 00:15:29,500
Well, I watched TV
279
00:15:29,534 --> 00:15:32,266
and drank beer.
280
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,400
You're so clever.
281
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,733
I do what I can.
282
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:38,900
Well, do what you can with me.
283
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:47,468
Daddy!
284
00:15:47,701 --> 00:15:51,067
Daddy-y!
285
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,999
Daddy!
286
00:16:00,033 --> 00:16:01,333
What is it?
287
00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:03,600
What is it?
288
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,600
I can't sleep.
289
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:09,266
Well, have you tried
counting something?
290
00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:12,867
Like the seconds
you have left to live?
291
00:16:12,901 --> 00:16:16,734
I want you to tell me
a bedtime story.
292
00:16:17,834 --> 00:16:21,034
You know, like you never did
when I was a child.
293
00:16:21,734 --> 00:16:22,800
Please?
294
00:16:22,834 --> 00:16:24,734
That's not going to work.
295
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,200
Please?
296
00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:28,368
Okay.
297
00:16:34,934 --> 00:16:37,533
It's not a happy story.
298
00:16:38,334 --> 00:16:41,999
It's a story
of great sadness and woe.
299
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:45,266
Once upon a time...
300
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:49,500
there was a man
who sold shoes.
301
00:16:49,534 --> 00:16:50,500
He was a good man,
302
00:16:50,534 --> 00:16:52,200
but, somehow,
303
00:16:52,234 --> 00:16:56,099
good things never came
to him.
304
00:16:56,133 --> 00:16:59,733
Did I mention he was
a great athlete in high school?
305
00:16:59,767 --> 00:17:01,834
People cheered him.
306
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:04,733
That was before the...
307
00:17:04,767 --> 00:17:07,434
red thing appeared.
308
00:17:09,567 --> 00:17:13,166
Darkness fell
on Shoetown.
309
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,800
Who would take on
the red beast?
310
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:17,999
Who would battle?
311
00:17:18,033 --> 00:17:20,767
Who would marry it?
312
00:17:21,601 --> 00:17:25,366
The little shoe man
stepped forward.
313
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:29,967
Or perhaps the others
just stepped back...
314
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,867
At any rate,
315
00:17:31,901 --> 00:17:35,767
an unholy union was born.
316
00:17:35,801 --> 00:17:39,333
So were two unholy children.
317
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:41,366
And the lowly shoe man,
318
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,467
who once had been a mighty
athlete in high school
319
00:17:43,501 --> 00:17:45,266
and scored four touchdowns
in one game
320
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:47,033
and had many offers
to junior colleges
321
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:50,134
and could have made something
of his life...
322
00:17:54,133 --> 00:17:55,934
laid down...
323
00:17:55,968 --> 00:17:58,301
and died.
324
00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:01,900
The end.
325
00:18:08,634 --> 00:18:11,267
Al.
326
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:17,267
As in,
Alnight long?
327
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:22,900
As in, AlI want.
328
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:27,900
Well, then,
Alyou shall have.
329
00:18:28,868 --> 00:18:32,134
Honey, I'm home!
330
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,967
Al Hercules Bundy!
331
00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:38,567
Who is this person?
332
00:18:38,601 --> 00:18:41,167
Who's this, Alzy?
333
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:42,767
Well?
334
00:18:42,801 --> 00:18:45,800
Well?
335
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:50,001
Well, obviously,
I'm having a hell of a dream.
336
00:18:51,968 --> 00:18:53,099
Rather--
337
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,867
Rather than take time
and explain it all,
338
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:58,567
why don't you two just fight
over me right here on the bed
339
00:18:58,601 --> 00:19:01,267
while I watch
and take pictures.
340
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:05,366
And the winner
341
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,301
gets to have me first.
342
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:10,133
And third,
343
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:12,567
and fifth.
344
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,301
You may begin.
345
00:19:21,701 --> 00:19:23,201
Girls.
346
00:19:23,934 --> 00:19:26,368
There's not enough hair
whipping around.
347
00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:41,233
Al, this is really no fun
unless you...
348
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,266
join us.
349
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:46,667
Yes, please join us.
350
00:19:46,701 --> 00:19:48,999
Well...
351
00:19:49,033 --> 00:19:50,867
Okay.
352
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:54,401
Here comes Daddy.
353
00:20:15,701 --> 00:20:16,900
Oh, I just wanted you
to see
354
00:20:16,934 --> 00:20:20,667
how cute Buck looked
with the bell.
355
00:20:36,534 --> 00:20:38,434
Oh, Daddy,
one more thing.
356
00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:43,734
What do you want?
357
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,800
I want--
358
00:20:47,834 --> 00:20:50,067
I want--
359
00:20:53,868 --> 00:20:55,633
I wanna say good night.
360
00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:05,966
God, I feel great.
361
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,900
I am so glad
I'm over with that cold.
362
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,533
It was death.
363
00:21:09,567 --> 00:21:11,767
So how are you today,
Daddy?
364
00:21:11,801 --> 00:21:12,900
Mm.
365
00:21:12,934 --> 00:21:17,500
I'm better.
My fever is down to 120 now.
366
00:21:17,534 --> 00:21:19,133
Well, I just wanted
to thank you
367
00:21:19,167 --> 00:21:20,633
for taking care
of me all week.
368
00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:22,433
That was very sweet
of you, Daddy.
369
00:21:22,467 --> 00:21:24,099
And if there is anything
that you want,
370
00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:25,900
you just ask.
371
00:21:25,934 --> 00:21:27,266
Well, thank you,
honey.
372
00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:30,067
I could use maybe
a little crust of--
373
00:21:30,567 --> 00:21:33,034
Oops. I gotta go.
Goodbye.
374
00:21:33,434 --> 00:21:35,101
Fine. Go.
375
00:21:38,834 --> 00:21:42,201
No eat, no drink,
no money have I none.
376
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,433
Well, at least
there's one thing
377
00:21:46,467 --> 00:21:49,067
they can't take away
from me.
378
00:21:53,701 --> 00:21:55,867
Al.
379
00:21:55,901 --> 00:21:59,267
Al.
380
00:22:00,634 --> 00:22:02,767
Coming.
381
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,667
It's enema time!
382
00:22:13,968 --> 00:22:17,001
Someone ring the bell.
383
00:22:19,501 --> 00:22:22,500
Oh, God!
I can't wake up!
384
00:22:24,701 --> 00:22:27,867
Help me!
25592
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