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1
00:00:03,167 --> 00:00:06,200
[***]
2
00:01:19,534 --> 00:01:22,968
Ah, home sweet hell.
3
00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:33,100
MAN:
Hey, Bundy!
Home for supper?
4
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:34,734
Never say die, huh?
5
00:01:34,734 --> 00:01:36,167
[LAUGHS]
6
00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:39,767
MAN 2:
Hey, Bundy!
I had steak tonight.
7
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,701
What are you havin'?
8
00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:45,767
If I was the mailman,
I'd be having your wife.
9
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:50,834
Don't worry
about me, Donnelly.
10
00:01:50,834 --> 00:01:51,834
I'll have supper.
11
00:01:52,834 --> 00:01:55,133
I better have supper.
12
00:01:55,133 --> 00:01:57,334
Peg,
where's my supper?
13
00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:00,734
[RINGING]
14
00:02:00,734 --> 00:02:02,567
Oh!
15
00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:07,033
Oh, God.
The idiot'll be home soon.
16
00:02:08,434 --> 00:02:11,133
Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
17
00:02:11,133 --> 00:02:13,400
Hi, idiot.
18
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,567
Peg, in the privacy
of our own home,
19
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:17,634
could you call me
Mr. Idiot?
20
00:02:17,634 --> 00:02:19,467
Peg, you're not gonna
bother me tonight,
21
00:02:19,467 --> 00:02:20,634
because you know why?
22
00:02:20,634 --> 00:02:23,400
I know you cooked me supper,
didn't ya?
23
00:02:26,234 --> 00:02:27,501
Dessert?
24
00:02:30,934 --> 00:02:33,000
Oh, honey, what
do you want from me?
25
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,000
You're at work
10 hours a day.
26
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,167
Can't you find something
to eat in all that time?
27
00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:42,067
God! This is a home,
not a restaurant.
28
00:02:42,067 --> 00:02:43,534
I know, Peg.
29
00:02:43,534 --> 00:02:47,234
If it was a restaurant,
we'd have a clean bathroom.
30
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:49,234
Can't you be
like other husbands?
31
00:02:49,234 --> 00:02:51,300
Just come home,
go upstairs
32
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:54,834
and sit there
quietly till morning.
33
00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:55,968
Excuse me a second, Peg.
34
00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:06,701
What's this? Beef stew?
Made from scratch?
35
00:03:09,434 --> 00:03:12,534
Whoa ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
What a wife!
36
00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:17,200
Peg, I'm starving to death.
37
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,000
I can't live like this.
38
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,200
Now, I'm telling you,
Peg,
39
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,968
I want you to put
something in that oven,
40
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:24,467
either food or my head.
41
00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:26,901
Either way, the neighbors'll
smell something cookin'.
42
00:03:26,901 --> 00:03:29,133
Now, Peg, I'm making
a stand here. I'm not kidding.
43
00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:30,834
I want a meal.
I want it now. Get it?
44
00:03:30,834 --> 00:03:32,968
Huh?
45
00:03:32,968 --> 00:03:35,434
What'd you say, Al?
I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
46
00:03:35,434 --> 00:03:37,868
Jeez, I don't know.
Just something
about me being a man.
47
00:03:37,868 --> 00:03:39,534
It wasn't important.
48
00:03:41,868 --> 00:03:43,467
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Dad.
49
00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:45,901
Kids, I'm glad you're home
because I'm taking a poll.
50
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:48,133
Where are we
gonna put a pole?
51
00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:51,701
Well, we can, uh,
put it in your head
52
00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:55,567
so we have a place to hang
the sign that says "duh."
53
00:03:57,968 --> 00:03:59,167
Oh, thanks.
54
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:00,901
You wouldn't let me
get a nose earring,
55
00:04:00,901 --> 00:04:02,968
but you're gonna put
a pole in my head?
56
00:04:06,868 --> 00:04:09,133
Peg, are you sure
you didn't have
a one-night stand
57
00:04:09,133 --> 00:04:11,067
with Abbott and Costello?
58
00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:18,234
No. I'm a one-stooge
woman, honey.
59
00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:20,367
All right, we're
going to have a vote.
60
00:04:20,367 --> 00:04:21,868
I thought we were
gonna have a po--
61
00:04:21,868 --> 00:04:25,467
All in favor of having
your mother cook...
62
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:27,400
Three. Opposed?
63
00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:30,267
None.
64
00:04:30,267 --> 00:04:31,968
Well, that's it, Peg.
You're cookin'.
65
00:04:31,968 --> 00:04:34,100
I don't care if it's
breakfast, lunch or dinner,
66
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,367
but I want it hot.
And I'll tell
you something else.
67
00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:37,667
I want it on a plate.
68
00:04:40,667 --> 00:04:43,300
Boy. If I'd known
it was gonna be like this...
69
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,634
Well, Peg, the neighbors
are laughing at me.
70
00:04:45,634 --> 00:04:49,267
And everyone at school,
too, Dad.
71
00:04:49,267 --> 00:04:50,300
Well, that's it.
72
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,834
From now on,
this family is gonna be
73
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,501
like every other family
in America.
74
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,200
Sometime this month
we're gonna eat!
75
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,534
Yes, food!
All right!
76
00:04:57,534 --> 00:04:59,934
Okay, I'll make
one meal.
77
00:04:59,934 --> 00:05:02,133
But it's not
gonna be good.
78
00:05:02,133 --> 00:05:04,601
That's all we ask.
79
00:05:04,601 --> 00:05:05,734
Oh, Mom,
one more thing.
80
00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:06,801
Oh.
81
00:05:06,801 --> 00:05:10,834
You're spinning me
right into PMS.
82
00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,300
It's the school nurse,
Mom.
83
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:14,701
She said it's time to get
our annual dental checkups.
84
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:15,767
Oh.
85
00:05:15,767 --> 00:05:18,534
Okay. We'll make
an appointment.
86
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,334
[DOORBELL RINGS]
87
00:05:22,334 --> 00:05:23,667
Come in!
88
00:05:28,767 --> 00:05:30,133
What are you doing?
89
00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:32,901
Ah, giving the kids
their dental checkups.
90
00:05:32,901 --> 00:05:35,701
Excellent, Bud,
as usual.
91
00:05:35,701 --> 00:05:38,133
Beautiful, Kelly.
Good girl.
92
00:05:38,133 --> 00:05:39,701
Okay, kids,
go on upstairs
93
00:05:39,701 --> 00:05:42,934
and we'll forge
your dental forms
in the morning.
94
00:05:44,167 --> 00:05:45,734
Ah. Well,
that wasn't so bad.
95
00:05:45,734 --> 00:05:47,868
Yeah. Thank God we didn't
need tetanus shots.
96
00:05:47,868 --> 00:05:49,300
Oh. I hate
that little pin.
97
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:50,434
Ugh! Ugh!
98
00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:54,901
Uh, excuse me,
but doesn't anybody know
99
00:05:54,901 --> 00:05:56,334
this is against
the law?
100
00:05:56,334 --> 00:05:59,767
So is dressing up a chicken
and calling it your wife.
101
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,367
I am not a chicken.
102
00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:12,534
Why does he keep
calling me a chicken?
103
00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:19,234
Now, Marcie.
104
00:06:19,234 --> 00:06:20,934
Don't get
your feathers ruffled.
105
00:06:23,601 --> 00:06:25,534
Look, guys,
I don't mean to be rude,
106
00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:27,868
but we've got some
x-rays to sketch.
107
00:06:27,868 --> 00:06:30,234
This is a disgrace.
108
00:06:30,234 --> 00:06:32,567
Don't you understand?
You are robbing your children
109
00:06:32,567 --> 00:06:35,167
of one of life's
great experiences.
110
00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:37,200
I love to go
to the dentist.
111
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:40,200
A man in white
hovering over me
112
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:44,000
while I'm trapped
helpless in a chair.
113
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,501
He cleans me.
114
00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:46,667
He flosses me.
115
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:49,934
His instrument's
alive in my mouth.
116
00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:55,267
And just when I think
I can't take anymore,
117
00:06:55,267 --> 00:06:57,434
he says,
"Good girl, Marcie.
118
00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:59,767
You can spit now."
119
00:07:04,601 --> 00:07:07,701
Al, I wanna go
to the dentist.
120
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:11,133
Well, you should.
121
00:07:11,133 --> 00:07:12,667
Everyone should
see their dentist
122
00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:14,100
at least twice a month.
123
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,167
I mean, year.
124
00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:17,501
And you know what?
125
00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:20,234
I haven't had a cavity
since I was 10 years old.
126
00:07:20,234 --> 00:07:22,734
So, what? I haven't had
a cavity my whole life.
127
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,234
And I've neverbeen
to the dentist.
128
00:07:25,234 --> 00:07:29,567
And still you have
that delightful breath.
129
00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:31,434
How do you know
you've never had a cavity?
130
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:32,667
History.
131
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:34,601
Tradition, my boy.
132
00:07:34,601 --> 00:07:37,067
Bundy men were always
known for one thing.
133
00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:38,634
Hairy knuckles?
134
00:07:39,634 --> 00:07:42,133
The sex drive
of a carbuncle?
135
00:07:44,634 --> 00:07:47,634
Well, actually, we were known
for two things.
136
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:52,067
One: always having
the knack of finding
just the right woman...
137
00:07:54,501 --> 00:07:57,033
And teeth.
Big strong choppers.
138
00:07:57,033 --> 00:07:58,667
Marcie, have a look in here.
Go ahead.
139
00:08:01,467 --> 00:08:02,767
Uh-huh.
140
00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:06,200
Oh, my God.
It smells like a hamper.
141
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,501
Go on. Just check
the teeth, will ya?
142
00:08:09,601 --> 00:08:13,400
Well, the green one
looks pretty good.
143
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,901
And some might be bothered
by that black one.
144
00:08:15,901 --> 00:08:17,767
But the one that's
actually bleeding
145
00:08:17,767 --> 00:08:19,801
could be a problem
starting.
146
00:08:19,801 --> 00:08:21,434
Al, you should go
to the dentist.
147
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:22,534
No dentist.
148
00:08:22,534 --> 00:08:24,067
If my teeth don't hurt,
149
00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:27,400
nothing's wrong with them.
And my teeth don't hurt.
150
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,133
AL:
Now my teeth hurt!
151
00:08:30,133 --> 00:08:33,501
[AL SCREAMING]
152
00:08:38,868 --> 00:08:42,834
[GROANING]
153
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,567
Ahem.
154
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:55,701
Mr. Bundy.
155
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,167
Uh-- Uh...
156
00:08:58,167 --> 00:08:59,167
Uh, I'm Bill.
157
00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:00,801
Hello, Bill.
I'm Al Bundy,
158
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,300
I'm Kelly's father.
159
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:05,167
This is some weather we're
having here, isn't it, Bill?
160
00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:07,734
You know, it's funny,
but it's almost
1:00 in the morning,
161
00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:09,234
and you were
kissing my daughter.
162
00:09:18,634 --> 00:09:19,934
Oh, darn, Bill.
163
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,701
It's so late,
I thought that'd be open.
164
00:09:21,701 --> 00:09:23,100
There you go.
165
00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:34,767
We've got a real problem
here, Kelly.
166
00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:37,000
I know, Daddy.
We were just doing our homework.
167
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,234
I'm a good girl.
168
00:09:38,234 --> 00:09:39,234
Who cares?
169
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,334
It's just that
my teeth are killing me.
170
00:09:42,334 --> 00:09:45,367
They felt fine until
that darn Marcie voodooed me.
171
00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:47,434
Now I'm in so much pain,
I can't even sleep.
172
00:09:47,434 --> 00:09:50,367
Honey, would you look in there
and see if my teeth are okay?
173
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,734
Oh, well...
Wait a minute.
174
00:09:52,734 --> 00:09:54,267
Let me move
this one aside.
175
00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:56,767
[GROANS]
176
00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:59,100
Well, they all
look okay to me...
177
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:01,334
except for that one
that's fizzing.
178
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,300
Daddy, why don't you just
go to the dentist?
179
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:04,300
No dentist.
180
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,701
What I need
is an ice-cold beer.
181
00:10:12,868 --> 00:10:13,868
That's cold.
182
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,634
Mm-hm.
183
00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:29,868
Nothing like a cold beer
on a hot night.
184
00:10:29,868 --> 00:10:31,033
That's good.
185
00:10:31,033 --> 00:10:34,167
Are you afraid
of the dentist, Daddy?
186
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,234
Kelly, I'm
a grown man.
187
00:10:36,234 --> 00:10:39,934
So, yes, of course,
I'm deathly afraid
of the dentist.
188
00:10:39,934 --> 00:10:43,100
Fear is nothing
to be ashamed of, Daddy.
189
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,133
Let me tell you
a little story.
190
00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:47,000
I was afraid once.
191
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,734
It was two years ago,
so I was, um...8.
192
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:56,367
Anyway, I missed the bus
back from school,
193
00:10:56,367 --> 00:10:57,801
so I had to walk home.
194
00:10:57,801 --> 00:10:59,934
It was getting
pretty dark.
195
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:05,167
Oops.
196
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:07,767
I almost drank beer!
197
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:14,100
Anyway, I cut
through this alley.
198
00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:16,167
And I heard this noise.
199
00:11:16,167 --> 00:11:18,601
I turned,
and there they were.
200
00:11:18,601 --> 00:11:19,968
Who?
201
00:11:19,968 --> 00:11:21,501
All my friends
from school.
202
00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:24,067
So we all went to Janie's house
and had this dance party.
203
00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:25,400
Oh, God, it was great.
204
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,801
Janie's mom got this broom,
and we limboed.
205
00:11:27,801 --> 00:11:30,234
Then we had cake.
And we painted
each other's toenails.
206
00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:31,367
Then we went to sleep--
207
00:11:31,367 --> 00:11:34,801
Honey, Daddy doesn't
have long to live.
208
00:11:34,801 --> 00:11:37,133
Get to the part
of the fear.
209
00:11:37,133 --> 00:11:38,300
Well, let's see.
210
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:40,234
Was I afraid
of my dress?
211
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:42,133
What the heck
was I wearing?
212
00:11:43,033 --> 00:11:44,834
Honey, that's all right.
213
00:11:45,734 --> 00:11:47,767
Sweetheart,
it was a great story.
214
00:11:47,767 --> 00:11:49,167
[CHUCKLES]
215
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,634
Now, Daddy's just dizzy enough
to go to sleep now, honey.
216
00:11:51,634 --> 00:11:53,234
Have a great night,
sweetheart.
217
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,834
You, too, Daddy.
218
00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:57,367
Oh, Daddy,
I just remembered.
What?
219
00:11:57,367 --> 00:12:00,334
I was wearing my pink dress
with the little sparkles
on the collar,
220
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:03,634
and I was afraid it would
clash with the toenails
I just painted.
221
00:12:03,634 --> 00:12:05,400
But it didn't.
222
00:12:07,801 --> 00:12:09,033
Thanks again,
sweetheart.
223
00:12:09,033 --> 00:12:10,501
What are daughters for?
224
00:12:10,501 --> 00:12:12,000
I don't know.
225
00:12:16,934 --> 00:12:20,734
[GROANING]
226
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,634
I'm going to sleep.
227
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:26,634
Is Dad gone yet?
228
00:12:26,634 --> 00:12:28,000
Yep.
Great.
229
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,567
Then we'll see you
in the morning.
230
00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:34,000
Ohhh.
231
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,801
Curse your father
for making me feed him.
232
00:12:38,701 --> 00:12:40,200
This is so confusing.
233
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,767
I mean, what do men eat?
234
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:46,133
Well, going by Bud,
insects.
235
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:51,234
Mom, Kelly had a boy
here last night.
236
00:12:51,234 --> 00:12:53,534
Oh, yeah? Well,
Bud had a girl here last night.
237
00:12:53,534 --> 00:12:57,033
Yeah, like I'm
gonna believe that.
238
00:13:00,968 --> 00:13:04,033
Don't tell stories,
Kelly.
239
00:13:05,834 --> 00:13:07,968
Hey, wait a minute.
I could've had a girl here.
240
00:13:07,968 --> 00:13:10,467
Sure you could,
honey.
241
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,234
So, how are Daddy's
teeth this morning?
242
00:13:14,234 --> 00:13:15,267
Oh, I don't know.
243
00:13:15,267 --> 00:13:17,167
He was up screaming
all night.
244
00:13:17,167 --> 00:13:19,234
Finally, I put a pillow
over his face
245
00:13:19,234 --> 00:13:21,167
so I could get some rest.
246
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,100
Gee, he's really gotta go
to the dentist.
247
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,667
Ah, what a day.
248
00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:27,234
Smell that
morning air.
249
00:13:27,234 --> 00:13:28,234
[INHALES]
250
00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:33,100
Al, will you please
go to the dentist?
251
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:34,133
Don't have to now, Peg.
252
00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:35,567
A miracle happened
last night.
253
00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:38,167
I went to bed. Woke up today.
I feel fine.
254
00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:39,167
Oh, yeah?
255
00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:41,534
Eat this ice.
Oh, no, Peg.
256
00:13:41,534 --> 00:13:42,667
Put it in a bag.
257
00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:44,200
I'll eat it
on the way to work.
258
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,968
Eat it now, Al.
259
00:13:45,968 --> 00:13:47,667
All righty.
260
00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:08,734
[AL SCREAMING]
261
00:14:08,734 --> 00:14:09,734
My teeth!
262
00:14:09,734 --> 00:14:11,767
Oh, God,
take my life!
263
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:12,767
The pain!
264
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:15,634
I can't stand
the pain!
265
00:14:19,534 --> 00:14:22,667
See, there's no problem.
266
00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:27,000
Al, you have a 2:30 appointment
with Marcie's dentist.
267
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,367
Now, here's the address.
268
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,667
And in case you need
a loved one to pick you up,
269
00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:33,567
here's a bus schedule.
270
00:14:34,801 --> 00:14:36,434
Dr. Plierson.
271
00:14:38,934 --> 00:14:42,334
What I need
is a Dr. Kill-A-Wife.
272
00:14:42,334 --> 00:14:43,400
Dad.
273
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,200
Dad, I had a girl here
last night.
274
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,267
Bud, I got no time
for your jokes now.
My teeth are killin' me.
275
00:14:57,868 --> 00:15:00,801
You're next,
Mr. Bundy.
276
00:15:00,801 --> 00:15:02,300
AL:
I'm a little nervous.
277
00:15:03,901 --> 00:15:04,901
It's okay.
278
00:15:07,367 --> 00:15:08,701
Come on.
279
00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:10,667
Just sit
right down.
280
00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:17,133
Can I have
the ducky now?
281
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,834
There's a little boy
out there who really needs it.
282
00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:21,501
Tough.
283
00:15:23,434 --> 00:15:24,534
Come on, now.
284
00:15:24,534 --> 00:15:26,868
You've got nothing
to worry about.
285
00:15:26,868 --> 00:15:28,367
You won't feel a thing.
286
00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:29,534
What's this for?
287
00:15:29,534 --> 00:15:32,067
Oh, it's just
to soak up the blood.
288
00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:35,734
Nurse, this dentist--
He's, like,
a real good one, right?
289
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:38,000
Don't worry,
Mr. Bundy.
290
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,400
Doctor's
just wonderful.
291
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,567
Just look at these.
292
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:42,601
Oh, wow.
293
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:46,167
Nice...
294
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:52,167
Nice, white, firm.
Yeah.
295
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:55,834
Those babies should
last you a lifetime.
296
00:15:55,834 --> 00:15:57,567
I brush them every day.
297
00:15:57,567 --> 00:16:00,100
I would, too,
if they were mine.
298
00:16:01,868 --> 00:16:04,534
All right, next.
299
00:16:04,534 --> 00:16:06,834
Ah, the man
with the ducky.
300
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:08,067
Thank you, nurse.
301
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,133
I'll take it
from here.
302
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:12,200
[SQUEALS]
303
00:16:14,334 --> 00:16:15,434
[PLIERSON LAUGHS]
304
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:18,801
Oh. All right.
Come on, Bundy.
305
00:16:18,801 --> 00:16:20,334
Let's see
what we got here.
306
00:16:20,334 --> 00:16:21,367
Open up.
307
00:16:21,367 --> 00:16:22,434
No.
308
00:16:22,434 --> 00:16:24,300
Come on, Bundy.
I'm a pro.
309
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:25,901
I've seen it all.
I've done it all.
310
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:27,100
Come on, open up.
311
00:16:28,968 --> 00:16:30,367
Aah!
312
00:16:30,367 --> 00:16:32,367
Ugh!
313
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:36,133
Mother of all creatures,
big and small!
314
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:37,400
Whoa.
315
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,601
Is it bad?
316
00:16:39,601 --> 00:16:42,167
No, no, not really.
317
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,901
T.C.!
318
00:16:43,901 --> 00:16:45,133
Yes?
319
00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:48,133
I want you to bring one
of the big bibs in here.
320
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,801
And, uh, a drop cloth
for the floor.
321
00:16:52,234 --> 00:16:54,033
Hey, doctor,
I was just thinking.
322
00:16:54,033 --> 00:16:56,667
You know, I don't eat,
and I got no reason to smile.
323
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,734
Why don't we just let 'em
drop out naturally,
and I'll mail 'em to you.
324
00:16:59,734 --> 00:17:01,734
You drill 'em, fill 'em
and mail 'em back to me.
325
00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:04,267
Now, look. Come on, Bundy.
326
00:17:04,267 --> 00:17:07,501
Now, I might be optimistic,
but I just happen to think
327
00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:09,300
we can save
a couple of those babies.
328
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:10,801
What do you say, huh?
329
00:17:10,801 --> 00:17:13,501
I'll, uh, Novocaine you up.
330
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,634
Then I'll have
a couple of drinks,
331
00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:19,100
and neither one of us
will feel a thing, huh?
332
00:17:22,467 --> 00:17:23,534
There we are.
333
00:17:28,601 --> 00:17:30,868
All right, now, make sure
you get a shot of the head
334
00:17:30,868 --> 00:17:33,200
so they know
it's a human mouth.
335
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:36,901
Hey, doctor.
336
00:17:36,901 --> 00:17:39,300
Now, you said this is
gonna be nothin', right?
337
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,901
Look, I've done a thousand
of these things.
338
00:17:41,901 --> 00:17:44,234
Just never
in the same mouth.
339
00:17:44,234 --> 00:17:45,234
Numb yet?
340
00:17:45,234 --> 00:17:46,300
Yeah. You?
341
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:47,801
Well, close enough.
342
00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:51,868
♪ Oh, honey ♪
343
00:17:51,868 --> 00:17:54,868
It's doctor in the office,
sweet cheeks.
344
00:17:54,868 --> 00:17:56,467
I'm sorry.
345
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,467
Anyhow, doctor,
I'm gonna go home
346
00:17:58,467 --> 00:18:00,734
and slip into something
a little more comfortable.
347
00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:02,367
Do you want me
to pick up some videos?
348
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:04,501
Uh, yeah. Um...
349
00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:07,033
Get, um...
350
00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:08,834
Get something mild.
351
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:11,667
I'm gonna be up to my elbows
in blood in a minute.
352
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:12,667
[MOUTHING]
Okay.
353
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,033
I have this feeling
I'm forgetting something.
354
00:18:16,033 --> 00:18:18,367
Did I turn off
the iron?
355
00:18:18,367 --> 00:18:19,634
Did I take my pill?
356
00:18:19,634 --> 00:18:21,701
WOMAN:
Yow!
357
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:24,200
Where is that
damn dentist?
358
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,901
That's what I forgot!
359
00:18:25,901 --> 00:18:27,734
Mrs. Higgenbottom
is spitting up teeth
360
00:18:27,734 --> 00:18:29,267
like a popcorn machine
in there.
361
00:18:30,934 --> 00:18:32,801
Okay, well, give her
a Sports Illustrated,
362
00:18:32,801 --> 00:18:34,501
and tell her
I'll be right there.
363
00:18:34,501 --> 00:18:36,234
Okay.
364
00:18:36,234 --> 00:18:39,801
Yeah. Sure.
Let her rot.
365
00:18:39,801 --> 00:18:42,968
Women. They're the lowest
forms of life.
366
00:18:42,968 --> 00:18:44,000
You married, Bundy?
367
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,133
Look in these eyes.
368
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,434
Me, I'm recently divorced.
369
00:18:50,434 --> 00:18:53,100
She got me for 1.5 mil.
370
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:54,601
[CHUCKLES]
371
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,567
I'm not bitter, though.
Nope. She deserved it.
372
00:18:57,567 --> 00:19:00,601
She gave up a very
promising career as a waitress
373
00:19:00,601 --> 00:19:05,567
to become my wife
of about six whole months.
374
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:08,801
That's almost a half
a year, you know.
375
00:19:08,801 --> 00:19:11,400
[SOBBING]
1.5 mil.
376
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,534
Take it easy, doc.
Take it easy.
377
00:19:14,534 --> 00:19:16,801
I found out, in life,
you can't live in the past.
378
00:19:16,801 --> 00:19:19,501
Or the present
or the future, but...
379
00:19:19,501 --> 00:19:20,934
You can spend
some quality time
380
00:19:20,934 --> 00:19:24,234
at a newsstand,
reading dirty magazines.
381
00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:29,968
Yeah. They can't take
that copy of Hiney
away from you, can they?
382
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:32,200
Bundy, you're an okay Joe.
383
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,400
I tell you what I'm gonna do.
384
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,634
I'm not gonna dig too deep.
385
00:19:34,634 --> 00:19:36,200
I'll do what I can.
386
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,434
You won't
feel a thing.
387
00:19:37,434 --> 00:19:39,667
Ah, jeez, thanks, doc.
388
00:19:39,667 --> 00:19:44,367
Doctor, it's your ex-wife's
attorney on line one.
389
00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:45,868
Great.
390
00:19:45,868 --> 00:19:47,100
By the way,
391
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:49,400
I bought this with your
credit card, doctor, honey.
392
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,901
Is it okay?
393
00:19:50,901 --> 00:19:55,534
Yes, it's much better than
the one you bought yesterday.
394
00:19:55,534 --> 00:19:57,901
And more expensive.
395
00:19:57,901 --> 00:20:00,968
You gold-diggin', little--
396
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:03,167
What do you want?
397
00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:05,334
I got a dying man
in the chair!
398
00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:07,400
[MOUTHING]
399
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,234
No, absolutely not.
400
00:20:10,234 --> 00:20:11,467
No.
401
00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:14,434
Oh, she--
She already got it.
402
00:20:14,434 --> 00:20:16,067
Yeah, she's got them too.
403
00:20:17,534 --> 00:20:19,067
My baseball card collection?
404
00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:20,567
Oh, no. No.
No, no, no.
405
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:24,400
I'll give her
the 150 bucks it's worth.
406
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,167
She wants the cards?
407
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:27,501
Why?
408
00:20:28,567 --> 00:20:31,300
Because she knows
I like them?
409
00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:32,367
All right.
410
00:20:32,367 --> 00:20:33,734
All right,
I'll tell you what.
411
00:20:33,734 --> 00:20:36,801
You-- you tell her
to take those cards,
412
00:20:36,801 --> 00:20:38,501
and I hope
she chokes on 'em!
413
00:20:38,501 --> 00:20:41,567
Ohhh!
I love those cards!
414
00:20:41,567 --> 00:20:43,934
I spent my whole life
collecting those cards.
415
00:20:43,934 --> 00:20:45,734
Hey, doc, I think
the Novocaine's
416
00:20:45,734 --> 00:20:47,234
starting to wear off
a little bit.
417
00:20:47,234 --> 00:20:49,033
Shut up, Bundy!
418
00:20:49,033 --> 00:20:50,734
Just shut up!
419
00:20:50,734 --> 00:20:54,901
God, I'm so mad,
I'm shakin'.
420
00:20:54,901 --> 00:20:58,400
Maybe you better wait, then,
until you calm down.
421
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,334
[DRILL WHISTLING]
Aah! Aaah!
422
00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:13,667
Mm-mm! What a memory
this will be.
423
00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:15,167
If Bud didn't
still have pimples,
424
00:21:15,167 --> 00:21:17,267
I'd think this was a dream.
425
00:21:17,267 --> 00:21:18,868
Yeah, well,
426
00:21:18,868 --> 00:21:21,334
just don't bring
your rumbling little stomachs
427
00:21:21,334 --> 00:21:23,968
around come Thanksgiving,
'cause after today,
428
00:21:23,968 --> 00:21:26,534
Mommy has hung up her oven.
429
00:21:26,534 --> 00:21:29,367
Al, here's your
stinkin' meal!
430
00:21:29,367 --> 00:21:31,033
I hope you're happy!
431
00:21:40,601 --> 00:21:42,334
[MUFFLED]
Oh, Peg.
432
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:43,601
What'd you cook for?
433
00:21:43,601 --> 00:21:45,601
You know I can't eat.
434
00:21:46,901 --> 00:21:51,234
Oh, "ook at aw the ood."
435
00:21:51,234 --> 00:21:53,567
Stop babbling, Al.
436
00:21:53,567 --> 00:21:55,701
I can't understand
a word you say.
437
00:21:55,701 --> 00:21:57,701
Well,
can you understand this?
438
00:21:57,701 --> 00:22:01,734
I want another meal
when I can eat the food.
439
00:22:01,734 --> 00:22:03,234
Pass the mashed potatoes.
440
00:22:03,234 --> 00:22:04,400
Give me corn.
441
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:05,901
This is unacceptable.
442
00:22:05,901 --> 00:22:08,667
I'm the man
of the house.
443
00:22:08,667 --> 00:22:10,901
Wait a minute, kids.
444
00:22:10,901 --> 00:22:11,934
Your Daddy's right.
445
00:22:11,934 --> 00:22:14,067
This is very unfair
to your father.
446
00:22:14,067 --> 00:22:17,501
And we cannot enjoy my meal
with him like this.
447
00:22:40,267 --> 00:22:42,567
[***]
30636
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