All language subtitles for Five.Bedrooms.S02E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10_English

Previously on Five Bedrooms...

Don't you want our baby
to grow up with its father?

Over four randoms?

Look who's just dropped in.

Xavier,
this is my son, Harpreet.

As much as I love the idea
of being able to say

I was successfully matchmade

by a pair of
60-something-year-olds...

Oh, it's...it's cool. I get it.

..I...I think I'd be
interested regardless.

You're going to love him.

If you'd asked me a year ago
if I wanted to cohabit
with another man,

I would have laughed you
out of the room.

And I'm looking at you,

and I want to wake up with you.

BEN: There's a look I've been
getting my whole life.

And I get it pretty often
in the house.

I call it the
"Ben, you're a dickhead" look.

And in the early stages
of the reno,

I was getting it a fair bit.

I mean, it's not that
I don't appreciate it
with my whole heart,

but, uh, could you be
any more specific

than "between
two and seven months"?

Look, there's nothing
to worry about.

I'm staring at a hard biological
nine-month deadline,

and I am gonna meet it.

She's second trimester, so it's
more like four or five months.

Five months?

Yeah. That's what I meant.

But once we got into it,

fair to say they all had
a bit of a turnaround.

Ains got so energised, she
hopped on the tools herself.

She's kicking. She's kicking.

..which, of course,
meant my mate Simmo...

- Wait for it.
- ..was suddenly very available
to lend a hand.

Oh, there! (LAUGHS)

I can't actually
feel anything, Ains.

Harry was in a bit of a love
bubble, so he wasn't home much.

Oi. Hazza?

What do you reckon?

I mean, I probably don't have
the most educated eye,

but, um...it seems to have
gotten slightly less...

..shed-like?

Oh, cheers, mate.

Yeah, I know every second
you're here chatting to me

is a second you could be
in a pretty energetic...

..naked situation, so, uh...

(SNAPS FINGERS)
..I appreciate that.

Are you planning on unveiling
your lover to us at any point?

Yeah, yeah, of course.
He's just, um...

..he's working at the bar
most nights this week.

But I'll text you. I will.
I'll...I will. I'll text you.

For Lizzie, the renovation site
became a bit of a confessional.

I'm happy for him. It's not like
I'm not happy for him.

But I'm just surprised that
he's disappeared so completely.

- Yeah, you miss him.
- No, I... Oh!

Ah! Jesus!

Don't you think it's a bit weird
that none of us

have met the boyfriend
and the mother has?

Well, it's OK if you miss him.

- It's actually quite beautiful.
- Mmm.

- Need any more help?
- No, no. No, I'm good. Thanks.

Then there was Heather.

You see,
Heather had never seen me

full-throttle working before.

Turns out...she liked to watch.

(NAIL GUN FIRES)

And I liked
that she liked to watch.

Oh!

Ben?

Can I get you to come inside and
help me move something heavy?

(CHUCKLES) How heavy?

Pretty heavy.

Come here, girl.

(BOTH KISS)

Uh-uh!

Leave it on.

And maybe all that appreciation
went to my head.

(LAUGHS)

'Cause in the end,
I did get a bit cocky.

Chuck us the wrench, mate.

- (CRUNCH!)
- Arggh! Yarggh! Fuck! Arggh!

Benny! Talk to me.
What did you hit? Your shoulder?

- All on your shoulder?
- (GROANS)

And that's when it came back.

- Try not to move too much.
- The look.

Do you want a beer?

"Benny, you're a dickhead."

Oh. Sorry!

- Oh, thank God! Are you OK?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Do they know
what you've done? Or...

We're just waiting
for the X-rays to come back.

BEN: It's just...it's my sublux.

I used to do it playing footy
all the time.

You know, day or two,
light duties,

couple of Panadol, good as gold.

It was my fault.
It was such a dodgy throw.

- It wasn't, mate!
- It had spin on it.

Who chucks a bloody wrench to a
man on a ladder with spin on it?

I'd take a step back
and question the idea
of throwing tools at all.

WOMAN: Sorry about the wait.

- That's alright. (GROANS)
- Sorry.

OK, Ben.

It's all a bit of a mess
in there.

Unfortunately, looks like you're
gonna have to have surgery.

Probably a full reconstruction.

Right.

Alright. Well, obviously,
you'd rather not, but, uh...

..Fridgey had his reco,
what, two, three years ago?

He's never been better.

That was on his knee, but.

Yeah, but a reco's a reco, mate.
Right?

No, not really.

Do you have
private health insurance?

Yep.

Pretty sure.
I got a card in my wallet.

- Just chuck us my wallet.
- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, what's that?
- That's your Medicare card.

Oh, right. Well, I know
something definitely comes out
of my account every month.

I just, um...

..can't remember the name.

OK, well, if you have health
insurance and you're covered,

we can get you in straightaway
to see an orthopaedic surgeon.

I can recommend
a former boss of mine.

And if he's not?

Well...then you go
on the waiting list.

How long's that?

Could be anywhere from...

..three months to a year.

Well, I'm definitely covered.

You know, they send me stuff
in the mail all the time.

I can see the bloody logo.
It's, um...

Anyway, it's all at home.
I don't chuck anything out.

Good. OK. Well, I'll
write you the referral.

But you will need to find
those details

before you see the surgeon.

- OK?
- Sweet.

In the meantime,
we'll get you a brace and...

Excuse me.
..uh, and some pain relief.

- Thanks a lot.
- Thank you.

OK. Oh.

- Do you need to cancel tonight?
- No.

I can manage if you do.

You can't do birth classes
on your own, Ains.

Well, I wouldn't be alone.

Lachlan really wants to come.

In fact, iscoming.
I said he could come.

OK, I knew
your face would do that,

and if you don't want
to be there, that's fine,

but Mel's banned him
from coming to her classes

and he really wants to be
involved.

Oh, I'm coming.

Now I'm coming even harder.

OK, but I expect you to come
in the spirit of peace,

because I can't handle conflict
right now, Heather.

Don't make me
separate the two of you.

Won't come from me.
I won't start it.

No, but you'll finish it,
Heather,

and that's what
I'm worried about.

Oh, here we go. Here we go.

What about...

..that one?

(INHALES SHARPLY)
It's from a gym in Wodonga.

Maybe cancel it, mate.

PFS Health Insurance!

- Mmm!
- (LAUGHS)

- Arggh! Jesus!
- Oh, sorry, mate. Sorry.

- God!
- Here we go.

- And the winner is...
- (GROANS)

Uh..."Dear Mr Chigwell,"
yadda-yadda-ya...

.."We are writing to advise you
that your...

"..membership has expired."

It's dated 21 October 2013.

(SIGHS)

- Mate.
- Fuck.

Listen.

I've got insurance
on the business.

Could we just say
my business was doing your reno?

I'm not sure that'd hold water.

Or...

..could we just say it happened
on the Fordham Crescent job?

- Last week?
- Yeah, but I don't want you
to be doing anything dodgy.

Nah, I've been paying
those premiums for years.

Plus, you remember when
Bucket snapped his fingers
in the semifinal?

- Yeah.
- He just said he did it on site
on the Monday. He was fine.

BEN: God love him,
Simmo didn't have a "Benny,
you're a dickhead" face at all.

And we really could have used
one in the room that day.

Alright.

I don't want you lying for me.

Now, you did...
Yeah, no, no, no.

You didn't see anything.
You're just going off
what I said happened.

Mate, whatever. I just...
I can't have you losing
a year of your life

'cause some fool put spin
on a wrench chuck.

It's alright.

Wow! It's big.

HARRY: I didn't imagine
your introduction to the house
would be like this.

- He's here, he's here.
- XAVIER: Like what?

Oh, my God! Javier!

Hello. (LAUGHS)

Did you invite him over?

- (DOOR OPENS)
- Jeez!

(DOOR CLOSES)

Ho ho! The man himself!
At long last!

- Hello.
- Sweet. Javier!

Oh. It's, uh...it's Xavier.

Oi. You mind
if I call you Javier?

Uh, please.
No, it's a lovely twist.

He's, uh, off his face on oxy.
It's just hit him.

Half his luck. Yeah, hey, I'm
so sorry about your shoulder.

Oi, listen, don't get spooked,
but we're all a bit obsessed
with you.

I even joined Insta
so I can follow you.

And I only follow three people.

You, Michelle Obama, Nicky
Winmar. That's it. (LAUGHS)

- Well, that feels
like an honour.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

This is Heather.

Ah, yes, the living legend.

- What?
- HARRY: And Ainsley.

- Oh!
- Oh! Hello.

I am gonna go out on a limb here

and say you are
the pregnant one.

(LAUGHS) A risk-taker! Electric!

So lovely to meet you!

And, uh...and this is Liz.

- Hey.
- XAVIER: Liz.

- The real estate agent, yes?
- HARRY: Oh, no.

No, that's...that's Ainsley.
This is Liz, the lawyer.

Oh, yeah, well, part-time
lawyer, part-time receptionist.

- Full-time sensation! (LAUGHS)
- (HARRY LAUGHS)

Liz is like the, uh...
the Grace to my Will,

or the Will to my Grace, even.

I'm not sure
which one of us is which.

Uh, I'm...I'm sure
I mentioned her several times.

Yeah. Oh, look, look.

I...I smoked a lot of pot
in my 20s,

so I have a memory like a sieve.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

OK. Liz, lawyer.

Ben, I've been, um, speaking
with my friends in orthopaedics.

They all say your surgeon is
one of the best.

Also one of the most expensive.

Yeah, well,
that's not a problem, because...

..I'm covered.

And I think...

..Heather doubted me for a sec,
but all's forgiven now,

and, uh, yeah,
I'm booked in for next week.

Oh, good.

BEN: Yep. I thought I had it
all sewn up nicely.

Aside from the light
insurance fraud.

Everything felt
pretty airtight.

Oi.

That is some good-lookin' facial
hair you've got there, mate.

- Thank you.
- (LAUGHS) Is that natural?

- Uh, yeah.
- Or you have to work for it?

Little bit of work.
No-nothing too much... Oh!

You right there, mate?
You... Timber!

There we are. Oop!
Now we're going the other way.

OTHERS: Whoa!

Lovely to see you, Heather.
How are you?

I'm very well, Lachlan.
Thank you for asking. Yourself?

Couldn't be better.

Nice pants.

Thank you.

Buy them specially?

- I did.
- Gonna wear them to the birth?

Actually, I was thinking
more skin-to-skin for the birth.

- You realise
I'll be in the room?
- I do.

Alright! Should we hit the road?

Uh, actually, I'm quite keen

to get a look at the nursery,
if I could,

just to see how
it's coming along.

Ben!

BEN: Yeah, probably seems like
there's a ton of work,

but that's a bum steer,
'cause it's really just the...

..phrip...phiperals.

Phiper...
What am I trying to say?

- Uh, peripherals, yeah.
- Yeah.

It's mostly the peripherals.

Are you...OK?

Feeling pretty good, yeah.
Thanks for asking.

He's on pretty strong
pain medication.

He has to have
a shoulder reconstruction.

Isn't a reconstruction...

..isn't that months of healing?

Please don't stress about it.

Well, I'm sorry, Ains,
but this is my baby's nursery.

I'm genetically hard-wired
to stress about it.

What's your worry in particular?

- Uh...
- Is it the waterproofing
or the double glazing?

Uh, my concern is
that my daughter

is already very responsive
to her environment,

and there's very little time and
clearly a huge amount of work

for one part-time labourer.

I'll get it done.

I'll go round the clock
if I have to.

Well, I don't think
anyone's in a position

to afford
an around-the-clock labourer.

Nah.

No charge.

Simmo.

It's...it's too much. (LAUGHS)

Just what you do.

(ALL EXHALE SLOWLY)

Good. And coming up one arm.

Breathe in. Two, three, four.

And down. Two, three, four.

Look, I'm not questioning
his motives...

- Well, you are.
- ..but he clearly has
feelings for you.

- He doesn't!
- So what if he does?

- Heather!
- And breathing in. Two, three.

Hold it if you can.

So what if he's motorboating her
morning, noon and night?

How does that concern you?

Well, Heather,
that general area has to sustain
my child's life, so...

You have no claim
to those breasts, Lachlan.

No talking now. Just exhaling.

Two, three, four.

Look, in the interests of full
disclosure, there was a time

when Simmo did express
some interest.

- I knew it!
- That was a long time ago!

He's clearly got an agenda.

He's overestimating
what he can achieve,

and frankly, in renovation
terms, that is a health hazard!

OK, you're benched. Red card.
I'm subbing in. Go.

Inhaling, gently.

- Benny!
- (DOG BARKS)

Oi! Benny, where are ya?

- Benny!
- BEN: What?

- What's up, mate? You alright?
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

- What are you doing?
- Come on.

- Where are we going?
- Quick!

(STOPS ENGINE)

- Simmo?
- (SIGHS)

Talk to me, mate.

Listen, I don't want to
worry ya, but...

..I just had a visit from
an insurance lady at the site.

- Yep?
- (SIGHS)

Uh...

..she asked me
to take her round...

..show her where
you had your fall,

or...where we said
you had your fall.

She asked me heaps of questions.

What kind of questions?

Well, she wanted to know why
you didn't go to the hospital

till four days after the date
we put on the form.

Oh... (SQUEAKS)

What did you say?

Mate, I'm so sorry.

You know how
I kind of have a panic

if I have to do a breathalyser
or a licence check,

even if I'm fine?

(SIGHS) I was like that.

Um...

It's...it's...it's alright.
We just...

..say we didn't think
it was that bad at first.

Mate, I'm so sorry.

At one point, she asked me
if I needed to sit down

and take a couple
of deep breaths.

Mmm.

(SIGHS)

It was actually really helpful.

- Was it?
- Yeah.

Oh. Hi. I'm Sharon Prateki.
I'm from VicCover.

Just looking for, um,
Ben Chigwell.

Oh, look, I'm sorry.
He's not here at the moment.

Uh...can I help?
I'm Heather. I live with him.

Oh. Are you his, um,
partner or...?

- Yeah. Yes, I am.
- OK.

Well, we just need to chat
through the details
of Ben's accident.

Assess the hospital record,
X-rays, etc, etc.

- Right.
- All very standard.

Um, if you could get him
to call me.

- Sure.
- Thank you.

Um, there isn't any question
of his injury, is there?

'Cause, uh,
as a practising nurse,

I can assure you,
he sustained a serious injury.

I saw the whole thing.

Oh, you were present
at the time of the accident?

Yeah, yeah, um...
we're renovating the shed.

He was a good, I don't know,
nine feet up a ladder
when he fell.

Jesus. I mean, the sound
of that shoulder snapping.

If it was on TV, they would have
put up a warning first. (LAUGHS)

Oh, hang on. Here he is. Ben.

- Uh, Sharon, isn't it?
- Mmm.

Ben, this is Sharon.
She's from the insurance people.

Mr Chigwell,
your partner tells me

that the accident occurred here?

On these premises?

What?

Oh, that's...

No, it's not. It's, uh...

I might have buggered
some of the forms.

I'm sorry, I'm not great
with, um...paperwork...

..or dates or addresses,
and it was hard to tell when...

..or where...

..the accident
actually happened.

It's a simple question, Ben.

Did the accident occur
on these premises?

Yep. Yeah, it did.

OK.

Well, your claim
suggested otherwise,

so this is now a much more
complicated process.

What does that mean?

I'm gonna have to refer your
case to our legal department.

We take all fraudulent claims
very seriously,

and there are
significant penalties.

Someone will be in touch.

..and, Ben, you have definitely
committed a criminal act.

(SIGHS)

On the upside,
you haven't yet had surgery

or received any compensation,

so you won't be facing
some of the more severe charges,

but you can still be charged
under the...

..Workplace Injury
Rehabilitations
and Compensations Act,

in the fraud section.

Worst-case scenario?

- Up to two years' jail.
- (SIGHS)

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

I'd better call Joe.

Sorry? Who's Joe?

Oh, shit. Yeah, sorry.

It's, um...he's my brother.
He's a big-shot lawyer.

You've got a big-shot lawyer
standing right in front of you.

Ben, the first call that you
need to make is to the insurer.

You need to withdraw that claim.

And then I think you should go
in and make a full confession

as soon as possible
before charges are laid.

It's just, when I had
my legal stuff last time,

I didn't tell Joe
and he was pretty angry,

and he always said,
anything ever happened again,

I had to call him
straight off the bat.

Ben, forget your brother

and do what the sensible,
intelligent woman

is telling you to do!

(DOOR CLOSES)

BEN: Of course,
I couldn't sleep,

so, about 3am, I went the
late-night email to my brother.

(SIGHS)

"Bit of a problem, mate.
Could be up on charges again.

"I don't know yet.
It seems likely."

"And you always said
you wanted the heads-up

"if anything like that
happened, so...

"..maybe give us a call?"

(SIGHS)

"You know, it'd be great
to catch up."

(SIGHS)

(HOLD MUSIC PLAYS)

(LAUGHS)

I'm sorry about the wait.
He's just...he's a busy fella.

How long since you've seen him?

Probably Mia's birthday.

She'd have been...10, maybe 11.

- (HOLD MUSIC ENDS)
- Arse hat! How are ya?

WOMAN: Ben, it's Bethany Marks
for Mr Chigwell.

Are you happy to hold
for another few minutes?

No worries. Thank you, Bethany.

(HOLD MUSIC PLAYS)

(GROANS)

- 'Arse hat'?
- Yeah. It suits him.

Where exactly is he?

I'm not sure. I mean, he...
he pretty much lives in hotels.

Done a bit better than me
on the financial front.

Yeah, I'm getting that sense.

(CHUCKLES)

- (HOLD MUSIC ENDS)
- MAN: You fuckin' knob-end!

(LAUGHS) Good to hear your
voice, mate. How are you?

Yeah, a little bit of
insurance fraud this time, eh,
you bloody idiot?

Uh, hey, Joey,
just...just so you know,

I've got my, um...

..legal eagle here with me -
Lizzie.

Uh, hello, Joseph. It's nice to
meet you, albeit over the phone.

Um...s-sorry.
What was your name?

Oh, it's Liz.

Liz Wendell.

Right. And you're
representing my brother?

Well, no, um, I've not been
formally engaged, no,

but I...I have been
advising Ben to this point.

Yeah. She's my housemate, mate.

And she also happens to be
a...a legal gun.

Um...OK, sorry.

Um, Lisa, who are you with?
Which firm?

I'm...I'm not, um,
with a firm presently.

Uh, my background is
family law.

But I have been liaising
with several insurance fraud
specialists,

who unanimously suggest
the same strategy.

Right. And, uh...

..what is that strategy?

Well, that Ben go immediately
to the insurer

and make a full and frank
confession.

- Hello?
- Ben?

I told you to contact me
straightaway.

I couldn't have been
any clearer.

Yeah, well, I...I came to you
pretty much straightaway.

Uh, Lisa, would Ben
be allowed to have

a lawyer present while making
this, um...confession?

Well...

..well, no, the...the insurer
hasn't agreed to that,

so he'd be going on his own,

but I'd be working closely
with him to craft a statement.

Yeah. Um...OK, Lisa, that's...
that's not gonna work.

- It...it's locked in, mate.
- Sorry?

Sorry, what...what...
what do you mean, locked in?

Well, I've managed to secure
a time on Thursday at 3pm.

OK, um...

..yeah, you're...you're
gonna need to cancel that.

Um...OK, here's
what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna start calling around.

You need an experienced
criminal lawyer, Benno.

I'm gonna jump on a plane.

By the time I land,
I'll have it all sorted.

And in the meantime, Ben...

..do not fucking sign anything!

OK, it's...it's Liz, by the way.

As in Elizabeth. It's not Lisa.

Yeah, he's...
he's not big on goodbyes.

OK, I'm sorry, Ben, I know
that he's...he's your brother,

but he is an absolute prick.

Yeah, a good lawyer would have
checked the call had ended.

(JOSEPH HANGS UP)

BEN: I don't know if it was out
of the goodness of her heart

or just a determination
to smash my brother...

No.

..but Lizzie went on
an absolute mission

to prove her idea would work.

No.

OK, Ben, don't ramble,
just keep it really simple -
to three things.

One, you panicked.

Two, you were on a lot of drugs.
Three, you are deeply ashamed.

Righto.

OK, "I'm here today
because I was incorrect

"about the date and location
of my accident."

Good.

Uh, "I was in a lot of pain,
so I was panicking.

"I was on drugs, and..."

Do you think I should specify
prescription drugs
with my record?

- No.
- "My partner's a nurse.
There's no mucking around..."

No, no. You're rambling, Ben.
Three words.

Panic, drugs, shame.

Panic, drugs, shame. Again.

She got the whole house
writing references.

LIZ: OK, just make it clear

that Ben's building
the nursery voluntarily,

so you'd be homeless
without him.

- He's a saviour, a Messiah.
- OK.

- You alright?
- Do I look alright?

Oh, I don't know.

I'm not sure how much
of the anger I'm feeling

belongs to Ben
for this current fuck-up

and how much of it
really is about

the last three decades
of my life.

I don't even know how
you're writing the reference.

I'm actually just
cut-and-pasting

the one I wrote
for Timmy's DUI, so...

She even got Hazza
to make a return appearance.

It's good.

Could you just stress
how much medication he was on?

Uh, OK.

And obviously, how that may have
impaired his judgement.

OK.

Hey. Are...are we OK?

Did I fuck up your first
meet cute with Xavier?

Because you...seem
kind of angry.

- I'm not angry.
- You are bristling with anger.

No, I'm...I'm bristling
with adrenaline.

I'm...I'm trying to help Ben
avoid going to jail.

And it has nothing to do
with Xavier?

Harry, I'm really happy for you.
I just wasn't prepared for...

..how much I'd miss you,
and I feel shitty,

and I hate myself for that,
but I'm...I'm in lawyer mode.

I can't make that emotional
gear change right now.

- I need to stay focused.
- (SIGHS) OK.

Is there anything I can do
to help?

No. Just write a decent
reference for Ben.

I did!
You just said it was good.

I lied.

- What's happening?
- I didn't wake you, did I?

No, nothing wakes me anymore
except my bladder.

(LAUGHS) Look.
I hope this is OK.

But I thought if I set up here,

I could knock off all the travel
time to and from the old girl's.

- Simmo.
- Yeah.

Uh, I just hope
you're not doing any of this

because you and I
have had, uh...

(SIGHS)

..history.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Ains...

..I'm not gonna pretend
I'm not keen on you,

but I'm not doin' any of this
to have a crack.

My mum was a single mum.

So...

Oh, yep.

Yeah. No, it's five minutes,
mate. There's no expectations.

Yeah, I can do any time
in the next, um...

..six to eight hours,
probably.

Um...

- You right?
- Yeah.

Look, I'd appreciate that,
but if we haven't heard

by the, uh, close of business,
then we'll call Ericsson.

- OK, bye.
- Yeah? Yeah?

Um, Bethany, uh,
no more calls, please.

(SIGHS)

- Cock muppet.
- Shit stick.

Your head's still too big.

Got another new chin.
Did you declare that?

(LAUGHS)

Lucky you got your little
broken wing there, mate.

- I could still take ya.
- Yeah?

You must be Elizabeth.

- Uh, Heather.
- Heather, mate.

- Yeah.
- Oh, Heather.

- Yeah!
- Yeah. Oh, God. Benno's
told me a lot about you.

Oh, good. Yep.

- Uh, do you want to come in?
- Yeah, come in, mate.

- Yeah.
- Nice place.

Yeah.

Oh, you cheap bastard!

- Jesus, Ben!
- Fucking idiot!

- What? You started it.
- Jesus!

- I'm so sorry.
- It's alright. It's OK.

- It's alright. I've got it.
- Well, he started out the back.

- Joe, come...
- JOSEPH: Sorry.

Sorry, mate. Um, Joe,
this is Harry and Ains.

- Welcome!
- Great to meet you.

- Sorry, Anne?
- Oh, Ainsley.

LIZ: Ains-ley.

Yeah, and this is, uh,
Lizzie, from the...

Elizabeth Wendell. Hello.

Hello.

Uh, Joseph, I think we may have
got off on the wrong foot.

Uh, I'd like to apologise
for my language on that call.

OK. Well, um, I've got
some good news, actually.

Uh, I've managed to secure
the services of Robert Ishak.

BEN: Who's Robert Ishak?

- JOSEPH: Oh, he's the best...
- He's the best...

LIZ AND JOSEPH:
..criminal lawyer in Melbourne.

Well, actually,
in the whole country.

And he's agreed
to meet with us today at 4:30.

Unfortunately, that...
that won't be possible.

Ben will be in a meeting
with the insurer.

What?

- Yeah, it's this arvo.
- It's at 3pm.

Right. Sorry, I thought we
agreed there wasn't gonna be
a confession.

Would anyone like a cup of tea?

- No, thanks.
- I'm fine.

Yeah. I might. (LAUGHS)

Um...Benno, can we...
can we have a little private...

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah? Yep?

Just one second.

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- What's happened?
Was that for real?

Mate, why the hell would you
voluntarily go on record

when there's still a chance...

Joe, just...look, can you just
shut up for two seconds and...

..I don't know,
tell me how youare?

- How...how I am?
- Yeah.

(LAUGHS) Um...

..well, I'm on the wrong side
of the world, Benno,

terrified my brother's
gonna go down for fraud,

and, mate, I can't keep
jumping on a plane every...

You know what? I didn't ask you
to jump on a plane.

Yeah, but you knew
the second you sent that email

that I was gonna turn up.

- (SIGHS) Yep.
- (JOSEPH SIGHS)

Listen, mate, I've got
nothing against Liz.

I'm sure she's
a really great flatmate...

I'm not doing this
'cause Lizzie told me to.

I want to do it because
to me, it feels like
the right thing to do.

Yeah, but this is not
about feelings, mate.

It's about facts. And the fact
is, you could end up in jail!

Is that the right thing?

- For your daughter?
- Oh, mate.

To have her dad in jail
for the second time?

Nah.

Joe, it means a lot
that you came, alright?

But it'd probably mean
a whole lot more

if you just let me help myself.

Mate, the last time
you tried to help yourself...

- HARRY: He is attractive.
- AINSLEY: Just how rich is he?

We're talking millions,
aren't we?

Yeah, probably.
Do you know what he does?

He invests in office blocks.

Right, so he buys office blocks,
ups the rent. That's it.

- You've already googled him?
- Just lightly.

What? Lose the face.
I google everyone.

I like you in this mode.
(LAUGHS)

BEN: Righto.

We had a bit of
a back-and-forth.

Looks like we're all
on the confession train, so...

I genuinely think
that that's the best option.

And I genuinely think it's
a disaster waiting to happen,

but, hey,
the money's on you, Liz.

Yeah. I don't know. The whole
drug defence is questionable.

- Why?
- Is it?

Yeah, well,
it just begs the question,

why didn't you come forward as
soon as they began to dissipate?

Well, we've anticipated that

and we've practised for it,
haven't we, Ben?

Huh? Yeah. Yep.

And the...
the short answer is that...

..they didn't -
I'm still on drugs.

- Mate, you can't say that!
- That's not what we rehearsed.

- You can't... Oh.
- Jesus Christ!

Well, what do youthink
I should say?

Listen, mate. It's not too late
to cancel this, alright?

You can still go and see Robert.

- No, I can't.
- But just don't ramble.

And if you can't remember
all three, just stick to shame.
You're so ashamed.

We can be at his office
in about half an hour.

Shame!

Panicked.

- (DOOR OPENS)
- Shit.

- Morning.
- Good morning.

I'm Karen Staffieri. I believe
you know my colleague Sharon.

Sharon and Karen?

(LAUGHS) Jeez, you must have
a bit of fun with that
around the office.

Not really.

But if you added in a Darren,
you'd...

Also present, Pip Cole, who'll
be taking an audio recording

and notes for our reference.

I'll try not to speak too quick.

That's not necessary.

Meeting between VicCover
and Mr Benjamin Chigwell

in regards to claim AZF-34-C318.

I believe you've got
character references?

Yep. Uh...there we go. (SIGHS)

And you've prepared a statement?

I have, Your Honour, yep.

I'm not a judge, Mr Chigwell.

Oh, sorry. Force of habit.

Fuck.

In your own time.

Um...uh...

(SIGHS)

(AMPLIFIED)
OK. I'm here today because...

You don't have to be
so close to it.

- Sorry.
- (FEEDBACK)

(SIGHS)

I'm here because in my claim,

I was incorrect about the date
and location of, uh...

Sorry.

I'm here because, um...

..uh, I lied.

I mean, I'm here today...

..because I lied.

(MACHINE BEEPS)

JOSEPH: Yeah, well, my flight's
at nine, so I can do...

..any time between
now and about seven.

OK. OK.

Yeah, OK, great. I'll...
I'll wait to hear from you.

OK, yep. OK. Thanks, Bethany.

Liz, uh...slight chance

I might need to step away,
uh, quite quickly,

so can...can I get your details?

To pass them on to Bethany,
my EA.

You know, so I can get updates.

S-sorry, what do you need
to step away to?

You've just got on a plane
on incredibly short notice

because your brother's facing
potential jail time.

And what could be more
important than that?

Well, it's...
it's kind of related.

Why...why do you make your EA
get people on the phone

10 minutes before you're even
ready to speak to them?

- I mean, what's that about?
- Well, that...

..that actually saves me
about 45 minutes a day.

Do you know how many people

I would cop that level of
self-importance from?

Four. The Prime Minister,
the Pope, the Queen and Beyonce.

- That's it.
- Really?

Mmm.

So that's a no, then,
to passing on your details?

And...and this is no excuse,

but I was on a lot of drugs
at the time.

I...I mean, not enough
to touch the pain, but...

..enough to do a number
on my head.

And...

..I just wasn't thinking right.

Oh, and I am so ashamed.

Nonetheless, Mr Chigwell,
you maintained the claim

for a significant amount
of time.

I'm ashamed of that too.

So are you saying that
you "weren't thinking right"

for that entire period?

Well, to be honest,
I'm still a bit zoned out now.

You know, just prescription
stuff, just... Nothing...suss.

Look, I...and I know I'm not
supposed to say this, but...

..uh, I was em-embarrassed.

I was trying to be a hero,
I was trying to impress a lady,

and... (LAUGHS)

..you know, just to add a bit of
icing to the dickhead cake,

I'm already in a relationship
with her.

It's just...Heather.

You've met her, Sharon. Karen,
you'd love her. She's a cracker.

She's kind and...

..clever and...

..I've never loved
anyone like her.

And usually if I get close
to something this good,

I stuff it up,
but she's, um...

..she's still
puttin' up with me.

And she's got a couple of boys
in their 20s

and a...ex-hubby,
he's a lovely fella.

He's, um...
Yeah, anyway, the point is...

..she's been let down by
too many men in her life, and...

..the thought of being
another one... (SIGHS)

..just...

..well, bugger that.

(SIGHS)

So. (SIGHS)

Heather.

Yes?

Well, she...she's a...

..bit of a departure
from Ben's usual, uh...

..lady friends.

In what sense?

Well, um...

..I didn't expect her
to be so, um...

- Much older than Ben?
- No. No...

Yet if a 50-year-old man
was dating a 37-year-old woman,

would anyone talk about
the age gap then?

Liz, you have just totally
jumped to a conclusion there.

- Really?
- Yeah.

What aspect of Heather
were you referring to?

Her...curly hair.

Right.

So Ben has a history

of dating exclusively
straight-haired women?

Yep. I mean, sometimes, um,
it's a bit wavy.

But, um...I mean, no out-and-out
curls like Heather.

(LAUGHS) I mean...
well, not to my knowledge.

(SIGHS)

You know, you're not at all
what I was imagining.

Well, you're exactly
what I was imagining.

Really?

Actually...

..no. No, I was...

..expecting an older version
of Ben.

Huh.

You know, we were pretty much
identical when we were kids.

He was my best mate. (LAUGHS)

- (PHONE RINGS)
- Oh, shit!

Sorry. (SIGHS)

Oh! I have to get this. Sorry.

Uh, Bethany?

Yeah.

OK, great. Yeah.
I-I'm travelling now. OK. Bye.

Um, sorry. I have to...
I have to go. (LAUGHS) Sorry.

Oh, um...uh...

..I'll get Bethany to organise
a car for you and Ben.

(SIGHS)

Un-fucking-believable.

How did you go?

Uh...

..I don't know -
I was pretty loose in there.

Where's Joe?

Oh, oh, he had urgent business.
He took off like a scalded cat.

He's gonna get his EA
to organise us a lift home.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

BETHANY: Ms Wendell,
it's Bethany here.

Just wanting to organise cars

for both yourself
and Mr Chigwell.

Terrific, Bethany.
Just one will be sufficient.

Actually, is Mr Chigwell there?

I understand
he may be with you.

Am I under surveillance?

Not that I'm aware of.

- It's for you.
- Hey?

- Hey. This is Ben.
- Ben!

Are you available to meet right
now with surgeon Eunice Tran

at her consulting rooms
in Richmond?

Uh...well, no, not really.

If it's about the money,
rest assured,

all associated costs
with the appointment

and any resultant surgery

have been met in full
by your brother.

- What?!
- That's right.

Uh, well, is he there?
Can...can I speak to him?

I'm afraid he's on
a conference call.

Can I send a driver
to pick you up right now?

Yeah. Yeah. OK.
No worries. Thanks.

He's paid for my surgery.

Shut the gate!

I...no, I would like to withdraw
my previous comments

in their entirety
without qualification.

- I can't let him pay for it!
- Oh!

Yes...yeah, you can.
You...you will!

- It could be 30, 40 grand.
- No, it's probably more.

But...but if he wants to...
he wants to do it,

then he can do it,
so...you just let him do it.

HARRY: Oh, she's here.

OK. I have red, white, vodka and
miscellaneous processed food.

- Tell me everything.
- OK, some headlines.

He negged me all day.
He was astoundingly rude.

And then just...
ridiculously generous.

Oh, and, uh,
just one more thing.

Harry told me the whole story.

And I've just spent
the past two hours

googling this Joseph Chigwell.

So far, I've found
lots of university pics
from the late '90s,

video footage of
a keynote address he gave

at a conference in Dubai,

and photos of at least two
previous partners.

Show me fucking everything.

- Where do you want me to start?
- I want complete humiliation.

I want bad haircuts,
dubious social comments,
weight fluctuations.

OK.

Too fast. Go...go back. Go back.

Go back.

- Oh.
- Mmm.

- OK.
- (PHONE CHIMES)

No, stop, stop.

(GASPS) It's Ben.

He's not going to jail! Oh, God!

Uh, he's...he's got a...
a $2,000 fine

and mandatory probity training,
but no charge!

- (SCREAMS) Yes!
- OK.

- Hey, Lizzie! (LAUGHS)
- (LIZ SQUEALS)

- Oh, God! Oh, sorry.
- No, no, no. It's alright.

It's alright. I've just gotta...

Actually, do you want to, um...
do you want to do the honours?

I haven't told Joe yet.

Oh...oh, no, no. I couldn't...

I couldn't impinge on... Yes.

Well, just...take it easy
on him. Yeah, yeah, it's...

- (RINGING TONE)
- Yes. Yep.

BETHANY: You've reached
Joseph Chigwell's phone.
Bethany speaking.

Hello, Bethany.
It's Elizabeth Wendell speaking.

I was wondering
if Joseph might be available.

Unfortunately, Mr Chigwell
just cleared customs.

Can I take a message?

Um, the message is
that his brother has indeed...

..avoided all charges.

Oh! Lovely.
Well, I'll be sure to...

The chosen strategy
was entirely successful.

OK.

Just best possible outcome.

Uh, 2,000 bucks is pretty steep
in my book.

Six words, really.

"Ben got off. Liz was right."

Thank you so much, Bethany.
I hope you have
a nourishing weekend.

- Ah! (LAUGHS)
- Ah!

Shove that up your arse, you...

..you "I get people on the phone
10 minutes early."

"I'm sorry, Lisa.
What firm are you with?"

I amthe fucking firm, bitch!
Whoo!

- Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Whoo!

Did I hang up the phone?

I did end the call! Whoo!

- Whoo!
- BEN: Go, Lizzie!

- You did it.
- We did it.

- She did it.
- Youdid it.

(ALL LAUGH)

Next time on Five Bedrooms...

HARRY: It's Diwali tomorrow, and
in a bit of a historic first,

Mum has invited you all to her
house for the festivities.

And...also...

And you've, uh...

..you've told Akshay Mama
about Xavier?

You've told him
he's my boyfriend?

No, no, Harpreet. Everyone will
be there just as friends.

Is Xavier OK with this?

Oh, well, I haven't invited him
yet. But he'll be fine.

Will Manju ever tell the family?

I want to tell Akshay Mama.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

- Harpreet!
- I just wanted to see you
because...I have some news.