All language subtitles for The TV Set (2006).en

All right.
You're gonna park in A-106.

- Okay.
- So at the stop sign, make a right.

Another right at the panda.
It's on your left.

Okay. Thank you.

Tell me about it.

Remember Coach Roberts?

I have this recurring dream
about the guy.

I'm ninety years old
and I have dentures.

Except I'm in my high school
gym class.

Everybody's the regular high school age.
I'm the only one who's ninety.

And Coach is yelling at me
I'm going...

" Dad, get off my back.
I'm friggin' ninety, okay?"

Coach is yelling at me
and I'm going, "Give me a break".

Give me a break! Give me a break!
Give me a break!

"Give me a break!
I'm friggin' ninety!"

- Hi.
- Name?

Zach Harper.

- ID?
- Oh, yeah. Sorry.

This is my first
network session.

I'm kinda nervous.

" Give me a break!" What is with that
line? Give me a break. "Give me a break. "

"Give me a break.
I'm friggin' ninety years old!"

"I'm friggin' ninety years old,
okay homes?"

No, don't improvise.
They hate that.

" I'm friggin' ninety years old,
okay?"

Yeah, touch the hair.
Grab the hair.

" Okay?"

This is kinda counterintuitive,
you know?

It always feels wrong
to bring two guys...

when you know there's only one
that's right for the part.

You have to bring in another guy,
otherwise, they resent it.

Yeah, I know and I'm doing it...

But you know, maybe I should just
that I prefer TJ beforehand.

- I wouldn't.
- Why not?

Because I think they'd resent it.

They wanna feel like
the decision is theirs...

and at the end of the day it is.

But they're not stupid.
Richard, especially, has great taste.

That's why we brought
the project here.

If TJ is the guy,
they'll clearly see it.

What do you mean "if"? I thought
you said you agreed with me.

I do. I think TJ's great.

I'm just worried he might be
a little too hip for the room.

Too hip for the room? What does that
mean? Where did you learn that?

- In Manager School.
- What does that mean? Like too Jewish?

I think TJ's great.
I think Zach is good, too.

Zach is not even
in the same universe as TJ.

Zach would have to apply
for a visa...

- Zach! My man!
- What's up, man?

- How are you?
- Hi. Alice. We met...

- Yes.
- Oh, Alice, my manager.

- You met yesterday at the studio session?
- Yes. Nice to see you again.

- You, too. Again.
- Right, right.

- I'm nervous.
- Just try to relax, man.

- You'll be great.
- Thanks.

I don't know, any last thoughts
for me before we go in there?

Just try to keep it simple.
You know?

- Simple?
- Yeah. That's the main thing.

You don't have to do a lot
to get your thing across.

Totally.

- You understand what I'm saying?
- Yeah. Totally. Simple?

Okay. Thanks, Mike.

- All right.
- Thank you.

Yeah, it's such a great part...

I feel like I really get the guy,
you know?

- We'll see you in there.
- See you.

- Okay.
- Bye, guys. See you soon.

- This is so fucked.
- He's a sweet kid.

- Yes! That's why this is so fucked.
- I know.

Don't worry,
everything's gonna be okay.

Is your back acting up again?

- A little bit.
- You should try yoga.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna bring TJ in first.

He sets the standard.

And then I bring Zach in.

Now they're comparing him to TJ.
Clearly not as good.

- They go for TJ.
- Totally.

- Could we get Lucy Lawless?
- You mean...

Zena the Warrior Princess.
I love her.

Thanks, Jen.

I'm not terribly familiar
with her work.

But I think Michelle sees
this character as herself...

and she imagines someone a little less
conspicuously glamorous.

Who does she want?

She was thinking more of
a Hope Davis.

Who?

Hope Davis. American Splendor.
The Secret Lives of Dentists.

Wonderful actress.

- Has she done any TV?
- Lenny.

You have your session
in five minutes.

- Which show?
- Wexler Chronicles.

Terrible title. Great script.

It's a terrible title.

I'll get you some tape
on Hope Davis.

I think she's a very interesting choice
for this.

Well, I take that seriously, Richard.
That's why we brought you here.

We need some of
your class thing.

But I also need
a half-hour show...

to go up against the second half
of CSl: New York...

and everyone always wonders,
can Zena be funny?

And I'm the person who's saying:
Fuck yes! Let's do it!

I've always believed that Lucy Lawless
has a great half-hour comedy in her.

You okay?

Fucking acid reflux.
Puts me in a terrible mood.

I'm just seriously questioning
whether this beard was a good decision.

Oh, the beard? I like the beard.

I know. But I mean, do they ever give
the lead to the guy with the beard?

Yeah! I mean, I think facial hair is
really cutting edge. It's good.

You're gonna be great. Now, I just
want you to relax. All right?

Yeah, you might be a little biased
because you have a beard and so...

- I just think that, you know...
- Look, just relax.

You're gonna be great.

You look like a lawyer.
You look real.

I look like Serpico.

You do, a little bit.
Break a leg.

All right, all right, all right.

It's great to be back
in the fourth floor conference room.

Yeah well, it's been a busy week
over at The Wexler Chronicles.

A whole lot of casting
going on and...

So today I thought maybe
we'd kick it off by looking at...

two lovely actress
who represent...

two very different
but equally exciting alternatives...

for the role of Amanda and...

then we're gonna look at a couple
of potential Rob Wexlers.

- So it's all very exciting stuff.
- Right.

Yeah, I can feel the electricity
in the room.

Anyway, without any further ado,
let's get this party started, okay?

Please, a warm fourth-floor
conference-room welcome...

for the lovely Jessie Filmore.

Jessie.

- Thank you.
- There she is.

- Whenever you're ready.
- Okay. Thank you.

Is that you, Rob Wexler?

Amanda, hi.

Hi, neighbor. Wow!

God, it's be
a really long time.

You look so... grown up.

You look terrific.

Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for the...

beautiful and talented
Laurel Simon.

Stop. Stop. Thank you.

Well, what can we say,
we're psyched to see you.

I'm psyched to see you.
I'm psyched to see all of you.

How you doing?

I'm great, Mike. Oh, my God.

Is that Rob Wexler?

Amanda, hi.

Hey, neighbor.

Wow, it's been a really long time.

God, you look... so grown-up.

You look terrific.

Thanks.

So when did you get back
into town?

Just this morning.

- Oh, oh, did you finish law school?
- Yeah. Three years ago.

Three years? No way!

So, you're, like, a lawyer now?

I know. We're getting old.

Speak for yourself, mister. Okay?
You're the one who's a lawyer.

And now please welcome the one,
the only, TJ Goldman.

Whoa. There's a lot of you.

Don't even bother trying to escape.
We have you outnumbered.

No, I won't put up a fight. Not going
anywhere, unless you want me to.

Whenever you're ready,
man, just...

- We had so many terrible teachers.
- That's the truth.

Remember Mrs. Beetlemeyer?
She was the worst.

Do you remember Coach Roberts?

How could I forget Coach Roberts?
Talk about delusions of grandeur.

I have this recurring dream
about that guy.

I'm like ninety years old
and I have dentures...

got them in my
high school gym class.

Everybody else is regular high school
age. I'm the only one who's ninety.

And Coach is yelling at me,
and I'm going...

"Give me a break. I'm ninety
friggin' years old, okay?"

And now, last but not least
Mr. Zach Harper.

Hi.

Zach Harper.
Whenever you're ready.

I'm just gonna jump in if that's...

- We had so many terrible teachers.
- That's the truth.

Remember Mrs. Beetlemeyer?
She was the worst.

Do you remember Coach Roberts?

How could I forget Coach Roberts?
Talk about delusions of grandeur.

I have this recurring dream
about that guy.

I'm like ninety years old
and I have dentures...

except I'm in my high school
gym class.

And everybody's the regular
high school age.

I'm the only one who's ninety.

And Coach is yelling at me
I'm going...

"Give me a break! I'm ninety
friggin' years old, homes!

Okay?"

- How'd it go, man?
- I don't know. All right, I guess.

- All right.
- Thanks.

Dude, whatever happens...

I just think it's rad we got to know
each other these last two days.

Yeah. I guess.

Now I'm really screwed.
'Cause you were all awesome.

- Mike. Thank you.
- You guys were great, Laurel.

I mean, four great auditions.

You guys can go to sleep tonight
and know that...

you really fucking brought it.
All of you.

TJ.

Zach.

- You know when we'll know anything?
- Probably not till tomorrow.

I gotta get back in there.

So I just wanna thank you because
you all made me look good.

All right. All right.

Great stuff, Mike.
Really, good session.

- They're good. They're good.
- They have great material.

Oh, thanks.

No, really. I think the scenes played
beautifully. It's very exciting.

I was telling Lenny
as we walked in here...

that this is my favorite pilot
we have this season.

- Mine, too.
- Mine, too.

So, we should talk about
what we just saw...

and then we can talk for a minute about
the last few remaining script issues.

That sounds good. Let's do it.

All right. If nobody objects,
I'll just jump in.

First of all, let's talk about
the role of Amanda. Laurel and Jessie.

Now I thought they both
gave very good readings.

My instinct is that Laurel
is a superb comedienne...

whereas Jessie is an actress playing
comedy, if that makes any sense.

It does.

And I think you're gonna want a real
comedienne in that role.

Now, they're both quite good,
quite funny, quite attractive...

If I could just cut in here...
It's true, they're both attractive...

but Laurel is also really cute.
And I think that's a good thing.

She doesn't let her cuteness
get in the way of her hotness...

and that's really special to me.

Also, I think that Jessie
has fake breasts.

And I believe that over the life
of a series the audience can feel that.

I feel very good about Laurel as
Amanda. I think she'd be terrific.

- Then let's do it.
- Let's do it. Let's do it.

Next! Come on!

Well, now for the role of Rob.
Zach and TJ.

Well, I think we all know
it's clearly Zach.

- Really?
- Clearly.

No doubt in my mind.
I mean, am I crazy here?

- No.
- No.

I must admit,
I know you like TJ, Mike but...

I thought that Za
was really terrific.

- The kid's a star.
- Very funny.

Where'd this guy come from?

Well, he, yeah...

he's been around. I just...

I'm concerned that he's...

a little broad.

What's wrong with broad?
I like broad.

To me, the broad is the funny.

Yeah, but...

I've been thinking about the lead
character a little differently lately...

because the dialogue
is so naturalistic...

which is what I think
we all love about it.

And we experience everything
through the main character's eyes.

I've been thinking of a more subtle
kind of acting style...

for the lead character...

which allows everybody else,
all the other characters around him...

to go bigger.

But not like that other guy.
That... what was his name? JT?

TJ. See, it's funny.
I like TJ. I like him.

To me, he was a dead fish.

If you'd like to keep looking,
I'm sure nobody would object.

Better be quick.
You start shooting in a week.

Yeah,
I've read a lot of guys...

and I think I've seen a lot of
what's out there.

Yeah, you have.

Honestly, Mike, I love this project.
Love it. I really do.

I think you've found your guy.

I think he brings us in,
which is so important.

And he's funny,
and my daughter will love him.

Mine, too.
She'll love him.

It's just not quite what
I'd envisioned when I wrote it.

Well, the process changes things.

Let me tell you, you've seen a million
auditions. We're coming at this fresh.

I think with this kid Zach, and your
script, you really have something here.

Without him...

I don't know what you have.
And, frankly, without him...

I'm a little worried.

Why don't you sleep on it?

Take a look at the tapes,
see how you feel in the morning.

- Yeah.
- All right. Okay, good.

Shall we talk about the script?

Yeah.

There's a feeling
among some of us...

Is it absolutely necessary
that the brother commit suicide?

- Sorry?
- It's just so sad.

Yeah, I never saw th
as a "suicide" show.

I see it more like a "a guy" comes home,
the town needs him kind of show.

A little Northern Exposure,
a little Ed.

You see...

it's very personal to me because
my brother killed himself.

That's where all this came from.

And...

you know the suicide, to me...

has always been kind of the premise
for everything that happens.

I know, but let's just think about it
for a second.

What if it weren't?

It's just that my instinct is always
to support the writer's vision.

You and me both. But we can't do
this show with that other guy.

You can't hang a series on a fucking
theater actor with bad hair and a beard.

Not in this country.

Right.

In Britain the audience has a greater
tolerance for unusual hair, I suppose.

You're telling me. Look, you've got to
get him to go with Zach.

It's a deal breaker.
You have to convey that.

As for the other thing, the suicide,
I don't know. It's a fucking downer.

I think he makes it work, though.
I really do.

It's bold,
and that intrigues me.

Just remember, we're thinking of
this show for Monday at eight.

So you gotta keep that in mind.

How much of a downer do you wanna be,
given the competition?

This is the new script
for Pole Position.

- How is it?
- About the same...

just a few more jokes
in the second act.

And these are tapes
of Jonathan Silverman.

Call me later, kiddo.

"It's no suicide show. "

What the fuck does that even mean,
a suicide show?

"Northern Exposure and Ed. "
What's it got to do with fucking Ed?

It's my Rob. I said I would choose
my Rob and now you're not letting me.

If it's your favorite fucking pilot
then, maybe you shouldn't fuck with it.

- What happened?
- Oh, they love Zach. Love him.

- "That kid's a star!"
- But he's so big.

"What's wrong with big?
I like big! Big is good!"

Oh, and also, does the brother
have to kill himself?

- What? That's the whole premise!
- You're telling me this?

- So what happened? Did TJ blow it?
- It was unbelievable.

Now Lenny's intimating that
even though it's her "favorite pilot"...

she'll pull the plug
if I don't use Zach.

Seriously?

Lenny hates me.

Come on, I'm sure it's not true.

She always has. Ever since I was
staffing on The Buddy System.

Every time I walk into a room,
she gets this look on her face...

like she's got a stomachache
or something.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know.
I'm always really polite...

and courteous and positive.

But it's like she can see
into my heart.

I can't do this show with Zach
as Rob.

I gotta hold my ground.

Well, what do you mean
"hold your ground"?

I mean I can't cave.

If there's anything I learned
the first time around it's this...

If I don't stand up for my show,
nobody will.

I'm not gonna make
the same mistakes twice.

Am I wrong, honey?
I mean, the show is too personal.

I can't do it bad.
I'd rather not do it than do it badly.

Am I crazy?

No, it's just...
I'm six months pregnant, honey.

I mean, you know,
we can feel him kicking.

We're gonna have two kids soon.
That's twice as many of everything.

It's the food and the diapers
and the doctors...

You're not worried
about having a job?

I think we're doing okay.

I would just hate to see this show
go away. That's all.

Go, go, go, go!

- He has to go for it.
- He doesn't know what to do.

Sorry I'm late.

- How was your day?
- Fine, actually.

- How's he doing?
- He's fine.

Go on, Simon!
That's it!

Excuse me.
Uh, are you Richard McAllister?

That's right.

Peggy Wallace. I'm Evan's mom.

- Hi.
- I'm also a writer.

- Good to meet you.
- I just wanted to introduce myself...

and let you know that my husband and I
are huge fans of BBC America.

We watch it like, constantly.

" Timetable" is like my favorite show
in years.

Well, that's very kind of you.

I wish I could take more credit,
but I was just the suit.

- You put it on the air.
- Well, thank you.

So how's pilot season going?

Well, it's all very new to me obviously,
but everyone's very excited.

Well,
we're very glad you're here.

We need somebody
with some fucking balls.

Anyway,
it was really nice to meet you.

I'll definitely be pitching you
in August.

Sounds good.
Bye.

That was excellent, Robby.
That is exactly what you gotta be doing.

And you too, Matthew.
Right on!

Now, Simon, Liam, Alan, Sergio...

come on. I need you guys to get in there
just a little bit more. Now play hard!

Because that is the only way to play!
Come on! Be aggressive!

Be, be aggressive!
Come on. Be aggressive!

Be, be aggressive!
Be aggressive!

Be, be aggressive! Come on!
Be aggressive!

That's it, Simon!
That's it! Keep going!

Go, Simon. Come on, Dave.

- Go on, son!
- Pass it, David!

Dave Gold is the boy!
That's it! That's it!

Well done, son!

Right here. Up hig

Remember how talkative
you were in the trunk?

Adele said you do that
when you're nervous.

You kept touching me,
feeling my thigh.

But in a nice way.

She's down.

Good job.

Oh, my back. It's killing me.

Well, here. Lay down.

Really? I couldn't possibly allow you,
a pregnant woman...

to do that.
I mean, you're pregnant.

After all what kind of a man
allows his pregnant wife to...

I'm sure you feel really bad
about it.

- Okay?
- Oh, right there. That's amazing.

My boobs are going crazy?

Are they?
What exactly do you mean?

I mean I'm in this whole like, hormonal,
pregnant, like...

the slightest breeze,
I'm just so turned on today.

Okay, okay, I get the message.

I gotta warn you, you're just
a piece of meat to me right now.

R. McAllister.

Richard McAllister's calling me
at home.

Mike! It's Richard McAllister.

Hi, Richard.

Sorry to call you at home,
but I've been thinking about your show.

About our time today.

Uh, yeah, me too.

The brother has to commit suicide.

Really?

That's absolutely the way your story
works, it doesn't work any other way.

Oh, Richard,
I'm relieved to hear you say that.

I'm very glad
that you feel that way.

If we want to do top tier work, we have
to be aggressive with our storytelling.

That's what worked for me
in England...

and that's what's gonna work for us now.
We have to be aggressive.

Absolutely. I'm right there.

But, Mike...

you're gonna have to work out
a way to do this with Zach.

I know you wanted TJ,
and I can understand why...

but that's not gonna happen.
What will happen is Zach.

Your second choice.

And he's very good,
and he's very appealing.

And with him as your Rob Wexler...

you'll make an absolutely terrific TV
series on American network television.

And I will look like a genius
for facilitating your enormous talent.

- Okay.
- Yeah?

Yeah. I mean, Richard, you get
what I'm trying to do.

I trust your judgment.

I like the way you talk about my show.
I do. I think you get it.

Good. And, Mike,
I appreciate your confidence.

Congratulations!

You have an approved script
and two approved leads.

That sounds like a "go pilot",
as they say around here.

Now I'm really screwed.

Yeah, you think you're screwed?
I've got eighteen go pilots.

Yikes.

I'm gonna have Janet
make the calls right away.

And personally, I wouldn't even want to,
thank you very much.

That is what I call
a useless psychic power.

- You like him?
- He's funny!

- Cute?
- He is.

For an old guy.

Fine.

Great. Great!

Shit!

Yes? Yes!

Yes!

Fucking Zach.

Well, at least the brother
is gonna kill himself now.

Well, that's true.

You hear that, Leroy?

We're gonna be able to send you
to Crossroads after all.

Well, he's gonna go to public school,
and we're not gonna name him Leroy.

What's wrong with Leroy?
Leroy's a badass name.

Leroy Klein.

Leroy Klein!

- Good morning, Mr. Wexler.
- Morning, Carlos.

Are you going on a vacation?

Not a vacation exactly,
but I am leaving town.

And where are you going
on your not-vacation, hum?

I'm going home.
Just for the weekend.

- Have a nice trip, Mr. Wexler.
- Thanks, Carlos. See you Monday.

See you soon.

And that would be the cut.
Great. Really funny.

- It's a cut on the rehearsal.
- Look good to you, Mike?

Yeah, I'm just wondering,
does this street look kinda fake to you?

Well, it worked for Seinfeld.

I mean look,
if we had more money...

would I like to go on location,
would I like to shoot on a real street?

Of course that would be better.
But I'm gonna make it work.

- Was it good?
- Really good!

- I don't want it to be big, right?
- I think that's a really nice level.

Because I was thinking of,
you know, we could also do it like...

"I'm going home. "

No, no. Personally,
I like it the other way.

Personally.

- The first way, yeah, yeah.
- I gotta take this. You look nice.

Great. Oh, great! Okay!

Hutch!

Yeah?

Let's put the camera on a crane
and give me the short zoom, please.

Really!
We can't do this on the dolly?

No, it's an act in, Hutch.

We have to figure out a way to bring
the audience back into the story.

All right, but it's gonna take me
twenty minutes to get on there.

Okay Brian, I just wanna remind you
that we lose the kid at 6:30...

and we're already an hour behind.

I'm aware of that.
So let's get to it.

Giselle!

All right, people,
we're on the crane.

Zach,
we've got a few minutes here.

This might be a good opportunity for you
to run over to the wardrobe trailer...

for final alterations on your suit
for the funeral.

Okay, really? 'Cause, okay, I just,
I was trying to stay in the moment here.

I know. I'm sorry. But Vicky really
needs to see you in the pants again.

She's finishing up with Laurel
right now.

Okay. No, I'm there.
No problem.

So now we're moving outside, opening
Act Two, Rob talking to the magazine guy.

- I love that scene.
- Thanks.

So I just got a call from the network
about yesterday's dailies.

- The gas station?
- Yeah.

- They didn't like the gas station?
- They love the gas station!

They called to say they loved it?

Yeah, and also because they had
a few questions about the mother.

Joanna?
I thought she was fantastic in there.

I know.

There's just some concern
at the network.

I thought you said they loved it.

Yeah, they like it a lot.

They're just a little concerned that
maybe she was just too depressing.

- Her son just killed himself.
- I know that.

They're just worried
that she seemed too sad.

They thought it was funnier
on the page.

It's tragic,
that's why it's funny.

She's despairing, yet she's haggling with
this guy over the price of beef jerky.

- That's the whole idea.
- Mike, calm down.

I'm sure that
once they see it cut together...

they won't feel quite so...

- Depressed?
- It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine.

I'm just relaying to you
what I was told.

Is Richard
still coming for lunch?

No, actually, he's gonna come
after lunch. And Lenny's coming, too.

What?

They saw you're doing the funeral scene
and they really wanna be there for that.

I don't want them here for that.

Well,
I don't think I can stop them.

They've already rearranged
their whole day around it.

Fuck.

Don't worry about it. They're coming
to show their support for the project...

because they love it so much.

And I'll be there.
Everything will be fine.

And they're in a really good mood today.
Did you see last night's ratings?

No.

- Slut Wars did a nineteen share.
- You're kidding me.

I know. Across the demos. It's huge,
so they're feeling really good today.

Nineteen share, motherfucker!

- Here's to Slut Wars!
- Slut Wars!

You know when I knew we had something?
It was when I showed it to my daughter.

And she loved it, didn't she?

She had a few good notes, mostly cuts,
but she loved it.

And that's when I knew.

- She's serious about the notes?
- She shows Bethany everything.

- How old's Bethany?
- Fourteen, I think.

But she's a mature fourteen.
Great instincts.

The set visit to Wexler Chronicles
got moved to five o'clock.

What? Why?

Well, they're shooting the funeral scene.
Lenny wanted to see it.

- What time's my dinner reservation?
- Seven.

Is there any way we can move dinner
to eight o'clock?

We're going to the Wexler set at five,
which is all the way across town.

It's my father's birthday, Richard.

He has flown all the way across
the world to spend it with us!

It'll still be his birthday
at eight o'clock.

They don't have a table at eight.

Well, is there any chance
we can go somewhere else, possibly?

No, we could not!

My father wants to go to The Ivy.
He read about it somewhere.

He wants to go, I do not want to be
the person that goes up there...

and tells him he cannot go.

Okay, okay, okay.

Can you not just leave
a little early?

One night?

I'll try.

I'll try, Chloe.

I'll see you at the restaurant
as soon as I can get there.

But you should start without me.

Bye.

This one sucks, too.
It makes my thighs look thick.

Are these all we have?

Yup, just these five dresses.

It's nothing against the dresses.

It's just that after
last pilot season...

and the end of pilot season
before that...

I realized that I don't wanna be the best
friend anymore.

I wanna be the girl
who has a best friend.

And so I spent the last year
working out...

trying to go from quirky
to hot.

And I pulled it off, I think.
I don't know. I lost four pounds.

It's just... it is really important
that this dress totally works.

It can't seem like
I'm trying too hard.

It just has to... I don't know,
like sneak up on you.

- Sneaky sexy?
- Yes.

Well, then you're right.
This dress does not work.

Because this dress is just sexy.

In fact,
I think it is a little...

too sexy,
really, for a funeral.

Especially on you.

- Really?
- Yeah, yep.

Look at that. Va-va-voom. Take it off.
Let's see what else we can find for you.

Maybe we should
think about pants.

Pants?

Are you kidding me?

If you wanna scream "Hello",
you go with dresses...

but if you want to be sneaky sexy...

you wear pants.

Pants? No.

- Some people knock, Zach.
- That's okay.

- Sorry, I...
- It's okay.

- Turn around.
- Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

They told me to come over here.
I'm sorry, I...

No, it's fine, actually.
I could use you.

Okay. Turn around.

What do you think?

It's awesome. You look beautiful.

- What?
- You're so sweet.

- I'm gonna try them all on for you, okay?
- Okay.

- You have to turn around.
- Oh, sorry.

Zach, while you're not looking
at the naked waif back there...

would you try on your pants?

It's funny, I don't...
well, Rob...

doesn't wear underwear.

- He doesn't?
- Yeah. I don't know, I mean...

I was thinking about it and then
I realized, this character is a free-baller.

That's good to know. Especially for
the woman who's handling Rob's clothes.

- Well, it makes sense.
- You did your homework.

- Picture's up.
- Sorry about that.

I was talking to the editor.
Network notes.

I think you're really
gonna like this.

Fucking sun.

Five-six.

Five-six on the lens.

And we're rolling.

Sound speed.

"D" mark.

Background!

And...

action!

- Morning, Mr. Wexler!
- Morning, Carlos.

Going on vacation?

Well, not a vacation exactly,
but I am leaving town.

And where are you going
for your not-vacation?

I'm going home.

Just for the weekend.

- Have a nice trip, Mr. Wexler.
- Thank you, Carlos.

- I'll see you Monday.
- See you.

See you.

And we cut!

Cut and reset
and get ready to go again.

Beautiful, right?

- Yeah, it's a nice shot.
- Thank you.

- I'm just wondering...
- Oh, faster?

Well, I mean, does it seem to you
that we're missing all the dialogue?

Oh, see, I like that.
It's very cinematic.

Yeah, I'm just concerned that we're not
gonna know who he's talking to...

is all.

I'm afraid that it might be
a little confusing for the audience.

Really?

I think so.

I mean, it's an act in,
return from a commercial break...

I understand that, I just...

you know, unless we see the actors, then
I think it's just a shot of a building.

All right, well, you know.
Whatever you want. It's your show.

I'm gonna need a minute.

- Hutch.
- Changing the shot.

Well, guys...

It was big, right?
Was it good?

Was it big?
Was it good big? I don't know.

- What?
- Was it good?

Oh, no. Actually,
I was a little distracted by the shots.

- Hey, how do you like your Passat?
- What?

Your car.

Now how does it drive?

Fine.

Good for the kid.

Yeah, I've been thinking about getting
one of those. Not the wagon, the sedan.

Turbocharged. Black.

Zach, please do not buy a car.

Why?

Because that's what you don't do.
You don't buy expensive shit...

while you're making the pilot?
Do you understand what I'm saying?

I could fill a parking structure with
Mercedes that actors had to sell back...

after their pilots
didn't get picked up.

Mike,
we're totally getting picked up.

Hey.

- Hey, Laurel.
- So, what do you think?

For the funeral.

You know, Richard,
we talk so much about work...

I haven't even asked
how the move's been treating you.

Oh, very well, thanks.

You know, it's a big move.

Simon, my boy,
has been struggling a bit.

But that's only natural, I suppose.
And Chloe's adjusting.

Family is so important.

They're the most important thing
in the world to me.

Did I ever tell you about when my plane
almost crashed?

- No.
- This was three years ago.

I'm on my way to New York
for the upfronts and I'm stressed...

because it's a weak schedule
we're selling, and I know it.

We're not even competing on Mondays
and Thursdays. Anyway...

I get on the plane, order
a couple of drinks, we're flying along.

The pilot comes on the thing and says,
"This is your pilot speaking.

We're coming up on a rough spot.
Fasten your seat belts". Just like usual.

Twenty seconds later, the plane
turns into a fucking nose dive...

we plunge three thousand feet straight
down, shit flying all over the place...

- My God!
- I black out.

I wake up five minutes later...

we're fine.

- Well, that's terrifying.
- You go through something like that...

you are never the same again.
I was a wreck for months.

And finally, after a lot of
soul-searching, I realized...

life is short. We have to live
each moment as though it were our last.

There's no reason
we can't win Thursday night.

Thursday's no different
from any other night.

It's still about creative scheduling,
good promo strategy...

finding something that connects
across at least two quadrants.

Nothing like
a near-death experience...

to help you get
a little perspective.

I can imagine.

- How'd I get to that?
- Family.

Right. Family.
That's the other thing.

So important.

I spent my whole life
always making sure I was...

prepared, you know?

But you can't prepare for something
like this.

Maybe all that time
that you spent thinking...

maybe you prepare
for the stuff that you can...

and then you're more prepared
for the other stuff.

It's just...

you know...

Chuck was my hero, you know?

When the person
you look up to the most, you know...

the person who...

taught you about baseball and...

nipples...

When the person you relate to
the most does this...

kills himself...

there's a part of you
that wonders...

whether he knew something
you don't, you know.

I didn't know Chuck very well...

but I know you.

A little.

And I think that there are
some things that you know...

that he didn't know.

Uncle Rob?

- Hey, Teddy.
- Can I hang with you for a while?

Yeah. Of course you can, pal.

Cousin Bernie smells weird.

Yes. Yes, he does.

And that would be the cut.

That's a cut on rehearsal.

Yeah, you do it like that
and I'm a happy man.

- That's not too big?
- No, no. I thought it was great.

It was really good. Do you like
when I'm rubbing his back?

Should we be physical?
Is that a good thing?

- I loved it.
- Okay.

- I thought it was really sweet.
- Thank you.

- Let's shoot it.
- Uh, all right.

- Did the stand-ins watch?
- Yep.

Second team, please.

- Brian.
- Wait.

If you wouldn't mind, I'd love
to run it one more time for my guys.

Actually, I don't want to rehearse it
too much. Want to keep it fresh.

All right.

All right. Thank you, first team.
Second team, please step in.

- Great, huh?
- Yes.

I just want to remind
you guys once again...

that we lose Jared in exactly
an hour and ten minutes.

What?

We brought him in at ten this morning.
Eight and a half hours, that's six-thirty.

I told you, working with minors
is really tricky.

Okay, we gotta shoot
as fast as we can right now.

- We'll shoot in fifteen.
- Twenty.

- We'll be ready in twenty.
- Brian's stepping away.

Alice. Do you have a masseuse you like?
My back is fucking killing me.

Yeah, I have a great one. Do you want me
to see if he has some time tonight?

Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks.
I'm so fucking fat.

That was great!
Zach was fantastic!

- Yeah, how about that?
- Has it been a struggle?

Kinda.

You know, it's like he's got...

it's like he's got only two modes,
you know. He's either...

like way over the top,
or when I try to bring him down...

he's Travis Bickle.

Taxi Driver.

You've never seen "Taxi Driver"?

In the dailies,
did the street look really fake to you?

How do you mean?

Well, we're shooting on a backlot and
I'm just concerned about the reality...

You've never seen "Taxi Driver"?

I know.

What is this, a funeral?

Lenny. Richard.

Gentlemen.
Where's the fanfare?

I specifically ordered a horn section
for your arrival.

I don't know what happened.

I'll be so relieved
when this scene is done.

Thoroughly.

Hey, maybe we should go get dinner
or something afterwards.

I just think like, you know,
if we're gonna be making this series...

and we're like... we're playing like
we're in love with each other...

we should at least, we should get to know
each other, right? Don't you think?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think we should
get to know each other really well.

Right!

Oh, and I have this thing
that I'm supposed to do tonight.

Oh, that's cool. You know.

Maybe I can get out of it.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Yeah, it'd be nice to,
I don't know, pick up dinner...

and maybe a bottle of vino and...

go back to my place
and just talk.

You know?

That sounds awesome.

Oh, but I have this thing.

I'll make a call after the scene
and see if I can get out of it.

You know, that's cool. Whatever.
You know, either way.

And I think that there are some things
that you know that he didn't know.

Uncle Rob?

Hey, Teddy.

Can I hang with you for a while?

Yeah! Sure! That'd be great!

Cousin Bernie smells weird.

Um, hello?
You're telling me this?

- And we cut.
- That's a cut.

- Mike, double the Finley!
- Oh, Hutch, are we tweaking now?

I didn't know they were gonna do that.
Maybe if we'd had a rehearsal...

He'll be fine.

It's not him I'm worried about.

- Nice scene, Mike.
- Thanks.

Very funny.

- What the fuck happened?
- I'll talk to him.

He was great in rehearsal.
What the fuck happened to him?

Don't worry, Mike.
I'll make him a little subtler.

- Zach?
- Just a reminder.

- We lose the kid in 25 minutes.
- What?

We lose the kid in twenty-five minutes.
You're dropping your cell.

Still standing by, people!

Hey, so, congratulations on last night.
"Slut Wars".

- Thank you.
- That was a big number.

Well, let's face it, if you can't sell
14 sluts in the Caribbean...

you've got problems.

All right. Standing by, please!

Fucking cloud!
Five-six and a third.

And we're rolling!

Sound speed!

"A" mark.

Background!

All right, and really,
really focusing now!

Okay, Zach? Laurel? And...

Action!

Hey. Are you all right?

Yeah. I guess.

It's just that...

I've spent my whole life,
my whole life...

making sure I was always prepared,
you know?

But you can't prepare for something
like this, you know what I'm saying?

Maybe all that time
that you spend thinking...

maybe you prepare
for what you can...

and then you're more prepared
for the other stuff.

It's just that...

Chuckie was my hero!

You know what I'm saying?

And when the person
you look up to the most...

the person who taught you
about baseball and nipples...

when the guy you relate to
the most does this...

fucking kills himself?

Then there's a part of you that wonders
maybe he knew something you don't know.

You know what I'm saying?

Look, I didn't know Chuck
very well...

but I know you.

A little.

And I think that there are
some things that you know...

that he didn't know.

Uncle Rob?

- Hey, Teddy.
- Can I hang with you for a while?

Yeah...

of course you can.

Cousin Bernie smells weird.

Yeah.

He does.

And we cut.

That's a cut!

Reminder, we lose Jared
in twenty minutes.

I'm gonna go talk to Zach.

Mind if I come with?

That was really great, guys.

Really?

Some good stuff there.

Really, 'cause it felt
a little odd to me.

Really?

Man, I love acting!

I'm sorry about the "fuck", but
I was just, I was in it and...

you guys know.
I won't do it again.

I'll try not to do it again.
I don't know! I don't know!

We can always cut around that.
If we need to.

I felt like we had a really nice pitch
for this in the rehearsal.

I liked the rehearsal, too.

Yes. And I would love to try
to get back to that... area.

I don't even remember
what I was doing then.

Well, first of all, it felt to me like
you're doing a bit of an...

accent just then.

- What? An accent?
- A little bit.

- I was not doing an accent.
- A little bit, you were.

Well, you, whatever.
It just feels to me like...

it was very different from what
we were doing before.

Really?

I know this seems
pretty important right now...

but someday it'll just be a blip.

Thanks.

That's reassuring.

Working out the kinks.

Mike.

Could we have a word quickly?

So? You call your friend?

What?

Dinner!

No, we were shooting.

That's cool.

Whatever.

That was terrible, I know.

Zach does that sometimes
in the early takes, but...

Yes, we were just talking and...

Lenny had a thought that
we wanted to raise with you.

What if the brother
didn't kill himself?

Just hear me out on this. There's always
been a concern about this aspect of it...

and I always assumed you'd figure
this out in the execution.

But watching it just now,
I don't know...

it's really fucking depressing.
And I had a thought...

What if the brother was still in prison
instead of committing suicide?

You know, the guy who plays the brother
in the flashbacks is so good...

I'd hate to cut him of the pilot.

Yes, and I've always planned on using
him in future episodes in flashbacks...

- just like we're doing in the pilot.
- I know, but just... what if?

We're at a funeral here.
Pretty clearly.

I know. And I had an idea about that,
too. Are you ready?

What if
it was the mother's funeral?

- I really don't see how that...
- Just think about it for a second.

Okay.

I think that it's a really big
change to make on the set...

just like this, and...

also to me, what has always made
the show most interesting, I think...

is the suicide.

Really. You see, to me, it's about these
wonderful characters you've written.

Right, but it's the way
these characters behave...

in this situation that
makes the show original, I think.

Well, it'll be original
no matter what you do...

and truthfully,
original scares me a little.

You don't want to be too original.

Richard, what do you think?

Well, I think it's interesting.

Do I wish we would've thought about it
a few weeks ago? Of course, but...

by the way,
it's my father-in-law's birthday.

I'm supposed to be at dinner
in half an hour.

You know, guys, this was working so well
twenty minutes ago, right? In rehearsal.

I wish you would've been here for that,
because you would've seen that it works.

You know, this is not
just an opinion here.

We have the research
from other shows.

Suicide is depressing to like
eighty-two percent of everybody.

What if we shoot it both ways?

Well, that's a great idea.
Yeah, just take a few minutes...

write up some new dialogue,
then shoot it both ways.

See what works
in the cutting room.

You mean, just write up
an alternate scene right now?

Just so we're covered
in case the suicide doesn't work.

- Yes, but the whole fucking show is...
- Mike, we love the fucking show!

Right, guys?
We love the show.

We're just here talking, you know,
about the life of a series and...

and what kind of show we're
gonna be making for the next five years.

I get that. It's just everything
we've shot so far...

has to do with Chuck's suicide.

I mean, they talk about it, the characters,
in almost every scene they do it.

So you loop it.
Every time he says "my brother"...

you just cut away and replace
the dialogue with "my mother".

You just cut around it.

If we end up going that way.

That's right. I mean, there's no reason
not to shoot it both ways.

The bummer version and my version.
Then we'll just see which one works best.

Well, I think we're all
on the same page here.

We're all just trying to make the best
possible show and get it on the air.

You know, Mike,
you are a great writer.

Take ten minutes, write some talk
where Rob's mother has died...

and the brother's alive
and in prison.

Maybe you prepare
for the stuff that you can...

and then you're more prepared
for the other stuff.

It's just that...

she was my mom, you know?

And now...

she's dead.

And when the person
who was your mom...

suddenly has a heart attack
and dies slightly before her time...

it just makes you think about
everything, you know?

I can only imagine.

And then there's my brother, Chuck.

He's not even here to mourn with me
because he's in prison.

Alive.

And he's the guy
I relate to the most.

I didn't know your mom very well...

but I know you.

A little.

And I think that she must've been...

one hell of a woman.

That's what they want to use?

It's clearly not as good, right?

- It's terrible!
- It's clearly terrible.

Thank you.

Well, they'll test
both versions tonight...

and hopefully this one
will just go away.

Well, what does that mean,
they're gonna test both versions?

They're gonna take 20 people, put them
in a room, and show them one version.

And then they take another 20 people
and show them the other version.

Honey, it's not even close. Your version
is beautiful. Their version sucks.

Well, yeah. I mean, granted I
only had ten minutes to write it.

We were losing the kid
and losing the lights and...

Honestly, Mike...

- Honey, are you all right?
- Yeah. It's just a spasm.

You guys carry on. It'll be over
in a minute. Lois, you were saying...

Well, I think it's gonna be fine.
I mean it's so black and white.

And it's all built
around the suicide.

It's very touching and I think
the audience will respond to that.

I'm just afraid that we made the
network version work a little too well.

I wouldn't worry about that.

Well, maybe we should fuck it up
a little more, make it even lamer.

I don't think that we can make it
any more lame, without them realizing.

We don't want it to look like...

we're deliberately trying
to sabotage their version.

But we are deliberately trying
to sabotage their version.

I know that.
But they can't know that.

I mean, why do you even have
to test that version? You can't use that.

You know,
if I become the difficult guy now...

that'd just give Lenny an excuse
not to pick up the show.

Well, if we're gonna make changes,
we're gonna do it now.

I've gotta start outputting in order
to get the tape to the place on time.

Mike, are you comfortable
with this version?

- It sucks, right?
- It's terrible.

- Let's do it.
- Andy!

Motherfucker.

I need a fucking drink.

- No, five weeks, baby.
- Then I got breast feeding.

- I gotta pee again.
- Oh, you fucker.

Hey, Alice, did Lenny take a look
at the recut of the gas station?

- Yes.
- And what'd she say?

She liked it a lot more.

But?

But she's still concerned
that the mother is too sad.

So she didn't like it a lot more.

She did. But her concerns
are still concerning her.

Do you ever get tired
of doing that thing?

What thing?

Bending the truth
so that it's less objectionable?

Yes.

Yes, God, it's exhausting.

But when I don't do it,
you get all upset.

Well, because what you're saying
is upsetting...

even if you say
the opposite thing first.

- Mike, don't worry about it!
- Stop fucking saying that! I am worried.

I'm fucking freaked,
because this show, you know...

It's not Shakespeare,
I know that. It's not The Sopranos...

but it's, it's my show!

And if I don't worry about
the content of my show...

You know, if I just sit back
and let them turn it into...

another cannibalized
piece of shit...

then I'm part of the problem.

I am the one who is responsible for
pumping shit into people's living rooms.

I'm making the world
more mediocre!

I can't have that.
I have a kid! I got another on the way!

Mike, I think that you're overstating
the situation just a little bit.

But you've never seen Taxi Driver.

I am going to rent the Taxi Driver,
okay?

I just moved into the top
of my queue on Netflix!

Bless you.

- Mike, you okay? Wake up!
- I'm gonna call 911.

Yes, I'm going.

Yes. Okay. I'll see you. Bye.

Hey you?

What's up?

What are you doing?

Well, I was in the neighborhood.

I had a little time,
thought I'd stop by.

It's just that it's not
a good time right now, Zach.

Okay, that's cool.
That's all you have to say.

Actually...

Zach...

you're a really nice guy...

but I am just into doing my own thing
right now. You know?

Being single?

All right.

Listen, I was only hanging out with you
for the show, okay?

You know, for our acting?
But...

I guess that's not as important to you
as it is to me.

Okay, well, the show's not even
getting picked up.

No! The show is getting picked up,
all right?

My agent said that
it's not looking good.

My agent said it's a lock.

That's not what I'm hearing.

I gotta go.

What'd I tell you, Richard?

You take Lucy Lawless...

you put her in a show with
Jonathan Silverman and she's hilarious.

You were right, Lenny.
She's wonderful.

- Which one's next?
- Wexler Chronicles. Two versions.

- Right. Should be interesting.
- Yes, it really will be.

Have to do something about
that fucking title.

You know, it's funny,
the title doesn't bother me.

- There she is.
- Hello.

- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Did you bring Mike?

- Yeah, where's our boy?
- You didn't hear?

- No, what's going on?
- He's not coming. He's in the hospital.

- What happened?
- He's not coming?

We were in the cutting room
this afternoon, we were having lunch...

and suddenly, I don't know what happened,
he collapsed all of a sudden.

- Is he okay?
- I think so.

He has back problems.

Anyway, his wife was there
and she rushed him to the hospital.

And I don't know anything about this,
but I guess there was a...

a disc that was pinching a nerve...

and they had to do surgery on it
to fix it, like right away.

- Oh, dear God.
- Fuck!

You know,
his wife's eight months pregnant.

- Poor guy.
- Poor wife.

- Both of them.
- I know.

He should be okay, but it's still,
it's spinal surgery! It's a little scary.

- He said we should go ahead without him.
- All right. Shall we get started?

So, we're gonna show you a TV show
that hasn't even been on the air yet.

And afterwards I'm gonna ask you
some questions...

and find out what you guys
thought about it, okay?

I'm sure a lot of you guys are thinking,
"What is this machine in my lap?"

Well, that is your dial.

This is what I'm gonna ask you to do:
When you're watching the show...

I want you to keep your hand
on that dial...

and if you like something
that's happening...

then turn it up a little!

If you turn it all the way
to the right, that's a ten.

That means you like
what you're watching a whole lot.

If you turn it all the way to the left,
well, that's a zero.

See? You understand? Okay?

So if you're enjoying what you're seeing,
if it's entertaining you...

making you laugh, cry or feel something
nice, well, turn it up a little.

But if you don't like
what you're seeing...

if it's making you feel
bored or angry...

or uncomfortable in some way,
then turn it down a little.

It's like the volume knob, yo.

Right!
It's exactly like a volume knob, yo.

Okay. And when you do that...

it's gonna talk to our computer...

and tell us what you like
and don't like in real time.

You want us to do this
the whole time?

Yes, ma'am.

I just want you to keep your hand
on the dial the whole time.

It's gonna feel
a little uncomfortable at first...

but then you guys
are gonna get used to it.

Any other questions
about this dial?

Okay. Ladies and gentlemen,
I hope you enjoy The Wexler Chronicles.

You speak for yourself, okay?
You're the one who's a lawyer.

Anyway, gotta get to work.

But well, maybe I'll see you around
sometime this weekend?

I hope so.

It was great to see you again,
Rob Wexler.

It seems the men like her.

The boner factor.

- Well, how's he doing?
- Oh, better.

Michael.

How you feeling?

Well, I was puking before, but now
I'm doing much better, thank you.

- Good.
- How're you?

I'm good.

It's a lovely room you have here.

He'll be fine. I think you ought
to go home and get some sleep.

I'm just gonna crash on the couch.

You're eight months pregnant.
You're exhausted.

You need to sleep in your own bed.
Go home.

Okay.

You think he's gonna be
all right, though?

He'll be out cold in about
a minute and a half.

Who we talking about?

I'll check on him in the morning,
see how he's doing.

- Okay. Thank you, Doctor.
- Good night, Natalie.

- Good night.
- I like him.

I'm gonna go
and I'm gonna check on Juliana.

Oh, Juliana. I love her.

She's so cute.

I got your phone here, okay?
I'm gonna leave it here.

Call me if you need me, okay,
and I'll come right back.

Good plan.

- I love you.
- I love you.

- Go to sleep.
- You go to sleep.

- You're the best.
- Bye.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

- Hi, baby.
- Mike?

- I miss you, baby.
- Mike, it's me, Alice.

Hello, Alice.

Sorry, I didn't think you'd have your
phone on. I was gonna leave a message.

- I'm up.
- Yeah. Are you okay?

Yeah.

I'm doing really well.
How are you?

I'm fine. You know what?
I am really sorry that I woke you up.

- You get some rest, okay?
- Okay.

I'll talk to you in the morning.
Alice!

The test thing.

How'd it go?

It went really well.

- Really well?
- Yeah.

Much better than we were expecting.
High eighties. Gilmore Girls numbers, Mike.

Gilmore Girls numbers?

I think that we have a really,
really good shot at getting on the air.

That's all I want, Alice.
I mean, because, you know...

I've been working fifteen years
for the...

Wait a second.

Which version?

- Hey, Si.
- Hi.

Do you want to watch one of the show's
Daddy's been working on?

Okay.

I'm gonna show you two different
versions of the same show.

And then you can tell me
which one you prefer. Okay?

All right.

Chloe.

I'm going home, Richard.

Chloe.

Hate it here.

Simon hates it here.

We're still getting used to it.

Haven't seen you in months.

You come home so late, and you're just
stuck working on terrible sitcoms.

It's my job, Chloe.

Sweetheart, it's beneath you.

Fuck...

Richard,
what are we doing here?

It's this horrible, horrible place.

I know it's hard.

But pilot season will be over
in a couple of weeks, and then...

And we have two weeks.
And then you're hearing pitches again.

It's just, it's all the same.

It's not our life.

Can you not see that?

Then we have the second season
of Screwed, at ten o'clock...

which takes care of Friday.
Saturday, we do the movie until January...

at which point we introduce Stinking Rich
as a mid-season replacement at eight.

Then we have an hour to double-pump
whatever needs it.

Pull an OC, if we have to.

Sunday, nothing changes.

You comfortable moving ahead
with this?

I feel very good.
It reminds me of '99. In a good way.

Richard?

I think it's a strong schedule,
creatively.

I think there's a lot of potential.

I suppose my only hesitation...

is that I'd really hoped we'd be able
to put The Wexler Chronicles on the air.

I think
that's an excellent project.

I like it, too.
We just don't have a place for it.

Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt,
but it's important.

- What's up?
- I just got off the phone with Rosenbaum.

World's Grossest Meals is moving
to Wednesday after Idol.

- Then what're they doing Monday at nine?
- Infidelity 101.

Infidelity 1-0-fucking-1?

Monday at nine.
What do we have there right now?

Cheating Heart.

They'll beat us with that.

- Are you so sure?
- Yeah.

It's a sexier version
of the same thing.

Only they have Carmen Electra
and a better concept.

Oh, Carmen Electra, I like her.

What do you propose?

I'm thinking.

Why not The Wexler Chronicles?

Against Infidelity 101?
We'll get killed.

Well, we'll do better than we will
with Cheating Heart.

You said so yourself, Lenny.
"Sex will always beat disgusting foods. "

But in a fight between sex and sex...

the sexier show will win,
and they have the sexier show.

It seems to me that the only way
to counter them...

is to go with an actual scripted series
with characters and stories and things.

If only for the thirty-five and ups,
at least we'll do some kind of number.

It's an interesting thought,
Lenny.

From an ad sales perspective.

We'll take the high-end cars,
the insurance companies.

Uh, maybe pharmaceuticals, even?

Yeah.
It's just so fucking artsy and...

smart.

Well, I'm sure you'll remedy it.

- He's kind of a pain in the ass, though.
- Who, the writer?

He's very blue state.

- It's a nice show.
- I think it's our best pilot.

No, it's not, Richard. It was our
best script. It's an okay pilot.

It's a nice show.

- I just got off the phone with Richard.
- And?

They want to pick up the show.

What do you mean, they want to?

Well, there's two conditions and
they're non-negotiable.

So you have to agree
or it's a no-go.

What are they?

The first, and I don't necessarily think
this is a big deal, but you tell me...

there's a question about the title.

What's the question?

They kind of hate the title.

They'd like to change it to something
simpler, something more fun.

More fun?
They want something more fun.

They feel very strongly about it.

Do they have any ideas?

They're testing some alternatives
as we speak.

Would you watch a show called
The Wexler Chronicles?

Well, I don't know.
What's it about?

It doesn't matter. If all you knew was
the title, would you want to watch it?

Probably not.

E How about a show called
Rhyme or Reason?

- What Next?
- Naw, no way.

Call Me Crazy.

Call Me Crazy?

Yeah, I like that, 'cause it's like,
you know, the guy's fucking crazy.

What's the other condition?

They wanna go with their version.

The mother dies.
Brother's in prison.

I know how strongly you feel
about this...

but Richard says that
it's non-negotiable.

He wanted to give you the opportunity
to say no.

In which case, he says he'll understand
and there's no hard feelings.

But he really thinks that
you can make this work, Mike.

And he hopes that you'll agree.

But it is up to you.
You have to write the show.

Y'know...

I've been thinking about this
a lot.

A lot, a lot.

Is it my original version?
No, of course not.

But can it work?
Yes, of course it can.

I mean, it's just a matter of me
making it work.

- I couldn't agree more.
- Things happen in the process.

The history of television is filled
with thousands of stories like this...

where great shows, you know,
somehow, sometimes...

good shows just happen you know,
and...

- You understand what I'm saying?
- Absolutely.

I'm just really excited
that you feel this way.

You're my favorite slut!

Lenny, thank you!

- Was it hard when you got kicked off?
- Well, I cried, you know?

But at the end of the day,
it was just such an amazing experience.

I'm sorry.
Can I borrow Carla for a minute?

- Go. Enjoy.
- Okay. Folks, so nice to meet all of you.

- She's adorable.
- Are you kidding?

I think that she's the Lucille Ball
of her generation.

Now what was it like
doing a show without...

any names
or recognizable faces or...

that would make you wanna tune in
and watch? What was that like?

It was great.

You know, these kids,
you may not know them...

but I mean, look at
that face right there.

- Yeah, sure!
- They're gonna be in your living room...

one night a week,
hopefully in a decent time slot.

This way, this way.

Beautiful. This way,
right to the camera.

- Can I get a smile, maybe?
- I'm not a big smiler actually.

I'm sorry?

I just don't get why we always
have to be smiling.

Y'know, we're actors,
we're not monkeys!

- Shut the fuck up.
- Excuse me?

Don't worry about it.
That guy's an actual idiot.

You look great. You were amazing.
How're your feet doing?

Your cane'll fall off the table
if you leave it there.

Thanks.

- So?
- Lenny!

- We did it, huh?
- Thank you for picking us up.

You're the one who did it.
It's a great show.

- It really is!
- I'm very excited.

- The critics are gonna love it!
- Hope so.

They will. I have a saying, though.
"Clippings are clippings. "

We've all gotten clippings.

I want you to get rich.

A hundred episodes. Syndication.
The whole enchilada.

- Sounds good.
- Sure does!

So I'm gonna work with you, in terms of
where we take it from here...

because I think we have
something very special here.

We really do.

And I want to make sure we reach
as wide an audience as possible.

In fact,
I have some ideas already.

You do?

That's great.

Boy, you really know
how to throw a party, Lenny.

It's nice, right?
Did you see the ice sculpture?

- I know.
- We've never done that before.

It turned out great, I think.

Now let's just hope the water
comes through. I'm gonna go find it.

Okay, you go. You go.

The clip reel turned out great,
by the way.

Great.

- Yeah, it's hilarious.
- Great.

What clip reel?
I didn't see any clip reel.

Oh, the promo people
cut it together.

They should run it by me first,
shouldn't they?

She just said it was hilarious.
Don't worry...

You know, I have to tell you...

I loved Weekend at Bernie's.

- Please.
- Seriously. Seriously.

I'm gonna sound like such a dork,
but I have seen it fifty times.

- Yeah. What?
- Nothing.

You do sound like a dork.

Shut up!

I saw your show and you,
you're fantastic.

Thank you. That's so nice.

Well, you know, it's really easy
when you have good material.

There he is!

So, is the wife here yet?
I still haven't met her.

No, she's not.

Kid's in school.

They went back to England,
actually.

Fuck!

Richard!

Fuck!

I'm hopeful it will resolve itself
in some way.

Listen.
I'm between marriages myself.

I have some experience with this.

Let me tell you something
I've learned about life.

And this might not be easy to hear,
but I need to say this, okay?

Are you ready?

Spouses are not necessarily
a fixture of the schedule.

Anyway put it out of your mind.

You've got ads to sell, kiddo.
Okay?

And this past season
has seen growth...

unprecedented in the history
of the network.

We've taken what was already
a commanding lead...

in the vital
twelve to twenty-two demo...

and turned it into a landslide.

Particularly with women.

At the same time,
in the last month...

with the phenomenal success
of Slut Wars...

we've seen our audience of males
eighteen to thirty-four...

increase by more than
seventy percent!

As Cole from Slut Wars
might say...

Wowzah!

It was another great year for us.

And we're gonna do it again
this year!

But this year we've brought in
some new blood...

to help us keep our schedule
fresh and exciting.

We have brought in a guy
all the way from England...

where a lot of excellent television
has happened.

A man I can only describe
as a television genius.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please give a big Panda welcome...

to our new President
of Prime Time Programming...

Richard McAllister!

Thank you.

Thank you so much
for that kind welcome.

And thank you, Lenny, for an introduction
that I can't possibly live up to.

It's been great fun putting together
this year's schedule.

Hard work, but fun, nevertheless.

Tonight, we have four excellent
new dramas...

and five brilliant new sitcoms
to show you.

This is great stuff, folks.
Really exciting television.

Appointment TV,
as you say over here.

So you're a lawyer now?

Yeah, we're getting old.

Hey, you speak for yourself, okay?
You're the one who's a lawyer.

Rob Wexler is going home.

Anyway it's great to see you again,
Rob Wexler.

He is rediscovering
his past.

Do you remember Coach Roberts?

How could I forget Coach Roberts?

I have this recurring dream
about that guy.

I'm ninety years old
and I have dentures...

except, I'm in my high school
gym class.

Everybody else is the regular
high school age.

I'm the only one who's ninety.

And Coach is yelling at me
and I'm going...

Give me a break!
I'm ninety friggin'years old...

homes!

And he's finding out
what really matters.

Being here with you...

it's like I never even left.

I guess some things never change.

- This fall...
- Don't forget about me, bro.

You and me.
To the end.

Brothers!

Yeah. Brothers.

Was that a fart?

That's hilarious!

There's no fart there!

- Why'd they put a fart...
- Hilarious, hilarious.

It's just that she was my mom,
you know?

And when the person
who was your mom...

suddenly has a heart attack
and dies slightly before her time...

it just makes you think
about everything, you know?

- Uncle Rob?
- Hey, Teddy.

Can I hang with you for a while?

Call me Crazy!
Coming this fall.

That's Call Me Crazy,
the terrifically new series...

from Executive Producer
Mark Feldman.

Starring Zach Harper
and Laurel Simon.

Mondays, nine o'clock,
only on the Panda.

And if you thought that was good,
wait till you see the next 22 episodes.

For one of these sluts,
the journey ends here tonight.

But who will it be?
America voted...

Carla.

Put your clothes on and get outta here.
You're going home.

Will you join me up here on the landing,
please? I'm sorry.

Carla, you've got 65 sec...

to evacuate the premises
and collect your things in the alleyway.

- Okay.
- All right.

- Bye.
- Thanks very much.

Well, that's how it goes.
One down, eight to go.

Their lives hang in your hands,
America.

So don't forget to vote
and text message.

See you next week
on Slut Wars.