All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S09E13.Junior.Salesman.720p.BluRay.2CH.x265.HEVC-PSA

Hey, Brian,
you got a sec?

Yeah, I know what you're going
to say, and it's all right.

No, I heard... I heard you got in trouble.
I feel awful.

It's fine. It was my first slip-up
in nine years of miking you.

Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin.

Well, thanks
for being a good friend.

Sure, any time.

How about you and Jim?
Everything squared away?

Yeah. Mostly.

Pam, phone call.

Um.

Hey,
say hi to Alyssa.

Will do.

Okay, thank you.
Sure.

Hey, boom guy.

Oh, hey, Meredith.

When are you
going to boom me?

Uh, listen, they're cracking down
on us talking to the subjects.

It's a lame rule, but, you know,
I want to... I have to...

I'll see you later.
Got it.

Hey-

So I hear you're
bringing in some people

to interview
for the sales job.

That's right,
a couple of old friends.

Ballers only,
must be this cool to ride.

Well, see...
You raised it.

Oh, did I?
Oh, yes, I did.

Wallace is letting me hire
a junior sales associate

to sit at Jim's desk
while he's away in Philly.

Finally, I'll have someone at
my desk clump who gets me.

It's like, "Really, Jim? You
don't understand the difference

"between a slaughterhouse
and a rendering plant? Uh.

"Remind me not to lend you any
dead cows or horses." Wow!

You know what, man? I deserve this job.
Mmm-mmm?

I scored Stone & Son
Suit Warehouse with you.

And God knows, to get the
Scranton White Pages with Jan,

I went above and beyond,
and under.

You know what?

You're going to get
your interview. Okay?

I know that you're going head-to-head
against some real superstars,

but you've got
a really good chance.

Clark has no chance.

I mean he's up against
my buddy Rolf, for God's sake!

The guy goes fishing with hand grenades.
And Trevor?

He'll make you laugh so hard
you'll puke your pants.

This sucks.
You know?

You put in 12 grueling weeks at
a company and what do they do?

They make you compete for a promotion.
Like an animal!

You know, I thought this was an
office, not the Thunderdome.

Big changes coming
to the old desk clump.

Nolonger a Pam-Jim
alliance against Dwight.

Now it is Dwight-and-a-friend
axis against Pam.

You could have just called
that an alliance, too, right?

I chose my words
very carefully.

Things are a little delicate
with me and Pam right now,

and if my working
in Philly is going

to end up doubling
the Dwight in her life,

that's only going
to make things worse.

You interviewing for
the sales job, too?

No, you're interviewing
for it. I'm getting it.

Well, I wouldn't be
so sure about that.

I mean, I've been
working here 12 weeks.

That's a full season
of Homeland.

A ton of things can happen in that
amount of time, as we've seen.

I'm Rolf. Rolf Aul.

Rolf Aul.

Sounds kind
of like Roald Dahl.

Go to hell.

There he is!

Hey!

Come on, buddy,
let's do this.

Sorry,
Rolf goes first.

You don't compare.
When you're with the R-O-L-F,

you're literally
rolling on the laughing floor!

Nice!

Rolf is my best friend,
and he is the man!

Cool, calm and collected, 24/7.

Just try and rattle Rolf.
I dare you.

Such a sweet guy.

When are you
talking to David Wallace?

I'm talking to him this afternoon,
but don't get your hopes up.

Too late.
My hopes are up.

Last week, my company in
Philly lost a big investor,

so we're scrambling
to find new funding.

LuckHy,
my partners have a fix,

me asking the boss of the
company I'm abandoning

to give us a gigantic
influx of cash.

So, problem solved.
Thanks, guys.

This chair's going to be yours!
And this desk!

I'm on the phone.
I'm on the phone.

No doy!

I'm just going to call you back.
Thanks.

I hope you like Norwegian black
metal, because I don't do ear buds.

Ho-ho!

No ear buds!

I'm sure
he's just nervous.

It's fine. It's just a seating arrangement.
It doesn't matter.

So, I've got your resume here, but
it's not telling me everything.

A lot of that
information is private.

How do I know you're
qualified to evaluate me?

I'm the one
offering the job.

What are your credentials?

I've worked
here for 12 years.

I've won Salesman of the Year, I'm an
assistant to the regional manager.

I think I've heard
everything I need to hear.

Wait, wait. No, if you need to know
more, you can call David Wallace.

I'm sure
he'd give a reference.

Thank you, Dwight.
lWlbeintouch.

Well, they can't
all be winners.

But Trevor's next,
and he's a real professional.

You say "jump,"
and he says "on who?"

He loves to jump on people,
that Trevor.

What makes you think you'd be
an effective paper salesman?

Oh, okay. Didn't see
that one coming.

Can I take a 20 on that, maybe
we can circle back around to it?

Well, it's a pretty
basic question

for a potential
paper salesman.

Pass. Next one.

All right.
Do you see yourself as

more of a team player
or a self-starter?

No, no and no.

There were only two options.

Check mate.

You win this one,
my friend.

Do you validate parking?

This is a bus transfer.

Nothing gets by this guy.

Hey, Jim?

Do you mind if I look over these
price sheets before my interview?

Sure, yeah. Go ahead.

Thanks, dude.

You... You sure it's okay?
'Cause you're kind of...

Yeah. Absolutely. Do people
like sitting next to you?

You're clean, right?

Dove Men.
Nice.

Music, do you
listen to it in ear buds?

You don't listen to it at all.
Because we're at work,

not a Florence and
The Machine concert, so...

Yeah. Could I just have a
minute to prepare for this?

Sure, yeah.
Do whatever you need to do,

right after you do
one thing for me.

I need you to
breathe in my face.

Why?

I need you to breathe
in my face right now.

What are we working with,
peppermint or Wintergreen?

Wintergreen.
I knew it.

Yeah.
I knew it.

Good nose! I looked
at you coming around,

and I said "Wintergreen."

I can't hire Clark.

Yeah, he looks like a Schrute,
but he thinks like a Halpert,

and he acts like a Beesly.

Okay, here's one.

A customer who
ordered enough paper

to qualify
for a volume discount

now wants
to return half the stock.

You can't rebate
the sales price

or credit for
future purchases,

because you brokered
the deal for a third party.

That's just a classic
no-win situation.

Thank you.

So, I'd Kobayashi Maru it.

Damn it!
Perfect answer, again!

Yep.
Okay, think, Dwight, think.

You have a ream of 16 bond and...
You know what, Dwight?

This interview is over
and I get the job.

I just Kobayashi Maru'd
the whole process.

No.
Yeah.

Star Trek rules.

Itdoes, butsflH, no.

Come on, man. Did Trevor do that?
Did Rolf do that?

Oh, you think they're
my only friends?

I've got way more
friends than that.

And they're all better
than the losers who work here.

This is not natural.

I just don't want
to make assumptions

based on people's
physical appearances.

Of course not. But does physical
appearance include smell?

They smell so bad.

If I ever get that bad,
you'd tell me, right?

Meredith,
I tell you all the time.

Walked right into that one!

Next up,
my cousin Mose.

Mose could make
a great paper salesman.

He's got a natural fear of
paper, which would motivate him

to get as much of it out
of this office as possible.

I've got big expectations,
Mose-wise.

What quality would make you
a good sales associate?

People person.

It says here on your resume that
you spent the last 15 years

as a sales rep
for Dow Chemical.

That's right.

You know we live
together, right?

Yes.

And I've never seen
you go to work ever.

Okay-

So why is this
on your resume?

So, how'd you guys
hear about the position?

My mom.
Dwight called my house,

but he didn't realize
that I had already moved out.

Because my mom
and I are quarreling,

because I can't
stay out of her stuff.

Dwight's my cousin.

So I overheard him
telling my brother Mose

about the job opportunity
in the shower.

You were in the shower?
Or he was in the shower?

Everyone was in the shower.

It's a cow shower. So there's
like a ton of people in there.

So you guys all
know Dwight already?

I was his babysitter,
and then we dated for a while.

He was a passionate lover and the
sweetest little baby.

I knew you
looked familiar.

You used to pick up
Dwight from school.

You went
to X-Men school, too?

X-Men school?

When I was young, I spent several
years at a private school

where I was told
I would be taught

to harness
my mutant abilities.

Turned out it was
a conman copying

Charles Xavier's School
for Gifted Youngsters,

from the X-Men comic books.

It took me years to figure
out that it was a con.

Some people
never figured it out.

Oh, I have a few powers.
Night hearing!

Dogs understand
where I point.

And our training
included picking carrots,

scrubbing tubs,
sewing imitation Levi's,

a lot of telemarketing.

I don't want to sit near any of
those people for the next 20 years.

Someone say something.

I said something
when they were thinking

of hiring Jim,
didn't work then.

Now look what
he's doing to us.

Yeah, Jim,
this is all your fault.

How is it my fault?

Here's
an exercise for you, Jim.

Imagine there are
consequences to your actions.

Hmm. Imagine the whole world
does not revolve around this.

There are others.

But it's Dwight who's
bringing in all the weirdoes.

Yeah, but, Jim,
Dwight's a weirdo.

We can't blame a weirdo
for bringing in weirdoes.

We can blame a normal
for creating a situation

where a weirdo is allowed
to bring in weirdoes.

Hey, I'm the one who has
to sit next to this weirdo

when Jim's away.

I'm in a position
where I'm rooting for Nate,

and that
just feels wrong.

Forget it.
I need to work on my mural.

I have some pointy trees
that I need to round off.

Hey, Jim, I thought
our call was for later.

Yeah, this is actually
about the new sales guy.

Uh, Dwight has brought in
a bunch of real weirdoes,

and I was wondering if I could
have some input into...

This is Dwight Schrute.
Who am I speaking to?

And don't lie,
I can tell if you're lying.

Hey, Dwight, it's David.
David!

Jim says he'd like some say
in the hiring process.

Really?
That's interesting,

'cause I was thinking that since
Jim is only here part-time,

he might not be as invested
in the decision-making process

as someone like me,
who's here every day

and, frankly,
killing it lately.

I was just
thinking that, because

this person is going
to be sitting at my desk,

near my wife...

Jim, another thing.

Since we are
going to have to hire

this junior sales
associate to cover for you,

I'm going to
have to pay you only

for the days that
you actually work.

Oh, um.

Yeah.

Okay. I can't say
that that's not fair.

It sounds fair to me, David.

Now, I know we have
a call scheduled for later.

Oh, yeah. So we'll
just do that later.

No, why not do it now?

Yeah, what's up, Jim?

Uh...

Well, it's aboutAthlead.

I'm sorry. Does Dwight have to be
on this part of the phone call?

I'd love to be
in the loop, David.

It's okay.
Go ahead, Jim.

There's a very exciting opportunity
to be a core investor...

Okay, Jim, I'm going to have
to stop you right there.

Yes, okay. Bye.

I'd love to invest.
No, thanks.

I'd like to give you
$100 million.

Why you make
trees into bushes?

You don't make
paper from bushes.

Hide, they're
giving outjobs upstairs.

Why don't you 9Q
UP and get one?

Thank you.

Yeah.

VVhOOps!

It's dense.
Like bread.

Dwight, you can't just hire someone
because they're your friend.

I'm not. These people are
the best of the best.

I find talent an attractive
quality in a friend.

They're freaks, Dwight.

All your friends
are weirdoes and freaks.

You know
who else was a freak?

Spider-Man.
And he was also a hero.

Your friends are
like Spider-Man,

if he had gotten
bitten by a spider

and then got really
into masturbating.

Man, how cool is it going to
be when I start working here?

Paintball fights at lunch!

Ooh!
Mandatory paintball.

Uh, Wolf, please report
to the parking lot

for mandatory
paintball at lunch.

Wolf is hilarious.
He's executed me

over 100 times
at point blank range.

Half of them,
we were on the same team.

Oh, my God,
how I screamed.

Ah, that goof.

Sell me
this piece of paper.

Watch this.

Do you want this paper?
I sure do.

It's not very good.

I will pay you
whatever it takes.

I think
I want to keep it now.

It must be pretty special
if you want it so bad.

No, you have lots of other pieces
of paper that are just like it.

So here,
just take my money.

Stop trying to get my paper, buddy!
Okay? Read my lips, it's over.

Okay. Good.
That was great. So...

Wow. You're still at
the 570 number?

I am.
Okay.

Good, good, good.

I have eight years
experience selling

electronics in Sanyo store,
downtown Tokyo.

I was a doctor,

and I have a business degree
from Tokyo University.

This isn't
going to work out.

Thank you!

Nate is a proven entity,

but not without his handicaps,
hearing, vision, basic cognition.

Trevor is great, but I saw
no fire in him today,

and this is a guy
who loves to start fires.

Troy is
literally one of a kind.

He's a goblin or a hobbit or a
kobold, which is a type of gremlin.

And yet I'm hesitant.

Why can't I pull
the trigger on any of them?

No, no, no.

I just need to tell them.

Do you need to be changed?

I do that myself now.
Hmm.

Are you going to
make a decision soon?

I've been double-parked
for five hours.

I'm wondering
if I should move my car.

No, you've been
towed by now.

They tow after
about 45 minutes.

Well, the joke's on them. I live
right next to the tow yard.

All they did was
save me some gas.

Hey, man. We get
how difficult this is,

and no matter who you choose, we're
still going to be your friend.

Yeah, whether it's me, or Troy
Underbridge, or Gabor, or Melvina...

- Or none of you.
- Yeah.

You'd bring us all down here,
put us through the ringer,

and then choose none of us.

Can you imagine how
insulting that would be?

The contempt that a person like
that would have to have for you.

I wish I could
hire all of you.

I could start Monday.

Psst. Jim.

Jim.

Jim, turn around.

Jim, turn around.
Jim, turn around. Jim.

Oh! I love staring off
in one direction.

If I'm not looking south, I'm not living.
That's what I always say.

Just act natural.

And I was
thinking it's only fair

that you help
make this decision,

since they'll be sitting at
your desk next to your wife.

But you know I wouldn't hire
any of these all-stars.

God, that sucks!

What are you going to do?
I mean, it's your call.

No. Your friends not turning out
to be as great as you thought?

Not even Gabor?

I guess I just
have higher standards

for my work colleagues than
for my friends.

I just couldn't picture any of
them in the old gold and gray.

I knew it. You designed
a uniform for Dunder Mifflin.

Summer. Winter. Jungle.

Formal.

Well, I, for one, was amazed
at how qualified everyone was.

You? Amazed.
Yes. Thank you. Yes.

And I got to say,
this was a tough decision,

and we had to go
with none of you.

I'm sorry?
What?

This is such bull crap!

Well, you know, Wallace put me in charge.
So you have no say.

Wow. So much crap.
It's just a load of BC!

How could you
do this to them?

Too much now.
Okay.

Do we get our resumes back?
Or do you keep them?

Because
I only have the one,

and I have a chili recipe on the
back that I really want to keep.

Okay,
this is an outrage.

Oh!

You know what? This is Jim
Halpert's home address

in case you guys want to toilet
paper his house or whatever.

That seems inconsiderate.

No. We get it.

Thanks so much for the
opportunity, Dwight.

Don't open any suspicious
packages you may receive.

No wait, do open them.
Totally safe.

Guys! It wasn't up to me.
Rolf, come on!

Guys, it wasn't my choice.
I would have hired all of you!

Gabor? Gabor?

Well, my day's shot.

Yeah. It's that weird hour where
it's too late to start a slow roast,

and too early
for a Swanson's.

I got it.
Paintball!

Oh, that sounds awesome. Can
we wait till I get off work?

And what are we
supposed to do until then?

Okay. WOLF: Let's
just go, you guys.

Yeah, no limit on
weapons class, right?

All right.
I think that went well.

So, if you just take a
look at this... Yeah.

That'll print the...

Hey, hey,
meet your new desk mate.

What's up, good-looking?

Oh, cool.
Hey, Clark.

Trust me, this is the
least of all the evils.

It took me all day
to pull this off.

So you should be thrilled,
considering...

Yeah, I guess.

I mean, I kind of liked
my old desk mate.

Okay-

I'm really sorry,
I told the guys

I'd be there for
the board meeting.

Of course.

I'll call you when I get there.
All right.

Bye.
All right.

Take care of my wife.
I will be back.

They say that
everyone outgrows

their friends at some
point in their lives.

Well, I just outgrew them all
in the span of three hours.

Hey, Pam, I'm going to the
kitchen, you want anything?

I'm good.

Oh, hey,
I'll take a coffee.

Oh, I'm sorry. You got to
be this cool for coffee.

Hey, Dwight.

Want to haze the new guy?

Who? Me?

Us.

Absolutely I do.

Okay, okay, here.

So the next time
he goes to the bathroom,

I'll distract him,
you take that.

Okay. Yeah.
I know what to do.

Okay-

Oh, that's great!

Welcome to the club, pig!

No! Dwight!

No, it does matter who ends up
sitting next to Pam when I'm gone.

The people around
you are basically

who you end up
spending your life with.

I mean, because of
where my desk was,

I spent all those years looking
at Pam, and I fell in love.

So, that stuff matters.

It definitely does.