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1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:05,170
Today is
the test paunch day for
the inaugural Sabre store.
2
00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:10,634
And l, Dwight Schrute,
am in charge of
the entire operation.
3
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:13,721
If I can prove myself today
and the store is
a hit with the media,
4
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:17,599
and Nellie sees this,
the vice presidency is mine
5
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:18,851
Hey, are you
holding this chair?
6
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:20,310
Because I feel like
I'm going to fall off
7
00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:22,021
Yeah. Yes. Yes
I'm not wearing
the right shoes for this
8
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,188
We went
over this, okay?
9
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,732
Your tiny fingers
make the best knots
10
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:28,277
Hey, strangers.
I'm so stoked for
the Sabre store opening
11
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:35,325
Hey, my name's Tabitha
I'm camped out in
front of the Sabre store
12
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,786
so I can be first in line
for the new Pyramid.
13
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,580
Psst
14
00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:42,541
It's me, Erin.
Dwight had me
pretend to be a hipster
15
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,001
to create hype
and it's working
16
00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:46,628
There's already people
camped out behind me
17
00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,352
NELLIE
Test launch day, people.
18
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:07,066
Now, I would like to fill you in
on a little secret about me
19
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,901
To inspire you today
20
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:12,321
Now I know you
probably all think
I'm this patrician goddess
21
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,323
But here's the truth
22
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:17,451
I was born in
the little working-class
town of Basildon
23
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,995
and until the age of 32
24
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,538
I talked like this
25
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:24,041
Which was
bloody horrendous, innit?
26
00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:28,003
No, lower than
27
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,797
What's lower than dirt?
28
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,508
Loam. Magma. Mantle
Outer core. Inner core.
29
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:36,428
Yeah, thank you. Loam.
Bloody loam I came from
30
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:39,098
when I auditioned
for the Spice Girls
31
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,849
get a callback
32
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:41,975
Which Spice Girl?
33
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,143
The black one
34
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,106
Okay
35
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,108
Now think about my
journey here today
36
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,735
and let it inspire
your journey.
37
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,154
Okay
Nellie, thank you
Thank you so much
38
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,280
Yep. Yep
39
00:01:55,365 --> 00:02:00,661
Today is press day,
and press is going to
make or break this store
40
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:04,373
And for a tech company
press can only mean
one thing, bloggers.
41
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,291
Dossier on bloggers
42
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:11,547
Bloggers are gross
Bloggers are obese.
Bloggers have halitosis
43
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:13,549
You're going to love them
44
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,677
Ryan is going to be
the main event today
45
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,054
He is the pitchman
who is going to give
46
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,306
the feisty yet
profound speech
47
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:23,851
worthy of a world's fair.
Ryan, you ready to do this?
48
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:25,144
When people see
this presentation,
49
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,603
they're going to
* in their pants
50
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:27,729
Come on, man.
- Come on
51
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,731
Okay
Seriously disgusting
52
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,900
Cathy,
you will be the hot girl
who talks to bloggers
53
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:34,486
Ugh! Kill me
It was my idea
54
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,281
Packer, you will be
the sexual predator
who has come to prey
55
00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:40,409
on the trendy teenage girls
who are obsessed
with the Pyramid
56
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,077
Uh...
- Ah
57
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,328
That is excellent
58
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,580
I don't see what
that gets us,
59
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:45,747
but I'm a team player
60
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:46,999
Perfect casting, right?
61
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:50,169
Schrute's out to get me,
but I'm playing the long game
62
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:54,006
As soon as he messes up
I swoop in
like a sexual predator.
63
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:59,428
of wonder and enthusiasm
64
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:03,849
as if at the end of E.T.,
candy poured
out of the screen.
65
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,559
Do you understand?
66
00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:07,644
goose pimples
67
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:12,816
Speaking of pimples
let's release
the bloggers!
68
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:15,944
Morning, everyone
69
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,696
Oh, Andy, guess what
happened to me
this morning
70
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,573
Don't care.
Tell me later
Listen, it's important.
71
00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:20,908
You've got to hear this
72
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:23,994
What do you got?
73
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,954
Oh, my God
Do you have a black eye?
74
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,247
Yes, I do, Phyllis
75
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,208
I woke up at 4:00 a.m
by accident
76
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,084
in time for
the paper to be delivered
77
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,169
Guess what?
78
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,881
It's not a kid on a bike
It's a man in a car
79
00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:37,507
Andy, who punched you?
80
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,677
Hey, I was on the can
What's this about
a black guy in the office?
81
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,554
Black eye, Meredith
82
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,306
Will someone please explain
what's going on here?
83
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:48,060
Since the interesting thing
happened until now
so much time has passed
84
00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:49,519
It's like my
life is buffering
85
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:53,899
Here's what happened
Pam and I were
arriving for the day
86
00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:58,570
and there was a gang
in the parking lot,
on bikes, on motorcycles
87
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,906
And they just
were hassling Pam.
88
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,157
That's true.
89
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,617
They had weapons.
90
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:04,743
Weapons.
91
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,454
to talk some sense
into them.
92
00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:10,707
But these were not
the kind of people
who use their words.
93
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,460
Punches were going,
and I ducked a few,
94
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:15,879
landed a couple,
and I was
fighting them off.
95
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:19,174
It was a totally
like, senseless crime
96
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,134
Thank goodness
he was there.
- Good job, Andy.
97
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,223
any of you wouldn't
have done.
98
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:28,475
Open the gates
99
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:32,479
There's plenty
for everyone
No need to panic
100
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,982
There's plenty
for everyone
There's plenty
101
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:37,567
Don't stampede.
No need to stampede, sir
102
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:42,864
Okay, okay! Hey, hey
It's going to be fine
It's going to be fine
103
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,491
There's plenty of Pyramids
104
00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:46,243
Come on,
I was in line before you
105
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,620
So you're
a blogger, right?
106
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:49,871
Yeah
107
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:51,123
Blogger
108
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:53,041
God, stay away
109
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,628
Oh, I always get in
trouble around bloggers
110
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,380
I'm trying to be
a good girl for once
111
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:02,384
Uh, yeah,
I already bought my Pyramid
but I don't want to leave yet.
112
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,804
since seeing Zooey Deschanel
113
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:09,057
at the Coachella
music festival.
So fun.
114
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,601
How can we feel safe
knowing that
there are gangs here?
115
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,353
We should call
the police right now
- Yes
116
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:16,398
No, no, no, no, no, no
We don't need to
call the police.
117
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,400
They'll just ask
everybody questions
118
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,235
get up in
everyone's business
right, Pam?
119
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,904
Police are a hassle
We settled this
on the street
120
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:26,283
And my eye will heal.
But if the police come
121
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:29,745
then we will forever
stain our neighborhood
as a troubled area
122
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:33,165
Why would you care
what the police think
of our neighborhood?
123
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:37,419
Because I have
neighborhood pride
124
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,089
Guys, guys
that's so vague
125
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,175
You got to do
the zip plus four
126
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:47,262
18505-7427
127
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:51,099
Look, I don't feel safe
I think we should
call the police.
128
00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,018
Yes
Exactly, we need to
feel safe,
129
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:57,606
which is why
Toby is teaching
us self-defense.
130
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:00,525
Me?
131
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,110
Toby, will you
teach us self-defense?
132
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:05,030
Yeah. I can't believe
you remembered
133
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:08,450
I'll go put on my cup
134
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,243
Great
135
00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:11,870
Yes
- Okay.
136
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,997
one of you was Chuck
137
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,124
Yeah, no,
it seems to be
going great.
138
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,461
Andy got beat up by
a fifth grade girl?
139
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,797
Look at that guy,
he's got a Sabre phone
on him,
140
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,173
he's not even using it
141
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,884
This is a perfect photo
for my daily fail blog.
142
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,887
Uh, I got to go
Okay.
143
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,264
Dwight, what is a fail?
That sounds bad.
144
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,642
No, no, no, it's good
It's really
145
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:36,645
On the Internet,
that's a really good
good thing
146
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,439
Are you trying to
sabotage this entire event?
147
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:40,607
I'm very sorry
148
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:45,404
We gave you an Arrowhead
for free for the day.
149
00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:48,240
How hard would it
have been to do this?
Hmm?
150
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:53,829
Hello. Hi, sweetie, it's Jim
I'm calling you
from my new Arrowhead
151
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,539
which is why my
voice is crystal clear
152
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,165
and my hand
won't ever get tired
153
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,418
because of
the ergonomic shape
154
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:03,213
I'm really sorry
Is there anything I can do?
Maybe pretend to be Chuck?
155
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:04,714
You could have
pretended to be Chuck
156
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,591
I begged you to
pretend to be Chuck
157
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,553
But you chose to be yourself
and you can
no longer be Chuck.
158
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,346
Surrender the tri-pack
159
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,186
You know what
you have to do
160
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,028
Point it towards
the store, idiot
161
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,415
You know what I mean?
162
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:39,791
Pick one of these
buttons and just
163
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:43,170
Damn it. Take over
164
00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,256
Oh, hey, hey, hey, you guys
You must be lost
165
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,300
Listen.
Excuse me, sir
166
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:51,136
The fountain where
you can feed the pigeons
is out behind the bank.
167
00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,305
Tell your great-grandson
to bring his kid by.
168
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:55,474
Okay, so long
Here we go.
169
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,559
Erin! Psst! Come on
170
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,353
The elderly suck
the life out of the young
Get them out of here
171
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:03,106
We are closed
Come on
172
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:06,651
Self-defense is not
some fun boxing match
okay?
173
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,320
This is about
escaping with your life
174
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:12,157
So strike
scream and run
175
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,409
All right,
let's try it
176
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:21,541
That may have
been my fault.
177
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,709
What the hell, Toby?
178
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:25,003
Okay, look
in a real
crisis situation
179
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,671
you're not going to
have time to think.
180
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,925
Okay?
So just remember IAATG
181
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,052
"It's All About The Groin.'
182
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:37,307
What if you're
being attacked by
a smallish man
183
00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:39,267
who happens to
not have a groin?
184
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,353
I don't think
that's very common
185
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:43,021
But what if
you're being attacked
186
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:45,899
by a 4'1 1" man
who's penis-less
187
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,319
Why are you fixated
on this hypothetical
transgendered attacker?
188
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,904
Why don't we
start with the basics?
189
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:52,948
Show us how to
defend ourself
against a baby
190
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,784
and then like
a fifth-grade girl
191
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:58,995
and then,
you know, if we have time
on up to a scary man
192
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:03,333
The most common scenario
is a larger man
attacking a smaller female
193
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:08,129
So in that scenario
what if the victim
194
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,423
sucker punches
the attacker in the face?
195
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,885
What can the attacker
then do to
better protect himself?
196
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,762
It's interesting
that you're drawn
197
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,681
to the point of
view of the attacker
198
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,684
You would like
The Turn of the Table.
199
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,561
Okay? The latest
Chad Flenderman novel
200
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:26,398
From the point of view
of his nemesis,
Dr. Lucifer Woo.
201
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,567
Can I please leave?
I have a rape flute.
202
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,986
All right, well
let's try one simple
technique together
203
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,779
Okay, why doesn't
everyone stand?
204
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,573
Okay, so
you're being attacked
205
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,659
you've got your hands up
simple palm strike
to the chin
206
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,161
Up to the chin
One, two
207
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:41,871
One, two
208
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,332
One, two
209
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:48,587
Cathy, I would like
to introduce you
to Fatty Gruesome
210
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,172
He is a freelancer
for Wired magazine
211
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,258
Patty Grossman
I'm a woman.
212
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:54,801
But you still work
for Wired, right?
213
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,011
Yes
Good.
214
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,637
Okay. Flirt away
215
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:01,850
Sabre. It's time
to come home.
216
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:06,730
Yeah
217
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,525
Yeah. I mean, I think
It seemed like you
were a little nervous.
218
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,860
Yeah, no * Sherlock
219
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,528
Can somebody
please tell me
something encouraging
220
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,696
about this presentation
221
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,781
before I go out there
in front of
a million people and do it?
222
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:17,907
Okay. I know!
I know, champ
223
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:19,909
Just calm down
because, listen
224
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,703
when you are out
in front of a
those people
225
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:22,787
Yeah, what?
226
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:23,913
...you just
need to realize
227
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:27,125
so much rides on this
228
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,835
You have no idea
229
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:29,961
Dwight
230
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,379
I'm trying to make
him feel important
231
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:35,008
I wish Kelly were here.
She always knew what to say
232
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:36,885
Um
233
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,639
Oh, Ryan, you're so smart
234
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,432
You're smarter
than Mark Zuckerberg
235
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:44,559
and those Google guys
all combined.
236
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:48,396
You're so ignorant.
You barely know what
you're talking about.
237
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,231
It's so ridiculous
238
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,651
You really need to
read a couple of books
239
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,235
What's a book?
240
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,738
Oh, my God
You're so embarrassing
241
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:59,866
My mom would say
the best stuff though
242
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,208
You can
243
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,460
You can do it, Ryan
244
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,962
And you know that
I'm capable of this?
245
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:15,340
You're the only one
who can do it, sweetie
246
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,592
What did you think
of the presentation?
247
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,344
I thought
it was great, sweetie
248
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,846
I would just
fix that one
249
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,682
"Fix" means you hate it I knew it!
250
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:24,974
I need something
to drink!
251
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,226
Jim, get him a water
252
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,602
No, not a water
a sports drink!
253
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,937
I hate everything
in that fridge
254
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,356
Not red!
Get me something
yellow or green
255
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,233
from a nearby store
Not red!
256
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,527
Why are you just
standing there?
257
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:38,113
Go to a nearby store
and get him a yellow or
green sports drink.
258
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,743
Now if your attacker
is willing to
defile a corpse
259
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,121
you better stop
playing dead right away
260
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,914
and just make it known
that you're alive
261
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,666
Forgive me
for interrupting
262
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:53,044
had an altercation
with somebody here
263
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,672
some fancy gentleman
with a squeaky voice?
264
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,799
I think you guys might
have the wrong office
265
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,718
That's him.
The guy I hit
266
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:00,844
What?
267
00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:02,554
You've got to be
kidding me.
268
00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:03,972
Poor Andy
269
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:08,226
First you got
beat up by a gang and
now she kicks your ass
270
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,269
No, Kevin
271
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:11,354
What about the lady
you hit with a pinecone?
272
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,981
There.
That chubby one
273
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:16,568
Yesterday?
274
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,570
Wow.
Apologize
275
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:22,323
Sorry I kicked your ass
in front of your
"thin" girlfriend
276
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,659
How about we
wait until next year
after you have your kid?
277
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:26,953
You know what?
Tiffany's going
to college
278
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:29,456
Listen
I don't know what you guys
are talking about,
279
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,168
but I guess l'
just accept your apology
so we can get on with our day
280
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,504
God bless.
A friend of mine
uses your paper
281
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,756
You do good work
282
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,216
Bye-bye.
Bye
283
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:43,928
So, Toby, I think we
should do a different
self-defense seminar
284
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,473
how to protect ourselves
against tiny little girls.
285
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,726
There's no shame
in getting
beaten up by a girl
286
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,853
My ex-wife used
to demolish me.
287
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,480
No, there is
shame in it, okay?
288
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,273
We have to
draw the line
somewhere.
289
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:57,692
Oh, my God
I think I see
the imprint of a Ring Pop
290
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,110
Oh
291
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,363
Have you seen Erin?
292
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,656
I'm on break
293
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:07,869
Oh, my God
294
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,829
No, hey, bloggers,
where do you
think you're going?
295
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,289
No, you got to stay
for the big presentation
296
00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:12,707
We got this
young whiz kid, Ryan
297
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,459
He's like an even
more handsome Bill Gates
298
00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:15,668
When's the presentation?
299
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,420
It's moments away
Just stay here
300
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,964
Hey, Uncle Lucas
it's your nephew, Ryan
301
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,134
Honestly,
I could use a prescription
for Ritalin right now
302
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,346
Well, I know you did
one for Aunt Carol.
303
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,766
So it's different
because it's your wife?
304
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,976
Well, that doesn't
make any sense to me
305
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:33,770
How are you doing?
Don't talk to me right now
306
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,313
I'm sorry. I know you're my boss
307
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:36,606
but seriously,
you need to get
308
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,066
the hell out of my face
309
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,948
Your little man
is unraveling.
Now go and fix it
310
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:46,991
Sorry about
kicking you out
311
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:50,328
It's just we
don't want our brand
associated with death
312
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:54,582
It's okay
I'll go to the Costco and
search for handsome men
313
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,501
You're not married yet?
314
00:13:56,752 --> 00:14:00,505
Oh, I was. My husband
was my best friend
315
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,298
He passed away
316
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,427
My best friend
was my boss, Andy
317
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,930
We dated for a while
but since then,
318
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,015
he rejected me and
we're not really friends
319
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:16,312
Someone rejected you?
With that body
and those bazongas?
320
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:17,856
Forget him
321
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:22,569
Yeah. Forget him
And you should
forget your husband
322
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,153
Well
323
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,198
How long has he
been in the bathroom?
324
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,408
Like 10 minutes
325
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,201
Geez, what's he
doing in there?
326
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,536
Oh, that's my phone
327
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,871
Am I allowed to answer it
or are you going to
freak out?
328
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:33,955
Are there bloggers around?
329
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:35,623
It's Ryan
330
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,251
"I'm sorry. I lied
I'm not in the bathroom
331
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:40,587
"I can't do it I need to see my mom
332
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:41,796
"I'm going home.'
333
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,965
What is the delay here?
334
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,384
Where is Ryan?
335
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,553
Why is he not here?
336
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:54,142
As brilliant and
creative as he is
337
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,186
he is nothing
compared to this guy
338
00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:58,521
Uh.
339
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,064
What?
340
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,399
That's right. Will you
just give us a second?
341
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,443
You are going to
bloody ruin it.
You're going to bloody ruin it
342
00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,987
because you're a no-good,
half-assed, cockeyed numpty
343
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,363
Okay. Okay
344
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:09,824
Jim
I'm not doing
the presentation
345
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,703
Look at me. Look at me
Look at this face
346
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,538
This is not
the face of a performer
347
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,833
This is the face of
a scary apparition
you see before you die
348
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:24,964
I'm telling you,
if you don't do this,
I don't stand a chance
349
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:27,592
Please, Jim
350
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,682
Okay, I'll do it
351
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,854
Oh, my God. Okay
352
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:41,731
Go get into Ryan's costume
and check out his notes.
353
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:42,857
A costume?
354
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,525
Of course
there's a costume
355
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,487
Oh, this is going
to be great
356
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:48,863
There's nothing like
some last minute changes
357
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,658
to really energize
a presentation. Huh?
358
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,130
Did you pass out in there?
What is taking so long?
359
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,924
I've been in here
for 20 seconds.
360
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:10,885
Hurry up! Let me in
I want to watch
you get dressed.
361
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,179
Did you find
the eyeliner?
362
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,139
I'm not wearing eyeliner
363
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,350
You are wearing
eyeliner, Jim.
364
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:30,780
Time, space, gender
365
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,407
There are no rules
anymore.
366
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,909
All boundaries
are breaking down
367
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:38,037
in the wake of
the infinite future
368
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,667
The only thing that
The only thing
that remains...
369
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:44,168
The only thing
that remains
370
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,671
are the things
that have stood
the test of time
371
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:51,259
Love, values
and of course
the Pyramids
372
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,762
The strongest shape
ever constructed.
373
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:59,183
A shape that fits
all other shapes
inside of it.
374
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,351
No, that's
375
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:01,477
Mmm. It's true
376
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:07,400
This is the future
because this is the past
377
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,570
I've been through
a lot of issues
in my life
378
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:15,199
I've seen drug addiction
unemployment
379
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,661
I've been in a relationship
that tore my heart apart
380
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:22,623
without ever
being able to accept
that love drove the pain
381
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,625
Yep
382
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:28,629
When I was 10 years old
my parents took
me to Disney world
383
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:36,304
I was not able to
comprehend the beauty
that was before me
384
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:43,561
This is what
the Pyramid will
do for you.
385
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,981
It is the bridge
to the world.
386
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,983
It has the USB port
387
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:53,279
Wireless will be
available in 201 3
388
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:59,660
You can play anything
from Chuck to Cars 2.
389
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:06,834
With the Pyramid,
you have the connection
to everything
390
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,463
In time and space
391
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:15,968
Psst
392
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,179
Oh
393
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:26,229
Sabre. It's time
to come home.
394
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:41,244
All right.
Thank you so much. Wow
395
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,121
Wow
396
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:45,581
And good night
397
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,042
Yeah
398
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,299
Okay, this isn't over
Let's stay focused, okay?
399
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:58,553
We made fun of Andy earlier
for getting beat up
by a little girl
400
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:01,222
but little things
can be dangerous
401
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:04,392
Whether it's a gremlin
or Chucky the doll,
402
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,645
the key is to
throw it in something
403
00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:11,065
like a fireplace or
a tub of electricity
404
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:13,276
Okay, good point. Um
405
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,696
Good point?
What is a tub
of electricity?
406
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:18,906
With all due respect
407
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,658
we know what we're
defending against
408
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,410
It's a 12-year-old
female bully.
409
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:27,331
Great! I think Kelly
should attack Toby
410
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,499
Yeah
411
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:29,792
Yeah, that's not
a bad idea actually
412
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,919
because I have had
a lot of pent-up aggression
413
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,546
Thanks.
- Good! Go
414
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:34,881
I don't know whether
this is gonna help
415
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,257
All right, Kelly
416
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:39,010
We should stay to
maybe some more
traditional models.
417
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,428
You think
you're so pretty?
418
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,597
You're not going
to be so pretty
come prom-time
419
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:44,140
Okay, this is
what's called
Take that!
420
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,600
...pre-violent posture
Take that
421
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:47,894
Not so pre-violent
anymore
422
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,646
I'm in what's called
the decision point.
423
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:51,981
Hey, hey, hey
Kelly! Kelly!
424
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:53,774
Ow
425
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:55,109
My good eye
426
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:57,111
Oh, boy
427
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,572
Oh, no, I'm not
laughing at you
428
00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:02,950
I'm laughing at
something that Cece did
429
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,662
on the playground earlier
yesterday, this morning.
430
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,540
You know why I
got hit by girls?
431
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,919
Because I stood up
for others.
432
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,795
Pam and Toby
433
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:20,218
didn't care that I was
standing up to girls.
434
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:25,765
You may want to ask
yourselves, where were you
when the girls came?
435
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:30,228
Tough day, yes
But I feel good
436
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,897
I put the office
in their place
437
00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:36,400
took a bunch of painkillers
drank half a bottle of wine
took my pants off.
438
00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:43,241
Okay, okay, I will be
the first to admit it.
439
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,576
We could have
integrated more Chuck
into the presentation.
440
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:48,496
Dwight, you're
the vice president
441
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:54,669
Yeah
Okay! Come on!
442
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,212
Right on
443
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,172
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam
444
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,257
Boom
33314
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