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1
00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:02,466
We could get
Deangelo flowers.
2
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:04,432
No, you can't get
flowers for someone
who's in a coma.
3
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:05,803
They'll wilt
before he wakes up.
4
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:07,469
Yeah,
that's true.
Good point.
5
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:11,000
All in favor of the baskets
full of chocolates,
teddy bears and balloons.
6
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:14,105
Wait, wait.
All in favor
of the knapsack
7
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,911
filled with
canned goods,
chainsaw,
8
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:19,215
gasoline and emergency
radio in case he
wakes up post-apocalypse.
9
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:23,385
Nope. Baskets have it.
10
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,855
So as it turns out,
unless you're
a young child,
11
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:29,590
or a prison inmate,
you don't need
anyone supervising you.
12
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,829
People just come inand do their workon their schedule.
13
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,460
Imagine that.People like usallowed to sell paper.
14
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,038
Unsupervised.
15
00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:39,401
And yet,somehow it works.
16
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,442
Must be because
the stakes are so high.
17
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,535
Well, I really
appreciate the offer,
18
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,671
but I'm just happy
the way things are.
19
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,611
Okay. Thank you.
20
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,681
That was Jo asking me
if I wanted to take
over as acting manager
21
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:55,814
while they find
a replacement.
22
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,987
I told her I don't
wanna mess this up, right?
23
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,721
There's a consensus.
People are happy.
24
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:01,784
25
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:05,855
26
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,591
Dwight Schrute.
27
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:12,795
Yes, I would.
28
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:15,870
DWIGHT: Thank you.
29
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:20,243
Jordan, gather my
things from my desk.
30
00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:32,548
Wait.
31
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:33,616
32
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:38,990
What have you done?
33
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,498
Mose?
34
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,605
You'll never guess
where I am right now.
35
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:48,664
36
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,567
37
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,681
Can't stay
there all day.
38
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,143
I'm coming.
39
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,980
Do I at least
get to go with you
in this fantasy?
40
00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:35,484
You'd slow me down.
41
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:39,157
Dwight has been
acting manager for
three months now.
42
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,853
No, a week.
Just feels like
three months.
43
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:45,989
Let's see.
We all have to punch
into a time clock,
44
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:48,365
which is very old,very strong,
45
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,835
and has the slot aboutthe size of a finger.
46
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,939
We were all givennew business cards,
47
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,601
big enough toset us apart fromthe competition.
48
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,840
Which is how I learnedthat our titles are allnow junior employee.
49
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:02,814
Our lunch breaksare staggered toprevent wasting time.
50
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:06,081
Mine's at 10:30
and I find that
the first hour
51
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:07,883
of the day goes
by a lot quicker
52
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,082
than the
second seven hours.
53
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:11,690
Stop stalling!
54
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,394
Come on.
55
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:23,936
ALL: I pledge allegiance
to the Flag of the
United States of America
56
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,572
and to the Republic
for which it stands,
57
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:31,067
one nation under God,
indivisible,
58
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:33,779
with liberty and
justice for all.
59
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:34,871
...justice for all.
60
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,143
Amen.
DWIGHT: Excellent.
61
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,945
Morning announcements.
62
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:41,250
There's been a problem
with some people
sharing copier codes.
63
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:45,258
Your copier code is a
distinct 21-digit number
that is unique to you
64
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:47,692
and you only, okay?
Don't share it.
65
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:50,026
Jo Bennett,
our CEO, will be here today
for a high-level meeting
66
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,121
involving Gabe
and myself.
67
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,325
Ooh! About what?
68
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,097
That's on
a need-to-know basis.
69
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,233
I thought I needed to
know for your calendar.
70
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:58,161
General meet
and greet.
71
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,597
So I expect you to be
on your best behavior,
72
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:03,234
which means
none of you will
be insubordinate,
73
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,505
nor will you
foment insurrection.
74
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,208
Question.
If we've already
fomented insurrection,
75
00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,476
may we be
grandfathered in?
76
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:11,941
Define "foment."
77
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,008
You define "foment."
78
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,481
79
00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:21,192
DWIGHT: Please take
note of the new
color-coding system.
80
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:25,421
Ah-ha!
81
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,127
Oh, my God!
What is wrong with you?
Got you!
82
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,190
Why are you late?
83
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,292
It's none of your business,
actually.
84
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:30,632
It's very
medical and personal.
85
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,237
All right.
86
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:35,506
You stop me
when I reach
the diseased area.
87
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,511
In fairness, Darryl did
tell me that joke, so...
88
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:48,747
Oh! Darryl's funny.
89
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,290
ANDY: I know, right?
Hey, Andy?
90
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,982
Yeah?
Can I talk to
you a second
91
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,492
about these client memos?
92
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:54,921
Sure.
93
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:55,985
94
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,093
ANDY: What's going on?
95
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,134
Are you still in
love with Erin?
96
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:08,864
What?
97
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:09,932
Because I am.
98
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:13,541
I need to get her back.
I can't be alone anymore.
99
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,845
Andy, do you
like being alone
with me right now?
100
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,818
No, this is horrifying.
GABE: No,
101
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,787
I don't like
being alone with
me, either. Okay?
102
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,824
I have to get
Erin back.
103
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,688
Are you still
gonna date her?
104
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,660
We're just
friends, okay?
105
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,320
Do you promise that?
106
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,389
Yeah, fine, I promise.
We'll never date again.
107
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:33,797
Can we go
outside now?
108
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,266
No, just give
me a second.
109
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,964
I don't want
anyone to know
I've been crying.
110
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,714
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What do you
think you're doing?
111
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,080
What's this?
What's The Fist?
112
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:51,808
It's just a
social club.
113
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,218
Like the French
Revolution or The Black
Panthers or communism.
114
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,018
It's just a club.
Guys talking.
115
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:59,450
You expect me to believe
that you're
starting a rebellion?
116
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,594
Nope, social club.
God, I hate
117
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:02,991
when everybody
calls us a rebellion.
118
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,262
Okay, you know
what? I would love
to join The Fist.
119
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:13,739
And we would love to
have you, but not today.
Unfortunately, it's a bad day,
120
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,537
what with
Operation Overthrow
and everything.
121
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:18,238
But I have noted it.
122
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,187
One.
123
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:39,700
124
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,805
Pam, I have to
show you this video.
125
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:54,679
You're gonna love it.
It's Beyonce falling
with a fart mixed in.
126
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:56,438
127
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,114
I will never be
happier than I am right now.
128
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,226
I will also
never be less happy.
129
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:09,786
I will be at my
current maximum happiness
for the rest of my life.
130
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:13,595
Because I am manager
of the Scranton
branch of Dunder Mifflin.
131
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,768
Acting manager.
132
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,772
No food now?
Someone has to do
something about Dwight.
133
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:27,011
He put some snacks
in the freezer for us.
134
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,106
You mean the frozen
mice for the piranha?
135
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,514
No, the blueberry
slurpy pouch.
136
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,516
Hmm.
He means the ice pack.
137
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,323
2:00 should
probably be okay.
138
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,890
I can either take
your number or...
139
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:39,949
I'm sorry,
this can't wait.
140
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:41,216
He's just
gonna call back.
141
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,263
Erin, I am in
love with you.
142
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,526
I don't believe
in much, okay?
143
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:49,967
I don't believe
in horoscopes. I don't
believe in Christmas.
144
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,971
I sure as hell
don't believe in God.
145
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,467
What?
146
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:55,734
Or maybe there's
a God, I don't know.
147
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,937
It's just not a guy
with a long, white beard.
148
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:03,779
Or it could be.
It's possible that that
is exactly what God is.
149
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:07,785
But for all of the disbelief,
I believe in us.
150
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,053
I believe in love.
151
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,825
You have made me believe
that for all of the hokum
152
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,327
out there...
153
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,923
Do we not
have voicemail?
154
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,923
Dwight doesn't trust
robots to give
us our messages.
155
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,227
Well,
156
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,294
it just...
157
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,607
It messes up
my rhythm, but...
158
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:30,567
I'm taking a break
from dating.
159
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:34,136
Gabe was a great guy
with so many
wonderful qualities,
160
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,774
but it was a challenge
being touched by him.
161
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,585
Wow, you've really
embraced the whole
Bond villain aesthetic.
162
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,218
Jim, Jim, Jim.
163
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:42,778
The gun is
a Beaumont Adams.
164
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,057
Jo collects them.
I thought we could have
some nice small talk about it.
165
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,220
And the piranha's
a rescue.
166
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:49,651
And the desk.
167
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,262
The desk is a replica
of Uday Hussein's desk.
I saw a picture in Newsweek.
168
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,466
Listen, I'm a very busy man,
let's get right
down to business.
169
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,094
Okay.
Jo is coming
later today.
170
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,571
I cannot have a
subordinate trying to
make me look stupid.
171
00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:02,131
Okay? I need you to promise
me that you'll be on
your best behavior.
172
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:06,407
I promised other
people that I'd be
on my worst behavior.
173
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:07,606
And I gave them
my word, so...
174
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,307
Don't make
me fire you.
175
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,409
You can't fire me.
You're acting manager,
not office manager,
176
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:13,919
so you have
no firing powers.
177
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,950
Don't make me
pre-fire you.
178
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,354
You wouldn't dare.
179
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,618
Watch this.
You're pre-fired.
180
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:23,492
And when I'm promoted,
you'll be full-fired.
181
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,865
If you get promoted.
182
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,731
And if you haven't
fallen in love
with me by then.
183
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,059
What?
184
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,764
If I had thought that
there was a real chance
185
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,533
that Dwight would
be permanent manager,
186
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:35,268
I would have
pre-quit.
187
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,365
And you might be
saying to yourself,
188
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:37,809
"Well, that's pretty
premature to think."
189
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:41,814
But I always say,
"It's better to be
pre-pre-pre-prepared."
190
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,273
How you
doing, Jordan?
191
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,374
I'm good.
192
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:46,847
Everyone here thinks
that you're a joke.
193
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,514
They think that
you were hired because
of your good looks,
194
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,818
which won't
last long anyway.
195
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:52,984
As your pale skin
and severe bone
structure imply,
196
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:54,425
you'll age
swiftly and poorly.
197
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,095
Why are you
telling me this?
198
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:59,096
Now I want you
to find out what people
are saying about me.
199
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:02,230
Things they don't
want me to know about.
200
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:06,901
201
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:12,807
It's a holster.
202
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,584
Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
203
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:24,691
Looking good.
204
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:26,782
205
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:32,427
What a day.
What a day.
206
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:35,395
Dwight, are you
carrying a gun?
207
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,233
The holster was a gift
from my great-uncle, Honk.
208
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,500
I don't know.
I guess he's saying
that he's proud of me.
209
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,338
Dwight, guns make me
really uncomfortable.
210
00:10:43,776 --> 00:10:45,904
The gun is just
an accessory to
the holster, okay?
211
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,380
I can't walk
around wearing
an empty holster.
212
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,178
Why do you need to
wear the holster at all?
213
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,340
Why do you need
to keep wearing
214
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,508
those booby
shirts all the time?
215
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:53,775
Thank you.
216
00:10:53,853 --> 00:10:55,685
You could put your
cell phone in it instead.
217
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,517
Hello.
218
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,450
You could put
a banana in it.
219
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,119
Why would I put
a banana in my holster?
220
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:04,720
In case you
weren't hungry now,
but you got hungry later.
221
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,994
Dwight, no gun, okay?
Don't make us call Jo.
222
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,966
Okay, all right, fine.
Everyone calm down.
223
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,640
Someone, get
me a banana.
224
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:14,833
Sorry I freaked
you guys out.
225
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:15,964
226
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,166
Andy!
227
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,768
Ow! God!
228
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:21,580
It's so loud!
229
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:25,812
My God.
230
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,222
There is a hardwood floor
underneath this carpeting.
231
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,552
Why would
they do that?
232
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,387
233
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,654
There's like this
crazy ringing going on.
I can't...
234
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,828
235
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:40,161
I can't find perfect C.
236
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,930
Okay, everyone make
a list of what's lost
for the insurance.
237
00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,130
I lost a necklace,
a ring, a painting.
238
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,669
Hey, what happened?
239
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:47,832
Dwight went on
a shooting spree
240
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,101
and then he shot
Andy in the head.
241
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:52,676
No, no, no. All we
know is that a gun fired.
That's all we know.
242
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:55,943
No, that's not
true. Actually, we
heard a loud noise,
243
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:59,008
later a hole was seen.
No one saw the bullet
leave the gun.
244
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,815
245
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:04,713
Something's
definitely wrong.
246
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,151
I'll look on WebMD.
What are your symptoms?
247
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,822
Everybody,
Oscar found a reason
to look on WebMD.
248
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,327
Firewall.
I can't reach Jo.
249
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,388
She must already
be on the plane.
250
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,727
Okay, why are
you calling Jo?
251
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:15,961
I think I should
go to the hospital.
252
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:17,264
I'll go with you.
GABE: No!
253
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:21,831
We really shouldn't be
without a receptionist.
Now more than ever.
254
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:22,965
DARRYL: I'll take him.
255
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,171
Thank you, Darryl.
256
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,816
What's wrong
with you?
257
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,814
It's my ear.
Yeah.
258
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:35,877
Okay, sorry.
259
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:40,260
I should get
the accident report binder.
260
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:43,296
I've never used
the gun violence
forms before.
261
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,292
GABE: I'm gonna
keep trying Jo.
262
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:48,767
Okay, everyone,
conference room!
Right now!
263
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,130
Yee-haw!
264
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,402
Woo-hoo!
265
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,171
266
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,075
Howdy, partners.
267
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:02,445
It's me, Gun
Safety Dwight.
268
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,641
And I'm the
rootin'-est...
269
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:06,310
I can't do this.
270
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,685
Look, obviously
a gun went off
under my watch
271
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,587
and I'm launching
a full investigation.
272
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,057
We all saw you do it.
273
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,491
Really? You did?
274
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,188
What hand was I holding
the gun in? What did
Andy's tie look like?
275
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:18,254
Navy blue,
little red anchors.
276
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,856
I have no way of
knowing if that's true.
277
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:22,333
I am supposed to collect
eyewitness accounts.
278
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,268
Who saw Dwight do this?
279
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:25,327
DWIGHT:
Okay, really?
280
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,067
Would you consider this
a terrorist incident?
281
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:28,263
I felt terrorized.
282
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:29,564
Come on.
283
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,668
Oh! There's a whole
other terrorism booklet
for that.
284
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,042
I just really,
really think
285
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,477
that we should handle
this internally.
286
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,345
Dwight, why is it
on us to protect you?
287
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,909
Because you guys
are my best friends.
And I mean that.
288
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,315
Managing you
for this last week
289
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,584
has been the
greatest honor
of my life.
290
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:48,150
And if you ruin this,
I will burn this
office to the ground.
291
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,560
And I mean
that figuratively,
not literally.
292
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:54,897
Because you guys are so,
so important to me.
293
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,428
I love you guys,
294
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:59,596
but don't cross me,
but you're the best.
295
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:02,602
ANDY: Hey.
296
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:04,471
We're back.
297
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,911
There he is,
our hero.
298
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:08,413
You look fantastic.
How you doing?
299
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:09,982
DWIGHT: Here, tell us
your war stories.
300
00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,813
Well, I burst
my ear drum.
301
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,521
Doctor said it could
take weeks to heal.
302
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:16,778
Did they say
what caused it?
303
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,291
'Cause I know you
like putting Q-tips
deep into your ear canal.
304
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,658
Yeah.
How's your hearing?
305
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:24,420
Temporary deafness
in one ear.
It was both ears.
306
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:25,726
I couldn't hear
a thing Darryl
was saying
307
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:26,992
when we were in
the waiting room.
308
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:29,793
I was talking like this...
309
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,735
310
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,673
I don't feel
good about it,
311
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,572
but he just kept
calling himself
312
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,667
a gunshot victim,
and it got to me.
313
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:39,806
Dwight, I would like
tomorrow off so that
314
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:41,608
I can go on my
American Idol audition.
315
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,306
American Idol?
What? No.
316
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,318
Okay, I guess
I can just not go.
317
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,409
Do you guys
wanna hear my solo?
318
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,476
No.
319
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:51,524
? Why did my temporary bossgo on a shooting spree? ?
320
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,389
Okay, fine,
you can go on your
singing audition.
321
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,690
Okay, well,
then I want an
extra vacation day.
322
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,095
Pet day.
I want pet day
back, no dogs.
323
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,027
Put back everything
in the vending machine,
except the fruit.
324
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,602
I put everything back
in the vending machine.
325
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:06,605
Put everything back
in the vending machine,
except the fruit.
326
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,198
You have to get rid
of all your weapons.
327
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,334
All of them,
including killer fish.
328
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,338
Okay.
329
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,510
Is it my turn?
Oof. I'm on the spot,
I don't know.
330
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,779
Um. You know what?
I think I'm good.
331
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,182
Thank God.
No. When Jo's here,
332
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,747
can you work in
"Shagadelic, baby"
333
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,656
at least three
times in the
conversation? Oh!
334
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,592
And when I cough,
can you do jazz hands?
335
00:15:29,028 --> 00:15:30,587
What's
jazz hands?
336
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:33,625
Fine.
337
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,533
338
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:50,611
What the
is that?
339
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,716
Oh, my...
340
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,182
JO: Hey, all!
341
00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:59,089
Cornelius, Bobo,
have at it.
342
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:00,524
Nobody let my
dogs hump each other.
343
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,060
They don't seem to
know they're brothers.
344
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:03,989
Hello, Jo. Welcome.
345
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,257
Shall we begin?
346
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:06,663
Slow yourself
down there.
347
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:09,793
Just like a man, wants to
jump right into it while
I still got my socks on.
348
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,335
Jim Halpert,
the only man to
ever turn me down.
349
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,771
I don't know about that.
Just wasn't for me.
350
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:20,143
But let me assure you,
Dwight is firing on
all cylinders, right?
351
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,307
Well, they're some
pretty big shoes to fill.
352
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:24,111
I was sorry to
hear about Deangelo.
353
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:25,980
He was a good man.
It was tragic.
354
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:27,042
355
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,088
Well, what can
you do? Life.
356
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,255
ANDY: We have to
clean this up, now.
357
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,421
She had so much...
358
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,055
Hey, guys.
Hey.
359
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:39,863
Hope I'm not
interrupting anything.
360
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,161
No.
361
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:45,033
Hey, Andy, did you
tell Erin about our
conversation earlier
362
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:46,834
when you said
you would never want
to date her again?
363
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:52,467
Uh...
364
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:56,146
I just thought that
it was so interesting
that you promised that.
365
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,311
Did I say
that earlier?
366
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,611
Yes, I did.
367
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:05,183
Because you,
Gabe, were crying.
368
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:07,187
No, I was not.
369
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:09,056
And sobbing
uncontrollably.
Yes. Uh-huh.
370
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:12,563
You were in hysterics
and my maternal
instincts kicked in.
371
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:15,234
Is it actually
how I feel?
372
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:19,663
Yes.
373
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,030
Or no.
374
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:26,237
That is between
me and my diary.
375
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,551
Oscar, can you print
out last year's
sales statements?
376
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,250
Sure.
Hey, Dwight,
377
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,225
give me a back massage.
No, Kevin. Come on.
378
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,659
My back is sore,
Dwight. Massage it.
379
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:43,957
Kevin, not now.
380
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:45,925
Hey, Jo...
Okay, okay.
381
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,593
No, under the jacket.
382
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,065
You're
kidding me.
383
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:55,098
Oh, God, what
am I touching?
It's moist.
384
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:56,937
KEVIN: I don't
feel anything.
385
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,102
DWIGHT: It's wet.
386
00:17:58,611 --> 00:17:59,704
Push harder,
Dwight.
387
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:00,938
I can't.
388
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:02,675
I can't
push harder.
389
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,114
Go a little higher.
390
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:06,741
There.
391
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:07,809
There you go.
No, higher.
392
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,355
I can't...
393
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,446
Higher.
394
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,515
Oh, my God.
There we go.
395
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,255
How's that?
Knead it.
396
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:16,451
Knead it
like a pizza.
397
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:17,519
I'm kneading it.
398
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,394
KEVIN: But don't eat it.
399
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,167
Okay.
400
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,527
Dwight, walk me out.
401
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:29,366
Let's talk soon.
And stay on top
of these people.
402
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:30,769
You've got
to admit it,
403
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:33,074
it's nice to have
a little power, eh?
How's it feel?
404
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,509
Jo,
405
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:42,247
I accidentally fired
a gun in the office today.
406
00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:43,846
What?
I am telling you this
407
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,551
because I care too
much about this job
408
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,319
to be blackmailed
into doing it poorly.
409
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,559
All I've ever wanted
is to be manager here.
410
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,656
And if you feel like
you cannot promote me
411
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,327
over this one accident,
I understand.
412
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,230
But if you think that
extortion is worse...
413
00:18:57,303 --> 00:19:00,671
Shooting is worse.
Are you kidding me?
414
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:04,900
It's not even in the same...
You shot a gun?
What is wrong with you?
415
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,570
It was a Beaumont Adams,
if that helps.
416
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,909
Beaumont Adams
is a girl's gun.
417
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,310
That just makes
it plain stupid.
418
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:10,645
I take full
responsibility.
419
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,149
Who else would
be responsible?
420
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:15,087
Pam made me put
a banana in my holster.
421
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,520
You shot a gun off.
422
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,022
Okay, did I
make a mistake?
423
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,285
Yes.
424
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:22,123
Do I regret
the decision
that I made? Yes.
425
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:25,891
Stop asking yourself
easy questions so
you can look like a genius.
426
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,088
Got it.
427
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,156
I love you, Dwight.
428
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,762
But you don't
fit this job.
429
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:33,602
Jo, please.
430
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,537
No. No, child.
I will...
431
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:37,399
No.
432
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:38,669
It's over.
433
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:42,646
Now I've got to
find a replacement
for my replacement.
434
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,395
You three are my
search committee.
435
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:58,327
You're in charge
of finding me
my next manager.
436
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,699
All right-y?
Yeah.
437
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,932
Till then,
we need a
new acting manager.
438
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,234
Now who's got
the most experience
in this office?
439
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:09,731
Uh, well...
440
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,140
We probably don't
wanna go just
on seniority.
441
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:13,741
Who is it?
442
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,213
Hey, Dwight? What's up?
443
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:22,844
Shut up.
444
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:23,912
Okay. Well...
445
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:27,122
You do know that Jo
was right to take the job
away from you, right?
446
00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:28,923
There's no debating that.
447
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,856
But I will say,
in your one week,
448
00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:34,457
every single one of
the orders went out
on time
449
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,735
and I think that
is shagadelic, baby.
450
00:20:57,223 --> 00:20:58,247
Four,
451
00:20:58,324 --> 00:20:59,417
one,
452
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,687
seven,
453
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,160
one.
Another one?
454
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:03,218
Yes!
455
00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:04,388
Seven...
456
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:05,795
Could you turn
the volume down
on the beeping?
457
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,231
Six, nine.
458
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:08,698
Shut up,
Oscar. Eight.
459
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,202
Nine first,
put the nine.
Nine.
460
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,965
Eight. Five.
461
00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:13,027
Thank you.
462
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,368
Three,
463
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,738
zero,
464
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:18,368
zero, again.
Zero.
465
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:19,503
Okay.
466
00:21:19,578 --> 00:21:20,910
Four.
467
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,243
Six.
Nice.
468
00:21:22,314 --> 00:21:23,373
Two, one.
469
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:24,609
I hit three,
I hit three instead.
470
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:25,673
God!
33988
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