All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S07E21.Michaels.Last.Dundies.720p.BrRip.2CH.x265.HEVC-PSA

It is 6:00 a.m.,
and Deangelo and I
are about to go house to house

to give everybody
their Dundies
nomination certificate.

Just like the Oscars.
Yes.

And this happens every year?

Every year this happens.
Okay. Every year.

You have a lot
to learn, my friend.

Well, you know,
why don't we try it,

and if it goes good,
it'll be part of my tradition.

Why are you even saying that?
You're going to love it.

Here we go.

This way, this way.

Okay.
Nice house.

Surprise!
Congratulations!

Yep.

You and Pam have
both been nominated
for Dundie Awards.

Okay.

MICHAEL: Have Pam come down.
No, no, she's not here.

PAM: What's going on?

Stay in bed.

Congratulations!
Stanley, we love you.

Have you lost your mind?
Get off my property
before I call the police.

All right, we got it. Good.
Okay.

Leave it at the door? Okay.

Yeah, that's fine.

Hey, Toby, you suck!

Is this an employee of ours?

Why are...
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

I've never seen this
place in the daylight.

This reminds me
of Katrina.

Here we go.
All right.

Got it? Are we set? Hello?

Oh.
Uh-oh.

I'm so busted. Walk of shame.

Do you usually leave
your door unlocked?
And ajar?

Nice. I got
a Dundie nomination. Wow.

Yes, that's right.
Yes, you did.

No big deal.
Congratulations, Meredith.

Well, we should head out.

No, no, no,
you've got to stay.

No, no, no, I have
Vienna sausages
and I have napkins.

Let me fix you breakfast.

Go.

Good morning, Erin.

Oh, hey, didn't see you.

Any big plans for tonight?

I don't know.

Maybe volunteer at
the women's shelter,
go to bed.

Or, I don't know,

maybe I'm going
to the Dundies!

You are getting
so funny. Very good.

The Dundies are my baby,
and they need to go on.

When Larry King died,
they didn't just
cancel his show.

They got Pierce Morgan
to come in and do his show,

and that way, Larry lives on.

Anything can happen
at the Dundies.

They're like
the Golden Globes,
but less mean.

And I just want us to
all have a good time.

Just a little
announcement, folks.

Remember, the Dundies
is a black tie affair.

Black tie optional.

Every day is
black tie optional.

FYI, tonight we will
be hosting at Louie Volpe's.

Nice.
I love their breadsticks.

Oh, their breadsticks
are like crack.

I love when
people say "like crack"

who've obviously
never done crack.

Well, the breadsticks
are like what then, Ryan?

What can I use?
I don't know.
Something from your world.

"The breadsticks are
like scrapbooking."

You're right, you're right.
No, I'm a middle-class fraud.

MICHAEL: Shh.
Okay, okay, okay.

Everybody's right.
They're like
breadsticks on steroids.

Right?
Yeah, that's great.

So, as you know,
the Dundies are my legacy,

so I'm going to need
to train a replacement.

So this year,
I have decided
to have a co-host.

And that person is

Deangelo!

Always the Padawan,
never the Jedi.

Thank you, Michael.
Uh, but I will have to pass.

Think of it as
part of your training.

I'm not much
of a performer.

Unless you count
singing in the shower.

Boy, okay.

Okay, well, we'll work on it.

Look,
I'm very, very bad.

Very bad.
You are doing it.

Guys, I want you to help us
work on some banter.

Yes! I love banter.

Good.

But I hate witty banter.
MICHAEL: Here we go.

So, Deangelo, you and I
have a lot in common.

You lost 200 pounds,
and I lose my car
keys every morning.

That is true. We do
share some similarities.

I know how we can fix
one of those problems.

For me, it was
portion control.

For you, you need a keychain.

Maybe hang them on the...
Okay, okay, you know what?

I didn't actually
lose my keys.

Okay, so this
did not happen.

M'kay.

There needs to be
what you call a "rat-tat-tat."

And right now,
it's all "rat" and no "tat."

Ryan, come on up here.

Deangelo, if you'd just...
Do you mind?

Tap Deangelo out.
Because if I can see it.

Just watch this. Okay.

Ryan, how are you today?

Why don't you
ask my therapist?

My mom certainly
pays her enough.

There you go! Lovely!

Regis and Kelly. Nice.

Use that as an inspiration.
Just be funny.

Uh... You, sir.
Are we having fun tonight?

Having a great time.
Thanks, yeah.
Oh, good.

Where were you
on September 11th?

No, gosh. No, no.

MICHAEL: Stop, stop.
DEANGELO: This is so weird.

If I'm conducting a meeting,
good to go.

But if I think of
it as a performance,
I fall apart, obviously.

Why don't you think
of hosting the Dundies

like you're just
running a meeting?

No, no, no, this is
the performance of your life.

Why don't you just privately,
in your own head,
think of it like a meeting?

Jim, please, no loopholes.

Mike, why do you
have to control

how he perceives
it in his mind?

This is my last Dundies ever.

If I want mind control
over him, is that
too much to ask?

Good. Good, good. Good.

Now, tell me
something terrible

that happened in
your childhood.

When I was very young,
my mother divorced my father

and I had to go to court
and choose between them.

Too personal.
I don't want to
hear about that stuff.

Let's try this. Put this on.

I am going to turn this on
and turn the volume
all the way up,

so you can't... That's right,
you're not going to be
able to hear yourself.

Read this, and it's
going to sound perfect.

"The Dundies are all
about coming together,

"and recognizing
the indomitability
of the human spirit!"

Say it with an accent!

The Dundies!

"The Dundies!"
The Dundies!

I just don't
understand the desire

to push sweet
potato fries on me.

I just want regular fries.

Yeah.

Oh!

PAM: Hey, Erin,
everything okay?

Get away from the car,
or he's going to see you.

Who's going to see us?

Just get in.
Get in. Just get in.

JIM: Get in the car?

Please, sorry,
get in.

I'm sorry,
sorry, sorry.

What's wrong?

I eat lunch in the car now.
It's my alone time.

It's just nice
to have some time
away from Gabe.

Why don't you
want to each lunch
with your boyfriend?

I really don't like
spending time with him.

Don't you think it's better
to tell him the truth now?

You know,
rather than waste
more of his time?

I think I'm going to go.
What?

I think you got this.
Okay.

Okay? All right.
Yeah.

Okay. Thank you, Jim.
Feel better.

I'm sorry, that just
wasn't interesting to me.

I can't just dump him, Pam.
I'm not like you.

I can't be mean.

Wait, when am I...

You just have to be
clear and firm, you know.

Just tell him
you don't love him.
Just be honest with him.

Hi.
Appalling.

Eyesore.

Surprisingly adequate.

Okay, everyone,
the festivities
commence in four seconds!

Deangelo,
Jo's on the phone for you.

Hello?

Deangelo, we're in
serious horse manure here.

The Dundies are tonight,
and we ain't got no host.

Oh, no.

Luckily, I have
someone for you.

Billy Crystal?
Better.

Neil Patrick Harris?

He's in Little Shop
of Horrors on Broadway.

Right.
No, we need
Michael Scott,

the best darn Dundies host
both sides of the Mississippi.

I've got to
find Michael Scott.

And then I've got to
get him to the Dundies.

Hey, can you help me
find Michael Scott, Angela?

My boyfriend can.
He's a state senator.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, no, he can't help
because that title
has no meaning.

Try Jim, Deangelo.
He'll be able to help.

Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.

Jim, do you know
where I can
find Michael Scott?

Oh, I totally don't know
where Michael is, dude.

Hey, you want to
listen to some records?

No one's listening to me.
I'm running out of time.

Well, what are you
talking about?

I've fallen
and I can't get up.

Maybe I just need to
look into my heart.

Deangelo,
where is Michael Scott?

I'm here.
In a good way.

I've been here
the whole time.

The analytical part of
me wants to examine it.

But I know it has no content.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please stand up

for your
co-host of the evening,

Michael Gary Scott!

Please remain standing
for your other co-host
and new manager,

Deangelo Jeremetrius Vickers!

DWIGHT: Is that part of the...

Deangelo. Hey.

Deangelo, what are you doing?
There's a live
audience out there.

Just go do it by yourself,
or get Ryan.

No, Ryan would never do it.
It's too on the radar.

Look, look,
the boss hosts the Dundies.
It's sort of our perk.

This was not part of
the job description.

Okay, listen to me.

You're not doing this for me,
you're not doing this for you.

You're not even
doing this for them.

What am I doing it for?

You're doing it for
all those kids out there

eating off
the Louie Volpe's kids menu

who are wondering,
"Does it get better?"

What I want you to do is,
I want you to say,

"It's show time."
And get out there.

I can't.
Say it.

Stop hitting me.

You can do it,
just say it.

Hit me again.

Now hit me.

One, two, three...

It's show time!
It's show time!

All right, here we go.

Okay, okay,
sorry about the delay,
everybody,

but we were at
the DMV waiting in line.

Fall asleep right after sex.
Huh, guys?

Nope, go back to the script.

There are a lot
of great salesmen
in this office,

but one of our great salesmen
is also a great dad,

and a close
personal friend of mine.

Jim Halpert, Best Dad Dundie.

Wow, I do not
parent for the awards,

but I got to tell you,
it feels pretty good.

Cece, if you're
watching this at home,
it's way past your bedtime.

By the way,
how'd this get
televised? Thanks.

Well done.

I don't know,
maybe being a good dad

is just following
your own compass.

I don't know, I don't know.
Thank you.
Okay.

Didn't think to
mention me, huh?

Didn't I?

Which moves us to
Best Mom Dundie.

This person, well,
I guess we all sort of

consider a mom
around the office,

Meredith Palmer!

Oh, my God!

WOMAN: Say what?

I'll tell you one thing,
I'm not going to be
a good mom tonight.

Whoo!

Excuse me, can I get a photo
of the best mom and
the best dad, please?

Step on up.

I've got to go do this.

Why?

Let's go, big smiles, folks.
There they are.

Year after year,
I catch a lot of flak
on this particular award

because year after year,
I present this award
to a guy instead of a girl.

Hottest in the Office
goes to Danny Cordray!

Danny could not
be here tonight...

How do I feel
about not winning

Hottest in
the Office this year?

Um, I'm very relieved.

How do you judge
something like...
What is his criteria, even?

It's...

It's so subjective.

Stanley Hudson is a grump,
everybody knows that.

But did you know
that Stanley Hudson

is also the face of
a debilitating disease
known as diabetes?

The Diabetes Award
goes to Stanley Hudson!

Come on up here,
you sick bastard.

I have diabetes, too.
You don't see me
making a big deal about it.

They say he's going to be
my right-hand man,

ad-lib masturbation joke. No.

I hate this.
I hate it so much.

Dwight Schrute,
please accept this Promising
Assistant Manager Dundie.

Thank you, thanks so much.
Um, I want to
dedicate this award

to something that, uh,
we take for granted
in our daily lives,

and that is
the humble trash can.

This is for you, trash can.

Who gave you those crayons?

I brought them from home.

Do you have a red?

This is a cloth tablecloth.

You can't color on it.

Oh, really?

Did you know herpes affects
one out of every five
sexually active adults?

Pippi Longstocking,

Ronald McDonald's wife,
Ron Howard, Ron Weasley.

What do they all have
in common? Redheads.

And, Erin Hannon,

come on up here to receive
your Cutest Redhead
in the Office award.

That is bull.

Thank you,
thank you,
thank you.

This is the first
award I've ever won
in my entire life.

People were right
about the Dundies,
they are magical.

But I don't feel it,

and I think that's because
I'm not with the right person.

Gabe...

GABE: What?

We should break up.

What?

I'm not attracted to you.

I just...
I cringe when you talk.

I have to be honest.

Right, Pam?

Thank you for hearing me.

Okay, well,
this is embarrassing.

Obviously
really angry at Erin.

Here comes that
quarter-life crisis
everyone's talking about.

All right, I'm gonna go.

Let's... There you go.

Damn, that was cold.

It is difficult to
recognize the person
who will be replacing you.

But he is a good guy,

so the Michael Scott Award
for Best Dundies Host

goes to Deangelo Vickers.

ALL: Speech, speech, speech...

Speech, speech, speech...

Hold on, hold on one second.

Crank it.

I want to...
I feel truly blessed
to be working with all of you.

You know,
before this all started,
funny story,

I was in the bathroom,
vomiting and vomiting
in that men's room.

Okay.
That's why it has
been shut down...

That's it.
... for most of the evening.

This is important.
He's expressing himself.

Hosts don't get Dundies.
No.

This is truly special for me,

and, anyway,
it's so much lighter.

MICHAEL: Okay,
we're done. That's it.
What?

Michael, are we... What?

We're done, we're done.

So, that is how it ends.
My last Dundies ever.

I was hoping it would be
more like Godfather III,

that wrapped up
the whole franchise

in an extremely
satisfying way,

but instead,
it is like Godfather I,

that was very confusing,

had maybe three big laughs.

Oh, well.

PAM: Hey, Michael?

We were thinking
maybe we could
keep this thing going.

What?

I know I'm the cause
of this royal screwup,

but I would like to
see the show go on.

No, don't. You're
being too hard on yourself.

We had a very
truncated rehearsal time.

Let's grab some
ice cream, go back

to the office,
and finish what we started.

So what you're saying is,
you kind of liked it?

"I've fallen,
and I can't get up."

That Phyllis bit.
That was pretty good, right?

I don't know that
we need to dissect it all
right now, but it...

That got a big laugh.
It did.

That actually got a big laugh.
Pretty huge laugh.

You were laughing, right?
I was.

Oh, you know what?
I have to go to the bathroom.

Don't worry,
we're really close.

Really, you know, I can just
run over to
the gas station there.

We should just
wait here and not get

good seats in
the conference room?

That's true, we
wouldn't get seats together.

Okay, yeah, I'll hold it.
I'm fine.

You know,
despite a couple of hiccups,
I thought that went very well.

I thought it was
the worst Dundies
I've ever been to.

Man! Maybe you should have won
the Kind of a Bitch Award.

Gladly. I'd accept that award,
because a bitch
is a female dog.

What? What are
you doing?
Aah!

What...
Ooh!

Please don't stop
so suddenly. Seatbelt's
pressing on my bladder.

Why are you even
wearing a seatbelt?

You're sitting in
the backseat, baby.

What is your problem?

I just don't see the point
of the Dundies, okay?

The jokes are terrible,
the venue was bad,
the fashion was boring.

Okay, that is unfair.
The clothing was
safe but tasteful.

And next time,
why don't you pick a co-host

that doesn't have
microphone-a-phobia?

Look, whatever
you're going to do,

how long is it
going to take, ballpark?

Because I just...
I've got to make
a decision here.

He is in
an all-out sprint.

...better than before.

Please, excuse me.

Here... Okay.

By his own admission,
this person

actually tried
marijuana in college,

so the Doobie Doobie Pothead
Stoner of the Year Award

goes to Andy Bernard!

Yes.

Ohhh!

There's a lot of
people I'd like to thank,

but I think we
all actually want
to thank you, Michael.

Oh! Thank you.

I mean, we actually really
all want to thank
you for everything.

Oh, my God.
Something's happening.

9,986,000 minutes

We actually sat
down and did the math

9,986,000 minutes

That's how many minutes
that you've worked here

In costumes

And impressions

In meetings

In cups of coffee

For birthdays

More meetings and...

E-mail forwards
you made us read

9,986,000 minutes

That's like watching
Die Hard 80,000 times

You hit me with your car

You helped me get off drugs

I watch you when you sleep

I forgive you for kissing me

Remember to call

You've got to remember to call

Remember to call

Love is a gift from up above

Remember to call

Text or call or e-mail or call

Measure,
measure your life in love

Remember to call

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Remember to call

Yeah, yeah, you've
got to remember to call

Remember to call

Yeah, okay.

Well, this is going to
hurt like a mother .

Every day,
millions of Americans

suffer from
extreme repulsiveness.

Someone in our midst
is bringing that
problem to light.

Toby Flenderson,
please come up here

and accept
the Extreme
Repulsiveness Award.

Oh, that's so mean.

No, it's fine.

You got to play along, man.

Come on, Toby.

Here he comes!

All right, you deserved it.

I really disagree with this.
I think it's kind of hateful.

Although,
I am a little happy right now

to have
a platform to talk about
the outcome of a case

that I was
recently a juror on,
the Scranton Strangler.

A man's being put to death,
I was part of the verdict,

and I'm not so sure
he's guilty anymore.