All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S07E17.Threat.Level.Midnight.720p.BrRip.2CH.x265.HEVC-PSA

I got a delivery for you.

Leave it at reception.

I'm supposed to
deliver this one in person.

Clean up on aisle five.

After three years of writing,
one year of shooting,

four years of re-shooting,
and two years of editing,

I have finally
completed my movie,

Threat Level Midnight.

Erin, Erin...
Yes?

What are you doing?

Guys...

Did you guys know that
our own Michael
Scott has made a movie,

and that he maybe
will let us watch it,

but only if
everybody's dying to see it?

That's... Well, don't
put words in my mouth.

Threat Level Midnight
is the great lost
film of Michael Scott.

We're all in it from,
like, years and years ago.
It's like a home movie.

Yeah, if Michael
Scott did your home movie.

PAM: Michael screened
a work in progress for us
years ago,

and it didn't go well.

We thought it was a comedy.

Everything pointed
to it being a comedy.

Yep.

We'd love to see it.

Sweet. I will go invite Holly.

Okay, everyone, I know
we're really excited to

see this movie
that everybody's in,

but we have to remember
that Michael is sensitive.

So, let's stay positive.

And no laughing, no comments,
just positive energy,

and we'll have
a pure fun day, okay?

Thanks, Mom.

You never told me
you made a movie.
Mmm-hmm.

It's got action.
It's got heart.
It's got symbolism.

It's got you.
It's got a lot of me.

I can't wait.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Threat Level Midnight.

NARRATOR: Michael Scarn?
Well, that is
an interesting story.

He was once
the best secret
agent in the business.

That was years ago.

Where is he now?

Well, that's also
an interesting story.

Master Scarn.

Master Scarn!

I play Samuel,
Michael Scarn's robot butler.

I wanted Samuel's voice

a very advanced android,

almost indistinguishable
from a real person.

Dwight does not
play a robot.

I'm up.

It's the President.

He needs you for a mission.

Tell him I'm retired.

It's Goldenface.

Goldenface.

This makes it personal.

Scarn, you're right on time.

Hail to the chief.

I gave up a lot of weekends,

because I thought
it would be good
for my daughter

to see a black
man as President,
even in a silly home movie.

What a stupid waste of time.

It's your old enemy,
Goldenface.

He's after
the NHL all-star game.

He's hidden a bomb
somewhere in the stadium.
Scarn,

this one is personal for me.

I own the stadium.

I can't see it blown up.

It's my retirement plan.

We have to search the stadium.

Not so fast.

Goldenface has
taken all of the

concession stand
workers hostage.

Scarn,
will you find these hostages
and save the game?

Heads I do it,
tails I don't.

Best out of seven.

Heads.

Tails.

Heads.

Tails.

Heads.

Tails.

Looks like there's gonna be
a clean up on aisle five.

NARRATOR: Well,
the hostages were scared.

Don't you guys get it?
Nobody's coming for us.

GOLDENFACE: Oh,
someone's coming, all right.

The only man who would care,
Michael Scarn.

See, I'm gonna lure him here,
then I'm gonna kill everybody,

then I'm gonna dig
up Scarn's dead wife,

and I'm gonna
hump her real good.

JIM: I did not
love the dialog,

or the character.

I took the role to
impress a receptionist,
who will remain nameless.

NARRATOR: Well, the all-star
game was three days away.

So, naturally,
it was all sold out.

The only way
Scarn was getting in
was in a uniform.

Just one problem with that.

Scarn didn't know
a hockey stick
from a Slim Jim.

So, he went to meet
with the famed trainer,
Cherokee Jack.

Mop the ice.

I'm not here to
learn how to mop.

I'm here to learn
how to play hockey.

Mop it.

Come on. Come on!

Now, take this.

What am I
supposed to do with this?

Mop.

NARRATOR: Well, Michael Scarn
was quickly becoming

one of the hottest
hockey players in the country.

Each year,
the National Hockey League
accepts one civilian amateur

to play in the all-star game.

It's down to the three of you.

The final test
is speed skating.

On your marks, get set...

Die.

Nice try, Goldenface.
Except you forgot
one thing, to kill me.

Oh, I wasn't
trying to kill you.

I was trying to
slow you down.

No!

Oh, by the way...

Yeah?

How's your wife doing?

Congratulations.

Hey, you came in second.
Not bad either, champ.

I am so sorry I
have to do this.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm intercepting
a name.

Jasmine Windsong.

She works for Goldenface.

But what I
can't figure out is,
who is the Funky Cat?

Not "who," what.

The Funky Cat is the
hippest jazz club in town.

Oh! Oh...

He cut the part
where my circuit
board malfunctioned?

Then what was the point of
spilling the drink on me?

They call me Jasmine Windsong

Bingo.

He finished his movie?
No kidding.
Wow, that's great.

Yeah, good for him.

Check, please.

You have to let
us go, Goldenface.
We have families.

Ha! This is gonna show them
that I mean business.

See ya.

Far and away the most
expensive shot of the movie,

but it was
integral to the story.

It's Scarn!

Sorry about
your friend, Scarn.

The joke's on you,
Goldenface.

That man was
a wanted animal rapist.

We've searched
the whole building,
Goldenface.

Where is the bomb?
Hmm?

We've searched
the whole building,
Goldenface.

Where is the bomb?
Hmm?

We've searched the...
Okay.

He said,
"Where is the bomb?"

In the puck.

SCARN: But why are you
telling me this?

Because I'm going
to kill you, unless

you forgive me for
murdering your wife.

Hey, Goldenface.
Yeah?

Go puck yourself.

No!

That was not scripted.

SCARN:
More Tylenol.

You've already had four.

Oh, God!

So good.

NURSE: You're lucky
to be alive.

It'll take a lot more
than a bullet to the brain,

lungs, heart, back and balls
to kill Michael Scarn.

Let's just make sure
that everything's
working properly.

You just said,
"The bomb is in the puck"?

BOTH: Yes.

Is that where you hid
the bomb, Goldenface?

But why would you
blow up the stadium?

You own the stadium.

For the insurance money.
I knew it all along.

You will never
get away with this.

SCARN: Where had I gone wrong?

All I wanted was to start
a family with my
beautiful wife,

but somewhere along the way,
things got messed up.

NARRATOR: It wasn't easy
for Scarn to admit

that he'd lost
his self-confidence.

And he hadn't, of course.

He just wasn't
using it right now.

ALL: Mike!

SCARN: Beer me, Billy.

You don't look so good.
What's got you down?

I got problems, Billy.
Big problems.

You got problems?
My TV don't work.

I pay $30 a month
for the damn
satellite whats-a-whose-it.

I can't even
get the damn game.

Now, you tell me,
what's worse than that?

Don't ever change, Billy.

Goldenface is going
to blow up the NHL
all-star game tomorrow.

I see what you
mean about problems.

I know what'll cheer you up.

That table of
bachelorettes over there
bought you this drink.

ALL: Hey.

Ever banged an entire
bachelorette party, baby?

Why are you
singling my line out,
like, a million years later?

I'm too depressed
to save the big game, Billy.

I'm gonna cheer you up
the only ways I know hows.
Hey, kid,

hit G-9 on the jukebox.

No, Billy,
I haven't done that dance
since my wife died.

There's a whole
crowd of people out there

who need to learn
how to do the Scarn.

Well, my name's Michael Scarn
And I'm here to say

I'm about to do the Scarn
In a major way

You jump to the right
And you shake a hand

Then you jump to the left
And you shake that hand

You meet new friends
You tie some yarn

And that's how
you do the Scarn

You jump to the right
And you shake a hand

Then you jump to the left
And you shake that hand

Meet new friends
Tie that yarn

That's how you do the Scarn

You jump to the right
And you shake a hand

Meet new friends
Tie that yarn

That's how you do the Scarn

If doing the Scarn is gay,

then I'm
the biggest queer on earth!

You guys, I think I have...
Sorry.

I'm really sorry.

JIM: Hey, hey.
Michael!

Michael, I'm sorry.
I'm really, really sorry.

I think I was just
relieved to see that

Michael Scarn got
his confidence back.

Yeah, Michael,
the movie's amazing.

It's, like, one of
the best movies I've
ever seen in my life.

You should enter
it in festivals.

Or carnivals.
Yeah.

Well, that's
a pretty good reaction.
That's pretty cool, right?

Did you like it?
Did you like that?

Which part?

Okay.

All right.
Come on.

MICHAEL: No.
Michael.

No, come on!

We have to see the end.

No, it's not good enough.
It's not good enough.

Some people are
really popping on-screen.

Hey.
Hey.

Good movie.
Mmm.

Good?

Everybody out
there says it's great.

I loved it.
Did you?

What did you love about it?

Um... I loved that you
got to work together
with all your friends.

Mmm-hmm.

Isn't that so great
when you can all work
together like that?

No, no. Holly,
this isn't Ocean's Eleven,

where you get together
with all your friends,

and you just have fun,
and you don't care
about how it turns out.

What'd you really think,
honestly?

Um...

Is it...

Is it because you're afraid of
where this is gonna take me?

Because, see,
I need you to
keep me grounded.

Not worried about that.

This is 11 years, okay?

This has been
my dream for 11 years,

and if you don't
think it's great,

then you're basically saying
you don't believe in my dream.

It's your dream?
You never even
mentioned it before.

We talk about
a lot of things, Holly.

You know, I was
eventually going to

get around to my dream,
obviously.

Eleven years
that I could've been

working on "The
Scarn Nebulous."

Well, why do you have to
make a movie at all?

Because if I don't
have this, what do I have?
I have nothing.

Really? You can't think
of anything else
that you might have?

I have my book on business,
Somehow I Manage.

I have my HBO comedy special,
"Here I Go Again..."

But, you know what?
When I think about it,

when I really think about it,
none of those things

are as real to me
as my movie.

I'm real.

Yeah, you're
a real pain in the ass.

And now, I'm gonna
go watch the movie

with people who
think it's great.

And I'm sorry I called
you a pain in the ass.

I'm angry, and I love you.

I love you, too.

I am a huge Woody Allen fan.

Although I've only seen Antz.

But I'll tell you something,
what I respect about that man

is that when he
was going through

all of that stuff that
came out in the press,

about how Antz was just
a rip-off of A Bug's Life,

he stayed true to his films.

Or at least
the film that I saw,
which, again, was Antz.

Thing is,

I thought A Bug's
Life was better,

much better than Antz.

Point is, don't listen
to your critics.

Listen to your fans.

Who likes Threat
Level Midnight?

Okay, well, then who wants
to watch the rest?

Michael, you have to get
to that puck before halftime

or the whole
stadium will explode.

I know. It's a good thing
my trainer and mentor
is here to cheer me on.

Cherokee Jack?

Michael, he died.

This one's for you,
Cherokee Jack.

We filmed this
during an actual

Scranton High School
hockey game.

They were trying to
qualify for states...

No, no.
Actually, it was
really screwed up because

they were trying to qualify.

They were disqualified.
They had to forfeit the game.

Undefeated season.
That's why there were
so many people there.

FEMALE HOSTAGE:
Why is your face gold?

GOLDENFACE: Why do you care?

I'm just making conversation.

I worked in a gold factory.

We had a boss who
only cared about money.

Hey.
Hey, I'm sorry.

It is good.

No, no, it's not.

It's not.

But they really seem
to be enjoying it. Come on.

MALE HOSTAGE: Please,
Goldenface, let us go!

Cherokee Jack.

I want you to take
all your frustrations

with women,
the system, with everything,

take it out on the puck.

All on the puck.

Hey, we got
sports games again.

Oh...

Some breakfast for me,
some breakfast for you.

Yeah, I guess I did
let him be a robot.

Man, I love being retired.

Scarn here.

Michael, it's the President.
Hello, sir.

I need you for
another mission.

Yeah, I'm in.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
isn't the President evil?

Oh, yeah. Yes, he is.

No, no, he's doing it
to catch the President.

No, no, Dwight,
he's just being stupid.

And I bet you're wondering

why do I know so much
about Michael Scarn?

Well, because
I am Michael Scarn.