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1
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:04,762
Andy?
2
00:00:04,868 --> 00:00:06,233
3
00:00:07,838 --> 00:00:10,363
Attend the taleOf Sweeney Todd
4
00:00:11,675 --> 00:00:14,610
His skin was paleAnd his eye was odd
5
00:00:14,678 --> 00:00:15,702
Yes.
6
00:00:15,779 --> 00:00:17,371
He shaved the facesOf gentlemen
7
00:00:17,447 --> 00:00:19,711
Who never thereafterWere heard of again
8
00:00:20,284 --> 00:00:22,616
He trod a pathThat few have trod
9
00:00:23,187 --> 00:00:24,950
Did Sweeney Todd
10
00:00:25,989 --> 00:00:28,219
The demon barberOf Fleet Street
11
00:00:29,359 --> 00:00:31,020
Did you write this?
No.
12
00:00:31,094 --> 00:00:32,322
Who did?
Stephen Sondheim.
13
00:00:32,396 --> 00:00:33,556
Who is he?
14
00:00:33,630 --> 00:00:37,396
Swing yourRazor wide, Sweeney
15
00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:41,164
Hold it to the skies
16
00:00:41,238 --> 00:00:47,404
Freely flows the bloodOf those who moralize
17
00:00:47,477 --> 00:00:49,342
What the hell is happening?
18
00:00:49,413 --> 00:00:50,710
We are the cast
of Sweeney Todd:
19
00:00:50,781 --> 00:00:52,043
The Demon Barberof Fleet Street.
20
00:00:52,115 --> 00:00:53,309
We open in
a couple of weeks
21
00:00:53,383 --> 00:00:54,941
at the Loose Screw
Playhouse, here in Scranton.
22
00:00:55,018 --> 00:00:59,580
And today, just doing
a wee bit
of viral marketing, gov'nor!
23
00:00:59,656 --> 00:01:01,681
ALL:
Attend the taleOf Sweeney Todd
24
00:01:01,825 --> 00:01:03,349
25
00:01:03,527 --> 00:01:05,552
He served a darkand a vengeful God
26
00:01:05,629 --> 00:01:07,563
He served a darkand a vengeful God
27
00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:09,188
28
00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:11,358
What happens thenWell, that's the play
29
00:01:11,435 --> 00:01:13,198
And he wouldn'tWant us to give it away
30
00:01:13,270 --> 00:01:14,601
31
00:01:15,105 --> 00:01:16,572
Not Sweeney Todd
32
00:01:18,875 --> 00:01:20,775
The demon barber of Fleet
33
00:01:21,178 --> 00:01:22,304
Street
34
00:01:23,146 --> 00:01:24,875
Wow!
35
00:01:27,918 --> 00:01:31,149
Oh, that was amazing!
That was awesome!
36
00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:33,951
I auditioned for this!
When did the cast list go up?
37
00:01:34,891 --> 00:01:36,017
Like a month ago.
38
00:01:36,093 --> 00:01:37,685
Really? They didn't call me!
39
00:01:40,364 --> 00:01:41,422
Who am I playing?
40
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,726
Andy?
41
00:02:19,636 --> 00:02:20,625
42
00:02:21,505 --> 00:02:24,804
Two comps for milady
and her Gabe.
It's closing night.
43
00:02:24,875 --> 00:02:26,274
Tomorrow we have to
give the theater over
44
00:02:26,410 --> 00:02:27,809
to the Scranton's
Miss Fitness Pageant.
45
00:02:27,878 --> 00:02:31,541
I am so excited,
but I just need one.
Gabe can't come. Sorry.
46
00:02:31,615 --> 00:02:33,412
What?
Yeah.
47
00:02:33,483 --> 00:02:35,917
That's awful.
Everyone's
gonna miss that guy.
48
00:02:35,986 --> 00:02:38,750
Gabe is not coming,
which is huge,
49
00:02:38,822 --> 00:02:41,086
because my plan
is to make Erin
50
00:02:41,191 --> 00:02:42,954
fall back in love
with me tonight.
51
00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:47,122
Women cannot resist
a man singing show tunes.
52
00:02:47,998 --> 00:02:49,966
It's so powerful,
even a lot of men
53
00:02:50,033 --> 00:02:52,467
can't resist a man
singing show tunes.
54
00:02:52,536 --> 00:02:54,265
Oh, who else is going?
Everyone.
55
00:02:54,338 --> 00:02:55,498
Gabe seemed to
think no one was going.
56
00:02:56,273 --> 00:02:59,003
What kind of terrible
rumormonger is Gabe?
57
00:02:59,076 --> 00:03:01,544
He is woefully
ill informed, all right?
58
00:03:01,611 --> 00:03:02,771
Excuse me.
59
00:03:03,013 --> 00:03:04,344
60
00:03:04,414 --> 00:03:07,406
Everybody, you're all coming
to my show tonight, right?
61
00:03:07,484 --> 00:03:08,473
Andy, what time's it start?
62
00:03:08,552 --> 00:03:09,541
8:00 p.m. Sharp.
63
00:03:09,619 --> 00:03:11,086
How long is it?
Hour and 45...
64
00:03:11,154 --> 00:03:12,280
No, I can't make it.
65
00:03:13,523 --> 00:03:15,957
They say that no one
can take your pride,
66
00:03:16,026 --> 00:03:19,655
but the people who
cast Andy's play,
they took mine.
67
00:03:20,263 --> 00:03:21,958
Jim, Pam, you guys
are in, right?
68
00:03:22,032 --> 00:03:25,934
Oh, we wanted to, but our
sitter just fell through.
I'm really sorry.
69
00:03:26,403 --> 00:03:27,927
Dwight?
No, thank you.
70
00:03:29,740 --> 00:03:31,105
Last time I went
to the theater,
71
00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:34,006
a man dressed as
a cat sat on my lap.
72
00:03:35,178 --> 00:03:39,512
It would mean so much
to me if you came to
my show tonight.
73
00:03:39,583 --> 00:03:41,915
I can't, Andy.
It's too hard.
74
00:03:41,985 --> 00:03:43,247
That's...
75
00:03:44,755 --> 00:03:47,246
I put everything I
had into that audition.
Do you understand that?
76
00:03:47,324 --> 00:03:48,450
If it makes you
feel any better,
77
00:03:48,525 --> 00:03:52,017
no one who auditioned
for the part of Sweeney Todd
got that part.
78
00:03:52,095 --> 00:03:53,187
They had to bring
in a ringer.
79
00:03:54,531 --> 00:03:57,591
This guy's, like, world class.
You should not feel bad.
80
00:03:59,636 --> 00:04:01,729
I'm asking you,
thespian to thespian,
81
00:04:01,805 --> 00:04:05,571
will you please
be the bigger man
and come to my show?
82
00:04:05,642 --> 00:04:08,577
I wish I could,
Andy, but I can't.
83
00:04:08,645 --> 00:04:11,136
I have plans that night.
84
00:04:11,214 --> 00:04:14,672
I'm going to see
a friend in a play
called Sweeney Todd.
85
00:04:16,987 --> 00:04:19,478
You're that friend.
I'm going to see your play.
86
00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:21,152
87
00:04:21,825 --> 00:04:23,019
Nice!
88
00:04:23,093 --> 00:04:25,027
And scene.
89
00:04:25,295 --> 00:04:28,128
Listen, I would like
you to take me to
Andy's play tonight.
90
00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:30,327
Please, waste of time.
91
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,561
You know what?
Let's just knock
this out right now.
92
00:04:32,636 --> 00:04:33,762
Disrobe.
93
00:04:33,837 --> 00:04:38,240
Angela?
Don't like her anymore.
Not attracted to her anymore.
94
00:04:38,308 --> 00:04:41,209
Just contractually obligated
to make a baby with her.
95
00:04:42,045 --> 00:04:43,478
Give me the punch card.
No.
96
00:04:43,547 --> 00:04:44,707
If you want to
punch the punch card,
97
00:04:44,781 --> 00:04:45,873
you have to take
me to the show.
98
00:04:46,583 --> 00:04:47,880
That is not in the contract.
99
00:04:47,951 --> 00:04:50,283
Well, there's a lot of
gray area in that clause.
100
00:04:50,353 --> 00:04:51,752
Do you want to re-mediate?
101
00:04:51,822 --> 00:04:55,053
All right, fine!
I'll go to your little show.
102
00:04:55,125 --> 00:04:56,183
But I'm not wearing a cape.
103
00:04:56,259 --> 00:04:57,248
Thank you.
104
00:04:57,327 --> 00:04:59,727
Dwight and I have
a contractual agreement
105
00:04:59,796 --> 00:05:02,629
to procreate five times,
plain and simple.
106
00:05:02,699 --> 00:05:06,726
And should he
develop feelings for me?
107
00:05:06,803 --> 00:05:10,000
Well, that would be
permissible under
item 7C, clause 2,
108
00:05:10,073 --> 00:05:13,440
so I would not object.
109
00:05:13,510 --> 00:05:15,603
Hey. How are those salads?
110
00:05:15,679 --> 00:05:16,703
It's my own fault...
111
00:05:16,780 --> 00:05:20,409
My parents used
to scramble to
find babysitters
112
00:05:20,484 --> 00:05:22,418
so they could take
my little brother
to do stuff.
113
00:05:22,486 --> 00:05:23,646
I understand how
hard it can be.
114
00:05:24,521 --> 00:05:26,352
I just... Tonight,
I mean, if you could...
115
00:05:26,423 --> 00:05:27,583
We'll keep looking.
116
00:05:27,657 --> 00:05:28,783
Yes!
Really?
117
00:05:28,859 --> 00:05:31,521
I mean, who knows?
Maybe I have a niece
my family never told me about.
118
00:05:31,595 --> 00:05:33,222
Oh, my gosh,
that would be amazing.
119
00:05:33,296 --> 00:05:34,661
Yeah.
For a lot of reasons.
120
00:05:34,731 --> 00:05:37,529
Yeah, I know. Niece!
121
00:05:39,336 --> 00:05:40,428
Oh! Hey, guys.
122
00:05:40,504 --> 00:05:42,165
You brought
balloons to a play?
123
00:05:42,239 --> 00:05:44,639
I did, because I am
being the bigger man,
124
00:05:44,708 --> 00:05:46,335
and balloons are
bigger than flowers.
125
00:05:46,409 --> 00:05:47,398
It's nice, like Up.
126
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:48,466
Yes.
127
00:05:49,045 --> 00:05:51,445
Excuse me.
Are you the guy
that did an entire
128
00:05:51,515 --> 00:05:53,881
Law & Order episode
for his audition?
129
00:05:56,319 --> 00:05:57,411
Nope.
130
00:05:58,622 --> 00:06:00,590
Guys?
ALL: Hey!
131
00:06:00,657 --> 00:06:01,919
Andy!
Hey!
132
00:06:01,992 --> 00:06:04,222
You all made it.
Thank you so much.
133
00:06:04,294 --> 00:06:05,761
You should
actually thank Erin.
134
00:06:05,829 --> 00:06:07,353
She's the one who
agreed to babysit.
135
00:06:09,065 --> 00:06:10,293
She's babysitting?
136
00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:14,861
I really wanted to see
Andy's play, because
he's so, so talented,
137
00:06:14,938 --> 00:06:17,702
but I've been trying
to get in the babysitting
game forever.
138
00:06:17,774 --> 00:06:21,232
The 13- year-olds
in this town have
a complete monopoly.
139
00:06:21,311 --> 00:06:23,836
It's almost like
a babysitters' club.
140
00:06:23,914 --> 00:06:25,381
I understand.
141
00:06:26,016 --> 00:06:29,816
This is, like, a huge
opportunity for her.
142
00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:38,589
This is ridiculous.
143
00:06:39,296 --> 00:06:42,356
You'd think they'd
discourage people
from bringing in balloons.
144
00:06:42,432 --> 00:06:45,458
Hey, I think this guy
playing Sweeney Todd
is my plumber.
145
00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:49,471
No, Darryl. This guy's
a world-class actor.
146
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,370
He doesn't daylight
as your plumber.
147
00:06:51,441 --> 00:06:53,875
No, it's my plumber.
Says so in his bio.
148
00:06:53,944 --> 00:06:56,344
Apparently, the director
discovered him doing karaoke.
149
00:06:56,413 --> 00:06:58,779
It's his first play.
He didn't even audition.
150
00:06:58,848 --> 00:07:00,577
Are you kidding me?
Shh.
151
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:01,912
If we don't
listen to the overture,
152
00:07:01,985 --> 00:07:03,213
we won't recognize
the musical themes
153
00:07:03,286 --> 00:07:04,378
when they come back later.
154
00:07:04,454 --> 00:07:05,921
All right, I'm sorry.
155
00:07:06,590 --> 00:07:07,989
God.
156
00:07:08,525 --> 00:07:11,050
Attend the taleOf Sweeney Todd
157
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:15,429
His skin was paleAnd his eye was odd
158
00:07:16,266 --> 00:07:18,063
He shaved the facesOf gentlemen
159
00:07:18,134 --> 00:07:20,602
Who never thereafterWere heard of again
160
00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:23,605
He trod a pathThat few have trod
161
00:07:23,673 --> 00:07:25,504
Did Sweeney Todd
162
00:07:26,543 --> 00:07:29,376
The demon barberOf Fleet Street
163
00:07:29,646 --> 00:07:31,136
164
00:07:34,384 --> 00:07:36,909
He kept a shopIn London town
165
00:07:36,987 --> 00:07:39,717
Excuse me,
I think you may be
in the wrong seats.
166
00:07:42,125 --> 00:07:43,786
What if none ofTheir souls were saved
167
00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:46,920
They went to theirMaker impeccably shaved
168
00:07:46,997 --> 00:07:48,362
By Sweeney
169
00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:51,664
By Sweeney Todd
170
00:07:52,435 --> 00:07:55,097
The demon barberOf Fleet Street
171
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:02,544
I feel you
172
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:05,911
Johanna
173
00:08:06,016 --> 00:08:10,419
I feel you
174
00:08:10,487 --> 00:08:12,785
I was half convinced
I waited
175
00:08:12,856 --> 00:08:14,448
I work with that guy.
176
00:08:14,524 --> 00:08:18,221
Satisfied enoughTo dream you
177
00:08:18,294 --> 00:08:21,730
Happily I was mistaken
178
00:08:21,798 --> 00:08:24,767
Johanna
179
00:08:26,369 --> 00:08:29,896
Oh!
There's gum on the seat,
and now it's on my work skirt.
180
00:08:29,973 --> 00:08:31,702
I have to go change.
181
00:08:31,775 --> 00:08:34,300
Too bad I'm not gonna
explain anything
that you miss.
182
00:08:34,377 --> 00:08:36,174
Oh, Dwight, just move.
183
00:08:37,781 --> 00:08:41,342
Do they think thatwalls can hide you?
184
00:08:42,352 --> 00:08:45,515
His name's Andy.
He's a terrible salesman.
185
00:08:45,588 --> 00:08:49,115
I am in the dark beside you
186
00:08:51,094 --> 00:08:52,925
What time is it?
187
00:09:00,537 --> 00:09:01,765
Michael!
188
00:09:02,605 --> 00:09:03,799
Shelby Thomas Weems,
the director.
189
00:09:03,873 --> 00:09:04,999
Hello.
190
00:09:05,075 --> 00:09:08,101
I promise you that if
you keep auditioning
191
00:09:08,178 --> 00:09:09,839
with a similar gusto...
Okay.
192
00:09:09,913 --> 00:09:13,747
...we are going to
find a production
with a role for Michael Scott.
193
00:09:13,817 --> 00:09:14,943
Okay.
Yes?
194
00:09:15,018 --> 00:09:16,042
Yes.
Good.
195
00:09:16,119 --> 00:09:17,381
Good.
Enjoy the second act.
196
00:09:17,454 --> 00:09:18,716
You enjoy the second act.
Have a refreshment.
197
00:09:18,788 --> 00:09:20,119
Thank you. You, too.
198
00:09:20,557 --> 00:09:22,320
Thank you, thank you.
199
00:09:24,728 --> 00:09:26,320
Come on, Dwight.
200
00:09:26,796 --> 00:09:28,764
Why are you dressed
like a seed catalog model?
201
00:09:29,499 --> 00:09:32,593
These are just my dirty
old gardening clothes.
202
00:09:32,669 --> 00:09:34,330
They were all
that I had in my car.
203
00:09:34,404 --> 00:09:35,666
Let's go.
204
00:09:39,609 --> 00:09:42,544
Hey, Erin, it's Pam.
Hey, how you doing...
205
00:09:42,612 --> 00:09:44,842
No, no, don't put Cece
on the phone, because
she can't talk yet.
206
00:09:46,015 --> 00:09:49,473
Okay. No, I was
just calling to see
how everything's going.
207
00:09:49,552 --> 00:09:51,349
Yeah? Yeah? It's good?
208
00:09:52,322 --> 00:09:54,790
The play?
The play is kind of great.
209
00:09:54,891 --> 00:09:59,123
I mean,
it's fun to hear Andy sing
in the appropriate setting.
210
00:09:59,195 --> 00:10:02,358
No, he's really sorry
you couldn't make it, too.
211
00:10:02,432 --> 00:10:06,300
Yeah.
So thank you so much again.
We're having a great time.
212
00:10:06,369 --> 00:10:09,031
Oh, they're
flashing the lights,
so we should go in.
213
00:10:09,105 --> 00:10:10,504
Thanks. Bye.
214
00:10:11,574 --> 00:10:12,871
Okay, so we called,
and everything's fine.
215
00:10:12,942 --> 00:10:14,170
Everything's fine.
216
00:10:14,244 --> 00:10:15,268
We can relax.
217
00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:16,903
We can relax.
Let's get our Sweeney on.
218
00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:20,472
Then I goWalking with you-hoo
219
00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:22,074
You-hoo
220
00:10:22,152 --> 00:10:25,485
I warm me bonesOn the esplanade
221
00:10:25,555 --> 00:10:28,524
Have tea and sconesWith me gay young blade
222
00:10:28,591 --> 00:10:29,615
Hey, Michael!
223
00:10:29,692 --> 00:10:32,354
I'll knit a sweaterWhile you write a letter
224
00:10:32,428 --> 00:10:36,023
Unless we'veGot better to do-hoo
225
00:10:36,599 --> 00:10:38,226
Anything you say
226
00:10:38,635 --> 00:10:42,264
Think how snug it'll beUnderneath our flannel
227
00:10:42,338 --> 00:10:45,705
When it's just you and meAnd the English Channel
228
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:49,074
In our cozy retreatKept all neat and tidy
229
00:10:49,145 --> 00:10:52,012
We'll have chumsOver ev'ry Friday
230
00:10:52,081 --> 00:10:53,571
By the sea
231
00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:54,776
Anything you say
232
00:10:54,851 --> 00:10:58,218
Don't you love the weather
233
00:10:59,022 --> 00:11:00,614
Just checking my e-mails.
234
00:11:00,690 --> 00:11:04,182
See if I got any
last-minute "break-a-legs"
235
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:06,490
or "l-still-Iove-you"
type texts.
236
00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:13,360
Doesn't look
like I got anything.
Maybe on my Facebook wall.
237
00:11:19,375 --> 00:11:21,900
Unfortunately, in this
ham-fisted production
of Sweeney Todd,
238
00:11:21,978 --> 00:11:24,674
the real terror
comes from the
vocal performances.
239
00:11:24,747 --> 00:11:25,941
New paragraph.
240
00:11:26,015 --> 00:11:28,813
Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd!
I found her!
241
00:11:30,119 --> 00:11:31,882
You found Johanna.
242
00:11:31,955 --> 00:11:34,549
That monster of
a judge has locked her...
243
00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:37,320
�MUSICAL TONE
PLAYING ON CELL PHONE�
244
00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:40,088
Locked her away...
245
00:11:40,163 --> 00:11:41,528
�MUSICAL TONE
CONTINUES PLAYING�
246
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:49,866
There's a little
bird fluttering around.
Do hope it ceases chirping.
247
00:11:50,039 --> 00:11:51,472
248
00:11:52,275 --> 00:11:53,503
How is that funny?
249
00:11:53,576 --> 00:11:57,603
The bird continues to call.
Someone please
turn off your bird.
250
00:11:57,714 --> 00:11:59,341
�MUSICAL TONE
CONTINUES PLAYING�
251
00:11:59,415 --> 00:12:02,714
Oh, for the love...
Turn your phone off!
There are signs!
252
00:12:02,785 --> 00:12:03,877
Oh!
253
00:12:04,888 --> 00:12:08,619
It appears the bird
was in mine own pocket
this whole time.
254
00:12:08,691 --> 00:12:11,285
He's gone to sleep now.
I closed his beak.
255
00:12:12,462 --> 00:12:13,793
256
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:16,525
What is the news
of my darling
daughter Johanna?
257
00:12:16,633 --> 00:12:17,930
�MUSICAL TONE
PLAYS ON CELL PHONE�
258
00:12:18,034 --> 00:12:20,332
You know what?
Let me just double check.
259
00:12:20,403 --> 00:12:22,667
Make sure that bird...
260
00:12:24,173 --> 00:12:26,641
Okay, good. It's off.
261
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:31,039
I mean, silenced.
I silenced it by killing it.
262
00:12:31,114 --> 00:12:34,914
I've killed it!
I'm a murderer!
Just like you, Sweeney Todd!
263
00:12:34,984 --> 00:12:36,451
See? It all connects.
264
00:12:38,655 --> 00:12:40,247
Not that I know
you're a murderer.
265
00:12:40,323 --> 00:12:41,847
My character
doesn't know that yet.
266
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:48,823
But I'm suspicious,
because of all the razors
that you have laying around.
267
00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,559
And you spend time alone,
268
00:12:51,768 --> 00:12:53,497
but you're a barber,
so that's legit.
269
00:12:54,570 --> 00:12:56,003
So there's that.
270
00:12:56,072 --> 00:12:57,198
But...
271
00:12:57,273 --> 00:12:58,604
Where is Johanna?
272
00:12:58,675 --> 00:12:59,801
A madhouse.
A madhouse?
273
00:12:59,876 --> 00:13:01,867
Yes, a madhouse.
274
00:13:01,945 --> 00:13:03,344
A madhouse?
275
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:05,142
Johanna is as good
as rescued.
276
00:13:05,214 --> 00:13:06,909
Where do you suppose
all the wig makers
277
00:13:06,983 --> 00:13:09,781
of London go to
obtain their human hair?
278
00:13:09,852 --> 00:13:11,376
Do you think...
279
00:13:12,755 --> 00:13:14,279
So you think...
280
00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:26,265
So you think...
Fogg's Asylum, why not?
281
00:13:26,769 --> 00:13:28,031
282
00:13:29,205 --> 00:13:30,263
283
00:13:32,208 --> 00:13:33,505
Sounds like Cece.
284
00:13:33,576 --> 00:13:35,908
Okay, I think everybody
just needs to relax.
285
00:13:35,979 --> 00:13:36,968
Oh, my God. Go, go.
286
00:13:37,046 --> 00:13:38,138
Oh, my God.
287
00:13:43,419 --> 00:13:44,613
288
00:13:45,254 --> 00:13:49,520
That's really
irresponsible of Erin.
She's a terrible babysitter.
289
00:13:53,096 --> 00:13:54,996
I just didn't think
you guys were
gonna see us.
290
00:13:55,064 --> 00:13:56,998
We were just gonna
stop by and then
get some ice cream
291
00:13:57,066 --> 00:13:58,090
and then go home.
292
00:13:58,801 --> 00:14:00,200
Okay, this was
pretty simple. Right?
293
00:14:00,269 --> 00:14:01,293
Why are you here?
294
00:14:01,371 --> 00:14:03,202
All you had to do
was play with her
295
00:14:03,272 --> 00:14:05,069
for, like, 30 minutes
and then put her to bed.
296
00:14:05,141 --> 00:14:07,075
Then we were kind of
hoping that you wouldn't
touch her again.
297
00:14:07,143 --> 00:14:08,940
Babies shouldn't have
ice cream, by the way.
298
00:14:09,479 --> 00:14:12,471
I'm sorry. I just...
I really wanted to see Andy.
299
00:14:12,548 --> 00:14:13,947
You guys made it
sound so un-missable,
300
00:14:14,017 --> 00:14:16,110
and you set me
up with a car seat
and everything.
301
00:14:16,185 --> 00:14:18,710
Well, the car seat
was to take her
to the hospital or...
302
00:14:19,288 --> 00:14:21,085
But why would I take
her to the hospital?
303
00:14:21,691 --> 00:14:24,159
You know what,
it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
304
00:14:24,227 --> 00:14:26,855
Why don't I
just take her home,
and let you guys finish,
305
00:14:26,929 --> 00:14:28,794
and then you should
stay out as late
as you want.
306
00:14:28,865 --> 00:14:30,730
No, we're good.
Thank you, though.
307
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:31,926
Yeah.
Thanks.
308
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:34,060
Okay. All right, bye, Cece.
309
00:14:34,837 --> 00:14:36,498
Okay.
All right.
310
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,298
Well, we're never
leaving the house again.
311
00:14:38,374 --> 00:14:39,398
Not together.
312
00:14:51,287 --> 00:14:53,312
313
00:14:58,761 --> 00:15:00,524
314
00:15:07,236 --> 00:15:09,363
That was more
horrifying than Nunsense.
315
00:15:09,439 --> 00:15:10,599
All that singing
got in the way
316
00:15:10,673 --> 00:15:12,834
of some perfectly
good murders.
317
00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:15,641
Where's my car?
318
00:15:24,921 --> 00:15:25,945
Come on.
319
00:15:28,524 --> 00:15:30,924
Mmm!
Fruit is so much
better when it's dried.
320
00:15:30,993 --> 00:15:32,688
I've already eaten,
like, 30 apricots.
321
00:15:32,762 --> 00:15:33,786
Darryl?
322
00:15:33,863 --> 00:15:34,852
Hey!
323
00:15:34,931 --> 00:15:36,330
Didn't know you
were gonna be here.
324
00:15:36,399 --> 00:15:37,991
How's the toilet?
Silent.
325
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,762
Look, congratulations.
Thank you.
326
00:15:39,836 --> 00:15:43,363
I had no idea.
This plumber has pipes.
327
00:15:43,439 --> 00:15:45,600
Yeah, good job. Well done.
328
00:15:46,175 --> 00:15:47,301
You're the guy
who booed me.
329
00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:49,004
Mmm-mmm.
330
00:15:49,779 --> 00:15:52,407
No, there were a lot
of people booing you.
I wasn't one of them.
331
00:15:52,482 --> 00:15:55,076
No, I saw you,
and you were the only one.
332
00:15:55,618 --> 00:15:57,085
Get your eyes checked,
chucklehead.
333
00:15:57,153 --> 00:16:00,418
Be cool, Michael.
I saw this guy kill
a bunch of people.
334
00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:02,355
Good work.
Thank you.
335
00:16:05,862 --> 00:16:06,886
You didn't have to boo him.
336
00:16:06,963 --> 00:16:08,863
He was getting
a lot of applause,
337
00:16:08,931 --> 00:16:10,558
and I just didn't
think it was indicative
338
00:16:10,633 --> 00:16:11,964
of how people
were really feeling.
339
00:16:12,034 --> 00:16:13,331
How would you like
it if we booed you?
340
00:16:13,402 --> 00:16:15,302
That would never happen.
341
00:16:15,438 --> 00:16:16,598
Okay.
342
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,266
I appreciate the feedback.
343
00:16:18,341 --> 00:16:19,740
344
00:16:21,410 --> 00:16:23,469
I don't like that at all.
345
00:16:25,248 --> 00:16:26,738
Are you ready?
346
00:16:26,816 --> 00:16:27,942
Yes.
347
00:16:28,017 --> 00:16:30,713
I'm so scared!
Okay, kill me!
Just kill me! Kill me!
348
00:16:30,853 --> 00:16:32,218
349
00:16:32,455 --> 00:16:33,547
350
00:16:33,656 --> 00:16:35,590
Blood everywhere.
Oh, no.
351
00:16:36,826 --> 00:16:38,885
I'm so glad we're hanging
out again outside of work.
352
00:16:38,961 --> 00:16:40,223
Yeah, me, too.
353
00:16:41,797 --> 00:16:42,786
Okay, I kill you now.
354
00:16:42,865 --> 00:16:43,854
Okay.
355
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,392
All right.
356
00:16:45,835 --> 00:16:47,928
All right, let's do this.
357
00:16:48,004 --> 00:16:50,905
You know, actually, Dwight,
I didn't realize how far
this walk was,
358
00:16:50,973 --> 00:16:52,235
and I'm exhausted.
359
00:16:52,308 --> 00:16:53,502
It's okay, I smell.
360
00:16:53,576 --> 00:16:55,908
No. No, no, no. I think
I just want to go home,
361
00:16:55,978 --> 00:16:58,572
but it's okay.
This can count as
one of your times.
362
00:16:58,648 --> 00:17:00,912
No, no, no.
Contractually, we're
obligated to have sex.
363
00:17:01,517 --> 00:17:02,643
Well, I won't
tell if you don't.
364
00:17:02,718 --> 00:17:04,549
I will tell.
I will tell the mediator.
365
00:17:07,957 --> 00:17:10,050
What...
What are you... Oh, okay.
366
00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:13,351
Oh, was that in the way?
Get rid of it. Oh!
367
00:17:14,497 --> 00:17:16,226
Good night, Dwight.
368
00:17:22,838 --> 00:17:24,203
Good night.
369
00:17:27,143 --> 00:17:30,442
These would have
been your seats.
Best seats in the house.
370
00:17:30,513 --> 00:17:33,676
Lot of people think it
would be the front row,
but, actually, right here,
371
00:17:33,749 --> 00:17:36,274
this is where
the speakers converge
372
00:17:36,352 --> 00:17:39,150
and the sound just,
like, nails you right here.
373
00:17:39,222 --> 00:17:40,814
This is awesome.
374
00:17:40,890 --> 00:17:42,118
Oh.
375
00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:43,351
Sorry. Oh.
Oh.
376
00:17:43,793 --> 00:17:44,817
Hi, Gabe.
377
00:17:46,128 --> 00:17:49,859
Yeah, I just stopped
by Andy's cast party
to say hi to everyone.
378
00:17:49,932 --> 00:17:53,163
Sure, I can pick you up
some soup. What do you want?
379
00:17:53,236 --> 00:17:54,965
That's broth, Gabe.
380
00:17:55,571 --> 00:17:57,732
Okay, I'll see you soup.
381
00:17:58,641 --> 00:18:01,075
Okay, I have to go.
Thank you so much.
382
00:18:01,143 --> 00:18:03,907
This was so much fun,
and I'm really sorry
that I missed your play,
383
00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:06,039
but next time,
I'll be there.
384
00:18:06,115 --> 00:18:08,083
Or here.
Right here, I promise.
385
00:18:08,150 --> 00:18:09,640
Awesome.
Okay.
386
00:18:10,253 --> 00:18:11,277
See you later.
387
00:18:11,354 --> 00:18:12,685
Thank you.
388
00:18:18,594 --> 00:18:19,891
389
00:18:20,096 --> 00:18:21,120
390
00:18:21,197 --> 00:18:23,461
It's like The Hurt Locker.
391
00:18:23,532 --> 00:18:24,829
This night was a disaster.
392
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:27,061
No, it was not a disaster.
393
00:18:27,136 --> 00:18:29,161
It was weird,
but it wasn't a disaster.
394
00:18:30,106 --> 00:18:33,507
I think we have, like,
a gift bottle of Irish Cream.
395
00:18:33,576 --> 00:18:35,339
Yeah?
We could put that
in orange juice.
396
00:18:35,411 --> 00:18:36,537
Get it.
Yeah?
397
00:18:36,612 --> 00:18:38,546
Let's get our juice on.
Yeah.
398
00:18:38,914 --> 00:18:40,211
399
00:18:41,951 --> 00:18:43,282
PHYLLIS: Found him.
400
00:18:43,753 --> 00:18:47,314
Hey, what's going on here?
Post-show blues?
401
00:18:47,390 --> 00:18:48,857
Yeah, I guess
you could say that.
402
00:18:48,924 --> 00:18:50,949
Yeah, I get those
every day after work.
403
00:18:51,027 --> 00:18:52,460
Your show was
really great, Andy.
404
00:18:52,528 --> 00:18:55,656
Interesting subject matter.
I'm surprised
you pulled it off.
405
00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:57,963
It was like amateur hour.
406
00:18:58,034 --> 00:18:59,626
It was an amateur production,
technically.
407
00:18:59,702 --> 00:19:03,866
Oscar,
enough with the sass, please!
God! What is wrong with you?
408
00:19:03,939 --> 00:19:05,531
Andy, listen to me.
409
00:19:05,608 --> 00:19:06,973
Look me in the eye.
410
00:19:07,510 --> 00:19:08,841
I thought that
you were awesome.
411
00:19:08,911 --> 00:19:09,969
Stop just saying that.
412
00:19:10,046 --> 00:19:11,445
I am not just saying that.
413
00:19:11,514 --> 00:19:13,505
You can trust that I am
telling you the truth.
414
00:19:13,582 --> 00:19:16,574
I booed someone tonight.
I have no filter.
415
00:19:16,652 --> 00:19:19,018
And if I thought
you were terrible,
I would have booed.
416
00:19:19,088 --> 00:19:20,851
And if I thought you
had done a better job,
417
00:19:20,923 --> 00:19:23,619
I would be saying
nicer things right now.
418
00:19:23,693 --> 00:19:26,594
But I thought that you
were exactly awesome.
419
00:19:26,662 --> 00:19:28,425
No better, no worse.
420
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:31,493
Thank you.
That feels good.
421
00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:36,027
I did not say that
to make you feel good.
I just said it.
422
00:19:36,105 --> 00:19:37,697
Total integrity.
423
00:19:37,773 --> 00:19:39,400
DARRYL: Andy,
sing us another song.
424
00:19:39,475 --> 00:19:41,238
Thanks, but I feel
like a Ioner right now.
425
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:42,675
Come on, Andy.
You were the highlight.
426
00:19:42,745 --> 00:19:44,042
Come on, Andy, seriously.
427
00:19:44,113 --> 00:19:45,273
Andy! Andy!
428
00:19:45,348 --> 00:19:46,440
ALL: Andy!
429
00:19:46,515 --> 00:19:48,574
Andy! Andy!
430
00:19:48,651 --> 00:19:50,175
Okay, all right.
431
00:19:50,252 --> 00:19:53,813
I try to say goodbyeAnd I choke
432
00:19:53,889 --> 00:19:56,483
Try to walk awayAnd I stumble
433
00:19:56,559 --> 00:19:58,823
Though I try to hide itIt's clear
434
00:19:58,894 --> 00:20:01,795
My world crumblesWhen you are not here
435
00:20:02,365 --> 00:20:07,667
I play it off butI'm dreaming of you
436
00:20:07,737 --> 00:20:11,070
I keep my coolBut I'm fiending
437
00:20:11,140 --> 00:20:14,166
ALL:
I try to say goodbyeAnd I choke
438
00:20:14,610 --> 00:20:17,272
Try to walk awayAnd I stumble
439
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:20,008
Though I try to hide itIt's clear
440
00:20:20,082 --> 00:20:23,677
My world crumblesWhen you are not near
441
00:20:23,753 --> 00:20:26,051
My world
442
00:20:26,155 --> 00:20:27,713
It crumbles
443
00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:31,692
When you are not here
444
00:20:36,999 --> 00:20:38,694
445
00:20:46,909 --> 00:20:48,467
In the criminal
justice system,
446
00:20:48,544 --> 00:20:52,537
the people are represented
by two separate
yet equally important groups,
447
00:20:52,615 --> 00:20:54,048
the police who
investigate the crimes,
448
00:20:54,116 --> 00:20:56,812
and the district attorneys
who prosecute the offenders.
449
00:20:56,886 --> 00:20:58,183
These are their stories.
450
00:20:58,320 --> 00:20:59,617
451
00:21:00,189 --> 00:21:01,781
452
00:21:01,857 --> 00:21:04,223
I'm just a cleaning lady.
453
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,260
A dead body!
454
00:21:06,662 --> 00:21:08,994
He wrapped his belt
around his own neck.
455
00:21:09,064 --> 00:21:12,227
It looks like a classic case
of autoerotic asphyxiation.
456
00:21:12,301 --> 00:21:15,600
Yeah, looks like everybody's
tightening their
belts in this economy.
457
00:21:15,671 --> 00:21:17,571
�HUMMING LAW & ORDER THEME�
458
00:21:19,175 --> 00:21:21,769
Last time you saw the victim,
was he happy?
459
00:21:21,844 --> 00:21:25,439
Last time I saw
this John he was...
460
00:21:25,514 --> 00:21:27,448
He wasn't a victim,
if you know what
I'm talking about.
461
00:21:27,516 --> 00:21:28,744
DIRECTOR: Thank you.
No!
462
00:21:28,818 --> 00:21:30,843
That was just part...
I was just getting
into the first act.
34134
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