All language subtitles for The.Missionary.1982.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG.Eng

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Ah, Daniel. How are you?

I like it. Yeah.

CHARLES: Now, here's an easier one.
What date was the Magna Carta signed?

Not all at once.

Jonathan, can you remember
anything about the Middle Ages?

♪ From Greenland's icy mountains

♪ From India's coral strand

NARRATOR: In the spring of 1906,

after ten years of
selfless service

in some of the most
inhospitable corners

of Britain's far-flung Empire,

Charles Fortescue,
the missionary,

returned to England a hero.

- So sorry.
- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, please don't worry.
I'm not hurt at all.

I'm just taken by
surprise, that's all.

They're rather
difficult to handle.

Especially in this weather.

- Yes, this doesn't help.
- What are they?

They're fertility objects.
African, mainly.

They're beautiful.

Yes, well, sexual potency is
frightfully important out there.

Well...

welcome home, Mr Fortescue.

Hurry, hurry!

Hurry! Come on!

Stop pulling the reins!
Ah, damn you!

How is Deborah?

Oh, just like a little child.

You know, terribly excited.

She was a child when I left.

Oh, yes.
Well, she's a fine woman now.

By God's grace,
the image of her mother.

Oh yes, I was very sorry to
hear about Mrs Fitzbanks.

Well, the Lord giveth,
and the Lord taketh away.

She loved ice
skating, ll remember.

Such a shame she
never learned to swim.

Come on! Get moving!

FITZBANKS: Parswelll
Whoa, Parswell!

Whoa! Parswell! Whoa! Parswell!

Steady, Parswell.

PARSWELL: Sorry, sir.

Surely this can't be old Major?

Yes, old Major.

He still remembers me.

Always the same, Parswell.

- This relentless quest for speed.
- Come on, boy.

- What are these, anyway?
- Fertility symbols, sir.

They know I'm getting
married, you see.

Better not show them to Deborah.

Take them up the back stairs.
All right?

All right, sir.

Leave you to say hello.

Ah, thank you.

- I'll give you a hand...
- Deborah?

Deborah? I'm back.

Deborah...

you look absolutely marvellous.

I'm Emily, the maid, sir.

Oh.

Sorry.

I'll help bring your things
in, sir.

Er... yes, if you would, please.
They're, um...

they're outside.

DEBORAH: Hello, Charles!

Deborah?

Well, how are you?

Oh, ever so well.
And how are you?

Oh, not so bad. 26 days at sea.

Feel a bit like an unpacked bag.

Oh. well,
I can get you one if you want.

Oh, no, no.
I feel as if I am one.

- Charles.
- Yes?

- There's some lunch.
- Ah.

It's been such a long time.

Yes, well, I just didn't
know when you'd be arriving.

No, no.
Since we last saw each other.

Oh!

Ten years.

Ten years, four months,
18 days, and 25 minutes.

- It's cold.
- What?

- Lunch.
- Oh, that'll be fine.

It's just so nice to be back.

DEBORAH: !
do hope you're hungry.

CHARLES: Rather. I've haven't
eaten since the Bay of Biscay.

Oculi omnium in
te spectant Domine

et tu das illis
escam in tempore.

Aperis tu manum tuam,

et imples omne animalia
benedictione tuam.

Gloria Patri, et Filio,
et Spiritui sancto.

Sicut erat in principio,

et nunc, et semper,
et in saeculo saecularum.

Benedictus, benedicat per
Jesum Christum Dominum Nostrum.

Tuck in, Charles!
You must be starving.

I kept all your letters.

I kept all yours.

Yes. They're upstairs
in numbered boxes.

Oh, Deborah.

The first eight boxes
are general subjects.

Yes...

They're divided into
separate subsections.

Oh, yes?

There're six for
particular subjects:

birthday, Easter, Christmas,
all that sort of thing.

Ah, yes.

So ll find July the 8th, 1899,

see Elephants, Box 5, Section 3.

- How busy you must have been.
- Oh, I enjoy it. I love filing.

And where did you
keep the letter

in which I asked
you to marry me?

Box 3, Section 11.

Ah.

I hope I didn't
sound too forward.

No, no, not at all.

I mean,
I did think of you an awful lot.

Well, I know, otherwise you wouldn't
have written me all those letters.

Of course, right.

Six hundred and sixty-three.

I used to sit out at night,
under the vast bowl of the stars,

And 143 postcards.

But I felt terribly alone.

They wouldn't all
fit into my room,

so I had to put 18-B
to 22-S in the study,

and then all the odd
numbers, 15 to 23,

in Daddy's bedroom,

and when I've re-indexed
Boxes 21 to 40,

I'll have a 15-year,
two-stage cross-reference...

LADY AMES: What are they?

CHARLES: They're fertility objects.
African, mainly.

LADY AMES: They're beautiful.

Well welcome home, Mr Fortescue.

This is marvellous!

Like seeing it all
for the first time!

I had an old bone-shaker out in
Africa, you know.

Yes, you said in letters
18, 36, and 49.

- Did I really?
- Mmm.

I used to ride around
the province on it.

The locals had never
seen a bicycle before.

They used to call me "the
man on the starving horse".

How silly.

You really should have come
out to Africa, you know.

No, I can't stand being dirty.

I'm going to be a jolly,
happy English vicar's wife,

and have a big house
with lots of children.

That's all I want.

Well, we'll have to see
what I'm offered in London.

The Bishop may want me to be a
prison chaplain or something.

Oh, Charles!

I can't wait to be married!

NARRATOR: Fortescue didn't have
to wait long to meet the Bishop.

An urgent note requested
his presence in London,

less than a week after
his arrival home.

Excuse me.

The Church and University
Club, I'm looking for.

Straight across the road, sir.

Ah. Thank you.

Thanks.

Driver.

Excuse me. The Bishop of London?

Down the end, sir.

Ah, thank you.

That's it. Keep your guard up.

Fortescue!

Come on down.

Oh, come on, now.
It isn't a dance!

Keep your guard up.

Oh, come on, Liggett!
You can do better than that.

Ah, good.
I'm sorry to drag you down here,

but it's my young men's
night, and I couldn't miss it.

- Do you like a scrap?
- I'm sorry?

I love to see a pair
of fit boys scrapping.

Hockey.

- Hockey?
- Do you play hockey?

No, my Lord. I'm afraid I don't.

Oh, too bad.
I promised I'd get a team together

to play the Methodists
on Saturday week.

Now, they're very good,
but physical. Yes.

Drink?

- Well, a cup of tea would be very nice.
- Yes, tea it shall be. Wise man.

- Hilda!

Two of your finest.

Yes, well, how was Africa?

Quite remarkable, sir.
Quite remarkable.

Much time for sport?

Sport? No, not a lot.

I was out there for a
while, you know.

Wonderful country.
I tried to teach them

the rudiments of rugby football.

But it wasn't really
their sort of thing.

They hang onto the
ball for too long.

Weeks, sometimes.

Liggett! Liggett!
Keep your eye on him!

Tighten them up, Bunyan.
Keep them firm.

That's it.

Yes, he doesn't like
rules, your African.

We had a chap called
Sperry in Tabaka province.

Keen cricketer. County standard.

He tried to explain
the no-ball rule

to a very primitive
side from Mashonaland.

Well, I mean, they cut his
head off in the tea interval.

Stuck it on the pavilion.

The worst thing was he'd
built that pavilion himself.

Still, just shows you can't
force the pace of progress.

- Well, cheers.
- Cheers.

Now, let me get
straight to the reason

why I brought you back, um, erm...
Fortescue.

Um...

How are you with women?

I beg your pardon, sir?

I know you're good
with Africans,

but how are you with... with...
with... with... with women?

I'm sorry, sir.
I'm not quite sure what you mean.

Well, we've got a
problem, Fortescue.

An increasing problem.

- Women?
- Certain kinds of women, yes.

Certain kinds?

Ladies of the street.

Filles de joie.

Daughters of the night.

They're a big problem
for the Church.

No, no.
We're strong on drunkenness,

we've had a fair
crack at homelessness,

but,
as far as prostitution goes,

we're not even out
of the changing room.

What do you want me to
do, my Lord?

Go amongst prostitutes,
Fortescue.

Go to the filthiest
streets of London,

into the back alleys,
and behind the workhouses.

Seek out the harlots
and the streetwalkers.

Get to know them.
Get to understand them.

Win their confidence.

Find out why they
do what they do,

and stop them doing it.

We badly need this
mission, Fortescue.

Your Methodist,
your Salvationist,

even your Catholic is
showing us the way home.

We're starting a lap behind,

but we can still get our
nose ahead of the bell.

What do you say?

Well, I don't know what to
say, sir.

I didn't quite expect this.

No, no, I realise it's a
difficult one to bowl at you

right out of the blue like that.

All would ask is...

that you come dancing
with me tonight.

♪ Put on your
ta-ta, little girlie

♪ Do do what I want you to

♪ Far from the busy hurly burly

♪ I've got lots to say to you...

BISHOP: Look at them.

You know, some of them...

some of them are only in
their 13th and 14th year.

How old are you, my dear?

- Twenty-three.
- Twenty-three!

You don't have to do this
work, you know.

- Go away.
- Come on, gents, one at a time.

I am a bishop.

Sorry, sir. No reductions.

I can help you find other
work, my dear.

- Come on.
- Please, please.

Come back with us,
we'll find you food, and clothing...

Harry, trouble!

You won't have to come back
to all this degradation.

Take your hands off me!
I'm a member of the Church!

SINGER: ♪ Your
pretty little ta-ta

♪ And come out to ta-ta with...

DRIVER: Out the road!

Charles?

- Charles!
- PARSWELL: Miss Deborah?

Charles?

We've been so worried about you.
Are you all right?

Yes, I'm absolutely fine.

Oh, thank goodness for that.

I had some dreadful vision

of you getting into
all sorts of trouble.

What's happened to your head?

Oh! Oh, that's nothing. 1, er...

I banged it. On the door.
Of the train.

How was the concert?

Well,
everyone was asking after you.

They're all terribly
excited about the wedding.

- Wedding?
- Our wedding.

Oh, yes. Yes.

Well, don't be so mysterious.
Do tell.

Is it an important job?

Yes. Yes, it is an important
job, Deborah.

It's not exactly
what I was expecting,

but, by God,
it needs to be done,

and I shall do it the
best I possibly can.

- Something hot, sir?
- What?

Kept some kedgeree for you, sir.

Oh, thank you, Emily. Thank you.

What is it?

I'm going to remain
a missionary.

- But I thought...
- A missionary in England.

Everyone's English in England.

But they're no less
needful of our help.

Deborah, I saw scenes last night
which will never leave my memory.

In the heart of
our capital city,

in the centre of our Empire,

there are people who have
no homes but the street.

You mean tramps?

Tramps, yes, and others.

Are you going to be
looking after tramps?

No, I shall be
looking after women.

Women tramps?

No, women who are
in moral trouble.

Liars?

Deborah.

Not yet, Charles.

Sorry.

Do sit down, Deborah.
I want to talk this over with you,

so we both know exactly
what we're doing.

The mission is going to take up

a very large part of
my life from now on.

I promised the Bishop
I'd not only run it,

but I'd find the
money to run it.

- Milk?
- Please.

This will take me away from you,

and it'll take time.

So that's why I want you
to be absolutely clear

about what it is I'm taking on.

- Sugar?
- One, please.

Deborah, do you know what
is meant by "fallen women"?

Women who have hurt their knees?

No, no, no, no.
Much worse than that.

Broken their legs?

NARRATOR: Only slightly deterred
by Deborah's evident inability

to fully comprehend
the nature of his work,

Fortescue threw himself into
the task of fund-raising

with characteristic vigour.

Mind the carpet, sir.

My husband won't have anything
mended, you know.

Well, I should imagine the
costs must be very high.

Well, yes, but he doesn't
like to be parted from them.

Well... eminently reasonable.

- Cedric, dear, someone to see you.
- Oh?

This is Mr Fortescue,
the missionary.

You remember, we read all
about him in the newspapers.

Oh.

He wants us to help him
in his new work, dear.

Isn't that splendid?

How do you do, sir?

- I'm so pleased to meet you.
- Oh! Don't...

Don't shake his hand.

It's a terrible palaver.

It's a most beautiful house.

He won't hear that, I'm afraid.

- It's a most beautiful house!
- Hmm?

No. He doesn't hear
anything on that side.

I was just saying, sir,

what a most beautiful
house you have here.

Hello.

LADY FRAMLEIGH: There. You've got
him, but it's still a little close.

It's all to do with
pitch and vibration.

Having spent, er...
ten years in Africa,

I realise that,
in all that time,

I'd been neglecting the needs
of our own people here at home.

Er... it's all very well
sending out missions

to Indochina, the
Gambia, Somaliland...

when the real problems are
here, under our very noses.

This is the country
that needs our help.

All our best people go to
Africa and to the colonies,

but what do they leave behind
them, here, on our doorstep?

A moral void.

In the heart of
our great cities,

in the back streets and
behind the workhouses,

and among the slum tenements,

you will find young women,

some of them no more
than 13 and 14 years old,

who wander the
streets, homeless,

the prey of exploiters
and criminals.

They know no pride,
they know no shame,

as they sink deeper and
deeper into the abyss.

I've seen them.
I've talked to them.

I've heard their cries for help,

and if we ignore those cries...

if we refuse to help,
if we refuse to fight,

if we pass by on the other side,

- then He will call us to account.

He will want to know why it is,
we let our own people wallow

in the mire and filth of evil,

why we saw so clearly
the mote in others' eyes,

but not the beam in our own.

Unless we can take
up the battle to save

and enlighten these
wretched souls now,

then the darkness of ignorance
we see so clearly in others

will engulf us all.

We'll be sucked into the
quicksands of apathy,

leaving the profiteers
and the procurers

to ply their cruel trade.

I believe most strongly
that we cannot and must not

seek the easy way out.

To ignore what is going on,

to pretend nothing is happening.

We can begin the moral revival.

We can begin to save the souls
of those British fallen women

who have fallen into sin,

who've been dragged
down through no fault,

other than their own
ignorance and innocence.

But we must act now, and that is
why I've come along here today,

because I believe that it is
with the help of people like you

that we can start a
new and vigorous...

- Mr Fortescue?
- Tide of hope and optimism.

- Mr Fortescue?
- With the help of people like you,

- we can breach the barriers of ignorance.
- Mr Fortescue!

And smash the barriers of...
Yes?

I'm awfully sorry,
but my husband has died.

- Died?
- Yes.

You know,
his heart has ceased to...

Yes, yes, I...

Oh, dear.

I'm terribly sorry
because he would've loved

to have heard what
you were saying.

Oh, no, no,
I'm the one who should be sorry.

I do apologise.

Oh, don't worry, Mr Fortescue.

These things happen,

and he has had a
jolly good innings.

I'm... I'm most frightfully sorry.
I shall be going.

Oh, no,
it's I who should be sorry.

It was really a breach of...
of manners.

Because he's very forgetful,

and he probably
forgot you were there.

CHARLES: Well,
I think when one's dying,

one does tend to
become forgetful.

LADY FRAMLEIGH: He's
never done it before.

Take your coat, sir?

Oh, yes. Thank you, Emily.

DEBORAH: Charles!

What is it?

Come up here.
I've got a surprise for you.

I'm in my bedroom.

♪ Dear Lord and
father of mankind

♪ Forgive our foolish... ♪
Door's open.

♪ Rightful mind... 3

Hello.

Look at the shelves.

Incoming, Box A.

Incoming... A.

Who is this Lady Ames?

Lord Ames' wife.

Who's he?

Oh Charles, where have you
been for the last ten years?

Darkest Africa?

Oh. Well,
he's terribly important.

He was General
Gordon's number two.

Why has she written to
me offering me his money?

I mean, I never wrote to her.

Of course you didn't, silly.
I did.

According to the book,
he was the richest man in Britain,

and I think that it was
worth starting there.

Deborah, you are a
very, very clever girl.

I just want to get married,
that's all, Charles.

I suppose I was right

to wear the Hussar's uniform
rather than the Lancer's.

Goes rather better with my eyes.

Shows up every drop of
spume, though.

Equine spume plays havoc
with a cavalry uniform.

An over-excited mount can make the
most splendidly attired officer

look as if he's suffering
from appalling diarrhoea.

Who is this fellow?

Nobody I know, hmm?

No. It's someone I know.
I'm Lady Ames.

LORD AMES: Is he British?

- SIR CYRIL: Your Lordship, please.
- LORD AMES: Oh, sorry. Sorry.

I am so glad you could come.

I find I hate foreigners
more and more.

- Do you find that so, Everidge?
- My husband is rather busy at the moment.

- Shall we talk?
- Yes, yes, of course.

So, your fertility symbols
arrived home safely?

Yes. A little bruised,
perhaps, but, er...

Effective nonetheless.

You must find it all very
different here from Africa.

Oh, yes. Much more civilised.

That's the trouble, isn't it?

The trouble?

Being civilised.

Here, there are so many
right ways of doing things,

and so many wrong
ways of doing things.

Well, it's much the same in
Africa, you know.

I'm not talking about
stealing cattle.

I'm talking about things
you're allowed to say and do.

Well, England's very liberal after
Africa, I assure you.

Oh, do you really think so?

I find it very stifling.

Really? In what way?

Well, I mean...

Well, for instance,
I couldn't just go around saying that...

I find you very attractive...

could I? Oh, don't...
please don't worry about him.

He's a talker, not a listener.

Well, what do you think?

Well, I think it's very
very kind of you to offer...

to donate money to
the missionaries.

No, no. About me.

About you?

Well,
I think you're very generous.

Oh, I am.

Tell me about Africa.

Ah, well, it's a long story.
Erm...

When I first went out there in
1895, the whole...

Does the sun shine all the time?

Yes, yes,
it does most of the time.

I should like that.

It is very nice,

once you get used to the
flies and the fevers.

The people and the animals,

ll mean, where else in the world
do you wake up in the morning

and find elephants, and rhino,
and hartebeest by the waterside?

Why ever did you leave?

Well, I, er...

I wasn't going to spend
my whole life there.

I mean, I wanted to come back.
I wanted, er...

to try new work.

- I wanted to, er...
- Get married?

Yes, yes, yes.

I mean, Africa's all very well,
but it's, er... it's not...

It's not what?

What I was educated for.

I mean, my roots are here in
England, like yours.

Oh, yes.

My roots.

Well, would you like to discuss
the donation with your husband?

No. No, you're quite right,

it is difficult to discuss
it while he's here.

Ah, no, that's not what I meant.

LORD AMES: Isabel!

Why don't you come
and see me tomorrow?

I have a bolthole in Chelsea.

I'll give you the address.

LORD AMES: Isabel!

Henry will be at
the studio all day,

so we can just talk.

What?

Get to know each other.

- DaVld'?

- LORD AMES: Isabel?
- Yes?

Who are the people
I really hate?

Please come.
I'm sure we could help each other.

- Ah, no, look, I think...
- I'll see you tomorrow.

The Swiss?

No, no, no. In this country.

Who do I really hate?

We were talking about
them the other day.

Missionaries.

That's right! Missionaries.

DEBORAH: Did she
offer you anything?

Oh, she sort of hinted that she
might be interested at a later stage.

Oh, that's marvellous.

Very good people to be in
with, Ames.

Well, I said no.

What?

I said no.

You said no? Just like that,
without even thinking about it?

Well, it didn't feel right.

I felt she was doing it
for the wrong reasons.

Wouldn't have thought Ames as
the sort of patron to turn down.

But it's so rude.
What must she think of you?

Well, I'm sure I'll find
the money elsewhere.

That's what you've been
saying for the last six weeks.

Deborah, you must understand...

No. I can't understand.

First you tell me that you're
looking after lady tramps,

and now you tell me
that you've turned down

the first real offer of
money that we've had.

We're never going to get married.
Never! Never!

Deborah, let me...

Let me explain!
Deborah! Deborah!

Deborah...

I've waited ten years for
you, Charles.

You must trust me, Deborah.
There are reasons...

- Oh, what reasons?
- Just reasons.

You're so mysterious about
everything these days.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Go back and see her again.

- I can't...

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

- Just cleaning, and... cleaning.

- Charles, please go back and see her.
- PARSWELL: Sorry.

I can't.
I don't know where she'll be.

- She's at the studio.
- No, no, they're probably finished.

- Then at the house.
- Don't know where it is.

Mortonhampstead.

It's on the Great Western line,
two stops before Chippenham.

There's a 9:38,
21206, and a 2:15.

You don't understand.

Please, Charles.

If you love me,
go back and see her again.

Yes?

Ah! I believe the Ameses, er...
live here.

Yes.

I would like to see Lady
Ames, please,

on a purely business matter.

Of course, sir.
What name shall I say, sir?

Fortescue.

Fortescue, sir.

Come this way, please.

Thank you.

Follow me, sir.

No. This can't be right.

I think we should have turned...

left at the billiard room, sir.

This way, please.

No. That's not it.

CHARLES: It is a
very large house.

SLATTERTHWAITE: Yes,
that certainly doesn't help.

Ah, this looks promising.

Ah. If you won't mind, sir,

we'll go round to the
front and start again.

- I'm much better outside.
- This way, isn't it?

SLATTERTHWAITE: Ah, yes,
you're absolutely right.

Sixteenth century,
much of the building.

CHARLES: Ah. Mmm.

LORD AMES: Are there two
Ls in "disembowellment"?

I think so.

Are you expecting anyone?

LORD AMES: No, thank God.

I saw Slatterthwaite
with someone in tow,

- going down to the pond.

He really is the most
disastrous butler.

Can't we get rid of him?

Of course we can't.

He's been here 25 years.

I don't know why we ever
got rid of Margerison.

You know perfectly well why
we got rid of Margerison.

Oh, that was only a
bit of harmless fun.

Not for the parents.

Yes, milady?

Oh, would you go and find Mr
Slatterthwaite, please, Millicent?

He was going down to the pond.

Head him off before
he gets to the maze.

Yes, milady.

What are you doing?

Writing to The Times.

What about?

Punishment.

"Embedded."

- Two D's.
- Thank you.

- "Skull"?
- S-K.

The butler, milady.

Well done, Millicent.

Ah. Lady...

- Ames.
- Ames, mm.

A Mr Forester to see
you, milady.

Good afternoon, sir.

My name is Fortescue.
I'm a missionary.

I had the great fortune of meeting
you and your wife in London recently.

Never set eyes on you.

At the studio, sir.
You were kind enough to be

very sympathetic to my work.

Most unlikely.
What sort of work is that?

Amongst the
underprivileged, sir.

- Who?
- The underprivileged.

That's an unfamiliar term to me.

People who have
less than ourselves.

Well, in our case, that includes
practically everyone in the country.

Can you be more specific?

Well, I certainly think we should
hear more about it, don't you?

Leave the ungrateful buggers
alone, I say.

Won't you stay for dinner?

Er, no, no. I promised I'd
be back this evening...

before nightfall.

You've missed the last train.

I was told there was a 4:22.

Oh, no, not on Thursdays.

- Coach?
- First thing in the morning.

Can't Wooler get the motor out?

Well, not in this weather.

Then I'll walk.

Oh, no.

No, really. It is far too far.

Can one buy a train?

Where would we keep it?

Look, really, I must get back.

Oh, one more for dinner,
please, Millicent.

Yes, milady.

After all, it's not every day

we have missionaries in
this part of Wiltshire.

LORD AMES: "Agony"?

A-G-O-N-Y.

LORD AMES: You see, what I think
is wrong with the country today

is that there aren't
enough people chained up.

It's one of his theories.

Ah.

LORD AMES: I think many people,
if they were given the choice

between abject poverty,

and being held,
firmly but fairly,

on a chain of their very
own, would choose the chain.

They could reach their food,
obviously lie down in bed...

You can't chain people up.

LORD AMES: There you go, you see?
Typical liberal reaction.

All I'm saying is,
we should try it.

I'm sorry to have kept you
waiting, my Lord.

I lost my bearings
temporarily in the west wing.

LORD AMES: I once
had a chap before me

who'd been caught
stealing from the mess.

I ordered every alternate
fingernail to be removed,

and, you know, I still get a
card from him every Christmas.

You can go to bed at any time.

No, no, no. Please, I'm fine.

I don't want to put
you to any trouble.

Trouble?

Well, the trouble of
getting a room ready.

Oh, no,
there are 400 rooms ready.

Aren't there, Slatterthwaite?

At all times, milady.

- Oh! You must go up and change.
- I'm sorry.

- No, no, no.
- Oh, no, please, please.

- You must get out of these wet clothes.
- No, no, no, no.

You can't eat like that.
You're all sticky.

Don't think I'll eat after all.
I'm not hungry anymore.

Well, you must have something.

No, no,
I think I'll go straight to bed.

I suddenly feel terribly tired.

There, that is a good idea.
I'll bring you a tray.

No, no. Ll mean, er...
no, thank you.

Millicent, the Chinese room.

Has he been in Africa
for a long time?

- Ten years.
- Yes. Thought so.

MILLICENT: Here's your
room, sir.

There's a spare nightshirt for
you, sir, on the bed.

I hope you'll have
everything you want, sir.

Thank you.

Oh, the locks don't work
anymore, sir.

- The mistress had them taken off.
- Ah. Hmm.

Hmm.

Yes?

LADY AMES: May I come in?

What for?

Well we never did discuss
how much you wanted.

For the mission.

Rather late now, isn't it?

But I may not see
you in the morning.

You see, I...
I never get up frightfully early.

Yes, well, come in.
I'll... I'll get my...

Come in! Ah! The chair seems to
have fallen against the door.

Er... I've got the papers,

but I don't have the exact figures.
I wasn't exp...

You look rather good
in Henry's nightshirt.

Um... well,
I'm very honoured to be wearing it.

You know, I've often wondered what
sort of things Henry wore in bed.

Oh, you don't, er...?

God, no. That was never
part of the arrangement.

No, he only touches me
by accident occasionally,

in the motor when we
turn a corner too fast.

Oh. I'm sorry.

There are others.

Does that shock you?

It shouldn't. Not if you're to
be of any help to fallen women.

Ah! Talking of which,

I think the first thing to clear
up, er...

would be the purchase
of a possible mortgage.

How much do you want?

Well, I think we should discuss
it, don't you?

No.

No?

Why pretend?

Pretend?

I know why you came here today.

Look, I think if we confine
ourselves to financial matters,

- it would be better for both of us.
- But don't you find me attractive?

No, it's not that at all.

Why did you follow me in
the street the other day?

- Follow you?
- In London.

- I wasn't following you.
- Why did you attack me on the boat?

- That was an accident.
- Why did you get your fiancée to write?

Pure coincidence.

Are you in love with her?

We've been in love
for eleven years.

- You've been away ten.
- Yes, but I wrote.

- You wrote?
- Yes, I wrote. Er... letters.

Oh, does she excite you?

And postcards.

May 1? Thank you.

But if you're
going to marry her,

she should excite you
deeply, passionately.

Well, she's not that sort of girl.
She has other qualities.

- Oh, such as?
- She's a very good organiser.

- That's not enough, is it?
- It's a start.

But you want more, don't you?
That's why you came here.

I want help to
start the mission.

Well, I can give you help.

Yes, but I can't do
anything for you.

But if you do,
I can give you everything.

In that case,
I shall have to regretfully say no.

- Who's that?

Oh my God. Get into bed.
Quickly.

- What are you going to do?
- I'm going to get in too. Move over.

- What?
- Ssh! Be asleep.

Oh, dear God.

Oh.

Lady Ames, he's gone.

Lady Ames, he's...

Oh, dear.

NARRATOR: So,
with an act of typical dedication,

Fortescue finally ensured

that the Mission to Fallen
Women became a reality.

From now on, he was to dedicate
his evangelical energies

into a new and unfamiliar world,

the violent streets
of London's Dockland.

CHARLES: "Dear Deborah,"

"thank you for your
letter of the 18th,"

"reference D-F 471/106-B."

"Yes, you were right to
send me back to the Ameses,"

"and, as you rightly say,"

"Lady Ames is a very
generous person."

"I've spent a week clearing
up the mission house,"

"and now I'm going to look
for our first fallen woman."

"Lady... tramp."

"I hope all goes well with
the wedding preparations."

"I remain your dearest
fiancé, Charles."

That's very good.

SALVATION ARMY CHOIR: ♪ .
..marching as to war

♪ With the cross of Jesus

♪ Going on before

♪ Christ, the royal Master

$ Leads against the foe

♪ Forward into battle... ♪

- ADA: Go on, out you go.
- I've got another 20 minutes!

What would you do with
another 20 minutes? Go on!

I've just thought of something.

Go on!

I've always wanted to try it.

A right little tearaway you
are, aren't you, darling?

Now bugger off. Go on.

Bloody women.

Blimey!

May I speak to you, please?

Yeah, all right.

Come on.

PROSTITUTE: Get out of
here and shut that door!

I ain't got time to waste
with that pissing around.

You get what you pay for,
and you paid for fuck all!

Now sod off!

Here we are. A bit of a climb.

Hope it's worth it.

Hello, Tiddles.

No, no.
I really do just want to talk.

Well, I'll have to charge
you, dear.

Oh, that's all right.
I have money.

Well,
we'll have a nice little chat,

and if you want something later,
I'll include it all in the price.

It's five shillings for an hour.

Thank you.

It's funny. I like the clergy.

I've never once been roughed up
or cheated by a man of the cloth.

I wasn't much of a
churchgoer when I was young,

but since I've been
obliging vicars,

I've gained a lot
of respect for 'em.

Now then, Reverend,
what's your problem?

Oh, I... I have no problem.

I'm here as a representative
of the Bishop of London

and the Church
Missionary Society.

Er... we're opening a mission
up the road in order that, er...

"Mortal sinners like
ourselves can be turned away"

"from the wicked
paths of promiscuity."

- Well...
- Listen, Reverend.

I've been working
this patch 19 years.

I know all the sins
I'm committing,

which is more than can be
said for some of your lot,

who come round here trying
to save us every three weeks.

"Love one another."

- That's what He says, isn't it?
- Yes.

Yeah. So that's what I do.

Oh, you'll get the odd one
with a funny idea or two,

but most of my boys
just want company.

- Tiddles!

A bit of company,
a bit of cheering up.

I'm like a mother to 'em.

Only they can't fuck their
mother, so they come 'ere.

Excuse the language,
but that's how they talk around here.

Take it or leave it.

Look, I don't disapprove of you.

Ha! Of course you don't.

You just disapprove
of what we do.

What we indulge in.

That's the trouble with your
lot, you hate sex.

You never have it,
SO you hate it.

No, that's not true.

Of course it is.

Soon as you come in
here, you says,

"I'm not here for
sexual reasons,"

as if there's something
wrong with anyone who is.

No, no, I don't think that way.

All right, then.

If I was to say to you,

"You're a nice-looking fella.
How about a quick one?"

what would you say?

Well, I'd think about it.

Well, then...

You're a nice-looking fella.

How about a quick one?

CHARLES: That's right,
and a blanket for each mattress...

NARRATOR: Word of
Fortescue's unique blend

of moral leadership and
personal availability

spread like wildfire through
the back streets of East London.

Within three weeks of opening,

the mission house was
filled to capacity.

But, as the day of his
wedding approached,

Fortescue was finding the
work increasingly demanding.

Come in.

Who is it?

- Emmeline, sir.
- Oh, yes.

You know you said about coming
to see you with problems?

Well, I meant in the
morning, really.

Well, I can't sleep
because of this problem.

What is it?

Well, I keep thinking about you.

Thinking about me?

Well, I shouldn't waste
your time doing that.

You're not like
anyone I've ever met.

It's just that most of the
people I've been to bed with

didn't care who I was, you know?

Yes, yes, I do know.
And I wish that more girls like you

would realise that,
and not try and glamourise what they do.

Yes, I agree with
you, sir, really.

I mean,
I'd just love to go to bed

with someone who was kind
and considerate and gentle.

Just once, you know?

Well,
I'm glad you feel that way,

because that's what our
mission's all about.

Oh, good!

What are you doing?

There's so many preachers
around telling you what to do.

"Give up this, give up that."

None of them ever show you a better
way, you know.

It's warm.

Er... Emmeline, let me explain.

You mustn't confuse
the sexual act

with moral and spiritual values.

What does that mean?

Well, it means that physical sex
is not necessarily that important.

That's just what I always said.

Do it and enjoy it.

It's not the end of the world.

Er, no, no. You haven't
quite grasped what I mean.

St Paul says something
rather interesting here...

Emmeline, you cow!

CHARLES: Who's that?

- It's Louise, sir.
- And Agnes.

Ah, hello, Louise, Agnes.

I was, er... just telling Emmeline
how relatively unimportant sex is.

Oh, good!

Mr and Mrs Campion...
two, row 4...

26th of the 6th, '06.

Mr and Mrs Napier and Amanda...

three, seventh row...

B-14, bride's side 23rd of the
6th, '06.

Absolutely still now, petal.

Oh, Daddy, not now.

It'll be jolly interesting
in years to come

for people to see how we lived.

Yes, but not in the middle
of my seating plans.

Parswell.

"Young girl preparing
for her wedding."

LADY AMES: Excuse me.

Is the Reverend Fortescue
here, please?

I would like to see him.

Well, er...
he's upstairs asleep, ma'am.

But it's... it's ten o'clock.

Yeah.

Yeah, well... you know,
go and have a see if he's, er...

I think he should be awake by
now, don't you?

Up here?

I suppose so, yeah.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Where would I find the
Reverend Fortescue?

- Through there, ma'am.
- Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

CHARLES: Oh, go away, girls.

I can't deal with any
more problems tonight.

Let me sleep.

Isabel! Ha! Hello.

Isabel, how... Isabel, how nice!

How nice to see you!
It's going terribly well.

The overcrowding's
a bit of a problem.

I even had to give up my bed.

I'm sorry to have disturbed you.

I didn't know you were
so involved in your work.

Isabel, please don't go.

I'm in the way.
I can tell when I'm in the way.

- No, no, no. Vicky...
- Violet.

- Er, Violet. Would you and Ruby...
- Rosie.

Rosie. Go and clean
upstairs and get some help

from the three girls in my...
bed.

What do you think of it?

It must be very nice for you.

Isabel, what's the matter?

Matter?

Well, you sound rather less than
happy about something. Is it, er...

Is it the mess?

Listen. Since that night
at Mortonhampstead,

I haven't seen or heard of you.
You haven't visited me,

and the one time I
decide to visit you,

I find everyone in one bed.
Yours!

- Oh, Isabel, I can explain that quite easily.
- Oh, I'm sure you can.

You're a missionary.
That's what you're trained for, isn't it?

To explain things to people.

Isabel, these girls have no love
and affection in their lives.

I have to listen to them. I have to be
prepared to spend some time with them...

It must be awful for you.

Do you ever think of me?

Of course I think of
you, Isabel.

I thought of you on Tuesday.

I was going to put
your name on the sign:

- "The Lady Ames Mission."
- Oh!

What do you want?

I thought that night was
going to change our lives.

It did change my life, Isabel.

I mean, that night made
a great difference to me.

So ll see.

The wedding invitation... yes.

That's Deborah.
She's awfully keen on you.

You can't do this to
me, Charles.

You can't unlock the door
and then just run away.

Isabel?

I give you fair warning.

If you don't help
me change my life,

I shall change it myself.

I shall start with
the bank account.

As you're doing so well,
you won't need my money any longer.

Goodbye, Charles,
and the answer is no.

Reverend! Reverend!
Look! It's bleeding!

- That bloody Lizzy Carpenter...
- Yes, yes, I see.

I see. I see.
Please, get out of the way!

You cow!

Isabel! Isabel!

Isabel, please! I can explain!

NARRATOR: The withdrawal
of Lady Ames' funds

was a serious blow for the
Mission to Fallen Women.

But such was their
regard for Fortescue,

that the inmates
voluntarily decided

to go back onto the
streets to raise money.

The selfless action of the girls
did indeed save the mission,

but only to face another,
far more serious threat.

Bishop!

Don't let me hold
up the good work.

Oh, that's all right.
Plenty of willing hands.

- Can you take this, um...?
- Nellie.

How are you?

- 28 girls last night, sir.
- Oh, good, good.

I'm trying to get everything
done before the wedding.

Oh, that's, er...
that's tomorrow, of course.

That's right.
Rather crept up on me, I'm afraid.

Fortescue, can we...
can we talk somewhere, old chap?

Somewhere away from the crowd?
I mean, do you have a room, or...?

Yes, but it's full of
girls, my Lord.

They're painting
it while I'm away.

Here's probably as
quiet as anywhere.

Yes, but, er...

Oh, girls, girls,
give us a couple of minutes, would you?

Yes, Your Reverence.

Louise! Give us two
minutes, could you, please?

Now, what brings you down here?

No, to talk. To talk.

I just dropped in, actually,
on my way back from

the Missionary Council meeting.

I should imagine they must be
rather pleased with us, my Lord.

Well, they're a funny lot.

You know how, er...
competitive the churches are nowadays.

- Hockey, my Lord?
- No.

No, no, no. Religion.

Ah.

Well, to be quite blunt,
we've had complaints of unfair competition

from the other
religions in the area.

The Catholics, the Methodists,

the Unitarians, and Anabaptists.

Um... they've all had
to close missions,

because they, er...
they can't get the girls.

Well, that's rather a feather in our
cap, isn't it, my Lord?

Well, it's the grounds of the
complaints, I'm afraid.

What grounds?

I should pad up, Fortescue.

I'm going to bowl you
some rather fast balls.

- No! Girls! Later! Later, please!

Now, Father D'Arcy of
the Society of Jesus

claims he knows for certain

that you've had sexual dealings
with a Miss Ada Shields,

a well-known and apparently
unrepentant lady of the streets,

who resides at 41G
Willis Building.

And Mr Penny of the
First Risen Church of God

says that girls who
used to come to him

now go to you because you offer them, er...
sexual favour.

And furthermore, Mr Hardy

of the Hackney Wick
Methodist Community Hall

says that he's seen you through
the window "helping girls".

- I can explain, my Lord.
- There's no need to, old boy. No need to.

I know what you say is true,

but once tongues
start wagging...

Look,
I'm your greatest supporter.

You played a cracking
innings here,

but I think the time has come,
especially on the eve of your marriage,

to think of moving on.

- Moving on?
- We've found an excellent successor,

a lady of great character,

thoroughly trained in
the prison service...

But I can't leave the girls.

Well, I'm afraid it's
either that or the, er...

Missionary Council
close the place down,

and consider disciplinary
action of some sort,

and that's not worth it
with a career like yours,

now is it, old chap?

I'll lay you an odds-on bet you could
be a bishop yourself in five years.

- Who, me?
- Oh yes, if you play your cards right.

I have it on very
high authority.

One of the better dioceses,
nothing too industrial.

Just what Deborah always wanted.

A big old house
swarming with children.

Absolutely, and why not?

Don't throw your future away down
here, Fortescue.

These people aren't worth it.

Well, I must be on my way.

I've got an exorcism
in Chiswick.

BISHOP: Talking
about big old houses,

I'm sorry to hear about
our friend Lady Ames.

We've coped very well
without her money, my Lord.

In fact, rather better.

No, no, I mean the nasty business
down at Mortonhampstead yesterday.

- What nasty business?
- Oh, rather unpleasant.

Someone poisoned the food.
One of the gardeners died outright.

CHARLES: How dreadful.

Yes, well,
it could've been a great deal worse.

The butler took
the wrong turning.

The food was apparently
intended for Lord Ames himself.

Thank you.

Well, cheer up.

1, er...

I think you've made
the right decision.

LADY AMES: I give
you fair warning.

If you're not going to
help me change my life,

I shall change it myself.

Afternoon, sir. The dog.

- What?
- The dog awaits.

Mr Carlton, the second footman,
will collect on Tuesday, sir.

- Don't you remember me?
- Yes, of course, sir.

You are Mr Emmanuel,
the dog clipper from Faversham.

No, my name is Fortescue,
the missionary.

I stayed here once.

Fortescue...

Medium height, dark hair,
moustache, dog collar.

Yes, yes, that's me.
I wish to see Lady Ames, please.

I'm afraid you can't, sir.

- It is very urgent.
- I'm afraid she isn't here, sir.

After the unfortunate attempt
on her husband's life,

she insisted on taking
him away with her, sir,

to recover from the shock.

- She's taken him away?
- To shoot.

What?

At Carnoustie, sir, in Scotland.

One of their Scottish
homes, sir.

- Where is it?
- You can't miss it, sir.

Turn right out of the station.

Or left.

Thank you.

Not at all, sir.

Are you sure you aren't Mr
Emmanuel from Faversham?

No, no, no,
my name is Fortescue.

Ah!

You're Fort... ah.

In that case, I must point
out, sir, that, er...

I have strict instructions
from Her Ladyship

not to tell you, er, that...

She's at Carnoustie
House in Scotland.

That's right, sir.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Not at all, sir.

NARRATOR: So it was
that on the very day

he was to marry
Deborah Fitzbanks,

Fortescue chose instead
a life-or-death mission

500 miles away in the
highlands of Scotland.

- Morning!
- Morning!

I say, it is marvellous this
place, isn't it?

- Absolutely splendid.
- Absolutely splendid.

Did you manage to
find a lavatory?

- No.
- No...

nor me.

MAHARAJAH: How big
are the grouse?

LORD AMES: The grouse?
Oh, they're quite big.

Good, good.
I can only Kill the larger bird now.

Love the car, sir.

Yes. I thought I
ought to get a few.

Well, what are we all waiting for?
Champagne's getting warm.

I'll join you all later.

Mr Corbett and I have some
business things to attend to.

Oh, don't sound so
terribly disappointed.

I know what you men really
think about women in the field.

- We're only a distraction.
- Nonsense!

Nonsense. Very decorative.

Climb aboard the bone-shaker!

Here we go... up!

Who's she with nowadays?

No idea.

I expected to see old Cholmondeley
sniffing around, I don't mind telling you.

Oh no, he only shoots
with the royals nowadays.

Jocelyn Cholmondeley?
How low can they stoop?

Got shot in the hip
by the King last week.

Really?

Couldn't say
anything, of course.

Had to crawl around all day
pretending nothing had happened.

Screamed for four hours
in the evening, though.

Good!

You've taken care of
everything, Corbett?

- Indeed, madam.
- Nothing can go wrong?

- You have my word.
- Good.

Madam?

You know I love Jeannie
and the wee ones,

but there's never been
an hour of a day go by

without me thinking of you.

Well, that's nice of
you, Corbett.

I knew you'd want me
for something special.

I knew the call would come, so

I've been holding myself

in readiness.

I shall make it
worth your while.

Just to be rid of that man
would be enough for me.

To know that our
forbidden love can blossom

like wild jasmine on
the slopes of Ben Shiel.

No. I meant money, Corbett.

What need I of money when I have
you, and you have me?

I've seen you admiring my body.

I've seen you glancing at
it on hot summer evenings.

We'll use this one.

I... don't mind.
I like you to look at it.

I've kept it for you.
I don't drink. I don't smoke.

I eat raw meats and I undergo dreadful
physical hardships every winter

in order to bring it to
a peak of perfection.

Do you want to see it?

No. Not now, Corbett.

We must be up there as soon
as the first champagne break,

which, if I know Henry,
will be in ten minutes' time.

Fetch the coaches, will you?

Oh, I love it when
you give me orders.

Now!

Oooh!

Isabel?

Charles!
What are you doing here?

I've come to stop you.

How... how dare you?

How dare you interfere
with my plans?

- You mustn't kill him.
- Why not?

What business is it of
yours, interfering priest?

- You could hang for it.
- No-one's going to hang.

It'll be a simple
shooting accident.

Isabel, this is England in 1906.

People don't go around killing each
other because they don't get on.

No.
They just endure, don't they?

Stiff upper lip.
That's the British way.

I'm sure it wasn't
like that in Africa.

Africa's primitive.

Oh, yes. Well,
God save us from being primitive.

There's not so much wrong
with the British way.

- For your class, especially.
- My class?

This is not my class, Charles.

You know what I mean.

You don't know what / mean.

You alone, sir?

Want some company?

Clean and cheap?

Yes, I've disguised it
well, haven't I?

I had to.

The honest tart
never gets anywhere.

No, they're not my bloody
class, thank God!

CORBETT: Your Ladyship,
the coach is here!

You go on, Corbett.

You know what to do.

- Isabel, I...
- Please, don't.

I don't want to be understood.

Not now.

What are you going to do?

What are you going
to gain from this?

Isabel?

Isabel?

Isabel!

Isabel?

Isabel?

Isabel! Isabel!

Champagne! More champagne!
Are you ready?

Dear God.

Oh, thank you.

CHARLES: Excuse me!

DRIVER: Oi!

Oi!

LORD AMES: Much improves the
aim, you know!

MAHARAJAH: When I was a young man,
I could even shoot the puduni.

What the hell's a puduni?

Oh, it's a tiny Indian
bird, just very small.

I could shoot it
between beak and ear,

without damaging either.

That was when I could still
see, of course.

Oh, I see, yes! Very good!

Still drinking?

We were just discussing

what's the smallest thing
anyone's ever Killed.

- Oh, really?
- Newlyn claims to have shot

a bluebottle with a twelve-bore.

He didn't kill it, though.

Had to finish it
off with his foot.

Are we starting soon?

All right, all right.

Since when have you been
so keen on shooting?

- Well, where am 1?
- Haven't the foggiest, old man.

- Where are you?
- Well, I'm down there.

- Where am 17 - You're down
there, too.

That'll be cosy.

Good fellow. Aah!

What?

Ready, Maharajah?

Sahib!

You ready, old chap?

Ready, General!

Everybody ready?

- We're with you, Henry!
- Rather!

Ready! Ready, General!

Ready, General.

Here they come. Nice fat ones!

Here we go!

Damn and bugger!

Blast!

Oh, well done, love!

I say...

Stop! Please stop!

I say!

Get down, sir! Get down, sir!

Get down!
Do you want to be killed?

LORD AMES: What the hell do
you think you're playing at?

I say, what's going on?
Why has everybody stopped?

- Good God.
- WOMAN: Someone's been shot!

Please, do something!

- Hurry!
- Is Henry all right?

Yes, looks like it.

The woman took the brunt of it.
Shot in the back.

Thank God for that.

- Came up over the hill.
- Which hill?

- CHARLES: Take her home.
- Not my cart, sir.

- CHARLES: Take her home!
- Yes, sir.

- You'll be all right.
- I'm sure.

Corbett's such a
bloody awful shot.

I'm sorry. Dear God, I'm sorry.

You were only trying
to do the decent thing.

Oh, no, don't.

Charles...

That's the trouble with you.
You're far too decent.

MAN: Apparently that vicar
chappie saved Henry's life!

Don't let them make you into a
hero, Charles.

They do love a hero.

I got it all wrong, didn't I?

What do you mean?

I tried to convert
the missionary.

Isabel...

Isabel?

- I say, well done!
- Well done, old chap!

- Dashed narrow escape!
- You saved the old boy's life!

DEBORAH: "Dear Mr
and Mrs Campion,"

"thank you so much for
your wedding present,"

"which I herewith
regretfully return."

"Yours sincerely..."

"Deborah Fitzbanks."

- “ "Miss."

Come in.

I, er...
sorry to be an inconvenient, er...

Miss Deborah, at this
hour, but, er...

What you want done with
this, please, miss?

What is it, Parswell?

I don't rightly know, ma'am.

I found it under the bed.

How strange.

You look nice with your hair like
that, Parswell.

SLATTERTHWAITE: I'm
sorry, Your Lordship.

I turned right at the
top of the stairs.

All right, all right.

Get in, get in.

Hello, girls.

NARRATOR: After the
shooting of Lady Ames,

or the rescue of Lord
Ames, as it became known,

Fortescue returned to
the mission he loved,

and which had loved him.

So successful was he at
filling it with girls,

that, in March 1907,

the Bishop of London
himself closed it down.

Come on, you idle
buggers, give us a hand!

NARRATOR: The Bishop now offered
Fortescue a simple choice:

to stay in Dockland,
or stay in the Church.

He chose to stay in Dockland.

And, though he never
wore a dog collar again,

he was known to
the end of his life

as "the Missionary".

What's all this for, then?

Well, we'll use it to
patch up one of those sheds

at the end of the walk,

and have somewhere
to muck around in.

Will it be a mission?

No, no.
Just somewhere to muck around in.

Let's get it.
Come on, we're going!

I can't move this on my own.

Well, leave it!

CHARLES: Isabel,
we don't need that!

LADY AMES: We need
everything we can get!

CHARLES: Look, you're only living
in one house now, not three.

LADY AMES: Don't
start preaching to me!

- CHARLES: Well, you're so stubborn!
- I'm not stubborn!

It'll look lovely
over the mantelpiece.

CHARLES: We haven't
got a mantelpiece.

LADY AMES: You've
got no imagination.

CHARLES: I've got no money.

GIN PALACE SINGER: ♪
Johnny loved a pretty girl

♪ On whom he used to call

♪ And he thought the girl
that fact would like to know

♪ How to break the news to her

♪ He'd no idea at all

♪ And he let no end
of splendid chances go

♪ Best thing I can do, said he

♪ Is take her for a stroll

♪ To propose indoors I
think is hardly right

♪ What you want's a place

♪ With no-one near
you, not a soul

♪ So I think I'll say

♪ When I call round tonight... 3

Come on, everybody!

CHORUS. ♪ Put on your
ta-ta, little girlie

♪ Do do what I want you to

♪ Far from the busy hurly burly

♪ I've got lots to say to you

♪ My head's completely
twirly whirly

♪ My girl I want you to be

♪ So put on your ta-ta

♪ Your pretty little ta-ta

♪ And come out to
ta-ta with me ♪

SINGER: That's lovely.
That's lovely.

Come on, everybody,
settle down, eh?

And you, missus. Go on, smile.
Give your face a holiday.

That's right. All right!

♪ Now some young men are backward
in proposing, so they say

♪ But if she's made up
her mind that he's the one

♪ Let him merely show the
will, she'll soon find the way

♪ And before he's quite aware of
it, it's done

♪ Johnny and the girl sat
in the parlour quite a while

♪ But to tell you all
they said would be a shame

♪ For since that night he seems
to wear an everlasting smile

♪ And no more has special
reason to exclaim... ♪

All together, now!
Put your backs into it!

CHORUS. ♪ Put on your
ta-ta, little girlie

♪ Do do what I want you to

♪ Far from the busy hurly burly

♪ I've got lots to say to you

♪ My head's completely
twirly whirly

♪ My girl I want you to be

♪ So put on your ta-ta

♪ Your pretty little ta-ta

♪ And come out to ta-ta with me

♪ Put on your
ta-ta, little girlie

♪ Do do what I want you to

♪ Far from the busy hurly burly

♪ I've got lots to say to you

♪ My head's completely
twirly whirly

♪ My girl I want you to be

♪ So put on your ta-ta

♪ Your pretty little ta-ta

♪ And come out to ta-ta

♪ And come out to ta-ta with... ♪

SCHOOLMASTER: Fortescue!
Put the book away, boy.

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