All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S06E13 - Ann and Chris (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

What do you mean,
you can't?

Look, I am throwing
a farewell party

for my best friend, Ann Perkins.

And if she casually mentioned

three years ago that she thought

indoor fireworks would be cool,

then guess what, you're going
to give me indoor fireworks.

Tonight's biggest surprise
is five years in the making.

It all goes back to when
I first met my best friend.

I'm here to talk about

the abandoned lot
on Sullivan Street.

I've been trying to get this
thing fixed for months.

And it's government-owned,

and you need to do
something about it.

I will help you.
Is that a promise?

It's more than a promise.

It's a pinky promise.

That promise launched
a friendship so grand,

it takes 103 scrapbooks
to capture it.

I have secretly arranged
to officially break ground

on Pawnee Commons at midnight,

fulfilling my pinky promise
that I made five years ago.

Aw, Ice Cream
Sandwich Taste Test.

That was our biggest fight.

Hey, Knope.
Harold.

You're breaking ground on
the Pawnee Commons tonight?

Public Works never
signed off on that.

Look, your office was
giving me a hard time,

so I had to call
in a few favors.

I don't like it when
people go over my head.

Understood. I will make a note of that.
Would you like a treat?

I run that department,

and I do not appreciate...

Damn, that's really good.
Right?

There's going to be a lot
of these at the party.

You should come by.

I get it.
I know what you're doing.

And I still...

Is there a little crunch in there?
Hazelnut.

Oh. Oh, right? See you tonight.

Okay. Well, let's go
set up this party.

April, thank you.

I know you may tease Ann,

but deep down inside, I can
tell that you really care.

Ann's leaving town...

And saying painful
goodbyes to loved ones.

Greatest day of my life.

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Thank you all so much for
helping me with these boxes.

I'm just a little behind.

Because every time I start,

I get...

A little emotional.

Hey, that box has my name on it.

Hey, this one has my name on it.

This one has Plates' name on it.

You have just found
your Buddy Boxes.

Each box contains
a memento of our friendship.

I was going to give
them to you later,

but there is no time

like the present.

Fun pun alert.

A bronzed hamburger.

It's from our turkey versus
beef cook-off. Remember?

You were a worthy adversary.

I would have preferred

a regular hamburger for eating,

but this is very nice.

2008 Indiana State Audit
spreadsheets?

Man, that year was insane.

That was the year you went
from being an auditor

to a legend.

Whoa!

A picture of me officiating
Leslie and Ben's wedding.

And look, you can
just about see my head.

Thank you so much.

Snake Juice.

I thought these were
destroyed by the FDA.

I did have to go to a very
seedy location to find it.

But, now I know where to go to
place a bet on horse fighting.

Okay, don't mention
anything about

the groundbreaking to Ann.
Repeat that back to me.

Tell Ann about
the groundbreaking,

frame Ann for murder,

release a deadly virus
into the water supply.

Good. Oh.

Bon Voyage, Ann.

My God. This is amazing.

That's sparkling cider.

Why is there a New Year Eve countdown
clock and the Easter Bunny?

I don't know when we're going
to be able to visit each other.

So, just to be safe, this party
is a celebration of every event

that's going to
happen this year.

Your birthday, New Year's,
Chinese New Year's, Flag Day.

"Ain't no party like
a Leslie Knope party,

"because a Leslie Knope party
is actually 30 parties."

Knope, you have
out Knoped yourself.

Ha-ha, seems like the
party's dying down. Weird.

Ann, you probably want to
head to Michigan forever.

So, I snuck into your house

and packed a bag for you.
Goodbye.

This is just a bunch
of bras and knives.

And loose onions.

Okay. Party. Don't drink.
Have fun.

Hey. So, we have a little
farewell gift for you.

We all pitched in
and got you a gift card

from that home store,
Pots and Pans.

We have been on the prowl
for some amazing pots.

Well, that card's
for three pans.

Either way, this is great.

You know what? We should
get to the goodbye party.

Although, I know
it's mostly for Ann.

Yeah. But there's, like,
one corner for you,

and it's just carob
cookies and berries.

Carob cookies and
berries are literally

my favorite dessert alternative.

I'll go get changed.

He put a lot of work
into our presents.

I feel kind of bad just
getting him a gift card.

I also shook
his hand. Twice.

Anything more than that
would be excessive.

Let all put our heads
together and brainstorm.

We've got to send this dude
off with the perfect gift.

I say we start
with the three C's.

Cashmere, concert tickets,
caboodles of cash.

I feel like those are
perfect gifts for you.

Those are perfect gifts for anyone.
Ugh! I wish you guys were Donna.

I'm a hundred
percent sure

that I will not meet another
Donna Meagle in Michigan.

I'm going to miss you.

You know I'm going to
miss you, too, Perkins.

But now that you're officially
out of the dating pool,

you know I'm going to
run this town. Right?

Mmm.

Oh, yeah, you do not want to go
down that road. Trust me. I tried.

Hi, Stephen.

Hey, Ann.
Super cute baby bump.

Thanks.

Good looking out.

Hey, Ron.
Have you seen April?

I've been mostly
focused on these ribs.

By the way,
you're out of Easter ham

and Thanksgiving turkey.
Great party.

Hey, are you on the lot?
Is everything okay?

Uh, not really.

Public Works put
up a giant padlock

on the fence,
and a sign that says,

"No Trespassing."

That probably
doesn't apply to us.

There also a sign that says,
"Especially Leslie Knope."

Well, Leslie Knope
is a very common name.

There a Professor in
Copenhagen named Leslie Knope.

They probably mean him.

Do they mean the professor?

Yeah, there's
a picture of you, also.

And two huge security guards.

Holy mother of Malia.

And Sasha.

I love them both equally.

Okay. It's that stupid
Harold who's behind this.

Get here and
we will make a plan.

How long do I have to do this?

Until I say so, Orin.
Stay in character.

Leslie can't watch anything with
Julie Andrews in it before bedtime

because it gets her too hyper.

Okay. If Chris gets
cranky around noon,

just stuff some chia seeds into a fig.
Works every time.

Awesome. Thank you.

Wow, we really picked some intense
people to spend our lives with, huh?

Yeah.

Where's Leslie? I haven't
seen her in a while.

Oh, she's just running
around trying to pull off

an elaborate, thoughtful
surprise for you.

Of course.
Where's Chris?

I told him that One Headlight by the
Wallflowers isn't dancing music

and he said,
"Not with that attitude."

Of course.

Dude. Ann. You know
what I just remembered?

We used to date.

Yeah, we lived together
for two years.

I know. It's crazy, right?

Anyways, you're the best.
Have fun in Mexico.

Harold,
it is Leslie Knope again.

I know you are
screening my calls.

But if you could
call me back...

And his voicemail is full.
Did you have any luck?

I flipped through the bylaws. I don't
think there's anything I can do.

What is the point of
being married to a City Manager

if he can't wield unfettered
power to crush my enemies?

Hopefully, there are
a few other reasons.

Yeah.

Looks like we hit a wall.

Oh, God.

April? Are you okay?
What happening?

I'm just so scared that this means
that Ann won't really leave.

Life, huh?
It's quite a ride.

Yes, Tom. It is.

I got you a going away present.

I'm deleting you from my phone.

You're finally free of
my animal magnetism.

Maybe one day, years from now,

when we're both old
and Chris is dead,

you'll run into me somewhere.

I'll be opening
my latest mega club.

And I'll see you there on
the street, by yourself.

I'll tell the bouncer,
slash my bodyguard,

"Hey, that woman's way too
old to get into this club.

"But why don't you
let her in the back?"

That's very generous.

Stay golden, sweetheart.

I'm going to miss you, too, Tom.

You're kind and
you're thoughtful,

and you're always such a
delight to have around.

I am sure you are going to
be an incredible mother.

Thanks, Larry.
That nice.

Goodbye, Ann.

I have enjoyed parts
of our time together.

Oh, God, Ron.

That was really something.

Okay. What do
we have for Chris?

I got this City of Pawnee mug.

Also, this cool jacket.

No, I think that Chris' jacket.

Okay, good.
Then, we know he likes it.

Catch up, Larry.

Okay. I found some old receipts
from lunches we had together.

Is that anything?

This is my contribution.
It says "Ron."

Hey, guys.
What's going on?

Oh, we're just giving you
a bunch of cool gifts.

Oh, God.

Get your hopes up, Chris.

Let's see what's in here. I see assorted
items and some pieces of paper.

Boom. Nailed it. All right. Now,
we can start enjoying this party.

Leslie, this is the most incredible
event that has ever been thrown.

There is a pilgrim line dancing
with a box of candies.

Why do you look so bummed out?

We were planning a surprise
groundbreaking at Pawnee Commons for you.

You know, an actual beginning to the
project that brought us together.

But now we can't do it, because
Harold is such a jerk face

he put a barbed-wire fence around the
lot, and now it's not happening.

I'm sorry, Ann.

First of all, don't apologize.
And second of all, screw Harold.

If I learned one thing
from Leslie Knope,

it is we do not take
"no" for an answer.

Anything is possible if we
work hard enough. Let's do it.

Oh, my God. Ann Perkins
to the rescue. Okay.

Hands in, everybody.
One, two, three.

Let's go.
Dark forces arise.

Okay, I didn't plan what
we were all going to say.

That's my bad.

Here we go, Ann.
Let's go.

Okay. Knock
or ring the bell?

Bust in unannounced.

Love it.

Harold.
What the hell, Knope?

We need the key to the fence that you
put up on the Sullivan Street lot.

You snuck around behind my back.

I told you I didn't like that.
Forget it.

Come on, Harold, look.

This is a great opportunity
you have right now.

Just think of us as your genies

who can give you anything you want.
Nothing gross.

Okay, yeah.
There is something I want.

Super Fizzy Fruity Pop.

Sorry? Sweetums used
to stock our office

with free sodas,
as a promotional thing,

but that Kathryn Pinewood
lady just took them away.

If you can get us our free sodas
back, I'll get you a key.

Deal.
Easy.

It is not easy.

Kathryn Pinewood is the person
on Earth who hates me the most.

Well, luckily,
you're with the person

on Earth who loves you the most.

Too cheesy? No, it's perfect.
I love you.

Don't leave. Come on.

Donna, you are
a remarkable woman.

And I just wanted to say that I've
always thought of you as family.

I just want to say that I've
always thought you were hot.

Yes, I know. April.

Yeah, you saw a lot of potential
in me, I'm like a daughter to you,

and it was a treat to watch me blossom.
Blah, blah, blah, bye.

That is remarkably close
to what I was going to say.

Also, I'm proud of you.

Donna, are you grabbing my butt?
Can you blame me?

No.

Sorry. Can't help you,
ladies.

I don't have time for disgraced former
politicians and unmarried preggos.

Oh, Kathryn, always a delight.

Listen. I know that
you and Leslie

have had your disagreements
in the past,

but we really need the key.

And we can only get the key,
if we get the sodas. Please?

I don't see why I should
do you any favors.

I mean, if you were still
a city councilor, maybe.

But I seem to remember you were recalled.
Is that right?

How dare you.
Okay. Leslie.

Please. It's not worth it.
For you.

For me, I don't care.

What the hell? Yeah,
Pinewood, that's right.

I'm pregnant and I have
you in a headlock.

And if you try to fight
back, I will sue you.

Unless, you tell us how to
get those sodas, right now.

Okay. Fine. Sweetums
has been desperately

trying to get a local
celebrity spokesman

to endorse their
new sports drink.

So, if you can make
that happen somehow,

they'll give you
whatever you want.

Damn, Perkins.

Okay. Who does Sweetums
want as their spokesperson?

They already tried to get me to endorse
that sports drink. I said, "No."

They want me
dunking on the label.

When is this town going to realize
that I'm more than a former

high school basketball star?

I don't think this new sports
drink is even about basketball.

It's called "Sweetums Dunktastic
Threepoint BBall Blast."

The slogan is,
"It's all about basketball."

I'm sorry. You're going to have to find
yourself some other famous Pawneean.

We know that you
were already approached

by Sweetums and you said, "No,"

but is there any way
you would reconsider?

I'm sorry, Ms. Knope. There is such
a thing as journalistic integrity,

and it is something that
I have, as a journalist,

with integrity.

It's really important, Perd.
Please?

Come on.
For old times' sake?

Well, the story of that
appeal is it was heartfelt.

And in response to that
appeal, I respond, okay.

"For old times' sake?"
Does that mean...

No. Ann,
you tricky minx.

Yeah. I went on
a date with Perd.

What?
It was during that

"explore my freedom as
a single woman" phase.

Wow.
We just had a drink.

And at the end, he said,
"I am going to kiss you now,

"by putting my mouth on your
mouth." Then, I ran away.

It was absolutely
the right call.

Well, we could just
tell him the truth.

That we feel bad that we
didn't get him anything nice.

Tell the truth?
That's hilarious. No.

We tell him we had
the perfect gift,

but we were robbed at gunpoint.

"Chris. He had a gun.
He took all the gifts."

Now, Chris feels bad.
He's buying us gifts.

Next thing you know,
Tommy's got a new watch.

Again, I don't see the problem.
I shook the man's hand. Twice.

Guys. Look what I got
at the Presidents' Day booth.

"Ask not what your
country can do for you."

From Family Guy, right?

Listen, Chris, we have to tell
you something. We feel bad

because you got us such thoughtful
gifts and we got you...

Three pans and a bag of nothing.

Guys, I don't need
anything from you.

My Buddy Boxes are about the past,
but let's focus on the future.

Because we're always
going to be friends.

And just the fact
that you feel bad about

your bag of nothing,
proves that.

To the future.

Cheers. To the future.

Cheers.
Future.

I have an idea.

Don't you ladies ever knock?

No. Okay. So, we got Perd Hapley
to sign on with Sweetums,

which means that you
get your sodas back.

Which means that we get our key.

Okay? Everything's
here in writing.

Now call off your guards.

Okay, fine.

You two are a couple of real
pains in the ass, you know that?

Harold. Your tiny brain
could not understand this,

but that is the best
compliment you could ever give

the two women standing
in front of you.

Bye, Harold.

Victory at last.
Whoo! All right.

You're all set.

Okay. I am going to call the official
ceremonial ribbon cutting guy,

because I think we
may have missed him.

What are you doing?

It's for the raccoons.

You have to hiss
really loud and stomp

your feet so
they'll leave you alone.

And if one comes close,
make yourself really large,

like a puffer fish.

The Pawnee raccoons. That is
one thing I will not miss.

Well, Michigan has wolverines.
Maybe they'll eat your toes.

So, how long do you think
you'll stay in Pawnee for?

I don't know.

We like it here.

I made Andy promise that someday
we'll move to Transylvania.

But that probably won't happen
until we're, like, 100.

Well, for what it worth,

I'm really happy that you
and Andy are married.

Why?

Why? Because

I love him and I love you.
Why wouldn't I be happy?

I love you, too.

What's that?

I love you, too.

I couldn't quite hear you.

Please don't make me say it.
Please.

My going away present to you

will be that I do not make you
audibly say that you love me.

Thank you.

Okay, Leslie's coming back.
Get off me, wench.

Did I miss a nice moment?

No.
Yes, you did.

Aw, good.

Guys. What are you
doing here? Come in.

You caught me before
my first run of the day.

I call it my beat the sun run.

It's a race between
me and the sun.

Well, we got
one more gift for you.

It's quarter-sawn
zebra wood,

adjoined by floating tenons to
the black walnut corner posts,

finished with a wiping varnish that
a secret Swanson family recipe.

Handmade at my woodshop. And you
are correct, it is gorgeous.

You're starting a new life
with your new family.

So, it's an empty Buddy Box to fill
with memories for your little buddy.

Or Twizzlers.

That's the beautiful
thing about a box.

We all burned
our initials in. See?

Wait a minute.
Who's G.J.L.G. G?

That Gary Jerry Larry Gergich Gengurch.

I burned in all my names. I really...
I didn't know what to do.

Well... Um, thank you.

Um...

This tear, um, caused by the overwhelming
thoughtfulness of my friends,

will be my baby's first memory.

Saltwater will warp the wood,

so keep your tears in your
eyes where they belong.

Will do, Ron Swanson.

Can I still call you when I have
thoughts on Jennifer Aniston's future?

Not if I call you first.

Can we still be on the phone for
every State of the Union address

and every Oscar
red carpet coverage

and every single
viewing of Tootsie?

Of course.

Oh, Ann Perkins.
You perfect sunflower.

You totally changed me.
You know?

You taught me how
to balance my life,

how to be patient,
how to be more patient.

Yeah, that's better.

How to throw
bureaucratic caution

to the wind when it came to Ben.

But most importantly,

you taught me that I can't
pull off a tulip skirt.

It's just not your shape.

Well, I don't think
the ceremonial

ribbon cutting guy
is going to make it.

Either he flaked,
or he tripped and impaled

himself on his
own giant scissors.

We wait for no man.
Let's do this.

One, two, three.

Oh!

All right, I got my park. That's all
I wanted from you. Friendship over.

Don't even joke about that, Ann.

It was your idea
to give me that box.

Ah, it was a group effort.

But it had that
trademark Ben Wyatt

mix of thoughtful
and resourceful.

You're literally the best
friend that I will ever have.

You, too, man.

Leslie Knope.

Chris Traeger.

I just want to say that getting to
know you, and watching you work,

has been one of the greatest
experiences of my life.

That, and working
with Dr. Richard Nygard.

Sure.

And I just want you to know that I
thought there was no man on Earth

good enough for Ann Perkins.

And I still think that.
Right.

But if there is no one
actually good enough for her,

you are pretty damn close.

Okay. Well. This is normal.
No big deal.

Drive safe.
We will.

I packed you some sandwiches and
some caffeine free iced tea.

So... Oh, and there's a mix CD that
I made, already loaded in your car.

There's a lot of
Sarah McLachlan.

So, Chris, I apologize. Things
are going to get emotional.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Breakfast, Knope?

Oh, I don't know.

Come on.

There's has never been a sadness

that can't be cured
by breakfast food.

That's fair.

Someone else is going to
have to drive, though.

My eyes are basically
useless right now.

I'm on it.
Shotgun.

I called shotgun.
You're all nailed.

I call sitting on your lap.

You can't. Double shotgun.
We called double shotgun.

How come people
don't do that more often?

It's illegal?

Raise your hand
if you want waffles.

I'm eating waffles.

Bacon and eggs,
please and thank you.

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