All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S05E14 - Leslie and Ben (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

LESLIE: This is
the best night ever.

I wish we were
getting married tonight.

Let's just do it, then.
Leslie...

Let's get married.
Tonight.

Are we really doing this?

I guess. Why not?

The gala ends at 11:00.
At 11:01 we get married.

Okay. But wait. My mom isn't here.
And your parents aren't here.

Good. Yeah, that
makes it better.

Yes. But we reserved a
space for May 16th,

and we just ordered 200
white chocolate top hats.

We did?

You did, actually.
It's under your name.

Leslie, we can get married May
16th or June 1st or July 57th.

But doesn't it
feel right today?

Yeah, it does. Every time you say
it, it just feels more right.

Oh, my God. We're getting
married tonight.

This is really great.
Yeah.

You're either in
or you're out, buddy.

I... It was my idea.

I'm totally in.

Wait. Wait. No. We can't. Okay.

This is our wedding day.
This is very bad luck.

Turn around. We can't
look at each other.

Well, you are aware that we've seen
each other several times today.

We have two hours
to do this.

I want you to get
everyone together

and meet me at Ann's
house in 10 minutes.

Okay. Oh, wait.
Before we get married,

there is something
we need to discuss.

I mean, we've never
talked about it,

but I really want you
to take my last name.

Oh. Oh.

Okay... Really?

Yeah. It's just really
important to me symbolically

that Leslie Knope disappears
and becomes Leslie Wyatt.

Or Councilwoman Mrs. Ben Wyatt.
That's fine, too.

It's a deal breaker.

Wait, are you messing with me?
Yeah, sorry.

Oh, my God. I had
to give it a shot.

Ben. Now, go. Run!
Okay. Okay.

Wait. Where do I go?
Run!

BEN: The falcon
is entering!

The turtle dove
acknowledges.

Hey. Where are you?
I'm here.

Okay. Let's go over
the duties right now.

Ann, you're in charge of the dress
and the hair and the makeup.

And I was thinking, like the
sensuality of Eleanor Roosevelt

combined with the animal
magnetism of Lesley Stahl.

Piece of cake.

Oh. We have to get the wedding cake.
I'll do that too.

I'm perfectly calm.

I feel like every crazy thing Leslie's
ever had me do has been like a drill.

And today
is the real thing.

I'm ready, because I had the greatest
teacher in the world, Leslie,

who is crazy.

Also, we also need rings
and marriage licenses.

Oh! Let me be on rings.
I love what they symbolize.

Great. And I can do the license.

I've got a guy that works in City Hall.
And that guy is my wife.

You also work there.
Oh, yeah.

Ron, I'm going to need you
to walk me down the aisle.

It would be an honor.
And the first time

I won't regret
walking down the aisle.

Oh, uh, yikes! We need an officiant.
TOM: I got this.

You can become an ordained minister
online in, like, five minutes.

Do you want more, like, a Steve
Harvey vibe, or straight-up Seacrest?

No. Never mind.
I'll combine them.

"Steve-crest".

Okay.
And Jerry and Donna...

I need you guys to just make sure
that the gala runs smoothly.

Let's say that we're all going
to meet back here in an hour.

I love all of you.
One, two, three, break.

BEN: Excuse me.

We're looking for a
couple of wedding rings?

You're going to want to look through
the jewelry and nails tray.

There's some beautiful jewelry in here.
But be careful.

There's also nails.

Oh.

Well, these aren't bad.

Those are real nice. And they
were nipple rings at one point.

How do you know that?

Mmm. They were yours. They were his.
Let's go.

Hey, it's pretty crazy. I'm
going to be a cop tomorrow.

I guess I better commit as many
crimes as possible tonight.

Get it out of my system.

Found the marriage licenses.

And I'm going to
take all of them.

I don't want anyone else in
this town to get married

because it makes it
less special for us.

Good call, babe.
Let's roll.

Okay.

(GASPS)

ANDY: I'm good.

It's not finished. Why didn't
the seamstress finish it?

If you're not going to finish
something three months early,

then don't
accept the job.

There's got to be
something we can do.

This wedding is meant to be.
We're going to figure it out.

Now, how did Cinderella
finish her dress so fast?

Squirrels and birds.

That's not very helpful. No.

ANDY: Hey, we got it.
APRIL: We got it.

Marriage license.
Done.

Wait a minute.
Hold on.

It needs to be signed by somebody
at the City Clerk's office.

I'll just forge it. I forge
government documents all the time.

That's true.
LESLIE: No.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Hey.
BEN: Hey.

So, we didn't
find any rings.

Yeah, we're having
a few roadblocks here.

It kind of feels like this
thing is falling apart.

Don't panic. I swear
there are some rings

in this old box of
stuff my mom gave me.

It's still here at
April and Andy's house.

Want to come help me look? Okay.

Ann, dress duty.
April and Andy,

license duty.
No time for verbs.

(LAUGHING) I know you're
in a rush, Leslie.

I should point out
that you said "duty."

Twice.

Okay.

Business is a-booming.

Indiana celebrity
lookalikes.

I mean, this is a
brilliant idea, Donna.

All my favorites are here.
We've got Orville Redenbacher,

LaToya Jackson, Axl Rose,
David Letterman...

Look. Don't tell anyone, but
I booked a special surprise.

There's a Li'l Sebastian
lookalike on the way. What?

(LAUGHING)
What? Oh, my God.

(GROANING) Oh.

(GRUNTS)

Did you just
pee your pants?

Just a dab.

I better go clean up.

You nasty, Jerry.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Third time this week.

Oh, what the hell?
What's wrong?

"Your minister certification will
be emailed to you in 24 hours."

(SCOFFS) But this is America.
I want it now.

Sorry, Tom.
That's what happens.

I had all these great bits
written for the wedding, too.

I was going to beatbox.
There was a dance breakdown.

I'm talking, like, six
guaranteed applause breaks.

Uh, you know, lam actually ordained.
I could do the wedding.

That's the worst idea
I've ever heard.

Yeah.
You're right. Okay.

Wait. What if you
do the ceremony,

but you don't have any
stupid ideas of your own,

and you just say the stuff
that I came up with?

Anything to help Leslie.

Perfect. Now, shut up
and start memorizing.

We open with
Will Smith's monologue

from the modern
cinematic classic, Hitch.

Turtle dove?
Falcon.

Turtle dove.
Falcon?

Turtle dove.
There's your butt.

Hey-
Hey-

Did you find the rings?
No rings.

Just a tennis bracelet and a
necklace that says "wine chick."

No rings,
no license, no dress?

This idea felt so right,
but maybe it's just too crazy.

Maybe it wasn't
meant to be.

Hey, it's snowing.

(GASPS)

It's him.
What?

BEN: Who? I can't see.

I don't understand.
This is impossible.

BEN: What...

Whoa.

Li'l Sebastian?

No, no. Sorry.
Actually, this is Bucky.

He's a licensed
Li'l Sebastian impersonator.

We're headed to the gala so folks
can pose for pictures with him.

Two hundred a pop,
if you're interested.

Quiet, you.

This is Li'l Sebastian.
And this is a sign.

We're going to do this.

We are going to
pull this wedding off.

Come on, Bucky.
Li'l Sebastian.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, my God. We're
running out of time.

Ann, please tell me that you have
sewn a new dress from scratch.

Or several dresses, because
I would love some options.

I have an idea,
and it might be insane.

But I've been watching a lot
of Project Runway recently.

And the past eight years.

Okay, great. So, I trust you.
And make it work.

No time to do
the Tim Gunn voice.

Wait, what am I talking about?
There's always time.

"Designers, make it work." Ann,
you have less than an hour.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Ms. Beavers, this is
official police business.

I hope we didn't
wake you up.

It's after 10:00.

I've been asleep for four hours.
What do you want?

We need you
to sign this.

It's a marriage license.

Ethel?

Is it robbers?

No. Go back to bed.

Aw, is that
your husband?

I'm not married.
I was on a date tonight.

It went well.
He's sleeping over.

Cool.

It would really mean
a lot if you'd sign it.

It's for Leslie Knope
and Ben Wyatt.

I think you know them?

They dragged me out
in the freezing cold once

so they could tell each other "I love you".
It was annoying.

ANDY: Oh,
thank you so much.

You have got an amazing house
and a really cool nightgown,

and seem to be
super good at dating.

Yeah. So, can we adopt
you as our grandma?

Fine.
ANDY: (LAUGHING) Cool!

Okay. Love you, Grandma!
We love you, Grandma.

BEN: I guess we could go
to a pharmacy.

But I really don't want to use,
like, a cheap plastic ring.

I hate to say this, but Ann Perkins
has terrible taste in rings.

What is this? It's a toe
ring with a brown gemstone?

Is this a ruby
that's gone bad?

I am out of ideas.

Jewelry store.
No, that's closed.

That's why
we're doing this.

Perhaps I can be
of service.

HOW?

How much do you think Ann
would miss this sconce?

Well, I don't know.
It's part of her house.

(GRUNTS)

Well, okay.

"When I heard Ben was getting
married, I was like,

"'To Leslie,
or to Game of Thrones?"'

Ugh! Horrible delivery.

"You ever heard Leslie
talk about Ben's butt?

"I'm all like,

'"Damn, girl, you mad sweet
on that back meat.'"

You're murdering
my beautiful words.

Do you even want to
kill at this wedding?

I just want Leslie and Ben to have
a nice night. I'm sorry. I...

No. No. It's my fault
for believing in you.

Look. To be official,

I just have to do the vows
and the pronouncement.

So, why don't you
handle the speech,

and then I'll just
come in at the end?

Well, I'm not crazy about the
part where you do something,

but I do like the idea
of me doing something.

Let's give it a shot.

Hello, everyone. Got some bad news.
The gala ends at 11:00.

The good news is,
at 11:01,

we'll be holding
a special wedding ceremony.

Everyone is invited to stay. All the
drinks and the food will be on us.

(ALL CHEERING)

Hey.
Everything going okay?

Everything would
be peachy

if it weren't for that
dumb-ass with a megaphone.

No one wants a park here.

Parks are stupid.

Hey, Butter-teeth.
What's up?

I can fix those
chompers for you.

Just come to
Jamm Orthodontics.

Councilman Jamm,
what are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Parks are stupid.

Okay. Enough.

You better give me back that megaphone.
That belongs to my aunt.

Why don't
I call you a cab?

No. This isn't over,
Knope.

It is over.
I won fair and square.

And in a half an hour, lam
getting married over there

to the most perfect man
in the world.

And all my dreams
are coming true.

Knope rules.
Jamm sucks.

Knope rules.
Jamm sucks.

Knope rules.
Jamm...

Councilman Howser.

Leslie. Jeremy.

You better make sure my aunt
gets her megaphone back.

Okay. Did I do it right?
How does it look?

Terrible. And perfect.

I promised myself I was
not going to cry tonight.

And I have already broken
that promise five times.

But I will not
break it a sixth.

Go ahead and let it out,
buddy. It's okay.

I have something for you.

It is the letter
from the state house

telling us that we've been
assigned to Pawnee.

Dated May 1st, 2010.

No way.

We were supposed to
be here eight weeks.

I am so happy that those eight
weeks turned into three years.

And that you met Leslie. And
that we both found a home.

Damn it. You're transferring your
crying thing over to me. (LAUGHS)

It's okay, buddy.
Let it out.

I gathered up
all the meaningful bills,

pictures, documents,
and memos from your career.

What do you think?
Is it okay?

It is the most beautiful
object I've ever seen.

It is like the Ann
Perkins of dresses.

Yay.

It is amazing.

All set. (GASPS) Leslie.
Wow! You look amazing.

Oh, my God.
What?

I'm not supposed to see
you before the wedding.

No, that's the groom.
I ruined it.

Andy, that's the groom.

Well, I saw him, too.

I'm just going to cover
my eyes, just to be safe.

Okay. So, we're ready out there
for your wedding, or whatever.

My God. The license? The rings?
The officiant? Everything?

Yes. It all came together.

Let's go.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

JAMM: Boo. Boo.
Boo, Leslie Knope, boo.

Here comes the boo.

All dressed in boo.

Boo, Leslie Knope.

Boo. Boo. Boo.

Dude,
what are you doing?

I'm being awesome.

Boo. Boo, Leslie, boo.

My friend, I don't think you
understand what a bad idea this is.

I don't think you understand
that I would have gotten

a cut of that
new Paunch Burger

if she hadn't
screwed everything up.

So, sorry, guys.
This wedding is canceled

because the bride
is a B-hole.

Hey.
Check this out.

Stink bomb!
Who knows what that does?

Oh!
(GRUNTS)

Ugh! A stink bomb?
Are you joking?

Oh, my God. Where did you
even get a stink bomb?

Amazon, baby.
That's how.

You are looking at a Prime
customer, everybody.

Two days, free
shipping for this guy.

Let's get this party started
with another one, gang!

No!
(ALL GROANING)

It's terrible! Jerry, you do the wedding!
Who cares?

Come on, man.
Just go home.

And who's going
to make me?

It's your wedding day.
I'll handle this.

Here comes the bride.

Time to go, sir.
No.

Hey, get off me.
What the hell, man?

Don't you touch me.
Oh.

I'll give you that one.

But if you
do it again, I'll...

If I do what again?
What, kick your ass?

Is that what you like? You want
me to just... (ALL GASPING)

Yay! Best wedding ever!

(APRIL CHUCKLING)

Ow. (SNIFFLES)

You broke my tooth.

Good thing you're
an orthodontist.

Yeah. It is a good thing.
You see my house?

Five bathrooms.
Great.

I'm sorry, Leslie.
For what?

I've never presented a
bride on her wedding day,

so I'm not 100% sure
of the duties involved.

But I don't think you're
supposed to punch a man

in the mouth
during the service.

I think that's exactly
what you're supposed to do,

if that mouth is attached
to a drunk jerk-face.

Well, please don't worry about me.
Just go and get married.

No.
Leslie.

Ron. Listen to me
very carefully.

I lost my father
when I was 10,

I don't have any brothers, and
Ken Burns never wrote me back.

So, I am not getting married without
you there to walk me down the aisle.

End of discussion.

Better get used
to this, honey.

There are going to be a lot
of late nights for me here.

Graveyard shift.

You coming to bring me coffee
while I interrogate murderers.

You've had all night to get
something out of him, Dwyer.

We've got to let him go.

Come on, Captain. I'm this
close to getting a confession.

You're never going to break him, Dwyer.
He's a psychopath.

He chopped off
both of his arms

so he wouldn't
leave any fingerprints.

No! He did? How did
he murder a person?

I don't know. Hey, Chief Fugleberg.
It's me, Andy Dwyer,

pre-reporting for duty.

Listen, about my new partner.
Is it a dog?

Oh. Has Chris Traeger
not told you?

Told me what?

Hey, Ron. We posted bail.
You're free to go.

JAMM: Wait a minute. What?

He punched me in the teeth.
This is an outrage.

I think we have a pretty clear
picture of what went down.

Sleep it off in the cell,
Councilman.

Leslie, I'm so sorry.
I think we missed it.

The gala's over.
They're taking it all down.

Yeah. It's okay. I mean, I guess it
just wasn't meant to be after all.

We'll get married in May
like we planned.

You know what? I have some
champagne back at the office.

Let's go back there, have a
drink, toast to Pawnee Commons.

Fun! That's a good idea.

It will be good.
Because I actually have

some work I need
to get started on.

I've got five bathrooms.

I love the first floor
of City Hall at night,

when all the fluorescents
are half-off.

It just makes the informational
fliers look so beautiful.

I've never willingly been
here later than 5:04 P.M.

Before we go inside,
I'd like to say something.

You are a wonderful person. Your
friendship means a lot to me.

And you look
very beautiful.

Okay, weirdo.
Let's go.

Oh, boy.

(DONNA SINGING OPERA)

All set?

Mmm-hmm.

Jerry, everything
I wrote is wrong.

There's, like,
20 minutes of Hitch quotes

before I even
say Leslie's name.

What do I do?
You know what, Tom?

Just speak from the heart, okay?
You'll do great.

TOM: We are
gathered here tonight

to join Leslie Knope and
Benjamin Wyatt in marriage.

It's been a long and winding
road for these two lovebirds.

And they're so impatient
to begin their lives together,

they moved their wedding
date up three months.

So, I say let's keep it
short and sweet.

Yes.
Just do it, already.

I assume and hope you
prepared your own vows?

Ben? You want to say
some stuff about Leslie?

In my time working for
the state government,

my job sent me to
46 cities in 11 years.

I lived in villages
with eight people,

rural farming communities,
college towns.

I was sent to every
comer of Indiana.

And then, I came here.

And I realized
that this whole time

I was just wandering
around everywhere,

just looking for you.

TOM: Leslie, do you want to
say some stuff about Ben now?

Okay. Well, the first
draft of my vows,

which I wrote the day
after we got engaged,

clocked in
at around 70 pages.

Mmm.
Mmm.

But I don't have them with me today.
(ALL SIGHING IN RELIEF)

Although maybe there's a
copy of them in my office.

(ALL GROANING)

That's fine. I think
we can just keep going.

Okay.

(EXHALES)

Here's what
I'll say, though.

The things that
you have done for me,

to help me, support me,

surprise me,
to make me happy,

go above and beyond
what any person deserves.

You're all I need.

I love you
and I like you.

I love you
and I like you.

And now, with the power vested
in me by the state of Indiana,

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may now kiss the...
Well. (LAUGHING)

(ALL CHEERING)

Lagavulin all around?

Don't bother answering.
lam already pouring.

You don't have
to drink yours.

Thank you.

Just this once, I thought
I nailed something.

Well, I'm still
proud of you.

You worked hard,
and you got really close.

Close only counts
in horse grenades.

What?
It's a saying.

Because if you're
playing horseshoes,

and then, you throw
a grenade at a horse,

it doesn't have to
be that close

and you can still blow
the horse's legs off.

It's from
the movie Seabiscuit.

How's it going in here?

Good. I was just telling
Andy that I'm proud of him.

And I was just explaining
to April that I'm a failure

and she should
leave me for Orin.

Andy, this is a very
important moment for you.

How we deal with tragedy
defines who we are.

I used to be
terrible at it.

Beyond terrible.

You are not going to
let this deflate you.

You are going to pick yourself
up, dust yourself off,

and we will figure out
what the next step is.

Chris can be
very paternal.

I look around this room.

If it weren't for Leslie Knope,
none of us would be here.

So, Leslie? This song, which
is for Li'l Sebastian,

is for you.

(PLAYING GUITAR)

(SINGING) Up in horsey
heaven, here's the thing

You trade your legs
for angel's wings

And once we've
all said goodbye

You take a running leap
and you learn to fly

ALL: (SINGING)
Bye-bye, Li'! Sebastian

Miss you
in the saddest fashion

LESLIE: There were a lot of signs that Ben and!
should get married tonight.

But truth be told, we just
really wanted to get married.

When you're in love,
everything seems like a sign.

I love my husband.
I love my job.

And I love my friends.

Even though they really
can't handle their booze.

Hey. We should just go, right?
Yeah.

Careful.

ANDY: (SINGING)
Spread your wings and fly

Spread your wings and fly

It's not rocket science.

I removed the sconce,

fired up
my grandfather's torch,

heated up the pieces
in a cast-iron bucket,

liquefied the metal,
poured it into a mold,

obviously, keep it over a low
flame to achieve a nice temper,

cooled it in anti-freeze,

and just forged
and shaped the rings.

Any moron with a crucible,
an acetylene torch,

and a cast-iron waffle maker
could have done the same.

Whole thing only took me
about 20 minutes.

People who buy things
are suckers.