Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,613
Well, it's a pleasure
to be here, ladies.
2
00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:05,543
I didn't think
anybody really cared
3
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:07,209
about my time
on the city council.
4
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:10,014
Oh, we do. I mean, you
are such an inspiration.
5
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,953
Still going strong at 82.
6
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,184
(SNEEZES)
7
00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:14,451
(BLOWS NOSE)
8
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:15,886
How old is
that handkerchief?
9
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:17,924
Well, it's not a handkerchief.
It's a receipt.
10
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,461
(GROANS)
11
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:23,490
Paula Horke was Pawnee's first
female city councilor 40 years ago.
12
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:25,160
And she was a huge
inspiration to me.
13
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,271
Women have come
a long way in Pawnee,
14
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:29,068
but we still have
quite a ways to go.
15
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:30,433
I mean, technically,
16
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:32,704
I'm not allowed to reserve
this conference room
17
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:34,904
without my husband
or father's signature.
18
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:38,205
Government was a real boys
club back in the '70s.
19
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:41,148
They smoked their cigars.
They snapped my bra.
20
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,981
Wore mirrors on their shoes
to look up my skirt.
21
00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:47,981
Well, I am happy to report that it
is now a pervert-free people's club.
22
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:49,991
Well, except for
Councilman Dexhart,
23
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,654
who is
a self-described pervert.
24
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:53,829
Yeah, and didn't Milton
try to kiss you?
25
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:55,690
Well, yeah.
Things aren't perfect.
26
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:57,063
PAULA:
All the other councilmen
27
00:00:57,290 --> 00:01:00,032
used to keep a calendar
of my menstrual cycle.
28
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:01,632
Are you kidding me?
29
00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:04,300
That is horrible.
They don't do that to me.
30
00:01:05,031 --> 00:01:06,169
Do they do that to me?
31
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,939
I once tried to
start a commission
32
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:10,843
to try to get more jobs for
women in city government.
33
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,072
And they dismissed me,
34
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,448
saying that it was because it
was just my time of the month.
35
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:16,646
Admittedly,
they were right.
36
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:18,650
Because of their calendar.
37
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,289
LESLIE: Man-pigs.
All of them.
38
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,458
You know what? I'm going to
get that commission going.
39
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,688
Because this inequality
has gone on long enough.
40
00:01:25,051 --> 00:01:26,894
You know what? I think men
are better than women.
41
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,089
She's kidding.
APRIL: No, I'm not.
42
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:33,096
They provide for us, and we must obey
them because they are our masters.
43
00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:34,565
April, stop it.
44
00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:37,239
Leslie, you'll never land a beau
with that domineering tone.
45
00:01:38,698 --> 00:01:40,075
APRIL: We must always
walk behind the men.
46
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:41,237
She...
47
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,795
Mustache, dumb, dumb.
Mustache, dumb, dumb.
48
00:02:04,023 --> 00:02:05,866
Mustache, dumb, dumb.
RON: Hello.
49
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,231
I just came to drop off
some of the employee...
50
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,034
What is happening?
51
00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:11,166
Dumb!
52
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:12,266
RON: The girls are
on break.
53
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,979
And their sitter had to go
out of town for the day.
54
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:16,945
So, I'm watching them
while Diane works.
55
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:21,351
I borrowed some markers from Leslie,
and some stickers from Leslie.
56
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,715
And a LITE-BRITE,
which I got from Andy.
57
00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:26,618
Girls, this is Ann.
58
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,416
Talk to Ann.
She's terrific.
59
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:31,120
Hey, dudettes.
60
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,395
You stoked about
the weekend? No?
61
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:35,927
Oh.
62
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,868
(IN CHILDLIKE TONE) Look at this.
Pretty, pretty, little bead.
63
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,233
They're not infants.
64
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,397
I don't know.
I'm weird with kids.
65
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:46,105
So... You guys
like Coldplay?
66
00:02:46,799 --> 00:02:48,039
You're weird.
67
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,009
You're...
68
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,142
Well, hey, girls.
69
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,220
No.
Okay. Thanks.
70
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,716
An equal gender
employment commission.
71
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:02,587
Leslie, I don't think
this is a good idea.
72
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,889
I think
it's a fantastic idea.
73
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,188
Oh. I didn't know where you
were going with that.
74
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,700
The lack of women in this
government is criminal.
75
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,603
I'm going to ask
each department
76
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,070
to send two people
to a meeting today.
77
00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:16,032
Yeah.
And.
78
00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,267
And, and...
79
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:20,506
I can ask Shauna Malwae-Tweep
to write an article about it
80
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,171
for the Pawnee Journal.
She's my special friend.
81
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:24,708
That's what
you're calling her now.
82
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,409
I don't know
what to call her.
83
00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:29,112
I don't entirely understand
the behavior of young people.
84
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,580
Recently, we engaged in
something called a group hang.
85
00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:34,716
It was like a date, but there
were seven other people there.
86
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,326
It was very confusing.
87
00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:39,093
I'm not really sure
what our label is.
88
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,189
Labels can be bad.
But they can also be good.
89
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,699
"Warning: toxic bleach"
is a good label.
90
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,164
Shauna Malwae-Tweep
has amazing dimples.
91
00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:49,735
So, the commission? Oh! Yes.
Right. The commission.
92
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,332
I'm going to get that
going right now. Great.
93
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,835
Okay. I know this text
you sent me was a lie
94
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,712
and Michael Stipe is not actually here.
Correct?
95
00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:00,409
Correct.
That was a lie.
96
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:01,918
Yeah. No, I knew it was.
I just...
97
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:04,920
...couldn't live with
myself if it had been true.
98
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,145
And that's why I sent it.
99
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:07,213
Where's free Skittles?
100
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,520
Here you go, buddy.
101
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:10,956
Ah! He gets his thing?
102
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:19,929
Listen, I need you
two to teach me
103
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:22,267
everything you know
about basketball.
104
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,908
TOM: Rent A Swag is
doing really well.
105
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:27,604
I'm on track to turn a
profit in my third month.
106
00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:31,713
One problem. All the kids that shop
in the store are basketball crazy.
107
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:34,317
It's all they talk about. I need
to be able to schmooze them.
108
00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:36,145
And I can't keep referring
to basketball players
109
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,849
as Khloe Kardashian's husband
and his friends.
110
00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:40,652
You're just the men
to help me out.
111
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:43,054
One jock.
One geek who loves stats.
112
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:44,623
I'll give you
a few minutes to cancel
113
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:45,890
the rest of your plans
for the day.
114
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,191
No need. My only plan
was to buy Skittles.
115
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:54,531
Wow, Chris, your gender equality
commission is a real sausage fest.
116
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:56,902
Oh, my God.
You're kidding me.
117
00:04:56,996 --> 00:05:00,102
I just assumed that some of the
departments would send women.
118
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,043
Oh, my God.
119
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:04,005
I am part
of the problem.
120
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,572
EXCUSE me, everyone.
121
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,447
Did anyone notice
that there are no women
122
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,248
on the gender
equality commission?
123
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,186
There's a lady
right next to you.
124
00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:13,087
Oh, wait, no.
125
00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,089
It's just
a very beautiful man.
126
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:18,058
Yes. Okay. We are going to need
to rebalance this commission.
127
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,661
Listen.
You did a great job
128
00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:22,029
setting it up and
getting the snacks ready.
129
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,566
But we'll take it
from here.
130
00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:24,693
Well, Councilman Milton,
131
00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:25,858
I did put
the snacks together.
132
00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:27,131
And they are delicious,
I must say.
133
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:28,297
But that is
not the point.
134
00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:30,773
Round of applause for the girl.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
135
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,106
But she has to leave
to get more snacks.
136
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,509
No, I don't.
This is my commission.
137
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:37,147
Ouch. Why so ornery?
138
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,412
It's not the 7th yet.
139
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,021
Hmm.
140
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,580
Your shoes
are red now.
141
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,315
Y ay.
Hurray',!
142
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,494
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
Hey.
143
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,120
Mommy!
Mommy!
144
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,459
You survived, huh?
145
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:54,860
Indeed, I did.
146
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,696
How were they? Really.
147
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,237
Couldn't have been better.
148
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,561
We had a wonderful time.
149
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:02,628
Well, that's good.
150
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:05,099
Because my sitter
is still out of town.
151
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:08,143
So, I really hate
to ask you this,
152
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,907
but is there any way that you
could take them again tomorrow?
153
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,816
Of course.
I'd be delighted.
154
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:14,445
You're a lifesaver.
155
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:16,578
Thank you. Girls, you want to
spend another day with Ron?
156
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:17,847
Yeah!
Yeah!
157
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:29,561
I believe one problem
with hiring women
158
00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:32,068
is that they are
frail and breakable.
159
00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:33,702
Is it possible
you are thinking
160
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,797
about light bulbs?
Or your hip?
161
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,841
If I were 300 years older,
Councilman...
162
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,970
Incoherent ramblings aside,
I have done some research,
163
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:45,208
and the female employment rate
in government is abysmal.
164
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,849
The number one offender?
Sanitation.
165
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:49,448
All right.
166
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,284
No, no, no.
Stop celebrating.
167
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,020
Why are there no female
garbage collectors, Steve?
168
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,124
I don't know. We hire
women for other things.
169
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,162
You have one woman,
and she's a secretary.
170
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,297
And she's the best
secretary we got.
171
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,929
Except for Dan.
Dan's awesome.
172
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,262
Dan.
173
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,903
Garbage collectors make good wages.
They have good benefits.
174
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,297
They are the smelly glue that
keeps this city together.
175
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:10,635
You need to
hire more women.
176
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,104
Not that many
women apply.
177
00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:15,471
Plus, it's a very
physically demanding job.
178
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,946
Your average woman
can't handle it.
179
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:18,741
Oh, no?
180
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:24,678
Okay, so I took extensive notes on
ways to maximize our efficiency.
181
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:27,121
Because we can't be just as good as the men.
We have to be better.
182
00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:28,850
Yeah, you're totally right.
Let's rock this.
183
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:31,855
April, I love you, but I don't
need your sarcasm right now.
184
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,588
I'm serious.
Let's get rolling.
185
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,189
I want to get
into some garbage.
186
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,334
What? I love garbage.
187
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,532
Have you ever found a
dead body in the trash?
188
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:41,730
Or body parts?
189
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,433
Like a torso or a head?
190
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:44,803
Please say head.
191
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,969
Hey, Dewey.
Leslie brought binders.
192
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,068
(BOTH LAUGHING)
193
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,138
What do they say? "Pick up
garbage, put in truck"?
194
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:54,413
Actually, yeah. That's what's in the binder.
On every page.
195
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,851
Because I believe
in being thorough.
196
00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:57,549
All right.
Okay.
197
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,122
Let's do it,
trash people!
198
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:00,350
Whoa!
199
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,983
Let's feed the beast!
200
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,763
Here you are. I had to search the
directory for quite a while.
201
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,669
I thought your last name was
Hanson for some reason.
202
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,997
No. It's Perkins.
Always has been.
203
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,175
You seem
more like a Hanson.
204
00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:20,836
Anyway, I have
the girls again today,
205
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,106
and they're asking
to play with you.
206
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,114
Really?
I thought they hated me.
207
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,308
The opposite.
208
00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:26,850
I don't know
what you did to them,
209
00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:28,351
but it worked
like gangbusters.
210
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:31,278
Or they do hate me, and
you're just desperate and tired.
211
00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:33,753
Either way.
Can you help me?
212
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,027
I'm out of activities and they're
playing with my land mine.
213
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,255
(CHUCKLING)
214
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,729
This thing's cool.
What are these things?
215
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,095
Let's play a word
association game.
216
00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:46,598
I'll say a word
and then you say
217
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:48,138
the first thing that
pops into your mind.
218
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,229
Okay.
219
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,330
You.
220
00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:51,397
Reporter.
221
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,408
Me.
City manager.
222
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,072
Us.
Ooh! Magazine.
223
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:01,113
CHRIS: According to
Leslie's binder,
224
00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:02,652
she and April are
making even better time
225
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,119
than the guys do
on a normal day.
226
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,153
That's weird. You know, with
us being women and all.
227
00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:09,289
You'd think our boobs
would get in the way.
228
00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:11,025
SHAUNA: Is that accurate,
Mr. Phlegner?
229
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:13,424
Is Councilwoman Knope ahead of the
regular schedule for this route?
230
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,190
Whatever.
No comment.
231
00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:17,559
Tough stuff.
232
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:19,398
Are you posing? I don't have
a photographer with me.
233
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,202
Google Earth.
Always taking pics.
234
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:23,872
Let's move it out.
235
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:25,741
BEN: All right, let's
start with the basics.
236
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:28,277
Why don't you just play some
one-on-one, see if you can score.
237
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,369
Andy, guard him.
238
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:32,816
He's too big.
I can't see over him.
239
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:34,715
It's not fair. I feel like
everyone should be the same size.
240
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:36,309
Okay. You have
to create space.
241
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,581
You've got to just
dribble around him.
242
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,585
There you go.
Now what?
243
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,156
Shoot. Shoot the ball.
244
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,154
Did I do basketball?
245
00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:44,522
Kind of.
246
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:45,988
Try it again.
247
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:54,869
Tommy for the dunk!
248
00:09:58,864 --> 00:09:59,865
(GRUNTS)
249
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,138
(SCREAMS)
250
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:04,413
My screen!
251
00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:08,610
But it was actually
a blood-hungry witch
252
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:11,177
who was wearing their
mom's face like a mask.
253
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,654
(BOTH SCREAMING)
254
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:13,746
(LAUGHS)
255
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:15,291
What is wrong
with you, woman?
256
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:18,056
I'm sorry. I thought
kids liked ghost stories.
257
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,221
Hey, girls. Do you want to
look through my nurse kit?
258
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,525
Yeah!
Yeah!
259
00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:23,157
Ooh, check it out.
Bandages.
260
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,930
We can wrap up the dolls and
pretend they just had surgery!
261
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:27,300
Yeah.
Awesome.
262
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,397
Yeah? Or we can use this
hammer and test reflexes.
263
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,907
Yeah.
Here, Zoe. Watch.
264
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:32,667
Do me! Do me!
265
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:34,534
Do Princess Junebug now.
266
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,601
Okay.
267
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:38,615
You know what, Ron? I can watch them
for a little while if you want to...
268
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,550
...take a break.
269
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,352
This is
Stacy Knoblauch's house.
270
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,652
I went to high school
with her,
271
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:49,090
and she was
super mean to me.
272
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,922
And now, I know
that she dyes her hair.
273
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,398
I knew that wench
wasn't naturally blonde.
274
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:57,533
Oh, my God.
275
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,797
She has to use
prescription-strength deodorant.
276
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,036
This is the best day
of my life.
277
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,235
Hey, ladies, someone
just called in a pick-up.
278
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,868
We have to make
an unscheduled stop.
279
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:09,941
Hope you can handle it.
It's not in the binders.
280
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:13,381
A new challenge? Bring
it on, Stevie boy. Whoo!
281
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:16,886
April, let's finish up. We have
some stereotypes to overcome.
282
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,781
And some privacy
to violate.
283
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:20,016
Yeah!
Whoo!
284
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:21,752
(BANGING)
Wait. No.
285
00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:25,519
Oh!
Yes!
286
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,895
Nothing but net.
ANDY: Nice.
287
00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:29,728
You are
officially a baller.
288
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:32,130
I've been a baller since birth, son.
Now, I'm an athlete.
289
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:35,196
Hey. You little chumps
want to play some ball?
290
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,138
Sure.
Let's do this.
291
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:39,340
Watch out.
Tommy from half court.
292
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:44,542
This could
really only go poorly.
293
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:55,957
He won't get out
of my way!
294
00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:01,926
Oh, my God.
295
00:12:07,159 --> 00:12:08,467
Nice!
Yes.
296
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:14,538
Tom, what the hell
are you doing?
297
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:15,873
I'm pivoting.
Ben told me to pivot.
298
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:19,141
I told you you can pivot,
not that you can only pivot.
299
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,679
BEN: Stop pivoting.
300
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,510
All right,
that's illegal.
301
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,145
I may not know much,
but you can't
302
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,746
just steal the ball
from another player.
303
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:27,381
Hey. Aren't you the guy
who owns Rent A Swag?
304
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:28,857
Yeah. Tom Haverford.
305
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,257
You suck
at basketball, man.
306
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,657
Well, you suck at
being polite, sir.
307
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,028
This has been fun, but we
have an actual game tomorrow.
308
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:36,794
Against guys who
can actually play.
309
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:38,224
Let's go.
310
00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:40,295
Andy Dwyer
for the dunk!
311
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:44,902
Oh, that wall is so close.
312
00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:48,310
Doctors, the operation
is now complete.
313
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:51,380
Dr. Zoe, could you please use the
reflex hammer to see if she's okay?
314
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:54,680
ANN: This is the most fun
I have ever had with kids.
315
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,451
They even said they want to
be doctors when they grow up.
316
00:12:58,010 --> 00:12:59,853
Hot tip for you
babysitters out there?
317
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:02,649
Let your kids play with
medical tools all the time.
318
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:04,589
We have a problem.
What? Oh, my God.
319
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,256
Girls, this is
not a negotiation.
320
00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:08,957
Unlock the door
immediately.
321
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:12,798
No! We're doing surgery. Only
doctors are allowed in here.
322
00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:15,805
Okay.
Stand back, ladies.
323
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,670
Ron. No, no, no, no!
That's dangerous.
324
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,175
Somebody in here has
got to have keys, right?
325
00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:21,302
I have keys. What...
Jerry.
326
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:24,275
I never thought I would say this,
but I am so glad you're here.
327
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:26,646
Well, it's got to be
one of these, right?
328
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:30,915
Oh, no. Ladies?
No, no, no, no, no!
329
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:34,014
The patient needs a haircut.
Her hair is infected.
330
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:36,081
RON: Hurry, Jerry! Okay, I'm trying.
It's not this one.
331
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,354
No.
332
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:38,656
Okay. I'm not good
under pressure like this.
333
00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:40,390
Zoe, stop it!
Please.
334
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:41,587
No!
335
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,758
Zoe,
put the scissors down.
336
00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:44,692
Oh!
337
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,333
No!
338
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:50,339
Geuseuuey
339
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:52,873
Bakery called this in.
340
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,542
Needs to go on that
truck right there.
341
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:56,603
Easy, breezy, beautiful.
342
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:58,682
That's the CoverGirl slogan.
I didn't mean to say that.
343
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,580
Okay. Here we go.
On three.
344
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,748
Okay. Two.
One. Three. Move it.
345
00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:06,252
(GRUNTING)
346
00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:09,116
On four, five, six.
Here we go.
347
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,127
You need a hand? No, no.
We don't need a hand.
348
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,391
What, do you think Joan
of Arc needed a hand?
349
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:16,023
Doing what? Let me
tell you something.
350
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:19,695
We are not leaving until this
symbolic feminist obstacle
351
00:14:19,758 --> 00:14:22,329
is loaded onto that truck
of women's advancement.
352
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,667
And you can put that
on the record, Shauna.
353
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,504
Well, you ladies clearly
have everything in hand.
354
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:27,942
Dewey and I are going
to head back to base.
355
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,338
Hope we didn't
throw you off schedule.
356
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:30,812
Not at all.
Have fun.
357
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,642
Hey, Shauna, maybe... Maybe not
put this part on the record.
358
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,345
You know, leave the earlier
part on the record.
359
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:38,354
But if we can't get this
fridge onto the truck,
360
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:39,946
then maybe not put
that on the record,
361
00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:41,514
and then just destroy
the record altogether.
362
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:42,921
Okay. Guys, I'm going to
go ahead and decide
363
00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:45,087
what's on and off the
record on my own. Cool?
364
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:46,685
Uh-huh.
365
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,355
LESLIE: The whole city
is watching.
366
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,898
If I can't move that
fridge onto that truck,
367
00:14:50,956 --> 00:14:52,799
then feminism is over
in this town.
368
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:55,832
(GRUNTING)
369
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,039
I don't know why I thought
sneaking up on it would work.
370
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:06,740
This is the one.
This is...
371
00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:08,307
Why do you have
so many keys?
372
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,418
We did surgery,
just like you taught us.
373
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:14,549
Okay. You know what? Why don't you
girls clean up all of this hair,
374
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:15,682
and I'm going
to talk to Ron?
375
00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:16,884
Let's cut off our toes!
376
00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:17,984
No, let's not.
377
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:19,687
I'm going to
take this bag, too.
378
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:21,594
You need to fix this.
379
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,423
It's not that bad.
Nobody got hurt.
380
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:24,930
It's extremely bad.
381
00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:27,496
I love this woman. And I
just want to show her
382
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,505
that I'm capable of
watching her children
383
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,234
without something
horrible happening.
384
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:33,405
What?
385
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,501
Did you just say
you love Diane?
386
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,171
No. I did not.
387
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:39,773
Yes, you did.
That is so cute.
388
00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:43,342
For God's sake, Hanson, will you
please focus on the larger problem?
389
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:44,783
(MIMICKING KISSING)
390
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:47,585
BOTH: Ron loves Mommy
391
00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:49,986
Ron loves Mommy
392
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:52,790
Girls, girls. I don't know
what you think you heard,
393
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,853
but please don't
tell your mother
394
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,900
what you incorrectly
think you heard.
395
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,594
Ron loves Mommy.
396
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,632
Ron loves Mommy
Ron loves Mommy
397
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,639
I love nothing!
(LAUGHING)
398
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:06,805
I'm going to have to
start writing this up soon.
399
00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:07,866
Kind of sucks.
400
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:09,935
I thought maybe we'd be done
in time to grab a drink. Oh.
401
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,209
Have you been to Bistro D'Amour?
It's really romantic.
402
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:13,306
Ooh.
403
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:14,908
Yeah, it was just
going to be you and me,
404
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,476
my sister,
a few people from work,
405
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:17,543
and my ex-boyfriend.
406
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:19,451
(CHUCKLING)
That's really confusing.
407
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:21,583
I have a request.
408
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:25,161
Could you please make sure that my
involvement in this stays off the record?
409
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:27,724
I wouldn't want anyone
thinking that you are biased
410
00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:29,891
because we are something.
411
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,366
You don't have to
worry about that.
412
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:32,766
I'm going to include
a disclaimer describing
413
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,099
the nature of
our relationship.
414
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:38,499
I guess I'll have to wait for tomorrow's
paper to find out our status.
415
00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:42,007
Why did I have to fall for
somebody from the old media?
416
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:45,446
Maybe we should just
eat the refrigerator.
417
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:48,847
If we start chewing now, we can
finish before the sun comes up.
418
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,544
We have to
solve this problem.
419
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:52,519
Or they're going to
point to this forever
420
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:53,784
as a reason
to not hire women.
421
00:16:54,279 --> 00:16:55,917
I should never
have taken the bait.
422
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:59,621
It was just such tasty,
righteously flavored bait.
423
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:01,223
(sums)
424
00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,492
You here to
move the fridge?
425
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:04,692
(GASPS) Are you a ghost?
Yes, we are.
426
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,168
Why you think
you can lift it?
427
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:08,667
You are
two little canaries.
428
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:12,407
Those garbage men couldn't even lift it.
They are like giant bears.
429
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,567
Hold on.
What do you mean?
430
00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:16,670
Bears are bigger
than canaries, yes?
431
00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:18,442
So, if bears can't
lift the thing...
432
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,450
No, I understand
animal sizes.
433
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:22,144
What do you mean,
they couldn't lift it?
434
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:26,181
They try three days ago.
And it does not budge.
435
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:28,054
They say they're going to
come back with more guys,
436
00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:29,854
but they come back
with canaries.
437
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:32,053
Fly away,
little canaries.
438
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:36,797
Those Sanitation goons
set us up.
439
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,298
You know what? Let's just go.
What?
440
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:40,994
No. We can't
let them beat us.
441
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,370
Just call it a tie.
Nobody can lift it.
442
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:46,700
No, Leslie. We do not want to tie.
We want to win.
443
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,610
Those guys suck. Okay?
We have to prove them wrong.
444
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:51,779
Look, all we have to do
is get some PCP.
445
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:53,475
You can move anything
on angel dust.
446
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,582
My cousin, Hess, said he beat
off five cops on that stuff.
447
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,086
Okay, hold on. Sir?
448
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:58,653
Does this
refrigerator still work?
449
00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:00,053
Works okay.
450
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:02,159
We got a new one.
We don't need it.
451
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:07,261
So what if those kids think you're
the lamest guy in the world?
452
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:09,856
That's not who you want shopping
at Rent A Swag anyways, Tom.
453
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,959
That's exactly who I want
shopping at Rent A Swag.
454
00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:13,695
Oh. Well, then,
that sucks.
455
00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,929
Look. I want
to show you something.
456
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:23,410
Okay, this is Kevin Durant and
Russell Westbrook after a bad loss.
457
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:27,644
Even the greats get beat. But they get back
out there the next day and they fight.
458
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:30,179
So, let's hit
the gym again tomorrow.
459
00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:32,855
Guys, I think I just
dribbled up an idea.
460
00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:34,783
No. Double dribbled it.
461
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,321
You have learned nothing
about basketball.
462
00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:40,057
You're a good friend,
Ben.
463
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,291
Oh. Thanks.
464
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:45,664
Can I borrow $1,500? You're not
allowed to ask what it's for.
465
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,126
Fireworks.
466
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:50,503
First of all, everyone is fine.
No one got hurt.
467
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,607
But there was
an incident.
468
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,603
Oh, my God.
What happened?
469
00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:59,276
ANN: Diane,
this is all my fault.
470
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,443
I let them go
into my nurse's bag.
471
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:02,879
(LAUGHING) Oh.
472
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,579
(RON LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
473
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,054
Well, who has
been having fun
474
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:07,419
with scissors?
Us!
475
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:10,322
Ann taught us how to be doctors.
Yay!
476
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:11,520
You're not mad?
477
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:13,028
No, it's fine.
They're kids.
478
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,962
Once, Zoe put
Ivy in the dryer.
479
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,101
I'm still incredibly sorry.
I feel like I let you down.
480
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:21,203
It is so sweet to me
how much you care.
481
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,268
This is why I love you.
482
00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:25,675
Oh.
483
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,535
I love you, too.
484
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:29,804
(LAUGHS)
485
00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:31,040
That's my cue.
486
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:32,510
All right, girls.
Good hang.
487
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:34,309
Bye, Ann!
Bye, Ann!
488
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:38,815
Hey, Leslie? Shaunajust
sent me the disclaimer
489
00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:40,788
that she's going to use before
she prints the article.
490
00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:43,720
"City Manager Chris Traeger
was present for this event,
491
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,622
"and has a personal
relationship with the author."
492
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,062
Okay.
That's pretty good, right?
493
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,566
Personal relationship.
It's not romantic.
494
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,296
But it is descriptive. No,
it's not even descriptive.
495
00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:54,627
I know you're
not used to this,
496
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:58,334
but maybe you should just try to
keep it chill and see what happens.
497
00:19:58,630 --> 00:19:59,870
Great advice.
498
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,843
Impossible to follow,
but great advice.
499
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,914
So, do you think the soup
kitchen could use that fridge?
500
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,042
I mean, April and I were going to
haul it onto the truck effortlessly.
501
00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:10,415
But if you need it.
502
00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:13,149
Absolutely. This is a godsend.
Thank you for thinking of us.
503
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:17,018
Grab a side, ladies. I think all
of us can get it on the truck.
504
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:21,224
LESLIE: Not only did we complete the garbage
route, and move an unmovable fridge,
505
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:25,901
but the Sanitation department hired
three new female trash haulers.
506
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:27,668
And best of all,
507
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:30,798
April gave me this present to
commemorate our feminist victory.
508
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,370
And it's trash.
509
00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:37,746
It's filled with trash.
510
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:39,812
Maybe there's something
on the bottom here.
511
00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:41,509
Let me see.
No, just trash.
512
00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:46,886
This is Brandon Turnbill
for Kid's 46 news.
513
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,754
I'm here with the star of
today's win, Josh Diamond.
514
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,253
What was the key to
the victory, Josh?
515
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,854
Everything just came together
for us, and we came out on top.
516
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,530
And we're going to try to keep it
going next week against Snerling.
517
00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:58,993
Thanks, tiny reporter.
518
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,304
It was a huge win
for Josh and the boys.
519
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,931
And after a huge win,
be sure to visit
520
00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:06,440
Rent A Swag
on Durham Avenue
521
00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:09,772
for all your post-game press
conference fashion rental needs.
522
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:11,778
We've got everything.
Dope suits.
523
00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:15,112
Pocket squares. Gingham shirts.
Glasses with no lenses.
524
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:17,016
Tiny cardigans.
Fedoras.
525
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:18,347
Look at this watch.
526
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:20,754
Whatever swag you need,
you can rent
527
00:21:20,912 --> 00:21:22,050
at Rent A Swag.
528
00:21:22,147 --> 00:21:23,490
Now, that's basketball.
39890
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.