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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:02,046 Previously, on United States of Tara... 2 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,003 Oh, it's amazing. I love it. 3 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,213 Are your other personalities also talented? 4 00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,300 I want to meet one. 5 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:10,998 - I didn't... no... - Get out! 6 00:00:11,081 --> 00:00:12,529 Tiffany thinks one of your alters 7 00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:14,513 broke into her place in the middle of the night. 8 00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,133 Tara made a new friend. 9 00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:18,142 Tiffany was a threat to the system. 10 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,770 It's just one of your alters showing a side we've never seen. 11 00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:21,979 My money's on T. 12 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:24,997 Don't you have something at Marshall's school? 13 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,609 Hi, Max. T.'s back. 14 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:28,986 - Listen, your mom's fine. - She went AWOL? 15 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,739 - She's at that arcade place she likes. - You should go get her. 16 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,436 - Did you find her? - Yes, I have 17 00:00:33,519 --> 00:00:34,992 and she's not even in any trouble. 18 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,828 - What happened to Tiffany's mural? - What? 19 00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,059 They're staying over. I want to have a party. 20 00:00:40,142 --> 00:00:42,662 You just want to have a party so that that Jason guy comes over. 21 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:46,003 Oh, my God. You made it. 22 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,422 I'm going to kill my niece. 23 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:54,037 There's my house, in case you ever want to drop by and... 24 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,472 And not have intercourse? 25 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,474 - Are you my mother? - No way. 26 00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:00,101 Then why are you inside my mother? 27 00:02:01,983 --> 00:02:03,983 That's where it all went down. 28 00:02:05,261 --> 00:02:07,648 Two clicks off the Mekong river. 29 00:02:07,731 --> 00:02:09,931 We were hunkered down in the shit. 30 00:02:10,014 --> 00:02:12,468 Never saw those gook fucks comin'. 31 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,743 For my sins... 32 00:02:20,826 --> 00:02:22,446 They left me alive. 33 00:02:23,312 --> 00:02:24,762 I was the only one. 34 00:02:36,445 --> 00:02:38,245 They all said I was lucky. 35 00:02:40,153 --> 00:02:40,953 Was I? 36 00:02:48,609 --> 00:02:50,009 Missing something? 37 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:52,262 Come on in. 38 00:03:12,863 --> 00:03:14,950 - Fuck you, asshole. - Tara? 39 00:03:15,033 --> 00:03:17,902 Yeah, it's me. What happened to my hand? 40 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:20,918 Buck went a little Colonel Kurtz last night. 41 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,654 We were at the Chiefs' game, fireworks went off. 42 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,537 You went to the bathroom and never came back. 43 00:03:26,735 --> 00:03:29,285 Jesus! My head is killing me. 44 00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:32,753 Can I just crash, or do we got something going on today? 45 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,765 You're never gonna believe it. 46 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,158 - Hey, Frank. - Hi, honey. 47 00:03:37,241 --> 00:03:39,275 Shoulda been here an hour ago, but... 48 00:03:39,358 --> 00:03:42,665 I mean, who works construction on a friday afternoon? 49 00:03:44,356 --> 00:03:45,642 Hi, sweetie. 50 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,730 You be careful with this, it's Charmaine's birthday present. 51 00:03:48,813 --> 00:03:50,533 - I'll try not to break it, mom. - Don't. 52 00:03:50,616 --> 00:03:53,231 - Hey honey. Look at you! - Big tank you got there, Frank. 53 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,900 - What kind of gas mileage you getting? - I'll give you a tour later. 54 00:03:55,983 --> 00:03:58,070 - Hi, grandpa. - How you doin'? 55 00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,529 Good. Thank you. 56 00:03:59,612 --> 00:04:00,584 Hi. 57 00:04:01,619 --> 00:04:03,727 Anyway, it's got swiveling Captains Chairs. 58 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,124 It's got a master bedroom with a king-size bed. 59 00:04:06,207 --> 00:04:08,165 He's turning into a real lady-killer. 60 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,300 Yeah, he's our very own Kevin Spacey. 61 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,536 - I gotta go to work. - Good for you! 62 00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,638 - Come straight home after. - Are you still alive? 63 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,058 She's working already? 64 00:04:17,141 --> 00:04:19,471 I didn't have a job until I was twenty-two. 65 00:04:19,554 --> 00:04:22,594 What are you talking about? You never worked a day in your life. 66 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,127 Who put you through school 67 00:04:24,210 --> 00:04:26,098 working the hosiery department at Dillards? 68 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,299 One year. 69 00:04:28,657 --> 00:04:30,220 What happened to your hand? 70 00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:32,073 Nothing. Just... Car trunk. 71 00:04:32,156 --> 00:04:34,545 So I was gonna put out some sandwich stuff. You guys hungry or... 72 00:04:34,628 --> 00:04:35,649 Yeah, I could eat. 73 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,327 - I'll get it. - I got it. 74 00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,265 Well, you're doing enough as it is, 75 00:04:39,348 --> 00:04:42,032 what with us and Charmaine's birthday party. 76 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,697 - We talked about this. It's... - Wouldn't it just be easier 77 00:04:44,780 --> 00:04:46,199 to go someplace nice? 78 00:04:46,282 --> 00:04:47,298 Mom, it's fine. 79 00:04:47,381 --> 00:04:49,482 This is what Charmaine wants. Hey, You wanna give me a hand? 80 00:04:49,565 --> 00:04:50,915 Right behind you. 81 00:04:55,574 --> 00:04:57,681 - At least they're consistent. - Oh, God. 82 00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,216 Roast beef's in the drawer. 83 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,219 Why do I let 'em do it? The minute they walk in here, I just get... 84 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,855 You know what's gonna happen? 85 00:05:03,938 --> 00:05:05,524 They're gonna push and push and push. 86 00:05:05,607 --> 00:05:07,090 And bam, Alice is gonna be there 87 00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,031 cutting my dad's steak up into small pieces. 88 00:05:09,114 --> 00:05:11,514 Well, that's how Bobby Dole likes it. 89 00:05:12,820 --> 00:05:14,852 I really don't want a transition. 90 00:05:14,935 --> 00:05:15,810 Okay. 91 00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:17,774 - What? - Nothin'. 92 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,200 I didn't say I could do it. I just said I didn't want to. 93 00:05:20,283 --> 00:05:22,789 I didn't say nothin'. I'm cutting these tomatoes. 94 00:05:22,872 --> 00:05:25,323 - I thought you got a new sofa. - No. 95 00:05:29,013 --> 00:05:30,681 I'm taking some Xanax. 96 00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:32,983 Hey, I thought we were through with that. 97 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,615 - I won't make it. - You'll make it. 98 00:05:35,698 --> 00:05:37,754 Look, that's what we signed up for, all right? 99 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,207 If Buck shows up at Charmaine's party, 100 00:05:40,290 --> 00:05:42,531 then that's what happens. They gotta deal with it, right? 101 00:05:42,614 --> 00:05:44,314 Who knows, could be fun. 102 00:05:45,282 --> 00:05:46,232 Fuck 'em! 103 00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,413 Let your freak flag fly. 104 00:05:50,052 --> 00:05:52,809 This is supposed to be well-done, people. 105 00:05:53,579 --> 00:05:56,160 Hey... So those Stepford bitches at Table Twenty-Four 106 00:05:56,243 --> 00:05:57,689 are really hoovering up that pie? 107 00:05:57,772 --> 00:05:59,563 Yeah. Listen, when you're finished slicing that egg, 108 00:05:59,646 --> 00:06:01,269 the sauce guns need new filling. 109 00:06:01,352 --> 00:06:02,446 Okay. 110 00:06:03,719 --> 00:06:06,940 You've been kind of zeroed out lately. Did I fuck up or something? 111 00:06:07,023 --> 00:06:08,266 What? No, you're aces. 112 00:06:08,349 --> 00:06:11,899 Can I get a side of refried Barnabeenzfor table six, please? 113 00:06:17,882 --> 00:06:19,132 Morning, honey. 114 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,350 What the heck? 115 00:06:30,330 --> 00:06:31,930 I wet the fucking bed. 116 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:33,877 Wha... 117 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:34,960 Oh, Frank. 118 00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:38,238 How many parking tickets, Neil? 119 00:06:38,478 --> 00:06:41,417 Okay, that's it. You're not driving my truck anymore. 120 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:44,200 All right, I'll get there as soon as I can. 121 00:06:44,532 --> 00:06:46,525 Hey, I picked up a nice Nebbiolo. 122 00:06:46,608 --> 00:06:48,813 It's a grape from northern Italy. 123 00:06:48,896 --> 00:06:51,796 - Light, uncomplicated. - Will it get me drunk? 124 00:06:52,369 --> 00:06:53,869 Paul Anka drinks it. 125 00:06:55,379 --> 00:06:57,149 Hey, how are things lately? 126 00:06:57,232 --> 00:06:58,632 Good. Everything's good. 127 00:06:58,715 --> 00:07:02,196 Come on, You know what I'm talking about. How are things with you and Tara? 128 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:03,479 No complaints. 129 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:04,690 Really? 130 00:07:06,689 --> 00:07:08,639 Well, Bev and I were talking. 131 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,338 You know, if you two ever want to take a little break, 132 00:07:11,421 --> 00:07:13,295 you could always send the kids to stay with us. 133 00:07:13,378 --> 00:07:14,307 Like a weekend? 134 00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:17,575 Yeah, a weekend, several weeks, a couple of months. 135 00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:20,396 What are you talking about, Frank? 136 00:07:20,564 --> 00:07:22,635 The kids have been through a lot. 137 00:07:22,718 --> 00:07:26,196 Come on, we both know things have been a little crazy lately. 138 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,729 We just want what's best for the kids. 139 00:07:35,349 --> 00:07:37,499 Truck nuts. What are truck nuts? 140 00:07:38,498 --> 00:07:39,981 Fucking Buck! 141 00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:43,024 I told him ten times to stop customizing my truck. 142 00:07:43,107 --> 00:07:45,292 Apparently they're illegal. 143 00:07:45,375 --> 00:07:47,507 You know, the cops didn't think they were too funny. 144 00:07:47,918 --> 00:07:49,747 Honestly, I don't get the logic myself. 145 00:07:49,830 --> 00:07:51,386 Does the... Does the truck have a dick? 146 00:07:51,864 --> 00:07:53,690 Or is the truck the dick? 147 00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:56,349 If the truck is the dick, then the balls are way too small. 148 00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:58,295 Okay, I gotta get outta here. 149 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,030 Hey, pal, what do I owe you? 150 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,513 683 bucks, and I gotta see the title. 151 00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:04,509 I don't have a title. 152 00:08:04,910 --> 00:08:07,160 Well, then, you don't have a truck. 153 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,465 Son of a bitch! 154 00:08:11,548 --> 00:08:14,514 Max, I'll drop by later. I'll pick up the title, okay? 155 00:08:14,597 --> 00:08:18,120 Bad day, man. I am having a bad fuckin' day. 156 00:08:19,293 --> 00:08:21,482 Tara's parents want to take the kids. 157 00:08:21,565 --> 00:08:23,909 - Does Tara know about this? - No way. You kidding? 158 00:08:23,992 --> 00:08:26,165 It'd put her over the fuckin' edge. 159 00:08:26,248 --> 00:08:27,865 I don't know, maybe 160 00:08:27,948 --> 00:08:30,020 - it's not a bad thing. - What's wrong with you? 161 00:08:30,103 --> 00:08:32,879 I'm just saying It's been a rough couple of months. You know, a little break. 162 00:08:32,962 --> 00:08:34,387 Work some shit out. 163 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,690 You work this shit out. 164 00:08:38,783 --> 00:08:41,540 How hard can it be to find Aunt Charmaine a birthday present? 165 00:08:41,623 --> 00:08:43,040 I couldn't think of anything. 166 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,009 A coffee card, a book, some bubble bath... 167 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,054 If it comes from you, she's gonna love it. 168 00:08:48,137 --> 00:08:49,337 No, she won't. 169 00:08:51,682 --> 00:08:54,131 Okay, this is crazy. What is the deal with you guys? 170 00:08:54,214 --> 00:08:56,831 I don't know, ask her. She just always hates me. 171 00:08:56,914 --> 00:08:58,701 Marshall, that's not true. 172 00:08:58,784 --> 00:08:59,484 Hey. 173 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:00,698 Hey. 174 00:09:01,513 --> 00:09:02,518 Where's your dad? 175 00:09:02,601 --> 00:09:04,461 He fell asleep on the couch watching the game. 176 00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:06,706 I was thinking about what we talked about last night. 177 00:09:06,752 --> 00:09:09,584 I don't want to tell you what to do. You want to take a Xanax, take a Xanax. 178 00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:12,302 What's the matter? My flag too freaky for you? 179 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,176 No, I just spent an hour with your father, 180 00:09:14,344 --> 00:09:17,194 and I almost became Buck just to kick his ass. 181 00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:20,115 This isn't usually my style, but 182 00:09:20,659 --> 00:09:23,227 I'm headin' down to Xanax town. You wanna come? 183 00:09:27,553 --> 00:09:29,547 I'm gonna say nope to dope. 184 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,436 You're right. We made a decision. 185 00:09:33,245 --> 00:09:34,195 No pills. 186 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:37,365 I mean, I don't want anything to happen, but if it does, it does. 187 00:09:37,448 --> 00:09:38,798 I'm okay with it. 188 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,935 It's not my idea. Charmaine wants to do it. 189 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,622 Well, I don't remember how to play. 190 00:09:45,705 --> 00:09:48,654 It's the same game we always play. She likes it. She's good at it. 191 00:09:48,737 --> 00:09:50,796 - That's because we let her win. - That's not true. 192 00:09:50,964 --> 00:09:51,797 It is true. 193 00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:54,717 You know, I once had lunch with George Brett. 194 00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:57,219 Let's get this party started 195 00:09:57,566 --> 00:09:59,928 Happy birthday to you, honey. 196 00:10:00,011 --> 00:10:02,328 You look beautiful! 197 00:10:02,411 --> 00:10:03,186 Thanks. 198 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,644 - You look thin. - Thank you, daddy. 199 00:10:05,812 --> 00:10:08,314 - Happy birthday, Aunt Charmaine. - Where's Kate? 200 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:09,693 Good question. Kate! 201 00:10:09,858 --> 00:10:12,019 You want me to open this? We're not eating for an hour. 202 00:10:12,152 --> 00:10:14,064 How could you do this to you sister? 203 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,047 Do what? 204 00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:18,013 Make her work so hard. 205 00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,904 - Mom... - We could have gone to Pierponts. 206 00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:22,495 Yeah, you could have had a steak. 207 00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:24,997 - Should I just leave? - Dad, just leave it alone. 208 00:10:25,165 --> 00:10:27,177 I'm just worried about her. 209 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,545 She looks thin. 210 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,295 Well, you know, she never eats. And when she eats, she eats alone. 211 00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:32,213 Wine? 212 00:10:33,329 --> 00:10:34,479 With a straw. 213 00:10:34,562 --> 00:10:37,885 Hey, we're gonna play that game you're so good at. 214 00:10:40,263 --> 00:10:43,349 - Has it been like this all day? - All day. 215 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,861 Happy birthday, Aunt Charmaine. 216 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:50,400 Sorry I can't kick it up, but I gotta hit. 217 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,670 - Where are you going? - In my uniform? I'm off to Iraq. 218 00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,561 I thought you weren't working. 219 00:10:55,644 --> 00:10:57,529 Well, I just got called in. 220 00:10:57,697 --> 00:10:59,910 This chick Emily, her dad just took off, 221 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,841 so her mom slit her wrists, like a dumb-ass. 222 00:11:02,924 --> 00:11:04,974 Left to right, not up and down. 223 00:11:06,107 --> 00:11:08,885 - It was on the news. - Fine. Let her go. 224 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,876 Hey, what are you yelling about? 225 00:11:11,044 --> 00:11:13,397 Well, all of a sudden Kate says she has to go into work. 226 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:14,791 This is not my choice. 227 00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:17,549 This is an emergency, and I'm trying to be a team player here. 228 00:11:17,717 --> 00:11:20,918 Your mom worked her ass off. Go in that room, put a smile on your face right now. 229 00:11:20,929 --> 00:11:22,029 Dad... 230 00:11:22,112 --> 00:11:23,237 Please! 231 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,027 - Move your ass. - No eye rolling. 232 00:11:31,089 --> 00:11:31,839 Fuck. 233 00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:36,046 All right, so I look like shit. 234 00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,948 I've got no makeup on, 235 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,617 and I get out of the car to rip this guy a new one. 236 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,032 And guess who it is. 237 00:11:42,432 --> 00:11:44,288 My ex-boyfriend, Chris Hunter. 238 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,120 - You remember him? - Oh, yeah. 239 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,580 - No, I don't remember him. - Yeah, I think I do. 240 00:11:48,748 --> 00:11:49,498 Yeah. 241 00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:51,291 So, Marshall... 242 00:11:51,685 --> 00:11:52,385 Mom. 243 00:11:53,223 --> 00:11:53,973 What? 244 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:57,120 - Charmaine's telling a story. - Don't worry about it. 245 00:11:57,203 --> 00:11:59,388 I thought she was done. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 246 00:11:59,471 --> 00:12:01,471 No, go ahead. Finish your story. 247 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,874 What happens? What happens? 248 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,208 I said I was done. That's all. 249 00:12:08,941 --> 00:12:10,191 So, Marshall... 250 00:12:11,365 --> 00:12:12,915 You got a girlfriend? 251 00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:14,887 Yeah, she's really hot. 252 00:12:14,970 --> 00:12:16,923 Moosh, tell her about your hot girlfriend. 253 00:12:17,006 --> 00:12:18,460 Kate, knock it off. 254 00:12:18,543 --> 00:12:20,312 Yeah, I bet she's a real looker, huh? 255 00:12:20,395 --> 00:12:22,358 Yeah, grandpa. She's a real looker. 256 00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,406 You know, she's got a great set of walking sticks. 257 00:12:24,489 --> 00:12:27,161 I met her when she entered my private eye office. 258 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:30,067 Grandpa, you should see her. She's got these big blue eyes 259 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,820 - and nine uncut inches. - Hey, time for you to go to work. 260 00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:34,915 What... I thought this was what you wanted me to do. 261 00:12:34,985 --> 00:12:36,935 No. You're gonna be late. Go. 262 00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:40,215 - I'm just starting to have fun. - Yeah, that's why you're leaving. 263 00:12:40,383 --> 00:12:42,129 - Bye, Honey. - Bye, Grandma. 264 00:12:42,212 --> 00:12:45,792 So, Marshall, you'll never guess what opened up near our house in the mall. 265 00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:49,576 This little book store with the most adorable coffee shop. 266 00:12:49,659 --> 00:12:52,859 And when I saw it, I said to myself, Marshall is just gonna love this. 267 00:12:52,942 --> 00:12:54,925 I thought I smelled a party in here. 268 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:55,939 Hey, guys. 269 00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:58,734 Oh, my God. Who's huff in' the skunk weed... Bev? 270 00:12:59,185 --> 00:13:01,335 Bev, are you huffing and passing? 271 00:13:01,925 --> 00:13:03,447 Okay, all right. Listen. 272 00:13:03,615 --> 00:13:05,465 Forget I'm here. I just dropped by to see Max. 273 00:13:05,548 --> 00:13:06,932 Do you have the title? 274 00:13:07,015 --> 00:13:08,710 - The title. Yeah. - The title. 275 00:13:08,793 --> 00:13:10,312 - Gimme a sec. - All right. 276 00:13:10,395 --> 00:13:12,676 Tara, when are you gonna bring the kids over to our place? 277 00:13:12,865 --> 00:13:15,462 - Yeah, they haven't seen the new pool. - You should make that happen. 278 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:18,253 Honey, I heard a little ding. I think I smell smoke. 279 00:13:23,325 --> 00:13:24,325 Charmaine. 280 00:13:24,795 --> 00:13:26,695 Nice to see you again, Neil. 281 00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:30,585 Max said it was your birthday, so... 282 00:13:34,270 --> 00:13:35,720 I brought you this. 283 00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:39,505 It looks like champagne, but it's bubble bath. 284 00:13:39,655 --> 00:13:41,101 For... Whatever. 285 00:13:41,665 --> 00:13:42,819 You know, just... 286 00:13:44,113 --> 00:13:45,113 I got... 287 00:13:45,675 --> 00:13:48,790 I'm gonna go help Tara in the kitchen. 288 00:13:49,255 --> 00:13:50,655 Cool. Okay. 289 00:13:53,515 --> 00:13:57,709 - These are for... For anyone, right? - Help yourself. The nuts are nice. 290 00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:00,055 Really? 291 00:14:00,815 --> 00:14:03,315 - You think I'm that lonely? - What? 292 00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:07,135 Neil just shows up out of the blue? 293 00:14:07,495 --> 00:14:09,296 No, Char, I swear. I would not do that to you. 294 00:14:09,314 --> 00:14:11,268 Come on. I just came by to get the title. 295 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,652 Charmaine, I promise. Why would I... 296 00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:16,228 - I shouldn't even have told you. - Told me what? 297 00:14:16,615 --> 00:14:19,314 About... About me and Neil a year ago. 298 00:14:19,705 --> 00:14:21,805 After the Todd Rundgren concert. 299 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,595 That was Neil? 300 00:14:26,775 --> 00:14:27,822 Charmaine. 301 00:14:28,806 --> 00:14:30,912 - Hey, did Max... - Neil, 302 00:14:32,655 --> 00:14:33,855 you know what, 303 00:14:34,535 --> 00:14:38,485 It's nice that you popped by, but I don't think it's gonna work out. 304 00:14:39,715 --> 00:14:43,215 - I got the title. Thank you... Beat it. - Here I go. Okay. 305 00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:52,522 - What? You okay? - Yeah. 306 00:14:52,605 --> 00:14:53,952 - Yeah? - I'm still here. 307 00:14:54,035 --> 00:14:55,035 Okay. 308 00:14:55,755 --> 00:14:57,455 - No, I'm good. - Okay. 309 00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,655 Hey, Frank. 310 00:15:00,005 --> 00:15:01,485 Hey, Max. 311 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,372 I was just telling Marshall here, since he's into theatrics, 312 00:15:04,455 --> 00:15:07,522 that he could get a walk-on part at the Mosely Street melodrama. 313 00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:10,085 You know, they have a buffet. The audience yells at the actors. 314 00:15:10,533 --> 00:15:13,442 That sounds great, doesn't it? When do I get to see that RV? 315 00:15:13,525 --> 00:15:14,775 Well, let's go. 316 00:15:15,385 --> 00:15:17,585 - See you later, Grandpa. - Yeah. 317 00:15:18,875 --> 00:15:20,822 Come on in. This is the command center. 318 00:15:20,905 --> 00:15:22,405 The captain's chair. 319 00:15:22,915 --> 00:15:25,092 And every captain needs a captain's hat. 320 00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:27,572 I don't give a fuck about the RV, Frank. 321 00:15:27,655 --> 00:15:30,355 This stuff with my kids, I want it to stop. 322 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,637 Come on, Max, we're just trying to help. 323 00:15:33,795 --> 00:15:37,232 Last time you tried to help, Tara didn't speak to you for two years. 324 00:15:37,315 --> 00:15:40,460 All right, let's just drop it, go inside, have a nice dinner, 325 00:15:40,543 --> 00:15:43,543 eat some cake and get a good night's sleep, okay? 326 00:15:43,805 --> 00:15:45,859 Yeah, I'll sleep when I know the kids are safe. 327 00:15:46,265 --> 00:15:47,615 My kids are safe. 328 00:15:48,785 --> 00:15:51,322 Maybe you should have spent more time looking after yours. 329 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,193 You know it's against company policy 330 00:16:10,276 --> 00:16:13,426 to wear your Barnabeez uniform when you're off duty. 331 00:16:14,525 --> 00:16:17,775 You shouldn't be here. You're gonna get us both fired. 332 00:16:19,365 --> 00:16:21,572 My parents are driving me shithouse. 333 00:16:21,655 --> 00:16:23,705 I didn't know where else to go. 334 00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:27,625 Well, you're here now. You might as well come in. 335 00:16:33,855 --> 00:16:37,555 This is my roommate Kurt. He runs the Houlihan's in Belton. 336 00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:41,289 Right now I'm just a guy watching Battlestar. 337 00:16:42,545 --> 00:16:44,595 This is Kate. She works for me. 338 00:16:46,355 --> 00:16:49,112 We'll be in my room. Do you want a beer or something? 339 00:16:49,195 --> 00:16:50,048 Sure. 340 00:16:51,975 --> 00:16:53,325 I don't have any. 341 00:16:54,815 --> 00:16:55,815 Cool. 342 00:16:56,755 --> 00:16:57,755 Cool. 343 00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:06,898 That was the same summer you let that creepy girl cut my hair! 344 00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:09,233 It was stupid. Andrea Martelli. 345 00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,945 - What is this, cod? - It's tilapia. 346 00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:14,175 Do I like tilapia? 347 00:17:15,215 --> 00:17:16,715 I don't know, Frank. 348 00:17:17,795 --> 00:17:20,567 Didn't you guys also grow up with that weird kid who was related to H.L. Mencken? 349 00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:23,130 Yeah, That was me. I went to boarding school with Toby Mencken. 350 00:17:23,265 --> 00:17:24,748 Well, If we knew then what we know now, 351 00:17:24,774 --> 00:17:26,737 nobody would have gone to boarding school. 352 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:28,461 What about their beautiful brochure? 353 00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:30,963 I mean, I know you paid a price, but what an education. 354 00:17:31,577 --> 00:17:32,597 And the scenery. 355 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,680 All right, come on. Open your presents. Let's go. 356 00:17:39,473 --> 00:17:40,293 What is it? 357 00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:42,762 It's a picture from when she took me to the Indian casino. 358 00:17:42,845 --> 00:17:44,272 I think I was about five. 359 00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:46,556 It's my favorite picture of us. I wanted you to have it. 360 00:17:47,315 --> 00:17:48,898 Fantastic. What's next? 361 00:17:49,375 --> 00:17:51,055 Really, Char? That's all you're gonna say? 362 00:17:51,735 --> 00:17:52,485 What? 363 00:17:53,255 --> 00:17:56,155 Thank you for the magnificent gift. 364 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,157 I'm gonna make some coffee. 365 00:17:58,325 --> 00:18:01,327 Gift card from Barnes & Noble. 366 00:18:02,695 --> 00:18:05,150 - Who's this from? - It's from me, sweetheart. 367 00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:07,155 I bet I know what it is. 368 00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:11,195 Are you okay? 369 00:18:11,745 --> 00:18:13,045 Too many dishes. 370 00:18:14,085 --> 00:18:15,235 Come with me. 371 00:18:19,395 --> 00:18:20,395 Come on. 372 00:18:23,495 --> 00:18:25,945 - What are we doing? - I have no idea. 373 00:18:26,825 --> 00:18:27,909 I'm gonna... 374 00:18:28,685 --> 00:18:30,085 do anything I can. 375 00:18:30,325 --> 00:18:33,012 You are not gonna transition and leave me alone with these people! 376 00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:34,395 Come on, faster! 377 00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:36,582 Slow down. 378 00:18:39,015 --> 00:18:40,468 Do you feel better? 379 00:18:41,525 --> 00:18:45,475 I'm gonna spray the yard with tilapia, but other than that I'm okay. 380 00:18:46,246 --> 00:18:47,646 - I'm me. - Good. 381 00:18:51,195 --> 00:18:52,245 Good night. 382 00:18:52,935 --> 00:18:53,935 Fuck. 383 00:19:13,005 --> 00:19:14,483 What are we doing here? 384 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,819 What do you mean? 385 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:19,325 I mean us. 386 00:19:21,015 --> 00:19:22,065 You and me. 387 00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:24,345 What is this? 388 00:19:26,545 --> 00:19:27,695 I don't know. 389 00:19:56,315 --> 00:19:57,315 Wait. 390 00:19:59,275 --> 00:20:01,225 I want to show you something. 391 00:20:09,785 --> 00:20:11,835 It's just one of my inventions. 392 00:20:16,555 --> 00:20:17,755 Don't worry... 393 00:20:18,075 --> 00:20:19,175 it's for me. 394 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,476 - It's an actor? - Glenn Ford. James Mason! 395 00:20:31,755 --> 00:20:33,103 Goose egg for both of you. 396 00:20:33,271 --> 00:20:35,471 How can you not know Gregory Peck? 397 00:20:35,655 --> 00:20:37,816 - Gregory Peck! - Gregory Peck! 398 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,355 - Okay, who's next? - You and Marsh. 399 00:20:41,605 --> 00:20:43,014 You're going down, Marshall. 400 00:20:43,097 --> 00:20:45,949 I'm going to kick your brainy brains in. 401 00:20:46,117 --> 00:20:47,534 Remember, let her win. 402 00:20:47,775 --> 00:20:49,202 Okay, on your mark, 403 00:20:49,285 --> 00:20:50,285 get set... 404 00:20:50,651 --> 00:20:51,301 Go. 405 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:54,475 Governor of Massachusetts, ran for president in '88. 406 00:20:54,985 --> 00:20:56,340 - Newt Gingrich. - No. 407 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,879 Greek guy with the big, bushy eyebrows. 408 00:20:59,047 --> 00:21:00,882 - Ron Gephardt. - Big tank... 409 00:21:00,965 --> 00:21:01,965 - Pass. - Okay. 410 00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:06,470 Okay, most people know this person as Dr. Seuss. 411 00:21:06,638 --> 00:21:08,702 - Dr. Seuss! - Theodore Geisel. 412 00:21:08,785 --> 00:21:11,385 That's it. Marsh got it. Yeah, good one, Marsh. 413 00:21:14,865 --> 00:21:17,481 - Partners with David Brinkley. - Chet Huntley. 414 00:21:18,291 --> 00:21:19,441 Who the fuck is that? 415 00:21:19,609 --> 00:21:21,409 - Just play. - All right. 416 00:21:21,595 --> 00:21:24,845 - Next clue. Fatty... - Arbuckle. Roscoe Arbuckle. 417 00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:26,735 Fatty Arbuckle. 418 00:21:27,534 --> 00:21:30,385 Tara, I'm very disappointed in you. 419 00:21:30,468 --> 00:21:33,718 I don't know why you insist on depriving the children. 420 00:21:34,555 --> 00:21:37,417 - Depriving them of what? - All right, all right. Come on. 421 00:21:37,585 --> 00:21:39,832 This is a wonderful opportunity for them. 422 00:21:39,915 --> 00:21:42,282 We know the headmaster of the Hunter School. 423 00:21:42,365 --> 00:21:44,315 They could start immediately. 424 00:21:44,926 --> 00:21:45,926 What? 425 00:21:46,009 --> 00:21:49,442 It's not a boarding school, Tara. It's just a private school. 426 00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:51,925 And they'd be living at home with us. 427 00:21:52,035 --> 00:21:53,335 Living with you? 428 00:21:53,518 --> 00:21:55,368 What are you talking about? 429 00:21:56,925 --> 00:21:58,725 Well, didn't Max tell you? 430 00:21:58,835 --> 00:22:00,440 Didn't Max tell me what? 431 00:22:00,602 --> 00:22:02,859 We want the children to move in with us. 432 00:22:06,065 --> 00:22:07,065 Why? 433 00:22:08,485 --> 00:22:10,335 Well, I think you know why. 434 00:22:11,661 --> 00:22:12,536 Tara... 435 00:22:13,075 --> 00:22:14,694 - You knew about this? - No, I didn't. 436 00:22:14,777 --> 00:22:16,882 Is this why you wanted me to take the Xanax? 437 00:22:16,965 --> 00:22:17,968 What the fuck? 438 00:22:18,051 --> 00:22:21,101 Sweetheart, it'll be better for Marshall and Kate. 439 00:22:21,765 --> 00:22:24,202 Just let 'em stay with us, like when they were babies. 440 00:22:24,591 --> 00:22:25,659 We lived with them? 441 00:22:25,742 --> 00:22:27,702 I needed you then. I do not need you now. 442 00:22:27,785 --> 00:22:30,429 - Why didn't you tell me about this? - 'Cause it was a stupid idea. 443 00:22:30,597 --> 00:22:32,173 - Didn't even consider it. - Stupid? 444 00:22:32,256 --> 00:22:34,663 - Who's calling anybody stupid? - Yeah, I'll tell you what's stupid. 445 00:22:34,746 --> 00:22:37,318 Dressing up like a man, putting on a moustache costume 446 00:22:37,401 --> 00:22:39,202 and hitting some kid in the face. 447 00:22:39,285 --> 00:22:40,572 There's no moustache. 448 00:22:40,655 --> 00:22:41,773 Who told you that? 449 00:22:47,947 --> 00:22:48,947 Why? 450 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:53,326 Because the only reason they call me is to find out about you. 451 00:22:53,595 --> 00:22:56,695 - That's not true. - It's been true my entire life. 452 00:22:57,685 --> 00:22:59,335 It's always about Tara. 453 00:23:00,815 --> 00:23:01,852 Yeah, I know, 454 00:23:01,935 --> 00:23:04,592 I'm not interesting or crazy, and I didn't get raped at boarding school. 455 00:23:04,675 --> 00:23:07,012 But I'm sick of being an afterthought. 456 00:23:07,095 --> 00:23:10,045 I'm always the one who ends up with a sweater... 457 00:23:11,306 --> 00:23:13,472 and a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble. 458 00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:16,985 And a fucking... 459 00:23:17,655 --> 00:23:19,005 Polaroid picture. 460 00:23:21,272 --> 00:23:23,630 I want a big house, and I want a great fuckin' boyfriend. 461 00:23:23,713 --> 00:23:25,627 And I am never gonna fuckin' have those things 462 00:23:25,710 --> 00:23:28,050 because my idiot ex-husband made me get a boob job, 463 00:23:28,133 --> 00:23:29,863 and now I'm stuck with these! 464 00:23:30,705 --> 00:23:31,705 Char, 465 00:23:32,125 --> 00:23:34,493 there's nothing wrong with your breasts. 466 00:23:34,755 --> 00:23:35,855 Really, mom? 467 00:23:37,295 --> 00:23:39,145 What do you think of these? 468 00:23:46,975 --> 00:23:48,525 Don't just sit there. 469 00:23:48,985 --> 00:23:50,385 Write her a check. 470 00:23:50,575 --> 00:23:51,575 Mom! 471 00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:54,915 I mean... Jesus Christ! 472 00:24:10,175 --> 00:24:11,330 Poor Charmie. 473 00:24:12,885 --> 00:24:13,935 Oh, my God! 474 00:24:28,312 --> 00:24:29,312 So, 475 00:24:29,395 --> 00:24:30,545 34 years old. 476 00:24:31,265 --> 00:24:32,365 Any regrets? 477 00:24:33,025 --> 00:24:35,525 I mean, apart from the last 20 minutes. 478 00:24:35,945 --> 00:24:36,945 Shut up. 479 00:24:39,495 --> 00:24:42,071 You know, if you're not taking that picture, I want it back. 480 00:24:42,154 --> 00:24:43,354 I'm taking it. 481 00:24:47,075 --> 00:24:48,932 You know, when we took this trip, 482 00:24:49,015 --> 00:24:51,315 you were so adorable. 483 00:24:52,615 --> 00:24:54,815 You would just stand there 484 00:24:55,395 --> 00:24:58,395 when I was getting ready, and just stare at me... 485 00:24:58,545 --> 00:25:00,145 Like I was a princess. 486 00:25:03,075 --> 00:25:04,775 I hate that you grew up. 487 00:25:06,275 --> 00:25:07,825 Sorry, can't help it. 488 00:25:10,865 --> 00:25:13,865 I don't remember living with grandma and grandpa. 489 00:25:15,215 --> 00:25:16,865 It was just six months, 490 00:25:16,955 --> 00:25:19,355 when your mom was having a hard time. 491 00:25:21,495 --> 00:25:25,095 One day, we will get drunk, and I will tell you all about it. 492 00:25:26,772 --> 00:25:27,972 There you are. 493 00:25:29,108 --> 00:25:30,608 Where have you been? 494 00:25:30,776 --> 00:25:31,776 Who wants cake? 495 00:25:31,944 --> 00:25:33,422 - I do. - I do. 496 00:25:33,505 --> 00:25:34,612 I could eat. 497 00:25:35,175 --> 00:25:37,175 Yeah, I could always eat cake. 498 00:26:23,055 --> 00:26:24,255 What the fuck? 499 00:26:30,235 --> 00:26:33,235 For God's sake, Frank. You wet the bed again. 500 00:26:42,855 --> 00:26:44,505 - More coffee? - Yeah. 501 00:26:49,855 --> 00:26:51,005 Bye, grandpa. 502 00:26:56,405 --> 00:26:58,855 - I'll see you. - I'll see you, buddy. 503 00:27:04,895 --> 00:27:07,663 By the way, don't worry about the sheets. I'll take care of it. 504 00:27:08,725 --> 00:27:10,525 - What? - The bed sheets. 505 00:27:10,685 --> 00:27:12,972 Your secret's safe with me. Don't worry. 506 00:27:13,055 --> 00:27:14,705 It's tough getting old. 507 00:27:15,065 --> 00:27:17,992 How can you take care of somebody else if you can't take care of yourself? 508 00:27:18,075 --> 00:27:20,675 Don't forget your captain's hat, captain. 509 00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:33,035 Well, I made it. 37639

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