All language subtitles for The.Wayans.Bros.S02E19_English

[upbeat music]

Yo, Shawn, yo,
that's that broad
Stacey

I've been telling you about.

Thewannabe

What're you talkin' about,
man?
That girl made it.

Everybody knows her,
she's that girl

from the Nature Bright
toothpaste commercial.

You know, the one
with
all that gingivitis?

Oh, good. Then you two
have something in common.

[giggling]

I'll bet you a pack of Tic
Tacs
that I can hit that tonight.

I see your Tic Tacs

and I raise you...
to Jolly Ranchers.

- It's on, baby
- Come on, baby.

It's on, baby.

Hey, Stacey,
what can I do for you, girl?

- Just this "Backstage,"
Marlon.
- Oh.

You know, Stacey,
I'm thinkin' 'bout

gettin' into acting myself.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Maybe have my own show.

Oh, why stop at your own show?

Hey, why not star
in your own movie?

Can I be in it with you, please?

Could happen.
All it takes is a
dream.

- That's how I got
gingivitis.
- See, Shawn.

Hey, Stacey,
I'm really thinking
about

taking up this acting thing.

What you say, me and you
get together tonight

and do a little bit
of Romeo and Juliet?

You know, have ourselves
a little undress rehearsal?

Sounds like much
to do about
nothing.

Was that a yes or a no?

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy
and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys.
Dynamite. That..'

♪ Girl what you got
goin' on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Girl what you got
going on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ I got something.. ♪♪

[upbeat music]

Say...y'all
interested
in gold jewelry?

Hell, yeah.

Damn!

The ladies can
really
go for this one.

Let me show you this.

- You got a girlfriend?
- Oh, what if I had debt?

That's 18-karat gold,
the stones are semiprecious.

Hmm, well, unfortunately,
this brother is semi-broke.

- Thanks, but no thanks, man.
- You know what? Y'all in
luck.

This is an old sample
I'm gettin' in a new
shipment.

I'd give it to you for 50 bucks.

Fifty bucks?

Damn, brother,
that's crackhead prices.

- Sold.
- Yes.

- Shawn, pay the man.
- Are you crazy?

Just take it off from
my next week's salary, man.

This is next week's salary.

And it's worth every penny,
my brother.

You know what they say?
Diamonds are forever.

But gold will
get you through the
night.

And you know that.

Ooh-wah.

- 'Hey, girl.'
- 'Hey, Dee.'

(Shawn)
How was your little date
last night?

- That good, huh?
- Shut up!

You two have
some explaining to
do.

But you just
told us to shut
up.

- Yeah, Dee, make up your mind.
- Shut up!

How dare you try to fix me up
with that broken-down old man?

Who? Coach Kenny?
Girl, he ain't that
old.

I mean, besides, the
girls
say he got it goin' on.

Yeah, he goin' on
Social Security.

What even make you
think I'd be

interested in that old geezer?

Do I look like Moms Mabley?

Shut up!

Oh, come on, Dee,
let's be realistic.

Now, everybody knows
you are far too picky.

Excuse me?

Picky?

Oh, I see, poor old Dee

should settle
because she's over
30

and lives at
home
with her mother

and can no longer squeeze
into a size eight, and..

Where am I goin' with
it?
Wh.. Wait, wait.

The point is...
I'm still in the
game.

Still in the game?

From where I stand,
you're bettin' a 1000.

Who asked..

Uh, hello.

- Roland Grant.
- Deirdre Baxter.

(both)
Deirdre?

Uh, run along, little boys,
grown folks is talking.

So, um..

...Mr. Grant, what brings you
to this building?

Uh, well, you know,
I have clients here.

- I'm a jewelry broker.
- Oh.

Antiques, rare stones,
that kind of thing.

You might say,
I have an appreciation

for the finer things in life.

I just bet you do.

You know, if you ever
need anything appraised..

Uh-huh?

...don't hesitate
to give me a call.

Oh.

Wait, wait, wait,
h-hold on, my albino friend.

Look here.

Dee was just talking
about how she wanted

some jewelry appraised
earlier today.

- Right, Dee.
- I did?

Oh, yeah, I
did.
Um..

My mother's engagement ring.

Yeah, she has a
chest
full of antique
jewelry

you could be
appraising
for weeks and weeks.

This is a fine,
pear-shaped ruby.

- Excuse me?
- Oh.

I'd like to take
a better look at this

and the woman who owns it.

- My mother?
- No. You.

Say, over lunch?

Well, that would be
wonderful,
Roland.

But, Deirdre..

...lunch isn't
for another two hours.

Shut up, man.
Can't you see Deirdre's
hungry?

[upbeat music]

I'm tellin' y'all that
necklace
was all Stacey needed.

Kid, I put it on her
and the clothes just fell off.

I like the way
that sounds,
brother.

- Oh, yeah, brother.
- Shame on you both.

I won't have that kind of
smutty
locker-room talk in my diner.

Let's go in the kitchen.

Good morning, gentlemen.
Isn't it a glorious day?

Hell, Dee,
what's with the flowers?

Did the security guards
have a prom?

[laughing]

No. It's a little memento
from Roland.

We spent the weekend
in his suite at The Plaza.

(Shawn)
'Ooh.'

Dee, this thing with Roland

sound like it's gettin'
pretty serious pretty fast.

You know, as Roland says,
"Life is short."

Dee, everybody says that.

Yeah, but not like Roland.

He can turn
anything into poetry.

Hmm. Can I get
you something to eat?

No, thank you.
I am living on love.

Well, maybe,
I'll get a Danish to
go.

Oh, uh...well,
now that I have
Roland

I have to keep up my strength.

Damn, pop,
look like Dee been
bit

by the old lovebug, man.

Did you see
the sparkle in her eye?

- Did you see it?
- 'Yeah.'

Same look your mother gets
when she sees pork.

Somethin' ain't right
to me, pop.

I mean, what do we know
about this Roland guy?

Well, we know he liked
his chocolate chunky.

I'm serious,
Marlon.
This guy..

You know, he's a
little
too slick for me.

Well, he ain't
interested inyou.

Besides, he treats
Dee like a queen.

Eh, that brother
is alright with me.

It's because of
him
and that necklace

Stacey is all over me.

Marlon Williams!

See what I mean.
Girl can't get
enough.

Look what you did to my neck!

Damn, that's the freakiest
hickey I ever gave.

It's from that
cheap necklace of
yours.

I can't believe
I almost kissed
you.

[chuckles]

Almost kissed?

Let Marlon tell it,
you gave up the panty drawers.

Well, that just shows
how much he doesn't know.

I don't wear panties.

No panty drawers?

Whoops, I dropped my necklace.

Oh, man, no panty drawers.

You snort down this, pig?

See, this proves that
everything I was sayin'

about this Roland guy was right.

He ain't nothin'
but a cheap con artist.

Well, he told me
it was 18 karat!

Son, I don't think
gold is supposed
to..

...flake like this.

What? He ganked me.

Come on, man, we're gonna go
down to The Plaza

and kick his thievin' ass.
Come on, Shawn.

- Let's do this like..
- Yeah!

Let's show him what happens
when you mess

with the Williams family.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Marlon, bring
your little skinny butt--

[squeaking]
I don't wanna fight!

[upbeat music]

Good day, gentlemen.

What may I do to help you?

Well, Mr. Belvedere..

...the guy at the front desk
said we could find

Mr. Roland Grant here.

Ah! Mr. Grant.
He should return
momentarily.

Charming man
and generous to a fault.

He gave me a very good deal
on this Gran Breton pique.

I say, my wrist
has taken on an odd
patina.

Not only that,
but that fake ol' watch

is making your wrist turn green.

That's outrageous.

Hey, just be glad he didn't
sell you a nipple ring.

Ah, I-I'll be right back.

Oh.

- Oh, snap, look.
- Oh.

Foxworth.
We have reservations.

- Oh.
- Oh, oh. We'll see about
that.

Uh, ahem.

You don't say,
uh,
let's see, I'm..

I can't find it.
I'm, I'm looking.

- I'm looking.
- Oh, for heaven's sake.

- Avery.
- Yes, dear.

I'm still
looking.
I..

I can't see it..
Ah, it's a little
clearer.

I see a, a Rick Fox.
Uh, Jeff Foxworthy, Jamie Foxx.

Oh, yes,
Foxworth!
Yes, yes, yes.

Please show these people
to their seat, mister.

Oh, most certainly.

Uh, you know,
I don't see an empty
table.

I'm, I'm looking.

I, I, I'm looking.

I said I'm looking, dammit!

Avery.

But there are
plenty of tables..

[clears throat]

Yes, dear.

[clears throat]
Right this way to the bald
head
cheapskate section.

Excuse me, I'm meeting a
Mr. Roland Grant here for
lunch.

I'm sure there are reservations.

Uh, yeah, actually,
I got a reservation

about Mr. Grant myself.

- Mm-hmm.
- What part of you is green?

What? Well, I don't know
what you're talking about.

I'm his fiancee.

[upbeat music]

I'm sorry, now, how can you
be so sure that was Dee's
ring?

Pops, trust me, Dee
wears
that ring every single
day.

I've seen her fist in my
face
enough times to know.

Wait, wait, wait, look here.
Let's forget the ring,
alright?

The worst part about this
is Dee's open for this dude

and when
he's cheatin' on her.

Pop, Marlon is right.

I mean, this could
really
push Dee over the edge

then we're all
gonna be in
trouble.

Yeah, and she got that gun.

She might go postal work
on all of us.

- Hi, guys.
- Aah!

What up, Dee?

- Hey, what's up, girl?
- Is your gun loaded?

My, you look like
you're in a good
mood.

She sure does.

But then again
when you're a strong

independent career woman

who don't need a man
to validate herself.

You're always in a good mood,
ain't you, Dee?

Ha ha! You know, I used to
feel
that way before I met Roland

but since he's come into my
life, everything's changed.

As a matter of
fact,
I just gave my
notice.

Notice? You quittin'?

Yeah, Roland says he doesn't
want any wife of his workin'.

Wife?

You heard me, boys.
We're engaged.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

(Marlon)
You're engaged?

But, but, Dee, doesn't
this
seem a little sudden?

I mean, you've
only
known him a week.

Yeah, it'd take you longer
than that to do them braids.

I mean...w-w-where's he from?
You know anythin' about him?

- Where's the man from?
- Yeah.

- Toledo.
- What about his family?

He's the youngest of three.

Father's dead,
mother's in a nursing home.

Maiden name Peters.
Any more questions?

Just one little itty-bitty one.

What about his other fiancee?

April? The Asian girl?

You know about her?

Poor dear.

She ain't no fiancee.

She's a old flame
that won't let go.

Roland's tryin'
to let her down easy.

- He even took her to lunch.
- And gave her your ring.

Uh-huh. Explain that one.

She's his jewelry appraiser,
okay?

Now, you explain
something to me.

How did you find out
about April?

What are y'all doin'
all up in my
business?

Well, we're just concerned.

Yeah, Dee,
we're just watchin' your back.

I don't need you
to watch my back.

- That's Roland's job.
- Oh.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a wedding to plan.

Oh, and by the way

we're registered
at Bloomingdales.

Oh, man.

Y'all wanna go in on a toaster?

(Stacey)
'You guys are trippin',
I don't want any part of
this.'

Come on, girl,
it's gonna be

a nice little engagement
party
at The Plaza.

There's gonna be free
food,
free drinks, free music

it's gonna be fun.

Alright, let me
get this straight.

You want me to con this
con artist and pose

as a wealthy woman
who needs her jewelry appraised?

Exactly. See, what would
happen is, he'll see you

drippin' with jewels, right?

He'll dump Dee, go after you

and we catch him
right there in the act.

Mmm. Give me one
good reason I should do this.

'Cause I'll go out
with you again.

Give me one good reason
I should do this.

'Cause you'll be
helping to catch a
crook.

The same crook
that turned your neck
green.

Yeah. That's true.

It's a good point.

And..

...girl,
it's the role of a lifetime.

There's absolutely no nudity.

- Oh.
- Whoops.

Besides, um..

...we need an
actress
of your caliber.

Oh, you haven't
even seen me act.

You pretended to like Marlon.

Let's see
Angela Basett top
that.

Good point. I'll do it.

I-I can get a costume
and some jewelry

from the theater department.
A baseball bat from the gym.

A baseball bat? W-w-w-what do
you need a baseball bat for?

You'll find out the next time
you try to look up my skirt.

- New dress for the party?
- Wait till you see it.

I went way over my budget.

But Roland says,
"You only get engaged once."

This Roland says a whole lot,
doesn't he?

Now, don't you start.

Well, Dee, you must be really
in love with this guy, huh?

Pops, I know everything
is going real fast

but Roland has
turned
my life around.

I mean, he...he makes me feel
smart, beautiful and special.

Well...the way I see it

he hasn't turned
anythin' around.

You've always been smart,
beautiful and special.

Oh, Pops, you're sweet.

No, I've never been sweet.

- I just tell it like it
is.
- Aw.

All I know is I feel like

I am the luckiest
woman in the
world.

Well, I know you're happy,
Dee,
but you keep your eyes open.

And remember
if anybody's lucky, it's
Roland.

Aw.

[upbeat music]

When you said costume,
I didn't think

you meant Halloween, Morticia.

What's wrong with this?

Look at all that damn
jewelry,
like Mrs. T.

Eh, nobody gonna fall for that.

Uh, eh, good evening, madam.

"The Kiss Of The Spiderwoman"
cast party is down the hall.

Mm-hmm, I know,
but I just thought

I'd stop in the security
guards'
soiree first.

- Gentlemen, shall we?
- Oh, but, of course, ma'am.

Shawn, Marlon,
welcome to the
party.

Eh, what's up, Sky?
Feeling better..

Man, it's cool..
What you doing?

- Yo, what's up, Roland?
- I'm good, man.

Chillin'. Word up.

Uh, we'd like to introduce you
to a friend of ours.

Yeah. She's a lonely,
rich and desperate girl.

That's me. I'm Stacey.

- Stacey.
- Uh, Dupont.

- Bouvier.
- It's Stacey Dupont Bouvier.

The III.

Uh, she's heiress
to the Jericho fortune.

Yes. Uh, dreadlocks
have nearly wiped us out.

And that's why
I would like to have

some of my jewelry appraised.

And, uh, we told her that
you were the man to talk to.

Well, you know what? Maybe we
could get together sometime.

But how about tonight?

Remember, Roland..

...she's lonely,
rich and
desperate.

These, uh, ruby earrings were
my great great grandmother's

given to her
by her slavemasters

as a token of his esteem.

Yeah, he wanted
baby to look fly

when he snuck
in that cabin at night.

And these will be
the hardest to part with.

Mother wore these pearls
on her wedding day.

I don't care
about the money, Roland

I just want them
to have good homes.

You hear, good homes.

Look at her, Roland,
she's so vulnerable,
man.

Why don't you take
her
up to the hotel room

and you get a closer
look
at them thang.

Look, man, I can't!
I'm here with my fiancee.

Besides, I can tell
that these are fake.

Oh, no, man, those are
real.
I felt them.

I'm talkin' about the
jewelry,
fool.

Oh.

These are obviously
paste and tin foil.

My legacy, fake?

I can't go on.
I'm, I'm
undone.

Would y'all excuse me, please?
My fiancee's waiting.

Would you get off me
with that itchy
weave?

Well, I'm sorry. I guess,
I was still just in the
moment.

You know what?
The moment is over.

You know, you can't talk to me
that way, I'm a thespian.

Eh, look here,
it's okay,
alright?

It's just a phase.

One night with me,
and I'll turn you
around.

You and your stupid plan!

Now, Dee's gonna run off with
Mario Van Peebles over there.

- Hi, Marlon. Hi, Shawn.
- Hey, Dee.

I'm so glad you made it. Thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen, can I
please have your attention?

Thank you all for coming.

I'm sure you've met my
wonderful
fiance, Roland Grant.

Well, now, I'd like to
introduce
you to my beautiful ring.

Ooh. It's a diddy, brother.

- See how it sparkles?
- Oh, yes, Dee.

Uh-huh, I had it cleaned today.

- Oh, did you?
- Yes, I did.

And the jeweler was impressed.

You know those
funny little numbers inside
it?

He checked it
on this funny little list

and the funniest thing happened.

Guess?

- What, will it be funny?
- I don't think so.

The ring is stolen.

- Hammer your bid'ness, Dee.
- Get him, girl.

Dee, what do you mean stolen?

I mean, not paid for.

I mean belonging
to someone else. I mean hot.

Now, you stop me when I found
a phrase that you understand.

You know, I don't
think
I like your tone.

I can see that all my
time,
energy and love

has been wasted here.

Oh, not just here,
it seems that you've spread it

all over the East Coast.

What about Rachel
from Rhode Island?

My, my, my, my, my!

Yeah, your love cost
two grand on her credit card

and a diamond ring.

Dee, see, I can
explain
all that--

Oh, yes.
Like you explained to April.

The woman who wouldn't let go.

I couldn't let go?

You couldn't let
go
of my car keys.

I want my damn Lexus.

Hold on, girl, you got a Lexus?

What you doin'
later on tonight?

Roland, the police have
a list of over 15 women

who are victims of your lies.

And you can add
my green nipple to that
list.

Boys, come in.

Oh, m..
No, you
don't..

Roland, you can either stay
here
with your fan club

or you can go with these
two nice policemen to jail.

Looks like the only jewels
you'll be appraising

is family jewels.

Baby, look, this has
all
been a big mistake.

Yeah, and you made it.

Book him, boys.

Peace out, Al B. Sure.

Hey, way to go, Dee-Dee.

You excelled
all over his ass, girl.

Hey, Dee,
look, we're really
sorry

that things turned out this way.

Well, nothing to be sad about.

I mean, I don't need Roland

as long as I have the three
of you looking out for me..

...reminding me
just how special I really am.

I'm not desperate,
so get your hands off
me.

Eh, look everybody,
Roland left his room key.

Any of you broken-hearted women
want a little bit of a..

[sniffs]
...room service?

I do, Shawn.

(in unison)
Me too.

I'm the one with the key.

- See, I got the key,
y'all.
- Thank you, brother.

Ladies, shall we?

Yitadee! Heh heh heh.

Hey, Shawn,
the free clinic called!

They said they got that
ointment you needed!

(Shawn)
Look up, Marlon, say cheese.