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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,266 --> 00:00:05,316 ♪ Ah ah ah ♪♪ 2 00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:09,833 No, no, no. Ma, no. 3 00:00:09,116 --> 00:00:11,246 Don't press record yet. 4 00:00:11,283 --> 00:00:16,003 No, first we have to put in the tape. 5 00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:18,130 Listen, old woman, "All My Children" comes on 6 00:00:18,166 --> 00:00:19,996 in five minutes and this is the day 7 00:00:20,330 --> 00:00:21,370 Erica's supposed to come out of her coma. 8 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,350 I will not miss it. 9 00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:25,996 Hey, Dee? Dee? 10 00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:27,350 Did you see my UPS package? Did it come in? 11 00:00:27,383 --> 00:00:31,133 'Cause it's really important. 12 00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:33,126 Your package is important? 13 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,096 Yeah. 14 00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:36,833 Someone very close to me 15 00:00:36,116 --> 00:00:39,116 is coming out of a coma in five minutes. 16 00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:43,283 Let's see, package, coma 17 00:00:43,316 --> 00:00:46,176 coma, package. 18 00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:48,376 You do the math. 19 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:51,150 So did you see my package? 20 00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:54,320 Okay, ma.. 21 00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:58,160 ...alright, now is the red light on? 22 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:00,130 What do you mean, "It's on a rinse cycle?" 23 00:01:01,366 --> 00:01:05,126 Mother, get in the living room now! 24 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,216 This new security guard is a trip. 25 00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:10,380 Yeah, I know. I seen harder workers at the DMV. 26 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:12,350 Mother, can you hold the line a minute? 27 00:01:12,383 --> 00:01:14,353 Excuse me, sir. 28 00:01:20,350 --> 00:01:22,270 What's in your pocket? 29 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,270 I don't remember you payin' for this. 30 00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:34,160 Or the gum. 31 00:01:38,283 --> 00:01:39,353 GQ? 32 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,380 I don't think so. 33 00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:49,353 Is that beef jerky in your pants.. 34 00:01:49,383 --> 00:01:52,123 ...or am I too much woman for you? 35 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:55,370 It's probably beef jerky. 36 00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,660 Ugh. 37 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,270 Here, nobody gonna want that now. 38 00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:09,000 Yo, Dee. I like the way you handle your business. 39 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,230 Yeah, girl, you really somethin' else. 40 00:02:10,266 --> 00:02:13,276 Stand back, boys, I'm not finished. 41 00:02:13,316 --> 00:02:16,376 I'm sure I saw him take some Tic Tacs. 42 00:02:21,316 --> 00:02:23,296 [theme song] 43 00:02:25,330 --> 00:02:26,270 ♪ We're bothers ♪ 44 00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:29,220 ♪ We're happy and we're singin' and we're colored ♪ 45 00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:33,230 ♪ Gimme a high five ♪♪ 46 00:02:33,266 --> 00:02:34,996 (male #1) 'Alright, cut and print.' 47 00:02:35,330 --> 00:02:37,250 'Beautiful, guys, dynamite, that..' 48 00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:40,153 ♪ Girl what you got goin' on tonight? ♪ 49 00:02:40,183 --> 00:02:42,333 ♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪ 50 00:02:42,366 --> 00:02:45,826 ♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪ 51 00:02:45,116 --> 00:02:47,216 ♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪ 52 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,000 ♪ Girl what you got going on tonight? ♪ 53 00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:51,380 ♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪ 54 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,300 ♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪ 55 00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,353 ♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪ 56 00:02:56,383 --> 00:02:58,833 ♪ I got something.. ♪♪ 57 00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:04,323 [instrumental music] 58 00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:08,200 Damn. I don't believe this. 59 00:03:08,233 --> 00:03:09,233 What up, pop? 60 00:03:09,266 --> 00:03:10,276 Two more of my customers 61 00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:11,326 just walked into that new restaurant 62 00:03:11,366 --> 00:03:12,316 across the street. 63 00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,380 You mean Rick's Cajun Kitchen? 64 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,660 Yes. He just put up a new sign 65 00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:18,220 "Quality foods at reasonable prices." 66 00:03:18,250 --> 00:03:20,320 That's a dirty trick. 67 00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:23,250 Yeah, what's next? "Good service?" 68 00:03:23,283 --> 00:03:25,003 Get your filthy feet off my furniture 69 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,330 and go bus those tables. 70 00:03:30,283 --> 00:03:32,253 Excuse me, Mr. Williams? 71 00:03:32,283 --> 00:03:33,323 Call me Pops. 72 00:03:33,350 --> 00:03:36,220 I'm Federal Agent Steckler. 73 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,183 Call me Mr. Williams. 74 00:03:41,216 --> 00:03:42,296 And if you're from the IRS 75 00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:44,373 I filed my extension on my extension 76 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,130 two weeks ago. 77 00:03:47,830 --> 00:03:48,230 At least I meant to. 78 00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:53,000 Mr. Williams, I'm from the Secret Service. 79 00:03:53,330 --> 00:03:56,330 Sir, I have no interest in your tax situation. 80 00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:58,150 Although, I will make a note of it. 81 00:03:58,183 --> 00:03:59,323 President Clinton is planning a visit 82 00:03:59,350 --> 00:04:01,660 to New York day after tomorrow. 83 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:03,280 And I've come to get a clearance from you. 84 00:04:03,316 --> 00:04:05,656 Hell, I don't own this city. 85 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,320 Tell him to bring his butt home. 86 00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:10,120 We need a clearance to secure your premises 87 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,000 for a presidential visit. 88 00:04:12,330 --> 00:04:14,320 Wait, you mean the President of the United States 89 00:04:14,350 --> 00:04:15,370 he's comin' here? 90 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,330 Here 91 00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:20,830 Shawn, come on, the President's comin'. 92 00:04:20,116 --> 00:04:22,246 Man, he is desperate for votes. 93 00:04:22,283 --> 00:04:24,333 His motorcade will take him down this street 94 00:04:24,366 --> 00:04:26,826 and he may wanna make a stop. 95 00:04:26,116 --> 00:04:27,196 Oh, he must have heard about 96 00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:29,333 my double-decker chili cheese burger. 97 00:04:29,366 --> 00:04:32,656 He'd be coming here to use your restroom. 98 00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:34,150 Brother, if he has the chili cheese burger 99 00:04:34,183 --> 00:04:36,223 trust me, he'll need the restroom. 100 00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:39,160 It's standard procedure to secure rest facilities 101 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:40,200 along the President's route. 102 00:04:40,233 --> 00:04:43,153 You're men's room is highly desirable. 103 00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,183 Oh, thank you kindly. 104 00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:47,330 Security wise. 105 00:04:47,366 --> 00:04:49,156 It has good street access 106 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:50,330 no backdoors and no large windows. 107 00:04:50,366 --> 00:04:52,266 Oh, yeah. Plus we got that new 108 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:54,380 black and beautiful bikini calendar. 109 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,130 Oh, man! 110 00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:59,246 The President of United States comin' to pop. 111 00:04:59,283 --> 00:05:02,283 Ooh! I can't wait till Rick's Cajun Kitchen hear about this. 112 00:05:02,316 --> 00:05:04,826 - Oh, jealous.. - Jealousy! 113 00:05:04,116 --> 00:05:05,226 Envy, brother, envy. 114 00:05:05,266 --> 00:05:08,216 I'm sorry, but, no one must know. 115 00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,230 - Not even Rick? - No one. 116 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,246 (all) Shh! 117 00:05:12,283 --> 00:05:15,133 (all) Don't tell no-o-body! 118 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,280 - Shh. - Exactly. 119 00:05:18,316 --> 00:05:22,326 Uh, this visit is a matter of national security. 120 00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:25,160 - Say, pretty boy? - Yeah? 121 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,250 You got a bunch of customers lined up. 122 00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:28,353 You gonna take their money 123 00:05:28,383 --> 00:05:30,283 or should I just let em' steal stuff? 124 00:05:30,316 --> 00:05:34,316 Alright, chill out, Sister Souljah. I'm on my way. 125 00:05:34,350 --> 00:05:35,370 Hey, girl. 126 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,160 [laughing] 127 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:53,103 I've seen more meat on a chicken neck. 128 00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:59,233 [instrumental music] 129 00:05:59,266 --> 00:06:01,116 Building security? 130 00:06:01,150 --> 00:06:03,000 Affirmative. 131 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,250 Secret Service? 132 00:06:04,283 --> 00:06:06,373 Affirmative. 133 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,320 Seems like you have everything under control here, officer. 134 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:16,170 I've been told I have the tightest lobby in the city. 135 00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:20,180 I'd like to check that out for myself. 136 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,180 Ready for inspection, sir. 137 00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:30,280 Thank you, Mr. Williams. 138 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,266 We'll be in touch. 139 00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:38,230 Why don't you start by examining my fire door? 140 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,100 [music continues] 141 00:06:44,383 --> 00:06:46,233 Hey, pop, if I didn't know any better 142 00:06:46,266 --> 00:06:48,376 I swear those two was talking about sex. 143 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,250 A fire door? 144 00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:57,333 Tight lobby? 145 00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,500 [instrumental music] 146 00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:01,350 (Pops) 'You boys are crazy. Ain't nothing wrong' 147 00:07:01,383 --> 00:07:03,133 'with this bathroom.' 148 00:07:03,166 --> 00:07:04,196 Pop, we're talking about 149 00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:06,003 the President of the United States. 150 00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:08,000 He's used to goin' in style, man. 151 00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:09,220 He probably got a whole bathroom staff 152 00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,660 handin' him towels and soap. 153 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:12,370 Probably got somebody to unzip his pants. 154 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,150 Heh. Yeah, I seen that picture in "Playboy" last year. 155 00:07:16,183 --> 00:07:17,233 [laughing] 156 00:07:17,266 --> 00:07:20,176 I can't afford to fix this place up. 157 00:07:20,216 --> 00:07:22,246 Well, Pops, you gotta look at the big picture, man. 158 00:07:22,283 --> 00:07:25,003 Fixin' up this bathroom could be good for business. 159 00:07:25,330 --> 00:07:26,660 I mean, the bathroom at Rick's 160 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:29,000 he got sparklin' tiles 161 00:07:29,330 --> 00:07:30,330 brand new shiny fixtures. 162 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:34,826 I mean, he even got two-ply toilet paper. 163 00:07:35,283 --> 00:07:37,503 When did you two go to Rick's? 164 00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:40,220 Oh, I just heard about it. 165 00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:43,160 Yeah, pop, we ain't never had their catfish. 166 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,320 With the seven herbs and spices and the.. 167 00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:47,220 ...flaky crust.. Mmm. 168 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:49,180 I can't believe you two stooped that low 169 00:07:49,216 --> 00:07:51,296 to go to Rick's and eat there. 170 00:07:51,333 --> 00:07:54,663 And the catfish was dry. 171 00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:56,350 Pop, man, this is bigger than catfish, man. 172 00:07:56,383 --> 00:07:58,253 The President of the United States 173 00:07:58,283 --> 00:08:00,283 wants to pee in our potty. 174 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,160 Maybe even more. Ah. 175 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:06,120 You mean he's gonna do in here 176 00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:08,250 what he's been doin' to the country? 177 00:08:08,283 --> 00:08:10,323 Ha, ha, ha. I'm serious, Shawn. 178 00:08:10,350 --> 00:08:12,100 I might get to shake his hand. 179 00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:15,333 - So? - So? So? 180 00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,380 This could be my brush with greatness. 181 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,220 No, here's your brush with greatness. 182 00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:21,120 Now, go clean the toilet. 183 00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:23,230 Look, man, President Clinton was just a poor kid 184 00:08:23,266 --> 00:08:25,276 from Arkansas, when he shook JFK's hand. 185 00:08:25,316 --> 00:08:29,166 That one handshake sent that man on the road to the White House. 186 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,250 Just think, pop. 187 00:08:30,283 --> 00:08:34,103 - From JFK to Clinton. - Hey, boy! 188 00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:35,283 To me. 189 00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:37,373 [sighs] 190 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:42,130 ♪ Now na na now.. ♪♪ 191 00:08:43,133 --> 00:08:45,663 Marlon in the White House? 192 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,100 I believe that's one of the signs of the apocalypse. 193 00:08:47,133 --> 00:08:49,333 [laughing] 194 00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:51,500 [laughing] 195 00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:53,373 Hoo. We'll see who's laughing 196 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,500 when my face is all over the newspapers. 197 00:08:56,830 --> 00:08:57,350 Marl, forget about the newspapers, okay? 198 00:08:57,383 --> 00:08:59,233 We're not supposed to tell nobody, remember? 199 00:08:59,266 --> 00:09:01,126 We've been sworn to secrecy? 200 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,116 Man.. Hey! 201 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,830 [toilet flushing] 202 00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:06,200 I'm okay. 203 00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:11,100 [instrumental music] 204 00:09:13,350 --> 00:09:15,830 Look, I'm sorry, lady. 205 00:09:15,116 --> 00:09:17,096 You can't have a refund on "Vibe" magazine 206 00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:18,133 just 'cause there ain't no pictures of 207 00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,126 Bushwick Bill in there. 208 00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:23,320 Well, I never! 209 00:09:23,350 --> 00:09:26,250 Well, why don't you try "Source" magazine instead? 210 00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:30,123 Nah. They're too hung up on Snoop Dogg. 211 00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:31,230 Peace out. 212 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,150 Shake the spot. 213 00:09:36,383 --> 00:09:40,353 I hear you changed the paper in the bird cage. 214 00:09:40,383 --> 00:09:42,123 What? 215 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:47,370 The eagle lands tomorrow. 1200 hours. 216 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,150 What? 217 00:09:49,183 --> 00:09:51,373 The President is coming to use the can. 218 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,180 - What? - The toilet. 219 00:09:53,216 --> 00:09:54,266 I know what you're talkin' about. 220 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,500 How'd you find out about the President? 221 00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:57,380 How else? Radio-free Marlon. 222 00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,150 No. 223 00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:02,180 I heard him this morning 224 00:10:02,216 --> 00:10:04,296 yellin' it up to the window washer. 225 00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:05,353 Marl! 226 00:10:05,383 --> 00:10:09,003 [speaking in foreign language] 227 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,330 Hey! Psst. Get over here! 228 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,376 [speaking in foreign language] 229 00:10:21,366 --> 00:10:23,366 Does your mouth come with a off switch? 230 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,660 You can't be goin' around blabbin' 231 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:26,280 your big mouth about the President coming. 232 00:10:26,316 --> 00:10:28,216 No, no, no. He was right to tell me. 233 00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:30,660 Now, the Secret Service is good 234 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,220 but it doesn't hurt to have the woman's touch. 235 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,170 He-hey! Young cats. Oh! 236 00:10:44,316 --> 00:10:47,246 Didn't I see you on "America's Most Wanted?" 237 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:52,826 Didn't I see you on "American Gladiators?" 238 00:10:54,366 --> 00:10:56,296 Welcome to my Wall of Death. 239 00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:59,103 Dee, Dee, Dee. Dee! It's okay, it's okay. 240 00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:02,833 That's TC. That stands for Tacky but Cool. 241 00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:06,270 Come on, man.. 242 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:08,100 Don't act like you ain't used to the chokehold. 243 00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:09,173 Hey. 244 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,130 [laughing] 245 00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:12,246 What you doin' here, superfly? 246 00:11:12,283 --> 00:11:15,173 Well, what do you mean superfly? 247 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,150 Shouldn't you be in a orange jumpsuit somewhere 248 00:11:17,183 --> 00:11:20,253 pickin' up trash by the turnpike? 249 00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:23,333 Now-now, wh-why you wanna go there, now? 250 00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:26,180 I am here for a legitimate business transaction. 251 00:11:26,216 --> 00:11:27,326 That's right, brother. 252 00:11:27,366 --> 00:11:28,996 See, TC hookin' us up 253 00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:30,180 with those new bathroom fixtures. 254 00:11:30,216 --> 00:11:32,196 - Bathroom fixtures? - Yeah, the President's comin'. 255 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:35,663 Didn't Marlon tell you? 256 00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:36,170 Uh, Sh-Shawn, he's.. 257 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,130 Shawn he's gonna give us a fat deal, man. 258 00:11:38,166 --> 00:11:40,196 His uncle owns this plumbin' warehouse out on Queens. 259 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,233 Yeah, he's the toilet king of flushing! 260 00:11:43,266 --> 00:11:44,246 Yeah! 261 00:11:44,283 --> 00:11:47,503 [laughing] 262 00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:48,270 Ooh. 263 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,370 Look, I'll deliver the goods tomorrow mornin'. 264 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,330 So have the green or no latrine. 265 00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:56,180 Ooh! 266 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,296 I hate to be mean, but you need some Listerine. 267 00:12:01,283 --> 00:12:05,663 Oh, later for you, mopheads. 268 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:08,160 If anyone calls, I'll be in the alley shootin' craps. 269 00:12:10,116 --> 00:12:12,116 [instrumental music] 270 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,500 Here we are. 271 00:12:16,830 --> 00:12:18,830 The royal throne collection. 272 00:12:18,116 --> 00:12:19,376 [laughs] Limited edition. 273 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,660 Mm. All the fixtures are de-e-luxe. 274 00:12:24,266 --> 00:12:28,826 But feast your eyes on the centerpiece. 275 00:12:28,116 --> 00:12:29,216 [gasps] 276 00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:30,350 'O-o-oh.' 277 00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:34,180 A-a-ah. 278 00:12:34,216 --> 00:12:37,126 - Ah! - Wow, TC! 279 00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:39,096 This is perfect, man. 280 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,353 It's the most beautiful toilet I ever seen. 281 00:12:41,383 --> 00:12:44,203 Oh, the lines 282 00:12:44,233 --> 00:12:47,203 color, the craftsmanship. 283 00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,353 President gotta shake my hand after sittin' right here. 284 00:12:49,383 --> 00:12:51,163 Ha! 285 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,150 It is awful pretty 286 00:12:52,183 --> 00:12:56,303 but damn this price tag sure is ugly. 287 00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,103 Come on, pop. It's for the President, man. 288 00:12:58,133 --> 00:12:59,283 Then let him pay for it. 289 00:12:59,316 --> 00:13:01,656 My business hasn't been doin' that good lately. 290 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,330 Hey, pop, but this could turn it around. 291 00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:04,146 All you gotta do is put a coin box 292 00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,373 on the outside of the bathroom door 293 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,330 and charge admission. 294 00:13:07,366 --> 00:13:10,376 Charging people money for the simple courtesy 295 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,150 of usin' my bathroom? 296 00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:15,333 - Yeah. - I like it. 297 00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:16,380 Where's my checkbook? 298 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:18,370 Hey, pop, it might be expensive 299 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,130 but, I'm telling you it's worth it. 300 00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,296 'Cause your baby boy's about to be 301 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,003 in the history books. 302 00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:24,330 A-a-ah! 303 00:13:24,366 --> 00:13:26,216 Morning, guys. 304 00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:29,350 I'm afraid I have some bad news about the President. 305 00:13:29,383 --> 00:13:32,833 - Bad news? - What about the President? 306 00:13:32,383 --> 00:13:36,233 Oh, my Go-o-od! 307 00:13:36,266 --> 00:13:38,216 O-o-oh, my God! 308 00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:40,200 What? What? What? 309 00:13:40,233 --> 00:13:42,273 This is the same toilet Kim uses 310 00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:44,270 on "The Young and the Restless!" 311 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,230 - Ooh! Get outta here! - Yeah! 312 00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:48,366 - Oh, no, she didn't, girl! - Yes, she got it! 313 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,500 - Oh, no, she didn't! - O-oh! 314 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,500 All the way in here? 315 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,500 'Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!' 316 00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:54,330 Hey! To hell with "The Young and the Restless!" 317 00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,366 I wanna know what's goin' on with the damn President. 318 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:57,370 Excuse me? 319 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:58,370 I said, could you kindly share 320 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,120 with us the information that you 321 00:14:00,150 --> 00:14:02,100 contain about the President's whereabouts.. 322 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,303 ...it'd be much obliged. 323 00:14:05,233 --> 00:14:07,153 Agent Steckler just called. 324 00:14:07,183 --> 00:14:09,663 There's some crisis in Washington. 325 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:10,170 The visit is off. 326 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,200 Oh! 327 00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:14,203 And so am I. All sales are final. 328 00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:15,303 Hey, come here with my money, boy 329 00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:17,183 before I turn you into the Ty-D-Bol man. 330 00:14:17,216 --> 00:14:18,376 Come here.. 331 00:14:21,383 --> 00:14:25,333 - You alright, kid? - Yeah, man, say it. 332 00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:26,830 Say what? 333 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:27,366 Just say you was right all along. 334 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,660 I ain't shakin' hands with the President. 335 00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:32,170 Shaking hands with nobody. 336 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,250 Damn, man, nothin' great ever happens to me. 337 00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:43,100 That boy watches too much "Blossom." 338 00:14:46,266 --> 00:14:49,156 [instrumental music] 339 00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:52,330 No, mother, the President isn't coming after all. 340 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:56,150 What do you mean, what did I do? 341 00:14:56,183 --> 00:14:59,323 I am not responsible for everything that goes wrong. 342 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,270 Okay, I forgot your medication that one time. 343 00:15:06,316 --> 00:15:09,226 That's what the paramedics are for. 344 00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:10,996 Excuse me, could you give me a hand? 345 00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:13,200 Yeah, why not? It's not like 346 00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:15,323 I'm usin' it to shake anybody else's hand. 347 00:15:15,350 --> 00:15:17,280 Well, I just want to buy this magazine. 348 00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:20,096 What for? You're just gonna be disappointed. 349 00:15:20,133 --> 00:15:22,133 He probably didn't even show up to the interview. 350 00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:25,196 Yeah, he's so busy he can't even use the bathroom. 351 00:15:25,233 --> 00:15:27,663 Oh, really must be an in-depth article. 352 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:30,000 Oh, get outta here, democrat. 353 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:33,200 Yo, G. Why don't you take the rest of the afternoon off? 354 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:35,353 For what? So I could be depressed at home? 355 00:15:35,383 --> 00:15:39,003 No. So you don't scare off anymore of our customers. 356 00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:40,370 - Snap out of it. - Snap out of it? 357 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,270 Shawn, this was my big chance. 358 00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:45,300 I was that close to givin' the President some dap. 359 00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:47,283 Attention, everybody. Attention, everybody. 360 00:15:47,316 --> 00:15:49,096 Come on, can I have your attention please? 361 00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:50,323 Don't be shy. Step right up here. 362 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,330 Come on over here, cupcakes. Come on over here. 363 00:15:52,366 --> 00:15:55,366 Step right up to the greatest sale of the century. 364 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,660 Now, you've seen this beautiful golden commode 365 00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,500 on "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." 366 00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:01,270 And you've seen it in Kim's powder room 367 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,120 on "The Young and the Restless." 368 00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:05,250 Who's gonna step forward and start off with the bidding? 369 00:16:05,283 --> 00:16:07,503 How about a, uh, $10,000? 370 00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:08,250 Ten thousand? Do I hear ten thousand? Ten thousand. 371 00:16:08,283 --> 00:16:10,103 Ten thousand, ten thousand, ten thousand. 372 00:16:10,133 --> 00:16:12,163 Ten thousand? Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait! 373 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:13,380 What about a hundred? $100? 374 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:15,350 And I'll throw in a chicken sandwich and two nutty doughnuts 375 00:16:15,383 --> 00:16:18,123 from the diner, diner, diner, diner. 376 00:16:18,150 --> 00:16:20,160 Mr. Williams. 377 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,230 Agent Steckler, you've come back! 378 00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:24,370 I had to. 379 00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:28,380 Mr. Williams, I'm afraid you'll have to remove these crates 380 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,220 before the President arrives. 381 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,180 Wait, wait, wait. So you mean the President 382 00:16:32,216 --> 00:16:33,246 is comin' after all? 383 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:35,103 - Affirmative. - 'Oh-oh!' 384 00:16:35,133 --> 00:16:37,283 Hey, but, what about the crisis in Washington? 385 00:16:37,316 --> 00:16:40,326 It's being handled by the second in command. 386 00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:42,130 Oh, thank God for the vice president, baby. 387 00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:45,656 Vice president? I'm talking about Hillary. 388 00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,170 Yes! Yes! He's coming! He's coming! 389 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,230 - I'm so happy! - Yeah, me too! 390 00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:52,346 - You want to knock boots? - Oh. 391 00:16:52,383 --> 00:16:55,223 I said I'm happy, not delirious. 392 00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,300 Don't just stand there bucking gums. 393 00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:59,233 We got a toilet to build. Come on, boys. 394 00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,296 [instrumental music] 395 00:17:32,830 --> 00:17:35,660 [music continues] 396 00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,323 [music continues] 397 00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:11,296 Now give me a smile, beautiful. 398 00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:14,273 - Oh. - You too, Dee. 399 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,370 Let me see you smile with no teeth. 400 00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,280 Oh, this is a nice camera, TC. 401 00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,366 Yeah, I can't help but notice 402 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,130 the serial number's scratched off the side. 403 00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:28,346 Yeah, that's odd. 404 00:18:28,383 --> 00:18:31,323 Well, gosh, darn. I wonder if my warranty will still apply. 405 00:18:33,216 --> 00:18:36,656 Tell it to Aunt Bee, Opie. 406 00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:38,660 I don't know why I go through all this trouble. 407 00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:41,100 I'm votin' for Colin Powell anyway. 408 00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:43,333 I can't meet the President dressed like this. 409 00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,100 Yeah, well, you should have planned ahead, brother. 410 00:18:50,183 --> 00:18:52,353 Man...you can undress faster 411 00:18:52,383 --> 00:18:54,173 than Madonna at a All-Star Game. 412 00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:58,120 Look what I made for the President. 413 00:18:58,150 --> 00:19:00,270 I call it my Bubble Burger. 414 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,500 Chili and chili cheese 415 00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:04,830 uh, corn fritters, pork rinds 416 00:19:04,116 --> 00:19:07,166 and good old slaw for roughage. 417 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,220 What's for dessert? A triple bypass? 418 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,170 The President has arrived. 419 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,830 - 'He's here! He's here!' - Hold on. 420 00:19:14,116 --> 00:19:16,246 - Wait a minute. - 'He's here.' 421 00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,226 Okay, now tell me, how does my hair look? 422 00:19:20,266 --> 00:19:21,346 Synthetic. 423 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,320 Well, kid, you were right all along, man. 424 00:19:25,350 --> 00:19:27,660 Here's my big moment, Shawn. 425 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,120 I finally get to shake hands with the President. 426 00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:32,180 - Good luck, baby boy. - Whoo! I'm so nervous. 427 00:19:35,250 --> 00:19:37,300 I gotta go to the bathroom. 428 00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:41,130 [cheering] 429 00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:46,266 [indistinct chatter] 430 00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:52,300 He must have really had to go. 431 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,370 Aah! 432 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,130 This is a restricted area. Hands up. 433 00:19:58,166 --> 00:20:01,116 - I can't right now. - Well, hurry up. 434 00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:03,230 (President) 'No problem, I'll use the stall, fellas.' 435 00:20:03,266 --> 00:20:05,176 Yes, sir, Mr. President. 436 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,220 Ah-ha. 437 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:12,830 (President) 'Guys, I think I can handle this alone.' 438 00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:21,163 Finish and get out! 439 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,180 I'm a restaurant employee. 440 00:20:22,216 --> 00:20:24,346 I have to wash my hands before I leave here. 441 00:20:24,383 --> 00:20:26,273 It's the law. 442 00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:30,380 [door closes] 443 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,170 [toilet flushing] 444 00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:42,496 Well, Mr. President.. 445 00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:43,150 ...how's it going? 446 00:20:43,183 --> 00:20:45,303 I mean, in Washington, not in there. 447 00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:47,203 'I'm doin' okay.' 448 00:20:47,233 --> 00:20:49,003 'In-in both places.' 449 00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:50,170 [laughs] 450 00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,120 You know.. 451 00:20:53,150 --> 00:20:56,130 ...I like the way you handled that Gulf War. 452 00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:59,126 'Well, it was over before I was in office.' 453 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,196 Well, damn, you are good. 454 00:21:01,233 --> 00:21:02,323 'Thanks.' 455 00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:11,326 You know, it was so dope that you shook JFK's hand. 456 00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:13,200 'Yeah, it was dope for me too.' 457 00:21:15,216 --> 00:21:17,196 Bet it really changed your life, huh? 458 00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:19,153 'It certainly did.' 459 00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:32,120 Hey, Mr. President.. 460 00:21:32,150 --> 00:21:35,200 ...I'd be really honored if you would just, like.. 461 00:21:35,233 --> 00:21:38,223 I mean, I'd be so inspired if you would.. 462 00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:40,170 I'd be such a proud, uh.. 463 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,150 'Would you like to shake my hand, son?' 464 00:21:43,183 --> 00:21:45,173 Yes, sir, Mr. President. 465 00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:53,270 You want to wash that thing first? 466 00:21:55,366 --> 00:21:57,176 [instrumental music] 467 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,350 Yo, kid, that was pretty fat 468 00:22:00,383 --> 00:22:02,123 shaking hands with the President. 469 00:22:02,150 --> 00:22:04,100 Yeah, man, it was pretty cool. I mean, he's chill. 470 00:22:04,133 --> 00:22:07,163 He's just like one of the boys. 471 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,270 I hope you guys like French fries on your pizza. 472 00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:13,200 Hey, man. Wanna watch a little bit of TV, Bill? 473 00:22:13,233 --> 00:22:16,333 - Sure, "Baywatch" is on. - You're kidding. 474 00:22:16,660 --> 00:22:19,180 Uh, Bill, you wanna close that damn door? 475 00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:24,273 Hey, uh, Bill, while you up gimme a glass of water. 476 00:22:26,150 --> 00:22:28,100 (Shawn) Look out, Marlon. Say cheese. 33942

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