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1
00:00:02,266 --> 00:00:05,316
♪ Ah ah ah ♪♪
2
00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:09,833
No, no, no. Ma, no.
3
00:00:09,116 --> 00:00:11,246
Don't press record yet.
4
00:00:11,283 --> 00:00:16,003
No, first we have to
put in the tape.
5
00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:18,130
Listen, old woman,
"All My Children" comes
on
6
00:00:18,166 --> 00:00:19,996
in five minutes
and this is the
day
7
00:00:20,330 --> 00:00:21,370
Erica's supposed to
come out of her
coma.
8
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,350
I will not miss it.
9
00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:25,996
Hey, Dee? Dee?
10
00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:27,350
Did you see my UPS package?
Did it come in?
11
00:00:27,383 --> 00:00:31,133
'Cause it's really important.
12
00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:33,126
Your package is important?
13
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,096
Yeah.
14
00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:36,833
Someone very close to me
15
00:00:36,116 --> 00:00:39,116
is coming out of a
coma
in five minutes.
16
00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:43,283
Let's see, package, coma
17
00:00:43,316 --> 00:00:46,176
coma, package.
18
00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:48,376
You do the math.
19
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:51,150
So did you see my package?
20
00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:54,320
Okay, ma..
21
00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:58,160
...alright,
now is the red light on?
22
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:00,130
What do you mean,
"It's on a rinse cycle?"
23
00:01:01,366 --> 00:01:05,126
Mother, get in
the living room now!
24
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,216
This new security
guard
is a trip.
25
00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:10,380
Yeah, I know. I seen
harder workers at the DMV.
26
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:12,350
Mother, can you
hold the line a minute?
27
00:01:12,383 --> 00:01:14,353
Excuse me, sir.
28
00:01:20,350 --> 00:01:22,270
What's in your pocket?
29
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,270
I don't remember
you payin' for this.
30
00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:34,160
Or the gum.
31
00:01:38,283 --> 00:01:39,353
GQ?
32
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,380
I don't think so.
33
00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:49,353
Is that beef jerky
in your pants..
34
00:01:49,383 --> 00:01:52,123
...or am I too much woman
for you?
35
00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:55,370
It's probably beef jerky.
36
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,660
Ugh.
37
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,270
Here, nobody gonna
want that now.
38
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:09,000
Yo, Dee. I like the way
you handle your business.
39
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,230
Yeah, girl,
you really somethin' else.
40
00:02:10,266 --> 00:02:13,276
Stand back, boys,
I'm not finished.
41
00:02:13,316 --> 00:02:16,376
I'm sure I saw him
take some Tic Tacs.
42
00:02:21,316 --> 00:02:23,296
[theme song]
43
00:02:25,330 --> 00:02:26,270
♪ We're bothers ♪
44
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:29,220
♪ We're happy and we're
singin'
and we're colored ♪
45
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:33,230
♪ Gimme a high five ♪♪
46
00:02:33,266 --> 00:02:34,996
(male 1)
'Alright, cut and print.'
47
00:02:35,330 --> 00:02:37,250
'Beautiful, guys,
dynamite, that..'
48
00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:40,153
♪ Girl what you got
goin' on tonight? ♪
49
00:02:40,183 --> 00:02:42,333
♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪
50
00:02:42,366 --> 00:02:45,826
♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪
51
00:02:45,116 --> 00:02:47,216
♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪
52
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,000
♪ Girl what you got
going on tonight? ♪
53
00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:51,380
♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪
54
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,300
♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪
55
00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,353
♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪
56
00:02:56,383 --> 00:02:58,833
♪ I got something.. ♪♪
57
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:04,323
[instrumental music]
58
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:08,200
Damn. I don't believe this.
59
00:03:08,233 --> 00:03:09,233
What up, pop?
60
00:03:09,266 --> 00:03:10,276
Two more of my customers
61
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:11,326
just walked into that new
restaurant
62
00:03:11,366 --> 00:03:12,316
across the street.
63
00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,380
You mean Rick's Cajun Kitchen?
64
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,660
Yes. He just put up a new sign
65
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:18,220
"Quality foods
at reasonable prices."
66
00:03:18,250 --> 00:03:20,320
That's a dirty trick.
67
00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:23,250
Yeah, what's next?
"Good service?"
68
00:03:23,283 --> 00:03:25,003
Get your filthy feet
off my furniture
69
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,330
and go bus those tables.
70
00:03:30,283 --> 00:03:32,253
Excuse me, Mr. Williams?
71
00:03:32,283 --> 00:03:33,323
Call me Pops.
72
00:03:33,350 --> 00:03:36,220
I'm Federal Agent Steckler.
73
00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,183
Call me Mr. Williams.
74
00:03:41,216 --> 00:03:42,296
And if you're from the IRS
75
00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:44,373
I filed my extension
on my extension
76
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,130
two weeks ago.
77
00:03:47,830 --> 00:03:48,230
At least I meant to.
78
00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:53,000
Mr. Williams,
I'm from the Secret
Service.
79
00:03:53,330 --> 00:03:56,330
Sir, I have no interest
in your tax situation.
80
00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:58,150
Although, I will
make a note of
it.
81
00:03:58,183 --> 00:03:59,323
President
Clinton
is planning a
visit
82
00:03:59,350 --> 00:04:01,660
to New York day after tomorrow.
83
00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:03,280
And I've come to get
a clearance from you.
84
00:04:03,316 --> 00:04:05,656
Hell, I don't own this city.
85
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,320
Tell him to bring his butt home.
86
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:10,120
We need a clearance
to secure your
premises
87
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,000
for a presidential visit.
88
00:04:12,330 --> 00:04:14,320
Wait, you mean the President
of the United States
89
00:04:14,350 --> 00:04:15,370
he's comin' here?
90
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,330
Here
91
00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:20,830
Shawn, come on,
the President's comin'.
92
00:04:20,116 --> 00:04:22,246
Man, he is desperate for votes.
93
00:04:22,283 --> 00:04:24,333
His motorcade
will take him down this
street
94
00:04:24,366 --> 00:04:26,826
and he may wanna make a stop.
95
00:04:26,116 --> 00:04:27,196
Oh, he must have heard about
96
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:29,333
my double-decker
chili cheese burger.
97
00:04:29,366 --> 00:04:32,656
He'd be coming here
to use your restroom.
98
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:34,150
Brother, if he has
the chili cheese
burger
99
00:04:34,183 --> 00:04:36,223
trust me,
he'll need the
restroom.
100
00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:39,160
It's standard procedure
to secure rest facilities
101
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:40,200
along the President's route.
102
00:04:40,233 --> 00:04:43,153
You're men's room
is highly desirable.
103
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,183
Oh, thank you kindly.
104
00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:47,330
Security wise.
105
00:04:47,366 --> 00:04:49,156
It has good street access
106
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:50,330
no backdoors
and no large windows.
107
00:04:50,366 --> 00:04:52,266
Oh, yeah.
Plus we got that new
108
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:54,380
black and beautiful
bikini calendar.
109
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,130
Oh, man!
110
00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:59,246
The President of United States
comin' to pop.
111
00:04:59,283 --> 00:05:02,283
Ooh! I can't wait till Rick's
Cajun Kitchen hear about this.
112
00:05:02,316 --> 00:05:04,826
- Oh, jealous..
- Jealousy!
113
00:05:04,116 --> 00:05:05,226
Envy, brother, envy.
114
00:05:05,266 --> 00:05:08,216
I'm sorry, but,
no one must know.
115
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,230
- Not even Rick?
- No one.
116
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,246
(all)
Shh!
117
00:05:12,283 --> 00:05:15,133
(all)
Don't tell no-o-body!
118
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,280
- Shh.
- Exactly.
119
00:05:18,316 --> 00:05:22,326
Uh, this visit is
a matter of national
security.
120
00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:25,160
- Say, pretty boy?
- Yeah?
121
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,250
You got a bunch
of customers lined up.
122
00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:28,353
You gonna take their money
123
00:05:28,383 --> 00:05:30,283
or should I just
let em' steal stuff?
124
00:05:30,316 --> 00:05:34,316
Alright, chill out,
Sister Souljah. I'm on my way.
125
00:05:34,350 --> 00:05:35,370
Hey, girl.
126
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,160
[laughing]
127
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:53,103
I've seen more meat
on a chicken neck.
128
00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:59,233
[instrumental music]
129
00:05:59,266 --> 00:06:01,116
Building security?
130
00:06:01,150 --> 00:06:03,000
Affirmative.
131
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,250
Secret Service?
132
00:06:04,283 --> 00:06:06,373
Affirmative.
133
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,320
Seems like you have everything
under control here, officer.
134
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:16,170
I've been told I have
the tightest lobby in the
city.
135
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:20,180
I'd like to check
that out for myself.
136
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,180
Ready for inspection, sir.
137
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:30,280
Thank you, Mr. Williams.
138
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,266
We'll be in touch.
139
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:38,230
Why don't you start
by examining my fire
door?
140
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,100
[music continues]
141
00:06:44,383 --> 00:06:46,233
Hey, pop, if I
didn't know any
better
142
00:06:46,266 --> 00:06:48,376
I swear those two
was talking about
sex.
143
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,250
A fire door?
144
00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:57,333
Tight lobby?
145
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,500
[instrumental music]
146
00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:01,350
(Pops)
'You boys are crazy.
Ain't nothing wrong'
147
00:07:01,383 --> 00:07:03,133
'with this bathroom.'
148
00:07:03,166 --> 00:07:04,196
Pop, we're talking about
149
00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:06,003
the President of
the United States.
150
00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:08,000
He's used
to goin' in style, man.
151
00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:09,220
He probably got
a whole bathroom staff
152
00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,660
handin' him towels and soap.
153
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:12,370
Probably got somebody
to unzip his pants.
154
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,150
Heh. Yeah, I seen that picture
in "Playboy" last year.
155
00:07:16,183 --> 00:07:17,233
[laughing]
156
00:07:17,266 --> 00:07:20,176
I can't afford
to fix this place up.
157
00:07:20,216 --> 00:07:22,246
Well, Pops, you gotta look
at the big picture, man.
158
00:07:22,283 --> 00:07:25,003
Fixin' up this bathroom
could be good for business.
159
00:07:25,330 --> 00:07:26,660
I mean, the bathroom at Rick's
160
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:29,000
he got sparklin' tiles
161
00:07:29,330 --> 00:07:30,330
brand new shiny fixtures.
162
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:34,826
I mean, he even got
two-ply toilet paper.
163
00:07:35,283 --> 00:07:37,503
When did you two go to Rick's?
164
00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:40,220
Oh, I just heard about it.
165
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:43,160
Yeah, pop, we ain't
never had their
catfish.
166
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,320
With the seven herbs
and spices and the..
167
00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:47,220
...flaky crust.. Mmm.
168
00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:49,180
I can't believe you
two stooped that low
169
00:07:49,216 --> 00:07:51,296
to go to Rick's and eat there.
170
00:07:51,333 --> 00:07:54,663
And the catfish was dry.
171
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:56,350
Pop, man, this is bigger
than catfish, man.
172
00:07:56,383 --> 00:07:58,253
The President
of the United
States
173
00:07:58,283 --> 00:08:00,283
wants to pee in our potty.
174
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,160
Maybe even more. Ah.
175
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:06,120
You mean he's gonna do in here
176
00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:08,250
what he's been doin'
to the country?
177
00:08:08,283 --> 00:08:10,323
Ha, ha, ha.
I'm serious, Shawn.
178
00:08:10,350 --> 00:08:12,100
I might get to shake his hand.
179
00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:15,333
- So?
- So? So?
180
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,380
This could be
my brush with greatness.
181
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,220
No, here's your
brush
with greatness.
182
00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:21,120
Now, go clean the toilet.
183
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:23,230
Look, man, President Clinton
was just a poor kid
184
00:08:23,266 --> 00:08:25,276
from Arkansas,
when he shook JFK's hand.
185
00:08:25,316 --> 00:08:29,166
That one handshake sent that man
on the road to the White House.
186
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,250
Just think, pop.
187
00:08:30,283 --> 00:08:34,103
- From JFK to Clinton.
- Hey, boy!
188
00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:35,283
To me.
189
00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:37,373
[sighs]
190
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:42,130
♪ Now na na now.. ♪♪
191
00:08:43,133 --> 00:08:45,663
Marlon in the White House?
192
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,100
I believe that's one of
the signs of the apocalypse.
193
00:08:47,133 --> 00:08:49,333
[laughing]
194
00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:51,500
[laughing]
195
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:53,373
Hoo. We'll see who's laughing
196
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,500
when my face is
all over the newspapers.
197
00:08:56,830 --> 00:08:57,350
Marl, forget about
the newspapers, okay?
198
00:08:57,383 --> 00:08:59,233
We're not supposed
to tell nobody,
remember?
199
00:08:59,266 --> 00:09:01,126
We've been sworn to secrecy?
200
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,116
Man.. Hey!
201
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,830
[toilet flushing]
202
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:06,200
I'm okay.
203
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:11,100
[instrumental music]
204
00:09:13,350 --> 00:09:15,830
Look, I'm sorry, lady.
205
00:09:15,116 --> 00:09:17,096
You can't have a refund
on "Vibe" magazine
206
00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:18,133
just 'cause
there ain't no pictures of
207
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,126
Bushwick Bill in there.
208
00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:23,320
Well, I never!
209
00:09:23,350 --> 00:09:26,250
Well, why don't you try
"Source" magazine instead?
210
00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:30,123
Nah. They're too hung up
on Snoop Dogg.
211
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:31,230
Peace out.
212
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,150
Shake the spot.
213
00:09:36,383 --> 00:09:40,353
I hear you changed
the paper in the bird
cage.
214
00:09:40,383 --> 00:09:42,123
What?
215
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:47,370
The eagle lands
tomorrow.
1200 hours.
216
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,150
What?
217
00:09:49,183 --> 00:09:51,373
The President is
coming
to use the can.
218
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,180
- What?
- The toilet.
219
00:09:53,216 --> 00:09:54,266
I know what
you're talkin' about.
220
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,500
How'd you find out
about the President?
221
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:57,380
How else? Radio-free Marlon.
222
00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,150
No.
223
00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:02,180
I heard him this morning
224
00:10:02,216 --> 00:10:04,296
yellin' it up
to the window
washer.
225
00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:05,353
Marl!
226
00:10:05,383 --> 00:10:09,003
[speaking in foreign language]
227
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,330
Hey! Psst. Get over here!
228
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,376
[speaking in foreign language]
229
00:10:21,366 --> 00:10:23,366
Does your mouth come
with a off switch?
230
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,660
You can't be goin'
around blabbin'
231
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:26,280
your big mouth about
the President coming.
232
00:10:26,316 --> 00:10:28,216
No, no, no.
He was right to tell me.
233
00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:30,660
Now, the Secret Service is good
234
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,220
but it doesn't hurt
to have the woman's touch.
235
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,170
He-hey! Young cats. Oh!
236
00:10:44,316 --> 00:10:47,246
Didn't I see you
on "America's Most Wanted?"
237
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:52,826
Didn't I see you
on "American Gladiators?"
238
00:10:54,366 --> 00:10:56,296
Welcome to my Wall of Death.
239
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:59,103
Dee, Dee, Dee. Dee!
It's okay, it's
okay.
240
00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:02,833
That's TC. That
stands
for Tacky but Cool.
241
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:06,270
Come on, man..
242
00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:08,100
Don't act like you
ain't
used to the
chokehold.
243
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:09,173
Hey.
244
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,130
[laughing]
245
00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:12,246
What you doin' here, superfly?
246
00:11:12,283 --> 00:11:15,173
Well, what do you
mean superfly?
247
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,150
Shouldn't you be
in a orange jumpsuit somewhere
248
00:11:17,183 --> 00:11:20,253
pickin' up trash
by the turnpike?
249
00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:23,333
Now-now, wh-why you
wanna go there, now?
250
00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:26,180
I am here for a legitimate
business transaction.
251
00:11:26,216 --> 00:11:27,326
That's right, brother.
252
00:11:27,366 --> 00:11:28,996
See, TC hookin' us up
253
00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:30,180
with those
new bathroom fixtures.
254
00:11:30,216 --> 00:11:32,196
- Bathroom fixtures?
- Yeah, the President's
comin'.
255
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:35,663
Didn't Marlon tell you?
256
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:36,170
Uh, Sh-Shawn, he's..
257
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,130
Shawn he's gonna give us
a fat deal, man.
258
00:11:38,166 --> 00:11:40,196
His uncle owns this
plumbin'
warehouse out on Queens.
259
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,233
Yeah, he's the toilet
king
of flushing!
260
00:11:43,266 --> 00:11:44,246
Yeah!
261
00:11:44,283 --> 00:11:47,503
[laughing]
262
00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:48,270
Ooh.
263
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,370
Look, I'll deliver
the goods tomorrow
mornin'.
264
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,330
So have the green or no latrine.
265
00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:56,180
Ooh!
266
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,296
I hate to be mean,
but you need some Listerine.
267
00:12:01,283 --> 00:12:05,663
Oh, later for you, mopheads.
268
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:08,160
If anyone calls, I'll be
in the alley shootin'
craps.
269
00:12:10,116 --> 00:12:12,116
[instrumental music]
270
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,500
Here we are.
271
00:12:16,830 --> 00:12:18,830
The royal throne collection.
272
00:12:18,116 --> 00:12:19,376
[laughs]
Limited edition.
273
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,660
Mm. All the fixtures
are de-e-luxe.
274
00:12:24,266 --> 00:12:28,826
But feast your eyes
on the centerpiece.
275
00:12:28,116 --> 00:12:29,216
[gasps]
276
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:30,350
'O-o-oh.'
277
00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:34,180
A-a-ah.
278
00:12:34,216 --> 00:12:37,126
- Ah!
- Wow, TC!
279
00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:39,096
This is perfect, man.
280
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,353
It's the most beautiful
toilet
I ever seen.
281
00:12:41,383 --> 00:12:44,203
Oh, the lines
282
00:12:44,233 --> 00:12:47,203
color, the craftsmanship.
283
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,353
President gotta shake my hand
after sittin' right here.
284
00:12:49,383 --> 00:12:51,163
Ha!
285
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,150
It is awful pretty
286
00:12:52,183 --> 00:12:56,303
but damn this
price tag sure is ugly.
287
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,103
Come on, pop.
It's for the President,
man.
288
00:12:58,133 --> 00:12:59,283
Then let him pay for it.
289
00:12:59,316 --> 00:13:01,656
My business hasn't been
doin' that good lately.
290
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,330
Hey, pop, but this
could turn it
around.
291
00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:04,146
All you gotta do
is put a coin box
292
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,373
on the outside of
the bathroom door
293
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,330
and charge admission.
294
00:13:07,366 --> 00:13:10,376
Charging people money
for the simple courtesy
295
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,150
of usin' my bathroom?
296
00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:15,333
- Yeah.
- I like it.
297
00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:16,380
Where's my checkbook?
298
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:18,370
Hey, pop, it might be expensive
299
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,130
but, I'm telling
you
it's worth it.
300
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,296
'Cause your baby boy's
about to be
301
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,003
in the history books.
302
00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:24,330
A-a-ah!
303
00:13:24,366 --> 00:13:26,216
Morning, guys.
304
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:29,350
I'm afraid I have some bad news
about the President.
305
00:13:29,383 --> 00:13:32,833
- Bad news?
- What about the President?
306
00:13:32,383 --> 00:13:36,233
Oh, my Go-o-od!
307
00:13:36,266 --> 00:13:38,216
O-o-oh, my God!
308
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:40,200
What? What? What?
309
00:13:40,233 --> 00:13:42,273
This is the same toilet Kim uses
310
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:44,270
on "The Young and the Restless!"
311
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,230
- Ooh! Get outta here!
- Yeah!
312
00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:48,366
- Oh, no, she didn't, girl!
- Yes, she got it!
313
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,500
- Oh, no, she didn't!
- O-oh!
314
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,500
All the way in here?
315
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,500
'Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!'
316
00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:54,330
Hey! To hell with
"The Young and the
Restless!"
317
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,366
I wanna know what's goin'
on
with the damn President.
318
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:57,370
Excuse me?
319
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:58,370
I said, could you kindly share
320
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,120
with us the information that you
321
00:14:00,150 --> 00:14:02,100
contain about
the President's
whereabouts..
322
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,303
...it'd be much obliged.
323
00:14:05,233 --> 00:14:07,153
Agent Steckler just called.
324
00:14:07,183 --> 00:14:09,663
There's some crisis
in Washington.
325
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:10,170
The visit is off.
326
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,200
Oh!
327
00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:14,203
And so am I.
All sales are final.
328
00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:15,303
Hey, come here
with my money, boy
329
00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:17,183
before I turn you
into the Ty-D-Bol man.
330
00:14:17,216 --> 00:14:18,376
Come here..
331
00:14:21,383 --> 00:14:25,333
- You alright, kid?
- Yeah, man, say it.
332
00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:26,830
Say what?
333
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:27,366
Just say you was
right all along.
334
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,660
I ain't shakin'
hands
with the
President.
335
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:32,170
Shaking hands with nobody.
336
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,250
Damn, man, nothin'
great
ever happens to me.
337
00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:43,100
That boy watches
too much "Blossom."
338
00:14:46,266 --> 00:14:49,156
[instrumental music]
339
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:52,330
No, mother, the President
isn't coming after all.
340
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:56,150
What do you mean, what did I do?
341
00:14:56,183 --> 00:14:59,323
I am not responsible
for everything that goes
wrong.
342
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,270
Okay, I forgot
your medication that one time.
343
00:15:06,316 --> 00:15:09,226
That's what
the paramedics are for.
344
00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:10,996
Excuse me, could you
give me a hand?
345
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:13,200
Yeah, why not?
It's not like
346
00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:15,323
I'm usin' it
to shake anybody else's hand.
347
00:15:15,350 --> 00:15:17,280
Well, I just want
to buy this magazine.
348
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:20,096
What for? You're just
gonna be disappointed.
349
00:15:20,133 --> 00:15:22,133
He probably didn't even
show up to the interview.
350
00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:25,196
Yeah, he's so busy
he can't even use the bathroom.
351
00:15:25,233 --> 00:15:27,663
Oh, really must
be
an in-depth
article.
352
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:30,000
Oh, get outta here, democrat.
353
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:33,200
Yo, G. Why don't you take
the rest of the afternoon off?
354
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:35,353
For what? So I could
be
depressed at home?
355
00:15:35,383 --> 00:15:39,003
No. So you don't scare off
anymore of our customers.
356
00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:40,370
- Snap out of it.
- Snap out of it?
357
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,270
Shawn, this was my big chance.
358
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:45,300
I was that close to
givin'
the President some
dap.
359
00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:47,283
Attention, everybody.
Attention, everybody.
360
00:15:47,316 --> 00:15:49,096
Come on, can I have
your attention please?
361
00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:50,323
Don't be shy.
Step right up here.
362
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,330
Come on over here, cupcakes.
Come on over here.
363
00:15:52,366 --> 00:15:55,366
Step right up to the greatest
sale of the century.
364
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,660
Now, you've seen this
beautiful golden commode
365
00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,500
on "Lifestyles of
the Rich and Famous."
366
00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:01,270
And you've seen it
in Kim's powder room
367
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,120
on "The Young and the Restless."
368
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:05,250
Who's gonna step forward
and start off with the
bidding?
369
00:16:05,283 --> 00:16:07,503
How about a, uh, $10,000?
370
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:08,250
Ten thousand? Do I hear
ten thousand? Ten thousand.
371
00:16:08,283 --> 00:16:10,103
Ten thousand,
ten thousand, ten thousand.
372
00:16:10,133 --> 00:16:12,163
Ten thousand?
Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait!
373
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:13,380
What about a hundred? $100?
374
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:15,350
And I'll throw in a chicken
sandwich and two nutty doughnuts
375
00:16:15,383 --> 00:16:18,123
from the diner,
diner, diner, diner.
376
00:16:18,150 --> 00:16:20,160
Mr. Williams.
377
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,230
Agent Steckler,
you've come back!
378
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:24,370
I had to.
379
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:28,380
Mr. Williams, I'm afraid
you'll
have to remove these crates
380
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,220
before the President arrives.
381
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,180
Wait, wait, wait.
So you mean the President
382
00:16:32,216 --> 00:16:33,246
is comin' after all?
383
00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:35,103
- Affirmative.
- 'Oh-oh!'
384
00:16:35,133 --> 00:16:37,283
Hey, but, what about
the crisis in Washington?
385
00:16:37,316 --> 00:16:40,326
It's being handled
by the second in command.
386
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:42,130
Oh, thank God
for the vice president, baby.
387
00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:45,656
Vice president?
I'm talking about Hillary.
388
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,170
Yes! Yes!
He's coming! He's coming!
389
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,230
- I'm so happy!
- Yeah, me too!
390
00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:52,346
- You want to knock boots?
- Oh.
391
00:16:52,383 --> 00:16:55,223
I said I'm happy, not delirious.
392
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,300
Don't just stand
there bucking gums.
393
00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:59,233
We got a toilet to build.
Come on, boys.
394
00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,296
[instrumental music]
395
00:17:32,830 --> 00:17:35,660
[music continues]
396
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,323
[music continues]
397
00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:11,296
Now give me a smile, beautiful.
398
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:14,273
- Oh.
- You too, Dee.
399
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,370
Let me see you smile
with no teeth.
400
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,280
Oh, this is a nice camera, TC.
401
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,366
Yeah, I can't help but notice
402
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,130
the serial number's
scratched off the
side.
403
00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:28,346
Yeah, that's odd.
404
00:18:28,383 --> 00:18:31,323
Well, gosh, darn. I wonder if
my warranty will still apply.
405
00:18:33,216 --> 00:18:36,656
Tell it to Aunt Bee, Opie.
406
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:38,660
I don't know why I
go through all this trouble.
407
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:41,100
I'm votin'
for Colin Powell anyway.
408
00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:43,333
I can't meet
the President dressed like
this.
409
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,100
Yeah, well, you should
have
planned ahead, brother.
410
00:18:50,183 --> 00:18:52,353
Man...you can undress faster
411
00:18:52,383 --> 00:18:54,173
than Madonna at a All-Star Game.
412
00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:58,120
Look what I made
for the President.
413
00:18:58,150 --> 00:19:00,270
I call it my Bubble Burger.
414
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,500
Chili and chili cheese
415
00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:04,830
uh, corn fritters, pork rinds
416
00:19:04,116 --> 00:19:07,166
and good old slaw for roughage.
417
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,220
What's for dessert?
A triple bypass?
418
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,170
The President has arrived.
419
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,830
- 'He's here! He's here!'
- Hold on.
420
00:19:14,116 --> 00:19:16,246
- Wait a minute.
- 'He's here.'
421
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,226
Okay, now tell me,
how does my hair look?
422
00:19:20,266 --> 00:19:21,346
Synthetic.
423
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,320
Well, kid, you were
right all along, man.
424
00:19:25,350 --> 00:19:27,660
Here's my big moment, Shawn.
425
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,120
I finally get to shake
hands
with the President.
426
00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:32,180
- Good luck, baby boy.
- Whoo! I'm so nervous.
427
00:19:35,250 --> 00:19:37,300
I gotta go to the bathroom.
428
00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:41,130
[cheering]
429
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:46,266
[indistinct chatter]
430
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:52,300
He must have really had to go.
431
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,370
Aah!
432
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,130
This is a restricted
area.
Hands up.
433
00:19:58,166 --> 00:20:01,116
- I can't right now.
- Well, hurry up.
434
00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:03,230
(President)
'No problem,
I'll use the stall,
fellas.'
435
00:20:03,266 --> 00:20:05,176
Yes, sir, Mr. President.
436
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,220
Ah-ha.
437
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:12,830
(President)
'Guys, I think I can
handle this alone.'
438
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:21,163
Finish and get out!
439
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,180
I'm a restaurant employee.
440
00:20:22,216 --> 00:20:24,346
I have to wash my hands
before I leave here.
441
00:20:24,383 --> 00:20:26,273
It's the law.
442
00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:30,380
[door closes]
443
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,170
[toilet flushing]
444
00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:42,496
Well, Mr. President..
445
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:43,150
...how's it going?
446
00:20:43,183 --> 00:20:45,303
I mean, in Washington,
not in there.
447
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:47,203
'I'm doin' okay.'
448
00:20:47,233 --> 00:20:49,003
'In-in both places.'
449
00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:50,170
[laughs]
450
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,120
You know..
451
00:20:53,150 --> 00:20:56,130
...I like the way
you handled that Gulf War.
452
00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:59,126
'Well, it was over
before I was in office.'
453
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,196
Well, damn, you are good.
454
00:21:01,233 --> 00:21:02,323
'Thanks.'
455
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:11,326
You know, it was so dope
that you shook JFK's hand.
456
00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:13,200
'Yeah, it was
dope for me too.'
457
00:21:15,216 --> 00:21:17,196
Bet it really changed
your life, huh?
458
00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:19,153
'It certainly did.'
459
00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:32,120
Hey, Mr. President..
460
00:21:32,150 --> 00:21:35,200
...I'd be really honored
if you would just, like..
461
00:21:35,233 --> 00:21:38,223
I mean, I'd be
so inspired if you would..
462
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:40,170
I'd be such a proud, uh..
463
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,150
'Would you like
to shake my hand, son?'
464
00:21:43,183 --> 00:21:45,173
Yes, sir, Mr. President.
465
00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:53,270
You want to wash
that thing first?
466
00:21:55,366 --> 00:21:57,176
[instrumental music]
467
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,350
Yo, kid, that was pretty fat
468
00:22:00,383 --> 00:22:02,123
shaking hands
with the President.
469
00:22:02,150 --> 00:22:04,100
Yeah, man, it was pretty cool.
I mean, he's chill.
470
00:22:04,133 --> 00:22:07,163
He's just like one of the boys.
471
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,270
I hope you guys like
French fries on your pizza.
472
00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:13,200
Hey, man. Wanna watch
a little bit of TV, Bill?
473
00:22:13,233 --> 00:22:16,333
- Sure, "Baywatch" is on.
- You're kidding.
474
00:22:16,660 --> 00:22:19,180
Uh, Bill, you wanna
close that damn
door?
475
00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:24,273
Hey, uh, Bill, while you up
gimme a glass of water.
476
00:22:26,150 --> 00:22:28,100
(Shawn)Look out, Marlon. Say cheese.
33941
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