All language subtitles for The.Wayans.Bros.S01E02_English

[snoring]

Marlon.

Marlon.

- Marlon!
- Hmm.

- 'Get up.'
- Hmm-mm!

Get up, you got to go to
work.
Pop is gonna kill you, man.

[fire alarm ringing]

Marlon! Marlon!

- Fire, Marlon, fire!
- Fire?

Put on your jacket.

- I got to feed my goldfish.
- Alright, hurry up!

- Stop, drop and roll!
- Come on, hurry up.

Hurry up! Hurry up!

Don't worry about me!
Save yourself!

[alarm stops]

Every mornin'.

You'd think
he'd catch on by now.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing
and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys.
Dynamite. That is..'

♪ Girl what you got
goin' on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Girl what you got
going on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill
with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪

♪ I got something
that you gonna like ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Yeah, suck it,
suck it now. Get
it!

Hey, don't stop,
y'all keep goin'.

Hey, Shawn, show her that
little
move I taught you, you know?

Bam, bam, bam.

Marlon, get a girlfriend.

You know what, here's a quarter.

Go down to Times Square,
you could get your own booth.

Hey, hey, hey.

Now, you know I can't
maneuver
in them little rooms.

Besides, after
that donkey-show
incident

I don't think they're gonna
let
me back down there no more.

But thanks for the quarter.

What are you doin' here
in the middle of the day
anyway?

You promised Pop
we'd take him to the airport

for Aunt Eunice's funeral.

- What?
- Hey, don't look at me.

I ain't kill the old bag.

- Baby, what time is it?
- Almost two.

Oh, God, I'm gonna be
late for class.

Oh, man, damn!

Marlon, if he misses this
funeral, Pop is gonna kill us.

I never met Aunt Eunice.

Oh, yeah, that's 'cause
she was crazy.

You know, after her 15th stroke

Aunt Eunice learned
to eat with her feet.

- Her feet?
- 'Like this.'

You want some?

Boy, put that down

and come on, let's hurry up.

We gotta get out of here, man.

Baby, baby.

Stop it!

What's wrong with you?

Baby, at the
airport,
could you please

drop this off
at Federal
Express?

My sister really
needs these
earrings

for a charity
ball
tomorrow night.

Sure, honey.

Sorry, honey, but we're late.

Mail it yourself, please.
Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, what?

Respect the woman.

I do respect the woman.

Then apologize.

- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

Sorry you too damn lazy
to mail your own package.

- Who are you callin' lazy?
- Hey, come on now, y'all
stop!

I'll knock the weave
off her head!

Stop it, alright?

Anyway, I have to go.

- I love you, baby.
- I love you too, baby.

Hear that? She loves me.

Yeah, well, I'd love you too,
if you did everything I said.

Oh, come on now.

You know it ain't
like that between
us.

Yes, it is. You're her
little errand boy, Shawn.

If she says, jump,
you say, how high?

If she says, go,
you say, how fast?

If she screams, not yet,
you say, oh, too late.

Have you been
listenin'
at my door again?

Hell, no. That's disgusting.

I'd never do that.

Besides, you can hear
so much better from your
closet.

Get outta here, you pervert!

Now, you know if I
miss
my plane to Cleveland

I'm gonna beat you
like a red-headed
stepchild.

You were 25 minutes
late pickin' me up.

Aunt Eunice is dead, Pop,
she ain't goin' anywhere.

You both should be
comin' with me.

Didn't I teach you anything?

There are two
things
in this world

that are very very important.

Family..

...and
big-breasted
showgirls.

Pop, how come mom ain't goin'?

Man, I don't tell that woman
what to do outside the bedroom.

But in the
bedroom,
you know me..

Bang, bang, bang!

Come on, Pop, come on.

Oh, y'all should have seen your
mother when Nixon was president.

Oh, come on, Pop.

She was so fine,
I used to call her
sugar.

- Give me some sugar, baby.
- Come on, don't do this, man.

That's downright..

[metal detector beeping]

Oh, man!

[beeping]

Dang!

[beeping]

Dang! Shoot!

You got a metal
plate
in your head, son?

Pop, I know what it is.

It's that Hot Wheels car
I ate when I was a kid.

Damn! Watch, I'll show you.

Excuse me.

[laughing]

W-what you laughin' at,
Fat Albert?

You better recognize.

You better understand that, boy.

And you better recognize

you in an airport
full of people,
naked.

Come on,
get your clothes on,
boy.

What's wrong with you?

(Marlon)
'Can I have my shoes, please?'

Now, you got
your tickets, right, Pop?

Yeah, I've got my tickets.

I have a brain in my head.

And I got a little trouble
with my boiler room, too.

I'll see you
in a minute,
alright?

Alright, Pop.
Light a match.

Can I have my stuff, please?

I found them.

There you are, Mr. Starks.

- Huh?
- Mr. Starks?

John Starks
of the New York Knicks.

I think I'd know
a professional athlete

in the first class
check-in area when I see one.

What?

Shawn, she thinks
I'm John Starks,
man.

I'm sorry, Mr. Starks,
but you and your manager

don't have to wait here
with the common passengers.

You're in first class
and you can board right now.

Oh, I'm sorry, there must be
some kind of mistake.

See, we don't even
have any tickets.

Well, of course you don't,
because I do. Right here.

Two first class tickets.

Thank you,
thank you very
much.

God bless you, babe.
Say a prayer. Okay.

We goin' first
class.
We goin'--

Are you nuts?

No, I am John Starks.

And me and you, my friend

are travelin' first class.

See, says right here,
"Mr. Jonathan Starks."

That's me.

And here's your ticket..

..Boy.

Marlon, you a crazy. We are
not gettin' on that plane.

Why not?

'Cause first of all,
it's illegal.

Second of all,
Lisa's at home waitin' on me.

I can't
believe
I'm hearin'
this.

You used to be
mad-fun back in the
day.

And now ever since
Lisa came along

and she gave you some sunshine

you've been whipped.

- What did you say to me?
- You heard me!

You're whipped. Whoosh!

You're whipped like-like
Denzel Washington in
"Glory."

Like Morgan Freeman
in "Unforgiven."

And LeVar Burton
in-in everything he ever
does!

Whipped, huh?
You think I'm whipped?

You must be crazy,
I ain't whipped.

I tell you right now,
whipped is the last thing I
am.

I'll show you whipped.

Kunta Kinte of love.

Excuse me.

But my client over here,
Mr. John Starks

of the New York
knickerbockers..

...is highly upset right now

that there was no one here
to meet him with his bags.

Now, if this is the level
of service, I'm--

Fine, you're right,
you're right. I'm sorry, sir.

On behalf of myself
and our airline

let me be the first to extend
to
you a complimentary bag

of our very own airline peanuts.

Not good enough for me.

I'm sorry, but this
is unacceptable.

That's better.

You may go.

- See, nigga, we got two bags!
- We got two bags!

[laughing]

- Who you callin' whipped?
- No, you the man.

See, I'm just a squirrel in
your world tryin' to get a
what?

- A peanut!
- A peanut!

- Here we go, Mr. Starks.
- Ah.

- More delicious peanuts.
- Ah, thank you.

- Our in-flight magazine.
- Ooh.

And some little wings
to pin on our shirt.

You shouldn't have.

Now, is there anything else
I can get for you boys?

Um, I'll have some more peanuts

and a glass of champagne,
no ice.

Yes, sir. And you, Mr. Starks?

I'll have something
to drink, as well.

I'll have, uh, 40 ounce.

No bag.

Yes, Mr. Starks.

And, uh, oh, I'm sorry

I didn't get your name.

Uh, Mr. Williams.

He takes care of me
when I'm on the
road.

Oh, I see, like a personal valet

or a cabana boy.

Perhaps like the one
I met in Mallorca last winter

who won't return my phone calls.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Unh-unh, unh-unh.

I'm-I'm just
Mr. Starks' manager.

Of course you are.

Nice guy.

Oh, Shawn,
are we livin' large, or
what?

I can't believe
you talked me into this.

Come on, man, relax.

Take it easy.

Enjoy first class.

We don't even know
where we're goin'.

Excuse me, fellas.

Oh, if you don't mind my asking

um, are you an entertainer

or an athlete?

Or, uh, are you
one of those rappers

that my kids just seem to love?

And if you don't mind me askin'

why do you think
all black people

got to be athletes
and entertainers?

Yeah?

Oh, no, I-I don't think
that about all black people.

Of course not.

Just the ones
found in first class.

Yeah?

And I bet you're
just some rich white
guy

who owns a lot of
land,
has a beautiful wife

and drives a luxury automobile!

Exactly.

I guess I told that guy, huh?

Hello, my Caucasian friend.

Good to see ya.

Ah.

This is the life.

Man, I can't believe we're
sittin' up here in first class

pretendin' to be John Starks.

And Boy.

Man, I just hope nobody
ever finds out about this.

(male over PA)
'This is your co-pilot,
we should be landing'

'in Cleveland
in just under an hour.'

Help me, somebody!
Help me, please!

Help me, help me, help me.

I ain't the Motel 6!

Get off of me!

So, it's last season

game four,
I'm guarding Reggie Miller.

Spike Lee gets up and he
starts yellin' stuff at him.

So I say to Spike,
"Hey, shut up and sit down

you angry cricket!"

I read about those colorful
intimidation techniques

in "Sports Illustrated."

It's called dissin'.

They were dissin'
each other, right?

No. Let me show you
what a diss is.

Now, get your mayonnaise-eatin'

baloney-smellin'

David Duke-lookin'
ass
out of my face

before I smack
you
off this plane.

That was good.

I think I'll go back
and diss my wife.

Get outta of here, man!

Hot towels.

Oh. Oh.

- Mr. Starks.
- Thank you.

Boy, stop!
This ain't a
bathroom.

You're embarrassin' me, man.

Show some class.

[blowing nose]

Good blow, sir.

Here you go, Monty.

Monty, I hear we have
a celebrity on board.

Yes, we do, Bob.

I told you to never
call me Bob when we're working.

Well, excuse me, Bob

I mean, captain.

So you're John Starks,
the basketball player.

- Pleasure to meet you.
- Yeah, I know.

Are you anybody?

Uh, yeah, actually I
handle
all business affairs

and contracts for Mr.
Starks
when we're on the road.

Oh, so, uh

you're like what,
his, uh, flunky?

That's right.

Uh, Boy, can you
get me a blanket?

It's kind of nippy in here.

Thank you. Hey, hey.

Watch that attitude,
now, alright?

So, uh...Mr. Starks

you want to come up to the
cockpit and see how I do my
job?

- Sure, I'd love to.
- Follow me.

Excuse me, boy.

Hey, Bob

you wouldn't happen
to have any of those

honey-roasted peanuts
back there, would you?

No, but I have some of those

little bottles of Remy Martin.

I heard you manage John Starks.

Do you handle
a lot of athletes?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

As a matter of fact, I
handle
all kinds of
entertainers.

Uh, as a matter of fact

we just
completed
a film starring

Bushwick Bill
and Emmanuel Lewis.

It's called
"Midgets to
Society."

It's a short film.

Wow. Do you have
any bigger stars?

Um... you seen "Malcolm X?"

Alright, maybe you
know
who this is.

Tell me if you know who this is.

"Yeah...Snowflake..

...what's your angle?"

You manage Denzel Washington?

Yes.

Just like "Jungle Fever."

God, I loved that movie.

When we land
at Cleveland, look me
up.

I'm staying at The Marriott.

Yeah, you trying to find out

if that myth is true, huh, girl?

Oh, sorry about that, folks.

Hit a little air pocket,
nothing to worry about.

That was my fault, Bob,
I should have listened

when you said
don't touch that red
button!

That's okay, we usually carry

twice as much fuel
as we need anyway.

Smart move.

Oh, man.

Shawn, it is so cool up there.

It's just crowded, though.

It's like everywhere
I tried to sit

I was right
on the captain's hand.

What are you starin' at?

Come on, Boy, get my blanket.

Hey, hey, hey,
Marlon, come on no.

I'm not your lackey.

Now ever since
we got on this plane

you've been gettin'
all the attention.

You been signin' the autographs

you got two desserts

you got to sit
on the captain's hand.

And who am I, huh?
I'm just blanket man.

Blanket man?
Hey, did you see that
movie?

Hell, no! Nobody did.

Out of my way. Out of my way.
I'm about to explode.

Excuse me, sir, sir,
you cannot use these bathrooms.

This is the first class cabin.

You're gonna have a first class
mess on your hands if you don't

get out of my damn way,
and let me use that bathroom.

Shawn? Marlon?

What the hell
are y'all doin' up
here?

Do you know this man?

It's Pop, what are we gonna do?

Don't worry, I'll handle it.

Monty..

...I've never seen
this man before in my
life.

- Smooth.
- Thanks.

Ohh.

Y'all don't know me now.

Excuse me, Mr. Strange man

but maybe you are getting
us confused

with someone else,
when, in fact, we are

John Starks and manager.

Excuse me..

...you got me
confused with the
man

who's gonna kick
your natural-born
ass

when I get you off this plane!

I had enough of you, old man!

- Get out of here.
- Old man?

I got your old man!

I got your..

I got to use the bathroom.

Get that lady out of there!

I'm so sorry, Mr. Starks.

It's like
the Third World back there.

I don't know why they
don't just build a moat.

Well, this is it, man.

We've gone too far.

We just humiliated
our own father.

Hey, hey, don't
blame
that on me.

He humiliated himself.

You seen that old Huggy
Bear
suit he was wearin'.

Look, Marlon, I'm not gonna play

this game with you
anymore, okay?

As a matter of fact,
for the rest of the flight

don't talk to me.

As a matter of fact,
don't even look at me.

Don't look at me.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

I have a young boy
here named Timmy..

Isn't he cute?

And before I take him
up
to see the captain

he would just love
Mr. Starks'
autograph.

Sure.

You're not John Starks.

Sure I am, little Timmy.

No, you're not. I have
his basketball card here.

Shawn..

[snoring]

If you're John Starks,
then how many

points per game
did you average last year?

I don't know, how many times
did you wet the bed last week?

You don't even look like John
Starks. I'm tellin' the
captain.

Boy, I will send you
to Michael Jackson's house.

You watch. I can prove it.

Monty, make a basket.

Like, I'd need some bamboo.

No, like this.

- Oh.
- Gimme that.

Now, I'm gonna shoot
this soda can into your
basket.

If only I had a nickel

for every time I heard that.

[inaudible]

Timmy...watch it.

Mr. John Starks is about to
take
you downtown, little brother.

[exhales heavily]

(Bob)
'Ow!'

Sorry, Bob!

Man, Pop, I think this is
the worst day of my life.

I can't believe
Monty tried to shove us

in one of those little
overhead bins.

Yeah, I couldn't
believe
how strong he was.

- Get your butt out of
there!
- Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Get you butt down, man.
- I'm sorry.

Ow! Sorry, bro.

- Sit your behind down.
- Oh, come on, man!

Alright, I'm cool, I'm cool.

(Shawn)
'Oh, come on, man.'

Fix it,
fix it right, man.

Come on. I can't believe
I'm related to you two.

It make me wanna
go home and smack your mama.

Hey, look, Pops, we're sorry

about puttin'
you through all this trouble.

But I'm sure you understand.

Yeah, I understand.

Well, you know, uh, I was young

once myself, you know?

Really?
Ooh, I can't picture that.

You old as the dinosaurs, man.

Shut up and let
me
tell the story.

Now, one day I was

on a business trip
without your
mother.

I'm havin' me a few
drinks
in the club car

got a little tipsy

and tried to pass myself
off
as Johnny Mathis.

- Did it work?
- Hell, no!

Those Amtrak boys
beat the crap out of
me.

They got those big
ring
of keys, you know?

Oh, so you was like
the first Rodney King, huh?

Rodney King don't know
nothin'
about no butt-whippin'.

Hey..

...well, at least
we got to
experience

first class, bro.

And you can't call me
whipped anymore.

Lisa's package.

Oh, man.

She's gonna kill me, man.

Whoosh.

Shawn, where are you?

I've been waiting
in your apartment for two
hours.

Yeah, well, baby,
it's like this.

See, I missed
the last FedEx pickup

and I knew how important it was

for your sister
to get those earrings

and I didn't wanna let you down.

So guess what I did.

I jumped on an airplane so
I could hand-deliver 'em
myself.

You know why? 'Cause that's
the kind of boyfriend I am.

Whoosh.

Shut up, man.

I wuv you, Shawn.

- I wuv you too, Lisa.
- What?

I said, I wuv you, too, Lisa.

Shawn, you're breaking up,
I can't hear.

I said, I wuv you, too, Lisa!

(all)
Whoosh.

Pop, your son's a disgrace.

Son?

I have never seen
these boys in my
life.

I happen to be Johnny Mathis.

It's a well-known
fact
Johnny Mathis

doesn't have any children.

♪ Look at me ♪

♪ I'm as helpless ♪

♪ As a kitten up a tree ♪♪

- Okay, okay, Pop.
- Come on, Pop.

♪ It seems like
I'm clinging to a cloud ♪♪

I can't see how this day
could get any worse.

Hey, I just
thought of
somethin'.

How are we gonna get home
from Cleveland?

♪ On my own ♪♪

- Would you shut up?
- Would you shut up?

[instrumental music]

[baby wailing]

(male #2)
Man, if I ever find the guys
who stole my first class
ticket

I'll kill them.

♪ Sometimes we walk ♪

♪ Hand in hand by the sea ♪

♪ And we breathe in
the cool salty air ♪

♪ Ahh ahh ahh ♪

♪ You turn to me ♪

♪ With a kiss in your eyes ♪

♪ And my heart feels
a thrill beyond compare ♪

♪ What a moment to share ♪

♪ It's wonderful wonderful ♪

♪ Oh so wonderful ♪

♪ My love ♪♪

(Monty)
'Oh, Johnny!'