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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:04,003 - Yeah! Yeah! - No! No! 2 00:00:04,330 --> 00:00:07,500 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Get some of that! 3 00:00:07,830 --> 00:00:09,000 - Damn. - Yeah, boy. 4 00:00:09,330 --> 00:00:11,150 Kind of stinks without Jordan. 5 00:00:13,383 --> 00:00:16,103 - Yo, this is mine. - Get outta here. 6 00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:18,153 Marlon, this is my.. 7 00:00:18,183 --> 00:00:20,383 It's not funny. 8 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,170 Alright. 9 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,350 Ah-choo! 10 00:00:27,166 --> 00:00:29,296 Yo, man, that's not fair. 11 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,203 Want to split it? 12 00:00:31,233 --> 00:00:33,223 [theme song] 13 00:00:34,366 --> 00:00:36,096 ♪ We're brothers ♪ 14 00:00:36,133 --> 00:00:40,373 ♪ We're happy and we're singing and we're colored ♪ 15 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,830 ♪ Give me a high-five ♪♪ 16 00:00:43,116 --> 00:00:45,246 (male #1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful guys.' 17 00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:47,133 'Dynamite that is..' 18 00:00:47,166 --> 00:00:50,326 ♪ Girl what you got goin' on tonight? ♪ 19 00:00:50,660 --> 00:00:52,220 ♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪ 20 00:00:52,250 --> 00:00:54,370 ♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪ 21 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,830 ♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪ 22 00:00:57,116 --> 00:00:59,266 ♪ Girl what you got going on tonight? ♪ 23 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:01,270 ♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪ 24 00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:04,170 ♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪ 25 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,180 ♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪ 26 00:01:06,216 --> 00:01:08,326 ♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪♪ 27 00:01:14,166 --> 00:01:17,656 (Shawn) 'These infomercials are the biggest rip-offs in the world.' 28 00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,380 Yes, I'd like to order two tubes 29 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,000 of "Plums on a Hill" lipstick. 30 00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:22,300 Lisa, what are you doing? 31 00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:25,333 I'm orderin' two tubes of "Plums on a Hill" lipstick. 32 00:01:25,366 --> 00:01:28,316 No. They charge you $10 for some lipstick 33 00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:31,220 that only costs 42 cents. 34 00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,130 - So? - So.. 35 00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:34,316 That's highway robbery. 36 00:01:34,350 --> 00:01:36,370 Nobody should be able to make that much money.. 37 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,000 ...except me. 38 00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:41,370 Damn! I wish I had something to sell on an infomercial. 39 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,320 I'll get paid. 40 00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:45,270 But you don't, Shawn, and they do. 41 00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:48,330 Besides, I want to have lips like Whitney Houston. 42 00:01:48,366 --> 00:01:50,146 Wouldn't you like that? 43 00:01:50,183 --> 00:01:52,133 No, I'm not kissing anything 44 00:01:52,166 --> 00:01:54,126 that touches Bobby Brown's tongue. 45 00:01:56,233 --> 00:01:59,503 Besides I like your lips the way they are. 46 00:02:00,383 --> 00:02:03,233 [door opens] 47 00:02:03,266 --> 00:02:06,246 [crying] 48 00:02:08,216 --> 00:02:10,826 Don't mind me. 49 00:02:10,116 --> 00:02:12,346 You guys just keep doing what you're doing. 50 00:02:15,233 --> 00:02:17,253 I'm only doing this for attention. 51 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,120 Hey, hey, hey. Alright! 52 00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:25,160 What do you want? 53 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,250 Nothing. 54 00:02:28,330 --> 00:02:29,350 Oh, just say it, Marlon. 55 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:32,663 Alright, since you asked. 56 00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:34,330 Tonight, I went to a club with my boys 57 00:02:34,660 --> 00:02:36,120 Bentley and Kevin, right. 58 00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:37,180 Kevin got in.. 59 00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:38,296 ...then Bentley got in.. 60 00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:41,333 ...and then I didn't get in. 61 00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:42,830 And do you know why? 62 00:02:42,116 --> 00:02:43,296 Because you're loser? 63 00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:46,150 No. 64 00:02:46,183 --> 00:02:49,173 Because the bouncer said he didn't like my hair. 65 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,660 [laughs] 66 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:52,130 Your hair? 67 00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:54,166 [laughs] 68 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,330 What you laughin' at? 69 00:02:55,366 --> 00:02:57,366 At least my hair is real. 70 00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:00,183 So is mine. 71 00:03:00,216 --> 00:03:03,126 What? Real horse or real goat? 72 00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:05,266 - I got your goat. - Oh, you abad 73 00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:07,330 Alright, alright, alright. 74 00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:11,160 Okay, alright now, y'all stop. Alright? 75 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,830 Marlon, I'mma help you to fix your hair. Come on. 76 00:03:13,116 --> 00:03:15,326 Hey. Stop being so rough. 77 00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:17,366 Who do you think you are, Tupac? 78 00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:20,350 Baby, I'll be right back. 79 00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:22,303 It's okay, Shawn. 80 00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:24,153 Take your time. 81 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:27,320 Yes, I'd like to order two tubes 82 00:03:27,350 --> 00:03:30,100 of "Plums on a Hill" lipstick. 83 00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:32,333 That'll be on my visa. 84 00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:35,500 The name is Shawn Williams. 85 00:03:35,830 --> 00:03:37,660 5-2-0-6-0-1.. 86 00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:39,300 [instrumental music] 87 00:03:40,266 --> 00:03:41,346 - Not a nickel. - Get.. 88 00:03:41,383 --> 00:03:43,233 - Get away from me. - Oh, but, Pops.. 89 00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:45,176 An infomercial is the perfect plan. 90 00:03:45,216 --> 00:03:47,496 See, all we need is to get a celebrity. 91 00:03:47,830 --> 00:03:49,280 Then they go on TV and they make us rich. 92 00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:52,496 All I need is $600. 93 00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:55,220 Six hundred dollars? Man, have you lost your mind? 94 00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:57,250 With $600 I can get your mama an operation. 95 00:03:57,283 --> 00:03:59,323 Put those breasts back up where I can see them. 96 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:03,350 But, Pops, for $600, I can get us a half-hour show 97 00:04:03,383 --> 00:04:06,163 on public-access TV. 98 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:07,220 Public access? 99 00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,300 You mean like that naked channel? 100 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:09,373 Yeah! 101 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,320 And they got some good shows on there. 102 00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:14,350 That naked talk show host Robin Byrd. Whoo! 103 00:04:14,383 --> 00:04:16,133 She's one sassy little mama. 104 00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:17,266 I'll remember that. 105 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,330 I'd like to put some hot sauce on her. 106 00:04:19,366 --> 00:04:22,176 So, what do you say, Pop, huh? Will you give me the money? 107 00:04:22,216 --> 00:04:25,116 Ask for my wooden arm, son, you can get that quicker. 108 00:04:25,150 --> 00:04:27,150 But, Pops, you don't have a wooden arm. 109 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,663 Brains ain't your strong suit, is it boy? 110 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,150 Marlon, now, if you're late again 111 00:04:32,183 --> 00:04:34,123 I'mma whoop you like that boy in Singapore. 112 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:42,660 What the hell happened to your hair? 113 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,830 'Look like Don Cornelius died on your head.' 114 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,120 See, Pops? That's what I'm talking about. 115 00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:48,330 That's his new pomade. 116 00:04:48,366 --> 00:04:50,996 See, after he got thrown out of the club last night 117 00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:52,350 he went home, mixed up some of that stuff.. 118 00:04:52,383 --> 00:04:55,223 And bam! It was move over, Little Richard. 119 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:57,000 There's a new perm in town. 120 00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:58,170 Whoo! 121 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,500 I'd tell you, Pop, before I knew it 122 00:05:01,830 --> 00:05:02,150 I was getting into clubs. 123 00:05:02,183 --> 00:05:04,373 I was cashing checks, catching cabs. 124 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,330 Pop, I felt just like a white dude. 125 00:05:08,116 --> 00:05:09,226 In that case, Mr. White boy 126 00:05:09,266 --> 00:05:12,126 go down to the bank and get me a loan. 127 00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:14,096 Pop, I'm telling you, this stuff works. 128 00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:15,203 It works so good 129 00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:17,103 I got my boys Bentley and Kevin some.. 130 00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:19,323 And look at them over there, macking. 131 00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:21,270 (Pops) 'Would you look at that big-haired boy' 132 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,250 'over there macking with those pretty girls.' 133 00:05:23,283 --> 00:05:26,183 Lookin' like two macaronis. 134 00:05:26,216 --> 00:05:28,156 Macaronis! 135 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,270 See, Pops? If it worked for "The Lion King".. 136 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,216 ...imagine how much money we can make. 137 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,160 We could makemillions. 138 00:05:36,383 --> 00:05:38,123 Millions? 139 00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:39,230 Millions. 140 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,333 - Ya-ta-dee! - You-dee, huh, huh. 141 00:05:44,366 --> 00:05:46,116 Let me get my checkbook. 142 00:05:46,150 --> 00:05:47,370 Thanks, Pop, you won't be sorry. 143 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,130 What are y'all talking about? 144 00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:53,216 Marlon, we're gonna sell your pomade on TV. 145 00:05:53,250 --> 00:05:55,300 - I'm gonna be on TV? - Yes. 146 00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:01,330 Hello, out there in TV land. 147 00:06:01,366 --> 00:06:05,826 See, now all we need is a catchy name. 148 00:06:05,116 --> 00:06:07,146 Something that everybody's going to remember. 149 00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:09,203 Ooh. How about the clapper? 150 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,270 No. What about hair-- 151 00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:15,200 Ball. 152 00:06:15,233 --> 00:06:20,203 - No, no, no. Hair-- - Riet Tubman. 153 00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:21,373 No, no, no. Alright, I got it, I got it. 154 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,250 - I think it's hair.. - Maphrodite. 155 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,380 I got it. I got it. 156 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,180 Hair...come the judge. 157 00:06:29,216 --> 00:06:30,376 ♪ Hair come the judge ♪ 158 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,220 ♪ Hair come the judge ♪♪ 159 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:33,370 You better get outtahair 160 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,350 with those stupid suggestions. 161 00:06:36,383 --> 00:06:38,333 - I got it. - What? 162 00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:39,170 What about.. 163 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,350 "Goop, Hair It Is." 164 00:06:41,383 --> 00:06:43,253 - Hey. - Hey, I like that. 165 00:06:43,283 --> 00:06:45,123 ♪ Goop, hair it is ♪ 166 00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:46,100 Alright. 167 00:06:46,133 --> 00:06:48,133 ♪ Goop, hair it is ♪ 168 00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:50,096 ♪ We gonna make some millions ♪ 169 00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:51,153 ♪ Goop, hair it is ♪ 170 00:06:51,183 --> 00:06:52,173 Alright! 171 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,370 ♪ We gonna make some millions ♪ 172 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,160 ♪ Goop, hair it is ♪ 173 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:56,500 Go, Pop! 174 00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:57,180 ♪ Goop, hair it is ♪♪ 175 00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,276 Alright! 176 00:06:58,316 --> 00:07:03,376 Please, Latoya, it's just an infomercial. 177 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,500 What do you mean degraded? 178 00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:07,500 You posed butt-naked with a snake. 179 00:07:08,283 --> 00:07:10,163 Aw, I.. 180 00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:11,330 [sniffling] 181 00:07:11,366 --> 00:07:14,996 Don't cry, Lisa. Don't worry, we'll get a celebrity. Watch. 182 00:07:15,330 --> 00:07:16,270 I'm not crying because of that. 183 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:20,130 I'm crying because this stuff is burning my eyes. 184 00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:22,146 Shawn, it stinks. 185 00:07:22,183 --> 00:07:24,323 Yeah, well, they can't smell it over the TV. 186 00:07:26,116 --> 00:07:27,196 [whimpering] 187 00:07:29,166 --> 00:07:31,326 Hey, y'all, look who I got. 188 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,270 It's Garrett Morris. 189 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:38,320 Garrett Morris? 190 00:07:38,350 --> 00:07:40,100 I thought it was Ben Vereen. 191 00:07:41,383 --> 00:07:43,223 Get off of me. Who are you people? 192 00:07:43,250 --> 00:07:45,000 - Please don't hurt me. - Don't worry. 193 00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:46,250 - We're not gonna shoot you. - Okay. 194 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:51,320 We want you to work with us, Mr. Morris. 195 00:07:51,350 --> 00:07:52,350 Doing what? 196 00:07:52,383 --> 00:07:54,373 - Hi. - Oh. Hey, look, man. 197 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,130 I don't do pornos...anymore. 198 00:08:00,830 --> 00:08:01,100 This is nothing like that. 199 00:08:01,133 --> 00:08:02,283 Didn't Marlon tell you, what we want? 200 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,166 Hell, no, man, I was mindin' my own business 201 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:08,160 comin' out of my apartment, on my way to the dentist. 202 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,380 Next thing I knew this freak jumps outta the bushes 203 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,180 puts this pillow case over my head 204 00:08:12,216 --> 00:08:16,166 and then starts dragging me down Ninth Avenue by my legs. 205 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,380 Well, it wasn't easy. 206 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,330 He's heavier than he looks 207 00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:20,250 and you scream like a girl. 208 00:08:20,283 --> 00:08:21,303 [screams] 209 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:23,203 Hell, yeah, the screaming reminds me.. 210 00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:25,203 When he dropped that pillow case on me 211 00:08:25,233 --> 00:08:30,003 man it was Mississippi, 1961, all over again. 212 00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:31,500 Whoo. 213 00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:32,370 Man, I'll never forget that night. 214 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,180 Running naked through the swamps 215 00:08:34,216 --> 00:08:37,096 the sound of them dogs yapping at my heels. 216 00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:38,373 - Lynch mob? - No, man. 217 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,370 An ex-girlfriend and her ugly mother. 218 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,330 Well, this is nothin' like that, Mr. Morris. 219 00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:46,300 See, we're producing an infomercial. 220 00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:49,103 - An infomercial? - Yeah. And we're desperate. 221 00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:52,333 I mean, every celebrity worth a damn turned us down. 222 00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:53,500 That's why we want you. 223 00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:54,170 What my brother means is 224 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,230 you are our first choice, Mr. Morris. 225 00:08:56,266 --> 00:08:57,366 No, he wasn't, Shawn. 226 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,180 - Ben Vereen was our first-- - Shh! 227 00:09:00,216 --> 00:09:02,266 Now, look, Mr. Morris, this is what we want you to do. 228 00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:05,270 - Grab some of this. - Uh-huh. 229 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:08,100 Smile into the camera, and say.. 230 00:09:08,133 --> 00:09:09,253 Goop, Hair It Is.. 231 00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:11,283 ...has been bery, bery good to me. 232 00:09:11,316 --> 00:09:14,376 No. No, no, hey, I'm sorry, man. 233 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:16,380 I don't do commercials. 234 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,320 Well, what if we let you sing opera? 235 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:22,100 I'm sorry, man. I have integrity. 236 00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,123 What are you talking about, integrity? 237 00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:26,270 You played Sporty James on "Hunter." 238 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,180 I don't care. I'm not doin' it. 239 00:09:31,216 --> 00:09:32,366 Well, get your old behind out of here. 240 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,150 Come on, get out. 241 00:09:36,233 --> 00:09:37,323 Get outta here. 242 00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:44,500 Great, now we're booked at a cable station 243 00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:45,330 and we have no celebrity. 244 00:09:45,366 --> 00:09:49,156 Well, I guess we could always usehim. 245 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,330 - Who? - Is he still here? 246 00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:53,370 - Who? - He's been here all morning. 247 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:57,000 - Why don't he just leave? - Who? 248 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,350 Look, guys, we're desperate, okay? 249 00:09:58,383 --> 00:10:01,183 Nobody else is gonna do this. We might as well use him. 250 00:10:01,216 --> 00:10:02,296 I don't care. 251 00:10:05,233 --> 00:10:07,323 Alright, you can come out now. 252 00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:15,330 Shawn, Marlon. 253 00:10:15,660 --> 00:10:19,180 Wow! This Goop, Hair It Is sure makes my scalp tingle. 254 00:10:19,216 --> 00:10:21,126 Emmanuel Lewis. 255 00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:22,176 [screams] 256 00:10:22,216 --> 00:10:24,166 Come on now! 257 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,100 Drop it! 258 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,180 Put it down, Come on, calm down. 259 00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:34,166 - Gary Coleman. - Who? 260 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,500 Lisa, please. Gary Coleman. 261 00:10:36,830 --> 00:10:37,350 He's sensitive. 262 00:10:37,383 --> 00:10:39,373 Hey, Gary babes, sweetheart. 263 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,300 What's going on, little guy, huh? 264 00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:44,333 Aye, we've been doing a lot of thinking. 265 00:10:44,660 --> 00:10:46,350 And we decided we want you to be our man. 266 00:10:46,383 --> 00:10:49,103 We want you to endorse our Goop. 267 00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:50,183 Excellent. Count me in. 268 00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:53,266 - Alright. - Have a seat. 269 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:55,160 Cross your legs. 270 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,160 Now, fellas, I don't work cheap. 271 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:58,170 I know, I know. 272 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,150 And your parents get 90 percent of your check, right? 273 00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:04,000 Well, actually, I cut 'em back to 85. 274 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,200 Smart move. 275 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,330 [instrumental music] 276 00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:11,230 That's Goop! 277 00:11:11,266 --> 00:11:13,316 (together) Hair it is! 278 00:11:13,350 --> 00:11:15,660 And cut. 279 00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,230 Good, one more rehearsal. 280 00:11:16,266 --> 00:11:18,156 Wonderful, boys, wonderful. 281 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,250 That was so wonderful. Wonderful. Those are my boys. 282 00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:22,833 Yeah, yeah. You got the 600 bucks? 283 00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,366 There you go, 600 sweet dollar bills. 284 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,830 I happen to be the executive producer 285 00:11:26,116 --> 00:11:27,146 of this little production. 286 00:11:27,183 --> 00:11:29,233 And look over there, it's Gary Coleman. 287 00:11:30,383 --> 00:11:32,503 Uh-huh. 288 00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:34,320 Excuse me. 289 00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:37,500 Excuse me. Where are the dressing rooms? 290 00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,330 The utility closet's in back. 291 00:11:39,660 --> 00:11:40,230 Just don't pee in the sink. 292 00:11:42,330 --> 00:11:43,300 Uh, yo, my man. 293 00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:45,373 Uh.. the lights keep drying the Goop right out of my hair. 294 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,220 So do me a favor, when we start filming 295 00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:50,330 could you just, like, you know, dim the lights down a little? 296 00:11:50,366 --> 00:11:53,216 [chuckling] 297 00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,170 He wants us to change the lights. 298 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,120 [guffawing] 299 00:12:00,830 --> 00:12:03,120 Hey, Shawn, let's just put the Goop on extra thick. 300 00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:05,500 That's a good idea. 301 00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:08,380 Eew. What's in this stuff? It really smells. 302 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,130 Ha ha. 303 00:12:10,166 --> 00:12:12,176 [indistinct] 304 00:12:12,216 --> 00:12:15,656 Ancient African secret. 305 00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,230 Let's just rehearse it again, one more time. 306 00:12:17,266 --> 00:12:19,366 Hey, Gary, man, I'm nervous. 307 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,500 Hey, don't worry. This is television. 308 00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,270 If you make a mistake, you can always do it again. 309 00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:29,160 Not unless you got another 600 bucks. This is live TV, pal. 310 00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,120 - Live? - Live? 311 00:12:33,366 --> 00:12:35,366 [instrumental music] 312 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,330 Five, four, three, two.. 313 00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,250 [applause] 314 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,330 Hi, peoples. 315 00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:51,996 I'm Shawn Williams.. 316 00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:55,320 and today I'm wearing a sensational new product 317 00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:59,270 called "Goop, Hair It Is." 318 00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,100 [audience cheering] 319 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,660 But don't just take my word for it 320 00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:07,300 'cause that would be plain ol' ignorant. 321 00:13:08,366 --> 00:13:10,376 Take a look at your monitors. 322 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,130 Oh, gee, golly, woe! 323 00:13:15,166 --> 00:13:18,366 I sure hope I can get into this club tonight. 324 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,350 - Hey, how you doing? - Just, go on in there. 325 00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:25,153 Hey. You can't come into the club. 326 00:13:25,183 --> 00:13:27,153 Why not, Mr. Bouncer man? 327 00:13:27,183 --> 00:13:29,253 Because of your funked-up hair. 328 00:13:31,166 --> 00:13:32,346 My hair? 329 00:13:32,383 --> 00:13:34,253 Oh, dag! 330 00:13:34,283 --> 00:13:37,223 What on earth shall I do? 331 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:41,500 'Scuse me, y'all. A real player's coming through. 332 00:13:41,830 --> 00:13:43,160 Whoo! Hey buddy! 333 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:44,200 - Hey, brother. - Hey, how you doing? 334 00:13:44,233 --> 00:13:47,833 You looking good. Come on in. 335 00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:49,326 Say, brother. 336 00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:51,280 Could I be using just a smidgen of that? 337 00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:54,220 No, my brother. 338 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,100 You gots to get your own. 339 00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:01,330 [bell dings] 340 00:14:05,133 --> 00:14:07,663 Hey, look at you. 341 00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:08,270 Come on in. 342 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,300 Thanks, Goop, Hair It Is. 343 00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:18,333 [audience cheering] 344 00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,120 Are those results, or what? 345 00:14:25,116 --> 00:14:26,196 Amazing! 346 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,323 But, ladies and gentlemen 347 00:14:27,350 --> 00:14:30,300 Goop, Hair It Is can do even more. 348 00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:33,223 Watch your monitors. 349 00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:39,500 (Marlon) This was me a few days ago. 350 00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:40,320 I couldn't walk 351 00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:44,100 and they wouldn't let me play basketball. 352 00:14:50,366 --> 00:14:53,656 Hey, guys. Can I play? 353 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,660 (together) No, you can't! 354 00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:56,180 I'll show them. 355 00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:12,233 Yah! 356 00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:16,223 Thanks, Goop, Hair It Is. 357 00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:21,333 [audience cheering] 358 00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:27,000 Is that a miracle product, or what? 359 00:15:29,133 --> 00:15:30,223 And now, ladies and gentlemen 360 00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:32,500 the moment we all been waiting for. 361 00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:33,130 You're about to meet the man 362 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,126 who invented Goop, Hair It Is. 363 00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:38,996 Hair inventor and GED recipient himself.. 364 00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:42,170 Give it up for Mr. Marlon Williams! 365 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,000 [audience cheering] 366 00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:47,220 [applause continues] 367 00:15:50,233 --> 00:15:53,003 - How you doing, Shawn? - How you doing, Marlon? 368 00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:56,160 Hello out there in TV land. 369 00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:57,120 Hey. 370 00:15:57,150 --> 00:16:00,100 How you doing, brother? Get some Goop. Alright. 371 00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,250 [laughs] 372 00:16:05,133 --> 00:16:07,153 Oh, man. Well, Marlon.. 373 00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:10,163 Goop, Hair It Is sure is a sensational new product. 374 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:11,280 - Isn't it? - It sure is, Shawn. 375 00:16:11,316 --> 00:16:13,216 But don't just take my word for it. 376 00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:16,270 (together) 'Cause that would be plain ol' ignorant. 377 00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:19,500 Take the word of a celebrated actor. 378 00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:22,160 Ah! You mean we have one here? 379 00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:23,100 Yes, we do, Shawn. 380 00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:26,303 Star of screen, stage, television. 381 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:29,123 And high scorer at every arcade in town 382 00:16:29,150 --> 00:16:33,270 please, give a warm welcome for Mr. Gary Coleman. 383 00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:35,380 [audience cheering] 384 00:16:37,233 --> 00:16:38,303 - How you doing? - How you doing? 385 00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:40,103 How you doing, fine? 386 00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:45,326 Well, I know a huge superstar like yourself is very busy 387 00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:47,120 but what brings you here today, Gary Colemans? 388 00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:50,270 Well, fellas, I just had to come by today 389 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:54,300 and tell all my fans about Goop, Hair It Is. 390 00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:56,123 [audience clapping] 391 00:16:56,150 --> 00:16:57,250 Yeah! Ha ha ha! 392 00:16:57,283 --> 00:17:00,323 Well, now, I'm gonna get personal on you. 393 00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:02,200 How did Goop, Hair It Is 394 00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:05,253 change your life, Gary Colemans? 395 00:17:05,283 --> 00:17:07,173 Before Goop 396 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,230 I couldn't get a job. 397 00:17:09,266 --> 00:17:11,226 - No! - No! 398 00:17:12,350 --> 00:17:14,150 But now look at me. 399 00:17:14,183 --> 00:17:17,173 I'm the star of my own action-adventure picture 400 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,330 "The Man with the Tiny Gun." 401 00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:22,100 (together) Isn't that amazing? 402 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:26,150 Well, let's take a look at our monitors. 403 00:17:28,383 --> 00:17:31,323 [instrumental music] 404 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,350 The name's Coleman.. 405 00:17:38,383 --> 00:17:41,203 ...Gary Coleman. 406 00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:42,353 [gunshots] 407 00:17:42,383 --> 00:17:44,373 [woman screams] 'Ah! My foot!' 408 00:17:50,233 --> 00:17:52,123 (together) 'Isn't that amazing?' 409 00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,370 You see the power of the Goop? 410 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,130 Not only does it revive your hair 411 00:17:56,166 --> 00:17:58,176 but it revives your career. 412 00:17:58,216 --> 00:18:00,216 (Shawn) 'Alright!' 413 00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:02,180 We must be out of our mind. 414 00:18:02,216 --> 00:18:04,266 'Cause today we're selling Goop, Hair It Is 415 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:08,330 for the low, low price of just $60 a jar. 416 00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:09,370 [audience cheering] 417 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,220 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 418 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:15,160 Fellas, couldn't we give people a discount just for today only? 419 00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:17,330 Well, Gary, that's none of your business. 420 00:18:17,366 --> 00:18:20,176 But, since I loved your movie 421 00:18:20,216 --> 00:18:21,276 I'mma take your advice. 422 00:18:21,316 --> 00:18:25,166 We're gonna cut these prices from $60 a jar.. 423 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,270 ...to the low, low price of.. 424 00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:28,330 (together) Fifty nine, ninety nine. 425 00:18:28,366 --> 00:18:30,656 [audience clapping] 426 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,180 Whoo! 427 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,200 [audience cheering] 428 00:18:42,233 --> 00:18:43,333 Shawn.. 429 00:18:43,366 --> 00:18:45,126 Shut up. 430 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,656 Is it hot in here? 431 00:18:48,183 --> 00:18:49,183 - No! - No! 432 00:18:49,216 --> 00:18:51,266 I smell rubber burning. 433 00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:53,160 - No, you don't! - No, you don't! 434 00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:58,830 And remember, ladies and gentlemen 435 00:18:58,116 --> 00:19:00,226 the name is "Goop, Hair It Is." 436 00:19:00,266 --> 00:19:03,996 And the number's 5-5-5-GOOP! 437 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:08,330 Marlon, what the hell is in this stuff? 438 00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:09,280 The lights are starting to burn it. 439 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:13,216 Nothing. It's just Vaseline, Bacon fat, and Drano. 440 00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:14,320 Drano? 441 00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:17,130 There's lye in Drano. 442 00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:19,496 My hair! My hair! 443 00:19:19,830 --> 00:19:22,160 Look at how soft and silky it is. 444 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,830 My hair.. It's burning! 445 00:19:25,216 --> 00:19:27,146 My hair! 446 00:19:27,183 --> 00:19:29,123 My man, his hair's on fire! Help! 447 00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:30,300 Give me some water or something! 448 00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:33,123 Hey, come on, I'm on lunch, huh? 449 00:19:33,150 --> 00:19:35,100 Marlon, do something! His hair's on fire! 450 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,133 Okay. Hey, Gary. 451 00:19:41,316 --> 00:19:44,326 (Shawn) 'Now, look at that, they're fighting over the Goop.' 452 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:46,120 Look how crazy this is. 453 00:19:46,150 --> 00:19:49,000 'He's possessed by Goop, Hair It Is-demon.' 454 00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:52,000 - And remember, y'all.. - Aah! 455 00:19:52,330 --> 00:19:54,220 We're...coming to you live. 456 00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,370 Hey, hey, hey! 457 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,330 Get up here, you baby, I'm not paying $600 458 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,130 for you roll on the carpet. 459 00:20:03,166 --> 00:20:04,376 - Aah! - Aah! 460 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,230 - Your hair's on fire! - Your hair's on fire! 461 00:20:07,266 --> 00:20:08,366 [screams] 462 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,500 (Pops) Back off, little fella. You on fire. 463 00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:14,120 And the number is 5-5-5-GOOP. 464 00:20:14,150 --> 00:20:15,180 'Hey, get off you little..' 465 00:20:15,216 --> 00:20:16,376 'Tell them we got a fire sale.' 466 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,200 A fire sale, ain't that funny? Ha ha. A fire sale. 467 00:20:19,233 --> 00:20:22,173 Call before your parents stop you. 5-5-5-GOOP. 468 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,170 Somebody buy some. I'm gonna buy some. Somebody buy some. 469 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,150 It's good for your grandma, your preacher 470 00:20:27,183 --> 00:20:29,503 Your-your-your neighbors.. 471 00:20:29,830 --> 00:20:30,150 [instrumental music] 472 00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:38,333 [groaning] 473 00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:45,830 Oh, look at your poor patchy little blistered heads. 474 00:20:45,116 --> 00:20:47,656 That must hurt so much. 475 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:49,160 Not as much as when Pop beat us. 476 00:20:50,150 --> 00:20:53,830 I can't believe he beat a burning man. 477 00:20:54,366 --> 00:20:57,096 It just don't seem right. 478 00:20:57,133 --> 00:21:00,663 I feel sorry for Gary Coleman. I think you killed him. 479 00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:03,220 Hey, I had to put that fire out somehow. 480 00:21:03,250 --> 00:21:06,160 Yeah, but you didn't have to stomp on him. 481 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,160 (Pops) 'Hey, scabheads.' 482 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,830 Break's over. 483 00:21:10,116 --> 00:21:11,196 Until I'm paid back 484 00:21:11,233 --> 00:21:13,183 you two are gonna clean that damn kitchen 485 00:21:13,216 --> 00:21:16,176 every weekend for the next 20 years. 486 00:21:16,216 --> 00:21:19,226 Twenty years? Hey, we only owe you $600. 487 00:21:19,266 --> 00:21:21,116 Yes, how much you payin' us an hour? 488 00:21:21,150 --> 00:21:25,660 A nickel more than I'm payin' Hop Sing, and he's happy. 489 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:26,180 Right, Hop Sing? 490 00:21:26,216 --> 00:21:27,366 [indistinct muttering] 491 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,300 Well, the truth is, Pops, we only lost $540.01. 492 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:33,303 How did that happen? 493 00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:35,273 Someone actually bought a jar. 494 00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:37,280 What stupid-ass fool was dumb enough 495 00:21:37,316 --> 00:21:39,326 to buy a jar of that stuff? 496 00:21:41,116 --> 00:21:43,146 I am gonna kill you. 497 00:21:43,183 --> 00:21:45,353 [screams] 498 00:21:51,283 --> 00:21:54,003 Wasn't that Ben Vereen? 499 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,300 Have some more coffee. 500 00:21:57,333 --> 00:21:59,223 [instrumental music] 501 00:22:04,283 --> 00:22:06,323 When I was asked to play this role 502 00:22:06,350 --> 00:22:08,270 I didn't think I had it in me 503 00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:11,220 but after a humbling personal tragedy 504 00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:13,120 I did change my mind. 505 00:22:13,150 --> 00:22:15,300 I guess I was just born to star in.. 506 00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:19,203 "Richard Pryor, the Day My Crack Pipe Exploded." 507 00:22:21,216 --> 00:22:23,096 I wanna thank everyone in the film 508 00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:25,103 everyone that had something to do with the film. 509 00:22:25,133 --> 00:22:27,103 It was a wonderful experience. 510 00:22:27,133 --> 00:22:28,103 Thank you. 511 00:22:28,133 --> 00:22:29,373 Thank you and goodnight. 512 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:30,380 Goodnight. 513 00:22:32,133 --> 00:22:34,833 (Shawn) Look up, Marlon, say cheese! 35893

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