Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,310 --> 00:00:04,520
- "The Ms. Pat Show"
was filmed
2
00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:06,590
in front of
a live studio audience.
3
00:00:06,689 --> 00:00:09,309
- Any of you motherfuckers
ever been shot before?
4
00:00:09,413 --> 00:00:10,343
[laughter]
5
00:00:10,448 --> 00:00:12,998
I have, twice.
6
00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:17,173
First time, I lost my nip
in a drive-by.
7
00:00:17,275 --> 00:00:18,925
Hell, don't feel sorry
for me, baby.
8
00:00:19,034 --> 00:00:21,664
Two nipples is overrated.
9
00:00:21,758 --> 00:00:25,338
Plus, nobody's ever gonna suck
both of them at the same time.
10
00:00:26,655 --> 00:00:28,785
Luckily, I've had
these same titties
11
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,206
since the third grade.
12
00:00:31,310 --> 00:00:34,100
And do you know the doctor
said if I was an A-cup,
13
00:00:34,206 --> 00:00:36,656
I would have died?
14
00:00:36,758 --> 00:00:38,788
Them cute little titties
right there, white girl,
15
00:00:38,896 --> 00:00:41,656
would've got you killed.
16
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:44,658
The other time I got shot,
17
00:00:44,758 --> 00:00:46,238
my baby daddy shot me
in the back of the head.
18
00:00:46,344 --> 00:00:47,864
- Ooh.
19
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,135
- But it was not his fault.
20
00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:52,141
It was my fault
'cause I ducked slow.
21
00:00:53,896 --> 00:00:55,826
Getting shot is no fun, y'all,
22
00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:58,101
and that's why tonight's show
is dear to my heart.
23
00:00:58,206 --> 00:01:00,686
It is a scary world
we're living in,
24
00:01:00,793 --> 00:01:03,213
and it's even scarier
when you have kids,
25
00:01:03,310 --> 00:01:05,070
and even though it's overrated,
26
00:01:05,172 --> 00:01:08,862
I truly believe
it's every parent's dream
27
00:01:08,965 --> 00:01:11,235
for their child to live
28
00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:13,764
a full, two-nipple life.
29
00:01:18,827 --> 00:01:21,857
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
Do you mind sitting down?
30
00:01:21,965 --> 00:01:23,615
Some folks are still
trying to board.
31
00:01:23,724 --> 00:01:25,074
- My bad.
32
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:27,282
- And that's going to have
to go under your seat.
33
00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,519
- I know how to fly,
sky waiter.
34
00:01:31,551 --> 00:01:32,551
- Headed home?
35
00:01:32,655 --> 00:01:35,275
- Yep.
Back to Plainfield, Indiana.
36
00:01:35,379 --> 00:01:37,449
- Oh.
That's a nice city.
37
00:01:37,551 --> 00:01:39,721
- Well, I just moved there.
I'm still getting used to it.
38
00:01:39,827 --> 00:01:41,547
But if you like white people,
tiki torches,
39
00:01:41,655 --> 00:01:44,205
and duck shit,
it's a nice city.
40
00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:46,140
- I'm looking forward
to getting home.
41
00:01:46,241 --> 00:01:47,831
I miss my children like crazy.
42
00:01:47,931 --> 00:01:50,071
- They dead?
43
00:01:50,172 --> 00:01:52,312
- I just miss them.
Don't you miss yours?
44
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,623
- Child, I don't miss
the babies by my husband
45
00:01:54,724 --> 00:01:56,974
or them grown-ass kids
by my baby daddy.
46
00:01:57,068 --> 00:01:58,828
- [laughs]
47
00:01:58,931 --> 00:02:00,281
Were you out here
for work as well?
48
00:02:00,379 --> 00:02:02,829
- Yep, I'm a comedian.
You?
49
00:02:02,931 --> 00:02:04,521
- I'm a geologist.
- What?
50
00:02:04,620 --> 00:02:06,900
- A geologist.
I study rocks.
51
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,240
- Wait a minute.
52
00:02:08,344 --> 00:02:10,454
They give white people jobs
studying rocks?
53
00:02:10,551 --> 00:02:13,241
- [chuckles]
- I used to sell crack rocks.
54
00:02:13,344 --> 00:02:15,834
You mean to tell me
I'm a damn geologist?
55
00:02:17,068 --> 00:02:18,928
[cell phone chimes]
56
00:02:19,034 --> 00:02:20,454
Damn, another school shooting.
57
00:02:20,551 --> 00:02:23,001
- Aw, can you believe it?
[sighs]
58
00:02:23,103 --> 00:02:25,003
These poor kids are so lost.
59
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,593
- Lady, poor kids
can't afford no AR-15.
60
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:31,029
That boy's a terrorist, and if
he wasn't white, he'd be dead.
61
00:02:31,137 --> 00:02:32,447
- You really think
they would've killed him
62
00:02:32,551 --> 00:02:34,691
if he wasn't white?
- You do realize Black folks
63
00:02:34,793 --> 00:02:36,453
don't have to play
the lottery no more?
64
00:02:36,551 --> 00:02:38,661
You just wait till the police
shoot your child,
65
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,338
and you might get
a $4 million check.
66
00:02:41,448 --> 00:02:44,408
- And then they tax the shit.
67
00:02:44,517 --> 00:02:46,447
But I'm not
in this conversation.
68
00:02:48,862 --> 00:02:51,072
- You know, I've actually
never thought of it like that.
69
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,902
both: We know.
70
00:02:54,517 --> 00:02:56,657
- They judge these kids
just by looking at them.
71
00:02:56,758 --> 00:02:58,308
Like my youngest son,
72
00:02:58,413 --> 00:03:00,863
he's smart, handsome,
and wholesome,
73
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:02,615
but don't nobody
care about that.
74
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:03,834
[cell phone dings]
75
00:03:03,931 --> 00:03:06,311
He just posted something
on the damn Snapchat.
76
00:03:06,413 --> 00:03:09,033
- Wow, I'm surprised your
children let you follow them.
77
00:03:09,137 --> 00:03:11,237
- They don't,
but BigBootyBecky31 can.
78
00:03:11,344 --> 00:03:13,284
- [laughs]
79
00:03:13,379 --> 00:03:14,999
That's genius.
80
00:03:15,103 --> 00:03:16,693
- Look.
81
00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:19,343
- ♪ I got bitches on my mind,
I got hos on my line ♪
82
00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:20,618
♪ But the bitches
beat the hos ♪
83
00:03:20,724 --> 00:03:22,074
♪ 'Cause they want it
all the time ♪
84
00:03:22,172 --> 00:03:24,792
[laughs]
85
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,830
- Girl, these poor kids
are so lost.
86
00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:37,207
- ♪ Hop on, it's time to go
87
00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:40,140
♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show"
88
00:03:40,517 --> 00:03:43,307
[Maze's "Before I Let Go"]
89
00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:48,973
- ♪ Whoa, whoa, oh
90
00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:53,758
♪
91
00:03:53,862 --> 00:03:55,832
- Hey!
[laughs]
92
00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:58,281
Look who's back, ha!
93
00:03:58,379 --> 00:04:00,789
My red-eye raven.
94
00:04:00,896 --> 00:04:03,476
- Man, why you so happy
at 7:30 in the morning?
95
00:04:03,586 --> 00:04:06,686
- Come on,
dance with me, superstar.
96
00:04:08,068 --> 00:04:10,168
- Turn that barbecue music off.
97
00:04:10,275 --> 00:04:13,305
- Come on now.
You know you want to, girl.
98
00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:16,103
- No, I want to take
my sleepy ass to sleep.
99
00:04:16,206 --> 00:04:18,276
Terry, stop.
You so silly.
100
00:04:18,379 --> 00:04:20,409
I don't feel like
all that movement.
101
00:04:20,517 --> 00:04:22,787
- ♪ I would never, never,
never, never, never ♪
102
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:23,966
- Stop!
103
00:04:24,068 --> 00:04:25,548
- ♪ Never, never let you go
104
00:04:25,655 --> 00:04:29,895
♪ Before I go-ah-mmm-ah!
105
00:04:31,034 --> 00:04:32,724
Look at that.
106
00:04:32,827 --> 00:04:36,447
Nineteen years,
and I still love that smile.
107
00:04:38,206 --> 00:04:40,446
That's why
we've stayed married, huh?
108
00:04:40,551 --> 00:04:44,101
'Cause I can make you smile.
109
00:04:44,206 --> 00:04:46,996
- No, we stay married because
you got good healthcare.
110
00:04:47,103 --> 00:04:48,763
- [laughs]
111
00:04:48,862 --> 00:04:51,342
All right, all right, baby.
How were the shows, huh?
112
00:04:51,448 --> 00:04:54,478
- Oh, janky-ass promotor
tried not to pay me.
113
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,616
But I held on to the hood of
his car till the police came.
114
00:04:57,724 --> 00:04:58,864
- [laughs]
115
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:02,475
- So it's pretty good.
I'm just tired, though.
116
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:04,446
- All right, baby, all right.
Mwah.
117
00:05:04,551 --> 00:05:06,481
Go on, get in the bed.
Let me finish making breakfast.
118
00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:07,786
- Why don't you finish
taking down
119
00:05:07,896 --> 00:05:09,616
that "Gone with the Wind"
wallpaper?
120
00:05:09,724 --> 00:05:12,454
- Girl, it is hard
tearing down wallpaper
121
00:05:12,551 --> 00:05:14,661
when are you busy
protecting this country.
122
00:05:14,758 --> 00:05:16,998
- Man, you make transmissions.
123
00:05:17,103 --> 00:05:18,833
- For a military contractor.
124
00:05:18,931 --> 00:05:21,451
- [laughs] And how's that
protecting our country?
125
00:05:21,551 --> 00:05:24,481
- If I tell you,
I'm gonna have to kill you.
126
00:05:24,586 --> 00:05:26,656
- Tell your mama.
127
00:05:26,758 --> 00:05:28,448
- [laughs]
128
00:05:28,551 --> 00:05:30,931
- Watch my six, Jay!
I got you, headshot!
129
00:05:31,034 --> 00:05:35,074
Teabag, baby!
- Shut your unnecessary ass up!
130
00:05:35,172 --> 00:05:36,662
- Hey, Mama.
131
00:05:36,758 --> 00:05:38,898
- Brandon still playing
them video games?
132
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,140
We got to get that boy
up out of our house.
133
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,691
- Why stop with that one?
134
00:05:42,793 --> 00:05:44,903
Let's get rid
of all the kids.
135
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,340
- See, that's the sexiest shit
I heard you say.
136
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:48,548
- Mm-hmm.
137
00:05:48,655 --> 00:05:50,205
- Let's start
with that Junebug.
138
00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:51,480
- Why him?
139
00:05:51,586 --> 00:05:52,996
- Come here.
Let me show you something.
140
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,693
- [sighs]
141
00:05:54,793 --> 00:05:56,693
Oh.
142
00:05:56,793 --> 00:05:58,693
What is he doing
with a condom?
143
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,243
- A Fit-Rite.
144
00:06:00,344 --> 00:06:02,554
That shit for micro-penises.
145
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,137
I've been gone for three days,
146
00:06:10,241 --> 00:06:12,551
and you got my baby out here
Snapchatting a condom.
147
00:06:12,655 --> 00:06:14,855
- I ain't got your baby
doing a damn thing.
148
00:06:14,965 --> 00:06:18,165
And you know good and well
I don't own no Fit-Rite.
149
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,170
- What I do know is,
if we still lived in Atlanta,
150
00:06:23,275 --> 00:06:24,445
he would have homeboys
151
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,411
that tell him
not to Snapchat that mess.
152
00:06:26,517 --> 00:06:27,827
- Well, baby,
we ain't have no choice
153
00:06:27,931 --> 00:06:29,411
but to move here
after the factory shut down.
154
00:06:29,517 --> 00:06:30,617
You know that.
155
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,414
We've been here
a whole month now,
156
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,617
and you the only one
still got a problem.
157
00:06:34,724 --> 00:06:36,384
- Yeah, 'cause I hate it here.
158
00:06:36,482 --> 00:06:38,792
We went from Wakanda
to Afcrackerstan.
159
00:06:38,896 --> 00:06:41,756
- [laughing]
160
00:06:41,862 --> 00:06:43,662
- See?
I knew that shit was funny.
161
00:06:43,758 --> 00:06:46,968
Them West Coast crowds
don't know how to laugh.
162
00:06:47,068 --> 00:06:48,688
- Well, baby,
you got to admit it now.
163
00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,073
This is way better
than Atlanta, right?
164
00:06:50,172 --> 00:06:52,932
They got ducks, there's tiki
torches, and it's diverse.
165
00:06:53,034 --> 00:06:54,214
- Diverse?
166
00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:56,480
- There's all kinds
of white people.
167
00:06:58,172 --> 00:06:59,622
- We need to talk to Junebug.
168
00:06:59,724 --> 00:07:02,144
- Aw, no, baby,
I'm gonna talk to him myself.
169
00:07:02,241 --> 00:07:03,971
- No, you ain't scary enough.
170
00:07:04,068 --> 00:07:06,898
Your ass will probably have him
meditating or some shit.
171
00:07:08,413 --> 00:07:09,413
- Baby--
- I'll do it.
172
00:07:09,517 --> 00:07:10,827
Just let me eat
and get some rest.
173
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,101
- Look, I told you
not to give him that phone.
174
00:07:13,206 --> 00:07:16,206
Now he just puts his whole
damn life on social media.
175
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,690
- Without the phone,
he'll be kidnapped and killed.
176
00:07:18,793 --> 00:07:20,903
- [sighs]
That's true.
177
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,100
- Whatever happened
to the good kidnappers?
178
00:07:23,206 --> 00:07:24,516
- Good kidnappers?
179
00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:26,210
- You know the ones
that used to take the kids,
180
00:07:26,310 --> 00:07:28,030
stick they thumb up they ass,
and bring them back.
181
00:07:28,137 --> 00:07:29,897
[both laughing]
182
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,690
- No, player,
I don't know none of them.
183
00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:33,833
- Hey, what's good, y'all?
184
00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:36,281
The most beautiful lady
in the world
185
00:07:36,379 --> 00:07:38,619
who gave birth to yours truly
186
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:40,034
is back in the building!
187
00:07:40,137 --> 00:07:41,967
Go ahead, say what's up
to the people, Ma.
188
00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:45,068
- Boy, if you don't get that
prepaid shit out of my face...
189
00:07:46,793 --> 00:07:48,213
- Uh, say what's up, Pops.
190
00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:50,000
- Hey, I see
you finally finished
191
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,623
touching yourself, son.
192
00:07:51,724 --> 00:07:54,664
- Chill, yo.
- Eat your breakfast, boy.
193
00:07:54,758 --> 00:07:57,968
- [sighs]
- Why you always on that phone?
194
00:07:58,068 --> 00:08:00,448
- I got to let the bros know
what I'm up to.
195
00:08:00,551 --> 00:08:02,551
- Don't nobody give a damn
about you, son.
196
00:08:02,655 --> 00:08:05,545
- Yes, they do, Ma.
I got fans.
197
00:08:05,655 --> 00:08:09,135
Ooh, like this one girl--
BigBootyBecky.
198
00:08:14,034 --> 00:08:17,104
I think she wants me.
- No, she don't.
199
00:08:20,275 --> 00:08:21,615
Where's your sister?
200
00:08:21,724 --> 00:08:23,214
- She said she didn't want
to go to school today
201
00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:25,170
'cause of some shooting
on the news or whatever.
202
00:08:25,275 --> 00:08:26,715
both: What?
203
00:08:26,827 --> 00:08:29,277
- Look, y'all know Janelle
is overdramatic.
204
00:08:29,379 --> 00:08:31,449
And plus, look,
we from Atlanta.
205
00:08:31,551 --> 00:08:33,411
We know how to handle stuff
like that.
206
00:08:33,517 --> 00:08:34,547
[scoffs]
207
00:08:34,655 --> 00:08:36,165
- You dead.
208
00:08:37,689 --> 00:08:39,379
- That's not fair.
I didn't see it coming.
209
00:08:39,482 --> 00:08:42,592
- You never see it coming.
- But, Dad, I didn't know Ma--
210
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:43,829
- Stop talking.
You dead.
211
00:08:43,931 --> 00:08:44,791
- Mama!
212
00:08:44,896 --> 00:08:46,276
- Nigga, dead people
don't talk.
213
00:08:46,379 --> 00:08:48,309
They say, "Boo, nigga, boo."
214
00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:57,932
Wake your ass up!
215
00:08:58,034 --> 00:08:58,974
- Ma!
216
00:08:59,068 --> 00:09:00,658
- Come on.
You got to go to school.
217
00:09:00,758 --> 00:09:02,758
- I don't want to go.
218
00:09:02,862 --> 00:09:05,242
- Look, I need this house
during the day
219
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,974
so I can walk around naked.
220
00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:10,238
Do you want to see what your
mama is really shaped like?
221
00:09:10,344 --> 00:09:13,074
- I already know you're shaped
like two sacks of laundry.
222
00:09:14,241 --> 00:09:16,241
- Leave the jokes to me.
Come on, get up.
223
00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:17,664
You got to go to school.
224
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,208
- I just want to stay here, Ma.
Please.
225
00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:21,860
- [sighs] You think somebody
gonna shoot you?
226
00:09:21,965 --> 00:09:24,275
- Junebug told you?
- He told me something,
227
00:09:24,379 --> 00:09:25,659
but I know you in here faking,
228
00:09:25,758 --> 00:09:27,478
'cause you ain't scared
of nobody.
229
00:09:27,586 --> 00:09:28,756
You just trying to stay home
230
00:09:28,862 --> 00:09:31,662
so you can watch them
"Matlock" marathons.
231
00:09:31,758 --> 00:09:33,138
- I mean, I do love the way
232
00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:35,141
he gets white people
to tell the truth,
233
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,861
but I'm for real--
people get ideas,
234
00:09:37,965 --> 00:09:39,755
especially in this kind
of neighborhood.
235
00:09:39,862 --> 00:09:41,522
- This kind of neighborhood?
- [sighs]
236
00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:43,030
- When I was your age,
237
00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,787
I used to be scared
of the drunk mens on the corner
238
00:09:44,896 --> 00:09:47,236
with they junks hanging out.
- Ma, I'm serious.
239
00:09:47,344 --> 00:09:48,454
- I am, too.
240
00:09:48,551 --> 00:09:50,931
Them bumpy dicks
were scary as hell.
241
00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:53,694
- How is this related to me
being killed in social studies?
242
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,033
- I don't know.
I'm tired.
243
00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:56,617
Just imagine bumpy dicks
and go get in the shower.
244
00:09:56,724 --> 00:09:58,034
Get up!
Go wash your hot pocket!
245
00:09:58,137 --> 00:09:59,997
- Okay, okay,
I'll get in the shower, okay!
246
00:10:03,275 --> 00:10:04,785
- I mean,
you almost can't help
247
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,716
but feel sorry
for the shooter, John.
248
00:10:06,827 --> 00:10:08,167
He really does
seem like he had
249
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,275
a promising e-gaming future
ahead of him
250
00:10:10,379 --> 00:10:11,549
before the tragedy happened.
251
00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:14,655
- Oh, shut the fuck up.
252
00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:17,138
[door opens and slams]
Jeez.
253
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,141
- Hey, PatPat.
254
00:10:19,241 --> 00:10:20,621
- Why you home so early?
255
00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:22,724
- Them bitches
"quired" me, sis.
256
00:10:22,827 --> 00:10:24,757
- What the fuck is "quired"?
257
00:10:24,862 --> 00:10:27,072
- Fired me when I was
about to quit.
258
00:10:31,206 --> 00:10:34,616
- How you get fired from three
jobs in one month, Denise?
259
00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:37,974
- Okay, first of all,
I was "quired."
260
00:10:39,103 --> 00:10:40,313
Second of all,
261
00:10:40,413 --> 00:10:42,663
jobs is for people who ain't
got nothing else to do.
262
00:10:42,758 --> 00:10:45,278
- Bitch, you ain't got
nothing else to do!
263
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,136
What happened at Panda Express?
264
00:10:49,241 --> 00:10:51,481
- Okay.
265
00:10:51,586 --> 00:10:53,926
See, what had happened was,
266
00:10:54,034 --> 00:10:56,794
them hos was talking about me
behind my back,
267
00:10:56,896 --> 00:10:59,236
saying that they saw me
268
00:10:59,344 --> 00:11:02,864
on camera stealing food.
269
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,590
Ain't that some shit?
270
00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:10,099
That's all right,
271
00:11:10,206 --> 00:11:12,376
'cause I don't really fuck
with pandas anyway.
272
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,791
You want one
of these egg rolls?
273
00:11:15,896 --> 00:11:18,206
- I'm not about to help you
eat no evidence.
274
00:11:20,517 --> 00:11:22,787
Give me a shrimp.
275
00:11:24,068 --> 00:11:25,688
- And I didn't steal this.
276
00:11:25,793 --> 00:11:27,793
- You lying.
- I'm not!
277
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:31,236
- You're a recovering addict.
Y'all never stop lying.
278
00:11:31,344 --> 00:11:32,904
- Okay, you right.
279
00:11:35,586 --> 00:11:39,786
But I didn't steal it
till they thought I stole it.
280
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:44,693
This legal-job shit
is hard, sis.
281
00:11:44,793 --> 00:11:47,833
Having somebody stand over me
all the damn time.
282
00:11:47,931 --> 00:11:50,481
I don't think I can work
for other people.
283
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,096
- Why you think I'm a comedian?
284
00:11:52,206 --> 00:11:56,096
I can't get fired by nobody
but God and Black Twitter.
285
00:11:58,586 --> 00:12:00,096
- And I don't see
how you do comedy.
286
00:12:00,206 --> 00:12:03,686
Never knowing when your next
cash flow is coming in.
287
00:12:03,793 --> 00:12:05,483
[laughs]
I can't be broke.
288
00:12:13,241 --> 00:12:14,551
- I ain't broke.
289
00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:16,375
- You may not be broke,
290
00:12:16,482 --> 00:12:18,102
but you bending.
291
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,410
It's kind of scary, sis.
292
00:12:23,517 --> 00:12:26,827
- Not as scary as me putting
your ass out of my house.
293
00:12:26,931 --> 00:12:28,661
You my sister, and I love you,
294
00:12:28,758 --> 00:12:31,658
but I didn't bring you here
so you can do the same old shit
295
00:12:31,758 --> 00:12:33,478
you did back at home.
296
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,686
- Well, I don't have a Terry
297
00:12:35,793 --> 00:12:38,523
to help me change my life
around like you did.
298
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:39,930
- You don't need a Terry.
299
00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:42,484
You got the same thing I had--
300
00:12:42,586 --> 00:12:44,096
me.
301
00:12:45,655 --> 00:12:48,135
- I need a Terry.
302
00:12:50,965 --> 00:12:51,965
- Come on, man,
watch my back, nigga!
303
00:12:52,068 --> 00:12:53,208
Watch my back!
[laughs]
304
00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:55,550
- Oh, I've had enough
of his ass.
305
00:12:55,655 --> 00:12:56,685
- What you about to do?
306
00:12:56,793 --> 00:12:57,553
You about to turn off
the Wi-Fi?
307
00:12:57,655 --> 00:12:58,925
- Yep.
308
00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:00,414
- Well, how am I supposed
to find a job now?
309
00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:02,897
- Make a sign
like other homeless people.
310
00:13:04,206 --> 00:13:06,656
- No, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
311
00:13:06,758 --> 00:13:09,138
Mama!
What you do that for?
312
00:13:09,241 --> 00:13:11,001
I was just about to win a level
on "Call of Duty."
313
00:13:11,103 --> 00:13:12,343
- Son, you need to call a job
314
00:13:12,448 --> 00:13:15,968
and duty your ass up
out my house!
315
00:13:16,068 --> 00:13:19,068
You too old
to be screaming at fake shit.
316
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:21,762
- Fake?
Mom, this is not fake, okay?
317
00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:23,762
This is a real community.
318
00:13:23,862 --> 00:13:25,282
- Boy, this is as fake
319
00:13:25,379 --> 00:13:27,969
as your real daddy's
child support checks.
320
00:13:29,965 --> 00:13:32,965
You're 28 years old, son,
still living at my house.
321
00:13:33,068 --> 00:13:36,788
Get off my nipple.
I ain't got but one.
322
00:13:36,896 --> 00:13:39,656
- Okay.
Aw, I missed you, Mom.
323
00:13:39,758 --> 00:13:41,828
- I love and hate you, too.
324
00:13:41,931 --> 00:13:43,721
[cell phone chimes]
325
00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:45,687
What this boy done posted now?
326
00:13:45,793 --> 00:13:48,313
[indistinct shouting]
327
00:13:48,413 --> 00:13:51,033
- Oh, shit!
- Yo, is that Janelle?
328
00:13:51,137 --> 00:13:53,307
- Whup her ass, niecey!
329
00:13:53,413 --> 00:13:56,073
Yeah, whup her ass!
- Why is she fighting?
330
00:13:56,172 --> 00:13:57,792
- And why would Junebug
post this?
331
00:13:57,896 --> 00:13:59,786
- Oh, please,
that boy posts everything.
332
00:13:59,896 --> 00:14:01,276
Did you see his last video?
- [sighs]
333
00:14:01,379 --> 00:14:03,409
- I don't know where he found
them raggedy-ass condoms.
334
00:14:03,517 --> 00:14:05,897
- Child, this is bigger than
them raggedy-ass condoms.
335
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,860
- Well, everything is bigger
than them condoms.
336
00:14:08,965 --> 00:14:10,585
Are you going to the school?
337
00:14:10,689 --> 00:14:12,759
- Bitch, I ain't
going to church.
338
00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:14,722
- Wait, turn the Wi-Fi
back on first.
339
00:14:14,827 --> 00:14:16,927
- Wi-Fi, nigga!
340
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,070
[door closes]
341
00:14:21,896 --> 00:14:23,336
- Wi-Fi, nigga.
342
00:14:25,758 --> 00:14:27,308
Hello?
343
00:14:28,896 --> 00:14:31,686
- Oh, hello.
- Hi, I'm Patricia Carson.
344
00:14:31,793 --> 00:14:33,623
- I think I know
who you're here for.
345
00:14:33,724 --> 00:14:35,454
- My daughter J--
- Janisha, right?
346
00:14:35,551 --> 00:14:36,861
- Janelle.
347
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:39,995
- Oh, my goodness, yes.
I'm sorry.
348
00:14:43,379 --> 00:14:46,409
Principal Horner, Janiqua's mom
is here to see you.
349
00:14:53,379 --> 00:14:55,479
- Glad you could make it,
Ms. Carson.
350
00:14:55,586 --> 00:14:58,136
Please.
- What happened?
351
00:14:58,241 --> 00:15:01,901
- Your daughter and another
student were in the hallway.
352
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,340
Somehow guns
and the recent school shooting
353
00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:06,068
became the topic of discussion.
354
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:09,102
Your daughter then stated,
and I quote,
355
00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:11,926
"Only white people
shoot up schools."
356
00:15:12,034 --> 00:15:13,864
- Which is a nonbiased fact.
- [sighs]
357
00:15:13,965 --> 00:15:15,545
- But then Hailey said,
358
00:15:15,655 --> 00:15:19,545
"It's because Black people are
too busy shooting each other."
359
00:15:19,655 --> 00:15:21,895
- Then what happened?
- Then your daughter--
360
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,590
- Dog-walked her
till she apologized.
361
00:15:25,689 --> 00:15:28,859
- We have a very supportive
community here,
362
00:15:28,965 --> 00:15:31,515
but some behavior
just cannot be tolerated.
363
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:34,280
- Well, can you tolerate
your students bragging
364
00:15:34,379 --> 00:15:36,339
about shooting assault rifles
with their parents?
365
00:15:36,448 --> 00:15:37,378
'Cause I can't.
366
00:15:37,482 --> 00:15:39,522
- That's their right.
- Their right?
367
00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:42,550
Who needs an assault rifle
to defend themselves?
368
00:15:42,655 --> 00:15:44,825
If you can't shoot nobody
with eight to ten bullets,
369
00:15:44,931 --> 00:15:46,481
you deserve to be killed.
370
00:15:48,724 --> 00:15:50,834
- I am not here to have
a gun debate with you.
371
00:15:50,931 --> 00:15:53,031
I'm here to discuss
your daughter.
372
00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:55,787
Now I know that it is difficult
373
00:15:55,896 --> 00:15:58,026
raising a child
as a single parent.
374
00:15:58,137 --> 00:15:59,517
- What did he say?
375
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:02,340
- Girl, he just called you
a single parent.
376
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:05,929
- What make you think
I'm a single parent?
377
00:16:06,034 --> 00:16:08,934
- Racism.
378
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:11,214
- I'm sorry.
I just assumed that--
379
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:12,720
- Now you done pissed me off.
380
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:15,857
- We do not allow threats
or cursing on our campus.
381
00:16:15,965 --> 00:16:18,025
- Piss ain't a cuss word,
bitch.
382
00:16:20,655 --> 00:16:22,755
Janelle, go to the car.
383
00:16:22,862 --> 00:16:25,032
Go to the car!
384
00:16:28,137 --> 00:16:29,787
[door closes]
385
00:16:29,896 --> 00:16:31,276
What is your problem?
386
00:16:31,379 --> 00:16:33,479
- Mrs. Carson, your daughter
is making things harder
387
00:16:33,586 --> 00:16:35,206
than they have to be.
388
00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:37,550
First, she's taking a knee
during the pledge.
389
00:16:37,655 --> 00:16:38,785
- That's her right.
390
00:16:38,896 --> 00:16:40,896
- Then she's wearing
Black Girl Magic T-Shirts,
391
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,030
when, in fact,
all girls have magic.
392
00:16:43,137 --> 00:16:45,067
- That's a damn lie.
393
00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:51,167
- And now she's fighting
in my hallways.
394
00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:53,585
- Look, I don't condone
her fighting,
395
00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:56,209
but I think you just
don't know my daughter yet.
396
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:58,550
She's a straight-A student,
a great leader,
397
00:16:58,655 --> 00:17:02,655
and she's 50%
of your Black population.
398
00:17:03,586 --> 00:17:06,096
- How am I supposed to know
you or your family?
399
00:17:06,206 --> 00:17:08,546
I haven't seen you
at a PTO meeting
400
00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,275
or a bake sale.
401
00:17:10,379 --> 00:17:12,969
And you haven't signed up to
chaperone a single field trip.
402
00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:15,378
- They do criminal
background checks.
403
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:26,480
Hell, that's the best part
about being a felon.
404
00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:29,966
No jury duty,
no trips to the zoo.
405
00:17:30,068 --> 00:17:32,478
- You're a f-felon?
406
00:17:32,586 --> 00:17:35,066
- Let's just say I made
a lot of mistakes in my life
407
00:17:35,172 --> 00:17:38,592
that I'm trying to keep
my kids from making.
408
00:17:38,689 --> 00:17:41,029
- Understood.
409
00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:43,407
Mrs. Carson, your family
is welcome here,
410
00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:45,827
and I'm sorry your daughter
feels differently.
411
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:47,661
She just needs time,
412
00:17:47,758 --> 00:17:49,998
but I'm still suspending her
for five days.
413
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,383
- Four.
She won the fight.
414
00:17:51,482 --> 00:17:52,452
- Five.
415
00:17:52,551 --> 00:17:54,241
- Three.
It wasn't even close.
416
00:17:54,344 --> 00:17:55,794
- Four.
- 3 1/2.
417
00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:57,066
- 3 1/2?
418
00:17:57,172 --> 00:17:58,622
- I'm not feeding her
for four days.
419
00:17:58,724 --> 00:18:00,174
She'll be here for lunch.
420
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,236
- Fine.
421
00:18:03,344 --> 00:18:05,034
- And just so we clear,
422
00:18:05,137 --> 00:18:06,447
they was both right.
423
00:18:06,551 --> 00:18:08,691
RayRay will shoot DayDay,
424
00:18:08,793 --> 00:18:11,833
but them Chad motherfuckers
gonna kill us all.
425
00:18:17,827 --> 00:18:20,827
I'm done with y'all ass.
Go upstairs and go to bed.
426
00:18:20,931 --> 00:18:22,721
- It's 2:00 in the afternoon.
427
00:18:22,827 --> 00:18:26,137
- Boy, you Black.
It's bedtime in Africa.
428
00:18:26,241 --> 00:18:28,591
- Niecey, your first fight,
429
00:18:28,689 --> 00:18:30,519
and you really whipped
that bitch's ass.
430
00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:31,760
- I know!
431
00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:33,592
- You're next.
432
00:18:33,689 --> 00:18:36,139
- I was worried about you
'cause you read so good,
433
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,341
but you got hands!
434
00:18:39,965 --> 00:18:41,655
Hey, PatPat.
435
00:18:41,758 --> 00:18:44,208
Can you come help me
with my résumé?
436
00:18:44,310 --> 00:18:45,520
- You know damn well
437
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:48,240
you can't get no job
that requires no résumé.
438
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:51,174
- Would you just shut up
and look?
439
00:18:51,275 --> 00:18:52,755
- Denise.
- Hmm?
440
00:18:52,862 --> 00:18:55,862
- How did you go to Hillman?
It's not even a real college.
441
00:18:57,344 --> 00:19:00,484
- It's an honorary degree.
442
00:19:02,344 --> 00:19:03,624
Hey, T.
- Hey.
443
00:19:03,724 --> 00:19:04,864
- You back early.
444
00:19:04,965 --> 00:19:06,405
- Yeah, well, your sister
made me come back home
445
00:19:06,517 --> 00:19:08,097
to talk to these kids.
446
00:19:08,206 --> 00:19:09,546
- 'Cause they got me
running around
447
00:19:09,655 --> 00:19:11,545
like a crackhead
looking for copper.
448
00:19:11,655 --> 00:19:12,715
- [sighs]
449
00:19:12,827 --> 00:19:14,027
Well, baby, how you think
you got me feeling
450
00:19:14,137 --> 00:19:15,407
when you gone, huh?
451
00:19:15,517 --> 00:19:16,997
They got me running around
like a ho in the street
452
00:19:17,103 --> 00:19:18,523
after payday.
453
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:22,031
- [laughs]
I'm sick of that girl.
454
00:19:22,137 --> 00:19:23,967
I don't know why
she acting like that.
455
00:19:24,068 --> 00:19:25,968
- 'Cause she just like you.
456
00:19:26,068 --> 00:19:27,238
- I don't act like that.
457
00:19:27,344 --> 00:19:29,454
- Yes, you do.
458
00:19:29,551 --> 00:19:31,791
Remember when Brandon's daddy
was cheating
459
00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:33,096
and you shot him in the leg
460
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:35,476
just so you could
take care of him?
461
00:19:35,586 --> 00:19:37,926
- And he still left the
hospital with another bitch.
462
00:19:38,034 --> 00:19:39,384
[laughs]
463
00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:42,382
- [laughs]
Or that time you fought Pookie
464
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,972
'cause he told you
your Jheri Curl was dry.
465
00:19:45,068 --> 00:19:47,408
- Fuck Pookie.
466
00:19:47,517 --> 00:19:49,137
- Hmm.
467
00:19:49,241 --> 00:19:51,031
Well, you know, the truth is,
468
00:19:51,137 --> 00:19:54,207
these kids ain't never
get in no trouble back home.
469
00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:55,480
[sighs]
470
00:19:55,586 --> 00:19:57,826
Baby, did I mess us up
by moving here?
471
00:20:01,586 --> 00:20:02,686
- Pat?
472
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:07,073
- I'm thinking.
473
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:08,552
- Aw!
- Aw, that's right.
474
00:20:08,655 --> 00:20:10,475
That's right.
Just what you get!
475
00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:12,476
I know what I did,
and I'd do it again, try it.
476
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,066
- [sighs]
You're such a crazy--
477
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:16,382
- Say it,
and I'll knock your teeth out
478
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:19,832
and give them
to my Uncle Peaches.
479
00:20:19,931 --> 00:20:21,521
- What is going on?
480
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,210
- Dad, she broke my phone.
- You should've apologized.
481
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,830
- For what?
You hit her, not me.
482
00:20:25,931 --> 00:20:27,071
- How about I hit your ass?
483
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:28,312
- Whoa, whoa, hey, Janelle,
come on now.
484
00:20:28,413 --> 00:20:30,343
- She said "ass," Ma.
- It's in the Bible.
485
00:20:30,448 --> 00:20:32,548
- I don't read the Bible,
so you cursed.
486
00:20:32,655 --> 00:20:34,715
Get your fucking ass
downstairs.
487
00:20:40,482 --> 00:20:43,692
- She's evil, Ma.
I think it's menopause.
488
00:20:45,724 --> 00:20:48,104
- Why would you put your sister
out there like that?
489
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:49,306
- [sighs]
I don't know.
490
00:20:49,413 --> 00:20:50,723
I thought my followers
would like it.
491
00:20:50,827 --> 00:20:52,447
- You got to think
sometimes, man.
492
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:54,341
Everything ain't
for the world to see.
493
00:20:54,448 --> 00:20:57,338
- I hear you.
Is there anything else?
494
00:20:59,275 --> 00:21:00,995
- We want to talk to you
495
00:21:01,103 --> 00:21:04,103
about a video you posted
on your Snapchat this morning.
496
00:21:04,206 --> 00:21:05,406
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
497
00:21:05,517 --> 00:21:07,377
How did you see
what was on my Snapchat?
498
00:21:07,482 --> 00:21:09,212
- Black parents
are like God, son.
499
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,550
We see every damn thing.
500
00:21:12,862 --> 00:21:15,692
- Are you having sex?
- You think I'm having sex?
501
00:21:15,793 --> 00:21:18,283
- Boy, calm your ass down
and answer the question.
502
00:21:18,379 --> 00:21:19,899
- Are you?
503
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,930
- Look, I really don't want
to talk about this with y'all.
504
00:21:23,034 --> 00:21:24,864
- We don't give a damn.
505
00:21:24,965 --> 00:21:26,855
- Ma, but I do.
506
00:21:26,965 --> 00:21:28,965
I mean, I'd rather have
this conversation
507
00:21:29,068 --> 00:21:30,828
with Brandon or somebody,
508
00:21:30,931 --> 00:21:33,791
'cause y'all don't really know
what it's like out here.
509
00:21:33,896 --> 00:21:37,336
So, if that's it,
can y'all just get out?
510
00:21:39,620 --> 00:21:40,830
Please?
511
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,454
- I'm not one
of your little friends, okay?
512
00:21:46,551 --> 00:21:50,311
I will kill your ass and still
claim you on my taxes.
513
00:21:52,586 --> 00:21:56,236
So I guess you think sex is
what you see on Pornhub, huh?
514
00:21:56,344 --> 00:21:58,594
"Bleached booty holes
and shit."
515
00:22:00,034 --> 00:22:01,104
Well, it's not!
516
00:22:01,206 --> 00:22:02,546
When I was your age,
517
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:05,275
I already had a child
and another one in the oven.
518
00:22:05,379 --> 00:22:06,479
So don't try to tell me
519
00:22:06,586 --> 00:22:08,336
I don't know what it is
out here, baby,
520
00:22:08,448 --> 00:22:10,338
because I was born out here.
521
00:22:10,448 --> 00:22:11,758
- All right, all right,
all right, all right.
522
00:22:11,862 --> 00:22:14,142
Hey, son, apologize
to your mother, huh?
523
00:22:14,241 --> 00:22:15,931
- No, fuck him, Terry.
524
00:22:18,448 --> 00:22:19,718
- I'm sorry.
525
00:22:19,827 --> 00:22:21,657
- And don't you ever
in your life
526
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:24,968
Snapchat a condom
that small again.
527
00:22:31,068 --> 00:22:34,478
- Are you actually thinking
about having sex?
528
00:22:34,586 --> 00:22:36,966
- [sighs]
I don't know.
529
00:22:37,068 --> 00:22:39,828
I just--but, you know,
I do have questions, though.
530
00:22:39,931 --> 00:22:42,001
- Oh, go ahead, son.
531
00:22:42,103 --> 00:22:44,003
That's what we here for.
532
00:22:44,103 --> 00:22:47,933
- I can ask anything?
- Anything you want, son.
533
00:22:49,517 --> 00:22:52,587
- Okay, okay, um...
534
00:22:52,689 --> 00:22:55,829
so what's a clit, and if--
- Oh, hell no.
535
00:23:03,827 --> 00:23:05,547
- I'm sorry I broke his phone.
536
00:23:05,655 --> 00:23:07,275
- If your brother
get kidnapped,
537
00:23:07,379 --> 00:23:09,409
you better
come up missing, too.
538
00:23:11,137 --> 00:23:12,547
What's going on with you?
539
00:23:12,655 --> 00:23:15,445
- You wouldn't understand.
- Why not?
540
00:23:15,551 --> 00:23:17,521
- You don't care
about stuff like this.
541
00:23:17,620 --> 00:23:20,170
- Like what?
- Racism.
542
00:23:20,275 --> 00:23:21,655
You bought
those Paula Deen pots
543
00:23:21,758 --> 00:23:23,308
even after
she called us the N-word.
544
00:23:23,413 --> 00:23:26,623
- Child, them pots went
from $100 to $20.
545
00:23:28,379 --> 00:23:30,309
That's the best time
to buy racism,
546
00:23:30,413 --> 00:23:31,693
when it's on sale.
547
00:23:33,586 --> 00:23:36,896
Hell, I'm still waiting on
Rachael Ray to fuck up.
548
00:23:38,793 --> 00:23:40,663
But what do that have to do
with this?
549
00:23:40,758 --> 00:23:43,098
- What she said was racist.
550
00:23:43,206 --> 00:23:46,926
- Janelle, just because
somebody say something stupid
551
00:23:47,034 --> 00:23:48,484
don't make them racist.
552
00:23:48,586 --> 00:23:51,066
It makes them an asshole.
553
00:23:51,172 --> 00:23:53,692
If you go around punching
every asshole you see,
554
00:23:53,793 --> 00:23:56,003
you will be covered in shit.
555
00:24:01,275 --> 00:24:03,545
- It doesn't bother you
what they think about us?
556
00:24:03,655 --> 00:24:04,965
- What do they think about us?
557
00:24:05,068 --> 00:24:07,478
- They think we're
all unemployed and lazy.
558
00:24:07,586 --> 00:24:09,656
- You are unemployed and lazy.
[laughs]
559
00:24:09,758 --> 00:24:12,208
- Ma, I hate it here.
560
00:24:12,310 --> 00:24:13,860
I'm tired of walking around
561
00:24:13,965 --> 00:24:16,655
being the token Black girl
all the time.
562
00:24:16,758 --> 00:24:19,788
Every day I wake up,
I feel scared to go there.
563
00:24:19,896 --> 00:24:22,516
I mean, whether it's scared
of a bullet
564
00:24:22,620 --> 00:24:25,000
or someone's dumb joke,
it all feels the same.
565
00:24:25,103 --> 00:24:29,003
- Well, a bullet is hot,
but continue.
566
00:24:30,241 --> 00:24:33,281
- I mean, Junebug, he's loving
being the token Black guy.
567
00:24:33,379 --> 00:24:35,929
White boys, they want to know
where he got his shoes
568
00:24:36,034 --> 00:24:38,284
and what kind of music
they should listen to.
569
00:24:38,379 --> 00:24:39,759
He has a way in.
570
00:24:39,862 --> 00:24:42,282
There's no way in for me.
571
00:24:42,379 --> 00:24:44,169
I miss home, Ma.
572
00:24:44,275 --> 00:24:48,655
I miss people actually
knowing my name and...
573
00:24:48,758 --> 00:24:51,588
Like, I don't know, okay?
I just...
574
00:24:51,689 --> 00:24:53,929
I miss people who get it...
575
00:24:54,034 --> 00:24:56,384
who get me.
576
00:24:56,482 --> 00:24:59,692
- Look, I know you frustrated.
I am, too.
577
00:24:59,793 --> 00:25:02,033
Hell, I miss being
at a Black beauty salon
578
00:25:02,137 --> 00:25:04,337
where all the bitches
are missing their edges.
579
00:25:04,448 --> 00:25:07,278
[both laughing]
580
00:25:09,931 --> 00:25:12,211
But I'm learning home
is where your family is.
581
00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:13,860
We blessed.
582
00:25:13,965 --> 00:25:15,755
I pray one day I get a big gig
583
00:25:15,862 --> 00:25:17,762
and get us the fuck up
out of here,
584
00:25:17,862 --> 00:25:20,722
but until then, we got
to make this place ours
585
00:25:20,827 --> 00:25:22,787
and laugh while we do it.
586
00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:24,686
Sometimes you got
to laugh so hard
587
00:25:24,793 --> 00:25:26,623
that it breaks down
every mountain
588
00:25:26,724 --> 00:25:28,724
life can put in front of you.
589
00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:30,407
Why do you think
I'm a comedian?
590
00:25:30,517 --> 00:25:32,097
- 'Cause you hate
climbing mountains
591
00:25:32,206 --> 00:25:33,686
and any other exercise.
592
00:25:36,586 --> 00:25:38,236
- You gonna be all right.
593
00:25:38,344 --> 00:25:42,624
Plus, you love making
white people uncomfortable.
594
00:25:42,724 --> 00:25:44,864
Isn't this the place for you?
595
00:25:48,896 --> 00:25:51,756
- I love you.
- I love you, too, baby.
596
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,830
Janelle.
597
00:26:00,034 --> 00:26:02,794
You gonna be all right
at that school.
598
00:26:08,551 --> 00:26:10,971
- Hey, baby.
599
00:26:11,068 --> 00:26:12,688
Now...
600
00:26:12,793 --> 00:26:14,763
somebody's got
something to say.
601
00:26:14,862 --> 00:26:17,312
- Did you teach your daddy
what a clit is?
602
00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:27,210
- No.
603
00:26:27,310 --> 00:26:30,280
I just wanted to apologize to
Janelle for filming the fight.
604
00:26:30,379 --> 00:26:32,859
I was just trying to show off
for my friends,
605
00:26:32,965 --> 00:26:36,235
and I didn't mean
to embarrass you like that.
606
00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:38,864
- I accept your apology.
607
00:26:38,965 --> 00:26:41,135
- And?
608
00:26:41,241 --> 00:26:45,071
- And I know
you won't do it again.
609
00:26:45,172 --> 00:26:47,172
- What?
Ma!
610
00:26:47,275 --> 00:26:50,305
Come on, why are these two
still alive?
611
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,900
For real, if I would've done
anything they did today,
612
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,760
I'd still be buried in
the playground at the projects.
613
00:26:56,862 --> 00:26:58,592
- I can't raise
my BlueCross kids
614
00:26:58,689 --> 00:27:01,069
the same way I raised
my Medicaid kid.
615
00:27:02,586 --> 00:27:05,166
They got cameras now.
616
00:27:05,275 --> 00:27:09,235
- Oh, hey, man, I just wanted
to give you back your condoms
617
00:27:09,344 --> 00:27:11,414
'cause I don't think I'm gonna
be using them any time soon.
618
00:27:11,517 --> 00:27:13,207
[laughter]
619
00:27:13,310 --> 00:27:16,860
[doorbell rings]
- Damn, it never grew?
620
00:27:16,965 --> 00:27:20,445
- Your dick is still
in the third grade?
621
00:27:20,551 --> 00:27:22,411
- [clears throat]
- Oh.
622
00:27:24,862 --> 00:27:26,342
How much of that
did you hear?
623
00:27:26,448 --> 00:27:27,828
- Hi.
624
00:27:29,275 --> 00:27:30,855
We're the Shaeffers.
625
00:27:30,965 --> 00:27:34,475
- And we're the Carsons,
the Fords, and the James.
626
00:27:34,586 --> 00:27:37,716
- [laughs]
Well, that's fun.
627
00:27:37,827 --> 00:27:40,657
We live next door,
and I just wanted to stop by
628
00:27:40,758 --> 00:27:42,168
and welcome you
to the neighborhood.
629
00:27:42,275 --> 00:27:43,925
- Oh, thank you.
630
00:27:44,034 --> 00:27:46,034
Bye-bye.
631
00:27:46,137 --> 00:27:48,997
See, I told y'all
all white people ain't bad.
632
00:27:51,448 --> 00:27:52,718
[door closes]
633
00:27:52,827 --> 00:27:54,547
- What the heck is that?
634
00:27:54,655 --> 00:27:55,825
- It look like
a one-layer lasagna.
635
00:27:55,931 --> 00:27:57,451
- Ain't that just a noodle?
636
00:27:57,551 --> 00:27:59,831
- Don't hate on our neighbors.
I think that was nice of her.
637
00:27:59,931 --> 00:28:02,521
- Nice? She just don't want us
to break in they house.
638
00:28:02,620 --> 00:28:05,520
- Well, we might have to if
we want them other five layers.
639
00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:08,620
[laughter]
640
00:28:08,724 --> 00:28:10,904
- Hold up.
This is a Rachael Ray tray.
641
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,520
This bitch
ain't getting this back.
642
00:28:12,620 --> 00:28:15,070
Come on, Denise, where that
Chinese food that you stole?
643
00:28:20,448 --> 00:28:23,208
[funky music]
644
00:28:23,310 --> 00:28:25,140
- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman
645
00:28:25,241 --> 00:28:27,621
♪ And she don't
take no stuff ♪
646
00:28:27,724 --> 00:28:29,594
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
647
00:28:29,689 --> 00:28:31,999
♪ And you can't get enough
648
00:28:40,206 --> 00:28:41,756
- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman
649
00:28:41,862 --> 00:28:44,032
♪ And she don't
take no stuff ♪
650
00:28:44,137 --> 00:28:45,997
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
651
00:28:46,103 --> 00:28:48,483
♪ And you can't get enough
652
00:28:48,586 --> 00:28:50,686
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
653
00:28:50,793 --> 00:28:53,003
♪ With a husband and kids
654
00:28:53,103 --> 00:28:56,103
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
655
00:28:56,206 --> 00:28:59,276
♪ And it's the Ms. Pat Show
656
00:28:59,379 --> 00:29:01,999
♪
48116
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
