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1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:04,007
Okay, guys. The Battle
Royale is coming up.
2
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,210
Every department in one room,
arguing for more money.
3
00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:09,648
Budgetary Thunderdome.
4
00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:13,088
So, uh, make lists of why
other departments suck,
5
00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:14,989
and I'm going to go
get the secret weapon.
6
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:17,790
Our secret weapon in
this budgetary battle?
7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,091
Ron.
8
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:21,359
Every time another department
asks for more money,
9
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:24,959
he just stares them down until they
back off and, or, wet themselves.
10
00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:29,031
Hey! Who's ready to get...
11
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,266
What are you doing?
12
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:33,002
Tammy One showed up.
13
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:36,136
I'm being audited
by the IRS.
14
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,808
No. Your worst nightmare.
15
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:40,507
You know what? Screw this.
16
00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:42,985
First of all,
income tax is illegal.
17
00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:46,520
Second, Tammy is
a psychological mastermind.
18
00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:50,618
This is just another way for her
to put her hand up my keister
19
00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:52,287
and control me like a puppet.
20
00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:54,394
I'd rather be locked up.
21
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:58,361
Ron, this is a federal tax audit.
You could go to jail.
22
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:01,429
Jail, Ron. Ron, jail.
Jail, Ron. Jail.
23
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,341
You could go to jail
Jail. Jail. Jail.
24
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:05,967
- Are you broken?
- Andy! April!
25
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,711
What's up, boss? Stop
yelling and being annoying.
26
00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:10,577
Grab your calculators,
settle in.
27
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:14,552
Operation Rescue Ron
is starting.
28
00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:16,712
Don't worry. I will think of a
better name for it by tomorrow.
29
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:18,380
Here you go.
Calculator.
30
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:41,702
Hey! Ben!
Hey, man.
31
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,839
Hey, thanks for
texting me to hang out.
32
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:47,208
I really felt like we'd developed
a cool friendship, and it...
33
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,547
Anyway, it was just nice
to have that validated.
34
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,609
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
35
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,623
Look. We've got some documents
over at Entertainment 720
36
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,124
that seem really complicated.
37
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,818
And I thought maybe you could
take a look at them,
38
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:59,295
because nerd stuff
probably really excites you.
39
00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:01,089
Because you're a nerd.
40
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:04,328
No, of course. Yeah, no. I'll
just put on my Star Wars pajamas
41
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:06,768
and sit in my mom's basement and
pore over some spreadsheets.
42
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,828
That sounds great.
Yeah. What have you got?
43
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:11,637
Something called
"break even analysis tables"?
44
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,042
Oh, break evens? Those are really fun.
Yeah, sure, I'll take a look.
45
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:15,909
Let's hit it.
What do you...
46
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,778
Right now? I have work.
47
00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:20,907
And I thought I had a friend.
48
00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:22,309
All right.
49
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:24,446
It's almost too easy.
50
00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:26,650
I can hear you.
51
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:29,352
I know you can, Ben.
That's how easy it is.
52
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,725
So, we need to find proof
of every tax deduction
53
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:34,696
I've taken
in the last five years.
54
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:36,731
Ron, most of these
aren't even receipts.
55
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:39,861
This one says,
"I bought supplies 2007."
56
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:42,639
You won't find
any bank statements, either.
57
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:44,174
I've heavily invested in gold,
58
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:48,144
which I've buried in several
different locations around Pawnee.
59
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:49,806
Or have I?
60
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:52,577
What's this?
Some kind of lame drug deal?
61
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,243
That is
a gentleman's agreement.
62
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:56,147
I made that man
a dining room table
63
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:59,520
in exchange for 60 feet of
copper pipe and a half pig.
64
00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:02,424
Well, looks like we have
some actual receipts here.
65
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:05,952
Same amount every month.
140 bucks. What's this?
66
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,660
Every 30 days, I buy shotgun
shells and cigarettes,
67
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:11,099
and send them home to my mom.
68
00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:14,961
That's so sweet.
Your mom sounds kickass.
69
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:17,400
My first ex-wife's name
is Tammy.
70
00:03:17,463 --> 00:03:20,933
My second ex-wife's name
is Tammy.
71
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,913
My mom's name is Tamara.
72
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,416
She goes by Tammy.
73
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,581
You can prevent
adult-onset diabetes
74
00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,286
by getting an annual check-up,
75
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,390
exercising, praying...
76
00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:37,553
Okay.
77
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:38,618
Who is that guy?
78
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:41,564
That is Walt Morphling. He was
the Director of Public Health,
79
00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:44,260
but he had to retire at 46
because he had diabetes.
80
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:47,538
That is sad, but also,
in this town, understandable.
81
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,202
I would like
to shoot a new PSA.
82
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:52,175
And I think it would be good to get
someone who's healthy and telegenic,
83
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,109
and I thought that
you would be perfect.
84
00:03:56,369 --> 00:04:00,044
Ann Perkins. I am flattered. And I will do it.
ls there a script, yet?
85
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:03,682
Uh, no, because you just approved
the idea, like, three seconds ago.
86
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,053
I would like you to write me a
script and get it to me in an hour.
87
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,251
And we should start
thinking about wardrobe.
88
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:11,921
Casual? Formal?
Semi-formal? Sporty?
89
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,295
Scary? Posh? Baby?
Those are the Spice Girls.
90
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,800
I just got caught up in my own thoughts.
I'm very excited about this.
91
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,797
In terms of shirts,
I can wear white...
92
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,929
Welcome to paradise, my man.
93
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,837
We can chill
over there by the bar.
94
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:25,068
We've also got basketball,
at any time you want,
95
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:27,008
with Roy Hibbert
and Detlef Schrempf.
96
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,404
Oh, my God.
That's an actual NBA player.
97
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:30,809
He plays for the Pacers.
98
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:31,905
NBA's on strike,
99
00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:35,248
so we got him for only, like,
75% of his original NBA salary.
100
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:36,847
What up, Roy?
101
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:39,287
This is all you want me to do?
Play one-on-one with Detlef?
102
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:41,586
Yes. And keep your mouth shut.
103
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,259
Jean-Ralphio.
Take me there.
104
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:45,785
Oh!
105
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:49,691
Boom!
106
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:50,892
Who are you?
107
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,800
Uh... This is Ben. He's here
to help us with the paperwork.
108
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,395
Ben. Is that your real name?
Yes.
109
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,530
Oh, you could do
better than that.
110
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,939
I'm going to help you out right now.
Your name is Angelo.
111
00:04:57,997 --> 00:05:00,204
Angelo, thank you so much for
coming out Get a thicker tie.
112
00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:02,405
It looks weird on you. Makes
your head look like a fish.
113
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,607
Secondly, I don't know
where the paperwork is,
114
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,548
but when you find it, can
you take care of it for us?
115
00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:09,177
We don't have any pens 'cause we're
afraid it's gonna leak on our shirts.
116
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,482
Lastly, I hate
the name Angelo.
117
00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:11,749
I'm gonna switch
it up for you right now.
118
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,549
Your new nickname is
119
00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:17,890
Jell-O Shot. What do you
think about that, "J-Shot"?
120
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:19,222
Do we have questions?
Yeah.
121
00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:20,821
Where are we?
122
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,333
All right, Ben. If you need
anything, one of these models
123
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:25,835
that we pay to hang around
here will grab it for you.
124
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:28,099
In the meantime, we're going
to be playing video games
125
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,265
and tweeting our high scores.
126
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,369
Hit it!
Um...
127
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,877
Hi. Are you the receptionist?
128
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,874
I guess. I don't really know.
129
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:40,050
If you don't mind me asking,
how much are they paying you?
130
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:43,379
A hundred thousand dollars
a year with full medical.
131
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:49,452
I mean, I would guess they'll be
bankrupt by the end of this sentence.
132
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,155
No, thank you.
133
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:58,067
Is this true? You only spent $40
on clothes in the past five years?
134
00:05:58,691 --> 00:05:59,761
Sounds about right.
135
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:02,170
How did you meet Tammy One?
136
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:04,071
Technically, I've known
her since I was born.
137
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,167
She was a candy striper
at the hospital.
138
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,233
She helped deliver me.
139
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,441
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
140
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,140
I grew up in
a very small town.
141
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:14,742
Six hundred people.
Everybody knew everybody else.
142
00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:16,946
We first took up
together when I was 15.
143
00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:18,348
Awesome.
Oh, my God.
144
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:19,583
It was a little scandalous,
145
00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:22,854
but everyone feared her, so
they kept their mouths shut.
146
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:24,519
I don't even know her,
but she's my hero.
147
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,264
Oh, she's no hero, April.
148
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,731
She's a hellacious nightmare.
149
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:32,460
She did, however,
teach me everything I know.
150
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,562
Sunday school, sex.
151
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:37,267
She was my math teacher in
middle school and my babysitter,
152
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,502
and she taught drivers ed.
153
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:39,832
I---
154
00:06:42,835 --> 00:06:44,610
Hello. I don't believe
we've met.
155
00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:46,843
I am Leslie Knope, Deputy...
156
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,853
I don't think it will be necessary for
you to speak again while I'm here.
157
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:54,547
Why do I only
date brunettes?
158
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:59,491
You know, sometimes, you eat chicken
and you get food poisoning,
159
00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:02,897
and then even the sight
of chicken makes you sick?
160
00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:05,265
Tammy One is
my blonde chicken.
161
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,996
Good God, Ronald.
162
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,768
This is a much bigger mess
than I imagined.
163
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,104
You'll take
a week off from work.
164
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,076
We'll do a complete overhaul
of your finances.
165
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,477
I'll need access
to all of your accounts.
166
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:17,742
And your home.
167
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,413
Is that necessary?
168
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:21,816
Oh, are we playing a game
169
00:07:21,874 --> 00:07:23,444
where everyone says
something stupid?
170
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,691
You. What is your name?
171
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:31,126
Tim. Tim Buckanowski.
172
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:32,618
Really?
173
00:07:32,685 --> 00:07:34,255
No. Andy Dwyer.
174
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:37,524
Andy, you're going
to collect all of this
175
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:39,263
and you're going
to put it in my car.
176
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,696
Miss Knope.
Yes.
177
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:44,071
You're going to go to
payroll and get copies
178
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,371
of Ronald's workplace
expense reports.
179
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,576
I'm just wondering
how long that's going to take,
180
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,180
because Ron and I have a very
important meeting together.
181
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,514
It's called the Battle Royale.
It's super fun. Where all...
182
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:58,351
Oh. You and Ron have
a big meeting, huh?
183
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:01,017
I'm sure Ron will remember
the meeting fondly
184
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:05,051
while he makes toilet wine in a
federal prison in Terre Haute.
185
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:10,557
I'll head down to payroll.
186
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:13,297
Now. You're not
getting any younger.
187
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:14,594
Yes, ma'am.
188
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:18,473
She's the cold,
189
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:21,944
distant mother I never had.
190
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,337
I love her.
191
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,754
Good morning, everyone.
192
00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:33,449
Good morning, sir.
How can I help you?
193
00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:36,293
Ron. Your mustache fell off.
194
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,763
Leslie, you goofball.
195
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,733
Tammy pointed out that my face looked
better without any hair on it.
196
00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:47,362
And it did collect a lot of food
crumbs, which is very unsanitary.
197
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,528
What?
198
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:51,040
Hey, Jer. Hump day, am I right, buddy?
199
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:52,598
What?
200
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,109
What is going on?
Where's Tammy One?
201
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:57,704
She moved in with me.
She's really helping me out.
202
00:08:57,770 --> 00:09:00,011
Yesterday, she converted
my bank account
203
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:01,745
into a joint
bank account with her.
204
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:04,185
Oh. That's great.
And how is that going to help?
205
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:07,614
Not sure. When she explains
it, it makes total sense.
206
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,751
It is so nice
having her around.
207
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:12,054
Here's something neat.
208
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:14,530
Tammy's got me
taking baby aspirin
209
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:16,965
to lower my risk
of heart disease.
210
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:21,301
Science is a miracle. Any-hoo,
back to the old grindstone.
211
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:24,367
These emails aren't going to
send themselves.
212
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:29,876
Diabetes can't be cured,
but it can be prevented.
213
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:34,544
Make a choice, make a change, and
together, we can make a difference.
214
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,785
What do you think?
Any notes?
215
00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:40,255
Great. Just as good, if not exactly
the same, as the last one.
216
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:42,619
In that last one,
I left a nanosecond of a pause
217
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,628
between the words
"together" and "we".
218
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:46,891
It felt much better, but I'd
love to try another one.
219
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,024
I really think we've got it.
220
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:52,262
Ann, this is important to me
'cause it's important to you.
221
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,805
I mean, you spent a lot of time
and energy on writing this.
222
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,066
Not really.
223
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:57,630
So, it needs to be perfect.
224
00:09:57,697 --> 00:10:00,303
So, let's do one more, then
five more, then 20 in a row.
225
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,709
Hey! Look who it is!
226
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:04,839
Hey, hey!
227
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:06,383
Tom. Jean-Ralphio.
228
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,616
Professional
basketball players.
229
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:10,983
'Sup, Jell-O Shot?
230
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:14,783
Can I ask you guys a question? How
exactly are you making money?
231
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:15,882
Do you want to know
how we make money?
232
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,188
Do you want to know
how we make money?
233
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:19,387
By literally printing
our own money.
234
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,557
We bought a printing press.
235
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:25,726
This prints bills with our faces
and the E 720 logo on them.
236
00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:28,295
We promote the company
by going to clubs
237
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,272
and tossing the bills
in the air and screaming...
238
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:31,467
Free money!
Free money!
239
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:34,067
Okay. You can't just
print your own money.
240
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,079
Uh...
This has to stop,
241
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,012
right now.
242
00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:47,723
Aw!
243
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,082
What's the deal, baby?
244
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,149
One second,
you hit the party switch
245
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:51,422
and the next second,
you're all business.
246
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,122
I need to see
all of your books.
247
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:56,166
You got it, baby.
Baby! Get him the books.
248
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:59,135
Oh, Snapple. Are we calling
everybody "baby" now?
249
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,102
Because honestly, I love that.
250
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,933
Are we saying "Snapple" anytime
we think something's dope?
251
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,406
'Cause I love that, baby.
252
00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:06,340
Do you know what I love?
253
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:07,400
Jell-O Shot!
254
00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:18,184
Jell-O Shot! Jell-O Shot!
Jell-O Shot! Jell-O Shot!
255
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:20,720
Thank you. We're here
to serve you, friend.
256
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,226
I hope the rest of
your day is cool beans.
257
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:26,161
Ron. What is this
memo you sent to me?
258
00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:27,856
You're not going to
the Battle Royale?
259
00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:30,361
I have decided not
to attend this year.
260
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:33,734
Okay. First of all, it's disturbing
that you wrote a memo at all.
261
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:36,603
But you love arguing
against government spending.
262
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:37,766
Why do you not
want to do it now?
263
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:41,073
Leslie, please. The government
knows what it's doing.
264
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:42,441
I am confident that I...
265
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:45,573
Ouchie.
You and I are going to lunch.
266
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,775
We have to talk.
267
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,786
Let me just call Tammy first
and get permission.
268
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,344
Oh, come on.
269
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:57,257
Tammy, I was wondering if I
could go to lunch with Leslie?
270
00:11:57,316 --> 00:11:59,227
Terrific. Bye.
271
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,457
She says I can't go.
272
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:03,500
You're going to lunch with me.
I say you can go.
273
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,200
Oh, gosh.
274
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:08,363
I'm really in a pickle now.
275
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,633
Oh, my God.
276
00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:13,438
When Ron falls for Tammy Two he
turns into a demonic sex maniac.
277
00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:16,412
But this? Neutered wimp?
This is worse.
278
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,915
Operation Golden Dove
is in trouble.
279
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,375
Ron, there are some things
I want to speak to you about,
280
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,977
but I'm not quite sure
how to phrase them.
281
00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:25,522
Just blurt them
right out, Leslie.
282
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,351
Anything you say will
stay between you and me.
283
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:29,688
Right, my love?
284
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,592
Stop fidgeting.
Sorry.
285
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:33,721
I was hoping to speak
with Ron alone.
286
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:36,130
He wants me here.
He invited me.
287
00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:37,732
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
288
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:41,330
Don't worry, Leslie.
Tammy's totally cool.
289
00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:43,100
Oh. Okay. Then,
I'll say it to her.
290
00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:44,800
You're evil
and you need to go.
291
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:48,540
Leslie, you are a panic.
292
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:50,842
Tammy, may l
use the restroom?
293
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:52,747
Remember to wash your hands.
294
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:59,118
Okay. You know what?
Let's cut the crap.
295
00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:00,851
Is this audit even real?
296
00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:03,287
In a sense, yes.
297
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:06,660
But in another, truer sense,
no, it is not.
298
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,627
I want Ronald back.
299
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,491
But I had to learn
about his finances
300
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:12,058
to make sure my future
was protected.
301
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:15,995
I'm impressed. He's acquired
quite a bit of gold.
302
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:20,170
You gold digger.
303
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:23,475
You are literally
a gold digger.
304
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:27,945
The thing I love about Tammy
is she calls me on my crap.
305
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,009
Every guy needs that.
306
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,090
Okay. If you want
this company to survive,
307
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,753
you immediately
need to downsize.
308
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,798
I mean, you don't need
this airplane hangar.
309
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:42,661
Um, I think we do.
And two,
310
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,793
you have to keep
detailed financial records.
311
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:47,735
Thank you. I've been
trying to tell them that.
312
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:49,033
Waste of time.
313
00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:50,471
They wouldn't know
a Non-Employee
314
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,270
Tax-Reportable
Expenditure Request
315
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,106
if it bit them in the ass.
316
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:57,108
Hey, guys. Which two people
here started their own company?
317
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,410
'Cause I'm pretty sure
it wasn't you two bozos.
318
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:00,773
Hey.
319
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,509
Look, you guys can swagger
around all you want,
320
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:06,489
but businesses
need revenue. Okay?
321
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:09,185
Unless you start working
on an actual plan,
322
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:11,228
you're dead in a month.
That's a fact.
323
00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:12,990
Ben, thanks for your time.
324
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:16,192
But with all due respect, as
far as business decisions go,
325
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:17,757
I think we know
what we're doing.
326
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:19,803
Don't forget to grab
a free iPad on your way out.
327
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,600
He didn't even grab one.
328
00:14:23,128 --> 00:14:24,630
Diabetes! Fight it!
329
00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:28,535
Not quite, but I like the energy.
Are we still rolling?
330
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,205
Yep.
331
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:31,606
Diabetes!
Okay.
332
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:32,944
Let's... Can we take a break?
333
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:35,576
I think that's a great idea.
I think we almost have it,
334
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,882
and I am very excited
at that prospect.
335
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:41,720
I'll cancel my 4:00 and my
5:00 and my 6:00 appointments.
336
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:45,421
I cannot believe I dated him.
For a long time.
337
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,327
And he broke up with me.
338
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,833
Fat equals splat.
As in, "you're dead."
339
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,194
ls there something there?
340
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:53,962
No, that sucked.
But there's something there.
341
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:55,505
I'm feeling it.
Let's go right away.
342
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,041
It's magic time.
From the top, everybody.
343
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,501
There's no one else here.
344
00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:02,772
Basically, we're being
attacked by Godzilla.
345
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:05,678
And to beat Godzilla,
we need Mothra.
346
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,513
No offense.
None taken.
347
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:08,643
I'm very flattered.
348
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,180
Who's this? Who's this
tall drink of water?
349
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,751
Andy.
Hey, Andy.
350
00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:15,416
- How's it hanging?
- Listen.
351
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,984
We need to break
Ron from her spell.
352
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:20,656
Can't you just
move your butt around
353
00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:22,630
or wear a dress
made out of meat?
354
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:26,864
Well, I could do all of those things
and have, but that bitch is crazy.
355
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,634
When Ron left her
and we got together,
356
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,803
she threw acid on my foot.
357
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,105
Ew!
Could we take a peek at it?
358
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:39,048
Listen. Tammy One was
my Sunday school teacher, too.
359
00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:41,385
She can pinpoint
your weaknesses,
360
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,387
and then destroy you
with just one word.
361
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:45,878
And ajar of acid.
362
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,185
Oh, my God.
363
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,692
I think I have an idea
that could save Ron.
364
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,318
Don't joke around
Andy.
365
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:53,863
I have ideas, too.
366
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,389
You were right to come get me.
367
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,901
My son, Ronny, always had a
weakness for those ladies.
368
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,199
Oh, wow. Is this Ron?
369
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,933
Yep. At the age of five.
370
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:05,066
He's standing next to
the first chair he ever built.
371
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,269
Oh, my God!
372
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:11,112
There's a room
full of just guns.
373
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,376
Why do you have so many guns?
374
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:14,882
This is America, isn't it?
375
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,248
Yes.
376
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,219
Then, I don't have
to answer stupid questions
377
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,188
while standing
on my own property.
378
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:21,315
Let's go.
379
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:24,058
Okay, well, that's
definitely Ron's mom.
380
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,327
Tammy.
381
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:32,001
Tammy.
Ronnie.
382
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:33,430
What's going on?
383
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,267
Welcome to the Battle Royale.
384
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,068
Right here. Right now.
385
00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:41,236
Operation Soaring Falcon
is in its final stages.
386
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:43,641
It's time to settle this.
387
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:46,109
Ah!
388
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:49,483
An old-fashioned
prairie drink-off.
389
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:53,113
Oh, what's in that jug?
It smells like jet fuel.
390
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:55,158
That's Swanson Family
Mash Liquor.
391
00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:59,024
Made from the finest corn
ever grown on American soil.
392
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:02,759
Its only legal use is to strip
varnish off of speedboats.
393
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:04,961
If you win, he's all yours.
394
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,026
And if I win, I bring him
back to the farm for good.
395
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:09,100
Wait. What?
That wasn't the deal.
396
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:10,736
Pour it. I'm thirsty.
397
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,400
Pour me one, too, then.
Let me in here.
398
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:17,436
I'm going to join you. And if I
win, Ron stays here with us.
399
00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:18,948
Leslie, no
Don't drink that.
400
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:21,583
We use it to burn
warts off of the mules.
401
00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:32,757
Poison!
402
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:34,823
Ugh!
403
00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:36,996
I made a mistake.
404
00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:39,393
I made a mistake.
405
00:17:39,858 --> 00:17:40,893
Diabetes.
406
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,802
How were we together
for five months?
407
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:45,001
Well, you know, it's possible
you could just date a guy
408
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,238
because of where you are
in your life emotionally.
409
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:49,641
I mean, I suppose
you're right, John.
410
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:50,873
Ann Perkins.
411
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:53,246
I hate to say this, but I
have a stain on my shirt.
412
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:56,075
Which means that everything
we've shot so far is unusable.
413
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:59,553
But let's use this as an
opportunity to revisit the script.
414
00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:01,356
Delivery guy.
Hey.
415
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:02,414
Diabetes!
416
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:06,586
Had enough?
417
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,598
Of this watered-down
baby formula?
418
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:09,792
Not even close.
419
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,664
Not even close.
420
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,032
Marvin clonse.
421
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:16,929
Glenn Close.
422
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:18,865
Leslie, you don't
have to do this.
423
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:20,840
Shh! Go to bed, Jimmy.
424
00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:24,570
Blech!
425
00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:27,776
I can't feel my face.
My face is numb.
426
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,553
What is that?
427
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:38,721
And together, we can
make a difference.
428
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:41,059
That's it.
I think we've got it.
429
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,132
Do you think we got it?
Yes.
430
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:45,862
Yeah. We have it.
We had it seven hours ago.
431
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:49,433
Oh, Ann, I know that
I can be intense,
432
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:51,236
but I'm only trying to be
the best me that I can be.
433
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:53,607
I want to thank you
for this opportunity.
434
00:18:53,665 --> 00:18:54,871
And your patience.
435
00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:57,038
And your intelligence and...
436
00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:58,877
Your insight.
437
00:18:58,937 --> 00:19:00,917
You really are
an amazing human being.
438
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,650
Thank you.
439
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,455
Oh, right.
That's why I dated him.
440
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:11,285
Hey.
441
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:12,886
I wanted to apologize.
442
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:16,023
Uh, we brought in five
accountants to look at E 720,
443
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,726
and they all said
the same thing you did.
444
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:18,824
If we don't start
making changes,
445
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:19,892
we're going to
lose the company.
446
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:22,131
Okay. Well, first thing
you need to do?
447
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:23,867
Get rid of four of
those accountants.
448
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,602
You don't need
five accountants.
449
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,143
Again, good advice.
450
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:28,807
Here.
451
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:32,576
Okay. You really... You need to
stop giving these away like candy.
452
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:34,982
I bought that one personally.
As a thank-you.
453
00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:38,947
It's an iPad.
454
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:41,087
Everybody prance, now
455
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:43,353
Prance, prance, prance,
prance, prance
456
00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:44,723
She's had enough.
Call it off.
457
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,660
That's not how it works.
She's out.
458
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:48,026
Wait. I'm subbing in.
459
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:51,533
April, no. That stuff will melt
the shell off a garden snail.
460
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:54,434
Whatever. I'm Puerto Rican.
I can handle it.
461
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,673
Oh, my God.
462
00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:02,541
Okay. This ends now.
463
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,153
Ah.
464
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:23,030
Mom?
465
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,932
You're going back to the farm.
And you? Hmm?
466
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,403
You're going back to hell.
467
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:30,872
Fine. I got what
I came for, anyway.
468
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:33,535
I found your underground safe.
I stole half your gold.
469
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:35,675
That's decoy gold.
470
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:38,374
You think I'd leave my gold in a
locked safe buried underground,
471
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,474
where anyone could find it?
472
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:41,916
You don't know me at all.
473
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:45,080
Yes, I do. I knew you
the minute you were born.
474
00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:47,749
I intend to be there
the minute you die.
475
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:53,028
Ron, your family is weird.
476
00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:58,393
Literally,
there's someone reading a magazine
477
00:20:58,457 --> 00:21:00,164
and someone
applying nail polish.
478
00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:01,663
What's... What is she doing?
479
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,331
She's just playing
with an iPad.
480
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:06,808
Tom told me
that chair was $27,000.
481
00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:09,002
That chair, that has a roof.
482
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:12,375
There's someone over there
in a deep sleep.
483
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:16,715
She's probably being paid
upwards of $100,000 a year.
484
00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:18,886
There's this video of a boat.
485
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:21,721
Look at that thing.
What is that?
486
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,987
What are you supposed to do
with that thing?36632
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