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We now go live to
Councilman Bill Dexhart,
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00:00:05,270 --> 00:00:08,707
who's giving a press
conference about his sex scandal.
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00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:17,080
You are getting a rare glimpse at this
exclusive, government-only event.
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00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:19,450
Each December, one
department puts on a show
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00:00:19,496 --> 00:00:21,244
that spoofs what
happened in our town.
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00:00:21,423 --> 00:00:23,550
Prepare to laugh your Asnov!
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00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:30,492
Sid Asnov is a former city councilman.
Some of the jokes are sort of inside.
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00:00:30,634 --> 00:00:34,229
Councilman Dexhart, you're
involved in yet another scandal?
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00:00:34,305 --> 00:00:37,469
That's crazier than Mayor
Gunderson's dog, Rufus.
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00:00:41,246 --> 00:00:44,148
Yes, there is a new one,
and it's a doozie.
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00:00:44,450 --> 00:00:46,975
I don't want to go into the
details, but let me just say
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00:00:47,053 --> 00:00:50,820
that it involves multiple
women, a love child,
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00:00:50,891 --> 00:00:54,224
nurses, rabbis, priests...
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00:00:55,062 --> 00:00:56,121
Hey!
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00:00:56,765 --> 00:01:00,030
Well, I hope you can all join
me at my fundraiser tonight.
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00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:04,664
I am being supported, of course, by the
Glitter Factory and 1-800-Mattress.
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00:01:07,583 --> 00:01:08,796
Classic!
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00:01:08,845 --> 00:01:10,745
Pawnee is a city
that ain't very pretty
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And good government is our goal
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We may not be big
And our mayor wears a wig
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But at least the raccoon
infestation is under control
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It's the most wonderful time
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00:01:23,796 --> 00:01:29,861
in Pawnee
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Lot 48 was once a
horrible and disgusting pit,
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and now it's the site of
Pawnee's Winter Wonderland.
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This could not be more perfect
if I had planned it myself.
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Which I did.
And it's awesome.
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00:02:03,441 --> 00:02:04,704
So, let's talk skedge, guys.
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00:02:04,777 --> 00:02:07,575
The kids are gonna come at
9:00 a.m. on Saturday,
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and everyone's gonna do
Santa for two hours,
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so I would just
advise everyone,
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before you get in your costume,
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to go to the bathroom, so we can
avoid what happened last year.
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It was just farts.
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6:00 p.m., caroling
with the youth choir,
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and I am proud to announce, for
the first time ever this year,
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our tree lighting ceremony will
be simulcast on Internet radio.
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Thank you.
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- That's a really big deal.
- It is. Thank you.
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Listening to that tree
lighting is gonna be dope.
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Okay. Any questions,
direct them to me. Dismissed.
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Hey, uh, there was
a message for you
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on the work voicemail.
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Councilman Dexhart wants
to meet with you
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at 9:00 p.m. at the
The Boardwalk Lounge.
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- Shut up.
- No.
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I'm not scared.
I got nothing to apologize for.
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I could've been a lot harder on him.
He got off easy.
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And often. Thank you,
I'll be here all week!
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You gotta tell me about him.
I don't know anything about him.
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Okay. He's 23, he's kind
of my boyfriend, he's gay.
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Last year we got drunk and he took
me to the Ice Capades,
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and I didn't get him anything.
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- And he's gay?
- Yeah.
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00:03:10,753 --> 00:03:12,051
Brokeback Mountain DVD.
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- No.
- Fellows love that.
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- No.
- Does he already have, like, chaps?
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- Like assless chaps?
- You know what? Forget it.
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Okay. Why are you asking me?
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Because... I don't know.
There's no one else to ask.
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At least you're kind of young.
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All right, I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna think about it.
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Through the course of all day,
I'm gonna mull it over.
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It's all I'm gonna think about,
but you're in good hands.
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I'm gonna come up with
something really, really good.
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- Really? All right.
- Yeah.
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00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,843
- You got that?
- Yeah.
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00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,250
Councilman Dexhart?
I'm Leslie Knope.
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00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,627
Thank you for meeting me.
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It's my pleasure.
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I am assuming this is
about my performance
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in the Government
Follies last night.
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00:03:47,829 --> 00:03:50,663
I'd just like to say that I
have nothing to apologize for,
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except for perhaps
being too incisive.
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I don't want you to apologize.
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I want to know who told you.
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- Who told me?
- Mmm-hmm.
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00:03:58,737 --> 00:04:01,230
Nobody.
Nobody told me nothing!
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00:04:02,847 --> 00:04:04,007
What are we talking about?
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00:04:04,082 --> 00:04:05,344
Based on that skit,
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00:04:05,416 --> 00:04:08,679
I know you heard about the new
scandal that's about to break.
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00:04:09,088 --> 00:04:11,682
Who told you?
Was it the babysitter?
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00:04:11,757 --> 00:04:13,748
Was it the nurse who
delivered our love child?
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00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,051
- What?
- All right, stop playing dumb.
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00:04:15,095 --> 00:04:16,926
You know damn well
what happened.
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00:04:16,997 --> 00:04:18,760
I got the babysitter pregnant,
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00:04:18,832 --> 00:04:22,735
then when she was in the delivery
room, I had sex with not one,
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but four nurses
in a supply closet,
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as well as a woman whose husband was
getting a liver transplant. Mmm.
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00:04:30,045 --> 00:04:33,914
Now, which one of them told you?
Was it the liver lady?
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00:04:34,617 --> 00:04:38,884
Well, I... No one... I haven't...
I haven't heard any of this,
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ever, in my whole life.
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Oh!
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00:04:42,059 --> 00:04:44,118
Believe me, I would
have remembered this.
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00:04:44,194 --> 00:04:46,220
Okay. Well, in that case,
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00:04:46,765 --> 00:04:49,928
everything I just told you
was just a funny prank.
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00:04:54,774 --> 00:04:57,710
Oh! Hi!
How was your meeting?
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It was fine.
Pretty straightforward.
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00:05:01,615 --> 00:05:03,446
Short meeting.
He's a busy guy.
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00:05:03,584 --> 00:05:05,449
Yes, very busy.
Look at this article.
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00:05:06,821 --> 00:05:07,845
No!
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00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,023
What the...
103
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:16,157
The story of this story is that
it won't stop developing.
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The mystery woman who met with
Councilman Dexhart last night
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appears to be a government
employee named Leslie Norp.
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00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:24,000
Oh, my God! Oh, God!
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00:05:24,075 --> 00:05:26,703
According to unconfirmed
reports in the Pawnee Sun,
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the two bent an elbow
at this local watering hole,
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00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:31,473
and although they
left separately,
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no one knows where
they woke up together.
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00:05:34,754 --> 00:05:37,052
Perd Hapley, Channel Four News.
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00:05:40,081 --> 00:05:42,880
All I did was write and
perform in one amazing skit.
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00:05:42,952 --> 00:05:45,483
Leslie, it's the Pawnee Sun.
It's a tabloid.
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00:05:45,521 --> 00:05:46,887
Nobody else has
written about it.
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00:05:46,957 --> 00:05:48,254
Yeah, no one
believes that garbage.
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00:05:48,325 --> 00:05:50,156
Nobody even reads that thing.
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00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:52,890
Leslie! What?
Nice work, girl.
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00:05:53,164 --> 00:05:56,429
Oh, God! How do I fight back?
Give me some options.
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00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:59,736
Do you want me to
seduce Perd Hapley?
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00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:01,466
How would that help?
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00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:04,505
I don't know. I just
want to see if I can do it.
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00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:06,636
April, I appreciate that, but
I don't think it's something
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00:06:06,713 --> 00:06:09,113
worth losing
your virginity over.
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00:06:09,282 --> 00:06:11,751
Leslie, I don't know
if this is important or not,
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00:06:11,819 --> 00:06:14,287
but I have heard a lot of very,
very interesting chatter
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00:06:14,355 --> 00:06:15,913
around the shoeshine
stand today.
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00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:17,480
Oh, my God! Really?
What have you heard?
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00:06:17,559 --> 00:06:20,392
A lot of things.
Like, "Can you believe it?"
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00:06:20,462 --> 00:06:22,555
and, "The Parks
lady boned Dexhart,"
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00:06:22,631 --> 00:06:25,726
and, "Of course she did,
she's totally good to go."
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00:06:25,801 --> 00:06:27,996
And one guy was like,
"I wouldn't hit that."
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00:06:28,070 --> 00:06:29,537
And the other guy
was like, "Me neither."
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00:06:29,605 --> 00:06:31,836
And then this third
guy was like, "I would."
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00:06:31,909 --> 00:06:34,707
So I don't know if
that's helpful at all.
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00:06:36,514 --> 00:06:37,640
Well, keep your ear
to the ground.
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00:06:37,715 --> 00:06:39,580
Okay. I'll just...
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00:06:39,651 --> 00:06:43,554
I'm not gonna let these people intimidate me.
I'm gonna do my job.
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00:06:43,622 --> 00:06:45,783
I would be lying if I
said that I never thought
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00:06:45,858 --> 00:06:48,156
I would be involved in
an incident like this.
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00:06:48,227 --> 00:06:50,753
Except I always assumed that
I would be the politician
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and the man would be accused
of sleeping with me.
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00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:58,435
And that man would be the vice president,
and I would be the president.
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00:06:58,906 --> 00:07:01,068
Okay, all right.
Well, you look good.
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00:07:01,143 --> 00:07:02,269
You need to put
some tights on, though,
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00:07:02,344 --> 00:07:04,710
and I want you to make sure you
keep your neckline nice and high.
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00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:07,648
Leslie Knope?
Alexa Softcastle, Pawnee Sun.
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00:07:07,717 --> 00:07:08,945
Can I ask you a few questions?
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00:07:09,018 --> 00:07:10,212
Don't say anything.
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00:07:10,286 --> 00:07:14,087
I'm not afraid to say anything.
Okay? I have nothing to hide.
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00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,316
I'd never even met Councilman
Dexhart before yesterday,
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and that's all I'm gonna
say about the matter.
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00:07:18,128 --> 00:07:19,596
Some people are saying
this isn't the first time
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00:07:19,664 --> 00:07:22,656
that you've had sex
with a married councilman.
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00:07:22,801 --> 00:07:24,792
- Who's saying that?
- Some people.
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00:07:24,869 --> 00:07:27,065
Okay. This
interview is over.
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00:07:28,274 --> 00:07:30,606
Go home, lay low.
The truth will come out.
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00:07:30,676 --> 00:07:32,907
I can't! I have
too much work to do.
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00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:35,608
This department is not gonna
deputy-direct itself.
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00:07:35,682 --> 00:07:37,547
I think we can manage.
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00:07:37,617 --> 00:07:40,883
Just give me your schedule
and we'll cover for you.
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00:07:41,489 --> 00:07:44,948
Okay. I've made copies of
Leslie's daily work schedule,
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00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:48,889
so we'll just split into teams,
and each team will take...
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00:07:51,735 --> 00:07:55,364
Damn, 10 items,
and we'll knock this out.
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00:07:56,072 --> 00:07:58,507
I swear to you, I never even
met the guy before last night.
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00:07:58,576 --> 00:08:00,567
It's okay.
I believe you.
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00:08:01,078 --> 00:08:04,276
- You do?
- 'Course. I think I know you pretty well,
167
00:08:05,317 --> 00:08:06,682
and that doesn't
sound like you.
168
00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:08,049
Thank you.
169
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,645
If I ever see that guy, I'm gonna
punch him right in the face.
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00:08:10,785 --> 00:08:13,460
Yeah, that's sweet.
Use your nightstick.
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00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:15,159
Which meeting is this?
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Reorganization of
Local Auditing Systems.
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- Kill me.
- Right. First order of business.
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00:08:23,238 --> 00:08:25,403
Leslie? Where's Leslie?
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00:08:25,433 --> 00:08:29,788
Oh, um, I gave her the day off, Paul.
Thought that was best.
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00:08:29,866 --> 00:08:31,291
Oh, yeah. That's good.
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00:08:31,347 --> 00:08:34,408
So you'll be making
the presentation then, Ron?
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00:08:35,519 --> 00:08:37,131
Yep. Yes.
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00:08:38,155 --> 00:08:42,752
Hey, so, that kind of brings
us to what I wanted to talk to you about.
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00:08:42,796 --> 00:08:46,976
I... You know my
Army reserve unit?
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00:08:48,467 --> 00:08:52,198
We got called up to active duty.
I ship out in four days.
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00:08:52,739 --> 00:08:54,104
Oh, my God!
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00:08:54,674 --> 00:08:55,732
Where you going?
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00:08:55,809 --> 00:08:56,798
San Diego.
185
00:08:57,010 --> 00:08:58,136
Oh, my God!
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00:08:58,211 --> 00:08:59,406
It's not dangerous.
187
00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:03,308
It's mostly maintenance.
But I'm going for, like, a year.
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00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:07,654
Maybe 18 months.
And I was kind of hoping
189
00:09:07,722 --> 00:09:10,350
that maybe you'd
want to come with me.
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00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:13,527
Like, on a permanent
type basis.
191
00:09:14,931 --> 00:09:18,129
Well, I don't know, it's
kind of a weird question.
192
00:09:19,103 --> 00:09:22,266
I mean, I joined to put
myself through college,
193
00:09:23,908 --> 00:09:26,069
and it's...
I'm just a desk jockey,
194
00:09:26,144 --> 00:09:28,237
but it's still...
It's rewarding.
195
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:32,611
So, yeah, I guess I'm
in love with the Army.
196
00:09:34,086 --> 00:09:37,545
Oh, Leslie? Well, yeah. Yeah,
that makes a lot more sense.
197
00:09:38,258 --> 00:09:42,457
Yeah, I'm definitely in love with Leslie.
That's affirmative.
198
00:09:43,598 --> 00:09:48,331
I know this seems kind of fast, but
I feel like we got something here.
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00:09:49,938 --> 00:09:51,030
I do, too.
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00:09:51,106 --> 00:09:52,095
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
201
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:54,540
You don't have to
answer right away.
202
00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:57,774
Well, you kind of do.
I mean, I need to know soon.
203
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,708
- Wow!
- Yeah.
204
00:10:02,086 --> 00:10:03,747
Are you gonna go?
205
00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:08,819
This whole Dexhart thing is not making me
feel very attached to Pawnee right now.
206
00:10:08,894 --> 00:10:10,794
- San Diego. Jeez.
- Yeah.
207
00:10:11,062 --> 00:10:12,427
You could learn how to surf.
208
00:10:12,497 --> 00:10:13,692
I know how to surf.
209
00:10:13,766 --> 00:10:16,963
I took lessons when I was a kid.
I'm actually pretty good.
210
00:10:17,036 --> 00:10:18,526
I bet you are.
211
00:10:19,505 --> 00:10:21,804
I would miss Leslie like crazy.
212
00:10:22,176 --> 00:10:23,336
Aw!
213
00:10:25,412 --> 00:10:27,643
All right, sorted out that
payroll issue, this is done.
214
00:10:27,715 --> 00:10:29,808
"Bring a case of beer
to Sanitation." Why?
215
00:10:29,884 --> 00:10:31,852
Let's skip that one.
They can buy their own beer.
216
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,786
I'm getting hungry.
Let's get something to eat.
217
00:10:33,856 --> 00:10:35,983
Hey, have you figured out what
you're getting Ann for Christmas?
218
00:10:36,058 --> 00:10:38,789
Oh, I got her a pretty
great computer bag.
219
00:10:38,862 --> 00:10:40,386
Yeah?
That's a terrible gift.
220
00:10:40,997 --> 00:10:42,589
No, no, Tom, she needs one.
221
00:10:42,666 --> 00:10:45,727
She mentioned it to me two
months ago, and I wrote it down.
222
00:10:45,803 --> 00:10:48,431
That's what's called
being an amazing boyfriend.
223
00:10:48,506 --> 00:10:51,340
Have you seen Ann?
You know how hot she is?
224
00:10:51,743 --> 00:10:57,148
Men give women of that caliber speedboats,
private jets, not computer bags.
225
00:10:57,550 --> 00:10:59,017
Okay. What do you
think I should get her?
226
00:10:59,085 --> 00:11:01,019
Diamonds. Can't go
wrong with diamonds.
227
00:11:01,087 --> 00:11:02,645
- Diamonds?
- There isn't a woman alive
228
00:11:02,722 --> 00:11:03,883
who doesn't love diamonds.
229
00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:06,825
Even the super left-wing chicks that
saw Blood Diamond and cried,
230
00:11:06,894 --> 00:11:08,293
when they get a diamond,
they're like,
231
00:11:08,362 --> 00:11:11,230
"Yeah, bitch, give me more
of them blood diamonds!
232
00:11:11,299 --> 00:11:13,790
"Make them extra bloody."
Trust me.
233
00:11:15,405 --> 00:11:20,001
We are here looking at a videotape.
This is back in April 2005.
234
00:11:20,076 --> 00:11:22,944
- We're looking at Councilman Dexhart...
- Leslie, you should see this.
235
00:11:22,981 --> 00:11:26,314
And he's now about to shake
hands with Leslie Knope,
236
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,151
the alleged sex toy.
237
00:11:28,286 --> 00:11:30,015
Oh, for cripes sake!
238
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:33,159
Look at the way she's smiling at him.
Mmm-hmm.
239
00:11:33,341 --> 00:11:36,402
And then almost unconsciously
touching her hands to her hips.
240
00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:38,105
See that? Right there.
241
00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:41,776
It's like she's sending him a message
that she's ready for childbearing.
242
00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:43,876
- Wow.
- In a 24-hour news cycle,
243
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:47,322
the tiniest story gets
dissected over and over again.
244
00:11:47,391 --> 00:11:50,986
In 2004, a kid from Pawnee
went to the Olympics,
245
00:11:51,030 --> 00:11:53,727
and it was reported on
for over a year.
246
00:11:54,466 --> 00:11:55,763
He wasn't even
competing or anything,
247
00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:59,134
he just was going, literally,
to watch the Olympics.
248
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:09,045
It was way too easy
to get this guy here.
249
00:12:09,116 --> 00:12:11,915
Councilman Dexhart,
this has gone far enough.
250
00:12:11,987 --> 00:12:14,182
I want you to hold a press
conference and clear my name.
251
00:12:14,256 --> 00:12:15,883
Mmm... No, thanks.
252
00:12:15,957 --> 00:12:17,619
Why not?
What's in it for you?
253
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,251
To be honest,
being linked to Leslie
254
00:12:19,328 --> 00:12:22,058
is a lot less damning
than the real story.
255
00:12:22,131 --> 00:12:24,225
You're like
a glass of whole milk.
256
00:12:24,301 --> 00:12:26,929
What are you, Lutheran?
I love Lutherans.
257
00:12:27,170 --> 00:12:29,604
Councilman, with all
due respect, get a grip.
258
00:12:29,673 --> 00:12:30,868
If you don't hold
a press conference,
259
00:12:30,942 --> 00:12:32,807
I'm gonna come forward
and tell the whole story.
260
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,139
It won't do you any good.
261
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:37,205
Take it from me, denying
only makes things worse.
262
00:12:37,283 --> 00:12:38,545
Listen, I gotta go.
263
00:12:38,617 --> 00:12:41,245
I'm expected at two
different maternity wards.
264
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,415
But before I go, I'd be
remiss if I didn't ask.
265
00:12:45,725 --> 00:12:46,885
Should we?
266
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,052
Oh, my God!
267
00:12:48,128 --> 00:12:49,289
People already think we did it.
268
00:12:49,363 --> 00:12:51,263
You've got nothing to lose.
I'm very good.
269
00:12:51,332 --> 00:12:53,232
- Get out of here!
- All right, fine.
270
00:12:53,668 --> 00:12:57,127
Shoeshine. Shoeshine.
Oh! Hey! Hey.
271
00:12:57,706 --> 00:12:59,606
I've been thinking about
your gay boyfriend all day.
272
00:12:59,675 --> 00:13:01,143
I have got some awesome ideas.
273
00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:02,268
Okay.
274
00:13:03,079 --> 00:13:05,809
First idea,
spray tan gift certificates.
275
00:13:07,016 --> 00:13:09,042
Ugh. No.
276
00:13:09,653 --> 00:13:12,247
Trip to Germany?
Germany is awesome.
277
00:13:12,323 --> 00:13:13,757
And expensive.
278
00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:16,250
Good call.
I didn't think of that.
279
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:18,888
Okay, you know how people say
that you should give gifts
280
00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:21,990
that you would want to get yourself?
What would you want?
281
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:23,968
Easy. Indianapolis Colts'
Reggie Wayne jersey,
282
00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:26,005
number 87, double XL,
home blue,
283
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:30,908
signed by Reggie Wayne right after he
catches a touchdown to win the Super Bowl.
284
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,945
- Okay. Never mind.
- No?
285
00:13:33,381 --> 00:13:36,009
Hip Hop Abs dance fitness DVD?
286
00:13:36,092 --> 00:13:39,119
We just received
these exclusive photos.
287
00:13:39,221 --> 00:13:41,621
We have pictures
of City Councilman Dexhart...
288
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:43,055
My God!
...with Leslie Knope...
289
00:13:43,125 --> 00:13:44,616
I cannot believe it!
290
00:13:44,694 --> 00:13:47,959
The big issue now is,
who is this mystery woman?
291
00:13:48,148 --> 00:13:51,829
She and Knope are standing
very close to each other,
292
00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:54,787
and any time you see two women
standing very close to each other...
293
00:13:54,939 --> 00:13:56,497
- Oh, no. No, don't say it.
- ...you immediately assume...
294
00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:58,008
- Please don't say it.
- ...lesbian.
295
00:13:58,076 --> 00:13:59,782
- Oh, of course.
- What?
296
00:14:00,045 --> 00:14:04,949
It is a veritable storm of information
coming into the studios here today.
297
00:14:04,992 --> 00:14:07,155
Hi, this is Leslie Knope,
and I would like Joan
298
00:14:07,186 --> 00:14:08,744
to clear all
of her guests tomorrow,
299
00:14:08,789 --> 00:14:10,087
because I'm coming on the show.
300
00:14:10,190 --> 00:14:12,555
If you think that you can drag me
and my friend through the mud,
301
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:15,020
then you've got...
Yes, I'll hold.
302
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,728
- Unbelievable.
- Hey.
303
00:14:18,806 --> 00:14:20,239
- What happened?
- Got a call
304
00:14:20,308 --> 00:14:22,504
from some panicky
morning joggers.
305
00:14:22,577 --> 00:14:25,102
Apparently, Sanitation
didn't empty this dumpster.
306
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:27,171
To the raccoons' delight.
307
00:14:27,282 --> 00:14:29,308
I thought raccoons were
supposed to be nocturnal.
308
00:14:29,385 --> 00:14:32,912
Not in this town, sweetheart.
In this town, they're 24/7.
309
00:14:32,989 --> 00:14:35,322
We can't have raccoons
for the Christmas thing.
310
00:14:35,392 --> 00:14:37,519
They'll hunt
the kids for sport.
311
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,789
Fess up, guys.
Who dropped the ball?
312
00:14:41,266 --> 00:14:42,961
"Bring a case
of beer to Sanitation."
313
00:14:43,034 --> 00:14:44,661
"Bring a case of..."
314
00:14:44,736 --> 00:14:47,535
Yeah, this one's our fault, Ron, and
we will take care of this for you.
315
00:14:47,606 --> 00:14:50,734
Okay, good, because I have
to run a public forum,
316
00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:55,145
supervise the maintenance crews, and
teach crafts at the senior center.
317
00:14:55,449 --> 00:14:56,916
Simultaneously.
318
00:14:58,251 --> 00:15:00,914
Joan, I just wanted to say thank you
for letting me be on your show.
319
00:15:00,988 --> 00:15:02,956
I'm really happy that I have
the chance to clear my name.
320
00:15:03,024 --> 00:15:07,018
Well, sure. I see you brought your
girlfriend for support. That's nice.
321
00:15:07,096 --> 00:15:08,495
What? Oh, no.
She's not my...
322
00:15:08,564 --> 00:15:09,929
And in five, Joan.
323
00:15:09,998 --> 00:15:11,933
She's a... We're...
Four. Three.
324
00:15:12,001 --> 00:15:13,696
You've got it wrong.
325
00:15:13,770 --> 00:15:17,399
Sex. Drugs, possibly.
Rock and Roll?
326
00:15:18,008 --> 00:15:21,535
We'll find out, on Pawnee
Today's exclusive interview
327
00:15:21,612 --> 00:15:24,673
with the woman at the center
of the Dexhart sex scandal,
328
00:15:24,750 --> 00:15:26,217
Leslie Knope.
329
00:15:26,785 --> 00:15:30,916
Leslie, my first question has to
be, when did the affair start?
330
00:15:31,190 --> 00:15:34,023
Joan, I spoke with
Councilman Dexhart
331
00:15:34,093 --> 00:15:35,390
for the first time that night.
332
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:39,731
We met for about 15 minutes,
and then I went home, alone,
333
00:15:39,867 --> 00:15:41,129
and that's the whole story.
334
00:15:41,235 --> 00:15:44,672
Well, Leslie, we all saw the
tape from four years ago,
335
00:15:45,006 --> 00:15:47,837
and you were flashing some
serious "do me" eyes.
336
00:15:47,887 --> 00:15:49,175
That's just my opinion.
337
00:15:49,211 --> 00:15:51,304
I don't understand
why I'm on trial here.
338
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:54,349
You should be grilling
Councilman Dexhart.
339
00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:57,581
You know what? That's a really good idea.
Let's bring him out!
340
00:15:57,654 --> 00:15:59,986
Councilman, come on out!
341
00:16:00,056 --> 00:16:01,319
Hi, sweetie.
342
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,091
Why didn't you tell me
he was gonna be here?
343
00:16:04,162 --> 00:16:06,289
I thought it'd
be more exciting!
344
00:16:06,364 --> 00:16:07,730
You look great.
345
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,436
It's like I'm invisible.
346
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:16,532
Okay, my name is Ron.
You don't need to know my last name.
347
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:20,341
Whoever wants to talk, go ahead, and
we'll be out of here in a tight 15.
348
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:22,939
I found a sandwich
in one of your parks,
349
00:16:23,017 --> 00:16:26,181
and I want to know why it
didn't have mayonnaise.
350
00:16:27,622 --> 00:16:29,146
- What's so funny?
- Oh.
351
00:16:29,224 --> 00:16:31,624
Yeah, I don't think kids should be
allowed on the playground equipment.
352
00:16:31,693 --> 00:16:34,754
Okay. We've been over this.
If you're worried about swine flu,
353
00:16:34,831 --> 00:16:36,128
use hand sanitizer...
354
00:16:36,199 --> 00:16:37,461
I'm not worried
about swine flu.
355
00:16:37,533 --> 00:16:40,162
I already have the swine flu.
I'm worried about the turtle flu.
356
00:16:40,237 --> 00:16:41,295
The turtle flu?
357
00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:42,360
Turtle flu.
358
00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:44,730
Turtle flu.
359
00:16:44,976 --> 00:16:49,640
Joan, this whole Pawnee Sun story
is "gotcha journalism" at its worst.
360
00:16:49,848 --> 00:16:53,341
Honey, let's just keep our private
life in the bedroom where it belongs.
361
00:16:53,419 --> 00:16:55,080
We do not have a private life!
362
00:16:55,154 --> 00:16:56,781
Stop saying that we
have a private life!
363
00:16:56,857 --> 00:16:58,586
The fact is,
we never slept together,
364
00:16:58,658 --> 00:17:00,990
and if we did,
you would have proof,
365
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,858
and we would
have seen it by now.
366
00:17:02,929 --> 00:17:03,954
Councilman?
367
00:17:04,031 --> 00:17:05,293
I can prove it.
368
00:17:06,701 --> 00:17:09,227
She has a mole on
her right buttock.
369
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:12,131
What?
That is a total lie.
370
00:17:12,508 --> 00:17:14,806
You've never seen my butt.
What are you talking about?
371
00:17:14,877 --> 00:17:17,073
He has never seen my butt.
372
00:17:18,848 --> 00:17:22,410
- Well, I guess it's your word against his.
- That's right.
373
00:17:24,455 --> 00:17:25,547
Fine.
374
00:17:26,457 --> 00:17:28,392
Here, Joan. Why don't
you look for yourself?
375
00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:30,121
Is this happening?
376
00:17:30,929 --> 00:17:31,918
Wait.
377
00:17:32,397 --> 00:17:35,196
There's no mole.
There is no mole.
378
00:17:35,535 --> 00:17:39,904
This exclusive story, there
is no mole on Miss Knope!
379
00:17:39,972 --> 00:17:42,305
I can't believe it's come to this.
This is utterly humiliating.
380
00:17:42,376 --> 00:17:46,107
Well, Councilman?
Care to make a comment about No-Mole-Gate?
381
00:17:46,548 --> 00:17:47,606
Yes.
382
00:17:47,815 --> 00:17:52,081
I really didn't think that Miss Knope
would pull down her pants on TV,
383
00:17:52,487 --> 00:17:54,149
but since she did,
384
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:59,459
I will admit that the rumors of
our affair are indeed false.
385
00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:02,760
- Thank you.
- However, I have no plans to resign.
386
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:06,269
Oh, great. Okay, Councilman.
You know what? You're a class act.
387
00:18:06,337 --> 00:18:07,395
Thank you.
388
00:18:07,538 --> 00:18:08,869
I thought you did great.
389
00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:12,638
When you get all feisty like
that, it gets my heart racing.
390
00:18:13,478 --> 00:18:15,503
Like I'm on a Stairmaster,
391
00:18:16,381 --> 00:18:18,782
except more, like,
in a sexual...
392
00:18:20,219 --> 00:18:21,447
Context.
393
00:18:22,555 --> 00:18:24,956
I can't go to
San Diego with you.
394
00:18:28,662 --> 00:18:31,928
My life is here.
My friends, my career.
395
00:18:32,434 --> 00:18:36,769
I guess I just thought with everything
that happened, you'd want a fresh start.
396
00:18:36,839 --> 00:18:40,002
I know. I really care
about you, Dave. I just...
397
00:18:41,344 --> 00:18:42,972
I love this town.
398
00:18:44,481 --> 00:18:45,846
I'm sorry.
399
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,045
You want your ticket back?
400
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:51,452
No. You know what?
Keep it.
401
00:18:51,789 --> 00:18:54,417
You may want to
come visit me, right?
402
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:59,856
There's a $75 change fee, but I could
pay you that, or I could reimburse you.
403
00:18:59,932 --> 00:19:02,834
There's a lot of ways
we could handle that.
404
00:19:12,546 --> 00:19:15,072
Oh! Oh! That's...
405
00:19:16,652 --> 00:19:17,812
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
406
00:19:17,886 --> 00:19:18,910
Hey!
407
00:19:19,221 --> 00:19:21,588
- Honey. Honey, I'm so proud of you.
- Leslie Knope!
408
00:19:21,658 --> 00:19:25,287
That took guts,
mooning Joan Callamezzo!
409
00:19:25,361 --> 00:19:27,728
- Aw! Honey!
- Thanks, Mom.
410
00:19:28,766 --> 00:19:30,199
Oh, God! Is something
wrong with the tree?
411
00:19:30,267 --> 00:19:31,427
No. Nothing wrong.
412
00:19:31,502 --> 00:19:33,971
But it's almost 9:00.
It should've been lighted up an hour ago.
413
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:35,700
We waited for you.
414
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,607
Okay, everybody.
Count down.
415
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,952
- Five! Four!
- Five! Four!
416
00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:48,021
- Three! Two!
- Three! Two!
417
00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:50,079
- One! Yeah!
- One! Yeah!
418
00:20:03,339 --> 00:20:05,705
It's gotten a lot
harder to work in government.
419
00:20:05,775 --> 00:20:09,040
You think Winston Churchill ever had to
pull his pants down and show his butt?
420
00:20:09,112 --> 00:20:11,877
No. But would he have? Yes.
421
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,292
Now, could he have?
422
00:20:14,317 --> 00:20:16,053
Well, maybe not towards
the end of his life,
423
00:20:16,079 --> 00:20:18,543
but he would have.
424
00:20:19,424 --> 00:20:21,415
Because he loved his job.
425
00:20:34,809 --> 00:20:36,880
Reggie Wayne!
426
00:20:38,179 --> 00:20:42,276
Dude! You remembered me complaining
about my computer bag!
427
00:20:42,586 --> 00:20:43,814
Do you like it?
428
00:20:43,919 --> 00:20:45,079
Yeah, it's perfect.
429
00:20:45,135 --> 00:20:47,717
It's way better than the
gift that I got you.
430
00:20:47,785 --> 00:20:49,822
It's Pacers tickets.
431
00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:51,858
- Oh!
- They're not even good seats! Ugh.
432
00:20:51,895 --> 00:20:53,193
This is awesome!
433
00:20:53,264 --> 00:20:54,288
It's not awesome.
434
00:20:54,328 --> 00:20:56,914
I actually got you
a second gift.
435
00:20:58,538 --> 00:21:01,440
You don't have to come
to this game with me.
436
00:21:02,542 --> 00:21:04,203
You don't have to.
437
00:21:04,343 --> 00:21:05,902
- That's the nicest gift anybody's ever...
- Is that good?
438
00:21:05,941 --> 00:21:08,022
- Gotten me in my life! Yes!
- Is that good? Come here.
439
00:21:09,883 --> 00:21:11,145
Oh, thank God!
440
00:21:11,185 --> 00:21:15,908
There's a bunch of messages waiting for you
about a bunch of things I don't understand.
441
00:21:33,076 --> 00:21:36,240
Hi, this is Leslie Knope
in the Parks Department.
35553
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