Original subtitles

(Kirby) I've said it before and I'll say it again:

if you've got good friends, you've got good times.

I am in a mood.

As such, there will be...

-no bouncing of balls. -(door slams)

-And if you don't have good friends... -(all beatboxing)

Then I guess you just wanna stop everyone else's good times.

No boxing of beats.

And absolutely no hackying of sacks.

And when you run into someone like that...

there's only one thing you can do.

Guys, I think it's time we find Principal Mitchell a friend.

Hm.

(theme music playing)

(Man) ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

(serene music plays)

(knocking)

Principal Mitchell, there's an emergency!

Is the Superintendent here?

Did someone discover the secret behind Tuna Melt Tuesdays?

Which is nothing.

No. It's worse.

There it is.

Right there.

Man, doesn't that make you crazy,

people defacing school property like that?

Thankfully, we have dedicated people

like Gerald the Cool Janitor to take care of it.

(electric guitar riff)

Mr. Buckets, this was not...

Hey, crazy idea.

Since both of you guys hate property defacement so much,

maybe you guys should just hang...

(electric guitar riff)

Isn't he great?

You are no longer allowed

to use the term "emergency".

(sighs)

And no bubbling of gum.

So, no luck in finding Mitchell a friend, huh?

Eh, friends are overrated.

No way, buddy!

If you had friends, they'd stop this from happening!

Ow!

Principal Mitchell and I have

always gotten along professionally.

I can throw in a game of Checkers now and then.

(whispers) Maybe even slap down some Dominoes.

If we want Mitchell off our backs,

we need to put him onto someone else's.

(whirring)

Right on time.

(laughs)

Hey, Dawn,

um, that's kind of my spot, so could you just...

-Get lost. -Dawn...

I come here to this exact spot

at the exact same time every day

to watch kids fall down on that buffed floor.

So, could you just be cool?

Oh, I will not just be cool.

I come here every day to do the exact same thing.

And since I missed my normal 9:00 A.M. slip and falls,

I'm going to watch people slip and fall now.

But these are my steps.

And I need you to step off.

(yelps, groans)

(both laugh)

Wait, did you see him?

He was all... (yelps, groans)

(both laugh and sigh)

Okay, fine.

Just don't tell Kirby about this.

(whistling)

(marching band plays)

-Is that... -The marching band?

(both gasp)

(screams and thumps)

Uh... thanks again for helping me

with my psychology homework, Eli.

-My pleasure... -(student screams)

(cymbal rattles)

I've always said when we learn about our minds,

we learn about our brains.

You should write that down.

Uh...

just a few more survey questions and we'll be done.

First one...

do you have any recurring dreams?

Pass.

(whispers) I have an inner darkness.

Next question.

Have you ever had any imaginary friends?

Oh, sure.

When I was nine, I had an imaginary friend named Boogey Down Carl.

You know, I also had

an imaginary friend named Boogey Down Carl.

What are the odds?

I miss Boogey Down Carl.

Always hanging out in his copper-colored tuxedo,

gets all melty and holding that giant lollipop.

Eli, that sounds exactly like my Boogey Down Carl.

Did your Carl by chance have a shrunken head and...

(Both) Smell like tartar sauce?

Eli, you and I had the same imaginary friend!

How is that possible?

Is it because of psychology?

Yes, Eli.

This is definitely because of psychology.

Kirbo!

So...

I got called into your principal's office today.

You have got a lot of explaining to do, mister...

Look, Dad, I can explain.

about why you never told me

what an awesome guy Principal Mitchell is!

(Principal Mitchell) Mr. Buckets...

this homemade guac is definitely seaworthy.

Oh, hello, Mr. Buckets.

Wh...

what is going on?

Turns out Principal Mitchell and I have a lot in common.

We both love the films of Sandy Bullock

and homemade guac.

And let's not forget

that most sumptuous of all mistresses: the sea.

Aye-aye to that!

(both chuckle)

We've been hanging out all afternoon

talkin' about boats and whatnot.

I almost gave your father a nickname.

Without your strange and reckless behavior,

I never would have met my new best friend.

(laughs)

-Mmm. -Yeah.

(both chuckle)

(upbeat music plays)

♪ Mitchell and Dad! ♪

This is terrible.

I was trying to get Principal Mitchell off my back,

but now he's in my life more than ever.

He and my dad spent all day and night

reenacting scenes from old famous boat movies.

-(dramatic music playing) -I am on top of the world!

(sputters)

I gotta find a way to break them up.

Well, hold on a second.

Who's to say who should be friends and who shouldn't?

Sometimes two total opposites can be really good friends

and it doesn't have to be weird.

No.

This is gonna be bad for me. I can feel it.

(Principal Mitchell) Ah.

Hope your old man and I didn't bother you too much

with our guac-ing around the clock.

(chuckles)

Anyway, I felt bad about it,

so I wanted to get you something.

(majestic music playing)

I know how important germ-free water is to you,

and hey, I get it.

(sneezes)

Gross, Lucas.

Anywho, she's yours.

Thanks, Principal Mitchell.

Whoa!

Private drinking fountain!

(gulping)

I think I overdid it.

(grunts)

Buddy! (chuckles)

I wasn't sure if you liked popcorn or peanuts more,

so I brought 'em both.

You know, sometimes I like to mix them...

Yeah, great story, buddy. We've got problems.

What?

I found them in my locker this morning.

We're being blackmailed.

They threatened to tell Kirby about us

if we don't give them what they want.

Kirby can't find out about this!

His best friend and his worst enemy hanging out?

-His heart couldn't take it! -Oh, well what about my credibility?

I can't have people know that I'm hanging out with my loser brother's loser friends.

So what do we do?

They left this note saying that

they'd be in touch with their demands.

This is really, really bad.

Whoa!

Ugh!

Five hours of research

and nothing here explains how two completely different people

can have the exact same imaginary friend!

Who are you, Boogey Down Carl?!

(howling)

Whoa, check this out.

"When two or more children share the same imaginary friend,

that friend is not imaginary at all,

but a spirit visiting from another plane of existence."

So, Boogey Down Carl is real?

I guess so.

(howling)

Do you really need to keep testing that fan?

(wind howls)

(sighs)

(upbeat music plays)

(all beatboxing)

(all beatbox)

(clears throat)

Thanks, Craig.

(Big Ricky) Hey, Buckets...

I want you to meet my dad.

Big Rick, Universal Insurance.

Used to work in a calendar factory, but I got fired for taking a few days off.

(both laugh)

Whoo!

I know what you've been up to...

and your free ride is over.

Once Mitchell meeds my dad,

I'll be getting all these cool perks

and it'll be bye-bye, Buckets.

I don't know what you're talking about.

And besides, what makes you think

Mitchell's gonna want anything to do with your dad?

Because everyone likes my dad.

Big Rick, Universal Insurance.

Oh! Oh, you like guacamole?

Huh? Have some.

Mmm! Mmm!

Admit it, even you like him.

I do kind of like him.

(Big Rick) Am I on the list now?

Oh, man.

Imagine the fun we'd have if she was full size.

My seasickness would prevent that,

but it is a beautiful dream.

Hey, Principal...

Dad?

What are you doing here?

Not skipping work, if that's what you're thinking.

(upbeat music plays)

♪ Mitchell and Dad! ♪

(both make explosion sound)

Look, I got great news.

I hear there's a new submarine movie out.

It's my treat if you guys go right now.

It's got Sandy Bullock.

(Both) We're in.

(muttering)

Hey, Principal Mitchell.

(sighs)

I'd like to introduce you to my father.

No one cares. Come on.

A pleasure, but if you'll excuse us,

I'm leaving school to watch an emergency submarine movie

with my BFF.

That's me. Good to meet ya.

Oh, that's some grip!

I'm gonna call you Straight Flush

because that is a strong hand.

(laughs)

A cool nickname for me?

Kirby, from now on, you're calling me Straight Flush.

-Dad... -Straight Flush.

Please.

Fellas, I saw that sub movie,

and it's what the French call que terrible.

But... (snaps fingers)

Brain storm!

I know a great barbecue rib place

where we can all hang.

It's called my house!

(laughs)

I do not actually eat pork for personal reasons.

(whispers) I don't like the taste.

Straight Flush, you in?

I do love ribs and my cool new nickname.

Byron, you're okay if we take a rain check, right?

Uh... yes.

I suppose that would be okay.

-But should we plan... -Great. Let's go.

(both laugh)

(both chatting)

What just happened?

Your dad dumped me for a guy named Big Rick.

That is what happened.

Oh, no.

(screaming)

So Big Ricky's family seems nice.

(screaming)

Is that your shirt?

They cut the sleeves off and run around with them.

I told my dad and he said it was classic horseplay.

My life is a sick joke.

Kirbo!

-Tharr ya be! -Yeah!

Important question for ya.

The Flush and I are thinking

about growing twin captains' beards.

Huh? Kind of an Old man and the Sea thing.

Yes. Yes. So, honest opinion.

Well, honestly, I'd think we'd be better off

-if you and Big Rick just... -(Dad) Brainstorm!

We make fake beards to test out the look!

-Yes! -Ha ha!

-(both chatting) -What...

So, Little Ricky Jr. tried flushing one of your t-shirts

and clogged the toilet.

-(stomach gurgles) -Oh.

Oh, I still got some more to go.

Do you have another toilet?

-Upstairs. -Okay.

Move!

-Oh! Hey, Dawn.

Funny seeing you here tonight and at no other time today.

Yeah. So funny.

Uh, you know, that's what happened though.

If anybody told you about anything about anything, they lied.

Mm-hmm.

-(groans) -Oh!

Ow...

Little Ricky Jr.

Mr. Buckets, it has come to my attention that

you have made a mockery of our school rules

by procuring a private drinking fountain for yourself.

But you gave that to me.

Nonsense.

I'm not the type of person

that would give someone a beautiful gift like that

and then tear it away, ripping their heart out

like we never bonded over Sandy Bullock movies at all.

Look, I know you're upset about my dad ditching you...

Why should I care about some guac-eating doofus

and his giant ginger buddy?

Did he ask about me?

If you want to be my dad's friend,

then just show him that you're just as good as Big Rick.

Fight for him.

For both of our sakes.

I don't need friends, Mr. Buckets.

I need a school that runs ship... shape.

-Hold it together. -(phone beeps)

Oh, no, it's my dad.

He's gonna buy a boat with Big Rick! We gotta stop this!

No. I know when I'm not wanted.

Besides, I have a school to run.

Hm, interesting.

Documents.

Fine.

If you won't help me, I'll do it myself.

(door opens, closes)

Are you sure trying to contact Boogey Down Carl is a good idea?

This is the only way for us to really know

what's going on here, Eli.

Now come on.

(Both) Boogey. Down. Carl.

Boogey. Down. Carl!

Maybe we should try to say his name backwards.

I think I saw that in a movie once.

What would that even be like?

Lrac Nwod Eigoob?

(Voice) Nautica adversarii, omnis congregatio secta nautica.

Carl?

Is that you?

Did you learn Latin?

(both scream)

(high pitched) That was not Boogey Down Carl.

No. Okay, let's never do this again!

(laughter)

-Dad. wait! -Kirby!

So excited about the boat

you had to come check her out, huh?

Big Rick and I are either gonna call her

Sea-ductress or It's A-Boat Time.

Or... Victoria.

After my dear, departed mother.

Or It's A-Boat Time.

Dad, this is crazy.

Crazy awesome!

We can go out with Big Rick and his family every weekend!

Hey...

does this boat have another toilet?

-No! Get out of there! -(groans)

-Kirby! Give that back! -I'm sorry, Dad,

but I'm not gonna let you make the biggest mistake of your life.

Fun's fun, buddy, but we need those papers.

Kirby, we are a boating family now, and you better start acting like it!

(tears)

-No! -(wails)

(grunt)

I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in sleeveless t-shirts!

-I got another copy, so... -Oh, that makes sense.

-Oh, you always keep another one. -Please sign right here.

(Seller) Put your ol' Bob Hancock on that.

Yeah. Yes. Sign her up there.

This is where we're supposed to meet 'em.

-Just let me do all the talking. -Blackmailer, show yourself!

(clears throat)

Sir Ashley Goodmop, the other cool janitor,

humbly at your service.

Service? You're blackmailing us.

I became a janitor for two reasons:

because a fortune teller told me it was my...

Cut the chit-chat, Goodmop. What do you want?

I want the two of you to realize that you're in love.

Because that's what love is:

watching people slip and fall on freshly buffed floors.

I had a woman to share it with once, but then she... slipped.

She was fine of course, but I laughed so hard, she left me.

So what do you say?

Will you make this old janitor proud and become boyfriend and girlfriend?

Yeah...

Why don't we just stop hanging out?

You get the steps in the morning, I get them in the afternoon.

Deal.

(sniffles) Blackmail enough people

and sooner or later, you'll teach them how to love.

It's a big commitment, co-owning a boat.

Are you guys sure you're ready for that?

Big time!

-Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm... -(horn)

Do not buy that boat!

Byron? What's happening?

He's getting his bro back, Dad.

He's getting his bro back.

-I thought I was too proud for this... -(stomach gurgles)

Hm. Apologies.

Just a little seasick. No biggie.

I think what Principal Mitchell is trying to say is, uh...

he wants to be friends again.

-(dramatic music) -I realized I wasn't perfect.

It should have been me who gave you that nickname...

but I can change.

I can be the bro you want me to be.

So, what do you say, Dad?

-Well... -Oh, man.

(sobbing)

Friends like this have to stay together,

even if one is, like, weirdly British

and doesn't eat ribs.

(both laugh)

♪ Mitchell and Dad and Big Rick! ♪

Is there room on that form for one more signature?

I'm sorry, but the boat is not for sale anymore.

-What? -What? Why?

All this talk about friendship got me to really thinking.

I used to have a best friend too...

this boat!

I think it's time she and I got reacquainted.

(Big Rick) Whoa...

Really makes you think...

about all the cool things

we're giving up if we stay friends.

Whoa, hey, I mean,

you guys can still be friends, right, Dad? Principal Mitchell?

No.

Big Rick is right.

We should forget this friend nonsense

and remain casual acquaintances.

(chuckles)

One last brainstorm!

What do you guys say we rent this boat

and live that boat life one time?

-I say boat party! -Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Wow! Yeah!

(Reporter) Day five of the rescue mission

to save three men trapped on a lake due to their own incompetence

and total inability to operate a boat.

Now I feel kind of bad for destroying that toilet.

(groans)

-(cackles) -(groans)

Eli!

-What's this? -It's a children's book.

That's why we have the same imaginary friend.

Because we have terrible imaginations.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I mean, I'm a little bummed,

but actually it's a relief finding out he wasn't real.

That means I'm not going crazy.

Whoo! Psychology!

It worked just like you said it would.

Now I have you all to myself.

Man, can you believe I thought Boogey Down Carl was real?

So... what are my orders?

(grunts)

All right. "A" marker.

-(beeping) -♪ One, two, three, four, five ♪

(beeping)

-Rolling! -(beep)

(beeping)

(singing)

(beeping)

-(beeping) -(both beatboxing)

-(laughter) -(Man) Cut!

-(beeping) -(yelps)

-(beeping) -Goodnight!