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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,370 Brooke: You can just leave it right there. 2 00:00:08,433 --> 00:00:10,433 -Appreciate you. -(lawn mower roaring) 3 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:12,170 -(door shuts) -(footsteps approaching) 4 00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:17,733 (bottles rattling) 5 00:00:18,733 --> 00:00:20,403 Oh yes... 6 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,133 -(sniffs) -(phone buzzing) 7 00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:40,573 (buzzing) 8 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,330 (buzzing stops) 9 00:00:49,433 --> 00:00:52,473 (light piano playing) 10 00:00:52,533 --> 00:00:54,603 ♪ 11 00:01:11,266 --> 00:01:13,526 (car door opens, shuts) 12 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,730 (car drives away) 13 00:01:17,633 --> 00:01:18,703 (sighs) 14 00:01:24,733 --> 00:01:26,533 Okay, five things I wish 15 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:27,730 someone would've told me a year ago. 16 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,130 One, mental health is, like, no joke. 17 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,030 It requires as much maintenance as your physical health. 18 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,400 And two, literally everybody needs therapy. 19 00:01:35,466 --> 00:01:37,666 That's why I'm outside my therapist's office right now, 20 00:01:37,733 --> 00:01:40,233 -doing what I have to-- -Brooke: Are you... 21 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,030 -coming in or...? -I-- 22 00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,170 Oh hey, Dr. T! Everyone, 23 00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:46,503 look at this mental health professional, 24 00:01:46,566 --> 00:01:49,526 glowing with melanin, and looking good. 25 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:54,070 -(shuts door) -Oh. 26 00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:57,573 Sorry. I, like, need to spit out my gum. 27 00:01:57,633 --> 00:02:00,103 Oh. Tissues here, trash can there. 28 00:02:00,166 --> 00:02:01,766 -Hm. -You can keep the pack. 29 00:02:02,033 --> 00:02:05,733 You know, you should, like, get branded tissues or something. 30 00:02:06,033 --> 00:02:10,073 I bet people come in here crying about stuff all the time. 31 00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:13,073 Ones with, like, your name on it? Your face? 32 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,033 That'd be so funny. 33 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:18,230 I don't know if I want my patients to look at me and cry. 34 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:21,230 Mm. My dad puts his face on everything. 35 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:25,100 Keychains, coasters, fidget spinners, bumper stickers. 36 00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:28,626 Come on down! Ow. 37 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:31,600 -What happened? -Oh, this? It's cute, right? 38 00:02:31,666 --> 00:02:33,126 I love Hello Kitty. 39 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,600 You know, I would, like, really love to go to Japan one day. 40 00:02:35,666 --> 00:02:38,326 -Laila. You're deflecting. -What? 41 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,270 Um... Deflect. 42 00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:43,133 From the Latin "de," as in, like, negative, 43 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,430 -from or of. "Flectere," to bend. -Impressive. 44 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,600 Yeah. Grandma made me take Latin. 45 00:02:48,666 --> 00:02:50,666 Somebody told her it would help me on my SATs, 46 00:02:50,733 --> 00:02:52,403 so now, I know this language that 47 00:02:52,466 --> 00:02:54,196 nobody else friggin' speaks, 48 00:02:54,266 --> 00:02:56,066 as if I wasn't already, like, drilling vocab words 49 00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:58,073 -for the past 12 centuries. And, obviously, -Laila... 50 00:02:58,133 --> 00:03:00,403 I was, like, gonna do better on verbal than I was gonna do on math. 51 00:03:00,466 --> 00:03:03,696 -So, it was like complete overkill, but Grandma-- -(laughs) Okay. Fine. 52 00:03:05,233 --> 00:03:07,603 You win. I give up. 53 00:03:14,533 --> 00:03:16,033 I'm glad you came back. 54 00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:18,600 (scoffs) Well, like, no choice. 55 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,530 Grandma and all. 56 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,770 -Well last week, we talked about building trust. -Yeah. 57 00:03:25,033 --> 00:03:27,433 -So, like, what do I have to do? -Nothing. 58 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,770 Or whatever you want. 59 00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:31,403 But as for me, 60 00:03:31,466 --> 00:03:34,096 if we're going to trust each other, 61 00:03:34,166 --> 00:03:37,166 I am going to be truthful about what I'm feeling 62 00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:40,533 so you can always be sure where we stand. 63 00:03:41,466 --> 00:03:44,396 -Okay. -So, 64 00:03:44,466 --> 00:03:45,996 in that spirit... 65 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,330 a thought has stuck with me from our session last week, 66 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:54,270 and I want to be upfront with you about it. 67 00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:57,073 When we were in the kitchen, I noticed how upset you got 68 00:03:57,133 --> 00:03:59,573 when we talked about your girlfriend's age. 69 00:03:59,633 --> 00:04:01,573 Is that something we can talk about? 70 00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:03,703 This again? 71 00:04:03,766 --> 00:04:06,266 I mean, what, you think I'm like some abuser or something? 72 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,303 You're gonna call the Feds 73 00:04:07,366 --> 00:04:08,596 because I told you I like to have sex? 74 00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:10,666 I didn't say anything like that, Laila. 75 00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:12,273 (scoffs) 76 00:04:14,233 --> 00:04:16,373 But I keep replaying the moment you said 77 00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:18,303 that you and Cara were the same person. 78 00:04:18,366 --> 00:04:20,996 Do you really think that can be true? 79 00:04:21,066 --> 00:04:22,526 Mm. We are. 80 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,670 But she is 15, and you are 18. 81 00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:29,203 Big developmental shifts happen in those years. Huge. 82 00:04:29,266 --> 00:04:32,366 At 15, mood swings are very common. 83 00:04:32,433 --> 00:04:33,633 Oppositional one moment, 84 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:36,170 needy the next, and then, usually, 85 00:04:36,233 --> 00:04:38,203 there's an intense emphasis on sex, 86 00:04:38,266 --> 00:04:41,066 but by 18, a lot of that stuff 87 00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:43,303 has settled down, and people are looking ahead 88 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,726 -to the next chapter. -Yeah, so, like, 89 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,670 why are you telling me any of this? 90 00:04:47,733 --> 00:04:50,503 Your next chapter is college, right? 91 00:04:51,733 --> 00:04:53,303 See, there it is. 92 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,070 That shrug. 93 00:04:56,133 --> 00:05:00,573 I've noticed it every time we talk about school. Why is that? 94 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,173 Um, like... 95 00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:05,473 (scoffs) I guess it's just... 96 00:05:05,533 --> 00:05:07,403 Well, like, whatever. I mean, you know, 97 00:05:07,466 --> 00:05:09,126 it's the next thing, so... 98 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:10,670 Do you feel ready? 99 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,070 Um, yeah. I guess. 100 00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:17,703 Because sometimes, when people don't feel completely ready, 101 00:05:17,766 --> 00:05:20,096 they regress. 102 00:05:20,166 --> 00:05:21,766 They replay the younger version of themselves-- 103 00:05:22,033 --> 00:05:25,733 Yes, I understand what regress means. (scoffs) 104 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,700 But, how are you gonna sit up there and try to tell me 105 00:05:27,766 --> 00:05:31,166 anything like you were better than me at my age? Don't try it. 106 00:05:31,233 --> 00:05:33,373 People talk. 107 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,533 And what do they say? 108 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,100 Um... 109 00:05:37,733 --> 00:05:40,473 Shoot, I mean, just... 110 00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:42,373 Something about, like, you being sent away to, 111 00:05:42,433 --> 00:05:45,233 like, reform school for a while and... 112 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,470 Whatever. Uh... 113 00:05:47,533 --> 00:05:50,073 (scoffs) Now, you're gonna tell me about, you know, 114 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:51,703 what I do? Miss me with that. 115 00:05:54,766 --> 00:05:56,566 If there's something you want to ask me, 116 00:05:56,633 --> 00:05:59,103 I'm generally open to sharing. 117 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:03,730 I mean, sure. 118 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,030 Say what you're gonna say. 119 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:10,103 I did make mistakes when I was young. 120 00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:12,396 I was having sex. 121 00:06:13,566 --> 00:06:15,396 Having experiences. 122 00:06:15,466 --> 00:06:19,226 Experiences that propelled me into a different stage of life. 123 00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:22,030 I knew it. I was excited about it, 124 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,600 in part because I was young. 125 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,170 When I was 15, 126 00:06:30,233 --> 00:06:32,503 I ended up pregnant. 127 00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:35,166 I didn't realize it for quite some time, 128 00:06:35,233 --> 00:06:37,103 and for a longer time, 129 00:06:37,166 --> 00:06:38,596 I was in denial. 130 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:41,596 "I couldn't be pregnant." (laughs) 131 00:06:41,666 --> 00:06:44,696 I thought if I didn't admit it, then I wouldn't be, but... 132 00:06:45,733 --> 00:06:47,603 I was. 133 00:06:49,466 --> 00:06:52,126 So, what'd you do? 134 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:56,330 Well, in a way, I didn't do anything. 135 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,370 My parents found out, 136 00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:01,403 and they sent me away 137 00:07:01,466 --> 00:07:03,726 to come to term. 138 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,530 Uh, my dad 139 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,430 made arrangements for an adoption. 140 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,500 He made sure that 141 00:07:09,566 --> 00:07:12,296 I came back to my life without ever having 142 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:15,126 to be a mother. 143 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,330 And I-- And I don't know if that decision 144 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,300 was right or wrong, but I do know this. 145 00:07:20,366 --> 00:07:23,666 I remember exactly what it felt like to be young 146 00:07:23,733 --> 00:07:25,603 and scared 147 00:07:25,666 --> 00:07:27,666 and steamrolled by my parents 148 00:07:27,733 --> 00:07:30,373 and not at all interested 149 00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:32,533 in the life they wanted for me. 150 00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:39,196 Uh... 151 00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,573 I hear that. 152 00:07:41,633 --> 00:07:44,303 -I do. -So, if your life is 153 00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:46,296 remotely as controlled as mine was, 154 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:49,296 I can't help but think, maybe, you might be 155 00:07:49,366 --> 00:07:51,226 exaggerating the extent of 156 00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:53,000 your sexual activity. 157 00:07:55,166 --> 00:07:57,426 Maybe it's a test. 158 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,030 Provocation. 159 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,270 From the Latin "provocatio." 160 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,633 A summoning, or a challenge. 161 00:08:09,333 --> 00:08:11,633 So what? You think Cara and I just sit around 162 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,730 painting each other's fingernails and, what, 163 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,030 -playing board games all the time? -Do you? 164 00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:18,000 I think we're getting, like, a little old 165 00:08:18,066 --> 00:08:20,696 for all that. I mean, no one's 166 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,070 gonna arrest you, but... 167 00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,733 it's a little weird. 168 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,700 You think that's maybe why you like Cara, too? 169 00:08:27,766 --> 00:08:29,396 Because it's less weird 170 00:08:29,466 --> 00:08:31,566 to be the younger version of yourself with her? 171 00:08:31,633 --> 00:08:33,403 Stop downplaying it. I love her. 172 00:08:33,466 --> 00:08:35,266 Is that part of why you love her? 173 00:08:39,266 --> 00:08:41,396 I mean, she's innocent. 174 00:08:44,033 --> 00:08:46,273 Like she grew up in a different time. 175 00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:47,533 And her parents were so strict. 176 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,600 Like, no sugar, no... 177 00:08:49,666 --> 00:08:51,266 no screen time, even during quarantine. 178 00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:54,073 And she also just got a phone, and it's a flip phone. 179 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,573 -The horror. -(laughs) I know, right? 180 00:08:56,633 --> 00:08:58,503 So what, do you two have to... 181 00:08:58,566 --> 00:09:00,766 (gasps) Talk on the phone? 182 00:09:01,033 --> 00:09:02,073 (scoffs) 183 00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:05,633 We... we try. 184 00:09:06,666 --> 00:09:08,696 When we can. Her parents and all. 185 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,070 And when you can't? How do you communicate? 186 00:09:14,433 --> 00:09:16,733 Maybe it's stupid, but, um... 187 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:17,730 (laughs) 188 00:09:18,566 --> 00:09:19,996 We're making a cypher. 189 00:09:20,066 --> 00:09:21,526 A code. 190 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,070 Yeah. It'll be better when we can just... 191 00:09:24,133 --> 00:09:25,603 talk to one another without other people 192 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,226 -caring about what we say. -Hm. 193 00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:29,770 When we can just be... 194 00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:33,230 open. 195 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:36,570 But that's not where we are right now, so... 196 00:09:39,133 --> 00:09:41,633 Sounds like you both are locked down by your families 197 00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:43,270 in different ways. 198 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,430 I see why you relate to each other. 199 00:09:50,033 --> 00:09:53,403 Yeah. A few times, we figured out how to, like, 200 00:09:53,466 --> 00:09:56,096 meet up at the overlook. 201 00:09:56,166 --> 00:09:58,596 We'll just sit there and... 202 00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:01,196 watch the city and come up with stories 203 00:10:01,266 --> 00:10:03,996 and poems and-- I mean, this girl is, like, 204 00:10:04,066 --> 00:10:06,426 so creative, Dr. Taylor. 205 00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:07,630 She has, like, notebooks 206 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:09,270 of all of the stuff that we come up with, 207 00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:10,703 and sometimes it's funny, 208 00:10:10,766 --> 00:10:13,366 and we'll just, like, die laughing. 209 00:10:13,433 --> 00:10:15,433 And other times, it's just really, like, 210 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:18,500 way out there. We'll just like let it flow. 211 00:10:18,566 --> 00:10:20,396 We'll create these whole... 212 00:10:20,466 --> 00:10:23,096 lives and worlds and, sometimes, 213 00:10:23,166 --> 00:10:25,366 even make artwork to go along with it. 214 00:10:25,433 --> 00:10:28,103 (laughs) I mean, it's-- it's really, like... 215 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,030 That sounds... 216 00:10:36,233 --> 00:10:38,073 -sweet. -See? 217 00:10:38,133 --> 00:10:40,133 I told you it's not weird. 218 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,270 I mean, it's like weird, but it's not like weird-weird. 219 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,770 So... 220 00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:48,173 Laila's a storyteller. 221 00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:51,003 Oh. 222 00:10:51,066 --> 00:10:53,396 -That was, like, a little shady. -In what way? 223 00:10:53,466 --> 00:10:56,266 Well, it sounds like you're calling me a liar. 224 00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,273 I was only referring to the imagination 225 00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:00,473 you clearly take pride in. 226 00:11:00,533 --> 00:11:02,433 Mm. But... 227 00:11:03,666 --> 00:11:07,226 Isn't a lie the product of imagination? 228 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,470 A very insightful observation. And very true. 229 00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:24,573 Okay. 230 00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:27,033 So... 231 00:11:28,466 --> 00:11:30,626 I was in an accident. 232 00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,200 Like, a car accident. 233 00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:37,166 You peeped the Bentley I came in last time, right? 234 00:11:37,233 --> 00:11:39,503 -She was cute? -Mm. 235 00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,626 Well, she's gone. 236 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,130 -Sorry to hear that. -Yeah, I know, right? 237 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,700 She was pretty, but, like... 238 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,200 That's the thing with entertainers and artists. 239 00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:53,566 All the good ones die young. 240 00:11:57,566 --> 00:11:59,666 You wanna talk about what happened? 241 00:11:59,733 --> 00:12:01,733 I don't know. 242 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,070 It was, like, pretty scary, 243 00:12:04,133 --> 00:12:05,503 as accidents usually are. 244 00:12:05,566 --> 00:12:07,666 How many car accidents have you been in? 245 00:12:07,733 --> 00:12:09,233 Like a few. 246 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,300 They just happen so fast, you know? 247 00:12:11,366 --> 00:12:13,166 One moment, you're thinking about one thing, 248 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,533 and then a second goes by, and then, like... 249 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,070 I mean, my first one was, like, the worst. 250 00:12:18,133 --> 00:12:19,103 What happened? 251 00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:21,196 My dad had just gotten me this Mercedes 252 00:12:21,266 --> 00:12:24,526 for my sweet 16, which was... he was trying. 253 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,630 It was a totally fine car and everything. 254 00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,600 I was really grateful for it. 255 00:12:28,666 --> 00:12:30,466 Um... But yeah. 256 00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:33,373 I was on the side of the road, 257 00:12:33,433 --> 00:12:34,773 and, like, I'm not a mechanic or anything, 258 00:12:35,033 --> 00:12:36,733 but, like, it was definitely totaled. 259 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:37,730 -Mm. -I'm okay. 260 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,070 Like, nothing's wrong, but... 261 00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:44,203 I mean, I just, like, fully panicked. 262 00:12:44,266 --> 00:12:47,066 You know, like, what was I gonna tell Jamal? 263 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,403 -Your father. -Yeah. 264 00:12:48,466 --> 00:12:50,666 It's like something about having to tell him that 265 00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:52,603 I fucked up... 266 00:12:52,666 --> 00:12:56,196 But then, I just like hysterically started crying. 267 00:12:56,266 --> 00:12:58,096 And when I got him on the phone, 268 00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,226 this whole story 269 00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,370 came out, and it was, like... (kiss) 270 00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:03,273 It was perfect. 271 00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,603 What did you tell him? 272 00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:07,066 I told him that, like... 273 00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:10,233 there was this kid going around school, 274 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,430 saying shit to people, and that he came up to me, 275 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:14,700 and he told me 276 00:13:14,766 --> 00:13:17,726 to go back to Africa, go back to the ghetto. 277 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,200 And I just got, like, 278 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,526 really upset, and I, I wasn't thinking. 279 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,030 I left school, and... 280 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,170 I mean, I just needed to get out of there. I just... 281 00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:30,133 drove right off the road and into a tree. 282 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,470 And was the "wasn't thinking" part, 283 00:13:32,533 --> 00:13:35,673 -at the time, was that true? -Uh... 284 00:13:35,733 --> 00:13:38,203 I'm sure I was thinking about something, but... 285 00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:41,226 what, um, 286 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:43,270 mm, I couldn't tell you. 287 00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:46,073 Driving takes a lot of presence. 288 00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,403 A lot of focus. 289 00:13:48,466 --> 00:13:50,496 Do you think that might be the cause of your accidents? 290 00:13:50,566 --> 00:13:52,226 You're behind the wheel, but... 291 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,466 somewhere else? 292 00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,233 Um... 293 00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:00,630 Maybe. I-I don't know. 294 00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:03,570 Do you find yourself up in your head a lot? 295 00:14:03,633 --> 00:14:05,273 You know, daydreaming? 296 00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,230 Well, how am I supposed to know that? 297 00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:12,600 It's not like I'm watching myself think all the time. 298 00:14:12,666 --> 00:14:16,226 Okay, I wanna go back to the story you told your dad. 299 00:14:17,533 --> 00:14:19,303 Had that ever happened? 300 00:14:19,366 --> 00:14:20,996 That kind of harassment? 301 00:14:22,166 --> 00:14:24,126 Like that particular thing? 302 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,700 No. No, that, like, 303 00:14:25,766 --> 00:14:28,096 that has never happened. 304 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,326 No. But that's just because... 305 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,570 the kids at my school, they're not... 306 00:14:32,633 --> 00:14:34,233 you know... 307 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,470 They'll wear a Supreme hat instead. 308 00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:38,603 But that psychotic bullshit 309 00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:41,526 is deep embedded within their hearts, you know? 310 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,130 Like, has anyone ever come up to me 311 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,500 and called me a nigga to my face? No. 312 00:14:46,566 --> 00:14:48,426 But that doesn't mean that they don't constantly 313 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,330 do it in every one of their actions. 314 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:54,270 I mean, the world is like a fucking hate crime, right? 315 00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:56,503 Has anyone ever come up on me? No, not yet. 316 00:14:56,566 --> 00:14:59,426 But that doesn't mean that I don't expect it all the time. 317 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,400 It's the tension. It's the worrying. 318 00:15:01,466 --> 00:15:04,196 It-it's the fucking stress! I mean, 319 00:15:04,266 --> 00:15:06,696 (scoffs) I mean fuck! Like... 320 00:15:06,766 --> 00:15:09,196 You know, I wish a nigga would, actually! 321 00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:11,596 Y-you wish you were the victim of a racist attack? 322 00:15:11,666 --> 00:15:14,166 No. No, no, no. Not like... 323 00:15:14,233 --> 00:15:15,503 a victim, no, but, 324 00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:18,266 I mean, I've had thoughts about it. 325 00:15:20,033 --> 00:15:22,533 Recurring dreams about racial trauma 326 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,170 are common for many Black people. 327 00:15:27,733 --> 00:15:30,133 Oh, it's not, like, a dream. 328 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,470 A fantasy? 329 00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:36,173 Well, isn't a fantasy supposed to... 330 00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:38,273 be about, like, something good? 331 00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:40,373 Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't. 332 00:15:41,433 --> 00:15:42,773 What do you see? 333 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,300 A woman. 334 00:15:49,333 --> 00:15:50,503 Um... 335 00:15:50,566 --> 00:15:53,726 Me and my grandma are outside of our house, 336 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,770 and there's this woman coming down the street towards us. 337 00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:59,303 You know, and she's not, like, doing anything crazy, 338 00:15:59,366 --> 00:16:02,266 but you can just like tell that there's like 339 00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:04,333 something, you know, wrong with her. 340 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,770 -That's scary. -Yeah, it's... 341 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,230 it's terrifying. 342 00:16:11,066 --> 00:16:12,126 And, um... 343 00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:15,333 in this fantasy, 344 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,570 I have enough strength to... 345 00:16:17,633 --> 00:16:20,303 pick up my grandma and toss her in the back of our Escalade. 346 00:16:20,366 --> 00:16:21,766 My dad had gotten this Escalade 347 00:16:22,033 --> 00:16:24,373 to feel like a G when I was like a little kid. 348 00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:26,203 Like 2006 or something. 349 00:16:26,266 --> 00:16:28,126 It got, like, two miles per gallon. 350 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,730 But, I have enough strength to pick up my grandma, 351 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,330 and I throw her in the back, and I just... 352 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,300 floor it. 353 00:16:36,366 --> 00:16:38,626 And what about your father? Do you leave him behind? 354 00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,200 Oh, he's, like... 355 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,030 not there. He's, like, never home. 356 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,670 -It's just you and your grandma. -Yeah. 357 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,370 Um... 358 00:16:51,466 --> 00:16:53,296 (exhales sharply) 359 00:16:53,366 --> 00:16:54,426 And so... 360 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:56,530 we're driving down the street, 361 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,200 and I look in the rearview mirror, 362 00:16:58,266 --> 00:17:01,126 and that woman is, like, still coming towards us. 363 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,630 (scoffs) I mean, like... 364 00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:05,030 Fuck. Like, even now, I can, like... 365 00:17:07,533 --> 00:17:09,633 Um, like, feel the panic. 366 00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:15,300 -But you know it's not real. -Yeah, but it's not the... 367 00:17:15,366 --> 00:17:16,596 It's just like the panic of like 368 00:17:16,666 --> 00:17:19,066 needing to get away, you know? 369 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,670 Um... 370 00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:29,473 and like, uh, ahead of us... 371 00:17:29,533 --> 00:17:33,273 is like this barricade that people have made with, um... 372 00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:37,273 with couches and cars and... 373 00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:40,573 Standing right in the middle of it is this, like, white guy 374 00:17:40,633 --> 00:17:42,633 with a rifle. He takes one look at us and goes, 375 00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:45,500 "Oh, you people cannot pass here." 376 00:17:45,566 --> 00:17:48,066 (scoffs) And so, I just... 377 00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,473 all of a sudden, just ram 378 00:17:49,533 --> 00:17:51,073 straight into the barricade, 379 00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:53,003 and the car just explodes. 380 00:17:53,066 --> 00:17:56,026 But, I pull my grandma out before it does. 381 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:58,330 And the guy, I don't know. He, like... 382 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,600 trips on something, or he gets his foot stuck in something. 383 00:18:04,266 --> 00:18:06,196 (laughs) And I don't help him. 384 00:18:09,733 --> 00:18:13,103 Me and Grandma just watch him burn. 385 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,633 And it's not like I... 386 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:26,700 you know, fantasize about like starting a race war. 387 00:18:26,766 --> 00:18:30,196 But when it comes to this white militia guy, it's just like... 388 00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,730 I know that he's responsible for having fucked up 389 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,530 that woman that was standing in the middle of the road, right? 390 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,330 So people cheer when he dies. You know? 391 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:55,030 Are you gonna like say anything? Or... 392 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:58,670 I think you grew up in a world full of violence, and malice, 393 00:18:58,733 --> 00:19:02,133 and nastiness, to Black women in particular. 394 00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:05,566 I think your... 395 00:19:05,633 --> 00:19:09,033 imagination is a coping strategy. 396 00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:10,230 A healthy one. 397 00:19:11,633 --> 00:19:15,073 And maybe that's true about Cara, too. 398 00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,273 You know, you found someone 399 00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:21,303 who helps you forget about yourself for a while. 400 00:19:23,133 --> 00:19:26,003 I mean, I have it easier than anyone in my family. 401 00:19:26,066 --> 00:19:27,996 I mean, not even that. Than, like, 402 00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:29,226 most Black people in America, 403 00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:32,630 so I'm not trying to like be sad about anything. 404 00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:34,470 Why do you think your life is easy? 405 00:19:34,533 --> 00:19:35,633 (scoffs) I mean, 406 00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:39,330 because Jamal and Rhonda believe all of my stories. 407 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,630 Three days after I crashed my Mercedes, I got the Bentley. 408 00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,330 And if that can't be fixed, then what? 409 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,470 I'll get a Lambo or something? I mean, we'll see. 410 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,733 It'll probably be really cute. 411 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,600 I have a hard time with the idea 412 00:19:50,666 --> 00:19:52,626 that your Grandma always believes you. 413 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,100 Why? 414 00:19:54,166 --> 00:19:57,126 I mean, she's like old. It's like so easy. 415 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,030 Well, for example, 416 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,030 I don't think you would've told her you were a lesbian 417 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:03,300 if you could've talked your way out of it. 418 00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:08,630 Yeah, I guess so. 419 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:11,630 (scoffs) She kinda caught me on that one. 420 00:20:13,733 --> 00:20:18,333 It seems like she is involved in every aspect of your life. 421 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,670 I received multiple emails from her this week, 422 00:20:20,733 --> 00:20:24,373 regarding what she would like us to discuss in here. 423 00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:27,333 -Yeah, sorry about that. -No, you don't have to apologize for her. 424 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,570 I just only tell you so you understand why I might question 425 00:20:30,633 --> 00:20:33,633 some of your more vivid descriptions of your life. 426 00:20:39,066 --> 00:20:41,226 I guess my question is... 427 00:20:42,266 --> 00:20:45,066 whether you know your truth. 428 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,730 Yeah. That's the thing I love about Cara. 429 00:21:02,033 --> 00:21:03,403 That exact thing. 430 00:21:03,466 --> 00:21:05,466 Being with her is beyond truth. 431 00:21:05,533 --> 00:21:08,673 -(scoffs) It-it's hard to put into words. -Try. 432 00:21:09,566 --> 00:21:11,526 Well, I guess it's, um... 433 00:21:13,466 --> 00:21:15,226 Kids used to wanna be 434 00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:18,000 blood brothers and blood sisters, right? 435 00:21:18,066 --> 00:21:20,526 They weren't literal family, but you didn't want a... 436 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,600 a "them" and a "you." You wanted an "us." 437 00:21:23,666 --> 00:21:25,766 So, kids used to cut their palms and... 438 00:21:26,033 --> 00:21:27,673 and let their wounds touch. 439 00:21:27,733 --> 00:21:29,273 Their insides would touch, 440 00:21:29,333 --> 00:21:30,473 but, like, not in, like, 441 00:21:30,533 --> 00:21:32,403 a sex way or anything, but, like... 442 00:21:32,466 --> 00:21:34,366 I mean, it's deeper than sex. 443 00:21:35,733 --> 00:21:38,273 Parts that weren't supposed to touch... 444 00:21:39,033 --> 00:21:40,303 touch. 445 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,100 And I guess that's... 446 00:21:45,166 --> 00:21:48,366 how it feels being with Cara. It's this feeling of... 447 00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,330 I mean, I would, like, die without her. 448 00:21:54,566 --> 00:21:56,366 What do you mean? 449 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,230 It seems like there's something specific you're thinking about. 450 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,000 Um... 451 00:22:09,233 --> 00:22:11,003 Yes and no. 452 00:22:11,066 --> 00:22:12,296 You can tell me. 453 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,033 -You can trust me. -I know. 454 00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:20,030 It's not that I don't wanna say it. It just... 455 00:22:21,066 --> 00:22:22,596 Um... 456 00:22:22,666 --> 00:22:24,566 I guess I'm just, like, a little... 457 00:22:24,633 --> 00:22:26,333 -scared. -Scared of what? 458 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:27,670 (scoffs) Scared that... 459 00:22:29,233 --> 00:22:32,233 that you'll try to, like, stop us. 460 00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:34,230 Do you really believe that I could ever stop you 461 00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:37,170 from doing something you really wanted to do? 462 00:22:38,733 --> 00:22:41,073 -(phone buzzing) -Uh... 463 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,400 -Uh, that's Grandma. -(buzzing continues) 464 00:22:45,466 --> 00:22:47,596 You gotta swear you won't tell her. Swear. 465 00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:50,096 I won't tell your grandmother anything. 466 00:22:51,133 --> 00:22:53,133 -(buzzing stops) -Okay. 467 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,570 Well... 468 00:22:56,633 --> 00:23:00,003 Cara and I are planning on taking a trip. 469 00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:07,400 -Okay. -To somewhere far away. 470 00:23:07,466 --> 00:23:11,226 Just the two of us, to get away from everything for a while. 471 00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:15,030 Or, like, maybe forever. (giggles) 472 00:23:18,033 --> 00:23:20,103 (phone buzzing) 473 00:23:23,766 --> 00:23:26,026 Shouldn't keep Rhonda waiting. 474 00:23:26,666 --> 00:23:29,296 Mm-- That's it? 475 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:33,630 You don't believe me? It's happening. We're going. 476 00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:36,070 Where? 477 00:23:36,133 --> 00:23:39,603 -Um, well, I don't know exactly, um-- -When? 478 00:23:42,233 --> 00:23:44,033 Well, we haven't gotten it all figured out yet, but-- 479 00:23:44,100 --> 00:23:46,130 So, we can discuss it next week. 480 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,400 -Yeah? I'll see you then? -But... 481 00:23:49,466 --> 00:23:51,426 (doorbell rings) 482 00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:54,370 ♪ ♪ 483 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:55,733 You know, if you don't believe 484 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,670 that I need to get the hell outta here, 485 00:23:57,733 --> 00:24:00,033 then one day, you're gonna wake up, and Cara and I? 486 00:24:00,100 --> 00:24:02,130 We're gonna be fucking gone. 487 00:24:05,433 --> 00:24:08,073 -(door opens) -Rhonda: Didn't you see me calling you? 488 00:24:08,133 --> 00:24:10,433 -Get your ass in that car. -(door slams) 489 00:24:21,333 --> 00:24:24,403 ♪ ♪ 490 00:24:51,266 --> 00:24:54,326 ♪ ♪ 491 00:25:21,333 --> 00:25:24,373 ♪ ♪ 35359

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