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1
00:00:01,261 --> 00:00:04,865
? Boo, boo, boo, boo ?
2
00:00:04,932 --> 00:00:08,902
? Boo, boo, boo, boo ?
3
00:00:08,969 --> 00:00:13,006
? Boo, boo, boo, boo ?
4
00:00:13,073 --> 00:00:16,944
? Boo, boo, boo, boo ?
5
00:00:17,010 --> 00:00:21,348
? Boo, boo, boo, boo ?
6
00:00:21,415 --> 00:00:23,650
? Boo, boo, boo, boo ?
7
00:00:24,718 --> 00:00:26,293
Ooh!
8
00:00:26,328 --> 00:00:27,454
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
9
00:00:27,521 --> 00:00:29,289
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
10
00:00:31,592 --> 00:00:34,761
Come on, move it.
What's taking you so long?
11
00:00:34,828 --> 00:00:35,829
Toast, darn you.
12
00:00:35,896 --> 00:00:38,365
You've got one job,
and you can't even do it.
13
00:00:38,432 --> 00:00:39,766
Forget it.
You're too late.
14
00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:42,201
- Is Mommy okay?
- She's fine.
15
00:00:42,235 --> 00:00:44,471
- It's just that time of the month.
- Ew, gross.
16
00:00:44,538 --> 00:00:46,338
The monthly shedding
of a woman's uterine wall
17
00:00:46,373 --> 00:00:48,775
- is not gross.
- Sounds gross.
18
00:00:48,842 --> 00:00:50,243
He means it's quota day.
19
00:00:50,310 --> 00:00:51,670
You know,
the last day of the month
20
00:00:51,694 --> 00:00:54,348
for me to write as many
parking tickets as possible?
21
00:00:54,414 --> 00:00:56,882
- Plus I'm on my period.
- I'm done.
22
00:00:56,917 --> 00:00:59,152
But, Mom, you said
ticket quotas were a myth.
23
00:00:59,219 --> 00:01:01,154
They are, honey...
a myth that's real.
24
00:01:01,221 --> 00:01:03,690
Making my quota is the only way
I'll get promoted
25
00:01:03,757 --> 00:01:06,893
to moving violations
and then riot control
26
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,895
and someday detective.
27
00:01:08,962 --> 00:01:11,097
These boots were made
for kicking down doors
28
00:01:11,098 --> 00:01:13,166
without a warrant.
Hiyah!
29
00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:15,268
Okay, I don't know
what time I'll be home,
30
00:01:15,335 --> 00:01:18,205
so Dad's in charge.
Do whatever he says.
31
00:01:18,271 --> 00:01:19,831
Jack, I left instructions
on the fridge.
32
00:01:19,855 --> 00:01:22,242
- Do whatever I say.
- On it, my quota queen.
33
00:01:28,682 --> 00:01:32,819
- A bulletproof vest?
- People really hate quota day.
34
00:01:39,593 --> 00:01:42,262
The streets cry out for justice.
35
00:01:42,329 --> 00:01:44,141
The meters cry out for quarters...
36
00:01:44,176 --> 00:01:45,399
and often credit cards...
37
00:01:45,465 --> 00:01:48,068
so let's show this town
why they hate us.
38
00:01:52,439 --> 00:01:54,074
Morning, Detectives.
39
00:01:54,141 --> 00:01:57,010
Serpowitz, J.T.,
Detective Wags.
40
00:01:57,077 --> 00:01:58,412
- Who's that?
- Beats me.
41
00:01:59,379 --> 00:02:01,515
Someday I'll drink at 9:00 a.m.
42
00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:03,817
and wonder
how I became a dirty cop.
43
00:02:03,884 --> 00:02:05,819
You're listening to Pipe Down
44
00:02:05,886 --> 00:02:07,187
with Ron and Rob.
45
00:02:07,254 --> 00:02:09,856
Welcome back to Pipe Down.
I'm Ron.
46
00:02:09,923 --> 00:02:11,091
And I'm Rob.
47
00:02:11,158 --> 00:02:13,160
Today's topic: Drano.
48
00:02:13,226 --> 00:02:14,995
It's going to be the end of us.
49
00:02:15,062 --> 00:02:17,064
You said the same thing
about Liquid Plummer.
50
00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:19,032
This is a big "pipe down"
for me.
51
00:02:19,099 --> 00:02:21,334
Oh, Ron and Rob
just can't agree.
52
00:02:21,401 --> 00:02:24,037
Ugh, please change the station.
53
00:02:24,104 --> 00:02:25,806
Sure, these guys died years ago.
54
00:02:25,872 --> 00:02:28,308
I love this song!
55
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:29,843
? My booty goes pop ?
56
00:02:29,910 --> 00:02:31,211
- Okay, we're here.
- Ugh.
57
00:02:31,278 --> 00:02:33,380
Yay, I love school!
58
00:02:33,447 --> 00:02:35,148
No, Jing, school sucks.
59
00:02:35,215 --> 00:02:37,017
Yeah, school sucks.
60
00:02:37,084 --> 00:02:38,919
Well, you gotta go.
It's on the fridge.
61
00:02:38,985 --> 00:02:40,187
Fridge sucks.
62
00:02:40,253 --> 00:02:41,455
But you're always
telling us stories
63
00:02:41,521 --> 00:02:42,721
about how you and your friends
64
00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,257
skipped school
when you were a kid.
65
00:02:44,324 --> 00:02:46,326
Those were simpler times,
Kimber.
66
00:02:46,393 --> 00:02:47,993
Schools didn't have
automated systems
67
00:02:48,028 --> 00:02:49,388
calling the house
when you ditched.
68
00:02:49,396 --> 00:02:52,032
All they had was
a crotchety old principal
69
00:02:52,099 --> 00:02:53,499
who would chase us
through the mall.
70
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,969
Screw you, Sanderson.
71
00:02:56,036 --> 00:02:58,605
You used to be so cool, Dad.
72
00:02:58,672 --> 00:03:00,272
I'm still cool.
73
00:03:03,210 --> 00:03:05,112
Now a little toot-toot
to announce my presence.
74
00:03:06,313 --> 00:03:08,682
Oh, I take it back, Dad.
You're a badass.
75
00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:12,586
That does it!
I'll show you who's cool.
76
00:03:12,652 --> 00:03:15,388
Buckle up!
No, wait. Don't buckle up.
77
00:03:15,455 --> 00:03:16,957
- Yes.
- Yay!
78
00:03:17,023 --> 00:03:20,527
Screw you, Sanderson!
79
00:03:24,865 --> 00:03:26,099
What up, students?
80
00:03:26,166 --> 00:03:28,034
What's up, Mr. Mitch?
81
00:03:28,101 --> 00:03:30,737
Bad news, homies. You're not
here to see a magician.
82
00:03:30,804 --> 00:03:31,804
- What?
- Aw!
83
00:03:31,805 --> 00:03:33,605
That's the only reason
I came to school today.
84
00:03:33,607 --> 00:03:36,376
But the school board
is making our budget disappear.
85
00:03:36,443 --> 00:03:39,279
- That's clever.
- Dat boy a word magician.
86
00:03:39,346 --> 00:03:41,982
The following programs
have been deemed expendable.
87
00:03:42,048 --> 00:03:45,986
- Drama...
- Nooooooooo!
88
00:03:46,052 --> 00:03:48,021
- Chess club...
- Nyet!
89
00:03:48,088 --> 00:03:49,456
A cappella choir...
90
00:03:49,523 --> 00:03:52,292
? No, no, no, no, no, no, no ?
91
00:03:52,359 --> 00:03:54,928
And Coach Walters will now be
your school nurse.
92
00:03:54,995 --> 00:03:56,396
I don't do girl problems!
93
00:03:58,799 --> 00:04:01,134
Hey, check it out.
New Air Jordan sneaker drop.
94
00:04:02,602 --> 00:04:05,238
New Air Js
will totally change my life.
95
00:04:05,305 --> 00:04:08,408
Duncan, Duncan, Duncan!
96
00:04:16,817 --> 00:04:18,585
To the pop-up!
97
00:04:18,652 --> 00:04:20,887
Come on, Yangzi,
I said "to the pop-up."
98
00:04:20,954 --> 00:04:22,889
Tee-hee-hee.
I'm an influencer.
99
00:04:22,956 --> 00:04:25,826
I don't wait in line
with drooling brain-dead teens.
100
00:04:25,892 --> 00:04:27,227
No offense.
101
00:04:27,294 --> 00:04:29,396
Uh, it's cool.
102
00:04:30,130 --> 00:04:31,898
Bam, boom, katoosh!
103
00:04:31,965 --> 00:04:33,733
I love this game.
104
00:04:34,968 --> 00:04:38,271
Oh, Annie, you lucky duck.
105
00:04:42,375 --> 00:04:43,710
Hmm?
106
00:04:43,777 --> 00:04:46,246
Hi.
107
00:04:46,313 --> 00:04:48,582
Not today, meter cheater!
108
00:04:57,490 --> 00:04:59,893
- Ha, beat you!
- Oh, yeah?
109
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,529
- Check behind your ear.
- What the...
110
00:05:02,596 --> 00:05:05,632
- Thanks for playin'.
- Hey, those are my sunglasses.
111
00:05:07,434 --> 00:05:08,768
Yes.
112
00:05:08,835 --> 00:05:11,905
Can't believe I'm gonna own
a new pair of Air Js.
113
00:05:11,972 --> 00:05:13,673
I worked my ass off
for this money,
114
00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:14,741
but it's worth it.
115
00:05:14,808 --> 00:05:16,276
Hey, Dunker, it's Dad.
116
00:05:16,343 --> 00:05:18,645
The day you were born
was the best day...
117
00:05:18,712 --> 00:05:20,747
My mom's boyfriend
left his wallet
118
00:05:20,814 --> 00:05:22,916
on the kitchen counter... idiot.
119
00:05:22,983 --> 00:05:26,586
My grandma pays me to read my
dead grandpa's letters to her.
120
00:05:26,653 --> 00:05:28,253
They're devastating.
121
00:05:28,255 --> 00:05:33,393
Okay, 114, 115, 116,
get your cash out.
122
00:05:34,761 --> 00:05:38,231
Yeah,
we're the greatest generation!
123
00:05:40,834 --> 00:05:41,735
What a fun day.
124
00:05:41,801 --> 00:05:44,504
I lost $300 in business,
but it was worth it.
125
00:05:44,571 --> 00:05:46,072
It was so fun
hanging out with you
126
00:05:46,139 --> 00:05:47,574
at the mall during school hours.
127
00:05:47,641 --> 00:05:49,441
I didn't have to worry
about the popular girls
128
00:05:49,442 --> 00:05:51,711
knowing I have a father.
129
00:05:51,778 --> 00:05:53,378
And I got candy.
130
00:05:53,413 --> 00:05:55,482
Good-bye, gummy giraffe.
131
00:05:55,548 --> 00:05:57,450
Good-bye, gummy shark.
132
00:05:57,517 --> 00:06:00,687
Good-bye, gummy... vitamin C?
Yuck.
133
00:06:00,754 --> 00:06:03,156
Sorry, honey, I can't make
our anniversary dinner.
134
00:06:03,223 --> 00:06:05,191
I'm really sick.
135
00:06:05,258 --> 00:06:07,627
I'm cured, and I want a divorce!
136
00:06:07,694 --> 00:06:09,396
Thanks for buying me
this book, Dad.
137
00:06:09,462 --> 00:06:11,164
You know how much
I love to read.
138
00:06:11,231 --> 00:06:13,400
And you're totally rocking
that shirt.
139
00:06:13,466 --> 00:06:16,369
The lady at the store said
it's designed by Jimmy Buffett.
140
00:06:16,436 --> 00:06:18,204
A parrot golfing?
141
00:06:18,271 --> 00:06:19,272
What a mind.
142
00:06:19,339 --> 00:06:20,707
I'm hungry.
What's for dinner?
143
00:06:20,774 --> 00:06:21,774
Something fun?
144
00:06:21,775 --> 00:06:23,410
Let's see what Mom left us.
145
00:06:23,476 --> 00:06:27,113
Green beans, spinach casserole,
and low-sodium Tofurky.
146
00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:30,517
Such an uncool meal.
147
00:06:30,583 --> 00:06:31,651
- Yay!
- Yes!
148
00:06:31,718 --> 00:06:34,521
How dare you cancel
our anniversary dinner?
149
00:06:34,587 --> 00:06:36,756
Now what am I supposed to eat?
150
00:06:36,823 --> 00:06:37,991
Divorce granted.
151
00:06:38,058 --> 00:06:41,061
Okay, everybody grab something
and throw it in this bowl.
152
00:06:41,127 --> 00:06:42,495
- Frankfurters.
- Bologna.
153
00:06:42,562 --> 00:06:44,864
- Various cheeses.
- Jalape�os.
154
00:06:44,931 --> 00:06:47,934
You know me.
I'm going spaghetti.
155
00:06:48,001 --> 00:06:51,671
? Stir it up, little darlin' ?
156
00:06:51,738 --> 00:06:53,873
? Stir it up ?
157
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:57,544
? Cook it up, little darlin' ?
158
00:06:57,610 --> 00:07:00,280
? Cook it up ?
159
00:07:00,347 --> 00:07:04,117
I present to you Francheezy!
160
00:07:04,184 --> 00:07:06,753
Francheezy! Francheezy!
161
00:07:11,057 --> 00:07:12,537
I'm not just saying this
to get things
162
00:07:12,559 --> 00:07:15,061
out of you anymore,
but you're pretty cool.
163
00:07:15,128 --> 00:07:20,767
- Cool Daddy.
- Thank you, Francheezy. Mmm.
164
00:07:22,502 --> 00:07:23,536
Before these shoes,
165
00:07:23,603 --> 00:07:25,872
we could never agitate
these bees.
166
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:29,380
_
167
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:36,255
Hey, Yangzi, notice anything
different about us?
168
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:39,459
- Yeah, your shoes are fake.
- What are you talking about?
169
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:41,205
The stitching is crooked,
the shade is off,
170
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,095
the soles are misshapen,
171
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:43,721
there's a pilgrim buckle
across the top,
172
00:07:43,745 --> 00:07:44,964
and that ain't Michael Jordan.
173
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,933
It is impish man-boy
James Corden.
174
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,439
Ugh, I can't believe
we didn't notice
175
00:07:48,463 --> 00:07:52,839
- those five obvious things.
- Oh, Air Cordens?
176
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:59,445
_
177
00:08:03,376 --> 00:08:04,277
Hmm.
178
00:08:04,343 --> 00:08:07,446
Over 18 inches from the curb,
no plates,
179
00:08:07,513 --> 00:08:08,915
parked the wrong way?
180
00:08:08,981 --> 00:08:11,851
Oh, Annie, you are
the luckiest of ducks.
181
00:08:13,886 --> 00:08:16,055
What in Hickory Hill?
182
00:08:16,122 --> 00:08:18,758
A dead body...
my first crime scene!
183
00:08:18,824 --> 00:08:21,427
This is my shot
at finally making detective.
184
00:08:21,494 --> 00:08:24,797
I'm gonna ask you
one last time...
185
00:08:24,864 --> 00:08:26,299
- gum?
- No, thanks, I'm diabetic.
186
00:08:26,365 --> 00:08:28,334
You son of a bitch!
Admit it!
187
00:08:28,401 --> 00:08:30,703
You killed him, and you put him
in the trunk of your car.
188
00:08:30,770 --> 00:08:32,438
It wasn't me!
I swear!
189
00:08:32,505 --> 00:08:36,809
- I didn't kill any fat guy.
- I never said it was a fat guy.
190
00:08:36,876 --> 00:08:38,678
Take him to the electric chair
and hang him!
191
00:08:38,744 --> 00:08:41,314
Lady, you are
a hell of a detective.
192
00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:43,449
Aren't you dead yet?
193
00:08:43,516 --> 00:08:45,585
Hmm.
194
00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:47,086
All right,
we'll take it from here.
195
00:08:47,153 --> 00:08:49,789
But I found the body.
I'm the lead on this.
196
00:08:49,855 --> 00:08:51,891
We gotta dust for prints,
collect fibers,
197
00:08:51,958 --> 00:08:54,026
get hollered at by a captain
who's been pressured
198
00:08:54,093 --> 00:08:56,362
by the mayor because
it's an election year.
199
00:08:56,429 --> 00:09:00,666
Sorry, your jurisdiction ends
at the windshield, meter maid.
200
00:09:07,306 --> 00:09:08,906
Oh.
201
00:09:12,978 --> 00:09:15,314
This is... so un... fair!
202
00:09:15,381 --> 00:09:18,250
What those detectives
did to you stinks, honey,
203
00:09:18,317 --> 00:09:20,319
but the important thing is,
you made your quota,
204
00:09:20,386 --> 00:09:23,489
and the girls definitely
went to school yesterday.
205
00:09:23,556 --> 00:09:24,657
Quota shmota.
206
00:09:24,723 --> 00:09:26,163
That dead body
was the greatest thing
207
00:09:26,187 --> 00:09:27,560
that has ever happened to me.
208
00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:30,896
Now every time I see a corpse,
I'm just gonna feel bad.
209
00:09:30,963 --> 00:09:33,632
I had a bad day too.
The school's out of cash,
210
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,668
that pop-up
sold us all fake sneakers,
211
00:09:35,734 --> 00:09:38,804
and I got stung by a bunch of
bees for absolutely no reason.
212
00:09:38,871 --> 00:09:41,006
Fake sneakers?
Have you told the police?
213
00:09:41,073 --> 00:09:42,341
No, I'm no snitch.
214
00:09:42,408 --> 00:09:44,777
Good, the cops
will just steal your dream
215
00:09:44,844 --> 00:09:46,178
and call you a meter maid.
216
00:09:46,245 --> 00:09:47,980
We have to fight back, Dunkie.
217
00:09:48,047 --> 00:09:50,883
No way!
I've got important work to do.
218
00:09:52,585 --> 00:09:53,886
Oh, yeah.
219
00:09:53,953 --> 00:09:55,788
Nice.
220
00:09:55,855 --> 00:09:57,089
Oh, this is brilliant.
221
00:09:57,156 --> 00:10:00,192
You and I will go undercover,
bust that fake shoe ring,
222
00:10:00,259 --> 00:10:02,795
and prove to those detectives
that I am every inch
223
00:10:02,862 --> 00:10:04,296
the dick that they are.
224
00:10:04,363 --> 00:10:05,364
Just let it go, Mom.
225
00:10:05,431 --> 00:10:07,700
Somebody's gotta be the victim.
I say why not us?
226
00:10:07,766 --> 00:10:08,968
Night-night.
227
00:10:09,034 --> 00:10:11,470
Come on, Duncan, you and I
are Tango and Cash-ing it.
228
00:10:12,504 --> 00:10:14,840
And, Jack,
you're Mr. Mom-ing it again.
229
00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:18,210
Don't worry.
Cool Dad's got this.
230
00:10:18,277 --> 00:10:21,881
Hey, there's my breakfast club.
Francheezy dance!
231
00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:26,919
My tummy feels angry.
232
00:10:26,986 --> 00:10:29,855
You poisoned us
with your stupid Francheezy.
233
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:31,857
It can't be the Francheezy.
234
00:10:31,924 --> 00:10:33,926
I ate twice as much as you,
and I feel...
235
00:10:33,993 --> 00:10:34,993
Is it hot in here?
236
00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:40,610
Step one: we go back
to the scene of the crime
237
00:10:40,633 --> 00:10:44,036
posing as ordinary customers
looking to buy shoes.
238
00:10:44,103 --> 00:10:46,372
When they sell us fakes...
blammo...
239
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:47,873
- I blow their heads off...
- What?
240
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,675
With the news
that they're under arrest,
241
00:10:49,742 --> 00:10:51,644
and I get promoted to detective.
242
00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:52,990
Now, do you wanna do this
or not?
243
00:10:53,012 --> 00:10:54,612
I already said
I don't wanna do this.
244
00:10:54,647 --> 00:10:55,814
Here we go.
Follow my lead.
245
00:10:55,881 --> 00:10:57,316
Don't say anything stupid.
246
00:10:57,383 --> 00:11:01,520
Hello, I'm silent movie star
Lolita St. Clair,
247
00:11:01,587 --> 00:11:05,858
and this is my 6'8"
NBA all-star paramour,
248
00:11:05,925 --> 00:11:08,193
- Harold Hoops.
- Oh, my God.
249
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:11,096
Bring us your finest
Air Jordans.
250
00:11:11,163 --> 00:11:14,900
Douglas Fairbanks has a pair,
and he says they're 22 skidoo.
251
00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:16,902
The sneaker pop-up closed yesterday.
252
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:18,971
We're now
a St. Paddy's Day pop-up.
253
00:11:19,038 --> 00:11:20,638
Sorry, forgot
to turn on the lights.
254
00:11:24,410 --> 00:11:26,745
Well,
we did everything we could.
255
00:11:26,812 --> 00:11:28,412
- See you around, Mom.
- No.
256
00:11:28,414 --> 00:11:31,283
Somebody in this neighborhood
must have seen something.
257
00:11:31,350 --> 00:11:33,452
Hmm.
Hmm?
258
00:11:33,519 --> 00:11:36,488
Hmm.
Hello.
259
00:11:36,555 --> 00:11:38,157
But whose camera is it?
260
00:11:38,223 --> 00:11:39,858
Hmm.
261
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,861
A strip club?
262
00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:45,531
Yeah, Mom, come on!
263
00:11:47,599 --> 00:11:49,199
- You 21?
- Of course.
264
00:11:49,234 --> 00:11:51,236
I'm NBA all-star Harold Hoops,
265
00:11:51,303 --> 00:11:53,572
and this is
some old, dead movie star.
266
00:11:53,639 --> 00:11:55,541
That's the spirit, Dunkie.
267
00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:57,476
Huh?
268
00:11:59,878 --> 00:12:01,013
Hey.
269
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,848
Hey, Mom,
can I borrow $100 for school?
270
00:12:02,915 --> 00:12:04,049
Don't be fooled, Duncan.
271
00:12:04,116 --> 00:12:05,784
These girls
are not in love with you,
272
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,371
so get that out of your head
right now.
273
00:12:07,395 --> 00:12:09,922
They're working women
just like your mom.
274
00:12:09,989 --> 00:12:12,224
I'm naked, you lucky duck!
275
00:12:18,964 --> 00:12:22,134
Hmm.
Hmm.
276
00:12:25,637 --> 00:12:28,207
Okay, here we go.
There you are.
277
00:12:28,273 --> 00:12:31,844
Huh, wha... your posture
is so terrible.
278
00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:33,579
I paid all that money
for a back brace.
279
00:12:33,645 --> 00:12:34,913
You're not even wearing it.
280
00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:37,983
It makes my back straight
and uncomfortable.
281
00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:42,254
Ooh, a white van:
the chariot of creeps.
282
00:12:43,789 --> 00:12:46,392
Duncan, you know computers.
Zoom in!
283
00:12:47,793 --> 00:12:49,393
Ugh!
284
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:52,865
Of course, the docks.
285
00:12:52,931 --> 00:12:54,833
Come on, Duncan,
it's stakeout time.
286
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:55,900
Duncan?
287
00:12:55,934 --> 00:12:57,254
No, no, the work
you're doing here
288
00:12:57,269 --> 00:12:58,637
is so important, you know?
289
00:12:58,704 --> 00:12:59,872
The country's so divided.
290
00:12:59,938 --> 00:13:01,373
Okay, thank you
for your service,
291
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,142
and God bless America.
292
00:13:04,943 --> 00:13:07,346
- Ugh.
- Who needs the Pepto?
293
00:13:07,413 --> 00:13:09,648
Me.
294
00:13:12,718 --> 00:13:14,753
I think I speak for everyone
when I say
295
00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:16,455
there's nothing cool
about this moment,
296
00:13:16,522 --> 00:13:18,857
but do you remember
how much fun yesterday was?
297
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:20,526
Totally worth it, right guys?
298
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,661
We're dying, Daddy.
299
00:13:22,728 --> 00:13:25,497
Why didn't you just take us
to school?
300
00:13:25,564 --> 00:13:27,466
I think the worst is over.
301
00:13:28,634 --> 00:13:29,935
Nope, just the eye of the storm.
302
00:13:30,002 --> 00:13:31,870
I'm gonna be sick again.
303
00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:32,938
Let's see here.
304
00:13:33,005 --> 00:13:37,174
There's three of us and
only two bathrooms, so bye!
305
00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:39,878
- Out of my way...
- Oh, no, you don't.
306
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:42,114
Ow, my tail!
307
00:13:42,181 --> 00:13:43,861
- Ugh, no, no...
- Made it.
308
00:13:43,885 --> 00:13:44,770
- Hey!
- Oh.
309
00:13:44,836 --> 00:13:46,436
Didn't make it.
310
00:13:49,154 --> 00:13:50,289
Mine!
311
00:13:50,355 --> 00:13:51,757
You're too young
to remember this.
312
00:13:51,824 --> 00:13:56,562
- Oh, God, I hate myself.
- Daddy!
313
00:13:59,531 --> 00:14:01,967
Ah, the docks.
314
00:14:02,034 --> 00:14:05,204
All the worst crimes
in the world happen here.
315
00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:14,279
Elephant tusks!
Get your elephant tusks!
316
00:14:14,346 --> 00:14:16,849
Serve no purpose at all
elephant tusks!
317
00:14:16,915 --> 00:14:18,515
I'll take three.
318
00:14:19,718 --> 00:14:21,186
Should we report that
to somebody?
319
00:14:21,253 --> 00:14:24,256
No time. We have one
goal... make me a detective.
320
00:14:24,323 --> 00:14:26,125
I thought we were trying
to get my money back.
321
00:14:26,191 --> 00:14:28,460
Shh, there's
the sneaker guy's van.
322
00:14:28,527 --> 00:14:33,432
- Now we wait till he returns.
- Ugh, how long?
323
00:14:33,499 --> 00:14:35,134
As long as it takes.
324
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,836
Every good detective
needs patience.
325
00:14:37,903 --> 00:14:40,105
Hmm.
326
00:14:40,172 --> 00:14:41,173
Ugh, come on, come on, come on!
327
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,760
Come on, come on!
Crime, where are you?
328
00:14:42,784 --> 00:14:45,244
Hey, lady,
it's after 10:00 p. m.!
329
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:46,745
Some people.
330
00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:52,311
Okay, kids, Amazon app is open,
331
00:14:52,377 --> 00:14:54,112
and it's time for me
to buy your love.
332
00:14:54,179 --> 00:14:55,847
Fill the cart
with whatever you want.
333
00:14:55,914 --> 00:14:58,216
I'm too weak to point.
334
00:14:58,283 --> 00:15:00,185
Whoa, a Barbie Dreamhouse.
335
00:15:00,252 --> 00:15:02,854
Does it have three bathrooms?
336
00:15:02,921 --> 00:15:05,490
Come on.
I wanna be cool again!
337
00:15:05,557 --> 00:15:09,661
Sorry, neither you
nor your actions are cool.
338
00:15:09,728 --> 00:15:12,397
Ooh, a copper mug,
perfect for Moscow mules.
339
00:15:12,464 --> 00:15:14,199
That's right.
I'll let you drink!
340
00:15:14,266 --> 00:15:16,368
- Stop!
- No!
341
00:15:20,305 --> 00:15:24,142
So, Dunkie, what are your
favorite drugs these days?
342
00:15:24,209 --> 00:15:26,778
Mom, stop caring
about my well-being!
343
00:15:26,845 --> 00:15:28,613
What?
I'm just making conversation.
344
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,249
An amateur police stakeout
is a good time to talk.
345
00:15:31,316 --> 00:15:33,740
Don't think of us as mother
and son. We're partners.
346
00:15:33,752 --> 00:15:36,621
- Okay, can I ask you something?
- Absolutely, partner.
347
00:15:36,688 --> 00:15:39,691
How come you don't kiss Dad
on the mouth anymore?
348
00:15:39,758 --> 00:15:41,927
What?
Uh... okay.
349
00:15:41,993 --> 00:15:44,696
E-Every marriage
has ebbs and flows.
350
00:15:44,763 --> 00:15:47,199
Um, right now, your father
and I are in a bit of a...
351
00:15:47,265 --> 00:15:49,434
Oh, thank God, crime.
352
00:15:53,105 --> 00:15:55,207
Ugh, damn docks!
353
00:15:55,273 --> 00:15:57,309
Maybe you're right, Duncan.
354
00:15:57,376 --> 00:16:00,278
Having dreams just sets you up
for disappointment.
355
00:16:00,345 --> 00:16:02,914
Aw, Mom,
such a great way to put it.
356
00:16:02,981 --> 00:16:05,117
Cheap, lady car tires for sale!
357
00:16:05,183 --> 00:16:09,152
- Get your cheap, lady car tires!
- Four, please.
358
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:17,669
You know what might
make this cereal fun?
359
00:16:17,736 --> 00:16:19,637
- We add a little...
- No.
360
00:16:19,638 --> 00:16:22,372
- I was gonna say milk.
- Dry is fine.
361
00:16:22,407 --> 00:16:23,742
- Mom!
- Mommy!
362
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:24,943
Dad tried to kill us.
363
00:16:25,010 --> 00:16:26,945
Do you have a hookup
at Child Services?
364
00:16:27,012 --> 00:16:29,481
I just made a fun dinner, and
every ingredient was expired,
365
00:16:29,548 --> 00:16:30,982
so they got a little tummy ache.
366
00:16:31,049 --> 00:16:32,717
Daddy locked me
out of the bathroom,
367
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,753
and I pooped in the hallway!
368
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:37,589
She's kidding!
Do not go in the hallway.
369
00:16:37,656 --> 00:16:40,392
Oh, what does it matter?
Poop wherever you want.
370
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:46,990
Oh, you're throwing out
your detective novels
371
00:16:47,014 --> 00:16:49,226
and your detective DVDs,
but you haven't told me
372
00:16:49,227 --> 00:16:50,286
how it went being a detective.
373
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:53,271
The dream is over, Jack.
I don't deserve to be a detective.
374
00:16:53,338 --> 00:16:55,607
I don't deserve to be
in law enforcement at all.
375
00:16:55,674 --> 00:16:59,044
Finally, now I can get back
to my passion!
376
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:01,046
Okay, where was I?
377
00:17:01,112 --> 00:17:03,982
Come on, let's all trudge
sadly up to bed.
378
00:17:04,049 --> 00:17:06,818
You heard me.
Trudge.
379
00:17:07,686 --> 00:17:09,955
This is so unfair.
380
00:17:12,223 --> 00:17:15,026
Hmm. Mm?
381
00:17:15,093 --> 00:17:17,789
Ooh!
382
00:17:17,896 --> 00:17:19,496
Oh.
383
00:17:21,132 --> 00:17:24,035
Go to her, Duncan.
I'll always be here.
384
00:17:24,102 --> 00:17:26,972
W... Mom, wait.
The van just went by.
385
00:17:27,038 --> 00:17:28,373
That's nice.
Good night.
386
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,009
No, I'm not gonna let you
give up on your stupid dream.
387
00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:35,480
Now, get in the car, and
let's be dicks... partner.
388
00:17:36,715 --> 00:17:38,783
Ow!
Here you go.
389
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:42,053
Oh, Dunkie, thanks
for believing in me.
390
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,189
- Let's roll!
- Wait for us.
391
00:17:44,255 --> 00:17:46,124
Ah-ah, you can't
come with us, girls.
392
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:47,791
This is dangerous
police business.
393
00:17:47,792 --> 00:17:50,944
Not as dangerous as leaving
us with... Dad.
394
00:17:50,979 --> 00:17:51,696
This is not a safe space.
395
00:17:51,763 --> 00:17:54,265
Yeah, they're not wrong.
Please take us.
396
00:17:54,332 --> 00:17:56,234
- Yes!
- Okay, you drive!
397
00:18:01,473 --> 00:18:02,841
Don't lose 'em, Jack.
398
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,576
They'll take us to the kingpin!
399
00:18:10,281 --> 00:18:11,881
Sorry for your loss!
400
00:18:13,652 --> 00:18:15,987
- Cut through there!
- Whoa!
401
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:22,760
Whoa!
402
00:18:22,794 --> 00:18:25,463
Why isn't she in her car seat?
403
00:18:25,964 --> 00:18:28,333
You are so cool!
404
00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:48,887
- What the hell is this place?
- It's your school, dumbass.
405
00:18:48,953 --> 00:18:51,756
Come on, let's go bust
this sole-less shoe ring.
406
00:18:51,823 --> 00:18:52,957
Really nice pun, honey.
407
00:18:53,164 --> 00:18:56,166
- Thanks. Nice driving.
- Mwah.
408
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:58,903
- Gross.
- No, it's good. They're flowing now.
409
00:19:02,507 --> 00:19:03,842
Yeah, that'll work.
410
00:19:05,610 --> 00:19:06,778
Hmm?
411
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:11,583
- Stand back. I'm kicking it in.
- It's unlocked.
412
00:19:11,649 --> 00:19:13,384
Don't care.
Help Mommy, kids.
413
00:19:13,451 --> 00:19:15,920
Freeze!
414
00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:19,023
- What the... Mr. Mitch?
- What up?
415
00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:21,326
Wait, y-you're behind
the bogus shoe drop?
416
00:19:21,392 --> 00:19:24,863
- You stole money from the kids?
- Not from the kids.
417
00:19:24,929 --> 00:19:27,498
- For the kids.
- I don't follow.
418
00:19:30,408 --> 00:19:33,311
A kilo of...
theater tickets?
419
00:19:33,378 --> 00:19:35,246
These are to Hamilton.
420
00:19:35,313 --> 00:19:37,615
The New York Times
called it a hip-hopera.
421
00:19:37,682 --> 00:19:38,882
With the school cutting funds,
422
00:19:38,883 --> 00:19:40,785
I figured kids would
waste money on stuff like
423
00:19:40,852 --> 00:19:43,755
sneakers and video games
but not on education.
424
00:19:43,821 --> 00:19:45,957
That's where the lotto money's
supposed to go.
425
00:19:46,024 --> 00:19:47,125
Yeah, right.
426
00:19:47,191 --> 00:19:49,660
Anyway, I want the students
to be exposed to culture
427
00:19:49,727 --> 00:19:50,928
so maybe they'd get inspired
428
00:19:50,995 --> 00:19:52,830
and wanna blow
this dead-end town someday.
429
00:19:52,897 --> 00:19:54,766
Yeah, I wasted
my whole life here.
430
00:19:54,832 --> 00:19:57,301
So I worked out this plan
with a friend.
431
00:19:57,368 --> 00:19:58,669
Coach Walters?
432
00:19:58,736 --> 00:20:00,405
What are all these girls
doin' here?
433
00:20:00,471 --> 00:20:01,806
Who's at home cooking?
434
00:20:01,873 --> 00:20:03,875
I appreciate your concern
for the kids, Mr. Mitch,
435
00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:05,843
but you're still guilty
of sneaker fraud
436
00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:08,846
- and being friends with a misogynist.
- Yeah...
437
00:20:08,913 --> 00:20:11,516
But, Mom, he did it
for his dream,
438
00:20:11,582 --> 00:20:14,385
a school where all the kids
are super-culturated.
439
00:20:14,452 --> 00:20:16,654
Why do I even bother?
440
00:20:16,721 --> 00:20:18,156
You're not innocent either, Mom.
441
00:20:18,222 --> 00:20:20,378
- You took me to a strip club.
- What?
442
00:20:20,413 --> 00:20:23,594
I was supposed to take
Duncan to his first strip club!
443
00:20:23,661 --> 00:20:26,497
Hmm, well... I guess part
of being a good detective
444
00:20:26,564 --> 00:20:29,133
is looking the other way
when someone commits a crime
445
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:30,635
that benefits your children.
446
00:20:30,701 --> 00:20:32,603
- Just don't do it again.
- You have my word,
447
00:20:32,670 --> 00:20:34,939
Duncan's Mom.
448
00:20:35,006 --> 00:20:37,175
What... $50 Nintendo drop?
449
00:20:37,241 --> 00:20:39,410
- I need my birthday money early.
- No!
450
00:20:39,477 --> 00:20:41,523
- Here you go.
- Already touched it! That's the rules.
451
00:20:41,524 --> 00:20:43,848
It's mine now.
To the pop-up!
452
00:20:46,617 --> 00:20:48,953
Hello, Dolly!
is comin' to town.
453
00:20:50,188 --> 00:20:52,523
You gotta stop fronting
him birthday money.
454
00:20:52,590 --> 00:20:55,211
Happy 36th birthday, son!
455
00:20:58,896 --> 00:21:01,232
So what'd you think?
Life-changing, right?
456
00:21:01,299 --> 00:21:03,401
It was... fine.
457
00:21:03,468 --> 00:21:05,536
Sneakers
would have been better.
458
00:21:05,603 --> 00:21:07,638
And why was Hamilton
played by Drew Carey?
459
00:21:07,705 --> 00:21:10,074
- It's a touring company.
- I'll say.
460
00:21:10,141 --> 00:21:12,443
Duncan, you look like
you enjoyed the show.
461
00:21:12,510 --> 00:21:14,879
Well, yeah.
I had my best friend with me.
462
00:21:14,946 --> 00:21:16,647
Diggin' the beard, Beardy Billy.
463
00:21:16,714 --> 00:21:18,783
Digging yours as well, Mr. Mitch.
464
00:21:18,850 --> 00:21:22,653
Man, Hamilton
scrambled my brain.
465
00:21:24,655 --> 00:21:26,390
Duncan, if I asked,
466
00:21:26,457 --> 00:21:28,259
- would you kill for me?
- Oh, crap!
467
00:21:28,326 --> 00:21:29,560
I gave you evil eyebrows!
468
00:21:29,627 --> 00:21:32,085
Noooooo!
469
00:21:32,516 --> 00:21:34,836
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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