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Now people can only leave their
homes for very limited reasons.
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00:00:06,155 --> 00:00:08,520
The UK wakes up to the toughest
restrictions on daily life
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00:00:08,555 --> 00:00:10,577
in living memory
to tackle coronavirus.
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00:00:10,612 --> 00:00:12,565
This has been the sort of scene
imagined by
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00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:16,580
science fiction writers
after an apocalyptic disaster.
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This programme contains
strong language from the start.
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Breakfast In America
by Supertramp
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Don't you carry anything,
wee man, OK?
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SIREN WAILS
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Here, carry this.
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Not in the living room!
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I mean...
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.. the only thing keeping us together
is our child.
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Arthur. Little Artie.
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His name's Arthur.
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If it wasn't for little Artie,
we would have split up years ago.
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The truth is, we just...
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Don't like each other.
.. can't stand each other.
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So this lockdown - being in the same
house, together, me and him, it's...
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The only thing that makes living
with her even remotely bearable
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is knowing that I get to leave
this house every day.
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I feel exactly the same.
My God, saying goodbye to you,
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it is, without doubt,
it's the best part of my day.
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Just being in the same room
as him...
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And coming back and seeing her
again - I mean, fuuuuck.
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It's like a sadness and a soul-stink
both mixed together.
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I hate your face.
My face?
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I hate your face.
Oh, you hate my face?
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It's just your face, I hate it.
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What, you're saying
I'm unattractive then, or...
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Naw, naw, you're attractive,
she's very...
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It's just your face -
I totally hate it.
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I actually think of him as a cancer.
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I hate looking at it.
it's maybe your eyes or something.
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Not skin or testicle,
but one of the really bad ones,
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you know, like liver or pancreatic.
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as when I think about
my dead dad's cancer.
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Exactly the same.
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It's your lips. It's her lips.
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I've got great lips. No, you do,
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you've got great lips, they're
fantastic. I just totally hate them.
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But at the time, you think,
"Oh, opposites attract!"
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You know, you're caught up
in all the...
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You know what else attracts?
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.. hormones and pheromones and...
Serial killers to victims.
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.. intoxication of the heart-racing
sex. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.
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Just the thought of - urgh! -
actually having sex with you!
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I know, I know!
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And politically as well -
we're totally different.
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Aye, I believe in hard work.
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Everyone believes in hard work.
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Whereas she, right,
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is a good old-fashioned
unreconstructed socialist.
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That's my mother you're describing.
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You're actually talking
about my mother.
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00:02:49,975 --> 00:02:51,925
You've never understood
my politics.
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I'm actually quite moderate -
I just happen believe
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in not exploiting the workers
of this country.
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The workers?! Listen to this.
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What do you know about the workers?
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00:03:01,575 --> 00:03:03,205
I'm actually from the workers,
right?
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I was brought up by the workers, and
the workers aren't what you think -
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00:03:06,235 --> 00:03:07,817
it's not all fish suppers
and roll-ups
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00:03:07,852 --> 00:03:09,546
and singsongs
round the old Joanna!
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The workers are fucking horrible.
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00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,420
Huh, you just hate people.
I just hate lazy.
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Meanwhile, those of us
who were brought up
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00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,360
in the chattering classes...
Oh, my God! Listen to this!
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.. the literati elite.
My dad was a dentist!
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You pulled yourself up
by the bootstraps, right?
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That's what I did - got myself
on top, worked hard and I got out.
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Jesus Christ, dial it back, yeah?
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You're from fucking Kilmarnock,
not Compton.
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00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,405
"He's a Tory!"
I am not a Tory.
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You've voted Conservative
in every election since we met.
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We're worried about my mum.
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We should've just brought her here.
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00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,640
Well, there's no point in rehashing
it, is there? We made a decision.
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00:03:56,675 --> 00:03:59,257
I'm not rehashing. All right?
It's not what I'm doing.
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00:03:59,292 --> 00:04:01,840
I know we made a decision,
I know that, it's just...
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00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,485
She's on her own. Right?
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00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,365
And... little Artie... Arthur.
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00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,900
.. he's only got one grandparent and
I'd love him to be able to keep her.
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00:04:08,935 --> 00:04:12,400
Besides, it's not like there's that
many people that, you know, get him.
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00:04:12,435 --> 00:04:14,285
She's got carers that come in.
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00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,840
They're awful. They are not awful,
they're overworked.
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00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:21,325
They come in, right, for 45 minutes
three times a day -
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they chuck on some microwave pasta,
change her colostomy bag,
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00:04:24,075 --> 00:04:25,885
then they're straight onto
their phones.
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00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:31,005
That was one, that was one girl -
and some of them are amazing.
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00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,540
And they're paid shit, by the way,
they work from seven in the morning
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00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:37,807
until ten at night, they travel
from client to client and if there's
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waiting in between clients, they
don't get paid for that, you know.
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It works out at less
than minimum wage.
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Look, I'm not having a go at them,
all right?
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I know some of them are amazing -
some of them are not amazing -
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and they're not even family.
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00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,720
And here, that is another thing -
they're travelling.
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Is that, is that OK? I don't know.
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00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,780
I mean, are they wearing masks
when they're on the bus or whatever?
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00:04:55,815 --> 00:04:58,440
I've seen people out there -
people out there are wearing masks.
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00:04:58,475 --> 00:05:00,485
Yeah, they're advising against
wearing masks.
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00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,800
I mean, what happens?
When they are on public transport,
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00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:05,177
do they become a vehicle
or a vector? And other countries
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00:05:05,212 --> 00:05:07,686
are wearing masks. Should we be
wearing...? I don't know!
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00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:10,160
That's what I'm saying!
Nobody seems to know anything!
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Anything at all.
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Fuck sake.
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We've been trying to get her
into a home - me and my sister.
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It's a beautiful place.
Beautiful. It's got all the gear.
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00:05:19,555 --> 00:05:21,045
We're not trying to get rid of her.
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Line-dancing in the morning,
kidney dialysis in the evening.
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00:05:24,175 --> 00:05:27,200
And she knows you're not trying to
get rid of her, by the way.
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00:05:27,235 --> 00:05:29,405
Well, when we went there last,
she said, "You bitches
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00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:31,920
"are trying to get rid of me. "
She's a colourful character.
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00:05:31,955 --> 00:05:33,525
We just want her looked after.
Yeah.
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And both my parents are dead,
so, you know...
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Thank God.
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Look, I'm, I'm really sorry.
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OK? We need to get on,
I totally know that.
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And God knows how long
this thing's going to last.
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It's just, this whole thing,
it is so confusing.
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00:05:49,862 --> 00:05:52,360
It's just nobody seems to know
what is going on.
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The ship is steering itself
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and all the grown-ups
have been fucking beamed up.
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And the people out there?
I mean, unbelievable.
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Unbelievable.
What about the people out there?
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00:06:03,315 --> 00:06:04,845
Well, go on...
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00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,640
Don't worry about it,
you'll get all...
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00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,040
you know... What? Well, talk. Us?
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00:06:13,075 --> 00:06:14,960
Yeah, I think so, don't you?
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00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:22,840
Well, look, this was yesterday,
right?
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00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:24,565
Just before they announced
the lockdown.
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00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,280
And I'm down at the Tesco Local,
you know the one on the corner?
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00:06:27,315 --> 00:06:29,960
Yeah, the one on the corner.
The Tesco, the one on the corner,
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and I'm in there, right,
and it has been picked clean.
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I mean, locusts, right?
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And I'm in there cos I want to get
aubergines,
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I'm going to do this kat...
Katsu curry aubergine.
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00:06:39,475 --> 00:06:41,005
Going to do my katsu curry
aubergine.
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00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,885
It's the only fucking thing Artie
will eat.
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And so there's not a sign
of an aubergine, right?
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Not a... Not a courgette.
Not a tomato. Not a carrot.
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And so I see this woman
that works there. I recognise her.
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I've seen her before. She's in,
like, fifties and quite short.
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And... But... I don't mean this to
be rude or anything like that,
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00:07:00,011 --> 00:07:02,920
but she's quite recognisable because
she's got quite a big nose.
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00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:05,045
Yes, I know her. You know the one?
Yeah. She's lovely.
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00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,960
Well she comes out from behind
one of those plastic flappy curtains
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00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:10,205
that they've got. And when she does,
I can see in there.
151
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And I can see a whole crate,
a whole stack of aubergines, right?
152
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"have you got any aubergines?"
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She's like, "No. "
I'm like, "What?" She's like, "No.
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"We're out. " Just like that.
Not even particularly polite.
155
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Which is unusual for her,
because she is lovely.
156
00:07:28,392 --> 00:07:31,360
So I go back up and I'm like,
"Excuse me, excuse me,
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She's like, "Oh, fuck. Oh, no. "
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Like, flustered cos suddenly she
thinks there's going to be
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00:07:40,275 --> 00:07:42,377
a situation or something like that,
right?
160
00:07:42,412 --> 00:07:44,480
She goes,
"I can't give you those aubergines. "
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I'm like, ah, right, now I get it,
I get it.
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00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,845
I say, "Listen, here's the thing.
My little boy,
163
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:58,080
"he's a lovely little boy
but he's a bit weird about things.
164
00:07:58,115 --> 00:08:00,525
"And right now aubergines
are the only thing he'll eat.
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00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,360
"So I'm not ask you to go in there
and put all the aubergines out.
166
00:08:03,395 --> 00:08:05,920
"I'm just asking you to go in there
and get me three
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00:08:05,955 --> 00:08:08,005
"so that I can do katsu curry
tonight. "
168
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,005
And she goes, her voice
all wobbling, and she's like,
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00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,580
"Sir, I can't give you those
aubergines because we now believe
170
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"that one of our drivers has
fallen prey to the coronavirus
171
00:08:18,155 --> 00:08:20,120
"and we're trying to figure out
if he's the one
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"that touched that produce. "
173
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And she think
that's the end of it, right?
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00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,160
But I'm like, "I'll give you
a tenner. " She goes, "No. "
175
00:08:27,195 --> 00:08:29,680
"I'll give you 20 quid. "
She's like, "Sir, I can't. "
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00:08:29,715 --> 00:08:31,445
I'm like, "50 quid
for three aubergines. "
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00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,480
She's like, "Please, sir, don't. "
"£200, right here, right now. "
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00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,960
She's like, "Really, sir, I can't. "
"A grand. "
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00:08:36,995 --> 00:08:38,480
"What?"
180
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,440
"I'll give you a grand.
£1,000, right here, right now.
181
00:08:42,475 --> 00:08:44,357
"I'm good for it.
I've got my own business
182
00:08:44,392 --> 00:08:46,205
"and I've done really well
for myself.
183
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,520
"I'll head to the cashpoint,
use three credit cards,
184
00:08:48,555 --> 00:08:50,857
"I'll come back here,
I'll put a grand in your hand
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00:08:50,892 --> 00:08:53,160
"if you go in there and you get me
three aubergines. "
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00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,800
She's thinking, right?
Cos she needs this. What's she on?
187
00:08:57,835 --> 00:09:00,280
Minimum wage, a little bit above?
She needs this.
188
00:09:00,315 --> 00:09:01,685
She's living hand to mouth.
189
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,760
So she's thinking, right?
She goes...
190
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,405
.. like this...
191
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,800
.. all around her to see if
anybody's listening. And she goes,
192
00:09:09,835 --> 00:09:12,320
"Sir... " Voice all wobbling,
God love her.
193
00:09:12,355 --> 00:09:14,885
"I would love £1,000,
I really would,
194
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,445
"it would make such a difference
to me and my family,
195
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:21,680
"but I can't in all good conscience
give you those aubergines
196
00:09:21,715 --> 00:09:25,520
"because if you or your son
or anybody else died,
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00:09:25,555 --> 00:09:27,960
"then what kind of person
would I be?"
198
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:35,080
And I look at her standing there
and I say,
199
00:09:35,115 --> 00:09:37,337
"You big-nosed prick.
200
00:09:37,372 --> 00:09:39,525
"You fucking loser.
201
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:42,520
"Do you not understand, you fucking
big-nosed prick loser?
202
00:09:42,555 --> 00:09:45,337
"This is the reason why you're stuck
in this shitty job
203
00:09:45,372 --> 00:09:48,120
"and I've got an E-Class Benz
waiting for me outside. "
204
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,365
Oh, God. What?
205
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,565
Oh... Oh, God!
It's the only fucking thing
206
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,520
he'll eat right now. You are awful.
I wanted to do... You are...
207
00:10:01,555 --> 00:10:03,800
You are the worst human alive.
You said talk.
208
00:10:03,835 --> 00:10:05,680
It's the only thing
he'll eat right now!
209
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,800
I feel awful now. Thank you
very much. You feel awful now?!
210
00:10:12,835 --> 00:10:15,005
Aye, I do! Do you know what
blows my mind? What?
211
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,720
Do you know what actually wakes me
up in the middle of the night
212
00:10:17,755 --> 00:10:19,920
in a cold sweat is the fact
that I used to love him.
213
00:10:19,955 --> 00:10:22,277
I did. I really did.
How is that even possible?
214
00:10:22,312 --> 00:10:24,796
Believe me, our former feelings
for each other
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00:10:24,831 --> 00:10:27,245
are as inexplicable to me
as they are to you.
216
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,400
But she's right. We were in love.
Thought she was incredible.
217
00:10:30,435 --> 00:10:33,120
I thought he was charming.
Now I think you're repugnant.
218
00:10:33,155 --> 00:10:35,240
Now I think you've got the same
level of charm
219
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,680
It's going to be really,
really hard.
220
00:10:41,715 --> 00:10:43,120
Really hard.
221
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,920
DOG BARKING
222
00:10:52,955 --> 00:10:54,720
CHATTER
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00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:01,080
Breaking news coming in
to us within the past few seconds.
224
00:11:01,115 --> 00:11:04,120
The Prime Minister has been
admitted into intensive care
225
00:11:04,155 --> 00:11:07,537
with those persistent symptoms
of coronavirus.
226
00:11:07,572 --> 00:11:10,920
Now, as cities in lockdown
fall almost silent,
227
00:11:10,955 --> 00:11:13,760
the largest, brightest super moon
of 2020
228
00:11:13,795 --> 00:11:15,285
has risen in the night sky.
229
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,760
The spread of this virus
is not accelerating
230
00:11:17,795 --> 00:11:19,237
and that is good news.
231
00:11:19,272 --> 00:11:20,680
Don't give me any more.
232
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,080
You're a rotter.
233
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,040
Mushrooms. What?
234
00:11:27,075 --> 00:11:28,605
Oh, Christ, yes.
235
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,085
Tell them about the mushrooms.
236
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,480
Go on. Basically mushrooms
are to blame for everything.
237
00:11:32,515 --> 00:11:34,840
She tells it better than I do.
Everything is the fault
238
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,040
That gentle descent into snarkiness
and bickering.
239
00:11:50,075 --> 00:11:51,485
And now we're well into year three.
240
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,525
A terrifying plunge
into the icy Arctic tundra.
241
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,360
Am I actually telling it, or...?
At this point we hate each other.
242
00:11:56,395 --> 00:11:58,565
We don't want to admit it,
but we both know.
243
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,320
And we're both independently making
plans to get the hell out of Dodge.
244
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:06,037
I vividly remember being at dinner
with him and watching him eat
245
00:12:06,072 --> 00:12:09,720
and just thinking, this is the worst
thing I've ever experienced.
246
00:12:09,755 --> 00:12:12,205
What? I'm not...
I'm not a bad eater.
247
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,600
No, it's not,
it's not that you're bad eater.
248
00:12:14,635 --> 00:12:17,120
It's just, like,
the fact of you eating.
249
00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:18,485
Like, watching you eat
250
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:22,760
makes all the various different
processes involved more apparent.
251
00:12:22,795 --> 00:12:26,640
You know, like mastication
and rending of flesh,
252
00:12:26,675 --> 00:12:31,045
grinding of matter,
just mixing with saliva
253
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,845
and sucking it down into
your big old meat bowl of acid
254
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:39,160
to break it down until it's no more
than a brown sausage of turd
255
00:12:39,195 --> 00:12:41,537
to be squeezed out by your anus.
256
00:12:41,572 --> 00:12:43,845
Wow. You get all that from eating?
257
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:47,480
Oh, no, just you eating.
So safe to say we're not going to...
258
00:12:47,515 --> 00:12:49,005
We're not going to carry on.
259
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:52,720
We had this massive blow-up just
before my birthday. Like, massive.
260
00:12:52,755 --> 00:12:54,920
Final straw.
Yeah, but I'd stupidly booked
261
00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:56,605
this surprise birthday weekend.
262
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,080
Mushroom-picking, of all things,
in the New Forest.
263
00:12:59,115 --> 00:13:00,640
The New fucking Forest.
264
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,580
at some god-awful time
of the morning
265
00:13:07,615 --> 00:13:09,485
and they force you
to pick mushrooms.
266
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,140
They show you which ones are good,
how they should be picked,
267
00:13:12,175 --> 00:13:15,027
how they should be cooked.
It was really interesting, actually.
268
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:18,091
It was so boring. Come on.
Had we been in a living relationship
269
00:13:18,126 --> 00:13:21,120
we could have actually made some
friends. The people were awful.
270
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,525
SHE PANTS
271
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:28,645
Oh, yeah. He should have been
executed.
272
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,405
So, so they teach you
how to pick mushrooms.
273
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,885
And they also teach you
which mushrooms not to pick.
274
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,360
And there's this one particular
mushroom, and the guy is like,
275
00:13:37,395 --> 00:13:39,600
"If you eat that,
it's not going to kill you,
276
00:13:39,635 --> 00:13:41,205
"but it will be really bad.
277
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:44,720
"If you eat that mushroom
there will be stomach cramps,
278
00:13:44,755 --> 00:13:46,845
"there will projectile vomiting,
279
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,800
"there will be
extraordinary diarrhoea
280
00:13:49,835 --> 00:13:51,365
"and you'll piss yourself. "
281
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,645
And we were both thinking
the same thing.
282
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:56,360
I would love to shove that
into the other's one's fricassee
283
00:13:56,395 --> 00:13:57,885
and watch them squirm. Wild, eh?
284
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:02,360
I would love to pick that mushroom
and watch that stupid bastard
285
00:14:02,395 --> 00:14:06,080
lying on the floor, shitting
his pants,
286
00:14:06,115 --> 00:14:08,017
thinking he's going to die.
287
00:14:08,052 --> 00:14:09,885
I mean, not really. You know,
288
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,925
you don't really want that
to happen.
289
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,320
You're just enjoying the fact
that it could happen.
290
00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:16,920
Yeah. And then?
291
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,605
It did happen.
292
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,240
Yeah. I got poisoned!
He did. He did get poisoned.
293
00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:24,840
Oh, my God. One of us
picked the wrong mushrooms.
294
00:14:24,875 --> 00:14:26,565
They looked stupidly like
the good ones.
295
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,040
And they ended up in this fricassee
which I alone ate...
296
00:14:29,075 --> 00:14:30,485
Yeah, because you went on ahead.
297
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,440
Because you were too busy dawdling
buying New fucking Forest fudge.
298
00:14:33,475 --> 00:14:35,197
Yeah, for your weird friend Nathan
299
00:14:35,232 --> 00:14:37,296
who specifically asked you
to buy it.
300
00:14:37,331 --> 00:14:39,360
And yet you get angry at me
for trying to
301
00:14:39,395 --> 00:14:41,205
and then you just sulk on ahead
302
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,760
and cook them up yourself
to make a point. Aye. Look...
303
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,045
Thought I was going to die, OK?
Yeah, he did.
304
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,285
He really thought that.
The pain was extraordinary.
305
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,080
He did think he was going to die.
The feeling that there's something
306
00:14:52,115 --> 00:14:54,280
in your body that wants you dead.
He was fine, though.
307
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,885
The guy specifically said
they're not fatal.
308
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,560
It took that ambulance one hour
and 30 minutes to get there.
309
00:15:03,595 --> 00:15:06,200
No. It did. It did take that long.
310
00:15:06,235 --> 00:15:08,125
That was a bit scary. Mm-hm.
311
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,960
I held his hand the whole time.
Yeah, you did.
312
00:15:10,995 --> 00:15:12,645
She held my hand.
313
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,760
See, thing is that when you
go through something like that
314
00:15:15,795 --> 00:15:17,805
and you feel this terrifying panic,
315
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,100
this absolute certainty
that you are going to die...
316
00:15:20,135 --> 00:15:23,087
Just to reiterate...
.. and that the person you're with
317
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:26,040
is the last person you're ever
going to see, it bonds you.
318
00:15:26,075 --> 00:15:28,560
Yeah, when you go through
something like that
319
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,925
it does bond you.
320
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,325
So we decided to try again.
321
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,800
Which was the biggest fucking
mistake in the history of mistakes.
322
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:38,517
Because in that brief respite,
right,
323
00:15:38,552 --> 00:15:41,165
on the sunny uplands of stupidity,
324
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,780
we decided that what we really
needed was a child. Huh?
325
00:15:44,815 --> 00:15:48,360
Never make decisions
after a near-death experience.
326
00:15:48,395 --> 00:15:51,040
Or even a death-adjacent experience.
327
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,485
That foetus, right?
328
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,125
It was no bigger than
a fucking bullet to the head
329
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,960
before we remembered that we could
not stand the sight of each other,
330
00:15:57,995 --> 00:16:00,320
and the rest, as they say,
is "shit-story".
331
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,565
It's not been that bad, though,
lockdown. No.
332
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,205
We're two weeks done
and we're getting through it.
333
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,920
Yeah, we are. Don't get me wrong.
It's not been pleasant, though.
334
00:16:13,955 --> 00:16:16,080
Oh, God, no.
We still have to see each other.
335
00:16:16,115 --> 00:16:17,565
Pass each other on the stairs.
336
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,160
And just with everyone being so
happy-clappy fucking cheerful.
337
00:16:21,195 --> 00:16:22,685
Which is inappropriate, by the way.
338
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,260
Have you seen WhatsApp?
It's intolerable.
339
00:16:25,295 --> 00:16:27,765
Twitter. Instagram.
You can't even...
340
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,240
You know, "We're all
in this together, guys. "
341
00:16:30,275 --> 00:16:32,257
"We'll get through it. "
Oh, my God.
342
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,205
"I'm learning
how to play the banjo. "
343
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,360
"Look at me. I made a macrame scarf
out of fucking pasta twirls. "
344
00:16:37,395 --> 00:16:38,765
Just pack it in.
345
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,400
So there's been a lot going on
and it's helped us not to have to...
346
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,245
.. you know, focus on or talk to
347
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,880
or even notice each other.
Yeah, then we can just pretend
348
00:16:47,915 --> 00:16:50,085
that the other one was in a coma...
Didn't exist.
349
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:54,360
Look, my business, for one thing,
has taken a lot of sorting out.
350
00:16:54,395 --> 00:16:56,417
Tell them what you do. Don't start.
351
00:16:56,452 --> 00:16:58,405
No, no. Go on.
Don't start with that.
352
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,565
Cos... No-one understands
what he does. Yes, they do.
353
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,480
I don't understand what you do.
That is absolutely not true.
354
00:17:04,515 --> 00:17:07,120
People do understand what I do.
Go on, tell them. OK.
355
00:17:07,155 --> 00:17:09,217
I've got a boutique consultancy.
356
00:17:09,252 --> 00:17:11,245
We specialise in data analytics
357
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,525
and finding technological
multimedia solutions...
358
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:17,280
I mean, what?.. for linear online
broadcast marketing providers.
359
00:17:17,315 --> 00:17:19,325
We specialise in
cost efficiency savings.
360
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,760
What's so complicated about
that? Mm-hm. When people...
361
00:17:21,795 --> 00:17:23,485
When we were first going out
together
362
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,020
and people would ask him
what he did and he'd say all that,
363
00:17:26,055 --> 00:17:28,520
I would just lean forward and go,
"He means computers. "
364
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,200
But look, there's been
a lot of wrapping up,
365
00:17:36,235 --> 00:17:38,485
so thank God for Rishi.
Comrade Rishi.
366
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,680
Eh? I'm just saying, the state
stepped in... Oh, it's a pandemic.
367
00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:44,245
.. to invest in jobs.
It's a pandemic.
368
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:49,120
I mean... I mean, isn't this exactly
the manifesto that Jeremy Corbyn
369
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:51,365
fought the last election on?
Yes, it is. Yes.
370
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:55,040
You were fighting the last election
in order to introduce measures which
371
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:58,400
would have been absolutely perfect
for shutting the economy down.
372
00:17:58,435 --> 00:18:01,280
It wasn't a pandemic in 2008
when the banks... Don't. Don't.
373
00:18:01,315 --> 00:18:03,165
I never agreed with 2008. Fuck 2008.
374
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,960
There is no such thing
as too big to fail.
375
00:18:05,995 --> 00:18:07,525
That would be socialism.
376
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,480
Nah. Let the weak perish. Yeah.
Don't mind the hand-out now,
377
00:18:10,515 --> 00:18:12,805
though, do you? They're loans.
They're loans, woman.
378
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,680
They're loans. Look, my company's
not weak, OK? Never been weak.
379
00:18:15,715 --> 00:18:17,725
Yeah. No.
It's just incomprehensible.
380
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:21,320
Anyway. There was so much to sort
out. There was all the loans.
381
00:18:21,355 --> 00:18:24,657
There was the refund on statutory
sick pay. The VAT deferral.
382
00:18:24,692 --> 00:18:27,960
Then the furlough. That was actually
really important to me
383
00:18:27,995 --> 00:18:30,277
because I've got 12 employees.
Yeah. Who you sacked.
384
00:18:30,312 --> 00:18:32,756
Who I did not sack.
You already sent out the emails.
385
00:18:32,791 --> 00:18:35,200
Which I immediately rescinded
when the furlough came in.
386
00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:37,337
Yeah, when the Government
was paying their wages.
387
00:18:37,372 --> 00:18:39,440
They're really good people.
I took them all back.
388
00:18:39,475 --> 00:18:40,845
Yeah, at 80% of their salary.
389
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,480
Which is what the furlough is.
You can top it up, though.
390
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:58,920
We're like the Taliban version
of Medicins Sans Frontieres.
391
00:18:58,955 --> 00:19:01,125
Oh, aye. Saving the world, this one.
392
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:04,020
I work with refugees.
It's good work she does, actually.
393
00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:06,707
I am actually proud of that.
I'm a bit proud of that.
394
00:19:06,742 --> 00:19:09,360
I'm just a coordinator, so it's...
Aye, for Europe.
395
00:19:09,395 --> 00:19:10,565
For the whole of Europe.
396
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,485
Working her fingers to the bone,
so she is.
397
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,160
I mean, I don't agree
with most refugees on principle
398
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,800
but some of the ones she helps?
The ones I help are no...
399
00:19:17,835 --> 00:19:19,445
Some of the stories of these ones.
Un...
400
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,940
These ones are no different.
Your heart goes out to them.
401
00:19:21,975 --> 00:19:24,400
It's heart-rending, the stories
of these ones. Which ones?
402
00:19:24,435 --> 00:19:26,760
Which ones?
Which ones are these ones?
403
00:19:26,795 --> 00:19:28,045
These ones are no different.
404
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,440
Do you know, I'm not even going to
get into it.
405
00:19:30,475 --> 00:19:32,205
There's been a lot going on.
406
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,925
And with home-schooling...
Which, in fairness,
407
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,840
he has taken the lion's share of,
and he's good at it.
408
00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:40,120
Aye, aye. The Portuguese
colonisation of Macao
409
00:19:40,155 --> 00:19:41,365
and the melting point of lead
410
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,120
were just two little memory nuggets
I was particularly proud of...
411
00:19:44,155 --> 00:19:46,045
He has been good at it.
I'll give him that.
412
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,365
And it actually suits
little Artie better as well.
413
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,160
I mean, he's not very good with
other kids. Yeah, but he's lovely.
414
00:19:51,195 --> 00:19:53,045
I know he's lovely.
415
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,165
Yes, he is. He's a lovely wee boy.
416
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,205
He is indeed. He's a lovely, lovely
wee fella.
417
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,040
Fair's fair. You give me a great
son. I didn't give him to you,
418
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:03,960
you fuck. Then there's Mum.
Obviously I was worried.
419
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,245
Well, we both were.
420
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,840
Whatever's gone on between her
and I, I like the old girl.
421
00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:09,925
Hah! She hates you. She loves me.
422
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,400
She hates your politics.
She loves my politics.
423
00:20:12,435 --> 00:20:14,165
It gives her something
to argue against.
424
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,480
My mum is a flat-out,
dyed-in-the-wool communist.
425
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,645
Proper old school.
CCCP-loving commie.
426
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,485
Never got over the fall of
the Berlin Wall.
427
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,920
See back in the '70s, right,
she had links to The Angry Brigade.
428
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,320
She didn't have links. Remember
the people that were trying to
429
00:20:25,355 --> 00:20:27,360
blow up the Telecom Tower?
That was... She's the reason
430
00:20:27,395 --> 00:20:29,200
the revolving restaurant
no longer revolves.
431
00:20:29,235 --> 00:20:31,245
She may have hid two people
432
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,520
who may or may not
have been involved
433
00:20:33,555 --> 00:20:35,125
for a number of hours, yeah.
434
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,600
I once caught her, right,
trying to read Das Kapital
435
00:20:37,635 --> 00:20:39,405
to little Artie in his crib.
436
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,125
I mean, I love her.
She is fiercely independent.
437
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,600
Took us ages to get her to accept
the carers coming in.
438
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,725
They get scared when their legs
start to go.
439
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:51,960
Mind you, it's all started to go
now. I'm forcing her to Zoom
440
00:20:51,995 --> 00:20:53,485
every day. Her kidneys,
and her eyes...
441
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,360
Her neck went this one time, right?
And I don't mean, like, her throat.
442
00:20:56,395 --> 00:20:58,365
I mean her neck muscles
holding up her head.
443
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,840
She went like that. I'm like,
"Are you all right, darling?"
444
00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:02,845
She's like that. She's like that.
445
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,485
I'm like, "Fuck me, man. "
It's terrifying.
446
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,280
Like this! Anyway, so the afternoon,
the carer comes in.
447
00:21:08,315 --> 00:21:10,645
This was with Miriam, right?
Maryama. Somali girl.
448
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,900
I call her Miriam. She loves it.
Ah, she really doesn't.
449
00:21:12,935 --> 00:21:15,085
Anyway, she's the good one.
She is one of the good ones.
450
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,520
Anyway, you're on the Zoom and you
see her... Yes, I see her.
451
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,240
She's... She's fucking Miriam,
the good one.
452
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,800
No. Nothing. They're having to make
their own gowns out of bin bags.
453
00:21:35,835 --> 00:21:37,165
I mean, what the fuck is going on?
454
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,685
Yeah. So Maryama is not happy
about this at all.
455
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,885
You know, cos she's scared.
She's scared for herself,
456
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,360
she's scared for her family,
she's scared for her clients.
457
00:21:44,395 --> 00:21:46,717
Tell them how many buses
she has to get. Three.
458
00:21:46,752 --> 00:21:49,005
And how many clients that day?
Eight. Fucking what?
459
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,845
Yeah. So I go into a tailspin,
I'm calling, like, the council,
460
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:55,360
the doctor, you know, I'm calling
helplines but can't get any answer,
461
00:21:55,395 --> 00:21:57,557
cos of everything that's fucking
going on. So I'm ready,
462
00:21:57,592 --> 00:21:59,685
I'm just going to go and get her
and bring her here,
463
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,080
but then am I exposing her?
Yes. Does one of us go and stay?
464
00:22:02,115 --> 00:22:03,565
But then who's looking after him?
465
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,805
Yeah. So, I mean, we're just,
like, beside ourselves.
466
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:09,320
There's this killer virus out there
and you're sitting pretty, like,
467
00:22:09,355 --> 00:22:11,725
while your mother, like, your mum...
468
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,960
And I'm thinking, is this it,
you know? Is my mum going to die?
469
00:22:14,995 --> 00:22:16,920
Is my mother is going to die?
470
00:22:16,955 --> 00:22:18,680
We're fucking terrified.
471
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,920
Cos she's not normally...
Normally she's a bit... Selfish?
472
00:22:27,955 --> 00:22:30,205
Not selfish.
Trying to be a comedian.
473
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,560
It's not a comedian.
It's more performative than that.
474
00:22:32,595 --> 00:22:34,485
Try telling a fucking joke
every now and again.
475
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,400
That might raise a laugh. But fair's
fair to her. She saved the day.
476
00:22:37,435 --> 00:22:40,280
Yeah. She got her to go to that
home. That care home. You remember?
477
00:22:40,315 --> 00:22:42,245
Yes, she persuaded her to go
to that care home.
478
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,165
Lovely place. Absolutely amazing.
God know how she managed it,
479
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,160
but somehow... Yeah. She persuaded
her to go to the lovely, lovely home
480
00:22:48,195 --> 00:22:52,320
and they took her in. What a relief.
Yeah. It was amazing. I know.
481
00:22:52,355 --> 00:22:55,085
Overnight. No messing. Right in.
Overnight.
482
00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:58,280
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she'll be safe
there, right? In there? Aye.
483
00:22:58,315 --> 00:23:00,080
Aye. She'll be safe in there.
484
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,685
Anna...!
485
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,240
Anna, can you come in?
486
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,480
SIREN WAILS
487
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,605
This evening...
488
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,640
.. I harvested asparagus.
489
00:23:44,675 --> 00:23:46,565
HE CHUCKLES
490
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,525
I've... never done that before.
491
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,800
Actually, I shouldn't have done it
now, because I only planted them
492
00:23:52,835 --> 00:23:56,005
a few months ago
and with asparagus, right,
493
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,920
you're supposed to leave them for
three years to let the crown bed in,
494
00:23:59,955 --> 00:24:02,125
otherwise it dies.
495
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,805
Apparently. That's what Google says.
496
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,260
But I just could not resist it.
You know?
497
00:24:08,295 --> 00:24:11,680
I'd grown it with my own hands
and soil...
498
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,480
And I'm not saying I'm some
green-fingered vegetable person,
499
00:24:17,515 --> 00:24:19,885
that is not what this is, you know?
500
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,200
It's just this year,
with everything's that's going on.
501
00:24:23,235 --> 00:24:26,720
I ordered them...
.. back in early February?
502
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:29,885
Don't know why.
503
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,845
I just did, you know?
504
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,880
This was just when we were getting
the first sniff of this thing
505
00:24:34,915 --> 00:24:37,165
happening off in far-flung China.
506
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,760
This little place
that nobody'd ever heard of.
507
00:24:40,795 --> 00:24:42,085
And these health things,
508
00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:44,680
they do happen every now and again,
don't they?
509
00:24:44,715 --> 00:24:47,680
I mean, like, bird flu,
Ebola, SARS...
510
00:24:47,715 --> 00:24:49,125
And don't get me wrong,
511
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:52,240
I am not saying that I knew this
was all going to happen...
512
00:24:52,275 --> 00:24:54,760
HE CHUCKLES
I'm not saying I was thinking
513
00:24:54,795 --> 00:24:56,937
I had to be some...
.. Grizzly Adams,
514
00:24:56,972 --> 00:24:59,045
nuclear fallout shelter kind of guy,
515
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,600
I'm just talking about planting
a few veggies, you know?
516
00:25:01,635 --> 00:25:03,560
And I actually think about doing it
every year,
517
00:25:03,595 --> 00:25:05,005
just never get round to it.
518
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,960
I s'pose it's like learning
the names of trees
519
00:25:07,995 --> 00:25:09,805
or... reading Charles Dickens.
520
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,920
You know it's going to make you
a better person,
521
00:25:11,955 --> 00:25:13,560
just nobody fucking does it.
522
00:25:13,595 --> 00:25:14,920
But this year...
523
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,080
.. I actually found myself doing it.
524
00:25:21,115 --> 00:25:23,457
And I'm planting vegetables,
you know?
525
00:25:23,492 --> 00:25:25,800
I've got everything in there.
I've got...
526
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:34,920
I'm not quite sure what it is.
527
00:25:34,955 --> 00:25:37,600
And asparagus, right?
528
00:25:37,635 --> 00:25:39,680
So... tonight...
529
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,940
.. we get a call, just probably
after they've announced
530
00:25:45,975 --> 00:25:49,247
the official end of the lockdown,
from Jonathan, right?
531
00:25:49,282 --> 00:25:52,520
Jonathan's the ICU nurse
over there at the hospital.
532
00:25:52,555 --> 00:25:54,685
Amazing guy, Jonathan, like...
533
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:59,160
.. he's lovely. I cannot speak
highly enough about Jonathan.
534
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:04,245
He's the main nurse over there
in intensive care,
535
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,600
looking after the old girl,
because Covid, you know, it just...
536
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,245
.. swept through that place,
537
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,045
it just rampaged
right through the care home.
538
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:18,560
Loads dead, loads in hospital,
like the old girl, you know,
539
00:26:18,595 --> 00:26:22,880
taken in, intubated,
on a ventilator, stuck in a coma.
540
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:25,045
And Jonathan...
541
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:29,440
.. he's on the phone to us
every day, telling us everything -
542
00:26:29,475 --> 00:26:30,920
everything!
543
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,480
her breathing going.
And when he's got a minute, right?
544
00:26:40,515 --> 00:26:43,240
Which isn't very often,
I'll tell you that.
545
00:26:43,275 --> 00:26:45,445
.. He talks to her.
546
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,480
Or he'll stick the phone
up to her ear so that we can.
547
00:26:48,515 --> 00:26:50,440
Just an amazing guy, Jonathan.
548
00:26:50,475 --> 00:26:52,045
Lovely, you know?
549
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,620
Just... cannot fault him,
cannot fault Jonathan. Anyway...
550
00:26:55,655 --> 00:26:59,160
.. when we get the call from him
tonight, it's the one...
551
00:26:59,195 --> 00:27:01,160
.. that we've been dreading, right?
552
00:27:01,195 --> 00:27:02,760
"One of you... "
553
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,360
".. can come in for 15 minutes
to say goodbye. "
554
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:15,765
She's the one that takes the call,
which is about 6.30,
555
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,440
and I'm watching her and she's on
the phone and she's nodding away.
556
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,320
Jonathan's on the other end
being smashing.
557
00:27:23,355 --> 00:27:24,845
And...
558
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:28,240
.. she hangs up and she tells me,
just real matter-of-fact,
559
00:27:28,275 --> 00:27:29,885
"It's happening.
560
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:33,840
"Jonathan says one of you can come
in for 15 minutes to say goodbye... "
561
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,120
".. and that we're lucky because...
562
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:41,840
".. most other places aren't even
letting you do that. "
563
00:27:41,875 --> 00:27:43,685
HE INHALES SLOWLY
564
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:45,320
She's got to be there at 8.45.
565
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:52,880
She just says it like that,
you know? Just cold as ice, but...
566
00:27:52,915 --> 00:27:56,120
.. inside, I can see,
her heart's just like...
567
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:58,480
.. gone...
568
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,240
You know, like that.
569
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:08,120
Like that.
570
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:18,640
At 8.45, right, I'm thinking,
"That's a bit of time.
571
00:28:18,675 --> 00:28:21,725
"I'm going to harvest
that asparagus. "
572
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:25,120
So then I clipped it and steamed it,
bit of salt and pepper,
573
00:28:25,155 --> 00:28:28,177
made fresh hollandaise -
it's not easy to do, that,
574
00:28:28,212 --> 00:28:31,200
but it's really tasty when you do -
and we sat down...
575
00:28:31,235 --> 00:28:33,005
.. together...
576
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,160
.. and we ate the asparagus.
577
00:28:35,195 --> 00:28:37,280
And she said it was lovely.
578
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:39,960
I think it helped...
579
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:42,600
.. take her mind off...
580
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:46,285
Anyway, here's the thing, right?
581
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,920
The thing that's been going over
and over and over in my mind
582
00:28:48,955 --> 00:28:50,360
as I'm sitting here waiting.
583
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,400
If there was enough of an inkling
584
00:28:57,435 --> 00:28:59,885
back in early February...
585
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:03,840
.. for me to get myself online
and order asparagus crowns.
586
00:29:03,875 --> 00:29:05,685
And I mean, who the fuck am I?
587
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:09,800
But if there was enough of a sniff
of this thing happening back then...
588
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,480
.. then how come the people
that run this country...
589
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,200
Like, how come the people
who actually... run this country...
590
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,920
How is it possible that the people
who actually run this country...?
591
00:29:22,955 --> 00:29:25,280
KEYS JANGLE, LOCK CLICKS
592
00:29:25,315 --> 00:29:26,520
DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES
593
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:51,845
Why?
594
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,120
I mean, is that...?
595
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:57,280
Does that matter any more?
596
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:02,320
Er, no, s'pose not.
597
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:07,280
What are you doing? Don't, don't...
Well, I thought like a... No.
598
00:30:07,315 --> 00:30:10,600
Like, a hug? Or...? No, no,
cos I have to self-isolate.
599
00:30:10,635 --> 00:30:12,885
What, in here? Yeah.
600
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,160
Yeah, don't you think? Uh...
601
00:30:15,195 --> 00:30:16,280
Hang on...
602
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:23,680
So how was it?
603
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:27,160
Uh...
604
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:31,600
Well, she was unconscious.
605
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,405
And the hospital was weird,
it was...
606
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,680
.. just really empty in the places
that are normally busy and...
607
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:46,800
.. um...
608
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,640
Jonathan was amazing.
Aye, Jonathan is amazing.
609
00:30:50,675 --> 00:30:52,245
Yeah.
610
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:55,240
He just told me everything that was
going to happen and...
611
00:30:55,275 --> 00:30:56,885
.. he said the consultant had been in
612
00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:00,120
and she reckoned it was going to
happen in the early hours and...
613
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:05,260
But he... He said don't worry,
because he was doing an all-nighter
614
00:31:05,295 --> 00:31:09,240
and, you know, he'd make sure
he was there, when the time came.
615
00:31:09,275 --> 00:31:12,217
He said that's what the nurses
try and do, they, they...
616
00:31:12,252 --> 00:31:15,160
.. just try and make sure
that people don't die alone.
617
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:18,160
Yeah.
618
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:20,765
Um...
619
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,040
SHE CLICKS HER TONGUE
Yeah, and then he just showed me
620
00:31:23,075 --> 00:31:25,720
how to put on
all the protective gear and, um...
621
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:30,040
.. I've got to still be comfortable,
you know,
622
00:31:30,075 --> 00:31:32,240
and then, he took... Took me in.
623
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,720
And I had 15 minutes.
624
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,040
Just, the roads were so clear.
625
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:56,885
Yeah, and then, uh...
626
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:00,440
.. after ten minutes, he leaned in
and he said, you know,
627
00:32:00,475 --> 00:32:02,080
"Tell her you love her," and...
628
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,040
And I did, I did. I just, er...
629
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:11,560
All this stuff just... just
poured out of me, all this stuff.
630
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:14,600
What stuff?
631
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,560
And that I was proud of her and...
632
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,080
.. and I was really grateful
for the person that she was,
633
00:32:27,115 --> 00:32:29,080
and everything she'd done for me,
and I was...
634
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,640
.. I was just so, so sorry
that I'd never said any of that
635
00:32:32,675 --> 00:32:34,880
when she could hear me, you know,
and...
636
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,240
.. and that I loved her
so much that...
637
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,045
.. my life was already hurting
without her in it
638
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,600
and I was worried that
that hurt would never go away.
639
00:32:44,635 --> 00:32:47,285
BREATHES SHAKILY
640
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,320
No, no... no.
Do you not think...? No.
641
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,520
Right.
642
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,360
And then I told her that
Jonathan had told me not to worry.
643
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,605
I told her that I'd spoken to him,
644
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:11,120
and he promised me that when
the time came, he'd... he'd be there.
645
00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:15,760
I told her that, um...
he promised me he'd hold her hand...
646
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,680
I feel like I do want like I do want
to put her temperature in this...
647
00:33:28,715 --> 00:33:30,800
Go for it. Yeah.
648
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:36,080
But there, um, there isn't
really a point, is there?
649
00:33:36,115 --> 00:33:37,280
No.
650
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,960
Look, there was never a point,
so if it makes you feel better.
651
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:46,480
There's no point, it's just...
652
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,680
You said amazing things to her.
653
00:33:56,715 --> 00:33:58,800
Did I? Aye.
654
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,160
Because I don't think I did.
Oh, you totally did.
655
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,120
Because then, um, I was driving home
and Jonathan called,
656
00:34:14,155 --> 00:34:15,520
and he said it was happening now.
657
00:34:15,555 --> 00:34:18,325
No... Wait, no. Yeah. No!
658
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,165
But I thought
it was the early hours.
659
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,640
Yeah, but she'd... she'd taken
a turn for the worse,
660
00:34:22,675 --> 00:34:25,640
so it was happening right then.
Jesus. I know.
661
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,365
And she was alone.
662
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,420
Yeah. Well, no, she had Jonathan,
right? She didn't.
663
00:34:34,455 --> 00:34:37,440
I thought he was going to...
She didn't have Jonathan.
664
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:42,680
Because he had another patient
who was dying at the same time
665
00:34:42,715 --> 00:34:44,920
and that person had no-one, so...
666
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:50,520
.. he said at least my mum had me
to FaceTime with her.
667
00:34:50,555 --> 00:34:51,560
Oh, my God.
668
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:56,560
And I really begged him not...
really begged him not to leave.
669
00:34:56,595 --> 00:34:59,800
I said, you know, please
don't let my mum die on her own.
670
00:34:59,835 --> 00:35:01,520
And he said, sorry.
671
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:04,680
And I said...
672
00:35:04,715 --> 00:35:05,925
VOICE QUIVERS
673
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:09,240
.. I said, please, and he said
he was sorry that he had to choose.
674
00:35:11,720 --> 00:35:14,360
And he did, he did have to choose.
675
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:16,925
He did.
676
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:21,760
So he just... He put his phone
on the arm of the bed.
677
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:30,560
And I sat in the lay-by
on the ring road... FaceTiming in.
678
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,800
I just sat there
and I watched my mum die...
679
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,125
.. just telling a man
he didn't even know
680
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,840
that he was there
and he wasn't going to leave him.
681
00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:47,360
SOBS
682
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,520
So, yeah, Mum died on her own.
683
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,800
FOOTSTEPS
684
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,360
FOOTSTEPS CLIMB THE STAIRS
685
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,760
THUNDER RUMBLES
686
00:38:04,720 --> 00:38:06,160
TV MUTED
687
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,900
Yeah, I mean, it's as big a surprise
to us as it is to you. Totally.
688
00:38:14,935 --> 00:38:17,680
I mean, we did not see that coming.
Not at all. Not in a million.
689
00:38:17,715 --> 00:38:19,285
No, I never thought
I'd go there again.
690
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,800
Jesus, the last man on Earth,
give me celibacy now! Yeah, but...
691
00:38:22,835 --> 00:38:26,117
We have. Yeah, we have been
having sex and...
692
00:38:26,152 --> 00:38:29,400
Yeah, it's been er... quite...
Yeah, it has been.
693
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:34,840
How's it been? Uh... it's been...
.. good. Yeah, it has been good!
694
00:38:34,875 --> 00:38:37,365
It's been really good, in fact,
and totally unexpected.
695
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:40,800
Yeah, but, I mean, it was always
good, like, historically speaking.
696
00:38:40,835 --> 00:38:44,200
Historically, yep. I mean, not that
we were ever all... No, no, no!
697
00:38:44,235 --> 00:38:47,200
Not some like super special...
LAUGHS WITH EMBARRASSMENT
698
00:38:47,235 --> 00:38:49,637
No! We're not that
kind of super special showy,
699
00:38:49,672 --> 00:38:52,040
like, Olympic types.
No, who's got time for that?
700
00:38:52,075 --> 00:38:53,725
No, but... I mean,
we had our quirks...
701
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,320
Yes, yes. I'm not saying that
we were... back in the day.
702
00:38:56,355 --> 00:38:59,285
Yeah, there was fun,
there was ooh-la-la.
703
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,160
I mean, we were both of us
just fairly compatible, you know.
704
00:39:02,195 --> 00:39:04,445
I mean, we're both... very...
705
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:07,925
We were... I suppose
we were both very solid. Quick.
706
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:12,240
Yeah, quick. Aye. Yeah, yeah,
both parties pretty quick at sex.
707
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:17,205
we don't want to hang about.
708
00:39:17,240 --> 00:39:20,640
Yeah, we don't... We're not into
the whole, like, bump and grind...
709
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,720
None of that fucking tantric,
fucking Paul Weller, fucking...
710
00:39:24,755 --> 00:39:26,485
Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
711
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:29,720
At the same time, it's not
all wham-bam. No! No, no, no.
712
00:39:29,755 --> 00:39:32,360
No, no, premature, that's not the...
713
00:39:32,395 --> 00:39:34,525
Is it? No, no. No, no.
714
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,080
We just both of us happen to be able
to get where we're going
715
00:39:37,115 --> 00:39:38,857
with alacrity. Time to spare. Yeah.
716
00:39:38,892 --> 00:39:40,565
Look, needless to say, all right,
717
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,440
it's totally sideswiped
the pair of us.
718
00:39:42,475 --> 00:39:43,765
I mean, a bolt from the blue.
719
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,460
Yeah, I mean, we think we've
figured out why it's happening,
720
00:39:46,495 --> 00:39:49,120
but it still doesn't make sense,
does it? No. Not really.
721
00:39:49,155 --> 00:39:50,285
But, you know, if we tell you,
722
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,605
you're not going to understand it
either, but here goes.
723
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,120
So it all started right back
at the end of the first lockdown.
724
00:39:55,155 --> 00:39:57,245
Well, it was the night
of Mum's funeral.
725
00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:00,240
Well, it was a weird day,
to be fair, wasn't it?
726
00:40:00,275 --> 00:40:03,165
I mean, funerals, right,
I buried both my parents,
727
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,460
and there's this whole bunch of
stuff that you have to organise,
728
00:40:06,495 --> 00:40:09,720
you know, the strangers coming
to your door to pay their respects,
729
00:40:09,755 --> 00:40:12,725
flowers, hymns, catering.
730
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:14,925
Picking a coffin,
picking coffin ornaments,
731
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,640
and look, all this stuff,
it can seem really irritating,
732
00:40:17,675 --> 00:40:20,320
but actually it's kind of amazing
because what it's doing is
733
00:40:20,355 --> 00:40:22,365
it's distracting you
from what you've lost.
734
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,040
And... Oh, God, I remember
at my dad's funeral...
735
00:40:25,075 --> 00:40:26,205
HE CHUCKLES
736
00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:29,800
.. there was this big six-foot
tobacco-y lead smelter, right.
737
00:40:29,835 --> 00:40:32,317
He comes up to me
and he goes... he goes...
738
00:40:32,352 --> 00:40:34,765
He grabs my hand in his big fists,
and he goes,
739
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:39,405
"He was the last of the great
characters, that man. " Right?
740
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:44,160
"When he left, the fun went out
of that place. I loved that man. "
741
00:40:44,195 --> 00:40:45,925
And I guess it's stuff like that,
742
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,685
it just, it teaches you things
that you never knew
743
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:51,440
about the person you thought
you knew everything about,
744
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:58,165
Just five people
at our Covid funeral, five.
745
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,360
Yeah, you don't organise catering
for five people.
746
00:41:00,395 --> 00:41:02,085
You've got to choose
your coffin online,
747
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,285
so you're like, oh, that one,
those handles...
748
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,720
Yeah, no strangers coming
to your door at a Covid funeral.
749
00:41:06,755 --> 00:41:08,325
Nobody sending flowers.
750
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,120
I mean, what are you going to do,
wash them before they come in?!
751
00:41:11,155 --> 00:41:13,440
There's no singing at Covid
funerals, there's no hymns.
752
00:41:13,475 --> 00:41:15,045
No strangers grabbing you
by the fist,
753
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,760
looking you in the eye, telling you
your father's actually...
754
00:41:17,795 --> 00:41:19,080
Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.
755
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:22,365
Can I say something? Aye.
756
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,205
Just... You're not going
to look at me all...
757
00:41:24,240 --> 00:41:26,500
HE BURSTS OUT LAUGHING
I don't know what... I mean...
758
00:41:26,535 --> 00:41:28,760
I don't know what
you're going to say, do I? Well...
759
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,925
I loved that funeral.
760
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,325
And I know I shouldn't say that
because...
761
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,980
.. other people, you know, Jesus,
it's so painful for them.
762
00:41:43,015 --> 00:41:46,600
So agonising not to be able
to have the funeral you need.
763
00:41:46,635 --> 00:41:50,760
But like, I mean, for me,
like, for me, it was...
764
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:54,085
.. just the best.
765
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:58,640
Like, there's no...
There's no catering to worry about.
766
00:41:58,675 --> 00:42:00,645
There's no flowers.
767
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,920
You know, no-one's knocking
at your door, poking their nose in.
768
00:42:03,955 --> 00:42:06,085
You're not obsessing about
what the coffin
769
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:08,640
is saying about your love
for the person you're burying.
770
00:42:08,675 --> 00:42:10,605
There's no fucking hymns.
771
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:14,440
It's just you and the person
you're putting in the ground, and...
772
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,045
.. you know, there's nothing
to distract you
773
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,880
from the pain of what
you're losing, and I loved that.
774
00:42:20,915 --> 00:42:23,080
I fucking loved that funeral.
775
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,720
I fucking loved that funeral, too.
776
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,920
Well, because you were like,
you were like, aw...
777
00:42:37,955 --> 00:42:39,925
Yeah, but I... I was loving it.
778
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:43,200
I mean, not loving it, you know,
my mum is dead. Yeah, obviously.
779
00:42:43,235 --> 00:42:46,440
Look, let me tell you, that big
six-foot chain-smoking lead smelter
780
00:42:46,475 --> 00:42:49,080
that came up to me and told me
all that shite about my dad,
781
00:42:49,115 --> 00:42:51,997
that ruined my year.
I mean, I do not need to find out
782
00:42:52,032 --> 00:42:54,880
that the guy that's been
an arsehole to me for decades
783
00:42:54,915 --> 00:42:56,920
is actually Michael bloody Mclntyre,
you know.
784
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:01,080
Well, I couldn't say anything
because, well, you know...
785
00:43:01,115 --> 00:43:02,325
No, you can't, can you?
786
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:06,320
You're not supposed to be happy
about a Covid funeral, are you? No.
787
00:43:06,355 --> 00:43:07,845
I suppose, like, when we got home,
788
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:09,960
we just got caught up
talking about Artie.
789
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:16,940
Yeah, because he loves his gran.
790
00:43:16,975 --> 00:43:19,447
And he wanted to touch it. So what?
791
00:43:19,482 --> 00:43:21,521
I wanted to touch it, that's normal.
792
00:43:21,556 --> 00:43:23,525
He wanted to taste it.
Not like a...
793
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:27,000
Don't say it like he's a cannibal!
He didn't want to saute it!
794
00:43:27,035 --> 00:43:30,440
He wanted to see if a dead body...
tastes like a live body.
795
00:43:30,475 --> 00:43:33,360
Which is normal, right?!
Absolutely normal!
796
00:43:33,395 --> 00:43:35,445
Fucking curious, curious child.
797
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:38,880
Anyway, we... So, we had
the funeral, we came home,
798
00:43:38,915 --> 00:43:43,120
we talked about Arthur,
we made some tea,
799
00:43:43,155 --> 00:43:44,725
we had a bit of cheese,
800
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,840
and then, the next thing you know
we had, er...
801
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:49,445
.. sexual contact.
802
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,365
Should we tell them what it was?
803
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:54,040
No, we don't need to.
No, no, all right, all right.
804
00:43:54,075 --> 00:43:56,645
Look, suffice it to say, OK,
one of us had an orgasm.
805
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:59,240
We don't need to... Why? What?
I just thought they needed to...
806
00:43:59,275 --> 00:44:01,480
Why do you find
the need to say that?
807
00:44:01,515 --> 00:44:03,045
That was it, a one-off.
808
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,800
You know, we put it down
to the day, to the situation.
809
00:44:05,835 --> 00:44:07,525
We're not doing that again.
810
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:09,860
Oh, God, no,
done, bang, over, what's on telly?
811
00:44:09,895 --> 00:44:12,160
Yeah, and then,
post-lockdown life settled in,
812
00:44:12,195 --> 00:44:13,840
and we just completely
forget about it.
813
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,685
They encouraged you
to go to restaurants, bizarrely.
814
00:44:19,720 --> 00:44:22,320
Yeah, and through all of that,
we did not have sex, even once. No.
815
00:44:22,355 --> 00:44:24,365
No. And little Artie, right,
he's back at school.
816
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,920
And then he was out of school again
because some kid got Covid.
817
00:44:26,955 --> 00:44:29,440
And then he was in. And then he
was out. And then he was in again.
818
00:44:29,475 --> 00:44:31,405
He was like a bloody yo-yo,
to be honest with you.
819
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:35,080
But the point is there was space
to ourselves to do it in,
820
00:44:35,115 --> 00:44:37,200
had we so desired.
And we didn't at all, did we?
821
00:44:37,235 --> 00:44:38,797
No, I mean, I was working,
I was busy.
822
00:44:38,832 --> 00:44:40,360
Aye. And summer comes,
then autumn.
823
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:46,720
by shoestring and Sellotape,
824
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,860
but have to look after shits
like us... Uh! Careful, comrade!
825
00:44:53,895 --> 00:44:56,440
Ah, fuck up, the world is still
dog eat dog, I'm not saying that.
826
00:44:56,475 --> 00:44:57,805
Have an idea, for Christ's sake,
827
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,960
don't just eat chicken fucking
nuggets. Oh, there he is!
828
00:45:00,995 --> 00:45:03,800
The point is,
at no point during any of this
829
00:45:03,835 --> 00:45:05,285
do we even consider having sex.
830
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:08,525
Not even just there, when the
lockdown to save Christmas starts.
831
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:11,640
We're still not doing it, are we?
No, God, no, not in a million years.
832
00:45:11,675 --> 00:45:15,160
No. And then, right, they announce
a vaccine's been discovered.
833
00:45:15,195 --> 00:45:17,205
And we just, oh!
834
00:45:17,240 --> 00:45:19,685
Plough in like teenagers!
835
00:45:19,720 --> 00:45:22,240
Honestly, no idea why, like...
SCOFFS
836
00:45:22,275 --> 00:45:24,405
Did the announcement trigger it?
837
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,300
You know, is it
a lockdown phenomenon?
838
00:45:26,335 --> 00:45:28,125
Are other people experiencing this?
839
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:30,680
Maybe, because the vaccine's
going to make things better.
840
00:45:30,715 --> 00:45:32,640
Yeah, for you, maybe.
How do you mean?
841
00:45:32,675 --> 00:45:34,085
Well, they're not going to be
842
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,280
vaccinating people in refugee camps
any time soon.
843
00:45:36,315 --> 00:45:39,197
Here we go,
let the virtue signalling begin.
844
00:45:39,232 --> 00:45:42,045
No! Rich countries
will be snapping it up.
845
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,960
Hey! Look everybody,
a good person is here! Fuck off!
846
00:45:44,995 --> 00:45:46,720
Life and death shouldn't be
about profit.
847
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,125
How do you think they made
the vaccine? They used money.
848
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,800
Ah! But all I know is that you are
going to be getting the vaccine
849
00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:56,920
long before any front-line worker
in Sierra Leone,
850
00:45:56,955 --> 00:45:58,405
and what the fuck do you do?
851
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:01,280
I'd run out there tomorrow
and get it if I could. I know.
852
00:46:01,315 --> 00:46:04,120
You'd run out there with your
big fat fucking purse, like...
853
00:46:04,155 --> 00:46:05,285
100%, I'd get it like a shot.
854
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:07,800
I'd get it twice, three times,
and once for the weekend.
855
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,320
Why am I having sex with you?
I don't know. That's the point.
856
00:46:12,355 --> 00:46:14,325
We did it in the kitchen
this morning.
857
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:16,645
Over the dishwasher -
I mean, that is unfathomable.
858
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:19,680
Why are you...? Why would you go
into...? What are you talking about?
859
00:46:19,715 --> 00:46:20,685
We're over-sharing.
860
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:23,680
Oh, shit. Er, we are,
I'm really sorry about that.
861
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:28,845
SHE GIGGLES
862
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,240
Oh, come on! How old are you?
863
00:46:31,275 --> 00:46:32,885
How old are you?
864
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:36,500
It doesn't mean
we're all suddenly, you know...
865
00:46:36,535 --> 00:46:40,080
No! No... suddenly all lovey...
No! Absolutely not.
866
00:46:40,115 --> 00:46:42,400
.. dovey, and all that.
Fuck, no. No, no, no.
867
00:46:42,435 --> 00:46:44,245
It's like...
It's physical, isn't it?
868
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:47,040
Physical. Just purely contractual,
eh? Yeah. Aye.
869
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,245
Like, through the tulips. Don't.
Fucking holding hands,
870
00:46:56,280 --> 00:47:00,040
bathing each other's bits and... He
still makes me sick, or something.
871
00:47:00,075 --> 00:47:01,445
Yeah, and the sight of her,
872
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:03,320
she still makes me want
to stab my own feet.
873
00:47:03,355 --> 00:47:05,800
I mean, I definitely do not... Do I?
874
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:09,480
I think maybe the truth is,
is that...
875
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:13,125
.. I'm still struggling
with my mum's death, you know.
876
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:17,300
And... and maybe the vaccine, like,
triggered something, you know.
877
00:47:17,335 --> 00:47:21,440
I mean, just the thought that
if she'd had it, you know, she...
878
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:26,125
And just the unfairness of that,
like, the nonsense of it.
879
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:29,200
And so this physical thing that's,
that's been happening between us,
880
00:47:29,235 --> 00:47:31,925
I think maybe it's just helped.
Yeah.
881
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:35,960
Yeah, for me, too.
You too? Yeah, I think so.
882
00:47:35,995 --> 00:47:38,177
I think the sex has helped.
883
00:47:38,212 --> 00:47:40,325
Well, yeah, the sex, but...
884
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:43,840
You know, it's not just the sex,
it's like the contact.
885
00:47:43,875 --> 00:47:47,320
Yeah, no, it is. It is,
it's the contact. It's the contact.
886
00:47:47,355 --> 00:47:49,320
And it's the sex as well,
if I'm being honest,
887
00:47:49,355 --> 00:47:50,685
you know, for me, personally.
888
00:47:50,720 --> 00:47:53,720
And it's not just the vaccine that's
been messing with my head. I...
889
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:58,005
.. I find this really hard
to admit but
890
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,960
I've got complicated feelings
towards my sister now.
891
00:48:00,995 --> 00:48:03,005
I think it's chilled me out
somewhat.
892
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:07,160
And she feels, she feels terrible,
you know, just awful, terrible.
893
00:48:07,195 --> 00:48:10,045
And I should be feeling
sympathetic towards her
894
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:12,600
but I just feel really angry,
like, I just have so much anger.
895
00:48:12,635 --> 00:48:14,005
I think it's relaxed me a bit.
896
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,005
And I hate myself
for feeling like this.
897
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,720
But if I'm really honest...
Just emptying my bags.
898
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:25,845
No, I was just... joking.
For God's sake!
899
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,005
What, emptying your bags?
I was joking. Don't joke!
900
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,360
I'm really sorry. Jesus,
I mean, what is wrong with you?
901
00:48:30,395 --> 00:48:32,577
I said I'm sorry. Honest to God...
You always do this.
902
00:48:32,612 --> 00:48:34,725
You always do this.
I'm not always doing anything.
903
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:37,360
Just when I begin to think...
Just when you begin to think what?
904
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:43,720
I just...
905
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,560
Don't walk away. Don't walk away!
906
00:48:47,595 --> 00:48:49,760
FOOTSTEPS RUN UPSTAIRS
907
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:55,320
She's been hit by it.
908
00:48:55,355 --> 00:48:56,360
DOOR SLAMS
909
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:08,440
.. grief.
910
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:15,720
DOG BARKS IN THE DISTANCE, BIRDSONG
911
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:21,840
WASHING MACHINE HUMS
912
00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:29,160
BABY CRIES
913
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:41,240
CHEERY RADIO PROGRAMME
914
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:02,960
I can't escape the feeling
that my mother didn't die,
915
00:50:02,995 --> 00:50:05,325
she was killed.
916
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:08,720
The problem is that people don't
understand the word "exponential".
917
00:50:08,755 --> 00:50:14,520
They think it means a lot or
quite vastly. You see it on TV.
918
00:50:14,555 --> 00:50:17,160
You know, or in bad sci-fi movies.
919
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:21,480
"Good God! This alien mass is
growing exponentially,"
920
00:50:21,515 --> 00:50:23,325
and you think, oh, that's a lot.
921
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:28,600
But it's worth taking the time
to understand the mathematics
922
00:50:28,635 --> 00:50:31,120
of exponential growth.
923
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:39,485
You're doubling it every three days.
924
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:43,280
So by the end of a week,
you've got four.
925
00:50:43,315 --> 00:50:45,520
One has become four.
926
00:50:45,555 --> 00:50:47,445
In... in a week.
927
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,420
And by the end of the second week,
you have 16,
928
00:50:50,455 --> 00:50:53,325
by the end of the third week,
you have 128,
929
00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:57,240
and as the month draws to a close,
you have 512.
930
00:50:57,275 --> 00:50:59,645
That's after just four weeks.
931
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:03,720
OK. So that's a lot more than one.
But, you know...
932
00:51:03,755 --> 00:51:04,920
.. not so much.
933
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:08,320
But if you carry on...
934
00:51:09,720 --> 00:51:13,480
.. the fifth week gives you 2,048.
935
00:51:13,515 --> 00:51:16,880
The sixth gives you 8,192.
936
00:51:16,915 --> 00:51:18,040
The seventh...
937
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:23,740
.. the seventh gives you 65,536.
938
00:51:23,775 --> 00:51:27,407
The eighth gives you 262,144.
939
00:51:27,442 --> 00:51:31,005
And if you go one week more,
940
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,525
pretty much near as dammit
to the...
941
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:37,440
to the... to the two calendar months
from when this whole thing started,
942
00:51:37,475 --> 00:51:42,765
you get 1,048,576.
943
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,840
So the difference between the start
of the first week and the end of the
944
00:51:45,875 --> 00:51:47,765
first week is four.
945
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,880
And the difference
between the start of the ninth week
946
00:51:50,915 --> 00:51:52,960
and the end of the ninth week...
947
00:51:52,995 --> 00:51:56,525
.. is 786,432.
948
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,880
So the same amount of days...
949
00:51:58,915 --> 00:52:01,200
hugely different numbers.
950
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:12,120
This isn't an illustration
of coronavirus, by the way.
951
00:52:12,155 --> 00:52:14,365
This isn't what actually happened.
952
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:17,480
You know, we didn't quite go to nine
weeks before the first lockdown,
953
00:52:17,515 --> 00:52:20,320
there wasn't just one person who
brought it into the country.
954
00:52:20,355 --> 00:52:23,605
There was probably as many
as 1,300 patient zeros
955
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:27,440
and this doesn't take into account,
you know, pre-lockdown efforts
956
00:52:27,475 --> 00:52:31,240
to battle the virus, track and
trace, people changing behaviour.
957
00:52:31,275 --> 00:52:32,845
What actually happened is,
958
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:36,205
it's far more complex than
what I've just done.
959
00:52:36,240 --> 00:52:40,080
What I've just done is illustrate
the word exponential.
960
00:52:40,115 --> 00:52:43,760
And it doesn't mean quite vastly.
961
00:52:43,795 --> 00:52:45,480
What it means is...
962
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:50,560
.. what it means is
that timing matters.
963
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:57,560
It's said that if we'd locked down
one week earlier,
964
00:52:57,595 --> 00:52:59,365
just one week,
965
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:02,485
that we could have
saved 20,000 lives.
966
00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:05,880
So it seems to me that the word
exponential was not understood
967
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:14,480
one minute, 34 seconds
and... and...
968
00:53:14,515 --> 00:53:16,245
.. you get it.
969
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:18,880
Right? It's not that hard, is it?
970
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:25,685
In January 2020,
971
00:53:25,720 --> 00:53:28,485
the Care Provider Alliance
972
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:32,920
contacted the Department of Health
and Social Care and said,
973
00:53:32,955 --> 00:53:36,805
"What should we be doing about this
new coronavirus?"
974
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:40,200
And they were told, "Nothing,
don't do anything different. "
975
00:53:40,235 --> 00:53:43,120
And they contacted them a week later
and they said,
976
00:53:43,155 --> 00:53:45,205
"What should we did be
doing now?"
977
00:53:45,240 --> 00:53:49,500
I mean, should we be, you know,
should we be self isolating,
978
00:53:49,535 --> 00:53:53,725
should we be restricting
visits from family and friends?
979
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:58,560
Should we be, like, should we wear
masks? And this time they weren't
980
00:53:58,595 --> 00:54:01,320
told, "Nothing. "
This time they were told...
981
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:06,080
Well, this time,
they weren't told anything.
982
00:54:06,115 --> 00:54:09,280
This time they weren't told
anything at all.
983
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:20,165
This is the end of February now.
984
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:26,325
And the guidance was that they,
you do not need to wear masks,
985
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:31,080
and it remains very unlikely that
people receiving care in care homes
986
00:54:31,115 --> 00:54:32,285
will become infected.
987
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:36,280
And I'm going to repeat that,
I'm going to repeat the advice
988
00:54:36,315 --> 00:54:39,237
from the Department of Health
and Social Care -
989
00:54:39,272 --> 00:54:42,160
it remains very unlikely
that people receiving care
990
00:54:42,195 --> 00:54:45,645
in care homes will become infected.
991
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:48,360
You can... you can...
you can look that up.
992
00:54:48,395 --> 00:54:50,120
There'll still be links for it.
993
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,800
"Oh, fuck. Really?
994
00:55:14,835 --> 00:55:16,925
"Oh, shit!"
995
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:18,765
"Fuck!"
996
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:21,380
And then, then the panic kicks in.
997
00:55:21,415 --> 00:55:23,960
The NHS is going to be overwhelmed,
998
00:55:23,995 --> 00:55:25,845
we're going to be like Italy.
999
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:28,405
Oh, please, God,
don't let us be like Italy!
1000
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:33,045
And ministers order 15,000
hospital beds to be vacated.
1001
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:37,960
And the guidance given to hospitals
is that it shouldn't take more
1002
00:55:37,995 --> 00:55:42,840
than three hours, so patients
are taken out of hospitals and they
1003
00:55:42,875 --> 00:55:46,977
are dumped into care homes
and... and... and they're not being
1004
00:55:47,012 --> 00:55:51,226
tested because, and again,
I am going to quote here, that,
1005
00:55:51,261 --> 00:55:55,440
"Covid sufferers can be
safely cared for in care homes. "
1006
00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:04,800
So, while the... while the NHS,
1007
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:16,280
the fact that there was no... not
enough PPE gear to go around,
1008
00:56:16,315 --> 00:56:18,085
while all that was being discussed,
1009
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:20,565
the care homes were given
next to nothing.
1010
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:23,880
I mean, they were given dribs and
drabs while the prices shot up,
1011
00:56:23,915 --> 00:56:27,765
and some local authorities
threatened to withhold money
1012
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:33,960
from care homes if they didn't take
in confirmed coronavirus patients.
1013
00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:46,600
They were, like, they were
blankets laced in smallpox.
1014
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:56,800
In the first lockdown, it's said
that 40% of the people who
1015
00:56:56,835 --> 00:57:00,800
died from coronavirus
were from care homes - 40%.
1016
00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:07,540
So you see, I can't escape the
feeling that my mother was killed
1017
00:57:07,575 --> 00:57:12,520
and not by a car or a gun or a knife
or a cricket bat or even,
1018
00:57:12,555 --> 00:57:16,960
or even by the virus.
She was killed by stupidity.
1019
00:57:16,995 --> 00:57:19,885
She was killed by dumbfuckery.
1020
00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:24,040
She was killed by someone looking
at something coming at them at the
1021
00:57:24,075 --> 00:57:28,160
speed of a freight train and just
being like, oh, let's just carry on.
1022
00:57:28,195 --> 00:57:29,440
Shall we? Let's just...
1023
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:37,240
You know, it's a bit... it's a bit
fucking Dunkirk spirit, you know?
1024
00:57:37,275 --> 00:57:41,080
A bit, a bit stiff upper lip -
let's just carry on, old man.
1025
00:57:41,115 --> 00:57:42,440
And my mother...
1026
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,700
.. my mum...
1027
00:57:45,735 --> 00:57:47,765
Hey...
1028
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:49,445
I think, erm...
1029
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:50,840
.. I think that's it.
1030
00:57:55,040 --> 00:57:56,920
Have you... you've got that off...
1031
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:06,445
And they came out
and they said, you know,
1032
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:11,680
"Don't go to clubs or bars or
restaurants," you know,
1033
00:58:11,715 --> 00:58:15,685
unless you bloody well want to!
Or something.
1034
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:20,880
That was when, like, Spain and
France and Lithuania and Malaysia,
1035
00:58:20,915 --> 00:58:23,520
they were all locking down.
1036
00:58:23,555 --> 00:58:24,560
Yeah.
1037
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:27,480
Is that...?
1038
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:30,440
Is THAT it?
1039
00:58:33,440 --> 00:58:35,325
Is that it?
1040
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:37,700
I don't mean
is that all you can muster?
1041
00:58:37,735 --> 00:58:40,040
I mean, genuinely,
if you've got more,
1042
00:58:40,075 --> 00:58:41,920
you've got the right to say.
1043
00:58:41,955 --> 00:58:43,560
Ah, yeah. Sorry. No.
1044
00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:46,080
No. Yeah, that's it.
1045
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:49,600
You all right?
1046
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:53,200
No, I don't think so, really.
1047
00:58:56,480 --> 00:58:57,640
Well...
1048
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:05,685
I just feel like something
is changing in me, you know?
1049
00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:09,600
I just feel like I'm going into a
dark, just a bit of a dark place.
1050
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:15,480
All right. Fuck.
1051
00:59:15,515 --> 00:59:16,525
Erm...
1052
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:18,760
Why don't we think
of something positive?
1053
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:30,400
What positive thing? I don't know.
Erm, Arthur, what about Arthur?
1054
00:59:30,435 --> 00:59:32,565
OK. What about Arthur?
1055
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:36,360
Well, actually, he said this really
interesting thing the other day.
1056
00:59:36,395 --> 00:59:38,365
He's really clever, he really is.
1057
00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:41,885
It's this whole evolutionary
theory - humans as prey.
1058
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:46,045
Which I know sounds a bit, whatever,
but bear with me, OK?
1059
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:49,600
It's this whole evolutionary theory
that states that, far from this
1060
00:59:49,635 --> 00:59:53,120
picture we've got of early hominids
being, like, the great hunter,
1061
00:59:53,155 --> 00:59:55,040
it's actually the fact
that we were prey
1062
00:59:55,075 --> 00:59:56,885
that helped prepare our development.
1063
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:59,640
And Arthur was saying that it
still happens today. Uh-huh.
1064
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:09,760
like, a leopard that stands up out
of the tall grass, like that.
1065
01:00:09,795 --> 01:00:12,320
And then when the villagers come
to chase it away,
1066
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:20,480
That's really grim. I know. I was
thinking that as I was saying it,
1067
01:00:20,515 --> 01:00:22,477
it's a bit grim. Maybe...
1068
01:00:22,512 --> 01:00:24,405
something else, then. Yeah.
1069
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:26,280
Can you think of anything? Me? Aye.
1070
01:00:26,315 --> 01:00:27,480
Oh. Uh...
1071
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:31,285
Oh, Brexit. That... that happened.
So...
1072
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:35,080
Let's just shhh to the side of that,
shall we? Oh. I just...
1073
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:39,525
Erm...
1074
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:42,760
Your company! Your...
My company collapsed. Yeah, well.
1075
01:00:42,795 --> 01:00:45,960
I mean, you're happy about it.
Don't say that in front...
1076
01:00:45,995 --> 01:00:47,485
I had to fire people.
1077
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:50,285
Oh, no, I don't mean, I didn't
mean... I'm not happy about it.
1078
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:53,520
I've had to fire people, and I've
lost my job and I've got no money
1079
01:00:53,555 --> 01:00:55,845
coming in. I'm not happy about it.
I'm being... sanguine.
1080
01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:59,200
I'm sanguine about it. Yeah,
I meant sanguine. I meant sanguine.
1081
01:00:59,235 --> 01:01:00,440
I meant sanguine.
1082
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:06,240
Maybe this is a bollocks idea.
No, it's not a bollocks idea.
1083
01:01:06,275 --> 01:01:09,440
It might be. No, it's good.
I like it. You do? Yeah.
1084
01:01:09,475 --> 01:01:10,920
Erm... Yeah.
1085
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:14,605
Er...
1086
01:01:14,640 --> 01:01:16,805
Oh, Maryama.
1087
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:18,565
Maryama - Mum's carer.
1088
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,780
She's... she's still
hanging in there.
1089
01:01:20,815 --> 01:01:22,747
How is that positive?
Well, she hasn't...
1090
01:01:22,782 --> 01:01:24,645
The coronavirus
hasn't killed her yet.
1091
01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:27,120
I don't think we even told them that
she got coronavirus.
1092
01:01:27,155 --> 01:01:28,445
Oh, shit!
1093
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:30,480
Oh, yeah, she got it really bad.
1094
01:01:30,515 --> 01:01:31,725
Really bad, actually.
1095
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:34,765
And yet, she hasn't died of it
YET, so that's the positive?
1096
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:37,760
What the fuck? I'm trying. Going to
need to try a lot harder than that.
1097
01:01:37,795 --> 01:01:39,600
It was your idea.
Why don't you think of...
1098
01:01:39,635 --> 01:01:41,080
Why don't we get married then?
1099
01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:44,125
What?
1100
01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:45,480
You know, all this fucking...
1101
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:49,605
.. fucking...
1102
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:51,460
.. let's fucking...
1103
01:01:51,495 --> 01:01:53,280
.. get married then.
1104
01:01:57,600 --> 01:01:59,280
Are you proposing to me?
1105
01:01:59,315 --> 01:02:00,560
Yep.
1106
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:04,120
Yep. Actually, I am! Right.
1107
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:08,885
And your proposal is,
"Let's fucking get...
1108
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:11,520
".. fucking, fucking, let's
fucking get married, then. "
1109
01:02:11,555 --> 01:02:13,685
It's not Keats, I'll give you that.
1110
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:16,640
Are you asking me that to say
something positive? Is that...?
1111
01:02:16,675 --> 01:02:17,760
No.
1112
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:20,740
No!
1113
01:02:20,775 --> 01:02:22,007
Oh! No!
1114
01:02:22,042 --> 01:02:23,281
HE CHUCKLES
1115
01:02:23,316 --> 01:02:24,520
Absolutely not.
1116
01:02:24,555 --> 01:02:25,760
No!
1117
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:28,405
Maybe a wee bit.
1118
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:30,460
I don't really know.
Look, here's the thing.
1119
01:02:30,495 --> 01:02:32,480
We've been through all this stuff,
right?
1120
01:02:32,515 --> 01:02:34,120
And we are, you and I...
1121
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:36,480
.. still here.
1122
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:41,565
Wow.
1123
01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:42,765
That is, I mean,
1124
01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:45,160
that's the most romantic thing
anyone's ever said to ME!
1125
01:02:45,195 --> 01:02:47,520
Come on to fuck. Did you hear that
in a song or something?
1126
01:02:47,555 --> 01:02:49,600
Look, I've been thinking about it
a lot. A LOT.
1127
01:02:49,635 --> 01:02:52,120
And I think that,
I don't know how, right?
1128
01:02:52,155 --> 01:02:53,760
But somehow...
1129
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:02,120
And I know that doesn't
make much sense because...
1130
01:03:02,155 --> 01:03:04,285
.. I kind of hate you, as well.
1131
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:06,880
Or I've spent a lot of time hating
you,
1132
01:03:06,915 --> 01:03:08,925
but I don't think I do any more.
1133
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:12,600
I think there's this chance that
we've somehow ended up in this place
1134
01:03:12,635 --> 01:03:14,840
that is the love that exists
beyond hate.
1135
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:18,460
And the love that exists
beyond hate,
1136
01:03:18,495 --> 01:03:20,727
not a lot of people get to go there.
1137
01:03:20,762 --> 01:03:22,960
It's a... fucking peculiar place.
1138
01:03:24,840 --> 01:03:26,280
It's unique.
1139
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:30,205
It's utterly rarefied.
1140
01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:32,040
And it's extremely beautiful.
1141
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:37,080
So, yeah, I think
we should probably...
1142
01:03:37,115 --> 01:03:39,200
.. fucking marry.
1143
01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:47,645
I'm just thinking that, well,
1144
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:50,280
I'm just thinking my mental state
right now, you know, just
1145
01:03:50,315 --> 01:03:52,880
because I've got a lot of anger,
just a lot of hate and...
1146
01:03:52,915 --> 01:03:54,880
No, because it's the timing...
Absolutely.
1147
01:03:54,915 --> 01:03:56,765
No, absolutely.
I totally understand.
1148
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:59,160
But if we were to...
Don't worry about it.
1149
01:03:59,195 --> 01:04:01,440
.. if we were to forget that...
1150
01:04:01,475 --> 01:04:03,200
.. if we were to do it...
1151
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:09,840
.. we would have to do it under
the banners of the auspices
1152
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:18,660
OK.
1153
01:04:18,695 --> 01:04:20,240
Right.
1154
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:24,120
It was me.
1155
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:27,920
The mushrooms.
1156
01:04:31,480 --> 01:04:35,200
I picked those mushrooms
and I think I know I picked them.
1157
01:04:35,235 --> 01:04:36,925
And...
1158
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:39,680
.. I knew what I was doing
and I did it to hurt you.
1159
01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:44,440
And then I stayed with you
because you were poisoned.
1160
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:49,360
And then Arthur came along
and you know,
1161
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:53,680
Together.
1162
01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:06,160
I know.
1163
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:09,280
What?
1164
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:13,800
I know.
1165
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:35,085
You were being... such a dick
1166
01:05:35,120 --> 01:05:38,765
and I saw the mushrooms
and I thought, oh,
1167
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:41,840
I wonder what that would be like to
stick that in her fricasse
1168
01:05:41,875 --> 01:05:44,565
and watch her fucking...?
1169
01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:46,880
You know the rest,
you've said it before.
1170
01:05:46,915 --> 01:05:48,760
No, but you ate them.
1171
01:05:50,160 --> 01:05:52,080
Yeah. I forgot that I picked them.
1172
01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:55,080
OK.
1173
01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:59,280
You were going to poison me? Yeah.
1174
01:06:04,840 --> 01:06:07,800
What's the difference? The
difference is the fucking poisoning!
1175
01:06:07,835 --> 01:06:09,640
It was me that got poisoned.
1176
01:06:16,200 --> 01:06:18,560
So you wanted to hurt me?
1177
01:06:18,595 --> 01:06:20,920
You wanted to hurt me badly?
1178
01:06:20,955 --> 01:06:22,360
Yeah.
1179
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:26,360
Why?
1180
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:29,920
Why do you think?
1181
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:36,280
You walk around giving it,
"I'm such a good person. "
1182
01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:39,160
"Look what a good person I am.
1183
01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:55,600
I fucking hate you sometimes
but I never despise you.
1184
01:06:55,635 --> 01:06:57,397
That's not fair.
1185
01:06:57,432 --> 01:06:59,125
What's fair?
1186
01:06:59,160 --> 01:07:01,200
You said honesty,
you said that.
1187
01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:04,640
You look down your nose at me.
1188
01:07:04,675 --> 01:07:06,485
You always have.
1189
01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:09,045
You are not a good person.
1190
01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:12,885
You just need to read
as a good person.
1191
01:07:12,920 --> 01:07:15,720
You see, the reason that you thought
that you had poisoned me
1192
01:07:15,755 --> 01:07:16,885
for all those years
1193
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:20,040
is because you are actually
capable of doing that to me
1194
01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:29,080
that can't smell their own
fucking stink!
1195
01:07:32,840 --> 01:07:34,440
HE GROWLS IN EXASPERATION
1196
01:07:34,475 --> 01:07:36,240
Look, right...
1197
01:07:37,240 --> 01:07:40,240
I think I went a bit far there,
but the thing to hold on to is
1198
01:07:40,275 --> 01:07:44,480
that - that was actually a proposal
of marriage, right?
1199
01:07:44,515 --> 01:07:46,120
HE SIGHS
1200
01:07:56,960 --> 01:07:58,760
BIRDSONG
1201
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:04,040
WIND CHIME TINKLES
1202
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:11,960
DOG BARKS
1203
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:44,560
New Forest fudge weirdo Nathan?
1204
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:49,120
Well, Nathan is really good at
getting other people
1205
01:08:49,155 --> 01:08:51,925
to do things for him,
hence the fudge.
1206
01:08:51,960 --> 01:08:55,680
And what he's doing now is he's
getting people vaccinated, right,
1207
01:08:55,715 --> 01:08:57,720
when it's not yet their turn.
1208
01:08:59,040 --> 01:09:02,300
What he'll do is, he'll take you
down there just before close
1209
01:09:02,335 --> 01:09:05,560
and he'll ask that, when they've got
a couple of vaccines left,
1210
01:09:05,595 --> 01:09:07,125
instead of throwing them in the bin,
1211
01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:09,205
would they give them to you instead,
please?
1212
01:09:09,240 --> 01:09:12,125
He's invariably told no, right,
in very strong terms.
1213
01:09:12,160 --> 01:09:15,200
And, by the way, he is not the only
guy down there doing this, right?
1214
01:09:15,235 --> 01:09:17,800
There's a whole bunch of those guys
down there usually trying to
1215
01:09:17,835 --> 01:09:19,805
get vaccinated before their go.
1216
01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:23,400
But Nathan, right,
Nathan's got a secret weapon.
1217
01:09:23,435 --> 01:09:26,960
See, he knows that, like,
a minute before close
1218
01:09:26,995 --> 01:09:29,360
and they've got a couple
of vaccines left,
1219
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:38,000
But when they see, like, I don't
know, ten of you sitting there,
1220
01:09:38,035 --> 01:09:41,677
waiting for two vaccines, they're
probably going to ask something
1221
01:09:41,712 --> 01:09:45,320
along the lines of, "Do any of you
work with the vulnerable?"
1222
01:09:45,355 --> 01:09:46,365
HE EXHALES SHARPLY
1223
01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:48,620
A second will go by and nobody will
say anything, right,
1224
01:09:48,655 --> 01:09:50,840
because none of these arseholes
actually do, do they?
1225
01:09:56,920 --> 01:09:59,645
Then a third second goes by
and the smarter,
1226
01:09:59,680 --> 01:10:02,720
and admittedly more venally shitty,
amongst the group start to realise
1227
01:10:02,755 --> 01:10:06,120
that they're only one dastardly lie
away from getting vaccinated.
1228
01:10:06,155 --> 01:10:08,245
And see, by the time the fourth
second comes and goes,
1229
01:10:08,280 --> 01:10:11,120
there's all these hands jumping up
in the air going, "I'm Shiteicus!"
1230
01:10:11,155 --> 01:10:13,337
"No, I'm Shiteicus!"
"No, I'm Shiteicus!"
1231
01:10:13,372 --> 01:10:15,520
Anyway, that's what Nathan does,
right?
1232
01:10:15,555 --> 01:10:16,765
He tells you this.
1233
01:10:16,800 --> 01:10:18,845
He says, "The second they ask that
question,
1234
01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:21,900
"you shoot your hand in the air,
you tell your dastardly lie,
1235
01:10:21,935 --> 01:10:24,920
"you walk in the building and you
get what you came for. "
1236
01:10:24,955 --> 01:10:28,737
It is not illegal
but it's murky as fuck.
1237
01:10:28,772 --> 01:10:32,520
And, see, when I find out
that she...
1238
01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:36,520
.. is talking to Nathan...
1239
01:10:36,555 --> 01:10:36,555
HE SCOFFS
1240
01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:40,285
Urgh!
1241
01:10:40,320 --> 01:10:44,960
Things between us have been not good
since the mushroom admission.
1242
01:10:47,120 --> 01:10:48,520
I mean, this whole month she's...
1243
01:10:48,555 --> 01:10:49,605
AUBERGINE SIZZLES
1244
01:10:49,640 --> 01:10:51,605
So her job, right? Her job...
1245
01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:53,685
She's always given it
the extra hours
1246
01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:57,280
and I'm always saying to her, "Oh,
you, you need to get paid for that.
1247
01:10:57,315 --> 01:11:00,400
"It's not a charity," which is
funny cos it is a charity.
1248
01:11:00,435 --> 01:11:03,600
And she's usually in there
till like seven, eight,
1249
01:11:03,635 --> 01:11:05,765
nine o'clock at night, whenever.
1250
01:11:05,800 --> 01:11:09,485
You see now, five o'clock comes,
boom, she'll end the Zoom.
1251
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:13,040
I mean, it could be the middle of a
meeting, boom, ends the Zoom.
1252
01:11:13,075 --> 01:11:16,560
Middle of a sentence, boom,
ends the Zoom, right?
1253
01:11:16,595 --> 01:11:18,477
She won't return her sister's calls.
1254
01:11:18,512 --> 01:11:20,325
You see when I asked her why,
she goes,
1255
01:11:20,360 --> 01:11:22,600
"I have got no intention of wasting
any more of my life
1256
01:11:22,635 --> 01:11:24,925
"on other people. "
1257
01:11:24,960 --> 01:11:26,925
She won't even fight with me.
1258
01:11:26,960 --> 01:11:29,040
She just fucking walks out the room.
1259
01:11:36,760 --> 01:11:40,440
when she's playing with him and
I know she's thinking...
1260
01:11:40,475 --> 01:11:42,600
all those years, you know?
1261
01:11:44,200 --> 01:11:47,080
It's doing... Are you going
upstairs, pal?
1262
01:11:47,115 --> 01:11:49,285
FOOTSTEPS FADE
1263
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:52,120
.. doing funny things to me
all this, you know?
1264
01:11:52,155 --> 01:11:54,640
That and the collapse of my company.
1265
01:12:00,240 --> 01:12:03,200
You fall down, you get back up
again, you know?
1266
01:12:03,235 --> 01:12:05,560
But I can't seem to...
1267
01:12:06,560 --> 01:12:09,040
.. get up. You know what I mean?
1268
01:12:11,600 --> 01:12:13,360
I'm biting my fingernails.
1269
01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:16,600
I can't stop ordering fruit online.
1270
01:12:18,040 --> 01:12:19,920
I cried in the bath yesterday.
1271
01:12:21,360 --> 01:12:23,005
The bath!
1272
01:12:23,040 --> 01:12:25,040
I mean, I never cry but the bath?!
1273
01:12:26,120 --> 01:12:28,045
It's fucking pathetic.
1274
01:12:28,080 --> 01:12:30,840
So, it's safe to say that I am...
1275
01:12:32,160 --> 01:12:34,560
.. a bit of a mess over here
right now, you know?
1276
01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:40,280
She's off getting the old
you-know-what with Nathan and, um...
1277
01:12:40,315 --> 01:12:43,280
So, I'll take my mind off it,
I'll keep myself busy.
1278
01:12:43,315 --> 01:12:46,205
So I'm doing the katsu curry
aubergine tonight.
1279
01:12:46,240 --> 01:12:50,600
Got all the ingredients, got them
down the same Tesco Local as before.
1280
01:12:50,635 --> 01:12:52,640
You know, I don't think
I've been in there
1281
01:12:52,675 --> 01:12:54,725
since before the first lockdown.
1282
01:12:54,760 --> 01:12:57,045
It's so different in there now,
though.
1283
01:12:57,080 --> 01:12:59,720
You know, with the hand sanitiser,
face masks.
1284
01:12:59,755 --> 01:13:02,325
The last time I was in there,
it was picked clean.
1285
01:13:02,360 --> 01:13:05,360
It was like... it was like a 7-Eleven
in a disaster movie.
1286
01:13:05,395 --> 01:13:07,360
But now it's just,
it's brimming with produce
1287
01:13:07,395 --> 01:13:09,685
and just like everything's just,
1288
01:13:09,720 --> 01:13:14,120
everything's just dandy and the
punters are walking about
1289
01:13:14,155 --> 01:13:16,285
like they don't give a shit.
1290
01:13:16,320 --> 01:13:18,720
And there was this one guy, right?
My God, this...
1291
01:13:18,755 --> 01:13:20,797
.. fucking guy.
1292
01:13:20,832 --> 01:13:22,805
Late 20s, right?
1293
01:13:22,840 --> 01:13:25,820
Jogging gear, earphones in,
1294
01:13:25,855 --> 01:13:28,765
shopping in a basket - no mask.
1295
01:13:28,800 --> 01:13:31,840
Like, at all, and I'm looking around
and nobody's stopping him.
1296
01:13:33,120 --> 01:13:38,640
I'm like, and this guy, he just,
he does not give a fuck. Right?
1297
01:13:38,675 --> 01:13:40,885
So anyway, he's in baked goods,
right,
1298
01:13:40,920 --> 01:13:44,525
and he's standing with all the
bread in front of him
1299
01:13:44,560 --> 01:13:47,460
and there's a woman below him and
she's got the uniform on,
1300
01:13:47,495 --> 01:13:50,360
she's stacking pitta bread
and he's over her like this, right?
1301
01:13:50,395 --> 01:13:51,845
Like... like that.
1302
01:13:51,880 --> 01:13:53,725
And I'm standing looking at him,
I'm going,
1303
01:13:53,760 --> 01:13:56,320
"You are too close to her, pal.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1304
01:13:56,355 --> 01:13:57,645
"Do you not get this?!"
1305
01:13:57,680 --> 01:14:00,040
Because she's not got any choice
but to be there, does she?
1306
01:14:00,075 --> 01:14:01,925
And this guy, he goes...
1307
01:14:01,960 --> 01:14:05,480
Like, he decides, "I am going to
have a walnut loaf bloomer. "
1308
01:14:05,515 --> 01:14:07,365
I mean, he needs to get it,
doesn't it?
1309
01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:10,120
He's probably going to fucking die
if he doesn't get it, right?
1310
01:14:10,155 --> 01:14:12,097
So he does this, he leans in.
1311
01:14:12,132 --> 01:14:14,040
Like he leans in, like...
1312
01:14:14,005 --> 01:14:14,005
PAN CLATTERS
1313
01:14:14,040 --> 01:14:15,820
.. like that. Like...
1314
01:14:15,855 --> 01:14:17,565
Fuck's sake. Like that.
1315
01:14:17,600 --> 01:14:20,200
Like close to her and she's
like here, right, going,
1316
01:14:20,235 --> 01:14:22,360
"Oh, my God, what is this?
What is this?"
1317
01:14:22,395 --> 01:14:24,205
She can feel it.
1318
01:14:24,240 --> 01:14:26,880
Because this is close for
normal times, right?
1319
01:14:32,520 --> 01:14:36,040
Fuck me. So this guy, right,
he goes, "Hmm. " He goes...
1320
01:14:36,075 --> 01:14:39,560
Reaches in, right close,
face, like, there, right?
1321
01:14:39,595 --> 01:14:42,200
Pulls out his walnut loaf bloomer.
1322
01:14:42,235 --> 01:14:43,925
Gives it a squeeze, actually.
1323
01:14:43,960 --> 01:14:46,445
"Mm, no, not that one. "
Puts it back.
1324
01:14:46,480 --> 01:14:48,960
Goes in for another.
She's there, breathing.
1325
01:14:48,995 --> 01:14:50,837
Brings it out.
1326
01:14:50,872 --> 01:14:52,645
"Oh, yes, lovely. "
1327
01:14:52,680 --> 01:14:55,640
Then he jogs on and I am fucking,
like...
1328
01:14:55,675 --> 01:14:57,637
I'm fucking fuming, right?
1329
01:14:57,672 --> 01:14:59,565
I mean, I'm raging, boiling.
1330
01:14:59,600 --> 01:15:02,240
I'm so full of this stuff that I
find myself in front of this woman,
1331
01:15:02,275 --> 01:15:03,880
right, cos I've got to say
something,
1332
01:15:08,720 --> 01:15:10,645
The woman I shouted at.
1333
01:15:10,680 --> 01:15:12,925
It's the woman I humiliated.
1334
01:15:12,960 --> 01:15:17,200
She's got her mask on but I can tell
it's her and she knows it me, right?
1335
01:15:17,235 --> 01:15:20,720
And she just goes,
"Can I help you, sir?"
1336
01:15:29,320 --> 01:15:31,560
Until finally...
1337
01:15:33,040 --> 01:15:34,680
"I'm sorry.
1338
01:15:35,800 --> 01:15:37,080
"I'm so sorry. "
1339
01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:40,520
She goes, "What're you sorry for,
sir?"
1340
01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:43,765
And I can't say cos it...
1341
01:15:43,800 --> 01:15:46,820
Cos I just fucking can't, can I?
1342
01:15:46,855 --> 01:15:49,840
So instead I go, "Thank you...
1343
01:15:49,875 --> 01:15:51,925
".. for this.
1344
01:15:51,960 --> 01:15:55,720
"For everything. For all you do,
for keeping us all going.
1345
01:15:57,120 --> 01:15:59,960
"For the risks you take
and for what you are. "
1346
01:15:59,995 --> 01:16:02,280
She goes, "What am I, sir?"
1347
01:16:02,315 --> 01:16:04,437
And I go...
1348
01:16:04,472 --> 01:16:06,436
"You're a hero.
1349
01:16:06,471 --> 01:16:08,365
"You are a hero,"
1350
01:16:08,400 --> 01:16:11,200
and she goes, "I'm just somebody
that needs a job, sir. "
1351
01:16:11,235 --> 01:16:13,680
And by this point,
I'm kind of crying, right?
1352
01:16:13,715 --> 01:16:16,160
I mean, not actually, but inside.
1353
01:16:17,640 --> 01:16:20,120
And I want to give this woman
something, so I say...
1354
01:16:21,720 --> 01:16:24,005
"It's going to be different. "
1355
01:16:24,040 --> 01:16:26,040
She goes, "What will be different?"
1356
01:16:26,075 --> 01:16:28,405
And I say, "The world.
1357
01:16:28,440 --> 01:16:31,685
"People like you,
you're going to be valued.
1358
01:16:31,720 --> 01:16:35,760
"We won't go back to the way it was,
valuing the wrong things,
1359
01:16:35,795 --> 01:16:40,080
"like CEOs or magazines
or brand influencers.
1360
01:16:40,115 --> 01:16:42,017
"People whose jobs aren't
important. "
1361
01:16:42,052 --> 01:16:43,920
She goes, "People like you,
you mean?"
1362
01:16:46,480 --> 01:16:48,600
"Yeah. Yeah, people like me.
1363
01:16:50,760 --> 01:16:52,600
"It's going to change.
1364
01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:56,085
"We'll remember. "
1365
01:16:56,120 --> 01:16:57,805
She goes, "No, you won't.
1366
01:16:57,840 --> 01:17:00,400
"You'll forget. The world
isn't going to change. "
1367
01:17:02,960 --> 01:17:05,880
And I don't say anything because...
1368
01:17:05,915 --> 01:17:07,920
.. I think she might be right.
1369
01:17:09,480 --> 01:17:11,200
I know she's right.
1370
01:17:13,240 --> 01:17:15,800
She goes, "Can I help you with
anything else, sir?"
1371
01:17:17,880 --> 01:17:20,440
And I want to say something
that matters.
1372
01:17:23,120 --> 01:17:25,880
I want to say the one
thing in my life that matters
1373
01:17:25,915 --> 01:17:27,960
and I want to say it to her,
right now.
1374
01:17:29,280 --> 01:17:31,760
But the only thing in my life
that matters is gone.
1375
01:17:34,560 --> 01:17:36,840
So I just shake my head,
you know what I mean?
1376
01:17:36,875 --> 01:17:39,165
And she goes back to
stocking pitta bread
1377
01:17:39,200 --> 01:17:41,680
and quietly saving all our lives
for just above minimum wage.
1378
01:17:41,715 --> 01:17:44,280
DOOR CREAKS OPEN
And...
1379
01:17:58,680 --> 01:18:00,840
I'm not a shitty person.
1380
01:18:00,875 --> 01:18:02,405
I know.
1381
01:18:02,440 --> 01:18:05,200
I was just reacting when I said
that. All the time.
1382
01:18:05,235 --> 01:18:07,520
I'm not a shitty person
all the time.
1383
01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:11,160
But I am sometimes.
1384
01:18:12,480 --> 01:18:14,520
And you aren't... You're not
a good person.
1385
01:18:16,200 --> 01:18:18,640
Well, most of the time...
1386
01:18:18,675 --> 01:18:21,080
.. very much, really, at all.
1387
01:18:22,200 --> 01:18:23,920
But you are sometimes.
1388
01:18:23,955 --> 01:18:25,640
Thank you. I suppose.
1389
01:18:36,520 --> 01:18:38,280
I- I-I need to make, um...
1390
01:18:39,560 --> 01:18:42,360
I've been thinking about this a lot
and I need to make a...
1391
01:18:44,240 --> 01:18:46,580
People are... are... Like, when
we get back to normal,
1392
01:18:46,615 --> 01:18:48,920
when it all gets back to normal,
it'll soon be normal -
1393
01:18:48,955 --> 01:18:50,685
I don't want to go back to normal.
1394
01:18:50,720 --> 01:18:54,720
I really don't. I mean, what is so
great about the way things were?
1395
01:18:54,755 --> 01:18:57,405
Just at each other's throats,
we were just...
1396
01:18:57,440 --> 01:19:00,320
Everyone's just at each other's
throats over the slightest thing,
1397
01:19:00,355 --> 01:19:02,877
all the time and...
1398
01:19:02,912 --> 01:19:05,365
I need to make...
1399
01:19:05,400 --> 01:19:07,200
.. a really drastic change.
1400
01:19:08,600 --> 01:19:10,440
Do you understand?
1401
01:19:10,475 --> 01:19:11,880
Yeah.
1402
01:19:13,640 --> 01:19:15,000
HE CHUCKLES WRYLY
1403
01:19:15,035 --> 01:19:16,857
Yeah, I think I do.
1404
01:19:16,892 --> 01:19:18,680
I just want a new life.
1405
01:19:24,800 --> 01:19:27,400
Whoa. No, no, look, it's fine,
it's absolutely fine,
1406
01:19:27,435 --> 01:19:29,440
I completely understand, 100%.
1407
01:19:30,720 --> 01:19:33,080
Are you crying? I'm not crying.
Why are you crying?
1408
01:19:33,115 --> 01:19:34,937
I'm not fucking crying, OK?
1409
01:19:34,972 --> 01:19:36,760
That's crying. Why are you...?
1410
01:19:36,725 --> 01:19:36,725
DOOR SLAMS
1411
01:19:36,760 --> 01:19:38,440
Why do you think?!
1412
01:19:38,475 --> 01:19:40,085
Right, I'm broken up.
1413
01:19:40,120 --> 01:19:42,165
Of course I'm going to
fucking cry.
1414
01:19:42,200 --> 01:19:44,660
This, what we're doing,
doesn't mean nothing to me.
1415
01:19:44,695 --> 01:19:46,987
OK? And I get it, I really do,
I get it. Maybe...
1416
01:19:47,022 --> 01:19:49,311
.. maybe this is the smartest thing
we've ever done
1417
01:19:49,346 --> 01:19:51,565
and we should've done it years ago,
but I'm not some
1418
01:19:51,600 --> 01:19:54,480
frozen-hearted ice queen with a
heart of rock and granite, am I?
1419
01:19:54,515 --> 01:19:57,240
I mean... Why have you got Arthur's
jacket on? Fuck's sake!
1420
01:20:02,920 --> 01:20:07,120
OK, let's do it, but it really
hurts me.
1421
01:20:07,155 --> 01:20:09,685
And I'm going to fucking cry.
1422
01:20:09,720 --> 01:20:11,840
And you're going to fucking watch.
1423
01:20:13,200 --> 01:20:14,760
HE SOBS
1424
01:20:16,880 --> 01:20:18,640
We're not splitting up.
1425
01:20:19,680 --> 01:20:21,005
What?
1426
01:20:21,040 --> 01:20:23,460
We're not splitting up. Why do you
think we're splitting up?
1427
01:20:23,495 --> 01:20:25,880
You just said that we were.
I did not say we're splitting up!
1428
01:20:25,915 --> 01:20:27,720
You did, you... Well, what did you
say, then?
1429
01:20:27,755 --> 01:20:30,440
I said, let's not get married, I...
1430
01:20:30,475 --> 01:20:32,925
No. That's all I said.
1431
01:20:32,960 --> 01:20:36,760
I did say, let's not get married.
I didn't... No, you didn't.
1432
01:20:36,795 --> 01:20:38,525
You never said the word marriage.
1433
01:20:38,560 --> 01:20:40,920
The word marriage never came
out of your mouth.
1434
01:20:42,040 --> 01:20:43,560
Didn't I?
1435
01:20:44,640 --> 01:20:46,760
Well, that's what I meant.
That's what you meant?!
1436
01:20:46,795 --> 01:20:48,605
I meant let's not get...
1437
01:20:48,640 --> 01:20:51,100
I meant let's not get married,
let's not...
1438
01:20:51,135 --> 01:20:53,560
I didn't mean not,
let's not be together.
1439
01:20:54,600 --> 01:20:56,165
I meant let's not get married.
1440
01:20:56,200 --> 01:20:58,780
I mean, what the fuck were you
thinking anyway?
1441
01:20:58,815 --> 01:21:01,727
What's going through your head?
Are you watching...
1442
01:21:01,762 --> 01:21:04,640
.. watching fucking Bridgerton
or something?! I just...
1443
01:21:04,675 --> 01:21:08,160
I'm saying... I'm saying,
let's be together.
1444
01:21:09,360 --> 01:21:11,440
OK? But just in a nice way!
1445
01:21:13,720 --> 01:21:15,680
If we possibly can.
1446
01:21:21,360 --> 01:21:25,440
Everyone's really angry at each
other all the time
1447
01:21:25,475 --> 01:21:27,405
but we're all the same.
1448
01:21:27,440 --> 01:21:30,520
We're all wearing the same clothes,
we're eating the same food.
1449
01:21:30,555 --> 01:21:33,240
We're listening to the same music,
we're drinking the same
1450
01:21:33,275 --> 01:21:35,920
stupid drinks, we're watching the
same programmes.
1451
01:21:35,955 --> 01:21:37,760
Just the entire human race...
1452
01:21:38,880 --> 01:21:41,520
.. is like running towards each other
at the speed of light,
1453
01:21:41,555 --> 01:21:43,760
shouting, "Get the fuck away
from me!" And I...
1454
01:21:43,795 --> 01:21:45,685
I just... I can't do that any more.
1455
01:21:45,720 --> 01:21:48,280
I'm not. Not... not after all this.
You OK, pal?
1456
01:21:48,315 --> 01:21:50,045
How you doing? You all right?
1457
01:21:50,080 --> 01:21:51,920
Are you going to go play?
You go play.
1458
01:22:00,920 --> 01:22:03,840
What? What? I don't like aubergine.
1459
01:22:11,440 --> 01:22:13,365
Argh!
1460
01:22:13,400 --> 01:22:14,920
Fuck's sake.
1461
01:22:14,955 --> 01:22:16,405
BIN CLATTERS
1462
01:22:16,440 --> 01:22:19,640
Goodbye, aubergine.
Hello, fish and chips!
1463
01:22:20,880 --> 01:22:22,960
There's a dead
parakeet in the garden.
1464
01:22:22,995 --> 01:22:25,120
There's a dead parakeet?
Yep.
1465
01:22:25,155 --> 01:22:26,885
What, in our garden? Yep.
1466
01:22:26,920 --> 01:22:29,040
Are you sure it's... Are you
sure it's a parakeet?
1467
01:22:29,075 --> 01:22:31,160
I don't think you get parakeets
around here.
1468
01:22:31,195 --> 01:22:33,925
Can I bring it in?
No, no, no, pal.
1469
01:22:33,960 --> 01:22:37,520
Maybe just best to leave
it outside, eh?
1470
01:22:37,555 --> 01:22:39,685
I'll just watch it decompose.
Yes.
1471
01:22:39,720 --> 01:22:44,040
Or you can chuck it in the bushes,
let the foxes eat it.
1472
01:22:50,960 --> 01:22:52,600
Are you two all right?
1473
01:22:52,635 --> 01:22:55,125
Yes. Yeah.
1474
01:22:55,160 --> 01:22:57,280
Yeah, we're great.
We're really great.
1475
01:22:59,320 --> 01:23:00,960
Hey.
1476
01:23:10,520 --> 01:23:13,480
Here, why don't you go and play
outside, pal? I'll be two secs, OK?
1477
01:23:17,880 --> 01:23:19,605
FOOTSTEPS FADE
1478
01:23:19,640 --> 01:23:21,520
That's a terrible thing to say.
1479
01:23:28,440 --> 01:23:30,360
I didn't get the vaccine.
1480
01:23:31,640 --> 01:23:33,700
Wait, what? No.
1481
01:23:33,735 --> 01:23:35,760
Wh... How...? OK.
1482
01:23:37,120 --> 01:23:40,280
OK. And it was because of your
stupid moping face.
1483
01:23:42,120 --> 01:23:44,880
You've been moping for a week since
you found out. I mean...
1484
01:23:46,160 --> 01:23:48,280
Who the fuck are you to judge me?
1485
01:23:48,315 --> 01:23:50,165
You!
1486
01:23:50,200 --> 01:23:52,165
SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE
1487
01:23:52,200 --> 01:23:55,920
I was there with Nathan
and I was ready and...
1488
01:23:57,600 --> 01:23:59,920
.. a bloke comes out and says,
"Is anyone here a carer
1489
01:23:59,955 --> 01:24:01,600
"for the vulnerable?" And...
1490
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:07,160
.. your stupid mopey face just came
into my head and I walked away.
1491
01:24:09,960 --> 01:24:13,360
I walked away because I was worrying
about what you would think of me.
1492
01:24:15,720 --> 01:24:17,200
Because of me?
1493
01:24:18,400 --> 01:24:20,280
What I feel for you, it's...
1494
01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:24,480
.. it's so weird and it's...
1495
01:24:24,515 --> 01:24:27,245
.. infuriating and irritating.
1496
01:24:27,280 --> 01:24:30,560
And it's really depressing sometimes
but it is a sort of love.
1497
01:24:30,595 --> 01:24:33,080
Are you trying to say
you love me?
1498
01:24:34,800 --> 01:24:37,760
No, I'm trying to say
I sort of love you.
1499
01:24:40,480 --> 01:24:42,920
And I'm just asking you -
is that enough?
1500
01:25:08,120 --> 01:25:10,600
Do you want to go and see
a dead parakeet with me?
1501
01:25:19,480 --> 01:25:21,520
Yeah, I think I do, actually.
123447
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