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(clicking)
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(jingling)
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He doesn't like to admit he's hurting.
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I want to see him succeed.
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I want to see him pull through this, get back on his feet.
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What are the obstacles to that happening?
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Karla: He's had emotional outbursts.
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Impulse control problems,
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depression,
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-threats of violence. -Oh...
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God, Karla, come on.
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The facts are the facts.
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There was one significant physical altercation.
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Do you want to tell her about that?
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That's okay.
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What we need to know is, what now?
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Is he a danger to himself?
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Can he be left to care for himself or...
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does he need additional assistance?
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And it's four sessions.
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Karla: Court-mandated four sessions.
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One of several conditions of Colin's release.
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If he fails to meet any of the requirements of his probation,
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your sign-off included,
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it would be revoked.
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But we're not gonna let that happen, right?
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(sighs)
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Here is the proof of vaccination paperwork
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-that you requested. -Brooke: Mm.
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I'll be checking in each week to see how everything's going,
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but Colin is incentivized to apply himself, so...
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fingers crossed, yeah?
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-Every day, it's stacks of cases. -Hm.
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Completely crazy. All these extra people,
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-but they don't hire any more of us. -(chuckles)
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That's life, I guess.
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Well, call me when you're done.
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We'll see each other tomorrow morning.
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Bye.
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(door opens)
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(door shuts)
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(Colin sighs)
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(light theme playing)
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♪
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I'm happy to be here.
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Happy to be out.
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Thank God for COVID, right? (chuckles)
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Not really, of course.
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And, you know, I didn't kill anybody or anything.
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Anyway...
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Basically,
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I just wanna get back on the right track.
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Figure my life out 'cause I, uh,
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-if you'll excuse my language... -No, go ahead.
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I fucked it up.
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(chuckles wryly)
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So, I-I'm grateful for this opportunity.
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And just so we're clear, um,
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never violent. Never anything like that.
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I'm not a danger to anyone.
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I don't know what Karla was talking about.
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I mean, it's heat of the moment.
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"I'll f-ing kill you," but never...
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You know, it's one thing if you're shouting that at a vulnerable person.
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It's another if you're shouting it at a prison guard
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standing behind three inches of plexiglass,
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being a sadistic fuck. Sorry.
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(sighs)
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I'm like the most, you know, pacifist.
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Not just in my personal life, but-but
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-as applies to the world. -And the physical altercation?
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Again, that makes it sound like
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I was scrappin' in the yard.
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No. No.
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I got my fucking ass kicked by a psycho,
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for no other reason than
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I looked to him like a person whose ass
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it might be amusing to kick.
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I'm Mr. Peace-On-Earth. I was raised by hippies, full stop.
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A commune, the whole bit.
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And that outlook, you know, th-that openness,
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trust, compassion?
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That steered me throughout my life.
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Bit of a wanderer.
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Eventually, I found my way into the tech world.
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-The rest is history. -Great.
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That's a great place to start.
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And how's the probation process going so far?
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Eh, it's good. Yeah.
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And therapy, uh, just so you know, I'm all about it.
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I've done some form of therapy most of my life,
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seriously.
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So there's no resistance or apprehension on my part.
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I find it bizarre that there's any taboo around it.
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It's so not my upbringing. It's fuc--
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Can I just...
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I wanna use some words in here, but I don't want to offend you,
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but I also don't wanna interrupt myself every time
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I'm compelled to say "fuck."
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No, please. Whatever language you feel comfortable with.
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I am not easily offended.
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That's fuckin' fantastic.
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(both laugh)
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(clears throat) So, uh, what was I saying?
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Oh! Yeah. It-it's fuckin' crazy that
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people are still so averse to therapy,
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to self-exploration, to...
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you know, uncovering truth.
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Well, I'm glad you like therapy.
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It should make my job easier.
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I love it.
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I need it...
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after what I've been through.
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So, you know, let's, uh, roll up our sleeves.
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-Get into it. -Okay. Sounds fun.
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Well, it should be fun. Why not, right?
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Thing is, I'm not patting myself on the back when I say this.
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It's just a true thing about me.
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I'm open. I always have been.
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I imagine some patients,
121
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-it probably takes them weeks to warm up. -Well, I don't know.
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I feel like most people walk in here ready to talk.
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You know, come here for a reason.
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Yeah, but ready to talk and able to talk,
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-two different things. -Well, that's true.
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And you seem very comfortable communicating.
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(laughs) Thank you.
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Anything, I talk too much.
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It's probably got me into some of this trouble, frankly.
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-Is that how you see it? -What?
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The situation you found yourself in? Prison?
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That it was related to your loose communication style?
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Um...
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Yeah, I don't know. Sure, a little bit.
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It's an interesting question.
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-Certain ways, I guess. -Which ways?
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I'm sorry. You know, I just...
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-I keep taking in your house. -Hm.
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This was built in the-the late '60s, right?
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-Good eye. -Oh, kind of an architecture buff.
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Wow.
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Wowza.
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What does your husband do?
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I'm not married.
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Oh.
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Yeah, driving up here,
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there were a bunch of these great little houses.
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-This place is very nice. -(both chuckle)
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So it's not all pro bono then.
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Oh no! You're my first, actually.
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No shit. Oh, that's great.
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'Cause I've never gotten free therapy before.
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We can figure this out together. (chuckles)
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So, what, you're like a shit-hot therapist then?
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I do all right.
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-But you know what we're not here to talk about? -Oh, I know.
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Of course.
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Oh, that's the thing though.
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See, I wanna I wanna talk about you.
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And why do you think that is?
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Not exclusively, but...
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you know, I do want us to get to know each other.
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Really, beyond the quarter-inch file of
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glaring omissions and mischaracterization.
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Then why don't you start by filling in the gaps?
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(sighs)
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Sure.
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(clears throat) Uh,
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I was born in Santa Cruz.
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Parents, like I said, they were hippies.
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The real deal.
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Weren't playing dress-up. They were living the life.
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Uh, moved to Santa Monica
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when I was 10 for my parents' business.
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Health food, where better, right?
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Spent high school bumming around LA, Venice.
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Skipping class, get high on the beach.
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It was a different city back then.
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There was a porn theater on 2nd Street. Did you know that?
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Downtown Santa Monica. Now, it's...
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an adorable something-or-other.
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And how does that kind of change affect you?
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Um, it doesn't.
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Not really. You know, things change.
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As a guy who stepped out of the world for four years,
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I can say with some authority, "Things change."
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It's all good. I'm just...
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You know, painting a picture.
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I wasn't running around going to SUGARFISH or Pinkberry
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when I was in high school. It was down and dirty.
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Syringes in the sand-type shit.
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-Picture painted. -This area? Fuck! I mean,
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it's great that it's finally turning around.
194
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It was treacherous back in the '90s.
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This area's always been nice. I grew up here.
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I ju-- No, I mean, you're just surrounded.
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You know, you got Inglewood just down the hill.
198
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I guess Black people aren't as scary
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when you are also a Black person.
200
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Oh, no, no. I meant, Black, white--
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I'm messing with you, Colin.
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-Oh. -(laughs)
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My dad designed some of the houses in the area.
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Oh. Wild! Wow!
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-So your dad is an architect. Wow! -Yes.
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-He was. He passed. -Sorry.
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How nice that he left something behind though that,
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you know, made his mark. Especially as...
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It's nice.
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Yes.
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And now, you know a little about me.
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And I know a little about you.
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Now you wanna talk about what?
214
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My dramatic emotional breakdown.
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Hm.
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Oh well, that makes sense. Juicy.
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Something to sink your teeth into, psychologically speaking.
218
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I'm just afraid you're gonna be disappointed.
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Why would I be disappointed?
220
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Just isn't that much there.
221
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Sounds like a significant event.
222
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It-it was a bad day.
223
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My life ended. I lost everything.
224
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And I couldn't fucking take it.
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I reached a breaking point.
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Guess what? I broke.
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See?
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I told you it's not juicy. It's dull, dry, and simple.
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The file says you were put in segregation.
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That's pro forma prison shit.
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Those people, they're not the most astute observers
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of the human condition.
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It's the DMV with billy clubs.
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(scoffs)
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I-I'm not a crazy person.
236
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I'm happy. I'm sunny. I...
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Forgive me, I light up a room.
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I fucking do.
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So if you wanna get into my-my-my grief,
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my pain, it's just not there.
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I have problems. Lord knows I...
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obliterated my entire existence.
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No aspect of my life was left unfucked.
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But depression?
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Anything like that? It-it-it's just a dead end.
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Okay.
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"No aspect of my life was left unfucked"?
248
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(chuckles) You have a way with words.
249
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-(laughs) -Yeah. (laughs)
250
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Crochet that on a pillow. You'd make some good money.
251
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-Well, let's talk about that then. -What? Our pillow business?
252
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The way you upended your life.
253
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-Well, you read the file. -Oh, come on.
254
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You said it was full of omissions.
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Correct the record.
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(groans)
257
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I overstated some things
258
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to secure investments.
259
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Wire fraud, that was the headline.
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Five years, told I'd serve one.
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They kept tacking on time for behavior bullshit.
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I ended up serving four. What can I say?
263
00:12:28,566 --> 00:12:31,166
The whole justice system, it's a-- Well,
264
00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:34,373
I don't have to tell you it's a joke.
265
00:12:34,433 --> 00:12:36,133
No, worse. It's a crime.
266
00:12:38,066 --> 00:12:41,566
Look, so you know, George Floyd? Black Lives?
267
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:45,033
I would've been the first person out on those fucking streets. I...
268
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,526
I get so enraged at the injustice.
269
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,630
It absolutely breaks my heart.
270
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:52,730
(scoffs)
271
00:12:54,033 --> 00:12:56,333
Sorry. Tangent. I'm... I just...
272
00:12:57,666 --> 00:12:59,396
I'm very passionate about it.
273
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:03,630
The justice system.
274
00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:06,773
Oh, right. Yeah.
275
00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:08,603
Yeah, particularly where it pertains to,
276
00:13:08,666 --> 00:13:11,726
you know, corporate crime or whatever?
277
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,130
You see, the business world,
278
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,130
it plays by a different set of rules
279
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,770
that these people don't understand
280
00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:20,533
because if they did understand it, they'd be a part of it.
281
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,530
Instead of sweating through shitty suits
282
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,570
and filthy fucking courtrooms all day long.
283
00:13:25,633 --> 00:13:27,303
Jesus, I made a mistake.
284
00:13:27,366 --> 00:13:29,426
A careless, clerical error.
285
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:30,730
You misplace a decimal point,
286
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,600
suddenly, you're a criminal mastermind.
287
00:13:33,666 --> 00:13:36,396
So let's put this guy with a name we've heard of in prison
288
00:13:36,466 --> 00:13:38,766
and trumpet our impressive track record
289
00:13:39,033 --> 00:13:41,603
of holding big business accountable.
290
00:13:41,666 --> 00:13:45,426
Meanwhile, exactly zero people's lives are improved by my arrest.
291
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,330
You know, I'm not Al Capone.
292
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:48,700
Every single one of these assholes,
293
00:13:48,766 --> 00:13:50,566
they all think they're Eliot Ness.
294
00:13:50,633 --> 00:13:53,773
Crime busters, only there's barely a crime.
295
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:57,633
A-and no one's hiding anything, but there's all these fucking...
296
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:00,473
I swear to God, the names
297
00:14:00,533 --> 00:14:03,373
of the federal agents who were on my case,
298
00:14:03,433 --> 00:14:06,473
sounds like a list of south Boston dive bars.
299
00:14:06,533 --> 00:14:09,103
Really! I mean, my life was great,
300
00:14:09,166 --> 00:14:10,996
and then here comes Mickey O'Shaughnessy.
301
00:14:11,066 --> 00:14:12,766
"Mickey O'Shaughnessy."
302
00:14:13,033 --> 00:14:15,173
Stupid but driven to...
303
00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:18,733
take a big steaming dump on my existence. It's fuckin' insane.
304
00:14:21,366 --> 00:14:23,226
The point is they don't understand the world,
305
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:24,530
especially the tech world.
306
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,200
I guarantee you none of these assholes
307
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,096
could fucking network a printer, much less
308
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,566
wrap their heads around the shit I was working on.
309
00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:33,003
-So, you were innocent? -No.
310
00:14:33,066 --> 00:14:37,196
No, I mean, no. Not of... not of what they were saying, but...
311
00:14:37,266 --> 00:14:39,766
You know, what is a crime? And what isn't?
312
00:14:40,033 --> 00:14:41,103
Blah-blah-blah.
313
00:14:42,366 --> 00:14:44,266
Fraud is a crime.
314
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:48,670
(sighs)
315
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,770
Can we talk about that instinct of yours?
316
00:14:53,033 --> 00:14:55,133
To minimize, downplay, diminish.
317
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,670
You did it with the prison time, the breakdown,
318
00:14:57,733 --> 00:15:00,473
the crimes themselves.
319
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,103
You are trying to evade me.
320
00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:05,126
I don't know if you realize that.
321
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,370
Maybe it's a behavior you learned
322
00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:09,133
after being accused of a crime.
323
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,530
Maybe it's been around longer than that.
324
00:15:16,733 --> 00:15:18,273
Where'd you go?
325
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,400
Oh, sorry. No, you're, you're right.
326
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:27,030
I was just thinking, "You're good!"
327
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,670
I hadn't anticipated that.
328
00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:32,503
Usually, court-appointed?
329
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,466
Not exactly the mark of high quality.
330
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,133
Is it deliberate? Your evasiveness.
331
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,730
No, I like to talk. I like to learn about people.
332
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,770
You mentioned earlier your communication style
333
00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:45,273
might have contributed to some of your problems.
334
00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:47,133
I like to give people good news.
335
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,030
Sometimes, what you think is going to happen doesn't.
336
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:52,300
-Which is a crime, apparently. -And that sounds
337
00:15:52,366 --> 00:15:55,066
-like another dismissal. -(laughs) Oh, Jesus.
338
00:15:55,133 --> 00:15:57,473
It's a defensive stance, I suppose. Maybe...
339
00:15:57,533 --> 00:16:00,633
after getting thrown into a box for four years, uh...
340
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:02,570
having everyone in my life abandon me,
341
00:16:02,633 --> 00:16:05,003
maybe I've developed some trust issues.
342
00:16:05,066 --> 00:16:07,026
Or maybe you're just not asking the right questions.
343
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,170
I don't think there are right questions or wrong questions per se,
344
00:16:10,233 --> 00:16:12,533
-or right answers for that matter. -What,
345
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,070
so it's just a random exchange of words
346
00:16:14,133 --> 00:16:15,333
with little consequence?
347
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,400
It's a process, not a puzzle. I'm not trying to pick a lock.
348
00:16:17,466 --> 00:16:19,666
It's difficult to quantify a process.
349
00:16:19,733 --> 00:16:21,733
What's a process worth?
350
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,130
-It's free for you. -Oh, is it?
351
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,070
'Cause the government seized all my assets.
352
00:16:26,133 --> 00:16:27,733
This is all I got in return.
353
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,700
Four sessions with you.
354
00:16:29,766 --> 00:16:32,496
So I'm giving you the only things of value I have left.
355
00:16:32,566 --> 00:16:34,266
-My time, my energy. -And I would like
356
00:16:34,333 --> 00:16:36,303
for this time not to be wasted.
357
00:16:36,366 --> 00:16:39,066
Well then, by all means, ask away.
358
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,770
What did you have for lunch today?
359
00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:45,003
Why the fuck do you wanna know what I had for lunch today?
360
00:16:45,066 --> 00:16:46,566
I don't think the questions are the problem.
361
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:48,473
Good one.
362
00:16:48,533 --> 00:16:50,173
Why does it bother you to open up to me?
363
00:16:50,233 --> 00:16:52,433
-I'm not bothered. -But you are reluctant to share.
364
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:54,300
'Cause I've been fuckin' pummeled every time
365
00:16:54,366 --> 00:16:57,126
I've opened my mouth for the past four years,
366
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,430
today being no exception.
367
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:01,430
I mean, I say I'm a piece of shit, and I just hear back,
368
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:04,730
"No, no. You're a colossal piece of shit."
369
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,570
I try to defend myself, it's even worse.
370
00:17:06,633 --> 00:17:09,033
I tell you the truth, it's not enough truth. I--
371
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:10,570
Or it's not the truth you're looking for.
372
00:17:10,633 --> 00:17:13,033
See, I don't know what you're looking for. I'm not a mind reader.
373
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,400
I'm not looking for any one answer.
374
00:17:15,466 --> 00:17:18,296
-I'm looking for honesty. -Unless it's something you don't wanna hear.
375
00:17:18,366 --> 00:17:21,326
No, I want you to feel safe in this room.
376
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,000
I'm not judging you.
377
00:17:23,066 --> 00:17:25,496
I am gonna be honest about what I'm seeing and hearing,
378
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:27,996
and what I am hearing right now
379
00:17:28,066 --> 00:17:31,996
is a lot of avoidance of difficult subjects.
380
00:17:32,066 --> 00:17:34,766
So you want me to feel safe, but...
381
00:17:35,033 --> 00:17:36,603
I'm not safe.
382
00:17:36,666 --> 00:17:38,366
I can't be myself.
383
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:41,303
Because try as you might, despite your best,
384
00:17:41,366 --> 00:17:44,366
very most, you know, professional of intentions,
385
00:17:44,433 --> 00:17:46,733
you are judging me.
386
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,570
If I were to refer to a woman as a cunt,
387
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,203
that'd be alright?
388
00:17:51,266 --> 00:17:54,396
-I'd prefer if you didn't. -Ah-ha. See, when I'm with my buddies,
389
00:17:54,466 --> 00:17:57,066
I say the word "cunt," they know me.
390
00:17:57,133 --> 00:17:58,573
They hear it as I intend it.
391
00:17:58,633 --> 00:18:00,603
They know I'm not a misogynist.
392
00:18:00,666 --> 00:18:02,466
The furthest thing from it.
393
00:18:02,533 --> 00:18:05,003
Simply an economical way of expressing that the person
394
00:18:05,066 --> 00:18:07,526
to whom I'm referring is not at all a good person.
395
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,370
They're a vicious person. A cruel person.
396
00:18:11,433 --> 00:18:13,433
(scoffs) They're a cunt!
397
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:16,300
Prosecutor was a cunt. The judge was a cunt.
398
00:18:16,366 --> 00:18:17,566
But see, I can't say that in here
399
00:18:17,633 --> 00:18:19,503
because you hear it in a different way.
400
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,196
So I have to police myself, yes or no?
401
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:24,426
There's nothing wrong with being considerate of folks around you.
402
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,600
I'm just using a crude example to explain a broader point.
403
00:18:26,666 --> 00:18:30,526
Would it be helpful if I explain to you why that particular word
404
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,630
-feels very violent to me? -No, God...
405
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:36,100
-I get it. -It sounds like you feel constrained,
406
00:18:36,166 --> 00:18:37,526
not just by this arrangement.
407
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,670
Well, I am! The whole fucking world's constrained!
408
00:18:39,733 --> 00:18:42,103
Imprisonment is literal physical constraint!
409
00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:43,596
That frustration doesn't feel related?
410
00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:46,126
-Yeah, sure, sure-- -No, no, no! Really!
411
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,230
(screaming): Yes!
412
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,200
Alright? Yes!
413
00:18:51,233 --> 00:18:52,703
Jesus.
414
00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:57,626
(sighs)
415
00:19:01,466 --> 00:19:03,126
Yes.
416
00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:08,473
(sighs)
417
00:19:14,666 --> 00:19:17,626
What's it been like for you?
418
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:20,070
-Since you've gotten out? -(scoffs)
419
00:19:23,433 --> 00:19:26,073
Uneventful?
420
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:28,733
-Where are you staying? -Crashing at a buddy's place.
421
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,470
Venice. He's got a back house thing.
422
00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:34,633
I've seen some people, most really aren't...
423
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:37,200
receptive to reconnecting.
424
00:19:37,266 --> 00:19:39,396
And how are things going with your friend?
425
00:19:39,466 --> 00:19:43,396
Oh, good. Fine. He's very laid-back.
426
00:19:43,466 --> 00:19:46,466
He's an actor. You'd know him.
427
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:49,003
He's got this new wife who I'd never met.
428
00:19:49,066 --> 00:19:51,196
They got together while I was still...
429
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,500
I'm not sure she likes me.
430
00:19:54,566 --> 00:19:56,366
She's cute though.
431
00:19:57,666 --> 00:20:01,696
Good God, these women. This whole area.
432
00:20:01,766 --> 00:20:04,326
After four years in prison, walking through Venice
433
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,030
is fucking torture.
434
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:10,400
-I feel like a pervert. -What do you mean?
435
00:20:10,466 --> 00:20:13,366
Like I'm going to pull my cock out and start jerking off
436
00:20:13,433 --> 00:20:15,603
-in the middle of brunch. -You wouldn't do that.
437
00:20:15,666 --> 00:20:18,296
No. No, I wouldn't fuckin' do that.
438
00:20:18,366 --> 00:20:21,226
Those fancy brunch places frown upon that sort of thing.
439
00:20:21,633 --> 00:20:23,303
Yeah.
440
00:20:25,033 --> 00:20:26,673
How does it feel when some folks
441
00:20:26,733 --> 00:20:29,073
aren't receptive to reconnecting?
442
00:20:31,333 --> 00:20:32,703
Sad.
443
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:37,030
What about making new friends?
444
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:39,170
There's support groups.
445
00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:41,133
Online communities
446
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,070
for former prisoners.
447
00:20:43,133 --> 00:20:47,003
Human connection is important.
448
00:20:47,066 --> 00:20:49,626
What about getting back out there?
449
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,030
Meeting someone?
450
00:20:53,266 --> 00:20:55,696
Yeah, I did pretty well in my younger days.
451
00:20:55,766 --> 00:20:58,326
I got a lot of material stored up to...
452
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,770
keep me company on those lonely nights.
453
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:07,170
I fucked a lot of therapists, too. You know?
454
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:09,673
It's a weird thing. My whole life.
455
00:21:09,733 --> 00:21:11,373
I'd meet a girl, we hit it off.
456
00:21:11,433 --> 00:21:14,273
"What do you do?" "I'm a therapist."
457
00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:16,033
Over and over and over.
458
00:21:17,266 --> 00:21:19,596
They were always the wildest, too.
459
00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:25,226
What about you? Have you ever fucked a patient?
460
00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:27,470
-What are you doing? -Sharing.
461
00:21:28,266 --> 00:21:29,666
Look.
462
00:21:29,733 --> 00:21:32,033
I could try to navigate this exchange
463
00:21:32,100 --> 00:21:34,170
in some professional way,
464
00:21:34,233 --> 00:21:37,103
but I think it's best we put our cards on the table.
465
00:21:37,166 --> 00:21:39,466
Wait, you asking me out?
466
00:21:39,533 --> 00:21:42,133
-I think you're trying to push my buttons. -And did I?
467
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,700
Did I push your buttons? 'Cause you know
468
00:21:43,766 --> 00:21:45,696
-I'm told I have a certain knack. -This isn't a game.
469
00:21:45,766 --> 00:21:47,526
This is my job,
470
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,500
and I take it seriously, and I would like for you
471
00:21:49,566 --> 00:21:52,226
-to take it seriously, too. -Oh, yes, that's right.
472
00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:53,330
The work.
473
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,130
It's very important. You're a doctor, after all.
474
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,130
If there was an insult in there, I think I missed it.
475
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,570
I once had a therapist. A licensed therapist,
476
00:22:00,633 --> 00:22:03,133
same certificate you got around here somewhere.
477
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,530
She told me to whisper my resentments into
478
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,770
"the hollow of a tree.
479
00:22:08,033 --> 00:22:09,773
And then fill the tree with mud."
480
00:22:10,033 --> 00:22:12,603
-Did it work? -(scoffs) These are your colleagues!
481
00:22:12,666 --> 00:22:14,266
This is the work you need to safeguard
482
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:15,773
against the scourge of irreverence.
483
00:22:16,033 --> 00:22:19,273
-Why can't you bear to be sincere with me? -Oh, sincerely?
484
00:22:19,333 --> 00:22:21,133
-Fuck you. -There we go!
485
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,330
Now that's something!
486
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,300
It's hostility, but at least it's genuine.
487
00:22:25,366 --> 00:22:28,066
-Oh, you did it, doc. You broke through. -No, you sat here
488
00:22:28,133 --> 00:22:30,103
with a probation officer who said
489
00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:31,526
you lacked impulse control,
490
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,300
you are emotionally unstable, self-destructive,
491
00:22:34,366 --> 00:22:37,126
and you understand your literal freedom
492
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,700
is on the line. Still,
493
00:22:39,766 --> 00:22:41,526
you couldn't make it one hour without telling me
494
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,530
to go fuck myself, that my job was a joke,
495
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,730
intimating some sexual potential between us,
496
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,570
and you were worried that
497
00:22:47,633 --> 00:22:50,473
I would be disappointed? Colin!
498
00:22:50,533 --> 00:22:53,733
There is plenty for me to work with here!
499
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,430
The only question
500
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:57,470
is whether you are up to it.
501
00:22:57,533 --> 00:23:00,303
The sooner we have that answer, the better.
502
00:23:00,366 --> 00:23:01,766
The court...
503
00:23:02,033 --> 00:23:03,733
is expecting a determination
504
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,230
after four sessions,
505
00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:09,370
but if you are gonna fuck off all the time, I am...
506
00:23:09,433 --> 00:23:12,103
happy to say, right now,
507
00:23:12,166 --> 00:23:16,196
-that you are beyond help. -Well maybe I just don't like you.
508
00:23:16,266 --> 00:23:19,296
You know, what? You're gonna send me back to prison because I don't like you?
509
00:23:19,366 --> 00:23:20,596
You're not a judge. You're not a warden.
510
00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:21,726
Let me guess, I'm a cunt?
511
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,000
You're a wounded bird in Baldwin Hills!
512
00:23:25,066 --> 00:23:26,596
Sheltered in a house your father built!
513
00:23:26,666 --> 00:23:29,196
I will not sign a paper that I do not believe.
514
00:23:29,266 --> 00:23:30,496
I will not tell a court
515
00:23:30,566 --> 00:23:33,366
that you are well when you are not, and...
516
00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:36,170
Colin.
517
00:23:49,033 --> 00:23:51,203
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that's not what I...
518
00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:57,070
I'm sorry I said those things. I am.
519
00:23:57,133 --> 00:23:58,633
I didn't mean...
520
00:24:00,433 --> 00:24:02,103
I've been under a lot of stress.
521
00:24:02,166 --> 00:24:04,526
It's a very weird time, you know? I'm...
522
00:24:06,066 --> 00:24:07,566
It's nothing personal.
523
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,230
Suppose you'd say I'm...
524
00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:12,270
I'm minimizing or dismissing,
525
00:24:12,333 --> 00:24:14,503
and maybe I am. I don't know. I just...
526
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,230
I really didn't mean for it to go this way.
527
00:24:26,566 --> 00:24:28,226
Okay.
528
00:24:35,033 --> 00:24:36,503
Okay.
529
00:24:41,100 --> 00:24:42,570
That's our time.
530
00:24:45,033 --> 00:24:46,333
See you next week, yeah?
531
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,130
-Great. -(picks up sunglasses)
532
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,470
(light guitar playing)
533
00:24:56,533 --> 00:24:59,633
♪
534
00:25:02,033 --> 00:25:05,203
(door opens, shuts)
535
00:25:13,133 --> 00:25:15,473
(sighs)
536
00:25:48,633 --> 00:25:50,233
(sighs)
537
00:25:52,366 --> 00:25:55,426
♪ ♪
538
00:26:22,333 --> 00:26:25,433
♪ ♪
39617
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