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1
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:15,645
Hello.
2
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,053
We've made lots of great
things on this show --
3
00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:20,046
tissue paper ghosts,
4
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:21,688
seashell centerpieces,
5
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,062
toilet-paper-roll pirates,
just to name a few.
6
00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:27,662
But tonight, we will attempt
the most difficult craft --
7
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:30,525
"Making Love" --
on a very special
8
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,574
"At Home with Amy Sedaris."
9
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,340
[ Saxophone music plays ]
10
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,069
Keepin' it slow.
11
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:44,575
**
12
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:52,092
**
13
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,450
Crafting, or making things,
14
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:56,057
has always been
a delightful pastime of mine.
15
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,760
Sometimes, alone in my workroom
holding a pinecone
16
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,392
and a handful of googly eyes,
17
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,628
I find myself lost
in the evening.
18
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,933
But of all the crafts
I've come to enjoy,
19
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:08,135
lovemaking is very near
to the top of the list.
20
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,769
Although anyone can engage
in the craft of lovemaking,
21
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,274
it is maybe the most
difficult to master,
22
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:18,407
right behind wooden-spoon lions
and macrame pinch pots.
23
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:19,946
Make no bones about it.
24
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:22,620
The craft of lovemaking
is a messy business.
25
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:25,320
Careful consideration,
preparation, and execution
26
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:29,263
are a must for a fulfilling
forni-crafting experience.
27
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,960
As with any crafting project,
28
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,931
before you warm up
your glue gun,
29
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,330
it's important to understand
the tools you need
30
00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,933
and how they operate.
31
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,000
The vagina -- there is
so much dis-information
32
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,906
out there related
to the vagina --
33
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,668
It swallows its prey whole,
34
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,477
it secretes a deadly
neurotoxin when confronted,
35
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,480
and it has a PSI bite force
36
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,652
equal to that of
a snapping turtle.
37
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,321
That's ridiculous.
38
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:59,019
The average vagina has
a closing impact of no more
39
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,362
than 30 pounds
per square inch --
40
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,019
far less than a snapping turtle.
41
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:06,286
But let's take a closer look
at this magical organ, shall we?
42
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,497
Okay.
Here we go.
43
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,599
The exterior of the vagina
consists of outer lips,
44
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,672
or labia, and is topped off
by the mons pubis,
45
00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,272
or decorative fat pad.
46
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,344
Okay?
47
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:20,871
So, let's take a closer
look inside.
48
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:25,508
What we want to do is pin back
the labia like so.
49
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,516
Quick tip -- It's a good idea
to train your labia
50
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,179
to stay open by itself
51
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,518
so you can avoid
pins altogether.
52
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,193
Okay. So, once
behind the curtain,
53
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,362
we find another set of lips,
54
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,630
or inner lips.
55
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,228
Let's just stick those back.
56
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,530
[ Pin thumps ]
57
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:42,962
Okay.
58
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,026
And now we have a full view
of the entrance to the vagina.
59
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,536
But I want to direct
your attention
60
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,868
to what's happening up here
in the northern region.
61
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,543
Right here under the hood,
we find an often overlooked
62
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:53,713
but intrical part of
[integral]
63
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,541
the vagina called the clitoris.
64
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:58,476
Now, this might surprise you,
but before the mid-1980s,
65
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,652
we didn't even know
the clitoris existed.
66
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,221
Until that time, it was
considered by most gynecologists
67
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,751
to be a third tonsil.
68
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:07,985
Now, here, right here,
you see these colorful balls.
69
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:11,361
These are unpleasant secretions
that collect around the glands.
70
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:14,602
You want to clean this off
with some warm water right here.
71
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,828
Now, our body secretions'
smells and tastes
72
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,734
are an unfortunate
part of our bodies.
73
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:22,396
Wash, and you will find that
you can smell and taste good.
74
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,906
Now that we understand
the mechanics of the vagina,
75
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,438
let's find out how it works.
76
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,244
I invited my neighbor and friend
of the show, Patty Hogg,
77
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:31,747
to discuss her approach
to lovemaking.
78
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,709
Patti, get on out here!
79
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,547
Oh. Hey, Mary Lou!
80
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,553
I brought you a bowl
of my fiddlehead fern
81
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,245
straight out of
my garden of the month.
82
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:41,257
It's just an emerged fern.
Look at that.
83
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:42,389
Look at that
beautiful green.
84
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,763
Mmm! Can't get enough
of fiddleheads.
85
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,792
I want you to know
that as of today,
86
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:49,697
I have lost
eight pounds on my diet.
87
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,370
Looking good. Look at me
in horizontal stripes.
88
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,930
Have I ever looked
better than this?
89
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,567
We cannot wait to hear
about your sex life.
90
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:59,074
Sex life? Well, I hope
you like short stories.
91
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,606
I thought we were gonna talk
about seedlings and saplings.
92
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,912
[ Chuckles ] No. This is our
"Making Love" episode,
93
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:05,754
and I would love for you
to share your experiences.
94
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,979
Oh, my land. Okay, well,
I'll take a stab at it.
95
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,776
Let me take you through
out lovemaking process.
96
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,248
It is as follows.
97
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,786
Third Tuesday every month,
lights out, door closed.
98
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,222
[ Speaks indistinctly ]
99
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,756
One foot on the floor,
Charlie Rich on the phonograph,
100
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,262
the Silver Fox himself.
101
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:21,604
Gets Leslie in the mood.
102
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,829
It's all about the release
of the pheromones.
103
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,434
The pheromones --
a cordial hello,
104
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:29,297
brief above-the-waist
petting counter-clockwise.
105
00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:31,137
And then he throws me
over a Chippendale chair
106
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,971
and plants his bulb.
[ Chuckles ]
107
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,736
Sometimes, afterwards
we'll indulge in strawberries.
108
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,276
Which, as a fun fact --
Did you know it's the only fruit
109
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,682
with the seeds
on the outside?
110
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,583
I've said too much.
I've said too much!
111
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,315
Sauté those ferns.
112
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:45,121
[ Laughs ]
Thank you, Patty Hogg.
113
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:46,492
I appreciate that.
114
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,990
Patty Hogg, everybody.
115
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,121
Well, that was less
informative than I'd hoped.
116
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,827
Luckily, there is a place
we can turn to
117
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:54,089
for all our
lovemaking questions.
118
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,367
I'll let my new sponsor
tell you all about it.
119
00:04:57,398 --> 00:05:00,698
"Barebacking -- engaging in
sexual intercourse
120
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:04,844
without the use
of a prophylactic."
121
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,372
Oh, hello.
122
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:09,977
I was just reading from
the Encyclopedic Dictionary
123
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,150
of Sexual Terms, Volume I.
124
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:16,820
And that is just the first title
in this 75-book collection
125
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,520
of "Densley's Compendium
of Encyclopedic Knowledge
126
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,993
of Human Sexuality."
127
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:24,531
In this vast number of pages
set between two stylish covers,
128
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,288
you'll find a treasury
of information
129
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,956
that will answer
any of the questions
130
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:33,365
you can remember to ask about
sex such as "What does this do,"
131
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:37,201
"Where are you putting that,"
and, "Why is that there?
132
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,037
It wasn't there yesterday."
133
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,682
This attractive set
contains it all --
134
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:44,409
a medical dictionary
containing illustrations,
135
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,845
transparencies, and
easy-to-follow diagrams --
136
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:53,551
a sexual thesaurus which
includes 792 alternate terms
137
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:57,057
just for the penis,
including tallywacker,
138
00:05:57,090 --> 00:06:02,430
lickstick, meat pipe, rod,
poking rod, Rod Sterling.
139
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:03,763
Is this collection heavy?
140
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,897
[ Chuckles ] You bet you.
141
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,343
Do they take up a lot of room?
Absolutely.
142
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:12,208
But we here at Densley's believe
that that's a small price to pay
143
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:15,579
for having this incredible
amount of sex facts
144
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,909
and figures at your fingertips.
145
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,845
If we were selling
this set by the pound,
146
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,020
it would cost
thousands of dollars.
147
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,619
But we, for a limited time
only, are offering you
148
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:28,562
this magnificent set
of human sexuality books
149
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:33,259
for the low, low price
of six payments of $12.99.
150
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:36,303
We know you will treasure
these deluxe-bound,
151
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:39,069
imitation-gold-leaf,
embossed-leather books.
152
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,199
But don't take our word for it.
153
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,944
Examine these books for 14 days.
154
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:46,771
If not completely satisfied,
just lug them back
155
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,437
to the post office,
return them to us,
156
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:51,906
and we will refund your money
as soon as we get around to it.
157
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,815
Don't make love without
this full collection
158
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,478
at your fingertips.
159
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,947
Call today.
160
00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:00,085
Professional operators
are standing by.
161
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,220
Calls may be recorded
for training
162
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,385
and masterbatory purposes.
163
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,294
Why am I in the kitchen
during a show about lovemaking?
164
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,957
Simple -- aphrodisiacs.
165
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:13,997
Otherwise known as foods
that enhance sexual desire.
166
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:18,514
The avocado, rich in vitamin E,
helps your body produce hormones
167
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,069
which in turn stimulate
168
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,477
clitoral swelling
and vaginal lubrication.
169
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,111
Why do you think
Mexican restaurants
170
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,105
are so popular with teenagers?
171
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,747
A bit later, we'll have my old
friend Chassie Tucker out here
172
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,593
to help me prepare a few dishes
173
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,749
that are certain
to engage the libido.
174
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:37,317
But first, I'm gonna
introduce you to the oyster --
175
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,627
the number-one go-to food
for igniting the sex drive.
176
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,331
Now, I'm not sure how they work.
177
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:46,002
I believe you simply rub them
on your genitals like so.
178
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:48,543
-Knock, knock, knock.
-Oh!
179
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,669
Please welcome former
pasty chef and current friend,
180
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,705
Chassie Tucker.
181
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:55,841
So, Chassie,
who's your friend?
182
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,306
This is Ms. Stern.
183
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,714
She heads up Human Resources
at the network.
184
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:02,547
She's required to accompany me
any time I'm in your presence.
185
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,323
Oh.
Why's that?
186
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:07,191
I'm suing you for
sexual harassment.
187
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,520
[ Whispers ]
I'm so sorry.
188
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:09,786
[ Gasps ] What are you
talking about?
189
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,833
Hey! Watch the hands.
Do not touch her.
190
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,190
I -- I've never
touched you.
191
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,727
It's not so much all
the inappropriate touching.
192
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:19,574
It's the inappropriate
things you say.
193
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,730
Like what?
194
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:23,638
Well, you told me to...
195
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:24,671
It's okay.
196
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:27,335
...beat it
till it froths.
197
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,084
We were making
lemon meringue pie,
198
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,879
and I was asking her
to whip the egg whites.
199
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:34,851
Mm-hmm. Did you also ask her
to "French your bean"?
200
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,882
This is a cooking show!
201
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,687
You should be ashamed
of yourself.
202
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,049
This is an insult to anyone
203
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:42,417
who's ever been
sexually harassed at work.
204
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,655
Ma'am I need you
to soften your tone.
205
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,093
Okay, here we go.
206
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,727
I'd like to just finish
the segment, please.
207
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,432
Oh, sure.
What are we making?
208
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:53,003
We aren't making
anything, okay,
209
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,073
because you're on my list.
210
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,241
List?
211
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,738
She knows what list
I'm talking about.
212
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,840
Look, don't be
mad at me, okay?
213
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,242
I need the money.
214
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,883
High-waisted rabbit-fur coats
don't grow on trees.
215
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:05,550
I know. They grow on rabbits,
and I have one, Chassie.
216
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,009
Okay. Well, don't look
at me like that.
217
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,917
It's not like they have to hurt
the rabbit to make the coat.
218
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,919
They just sort of take what
falls off, like a down jacket.
219
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,191
Oh, is that how it works?
Yeah.
220
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,249
No, they actually
have to skin a rabbit --
221
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,386
a lot of rabbits.
222
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,961
Okay. Well,
that's really unfortunate.
223
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,290
But it's a great jacket.
Come on.
224
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,696
Okay. We're gonna be discussing
foods that are aphrodisiacs.
225
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,870
And I have the perfect salad
sure to kick-start
226
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,428
a night of lovemaking.
227
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,266
First, we start
with pineapple rings,
228
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,041
known to contain lycopene,
229
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,440
which stimulates blood vessels
in the sex organs.
230
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:34,913
You are really
pushing it.
231
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,612
Okay, Chassie.
Why don't you help me?
232
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:38,614
I think that's
a terrific idea.
233
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:41,476
I want you to line this plate
with some greens.
234
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,817
Okay. It's
a presentational show,
235
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,063
so make it
nice and lovely.
236
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,458
Okay. And what
you're gonna do next
237
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,489
is you're gonna put a stack
of pineapple rings
238
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:52,464
on the plate.
239
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:53,492
Where's the fork?
240
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:54,586
Just stick your finger
in the hole.
241
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:55,728
Ugh!
242
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,233
Okay, put them
right in the center. Nice.
243
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,565
Next, you're gonna
peel a banana,
244
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,469
which contains bromelain,
245
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:04,641
which triggers
testosterone production.
246
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:07,172
Okay. And you're just gonna
insert it in the hole.
247
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:13,110
It really is
a quick salad.
248
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,116
Mm-hmm.
249
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,478
Okay.
250
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,486
Very nice. All right.
Next, you're going to add
251
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,748
on the tip
some whipped cream,
252
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,657
but you can always use
mayonnaise, as well.
253
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,320
Okay. A lot of people
in the South
254
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:25,787
use mayonnaise
as a dressing.
255
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,759
Next, we're gonna
drizzle the honey
256
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,828
all over
the whipped cream.
257
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,166
Beautiful.
258
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:37,301
Honey contains boron,
which helps regulate estrogen.
259
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,537
Okay. Now you're gonna
top it with a cherry,
260
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:40,872
known as the superfruit.
261
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:43,138
I like the cherries
with the stem on top.
262
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:46,506
And there you have it --
Sticky Banana Envy.
263
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:49,776
Ugh!
You should be in jail.
264
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:52,517
Chassie and the head
of Human Resources, everybody.
265
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:55,862
When we return I'll dig
deep into the "Mail Sack."
266
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,059
Ugh!
267
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,825
This is "Mail Sack."
268
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:10,637
* Mail, mail, mail, mail, mail
269
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,470
* Sack
270
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,644
This is the part of the show
271
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,312
where I dig deep into
the "Mail Sack."
272
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,511
And tonight, it's a special
sack segment
273
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:19,713
where I answer your questions
related to sexuality.
274
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:22,377
Let's find out what
you're thinking about.
275
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,575
Ooh, look at all the letters
we got this month.
276
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:25,917
They're just piling up.
277
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:28,523
This is from Lisa in Boston.
278
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,185
Very nice stationary, Lisa.
279
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,193
I'm impressed.
Okay.
280
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:36,495
"Dear Amy, my husband likes me
to perform oral sex on him."
281
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:39,769
Hmm. "But recently, I got
my wisdom teeth removed
282
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,340
and now I'm afraid
about dry socket.
283
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,939
From, Lisa in Boston."
284
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,011
Oh, my goodness.
285
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,168
Terrific question, Lisa.
286
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,877
I had a very similar situation
when I lost a molar
287
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,340
to a caramel apple.
288
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:54,208
My advice is, before tending
to your husband,
289
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,717
stuff the socket
with a moist tea bag
290
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,790
which will keep the hole
from drying out.
291
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,619
And the tannins from the tea
will help with the swelling.
292
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,194
On the downside, the tea bag
will greatly reduce
293
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,694
the real estate in your mouth.
294
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,925
And then, there's the issue
of the tea stains.
295
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:11,201
Be warned -- Never use
this tea-bag technique
296
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,701
while teabagging.
297
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,042
More than one bag in your mouth
can lead to confusion,
298
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,898
and confusion leads to choking.
299
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,437
I hope this helps, Lisa.
300
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,611
Okay.
301
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:22,479
This next letter is from
Marguerite in Gurney.
302
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,576
She writes --
303
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,982
Oh, she's got
a little turtle on here.
304
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:31,745
"Dear Amy, on a bus heading
to my first four-way.
305
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,815
I have what I consider
to be a traditional
306
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,894
grooming in my genital region,
307
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:39,133
but what has been referred to
by more than one lover as
308
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:42,229
'the thatched roof
on an English cottage.'
309
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,072
For my money, there is
nothing more embarrassing
310
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,998
than walking into
a cheap motel room
311
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:49,244
to meet three nude strangers
312
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,739
and having
an out-of-date bush.
313
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,941
Help!
I'm two counties away.
314
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:56,084
Sincerely, Marguerite
from Gurney."
315
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,009
Terrific question, Marguerite.
316
00:12:58,045 --> 00:13:00,475
It's difficult for even
the most fashion-conscious
317
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,583
to keep up with
the current pubic trends.
318
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:06,245
But luckily for you, Marguerite,
I've invited our local barber
319
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,156
from Moorehead Snips and Clips.
320
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,258
And he's compiled
the most popular styles
321
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,930
for genital grooming,
which will be modeled by
322
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,330
members of the Research Triangle
Rotary Club and their wives.
323
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,173
Take it away, Pete!
324
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,427
Thank you, Amy.
325
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:25,468
Well, first, we have Sam
modeling The Dust Bowl.
326
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,805
We just cut into
a circular plot.
327
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:31,541
It's seemingly unkept,
but it's purposely scruffy.
328
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,878
A big hit with the youth.
329
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,684
Thank you, Sam.
Beautiful.
330
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:38,845
Next up is Leonard
in The Toreador,
331
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,816
a short crop in the center
with bulbous protuberances
332
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:44,215
of oval thickets
on each side
333
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,957
resembling pelt-like ears.
334
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,164
Always handsome.
335
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:53,026
And finally, Charlie modeling
The Gopher's Nest.
336
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,796
-Ooh.
-Tightly coiled,
337
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:59,174
spiral-tight curls tapered up,
collecting in a tidy mound.
338
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:02,076
A small margin is cut
around the rodent hole
339
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:04,809
leaving ample clearance
of the gopher
340
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,054
to pop his head out.
341
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:08,319
-Nice.
-And now for the ladies.
342
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,648
-Ooh!
-Come on out, Helen.
343
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:16,024
Now, this cut is a variation
on the popular Sizzle Strip
344
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,926
known as The Dictator --
345
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,588
a horizontal and
slightly bushier version
346
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,157
of the classic cut.
347
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,555
It's a look that says,
"Disappoint me,
348
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,897
and I'll have you
thrown in the Gulag.
349
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,004
[ Laughs ]
Oh, heavens.
350
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,996
Up next, Cloris.
351
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,538
Now, this one is
a crowd-pleaser --
352
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,183
The Boll Weevil,
353
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,348
which is a simple wooly
middle-patch accented
354
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,878
by multiple flyaway tentacles.
355
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,524
A real party starter.
356
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,219
Yeah, I've seen that
at my local gym.
357
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,391
-[ Chuckles ]
-Yeah.
358
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:48,088
And lastly, we have Nancy.
359
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,261
-Ooh!
-And for those of you
360
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,189
who appreciate tradition,
361
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,234
The Old Granddad --
362
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,560
bristly in the center
363
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:58,404
and book-ended
by wispy flourishes.
364
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,801
Unbelievable!
Excellent job, Pete.
365
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:02,043
Thank you so much.
366
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,869
-Thank you, Amy.
-Always good to see ya.
367
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,213
I'll be in for a trim soon.
368
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,068
-Good. Bye-bye.
-Bye-bye.
369
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,537
That's it for our "Mail Sack."
370
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,535
I hope you found
my tips helpful.
371
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:14,577
When we return,
three words -- open-eye orgasm.
372
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:15,924
Stick around.
373
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:27,828
**
374
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,560
At the ad break,
I mentioned open-eye orgasms.
375
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,397
Now, I only said those words
376
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,132
so you'd return
from the commercial.
377
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,567
[ Chuckles ] If I had stated
what we were actually
378
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,513
going to talk about --
sex smells --
379
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,638
you'd be watching
The Weather Channel right now.
380
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,083
But the truth is,
in most situations,
381
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,650
lovemaking involves
close physical contact,
382
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:49,118
which means you'll also be
encountering unique aromas.
383
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,149
To talk more about it,
let's take a trip
384
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,124
to "The Lady Who Lives
in the Woods."
385
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,593
* Deep in the forest,
a lady lives *
386
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,592
* In a small house
that is made of twigs *
387
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,194
* She's earthy and simple
and mostly plain *
388
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,357
* And what you don't know,
she will try to explain *
389
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,165
* She bathes in a creek
and she sleeps on a cot *
390
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,198
* Feasting on mushrooms
and apricots *
391
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,804
* Her bathroom's a hole
in the dirt that she dug *
392
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:13,166
* Her friends' a raccoon
and a slimy spring slug *
393
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:16,006
* She's "The Lady
Who Lives in the Woods" *
394
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:23,980
**
395
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:30,117
Hair, skin, underarms,
the vagina --
396
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,857
All have their unique scent.
397
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,732
But mingled together
into one woody soup,
398
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,972
they represent
the whole of a woman.
399
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,968
There's nothing more
natural than sex,
400
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,971
and there's nothing
more sexual than scent.
401
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:49,484
The gamey perfume of a lady
is her greatest sexual asset,
402
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,809
unless she owns a hammock.
403
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:56,224
Don't be resistant
to smelling like a woman.
404
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,819
A shower, Esther?
405
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,790
In the middle of the week?
406
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:05,394
Esther is a fine example
of the brainwashed masses,
407
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:08,095
bombarded by the
advertising-industry agencies
408
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,758
who say,
"You don't smell right.
409
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,167
You're hair should
taste of buttercups.
410
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,940
Your vulva should sing
like a fruit salad."
411
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:20,039
I, for one, find disturbing
all the hygiene products
412
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,913
pushed on to women --
shampoo, conditioners,
413
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,713
deodorant, toilet paper.
414
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,776
I always say, don't mask it.
415
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,786
Bask in it.
416
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:35,419
Today at the lodge,
we are going to focus on ways
417
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:38,225
to enhance your organic musk.
418
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:41,528
And I am so thrilled that
joining us to talk about this
419
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,631
is a mentor of sorts,
420
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,033
an old friend of mine
from college.
421
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,195
We were roommates
and also played
422
00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:50,395
on the lacrosse team together.
423
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,807
Please welcome my very special
friend, Delta Mung.
424
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:54,870
[ Applause ]
425
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,907
Aw.
426
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,713
[ Sniffs ]
427
00:17:58,745 --> 00:17:59,645
Ah.
428
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,609
Sit down.
Oh, I love
429
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:04,278
what you've done
with the lodge.
430
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,147
I'm so pleased that
you made the trip.
431
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:08,046
Well, what good are
the wheels on an RV
432
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,057
if you don't let it roll?
433
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,589
Oh, I brought you
a bag of falafels.
434
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,656
I've had it since
Missouri.
435
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:16,495
Thank you.
436
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,629
Who's the little songbird?
437
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:21,395
That's Esther.
She's here sometimes.
438
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,774
So, Delta, let's stir up
some scented oils.
439
00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,275
I have our
base oils right here.
440
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,681
You can use many different oils
as your base --
441
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,483
jojoba or almond.
442
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,285
I think ylang-ylang
makes a great base oil.
443
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,018
Or a bergamot.
444
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,292
I'm sorry?
445
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,961
Well, bergamot is
the best base oil.
446
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:47,530
But of course, ylang-ylang
can work as a base oil, too,
447
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,760
if you're going for
something, uh, pedestrian.
448
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,928
Is that what you're going for?
I wasn't going for anything.
449
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,466
I just enjoy the quality
of ylang-ylang.
450
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,103
I understand.
451
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,107
It's very common.
452
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,009
I forgot you had such strong
opinions about ylang-ylang.
453
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,282
Well, they're not
opinions.
454
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,282
And there's nothing wrong
with ylang-ylang.
455
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:11,654
It's an unexceptional oil
derived from an ordinary plant,
456
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,954
and that is fine.
457
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,715
It's a good
beginner's base oil.
458
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,556
Let's just move on
to dried flowers.
459
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,032
I was thinking patchouli
leaves would be fun.
460
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:24,131
If you're 16.
461
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,633
You know something, Delta?
462
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,295
We haven't spent time together
since after college
463
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:31,195
when we worked for the
Arizona Department of Forestry.
464
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:33,068
But it's all
coming back to me!
465
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,565
I don't like you!
466
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,637
And I don't like falafels,
and I don't like your poetry!
467
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,577
Oh. This is
the level of behavior
468
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,153
I would expect from someone
469
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:46,021
who chooses patchouli
as a fragrance.
470
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,052
[ Scoffs ]
471
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,258
And a simple
little songbird
472
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,861
as a roommate.
473
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,055
[ Door slams ]
474
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,226
Thank you for
stopping by the lodge.
475
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,826
I hope that was
informative.
476
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,698
[ Crash ]
477
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,209
Her RV hit a tree.
478
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,811
Oh, Esther!
479
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,877
* She's "The Lady Who Lives
in the Woods" *
480
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:17,779
Thank you, Ruth and Ester.
481
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,187
As usual, that was informative.
482
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,549
After this commercial break,
483
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:24,118
why don't you meet me
in the bedroom?
484
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:36,865
Nothing piques your appetite
485
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,943
quite like the craft
of lovemaking.
486
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,911
So often, you find
yourself ravenous
487
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,910
after a steamy session
in the bedroom,
488
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,912
especially if you're
doing it right.
489
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,154
Tonight, I'm gonna show you
490
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:48,078
how to make something
quick and light.
491
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,824
It's called nachos.
492
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,079
First thing you're gonna do
493
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,077
is grab two fistfuls
494
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:53,918
of nacho chips.
495
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,323
And you're gonna sort them
on a sheet pan.
496
00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:57,586
Then you're gonna add
497
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:59,334
a quarter-fist of beans on top.
498
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,759
These are pinto beans.
499
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:04,064
Mmm, feels so good in my fist.
500
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,126
Then you're gonna add
an open-fist
501
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:09,265
of spicy ground beef.
502
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:10,802
And then, add a cupped fist
503
00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:13,437
of grated cheese.
504
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:16,143
I lost my measuring cup
in fist-fight. [ Chuckles ]
505
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:20,345
Place the nachos in the oven,
and when it bubbles, it's done.
506
00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:22,480
Now, if you'd like,
you want to top it off later
507
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:25,075
with some sour cream
508
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:28,857
and some jalapeños.
509
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,188
We've done a lot
of talking tonight.
510
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:32,992
So while our nachos cook,
why not let our bodies
511
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,425
speak in the native tongue.
512
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,501
Follow me to the bedroom,
will you?
513
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:38,869
[ Saxophone music plays ]
514
00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:41,798
To take us through step-by-step
the physical act of love,
515
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:45,344
please welcome my next guest,
a professor of Human Sexuality
516
00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:47,812
from the Research Triangle
Park Community College,
517
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:51,010
Barry Teaberry.
518
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:52,553
Thank you for having me
on your show.
519
00:21:52,579 --> 00:21:53,949
Oh, I'm a big fan.
520
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:55,150
I'm a fan of yours, too.
521
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,781
Oh, thank you.
Oh, wow.
522
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,146
The wig's a nice touch.
523
00:21:58,184 --> 00:22:00,154
It suggests freedom
and looseness.
524
00:22:00,186 --> 00:22:03,116
We're wearing matching
canary-yellow robes.
525
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:06,325
That's all about unity, which
is very good for sexuality.
526
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:10,029
And if I'm not mistaken,
is that the smell of nachos?
527
00:22:10,062 --> 00:22:11,332
Yes, I made
a plate of nachos.
528
00:22:11,364 --> 00:22:12,234
It's also a turn-on.
529
00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:13,134
Oh.
530
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,165
[ Chuckles ]
531
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,240
Okay. Well, you're
the expert, Barry.
532
00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:17,698
What's next?
Walk me through it.
533
00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:19,807
Well, first we would
engage in foreplay...
534
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,069
Okay.
...to get our
erotic juices flowing.
535
00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:25,008
Imagery is one of the
most powerful stimulants.
536
00:22:25,044 --> 00:22:26,354
Let me paint
a picture for you.
537
00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:28,349
Okay. Oh, I don't
have any paints.
538
00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:30,751
[ Laughs ]
Then why not use my hands?
539
00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:31,983
Okay.
540
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:34,518
First I would take the ball
of your foot...
541
00:22:34,554 --> 00:22:36,024
Okay.
...in my hand.
542
00:22:36,055 --> 00:22:39,525
My penis semi-erect,
I would work your toes
543
00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:42,029
into an epidermis putty.
544
00:22:42,061 --> 00:22:45,501
All the while muttering
stimulating aphorisms
545
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:47,702
into your ear such as,
546
00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:51,574
"I bet your big toe would fit
snugly into my anus."
547
00:22:51,604 --> 00:22:53,674
I would continue
to work the foot,
548
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,736
building a trust
of sexual equity
549
00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:58,375
that I'll cash in on later
in our session.
550
00:22:58,411 --> 00:22:59,951
Oh, that feels
really nice.
551
00:22:59,979 --> 00:23:02,379
Yeah.
Um, Doctor, um...
552
00:23:02,415 --> 00:23:04,715
[ Sniffs ]
...Teaberry, I just you to know,
553
00:23:04,751 --> 00:23:06,621
I believe in crafting
in the bedroom.
554
00:23:06,653 --> 00:23:10,193
I've applied these lights
through a pair of pantyhose.
555
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:11,562
Oh, what a nice touch.
Mm-hmm.
556
00:23:11,591 --> 00:23:14,061
It's -- Setting the mood
is always important.
557
00:23:14,093 --> 00:23:15,363
Yes.
558
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:17,604
And I made some essential
oils for the bedroom.
559
00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:18,930
Oh, beautiful.
Yes.
560
00:23:18,965 --> 00:23:20,565
And then,
I also made this.
561
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,570
It's an invention
of my own.
562
00:23:21,601 --> 00:23:23,071
I call it the tickle rod.
563
00:23:23,102 --> 00:23:25,712
And I went to the feather
factory down on Newburn Avenue,
564
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:26,868
and I got
a fistful of feathers.
565
00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:29,906
And I attached them
to a three-in-one ruler.
566
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:32,042
Wow, what a magnificent
initiation.
567
00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:35,048
And then that way,
if my partner's far away,
568
00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:40,591
or I can just tickle you
while you're massaging my foot.
569
00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:41,490
Does that feel nice?
570
00:23:41,521 --> 00:23:43,121
Oh, I love it.
571
00:23:44,624 --> 00:23:46,664
I made some essential oils.
572
00:23:46,693 --> 00:23:47,493
Mmm.
573
00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:48,597
[ Bell dings ]
574
00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,328
Is that the nachos?
Oh, I don't know.
575
00:23:50,362 --> 00:23:52,102
They should be ready soon.
They can sit.
576
00:23:52,131 --> 00:23:54,131
Um, would you excuse me
for a quick moment?
577
00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:55,936
Okay. Well, what about
your semi-erect penis?
578
00:23:55,968 --> 00:23:57,798
Oh, it'll hold.
579
00:23:59,706 --> 00:24:02,306
All right.
Use potholders.
580
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:08,819
This is the point in my show
where I record
581
00:24:08,848 --> 00:24:11,618
all my hits
and misses of the episode.
582
00:24:11,651 --> 00:24:14,791
Hits -- Nachos.
583
00:24:14,821 --> 00:24:17,321
Misses...
584
00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:20,462
[ Crunch ]
585
00:24:20,493 --> 00:24:22,463
...Nachos.
586
00:24:22,495 --> 00:24:24,255
Well, that's it for tonight.
587
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:25,796
I hope I was able
to help you increase
588
00:24:25,832 --> 00:24:27,972
your enjoyment of
the craft of lovemaking.
589
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,470
Join me next time --
"Medical Tests."
590
00:24:30,503 --> 00:24:32,843
Make sure you know what
your doctor's ordering.
591
00:24:32,872 --> 00:24:33,872
Good night.
592
00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:40,306
**
593
00:24:40,346 --> 00:24:43,176
**
44479
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