All language subtitles for The.Replacements.S01E20_English

[theme song plays]

♪ Todd and Riley were, oh, so sad ♪

♪ Then they came 'cross a Fleemco ad ♪

♪ They sent away a $1.98 ♪

♪ Got a superspy mom ♪

♪ And a daredevil dude of a dad ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ The replacements ♪

♪ Now anytime they come across adults ♪

♪ Who are sly and deny and deprive them ♪

♪ And make things bad ♪

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem]
Hello, Fleemco.

Sir, we need a replacement.

And fast.

♪ And anytime they wanna make a change ♪

♪ Modify and rearrange ♪

♪ Though it might get kinda strange ♪

♪ Make 'em better, nice
And strong and fast ♪

♪ And smart and cool and maybe even lame ♪

♪ Call in the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

♪ Just get the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

-Why am I doing this?
-Because it's a family cookout.

Exactly, so why am I doing this?

Oh, C.A.R., you're part of the family.

[doorbell rings]

I'll pretend to get it.

[gasps]

Hello, K.

Father?

[both]
Father? Grandpa? Grandpa!

Children, this is my father,
better known as Agent G,

the chief inventor for
the British spy service.

'Sup, G?

Is it true that grandparents
give you tons of gifts,

take you to cool places
like amusement parks,

and give you tons of gifts?

I might have brought something.

Oh, yay. A pen.

No, Todd, not just a pen,

but a one-of-a-kind prototype
x-ray device to see through walls.

[grunting]

You are so handsome, Buzz.

You are...
Good one, Buzz.

I want to laugh, cry, and barf
all at the same time.

This pen acts as a lie detector.

Good for any growing girl
who plans to deal with growing boys.

Thanks, Grandpa.
Can we test it?

Riley, you're the prettiest
girl in school.

[beeping]

It works!

[scoffs]
You're such a dork.

[beeping stops]

Hey! It does work!

And this is for you, Dick.

Well, it's nice.
Maybe not exactly my style...

Yoo-woo! Whoa!

Oh, yeah!
[laughing]

A personal airbag.
I love it!

Thanks, Dad!

-And for Mom?
-Right this way.

Wow!

[Todd] Yeah, wow.

Meet C.L.I.V.E., a prototype
state-of-the-art sports car.

It can do everything old C.A.R.T.E.R.
can do and a whole lot more.

C.A.R.T.E.R.?
C.A.R.'s real name is C.A.R.T.E.R.?

[laughing]
How dorky!

Says the boy
who still sleeps with Mr. Wiggles.

[laughing]
Huh?

C.A.R.T.E.R. was,
mmm, adequate for his day,

but I'm smarter, faster, stronger.

Oh, and modest, too.

But he doesn't have
my level of experience.

Actually, C.L.I.V.E. has
all your memories

and experiences downloaded into him.

He knows everything that you do.

Oh, then he'll expect the Oslo oxen...

The Tangiers two-step...

[both] The Catskills counterpunch.

The Madrid meatball sub maneuver?

[dinging]

This guy's good.

But what will happen to C.A.R.?

C.A.R.T.E.R. is getting
a very prestigious job

teaching at the Royal Spy Academy.

But, C.A.R., the Royal Spy Academy?

It's the most secret place on earth.

We may never see each other again.

Never see Dick Daring again? Hmm.

But, C.A.R., you're family.

Remember all the good times we've had?

[both laughing]

[both laughing]

[both laughing]

Wait a second! We...
we haven't done any of those things.

-And we never will if you leave.
-Is that a promise?

-Mom!
-Duty calls, dear.

I'm actually very happy for him.

[beeping]

Dad!

Hold it right there, C.A.R.

Maybe you are totally inferior
to this sandwich-serving super car,

but I refuse--

-I'll let you drive me.
-Have a nice trip.

[making speeding-car noises]

Ooh! Look out for that tree! Ah!

[yells]

[Todd]
What's going on here?

Mom and C.A.R. have been partners forever,

and now he just up and leaves
without even a goodbye?

Something's seriously wrong here.

So, you're running away?

No. I applied to
the Royal Spy Academy online,

and as soon as I'm accepted,
I'm going to London to get C.A.R. back.

Wait. The most secret place
on earth has a website?

Everyone has a website these days.

-True.
-[computer beeps]

What? I failed?

Ha! Miserably, by the look of it.

This isn't over.
Fleemco's never let me down.

[phone beeping]

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem]
Hello, Fleemco.

I want to replace the head of admissions
at the Royal Spy Academy

-with someone who can get me in.
-I'm on it.

Welcome. Come in.
Come in. Hello!

Everyone's welcome.
Come on in.

-[whispering]
-Oh, I'd be happy to.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Welcome.
Everybody's welcome.

Fleemco just let me down.

Conrad says they can't find
the Royal Spy Academy

to make the replacement.

[sighs]
All right.

Don't say I never did anything for you.
Out of my way.

With your slightly above-average brains
and my much above-average deviousness,

we'll cheat our way through
this admissions test in no time.

-Ta-da!
-So am I in?

We'll know in a minute.

Any second now.

[both snoring]

-[computer beeping]
-[gasps]

Great. I better go finish packing.

I don't want to be stuck
wearing this the whole time.

[overlapping conversations]

[woman]
Hello, Riley and Todd.

I am Agent B, your headmistress.

Welcome to the Royal Spy Academy.

You have both been accepted
into this prestigious institution;

Riley for your adequate test scores,
and Todd for your other skills.

Together, you might make a decent spy.

You won't be needing these.

There is no contact allowed
with the outside world.

Here are your class schedules.
First class starts in...

Oh, one minute. Good luck.

Come on, Todd. We've got to find
our first class, Surveillance 101.

But there's no room numbers,

and none of these doors
have signs on them.

Oh, my gosh.

What have we gotten ourselves into?

-This is-
-Awesome!

For once, Riley,
you've done something cool.

Well, we're not going to last long

-if we can't find our first class.
-Wait.

I have my x-ray pen. Maybe I can
look in through the doors and--

Looking for Surveillance 101?

-Yes!
-Yes!

Hi. My name's Vanessa.
What's yours?

[stammering]
Whatever you want it to be.

-Hi. I'm Riley.
-I don't think I asked.

Follow me.

[Riley] I can't believe I'm saying this,
but we're not here to learn.

We're here to find C.A.R.,
so we cannot get distracted by--

Todd? Todd?

Todd! It's C.A.R.!

C.A.R.! C.A.R.! Up here!
It's me, Riley!

Who?
Young lady, this is Surveillance 101.

The whole idea is to blend in,
not shout your name like a hillbilly.

My name's Jethro.
Howdy-doo!

Now do you see what you've started?
Congratulations, young lady.

You just got the first "F"
of the school year.

What? He acted like
he didn't even recognize me.

I'm sorry.
Do I know you?

[Agent K] Bill, bill, tickets
for the piano recital, bill, bill...

[gasps]
Royal Spy Academy?

"Congratulations. Last night
your children were accepted into..."

Oh, no!

[gasps]
Are we out of mustard again?

Riley and Todd have joined
the Royal Spy Academy!

[gasps]
So we do have mustard?

I couldn't help overhearing
all the gasping.

-May I be of service?
-Yes!

We are going to England
to get our children back.

No child of mine is leaving the country
without asking permission.

I just hope we're not
forgetting anything.

[crickets chirping]

[cough]

[barking]

Boy, barbed wire, armed guards,
motion detectors, electrified fences?

Huh. I guess they really
don't want you to skip PE class.

Oh, it's not that.

Rumor has it
the Spyclopedia is missing.

The what-clo-what-ia?

The Spyclopedia:

the ultimate collection
of all the spy knowledge in the world.

It's the most dangerous book on earth.

Wow! That's the first time anyone
ever made a book sound cool to me.

[yells]

Oh, Todd, you say the funniest things.

Would you like to get together
with me this evening?

My answer is a resounding...
homina-homina-homina!

[barking]

[yelling]

Let me know if you spot my father.

-[humming]
-Found him!

There he is!

No, there!

Right here.

[yells]
He's everywhere!

Calm yourself, sir.

I am merely one of the five clones
Agent G has created

to speed up his work flow.

-I hate clones.
-No, honey. You hate clowns.

Oh, right.
But I still don't like it.

I mean, who wants five extra in-laws?

Father, Father, Father, Father,
Father, and Father, we need your help.

We have to get Riley and Todd
out of the spy academy.

Oh, K, I wish I could help,

but you know it's up to the headmistress
of the spy academy, Agent B.

-[gasps]
-What is it, K?

[Agent B] Yes, What is it, K?

-Ah, Agent B.
-Agent K.

You may not know this, but you have
my children in your spy academy.

Of course I know it.

Let's just hope they get
better grades than you did.

First of all, I had very good grades,
except for one class.

Cooking?

[all] Mm-hmm.

And secondly,
Todd and Riley are coming home, now.

Are you telling me what to do?

Either you bring them to me
or I am going to go get them myself.

Huh! I'd like to see you try.

Watch me, Mother.

[both] I hate it when she gets
that look on her face.

[Agent G] K, wait.
Don't judge your mother too harshly.

She's under a lot of pressure.

Huh! What else is new?

Look, I am about to tell you
the two best-kept secrets in England.

Is one of them why you drive
on the wrong side of the road?

The Spyclopedia is missing.

What? But how could someone
steal the Spyclopedia

when no one knows where
the Royal Spy Academy is?

-Unless it was--
-An inside job. Exactly.

If the thief and the book
are still at the school,

Riley and Todd could be in grave danger.

I know. That's why I'm about to reveal
the second best-kept secret in England.

[Agent G] C.L.I.V.E., those are
the directions to the Royal Spy Academy.

-Let's go!
-With pleasure, sir.

[engine revving]
With pleasure.

[laughing diabolically]

Wow! Am I the only one who noticed
that for a good-guy car,

C.L.I.V.E. has got one evil laugh?

Shaken, not stirred.
Shaken, not stirred.

What are you doing?

Practicing my answer
in case Vanessa asks me

what it's like to be in an earthquake.

-Shaken, not stirred.
-Have you forgotten why we're here?

Hey, getting C.A.R. back
is why you're here.

I'm here for the cool spying...
and the hot ladies,

-not necessarily in that order.
-[knocking on door]

Hey, Vanessa.
I was... oh.

You're dressed for spying.

Yeah. I was hoping we could use
that cool x-ray pen of yours

-to search for the Spyclopedia tonight.
-Oh, right. Of course.

I... I just thought this was a date.

Oh, Todd, when you're in the spy academy,
slinking around and spying is a date.

[heart pounding]

Fine. I'll find C.A.R. on my own,
after I... pfft... dry off.

[Vanessa]
"Out for cleaning"?

Sure it is.

Wow. Good-looking and smart.

Let's try out that x-ray pen.

Come in, young lady.

Hey, I was quiet.
How'd you know I was there?

Hidden cameras?
Sonic sensors?

Uh, rear-view mirrors.

Honestly, you and your brother
have a talent

-for missing the most obvious.
-How do you know I have a brother?

If you don't know who I am,
how could you possibly know that?

I saw you talking to him in class.

No, you didn't. He and his girlfriend
pretended they didn't know me.

Todd has a girlfriend?!

-A-ha!
-Oh, bum!

[car alarm blaring]

[Todd] Ah, I think I found it.

Aw, never mind.

[door opening]

[grunts]

Riley!
What are you doing here?

I tried to talk to C.A.R.,
but he still pretended not to know me,

so I decided to find you two.

Three's a crowd, Riley.

[phone ringing]

That's funny.
They took our cell phones.

That's not the only thing
funny around here.

Sure, Riley.
We've been searching for hours,

-and you're just going to--
-Take a look.

[Todd]
Hey, it's the Spyclopedia.

Wait a minute. I know that skull.

Oh, it is so over between us...

Probably.

Ha!

So, you figured it out, huh?

That I stole the Spyclopedia
and was just using Todd and his x-ray pen

-to try to find a secret way out of here?
-Yeah!

How's that last part go again?

-All right, hand over the book.
-Fat chance!

-Please, honey?
-Ohh!

-Todd, she's an enemy spy!
-Yeah, but she's a totally hot enemy spy.

Fine.
Then I'll take the book.

This will be fun.
Hi-ya!

Stay back!
You make one move,

and I'll destroy the book
with this laser pen!

[scoffs]
I don't believe you.

Believe me.
The beeping means it's in destroy mode.

Destroy the book,
and you'll never see your family again.

What?

Yes.
They're being held captive by my partner.

Perhaps you've heard of him. C.L.I.V.E..

[both gasping]

[C.L.I.V.E.] Greetings, children.

Now, listen very carefully.
Either I get the Spyclopedia,

or you're going to have to call Fleemco
and order yourselves two new parents!

Don't listen to him, kids!
We'll be fine!

Yeah, that's right. We can still
almost breathe... a little.

You harm them and I'll destroy
your precious book!

I suggest a trade:
your family for the Spyclopedia.

All right, but not here.

Outside.
Someplace very public.

[C.L.I.V.E.] Agreed.
And if you try and double-cross me,

I'll be crushed,
and so will your parents.

[laughing diabolically]

C.L.I.V.E., could you knock off the jokes

and transmit the map to me
so I can find my way out of here?

The spy academy is under
Madame Hugo's Wax Museum?

A museum full of fakes.
You sure fit in.

Oh!

Halt!

Return that book immediately
and turn yourselves in.

We can't. We have to
trade this book to save our parents.

K is in danger?

You know our mom?

She's my daughter.

But that would mean you're our grandma?

Come on, come on!

Hey! We've never had a grandma before!
Cut us a break!

You didn't by any chance
bring us any presents?

-Todd!
-Doesn't hurt to ask.

OK, that's enough. Move!

[Agent B] Interesting choice
for a rendezvous point, Todd.

Make sure you have the high ground,
clear lines of sight.

Actually, I just wanted to ride the thing.

[honking]

[C.L.I.V.E.] Get in!

-Riley!
-Dad!

-Mom?
-K.

G?

[C.L.I.V.E.]
The Spyclopedia, please.

Sorry. We didn't have a choice.

[both] You did the right thing.

[C.L.I.V.E.]
Aw, such a touching family moment.

It's really moved me.

So much so that I've decided
to let you go.

[laughing diabolically]

Hey, there's that evil laugh again.

Uh-oh.

[all screaming]

[all screaming]

[C.A.R.] Tally-ho!

Good of you to drop in.

[panting]
Great timing, C.A.R.

You've been following us?

Ever since Riley told me
about your "girlfriend,"

I knew she had to be
a lying enemy agent.

Hey! Well, you got a point.

So, we came up with
a plan to flush her out.

Good plan, except for the fact

that she and C.L.I.V.E.
are getting away with the Spyclopedia.

[C.A.R.]
Not for long. Hang on.

[spy music plays]

[C.A.R.] Whoa!

Pardon me.

-Uh, excuse me.
-[car horns honking]

-Coming through
-[cat meows]

He's got an answer
for every move you make.

Of course he does.
He has all of C.A.R.'s memories.

He knows every trick in your arsenal.

Then there's only one way
to catch C.L.I.V.E.,

by using crazy tactics that C.A.R.
would never think of himself.

-What are you suggesting?
-Dad has to drive.

I'd rather junk myself.

[Agent G] We have to do something.

Oh, all right,
but I'm only doing this to save the world.

[Dick] Yeah! Yeah!

Fire one!

Yeah!

Dick, the oil slick works better
when they're chasing you.

Oh.

But I'm considerably lighter
and going faster. Hmm.

Eeny, meeny...
This one!

-What's he doing?
-Look out!

-He's going into jet mode!
-Then we're going into boat mode.

No, but that makes no...

Oh, nice shooting, Dick.

I meant to do that.

Oh, we have him now.

There's no way out.

Don't even think about it.
We'd never make it over that bridge.

You're right. We wouldn't.

-Oh!
-Sorry. I don't need a partner anymore.

I hate you!

No way! We can't let them get away!

We won't.

[tires squealing]

Dick! That jump's impossible!

Don't worry. I can make it.

-Wuh-oh.
-I told you I couldn't make it.

But I can.

[C.A.R.] Dick!

-You'll pay for this!
-[foghorn blows]

[Dick] Look out below!

[C.L.I.V.E.]
What the--

Ha! You said you'd let me drive.

[grunting]

[yelling]

Oh, this is bad.

Oh, this is worse!

Come on!

[all] No!

We did it, buddy!

Yeah!

You will never touch my controls again,
as long as I live.

-[foghorn blows]
-[all laughing]

Thank you all so much.

So you weren't really replacing C.A.R.?

No, I sent for C.A.R. to find out
who stole the Spyclopedia.

It was just a coincidence that C.L.I.V.E.
turned out to be one of the thieves.

Oh, I knew I shouldn't have
used American parts

for his right and wrong sensors.

Well, I... I don't understand.

Why didn't you ask me
to go on the mission?

To be honest, I didn't want
to take you away from your family.

I know how much I hated being
pulled away when you were a child.

Oh, Mom...

[chuckling]
Oh, please. They just washed me.

[Riley]
It's great to have you back, C.A.R.

We never realized how awful it can be
to have someone you care about replaced.

[Todd] Totally. From now on,

I'm going to be a lot more careful
about who I replace.

-[beeping]
-[Riley] Yeah, totally.

Riley, can I see
that lie detector pen for a second?

[beeping]

[announcer] And now,
the Fleemco Company presents:

Dick Daring on safety.

Hey, kids, the stunts you see me do?

Don't try these stunts at home.

Or, in this case, on a drawbridge.

Or in a packed stadium...
or just about anywhere.

The point is, I'm not just
a well-trained professional stuntman.

I'm also a cartoon character,
and you aren't,

so stay safe and stay in school!

[announcer]
This has been Dick Daring on safety.