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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:33,477 --> 00:01:35,784 Coming through! Excuse me! 2 00:01:50,015 --> 00:01:51,277 Left. 3 00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:19,175 Stop sign, left. 4 00:02:40,892 --> 00:02:46,115 One, two, three, 5 00:02:46,289 --> 00:02:50,380 four, five. 6 00:03:08,267 --> 00:03:09,747 Mr. Burnz? 7 00:03:09,921 --> 00:03:12,576 Are you Charlie burnz? 8 00:03:12,750 --> 00:03:15,535 Charlie burnz, I'm talking to you. 9 00:03:15,709 --> 00:03:17,407 Mr. Burnz, Charlie burnz. 10 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,080 Sweep up a little bit. 11 00:03:38,254 --> 00:03:40,560 Make sure all the props are in the right spot. 12 00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:42,867 Hey, Marge? Hey, Charlie. 13 00:03:43,041 --> 00:03:44,956 Where is everybody? 14 00:03:45,130 --> 00:03:48,699 Charlie, it's Monday. They're at the writers' meeting. 15 00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:51,310 Oh, of course... wow. 16 00:03:51,484 --> 00:03:53,747 I had a long weekend. Okay. All right. 17 00:03:53,922 --> 00:03:55,184 Take it easy. See you later. 18 00:03:55,358 --> 00:03:58,143 Better hurry. They're pitching new sketches! 19 00:03:58,317 --> 00:04:00,145 Yeah, we made sure to take a lot of care 20 00:04:00,319 --> 00:04:02,147 not to offend anybody with this next sketch, 21 00:04:02,321 --> 00:04:05,150 so please strap in and, uh, you know, enjoy. 22 00:04:05,324 --> 00:04:07,196 Okay, so this is... This is an infomercial 23 00:04:07,370 --> 00:04:08,850 for a brand-new comedy album. 24 00:04:09,024 --> 00:04:11,287 Uh, we start with shots of planets and stars, 25 00:04:11,461 --> 00:04:13,202 just these beautiful shots of space. 26 00:04:13,376 --> 00:04:16,379 And then, we hear a vo, and we see a chyron. 27 00:04:16,553 --> 00:04:19,295 In the tradition of George carlin and Richard pryor, 28 00:04:19,469 --> 00:04:21,297 we bring you the next comedy voice. 29 00:04:21,471 --> 00:04:24,561 And we cut to a photograph of Stephen Hawking. 30 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,608 But we photoshopped him in front of a brick wall. 31 00:04:28,782 --> 00:04:30,567 So he looks like he's at a comedy club. 32 00:04:30,741 --> 00:04:33,744 We have a microphone where his computer is. 33 00:04:33,918 --> 00:04:36,834 Is it just me, but what's the deal 34 00:04:37,008 --> 00:04:38,705 with black holes? 35 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:42,840 Am I right? Ha. Ha. Ha. 36 00:04:43,014 --> 00:04:45,756 You people like impressions? 37 00:04:53,329 --> 00:04:55,287 So how do you think the meeting went? 38 00:04:56,854 --> 00:04:58,551 Some very funny ideas. 39 00:04:58,725 --> 00:05:01,511 But, Brad, somebody's got to talk to Roger 40 00:05:01,685 --> 00:05:02,947 about his inflections. 41 00:05:03,121 --> 00:05:05,080 I know, I know. I think he gets nervous. 42 00:05:05,254 --> 00:05:06,342 No, come on. 43 00:05:06,516 --> 00:05:08,474 Geo-rge carlin, rich-ard pryor. 44 00:05:08,648 --> 00:05:10,607 My god, Stephen Hawking pronounced his name 45 00:05:10,781 --> 00:05:12,652 better than he does. 46 00:05:12,826 --> 00:05:14,263 Here's one for the new segment. 47 00:05:14,437 --> 00:05:17,179 Or as Roger calls it, the new "seg-ment." 48 00:05:17,353 --> 00:05:19,094 All right, I'll give this to the guys. 49 00:05:19,268 --> 00:05:21,618 By the way, there's a new invention called computers. 50 00:05:21,792 --> 00:05:22,967 You may wanna get one. 51 00:05:23,141 --> 00:05:25,448 You know, I had one, but I like this. 52 00:05:25,622 --> 00:05:27,972 We started out together. I love the feel of the paper. 53 00:05:28,146 --> 00:05:30,105 I like the fact that the key leaves a Mark 54 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:31,889 that wasn't there a second ago. Wow. 55 00:05:32,063 --> 00:05:34,674 But I did treat myself to one of these. 56 00:05:34,848 --> 00:05:37,242 Ooh, look at you. You know how to work it? 57 00:05:37,416 --> 00:05:38,678 Absolutely, unless I wanna 58 00:05:38,852 --> 00:05:40,572 send an e-mail, a text or make a phone call. 59 00:05:40,637 --> 00:05:42,334 Oh, that's not important. Not at all. 60 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,989 Wanna get something to eat? Uh, I have a lunch date. 61 00:05:45,163 --> 00:05:46,730 Oh, look at you, Mr. Social. 62 00:05:46,904 --> 00:05:48,427 No, it's someone who won an auction 63 00:05:48,601 --> 00:05:50,241 to have lunch with me at the charity event 64 00:05:50,299 --> 00:05:52,692 for inner-city libraries. That sounds like a blast. 65 00:06:00,439 --> 00:06:03,138 This restaurant nice. Excuse me. 66 00:06:03,312 --> 00:06:04,878 Oh, no. Heh. 67 00:06:05,053 --> 00:06:06,750 Sorry. Bye. 68 00:06:06,924 --> 00:06:09,187 Maybe you, sir. Hello. Uh... 69 00:06:09,361 --> 00:06:13,278 Oh, Phil donahue. Nice to meet you. 70 00:06:13,452 --> 00:06:17,239 - The hell was that about? - Sir, uh, hi. Uh... 71 00:06:17,413 --> 00:06:20,459 Oh, no, sorry, sorry to bother you. Wrong person. 72 00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:22,809 Excuse me. Bye-bye. 73 00:06:22,984 --> 00:06:25,943 Excuse me. Are you, by any chance, looking for me? 74 00:06:26,117 --> 00:06:27,292 I'm Charlie burnz. 75 00:06:27,466 --> 00:06:29,077 You gotta be shitting me. What? 76 00:06:29,251 --> 00:06:30,251 This was you? 77 00:06:30,339 --> 00:06:32,123 Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 78 00:06:32,297 --> 00:06:34,038 You took some hits along the way, huh? 79 00:06:34,212 --> 00:06:36,780 Yeah, you might say that, but that's a very old picture. 80 00:06:36,954 --> 00:06:38,782 That was actually taken on the mayflower. 81 00:06:38,956 --> 00:06:40,958 I did win the shuffleboard tournament. 82 00:06:41,132 --> 00:06:43,352 Well, belated congratulations. 83 00:06:43,526 --> 00:06:45,745 I'm Emma payge. Emma, pleasure. Sit down. 84 00:06:45,919 --> 00:06:47,704 Sorry I'm late. Don't worry about it. 85 00:06:47,878 --> 00:06:49,836 Not a problem. Glad you're here. 86 00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:51,969 Thank you for bidding on me at the auction. 87 00:06:52,143 --> 00:06:53,927 I'm so flattered that somebody your age 88 00:06:54,102 --> 00:06:55,668 would be a fan of my work. 89 00:06:55,842 --> 00:06:57,583 Truth? Sure. 90 00:06:57,757 --> 00:06:59,846 I don't know who the hell you are. 91 00:07:00,021 --> 00:07:01,718 My ex bid on you. 92 00:07:01,892 --> 00:07:04,199 You didn't? Nope. 93 00:07:04,373 --> 00:07:06,462 How did this...? Well, he's an actor, 94 00:07:06,636 --> 00:07:07,941 and he was doing a scene 95 00:07:08,116 --> 00:07:09,856 from one of your plays in his acting class, 96 00:07:10,031 --> 00:07:12,033 and he wanted to meet you, so he bid. 97 00:07:12,207 --> 00:07:14,818 Um, how much? Twenty-two. 98 00:07:14,992 --> 00:07:19,127 $2200? That's fantastic. $2200, my ass! 99 00:07:19,301 --> 00:07:21,129 Twenty-two dollars. 100 00:07:21,303 --> 00:07:23,609 Twenty-two dollars was the winning bid? 101 00:07:23,783 --> 00:07:26,134 Mm-hm. It started at 20, 102 00:07:26,308 --> 00:07:28,614 and then it went up in 50-cent increments. 103 00:07:28,788 --> 00:07:30,921 Oh, that's so sad. Heh. 104 00:07:31,095 --> 00:07:33,750 Hello. Welcome to le monde. 105 00:07:33,924 --> 00:07:35,969 I'll be your server. What can I get for you? 106 00:07:36,144 --> 00:07:37,449 Have you eaten here before? No. 107 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,190 They have the greatest steak sandwich. 108 00:07:39,364 --> 00:07:41,366 That's all I get. It's fantastic. 109 00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:44,674 That's perfect. I'll have the seafood salad. 110 00:07:44,848 --> 00:07:48,243 Okay. And for you, sir? Um, I'm gonna have the... 111 00:07:48,417 --> 00:07:51,420 Oh, can I have extra clams, extra calamari 112 00:07:51,594 --> 00:07:53,509 and extra crab meat? 113 00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:56,207 Of course. And for you, sir? I'm gonna have the... 114 00:07:56,381 --> 00:07:58,688 Oh, and can I have a lobster tail right on top, 115 00:07:58,862 --> 00:08:01,386 with extra mussels? Lots of mussels. 116 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,388 The ones from New Zealand, not from Jersey 117 00:08:03,562 --> 00:08:04,722 because they got black hairs. 118 00:08:04,868 --> 00:08:06,130 Who knows what's in those? 119 00:08:06,304 --> 00:08:08,219 That can be really toxic. Are you done? 120 00:08:08,393 --> 00:08:10,743 There are a few species you haven't mentioned yet. 121 00:08:10,917 --> 00:08:12,354 Heh-heh, go ahead. 122 00:08:12,528 --> 00:08:14,921 I'm gonna have the... Oh, can I have a diet coke? 123 00:08:15,096 --> 00:08:18,186 Heh-heh-heh. And for you, sir? 124 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,623 I'm gonna have a tuna sandwich, whole wheat toast, 125 00:08:20,797 --> 00:08:24,670 and an iced tea. Very good. 126 00:08:24,844 --> 00:08:27,151 Why would you order a tuna sandwich when you said 127 00:08:27,325 --> 00:08:28,892 they had the best steak sandwiches? 128 00:08:29,066 --> 00:08:31,460 While you were ordering half of the Atlantic ocean, 129 00:08:31,634 --> 00:08:34,506 I developed a hankering for the only fish left on the menu. 130 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,161 Heh. Touché, old man. Touché. 131 00:08:37,335 --> 00:08:39,946 So let me ask you a question. 132 00:08:40,121 --> 00:08:42,906 If you don't know who I am, how come your ex didn't come? 133 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,734 I caught him cheating on me. Oh! 134 00:08:44,908 --> 00:08:48,172 And he said it was because I'm the worst lay in the world. 135 00:08:48,346 --> 00:08:51,349 And trust me, he is wrong, okay? 136 00:08:51,523 --> 00:08:55,440 You ought to see my moves. It's "circus do lay." 137 00:08:55,614 --> 00:08:58,226 Okay. Well, let's, uh... Let's get through lunch first. 138 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,097 Mm-hm. I'd break your back, old man. 139 00:09:00,271 --> 00:09:03,056 Thank you. Yeah, have you laid out, dead, 140 00:09:03,231 --> 00:09:04,884 with a smile on your face. 141 00:09:05,058 --> 00:09:08,888 And your kids will be like, "how did he die? How did my dad die?" 142 00:09:09,062 --> 00:09:11,761 And I would just look at them in their eyes and say, heh, 143 00:09:11,935 --> 00:09:13,980 on top of me. 144 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,159 That's a really lovely thought. 145 00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:21,727 Heh-heh, you funny, old man. 146 00:09:21,901 --> 00:09:23,990 I'm glad I came, even if it was 147 00:09:24,165 --> 00:09:26,515 to shove you up my ex's big fat ass. 148 00:09:26,689 --> 00:09:30,301 Now, there's a compliment you don't hear every day. 149 00:09:30,475 --> 00:09:32,235 Whoa, look what the tide brought in. 150 00:09:32,390 --> 00:09:34,262 Yeah. Thank you very much. 151 00:09:34,436 --> 00:09:36,742 Please enjoy. Uh, Emma, enjoy your buffet. 152 00:09:36,916 --> 00:09:41,965 Mm-hm. So... I take it you like comedy. 153 00:09:42,139 --> 00:09:43,139 Nope. 154 00:09:43,184 --> 00:09:44,489 You don't? Mm-mm. 155 00:09:44,663 --> 00:09:47,188 I mean, I love to laugh, but in real life. 156 00:09:47,362 --> 00:09:48,928 You know what I'm saying? 157 00:09:49,102 --> 00:09:51,148 Well, you know, that's what I do in real life. 158 00:09:51,322 --> 00:09:53,716 I'm a comedy writer. You ever watch "this just in" 159 00:09:53,890 --> 00:09:57,067 on Sunday nights on funny? Mm-mm. 160 00:09:57,241 --> 00:09:58,808 I also, uh, write for Broadway 161 00:09:58,982 --> 00:10:02,377 and, um, movies and five books and... 162 00:10:02,551 --> 00:10:04,466 And, um, what do you do? 163 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:08,121 Char... Charlie, I don't feel so good. 164 00:10:08,296 --> 00:10:10,472 Why is your face suddenly bigger than it was before? 165 00:10:10,646 --> 00:10:12,778 I can't feel... I can't feel my lips. 166 00:10:12,952 --> 00:10:14,606 Oh, god, are you allergic to seafood? 167 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,217 I'll say maybe I am. 168 00:10:16,391 --> 00:10:18,393 What should I do? Call the hospital. 169 00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:20,699 What? What? Call the hospital! Call... 170 00:10:20,873 --> 00:10:23,224 Call the... the hospital! 171 00:10:23,398 --> 00:10:25,835 Dial the nearest hospital! Dial the nearest hospital! 172 00:10:26,009 --> 00:10:27,793 I do not know. Let me check the web. 173 00:10:27,967 --> 00:10:29,858 Dial the nearest hospital! Is everything all right? 174 00:10:29,882 --> 00:10:32,755 Aah! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Okay, what did you do? 175 00:10:32,929 --> 00:10:35,105 I didn't do anything! These are Jersey mussels! 176 00:10:35,279 --> 00:10:37,412 What? I knew they were Jersey mussels! 177 00:10:37,586 --> 00:10:40,284 Jersey? No! I'm from Jersey. I need emergency. Emergency. 178 00:10:40,458 --> 00:10:41,458 This is an emergency! 179 00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:45,724 Everybody, calm down. Everybody, relax. 180 00:10:45,898 --> 00:10:50,120 We should call the ambulance. Siri! What is wrong with you? 181 00:10:50,294 --> 00:10:52,775 Ma'am, have you had an allergic reaction to seafood before? 182 00:10:52,949 --> 00:10:54,733 Mm-mm. You just randomly ordered, 183 00:10:54,907 --> 00:10:57,693 and this is what happened? I had a hankering. 184 00:10:57,867 --> 00:11:00,130 Okay, just try to relax. We're almost there. 185 00:11:00,304 --> 00:11:01,914 You're gonna be okay. 186 00:11:02,088 --> 00:11:04,221 Charlie? Charlie. 187 00:11:04,395 --> 00:11:07,398 Charlie! 188 00:11:07,572 --> 00:11:11,141 You're all I've got, Charlie! Please don't leave me! 189 00:11:28,114 --> 00:11:29,290 Oh, boy. 190 00:11:31,683 --> 00:11:33,119 Mr. Burnz? 191 00:11:35,557 --> 00:11:37,515 Oh, I'm not supposed to fill these out. 192 00:11:37,689 --> 00:11:39,089 What's your relation to miss payge? 193 00:11:39,212 --> 00:11:40,562 She won me in an auction. 194 00:11:42,172 --> 00:11:43,260 Fine, don't believe me. 195 00:11:43,434 --> 00:11:44,870 She doesn't have insurance, 196 00:11:45,044 --> 00:11:47,351 and she really shouldn't be leaving here by herself. 197 00:11:47,525 --> 00:11:48,918 No insurance? 198 00:11:49,092 --> 00:11:50,485 Okay. 199 00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:52,661 Eleven hundred dollars? 200 00:11:52,835 --> 00:11:56,055 Yes. And you'll get the ambulance bill in the mail. 201 00:11:56,229 --> 00:11:57,970 You can pay me on the way out. 202 00:11:58,144 --> 00:11:59,885 Your daughter is going to be fine. 203 00:12:00,059 --> 00:12:01,191 My d...? 204 00:12:01,365 --> 00:12:03,106 Great. Isn't that great? 205 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,282 She told me all about how you adopted her 206 00:12:05,456 --> 00:12:06,805 from that orphanage in Kenya. 207 00:12:06,979 --> 00:12:08,677 That's very special. Oh, she told you? 208 00:12:08,851 --> 00:12:10,026 Yeah. Yeah, well... 209 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,942 Ha-ha, well, uh, she is special. 210 00:12:13,116 --> 00:12:14,900 Well, this is a pretty severe reaction. 211 00:12:15,074 --> 00:12:17,163 Are there other allergies I should know about? 212 00:12:17,338 --> 00:12:19,601 I think really you should talk to her about that, 213 00:12:19,775 --> 00:12:22,865 or I can put you in touch with one of the elders of her tribe. 214 00:12:23,039 --> 00:12:26,303 You could ask for mbolo. 215 00:12:26,477 --> 00:12:28,740 It's good that you reacted as quickly as you did. 216 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,834 A little longer, may have been a different story. 217 00:12:31,003 --> 00:12:32,788 Here are her prescriptions. 218 00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:33,963 Pharmacy is that way. 219 00:12:38,489 --> 00:12:39,838 Six hundred dollars? 220 00:12:41,536 --> 00:12:43,755 So a tuna sandwich cost me close to two grand. 221 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,975 Welcome to New York, pal. What's this? 222 00:12:46,149 --> 00:12:49,239 That's epinephrine. You need to inject her within the hour. 223 00:12:49,413 --> 00:12:50,806 And if I don't? She'll die. 224 00:12:51,894 --> 00:12:52,894 Next. 225 00:12:54,766 --> 00:13:00,598 "Remove blue safety release by pulling up, straight up." 226 00:13:00,772 --> 00:13:02,818 Okay. What's taking so long? 227 00:13:02,992 --> 00:13:05,429 I'm having trouble reading the directions without my glasses. 228 00:13:05,603 --> 00:13:07,866 And honestly, I'm a little nervous about it. 229 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,172 Okay. Oh, no. 230 00:13:09,346 --> 00:13:11,392 Hell, no. Put that thing down. 231 00:13:11,566 --> 00:13:13,655 Ain't no way in hell I'm gonna let you stab me 232 00:13:13,829 --> 00:13:16,048 with that lego stick while your hand shaking like that. 233 00:13:16,222 --> 00:13:17,542 You might put out one of my eyes. 234 00:13:17,572 --> 00:13:18,747 They said I have to do it 235 00:13:18,921 --> 00:13:20,521 within the hour or you'll be in trouble. 236 00:13:20,618 --> 00:13:21,750 We'll just wait an hour. 237 00:13:21,924 --> 00:13:23,360 If I'm not dead, you can go home. 238 00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,449 Fine. Enjoy your bloating. 239 00:13:28,496 --> 00:13:30,628 All right. Stick me, old man. 240 00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:39,289 Ow! God... 241 00:13:39,463 --> 00:13:41,987 Motherf... ow! 242 00:13:42,161 --> 00:13:44,555 Son of a...! 243 00:13:44,729 --> 00:13:46,078 Okay. 244 00:13:46,252 --> 00:13:47,906 Show time's over. 245 00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:52,607 Make me some tea, maybe it'll help with the bloating... 246 00:13:52,781 --> 00:13:55,827 "Only hold in for a few seconds." Ah. 247 00:14:02,573 --> 00:14:03,835 "Slippery when wet"? 248 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,055 You looked? I had to. I really... 249 00:14:06,229 --> 00:14:08,231 I had to. That's not something you wanna do 250 00:14:08,405 --> 00:14:09,725 with your eyes closed. Believe me. 251 00:14:09,885 --> 00:14:11,277 It could have ended up some place 252 00:14:11,452 --> 00:14:14,193 we both wouldn't be happy about. 253 00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:16,892 Thank you. I promise I will pay you back 254 00:14:17,066 --> 00:14:18,546 every dime that you laid out. 255 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,722 You don't have to do that. How are you feeling? 256 00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:23,333 Like you shot me up with five six-hour energy drinks. 257 00:14:23,507 --> 00:14:26,510 So I've got about a good 30 hours of energy! I'm lit! 258 00:14:28,338 --> 00:14:30,166 Can I ask you something? Yeah. 259 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,140 Why did you tell the doctor I was your father? 260 00:14:32,255 --> 00:14:34,823 Heh, I thought it would be cool to have a white dad. 261 00:14:34,997 --> 00:14:37,042 Oh, and the orphanage story? 262 00:14:37,216 --> 00:14:38,609 I was a little loopy by then. 263 00:14:38,783 --> 00:14:40,481 I'm sure that was the mussels talking. 264 00:14:40,655 --> 00:14:42,395 Yup, those mussels were definitely talking. 265 00:14:42,570 --> 00:14:44,354 Yeah, must have been. 266 00:14:44,528 --> 00:14:46,704 Well, listen, try to get some rest. 267 00:14:46,878 --> 00:14:49,228 Um, do you need anything else? I have 20 bucks left. 268 00:14:50,795 --> 00:14:51,883 I'll be fine. 269 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,494 Look, I wanna apologize to you 270 00:14:53,668 --> 00:14:55,321 for saying all that stuff about my ex. 271 00:14:55,496 --> 00:14:56,975 I should have never done that. 272 00:14:57,149 --> 00:14:59,804 You are a good man, and that was not fair to you. 273 00:14:59,978 --> 00:15:03,068 Hey, I understand. This way out? Yep, that way. 274 00:15:04,635 --> 00:15:05,984 Perky. Yeah. 275 00:15:17,779 --> 00:15:19,345 Good try. 276 00:15:21,391 --> 00:15:22,827 Ah! All right, that's... 277 00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:24,612 It's all right. It's a base hit. 278 00:15:34,839 --> 00:15:36,667 Sorry, Rex. That's a match. 279 00:15:39,278 --> 00:15:40,758 I don't know why you play against me. 280 00:15:40,932 --> 00:15:42,717 It's good aerobics. Yeah, for me. 281 00:15:42,891 --> 00:15:44,675 I'm running around like crazy. 282 00:15:44,849 --> 00:15:46,634 I'm gasping for air. You just... 283 00:15:46,808 --> 00:15:49,506 You just stand at the net. Somehow it's six-love, six-love. 284 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:50,812 Six-love? Six... 285 00:15:50,986 --> 00:15:52,944 You get perverse pleasure 286 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,468 beating your only son like this? Yeah, a lot. 287 00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:01,431 Listen, dad, uh... 288 00:16:01,605 --> 00:16:03,433 Francine wants to know 289 00:16:03,607 --> 00:16:06,610 if you are coming to Lindsay's bat mitzvah. 290 00:16:06,784 --> 00:16:08,133 My daughter wants to know 291 00:16:08,307 --> 00:16:10,187 if I'm coming to my granddaughter's bat mitzvah? 292 00:16:10,353 --> 00:16:12,616 Why wouldn't I? She says you never rsvp'd. 293 00:16:14,357 --> 00:16:18,013 Why didn't she just call instead of asking you to ask me? 294 00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:19,841 Don't be upset. You know how she gets. 295 00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:21,756 It'll be a fun day. We'll be together. 296 00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:24,323 I don't want Lindsay to think I wasn't gonna come. 297 00:16:24,497 --> 00:16:26,369 Who knows what your sister says to her? 298 00:16:26,543 --> 00:16:28,197 Just give her a call. 299 00:16:30,591 --> 00:16:33,637 This was fun. I'll see you next week? 300 00:16:33,811 --> 00:16:36,292 When I lose to you, again. 301 00:16:36,466 --> 00:16:37,728 I gotta go. 302 00:16:37,902 --> 00:16:40,644 I have a 3:00. I'm a little nervous. 303 00:16:40,818 --> 00:16:44,517 I'm submitting my design for a new building in union square. 304 00:16:44,692 --> 00:16:47,085 Well, it could be a big thing for me. 305 00:16:47,259 --> 00:16:49,566 I rsvp'd. I know I rsvp'd. 306 00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:53,352 Dad, don't worry about that. And wish me luck. 307 00:16:53,526 --> 00:16:54,615 About what? 308 00:16:56,921 --> 00:16:59,358 For my building, for the design. 309 00:16:59,532 --> 00:17:03,624 Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 310 00:17:04,755 --> 00:17:06,322 Yeah. I'll see you. 311 00:17:07,976 --> 00:17:09,847 I'm gonna call her right now. 312 00:17:10,021 --> 00:17:12,328 Daddy! Daddy! 313 00:17:12,502 --> 00:17:14,852 Daddy! Daddy! 314 00:17:15,026 --> 00:17:17,942 I did something wrong, daddy! 315 00:17:18,116 --> 00:17:20,858 I'm scared! Daddy! 316 00:17:21,990 --> 00:17:24,296 Daddy! 317 00:17:33,175 --> 00:17:36,613 Oh, hi. This is... Craziest thing. I... 318 00:17:36,787 --> 00:17:38,354 I forgot what locker I was using. 319 00:17:38,528 --> 00:17:39,528 Heh-heh, that's okay. 320 00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:41,574 I have a master. Uh... 321 00:17:41,749 --> 00:17:43,576 Let's start with this row. Okay, good. 322 00:18:09,994 --> 00:18:12,344 That's perfect. You're gonna crush this. 323 00:18:12,518 --> 00:18:14,303 Give me a high-five. 324 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,699 I'm proud of you. You're doing so beautifully. 325 00:18:18,873 --> 00:18:22,877 Yeah. I'm just getting a little nervous about my speech. 326 00:18:23,051 --> 00:18:26,141 Have you started writing it yet? Yeah. 327 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:28,230 Mmm... 328 00:18:29,753 --> 00:18:31,276 It's your grandfather. 329 00:18:33,191 --> 00:18:35,063 Hi, papa Charlie. Hey, Lindsay, honey. 330 00:18:35,237 --> 00:18:36,934 How's my favorite bat mitzvah girl? 331 00:18:37,108 --> 00:18:38,283 Good. Heh-heh. 332 00:18:38,457 --> 00:18:39,763 Ask him if he's coming. 333 00:18:39,937 --> 00:18:41,722 What do you mean? Grandpa's not coming? 334 00:18:41,896 --> 00:18:43,680 Are you coming? That's why I'm calling. 335 00:18:45,464 --> 00:18:46,596 Of course I'm coming. 336 00:18:46,770 --> 00:18:48,052 I wouldn't miss that for the world. 337 00:18:48,076 --> 00:18:49,468 Great. I'm so happy. 338 00:18:49,642 --> 00:18:51,340 Hey, when you're happy, I'm happy. 339 00:18:51,514 --> 00:18:53,255 Um, can I speak to your mom? 340 00:18:53,429 --> 00:18:55,953 Tell him I can't talk to him right now. 341 00:18:56,127 --> 00:18:59,391 Uh... she said she'll call you back. 342 00:18:59,565 --> 00:19:01,698 Yeah. Okay. 343 00:19:01,872 --> 00:19:03,265 I can't wait to see you. 344 00:19:03,439 --> 00:19:04,701 I can't wait to see you too. 345 00:19:04,875 --> 00:19:07,704 So tell me. You got a pretty dress? 346 00:19:07,878 --> 00:19:09,619 You're gonna have to see when you come. 347 00:19:09,793 --> 00:19:11,273 Okay. 348 00:19:11,447 --> 00:19:13,014 Um... 349 00:19:13,188 --> 00:19:15,451 Can you help me with my speech? 350 00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:18,454 Yeah, of course. We'll punch it up real good. 351 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,370 Yeah. Okay, kid. 352 00:19:21,544 --> 00:19:22,806 See you soon. 353 00:19:23,981 --> 00:19:26,462 I had a bad day. 354 00:19:26,636 --> 00:19:29,857 Thanks for seeing me so late. I really appreciate it. 355 00:19:30,031 --> 00:19:33,512 I, uh... I couldn't remember 356 00:19:33,686 --> 00:19:36,080 where my locker was in my health club. 357 00:19:36,254 --> 00:19:37,821 I've been going there for years. 358 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,824 It was so damn embarrassing. 359 00:19:40,998 --> 00:19:42,783 That should be expected. 360 00:19:42,957 --> 00:19:47,526 Don't panic. Are you doing what we talked about? 361 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,355 Yeah. I try not to vary my routine. 362 00:19:50,529 --> 00:19:53,794 I walk the same way to work every day. I eat right. 363 00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:56,492 I'm getting some exercise. 364 00:19:56,666 --> 00:19:58,973 And, uh, I'm taking my meds. 365 00:19:59,147 --> 00:20:01,714 And by the way, that Namenda. 366 00:20:01,889 --> 00:20:04,717 Oh, man, it's so constipating. 367 00:20:04,892 --> 00:20:06,197 It... sorry about that. 368 00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,112 Sorry? I was backed up for eight days. 369 00:20:08,286 --> 00:20:10,332 I felt like a python that had swallowed a deer. 370 00:20:11,899 --> 00:20:14,553 Charlie, you have medicines 371 00:20:14,727 --> 00:20:17,556 to help with that, and you can always give yourself an enema. 372 00:20:17,730 --> 00:20:19,776 I'm saving that for my birthday. 373 00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:22,997 A little something special just for me. 374 00:20:23,171 --> 00:20:25,260 How are you sleeping? 375 00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:29,394 Why sleep when you can stay up and terrorize yourself? 376 00:20:29,568 --> 00:20:31,440 Maybe I get four hours, but maybe. 377 00:20:31,614 --> 00:20:34,225 And what about those flashbacks? 378 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,619 That's the craziest thing. 379 00:20:36,793 --> 00:20:40,275 I can forget what I had for lunch while I'm having lunch. 380 00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:43,060 But then, something... Flies into my head, like, bam! 381 00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:46,498 It could be a moment, a fragment, a sentence. 382 00:20:46,672 --> 00:20:48,196 And it's like I'm there. 383 00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:49,937 Like I can see it 384 00:20:50,111 --> 00:20:52,156 like I saw it way back then. It doesn't... 385 00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:55,856 It's almost like I can smell things. And then, black. 386 00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:59,294 It just goes black, and it goes as fast as it came. 387 00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:01,383 It's the craziest thing. 388 00:21:03,994 --> 00:21:07,171 How's the writing going? I think it helps. 389 00:21:07,345 --> 00:21:11,175 Um, it keeps my mind active, and it helps strengthen my denial. 390 00:21:11,349 --> 00:21:14,613 You know what, this show, it's all of these young kids. 391 00:21:14,787 --> 00:21:16,224 I'm like the old man on the block 392 00:21:16,398 --> 00:21:19,227 whose yard you don't wanna hit the ball into. 393 00:21:19,401 --> 00:21:22,099 But I still get stuff on the air. 394 00:21:22,273 --> 00:21:24,623 I still help shape the show, 395 00:21:24,797 --> 00:21:28,236 and when one of my jokes hits right, and the audience laughs, 396 00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:29,715 there's still nothing like it. 397 00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:32,283 And I still love it. 398 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,546 Good. I think you're doing well. 399 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:39,334 We're keeping this at bay, but it's so damn unpredictable. 400 00:21:39,508 --> 00:21:44,034 Don't let your denial overrule your sense of reason. 401 00:21:44,208 --> 00:21:45,775 There's a lot we still don't know 402 00:21:45,949 --> 00:21:47,298 about this kind of dementia. 403 00:21:49,257 --> 00:21:50,257 Okay. 404 00:21:51,650 --> 00:21:53,478 See you next month. Okay. 405 00:21:53,652 --> 00:21:56,090 Unless you need me sooner. Okay. 406 00:21:56,264 --> 00:21:57,569 Thanks, my friend. 407 00:21:59,528 --> 00:22:02,357 Oh, by the way, I thought the show last week was pretty good. 408 00:22:02,531 --> 00:22:04,359 Was it? Who was on? 409 00:22:04,533 --> 00:22:07,188 Um, you know, the guy, what's-his-name? 410 00:22:07,362 --> 00:22:11,583 The... from the film. He's married to... oh! 411 00:22:11,757 --> 00:22:14,847 The one with the hair. 412 00:22:15,022 --> 00:22:17,676 Would you like some of my meds? 413 00:22:50,753 --> 00:22:53,495 You just gonna push the lady down, huh? 414 00:22:53,669 --> 00:22:55,497 You just gonna run over somebody! 415 00:22:55,671 --> 00:22:56,846 You son of a bitch! 416 00:22:57,020 --> 00:22:58,891 Come back here and try that again, 417 00:22:59,066 --> 00:23:00,328 you spineless bastard! 418 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,331 Hey, hey, hey. 419 00:23:03,505 --> 00:23:04,723 What happened? 420 00:23:08,075 --> 00:23:09,728 I was going up the right, 421 00:23:09,902 --> 00:23:12,993 when I got into a head-on collision with a dumb-ass 422 00:23:13,167 --> 00:23:15,169 who was coming down on the right side, 423 00:23:15,343 --> 00:23:17,214 but really that's his left side. 424 00:23:17,388 --> 00:23:19,956 And it's all his fault because this isn't england! 425 00:23:20,130 --> 00:23:21,784 How did you know where I live? 426 00:23:21,958 --> 00:23:23,568 Oh, Google. Google? 427 00:23:23,742 --> 00:23:25,309 Here. What's this? 428 00:23:25,483 --> 00:23:27,833 The first installment of the money I owe you. 429 00:23:28,008 --> 00:23:29,748 Whoa! 430 00:23:29,922 --> 00:23:31,881 You're a pole dancer? 431 00:23:32,055 --> 00:23:33,970 God, no. And this coming from a man 432 00:23:34,144 --> 00:23:36,407 that makes america laugh for a living. 433 00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:39,149 My knee! My fucking knees! 434 00:23:39,323 --> 00:23:41,151 Listen, listen, come upstairs. 435 00:23:41,325 --> 00:23:42,935 I'll clean you up a little bit, 436 00:23:43,110 --> 00:23:44,981 and then we can rinse out your mouth. 437 00:23:45,155 --> 00:23:46,156 Come on. 438 00:23:48,245 --> 00:23:51,683 Ooh, okay, okay. 439 00:23:53,424 --> 00:23:55,296 Jeez. 440 00:23:55,470 --> 00:23:59,343 Man, this dude is doing it. This is nice. 441 00:23:59,517 --> 00:24:01,650 Ooh! Mm, he know a lot of old white people. 442 00:24:03,434 --> 00:24:05,784 Oprah Winfrey? Hmm! 443 00:24:06,829 --> 00:24:08,961 "For Carrie"? 444 00:24:09,136 --> 00:24:11,268 Hmm. Okay, here we go. 445 00:24:11,442 --> 00:24:13,488 According to this wall, not only are you ancient, 446 00:24:13,662 --> 00:24:15,664 but you're also famous. 447 00:24:15,838 --> 00:24:17,448 Sit here. 448 00:24:25,456 --> 00:24:27,241 You a serial killer? 449 00:24:27,415 --> 00:24:28,677 What do you mean? 450 00:24:28,851 --> 00:24:30,461 Well, isn't that what serial killers do? 451 00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:32,724 Collect pictures of everyone they butchered 452 00:24:32,898 --> 00:24:35,075 and buried in their backyard? 453 00:24:35,249 --> 00:24:36,815 Other knee. 454 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,038 Who are they? Who? 455 00:24:44,171 --> 00:24:46,869 Oh, that's my family. 456 00:24:47,043 --> 00:24:50,002 If they're family, why do you have their names written down? 457 00:24:50,177 --> 00:24:51,613 I'm writing something about them, 458 00:24:51,787 --> 00:24:53,832 and it helps me stay focused. That's all. 459 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,271 How did you become a writer? 460 00:24:57,445 --> 00:25:00,796 I don't think you become one. I think you just are. 461 00:25:00,970 --> 00:25:02,711 When I was a kid, I thought it was fun 462 00:25:02,885 --> 00:25:05,496 to take the truth and make it more interesting. 463 00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:06,670 So you're a liar? 464 00:25:07,890 --> 00:25:09,413 Nah, I'm just kidding. 465 00:25:09,587 --> 00:25:10,632 That's beautiful. Yeah. 466 00:25:10,806 --> 00:25:12,808 Well, you're as good as new. 467 00:25:12,982 --> 00:25:14,201 Thanks. 468 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,291 What was here? 469 00:25:17,465 --> 00:25:19,336 Oh, there was just some picture that fell. 470 00:25:19,510 --> 00:25:21,947 Housekeeper put it some place, I don't know. 471 00:25:22,122 --> 00:25:23,558 Listen, I gotta get back to work. 472 00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:25,299 You gotta get back to making up shit 473 00:25:25,473 --> 00:25:27,214 because your real life is boring? 474 00:25:27,388 --> 00:25:29,259 Something like that, yeah. 475 00:25:29,433 --> 00:25:32,393 Thanks for bringing me the bag of laundered money. 476 00:25:32,567 --> 00:25:34,438 The corleones will be very pleased. 477 00:25:34,612 --> 00:25:37,137 Um... But you really didn't have to do that. 478 00:25:37,311 --> 00:25:40,749 That's where you're wrong, old man. I did. Mwah! 479 00:25:40,923 --> 00:25:42,054 Bye-bye. 480 00:25:43,795 --> 00:25:49,149 Next is Sarah and Roger, Paula and Gary wrote this. 481 00:25:49,323 --> 00:25:52,108 A cheesy ad for a law firm. 482 00:25:52,282 --> 00:25:53,762 Hello, I'm Jerry loomis. 483 00:25:53,936 --> 00:25:55,416 And I'm Lorraine loomis. 484 00:25:55,590 --> 00:25:57,766 When we got married, the rules of dating 485 00:25:57,940 --> 00:26:00,334 were much less confusing than they are today. 486 00:26:00,508 --> 00:26:03,075 And that's where we come in. We're the sex refs. 487 00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:06,949 We go on your dates with you. 488 00:26:07,123 --> 00:26:08,820 Maintaining a safe distance. 489 00:26:08,994 --> 00:26:11,214 So if there's any hanky... Or panky. 490 00:26:11,388 --> 00:26:14,478 We're there to help clarify what both parties' intentions are. 491 00:26:14,652 --> 00:26:16,437 So there's no misunderstandings 492 00:26:16,611 --> 00:26:20,049 that could lead to accusations and lawsuits. 493 00:26:20,223 --> 00:26:22,138 We deal with the he said-she said aspects 494 00:26:22,312 --> 00:26:23,922 of miscommunication. For example, 495 00:26:24,096 --> 00:26:25,881 you're in a parked car and she says: 496 00:26:26,055 --> 00:26:27,274 "Would you like to kiss me?" 497 00:26:27,448 --> 00:26:28,971 But he said she said: 498 00:26:29,145 --> 00:26:31,321 "Honey, can you please stick your thumb up my ass?" 499 00:26:35,020 --> 00:26:37,458 Very different, isn't it? 500 00:26:37,632 --> 00:26:39,155 We think so. 501 00:26:39,329 --> 00:26:41,810 Or if you're at the top of the Ferris wheel, 502 00:26:41,984 --> 00:26:44,595 and he says: "I really don't like heights." 503 00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:46,249 But she says he said: 504 00:26:46,423 --> 00:26:48,338 "Wanna see a picture of my rottweiler's balls?" 505 00:26:51,385 --> 00:26:53,996 Now you see why you need us? 506 00:26:54,170 --> 00:26:57,173 We'll be there to protect you from vicious accusations, 507 00:26:57,347 --> 00:26:59,654 subpoenas and defamation suits. 508 00:26:59,828 --> 00:27:02,047 Sub-poena? Remember we're on your side. 509 00:27:02,222 --> 00:27:03,701 No matter what side that is. 510 00:27:03,875 --> 00:27:05,660 We're loomis. And loomis. 511 00:27:05,834 --> 00:27:07,444 And we'll see you in court... 512 00:27:07,618 --> 00:27:09,359 Ship. 513 00:27:13,929 --> 00:27:15,496 That's good. That was good. 514 00:27:15,670 --> 00:27:17,541 Well, it's subtle. 515 00:27:17,715 --> 00:27:19,413 So... okay, good job. 516 00:27:19,587 --> 00:27:22,459 Next sketch is from Darrell. 517 00:27:22,633 --> 00:27:24,766 Thomas crapper Jr. 518 00:27:24,940 --> 00:27:27,769 We open on a 19th century British schoolyard. 519 00:27:27,943 --> 00:27:30,554 A group of 9-year-old children are milling about 520 00:27:30,728 --> 00:27:32,817 and trying to figure out what they want to do 521 00:27:32,991 --> 00:27:35,907 now that school is let out. Wanna come over to my house? 522 00:27:36,081 --> 00:27:38,170 No. Your house smells. 523 00:27:38,345 --> 00:27:39,868 How about my house? 524 00:27:40,042 --> 00:27:42,740 No. Your house smells too. 525 00:27:42,914 --> 00:27:44,568 My house doesn't smell. 526 00:27:44,742 --> 00:27:46,091 How come? 527 00:27:46,266 --> 00:27:48,006 I'm Thomas crapper Jr. 528 00:27:48,180 --> 00:27:50,879 My father invented the flush toilet. 529 00:27:51,053 --> 00:27:53,621 Then let's go over to his house. 530 00:27:55,405 --> 00:27:56,928 All right, all right. 531 00:27:59,453 --> 00:28:01,629 All right, guys. Very funny stuff. 532 00:28:01,803 --> 00:28:03,805 Let's put together a show. 533 00:28:03,979 --> 00:28:06,460 Sex refs. 534 00:28:06,634 --> 00:28:09,550 Ah. You guys wrote a really funny sketch. 535 00:28:09,724 --> 00:28:11,421 But, uh... 536 00:28:11,595 --> 00:28:14,903 But what? Sarah and Roger were hilarious. 537 00:28:15,077 --> 00:28:17,122 Correct. I don't know. I don't know. 538 00:28:17,297 --> 00:28:19,690 Charlie, what do you think? Very funny idea. 539 00:28:19,864 --> 00:28:22,345 But a thumb up the ass, rottweiler's balls... 540 00:28:22,519 --> 00:28:24,304 What are you talking about? They got laughs. 541 00:28:24,478 --> 00:28:26,393 Of course they will. They always will. 542 00:28:26,567 --> 00:28:28,569 But is it the right kind of laugh? 543 00:28:28,743 --> 00:28:30,832 Because it's a very smart idea. 544 00:28:31,006 --> 00:28:32,007 Angry librarians? 545 00:28:32,181 --> 00:28:33,261 So funny. You should do it. 546 00:28:33,356 --> 00:28:34,575 I agree. 547 00:28:34,749 --> 00:28:36,968 Thomas crapper Jr. hell, no. 548 00:28:37,142 --> 00:28:39,754 Yeah. You know, Darrell's option's coming up, 549 00:28:39,928 --> 00:28:42,452 and he still hasn't gotten a sketch on the air. 550 00:28:42,626 --> 00:28:44,976 It's not that bad. 551 00:28:45,150 --> 00:28:47,152 First of all, if they spoke in English accents, 552 00:28:47,327 --> 00:28:48,763 the way they were supposed to, 553 00:28:48,937 --> 00:28:50,634 it would've been a little bit better, 554 00:28:50,808 --> 00:28:52,419 but the whole thing's not framed right. 555 00:28:52,593 --> 00:28:55,335 Give him another shot. He'll make it better. 556 00:28:57,902 --> 00:28:59,948 Listen, we hired Darrell because he wrote 557 00:29:00,122 --> 00:29:02,951 those really funny essays for the lampoon. 558 00:29:03,125 --> 00:29:05,083 I think it's a little hard to make the leap 559 00:29:05,257 --> 00:29:07,042 from print to live sketches. It takes time. 560 00:29:07,216 --> 00:29:10,045 You think he's a good writer? 561 00:29:10,219 --> 00:29:12,264 Yeah. I think... I think it's in there. 562 00:29:12,439 --> 00:29:14,179 But I think it needs to be encouraged. 563 00:29:14,354 --> 00:29:17,095 Listen, you guys are a very fast crowd to run with, 564 00:29:17,269 --> 00:29:19,881 and I also think that inflection mangler Roger 565 00:29:20,055 --> 00:29:22,710 should be hit in the head until he says "subpoena" right. 566 00:29:22,884 --> 00:29:25,103 I mean, come on. "Sub-poena," what is that? 567 00:29:25,277 --> 00:29:26,453 A very small poena? 568 00:29:26,627 --> 00:29:28,106 That's an inferior poena. 569 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,327 An underground poena? I mean, what is his problem? 570 00:29:31,501 --> 00:29:34,330 You know, but here's the thing. 571 00:29:34,504 --> 00:29:35,984 There's a music to comedy. 572 00:29:36,158 --> 00:29:38,116 There's a music. There are notes to comedy. 573 00:29:38,290 --> 00:29:39,770 He's out of tune. We're working on it. 574 00:29:39,944 --> 00:29:42,425 Keep working, because it's driving me nuts. 575 00:29:42,599 --> 00:29:45,559 All right. What's next? Uh, I have to go. 576 00:29:45,733 --> 00:29:47,604 I'm sorry, I have my... oh, oh! 577 00:29:47,778 --> 00:29:48,953 Excuse me. Oh, right. 578 00:29:49,127 --> 00:29:51,042 Yeah. Have a great time. 579 00:29:51,216 --> 00:29:53,784 Thanks. Oh. I wish I could go. 580 00:29:53,958 --> 00:29:56,091 Hey. You got a job. Ha-ha! Yeah. All right. 581 00:29:56,265 --> 00:29:57,545 Good night. Good night. 582 00:29:57,701 --> 00:29:59,399 Good night. 583 00:29:59,573 --> 00:30:02,402 They're, um... They're honoring Charlie 584 00:30:02,576 --> 00:30:04,926 and the whole cast at the American film society 585 00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:07,972 for the 30th anniversary of call me anytime. 586 00:30:08,146 --> 00:30:10,584 Kevin kline, Sharon stone, Barry Levinson directing. 587 00:30:10,758 --> 00:30:13,848 Oh. Such a funny movie. Have you seen it? 588 00:30:14,022 --> 00:30:15,502 Mm-hm. Yeah. It's great. 589 00:30:16,938 --> 00:30:19,027 All right. What's up? 590 00:30:20,985 --> 00:30:23,292 Look, you know I love Charlie. 591 00:30:23,466 --> 00:30:25,468 I know he gave you your start and everything. 592 00:30:25,642 --> 00:30:27,731 But... come on. 593 00:30:27,905 --> 00:30:30,908 Yeah, I just don't know what he brings to the show anymore. 594 00:30:31,082 --> 00:30:33,694 Aside from 40 years' experience? 595 00:30:33,868 --> 00:30:36,000 And a body of work that includes shows 596 00:30:36,174 --> 00:30:38,960 that made it possible for this show to exist? 597 00:30:40,527 --> 00:30:42,659 Look, I know 598 00:30:42,833 --> 00:30:45,967 how you can question Charlie's value. 599 00:30:46,141 --> 00:30:49,840 But he's really smart and he still writes funny jokes. 600 00:30:50,014 --> 00:30:52,190 And he's my consigliere. 601 00:30:52,364 --> 00:30:56,151 So when you write sketches with a thumb up someone's ass, 602 00:30:56,325 --> 00:30:58,414 or a rottweiler's balls, 603 00:30:58,588 --> 00:31:02,331 he's the one who reminds me what we should be putting on the air. 604 00:31:02,505 --> 00:31:06,074 Bottom line, as long as I am producing this show, 605 00:31:06,248 --> 00:31:07,771 Charlie will be here. 606 00:31:09,556 --> 00:31:11,819 Okay? You got it. 607 00:31:11,993 --> 00:31:13,864 All right. Yeah. 608 00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:15,692 Let's get back to work. Yeah. 609 00:31:25,441 --> 00:31:27,051 Come on, come on. 610 00:31:28,836 --> 00:31:30,968 Close the door, close the door. 611 00:31:32,709 --> 00:31:34,668 Turn off the lights. 612 00:31:34,842 --> 00:31:35,886 Come here. 613 00:31:38,846 --> 00:31:41,413 I can't do this anymore. 614 00:31:41,588 --> 00:31:43,198 Why? Oh! 615 00:31:43,372 --> 00:31:46,201 You're married, I'm married. I don't want anyone to get hurt. 616 00:31:46,375 --> 00:31:47,594 Well, neither do I. 617 00:31:49,117 --> 00:31:51,598 Mm, I just don't know what to do. 618 00:31:51,772 --> 00:31:54,514 But wait, wait, wait. Let's make a plan. 619 00:31:54,688 --> 00:31:58,561 Every year, we will meet here in the tuckmans' bathroom, 620 00:31:58,735 --> 00:32:00,955 at their Halloween party. 621 00:32:01,129 --> 00:32:02,826 What about the tuckmans' Christmas party? 622 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,349 No, we've got to be strong. 623 00:32:08,876 --> 00:32:11,574 Hi, how are you? Thank you all for being here. 624 00:32:11,748 --> 00:32:13,576 Good evening, I'm Bob costas. 625 00:32:15,186 --> 00:32:16,492 Please welcome 626 00:32:16,666 --> 00:32:18,712 the director of call me anytime, 627 00:32:18,886 --> 00:32:19,974 Barry Levinson. 628 00:32:20,148 --> 00:32:22,324 Its writer, Charlie burnz, 629 00:32:22,498 --> 00:32:26,371 and its stars, Kevin kline and Sharon stone. 630 00:32:33,683 --> 00:32:35,816 I have to say, right off the top. 631 00:32:35,990 --> 00:32:38,122 I really love this film. 632 00:32:38,296 --> 00:32:40,647 In fact, I'm bypassing a mets-astros game tonight 633 00:32:40,821 --> 00:32:43,040 just to be here, to do this instead. 634 00:32:43,214 --> 00:32:45,216 All right, so, what's the germ of all this? 635 00:32:45,390 --> 00:32:47,175 How did it all get started? 636 00:32:47,349 --> 00:32:49,786 Well, um, Charlie and I originally met 637 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,615 on the Carol Burnett show ages ago. 638 00:32:52,789 --> 00:32:56,488 And, uh, he wrote a lot of very funny sketches. 639 00:32:56,663 --> 00:33:00,884 Shy guy, uh, always called me Mr. Levinson. 640 00:33:01,058 --> 00:33:02,898 Even though we were friendly. 641 00:33:03,060 --> 00:33:04,932 All right, so what happened was, um, 642 00:33:05,106 --> 00:33:07,804 I read Charlie's script and, uh, I thought: 643 00:33:07,978 --> 00:33:10,198 "Well, this is a perfect film to do." 644 00:33:10,372 --> 00:33:13,505 So the next day, I get a call from Barry, and he says: 645 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,638 "I just read this script, it's terrific. 646 00:33:15,812 --> 00:33:18,467 You gotta read it. The character, she's you." 647 00:33:18,641 --> 00:33:20,281 And I said, "she's completely compulsive, 648 00:33:20,425 --> 00:33:22,166 she'll do anything. I'm in." 649 00:33:24,081 --> 00:33:26,693 And then the next day, he called me. 650 00:33:26,867 --> 00:33:29,913 I read the script and then I was in. 651 00:33:30,087 --> 00:33:32,829 Literally three days later, we got a go. 652 00:33:33,003 --> 00:33:35,092 And I called Charlie with the good news. 653 00:33:35,266 --> 00:33:38,792 And so, Charlie, you get the call, what did Barry say? 654 00:33:38,966 --> 00:33:42,186 Who? Heh, Mr. Levinson. 655 00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:43,579 Oh, heh. 656 00:33:43,753 --> 00:33:47,409 It's so nice to see you. Nice to... wow. 657 00:33:47,583 --> 00:33:50,194 It's great to meet you. Well, I was... 658 00:33:50,368 --> 00:33:53,023 I was just thrilled and shocked that, um... 659 00:33:53,197 --> 00:33:54,808 Mr. Levinson. 660 00:33:56,331 --> 00:33:57,331 Uh... 661 00:33:58,812 --> 00:34:00,030 Wanted to direct my first... 662 00:34:00,204 --> 00:34:01,815 This was my first screenplay. Yes. 663 00:34:01,989 --> 00:34:06,907 And that Kevin kline was gonna play Ben, and that... help me. 664 00:34:07,081 --> 00:34:08,952 Meryl Streep. Hello. 665 00:34:09,126 --> 00:34:12,260 Heh, was, uh, gonna play Iris. 666 00:34:12,434 --> 00:34:15,393 And I kept thinking, if my parents were alive, 667 00:34:15,567 --> 00:34:17,178 this good news would've killed them. 668 00:34:19,049 --> 00:34:20,703 Charlie's work is... 669 00:34:20,877 --> 00:34:23,750 It's not just comedic, there's a humanity to it. 670 00:34:23,924 --> 00:34:27,231 And I think it shows people as real people. 671 00:34:27,405 --> 00:34:28,972 He's an exceptional writer. 672 00:34:37,111 --> 00:34:40,201 Hey, old man. You were great up there. 673 00:34:40,375 --> 00:34:42,812 Hey. You were inside? 674 00:34:42,986 --> 00:34:46,337 Yeah. And I loved it. Second installment. 675 00:34:46,511 --> 00:34:49,471 It's a little light, boss. Please don't break my thumbs. 676 00:34:50,820 --> 00:34:52,300 Well, this is a... 677 00:34:52,474 --> 00:34:53,693 This is a lovely surprise. 678 00:34:53,867 --> 00:34:56,434 How'd you know about this? My loser ex. 679 00:34:56,608 --> 00:34:59,437 I used his ticket. You made me laugh a lot. 680 00:34:59,611 --> 00:35:00,612 I'm really sorry. 681 00:35:02,614 --> 00:35:05,487 No, I liked seeing you up there. It was so cool. 682 00:35:05,661 --> 00:35:07,402 And you've done a lot of big things. 683 00:35:07,576 --> 00:35:09,360 I got lucky. Being good 684 00:35:09,534 --> 00:35:11,928 ain't got nothing to do with luck. 685 00:35:12,102 --> 00:35:13,277 I guess. 686 00:35:15,105 --> 00:35:16,672 Why do you have birds in your hair? 687 00:35:16,846 --> 00:35:18,065 Why not? 688 00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:20,110 Oh, shit, what time is it? 689 00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:21,851 Damn! I'm gonna be late for work. 690 00:35:22,025 --> 00:35:23,374 I gotta go. Come with me. Work? 691 00:35:23,548 --> 00:35:24,548 Yeah. Come on. Now? 692 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,856 Yeah. What do you do? 693 00:35:30,817 --> 00:35:32,514 ♪ Up in Harlem at a table for two ♪ 694 00:35:32,688 --> 00:35:35,343 ♪ there were four of us me, your big feet and you ♪ 695 00:35:35,517 --> 00:35:38,172 ♪ from your ankles up I say you sure look sweet ♪ 696 00:35:38,346 --> 00:35:40,957 ♪ but from there down there's just too much feet! ♪ 697 00:35:41,131 --> 00:35:42,785 ♪ Yeah, your feet too big ♪ 698 00:35:42,959 --> 00:35:45,701 ♪ I don't want ya 'cause your feet's too big ♪ 699 00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:48,269 ♪ I can't use ya 'cause your feet's too big ♪ 700 00:35:48,443 --> 00:35:50,750 ♪ I really hate ya 'cause your feet's too big ♪ 701 00:35:50,924 --> 00:35:52,273 Your feet's too big! 702 00:35:55,406 --> 00:35:58,235 ♪ Where d'ya get 'em? Where d'ya get 'em? ♪ 703 00:35:58,409 --> 00:36:00,672 ♪ Your girl, she likes ya she thinks you're nice ♪ 704 00:36:00,847 --> 00:36:03,414 ♪ got what it takes to go to paradise ♪ 705 00:36:03,588 --> 00:36:06,156 ♪ she likes your face said she likes your rig ♪ 706 00:36:06,330 --> 00:36:08,593 ♪ but, man, oh, man those things are too big ♪ 707 00:36:08,768 --> 00:36:10,465 ♪ your feet's too big ♪ 708 00:36:10,639 --> 00:36:13,424 ♪ I don't want ya 'cause your feet's too big ♪ 709 00:36:13,598 --> 00:36:16,036 ♪ I'm mad at ya 'cause your feet's too big ♪ 710 00:36:16,210 --> 00:36:18,647 ♪ I hate ya 'cause your feet's too big ♪ 711 00:36:20,257 --> 00:36:24,174 Yeah, I come from a pretty small family. Uh... 712 00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:27,569 My mom and dad were singers. 713 00:36:27,743 --> 00:36:29,484 Uh, mo and Jessie. 714 00:36:29,658 --> 00:36:31,616 They were kind of like ashford and Simpson. 715 00:36:31,791 --> 00:36:33,314 But they never made it big 716 00:36:33,488 --> 00:36:35,620 because there was already an ashford and Simpson. 717 00:36:37,187 --> 00:36:38,493 We used to have a lot of fun. 718 00:36:38,667 --> 00:36:40,234 They taught me how to harmonize, 719 00:36:40,408 --> 00:36:44,499 and my dad made these really cool weathervanes. 720 00:36:44,673 --> 00:36:46,153 And my mom, she had 721 00:36:46,327 --> 00:36:48,895 these beautiful dreamcatchers that she makes. 722 00:36:49,069 --> 00:36:50,722 They live just outside of Charlotte. 723 00:36:50,897 --> 00:36:52,463 I love them both to pieces. 724 00:36:52,637 --> 00:36:54,161 Oh, they sound great. 725 00:36:57,555 --> 00:37:00,994 I love the way the air smells after it rains. Hmm. 726 00:37:01,168 --> 00:37:03,431 Listen, if you ever need my help 727 00:37:03,605 --> 00:37:05,563 with what you're going through right now, 728 00:37:05,737 --> 00:37:08,436 even if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. 729 00:37:08,610 --> 00:37:12,483 Well, thank you very much. But what are you talking about? 730 00:37:12,657 --> 00:37:15,530 You forgot Sharon stone and Barry Levinson's names? 731 00:37:15,704 --> 00:37:17,358 Oh, that. I get a little tongue-tied. 732 00:37:17,532 --> 00:37:20,056 I don't like being on-stage. And what stage were you on 733 00:37:20,230 --> 00:37:22,430 when you wrote your family's names under their pictures? 734 00:37:22,580 --> 00:37:23,930 I told you, that's how I work. 735 00:37:24,104 --> 00:37:25,975 It's a project that I'm working on, and... 736 00:37:26,149 --> 00:37:29,370 Look, I know what you told me, but don't bullshit me, old man. 737 00:37:33,591 --> 00:37:35,898 It started innocently enough. 738 00:37:36,072 --> 00:37:37,682 I'd have trouble remembering things. 739 00:37:37,857 --> 00:37:40,903 A name, a place, a fork. 740 00:37:41,077 --> 00:37:43,079 And I'd think, "you're getting older, Charlie. 741 00:37:43,253 --> 00:37:45,603 You know, you're having senior moments." 742 00:37:45,777 --> 00:37:47,779 But one day, I'm having lunch with this guy, 743 00:37:47,954 --> 00:37:49,607 and I can't remember his name. 744 00:37:49,781 --> 00:37:51,566 He's going on and on and on. 745 00:37:51,740 --> 00:37:53,220 I'm thinking, "who the hell is this?" 746 00:37:53,394 --> 00:37:55,613 Then he cracks himself up and he starts laughing. 747 00:37:55,787 --> 00:37:58,399 So I faked laughing. Just to go along with him. 748 00:37:58,573 --> 00:38:01,315 And while I'm laughing, I'm panicking. 749 00:38:01,489 --> 00:38:03,795 Thinking, "who the hell is this?" 750 00:38:03,970 --> 00:38:05,319 Did you know him? 751 00:38:07,234 --> 00:38:08,452 He was my son. 752 00:38:12,543 --> 00:38:15,546 Yeah. It's happening. 753 00:38:17,113 --> 00:38:19,855 Jesus, old man. I'm sorry. 754 00:38:25,643 --> 00:38:26,643 Who's Carrie? 755 00:38:28,516 --> 00:38:31,736 I saw that on the title page at your house. 756 00:38:33,564 --> 00:38:35,088 Carrie was my wife. 757 00:38:36,437 --> 00:38:37,525 She died. 758 00:38:39,266 --> 00:38:40,658 A long time ago. 759 00:38:42,791 --> 00:38:46,751 And I'm writing something for her. 760 00:38:46,926 --> 00:38:49,145 And I have to finish before my words run out. 761 00:38:49,319 --> 00:38:51,756 When did you start working on it? 762 00:38:51,931 --> 00:38:54,237 About an hour after I was diagnosed. 763 00:38:54,411 --> 00:38:56,065 And how's it going so far? 764 00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,372 It's going really well. 765 00:38:58,546 --> 00:39:01,549 My mama would call that a crock of lukewarm horseshit. 766 00:39:01,723 --> 00:39:03,681 Don't lie to me, old man. 767 00:39:03,855 --> 00:39:07,207 I know you haven't started writing one single word. 768 00:39:07,381 --> 00:39:09,078 Let me see your phone. My phone? 769 00:39:09,252 --> 00:39:10,558 Your phone. Okay. 770 00:39:12,038 --> 00:39:13,735 Okay. 771 00:39:13,909 --> 00:39:17,391 This is my name, this is my number, okay? 772 00:39:17,565 --> 00:39:19,349 Now, even if you don't wanna contact me, 773 00:39:19,523 --> 00:39:21,003 I just want you to know 774 00:39:21,177 --> 00:39:24,398 that I'm not some allergic-to-shellfish nut 775 00:39:24,572 --> 00:39:26,226 that's half your age plus four, 776 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,011 that wants to help you because you helped me. 777 00:39:29,185 --> 00:39:31,274 You don't stop for commas, do you? 778 00:39:31,448 --> 00:39:32,754 Life's too short for commas. 779 00:39:39,935 --> 00:39:43,199 Darrell, um, this is better. 780 00:39:43,373 --> 00:39:45,767 Try this as a tag. 781 00:39:45,941 --> 00:39:48,465 Let's do it in the dress rehearsal. What do you think? 782 00:39:49,989 --> 00:39:52,078 Yeah. Yeah, that's great. 783 00:39:52,252 --> 00:39:53,731 Are we good? Yeah. Thanks. 784 00:39:53,905 --> 00:39:56,082 Good. Alrighty. All right. 785 00:39:56,256 --> 00:39:58,376 Want to come to my house and play? 786 00:39:58,519 --> 00:40:00,347 No, your house smells. 787 00:40:02,088 --> 00:40:03,413 Come to my house and play. 788 00:40:03,437 --> 00:40:05,656 No, your house smells too. 789 00:40:07,267 --> 00:40:08,790 My house doesn't smell. 790 00:40:08,964 --> 00:40:10,270 We can play there. 791 00:40:10,444 --> 00:40:12,272 Oh, he's Thomas crapper's son. 792 00:40:12,446 --> 00:40:14,839 His father invented the flushing toilet. 793 00:40:15,014 --> 00:40:17,277 That's a lot of crap. 794 00:40:17,451 --> 00:40:19,627 Not anymore. 795 00:40:19,801 --> 00:40:22,456 Let's go to his house! 796 00:40:22,630 --> 00:40:24,762 Ah, yes. Thomas crapper, 797 00:40:24,936 --> 00:40:27,765 the, uh, father of the modern toilet. 798 00:40:27,939 --> 00:40:29,419 I'm Jeff goldblum. 799 00:40:29,593 --> 00:40:32,466 Uh... oh, heh-heh-heh. 800 00:40:33,771 --> 00:40:35,295 This has been 801 00:40:35,469 --> 00:40:39,647 a little-known moment in indoor plumbing history. 802 00:40:41,475 --> 00:40:44,826 Change your toilet. Change the world. 803 00:40:45,914 --> 00:40:47,655 Commercial break! Two minutes. 804 00:40:49,657 --> 00:40:50,832 Wow. 805 00:40:51,006 --> 00:40:52,616 Not bad. Great fix, Darrell. 806 00:40:52,790 --> 00:40:54,879 Yeah, the goldblum thing was funny. 807 00:40:55,054 --> 00:40:57,273 Thanks. I think we'll slot it 808 00:40:57,447 --> 00:41:00,102 after the third commercial break. Got one on the air. 809 00:41:00,276 --> 00:41:01,451 All right, so... 810 00:41:03,149 --> 00:41:05,107 Yeah. Yeah. 811 00:41:29,697 --> 00:41:31,090 How did you meet Carrie? 812 00:41:40,925 --> 00:41:44,103 Come on, old man. How did you two meet? 813 00:41:52,154 --> 00:41:53,938 Damn it, I hate this stuff. 814 00:41:55,810 --> 00:41:58,639 Hey, you know what really does the trick? 815 00:41:58,813 --> 00:41:59,857 What? 816 00:42:00,031 --> 00:42:01,685 Butter. 817 00:42:01,859 --> 00:42:04,123 Did you just say butter? I'm telling you. Butter. 818 00:42:04,297 --> 00:42:07,038 No, really. There's a lot of tar on the beach this year. 819 00:42:07,213 --> 00:42:09,171 What you do is you take a stick of butter 820 00:42:09,345 --> 00:42:11,173 and just keep rubbing it into the tar 821 00:42:11,347 --> 00:42:14,698 and somehow it breaks it down, you can just wipe it away 822 00:42:14,872 --> 00:42:17,266 and you don't have to use that tomahawk of a shell, 823 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,355 which is probably taking off all the epidermis 824 00:42:19,529 --> 00:42:21,575 on the bottom of your foot. 825 00:42:21,749 --> 00:42:23,533 Hi.hi. 826 00:42:23,707 --> 00:42:26,362 I'm Charlie burnz. Hello, Charlie burnz. 827 00:42:28,582 --> 00:42:30,975 I'm Carrie. Carrie? Is that short 828 00:42:31,150 --> 00:42:34,240 for caren or carina or a Catherine or...? 829 00:42:34,414 --> 00:42:36,242 Florence. Florence? 830 00:42:36,416 --> 00:42:37,895 Don't ask. 831 00:42:38,069 --> 00:42:40,550 Florence. Well, that's a great old-fashioned name. 832 00:42:40,724 --> 00:42:42,900 That's one of the names of one of my relatives. 833 00:42:43,074 --> 00:42:45,729 I could never imagine my relatives as babies. 834 00:42:45,903 --> 00:42:47,296 Herman, come away from the water. 835 00:42:47,470 --> 00:42:49,429 Irving, don't put that puppy in your mouth. 836 00:42:49,603 --> 00:42:51,344 Ooh, Mildred just pooped in the toilet. 837 00:42:51,518 --> 00:42:53,041 A big hand for Mildred. 838 00:42:53,215 --> 00:42:55,086 You don't hear those names. 839 00:42:55,261 --> 00:42:56,697 That's true. 840 00:42:58,307 --> 00:43:00,657 Listen, I live in that white house, 841 00:43:00,831 --> 00:43:02,833 like, right over there, and I happen to have 842 00:43:03,007 --> 00:43:05,793 like half a ton of butter. So if you... 843 00:43:05,967 --> 00:43:07,664 Yeah, I won a dairy contest. 844 00:43:07,838 --> 00:43:10,276 You had to guess how much the cow weighed. 845 00:43:10,450 --> 00:43:12,713 And, uh, I can de-tar you. 846 00:43:12,887 --> 00:43:15,411 And I mean that in a very respectful way. 847 00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:18,501 Okay. 848 00:43:26,248 --> 00:43:27,858 Wow, is that a paint-by-number? 849 00:43:28,032 --> 00:43:32,123 Oh, it's you again. Hello, Charlie burnz. 850 00:43:32,298 --> 00:43:34,996 Hey, Carrie. It's really good. 851 00:43:35,170 --> 00:43:36,606 Yeah? You like it? Yeah. 852 00:43:36,780 --> 00:43:38,260 You know what else I like? What? 853 00:43:38,434 --> 00:43:40,567 Steamed clams. Oh, yeah? 854 00:43:40,741 --> 00:43:43,047 Yeah. I've never had steamed clams. 855 00:43:43,222 --> 00:43:45,267 Okay, my house, 7 P.M. 856 00:43:46,790 --> 00:43:48,662 Deal. 857 00:43:48,836 --> 00:43:51,447 Here we go. Okay, take the clam. 858 00:43:51,621 --> 00:43:54,537 Spread it apart. Rinse him in the broth. 859 00:43:54,711 --> 00:43:58,019 And then to the butter. And then to your mouth. 860 00:43:58,193 --> 00:44:00,413 It's a little bit of heaven. Isn't it great? 861 00:44:00,587 --> 00:44:02,545 Oh. Oh, god. Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. 862 00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:03,981 Oh, god, that's disgusting. 863 00:44:04,155 --> 00:44:05,809 Please don't sue. 864 00:44:05,983 --> 00:44:08,159 Oh, man. 865 00:44:08,334 --> 00:44:10,466 Pizza? I'll call gino's. 866 00:44:23,784 --> 00:44:25,481 I just got this rug. 867 00:44:26,743 --> 00:44:28,441 This is like tracking bigfoot. 868 00:44:34,403 --> 00:44:35,403 Hey. 869 00:44:36,231 --> 00:44:38,364 Hey. Carrie. 870 00:44:39,495 --> 00:44:40,888 Good morning. 871 00:44:45,501 --> 00:44:46,633 Here. 872 00:44:48,112 --> 00:44:50,376 Good morning, Charlie burnz. 873 00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:55,598 Here. A little something for breakfast. 874 00:44:55,772 --> 00:44:57,426 It's a beautiful day. 875 00:45:01,343 --> 00:45:03,954 Ha-ha! Oh, god. 876 00:45:07,393 --> 00:45:08,524 Okay. 877 00:45:10,265 --> 00:45:12,049 De-tar me. 878 00:45:12,223 --> 00:45:15,488 But it seems a shame to waste the butter on my foot. 879 00:45:15,662 --> 00:45:17,359 Oh! Come here. 880 00:45:17,533 --> 00:45:18,752 Okay. 881 00:45:21,363 --> 00:45:22,930 Hi. 882 00:45:38,380 --> 00:45:40,991 Well, hello, old friend. 883 00:46:32,434 --> 00:46:35,002 ♪ And you can't tell the depth of a well ♪ 884 00:46:35,176 --> 00:46:37,744 ♪ by the length of the handle on the pump ♪ 885 00:46:37,918 --> 00:46:42,618 ♪ baby, how can you tell about me? ♪ 886 00:46:42,792 --> 00:46:44,794 ♪ Now, you can't tell a bottle by the label ♪ 887 00:46:44,968 --> 00:46:47,580 ♪ that's how it is with me ♪ 888 00:46:47,754 --> 00:46:50,583 ♪ some folks call me a ladle ♪ 889 00:46:50,757 --> 00:46:54,500 ♪ give me a chance and you'll see, yow! ♪ 890 00:46:54,674 --> 00:46:56,632 ♪ You can't tell the depth of a well ♪ 891 00:46:56,806 --> 00:46:58,721 ♪ by the length of the handle on the pump ♪ 892 00:46:58,895 --> 00:46:59,895 Thank you, boo. 893 00:46:59,940 --> 00:47:03,422 ♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪ 894 00:47:03,596 --> 00:47:07,251 ♪ baby, baby baby, baby, baby ♪ 895 00:47:07,426 --> 00:47:10,951 ♪ how can you tell about me? Hey! ♪ 896 00:47:11,125 --> 00:47:12,561 All right, now, 897 00:47:12,735 --> 00:47:14,955 make sure you make a donation. 898 00:47:15,129 --> 00:47:16,826 Thank you, we'll see you in a few months. 899 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:18,219 We're going on tour. 900 00:47:18,393 --> 00:47:21,178 A tour. Four months, 50 cities. 901 00:47:21,352 --> 00:47:23,398 Theaters, clubs. And we got a tour bus. 902 00:47:23,572 --> 00:47:25,269 Can you believe it? Man, it's awesome. 903 00:47:25,444 --> 00:47:27,010 I'm in, all the way. Awesome. 904 00:47:27,184 --> 00:47:28,882 All right, guys, I'll see y'all later. 905 00:47:29,056 --> 00:47:30,449 See you. That's cool. 906 00:47:31,841 --> 00:47:33,277 You sounded great. 907 00:47:34,714 --> 00:47:37,281 What are you doing here? Em, I'm sorry. 908 00:47:37,456 --> 00:47:39,588 I messed up. Please. 909 00:47:39,762 --> 00:47:43,462 It's too late. I've moved on. I met someone and we're in love. 910 00:47:43,636 --> 00:47:45,159 What? Already? 911 00:47:45,333 --> 00:47:46,552 Mm-hm. Bullshit. 912 00:47:46,726 --> 00:47:48,467 He's over there. Wanna meet him? Okay. 913 00:47:48,641 --> 00:47:50,401 Come on, you'll see if it's bullshit or not. 914 00:47:50,512 --> 00:47:51,687 Let's see your bullshit. 915 00:47:51,861 --> 00:47:53,472 Hey. Hey, old man. 916 00:47:53,646 --> 00:47:56,170 Hi. Hey, you were great. I mean, that was just terrific. 917 00:47:56,344 --> 00:47:57,998 Thank you. What is going on here? 918 00:47:58,172 --> 00:48:02,916 Oh. Charlie, this is my ex-boyfriend, Dwayne St. John. 919 00:48:03,090 --> 00:48:05,266 Oh, I hear you're a fan. Thank you. 920 00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:08,225 This is your boyfriend? No, he's my bae. 921 00:48:08,399 --> 00:48:11,315 You used my auction thing! Oh, yeah, all $22 of it. 922 00:48:11,490 --> 00:48:14,188 And thank you. It's the first day of the rest of my life. 923 00:48:14,362 --> 00:48:15,885 Ain't that right? 924 00:48:16,059 --> 00:48:17,626 Yeah. Heh-heh. 925 00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:21,064 I love everything you do. And now he's doing me. Ha! 926 00:48:21,238 --> 00:48:22,892 Ain't that right, Charlie? 927 00:48:23,066 --> 00:48:26,113 You got that right... baby. Mm-hm. 928 00:48:26,287 --> 00:48:28,202 We are late for lunch. Uh-huh. 929 00:48:28,376 --> 00:48:32,162 And I would love a seafood salad right now. 930 00:48:32,336 --> 00:48:34,425 Okay. This is so crazy. 931 00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,994 I'm... in acting class, I was doing the scene from your play... 932 00:48:38,168 --> 00:48:40,170 Do you wanna just take a picture? 933 00:48:40,344 --> 00:48:42,042 Could I? Okay with you, sir? Sure. 934 00:48:42,216 --> 00:48:43,870 Man, this is amazing. I'll take it. 935 00:48:44,044 --> 00:48:46,220 I know the password already. 936 00:48:46,394 --> 00:48:48,701 All right, get closer. 937 00:48:48,875 --> 00:48:50,093 Okay, now, smile. 938 00:48:50,267 --> 00:48:51,573 Put your hands up in the air. 939 00:48:51,747 --> 00:48:53,488 Yeah, like you won something. 940 00:48:53,662 --> 00:48:54,924 Aah! Ha-ha! Mm-hm. 941 00:48:55,098 --> 00:48:56,818 There you go. Okay. Charlie, come over here. 942 00:48:56,926 --> 00:48:58,493 Is this good enough? 943 00:49:01,235 --> 00:49:02,628 Now you'll always remember 944 00:49:02,802 --> 00:49:05,195 what me and your idol look like together. 945 00:49:05,369 --> 00:49:06,632 Bye-bye. 946 00:49:12,594 --> 00:49:15,379 You okay? I will be. 947 00:49:15,554 --> 00:49:18,208 I want some ice cream. Okay. 948 00:49:18,382 --> 00:49:20,820 And a triple vegan delight. 949 00:49:20,994 --> 00:49:23,213 Wow, that looks like the olympic torch. 950 00:49:23,387 --> 00:49:25,694 Hey, I gotta change the name. 951 00:49:29,698 --> 00:49:31,874 So when would you leave? 952 00:49:32,048 --> 00:49:35,051 In like a month or so. It's crazy how things happened. 953 00:49:35,225 --> 00:49:39,534 This record producer saw our videos and... 954 00:49:39,708 --> 00:49:42,276 He was digging us, next thing you know, bam! 955 00:49:42,450 --> 00:49:45,932 We going on tour for four months, on a tour bus, 956 00:49:46,106 --> 00:49:49,022 and we're already talking about doing an album, it's... 957 00:49:49,196 --> 00:49:51,328 Charlie, I'm sorry. I'm doing all the talking. 958 00:49:51,502 --> 00:49:53,548 You said something good happened? 959 00:49:53,722 --> 00:49:56,638 I wrote last night. You did? That's awesome. 960 00:49:56,812 --> 00:49:58,640 It was fantastic. Just like the old days. 961 00:49:58,814 --> 00:50:02,122 Itzhak perlman starting playing, and I started writing. 962 00:50:02,296 --> 00:50:03,863 Izzy perlman? Who's Izzy perlman? 963 00:50:04,037 --> 00:50:05,429 Not Izzy perlman. 964 00:50:05,604 --> 00:50:08,389 Izzy Pearlman sold my parents venetian blinds. 965 00:50:08,563 --> 00:50:11,044 Itzhak perlman is one of the greatest violinists 966 00:50:11,218 --> 00:50:13,742 in the world. Ask your phone who he is! 967 00:50:13,916 --> 00:50:15,439 He lives in the building behind me 968 00:50:15,614 --> 00:50:17,311 and he likes to practice at night. 969 00:50:17,485 --> 00:50:20,488 I just open my window and it's like a free Itzhak festival. 970 00:50:20,662 --> 00:50:23,534 It's one of the reasons Carrie and I bought the place. 971 00:50:26,407 --> 00:50:27,408 Ooh! 972 00:50:29,584 --> 00:50:31,020 What was that for? 973 00:50:31,194 --> 00:50:33,066 I don't think I would've written anything 974 00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:34,763 if you didn't get me started. 975 00:50:36,069 --> 00:50:38,332 You're welcome. Thank you. 976 00:50:38,506 --> 00:50:39,768 Tink. 977 00:50:41,291 --> 00:50:42,858 Hey, um... 978 00:50:43,032 --> 00:50:44,512 Are you doing anything right now? 979 00:50:44,686 --> 00:50:47,428 No. It's my day off. 980 00:50:47,602 --> 00:50:48,647 Wanna have some laughs? 981 00:50:48,821 --> 00:50:51,171 Hell, yeah. Come on. 982 00:50:51,345 --> 00:50:54,478 - Wax museum? - Trust me, it's fun. 983 00:50:54,653 --> 00:50:56,611 Don't tell me there's one of you here. 984 00:50:56,785 --> 00:50:58,105 - Come on. - Heh, okay. 985 00:50:59,919 --> 00:51:02,225 This is Marilyn Monroe from the seven year itch. 986 00:51:02,399 --> 00:51:03,836 Mm. I'd be itchy too 987 00:51:04,010 --> 00:51:06,577 if I had hot subway air blowing up my ass. 988 00:51:06,752 --> 00:51:08,449 Is that who I think it is? 989 00:51:09,842 --> 00:51:11,974 Hello, dalai. 990 00:51:12,148 --> 00:51:14,411 Come on, queen. Smile, girl. Smile. 991 00:51:16,196 --> 00:51:18,198 What could he possibly be thinking? 992 00:51:19,939 --> 00:51:21,680 "Shouldn't have had the seafood salad." 993 00:51:23,507 --> 00:51:25,248 - Picasso. - I don't dig him. 994 00:51:25,422 --> 00:51:26,423 Why? Sexist. 995 00:51:26,597 --> 00:51:27,947 If I did a painting of you 996 00:51:28,121 --> 00:51:29,576 with three willies, would you be happy? 997 00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:31,341 I'd be ecstatic. 998 00:51:31,515 --> 00:51:33,604 The theory of relativity 999 00:51:33,779 --> 00:51:35,563 is never lend your relatives money. 1000 00:51:35,737 --> 00:51:37,826 You can kiss that ten bucks goodbye. 1001 00:51:40,350 --> 00:51:42,851 Golda, tell me again. I don't understand. 1002 00:51:42,875 --> 00:51:44,330 Okay, Mr. Arafat. 1003 00:51:44,354 --> 00:51:46,487 It's "chanukah," not "hanukkah." 1004 00:51:46,661 --> 00:51:48,247 I'm having trouble with the "hucch." 1005 00:51:48,271 --> 00:51:50,230 I'm having trouble with the "hucch"! 1006 00:51:50,404 --> 00:51:53,320 Pope? Party of five? 1007 00:51:53,494 --> 00:51:55,061 I am not a crook. 1008 00:51:55,235 --> 00:51:56,778 Oh, bullshit, Dickie. 1009 00:51:56,802 --> 00:51:58,717 Then why are you so sweaty? 1010 00:51:58,891 --> 00:52:00,825 Man, he is really cross-eyed. 1011 00:52:00,849 --> 00:52:02,522 That's why he didn't find 1012 00:52:02,546 --> 00:52:04,244 any weapons of mass destruction. 1013 00:52:07,334 --> 00:52:09,118 So you have two kids, right? 1014 00:52:09,292 --> 00:52:12,513 Yeah. Francine teaches math at a middle school in New Jersey. 1015 00:52:12,687 --> 00:52:14,907 Uh-huh. And my son Rex is an architect. 1016 00:52:15,081 --> 00:52:17,692 And, uh, Rex is a... 1017 00:52:17,866 --> 00:52:19,520 He's a pretty brilliant kid. 1018 00:52:19,694 --> 00:52:21,087 Well, he should be. He was born 1019 00:52:21,261 --> 00:52:22,941 at the American museum of natural history. 1020 00:52:24,699 --> 00:52:26,919 This was so nice. Thank you. 1021 00:52:30,096 --> 00:52:32,315 I wanna ask you a question. 1022 00:52:32,489 --> 00:52:34,187 And I'm a little nervous about it, 1023 00:52:34,361 --> 00:52:37,625 because I don't remember the last time I asked this, if ever. 1024 00:52:39,670 --> 00:52:42,891 Would like to be my date for my granddaughter's bat mitzvah? 1025 00:52:43,065 --> 00:52:45,676 Her name is Lindsay and she's the love of my life. 1026 00:52:45,851 --> 00:52:47,896 And it would be like a goodbye party for you, 1027 00:52:48,070 --> 00:52:49,985 except it's a bat mitzvah and not for you. 1028 00:52:50,159 --> 00:52:53,554 I've never been to a bat mitzvah before. When is it? 1029 00:52:53,728 --> 00:52:56,383 I don't remember, but it's soon. Way to narrow it down. 1030 00:52:56,557 --> 00:52:59,821 I have the invitation... Doesn't matter when it is. 1031 00:52:59,995 --> 00:53:01,605 I'd be happy to go. Yeah? 1032 00:53:01,780 --> 00:53:04,304 But only on one condition. What's that? 1033 00:53:04,478 --> 00:53:06,306 That we dance together. Oh, no, no, no. 1034 00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:08,525 You don't understand. I'm a dangerous dancer, 1035 00:53:08,699 --> 00:53:10,397 one of the few with mambo insurance. 1036 00:53:10,571 --> 00:53:13,966 Oh, come on, Charlie. It'll be so much fun. 1037 00:53:14,140 --> 00:53:16,185 All right. But to be on the safe side, 1038 00:53:16,359 --> 00:53:17,926 wear a helmet and shoulder pads. 1039 00:53:18,100 --> 00:53:19,885 Done. Great. 1040 00:53:48,304 --> 00:53:49,828 What's the matter, Carrie? 1041 00:53:50,002 --> 00:53:52,178 I just don't want the summer to be over. 1042 00:53:52,352 --> 00:53:54,180 Well... 1043 00:53:54,354 --> 00:53:56,922 Maybe we just keep our summer going forever. 1044 00:53:59,315 --> 00:54:00,839 Good idea, Charlie burnz. 1045 00:54:22,904 --> 00:54:26,212 Stop sign... left. 1046 00:54:26,386 --> 00:54:28,692 Whoa, sorry, pal. You can't go this way. Not safe. 1047 00:54:28,867 --> 00:54:31,826 This is the way I go. Sir, go this way. Not safe here. 1048 00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,698 I don't know that way. You gotta go that way. 1049 00:54:34,873 --> 00:54:37,614 I don't know that way, this is the way I go every day. 1050 00:54:37,788 --> 00:54:40,095 It's a new day. Cross the street and you'll be fine. 1051 00:54:40,269 --> 00:54:43,707 No! I have to go this way! Hey, pal, come on. Move! 1052 00:54:46,885 --> 00:54:48,016 Sorry. 1053 00:54:48,190 --> 00:54:49,844 What's the matter with you? 1054 00:54:53,848 --> 00:54:57,765 That's the way I go. I go that way. 1055 00:55:02,030 --> 00:55:05,729 What, are you crazy? What are you doing? 1056 00:55:05,904 --> 00:55:08,819 Get the hell out of the way! 1057 00:55:08,994 --> 00:55:10,517 Hey! 1058 00:55:10,691 --> 00:55:13,041 You, old man! 1059 00:55:13,215 --> 00:55:15,000 Get the hell out of the way! 1060 00:55:15,174 --> 00:55:17,393 You're in the middle of the road! 1061 00:55:17,567 --> 00:55:19,134 What, are you deaf? 1062 00:55:59,044 --> 00:56:00,828 Hey, old man! Am I crazy 1063 00:56:01,002 --> 00:56:03,483 or did you say your son was born in a museum? 1064 00:56:06,007 --> 00:56:08,227 Look at the size of this thing, honey. 1065 00:56:08,401 --> 00:56:10,446 Charlie... This is the only thing here 1066 00:56:10,620 --> 00:56:13,145 that's bigger than you. Look at that wishbone! 1067 00:56:13,319 --> 00:56:15,234 Charlie. What? 1068 00:56:15,408 --> 00:56:17,801 I think my water just broke. What? 1069 00:56:17,976 --> 00:56:19,890 We gotta get you out of here. 1070 00:56:20,065 --> 00:56:21,588 We gotta get you out of here. 1071 00:56:21,762 --> 00:56:23,633 Oh! 1072 00:56:23,807 --> 00:56:26,375 I'm not gonna make it. Oh! Honey... I need a doctor! 1073 00:56:26,549 --> 00:56:28,508 I need a doctor! What's the problem? 1074 00:56:28,682 --> 00:56:30,031 My wife's having a baby. When? 1075 00:56:30,205 --> 00:56:31,641 Now! I'm gonna ask the supervisor 1076 00:56:31,815 --> 00:56:33,643 if that's okay. Are you kidding me? 1077 00:56:33,817 --> 00:56:35,341 I am a doctor. What kind? 1078 00:56:35,515 --> 00:56:37,256 Proctologist. Okay. Close enough. 1079 00:56:37,430 --> 00:56:39,475 Oh, god. Oh, this baby's coming fast. 1080 00:56:39,649 --> 00:56:42,009 Can you do it somewhere else? A tour group's coming through. 1081 00:56:42,130 --> 00:56:44,002 Really?! I have a baby coming through! 1082 00:56:44,176 --> 00:56:46,265 Take a deep breath. Relax. Call an ambulance now. 1083 00:56:46,439 --> 00:56:48,223 Copy that. Doctor: Hi. 1084 00:56:48,397 --> 00:56:49,877 You should know my name. It's Carrie. 1085 00:56:50,051 --> 00:56:51,357 Hi. Hello. And that man 1086 00:56:51,531 --> 00:56:53,446 who looks so scared is Charlie! 1087 00:56:53,620 --> 00:56:56,057 Hi, Charlie. He's the daddy. 1088 00:56:56,231 --> 00:56:57,471 Good. What's your name? 1089 00:56:57,624 --> 00:56:59,365 I'm Joe katz. Okay? Take a breath. 1090 00:56:59,539 --> 00:57:01,323 Relax. You're doing just great. 1091 00:57:01,497 --> 00:57:03,934 Now, listen. I'll need to remove your underwear. 1092 00:57:04,109 --> 00:57:05,762 Oh, that's a bit aggressive 1093 00:57:05,936 --> 00:57:07,547 for our first date, don't you think? 1094 00:57:07,721 --> 00:57:09,723 There we go. 1095 00:57:09,897 --> 00:57:11,551 - What should I do next? - Nothing! 1096 00:57:11,725 --> 00:57:13,466 Sure? They gave us a class with the doll... 1097 00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:15,294 Leave us alone! Okay. Sorry. 1098 00:57:15,468 --> 00:57:18,645 Charlie. This is like that time at rye playland, remember? 1099 00:57:18,819 --> 00:57:21,430 At the top of the Ferris wheel? We were so drunk! 1100 00:57:21,604 --> 00:57:23,041 Are you okay? 1101 00:57:23,215 --> 00:57:24,825 Just trying to think. 1102 00:57:24,999 --> 00:57:26,890 Who took your panties off at rye playland? I wasn't there. 1103 00:57:26,914 --> 00:57:28,568 What? It was coney island! 1104 00:57:28,742 --> 00:57:30,483 Oh, you're right! 1105 00:57:30,657 --> 00:57:32,920 Oh, god. Okay, lean forward slowly. 1106 00:57:33,094 --> 00:57:35,270 And you're gonna push when I tell you. 1107 00:57:35,444 --> 00:57:37,881 Carrie, you're doing great. Hey! What are you looking at? 1108 00:57:38,056 --> 00:57:39,753 Ew! Get these scouts out of here! 1109 00:57:39,927 --> 00:57:41,407 Come on, guys. Let's go. 1110 00:57:41,581 --> 00:57:44,323 Come on, boys. This is bullshit! 1111 00:57:44,497 --> 00:57:46,417 You too! Copy that. And just a reminder: 1112 00:57:46,586 --> 00:57:48,109 We close at 5. Get out of here! 1113 00:57:48,283 --> 00:57:50,372 Okay. The baby's here. 1114 00:57:50,546 --> 00:57:51,808 The baby's here. 1115 00:57:51,982 --> 00:57:53,984 So a big, deep breath and a big push, okay? 1116 00:57:54,159 --> 00:57:56,291 You can do it. There you go. Okay. 1117 00:58:04,647 --> 00:58:07,389 Okay. Here you go. Here you go. 1118 00:58:07,563 --> 00:58:09,261 Here you go. Oh! 1119 00:58:09,435 --> 00:58:12,481 It's a boy. It's a boy. It's a boy. 1120 00:58:15,267 --> 00:58:16,746 Hey, Charlie. 1121 00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:17,921 Yeah? 1122 00:58:19,184 --> 00:58:21,055 Let's name him Rex. 1123 00:58:23,536 --> 00:58:25,277 That's the perfect name. 1124 00:58:26,843 --> 00:58:28,193 Heh, I'm really glad 1125 00:58:28,367 --> 00:58:30,151 we didn't have him under that big whale. 1126 00:58:30,325 --> 00:58:33,067 Yeah. Because Moby dick burnz 1127 00:58:33,241 --> 00:58:35,417 would be a terrible name for our son. 1128 00:58:35,591 --> 00:58:37,637 He'd have so much trouble at school. 1129 00:58:39,291 --> 00:58:41,902 Oh, I love you, Charlie burnz. 1130 00:58:44,470 --> 00:58:46,124 I love you too. 1131 00:59:05,882 --> 00:59:10,104 What do my baby boy and a t-Rex have in common? 1132 00:59:11,845 --> 00:59:15,414 One is extinct, the other just stinks! 1133 00:59:18,634 --> 00:59:22,508 All right, Roger. We'll cue you in five, four... 1134 00:59:22,682 --> 00:59:25,728 Three, two, one... 1135 00:59:25,902 --> 00:59:27,643 Good evening. And welcome to another episode 1136 00:59:27,817 --> 00:59:30,124 of old people who have always looked old! 1137 00:59:30,298 --> 00:59:31,952 Tonight's subjects are Keith Richards 1138 00:59:32,126 --> 00:59:33,562 and the late Mother Teresa. 1139 00:59:33,736 --> 00:59:35,825 Oh, boy. Did you hear it? Yeah. I did. 1140 00:59:35,999 --> 00:59:37,914 How does he get away with this? I don't know. 1141 00:59:38,088 --> 00:59:40,569 All right, listen. 1142 00:59:40,743 --> 00:59:42,049 These sketch ideas are good, 1143 00:59:42,223 --> 00:59:44,138 but they don't always have to be so big. 1144 00:59:44,312 --> 00:59:46,445 Sketches can be small, more personal. 1145 00:59:46,619 --> 00:59:47,794 Something about yourself, 1146 00:59:47,968 --> 00:59:49,608 maybe about your girlfriend or something. 1147 00:59:49,752 --> 00:59:51,754 That would be a problem. Why is that? 1148 00:59:51,928 --> 00:59:54,714 I don't have one. I'm incredibly single. 1149 00:59:54,888 --> 00:59:56,194 See? That's funny. 1150 00:59:56,368 --> 00:59:58,718 That I eat every meal alone? 1151 00:59:58,892 --> 01:00:01,242 Oh, that's hilarious. Heh, no, no. 1152 01:00:01,416 --> 01:00:03,462 I'm talking about a character for the show. 1153 01:00:03,636 --> 01:00:05,072 The incredibly single guy. 1154 01:00:05,246 --> 01:00:06,726 It's different than being single. 1155 01:00:06,900 --> 01:00:08,118 It's incredibly single. 1156 01:00:08,293 --> 01:00:09,853 There might be something funny in that. 1157 01:00:09,946 --> 01:00:11,687 Right. Find out what's funny about you 1158 01:00:11,861 --> 01:00:14,995 and then write about it. Okay. I'll try that. 1159 01:00:15,169 --> 01:00:17,780 Okay. Can I tell you something? 1160 01:00:17,954 --> 01:00:19,391 Yeah. 1161 01:00:19,565 --> 01:00:21,871 When I was at Harvard, I had a humor class 1162 01:00:22,045 --> 01:00:23,830 and I wrote a paper as you. 1163 01:00:24,918 --> 01:00:26,093 Really? Yeah. 1164 01:00:26,267 --> 01:00:27,877 I read all your plays, 1165 01:00:28,051 --> 01:00:29,575 I knew your movie scripts. 1166 01:00:29,749 --> 01:00:31,446 I could even tell what jokes were yours 1167 01:00:31,620 --> 01:00:33,405 on whatever TV show you were writing on. 1168 01:00:33,579 --> 01:00:35,233 So I wrote a paper in your style. 1169 01:00:35,407 --> 01:00:36,799 Like you were at Harvard. 1170 01:00:36,973 --> 01:00:40,716 Wow. And how did it do? Got an f. 1171 01:00:41,891 --> 01:00:43,197 The professor said 1172 01:00:43,371 --> 01:00:44,894 we already have a great Charlie burnz. 1173 01:00:45,068 --> 01:00:48,681 We don't have a great Darrell green yet. He was right. 1174 01:00:48,855 --> 01:00:51,858 Anyway, um, working with you and knowing you 1175 01:00:52,032 --> 01:00:53,555 is really special to me. 1176 01:00:53,729 --> 01:00:55,470 Oh, thank you, Darrell. 1177 01:00:55,644 --> 01:00:58,560 Listen, while I go get one of the crew 1178 01:00:58,734 --> 01:01:01,346 to vacuum out the smoke you just blew up my ass, 1179 01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:03,435 take a whack at the incredibly single guy, 1180 01:01:03,609 --> 01:01:05,437 see if there's something funny. Deal. 1181 01:01:05,611 --> 01:01:06,612 Good. 1182 01:01:06,786 --> 01:01:08,309 Oh, sorry. 1183 01:01:08,483 --> 01:01:11,660 Um... hello? Hi. 1184 01:01:11,834 --> 01:01:13,575 Hi, yeah. No, I... 1185 01:01:14,968 --> 01:01:16,752 What to wear? 1186 01:01:16,926 --> 01:01:19,102 Oh, I don't... 1187 01:01:19,277 --> 01:01:22,105 Well, how vintage? That's very vintage. 1188 01:01:22,280 --> 01:01:23,368 Yeah, heh-heh. 1189 01:01:23,542 --> 01:01:25,195 No, listen, uh... I'm at work, 1190 01:01:25,370 --> 01:01:26,936 so can I call you back? 1191 01:01:27,110 --> 01:01:29,330 Okay. Uh, bye. 1192 01:01:32,638 --> 01:01:36,076 I'm taking a date to my granddaughter's bat mitzvah. 1193 01:01:36,250 --> 01:01:39,384 She's a... really fun person. Never been to one before. 1194 01:01:39,558 --> 01:01:42,256 Neither have I. Can I go too? 1195 01:01:42,430 --> 01:01:44,824 I think one surprise for my family is all they can handle. 1196 01:01:44,998 --> 01:01:47,392 And believe me, this young woman is full of surprises. 1197 01:01:47,566 --> 01:01:49,307 She sounds cool. Yeah, she is. 1198 01:01:49,481 --> 01:01:51,744 She's, uh... she's very cool. 1199 01:01:54,312 --> 01:01:56,314 What? Well... 1200 01:01:56,488 --> 01:01:57,750 You're blushing. 1201 01:01:57,924 --> 01:02:00,405 Your face is a little red. Oh, that's... 1202 01:02:00,579 --> 01:02:02,276 Blood pressure. Yeah. Oh. 1203 01:02:02,450 --> 01:02:04,322 Shouldn't have had the hot dog. Heh, it's... 1204 01:02:04,496 --> 01:02:06,498 See you in a little bit. Bye. 1205 01:02:08,282 --> 01:02:10,545 Now that I'm a bat mitzvah girl, 1206 01:02:10,719 --> 01:02:13,374 um, I'd like to leave you with this one story. 1207 01:02:13,548 --> 01:02:16,464 So I turned to rabbi teplis and I said: 1208 01:02:16,638 --> 01:02:19,032 "I've been studying for years and years, 1209 01:02:19,206 --> 01:02:21,426 and I ask you: 'What is the meaning of life?' 1210 01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:23,863 and you tell me life is a cookie?" 1211 01:02:26,866 --> 01:02:29,347 And rabbi teplis looked at me and said: 1212 01:02:29,521 --> 01:02:30,826 "You mean it isn't?" 1213 01:02:35,962 --> 01:02:40,445 So anyways, to my parents, I love you so much. 1214 01:02:41,837 --> 01:02:43,535 You've given me everything I have, 1215 01:02:43,709 --> 01:02:46,929 and I wouldn't be here without you. 1216 01:02:47,103 --> 01:02:50,368 Thank you so much. I love you. 1217 01:02:50,542 --> 01:02:53,066 Mazel tov! 1218 01:02:59,986 --> 01:03:02,205 Let's get Lindsay up in the chair! 1219 01:03:04,643 --> 01:03:05,948 One, two, three! 1220 01:03:08,864 --> 01:03:10,910 Look out. Here comes mom! 1221 01:03:11,084 --> 01:03:13,652 Up in the air, Francine. 1222 01:03:13,826 --> 01:03:16,306 Bend your knees, boys. Here comes papa Charlie! 1223 01:03:19,484 --> 01:03:20,963 Mazel tov! 1224 01:03:24,010 --> 01:03:26,316 Come on. Sit down. 1225 01:03:29,494 --> 01:03:31,365 This is amazing! 1226 01:03:31,539 --> 01:03:33,541 That's it, god. I'm converting! 1227 01:03:45,771 --> 01:03:47,381 Hi. 1228 01:03:47,555 --> 01:03:49,078 I'm Francine. I'm Lindsay's mom. 1229 01:03:49,252 --> 01:03:51,037 Mm. She is so special. 1230 01:03:51,211 --> 01:03:52,647 Oh. You must be so proud. 1231 01:03:52,821 --> 01:03:54,997 Yeah. I'm Emma, by the way. 1232 01:03:55,171 --> 01:03:56,782 Oh, hi. Nice to meet you. 1233 01:03:56,956 --> 01:04:00,786 Yes, nice to meet you. These spare ribs are delicious! 1234 01:04:00,960 --> 01:04:02,483 Oh, good. Mm-hm. 1235 01:04:02,657 --> 01:04:04,703 So how long have you been dating my father? 1236 01:04:04,877 --> 01:04:08,707 What? No, no, no. We're just friends. 1237 01:04:08,881 --> 01:04:11,666 I'm sure. No. He's just really nice to me. 1238 01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:13,668 Mm-hm. And I just love his writing. 1239 01:04:13,842 --> 01:04:15,757 Oh. 1240 01:04:15,931 --> 01:04:17,977 Okay. So, um... 1241 01:04:18,151 --> 01:04:20,806 So, what do you do, Emma? For a living, I mean. 1242 01:04:20,980 --> 01:04:23,156 I'm a singer. Wow. 1243 01:04:23,330 --> 01:04:25,288 Anything I might be familiar with? 1244 01:04:25,463 --> 01:04:26,725 No. 1245 01:04:26,899 --> 01:04:29,205 But we got a whole bunch of videos 1246 01:04:29,379 --> 01:04:32,252 that are blowing up on Instagram right now. 1247 01:04:32,426 --> 01:04:34,820 Cool. You should come check us out. 1248 01:04:34,994 --> 01:04:37,736 We perform all over the city. Where? 1249 01:04:37,910 --> 01:04:41,522 Uh... mostly underground. Like clubs? 1250 01:04:41,696 --> 01:04:44,264 Sometimes, but more so subway stations. 1251 01:04:44,438 --> 01:04:48,398 Like, uh, Columbus circle, union square, penn station. 1252 01:04:48,573 --> 01:04:50,966 You gotta check us out. You know what? 1253 01:04:51,140 --> 01:04:54,143 I'm gonna get me some more ribs because I love meat. 1254 01:04:54,317 --> 01:04:56,406 Anything I could pet, I eat. 1255 01:05:11,117 --> 01:05:12,553 Lindsay... 1256 01:05:12,727 --> 01:05:14,860 I have to tell you how proud I am of you 1257 01:05:15,034 --> 01:05:17,384 that you wanted to have this bat mitzvah. 1258 01:05:17,558 --> 01:05:19,299 And I wanna give you something. 1259 01:05:24,783 --> 01:05:26,219 This... 1260 01:05:26,393 --> 01:05:28,351 This was your grandma Carrie's. 1261 01:05:30,397 --> 01:05:31,659 And now it's yours. 1262 01:05:34,009 --> 01:05:35,358 Put your hair back. 1263 01:05:35,533 --> 01:05:37,665 See if I can... 1264 01:05:37,839 --> 01:05:39,798 Good. Oh, it looks perfect. 1265 01:05:39,972 --> 01:05:42,540 It's really pretty. Yeah. 1266 01:05:42,714 --> 01:05:44,672 I'm giving you this... 1267 01:05:44,846 --> 01:05:47,806 Because today is the first big step... 1268 01:05:47,980 --> 01:05:49,459 With so many more to come. 1269 01:05:50,635 --> 01:05:52,245 And I'll be there for you 1270 01:05:52,419 --> 01:05:53,420 for all of that. 1271 01:05:55,117 --> 01:05:57,903 And I can't wait to see who you're gonna become. 1272 01:06:00,035 --> 01:06:01,297 I love you. 1273 01:06:02,734 --> 01:06:03,909 I love you too. 1274 01:06:05,388 --> 01:06:06,781 Thank you, papa. 1275 01:06:11,394 --> 01:06:13,353 Hey, dad, by the way... 1276 01:06:13,527 --> 01:06:16,051 I got that job I was telling you about. 1277 01:06:16,225 --> 01:06:17,270 What job? 1278 01:06:18,488 --> 01:06:20,621 The building in union square. 1279 01:06:20,795 --> 01:06:22,884 Yeah. Anyway, they love my design. 1280 01:06:23,058 --> 01:06:25,583 Great. Isn't that great? 1281 01:06:25,757 --> 01:06:28,455 Good going, kid. Come here. Come here. Come here. 1282 01:06:30,631 --> 01:06:34,026 That's great, huh? You know, Rex is an architect. 1283 01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:36,898 I know. Anyone who's born in a museum is bound to be smart. 1284 01:06:37,072 --> 01:06:38,857 He told you about that? 1285 01:06:39,031 --> 01:06:40,728 Yeah, he's very proud of you. 1286 01:06:43,339 --> 01:06:45,994 This is her first bat mitzvah. What do you think so far? 1287 01:06:46,168 --> 01:06:48,344 It's okay so far. Just okay? 1288 01:06:48,518 --> 01:06:50,216 In the beginning, it was really hot 1289 01:06:50,390 --> 01:06:52,784 with all the dancing and the chairs up, but... 1290 01:06:52,958 --> 01:06:54,742 Ahem, all due respect to your tribe, 1291 01:06:54,916 --> 01:06:56,483 but it's a little dull now. 1292 01:06:56,657 --> 01:06:58,964 Well, the reading. It'll pick up again. 1293 01:06:59,138 --> 01:07:01,270 Well, why don't we do something to help a little? 1294 01:07:01,444 --> 01:07:03,403 Where you going? 1295 01:07:03,577 --> 01:07:05,100 Dad. Dad! 1296 01:07:06,580 --> 01:07:08,103 Hey, hey, hey. 1297 01:07:08,277 --> 01:07:10,497 Do you have the instrumental for...? 1298 01:07:14,849 --> 01:07:16,851 Good evening, everybody. 1299 01:07:17,025 --> 01:07:18,810 Um, my name is Emma payge. 1300 01:07:18,984 --> 01:07:22,509 I'm a very good friend of papa Charlie's. And, Lindsay, 1301 01:07:22,683 --> 01:07:25,207 could you please come on down to the dance floor? 1302 01:07:25,381 --> 01:07:26,469 Uh... 1303 01:07:26,644 --> 01:07:28,036 This is my first time 1304 01:07:28,210 --> 01:07:30,430 ever coming to a bat mitzvah. 1305 01:07:30,604 --> 01:07:33,520 And I have to say, so far, I feel so welcome. 1306 01:07:33,694 --> 01:07:35,261 I'm having such a good time. 1307 01:07:35,435 --> 01:07:37,872 Dj, hit that beat. 1308 01:07:38,046 --> 01:07:39,918 And this one's for you, Lindsay. 1309 01:07:40,092 --> 01:07:42,442 If you know the words to the song, sing along. 1310 01:07:42,616 --> 01:07:45,706 If you don't, I wanna see you dancing your heart out. 1311 01:07:45,880 --> 01:07:52,495 ♪ Oh, come on come on, come on, come on ♪ 1312 01:07:52,670 --> 01:07:59,285 ♪ didn't I make you feel like you were the only man? ♪ 1313 01:08:00,503 --> 01:08:02,114 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1314 01:08:04,116 --> 01:08:05,465 ♪ didn't I nearly give you ♪ 1315 01:08:05,639 --> 01:08:07,206 ♪ everything a woman possibly can? ♪ 1316 01:08:10,078 --> 01:08:14,909 ♪ And each time I tell myself that I think I've had enough ♪ 1317 01:08:15,083 --> 01:08:17,825 ♪ but what I'm gonna show you, baby ♪ 1318 01:08:17,999 --> 01:08:20,132 ♪ is that a woman can be tough ♪ 1319 01:08:20,306 --> 01:08:26,312 ♪ oh, come on come on, come on, come on ♪ 1320 01:08:26,486 --> 01:08:28,096 ♪ and take it! ♪ 1321 01:08:28,270 --> 01:08:31,796 ♪ Take another little piece of my heart now, baby ♪ 1322 01:08:31,970 --> 01:08:33,841 ♪ oh, break it! ♪ 1323 01:08:34,015 --> 01:08:37,932 ♪ Break another little piece of my heart, yeah, darling ♪ 1324 01:08:38,106 --> 01:08:40,979 ♪ oh, have a have another little piece ♪ 1325 01:08:41,153 --> 01:08:44,286 ♪ of my heart, yeah, baby ♪ 1326 01:08:44,460 --> 01:08:49,596 ♪ you know you got it if it makes you feel good ♪ 1327 01:08:49,770 --> 01:08:51,990 Mm, mm, mm. 1328 01:08:52,164 --> 01:08:55,254 Come here, baby. Mm-hm. 1329 01:08:55,428 --> 01:08:57,212 ♪ You're out there on the streets ♪ 1330 01:08:57,386 --> 01:08:59,084 ♪ all looking good ♪ 1331 01:08:59,258 --> 01:09:01,303 ♪ and, baby, deep down in your heart ♪ 1332 01:09:01,477 --> 01:09:02,827 ♪ you know that ain't right ♪ 1333 01:09:03,001 --> 01:09:04,176 Mm-mm. 1334 01:09:06,004 --> 01:09:08,267 ♪ Never, never, never, never ♪ 1335 01:09:08,441 --> 01:09:11,444 ♪ never hear me when I cry ♪ oh! Oh, my hip! 1336 01:09:12,967 --> 01:09:14,969 ♪ But each time I tell myself ♪ 1337 01:09:15,143 --> 01:09:17,798 ♪ that I can't stand the pain ♪ 1338 01:09:17,972 --> 01:09:22,890 ♪ when you hold me in your arms I'll sing it once again... ♪ 1339 01:09:23,064 --> 01:09:25,893 No. Dad, she's... She's fantastic. 1340 01:09:26,067 --> 01:09:29,418 She's fantastic. ♪ come on, come on, come on ♪ 1341 01:09:29,592 --> 01:09:32,378 ♪ and take it! Take another little piece ♪ 1342 01:09:32,552 --> 01:09:34,554 ♪ of my heart, yeah, baby ♪ 1343 01:09:36,774 --> 01:09:40,690 ♪ break another little piece of my heart, yeah, darling ♪ 1344 01:09:40,865 --> 01:09:43,563 ♪ oh, have a have another little piece ♪ 1345 01:09:43,737 --> 01:09:47,045 ♪ of my heart, yeah, baby ♪ 1346 01:09:47,219 --> 01:09:52,659 ♪ you know you got it if it makes you feel good ♪ 1347 01:09:54,530 --> 01:09:56,706 All right. I see you! 1348 01:09:57,969 --> 01:09:59,927 There you go. 1349 01:10:00,101 --> 01:10:02,843 Yeah. Look here. 1350 01:10:03,017 --> 01:10:05,150 ♪ I'MMA need you to come on ♪ 1351 01:10:05,324 --> 01:10:09,458 No. No, thank you. ♪ come on, come on, come on ♪ 1352 01:10:09,632 --> 01:10:11,373 ♪ and take it! ♪ 1353 01:10:11,547 --> 01:10:15,247 ♪ Take another little piece of my heart, yeah, baby ♪ 1354 01:10:15,421 --> 01:10:17,815 ♪ break it! Break another little piece ♪ 1355 01:10:17,989 --> 01:10:19,817 ♪ of my heart, yeah, darling ♪ 1356 01:10:22,384 --> 01:10:25,692 ♪ have another little piece of my heart, yeah, baby ♪ 1357 01:10:27,215 --> 01:10:29,217 ♪ you know you got it ♪ 1358 01:10:29,391 --> 01:10:30,784 Oh. 1359 01:10:30,958 --> 01:10:34,701 ♪ If it makes you feel good ♪ 1360 01:10:37,573 --> 01:10:39,358 Francine is amazing! 1361 01:10:39,532 --> 01:10:41,839 Oh, mazel tov to all of you. 1362 01:10:42,013 --> 01:10:43,623 Mazel tov. 1363 01:10:43,797 --> 01:10:45,581 You rocked that shul. 1364 01:10:45,755 --> 01:10:47,583 I mean, it was like shabbos night live. 1365 01:10:49,585 --> 01:10:51,065 You made the whole party. 1366 01:10:51,239 --> 01:10:53,502 I think I had more fun than your family did. 1367 01:10:53,676 --> 01:10:55,591 Why are they looking at me like that? 1368 01:10:55,765 --> 01:10:57,942 Do they not know what's going on here? 1369 01:10:58,116 --> 01:11:00,118 Actually, they don't. Emma, listen. 1370 01:11:00,292 --> 01:11:01,641 You don't know everything. 1371 01:11:01,815 --> 01:11:03,512 I mean, there's a lot of hard feelings. 1372 01:11:03,686 --> 01:11:04,949 About what? 1373 01:11:06,211 --> 01:11:07,429 Well, they both... 1374 01:11:07,603 --> 01:11:08,996 Well, Francine especially. 1375 01:11:09,170 --> 01:11:11,607 I wasn't around enough when they were kids. 1376 01:11:11,781 --> 01:11:13,131 Which was probably true, 1377 01:11:13,305 --> 01:11:15,742 but I was working, like, all the time. 1378 01:11:15,916 --> 01:11:19,572 Then after Carrie died, there was a revolving door of nannies. 1379 01:11:19,746 --> 01:11:22,531 And when I was there... 1380 01:11:22,705 --> 01:11:26,187 I just had a lot of trouble giving them what they needed. 1381 01:11:26,361 --> 01:11:28,189 I mean, I just was so sad. 1382 01:11:28,363 --> 01:11:30,409 And what do they have against me? 1383 01:11:30,583 --> 01:11:33,586 Well, after she passed away... 1384 01:11:33,760 --> 01:11:36,676 I didn't wanna get involved with anybody. You know, I couldn't. 1385 01:11:36,850 --> 01:11:39,722 So I dated a lot of younger women. 1386 01:11:39,897 --> 01:11:41,637 So they probably looked at us 1387 01:11:41,811 --> 01:11:43,770 thinking there's something else going on here. 1388 01:11:43,944 --> 01:11:45,641 I'm really sorry they upset you. 1389 01:11:47,774 --> 01:11:50,037 Ladies and gentlemen, Itzhak perlman. 1390 01:11:50,211 --> 01:11:51,778 That's him. 1391 01:11:51,952 --> 01:11:54,041 Does he take requests? Itzhak perlman is a genius. 1392 01:11:54,215 --> 01:11:56,391 He doesn't take requests. You still owe me a dance. 1393 01:11:56,565 --> 01:11:58,045 I danced with you. I danced the horah. 1394 01:11:58,132 --> 01:11:59,177 The horah doesn't count. 1395 01:11:59,351 --> 01:12:00,569 The horah's a dance. 1396 01:12:00,743 --> 01:12:02,180 You run around, they lift you up, 1397 01:12:02,354 --> 01:12:03,634 and you sweat into your clothes. 1398 01:12:03,746 --> 01:12:05,531 That's a dance. Mm-mm. Doesn't count. 1399 01:12:05,705 --> 01:12:07,141 Come on, Charlie. We're dancing. 1400 01:12:07,315 --> 01:12:08,969 Come on. We're gonna go dance. 1401 01:12:13,495 --> 01:12:16,237 Who dances to a violin concerto? We do. 1402 01:12:17,804 --> 01:12:18,936 Okay. 1403 01:12:35,561 --> 01:12:36,997 What? Oh, there we go. 1404 01:12:37,171 --> 01:12:39,173 Look out. Look out. 1405 01:12:39,347 --> 01:12:40,479 Whoo! 1406 01:13:57,121 --> 01:13:58,296 Whoa! 1407 01:13:58,470 --> 01:13:59,732 Where have you been? 1408 01:13:59,906 --> 01:14:01,995 When? The last eight hours or so. 1409 01:14:02,169 --> 01:14:03,475 Here. And just so I know, 1410 01:14:03,649 --> 01:14:04,911 where have I been? Here. 1411 01:14:05,085 --> 01:14:06,260 With you? Yeah. 1412 01:14:06,434 --> 01:14:07,957 Oh, that's what I was afraid of. 1413 01:14:08,132 --> 01:14:10,177 Really? I thought it was kind of nice. 1414 01:14:10,351 --> 01:14:13,354 Emma, I didn't want for this to happen. 1415 01:14:13,528 --> 01:14:15,704 I don't know what you mean when you say "this." 1416 01:14:15,878 --> 01:14:19,752 But if the "this" you're referring to is that "this," 1417 01:14:19,926 --> 01:14:21,406 it didn't happen. 1418 01:14:21,580 --> 01:14:23,538 I got afraid of the thunder and lightning, 1419 01:14:23,712 --> 01:14:25,584 and I snuck in here and spooned you. 1420 01:14:25,758 --> 01:14:27,107 That's it. We just spooned. 1421 01:14:27,281 --> 01:14:28,717 That's it? 1422 01:14:28,891 --> 01:14:30,763 That's it. Okay. 1423 01:14:30,937 --> 01:14:33,287 Look, you're an attractive older man, 1424 01:14:33,461 --> 01:14:35,463 but your little, frail body would not be able 1425 01:14:35,637 --> 01:14:37,030 to handle all these groceries. 1426 01:14:37,204 --> 01:14:39,989 I'll break your back. It's too heavy for you. 1427 01:14:40,164 --> 01:14:42,644 Can't ride this ride. The ride is too bumpy. 1428 01:14:42,818 --> 01:14:46,474 You might dislocate your shoulder, then you'd die. 1429 01:14:46,648 --> 01:14:48,868 Can't have that. 1430 01:14:49,042 --> 01:14:52,654 Anyways, thank you for letting me sleep here. 1431 01:14:52,828 --> 01:14:54,613 Mwah! You're sweet, Charlie. 1432 01:14:54,787 --> 01:14:57,311 You might want to think about getting some bigger boxers. 1433 01:14:57,485 --> 01:14:59,618 I'm not sure they can handle your groceries. 1434 01:14:59,792 --> 01:15:01,924 They's just too little. 1435 01:15:02,099 --> 01:15:06,233 Three, two, one, now! 1436 01:15:06,407 --> 01:15:08,017 I first became incredibly single 1437 01:15:08,192 --> 01:15:09,802 when the fetus of my twin brother 1438 01:15:09,976 --> 01:15:12,631 left the womb a month ahead of me, because... 1439 01:15:12,805 --> 01:15:14,198 Well, he said he'd had enough. 1440 01:15:16,287 --> 01:15:17,940 This continued when I was an infant, 1441 01:15:18,115 --> 01:15:20,378 when my mom refused to breastfeed me. 1442 01:15:20,552 --> 01:15:23,903 She said, "let's take things slow and see where this goes." 1443 01:15:25,557 --> 01:15:27,602 And now I live in this studio apartment, 1444 01:15:27,776 --> 01:15:29,343 where I lie awake at night 1445 01:15:29,517 --> 01:15:33,391 and fantasize about having sex with another person. 1446 01:15:33,565 --> 01:15:36,350 Which would be fun... So I've heard. 1447 01:15:37,917 --> 01:15:39,745 And I think I'd be a pretty good lover. 1448 01:15:39,919 --> 01:15:44,053 Find those hard-to-find spots that drive the women wild. 1449 01:15:44,228 --> 01:15:46,926 Because I have Google maps. 1450 01:15:47,100 --> 01:15:49,233 "In two inches, make a left." 1451 01:15:55,978 --> 01:16:00,026 If you're also incredibly single like me, why not give me a call? 1452 01:16:00,200 --> 01:16:02,681 If not... 1453 01:16:02,855 --> 01:16:04,683 Then the wrath of my god, 1454 01:16:04,857 --> 01:16:08,904 the great god zoomgali, who is also incredibly single, 1455 01:16:09,078 --> 01:16:10,515 will come and find you, 1456 01:16:10,689 --> 01:16:13,474 and the sounds will color the sky, 1457 01:16:13,648 --> 01:16:16,347 and he will come after you and your loved ones, 1458 01:16:16,521 --> 01:16:19,393 and damn you to the fires of hell! 1459 01:16:21,743 --> 01:16:23,136 So call me. 1460 01:16:26,270 --> 01:16:27,488 You're killing me. 1461 01:16:29,751 --> 01:16:32,189 Clear. Commercial. Two minutes. 1462 01:16:32,363 --> 01:16:34,669 That was you. That's you, dude. 1463 01:16:34,843 --> 01:16:36,802 Killed it! Thanks. 1464 01:16:36,976 --> 01:16:38,238 Oh, god. 1465 01:16:38,412 --> 01:16:40,109 I thought my phone was off. Sorry. 1466 01:16:40,284 --> 01:16:43,112 Hello. Yeah. I'm still at the show. I can't talk. 1467 01:16:43,287 --> 01:16:45,289 I found it. What did you find? 1468 01:16:45,463 --> 01:16:47,726 That great painting of that old house 1469 01:16:47,900 --> 01:16:50,337 that was hanging in the empty space on your wall. 1470 01:16:50,511 --> 01:16:52,861 Oh, it's beautiful. I rehung it. 1471 01:16:53,035 --> 01:16:54,994 You're still at my house? 1472 01:16:55,168 --> 01:16:57,301 Yeah. But I'm about to go back to my place. 1473 01:16:57,475 --> 01:16:59,172 Take it down. What? 1474 01:16:59,346 --> 01:17:00,706 Take it down. I don't wanna see it. 1475 01:17:00,782 --> 01:17:02,654 I'm sorry. I thought you misplaced it. 1476 01:17:02,828 --> 01:17:04,569 Emma, I don't wanna see it, understand? 1477 01:17:04,743 --> 01:17:05,961 I just don't wanna see it. 1478 01:17:06,135 --> 01:17:07,833 Get rid of it! Fine. 1479 01:17:10,705 --> 01:17:13,839 New girlfriend? Huh. I don't even know. 1480 01:17:14,013 --> 01:17:16,320 Hey, you were right. 1481 01:17:16,494 --> 01:17:18,452 He's gonna be good. Yeah. 1482 01:17:18,626 --> 01:17:22,239 Three, two, one, now! 1483 01:17:22,413 --> 01:17:24,458 In the world of music, lady gaga announced 1484 01:17:24,632 --> 01:17:27,766 she is changing her name to "lady gagaga." 1485 01:17:27,940 --> 01:17:29,855 She gave no explanation for her decision. 1486 01:17:30,029 --> 01:17:32,031 According to a poll, Americans are concerned 1487 01:17:32,205 --> 01:17:33,554 about a new axis of evil 1488 01:17:33,728 --> 01:17:35,469 that threatens our country's democracy. 1489 01:17:35,643 --> 01:17:37,297 North Korea, Isis 1490 01:17:37,471 --> 01:17:39,908 and senate majority leader Mitch McConnell. 1491 01:17:43,782 --> 01:17:47,351 Uh... moving on. No, no, no. 1492 01:17:47,525 --> 01:17:49,657 Is anyone bothered by this but me? 1493 01:17:49,831 --> 01:17:51,790 Do you hear that it's wrong? 1494 01:17:51,964 --> 01:17:54,227 Your emphasis... You're an emphasis moron. 1495 01:17:56,403 --> 01:17:57,709 What the hell is he doing? 1496 01:17:57,883 --> 01:17:59,493 Everything you say is off. 1497 01:17:59,667 --> 01:18:02,801 It's not "wi fi," it's Wi-Fi. 1498 01:18:02,975 --> 01:18:07,153 It's not "polar ice caps," it's polar icecaps. 1499 01:18:07,327 --> 01:18:09,329 You are a comedy kamikaze. 1500 01:18:09,503 --> 01:18:12,767 Oh, wait. A "comma-kaze." What the hell? 1501 01:18:12,941 --> 01:18:16,728 Anybody with a correct amount of chromosomes... 1502 01:18:16,902 --> 01:18:18,817 Would know that it's Mitch McConnell, 1503 01:18:18,991 --> 01:18:20,558 not "Mitch-McConnell." 1504 01:18:20,732 --> 01:18:22,951 You make it sound like there a lot of mcconnells! 1505 01:18:23,125 --> 01:18:25,258 There's only one. There's no stewie McConnell. 1506 01:18:25,432 --> 01:18:28,000 Is there a stewie McConnell in the house? No! 1507 01:18:28,174 --> 01:18:30,394 What the hell is going on? Should we cut to commercial? 1508 01:18:30,568 --> 01:18:33,527 Go to commercial? This is live. Just stay on it. 1509 01:18:33,701 --> 01:18:35,312 Jesus Christ. No, I'm sorry. 1510 01:18:35,486 --> 01:18:37,226 "Jesus, Christ." 1511 01:18:37,401 --> 01:18:40,360 Who, of course, was born in "bethle-hem." 1512 01:18:40,534 --> 01:18:43,276 I even put it on the cue card, because I had... 1513 01:18:43,450 --> 01:18:46,061 Know what this is? I have no idea. No. 1514 01:18:46,235 --> 01:18:47,802 Thank you, al. Look at this. 1515 01:18:47,976 --> 01:18:51,023 I had it written the exact same size so you would know. 1516 01:18:51,197 --> 01:18:53,852 "Mitch McConnell," not "Mitch-McConnell." 1517 01:18:54,026 --> 01:18:55,506 Mitch McConnell, you see that? Al. 1518 01:18:55,680 --> 01:18:57,943 Camera one, spin around. Give me al's reaction. 1519 01:18:58,117 --> 01:19:00,511 Yeah. Tell everybody. Did I tell you that this would happen? 1520 01:19:00,685 --> 01:19:04,863 He told me this would happen. Everybody. Exhibit a, al! 1521 01:19:05,037 --> 01:19:06,430 Thank you, al, you sweet... 1522 01:19:06,604 --> 01:19:09,041 Where is he going? Get him. Follow him. 1523 01:19:09,215 --> 01:19:10,695 You. 1524 01:19:10,869 --> 01:19:13,175 Look. Look, ma'am, what does that say? 1525 01:19:13,350 --> 01:19:14,960 "Mitch McConnell." Thank you very much. 1526 01:19:15,134 --> 01:19:17,092 You, you. Stand up. What does this say? 1527 01:19:17,266 --> 01:19:19,530 "Mitch McConnell." Again. I can't hear you. 1528 01:19:19,704 --> 01:19:21,445 "Mitch McConnell." We got a winner. 1529 01:19:21,619 --> 01:19:23,534 Dang it. 1530 01:19:23,708 --> 01:19:26,232 Take anything off the top shelf, goddamn it. 1531 01:19:26,406 --> 01:19:28,713 Everybody, tell me. What does this say? 1532 01:19:28,887 --> 01:19:30,410 "Mitch McConnell." Can't hear you. 1533 01:19:30,584 --> 01:19:31,977 "Mitch McConnell." One more time. 1534 01:19:32,151 --> 01:19:33,500 "Mitch McConnell." Thank you. 1535 01:19:33,674 --> 01:19:35,415 Roger, you're a very talented young guy. 1536 01:19:35,589 --> 01:19:36,938 But I have to tell you, 1537 01:19:37,112 --> 01:19:39,027 I am sick and tired of writing jokes for you 1538 01:19:39,201 --> 01:19:41,073 and having you abuse them, you dumb turd. 1539 01:19:41,247 --> 01:19:42,291 Oh, boy. 1540 01:19:42,466 --> 01:19:45,686 Dumb turd! Everybody. Dumb turd! 1541 01:19:45,860 --> 01:19:48,515 Dumb turd! Dumb turd! Dumb turd! 1542 01:19:48,689 --> 01:19:50,561 Stand up. Dumb turd! 1543 01:19:50,735 --> 01:19:51,735 Dumb turd! 1544 01:19:53,128 --> 01:19:54,695 Dumb turd! Dumb turd! 1545 01:19:54,869 --> 01:19:57,698 Mom, dad, come here. Papa Charlie is on television. 1546 01:19:57,872 --> 01:19:59,526 Dumb turd! Dumb turd! 1547 01:20:01,746 --> 01:20:04,226 I say dumb, you say turd! Dumb... 1548 01:20:04,401 --> 01:20:05,401 Turd. Dumb... 1549 01:20:05,445 --> 01:20:06,446 Oh, my god. 1550 01:20:06,620 --> 01:20:07,795 You say dumb, I say turd. 1551 01:20:07,969 --> 01:20:09,841 Dumb... I need wide, wide, wide. 1552 01:20:10,015 --> 01:20:11,015 Dumb... turd! 1553 01:20:11,103 --> 01:20:11,930 Dumb... turd! 1554 01:20:12,104 --> 01:20:14,628 Dumb turd! Dumb turd! 1555 01:20:14,802 --> 01:20:17,109 Turd! Turd! That's it, I'm done. 1556 01:20:17,283 --> 01:20:19,328 Thank you. 1557 01:20:26,771 --> 01:20:29,600 Would you get those damn birds out of your hair? 1558 01:20:29,774 --> 01:20:30,905 Larry! 1559 01:20:36,781 --> 01:20:40,393 Camera one. Back to Roger and reset. Take one! 1560 01:20:40,567 --> 01:20:43,918 Thank you, "Charlie burnz." No, no! Charlie burnz. 1561 01:20:44,092 --> 01:20:46,921 Sorry. I'll work on it. 1562 01:20:47,095 --> 01:20:49,750 That's the news of the night... Of the night. 1563 01:20:49,924 --> 01:20:51,535 The news of the... 1564 01:20:51,709 --> 01:20:55,060 I guess I'm a dumb turd. 1565 01:20:55,234 --> 01:20:56,322 Thank you... 1566 01:20:56,496 --> 01:20:57,758 Good night. 1567 01:20:59,064 --> 01:21:00,848 And we're clear! 1568 01:21:01,022 --> 01:21:02,022 What was that? 1569 01:21:02,110 --> 01:21:03,285 What the hell was that? 1570 01:21:03,460 --> 01:21:07,028 What the hell was that? 1571 01:21:07,202 --> 01:21:09,074 Charlie, what was that? That was hilarious. 1572 01:21:09,248 --> 01:21:10,648 The schmuck can't get a name right. 1573 01:21:10,815 --> 01:21:12,643 Really inspired idea, Charlie. 1574 01:21:12,817 --> 01:21:15,863 Oh, my god, Charlie. That is live television. 1575 01:21:16,037 --> 01:21:18,213 Charlie, why didn't you tell me? 1576 01:21:18,387 --> 01:21:22,348 I haven't told my kids yet. I bet they know now. We're live. 1577 01:21:22,522 --> 01:21:24,698 My fault. I should not have gone back in there. 1578 01:21:24,872 --> 01:21:27,266 I'm so stupid. I'm just so stupid. It's my fault! 1579 01:21:27,440 --> 01:21:30,008 Stupid? What are you talking about? Everyone loved it. 1580 01:21:30,182 --> 01:21:32,924 When did you think of this? Comes to me all the time. 1581 01:21:33,098 --> 01:21:34,839 Every second, it doesn't stop. 1582 01:21:35,013 --> 01:21:37,232 That's why it was so good. It was so real. 1583 01:21:37,406 --> 01:21:39,408 Holy shit, you guys. Twitter is blowing up. 1584 01:21:39,583 --> 01:21:41,889 They love you, Charlie. They love the grumpy writer 1585 01:21:42,063 --> 01:21:43,761 who can't bear to see his words mangled. 1586 01:21:43,935 --> 01:21:46,459 They think you're funny, man. Funny? Funny? 1587 01:21:46,633 --> 01:21:48,243 Saying I'll be back in a few minutes 1588 01:21:48,417 --> 01:21:51,116 and never seeing that person again is funny? 1589 01:21:51,290 --> 01:21:52,987 Charlie, what...? It's not funny! 1590 01:21:53,161 --> 01:21:55,599 - How can that be funny? - Are you Charlie burnz? 1591 01:21:58,776 --> 01:22:00,691 Charlie burnz. 1592 01:22:00,865 --> 01:22:02,170 Mr. Burnz? 1593 01:22:03,781 --> 01:22:05,130 I'm Charlie burnz. 1594 01:22:08,612 --> 01:22:10,570 Don't tell me that something's wrong. 1595 01:22:12,311 --> 01:22:13,312 Charlie? 1596 01:22:14,661 --> 01:22:15,793 Charlie? 1597 01:22:18,752 --> 01:22:21,929 Nothing's wrong. It's okay. You're all right, Charlie. 1598 01:22:23,191 --> 01:22:25,759 Hey, come back to my office. 1599 01:22:25,933 --> 01:22:28,893 Lie down for a little bit. Yeah? 1600 01:22:29,067 --> 01:22:30,459 I'm so tired. 1601 01:22:30,634 --> 01:22:33,027 It's okay. It's okay. 1602 01:22:33,201 --> 01:22:35,247 Come on. I'm really tired. 1603 01:22:35,421 --> 01:22:37,118 It's all right. It's all right. 1604 01:22:39,120 --> 01:22:41,775 - Until tonight, he's been fine. - Yeah. 1605 01:22:41,949 --> 01:22:43,211 Sometimes he's just great. 1606 01:22:43,385 --> 01:22:46,084 You'd never know he had a problem. 1607 01:22:46,258 --> 01:22:49,261 And then it'll just hit him, but nothing like this. 1608 01:22:49,435 --> 01:22:51,350 I had no idea. 1609 01:22:51,524 --> 01:22:53,482 It's our secret. Our? 1610 01:22:54,788 --> 01:22:56,660 Nobody else knows? No. 1611 01:22:56,834 --> 01:22:58,183 Well, we have a problem. 1612 01:22:58,357 --> 01:23:00,185 Social media has blown up. They love it. 1613 01:23:00,359 --> 01:23:02,274 Everybody is asking, "who is this guy?" 1614 01:23:02,448 --> 01:23:03,841 They want him back next week. 1615 01:23:04,015 --> 01:23:05,407 I know it's gone viral. Yeah. 1616 01:23:05,582 --> 01:23:08,410 You know, I'm very nervous about what people... 1617 01:23:08,585 --> 01:23:10,499 We need to post something right away. 1618 01:23:10,674 --> 01:23:11,979 Twitter, Instagram. 1619 01:23:12,153 --> 01:23:13,807 Sorry to interrupt. I just overheard. 1620 01:23:13,981 --> 01:23:16,723 Darrell, come on. Let me do it, please. 1621 01:23:16,897 --> 01:23:18,595 I know what to say. 1622 01:23:20,205 --> 01:23:22,163 Okay. Good. 1623 01:23:22,337 --> 01:23:25,210 I have to run it by the network. Okay. 1624 01:23:25,384 --> 01:23:28,343 Uh, this is Charlie's friend Emma. 1625 01:23:28,517 --> 01:23:30,519 This is Darrell, he works with Charlie. 1626 01:23:30,694 --> 01:23:33,000 Hi. Nice to meet you. 1627 01:23:33,174 --> 01:23:34,480 I'll get started. 1628 01:23:36,787 --> 01:23:37,918 What a night. 1629 01:23:39,485 --> 01:23:40,921 Okay, Charlie. There's the car. 1630 01:23:41,095 --> 01:23:42,923 Go ahead and get in. Okay. 1631 01:23:43,097 --> 01:23:45,665 Yeah? Yeah, I got it. 1632 01:23:45,839 --> 01:23:47,536 Thanks. Hey, Charlie. 1633 01:23:47,711 --> 01:23:49,756 Yeah? I just wanted to say good night 1634 01:23:49,930 --> 01:23:51,802 and make sure you're okay. 1635 01:23:51,976 --> 01:23:53,368 Thank you. Yeah. 1636 01:23:53,542 --> 01:23:54,935 Hey, I, um... 1637 01:23:55,109 --> 01:23:57,111 I posted that: 1638 01:23:57,285 --> 01:24:00,071 "Tonight, Charlie burnz showed why he's a comedy legend 1639 01:24:00,245 --> 01:24:02,943 when he gave a hilarious one-time-only performance 1640 01:24:03,117 --> 01:24:04,684 as a disgruntled writer. 1641 01:24:04,858 --> 01:24:06,338 Thank you, Charlie. 1642 01:24:06,512 --> 01:24:08,383 The crew and cast of this just in. 1643 01:24:08,557 --> 01:24:10,255 "Hashtag 'dumb turd.'" 1644 01:24:11,735 --> 01:24:13,171 and I put the "you" in all caps 1645 01:24:13,345 --> 01:24:15,347 so it was the wrong inflection. 1646 01:24:15,521 --> 01:24:16,957 Thanks, kid. 1647 01:24:17,131 --> 01:24:18,393 Good night, Charlie. 1648 01:24:18,567 --> 01:24:21,048 You know, Darrell here 1649 01:24:21,222 --> 01:24:23,094 is gonna be a terrific writer someday. 1650 01:24:24,573 --> 01:24:25,662 I don't know. 1651 01:24:25,836 --> 01:24:27,098 I do. 1652 01:24:28,839 --> 01:24:30,188 I'll see you, kid. 1653 01:24:32,320 --> 01:24:35,628 This is a scan of your brain in February. 1654 01:24:35,802 --> 01:24:37,891 And this is the one we just took. 1655 01:24:42,722 --> 01:24:45,072 They look the same to me. 1656 01:24:45,246 --> 01:24:47,988 Yes, but your symptoms are changing. 1657 01:24:50,034 --> 01:24:52,079 If I'm right, you may have a form of dementia 1658 01:24:52,253 --> 01:24:54,342 called creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. 1659 01:24:57,215 --> 01:24:59,652 What do you mean, if you're right? 1660 01:25:04,788 --> 01:25:09,314 Only way to get a definitive diagnosis of cjd is... 1661 01:25:09,488 --> 01:25:11,795 A post-mortem autopsy. 1662 01:25:11,969 --> 01:25:13,100 Well... 1663 01:25:14,623 --> 01:25:15,973 Why don't we do that now? 1664 01:25:16,147 --> 01:25:18,889 I mean, I have a lunch, but I could cancel that. 1665 01:25:20,542 --> 01:25:22,283 What happens next? 1666 01:25:22,457 --> 01:25:25,809 There are other medications than the ones you're on now... 1667 01:25:25,983 --> 01:25:28,942 That could slow this down a bit, 1668 01:25:29,116 --> 01:25:31,031 but before too long... 1669 01:25:31,205 --> 01:25:32,685 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1670 01:25:36,863 --> 01:25:39,083 "Before too long" is how long? 1671 01:25:41,041 --> 01:25:42,129 A year, maybe. 1672 01:25:46,786 --> 01:25:49,484 You probably wanna start thinking about a caregiver. 1673 01:25:52,052 --> 01:25:53,184 A nurse? 1674 01:25:53,358 --> 01:25:56,013 Yes, or your family. 1675 01:25:56,187 --> 01:25:58,711 Your son and daughter. Well... 1676 01:25:58,885 --> 01:26:01,018 That's not happening. 1677 01:26:01,192 --> 01:26:04,978 In times like this, you should be surrounded by loved ones, 1678 01:26:05,152 --> 01:26:08,416 or professionals who are trained to care for you. 1679 01:26:13,682 --> 01:26:16,555 Uh, I'll do it. I'll take care of Charlie. 1680 01:26:16,729 --> 01:26:18,513 No, you can't. You're going away. 1681 01:26:18,687 --> 01:26:20,080 My plans have changed. 1682 01:26:20,254 --> 01:26:22,256 No. No, they haven't changed. 1683 01:26:22,430 --> 01:26:24,737 She's in a band and they're supposed to go on tour. 1684 01:26:24,911 --> 01:26:26,957 Nah, I don't need to do that. No. Yes, you do. 1685 01:26:27,131 --> 01:26:28,567 She does need to do that. 1686 01:26:30,221 --> 01:26:32,440 May I ask what your relationship is? 1687 01:26:32,614 --> 01:26:33,877 I don't know. I don't know. 1688 01:26:34,051 --> 01:26:36,009 How long have you known each other? 1689 01:26:36,183 --> 01:26:38,664 I'm guessing about six months or so. 1690 01:26:38,838 --> 01:26:40,405 Are you boyfriend and girlfriend? 1691 01:26:42,755 --> 01:26:45,236 Are we? 1692 01:26:45,410 --> 01:26:47,760 How would you define boyfriend and girlfriend? 1693 01:26:47,934 --> 01:26:50,545 Well, are you having sexual relations? 1694 01:26:50,719 --> 01:26:52,417 We spooned. 1695 01:26:55,115 --> 01:26:56,725 Charlie... 1696 01:26:56,900 --> 01:26:59,076 What about your kids? 1697 01:26:59,250 --> 01:27:01,339 I honestly don't know if they've ever spooned. 1698 01:27:01,513 --> 01:27:03,297 Charlie. 1699 01:27:03,471 --> 01:27:06,997 This is no time for jokes. Yes, it is. 1700 01:27:07,171 --> 01:27:09,347 It's the perfect time for jokes, goddamn it. 1701 01:27:09,521 --> 01:27:11,349 Don't try to take away my sense of humor. 1702 01:27:11,523 --> 01:27:13,090 I'd rather die right now. 1703 01:27:14,874 --> 01:27:17,398 Boy, this god... This god is a real jokester, isn't he? 1704 01:27:17,572 --> 01:27:19,096 What a really funny god. 1705 01:27:19,270 --> 01:27:20,445 "Hey, live your whole life 1706 01:27:20,619 --> 01:27:22,099 and you won't remember any of it." 1707 01:27:23,622 --> 01:27:24,622 Fuck you! 1708 01:27:25,972 --> 01:27:27,626 Damn it. It's gonna be okay. 1709 01:27:27,800 --> 01:27:29,758 How can this be okay? 1710 01:27:29,933 --> 01:27:31,673 How can this be okay? 1711 01:27:36,374 --> 01:27:38,202 My kids don't know anything. 1712 01:27:40,900 --> 01:27:42,859 I'll tell them at the right time. 1713 01:27:43,033 --> 01:27:44,599 Charlie. 1714 01:27:46,863 --> 01:27:48,168 This is the right time. 1715 01:27:50,910 --> 01:27:52,869 You can't be alone anymore. 1716 01:27:58,483 --> 01:28:00,224 I'll take care of him till I can't. 1717 01:28:03,836 --> 01:28:05,794 I'll write you some prescriptions. 1718 01:28:07,492 --> 01:28:09,668 I'll let the two of you be alone a bit. 1719 01:28:20,418 --> 01:28:22,159 What the hell is wrong with you? What? 1720 01:28:22,333 --> 01:28:24,293 There's nothing wrong with me. You're not staying. 1721 01:28:24,378 --> 01:28:25,727 Yes, I am. No, you're not. 1722 01:28:25,902 --> 01:28:28,817 You heard what the doc said. It's over, okay? 1723 01:28:28,992 --> 01:28:30,732 That's it. Please, leave me alone! 1724 01:28:30,907 --> 01:28:34,693 Charlie. Don't "Charlie" me! 1725 01:28:34,867 --> 01:28:37,696 You have a life! You have your music, so run. 1726 01:28:37,870 --> 01:28:39,959 Run for the hills, kid. It's over. 1727 01:28:40,133 --> 01:28:44,398 I'm telling you, it's over. Please, I just wanna be alone! 1728 01:28:44,572 --> 01:28:47,880 I'm not going anywhere. I don't want you to stay! 1729 01:28:48,054 --> 01:28:52,276 You hear me? What are you staying for? 1730 01:28:52,450 --> 01:28:55,670 What's here? What's gonna be left? Nothing! 1731 01:28:55,844 --> 01:28:57,542 That's not true, Charlie. 1732 01:28:59,544 --> 01:29:01,459 I'm lost. I'm... 1733 01:29:02,808 --> 01:29:05,463 Help, help, help. I'm lost. 1734 01:29:06,594 --> 01:29:09,075 I'm so... I'm so lost. 1735 01:29:10,424 --> 01:29:12,470 I'm sorry, pal. But I'm in. 1736 01:29:13,645 --> 01:29:15,299 You wanna be with a stranger? 1737 01:29:18,258 --> 01:29:20,695 Pretty soon everyone's gonna be a stranger. 1738 01:29:20,869 --> 01:29:22,741 Not me. 1739 01:29:22,915 --> 01:29:24,438 I'm not gonna leave you. 1740 01:29:27,137 --> 01:29:28,225 Thank you. 1741 01:29:47,505 --> 01:29:49,115 Mm. 1742 01:29:49,289 --> 01:29:50,289 Hi. 1743 01:29:51,509 --> 01:29:53,032 Whose room did this used to be? 1744 01:29:53,206 --> 01:29:54,468 Francine's. 1745 01:29:54,642 --> 01:29:56,644 That explains the chill. 1746 01:29:56,818 --> 01:29:57,906 Something wrong? 1747 01:29:58,081 --> 01:29:59,169 I can't sleep. 1748 01:29:59,343 --> 01:30:01,171 What's up? 1749 01:30:01,345 --> 01:30:03,912 I wrote something. That's good. 1750 01:30:04,087 --> 01:30:06,132 I wanna read it to you. Okay. 1751 01:30:06,306 --> 01:30:07,829 This is my journal. 1752 01:30:08,004 --> 01:30:10,528 I've been writing stuff for the book in it 1753 01:30:10,702 --> 01:30:12,660 because typing has become a problem for me. 1754 01:30:12,834 --> 01:30:14,140 I know. 1755 01:30:16,751 --> 01:30:20,103 The book is called for Carrie. This is the dedication. 1756 01:30:20,277 --> 01:30:23,062 A writer always dedicates the book to somebody he loves... 1757 01:30:23,236 --> 01:30:24,846 I know what it means. Okay. 1758 01:30:28,024 --> 01:30:29,416 "To Emma payge." 1759 01:30:30,896 --> 01:30:32,419 Thank you for taking my truth 1760 01:30:32,593 --> 01:30:35,335 and making it more interesting. 1761 01:30:35,509 --> 01:30:38,643 "I kind of love you. Cb." 1762 01:30:38,817 --> 01:30:40,862 I kind of love you too, old man. 1763 01:30:41,037 --> 01:30:43,561 Oh. Really? 1764 01:30:43,735 --> 01:30:45,389 Yeah. Big-time. 1765 01:30:47,043 --> 01:30:48,305 Didn't see that coming. 1766 01:30:50,220 --> 01:30:51,438 You make me smile. 1767 01:30:53,049 --> 01:30:54,398 Good night. 1768 01:30:54,572 --> 01:30:55,834 Good night. 1769 01:31:02,841 --> 01:31:03,929 Hey, Emma. 1770 01:31:06,540 --> 01:31:09,282 I'm grateful to you that you're here. 1771 01:31:09,456 --> 01:31:11,937 I wanna have fun. I wanna laugh. 1772 01:31:12,111 --> 01:31:14,896 I want to not be scared. And I wanna write the book, 1773 01:31:15,071 --> 01:31:16,942 and I wanna do all of that with you. 1774 01:31:17,116 --> 01:31:19,727 But you have to promise me something. 1775 01:31:19,901 --> 01:31:21,338 When it's time... 1776 01:31:22,817 --> 01:31:24,471 You go back out and sing. 1777 01:31:24,645 --> 01:31:26,778 You're an artist, and that's what you should do. 1778 01:31:26,952 --> 01:31:28,171 Please, promise me. 1779 01:31:29,563 --> 01:31:30,738 I promise. 1780 01:31:30,912 --> 01:31:32,088 Good. 1781 01:31:33,785 --> 01:31:35,743 I'm a bargain for 22 bucks, don't you think? 1782 01:31:35,917 --> 01:31:37,832 Heh. Hell, yeah. 1783 01:31:40,008 --> 01:31:41,662 Good night. Good night. 1784 01:32:07,601 --> 01:32:09,255 Oh. 1785 01:32:09,429 --> 01:32:10,691 I must've dozed off. 1786 01:32:10,865 --> 01:32:12,824 These new meds are making me very sleepy. 1787 01:32:12,998 --> 01:32:15,609 I haven't taken a nap since the Carter administration. 1788 01:32:17,698 --> 01:32:19,657 What do you have there? Nothing. 1789 01:32:19,831 --> 01:32:21,485 Let me see. 1790 01:32:23,008 --> 01:32:24,444 It... 1791 01:32:24,618 --> 01:32:27,752 It's that... Emma, I know what it is. 1792 01:32:29,057 --> 01:32:30,450 I know you said get rid of it, 1793 01:32:30,624 --> 01:32:32,713 but it's just so beautiful. 1794 01:32:32,887 --> 01:32:34,150 Give it to me. 1795 01:32:46,510 --> 01:32:49,034 Carrie painted this. Yeah. 1796 01:32:49,208 --> 01:32:51,863 See, she put her name in the bushes. 1797 01:32:52,037 --> 01:32:54,344 See there? In the trees. Mm-hm. 1798 01:32:57,564 --> 01:32:59,131 This is lake Charlie. 1799 01:32:59,305 --> 01:33:01,264 Lake Charlie. Where's that? 1800 01:33:01,438 --> 01:33:05,093 That's about two hours north of the city. Yeah. 1801 01:33:06,834 --> 01:33:08,880 Carrie gave me a lake for my birthday. 1802 01:33:09,054 --> 01:33:10,098 A lake? 1803 01:33:10,273 --> 01:33:12,840 Yeah. It was actually a pond. 1804 01:33:13,014 --> 01:33:16,801 But pond Charlie didn't sound as good as lake Charlie, heh. 1805 01:33:16,975 --> 01:33:18,846 Wait. Wait, wait, wait. What? 1806 01:33:20,718 --> 01:33:23,721 Tell me all about lake Charlie. 1807 01:33:25,113 --> 01:33:26,158 Okay. 1808 01:33:28,029 --> 01:33:29,509 It was my 40th birthday. 1809 01:33:29,683 --> 01:33:31,903 Happy birthday, Charlie burnz. 1810 01:33:32,077 --> 01:33:34,122 - Happy birthday. - Happy birthday, Charlie. 1811 01:33:34,297 --> 01:33:37,038 We had a party outside in the garden. 1812 01:33:37,213 --> 01:33:39,389 And after everybody was gone... 1813 01:33:39,563 --> 01:33:42,174 Carrie shows me this photograph of this woodsy area 1814 01:33:42,348 --> 01:33:43,784 with this beautiful lake on it. 1815 01:33:43,958 --> 01:33:47,440 Happy birthday, Charlie burnz. This is for you. 1816 01:33:47,614 --> 01:33:50,791 For me? What is this? What am I looking at? 1817 01:33:50,965 --> 01:33:54,273 It's called lake Charlie. Lake Charlie? 1818 01:33:54,447 --> 01:33:56,797 She was always trying to get me to stop working. 1819 01:33:56,971 --> 01:34:00,627 And just be alone with her and do nothing. 1820 01:34:00,801 --> 01:34:02,934 And honestly the thought of doing nothing 1821 01:34:03,108 --> 01:34:04,762 terrified me, you know? 1822 01:34:06,851 --> 01:34:09,114 But I loved it so much and it meant so much to her 1823 01:34:09,288 --> 01:34:13,814 that we'd go up there, you know, and camp out, like, in a tent. 1824 01:34:13,988 --> 01:34:15,468 Can you imagine me in a tent? 1825 01:34:15,642 --> 01:34:17,731 I mean, to me, the great outdoors 1826 01:34:17,905 --> 01:34:20,038 would be a lot better if it was indoors. 1827 01:34:20,212 --> 01:34:21,822 Good morning! 1828 01:34:26,218 --> 01:34:29,352 That smells good. Smells better than me. 1829 01:34:31,310 --> 01:34:32,920 Mm. 1830 01:34:33,094 --> 01:34:34,879 Wow... whoa! Look what you did. 1831 01:34:39,579 --> 01:34:41,451 Hey, Charlie? Yeah? 1832 01:34:41,625 --> 01:34:44,062 You know what I think? What? 1833 01:34:44,236 --> 01:34:47,326 I think we need a house. A house? 1834 01:34:47,500 --> 01:34:50,895 Yeah. The kids will love it up here. 1835 01:34:51,069 --> 01:34:54,333 What? Kids? Didn't I tell you? 1836 01:34:56,204 --> 01:34:59,730 And that's how she told me she was pregnant with Rex. 1837 01:34:59,904 --> 01:35:02,298 So she went looking for a house. 1838 01:35:02,472 --> 01:35:04,474 Wait, didn't you guys build a house? 1839 01:35:04,648 --> 01:35:06,389 Oh, no, that's way too easy for Carrie. 1840 01:35:06,563 --> 01:35:09,000 She scoured the countryside, found this little house, 1841 01:35:09,174 --> 01:35:11,394 she bought it, lifted it up, 1842 01:35:11,568 --> 01:35:14,353 put it on a flatbed truck and she drove it to lake Charlie. 1843 01:35:14,527 --> 01:35:16,790 Got a house, Charlie burnz! 1844 01:35:19,227 --> 01:35:20,490 Thank you. 1845 01:35:20,664 --> 01:35:22,709 So we put in a new foundation, 1846 01:35:22,883 --> 01:35:25,233 plopped the house down on it, renovated it, 1847 01:35:25,408 --> 01:35:27,323 painted it up, made it a little bit bigger. 1848 01:35:27,497 --> 01:35:29,368 Mm-hm. It was our happy place. 1849 01:35:29,542 --> 01:35:32,632 Dad, come on! Let's go play. Daddy, come on! 1850 01:35:32,806 --> 01:35:34,634 And she was right. Daddy, come on. 1851 01:35:34,808 --> 01:35:35,983 Are you playing or not? 1852 01:35:36,157 --> 01:35:37,637 The kids loved it. 1853 01:35:37,811 --> 01:35:41,641 Aw. Now I know why you didn't wanna hang the picture. 1854 01:35:43,469 --> 01:35:44,818 No, you don't. 1855 01:35:47,430 --> 01:35:49,519 I'm tired. I can't talk anymore. 1856 01:35:49,693 --> 01:35:53,653 Come on, Charlie. Please? Don't take this with you. 1857 01:35:53,827 --> 01:35:55,655 I'm not going anywhere yet. 1858 01:35:59,529 --> 01:36:03,794 Okay. My first Broadway play, it's my time, 1859 01:36:03,968 --> 01:36:05,709 it opened at the belasco theatre. 1860 01:36:05,883 --> 01:36:07,754 Reviews were terrific, business was great, 1861 01:36:07,928 --> 01:36:09,495 but that wasn't enough for me. 1862 01:36:09,669 --> 01:36:11,584 The star was an actor named Jerry orbach, 1863 01:36:11,758 --> 01:36:14,195 and there was this one speech late in the second act. 1864 01:36:14,370 --> 01:36:16,459 It never landed right. It drove me crazy. 1865 01:36:16,633 --> 01:36:19,636 All I wanted was one show that was just perfect. 1866 01:36:25,163 --> 01:36:28,384 Things were tense... 1867 01:36:29,776 --> 01:36:32,039 Between the two of us. 1868 01:36:32,213 --> 01:36:34,433 I'd been working so much. What are we doing? 1869 01:36:34,607 --> 01:36:36,174 I'd been on the road for four months 1870 01:36:36,348 --> 01:36:38,611 with the play before it came to Broadway. 1871 01:36:38,785 --> 01:36:41,397 Everybody was looking forward to spending some time together 1872 01:36:41,571 --> 01:36:43,790 at lake Charlie, and what was I doing? 1873 01:36:43,964 --> 01:36:46,532 I was rewriting a play that was already a hit. 1874 01:36:46,706 --> 01:36:49,753 Charlie, we have to go right now. 1875 01:36:49,927 --> 01:36:51,102 Traffic's gonna be awful. 1876 01:36:51,276 --> 01:36:52,596 I don't like driving in the dark. 1877 01:36:52,669 --> 01:36:54,148 My mom's got the kids there waiting. 1878 01:36:54,322 --> 01:36:55,602 We should have left an hour ago. 1879 01:36:55,759 --> 01:36:57,199 I had to rewrite a speech for Jerry. 1880 01:36:57,282 --> 01:36:59,110 It wasn't landing right. Oh. Great. Okay. 1881 01:36:59,284 --> 01:37:00,807 That's just great. He's reading it. 1882 01:37:00,981 --> 01:37:02,548 I wanna make sure it's okay with him. 1883 01:37:02,722 --> 01:37:04,768 Oh. You wanna make sure it's okay with him? 1884 01:37:04,942 --> 01:37:06,639 With him? How about with me? 1885 01:37:06,813 --> 01:37:09,425 How about with the kids, who you haven't seen for months? 1886 01:37:09,599 --> 01:37:11,122 You promised me. You promised us. 1887 01:37:11,296 --> 01:37:12,950 Stop yelling. Five minutes, I promise. 1888 01:37:13,124 --> 01:37:15,605 I'll be right in and right out. The kids are waiting. 1889 01:37:15,779 --> 01:37:17,979 I understand. I'll be right out. The people are in line, 1890 01:37:18,129 --> 01:37:19,769 the show goes up in an hour. Five minutes? 1891 01:37:19,913 --> 01:37:21,959 Yeah. Yeah. I know you're upset, 1892 01:37:22,133 --> 01:37:23,613 but I hate when you get like this. 1893 01:37:23,787 --> 01:37:25,571 If you're not back in five minutes, 1894 01:37:25,745 --> 01:37:29,357 I'm leaving without you. I heard you, okay? I heard you. 1895 01:37:29,532 --> 01:37:31,272 Goddamn it. 1896 01:37:35,189 --> 01:37:39,672 It took 15 minutes. When I came out, she was gone. 1897 01:37:39,846 --> 01:37:42,196 I was angry. So I watched the show, 1898 01:37:42,370 --> 01:37:45,069 that damn speech still didn't land right. 1899 01:37:45,243 --> 01:37:46,523 I had a couple drinks with Jerry 1900 01:37:46,679 --> 01:37:48,028 and then I came back here... 1901 01:37:49,856 --> 01:37:53,730 And the next thing I remember is flashing lights. 1902 01:37:53,904 --> 01:37:55,558 And a policeman in the doorway 1903 01:37:55,732 --> 01:37:59,300 asking me my name over and over again. 1904 01:38:01,302 --> 01:38:03,827 And I'm thinking if I don't answer him, 1905 01:38:04,001 --> 01:38:07,134 then maybe what he's about to tell me didn't happen. 1906 01:38:15,447 --> 01:38:17,014 He told me Carrie was driving 1907 01:38:17,188 --> 01:38:19,538 on this dark road right near the house. 1908 01:38:19,712 --> 01:38:22,715 She came to this fork in the road... 1909 01:38:22,889 --> 01:38:24,500 And some kid loaded on pills 1910 01:38:24,674 --> 01:38:26,632 driving a Jeep ran the stop sign. 1911 01:38:29,330 --> 01:38:30,941 And he hit her head-on. 1912 01:38:32,420 --> 01:38:34,727 She died instantly. 1913 01:38:34,901 --> 01:38:36,599 Kid walked away without a scratch. 1914 01:38:38,644 --> 01:38:40,385 The last time I saw that beautiful face, 1915 01:38:40,559 --> 01:38:41,559 she was mad at me. 1916 01:38:44,345 --> 01:38:47,871 That's why I can't look at that picture anymore. 1917 01:38:48,045 --> 01:38:51,962 It makes me remember the one thing I want to forget. 1918 01:38:59,404 --> 01:39:00,404 I'm sorry. 1919 01:39:05,628 --> 01:39:06,890 Me too. 1920 01:39:15,899 --> 01:39:18,858 Need anything from the store? Um... wonton soup. 1921 01:39:19,032 --> 01:39:21,392 I'd like to shampoo my hair. It's getting a little greasy... 1922 01:39:21,469 --> 01:39:23,210 Charlie. What? 1923 01:39:25,386 --> 01:39:27,606 I'm just kidding. I'm okay. 1924 01:39:27,780 --> 01:39:30,217 I promise. Thanks. Good. 1925 01:39:30,391 --> 01:39:32,785 Hey, I was thinking, you know what we could do someday? 1926 01:39:32,959 --> 01:39:34,395 It could be fun. Um... 1927 01:39:34,570 --> 01:39:37,573 Ever been to madame tussaud's wax museum? 1928 01:39:37,747 --> 01:39:39,792 You ever been there? It's a lot of fun. 1929 01:39:39,966 --> 01:39:42,360 It's pretty amazing what they do. 1930 01:39:47,147 --> 01:39:49,628 Okay. Sure. 1931 01:40:08,299 --> 01:40:13,217 You're back already? Okay. Coming, coming, coming. 1932 01:40:16,742 --> 01:40:18,439 Hi! Lindsay: Hi. 1933 01:40:18,614 --> 01:40:21,660 Come on in. Come on in. This is a surprise. 1934 01:40:21,834 --> 01:40:25,011 What's the matter? You look very upset. What's wrong? 1935 01:40:25,185 --> 01:40:26,883 I had a fight with my mom. Oh. 1936 01:40:27,057 --> 01:40:28,697 She said you were drunk and embarrassing. 1937 01:40:28,841 --> 01:40:31,322 I said you could never be. You were funny on the show. 1938 01:40:31,496 --> 01:40:33,896 Why does she keep you away from me? She said something awful. 1939 01:40:34,064 --> 01:40:36,327 Does she know where you are? She thinks I'm at school. 1940 01:40:36,501 --> 01:40:37,894 How did you get here? Uber. 1941 01:40:38,068 --> 01:40:39,852 We should tell her you're here. No! 1942 01:40:40,026 --> 01:40:41,985 She'll be so mad at me. But, Lindsay... 1943 01:40:42,159 --> 01:40:44,422 Please. I just have to know if it's true. 1944 01:40:44,596 --> 01:40:46,032 Is what true? 1945 01:40:48,121 --> 01:40:51,559 She said it was because of you that I don't have a grandma. 1946 01:40:51,734 --> 01:40:53,126 She said that to you? 1947 01:40:53,300 --> 01:40:55,955 No. I overheard her on the phone with uncle Rex. 1948 01:40:58,305 --> 01:41:00,220 No, Lindsay, no. 1949 01:41:00,394 --> 01:41:02,266 Okay. 1950 01:41:05,835 --> 01:41:07,619 Lindsay never made it to school, Rex. 1951 01:41:07,793 --> 01:41:10,666 She used my uber account, and guess where she took it to. 1952 01:41:12,102 --> 01:41:14,017 Charlie, I got your wonton soup, 1953 01:41:14,191 --> 01:41:18,064 but the chef said that you need to use extra conditioner... 1954 01:41:18,238 --> 01:41:19,239 Charlie! 1955 01:41:21,067 --> 01:41:24,897 I got some short ribs. They'll be so good. 1956 01:41:26,203 --> 01:41:27,291 Charlie? 1957 01:41:28,509 --> 01:41:31,164 Charlie? Charlie! 1958 01:41:33,166 --> 01:41:37,170 Where are you, old man? Charlie, stop playing. 1959 01:41:37,344 --> 01:41:39,651 Hey. Where is she? 1960 01:41:39,825 --> 01:41:42,872 How'd you get in here? We grew up here. Where is she? 1961 01:41:43,046 --> 01:41:44,221 Who? My daughter Lindsay. 1962 01:41:44,395 --> 01:41:46,136 And our father. Where's our dad? Lindsay! 1963 01:41:46,310 --> 01:41:48,051 Dad! Nobody's here. 1964 01:41:48,225 --> 01:41:49,792 I just got home myself. 1965 01:41:49,966 --> 01:41:51,663 Home? Do you live here? 1966 01:41:51,837 --> 01:41:54,666 I moved in a few days ago. Oh, lovely. 1967 01:41:54,840 --> 01:41:57,756 Your dad needs me right now. I bet he does. 1968 01:41:57,930 --> 01:42:00,672 You might want to rethink your attitude, Francine. 1969 01:42:00,846 --> 01:42:03,240 What is this? What is all this about? 1970 01:42:03,414 --> 01:42:05,764 That's research for a project he's working on. 1971 01:42:05,938 --> 01:42:07,461 With our names under the pictures? 1972 01:42:07,635 --> 01:42:09,768 He doesn't know who we are? Not all the time. 1973 01:42:11,291 --> 01:42:13,380 Your father's sick. 1974 01:42:13,554 --> 01:42:16,209 He has a form of dementia. And it's getting worse. 1975 01:42:17,776 --> 01:42:20,083 He can't be alone anymore. 1976 01:42:20,257 --> 01:42:22,694 That's why I moved in, Francine. 1977 01:42:22,868 --> 01:42:26,045 I'm his friend. He's writing a book about your family 1978 01:42:26,219 --> 01:42:28,395 and I'm helping him finish it. 1979 01:42:28,569 --> 01:42:30,746 I can't believe this. We had no idea. 1980 01:42:30,920 --> 01:42:33,705 That's because you're too busy being pissed at him. 1981 01:42:33,879 --> 01:42:37,056 Pretty soon, before you know it, he's not gonna know who you are. 1982 01:42:37,230 --> 01:42:39,145 But you'll remember him. 1983 01:42:39,319 --> 01:42:41,452 He's done a very good job of beating himself up 1984 01:42:41,626 --> 01:42:43,323 without you guys piling on. 1985 01:42:43,497 --> 01:42:45,238 You were very happy once. 1986 01:42:45,412 --> 01:42:47,937 It can happen again if you let it. 1987 01:42:49,155 --> 01:42:50,155 How do we find them? 1988 01:42:50,287 --> 01:42:52,115 I put a GPS on his phone. 1989 01:42:52,289 --> 01:42:54,030 Okay. Let me see. 1990 01:42:57,947 --> 01:43:01,646 No. No, no, no. It's here. It's here. 1991 01:43:01,820 --> 01:43:03,474 Where the hell are they? Damn. 1992 01:43:03,648 --> 01:43:06,433 Oh. If she's still using my uber account, we can find them. 1993 01:43:30,849 --> 01:43:32,209 I cannot believe this. 1994 01:43:32,285 --> 01:43:33,547 Hey, hey, hey. What's wrong? 1995 01:43:33,721 --> 01:43:35,375 Longer trip than I thought. 1996 01:43:35,549 --> 01:43:37,943 You give five star. I accept nothing less. 1997 01:43:38,117 --> 01:43:39,423 Is this the best way to go? 1998 01:43:41,338 --> 01:43:44,167 This is all my fault. She overheard what I said to you on the phone. 1999 01:43:44,341 --> 01:43:46,212 We got in a fight about... She heard that? 2000 01:43:46,386 --> 01:43:48,258 Yes. I know. I'm sorry, okay? 2001 01:43:48,432 --> 01:43:51,348 What if he does something crazy? What's he gonna do, Francine? 2002 01:43:51,522 --> 01:43:52,784 What's gonna happen? 2003 01:43:52,958 --> 01:43:54,960 I don't know. He loves Lindsay. 2004 01:43:55,134 --> 01:43:56,570 Nothing will happen. 2005 01:43:56,744 --> 01:43:58,746 How can you be so sure? 2006 01:43:58,921 --> 01:44:00,531 I know him. 2007 01:44:08,452 --> 01:44:12,021 Papa! Where are you going? Come back! 2008 01:44:16,329 --> 01:44:20,507 Please stop! Hey, what about my five stars?! 2009 01:44:23,859 --> 01:44:25,338 Oh, god! 2010 01:44:25,512 --> 01:44:26,862 Lindsay, honey, are you okay? 2011 01:44:27,036 --> 01:44:28,646 Papa Charlie ran away! 2012 01:44:28,820 --> 01:44:30,100 He told the driver to pull over, 2013 01:44:30,169 --> 01:44:31,605 jumped out of the car and ran. 2014 01:44:31,779 --> 01:44:33,477 I'm scared. I'm in the woods. 2015 01:44:33,651 --> 01:44:36,393 Lindsay, don't worry. Look around. Can you see anything? 2016 01:44:36,567 --> 01:44:39,135 I can see the road. Go there. Go to the road. 2017 01:44:39,309 --> 01:44:40,484 We're gonna find you. 2018 01:44:48,013 --> 01:44:50,015 Mom! Mom! 2019 01:44:52,844 --> 01:44:53,976 Lindsay! 2020 01:44:55,629 --> 01:44:57,022 Sweetheart. 2021 01:44:59,982 --> 01:45:01,418 Come on, baby girl. 2022 01:45:01,592 --> 01:45:05,857 Oh, my god, Rex. I know. Let's find him. 2023 01:45:15,693 --> 01:45:17,260 Dad? 2024 01:45:17,434 --> 01:45:18,696 Papa Charlie? Dad? 2025 01:45:18,870 --> 01:45:20,785 - Charlie? - Papa Charlie? 2026 01:45:20,959 --> 01:45:24,441 No, dad. No. Please, dad. Dad? 2027 01:45:24,615 --> 01:45:25,833 Charlie? Rex: Dad? 2028 01:45:28,532 --> 01:45:29,968 Charlie! 2029 01:45:30,142 --> 01:45:31,143 Papa Charlie! 2030 01:45:31,317 --> 01:45:33,015 Charlie! 2031 01:45:34,842 --> 01:45:36,496 Dad! Emma: Charlie! 2032 01:45:36,670 --> 01:45:38,107 Dad! Rex: Dad? 2033 01:45:38,281 --> 01:45:40,239 Charlie! Papa Charlie! 2034 01:45:40,413 --> 01:45:42,981 - Dad! Dad! - Charlie! 2035 01:45:43,155 --> 01:45:46,593 Dad! Papa Charlie, where are you? 2036 01:45:52,208 --> 01:45:53,644 Charlie! 2037 01:45:55,776 --> 01:45:57,387 Charlie. 2038 01:45:57,561 --> 01:45:59,432 Oh, hey. 2039 01:46:01,347 --> 01:46:02,609 Hey. Hey. Hey. 2040 01:46:06,918 --> 01:46:10,574 Hey. You okay? My feet are wet. 2041 01:46:10,748 --> 01:46:11,923 Mine are too. 2042 01:46:13,359 --> 01:46:14,882 Are you okay? You look so upset. 2043 01:46:15,057 --> 01:46:16,797 I'm just happy to see you. 2044 01:46:16,972 --> 01:46:18,451 Dad. 2045 01:46:21,193 --> 01:46:22,586 What are you doing here? 2046 01:46:23,848 --> 01:46:26,111 Hi. Uh... 2047 01:46:26,285 --> 01:46:31,073 Well, I wanted to show Lindsay lake Charlie. 2048 01:46:31,247 --> 01:46:32,900 This was our happy place. 2049 01:46:34,380 --> 01:46:36,992 See, with sunsets, we'd stand right here. 2050 01:46:37,166 --> 01:46:40,082 And... and we'd watch the sun go down there 2051 01:46:40,256 --> 01:46:43,172 and, "bye-bye, sun. Bye-bye, sun." 2052 01:46:43,346 --> 01:46:44,390 Somebody would say that. 2053 01:46:44,564 --> 01:46:46,131 That was me, dad. 2054 01:46:47,393 --> 01:46:49,308 I said that. Yeah. 2055 01:46:50,570 --> 01:46:51,615 Mm-hm. 2056 01:46:55,923 --> 01:46:58,056 I'm sorry about your mother. No. 2057 01:46:58,230 --> 01:47:01,842 Dad, you don't have to... No, I have to. I have to, Rex. 2058 01:47:02,017 --> 01:47:04,280 Let me finish, because I'm running out of words. 2059 01:47:08,806 --> 01:47:11,069 Francine, I was not the reason your mom died. 2060 01:47:13,158 --> 01:47:16,727 That kid who ran the stop sign was the reason your mom died. 2061 01:47:16,901 --> 01:47:20,252 And I adored her so much. I loved your mother so much. 2062 01:47:20,426 --> 01:47:22,689 And she died mad at me. 2063 01:47:22,863 --> 01:47:24,952 Dad. 2064 01:47:25,127 --> 01:47:28,217 I can't leave here knowing that you're mad at me too. 2065 01:47:29,827 --> 01:47:32,525 I can't undo it. I can't undo it. 2066 01:47:32,699 --> 01:47:34,919 There's no rewrites this time. 2067 01:47:35,093 --> 01:47:38,444 Come on. Relax. Relax your hands. 2068 01:47:39,706 --> 01:47:41,534 No more fists. Relax your hands. 2069 01:47:46,626 --> 01:47:50,065 Dad. Why didn't you tell us? 2070 01:47:52,676 --> 01:47:55,635 Because I didn't know how. 2071 01:47:57,898 --> 01:47:58,898 And I was scared. 2072 01:48:00,249 --> 01:48:01,902 Of what? 2073 01:48:02,077 --> 01:48:04,688 That maybe you wouldn't care. 2074 01:48:04,862 --> 01:48:06,081 Oh, dad. 2075 01:48:09,127 --> 01:48:11,608 Forgive me. Please. 2076 01:48:11,782 --> 01:48:14,001 Forgive me so I can forgive myself. 2077 01:48:14,176 --> 01:48:16,830 Because the sight of your angry eyes keeps me up at night 2078 01:48:17,004 --> 01:48:20,007 and gives me the sweats, and there's no more time for that. 2079 01:48:20,182 --> 01:48:22,662 There's no more time. I'm here today. 2080 01:48:22,836 --> 01:48:24,882 Daddy, I'm so sorry. 2081 01:48:25,056 --> 01:48:30,105 Franny, it's okay. It's okay. I understand. I understand. 2082 01:48:30,279 --> 01:48:31,889 I love you, pop. Oh! 2083 01:48:32,063 --> 01:48:33,978 - I love you. - Is there room for me? 2084 01:48:34,152 --> 01:48:36,198 Come here, sweetie. I love you too, you know? 2085 01:48:39,288 --> 01:48:41,507 Emma. Emma. Come here. 2086 01:48:46,686 --> 01:48:48,906 Oh, god. What a long time between hugs. 2087 01:48:59,743 --> 01:49:02,920 Mom was always inventing days for the kids. 2088 01:49:03,094 --> 01:49:05,096 Kids loved "backwards day" the best. 2089 01:49:05,270 --> 01:49:07,533 We'd have dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner. 2090 01:49:07,707 --> 01:49:09,535 No, pop. It was "upside-down day." 2091 01:49:09,709 --> 01:49:11,189 Upside-down day. God, I loved that. 2092 01:49:11,363 --> 01:49:12,756 We'd have cake for breakfast. 2093 01:49:12,930 --> 01:49:14,323 Can we do that? Yeah. 2094 01:49:14,497 --> 01:49:16,412 Will you do it with us, papa Charlie and Emma? 2095 01:49:16,586 --> 01:49:18,979 Absolutely. Yeah, sure. Anything for you. 2096 01:49:19,154 --> 01:49:22,679 Is it upside-down day? Yeah. Upside-down day. 2097 01:49:22,853 --> 01:49:24,681 I got it. Upside-down day is great. 2098 01:49:24,855 --> 01:49:26,770 - Yeah? - This'll be really good. 2099 01:49:26,944 --> 01:49:27,944 Okay. 2100 01:49:29,207 --> 01:49:30,382 Huh. 2101 01:49:32,167 --> 01:49:34,386 Hey, Rex, um... Oh, tell them the story 2102 01:49:34,560 --> 01:49:36,388 about when dad was barbecuing outside, 2103 01:49:36,562 --> 01:49:38,869 he was making all these hot dogs and a bear came. 2104 01:49:39,043 --> 01:49:41,219 Oh, heh-heh! That's a really good story. 2105 01:49:41,393 --> 01:49:46,268 Okay, I think it was July 4th? Uh-huh. Dad loves 4th of July. 2106 01:49:51,838 --> 01:49:53,144 It's beautiful here. 2107 01:49:53,318 --> 01:49:54,537 Mm-hm. 2108 01:49:58,976 --> 01:50:00,238 Are you okay? 2109 01:50:04,590 --> 01:50:05,590 I'm here. 2110 01:50:19,866 --> 01:50:23,305 ♪ Well, I've seen love go by my door ♪ 2111 01:50:23,479 --> 01:50:25,437 ♪ it's never been this close before ♪ 2112 01:50:25,611 --> 01:50:29,833 ♪ never been so easy or so slow ♪ 2113 01:50:31,965 --> 01:50:34,794 ♪ I've been shootin' in the dark too long ♪ 2114 01:50:34,968 --> 01:50:37,101 ♪ when something's not right it's wrong ♪ 2115 01:50:37,275 --> 01:50:41,148 ♪ you're gonna make me lonesome when you go ♪ 2116 01:50:43,020 --> 01:50:45,675 ♪ dragon clouds so high above ♪ 2117 01:50:45,849 --> 01:50:47,764 ♪ I've only known careless love... ♪ 2118 01:50:51,202 --> 01:50:52,812 Come on. Sun's going down. 2119 01:50:54,814 --> 01:50:57,469 It's going. Come on, he's not gonna wait for us. 2120 01:50:57,643 --> 01:50:59,906 ♪ Right on target, so direct ♪ 2121 01:51:00,080 --> 01:51:01,821 ♪ you're gonna make me lonesome... ♪ 2122 01:51:01,995 --> 01:51:04,694 Come on. Don't wanna miss it. 2123 01:51:07,174 --> 01:51:09,525 Wow. This gonna be a beauty. 2124 01:51:09,699 --> 01:51:13,703 - Oh, look at that. Wow. - It's so beautiful. 2125 01:51:13,877 --> 01:51:16,183 Wow. 2126 01:51:16,358 --> 01:51:17,359 Yeah. 2127 01:51:17,533 --> 01:51:18,838 ♪ Blue river ♪ 2128 01:51:19,012 --> 01:51:20,623 ♪ running slow and lazy ♪ 2129 01:51:22,973 --> 01:51:28,935 ♪ I could stay with you forever and never realize the time ♪ 2130 01:51:29,109 --> 01:51:31,677 ♪ situations have ended sad ♪ 2131 01:51:31,851 --> 01:51:34,637 ♪ relationships have all been bad ♪ 2132 01:51:34,811 --> 01:51:38,293 ♪ mine have been like verlaine and rimbaud ♪ 2133 01:51:40,207 --> 01:51:43,123 ♪ but there's no way I can compare ♪ 2134 01:51:43,298 --> 01:51:45,735 ♪ all those scenes to this affair ♪ 2135 01:51:45,909 --> 01:51:49,652 ♪ you're gonna make me lonesome when you go ♪ 2136 01:51:51,436 --> 01:51:54,787 ♪ I'll look for you in old Honolulu ♪ 2137 01:51:54,961 --> 01:51:57,399 ♪ San Francisco or ashtabula ♪ 2138 01:51:57,573 --> 01:52:02,447 ♪ you're gonna have to leave me now I know ♪ 2139 01:52:02,621 --> 01:52:04,884 ♪ but I'll see you in the sky above ♪ 2140 01:52:05,058 --> 01:52:06,103 Bye-bye, sun. 2141 01:52:06,277 --> 01:52:07,496 ♪ In the tall grass ♪ 2142 01:52:07,670 --> 01:52:08,714 ♪ in the ones I love ♪ 2143 01:52:08,888 --> 01:52:10,150 ♪ you're gonna make me ♪ 2144 01:52:10,325 --> 01:52:12,283 ♪ lonesome when you go ♪ 2145 01:52:14,546 --> 01:52:20,030 ♪ you're gonna make me lonesome when you go ♪ 2146 01:52:20,204 --> 01:52:24,817 ♪ you're gonna make me very, very lonesome ♪ 2147 01:52:24,991 --> 01:52:28,081 ♪ when you go ♪ 2148 01:52:32,042 --> 01:52:33,696 Goodbye, old man. 148908