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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,800
Well, there are lots
of exciting options,
but I like Sex On The Beach.
2
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:08,720
Is that vodka-based or...?
Oh, are we talking about drinks?
3
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,400
It would be a port and lemon for me.
Bitter, tart.
4
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,560
You said it, mate.
5
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,360
What if was puddle water
mixed with river water?
6
00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,560
It's still not a cocktail, Robin.
7
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,680
It's all I've ever drunk! Right.
8
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,040
And seeing as Mary
doesn't partake...
9
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:24,760
Tis devil's juice!
10
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,120
..that just about wraps up
our Inaugural Cocktail Society.
11
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,560
Cock Soc. No, we're not
calling it that, mate.
12
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,240
When I was fucdut as CO of Ick...
Those aren't real words!
13
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,720
..it was the highlight of our week
on a Friday night...
14
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,960
SINGING
15
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,280
# What a day it is... #
16
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,120
Is that me?
17
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,240
Good morning! Good morning!
18
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,360
# Ra-ta-ta-ta, ra-ta-ta... #
19
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,400
Oh, Kitty! What pretty hair
you have today!
20
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,600
And, Robin, looking very sprightly.
21
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,240
And a lovely smile as always,
22
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,600
from my dearest Patty Cake!
23
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,760
Huh? What just happened?
24
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,480
And then pages seven and nine. OK.
25
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,520
Nice.
26
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,600
This, um, rosewood?
27
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,320
That's my granola. Mm.
28
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,760
OK. Marvellous.
Well, your driveway is now
29
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,800
officially your driveway.
30
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:41,160
Sorry, again. This really should
have come up in our searches.
31
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,880
These things happen. To us.
32
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,880
Hopefully, we won't find any more
skeletons in the... Basement.
33
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,760
..closet. Closet. Hm? Mm.
34
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,400
Well, we should get going.
My sister's coming over.
35
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,560
But... Sister? I didn't think
you had a sister.
36
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,800
Oh, yeah. No. Recent development.
37
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,600
Yeah. Long-lost sister.
38
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,280
Well, actually, half sister.
39
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,720
Which half? On which side?
40
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,200
My dad's. Older, younger?
41
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,680
Uh, older?
42
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,320
Oh, dear. Oh, dear, dear, dear,
dear, dear.
43
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,040
Is there...? Is there a problem?
44
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,560
Well, she may have a claim to
the estate, so either
45
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,680
you'd have to buy her out, which you
don't have the money for, or sell
46
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,280
the house and split the proceeds.
47
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,320
Admittedly,
those are worst-case scenarios,
48
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,440
but it's a very serious situation.
49
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,120
Oh, I mean... So, what can we do?
50
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,800
Well, first things first.
You need to confirm her identity.
51
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:31,280
A birth certificate at least,
if not a DNA test. A DNA test?
52
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:32,640
You're not serious.
53
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,040
I'm always serious. Ask my wife.
54
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,520
ALL TALKING AT ONCE
55
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:42,840
No, no, look, look! I know
Fanny better than any of you.
56
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,680
She does have a lighter side,
you know. Not that light!
57
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,440
No, something's up.
58
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,840
Perhaps she's unwell.
59
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,560
She's dead, Kitty.
There you are, then.
60
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,320
Perhaps she has been possessed.
61
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,040
There's no such thing as possession.
62
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,320
Well, there's no such thing
as ghosts, but...
63
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,000
He's right, isn't he? THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE
64
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,080
Well, can't you just drop it in
conversationally?
65
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,280
Oh, yeah. "Oh, hi, Lucy.
Nice weather.
66
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,440
"Can I test your DNA?"
67
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,280
Look, she might not even
want the house.
68
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,960
He did say it was just worst-case
scenario. He knows he screwed up
69
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,560
the driveway thing,
so he's just being super cautious.
70
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,000
Anyway, I want to get back to work.
71
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,720
Hey, look at me.
72
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,400
I've got the kind of work that
people have got to get back to. Mm!
73
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,000
I'm really growing as a person.
74
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,080
Don't know whether to be proud
or depressed.
75
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,360
Ah! Alison! I couldn't help
but overhear... Well, you could.
76
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:38,000
..something about Lucy. A test?
77
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,720
Oh, yeah. I just...
78
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,120
I have to sort of confirm she is
who she says she is.
79
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:45,680
You mean like a spy?
80
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:46,960
No, that's not...
81
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,280
Now, I happen to have a very
particular set of skills
82
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,240
when it comes
to rooting out bad apples. Yep.
83
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,600
If someone wanted,
someone could conduct some covert
84
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,760
surveillance on a certain someone,
if someone
85
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:03,680
didn't want to get their hands
dirty, if you know what I mean.
86
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:07,920
I don't want you to spy on my
sister, if that's what you mean.
87
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,960
So, you DON'T want me to spy
on her? Jolly good.
88
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,320
No, no, really, Captain.
89
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,880
I really... I really don't
want you to spy on her. What?
90
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,920
I don't. I'm just going to talk
to her and, you know, ask
91
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:23,360
for some clarity and, uh,
some ID and a DNA swab,
92
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,600
and then just ruin our relationship
before we've even...
93
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,080
OK, actually, do you know what?
94
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:30,520
Maybe a little light surveillance
wouldn't be the worst idea.
95
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,280
OK, do it.
Do you mean do it as in
96
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,520
"don't do it" or do it
as in "do it"?
97
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,760
Do it. So, don't. No, do. Yes.
98
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,040
Do.
99
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,920
Ah, all right. Erm...
100
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,080
Don't. Jolly good, right.
101
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:48,320
Sorry. Is that actual don't or...?
How did we win the war?
102
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,160
All right, young lady!
All right.
103
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,960
I'll make it simple for you.
If you want to green light
104
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,920
this mission say "eiderdown".
105
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,440
Eiderdown. Shh! Ah.
106
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,840
WHISPERING: For goodness' sake!
107
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,280
All right. We'll soon find out
if she's a German.
108
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:03,320
I mean, she is who she says she is.
109
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,320
OK. Good luck.
110
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,480
Thank you? Mm.
111
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,280
Right. Let's get in amongst them.
112
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,400
Stop it!
113
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:28,720
Well, I'm bored! I miss the office,
the banter, the secretaries.
114
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:33,000
Whir of the fax, the secretaries,
photocopier, the secretaries
115
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,400
ON the photocopier.
116
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:38,120
Oh! JULIAN GRUNTS
117
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,440
Right. Do you know
what a line manager is?
118
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,240
Because mine is very serious. Yeah?
119
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,720
I'm sure that you find this stuff
hilarious. What's up with him?
120
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,280
Oh, just being a square.
121
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,720
He's having a square meal
and he's off to a square dance
122
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,080
in Trafalgar Square.
123
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,120
So, please just let me get on! Huh.
124
00:05:58,920 --> 00:05:59,960
Oh, my!
125
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,720
Oh! Like bum? Yeah!
126
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,960
Exactly like bum. Just stop it!
127
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,400
All right? Or I'm telling Alison.
Ooh! Ooh!
128
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,520
Thank you.
129
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,760
No! LAUGHTER
130
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,000
No, no, no, no. Unsend. Unsend!
131
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,680
GRAVEL CRUNCHING UNDER TYRES
132
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,120
Oh, joy! The other one. Kitty.
133
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,280
To think my head was turned by such
134
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,760
a pale imitation of perfection.
It's so nice she's back.
135
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,080
When she's leaving?
136
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,720
She's staying the night.
A sleepover? Mm-mm.
137
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,040
Which I'm fine about, actually.
Yeah.
138
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,720
Not jealous at all.
139
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,120
The opposite of jealous.
If anything, I'm happy.
140
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,480
And if you see me crying,
it's because I'm so happy.
141
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,360
SHE SOBS
142
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,200
I'm going to kill him! I'm going to
resurrect him
143
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,520
and I'm going to kill him.
Robin. It wasn't me!
144
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,920
So, I'm typing an email, right,
to my boss and old Mr Funny Fingers
145
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,680
starts messing with the keyboard,
146
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,600
changing words to rude words.
147
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:07,080
Made annual review anal review.
148
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,200
Like bum!
149
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,680
ALISON CHUCKLES
150
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,200
Yes. No. That... That's not funny
151
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,440
at the end of the day. I mean, you
can't... You really can't.
152
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,520
I asked him to stop.
I begged him.
153
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,640
And what does he do?
Puts a kiss on it.
154
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,880
Best wishes, Michael, kiss. Mwah!
155
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,160
And we do not have that kind
of relationship at all!
156
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,160
OK, yeah, he really shouldn't
have done that.
157
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,720
But I doubt they'll even notice.
Well, she better not or I'll...
158
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,840
You'll what, mate?
What are you going to do?
159
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,920
Oh, it's so hard
to threaten dead people!
160
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:39,920
Yeah, keep walking! Toodle-oo!
161
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,800
It was funny, really funny.
162
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,400
It's given me a stitch! Aha!
163
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,240
Hey! Hey! How are you?
So lovely... Sorry.
164
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,640
Oh. No, it's...
165
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,800
And I feel nothing.
Less than nothing.
166
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,000
Oh, I thought you were only coming
for one night.
167
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,600
Oh, yeah. I always over-pack.
Dressing gown, slippers,
168
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,880
a couple of books.
What are you reading?
169
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,480
Just some poetry. Oh, right.
170
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,040
Love looks not with the eyes,
but with the mind,
171
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,600
and therefore is winged Cupid
painted blind.
172
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,080
Thomas, if you could just dial down
the flirting while my sister
173
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,760
is here, please, because it's...
174
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,720
Thomas? Oh.
175
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:20,760
Mm.
176
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,360
If you just go through,
we're heading up the stairs
to the blue room.
177
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,000
Oh, and I brought this
178
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,440
for a few. Well, for us.
Ah, Sancerre.
179
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,560
A woman of taste. Flinty!
180
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:36,520
I knows of what I speaks.
I'm telling you, Fanny be the devil.
181
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,240
I saw her head make turns
of full circle.
182
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,320
Really?
183
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,000
Well, no, but she did that
and she did that.
184
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,280
So, how long till they meet
in the middle?
185
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,200
I normally just pick
the nicest label.
186
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,400
Bless you. What a charming young
lady. So polite.
187
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,200
Oh, her you like. Sorry?
188
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,640
Uh... I heard you like to...
189
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,680
Do you...? Do you like to travel?
190
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,240
Erm, when I can. Yeah.
191
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,320
Oh. I just got back from Berlin. OK.
192
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,800
I knew it! She's German.
193
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,400
Oh, no. We're not doing that,
are we? Carry on.
194
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,280
But a demon wouldn't make her act
happy, Mary!
195
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,200
They're not jolly things, demons!
196
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,120
Oh, I don't know.
Vice, decadence, fornication.
197
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,480
Nice work if you can get it.
198
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,640
Begone, foul demon!
199
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,560
Mary, you gave me a start!
200
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:25,960
Oh, you are a card.
201
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,560
Right! Something's up
202
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,880
and I'm going to find out exactly
what it is, young lady.
203
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,280
Old lady. Lady! Patrick,
204
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:36,560
I'm afraid I have no idea to
what you might be... Be not fooled.
205
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:39,280
She be in the throne of
some chucklesome imp!
206
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:44,400
I'm quite sure there's been
no change to my... Aha!
207
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,960
I recognise that glint in your eye.
208
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,520
I've seen it many times in mirrors.
209
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,480
You're having an affair.
210
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:55,840
I am not! How dare you!
211
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:56,880
Oh!
212
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,480
Oh-ho-ho! LAUGHTER
213
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,040
No, hang on. Hang on!
214
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:08,360
Well, she ghost. Huh?
So, she can only...
215
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,800
..with other ghosts.
216
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,880
Which mean whoever she...
217
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:20,520
..with must be
someone in this room.
218
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,080
GASPING
219
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,760
Or the Captain.
220
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,360
Someone in this room.
221
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,000
Do you ever get lost in here?
222
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,720
Well, no, I mean,
you get used to...
223
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,440
Yeah, yes, actually. Yeah, yeah.
All the time. It's awful.
224
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,480
It's actually too big, if anything.
225
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,400
So much space!
226
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,320
Yet also quite small,
227
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,000
weirdly, once you're in. It's sort
of one of those places it's better
228
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,040
to visit than to...
Well, anyway, you're in here.
229
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,600
Oh, my... Wow!
230
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,720
Well, it's a bit bleh.
I'll let you get settled in.
231
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,680
I'll see you downstairs in ten?
Great.
232
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,400
OK. All right. Oh, my God!
233
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:57,600
Excellent.
234
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,160
Square room, one exit.
235
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,440
I'll keep her on nightwatch.
236
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,840
Fingers crossed for
a little pillow talk.
237
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,040
Well, no, she's on her own,
so there won't be any pillow talk.
238
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:09,640
So? You do know what pillow talk is?
239
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,040
Talking to your pillow.
240
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,400
Who talks to their pillow?
241
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,280
Yes. Yes.
242
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:20,160
I mean... I mean, who on Earth would
do something like that? Ha-ha.
243
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,680
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Mm. Yeah. Mm-mm.
244
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,080
EMAIL PINGS
245
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,240
Doesn't mention the kiss.
No thanks to you!
246
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,640
Could have been Mikey No Job.
Then what?
247
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,120
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
248
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,880
Two kisses. That's a kiss more
than my kiss.
249
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,960
What does that mean?
Do I reply with three kisses?
250
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,680
I can't do no kisses
after two kisses.
251
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,400
If I reply with three,
does she reply with four?
Where does this end?
252
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,040
You see what you've done?! Huh?
253
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,880
You see? Your actions
have consequences! Yeah?
254
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,680
You walk around this house,
touching stuff, pushing stuff.
255
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,440
Fanny Button, how dare you?
256
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,440
I mean, I've had my dalliances,
hasn't everyone?
257
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,600
But even I draw the line somewhere.
258
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,680
I think the lady doth protest
too much.
259
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,880
Although there are those who say,
"Man who point finger."
260
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,520
Me? I've never even
thought about it.
261
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:21,000
Well, I did have one dream, but in
my defence, she had your head.
262
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,120
What? OK. Well, what about Thomas?
Oh!
263
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,480
Where's he all of a sudden?
264
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,560
Yeah! Unless he's behind me.
Is he behind me?
265
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:30,600
He's only got eyes for Alison.
No, no, no, no.
266
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,200
I don't think he does.
267
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,800
THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE
268
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,000
Did you miss me?
269
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:51,520
GIGGLING
270
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,280
It's not me! No way, Jose! Well, it
could be him. Could be the ape.
271
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,080
Ape? Read some Darwin!
272
00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,080
Not a demon. It be not a demon!
273
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,600
What? I did see Fanny locked
in the tryst. She have herself
274
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,280
a bawcock, a fancy man. Ooh! Ha!
275
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,320
Told you! Well, who is it?
276
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,880
It be...
277
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,200
..Humphrey.
278
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,080
Huh? No, it's not.
279
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,120
Not that bit. Huh?
280
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,680
Aw.
281
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,160
You see!
282
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,160
Mm. It's complicated.
283
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,480
You're telling me!
284
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:32,920
Ah, changing for dinner?
285
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,400
Well, yeah, I'm trying to, but,
Thomas, we've spoken about this.
286
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,920
OK? You can't be in here when I'm
trying to... Nice to make an effort
287
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,600
when one has guests.
288
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,320
Is she's not around, Lucy? Mm?
289
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,120
Oh, no. No. I put her in
the Blue Room.
290
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,200
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm actually trying to get ready
for my evening, so...
291
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:50,680
Thomas?
292
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,200
Mm.
293
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,600
Look, I appreciate it may be
a little unorthodox.
294
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,080
Unorthodox? It's not like
you're courting my brother
295
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,400
or something. That's me!
296
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,280
OK, OK, OK, let's not
lose our heads. No offence.
297
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,160
JULIAN AND ROBIN LAUGH Fanny,
298
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:15,680
is it not possible that you feel
so drawn to that bit of Humphrey
299
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,680
because he doesn't argue with,
judge or upset you,
300
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:21,760
what with him not having a head?
He's got a head! Yeah.
301
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,480
Look, you can think what you like.
I know how I feel.
302
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,880
I am in love with some of this man
and I don't care who knows it.
303
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,600
Good for you, girl.
304
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,520
CELLPHONE BUZZES
305
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,880
Mm, interesting.
306
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,080
Most interesting.
307
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:51,960
Ah!
308
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,440
MUFFLED: Very interesting.
309
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,240
You know what,
honesty's the best policy.
310
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,680
Pfft!
311
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:10,760
No, no. Policy and honesty,
two very different things, mate.
312
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,120
"Kisses?
313
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:18,040
"Just to clear up any confusion...
314
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:24,880
"I want you to know there was a typo
in my previous email.
315
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,480
"I want you..."
316
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,000
JULIAN GRUNTS
317
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,680
Yeah! You son of a...!
318
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,400
SINGING: That's fun, that's fun!
It's fun, it's fun, it's fun!
319
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:39,960
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
320
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,840
Just a cheeky bit of fun!
It's office japes!
321
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,400
Wait till she reads that.
322
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:45,880
EMAIL PINGS
323
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:55,400
"This is a wholly inappropriate use
of corporate communications.
324
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,520
"This is now a matter that we will
need to discuss in person."
325
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,480
Great. You've got me fired.
326
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,640
I'm going to get fired!
You happy now, mm?
327
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,040
I'm going to get fired.
328
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,560
Fired? For that?
329
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,720
Gah! Whatever next?
330
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,040
No bottom patting?
331
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,840
Honestly!
332
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,960
MUSIC: Fantasy Overture -
Romeo and Juliet
333
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,400
HE GASPS
334
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,720
Keeps happening.
335
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,920
It's a sort of cafe-cum-art space,
I suppose.
336
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,360
Well, that's the plan anyway.
337
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,360
Coffee and paint,
but not in the same cup.
338
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,840
Same cup! That's...
That's a really great idea.
339
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,280
Yeah. And perfect location.
340
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,040
Were you...? Were you born
near there?
341
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,240
Oh, no. No. Heavens, no.
342
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,160
And, I mean,
it's just a small space.
343
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,520
I mean, compared to this, this is...
Ah, it's not really.
344
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:33,800
Are you kidding?
345
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,760
I mean, just look at the size
at that cooker!
346
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:39,120
It's too hot or it's too cold.
It's unreliable.
347
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:42,240
It's unsafe, probably.
It's homely, though, isn't it?
348
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,800
It's like a real fire.
349
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,880
I like a real fire. Oh, she's hot.
350
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,120
And sensitive. Oh, yes.
351
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,640
Look at her with her perfect hair
352
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,880
and her shiny teeth
and her flawless skin.
353
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,280
I far prefer you.
354
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,360
Cheers. Yeah, cheers.
355
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,000
If you'd had told me 400 years ago
356
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,960
that, one day, I'd be watching
my decapitated body
357
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,840
having an affair with
a 60-year-old dead woman,
358
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,160
I'd have said you were mad.
359
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,800
PATRICK: And that would be
fair enough, mate.
360
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,760
MARY: She does look happy, though.
361
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,320
I've not seen Fanny like it.
362
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,160
She's right.
363
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,760
I mean, call me an old romantic,
364
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:30,600
but is it not possible that there
could be something in this?
365
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,160
Are you having a laugh?
366
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,720
I'm just saying, mate, you know,
some part of you...
367
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:39,400
Well, most of you, proportionally
speaking, feels quite content
368
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,200
with the situation.
369
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:45,240
And, likes it or not, it be that bit
which hath the heart.
370
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,320
I never really knew where
I was with him.
371
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,080
He's a damn fool! I should probably
put myself back out there.
372
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,280
I'm not getting any younger.
Oh, no!
373
00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:00,080
Well, I mean, you're only...
21. 108.
374
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,960
What year were you born?
375
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,800
Don't. It's depressing.
376
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,040
I still feel like I'm 25.
Whereas, of course,
377
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,920
in fact, you are...?
Oh, I'm holding up OK, I suppose.
378
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,920
Got Dad's skin. Yeah.
379
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,520
Looks like we both did. Yeah.
380
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,640
Alison.
381
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,440
Eiderdown, de-brief. Corridor.
382
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,680
Quick as you like.
383
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,360
I've just... I've got to nip to
the loo. Yeah.
384
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,200
I kept my dad's skin.
385
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,240
Surveillance briefing, day one,
386
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:36,400
the time is, erm... I don't have
a watch. Do you have the time?
387
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,560
It doesn't matter. OK. Present,
Alison Cooper and Captain...
388
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,240
Great. Just great. What is it?
389
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,240
It's my boss. She's here to fire me.
390
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,720
What? Not because of...
391
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,720
Yep, forget what I said earlier.
392
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,120
Worst-case scenario, that's what
will happen every time.
393
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,800
Come on along then!
I said no pushing! I'm going!
394
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,960
Don't mind me. Just borrowing that.
395
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,280
Right, do you want this briefing
or not? Uh, yeah.
396
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,360
Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah.
What did you find? Right.
397
00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:05,640
Well, for starters, I discovered
that she carries secreted about her
398
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,320
person a field telephone.
399
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,880
Do you mean a mobile? Precisely.
400
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,840
But that's not all.
She has this bag. Within that bag
401
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,960
is a smaller bag,
and within that bag
402
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,040
a bag smaller still, that contains
a stick of lipstick stick,
403
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,640
a tiny mirror and a comb.
404
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,680
OK, just to save us both a lot
of time, is the gist of this
405
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,040
that you didn't find out anything
about her of any consequence
whatsoever?
406
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,920
Well, we wouldn't put it
quite like that
407
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,840
in the intelligence community,
but...
408
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,880
Great, great, great. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your help.
409
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,080
You're very welcome. Yeah.
410
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,680
Oh, no! I see what you're doing.
411
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,120
Yeah, very clever.
412
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,160
I don't appreciate that tone,
Alison.
413
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,480
Look, if I didn't find anything,
then there wasn't anything to find.
414
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:48,000
I can assure you, nothing gets
past me. Throughout the entirety
415
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,080
of my military career,
416
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,680
not a single spy ever infiltrated my
unit. Or loads did and you just
417
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,600
never found them.
Right. OK, OK.
418
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,040
So, it comes down to me. Well,
I'm just going to have to come out
419
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,280
and ask her. How the hell
am I going to do this?
420
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,360
Jacqui. Michael. Now, before you
say anything, can I firstly
421
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,000
just apologise?
422
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,720
I didn't mean...
Michael, stop talking.
423
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,560
I feel the same way.
424
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:12,840
What? Come on!
425
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,120
No time like the present.
426
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,520
Right, the thing is, Lucy,
is that I need to know
427
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,600
if you would...
428
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,440
..like tea?
429
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,360
Would you like some tea?
430
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:29,840
Because I've got a range.
431
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,080
Yeah, if you're making one.
Right, that's it!
432
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,160
Enough puttyfoosing around... Pussy!
433
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,520
It's time for you to come clean,
young lady. The thing is...
434
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,800
Well, it's... Uh, if I could...
Time to come in from the cold.
435
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,880
The real question is... Are you OK?
436
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:45,520
Yeah. HE SPEAKS GERMAN
437
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,600
And feel free to answer in your
native tongue. I just need to...
438
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,000
You tell her, Captain.
She's not welcome here.
439
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,040
How dare you insult this
gentlewoman, sire!
440
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,320
No, no, no. I disagree. ALL TALKING AT ONCE
441
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,760
LOUDLY: It's more of like
a legal question.
442
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,040
More than...
Alison, what's going on?
443
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,720
SHOUTING
444
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,680
No, no, I just thought I could just
print them out
445
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,040
and then I won't have to send
them through. Michael!
446
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,840
Mike, that can wait.
447
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,840
I think we should talk about us.
448
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,280
Oh. Well, yes, actually, I think
there's been some confusion,
449
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,040
so I just want to be
absolutely clear.
450
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,760
ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
451
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:24,800
Oh!
452
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,240
LUCY LAUGHS
453
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,680
You've made yourself quite clear.
454
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,280
LOUD CHATTERING
455
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:37,520
Right!
456
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:47,800
The thing is, so my solicitor
has asked me, advised me,
457
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,560
to confirm your identity
458
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:56,560
and any, well, intentions
with regards
459
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:01,680
to... Well, like in terms of
inheritance on the house.
460
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,600
What? I don't want your house!
461
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,520
How could you think that?
462
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,640
I don't want anything from you.
463
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,360
I found out I had a sister
and I wanted that.
464
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,840
And I thought that you might
want that.
465
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,120
No, I do. I just...
466
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:22,840
Do you know what?
I think I was better off on my own.
467
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,600
No, Lucy, wait! Lucy!
468
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,760
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no. Your hand!
469
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:30,960
I'm married.
470
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:32,200
Oh, that's fine. So am I!
471
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,920
No, no, I'm happily married.
472
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,040
This is all just a misunderstanding.
473
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,520
Those emails, they were typos.
474
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,760
I've got this annoying keyboard
and it cut out that line
475
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,840
and it added the X, and this is
really... It's not what I meant.
476
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,840
Really.
477
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,760
Oh, not again.
478
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,520
I'm sorry, I thought you were
coming here to fire me.
479
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,240
I could fire you. What?
480
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:55,640
God, I said that out loud! No, no,
481
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:59,400
of course I wouldn't fire you.
Not after I... Not that I did!
482
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,880
Don't tell HR!
483
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,920
Well, that took a turn. Hang on.
Surely it's me that would...
484
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,080
OK, OK, OK.
485
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,480
If you promise to keep this
strictly between ourselves,
486
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,920
here's what I can do for you.
487
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,440
I'm really sorry again.
488
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,120
Yeah, you said.
Are you sure that you won't stay
489
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:18,160
cos we've barely had pudding?
Yes, stay.
490
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,880
Pray, stay! I think it's better that
I just clear my head a bit. Byron?
491
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,720
Take some time, you know? Urgh!
492
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,560
No, let her go.
I'm better off without her.
493
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:27,960
No taste, no class.
494
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,440
Are you wearing lipstick? Urgh.
495
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,360
Well, I mean, if you're sure,
then... I'm sure. Sure, sure.
496
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:47,800
Call me!
497
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,920
I think you were rather snappy
with the mission there, Alison.
498
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,880
Well, thanks and sorry.
499
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,960
Fired? Promoted.
500
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,120
What? Long story.
501
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,280
I thought she was staying.
Long story.
502
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,640
Is it Damson Red?
503
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:09,320
Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah.
Beautiful. Oh, thanks.
504
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:16,960
Like two crimson rivers curling
into a turtle... Oh, God.
505
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,400
MOANING
506
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,000
Knock, knock. Only me.
507
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,000
And me. Look, top of Humphrey,
508
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,920
I don't know you don't approve of...
Please, just let me speak.
509
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,960
I can't pretend all this didn't
take me by surprise.
510
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,480
But what do I know about love?
My marriage ended with me
511
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,760
getting me head chopped off.
512
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:43,680
So, if some part of me
likes some part of you,
513
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,240
then couldn't we all just give
this a chance?
514
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,120
Oh.
515
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,120
I don't know where we go from here.
516
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,680
But if there's one thing I do,
is that love...
517
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,920
No! Eh? No, no, that's ruined it
for me.
518
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,040
Oh, and I don't know what I ever saw
in... And to think there was...
519
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,480
Urgh! No! Out of my way!
520
00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:18,160
She's back.
521
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,000
Well, I guess it's just
you and me...
522
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:27,520
Fair enough.
523
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:32,360
Interesting day. It's so easy
to make assumptions about people
524
00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:36,280
and then you find... Well, you don't
really know them at all.
525
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,880
Half the time,
we don't even know ourselves.
526
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,840
I suppose that we all have
our little secrets.
527
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:46,840
Well, good night, old thing.
528
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:49,680
Mm.
529
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:52,800
Ah!
40267
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