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1
00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:34,136
Whether Elizabeth's spies
knew about the letter
2
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,655
is still a matter
of much conjecture.
3
00:00:36,679 --> 00:00:37,936
Hello!
4
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,615
Where's she been hiding?
5
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,776
She's not dead, Julian.
6
00:00:41,799 --> 00:00:43,456
The good ones never are.
7
00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:44,896
It's just a costume.
8
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,176
They're making a documentary -
History's Greatest Plots.
9
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,055
Apparently, there was a coup
planned here back in the day.
10
00:00:50,079 --> 00:00:52,456
Hey, look, that wasn't a coup,
per se.
11
00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:56,216
That was an informal discussion
with some parliamentary colleagues
12
00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,776
about Maggie's leadership style.
13
00:00:57,799 --> 00:01:00,295
You know? She's not talking
about the '80s, mate.
14
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:04,055
Look at her! What plot
she talk abutt? About? Dunno.
15
00:01:04,079 --> 00:01:06,176
That's just what they told us.
I thought you might know.
16
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,295
It's possible
17
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:10,879
Elizabeth's forces simply
happened upon the plotters...
18
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,120
One for the bloopers!
19
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,816
..Elizabeth's forces simply
happened upon the plotters...
20
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:22,936
What?
21
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,896
Do you know, I don't think
I've ever seen you laugh. Yeah.
22
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,456
I asked the producer
if they'll name-check the house
23
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,376
and he just stared at me blankly,
so...
24
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,376
That's the producer over there,
Mike.
25
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,376
Well, then I asked some guy.
26
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,896
Er, do you mind? Some of us are
trying to learn something here.
27
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,496
..regarded by many
as a martyr, a mastermind,
28
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,896
a hero, and perhaps
the most important person ever
29
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,256
to have walked these grounds.
30
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,615
Is it me? Sounds like me.
31
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,575
Which is why the history books
echo with the name
32
00:01:53,599 --> 00:01:55,200
Sir Humphrey Bone.
33
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,879
Heavens! Why, I think she means...
34
00:02:07,359 --> 00:02:09,455
It's fallen off again!
35
00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:11,520
Humphrey? Where is he?
36
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,096
It's just such an incredible place.
37
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,336
You can almost hear the history
echo from the walls.
38
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,695
Yeah, it's almost like...
..it doesn't shut up!
39
00:02:40,719 --> 00:02:42,376
And there's a Stuart facade,
40
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,376
and the Dutch gable, and the...
41
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,376
High-end B&B? In the gatehouse,
42
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,975
opens next spring. Tell your
friends. We could probably
43
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,055
do a discount...
We're really, really lucky
44
00:02:51,079 --> 00:02:53,096
to have found - well, been given -
this place.
45
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,656
Actually, we did wonder
if you'd be up for talking about
46
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,336
your family connection
to the house on camera.
47
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,855
Who? Me?
48
00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:03,816
I-I-I-I... I've never been
on camera.
49
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,895
Well, have a think about it.
50
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,919
Yeah. She'll think about it.
51
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,415
Are you mad?
52
00:03:10,439 --> 00:03:11,936
Context? The interview.
53
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,496
To make the gatehouse a guest house,
we need ghosts. Guests.
54
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,376
And this is free publicity, so...
No, forget it.
55
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,776
I'm not going on telly.
Why? What are you so scared of?
56
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,015
Going on telly!
57
00:03:21,039 --> 00:03:22,896
You'd be great. No!
The camera would love you.
58
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,776
Just tell your story,
name-drop the house, and...
59
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,855
..you could wear a top
with our logo on it.
60
00:03:26,879 --> 00:03:28,575
We don't have a top
with our logo on it.
61
00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:29,855
We don't have a logo.
62
00:03:29,879 --> 00:03:32,816
I'll call Obi.
He'll do us a quick logo.
63
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:37,735
Oooh... Bad moonah on the rise.
64
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:40,055
Dust cover sun.
65
00:03:40,079 --> 00:03:42,776
Birds fall. Crop fail.
66
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,975
Something wicked this way come.
67
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,135
Bitches? Bitches!
68
00:03:49,159 --> 00:03:51,735
That explain it.
Anybody home?
69
00:03:51,759 --> 00:03:54,376
Annabel!
70
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,735
Alison.
71
00:03:55,759 --> 00:03:57,615
I was hoping I'd catch you.
Humphrey?
72
00:03:57,639 --> 00:03:59,536
Humphrey! Humphrey!
73
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,735
Humphrey? Humphrey!
74
00:04:01,759 --> 00:04:04,096
Humphrey!
Head bit?
75
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,855
Humphrey? I'm just saying,
personally speaking,
76
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:10,015
I can't remember ever seeing you
properly laugh.
77
00:04:10,039 --> 00:04:12,415
That's absolute nonsense.
I laugh all the time.
78
00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:15,496
Why, only the other evening,
Fanny and I were in stitches
79
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,615
while recalling
the satirical skewering
80
00:04:17,639 --> 00:04:20,096
of socio-political institutions
in The Mikado.
81
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,375
Isn't that right, Fanny?
The Mikado?
82
00:04:22,399 --> 00:04:24,935
Hilarious skewering of
socio-political institutions.
83
00:04:24,959 --> 00:04:27,295
Hysterical. Side-splitting.
Riotous. Agreed.
84
00:04:27,319 --> 00:04:32,175
I concur. So I hope that puts
this matter to rest. Carry on.
85
00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:34,255
Humphrey! Head? Humphrey?
86
00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:35,615
Humphrey!
87
00:04:35,639 --> 00:04:36,935
Neither of you laugh!
88
00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:38,175
Found it!
89
00:04:38,199 --> 00:04:40,456
Him! Him, sorry.
90
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,016
You didn't tell us you were famous.
Am I? Ooh, that's nice.
91
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,336
Am I a painter?
92
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,735
She means the plot, mate.
The Catholic plot.
93
00:04:48,759 --> 00:04:50,255
That.
94
00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,255
You always said your death
was just a misunderstanding.
95
00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:54,495
Well, in a way, yeah.
96
00:04:54,519 --> 00:04:57,096
Certainly wasn't, erm...
straightforward.
97
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,656
What, one chop?
98
00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,696
Well, it sounds pretty
straightforward to me,
99
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,255
but then I was burned alive, so...
100
00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:04,375
All right, now, steady on, Mary.
Steady. Steady.
101
00:05:04,399 --> 00:05:07,639
Well... I mean more that
the circumstances were...
102
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,399
..complicated.
103
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,456
I could tell you about it if you
like. Well, if you wouldn't mind.
104
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,495
That would be wonderful, yes.
We've got all day.
105
00:05:23,519 --> 00:05:24,600
Well...
106
00:05:27,399 --> 00:05:31,016
Yum! Yum, yum, yum, yum!
107
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,000
Ooh, thank you.
108
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,816
Bon matin?
109
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:40,816
Did you sleep well?
Er, dormir... bon?
110
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:45,295
Cos it gets quite draughty
down your end of the, um...
111
00:05:45,319 --> 00:05:47,776
Do you want a bit of brekkie? Boeuf?
Bit of brekkie, Sophie?
112
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,415
La la.
113
00:05:49,439 --> 00:05:50,776
Qu'est ce qu'il veut maintenant?
114
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,375
Erm, I was just wondering
if there might be
115
00:05:54,399 --> 00:05:56,680
something you might fancy doing.
116
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,735
Not with me. Not with me.
117
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:02,456
No, erm, I meant more for you.
118
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,656
Like a hobby.
C'est insupportable.
119
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,336
Something that might make you
a bit more...
120
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:07,759
..joyeux?
121
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,136
Tapestry? Maybe?
122
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,536
Or you could learn some English?
123
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,975
Or there's archery,
124
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,720
or you could learn a bit of English.
125
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,240
It doesn't matter, actually.
126
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:25,480
Livres.
127
00:06:26,759 --> 00:06:28,096
Me leave?
128
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,199
I live here. Livres.
129
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,399
Salon de lecture?
130
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,096
Like a reading group!
131
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,656
Yeah, great idea.
You could use the chart room
132
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,079
up in my end if you wanted.
133
00:06:47,159 --> 00:06:49,720
And maybe in winter,
you could learn a bit of English.
134
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,959
It is... ugly language.
135
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:01,800
It is AN ugly language,
but, yes, well done. Very good.
136
00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:05,600
Humphrey?
137
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,975
Humphrey?
138
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,295
Humphrey? Sorry.
139
00:07:13,319 --> 00:07:16,656
It's not someone I've thought about
in a very long... What about jokes?
140
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,040
Do you like jokes?
141
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,216
I don't think we ever lent you
a champagne bucket,
142
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,096
cos, well, we don't own
a champagne bucket.
143
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,615
Well, you do now.
144
00:07:25,639 --> 00:07:27,175
A film crew!
145
00:07:27,199 --> 00:07:28,896
How surprising.
146
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,855
I'm surprised.
147
00:07:30,879 --> 00:07:34,696
Though, now I think of it,
I do remember Jan from the shop
148
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,536
mentioning something
about a documentary, was it?
149
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,336
Lucky I dropped by!
150
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,615
I do feel lucky. I imagine they
could use a little local knowledge,
151
00:07:44,639 --> 00:07:46,456
fill in the gaps in their research.
152
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,055
I'm not sure that you...
153
00:07:48,079 --> 00:07:51,136
..care what I say, or know my name.
Hello there!
154
00:07:51,159 --> 00:07:55,295
Barclay Beg-Chetwynde,
local landowner slash historian.
155
00:07:55,319 --> 00:07:58,216
Urgh. He hasn't changed, has he?
156
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,415
Arrogant, sleazy,
and entirely self-serving.
157
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:04,199
Can you believe I used to associate
with that type?
158
00:08:06,439 --> 00:08:08,399
So I've done a lot of...
159
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,375
Hello. See that?
160
00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:13,696
I spy Harry Heart Attack.
161
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,456
Those three-bottle lunches
finally catching up with him?
162
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:21,975
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha... No.
163
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,975
Alison!
164
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,855
You have to get him out of here
right now.
165
00:08:25,879 --> 00:08:27,096
What are you talking about?
166
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,255
Barclay is on the verge
of a heart attack.
167
00:08:29,279 --> 00:08:30,735
Trust me, I know the signs.
168
00:08:30,759 --> 00:08:33,375
What if he carks it right there
and doesn't move on?
169
00:08:33,399 --> 00:08:34,975
We could be stuck with him forever.
170
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,615
I think you're getting a bit
carried away. Which means
171
00:08:37,639 --> 00:08:40,375
you could be stuck with him, too.
172
00:08:40,399 --> 00:08:42,015
Every day.
173
00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:43,895
For the rest of your life.
174
00:08:43,919 --> 00:08:45,176
No.
175
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:49,720
Lovely strip of land at the end of
the drive there once belonged to me.
176
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,536
No way. OK, what about 4:30?
177
00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:56,936
Can you do it by 4:30?
It's not about the deadline.
178
00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,255
I'm just not doing black text
on a white T-shirt.
179
00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:01,655
I'm an artiste.
180
00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,735
What? Would you ask Michelangelo
to touch up your skirting boards?
181
00:09:04,759 --> 00:09:07,096
Depends on his prices.
And if he could do it by 4:30.
182
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,576
Here's what I'll do -
custom vector logo,
183
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,176
three-colour digiprint
on a high-weave cotton blend!
184
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,655
Sounds great. Thanks, man.
Owe you one.
185
00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:17,176
And you'll credit me on air, right?
186
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,855
I mean, if they ask about the top.
187
00:09:18,879 --> 00:09:22,176
They'll ask about the top!
188
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,135
That's a fact!
189
00:09:24,159 --> 00:09:28,799
And the priest says, "I know!
That's why I painted it gold."
190
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,775
That is offensive to at least
five different religions.
191
00:09:33,799 --> 00:09:35,135
There are only three in it.
192
00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:37,336
Give over.
It's just a harmless bit of fun.
193
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:40,176
You haven't heard
me jumbo jet joke yet.
194
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,936
There's a nun, a gorilla
and a paed...
195
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,536
Do you mind?
I'm baring my soul here.
196
00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:47,696
You're making this very slow
and painful.
197
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,056
Unlike his execution.
198
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,735
Now, where was I?
199
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:53,336
Yeah.
200
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,679
Book club.
201
00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,200
Bonjour. Good to, er, see you.
Bonjour again.
202
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,936
Ca va?
203
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,096
Happy reading.
What book is it this week?
204
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,296
Quel livre?
205
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,936
Le Printemps d'Yver,
Contenant Plusieurs Histoires
206
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,216
Discourses en Cinq Journees
207
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,519
en Une Noble Compagnie
au Chateau du Printemps.
208
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,320
Well, don't tell me how it ends.
209
00:10:22,399 --> 00:10:27,296
Je voulais vous remercier.
Pour m'avoir laisse faire ca.
210
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,816
Je me sens un peu mieux.
211
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,559
Ssh... Moi...
212
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,759
..joyeux.
213
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,200
Thank you. You're welcome.
214
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,519
Well, don't just stand there.
We have much to do.
215
00:10:49,519 --> 00:10:52,176
We've received word from Queen Mary.
216
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,696
She approves of your plan,
but only if we can act quickly.
217
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,495
There are spies everywhere.
218
00:10:57,519 --> 00:10:59,015
We cannot delay.
219
00:10:59,039 --> 00:11:02,615
Then Monday it is. We get Elizabeth
on her way to chapel.
220
00:11:02,639 --> 00:11:05,535
By this time next week, the true
Queen will sit on the throne.
221
00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:08,720
Death to Queen Bess.
Death to Queen Bess.
222
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,200
What about him?
223
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,416
He knows nothing.
224
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,200
Famously.
225
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,519
He is a good man.
226
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:28,120
So the plan is to conceal
our blades here by the colonnade...
227
00:11:30,279 --> 00:11:33,895
Well, fancy that! Young filly there
seems to think I might have
228
00:11:33,919 --> 00:11:37,296
some useful insights -
her words, not mine.
229
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,176
Well, mine, but she nodded.
230
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,296
Wants to get me on camera.
231
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,279
And you're not, like,
nervous about...?
232
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,176
What I... What I mean by that is...
233
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,375
Tell the old guff to go and die
on his own property.
234
00:11:50,399 --> 00:11:52,336
He's got enough of it.
Are you OK?
235
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,415
Me? Yes. Fit as a fiddle. In fact,
236
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,775
I'm on a bit of a health kick.
237
00:11:57,799 --> 00:12:01,176
After 20 years
of no exercise whatsoever,
238
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,135
I've just taken up squash.
239
00:12:03,159 --> 00:12:05,816
Yeah, that'll do it.
What is squash?
240
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,615
So, we've got a few more shots
to grab in the Rose Garden
241
00:12:08,639 --> 00:12:10,895
and then we'll be back to do
the interviews.
242
00:12:10,919 --> 00:12:12,655
If you're both happy and...
Marvellous!
243
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,015
Yeah. I'll go and rehearse.
There's no need
244
00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:16,536
to prepare anything, really.
245
00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:18,855
Best to keep it natural.
Conversational.
246
00:12:18,879 --> 00:12:20,255
Of course. Of course.
247
00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:22,456
Amateur.
248
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:26,176
You have got to get him out of here!
249
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,816
I meant to say, Zara, there's
a stunning view of the house,
250
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,255
er, from just...
just past that fence.
251
00:12:32,279 --> 00:12:35,495
I thought it might make a nice
background for Barclay's interview.
252
00:12:35,519 --> 00:12:37,015
OK. I'll take a look.
253
00:12:37,039 --> 00:12:38,775
Yeah, yeah. Just PAST the fence.
254
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,576
Just outside the grounds.
Outside. Outside.
255
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,576
Outside. Did you say outside?
256
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:44,960
Yeah, I think she got it.
257
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,855
Barclay Beg-Chetwynde,
local historian.
258
00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:52,000
Friend of the house.
259
00:12:53,519 --> 00:12:57,399
Barclay Beg-Chetwynde,
Button House spokesman.
260
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,696
What's he doing here?
261
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,375
Cheg-Betwynde. Beg-Chetwynde.
262
00:13:02,399 --> 00:13:04,975
He just appeared. Like posh Batman.
263
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,655
Well, he's in there saying
he's our spokesman. Yeah, well,
264
00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:10,176
he spoke to Zara and they want
to film a bit with him now.
265
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,056
What? Yeah. Can't let him speak for
us! You've got to do the interview.
266
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,735
Pile on the pressure.
267
00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:17,615
It's just, I know that you can do
it. You're the face of Button House.
268
00:13:17,639 --> 00:13:19,216
Because you know what you've got?
269
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,495
Inner strength?
270
00:13:20,519 --> 00:13:22,895
I was going to say a branded
sweatshirt coming, but...
271
00:13:22,919 --> 00:13:24,296
But inner strength. OK.
272
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,495
Yeah? Love you.
273
00:13:27,519 --> 00:13:29,615
Is it your oral skills?
274
00:13:29,639 --> 00:13:32,415
Excuse me? That worry you,
about the interview?
275
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:36,096
I just don't want to be on camera,
like public speaking.
276
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,816
I understand entirely.
277
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:41,015
I remember my first confabulation
on Button FM.
278
00:13:41,039 --> 00:13:45,096
Stammering like
a chicken-hearted clown.
279
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:49,679
But I found my voice, Alison,
and I can help you find yours.
280
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,615
OK?
281
00:13:52,639 --> 00:13:54,375
OK.
282
00:13:54,399 --> 00:13:55,735
How dare you?
283
00:13:55,759 --> 00:13:58,855
I'll have you know
I've got my entertainers badge.
284
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:01,056
I just hadn't sewn it on yet.
285
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,096
The same with my sewing badge.
286
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,975
I'm simply saying that
the reason you so rarely see us
287
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,775
reduced to fits of hysteria
is because in present company,
288
00:14:08,799 --> 00:14:11,336
we're seldom given cause.
All right, then.
289
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,375
Why don't you make us all laugh,
show us how it's done?
290
00:14:14,399 --> 00:14:15,615
I'll handle this, Fanny.
291
00:14:15,639 --> 00:14:17,655
Right. Now.
I just remember thinking,
292
00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:19,536
"Well, it must be
a pretty good book,
293
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,855
"cos they've been in there
for ages."
294
00:14:21,879 --> 00:14:25,360
Farewell. Au revoir.
Er, bon... to see you all.
295
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:27,879
Take care.
296
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,200
Someone forgot their...
297
00:14:50,919 --> 00:14:52,200
No.
298
00:14:53,919 --> 00:14:56,255
The butler burnt the butter
but the bacon bore the brunt.
299
00:14:56,279 --> 00:14:58,216
The butler burnt the butter but
the bacon bore the brunt.
300
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,495
The butler burnt the butter
but the bacon bore the brunt.
301
00:15:00,519 --> 00:15:02,855
The butler burnt the butter
but the bacon...
302
00:15:02,879 --> 00:15:04,775
Something amusing?
Sorry. It's just,
303
00:15:04,799 --> 00:15:07,936
it's hard to think of you
in a sort of, well, teacher role.
304
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,816
I see.
305
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,375
Because of the frisson.
306
00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:13,816
The frisson?
The frisson between us.
307
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,816
I know it is difficult, Alison,
but while you are under my tutelage,
308
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,135
you really must pretend
there is no frisson.
309
00:15:20,159 --> 00:15:21,480
Thomas, there is no frisson.
310
00:15:22,679 --> 00:15:24,120
That's the spirit.
311
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,696
Now, then, your turn.
312
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,456
The butler... The butler
burnt the butter and the butter...
313
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,576
BUTler. The butler burnt the
butter... What's a budler?
314
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,559
Bu-t-t-t. Big but. Big but.
That's it.
315
00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:39,255
Welcome to Button House.
That's it.
316
00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:41,216
I know it feels strange
but it really strengthens...
317
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,000
Shaking everything.
318
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:48,015
I am a confident
and beautiful young woman.
319
00:15:48,039 --> 00:15:50,495
I am a confident woman...
And I deserve to be on television.
320
00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:52,536
Welcome to Button House.
Hands at our sides.
321
00:15:52,559 --> 00:15:53,855
We're not a seagull.
322
00:15:53,879 --> 00:15:56,495
Thomas is terrific and I wish...
Thomas is terrific and I wish...
323
00:15:56,519 --> 00:15:58,216
..we were betrothed.
..we were... No.
324
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,135
It's just an exercise.
325
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:02,255
Fine, we'll do something else.
326
00:16:02,279 --> 00:16:05,375
And the quartermaster says,
"You may have paid the bill,
327
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:09,200
"but I'm still the PATE familias."
328
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,615
Because he'd had the pate.
329
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,879
The pate! Do you see?
330
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,216
It's very clever.
331
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,536
She didn't laugh.
332
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,936
You didn't laugh.
333
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,855
Nobody laughed. Yes.
334
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:23,696
Long, fancy words don't make
something funny.
335
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,615
I find I often laugh most
at the simplest things.
336
00:16:26,639 --> 00:16:27,975
Duly noted.
337
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,735
Like someone else laughing. Yes.
338
00:16:29,759 --> 00:16:31,536
Laughter is contagious.
339
00:16:31,559 --> 00:16:34,816
What? No! No, no.
Not in a bad way, Kitty.
340
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,816
No, just that laughter
breeds more laughter.
341
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,159
Preposterous. Balderdash.
342
00:17:04,519 --> 00:17:07,175
What's up? About this top.
I've been...
343
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,455
Haven't you done it yet?
Impact-wise, we could wrap the text
344
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,016
around the trunk and...
I don't care if you potato-print it
345
00:17:13,039 --> 00:17:15,096
on a bin bag, as long as
it says Button House
346
00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:18,016
and it's here by 4:30, yeah?
All right, all right, I'm on it!
347
00:17:18,039 --> 00:17:21,175
This sweater
is my Sistine Chapel roof.
348
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,415
Ceiling. Is it? Good.
349
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,720
Because I just googled the roof
and I weren't blown away.
350
00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:44,240
I can't help myself!
351
00:17:54,599 --> 00:17:56,175
Anyway, where was I?
352
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,655
About to die. Yeah.
353
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,440
If you can calls that dying.
354
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,440
Bonne nuit, Sophie.
355
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,536
What have you done?
356
00:18:14,559 --> 00:18:17,336
Halt! Her Majesty's Guard.
We have to go.
357
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:18,776
Go? What?
358
00:18:18,799 --> 00:18:21,175
You want to live, we must go.
359
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,816
Who do you think you are?
360
00:18:22,839 --> 00:18:24,559
Humphrey!
361
00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:27,256
I'll hold them off as long as I can.
362
00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:28,976
Quoi?!
363
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,935
This isn't the life
you signed up for. Go!
364
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,736
Have another one.
365
00:18:33,759 --> 00:18:35,215
Well, go!
366
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,336
Open this door!
367
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:39,079
Show yourself!
368
00:18:42,279 --> 00:18:44,160
Open up!
369
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:48,855
Keep going!
370
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,615
..beheaded on the spot
for high treason,
371
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,816
so heinous was his crime,
372
00:18:53,839 --> 00:18:57,256
with Mary's orders
still in his hand.
373
00:18:57,279 --> 00:19:00,976
Sir Humphrey Bone,
mastermind of the Bone Plot,
374
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,640
and martyr to it.
375
00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:10,039
At least, that's how...
376
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,016
For valiance.
377
00:19:14,039 --> 00:19:16,455
Yes. Quite right.
Well said, that man.
378
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,336
Fair do's, actually. Fair do's.
379
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:21,655
It's a horrible way to go.
Easy for you to say, isn't it?
380
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,336
You barely even feels an arrow.
381
00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:24,816
You what?
382
00:19:24,839 --> 00:19:27,816
We should tell Alison
what we've learned.
383
00:19:27,839 --> 00:19:30,599
Yes. And she can tell
the television people.
384
00:19:37,519 --> 00:19:39,655
This isn't the life
you signed up for!
385
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:40,960
Go!
386
00:19:44,319 --> 00:19:46,920
In the name of Her Majesty,
open this door!
387
00:19:54,599 --> 00:19:56,536
God.
388
00:19:56,559 --> 00:19:57,880
What am I doing?!
389
00:20:09,559 --> 00:20:11,119
Ha!
390
00:20:17,599 --> 00:20:19,400
Yes! Yes!
391
00:20:24,279 --> 00:20:26,279
God, God, God, God...
392
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,816
Her Majesty's Guards!
393
00:20:32,839 --> 00:20:34,640
Show yourself!
394
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,319
No sign of him, sir.
395
00:20:53,759 --> 00:20:55,415
Why is it always bad news
with you?
396
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,056
It's not always... It's never,"
I've found him, he's through here."
397
00:20:58,079 --> 00:21:00,135
I found that priest hole once.
There was no priest in it.
398
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,440
That was just a hole.
399
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,200
God, I love this house.
400
00:21:33,079 --> 00:21:35,440
Whoopsy-daisy.
401
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,319
I might say I did that. I would.
402
00:21:46,319 --> 00:21:49,415
See, this is why I won't have swords
in the house. Yeah.
403
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,519
Well, you've got kids, haven't you?
404
00:22:04,079 --> 00:22:05,400
Bad day?
405
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,056
Hey. Well, I think we're almost
ready to do the interviews,
406
00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:13,375
if you... Yeah, about that. I don't
know what Mr Deg-Chegwin told you,
407
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,855
but he's not actually
anything to do with Button House.
408
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,296
He's just a sort of
mean local weirdo.
409
00:22:18,319 --> 00:22:20,215
Actually, that's not fair.
No, that is fair.
410
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,096
So, yeah, we'd rather he wasn't
associated with the house
411
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,576
because, to be honest, I'm worried
about how he comes across on TV.
412
00:22:25,599 --> 00:22:27,695
OK. It's just that
I got the impression
413
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,455
your wife wasn't all that keen
to do an interview.
414
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,135
You're kidding! She can't wait.
I'm telling you,
415
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,976
she's a natural.
416
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,935
Er... So the house
is, um... Um...
417
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,215
..like, my connection, um...
418
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:45,215
Um... to the family.
Um... Um, um, um...
419
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,135
You see, if we can just...
Babe! You're up next.
420
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,816
What, now? We need more time,
damn you! Already?
421
00:22:49,839 --> 00:22:53,135
Can't Barclay go first?
No, he's been canned.
422
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,935
Apparently an anonymous source
told them what he's like
423
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,695
and they were like... Mike.
What? He's bad PR and you know it.
424
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,375
How did he take it?
425
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,256
Um... "Um...!" They're all at it.
Give me five minutes
426
00:23:03,279 --> 00:23:04,816
and I'll let you know. Wish me luck.
427
00:23:04,839 --> 00:23:06,375
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
428
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,695
I'll do it.
We need to be gentle with him
429
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,680
and then we need to get him
out of here real quick.
430
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,736
Obi!
431
00:23:14,759 --> 00:23:16,400
We're finished here, are we?
432
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,336
Hey, see? It's a masterpiece!
433
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:22,559
Yeah, yeah. Give it to me.
434
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,576
Why are you wearing it?
Because it looks sick.
435
00:23:26,599 --> 00:23:29,776
Right. We're ready for Alison,
just up by the fence there.
436
00:23:29,799 --> 00:23:31,855
Fence? What fence? Just up by the...
437
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,496
She thought the view was quite good.
No, no, no.
438
00:23:34,519 --> 00:23:38,695
I mean, there's much better spots
nearer the house, like by the sign.
439
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,175
So you can see the house.
By the sign?
440
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,736
It's just we're all set up
over there now.
441
00:23:43,759 --> 00:23:47,599
But... but maybe we'll come
and grab something here a bit later.
442
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:54,160
I'm thrilled to fill in a tiny part
of its rich and varied history.
443
00:23:55,279 --> 00:23:59,096
Yes, that'll do it. Right,
once more. Get it in the old memory.
444
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,296
God. Is he still here?
445
00:24:01,319 --> 00:24:02,576
Hello there.
446
00:24:02,599 --> 00:24:05,175
What? Me?
May I just say
447
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,895
what an honour it is to be joining
you here in this wonderful house?
448
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,375
God, no.
449
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,135
I'm thrilled to fill in a tiny part
450
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,895
of its rich and varied history.
451
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,256
It's happened!
452
00:24:17,279 --> 00:24:19,336
Alison!
453
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:21,336
Perfect.
454
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,935
Knock, knock. Hi, how are you?
455
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,016
How are you?
456
00:24:25,039 --> 00:24:26,880
Yes, fine, raring to go.
457
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,855
Er, right.
458
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:33,336
It's just... Do you
want to sit down?
459
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:34,615
No!
460
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,976
Really? OK.
461
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:40,655
The thing is, talking again
to the documentary guys,
462
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,415
it seems now they want
to focus more on people
463
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,440
who actually lived... live
in the house.
464
00:24:49,599 --> 00:24:50,736
Dear.
465
00:24:50,759 --> 00:24:52,895
So I wore a new shirt for nothing.
466
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,175
Been bally baking in it all day,
467
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,839
and talk about itchy!
468
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,496
Well, that explains it.
469
00:25:03,519 --> 00:25:04,895
Yes, it does.
470
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,615
That's much better.
471
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,160
Yeah.
472
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:20,935
Breathe, but don't gasp,
and don't gabble. No ums and ahs.
473
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,096
If you need to pause, pause,
but don't show you're pausing.
474
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:26,455
Look, I know that you mean well,
475
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:27,976
but it's me they want to talk to,
476
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,615
not some drop-out from the
Thomas Thorne Finishing School.
477
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,536
So will you please just stop talking
and accept that you're a better poet
478
00:25:33,559 --> 00:25:36,039
than you are a teacher?
And that is really saying something.
479
00:25:40,799 --> 00:25:45,016
Confident, eloquent, composed.
480
00:25:45,039 --> 00:25:46,559
My work here is done.
481
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,440
Damn your eyes. You're welcome.
482
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,816
It was inherited
through my dad's side, but he died
483
00:25:55,839 --> 00:25:58,855
when I was young and my mum
passed away more recently.
484
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,615
So with no living relatives,
the house has become a kind of
485
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,736
link to my ancestors
through the ages.
486
00:26:04,759 --> 00:26:07,375
It's like having family
all around me.
487
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,375
Can you give us any more information
about...? Could you smile?
488
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,496
But with your voice.
Say Button House.
489
00:26:13,519 --> 00:26:17,455
Alison! ..every bit as fascinating
as your journey... I warned you!
490
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,400
I did warn you!
491
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,536
Pull the top down!
492
00:26:24,559 --> 00:26:27,415
You're doing very well,
just block it out.
493
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,615
Try not to hesitate...
I warned you!
494
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,415
Alison! Emergency!
495
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,000
Alison?
Er...
496
00:26:35,839 --> 00:26:38,855
Er... ..literally a
phone call saying,
497
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:39,935
"You now own this house."
498
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,256
It was inherited
through my dad's side,
499
00:26:42,279 --> 00:26:45,296
but he died when I was young and
my mum passed away more recently.
500
00:26:45,319 --> 00:26:47,855
Aw. So with no living relatives,
501
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,976
the house has become a kind of
link... Can't see the logo!
502
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,296
Lose the thing! Lose the thing!
503
00:26:53,319 --> 00:26:54,935
It's like having family
all around me.
504
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,976
Aw! That's nice.
505
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,816
I think this is where I...
506
00:26:59,839 --> 00:27:01,736
Well, the brick...
The brick frontage
507
00:27:01,759 --> 00:27:03,415
is, er... it was a brick front
508
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,976
added to what is, er,
what was a Tudor house.
509
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,496
What does that say?
What is a Butt Ho?
510
00:27:09,519 --> 00:27:11,336
Are you the Butt Ho?
511
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,296
..it was brick,
it had a brick facade.
512
00:27:13,319 --> 00:27:14,920
My... Obi!
513
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,736
..which is now what we now see now
on Button House.
514
00:27:19,759 --> 00:27:22,215
Well, thanks, everyone.
515
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,160
But there's much more to this place
than just structural issues.
516
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,096
For one thing, it's haunted!
517
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:32,695
And I'm turning it off.
No, no, wait.
518
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,016
Hang on a sec.
519
00:27:34,039 --> 00:27:36,415
I think this is my cameo.
520
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:37,695
Ooh!
521
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,695
Watch the vase.
522
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,319
Wait for it...
523
00:27:45,279 --> 00:27:46,895
Bravo!
524
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,816
It's like he's famous.
525
00:27:48,839 --> 00:27:51,056
Can I have your autograph?
You got a pen?
526
00:27:51,079 --> 00:27:53,855
But one thing's for certain -
when it came to the Catholic cause,
527
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,615
Sir Humphrey Bone was a man prepared
528
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,096
to stick his neck out.
529
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,160
Ho! ho!
530
00:28:04,039 --> 00:28:05,536
Very good!
531
00:28:05,559 --> 00:28:07,960
Neck! Seriously?!
39499
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