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1
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:10,872
Previously on Californication:
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Rath is fucking my shit up.
3
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,939
He's about the drama,
I'm all about the funny.
4
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:17,583
- I'm not that funny.
- Yeah, but you's fucking witty.
5
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,275
And together we can...
6
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:22,512
- Damn. Who's that piece of ass?
- That? That would be Julia.
7
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:26,056
Is it cool if I pursue her?
You're not looking to rekindle?
8
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:27,921
- No, no, not at all.
- Why not?
9
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:30,426
- This is a terrible idea.
- It's a terrible idea.
10
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,224
I don't like how Rath's writing me.
11
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:36,095
You're a very pleasant actress,
very agreeable.
12
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:40,633
- I can do better.
- I want to sleep with Marcy again...
13
00:00:40,807 --> 00:00:43,071
...with your permission,
and hers, of course.
14
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:48,010
I am willing to pay you guys
a cool 1 million...
15
00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:50,240
...if you will let me sleep with her again.
16
00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:53,085
Think about it.
17
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:56,154
We were wondering if maybe
he could audition for a small part.
18
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,085
- Yeah, you can read for something.
- Awesome.
19
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:02,490
- I want to talk about Becca.
- I know. That's why I'm ducking you.
20
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,460
Well, when are you gonna
tell her about Levon?
21
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,122
Just don't give up on me, okay?
22
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I'm still me.
23
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,906
We're still us.
24
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:15,599
I got it. I fucking got it.
25
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:17,861
How about I just kiss the bitch?
26
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:19,868
- What? Wait, what'd you say?
- No.
27
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What if I just grabbed her face...
28
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,505
...went in for a slow kiss...
29
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:26,705
...and just made out with her?
30
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,440
Okay, I'm calling my agent,
because this is bullshit.
31
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:32,084
How is this bullshit?
Let's be bold up in this bitch.
32
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,846
- What does that mean?
- I'm not really up on the rules...
33
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:38,218
...of television, per se,
but I think the idea is to...
34
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:41,986
...milk the sexual tension
for as long as inhumanly possible.
35
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,598
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's milk the sexual tension, right?
36
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,928
- Fuck that. Let's change that rule.
- I'd have to run that by Rath.
37
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,627
Where's that motherfucker?
He's not around, never here.
38
00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:54,637
He just sits up in
his ivory tower, pulling strings...
39
00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:57,537
...just like, "Dance for me,
motherfucker. Dance, yeah."
40
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,268
Tell him I am not his Bojangles.
41
00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:01,037
He's got a zillion things to do...
42
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:03,409
...and he thinks the set
is a big time-waster...
43
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:05,346
...and I'm beginning to see his point.
44
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:06,815
Let's not waste time, then.
45
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:08,715
What if I kiss this bitch...
46
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:11,789
...make her jealous,
and they just start, like, fighting?
47
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:14,017
- Can you not call us bitches, Hashtag?
- Yeah.
48
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,594
I'm sorry, ladies.
Look, I mean no harm.
49
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:19,755
I got love for y'all,
but it's the way I express myself.
50
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,525
Let me be free with my language.
51
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,602
That's what makes me the Bruce Lee
of comedy, you know?
52
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:28,138
- Enter The Fucking Dragon.
- Herr Director...
53
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,401
...care to weigh in
with your expert opinion?
54
00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:32,772
I mean, I think Hashtag has a point.
55
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:35,278
Network television is
on its fucking deathbed.
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00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,109
Goethe said it best:
57
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:41,913
"Let's be bold.
Mighty forces will come to our aid."
58
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:44,283
- What do you think?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
59
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:47,392
Don't know who this bitch Berta is,
but I like how she thinks.
60
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,087
All right, so I think
you should talk to Rath.
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00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:54,991
Half hour, you guys.
Half hour, everybody.
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00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:58,629
- You think this is a good idea?
- It's a terrible idea.
63
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,672
He's a fucking crazy person.
He terrifies me, Hank.
64
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:04,901
But I gotta keep him on my side,
or it's gonna be a long season.
65
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,842
- You're fucking useless, you know that?
- Am I? Am I useless?
66
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:09,413
Or am I a strategic thinker?
67
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,575
- Useless.
- Just go talk to Rath.
68
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,983
He'll shout it down,
we'll do it as scripted.
69
00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,146
Sometimes you got to
indulge the children.
70
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:20,457
- Hey.
- Hey.
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00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,788
You're not gonna make me
kiss that lunatic?
72
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,795
- Not if I can help it.
- Thank God.
73
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:28,627
I can think of somebody else
I'd much rather be kissing.
74
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:30,428
The director?
75
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:34,539
God, did I tell you? He texted me
a picture of his penis.
76
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,038
How'd you respond?
77
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,643
I texted back saying,
"Where's the rest of it?"
78
00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,880
- He hasn't given me a note since.
- Amy Taylor Walsh...
79
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:44,949
...kicking ass and taking names.
- That's right, motherfucker.
80
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,177
Yeah, motherfucker.
81
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,014
- Speaking of notes...
- Yeah?
82
00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:51,679
Do you want to come
to my trailer and discuss?
83
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,053
Yeah, I'm trying to be
a good boy, you know?
84
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,058
I'm trying to keep my head on straight.
85
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:59,790
- Why, Hank? Where's the fun in that?
- No, it's not fun. It's not fun at all.
86
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,129
But I'm not a funster right now.
I'm trying to be a producer.
87
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,464
That's right.
You're a producer. Of course.
88
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,198
Actually, I need help producing
something in my trailer.
89
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:11,172
You stop. I've gotta talk to Rath
before we shoot the scene.
90
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,073
I don't want a boner while I do that.
91
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:14,838
Fine, come by afterwards.
92
00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:17,448
There's a few lines
that need sharpening.
93
00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:20,450
- It's more than a few.
- It's triage, Hank.
94
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,781
We do what we can
in the time we have and...
95
00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:26,891
...if we're lucky, we have some
good old dirty fun while we're at it.
96
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,392
Gosh, you make it sound so honorable.
97
00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:31,154
You know where to find me.
98
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:35,931
- Not a good idea, my friend.
- What?
99
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,071
That woman is a fucking man-eater.
The stories are legendary.
100
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,070
I am staying strong, like bull.
101
00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:44,573
Do better, okay?
You start fucking the actresses...
102
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:46,644
...the whole show
will go down in flames.
103
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,872
Trust me, I've been there,
a couple of times.
104
00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:50,675
I believe you.
105
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,681
Fun memories, though.
106
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:56,618
Okay, back to earth, where Hashtag
wants me to rewrite the scene.
107
00:05:56,789 --> 00:05:59,883
- Fuck that.
- That's what I said, in my head.
108
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:02,391
You're producing the episode.
You make the call.
109
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,462
They want to do something stupid,
don't let them.
110
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:08,259
- Tell them no. It's that simple.
- Sounds simple, when you say it.
111
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:10,868
- Hey, let me ask you something.
- What?
112
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,096
How do I get back
in Julia's good graces?
113
00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,934
I don't know, man. Maybe
you gotta let it go for a while.
114
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,270
You know, wait until we wrap...
115
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:19,934
...or get canceled.
116
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,603
I don't know if I can do that.
117
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,942
- She haunts my dreams.
- Yeah.
118
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,750
- Has she said anything about me?
- No, not really.
119
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,216
- No.
- You're not sniffing around there?
120
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,623
I mean, I would understand
the temptation if you were.
121
00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:38,355
You have the kid in common.
You both have private parts.
122
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:40,795
I would imagine shit
could go down pretty easily.
123
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,265
- Fuck, I gotta go.
- Really? What? Where?
124
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,961
What could be more
fascinating and important than this?
125
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,868
I am sitting down with Eddie Nero.
126
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,235
The network's desperate
for some stunt casting.
127
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,469
Well, give that pansexual loon my best.
128
00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:54,806
- I will.
- He took a man in his mouth, you know.
129
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,176
- Really?
- Yeah, it was research for a part.
130
00:06:57,350 --> 00:07:00,012
He'll tell you all about it.
He engineered that orgasm...
131
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,813
...with hands and feet.
132
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,455
- Can't wait.
- Yeah.
133
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:05,090
Stay strong, Hank.
134
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:09,058
- These are the times that try a man's soul.
- Yeah.
135
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,605
- Hi.
- Let me guess, Rath.
136
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:26,768
Lovely. Gets my juices flowing.
How about you...?
137
00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:30,204
Well, I guess so.
138
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,476
You're not buttering me up
for notes, are you?
139
00:07:32,652 --> 00:07:34,711
- I have a note. Shut up and fuck me.
- You do?
140
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:38,379
Wow, you really have caught
the boning bug, haven't you?
141
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:41,186
- Is there a problem?
- No, there's nothing wrong with it...
142
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,555
Have a problem with
single moms being sexual?
143
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:45,390
- I encourage that.
- Good.
144
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:47,829
It's just that I wouldn't want
Levon to find out.
145
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,525
- Forget about Levon.
- I don't want to get his hopes up.
146
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:53,672
Just stay in the moment, okay?
Oh, my...
147
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,567
Oh, my God.
148
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,410
Oh, my God.
149
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,051
Oh, my God.
150
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,012
Mom, is Hank in there?
151
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:13,090
Fucking cock-blocker strikes again.
152
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,962
- Hey, buddy.
- What's going on?
153
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,427
What? What do you mean?
154
00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:21,761
- You guys been messing around?
- What?
155
00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:24,562
Why...? Why would you ask that?
Why would you think that?
156
00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:27,570
That is a weird
fucking question, dude, right?
157
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,640
- No, it's not.
- It's fucked up.
158
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,073
Well, the energy feels weird
in here right now...
159
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,645
...and your makeup's screwy,
like a homeless hooker.
160
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:38,181
Don't be silly, honey. I just have
a few questions about the scene.
161
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,818
- Really?
- Can I help you?
162
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,546
- I need to talk to you.
- Okay, well, let's talk.
163
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:45,350
- I think we're good?
- Yeah, I just need to fix my makeup.
164
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,516
- Get out of here.
- But you got... Yeah, okay.
165
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,126
All right, and you?
166
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,694
Come back.
167
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:55,264
I'm about to do my audition.
Can you be in the room when I do it?
168
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:57,959
I don't have time for
that shit right now, kid. Sorry.
169
00:08:58,137 --> 00:09:01,265
Please? The casting director hates me.
She thinks it's just a favor.
170
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,738
- It is just a favor.
- Yeah, I know.
171
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:07,277
But this way you can tell Rath
you saw me and I was fucking awesome.
172
00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:10,904
I'm worried that she'll tell him
I suck and he'll never see it.
173
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:14,109
Five minutes. That's all I ask.
174
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,063
Hey, Hank.
Hashtag's looking for you.
175
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,259
- Fuck, where is he?
- Around here somewhere...
176
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:33,371
- All right, well, just tell him I'm on set.
- Wait, that's a lie.
177
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:36,508
So what? It's not
the fucking Boy Scouts.
178
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,371
You don't need to sit in on this.
179
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:46,712
And yet here I am.
Let's get this party started.
180
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:49,116
- Ready, Levon?
- Sure.
181
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:52,585
- Should I sit or stand?
- Totally up to you, hon.
182
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:55,793
Relax, kid.
You're sweating like a pig.
183
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:59,193
I know, I know.
I'm really fucking nervous. I'm sorry.
184
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,303
No, no, I don't know if
that's gonna help with the sweating.
185
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:11,102
- Oh, my God! Okay.
- You all right?
186
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,574
- Man down.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
187
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,714
- I am so sorry.
- No, no problem. Don't worry about it.
188
00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:17,542
You all right? Thank you.
189
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,776
Okay. It's just...
190
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,579
Levon, leave it.
191
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:24,689
- Sorry.
- Great. No, not to worry. Have a seat.
192
00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:27,082
Okay.
193
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,819
Slate for the camera.
194
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,028
Hello, I'm Levon Moody.
195
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,930
Hey.
196
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:40,766
Represented by Charles Runkle,
the Runkle Agency.
197
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:43,306
I'm reading for the part of the kid.
198
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,242
And I'm okay with nudity.
199
00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:47,709
No nudity required.
200
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,507
I know, I'm just letting you know.
201
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,742
- Pretty happy with my body right now.
- Great.
202
00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:56,081
- Okay, you ready?
- Yes, yes, I am.
203
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,556
Yo, is your father home?
204
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:03,561
Who wants to know?
205
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,731
Who wants to know?
206
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,760
Danko Jones is who.
Get your old man out here, kid.
207
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:20,742
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
208
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:22,744
I am so sorry. I mean, excuse me.
209
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:25,850
I have a really nervous tummy
right now. Can I do that again?
210
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,244
You know what? I think we got it.
211
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:32,048
Sorry. He didn't believe me, Hank.
212
00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:34,920
- He's coming up the stairs.
- Fuck. Okay.
213
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:36,425
- That was great, kid.
- Thanks.
214
00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:41,430
It would have been better without that
one-cheek sneak, but up until then, aces.
215
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,464
- Sorry.
- Hey, Hank.
216
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,197
- You don't have to apologize.
- I gotta wait for Hashtag.
217
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,364
- He's just, you know...
- Oh, sit down. Stay.
218
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,306
- You want a water?
- Sure, I'm a little parched.
219
00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:54,139
Oh, good.
220
00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:56,747
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
221
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,084
Oh, look at you.
222
00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:02,152
You kind of feel it, don't you?
223
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,919
- What?
- You know, like, the us of it all.
224
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:08,925
- Oh, that, yeah.
- Yeah, so much tension.
225
00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:10,824
- Right, right.
- You know, just...
226
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:15,057
Ever since you started working here
this job has just gotten much more fun.
227
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:18,431
- Like, exponentially more fun.
- Well, I try to be additive.
228
00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:22,370
Yeah, yeah, it's just nice to have
some real male energy around here.
229
00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:24,736
You know, Rath, he's cool,
he's great and all...
230
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,434
...but he's just so closed off.
231
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:28,842
Yeah, I do find him
emotionally unavailable.
232
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:32,142
Totally. And you don't know
what it's like to sit next to Hugh.
233
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,309
- He's just...
- I do. Yeah, it's excruciating.
234
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:37,718
Yeah, so I just want you to know
that I am into it...
235
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:39,551
...if you are.
- Into what exactly?
236
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:43,491
You know, like an interoffice romance.
Some kind of a thing like...
237
00:12:43,662 --> 00:12:46,187
Yeah, you know what, Jade?
238
00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:49,528
I got an idea. Let's not, and
pleasure ourselves to the thought.
239
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:50,930
Oh, a little naughty.
240
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,003
Yes, I took the
sexual harassment seminar.
241
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:57,074
Or I bribed Hugh to take it
with a Sprinkles gift card, you know?
242
00:12:57,243 --> 00:13:00,735
And I just don't think that my handsome
10 inches is worth the trouble.
243
00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:04,576
You know what they say, a moment
on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
244
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:08,516
- That doesn't really make sense.
- I'm making you flustered, aren't I?
245
00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:11,383
- Yes, you are.
- Come on, it would be so fun.
246
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,184
- It's not love or anything.
- No, no.
247
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,691
But you are definitely
the hottest guy in the room.
248
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,920
Well, that's not really
saying much, is it?
249
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:20,759
I mean, it's safe to say
I'm the hottest girl in the room.
250
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:23,458
Well, you are, you are.
Except for Terry, of course.
251
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,002
- Of course, yeah.
- Right. Terry's pretty hot...
252
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,834
What is the deal? I haven't
gotten the story from anybody.
253
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:31,203
Yeah, I'm not sure.
Everyone says one thing...
254
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:34,175
...and then says... Oh, hey.
- Hank, your manager's here.
255
00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:36,814
- Oh, awesome.
- Well, you think about it, Hank.
256
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:40,474
- I will, Jarde.
- Think about what?
257
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,281
None of your fucking business, Hugh.
Get out of here.
258
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:45,320
Close the door.
259
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,327
- Jade's pretty cute, huh?
- Totes.
260
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,555
I'm trying to get
the nerve to ask her out.
261
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:55,131
You should do that.
You should do that right now.
262
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,768
Yeah? You think I have a shot?
263
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,836
We're always the last
to know, aren't we?
264
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:03,168
She is totally warm for your
pear-shaped form, dude. Trust.
265
00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:05,710
What's up, sweet cheeks?
Why are you here?
266
00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:07,937
I came to support
my most important client...
267
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,638
...as he produces his
very first episode of television.
268
00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:13,512
It's kind of an imposition.
I don't have time to babysit...
269
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,051
...your pale, pockmarked ass.
270
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:17,416
Actually, I need to talk
to you about something.
271
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,115
Of course it's about you.
I should've figured that out.
272
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:22,192
I'm in a really bad way right now, Hank.
273
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,659
What is it? Still with
the uncooperative ween?
274
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:26,593
No, that's working well now, actually.
275
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:29,393
That's great. Right?
276
00:14:29,568 --> 00:14:30,933
Not exactly.
277
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:34,732
Come on, Charlie, I don't have all day.
I gotta meet Karen for a drink later.
278
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,875
A drink with Karen?
What's that all about?
279
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:40,944
Everything is so crazy right now, I can't
make the right move to save my life.
280
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:42,808
And she centers me, you know?
281
00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:44,882
I could use some centering myself now.
282
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:48,713
Okay. All right, buddy,
out with it. What is it?
283
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:54,121
Stu has offered me a million dollars
to let him fuck Marcy again.
284
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,826
- You're kidding?
- I'm not.
285
00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:58,725
- That is fucked up, Charlie.
- I know.
286
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,763
You're not gonna do it, are you?
287
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,560
I don't know yet.
288
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,930
Marcy really wants the money.
289
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,072
We could really use the cash.
290
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:11,974
I would never be okay with somebody
fucking Karen for a million dollars.
291
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:16,012
I had to put up with Bates banging her,
and I didn't even get paid for it.
292
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:19,514
Who knows what kind of nasty shit
is swimming around that guy's urethra?
293
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,176
He's probably got
the avian flu in his semen.
294
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:23,912
- Back to me, okay?
- Sure, what?
295
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,421
All right, slightly complicating matters...
296
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,493
...is the fact that
every single time we discuss it...
297
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,960
...we get incredibly turned on
and end up fucking.
298
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:35,191
- What the fuck is wrong with you two?
- I don't know.
299
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,232
Know what's wrong
with you and your dick?
300
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:40,236
Deep down you don't believe
that you deserve to be happy.
301
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:41,703
That's your fucking problem.
302
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,604
Tell your dick that it's okay
to live happily ever after.
303
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,302
- Speak of the fucking devil.
- The handsome devil.
304
00:15:47,479 --> 00:15:49,003
How's everything going on-stage?
305
00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:51,274
It's a fucking nightmare.
Care to lend a hand?
306
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:52,940
Oh, God, no.
307
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:56,053
I'm what they call a
hands-off executive producer.
308
00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:58,382
- Except when it comes to the money.
- Of course.
309
00:15:58,557 --> 00:15:59,785
Speaking of money...
310
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:03,360
...I�m going to be putting a clock
on that offer I made you, Charlie.
311
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,292
You know which one I'm talking about.
312
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:08,160
Yeah, we know all about
your indecent proposal, Stu.
313
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:09,858
Well, I think it is very decent...
314
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:13,362
My man, butterbean!
315
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:14,836
- Champion!
- Jesus!
316
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:16,804
Runkle, are you out of your mind?
317
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,967
- You insulted my man's pride.
- That's right.
318
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:21,339
Insulted him?
I made a very generous offer.
319
00:16:21,513 --> 00:16:24,710
And I think it speaks to the depth
of my feelings for Marcy...
320
00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:26,407
...that the offer still stands...
321
00:16:26,585 --> 00:16:31,318
...in spite of this completely
unwarranted aggression.
322
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:32,855
Hashtag's looking for you.
323
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:36,756
What the fuck does
that asshole want now?
324
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,426
Standing right behind me, isn't he?
325
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,999
- I thought we was friends, Moody.
- We are, Hashtag. We are.
326
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,160
It's just that I'm in such a frenzy here...
327
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,466
...and this bitch is
running off the rails as we speak.
328
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:51,404
Come on, walk with me.
329
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,545
What the fuck is up
with that motherfucker?
330
00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:55,737
- Which one?
- The one who gender confuses...
331
00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:57,973
...the shit out of me.
- Terry, yep.
332
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:01,142
Yeah, Terry. What's the deal
with that lady-dude?
333
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,652
I haven't been able to get
an answer. I don't know.
334
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,949
- Smoke weed?
- I most certainly do.
335
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,059
Smoke with me. Vaporizer.
336
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:09,922
I will.
337
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,260
Level with me, Moody.
338
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,732
- You think I got what it takes?
- What it takes?
339
00:17:17,903 --> 00:17:19,234
Yeah, to handle superstardom.
340
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:23,205
Sure, why not, Hashtag?
You're as cool as they come.
341
00:17:23,742 --> 00:17:26,677
I present myself that way,
but I don't know, man.
342
00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:28,836
Sometimes I want
to go back to the clubs.
343
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:30,982
Make motherfuckers
laugh their asses off...
344
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,640
...know what I'm saying?
- Yeah.
345
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:34,809
I want to go back
to my childhood bedroom...
346
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,251
...write a short story
and then pleasure myself...
347
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:39,914
...to my trusty old copy
of Penthouse Letters.
348
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:43,584
You know if this shit flops, right,
my face is on every billboard.
349
00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,730
That's why I'm so
particular about my shit.
350
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:50,164
I understand. It's just...
I wouldn't steer you wrong, Hashtag.
351
00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:52,599
So, what you think
about Amy Taylor Walsh?
352
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,438
- Very talented.
- Yeah, yeah, she's a good actor.
353
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:58,269
I'm saying, like, you know,
she's crazy hot, right?
354
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:02,335
I want you to write me a scene
where me and her, we're just making out.
355
00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,277
I don't care if it's a dream sequence.
356
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,350
If the show get canceled, I'll have that.
357
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:07,883
I could do that for you...
358
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:11,352
...but I think the third episode
is too soon, you know?
359
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:14,117
- I trust your instincts.
- I thought you were into Julia.
360
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:16,887
No, Julia, man, it's too complicated.
361
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:19,997
You got a kid with her.
Rath digs her. I'm good, man.
362
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,133
I'm not trying to
have a project, feel me?
363
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,996
Copy that, motherfucker.
364
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:26,267
Yeah, man.
365
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,271
I'm happy we talked.
I feel we connected on a human level.
366
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,636
- Me too.
- Look, I really respect your writing.
367
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:34,870
Thank you. And I really
respect your taste in weed.
368
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,106
Hey, we can smoke anytime.
369
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,106
Boys!
370
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,309
- What up? What up?
- Yo!
371
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,250
Hey, y'all got some pitches for me?
372
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:47,290
Yeah. Yo, man, we got a phone book
full of funny shit right here, brother.
373
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,290
We were shitting jokes
on the walk over.
374
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,793
- Shitting jokes? Shitting jokes?
- What? What? What?
375
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,398
Shit them jokes.
Hey, fuck exposition, right?
376
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:57,558
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, I had them rewrite the scene.
377
00:18:57,736 --> 00:18:59,829
- Punch it up. Make it funny.
- My scene?
378
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:01,734
The one I wrote? That we're shooting?
379
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:05,308
You didn't want to rewrite it,
so I had these boys make it funny.
380
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,377
And plus you're not a comedy writer.
381
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,980
But I'm witty, right?
382
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:13,084
- Sorry, Moody.
- I still love you, Moody.
383
00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:16,517
Amy Taylor Walsh
wants to see you in her trailer.
384
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:18,656
- Lovely.
- Want me to chaperone?
385
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,815
I do have experience
with these weirdoes.
386
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,188
That is a kind offer, Terry, but...
387
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:26,593
No, thank you.
But can I ask you something?
388
00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:28,164
Yes.
389
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,999
Never mind.
390
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,429
Forget it.
391
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,387
Just wanted your
thoughts on my wardrobe.
392
00:19:54,092 --> 00:19:56,959
- What do you think?
- I think it looks great.
393
00:19:57,129 --> 00:20:00,530
- Is there another option?
- Nope.
394
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,600
I just really wanted you to see me
in my lacy underthings.
395
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:06,636
Mission accomplished,
and thank you for that.
396
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:09,706
You're welcome.
You know, I do need to fix something.
397
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:13,174
- What is that?
- This.
398
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:20,050
- There, done.
- But what exactly did you fix?
399
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,881
I didn't think it was right
that you'd gone down on me...
400
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:25,283
...and we hadn't even kissed.
- You're right.
401
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:27,391
That does seem a little improper.
402
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,392
- Absolutely right.
- Yeah, very.
403
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:32,325
You know what, Amy Taylor Walsh?
404
00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:34,362
I'm gonna go out on a limb here...
405
00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:37,969
...and suggest that perhaps
this is not the best of ideas.
406
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,169
Why is that?
407
00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:45,140
Because these are the times
that try men's souls.
408
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,777
Is that what I'm doing?
409
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:49,311
- Yeah.
- Am I trying your soul?
410
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,642
Among other things.
411
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,248
Are you high?
412
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,788
A little bit more than I'd like to be.
413
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,922
Who'd you get high with?
414
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,422
Amy Taylor Walsh...
415
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,031
What the...?
416
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,828
- What...? What the fuck is this shit?
- What the fuck?
417
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,972
- You can't come busting into my trailer!
- Lock the fucking door.
418
00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:16,130
I wasn't expecting any fucking visitors.
419
00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:17,969
- Listen...
- This is my joint, okay?
420
00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:19,974
I'm number one on the call sheet.
421
00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:23,376
I don't give a shit what number you are,
I'm not gonna fuck you.
422
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:26,779
That's a mistake. Bitches love me,
and I need an on-set romance.
423
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,079
Go fuck an extra.
That's what they're for.
424
00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:31,313
- Get out!
- I'm too pretty for that.
425
00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:33,020
Bullshit!
426
00:21:33,191 --> 00:21:35,523
Can you believe how
unprofessional some people are?
427
00:21:35,694 --> 00:21:38,219
- So unprofessional.
- So crazy.
428
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:40,297
Moody, I can't believe this, man.
429
00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:41,727
After the talk we had?
430
00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:43,834
- This is bullshit.
- Get out.
431
00:21:44,403 --> 00:21:45,961
They're ready on set.
432
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,368
All right, let's make some television.
433
00:21:55,514 --> 00:21:57,505
- Are you on your way?
- Yeah, I'm on my way.
434
00:21:57,683 --> 00:22:00,311
- How about you?
- I will be, shortly.
435
00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,817
Very shortly. We just gotta
rehearse this scene.
436
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,649
- Thirty minutes or less.
- Oh, Hank.
437
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:07,417
I don't want to wait for
what already promises to be...
438
00:22:07,592 --> 00:22:10,356
...an unpleasant conversation.
- Why you gotta be like that?
439
00:22:10,529 --> 00:22:13,430
I'm looking forward to this.
Thank you. Thank you for doing it.
440
00:22:13,598 --> 00:22:15,862
It's okay. You know,
I just want to talk about...
441
00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:18,002
...how and when
you plan to tell Becca...
442
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,400
...about all the shiny, new people
in your life.
443
00:22:20,572 --> 00:22:22,665
And then I wanna go, okay?
I wanna go home.
444
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:24,433
- Deal?
- Deal.
445
00:22:24,609 --> 00:22:29,205
But I just gotta see you smile
before you go home, okay? One time?
446
00:22:29,381 --> 00:22:31,611
- I can't make any promises.
- Perfect.
447
00:22:31,783 --> 00:22:34,513
I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll see you soon.
448
00:22:44,129 --> 00:22:47,565
- Thought you could use this.
- Thanks, kid, you read my mind.
449
00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:50,133
How'd I do? Was I any good?
450
00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:52,600
I don't really remember it,
except for the fart.
451
00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:55,433
Which was good. Solid, solid fart.
452
00:22:55,607 --> 00:22:59,099
- It was fucking embarrassing, though.
- It was memorable.
453
00:22:59,277 --> 00:23:01,745
You were right.
Eddie Nero is a fucking psycho.
454
00:23:01,913 --> 00:23:05,280
The guy wouldn't stop talking about
you and taking a man in his mouth.
455
00:23:05,450 --> 00:23:07,975
I think what he wants
is to take you in his mouth.
456
00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:11,589
- Oh, well, it's always nice to be wanted.
- Yeah. How's it going?
457
00:23:11,757 --> 00:23:13,657
Not great.
458
00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:15,452
Are you stoned?
459
00:23:15,627 --> 00:23:18,118
- Are you stoned?
- Not as much as I'd like to be.
460
00:23:18,296 --> 00:23:19,923
And try one. We'll just try it.
461
00:23:20,098 --> 00:23:22,589
- Will you just listen?
- And action.
462
00:23:22,768 --> 00:23:24,065
- Freeze!
- Freeze!
463
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:26,363
You got the right to remain sexy.
464
00:23:26,538 --> 00:23:28,028
Oh, come on.
465
00:23:28,206 --> 00:23:30,970
Anything you say
will be held against me.
466
00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:34,203
- One time, do it like the script.
- Do you understand the kisses...
467
00:23:34,379 --> 00:23:37,974
...that's coming out of my mouth?
- What the fuck is this? Cut!
468
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:41,017
Who the hell is yelling
cut on my set...? Oh, sorry.
469
00:23:41,186 --> 00:23:43,620
I call cut when I see the
inmates running the asylum.
470
00:23:43,789 --> 00:23:45,154
Hank, what's going on here?
471
00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:47,791
Hashtag is working
some shit through his system...
472
00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:50,757
...and, you know, we're gonna
circle back and get it all.
473
00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:52,829
- It's gonna be fine.
- You're the adult.
474
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:55,466
You have to babysit or
they'll rollerblade over you.
475
00:23:55,634 --> 00:23:57,499
Wait. Moody's your idea of an adult...
476
00:23:57,669 --> 00:24:00,229
...when he's sticking his pecker
in all the actresses?
477
00:24:00,405 --> 00:24:01,929
Let's not rehash ancient history.
478
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:04,200
That was weeks ago.
We're past that now.
479
00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:07,004
- Let's deal with this...
- Oh, no. It was five minutes ago.
480
00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:08,703
I caught him macking on Amy.
481
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,370
What the fuck did I tell you?
482
00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:12,608
You were macking on her?
What's macking mean?
483
00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:15,014
- Nothing.
- It means, like, making out.
484
00:24:15,187 --> 00:24:17,781
You were macking on her
when you were inside of me?
485
00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:20,151
- Julia...
- You were inside her? What the fuck?
486
00:24:20,325 --> 00:24:22,725
- That didn't happen.
- May I suggest a sidebar?
487
00:24:22,894 --> 00:24:25,260
See, I should have
trusted my gut with you.
488
00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:26,897
I never should've hired you.
489
00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:29,863
You are a fucking toddler
with a toxic personality.
490
00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:32,765
Does this mean you're back together?
That'd be incredible.
491
00:24:32,938 --> 00:24:34,405
The world's greatest love story.
492
00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:37,064
I can't believe I'm
second fiddle to a guest star.
493
00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:39,301
- Come on, really?
- That's not very nice.
494
00:24:39,878 --> 00:24:42,346
Look, I'm not trying to be a bitch. I...
495
00:24:42,514 --> 00:24:44,846
Wait, wait. Wait.
Time out. What's the rules?
496
00:24:45,016 --> 00:24:47,678
- She said bitch. I can't say it?
- Nobody's talking to you.
497
00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:49,878
A woman can say it. Exactly. I'm sorry.
498
00:24:50,055 --> 00:24:52,990
- I'm feeling slightly used. That's all.
- I know the feeling.
499
00:24:53,158 --> 00:24:55,149
You knew I liked her.
Where's your honor?
500
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,852
This guy, he has
no honor and no shame.
501
00:24:58,029 --> 00:25:01,055
Watch it, worm. You want that
stink finger? I'll give it to you.
502
00:25:01,233 --> 00:25:03,793
You're fucking fired.
Take your fucking stink fingers...
503
00:25:03,969 --> 00:25:06,403
...get off my set before
you give somebody pinkeye.
504
00:25:06,571 --> 00:25:11,099
Okay, excuse me, whose set is this?
Wanna fire someone, you go through me.
505
00:25:11,276 --> 00:25:13,744
- I'm an executive producer.
- In name only.
506
00:25:13,912 --> 00:25:15,402
- Can I fire him?
- No.
507
00:25:15,814 --> 00:25:17,543
You're lucky I live to shoot.
508
00:25:17,716 --> 00:25:19,877
- Rath, it's complicated.
- It's not complicated.
509
00:25:20,051 --> 00:25:22,019
I asked, "You okay
with me pursuing her?"
510
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:23,518
- Yes, yes.
- You said you were.
511
00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:25,553
Then you move in on her?
What is that?
512
00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:27,988
I didn't move in on her,
but it's like you said.
513
00:25:28,159 --> 00:25:30,491
We share a kid.
We both have private parts.
514
00:25:30,662 --> 00:25:34,063
Shit happens. And I'm not gonna
apologize for any of this shit.
515
00:25:34,232 --> 00:25:37,030
It's none of your business
who she fucks or doesn't fuck...
516
00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:38,692
...because it's up to her.
517
00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:40,565
She doesn't exist to service us.
518
00:25:40,739 --> 00:25:43,367
We're lucky she even looks
in our direction occasionally.
519
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,567
I want to be mad,
but then you're so sweet!
520
00:25:45,744 --> 00:25:49,145
- I know. What a fucking asshole.
- What the...?
521
00:25:49,314 --> 00:25:52,806
Okay, back to work.
Let's do the fucking scene, all right?
522
00:25:52,984 --> 00:25:55,043
If there's so much
as a comma out of place...
523
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:58,383
...we stay all night until we get it.
524
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,923
This isn't the fucking
Improv Olympics, all right?
525
00:26:01,526 --> 00:26:03,824
It's Rick Rath's
finishing school for assholes...
526
00:26:03,995 --> 00:26:06,725
...where the script is innocent
until proven guilty.
527
00:26:13,004 --> 00:26:15,336
Karen, I am so sorry. I'm on my way.
528
00:26:15,507 --> 00:26:18,943
- Hank, it's Marcy.
- What are you doing with Karen's phone?
529
00:26:19,110 --> 00:26:21,635
And what's this I hear
about you fucking Stu for money?
530
00:26:21,813 --> 00:26:25,010
Shut up and listen. I gotta try
to get through this without crying.
531
00:26:25,183 --> 00:26:27,413
I'm at the hospital.
532
00:26:28,353 --> 00:26:29,786
Karen was in a car accident.
44024
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